This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human. Hit that intro, go! Laugh with me! When the rents pass due and the car won't start. Laugh with me! When the only sponsor is my broken heart. We're hanging on this janky stream. Two weird voices in the glow of a screen as the world won't sing. To let it laugh with me! I'm gonna have a brand new theme song for Laugh with Me from the Pepper Spray Singers. Good work on that one, Johnny! Good work on that one! Getting the band together. Putting together a banger. Welcome, it's a brand new episode. This is Laugh with Me a podcast with Jeremy Odom, and I'm your home! Mike Check. Laugh at that part we love. Flickering sign in the hallway Stickers on the door say try Jeremy pacing in circles Jokes scribbled over last week's rent Johnny at the board half smile This is gonna pay that friend. Coffee stain on a thrift store Tea punch, lines in a spiral No book, bus ride Broke off the road I'm gonna have a brand new theme song For Laugh with Me a brand new theme song For Laugh with Me a book, bus ride Broken earbuds practicing bits To a bus full of strangers Small stage Tuesday midnight Seven people to drink Minimal one guy scrolling his phone One couple already leaving Jeremy bombs burns Breathe forgets it closer Stares at his shoes But that one woman in the back Laugh so hard she can't move Laugh with me Laugh with me Laugh with me When the joke falls flat And the room goes cold A fantastic episode for ya Full of fact Full of fiction I'm gonna let you guys decide Which is which That's not really neither here nor there for me I'm gonna put it out there And I'm gonna let the rascals Of Laugh with Me decide What they wanna believe here But it's gonna be good for me either way It's always good to get Get some Tension off your throat Get some tension off your Off your shoulders right I was gonna say off your chest But that's probably signs of a heart attack Johnny we sure as shit don't want that huh Who knows Maybe this will be our Emmy episode Who knows You know if a Golden Globe episode that's what it is I guess the Emmys aren't recognizing podcasts yet But the globes are This just may very well be Our Golden Globe episode Who knows who knows which one is gonna be the one That's Not really up to me But Johnny I know you'll be the one producing it And that's That's what matters most Welcome to Laugh with Me If you're unfamiliar with what we do here I mean this is your first time listening And I know for some this is gonna be We have been gaining Quite the audience here as of late And if you are new To the show I mean it's We're authentic baby we put The real life out there And we try to find the humor With it And that's what Laugh with Me Is all about Now we could Laugh at me You could be saying that fool What's his problem You can't say that about your boss Look at that fool And you have all Rights to do that as well To Laugh at me but Isn't it just more fun to Laugh with I sure think so Johnny sure thinks so That's producer Johnny Palermo on the ones and twos Brother you just had a birthday I just I want to put that out there happy birthday Johnny He doesn't just It was April 4th he doesn't just have A birthday though He has famously had a Birthday month so we are In the midst of it right now April is Johnny Palermo's Birthday month Happy birthday brother Well we're going to get right Into it today the Ballad of Steven The boss that is the boss That was he's he's my boss At the day job okay And you know I I'd say before we even really get Into it let's just Rewind here a couple of episodes Ago I told a story About My boss Wanting me even though I had Approved day off Even though I had an approved day off for Health reasons to get the Blood transfusion frankly And everybody was Aware of it and it was weeks in advance planned We got to the day before And he's just like man I really could use you Coming into work not not because We had people call out and just That's the only way we can keep the lights on And things like that no this was strictly Because he just would have felt More comfortable if I was there Because there was possibly A chance that some folks From the corporate office were going to be Walking not just my store But some other stores in the area And you know it's obviously you just want The best of the best in your Store when that happens and that And that makes a lot of sense I frankly Would want to have been in the store If this potential Walk was going to happen here's the thing I can't just be like you know what I'm not going to get my Blood that I very much need In order to make it to work All the other days Because you can't just reschedule That like that also They sprung the walk on us With a day or two ahead so it's Not like you know We've known about it for a month or something It's like dammit Jeremy couldn't you reschedule That for another day it's not really my problem My problem is making sure I'm healthy enough So I can show up to work that's my problem Either way he wanted me there And dammit I wasn't going and that's That's for damn sure That's for damn sure Johnny That's some bullshit If I've ever heard one I cannot Imagine telling somebody that Come on in man Hopefully you're feeling good enough If not I mean what do you want me to do They ended up not walking by the way They ended up not walking the store so I would have dragged my Happy ass into the store and For what? And they actually The store looked great I mean the team did a really good job And everybody knew alright let's be ready You know the song and dance and getting ready For corporate walkers and that's That's exactly what it was just a big song and dance situation And we got it figured out It was all good Anyway that was a couple weeks ago We talked about that And I said you know we'll get into it later We'll get into who this fella is And man this guy is something special This is a guy I knew of Long before him and I Either worked at this At this company no we worked at another company A grocery chain years ago