Episode 359: The Way We Date Isn’t Working

thanks for tuning in to becoming something where we promise to keep the conversation honest and real for young adults in their 20s and 30s every moment we live is training for a future moment and that's why we do this podcast because we want you to be prepared for everything that life is going to throw at you. Our hope with this podcast is that it would help you become all that God desires you to be. So with that in mind, let's jump right in to this week's episode of Becoming Something. What's up, Podcast World? It's your boy JP in the podcast studio with Nate. What's up, jp nathan and is nathan nathan nathan todd hilton yeah not nathaniel and katherine katherine ryn you are the trendiest of all trendy ryn k-h-r-y-n with a k oh katherine everybody has an aunt katherine okay nope just an aunt kathy just y'all call her aunt kathy from here on out i have an aunt kathy i know what trend is this how'd you cop that you're talking about this jacket so if you're not watching i saw you you wore it at passion jp is wearing an unusual hat, head covering. While you were at Passion, I was trying to figure out, is it Child of God, or what's the COG thing? No, it's just like a Nike thing. ACG. Oh, are you being serious? Yeah. Yeah, it's just a Nike logo. Do you know your lips? I thought it was COG. No. Okay. It's like C-O-G. And it's in Nike? Oh my gosh. Look at me, the OG. I'm so sorry. You were wearing a police officer. That's why he's wearing that. Yeah, to cover up the grave. Police officer's hat. Oh my gosh. Can you tell the audience why you're wearing this? Because he's selfish. That's why. Wow. That was interesting. Yeah. So we, on staff, we will arrest people. You can get arrested. I've yet to get arrested. If you get arrested, then you have to arrest somebody. And so this morning I got arrested for not putting up my chair, which is a great reminder for servant leadership. Although my very pregnant assistant said that's because he puts up my chair. But I don't know. I think she was just covering for me because I'm like, I can't remember that. I remember the last time I did that. I don't really see you do that. I heard that. I'm like, wow, this is very sad. That's okay. He picks up for the pregnant lady and is getting in trouble. It's all right. So anyway, so I'm wearing a police officer. When is it illegal to impersonate an officer? Because you can dress up as a police officer. What if you get arrested for being arrested? I know, man. We have a police officer out in the office right now. That would be a bummer if he got arrested. Wow, you would hate to have to take over for him. Was that your plan all along? Lucas, you are his boss. I've been playing the long game. So you're like, hey, I've got an idea of who you can arrest. I don't know, man. Let's get everybody to vote on these boots you got on, man. Yeah, what did you call them? Special. They are special. They are special. They're Levi's. Are they really? Yes. There we go. There we go. I love to rep California. You have gotten really trendy with your dressing. So I think when you wear something from before, you know. I'm trying. I'm leading the best young adult ministry in the country. The best. Let's talk about the best and being the best. Yeah, last week, JP's like, we shall be the best. And Kathy's like, I disagree. I disagree. Okay, let's just strive for mediocrity. No, the best that God created us to be, but not in competition with others. He's like, hey, I gave you two talents, and you gave me one in return. That's not what I said But that's fine That's good enough Do we have like a question for you? Hey, any tea from last night? Wow, I had the best day yesterday I got to spend seven and a half hours With JP's daughter, Presley She was just trying to disciple Kathy up, man Honestly, I was like I really did I was like, give me some parenting I was like, hey, she's going I just need you to Would you just go and observe her? Yeah And just see Did it feel like the principal Was in the back of the room? Totally, I was like I better not say anything crazy on stage She got home last night She was like, dad, it was so much fun. I was sleeping. She woke me up. I'm so sorry about that. I was sleeping because I'm elderly. And she woke me up and was like, anyways, she said, you're the best and a bunch of kind things. I was like, man. But like, what's the tea on JP? Oh, she is the ultimate hype girl for sure. She is the ultimate hype girl. No, it was cool. I was like asking her all these things about what it was like being, yeah, growing up with you as a dad. And she had only great things to say. It was awesome. Does she like remember the porridge? Shirley. I mean, she's not that. Oh, yeah. They remember launch. They like love launch retreat. They always talk about it. That's so fun. All right. Can we listen to a caller? We got something from a caller. Hey, JP, Kathy, and what's the other guy's name? Oh, yeah. Nate. Hey, guys. This is Sarah from Hickory, North Carolina. I'm 32 and single as a Pringle. So here's my question. Everybody I've talked to says, oh, you will just know. Right? At what point are you supposed to just know, right? Like, can we change the narrative a little bit instead of, like, going on a date and thinking, can I spend the rest of my life with this person? Can I fall in love with this person? Can we just