9.12 - Ringadingdingdong

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Maybe it's up to you and the only way to find out is to listen to the sixth season of actual play comedy podcast Dungeons & Drimbus, which promises a naughty, nautical adventure that is equal parts darkness and absurdity. Like all Drimbus seasons, Blood & Booty is a standalone adventure in the Drimbus universe, with full embers of sound design, big action scenes and even bigger personalities. New episodes publish every Friday, so check out Dungeons & Drimbus, Blood & Booty and find out exactly how naughty it is. Welcome back to Dumb Dumbs & Dragons, where improvisers who've never rolled play before journey into the world of Dungeons & Dragons. I am the Great Wizard Portal Snorts, your host. Our heroes have discovered an obnoxious threat inside Toriel Portals. Gartok discovered the art inside the old campaigner wasn't up to Miss Paisley's standards. Butthole discovered something was wrong with the portals, and Quinney arrived in time to see Alan and learn of the danger. What dastardly threat is Captain Planteer spreading across the planet via portal? Find out next on Dumb Dumbs & Dragons. Dumb Dumbs, you've got portal problems. Uh-oh. Sure do. After discovering both that Sheamus had been nice conspiring with the Fallen from Grace, Noble, Philbaan, Vaughn, Bonfield, the Cubed, to bring through the displaced members of Tomb Slab and get them set up on this side, you realize there's some weird portal interference happening and strange images are appearing. Butthole, you've come to the determination that's probably a prankster of some sort, but if there's a prankster operating the portals this way, it means that the portals have two-way technology and that's all very bad. So you went and got the best expert on portals. You know, Alan and she has come over from Ravenloft to come and assist after determining that there was in fact weird portal shit happening. You have all decided to move the portal from the safe room in the palace to a bunker in the desert where Alan will work to determine what the fuck is going on with the portal. That'll take a bit of time, but that is sort of where we left things. That said, you all do have a lot of stuff on your butthole, particularly you always have a pretty long checklist. Quinny, you have a couple of clientele operations you're in the middle of and Gartok is willing his way towards the palace having been summoned to help deal with a portal issue. Hey guys, I just heard the artists, people are using the Toril portal to create art or something. Sorry, what? They're taking art from something instead of being sloppy art or something. Okay, just a second and he's going to turn to the technicians back and they're like open the door where they're dismantling it under Alan's supervision. Have you guys been letting people in to use the portal for art? No, we haven't been letting people in, no. Has anyone been in here to use it for art? Oh no, no, we didn't let anyone in, no. Okay, so no one's been using this for anything. Well, I mean we've been operating it, sure, but no one's been using it for anything. I specifically was told that people had been coming to the portal at the apparently behest of me to look up stuff to do for the mural. Just a second, did they say that they came to the palace to look at the portal or did they say that they went to the portal? They went to the portal. So there might be a portal that's not here. Oh no, are you using it? There's a different portal nearby? Do you know what? I'm going to put fucking money down. A noble has it. Yeah, you could install a porn hut in a place. I can imagine that have some value. You know, you wouldn't have to worry about anyone walking in on you or using it. So yeah, wouldn't be surprised if someone has one. All right, follow up question for you, Alan. If there are more of these things in town, can you find them? Give me a sec. Let me consult the weave. Tom. Um, Laura, go ahead and let's do a roll for Alan. I'll just roll a d20 and I'll tell you if it works. Sure thing. 19. Yes, very much. So I think it's pretty easy once Alan's taking a look at this because these are very simple one-way portals ultimately, right? There's like some degree of being able to yell instructions into them, but then they're just meant to send images. So in finding that, it's kind of like, all right, I know how to look for an incandescent sun. I'm pretty sure I can find a dim light bulb. So yes, you're able to suss out where other ones might be. Okay. How many do I sense more than three? There are three others in Asgard. Okay. Yeah, I didn't think to look for this before, but we've got at least three others that we have to hunt down. Great. I was having a meeting with Vismuth anyways. Let me just do the Vismuth summon bell. Oh, it's a sing but whole voice. My lord, I saw you gave me