Ep 78: Swinger Discretion: How Not to Get Caught (Sex, Lies & Alibis)

Find us at vanilla swingers.com and you'll find Kat's only fans page there too. You wish. Hey Kat. Yeah Leo. I'm going to record one of those silly disclaimers that you put at the beginning of the podcast. Real advisory sticker. Let's go because this is going to be explicit. Oh yeah we're going to talk about lots of sex. Lots of bad language. We might even have sex on the podcast. We might have. Listening to the noise of our love making. There might be nudity. But you can't see it on the podcast. Doesn't matter. You can hear it. You can hear the nudity. We might corrupt you if you're under the age of 18. That's the disclaimer. Don't listen. We're not professional. What else? And yeah we're not professionals. We know nothing. Absolutely nothing. And if you want to try to sue us? Well we don't have any money either. Because this is bite-size and commercial free. We're not trying to make any money. It's fun. So if you like it then tune in and listen. Subscribe. Word. It's Leo. Hi it's Kat. That sounded like end of the year purr. I want to hear some new year purr. Yeah that didn't go so well. So Spotify rap just dropped. Oh I know. I know we didn't look at it yet. What kind of vibe you got? I don't know. What do you think it's going to say? What was our like top 20-25 listens? I'm going to guess that Sierra the Rapper was probably in our top five. That's on Brunette. Man that song goes hard. Yeah low key obsessed. She does like that Hick Hock, that Southern rap. I think she's from Kentucky. If you haven't heard it check it out. Brunette. I want to invite her into our bedroom. She's really hot. You went straight to 100, didn't you? I know. If you guys saw her video. She got those nails, those acrylic nails that are like three inches long. I always wonder sometimes you're in the grocery store and you see them working to register. How do they do that with nails that long? I don't know. I'm going to masturbate. Yes. Real little painful. You're asking the real question. Everybody wants to know. Yeah, I wouldn't know. I don't got no nails. You know I saw some AI porn for the first time the other day. Did you wink it while I was out of the house? How rude. No comment. No. You're supposed to tell me everything. That's not cool. I masturbated without you. What? This time you have gone too far. No. I'm just kidding. I've been mind blowing. It's been so wild. Oh my gosh. I saw a TikTok just the other day of an Optimus robot and they were showing it, you know, doing all these human moves and everything. And did they make it all sexual? See, I think AI companies don't get it. All they need for most people to get behind AI is to make us want to fuck the robots. Okay. I couldn't agree more. I think there's a lot of people that want to fuck the robots. Open the pod bay doors, Hal. I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that. Because then you choose exactly what you want. They don't talk back. They don't ghost you. It's perfect. They don't talk back. I don't know. Some people's sexual partners probably talk back and give them some lip. And maybe they don't want that. I don't know. Different strokes for different folks. Well, you know porn has always been on the forefront of technology advances. It's always on the forefront of your mind. Well, I think that's why AI should go full on boobs. We can call it like boobs, GBT. They should have boobs, GBT. So back to the AI porn. Yeah, back to the AI porn. Did you wank it to AI porn? That's really, really the burning question of tonight. Is I? It wasn't great. No, it wasn't great. Really? What was it? Did it look real? I mean, after a while, it looked like it was AI generated. Oh, God. Okay. Did it get like sexy for you? I think it's got a long way to go. Did it get y'all hot and bothered? Where was I? It was interesting. I have to say, I was intrigued. Where was I? That is the question. Where were you? Yeah. And you don't tell me these. Was it today? I think you were hiding in the closet like a rumour. You know, like one of those silicone sex dolls? Maybe I was in the bath sexting something. What do you think about those silicone sex dolls? Like every time I see that. That's because we had that single guy. Oh, right. Who showed us a picture of himself with a silicone butt. That just feels like some incel stuff. Yeah. I don't know. You might have one of those and we are not talking to you personally. Although, you know what? Maybe I'm yucking somebody else's yon because somebody out there who hasn't touched grass in a long time hasn't had the touch of a woman. Not everybody has a woman in their bed like you do. So maybe they do fulfill some need. But they need an AI one or a robotic one. So it feels a little more alive. We said you could put like different attachments on just popping back on. What kind of attachments would guys like? What are we talking about here? I was talking about for the girls. Oh, yeah. I thought you were talking about for you guys. They could put on like two dicks. I would like that. Oh, okay. We've already talked about that. If you had two dicks, that would be really, really, really fun. This was before our time, but I read somewhere that when they had VHS tapes, I know we're going all the way back to the time. We're going back to the party. That's right. So that when it first came out, they had the competitor Betamax. Okay. Never heard of that. And that was produced by Sony and it was supposed to be a superior technology. Look at the brain on him. Okay. Go ahead. You're teaching me some new things tonight. I'm going to add video tape wars. VHS won out because they showed porn. Oh. You actually could record porn on a Betamax. So boob. G.B.T. is going to win because you're going to be able to produce porn. Whoever does it first is going to unleash a porn. But the fact that they have AI porn out there. Why would someone watch AI porn when they could just go to Pornhub and watch anything they wanted. The reason is because you can have it do things that you can't do with people. Like what? They do everything. Tentacle porn, for instance. Oh, they can create the AI to have tentacles. You can do whatever you want. Is it women that have tentacles or men? It's the men. So it's like he has a lot of penises that all go inside of her and all her orifices touch one another. Yeah. The guys are the givers. The girls are the takers. We take where receivers we receive. Well, okay. However you want to look at it. Speaking of. You're taking. Giving and taking. We had a discussion just the other day about that. Who did? You and me? Oh, yeah, we did. You were in the closet like a rumba. I was watching him waking. You were recharging. When I was talking to you. Oh, okay. And I think we decided that in life you have givers and takers, which I think is a little bit like a euphemism for selfish and selfless. Right. And very much the givers, they're more people pleasers. And you're a people pleaser. I am so much a people pleaser that sometimes it comes back to haunt me because I. Sometimes you err on the side of being too nice. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm trying real hard not to do that, especially in the lifestyle. And the world's a tricky place out there. Sometimes you got to think of yourself a little bit. You can't be naive. No. But I think we've decided that we gravitate towards people who are givers. Yeah. We actually talked about every person that we played with kind of our. You mean our favorite people. Yeah. Our favorites. Okay. And we were talking about who were givers and takers and they're almost invariably givers, but there were a few that were takers. And those are ones, especially guys that we haven't seen more than once. They don't stand our orbit very long. They don't. And once we kind of put that, okay, Ruski, he was a taker. And so we realized, you know what, it's probably okay that that's not going to happen again, because that's not really the energy we want to bring into our orbit. Yeah. Because I think that's the energy we give off. And I think that we like that around us. Yes. I want to go back to Spotify Wrapped because we actually haven't opened it yet. It's sitting here. It says it's time for your 2025 wrap. Do you want to see what's number one for us? It's probably Taylor Swift. Because you're such a Swifty. I am a Swifty. It's not always the sexiest music, but I really like it. And we said that Flight attended. She's more Swifty than me. I think she's been to like three concerts and I've never been to one. And so you guys are going to dress up together. We're going to wear sequins. Sequins. Yes. I'm going to wear sequins. You're going to wear a dress. I'm going to get Fogmars out of there. I'm going to go alone with her. We're going to have some FF time. What do you think about that as an adventure that we should take with her and go to a Taylor Swift concert? Okay. Why not?ickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenickenicken beyond swinger stuff, more BDSM stuff. And then they showed the unveiling and I was jealous. We were gobsmacked. I was wandering one of those rooms. Yeah, they were like posh, gorgeous. I looked around at my marital bed and I'm like, damn, I need that room. Yeah, we said we should decorate our room like that. And then we corrected ourselves right away and said, everybody's gonna know that we're in the lifestyle if it looks like that. They had a stripper pole in the middle of the room. You know you'd get more blow jobs at home if I had a room that looked like that. Mm, okay. Although we've been getting busy a lot. If our room looked like that, we would be sneaking people through the window. Yeah, because I wouldn't want to have it just with you. I mean, not that I don't want to be just with you, but I'd want to show it off. It's like having a really nice outfit, a sexy outfit. You want to show it off to a lot of people. And then we're watching another show. I know Netflix and Chill because it's winter and we're not able to get out because we got family in town. And that show was casually dropping Polly, E&M. The Riesum. And then they dropped The Thrupple. And I was like, what? We had to text Posse, Posse, galore immediately to say, look what we just saw. Yeah, I felt like they were singling us out right there. You ever get the feeling that E&M is riding a wave of popularity? It is. And I told him just while we were watching it, we are so going to get caught because we are so out there with this E&M unfiltered as fuck. We're going to get caught at some point. Well, I think part of it is the proliferation of the internet back in the day. They were doing key parties. Way different than it's just so out there. It's so commonplace. They just throw this stuff out there. They were talking about open relationships. It was really very modern. And I think a lot of it is, is yeah, you got the proliferation of all this stuff. You got TikTok. You got podcasting. And I've read something the other day about somebody who had a hate boner for podcasters, which I actually appreciate. Right. And a lot of people hate the Swinger podcast in particular because maybe they're OGs and they're like, it's always a newbie that starts out with the podcast because you're in NRE. I'm going to read what he said. OK. Podcasters are trying to monetize our fun hobby. We don't try to monetize anything. You're not going on vacation. No lifestyle. You're broke. And we don't make any money from it. No. They aren't experts. We're not experts? Yeah, we're definitely not experts. You need to shut the fuck up. We too dumb for that. And I don't recommend anybody listen to anything we have to say. Take it with a grain of salt. You get what you pay for. Yeah. Zero. Hill, many of them probably aren't even any good at Swinger. You did not disable. Objection, leading the witness. We do it OK. Yeah, I'll let other people be the judge of that. We were definitely not very good when we started. We have honed what we like. We're not dearly as good as we like to think we are, but we do have our Swinger guardian angel, Stuart Scott. Who we met, not really, but we met his. At the Waffle House. Doppelganger. It should have been a Waffle House. It was not a Waffle House. It should have been. It should have been. He was great. Man, he said that you're living life like a rock star. I've been fucking Hozier popping pillies, man. I feel just like a rock star. Hmm. The only qualification they have is owning a device to record and broadcast with. They want your ears so they can get paid by advertisers. Well, true. That is the only qualification we have. We have equipment. We don't even have a studio. We have a car, but we're not trying to get any money. We make no money. Yeah, we don't have any qualifications. So he's about half right with us. And everybody else is making money. I don't think there's anyone else that doesn't try to at least get some affiliates. I heard another guy say, you've been part of this for like two years and you come rolling in here, giving advice to other people. I know, right? How about you spend a couple of decades doing this before you go? You know what? That's a fair point. I think it's totally fair game. Because the OGs have a lot to offer because they've been there. They've done that. They've seen everything we haven't seen. I don't know. Have we seen half of what there is to see? Yeah, I don't think so. Although we might have seen more than 50 percent of what there is to see. But I don't have any problem with him not liking podcasters. No, I don't either. There are people that like podcasts and people that don't. And I would imagine the people that don't are not listening. Our only defense is we ain't no podcast. You can say that again. The other defense is just don't listen. If you don't like it, don't listen. I had a random thought today. Did you tell me about this earlier? Yeah, we actually talked about it. OK, hit me. We were saying, you know, there's a couple of rules when you first meet people. One of them we like to say is the conversation test. If in the first five minutes, the conversation flows easily. And it seems like you guys could talk for hours and lose track of time. Then you could go in the bedroom together. You know, it's going to be a match. Right. If it starts to die, like stanky leg, you let that thing die on the vine. That deserved to die. Like, Leo, can you help this conversation go a little bit? You have any regrets looking back? Can I interrupt your thought about the two things? Because this has to do with that. You and I just realized and we wrote it down to remind ourselves if we have to go to the bathroom to talk about whether it's a match or not, it is not a match. That's perfect because you actually did some front running on the second that but I do that all the time. You love me for it. I do love you for it. But what's the second thing that it was? If you have to talk about it at the bathroom, it's probably a no. We realize that some of it's because pushy. Yes. She asked us just the other day. We were talking about our backstory with her meeting her. And she asked us, did you know right away? Did we have a sign? Did we do something? Because we did not go off to the bathroom to