think, what does this person add to my life? Is that an okay way to date? Like, date them until you hate them? Is that a good philosophy? Tell me what you think about that. Is it okay that you don't go home that night? go home and think like wow that person brought some joy to my life you know what do you think about that thanks so much man it sounded like you edited out like she was like is it okay that you go home that night and yeah i know it's what i just i i bleeped that out oh man sarah we like you tell you sarah how old was she 32 and where does she live hickory north carolina hickory north Carolina dudes if you're around 32 years of age call us say roughly anywhere between 30 and 35 and you're in Hickory North Carolina and you hear this you might interpret that as a sign from God that we found your wife wow I'm not saying it is call us 254-218-3784 the number if you're wondering how Sarah asked her question and I'll give her 254-218-3784 I'll give her number out to whoever asked. We'll bring you both here. If you're listening and you're in Hickory, North Carolina and you're between the ages of 30 and 35 and you want to marry Sarah, we're going to give you both free tickets to BISO. BISO Live, that just happened. That's the kind of stuff we do here. Wow, changing lives. That's amazing. How do you know when you know? You know because podcasts. People have gotten married that met at BISO Live before. I have arranged a marriage. That have been on the podcast before. Totally. They called me and JP. I always wanted to be the love kings. All of them are still married, too. The love kings. What am I? You weren't here for a while. Oh, my God. Always breaking that up. Okay. You got pregnant with that guy. Why do people say single as a Pringle when Pringles are in a can with lots of them? Is it just because it rhymes and it's fun to say? You never see a Pringle by itself. That's true. No. You never eat just one. Date them till you hate them. Yeah. Man. Hopefully. I have so many thoughts on this. Don't hate them. This is the thing I feel like I say all the time. So here's what's weird about you is you're like Mr. Romantic and also not romantic at all. You're like, if they breathe and they're ugly, but they're a Christian and you don't like anything the same. But if she can cook. Oh, I've never said that. You crazy talk. See, I've never said that. I guess that's true because Monica doesn't really cook. Exactly. But you're just like, but you're romantic, but you're like, date anybody. No. And marry them immediately. Guys, there's so much deconstruction that has to happen on this topic. Because you've got to think, okay, what? For the vast majority of history, people are meeting at the altar. So it's like, I'm telling you, we are so far from where God intended. We've been so brainwashed by the world. How do we know God intended it that way? Intended it what way? Because he gave us 66 books. And that's the only example we have in them. But do they prescribe arranged marriages? There's a lot of wacky examples in the Bible about marriage. You think God intended this? Yeah. Intended what? For arranged marriages. You just said everyone had the altar. 100%. There were a lot of marriage examples in the Bible that were not good. Wait, wait, wait. Concubines, multiple wives. For sure. So how do we know that arranged marriage was the one that he was saying this is it? It depends on what you mean by arranged marriage. Okay. Meeting at the altar. But I think like Song of Solomon 1 verse 4 says, their friends and family praise their love more than one, meaning more than the party, that everyone around them was in agreement that they came together. It says what God has brought together, let man not separate. Now, if I was arguing with myself, I'd say, but it says he who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. But I would say yeah but like Abraham when he was looking for a wife for his son sent his servant Eleazar out to find a wife for her And so where did he go He went where servants hung out He went where, meaning people with servants' hearts. He went to the well, and so he found Rebekah, right? This is the example we have over and over and over and over in Scripture. And in fact, when you have like a Jacob, when you have someone who saw her and found her incredibly physically attractive, Rachel, right, it doesn't go well. Like that's where all the things people will say, well, what about Jacob? You know, he was peacocking, took off the lid of the well and was showing how strong he was and trying to impress her. And I'm like, yeah. And then he married her sister. Like what in the world? And so I think That you take any dude And you take any guy Any girl Any male Any female And they're the only two left on the deserted island Guess what's going to happen They're going to Human creation Humanity Is going to continue They're going to figure out a way Okay So I'm not saying that's the way it should be, but like, let's just start one-on-one. Let's start with that mindset. Like, okay, start with that mindset. Any dude, any woman, like God has a design in this that as a society we've moved so far from. Okay, so where do feelings play a role in it? Absolutely. God made us to have feelings. Does physical attraction play a role in it? Yes. There, you heard me. If you're like a, you know, Jonathan Hader out there, I want you to hear me