the way for later meetings. So I understood that we'd be meeting later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that time now. Well, I've got another meeting thing that we could do later, but this is much more pressing. It turns out there are three Toriel portals being hidden around town. Alan knows where they are. You've got the hammers. We need to shut these things down and get them the hell out of this city. Yes, we can do this. This is something can be done with hammer. Excellent. You might need the technicians too. The last one was electrified. That's a crime here, but they don't really respect the laws. Alan, you've got your studies here. Can Seamus ID portals, we can send Seamus with the hammers or do we need you to do it? Yeah, I'll tell him what to look for. He can do it. Okay. Seamus, you and Vismuth, you're going to go get the other portals and get them taken down. Okay, a mission from you? Wow. All right. I won't fail you, sir. Great, but Vismuth is in charge. Vismuth is in charge. I'm in charge of little boys. Stop saying you are going to do things to impress people. Great. Take as many hammers as you need. All this gets resolved. They're not legally able to stay within the city. Okay, this is declaration. Royal declaration. If so, perhaps get patty to yell it from the eyes. Yes, yes, shout the annoying lady to yell it from tower. Okay, if we're doing that just a second, we've got to get somebody else. Wait, do we want to give these people the heads up that we're coming for their portals? Well, no, because then they'll hide them. I mean, I'll be able to find them again, but we don't need to make it more difficult for Seamus and Vismuth. Yes, we can let them go get it. I'm just trying to figure out if this is a declaration because then we got to ask him, I got to write a letter and he's just going to send it to Cormium just by via runner whoever's running the most like Bucky that he sees nearby. He's like, okay, dear Cormium, they're hidden to real portals around town. We want to get rid of them. Do we make a declaration about this after we get rid of them? You had just the person running the most like Bucky who is in fact Bucky. Bucky, what do you say as you get this letter? You got it, sir. Oh, thanks, Bucky. Bye. Okay, he'll be back soon. I love you. Love you too, bud. Okay, I just used the chief ambassador of our nation as a runner, but that's who he is. All right, so we'll get that declaration made later, but for right now just go get the portals. I can't get a coffee from him. But yeah, just go get the portals, take the hammer. Yes, we will. Great. No one reported portals on their taxes, correct? Correct. We did not find any portals as we went looking. If we had found them, we would have destroyed them with the hammers. This is job for hammer. Then congratulations. We have legal permission. They hid this from their taxes. We're collecting back taxes. We accept portals as payment or pieces of portals. Please make a note of who kept them. We're going to need to know that because they're definitely doing some shady shit. Okay, do you want me to drag them in here and change or some such or in hammer? No, just go get the portals. Don't even tell them very much. Just take the portals out and bring us a list of their names and then we can deal with it later. Small boy with magic stick and weird hat. You lead way now, yes. Okay, we're going. We're going to go get those portals. Go team. This starts like wandering off. Go team. Go team. Alan nods. Yes, the team is going. Yeah, so Garotak, this is pretty much what's been going on. That's getting dealt with. Good to have everybody here. We've got an interrogation at some point today. Do you guys have anything pressing you need to do? I still wanted to talk to some people, but yeah, it's not great. It's not great. The tomb slab thing was just a scam. Oh, sorry, Alan, we'll let you do the portal thing. Alan, we're going to go somewhere else so you don't get distracted. Thank you. We'll go down to, do you guys want to feel like casual, like we hang out at my place or do you want to go down to like the official king room? Whatever's closer at this point, we got a lot to do. No, king room. We went down. Okay, so go to the king room. Those aren't fabulous, but she thinks they are. Okay, we're here. So it turns out the tomb slab people, there's like a little under 200 of them is the ballpark, but it sounds like there was some noble named Pilbon von Bonpil, the puber, whatever, who was trying to make, what an odd name. He basically, it sounds like he told Seamus that he was actually the hand who was ruling over the nation and that he should be following his orders and that he wanted to surprise us with 200 refugees that would appear out of nowhere that we'd really appreciate having no ability to look after. Dick. Yeah, definitely. I bet you this guy's hiding