talk about taking it from the bar straight to the hotel room. There was no break in action. And we said no. First of all, you and I, we practically use the same half of the brain because we only use half a brain. Yeah, because we are dull. We can communicate without words. We know exactly what the other we knew the moment she walked in. She's fantastic. Fucking fantastic. And then her conversation skills, like it just flowed like we talked for probably two hours. And then we got into the bedroom and she started doing stretches on the bed. Then it got really sexy. Like at that point in the bar, it was very friendly. We're like, wow, I get along with you so well. Then it just amped it up sexually like it was like, whoa. She climbed on my back while I was inside of you like a spider monkey. Speaking to that spider. Oh, pussy. So we saw her and met her in January. Mm hmm. You're going to talk about our origin story with her. Yeah, because it's really we're in a really deep threple. She tells her friends about it. She's like, I just can't help myself. I got to talk about the threple I meant. I love that. And she is. She's our threple gal. And we have such an interesting backstory because we met her in January. I'm going to divulge a little secret. You're going to drop some sauce. I am. We know the funny thing about it is, is we've never really gone into the origin story about how we met Pusher. Most people know we met that night. We hit it off fireworks ensued. And then nothing. We were friends. I think we got friends out. Right. She was in a primary relationship with a single guy. And I think she was more focused on that at the time. Now we know. Fair enough. Now she's focused on us. But it was maddening because she was so fantastic that we thought this would be great. So you all know, five months later, six months later, we ran into her at the Scarlet Ranch. She mentioned it just this weekend. I'm so glad I said hi to you guys because if I hadn't said hi, we may never have this trouble thing going on like we have right now. But what she doesn't know is that we liked her so much and she was in your phone. And we were talking on and off for like five months. She wanted to go to the ranch with her guy. And so she was asking me about it, getting some advice. So I knew when she was going to the ranch. And we were going to the ranch like every month. Oh God, we were like Denver obsessed. Like we're right now Vegas obsessed. And so we were planning a trip that month and it was between two weekends. But we knew when she was going and we thought we haven't seen her since January, maybe if we could just run into her again. And so it wasn't entirely a coincidence that we were at the Scarlet Ranch at the same time. But the irony about it was is even though we said this weekend or this weekend, let's do that weekend because maybe she'll be there. That might be fun to run into her. Once we got there, we were distracted. We had a different unicorn with us. Mile high boss babe. And we had completely forgotten that pussy galore was going to be there because it had been a few weeks a month since we'd made the plans. And I went to the locker to grab all our stuff and head back. And that's when she reached out, grabbed my arm. I said, Leo. And then she said, do you remember me? And I'm like, do I remember you? Do you know why we're at the ranch? The reason I'm here. I just forgot about it. And we hardly talked to her that night because we were involved with someone else at the time, but we came back the following night. She was there again. We were on our own and we just got along like crazy with her and her guy. So even though it seems like one of those sliding door moments, we had a little bit of a hand in it. Yeah, just a little bit. And it was really a testament to how much we liked her. And we like her even more now, having gotten to know her even more since that January meeting. But fast forward to today. What are we talking about? It doesn't matter. Okay. We're talking about poo for it and our trouble. And it is magical. She just texted actually. How did you? Yeah. What did she say? Did she say we're going to talk behind her back? Is this going to be one of the cutting room floor? Yeah. Yeah. Where we always talk a little bit quieter. It's always interesting. Anything interesting? No, just girly chit chat. Okay. Well, divulge. Must have been good. We're getting ready and prepared for New Year's Eve. We're going to go with her to a great Gatsby style party. Yeah. That's going to be fun. But talking about the conversation test in the first five minutes, that's where we're coming. You're so good at that. With Poocher. Yes. We could have talked for hours. And that is how it flowed right into the bedroom. And that is how it's continued today. And that's happened with all of our really great play partners. When you can just sit at a bar and have a drink and the conversation flows like water or champagne, then you know it's going to be amazing. And so she asked us, did you guys have like a secret signal to say whether you like me or not? We didn't need to talk at all. We knew in the first minute, she was so bubbly. She had this fantastic energy. She was hot as hell. Yeah. So there was no going to the bathroom to discuss. No. And so I think we realized we just talked about this over the weekend. If we ever have to go to the bathroom to talk, we need to tell ourselves it is a no. It means we're trying to talk ourselves into something that we probably don't want to do. And there have been a number of occasions where we have tried to talk about it. And one of us is more on board than the other. But in the end of the day, neither one of us really wants that. Yeah. I think you can do the TLDR, which is if you say, I'm going to go to the bathroom, that's already all you need to know. Even if one of them is like, I don't know, honey, I don't know. The answer should be where at the bathroom, it must be a no. One other random thought I had is the other day we were talking about how, especially with the apps, but also the lifestyle in general, it is wildly addicting. Well, that is true. That's a whole other pod, though. It's also very looks based, especially the apps. Yeah. I don't think so much the clubs are looks based. It's a little different. Yeah. Because you can get in there with your personality and if you have your dance moves, your charm, that's a humor. But the meme is rule number one, be attractive and rule number two, don't be unattractive. I think we're going to amend that. I think rule number two should be don't be boring. Because at the end of the day for the lifestyle, you're not looking for a life partner, you're not looking for someone to sit at the dining room table and pay bills with. You're looking for fun. It's a fun hobby. Yeah. So I think that the message to newbies out there is fun. Bring the party, bring the excitement. If you can, don't be an OMC. Yeah. So what are we talking about tonight? Well, I have a topic because we're kind of in this stealth mode right now where we can't really play because we have a lot of family in town for the holidays and then we got to do all the Christmas shopping. Got to be Santa a little busy. I want to talk about. Did we just say don't be boring? We're not boring. I sex in the bathtub and talk about some sexy talk. I'm planning stuff in, you know, the new years in January. How to be discreet and how not to get caught discretion. We're talking about Opsets. Obsets. Yeah, because we've been doing this for two years. It is a total, total secret. And we even do a podcast. I don't even know how we do it, but we do