say plainly, yes physical attraction plays a role it does not however play the role we want it to play which is like this first place it's ultimate it's authority it's the most important thing because in the way that the the argument progresses i say what if you're in a marriage and you're no longer physically attracted to them should you leave people go well no because now you're married now you're married So no. And I'm like, man, you're going to the physical attraction is going to ebb and flow in seasons. You're going to find something else to be attracted to. That's what they'll say. Well, you're attracted to other things. What? What are you attracted to? Their character. Sure. Their heart, their love for God, their character, all of these intangible things. Well, what if those are most important? What if that's so much more important than chemistry or physical attraction? And so what does it look like to pray for that? so to Sarah from Hickory North Carolina that's the name of the town? I think so, Hickory I would say you gotta know what you're looking for that's how you know you found it I've said that I feel like I say this all the time I'm not frustrated at Sarah you want to know what you're looking for and that's the only way you know when you found anything if you're looking for an Easter egg you know it looks like an egg, you know. No one picks up a soccer ball and says, oh, look, I found an Easter egg. You know, if you're at the grocery store searching for milk, you're gonna know that you want 2%, you know, whole milk or organic with the blue lid. And it's like when you see that, then you found it. And so if you're searching for a husband, you wanna know what you want that husband to be. And then so then when you found that, you're like, I've found it. And it's like, I want him to love the Lord, you know, his God with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength. I want him to be an example of a believer in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity. I want him to, and you take these biblical ideas and you're looking for that. And then when you found that, you're like, I've found it. And then, so what if you go home and you're like, but I don't have all the butterflies and everything. I'm like, dude, that's where Hollywood duped you, man. Guys, nearly 900 people have signed up for Be So Live coming up, coming fast, which means there's only a few tickets left. April 24th, 25th in Waco, Texas. We got a lot of questions recently. Hey, can I come alone? Is that weird? There's all sorts of people coming alone. You're about to make some friends. You're about to make friends. Black-along friends. Like people who were going to be in your wedding. That's true. Yes. We've had people come, and now they vacation together every year. They're from all over the country. And it's like their reunion. We love what we do. It's the greatest thing. And we want to meet you. We can't wait to meet you guys. So let's hang out. That's what Be So Live is. You guys come. You tell us what to talk about. And we want to hang out with you. BecomingSomething.com. don't want to sign up for it like like i've talked to young adults similar to what she's saying where it's like you get done with the date now it's like how was it and they're like it was it was fine like it wasn't some of that is because of all of the um options that we have yeah like with dating apps and matchmaking services and and social media so like back in the day again there has to be deconstruction here like for for the majority of history even after dating dating didn't happen And like the word was not invented until around the invention of the automobile. And the first time that the word date shows up, it's on a radio talk show. And it's a euphemism for prostitution. He said, my ex-wife took dates. It's the first time that word's ever been spoken or used in that way. She took dates, which meant she was sleeping with men in exchange for an experience. That's the way that the word was used. In America in the 1800s? Yeah, in America. What did they do? You didn't have a girlfriend? No, you would go and you would meet with someone's father. And you would say, hey, I'm interested in your daughter. And then you would spend time in the house with the family. So like all of this, I want to see how they are one-on-one. Like for the vast majority of history, you didn't do that until you were married to them. Like you can argue with me all day long, but I'm like spitting. facts right now. I like him. For most of history, for most of history, the vast majority of history, you got no one-on-one time with them until you were wedded to them. But how would you know? It wasn't even acceptable, societally acceptable to be one-on-one with them. I feel like divorce rates would be sky high then. Yeah, divorce rates were the low. Like, divorce rates didn't go sky high until you had no-fault divorce in the 60s with the invention of the birth control pill. Like, until that, like divorce rates were really low now listen to to my critics they would say yeah but you won't know that marriages were happy and i would say sure well we don't know i mean i i i can't go back and like interview a bunch of people from the past to understand where their marriage satisfaction rates were but i know today where they're at you know we can look at divorce rates today we can look