We didn't work together But we were in similar positions at one point Before I went on to run stores Then he must have left I had no idea I didn't really know him I just knew of him Then Here we are we meet up I'm running the store And then he comes in as my new boss The district manager And let me just tell you it's been less Than a year working with the fella and it has Been nothing But frustrations Frankly But he's very consistent He's very consistent In these things so that's Fun because you can start to get a read on a guy It's not like he's you know wild card I'd rather have the consistency Consistently bad Than the wild card bad Because then you just never know What's coming your way Consistency at least is something you can count on Right? At least you know where it's at Well today we're going to get to know him a little bit He's certainly not going to be a guest on the pot I mean in fact I'd keep an eye out on the next A laugh with me Bandlist I have a feeling His name may come up Which we all know what that means That means You get to become a character on the pot So we are definitely looking for the potential That I'm not announcing anything Here right now I'm just saying the potential Is there For Mr. Stephen to become A future character After joining a band list We'll see I think he's in the running We'll just have to see what the audience reaction is to this one But we're going to get to know Stephen here just a little bit Who is he? Who exactly is the district manager named Steve Theodore Wagner? Well Steve He's just one of those guys He's always got to tell you how long he's been doing this He's been doing it for a good 20 years 20 years of what Steve? That's what I always ask 20 years of what? A 49 contact Sending group texts, forwarding emails He's got a lot of jobs Everywhere he's worked before something terrible has happened Have you heard of people like this before? At one place the CEO didn't like him One His heart wasn't in it One mysteriously Happened to turn into a spirit Halloween How did that happen? How does it just randomly Turn into a spirit Halloween? He probably didn't show it up What's going on here, Freddie? And somehow on the resume That translated into you know what Let's put this guy in front Well, gas stations are put him in charge Nothing says leadership like a man Who's previous employers all sound like unsolved crimes I mean because I'm still questioning a few of those I have some insight on the first one But I have got I've got some questions about About those last two I will give credit to Steve on this one He does walk into a store like he owns the place Not because he's confident But because I don't think he quite knows where he is He He's always got sunglasses on And he's holding an iPad that Probably has all the answers inside of it You ever see somebody carrying a tablet Like it's capable of serving customers and making pizza? Yeah, that's not possible Is this tablet And it's endless lists of checkpoints To cross off have the second cashier To jump on the register and clear this line I'm gonna tell you right now it doesn't Steven looks like a toddler gripping his tablet Because he's earned screen time Only a few more minutes Stevie baby Only a few more minutes and you can have your screen time Then he'll immediately start criticizing things Like why is there dust particles on the top of the fuel pumps? Outside I always want to throw that one in there Because Steve you cut labor so bad The cashier has been running the registers Stocking cigarettes, cleaning the bathroom And trying to stop a customer from microwaving Fish and the customer microwave That would smell so bad We don't have time for dirt outside of all places We barely have time for emotions When those emotions do come out They tend to get a little wild Steve loves to tell people he was a district manager before I mean he says it about every 10 minutes I was a district manager at my last company Oh yeah And I used to own a treadmill Neither one of us knows what we're doing now Thank you Johnny Johnny that actually Every time I sell a joke Please help me out here That wasn't a joke buddy The man manages from behind Not behind the scenes, no Not behind the counter either He's always behind Every problem is already on fire Before Steve even notices it You tell him hey Steve the coffee maker is leaking And Steve will say place a support call Two days later the coffee maker explodes Water everywhere And then the coffee maker is leaking water all over the store And Steve will call you like I heard there might have been a small issue with the coffee maker Yeah a small issue Steve That's why we had to explain to customers Why they needed to jump into the canoe Just to get a slice of pizza That's not good man That's just not good Steve's favorite phrase And I can't stress this enough I'll send help That phrase alone Should be embroidered on a pillow in his office I'll send help He says it every single Time Steve we've got one person working in the truck just got here Oh yeah I'll send help Steve the registers have crashed Oh cool I'll send help Steve there's a raccoon in the back room Eating chicken strips and hissing at the Pepsi guy Yeah I'll send help And then nothing No help ever comes At this point I'll send help Means the same thing as thoughts and prayers We once waited four hours For the help Steve promised Four hours That's not help anymore That's a hostage situation Then Steve calls back like Anybody ever show up No Steve nobody ever shows up Unless you count the raccoon he's actually running the register now He's employee of the month And that's the thing the beauty of a raccoon Now being employed at your store Is he doesn't require a paycheck or a vehicle to get to work Just the rabies vaccine A trash can to sleep in I like that little guy Steve is so disorganized It's unbelievable He carries around his little Tablet everywhere Not because he wants to write down useful things Because he thinks a tablet is what managers hold When they don't know what's