it. People were saying I've been in it for 10 years. Do you know we're going to set up a studio in the attic? I know. When I say that, Kat exhales like, oh, God, here comes Leo's hair brain schemes yet again. I just have to bring it. I've never been in the attic in all the time we've lived there. Yeah, you haven't been in the attic. I don't want to go in the attic. Yeah, there's just something up there bumping around. Scary. Super scary. I can change. I don't want to go up there. You believe in ghosts? No. I mean, no. I got to believe in magic. I believe in magic. In the universe. Yes. There's things that are unexplained. I do believe in that. There's magic in the lifestyle. I don't think they're scary ghosts. How's that? Oh, OK. I don't want to believe in that because that would scare me and I'd have nightmares. Oh, there's definitely got to be scary ghosts. Oh, stop it. I mean, I used to be terrified as a kid that I was like a boogeyman. If my foot hung off the edge of the bed, it was going to get my foot. I remember my parents sent me into the basement and when I went down there, there were no lights and I had to get something out of the basement. And I thought there were vampires waiting in the car. Vampires? Are you serious? Oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe there were sexy vampires. I know they want to bite your neck and suck your blood. Hmm. Suck something, right? Yeah, I'd be down with that. It was fascinating. You're talking people who have been in it for 10 years, 12 years. One said 19 years and nobody knows. Hmm. OK. It also means that you tend to slough off a lot of your vanilla friends and you start having mostly lifestyle friends. That does happen. I think after 19 years, if you're in it, you don't care. I think you probably don't care as much. I'm not saying that they did care. The tenor was the longer you're in it. The less chance you have to stay in a secret agent. No, no, not at all. The less chance you care. OK. Most of them are like, well, I keep it a secret, but I don't really care. What's the number one thing you and I do to keep ourselves discreet? Having a burner phone. Bernie bot. Bernie bot is our blue phone. That is saving our bacon. People run into us every day. They can identify us. It's either from our voice or we pull out the phone. Can you take a picture of my burner phone? And they see this relic that was pulled out of a sock drawer. I love my phone so much. But it has taken on almost like a folk hero status because we've had people handle the phone and say, you guys are cat and leo. You just said the word body. Oh, an artifact like this. You actually talked about upgrading it. And I really don't want to because it's been with us. Yeah, we're going to everything. But the burner phone is really important because then you don't have to worry about having text coming in from various names that somebody else might recognize. Your photos, your videos, everything can be kept. It's always technology that's going to out you. I think that technology has got to be the number one slip up, whether it's people playing our podcast on autoplay when they get in the car or people leave their phone unlocked, their computer open with like SDC open or SLS. I've seen that happen or Facebook. Facebook is going to be the death of so many of you. Well, I don't. But I read a lot of people. It's kind of going the way of the Dota. I think it is too. That's another thing. So if you're listening to a podcast, doesn't have to be us, any other podcast that's a little bit on the salacious side, Swinger podcast, you need to turn Bluetooth off before you get out of the car. You need to make sure you're using earbuds. If you can lock down your technology, if you can handle your shit on that front, I think your chances of keeping it low key go up exponentially. That's so many people get outed by that. So don't do that. That's the message. I've seen some people say that they keep Spotify as just their music player. And then they use Apple podcast only for podcasts. Never the twain shall meet. It does seem like the algorithms are conspiring against you. Doesn't it? Yes. There's another tech landmine and it's all those sharing platforms. So if you use Spotify and you share it with people in your family, if you use Netflix and share it with people in your family and then you've looked at something Swinger related. So they're going to look at our Spotify wrapped and be like, oh, you guys are definitely in the lifestyle. Now, if you don't have a burner phone, then that means you probably have a dumpster fire of sexy photos in your phone, which I don't advise, but you can use Face ID. I've saw someone doing that at one of the meet and greets we went to and he's using a Face ID to get into the hidden album. So 99 out of 100 couples have separate phone. We're just one of those weird couples that are attached to the hip that actually share a phone. I know. We're ridiculous. We would be on the phone all the time to each other. But what's your feeling about the password? If you have separate phones, you should know each other's password. I mean, otherwise, are you not best friends? And so is it sus? If one of you doesn't know the password of the other? It is. I would think that there might be some philandering going on. Especially in the context of the lifestyle, do you think? Yeah. Yeah. Like you can read any of my sexting at any time. I mean, one of your partners, they could be texting and sexting somebody and you don't even know what they're saying while they're in the bathtub on the other side of the house. I show you all of the text. If you wanted to see, I show you the sexy dickfix. I get it. No, I trust you. I trust you. I know. I'm good. I'm good. Most of the time. Not all the time. We are going to have a sexting pod. We are going to talk about it, but not tonight. Yeah. I'm going to play the devil's advocate while you throw it out there. I'm going to sit here with my arms crossed, saying how much I don't like. Stop it. We're not talking about that right now. I would be careful giving out your personal phone number to LS people. A lot of people get a separate phone number. Well, our number is 408. You call us anytime. We got nothing to hide. That's our home phone. You can sex cats. Stop it. A lot of people get Google voice numbers. That's really common and probably a really smart thing to do. We just give you our phone number. If you're trusted, it usually takes us a while before we give it out. I usually give my phone number to people for the most part, if there's going to be some playtime involved. It usually goes in stages. First, people reach out. They might be on Insta. Then you might move to Telegram. Sometimes they email us. Tinkerbell. We didn't take it off at Insta. We had a little themed room going on and everything until we were going to meet each other live in Vegas. So if you get into our phone, things are about to get serious. Yeah. For the most part. I don't know. Even people that we don't play with. I feel like we're going to double back around at some point. It doesn't matter. That's actually probably true. People that are in our phone, we probably going to, yeah. Touch some strange genitals. We like to touch some strange genitals. Yes. If you're writing anybody by email, maybe you're contacting somebody, you know, like a podcaster, perhaps use a fake email. Don't use a real email that attaches to your LinkedIn profile. That's another tip. So you're telling people when they contact us to use a pseudonym and a fake nose and a mustache? Otherwise, I'm going to look you up. No, I just can't. I don't look anybody up. I