at marriage satisfaction rates today and the reality is really high divorce rates really low yeah it's not it's it's as high it's almost as high as it's ever been it declined a little bit as as marriage rates declined people are getting married later and they're getting married less right now more so than ever and so i'm like we're doing something wrong and i think what we're doing wrong is everything that's feeding our expectations and so when you go in like when you go into running a marathon you expect it to be hard so then when it's hard you're like, don't quit, don't quit, don't quit, don't quit, don't quit. I think a lot of people, when they go into a relationship, they expect it to be easy. They expect it to, I'm going to have all the feels, all the butterflies. I'm going to go home and, and I'm just going to think he hung the moon and I can't, you know, and I'm going to, and so then when you don't, when you're, those expectations aren't met, you go, what's wrong with me or what's wrong with them, or this must not be right. And I'm like, man, you are relying way too much on feelings. I'm not saying feelings don't have a place, but they're not first place. Everything in society, everything in Hollywood has told us to put feelings as first place. Here's the problem with that. Hollywood has some of the highest divorce rates in all of the country, and they get to tell us how to do something that they're really bad at it. That's a problem. That's good. That's what I'm saying. That's a problem. So you got to go back to, okay, what is God's ideal? Like unlearn some things, unlearn the notebook, unlearn, you know, how to lose a guy in 10 days, unlearn the summer I turned pretty. What? Kathy's Hallmark movies Call me out No Yeah, whatever Unlearn all of the things you learn from Hollywood Get in the word And say, alright, what is God's ideal here? And it's God's ideal that if you desire marriage And if you don't, you don't have to get married But if you desire marriage It's God's ideal that you would find somebody Who loves him with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength And that you guys would partner in life That you would come together and be partners for life In life, for life and that you would have children and you'd raise those children to know him. Or you would disciple other people's children. You'd be amazing aunts and uncles to those people. And you would just be a family unit and you would show the world what it looks like when two people sacrificially and selflessly love each other. Like that's God's ideal. And we're like, well, how did they make me feel? And we get stuck at that question. But you know what's terrifying? A life where you just think the person that you're stuck with the rest of your life is like, fine like you come home from work and you like oh i don she just like i didn finish i didn finish what I was saying I got distracted But I going to come back to that full circle But like for even if we're talking about modern history, like you would marry someone within five mile radius to you. Do you know why? You didn't have other options. It's like if you want marriage, you got to look at your neighbor to your left or your neighbor to your right. Like that was like, think about the, like, if you've ever seen a Western where they're walking for days and days and days to get to a place where they may go to town, I'm saying in air quotes, they may go to town once a year, you know, and then they go back to their little homestead. Right. And so I'm not saying that that's the way it has to be, but you do need to understand that's the way it was for much of history. And so now we have so many options that those options feed our discontentment, that we're constantly go, this is the enemy of settling down. What if someone better comes along? What if someone better comes along? So it's FOMO, fear of missing out or fear of a better option. And we get stuck there. It's like, what if someone better comes along? And then all of a sudden you're not 35, you're 45 and then you're 55. and you're like, man, lots of great people. And so what I would say to single people, if you desire marriage, look around you and find the best option that you have. Now, don't settle for less than someone loving God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. But if you've got multiple people around you who love the Lord your God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, and that's gonna be fun. Like you can have fun with just about anyone of the opposite sex who loves the Lord your God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. And as you guys come together And you hang out And you're selfless towards one another Your feelings for each other are going to grow Am I saying you should marry someone you don't have feelings for? No Am I saying you can grow feelings for anyone of the opposite sex Who loves God with other heart, soul, mind, and strength? Yes Those are different Am I saying you should marry somebody you don't have feelings for? No Am I saying you can grow feelings for anyone of the opposite sex Who loves God? Yes That's good I feel like I'm just told from people you know you get married and then it gets harder you're saying you can get married and actually like that person more and more i'm saying that's actually god's design and this goes into other things we've talked