happening He'll note everything though Fix ice machine Call maintenance Scheduling interview Find out why Morales low Steve Morales low because you're typing in Find out why Morales low while standing directly in front of us His tablet has never solved the problem His tablet is basically an edge of sketch With lower standards I think if you opened up the tablet Every page would just say Need to circle back Circle back to what Stephen You never got to the point in the first place Steve doesn't understand how the job works He says things like Can't you get the truck done in 20 minutes 20 minutes Stephen 20 minutes Stephen The truck's 1200 boxes Industry standard is 50 cases per hour This isn't fast in the Furious Gas Station edition I can tell you that Thank you Johnny Then he always says stuff like Why isn't the schedule done? Well because he changed the budget and expectation Six times since Tuesday He's scheduled people like throwing darts at a calendar Monday, two people, Tuesday, nobody Wednesday somehow There's not even a room for 11 people in the store It's no longer a gas station at that point Just a flash mob with cigarettes Steve will give instructions that just make no sense Jeremy, I need you to unload the truck Train the new employee, clean the bathroom Fix that coffee maker, stock the cooler And cover register And I'll say with who? He said you Okay Should I also perform a kidney transplant in I-04? I did play a doctor once in a sketch Steve talks like every problem can be solved With just working harder We just have to hustle We are hustling Steve The cashier moved so fast yesterday She clocked in on Monday and clocked out on Thursday I've seen it happen Steve's the kind of manager who only Repeats what corporate says Corporate sends an email that says Improve customer satisfaction Then Steve comes in like he invented customer service Team, we need to improve customer satisfaction Wow Incredible leadership What's next Steve? You're going to tell us water is wet and cigarettes are bad for your health Then somebody will ask how do we Improve customer satisfaction And Steve will say We need to think outside the box Well what box? Steve? The cigarette box? The donut box? The box that complaints we're sending you every six months Then corporate says Reduce the labor costs So Steve cuts hours Because nobody's there Then Steve's confused That's like throwing your steering wheel out the window And they're wondering why the car won't turn I will say About those customer service Or those customer satisfaction scores They do tend to go up and down Depending on the labor situation That's 100% a connection to it But here's the thing You want to really know what Steve's guidance to us was To do anonymous surveys To fill out the employees Do anonymous surveys That way we can get Because employees aren't supposed to fill out surveys And it'll flag us But if you do it anonymously We can get them good scores up That'll help, I'm right I got a feeling his bonus might be tied to those That's why they're so important I'm just guessing Mr. Stephen He loves conference calls He loves those meetings He doesn't know anything He'll stand in front of the whiteboard or on the phone And say, going forward, we need accountability Communication and execution That sounds less like a meeting And more like the world's worth superhero team Captain Accountability Communication boy And their sidekick execution man Who's only power is sending out an email at 4.55 on Friday Where nobody will read it Then somebody asks a real question Steve, how are we supposed to cover all these shifts? And Steve will say A question You know what? That's a great question, Steve If Steve needs 15 seconds To think of a way to leave That's what that means He'll just sit and pause That's a great question Anyway, I have another story to get to Another store Steve's always headed to another store I don't think there is another store I think it just drives her out listening to self-help audio books And avoiding responsibility I picture him in the company car park behind a Burger King Practicing corporate phrases in the mirror 100 days of summer Review the point Perm my last email Nobody's ever said perm my last email and been invited to a party That's gotta be true The craziest part Steve keeps getting promoted Every year he somehow falls upward And that's truly amazing Most of us make one mistake at work And we're apologizing for six months Steve could accidentally set a gas pump on fire And corporate would be like You know what, this guy has leadership potential Honestly Steven gives me hope Because if a man can survive entirely on buzzwords, tablets, and disappearing At the first sign of responsibility Then maybe any one of us can achieve our dreams Maybe next year I'll become a district manager Yeah, I don't know what that means either I'll just show up once a month Ask why the coffee maker's broken Promise help And vanish off into the sunset Oh man If you've enjoyed this episode Send it to somebody who's ever had a boss Whose main skill was looking concerned While doing absolutely nothing And then remember always If your manager says I'll send help Just start training that raccoon Oh The ballad of Steven That was fun Steven I'm gonna go That was fun Steven I'd say no offense, but man do I ever Do I ever Mean all the offense in the world, man I've had some bad bosses I really have Some that have frustrated me to the point of Having to take An anxiety medicine I've had people that have caused so much stress And that's maybe that's on me Maybe I need to figure out How to handle the stress just a little better Right? But that was the pin point Of starting right there I've had bosses like that But the difference is I believed in them And I trusted them and they knew what they were doing I don't deal well with stupid And uh Well I'll let you think about that one, Steven Thanks for listening This has been Laugh With Me a podcast with Jeremy Odom For Johnny Palermo In his birthday month I'm Jeremy Odom Yay!