don't really care that much. Get one of those boys guys. Hey, guys, I just wanted to let you know. I'm really trying to vodka. But it is something to remember in case you're not talking to someone as chill as me, who really isn't going to try to look into who you are. That's true. I respect your discretion. A lot of people that contact us, they'll say, P.S., please don't use my name or please don't use it on the pod. Or my email is my real email. I know I'm not being very circumspect about it, but you can trust me. We get a lot of that. And we're not trying to pry into your personal life. Stay tuned to the end of this podcast and we'll read them all out. Their names unredacted. But the bottom line is if you contact us for whatever reason, we're not going to share it. We're not going to out you air your business. And if we do talk about you, we're certainly not going to use your name. Speaking of that, remember that piece of hate mail that we got? Yeah, I guess we over phrased it wasn't hate mail. He was strong language. He was disappointed. Although it was pretty emphatic. Yeah, because we reread it. It felt like hate mail. Anyway, he wrote back to say he couldn't believe we had shared it. And he wanted to give the backstory to it. So it was actually a very lovely miss. And I think at the end of it, he said, please keep doing what you're doing and helping others because, you know, he's enjoying it. And so the first time he ended it by saying, I don't know if I can listen to you guys anymore. And then this time he said, don't stop doing it because we want to listen. I have to say that we love that because if somebody is a skeptic, and we mentioned how, you know, this is our lifestyle journey. It's not perfect. It's messy. It's wet. It's sticky. Sometimes it's broken. It might be yummy. Smash in a million pieces. Yeah. And we put it out there for better or worse. Right. We don't ever know exactly where we started is not where we're going to end. Because we just don't know what the journey is going to take us. We're not fancy. We're not experts. And we make mistakes. We are far from polished. So I think that when we got that from them, the feeling was it hurt a little bit. But I think once you get to a certain size, you are going to start having your detractors. And I think the feeling was is that you're not going to be everything to everyone all the time. Right. So let's be nothing to no one, none of the time. I like that. I know. Right. Nice ring to it. I can't go with that on the top of my head. That way we don't disappoint anybody and we disappoint everybody. Mission accomplished. Right. All at the same time. But that was such a nice message to get because it did feel like we turned a skeptic. Maybe he was able to see it a little bit more. Because that goes back to me being a people pleaser. It really, you know, it hurt my feelings thinking that, man, I really disappointed someone, which is why we almost didn't share it because we thought, oh, God, the listeners are going to die when we know, you know, knowing that we've gone from soft to full. Sometimes it was easier when we had three listeners. Hi, mom. What the hell is wrong with you? Hi, dad. Mom and dad are listening. Stop it. That would be that's part of discretion. OK. Yeah. What would you do if your parents found out? Oh, my God. No notes. Yeah. I'm just going to leave that there. Yeah. OK. We're going back to discretion because that is I'm going to be the ones that are 19 years in. Yeah. That no one's going to find out. OK. Another technology thing that you guys need to be careful about is location sharing. Yeah. That thing is going to kill you. You might share your location with your sister and she's going to wonder, why are you at a hotel in your own hometown? Or why are you at a club that's called a Red Rooster Swinger Club? And it is true that you can go on Google Maps and whatever is listed on Google Maps is how it will show up in location sharing. So if it's tagged in Google Maps as a Swinger Club, you can expect that that's what it's going to look like. So my advice to you is really early in your journey, sever ties with all the location sharing. Everybody that shared with you is going to wonder for a bit. But it's awkward when you do that because you have to say I am un-sharing my location. You have to do it because if you don't, you really run the risk of getting into some serious, serious trouble. Yeah. I guess at the end of the day, you've got to make some tough choices. We are un-shared with everybody. Do you want to get out? Before we got the burner phone and it was a little bit difficult. Why don't you share anymore? I'm not going to share anymore and just leave it at that. I think we talked about that we had an old computer that was in a boneyard for a while and then my brother came over and he brought it back to life. I think he had to crack the thing open. And I had been using it probably about a year ago, but I was working on website stuff. There was a lot of blog pages and some mother board chip and put some thermal paste on it. He chatted GBT the heck out of that. And we were at an In-N-Out burger and the next thing you know, he was asking what our password was. Never mind. I guessed it because he knew what our new password was, right? On our normal computer and we went barreling down the highway at 100 miles an hour. I was in there doing a tap dance. OK, OK, yeah, that's really great. Why don't we go ahead and put this back in the living room? OK, OK, I'm doing like the distraction tap dance and make sure that all of your computers are locked down with passwords. And what we do is we make our computers shut down automatically, like lock screen within five minutes, two minutes. So if you leave your computer unattended and you forget to lock it, it just locks automatically because you're going to find SLS open, Cassidy open, and somebody is going to be like, what the hell is that? Yeah, maybe you have to put your password in or do your face ID like a million times a day. But you know, isn't that worth it to maybe go 19 years? If you're going to be a double agent spy, then you've got to act like it. You have to live it. And if we can be 77 episodes in and nobody knows we're even doing this. And we're bumping around in the attic. Oh, my God. I don't even know if we're going to actually be able to stand up in the attic. We're going to have to crawl up there. Are you going to make it at least kind of posh and kind of like almost like shag? Yeah, I wanted to be all sexy. The furthest thing from posh. Oh, I want it to be pretty like the sex room. Can we make it like a sex room up there? Oh, it's going to be ghetto. We're so ghetto. We are so ghetto. Fabulous. You've got to be careful on the apps with your photos. My advice to you is publicly facing on the apps. Don't show faces like on Cassidy SLS, because I have seen people say that those photos end up getting Google indexed. So if you're going to show your face on one of the standard swinger apps, do it behind the paywall, do it behind the backstage pass. And then your stuff is not going to be out there. You're talking about kind of some revenge porn type stuff. To the internet. Maybe you make an enemy of someone out there and they decide to put your face to a podcast that has 77 episodes. Yes. Do you know that I have heard personally three different people now? And that's just in our purview in the people we've met on the apps who have actually had somebody try to blackmail them with their personal information and their photos. That's an interesting thing to bring up because on those occasions, all three of them