about the phenomenon sex glue and just when we experience intimacy with somebody like we bond to them the that's science that's the way god made us and so i'm saying that's actually god's design i mean do you love adelee more today than you did when you got married yeah yeah but think about it like now you've seen and now you like but you've seen a a a worse side of adelee i bet i've said i bet you've seen her at her worst moments her lowest moments you you've seen her when she's not what by the world standards physically attractive and and yet it's more it's more seared you know you've made it through that and you're like no but now i know her more and i It's just different. Like early on, it's just like, it's the butterflies. It's the nerves. It's all I'm thinking about. It's like puppy love. Yeah. It's like she sends me a text and it's like, oh my goodness. But it was so overwhelming. There's no way I could have lived like that forever. What I told Adelaide recently was like, man, I am so grateful that you are submitted to the Holy Spirit because you are a better person now. You're a more holy person now than when we were dating. Because she's only grown in Christ, which means her character has grown, her selflessness has grown. Which only makes marriage better. Like if she was not submitted to the Lord, marriage would be so hard. If you're not married to a believer, it would be so hard. We really have messed this up because we think. We really have messed this up. That's what I'm feeling right now. I'm so frustrated. I think we honestly, there are single people who would prefer a fun, really exciting marriage with this guy they have a lot in common with, but who doesn't love God. And I'm like, that's going to make a more miserable marriage than someone. It's also impossible for it to always be that way. Totally. Yeah. It doesn't need to be boring every single day. But like, guys, like this is this is the punchline. This is the end all be all like this is what I want you to hear. Your feelings will mislead you. And as evidence, look, look at every person you felt really strongly for that. It didn't work out with. Yeah. Your feelings will mislead you. So you have to have something else that you're relying on. And I think everybody's hoping, well, I'm going to, I want to have all of the feelings and all of the other stuff. And I would say, make sure all the other stuff is first. And then the feelings are great, but make sure that you're conditioning your heart and your mind. You're teaching yourself to look for someone who loves God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. Because listen, like there's people that would be an incredible spouse to you, but they may not be the most physically attractive person. I mean, who knows what they've gone through? It's like we have to take the beauty standards that we have elevated so highly in our world and conform them to the image and the character of Jesus Christ and what the scripture teaches us and retrain our brains to know what to look for. Like there's so much I could say here. I'll get in trouble. Why are you frustrated? Well, because I'm, I'm like trying to think of how to word questions without, you know, saying stuff. But like, I think potentially what I've seen in our young adult ministry, just young adults I've been around, I've heard, I'll be like, so-and-so is single. They love God. So-and-so is single. They love God. They're of the opposite sex and they're good friends. Why is this not happening? and what I'm hearing is that potentially people have been friend zoned or they don't want to make the the friendship worse or mess up the friendship or they're I don't know but I feel like I hear that a lot and I'm like chances are if you're really good friends with this person and they love God like that sounds like a pretty good marriage but I think deep down some of the guys are still just thinking about beauty standards that they've had in their head since who knows what and I just feel like they're missing out on incredible marriages and incredible wives and incredible moms because i don't know what so that's sarah's out here rage baiting us it's just you've only got one shot though so like you want to get it right yeah that that that mindset i mean you do want to get it right but you've got to redefine what right is yeah you know and it's just like i mean i think about when i was in the hospital i had these like tubes coming out of my neck still have scars from them and like people couldn't even look at me like it was like people who love me were like man that was so gross all the while monica is coming close to me to care for me is she physically attracted to me i mean evidently i'm gross like there's something gross about me right there's someone out there like that's their lot like that's their situation there's something about them that, you know, the vast majority of the world is going to say, oh man, that's gross. And you say, but yeah, but somebody is going to think that's beautiful. It's like, I don't know that somebody is going to think that's beautiful. I think that somebody is going to think their heart is beautiful and their character is beautiful and there's something amazing about them and they're going to win. Like they're going to win the prize. And that's why I think there's a lot of people chasing the wrong prize. Like they're