got taken. That's the problem. So it does happen. I know you're like, what blackmail? Let's go ahead and give you a little brief on how that goes down. Right. So you're wondering, because I always am curious when they tell us these stories, I'm like, tell me everything. I'm assuming it's like some Nigerian Prince scam, right? Yeah, they're just looking for money. So they're going to try to out you. And the way they do that is oftentimes they get your Facebook or they get your WhatsApp, they get your phone number, something that's attached to your real name and your socials. And then they're able to get your contacts on your socials. And then they threaten that I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to send these photos to Grandma Bessie and she's going to die. Oh, my God, look at you with that strap on. I think all three. Hegging your husband. Oh, OK, yeah. I probably paid the blackmail for that one. One million dollars. I was going to say, I'd probably play that one off. That's what I heard you say. Oh, man, I never feel lived up to that. Let you know we don't peg. OK, that is not our thing. Although I would peg Thirst Trap. I don't know. That one might be a field too far. You and I are going to be looking at each other. Really? Are we? Is this really happening right now? I don't think we need to because I just think I have enough cute little hotties and cute couples in our purview that I don't need to Thirst Trap, boy. But I think all three people that actually sent money. And I don't know how much I never wanted to ask any of the people we talked to, like, how much did you get taken for? And normally I would say that disregard, ignore them. Stop all communication. Don't send money. Because I have heard people on Reddit who have also got taken. These are not personal stories. And they said, just ignore it, ignore it. They're bluffing. But we have heard from one person. They said he started to contact people from his work. Yeah. And he was like in this kind of activity and behavior that's fucked up was not going to work in whatever vocation he had. So you need to protect yourself. Use the apps that are encrypted. So now what's that kick? I mean, Telegram. I like Telegram. I don't think that's as encrypted, but I like it. We usually send our photos timed or view once. And I know people can take a photo of them. I get it. I totally understand. And we used to be ultra, ultra private. We would never send like nobody had a photo of us. Lana never owned a photo of us until really far into the threple. When we're like, I think we trust her now. If people come up, they say, you mind taking a photo? We still say no. And we still always send them timed. But I think over time, we've gotten a little more relaxed about it. And the people that are actually close to us or you get a good deal. You can trust. Yeah. Girls. Yeah. Girls. It's true. You can trust girls. Yeah. They are generally the most wonderful human beings. They are the givers. Oftentimes some of the most beautiful people that we've met in the lifestyle. So yes, we do probably lower our guard a lot more for the single girls in our life because you can trust them more discretion tips in order to keep you safe. You might wonder babysitters, right? I think the key to I take a lot of trips or we're going out a lot, not talking about playing with the babysitter. You talk about the au pair is what you made. I hear flight attendant was an au pair. I know. She was a flight attendant. We should call her au pair. Want to get away? And she's a flight attendant. I know. It's like a two for one bucket list right there. That's a double threat. That's not what I'm talking about. I think the key to having grandma and grandpa or your friends take care of your kids or babysitters or why are you going away all the time is to tell as much of the truth as you can. We're going to go see our friends, Jim and Patty. You're talking about having a good alibi. Yeah. And I think you tell as much of the truth as you can. We're going up to the city to go dancing. Make it sound oddly specific. I might be dancing in the bedroom from the chandeliers naked, but I at least have a kernel of truth. Right. Yeah, that makes sense. Because then you get less chance of getting caught in the lie and it sounds much more believable. I like to just say it's none of your business. I know that it doesn't work. You know, that makes you look more suspicious. We feel like a sense of guilt. Well, you're not a very good liar either. Not a good liar. Like, for instance, somebody asked us when we met them, do you guys do a script while you're doing your podcast? No, we don't ever do a script. I'm way too dumb for that. No, never, never, never. So you just pop it on me and whatever verbal diarrhea comes out. That's what happens for better or for worse. Yes, emphasis on worse. Yes, but occasionally there'll be some kind of sound problem and we'll have to do like a retake. And we'll often do that in the house. And Kat is the worst at doing retakes. She sounds like a dramatic actress when she does it. Very last pod, the very last one that just came out. The first minute and a half, my sound just sounded tinny. Like I sounded so far away, my microphone wasn't hooked up properly. So I had to redo it. So it'll sound something like, hey, Kat, how you doing tonight? And on the retake, Kat will say, I'm doing fine. How are you doing, Leo? Because I had like five lines that had to match what I had originally said, which we don't ever do it. I'm not an actress. You're never going to be actors. I ain't going to be in the movies. OK, I didn't go to have it. Some B movies, some porn movies. How about that? Bout to go about that. You never say never. How come porn actors are always bad actors? I don't think I've ever seen, except Erica Lust. She makes them hot porn, but they don't really have speaking roles. They don't. It's just sexy and it's a really it's not so porny. It seems a little more sensual. How come there's not a director? You know, eventually maybe they go on and they do real movies that started out as a porn director and they made these fantastic dramatic movies. Well, it's less about the porn directing. You could probably have a decent story. You're talking about why are the actors always bad? Was because they're naked and they're effin for pay. And I don't think that that precludes them being a good actor. Yeah, I want to know who are the best porn actors that are real good at acting. Didn't you tell me? Oh, that's right. You were showing me another porn star that you thought I would like. I was thinking he slid into our DMs, but you were just showing me him. Yeah, we had another porn star follow us against her. I know. He probably heard you talking about porn boy. I like porn boy. You know, I got a new celebrity crush. Her name is. And she's on like WWE. I don't watch professional wrestling. What did you come up with this? Is this the day you were wanking it to? I saw her on ESPN when and she's kind of got like Harley Quinn vibes going on. What color hair does she have blonde? Oh, that's so sweet. Oh, yeah, she was a smoke show. OK, you're going to show her to me. So OK, I do guys out there watch professional wrestling. You know who I'm talking about. Are you smelling what Leo's cooking? No. So what do you do with all those themed costumes? You know, you almost outed yourself the other day. He was talking to a friend who's going to go to a party, right? And he said, you should totally dress up like a cop. I've got a great. You are talking about me saying that I had a whole closet full of dress up. Well, you were talking about I have this great cop outfit, which was fine. We wear that during vanilla trick or treating. But you went on to say to the friend, you know what? I was always thinking about making these cop pants into stripper pants, because I thought that'd be so funny. You have the right to remain sexy. And I like these are vanilla friends who think we're super vanilla. You are nudging it just a little bit there. I should get those mirrored sunglasses. Just go all in on the bit and we should show up maybe when Poocher invites us to meet some of her work colleagues and I'll show up in the costume and I'll go in there and I'll say, everybody, let me see your IDs. Let's see some IDs. She is going to block you. OK, it is going to be done. And then all of a sudden I'll grab the stripper pants, yank them off. You should do that, though, for one of the theme nights, you know, for maybe Halloween, you should go as a cop and you should do the whole bit with the stripper pants. And then I'll work the whole room. I have a red solo cup in my hand. No, we're going to put it in your garter and you're in your speedo. She said we have to come up with a good story about how we know her. You are terrible. But that doesn't answer the question as you are in the lifestyle. First of all, don't tell your friends that you have a million costumes. Oh, if you need like some kind of pirate costume, I probably got it because that's going to sush you out. Where do you keep all your costumes, huh? In a lock suitcase, we got those little luggage locks and we got luggage locks on what, like 10 things. And it's always like either six, six, nine or six, nine, nine. That's our password. You just told everybody our code. Come on. Next, you're going to tell them that the password to our Bernie bot is 8888888. Shut up. Oh, my God. It's 69, 69, 69. You really just tell people the password? Yeah, that's our password. I told you we were dumb. We are so dumb. I probably made the password. No, I did. OK. Well, it's a good thing that you probably made the password for me because I can't remember it unless it's something bone simple. It's such a good password. It is. It's great. Don't talk lifestyle loudly in public. Leo and I at home, we don't use the word swinger. We actually say swizzler when we're talking in case someone overhears us. Yeah, that'll fool him. So we never have any idea what we're talking about. We don't use the word podcast. We say pee. Something, something swizzle, swizzle, thruple. We don't stop it. Yeah, what's our code word for thruple? I don't think we have one of those. Oh, my God. If we don't say lifestyle, we say life. I'm just saying you say life. I don't I'm terrible at all. But if somebody catches us, say it's swinger, it's all over. Come on. I speak in tongues. That's what I do really well. We have a whole conversation with Kat. And I'll just say everything dancing around it without saying the thing because we share the same half of the brain. So I always know what he's talking about, how to fill in all the blanks. And I leave a lot of blanks in the conversation. Another tip, be careful, bringing home flyers and business cards from your swinger clubs, your swinger events. You mean memorabilia? Yeah. And those wristbands, they are going to get you. Don't wake up the next morning with a damn wristband on that says like, I fucked a bunch of people last night because I was going to get you into trouble. You said that very forceful. I'll bet if we did a retake, the next one would be and then you fucked a bunch of people. People. You said it so well. I bet you you can't say it twice like that. Go ahead. Try it again. Let me hear the second time and action. And you've got a wristband that says I fucked a bunch of people last night. That was actually pretty good. How come you don't do it like that when we normally do it? I don't know because I have to do boring stuff. That's why we can't have anything scripted. You can't script this. We can't script ourselves. We sound terrible. I mean, we already sound terrible. We sound even worse. We sound like a couple of porn actors in a hot car. It's not hot tonight. No, but it's getting kind of hot in the car. I know. I need to take some clothes off. I'll check them out. Oh, he's all porn stars. It is. I have woken up before, especially when you had a bender and you had a little bit too much drink or whatever, and you just are sacked out and you start walking around the next day and you look down and an hour into it. You realize you have this thing on your arm. You've got a fluorescent yellow wristband on your arm. Some clubs that are worse than others where they really feel like they've got to advertise on your arm. And who was it? Was it like Calliente? One of those said the number one swinger. We were staying with my parents that time. That was down in Tampa. That's awful. Then who was it? Eyes wide shut. Yeah, no, Tampa. Can't Calliente did it. Oh, it was Calliente. It was Calliente. It might have said Swinger Club. I don't know. Number one Swinger Club. Oh, Trapeze. Trapeze. I'm glad that we didn't call somebody. So Calliente just said Calliente. We retract that for Calliente. Eyes wide shut. It was Trapeze. Yeah, that's totally on brand with Trapeze. Because they got our car towed. So, you know, yeah, name them, shame them. We still go back, but it wasn't cool. It's not a great one. It's not my favorite. It's not our favorite. But yes, it will be tempting for you guys to come back from a bliss cruise and you get a swag bag and you think, I just want to keep some of this stuff. We don't keep any of the swag bags. I know people put probably so much effort into they have to pay to advertise to put things in the swag bag. Nobody keeps that stuff. All there. My best advice to you, podcasters listen to us or a Cassidy, you need to give people something that they'd actually use that doesn't have your name on it and they'll keep it. Well, what would they use? Come up with an idea. A burner phone. That's it. Do a branded burner phone. You could give them an eye mask like a blindfold. That would be hot. That would be pretty hot. And it doesn't have to say their name on it. I don't know. I don't know. A little bottle of lube. Bottles of lube I always keep because you never know. You could never have too much lube. Condoms are always good, especially if they're colored, glow in the dark. I like the colored ones. They don't do that enough. Club Joy had colored condoms that I think tasted yummy. That's undergrad here. Yeah, I just wouldn't do that. But yeah, I like the idea of it being. So don't be tempted. You've got to throw that stuff away. Unless you have a memorabilia lock box like we do, that we keep all the memorabilia in, all this underwear that we steal from everyone. We do keep all that and it's under lock and key, which is why somebody has to be the guardian of all of our treasures because we're going to be in big trouble posthumously. Postumously. Postumously, I said that wrong. You said it pretty well. It's a fun word. I'm really not dumb. You're the smartest girl I know. I just have a problem with words sometimes. You actually are a fantastic speller. You actually have the mastery of the English language. I could spell posthumously. Like, you know, posthumously. I could spell it like nobody's business, but saying it. I probably can't spell it. I can say it. Yeah, well. Okay, maybe we use different halves of the brain. You use the smart one. I use the dumb one. Okay, I got some more advice. This appeals to us and not everybody does this. We don't date or play locally. Yeah, that's some bullshit. We've actually done it in our