looking for the wrong things and they're going to get the prize that they chased and sometimes it's going to be wrong and i get it like i mean and you can say that there's exceptions and beauty is in the eye of the beholder and whatnot but here's the deal i spend a lot of time with 23 year old guys and it's real interesting that all of those 23 year old guys are looking for just about the same exact thing it's real narrow it's real narrow who they're looking for and and i'm i'm telling you in in looking for that really narrow person that supermodel that loves mission trips, you know, you're missing out on some amazing godly women who would be incredible wives. That's the issue. That is it. Okay. I want to go back to something that Sarah said in her question. She was saying like, how, how long do you keep going on dates with someone? So what are the reasons to like end the dates? You're dating with someone. What are you doing on a date? You're trying to determine if they are who you think they are. Are they, I love 1 Timothy 4.12, are they an example of a believer in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity? It's like you're interviewing for a job. And so it's like if I'm interviewing someone for our social media guys back here, Ethan, if I'm interviewing someone for our social media position, what am I looking for? I'm looking for someone who understands, you know, different aspects of social media. They know how to navigate. They know how to edit videos. They know how to edit pictures. They know how to add word treatments to pictures. They know how to write a caption. So there's qualities and qualifications that I'm looking for as I interview someone for that position. Well you are as a female interviewing someone for the position of a husband and a father to your children So you better know you better have a death grip on what qualities you want that guy to have as a husband and a father to your children And so you are spending enough time with them to make sure that they have those qualifications. And just likewise, when we interviewed Ethan, I want to make sure he's not, you know, pulling the wool over my eyes. I want to make sure that he's not tricking me, that he's not just pretending to be someone that he's not in that interview. Well, likewise, when you're interviewing them for the position of a husband and a father to your children, you want to make sure that they're not just being charming because charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting. But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31 30 says. So you're trying to figure out that they're actually that person. Well, once you confirm that they are an example of a believer in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, they're the real deal they're sincere they're true they're honest they're authentic then you commit and you move down the road if you figure out that they're not then you're like oh man i'm so sorry i wasted your time i'm so sorry i wasted my time this isn't going somewhere i've got to go find that example of a believer in speech conduct love faith and purity it's that simple like it is not more complicated than that it is truly just that people say it can't be that easy it is that easy That's exactly what it is. That's what you're trying to do. But you got to be that person first. I'll say it breaks down. If you're not that, then you can't find that. You got to be the someone the someone you're looking for is looking for. Or you got to become the someone the someone you're looking for is looking for. I am empathetic to guys, though. I feel like you're just like, you stupid guy, stop looking for the pretty girl. And I'm like, no, I don't think it's wrong. Did you say I am a pathetic guy, though? Did I mess up I'm empathetic Did you go I am a pathetic guy though Cause you guys also have very beautiful wives So it I feel like One is more beautiful than the other Oh wait I feel like this is hard for me Because I didn't do any of this when I was dating Matt I was totally caught feeling so fast You know like I wasn't I mean I evaluated at some point But I was young dumb and in love But think about today You called in sick this morning Took a personal day off Because your daughter's sick And then you're like hey I'm going to come in and record the podcast And I'm going to hand off my sick daughter To my husband Who didn't look that sick So it's just like That's the stuff you're interviewing for And you're not thinking about that as a 20 something That's what I would say is hard As a married person Is knowing who the amazing wives Are going to be in the young adult ministry I can see it And I've just been with JP so many times. And that's why you've got to have an arranged marriage. But it's an arranged, like a 2026 arranged. Like that's where the people around you are coming to say, hey, don't sleep on her. I've just been with JP where he's talking to a young adult guy. He's like, just trust me. And they don't. She's going to be awesome. She's got everything you're looking for. And then it's kind of like, well, whatever. Because when you're married, you've been through the burying one of your parents through sickness, through health, through job loss all that stuff and it doesn't matter if she's attractive and an arrogant and you've said this before, our bodies are only getting uglier I guess