backyard and it was hot. No, but we don't have a club, particularly near us. And so we would bring someone from another area to go and get busy with. But we've only done it like two times ever, three times. Yeah, you have to be really careful if you're going to do the apps like in your town. If you're going to go out to dinner with someone, another couple in your town. True. I don't know. I just wouldn't do it if I were you. Yeah, but we've met people. We met Stifler's mom. Stifler's mom has got it going on. And her guy, Mr. Stifler's mom. Mr. Stifler's mom. I love it. At a bar in town. We did, but we have sussed that bar out. We've had a few meet and greets there. That's true. But we've never seen a person we know in real life there yet. And I'd say we didn't do any PDA, but we did have a couple that actually sat next to us on either side of us. That's right. And they started touching us. They were not kissing, but they were touching. So that's something to be aware of. We think it's safer to play a couple hours away. I think it's hot because it's dangerous. Yeah, we do like the taboo a lot. We do. Yeah. A lot. And one of these days, we're a very trusted partner. What are we going to do? We are going to blindfold them and bring them back to our house. They're going to sneak through the window and they're going to. We're going to have the sex room set up. We're going to have sex in our marital bed. Say what? Nice. Oh, my God, that is so hot. Bucket list. Yeah. Bucket list. We're going to have a bingo card bucket list coming out soon. All the things that New Year's resolution. Yeah. Instead of like a bucket list of what everybody wants to do, actual cat and Leo went on our bucket list because we got ideas. We talk about it all the time. Oh, yeah, that's on my bucket list. He's like, yeah, that's on my bucket list. You think people will be interested to hear what it is that we haven't done? Yeah. Because you don't know maybe all the things we have done. And then you don't know what it is we want to do. You know, we don't want to do everything. You told me that I'm going to have to make my own separate list. Yes, you make yours. I make mine like a homework. And we're going to talk about it. Yeah. OK, I only got two more to go. If you're going to play at home, make sure nobody is even in town that could possibly come home. I've seen people that have adult children or teenage children. Oh, they're at their friends, you know, overnight and they come home early. What's your take on peeing in the shower? Yeah, or nay? Nay. I feel the same way, but with one caveat. Do you be in the shower? If I have to go, I'm going before I get in the shower. But if I'm in the shower, you know, I would never be in there with a full. I would never be in there with a full bladder. I thought you always pee to the shower. I do not. You know why? Because I'm the one that has to work on the pipes. Oh, and you know that it makes them stink. Well, if you have like a hair trap, but you know, all the pipes, they go to the same pipe. It's the same sewage pipe. Yes, I'm aware. I know that. Even the sink does. But I'm not peeing in the sink. I really thought you peed in the shower. Well, I'm saying, though, if you're in the shower and you don't have like a full bladder, let's say, a tinkle, tinkle, I think a toilet takes about a gallon and a half to flush and an average shower takes about 20 gallons of water. So it's going down the same pipe. It gets to the same sewage pipe and you're using soap, shampoo. It's going to make your shower, the tiles stink. If you have like a hair trap, then that's another story. Are we disagreeing, though? It sounded like you don't pee in the shower. So I said nay, don't you say nay? Well, I mean, it could be like water conservation. And you probably heard that if you peed in the shower, it's good for like athlete's foot. What the segment? Because it's like hostels towards fungus. Only men get athlete's foot. So I don't worry about that. You ever hear about peeing on a jellyfish? Yes. Now, that's fine. That's cool. You know, that's an urban myth. And I pee on someone if they had a golden shower type of fetish. Did you know suck in the venom out of a snake bite? That's also a total urban myth. Really? That doesn't see you. I've been lying to you the whole. The jellyfish thing doesn't work. No. People are going to help pee on each other. Somebody had like a peeing fetish. They had a golden shower fetish. And you got stung and they were whipping it out and they were giving you a golden shower. Oh my God. So are you serious? It's totally false. Wow. OK. Wow. And you can't suck the venom out of a snake bite. OK. So if I get a snake bite on my cock. I'll suck it out anyway. You'll suck it out anyway. Yeah, I'll suck it all. I like that. We've been lied to our whole life. I know. That's why I'm so dumb. All I'm saying, if I got a full bladder, I'm going to pee before I get in the shower. But if I'm in the shower and I feel like I got a little bit, then I'm not getting out of the shower soaking wet. Why can't you just hold it like the rest of us? Because I'm a Neanderthal. That's why are your knuckles dragging on the ground? And what does this have to do with whatever it was we were just talking about? I already have anything to do with anything. It's just a polarizing issue. I was just you just got a polarizing mind. Last main thought, if you're hosting a couple, if you're hosting a party at your house, you need to make sure you don't have nosy neighbors. I wish we could host parties at our house. I know we can't. We have young children. There's just no way we can do that. But damn, we would love. It sounds fun. It does. It sounds so taboo. It sounds really. We don't personally have nosy neighbors, so it might have worked for us. But yeah, I would have. But yeah, you got to be careful. Neighbors could be the death of you. You know, that's true, because I think there were some podcasters that got outed and it was neighbors. Yeah, because neighbors can be kind of they're either good or they're either bad. I think it was one of those podcasters that we don't really like. That's how they got it. And there's only one because we like all of them. They're all really lovely people because they weren't nice to us when we were on our way up. And another podcast friend of ours said the same thing about them. I'll give you a hint. I think they're in their 70s. Yeah, maybe late 60s. All the other ones we've met have been so, so super kind and nice. So they're kind of like old man yelling at clouds. Get off my lawn, podcaster. And the very, very last bit of advice, how to be discreet, how not to get caught. Deny, deny, deny. Yeah, it's not just a river in Egypt. Denial is everything. It is true. They can't prove anything. You'll find that in life, most people, if you just deny, they'll probably buy into it. Yeah. Even if your foot is nailed to the floor, start running in circles. All you got to do is just come up with a story and just stick to it. Well, that's our story. We're sticking to it. Let's get the hell out of here. All right. Boutch, bap, bap. So if you liked what you heard, go ahead and either subscribe or I didn't know how that works. Just come and listen. We might post once a week. We might post a couple of times a month. I don't know. We might get bored and stop doing it. So you better come and listen while it's still going. Otherwise, we'll lose interest. Tell us how much you like it. Yeah, that kind of thing. Leave a comment. That'd be cool. We love it. Where can they leave a comment? I don't know. Maybe we'll also comment. We don't have a website yet. OK.