I get it oh wow oh wow I guess I get it now you're so hesitant no Kathy this will make sense, stop talking because I would say my attraction to Matt has only grown that's because Matt's only become more and more fit they talk about their marriage and life group and I'm like yeah the last week we were nine and they're like why aren't you a ten and I'm like because they all don't let us say we're a ten we have the best marriage what I'm saying is like yeah the like attraction as a father the like staying up with sick kids building our kids a tree house all these amazing things that he does And it's like the physical attraction has grown to or sustained or something, you know, if if you if you bought into the world's system, then who would have the best marriage? Oh, celebrity model. Yeah. Like the most beautiful people. Yeah. Yeah. By the world standards. So like, yeah, the fitness models that find each other. But that's not usually the worst. Yeah. Not usually the case. Why? because a lot of times when you're beautiful by the world standards, not always, not always, but a lot of times, you are so because you've put a lot of effort into being so. You've thought about it a lot. You blew my mind one time. You care about it. You're selfish, and selfish people make miserable spouses. Write it down. Tweet it out. Post it. Make the meme. Selfish people make miserable spouses. I mean, miserable. Miserable. It would just be awful in every area. You said I blew your mind one day. Well, yeah, you, I don't, I mean. He's like, tell him how I blew your mind. I don't even know. Well, I don't know if, it was about raising daughters. You're like, man, I prayed that my daughters would be. Oh, yeah. Basically like not attractive until they're like 18, 21, whatever. I'm like, what are you talking about? He's like, it will mess them up. That's right. It's going to mess them up. I'm like, wow, I've never thought about that before. because it does if you are you're just handing the world on a silver platter it totally messes you up yeah absolutely yeah be someone who loves jesus find someone who loves jesus that's good and when you found someone who loves jesus that's how you know it's not when you know when you know it's like you know when you found what you were looking for because you knew what you were looking for and so then when you found it you knew you found it because that's what you were looking for that's how you know you know that you've heard this the like analogy the the silly game of like what's your cake no no is this what mom's playing because i think no no no it's like the cake is the things the non-negotiables that you're looking for in a spouse the icing is like me and that would be really important i don't even think he is married well okay but it was a fun game to play and and the icing is like what makes the taste taste really good and it would be kind of not as good without it. And the sprinkles are just for fun. And it's a fun way of being like, what are you looking for? So last night on this drive with your daughter, I'm like, we're killing so much time. So I was like, what's your cake? Oh man, you better not have asked her that. Can I tell you what her answers were? Like, without missing a beat, someone who loves Jesus, someone who's healed and whole. And I'm like, wait, unpack that for me. Like the way that she answered those questions, I'm like, you have not been discipled by the world. You've been discipled by, yeah, by Monica, by JP, by God's standards. I don't know. I just feel like you should be proud of that. She wouldn't be on that. We'll see if she answers. We'll see if she answers. I was trying to brag on her. She's bummed she missed out the other day we called and had the other one. She's still sleeping. Oh, yeah. I wish I was still sleeping. Sorry. Man, do you remember the good old days when you could just wake up whenever? Yeah. Wow. Like in college on Saturday, I just sleep till noon. but never once did she say anything about like attraction, even on the sprinkles. It wasn't like, I want them to be like, look like this or do this. I just don't know how you, I don't know. I do not evaluate. We'll pray. We'll pray. That's true. And, and I, I mean, I did, I get it. Like, you know, you know what, like our feelings will betray us, man. That's the thing is like this thing that we have made ultimate is the thing that is the most manipulative and betray. Like it just betrays us. So you've got to have something else. And it's like, yes, like I want Monica to feel loved and cherished today. And I love her and I'm crazy about her. But it is very different than when I didn't know her and I just saw her from afar. And, you know, it's the puppy love kind of stuff. Like that stuff fades, man. You've got to have something more real, more concrete. Yeah. So good. Hope this conversation is helpful. Single not like a Pringle. Yeah. We'll see you guys next week. Bye. Thanks for tuning in to Becoming Something, where we promise to keep the conversation honest and real for young adults in their 20s and 30s. Every moment we live is training for a future moment. And that's why we do this podcast, because we want you to be prepared for everything that life is going to throw at you. Our hope with this podcast is that it would help you become all that God desires you to be. To find out more, visit BecomingSomething.com. you