a portal. I strongly think there may be some, you know, where they do like the Venn diagram with the two circles. I think there may be a Pilbon von Bonpil in the middle. Pilbon von Peepole. It's a very hard name to say. At the number three is involved at the end. Okay. Cubed. I don't like him, so yes. Yeah, so I'm going to try to think of an appropriate punishment. It is a lovely surprise and if he cares about the people of tomb slab, I feel like he could pay for their new city to be built. Sure. Yeah. I like the idea that we punish our rich criminals who are trying to get one over us by forcing them to make society better. I'm fine with that. Yep, that works for me. All right. That's literally paying it forward, paying it back to society. Well, and you're the chief judge. Let's do it. Oh yeah. No, I'm all for this. All right. Now I just got to, I mean, we got to check with Annen first because if this guy's like unhoused or something because we taxed him really hard, then this would seem like needless punishment. We'll figure something out. Okay, so that's Annen. Yes, but I heard the bell we had enchanted with your voice to say ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling. It's actually surprisingly effective. I thought a real bell would be better, but I was wrong and I know when to admit that. Oh, thank you. So I found out what's going on with the tomb slab people. He just relays the exact same story. Son of a bitch. Yeah, so we definitely got to punish this in some appropriate way, which is why I thought taking more of his money. But do you know this family? Like, do you know these people? This people? Mr. Pables? They're on the list. It was strange that he had a little three next to it, so I observed that. But no, they're just one of the noble families. I'm surprised you don't. How many of the noble families did you know when you lived here? I didn't really get out much. That was more of a reginald thing. I was more of a like get beaten and kept at home because you're a disappointment, whereas Reginald got to go be handsome in public. Bleak. Yeah, yeah, most of it's pretty bleak. So I guess I'll roll like a history. Sure, yeah. And it's a low score for him, which feels appropriate for how little he knows about nobility. That's a 10. 10. I mean, it's just another name. Also, I feel like you wouldn't have known a lot of the mid to lower tier nobles, particularly the ones that were involved in combat. So no, you don't really have any frame of reference for this. Okay, yeah, I don't know anything about this one. So okay, so we can have him help fund building to Mslab. To be clear, we didn't leave anyone desolate. They all still have some degree of money. It's just not reams and reams of wealth. They have enough to live off of and to reestablish themselves as businesses or things. But I'm sure you saw in the report, there has been a splintering of the nobility. There are several who are eager to reclaim their place in court. So he may well fall into one of those camps. You will likely have a number of people trying to do nice things for you over the next little while, because they assume that they just pissed you off. And that's why you took their money, not that they had done something wrong. All right, then I guess I got to have a meeting with Pilb, but I'm not even going to try to say the third Mr. Peebles. I need Mr. Peebles to come in for a meeting, because I have to figure out if he's a dickhead who was trying to fuck me over if he's just really stupid. So Phil Bonvon Bonfil cubed. Is it Phil? I thought it was Pil. Oh, I'm just reading it off a sheet, sir. This is the first time I've ever said the name out loud. My name is Adam. No, but you have a sheet, so I'm like, if you've got it, I trust you over me. I'm not good with names. Let's just ask him his name when we see him. Okay, so invite a man whose name is somewhere between the smudge the invitation a little. There we go. And let's get him in for a meeting. So I have the spelling. It's the pronunciation. It's not a singing telegram, sir. Oh, fair enough. It's fine. We can just send it to him. But whatever Seamus said is correct, because Seamus has actually spoken to him. I can't remember what Seamus said. I was there. I was distracted by the word. Nor was I. Okay, so we'll meet this guy. Is there anybody else who's going to give us some awful gift that's actually a punishment that you're aware of? Not offhand. They don't exactly tell me. So we'll just show up. Okay, so we'll deal with somebody who's sent an entire chamber orchestra to just play music outside a couple of days ago. Well, they're just throwing whatever at the wall to see what sticks. They can send us an entire chamber orchestra. We may have been late on the taxes. Yeah, that's fine. It's some disposable income. They'll reinvest in society to put a price on culture minister. Yeah. I mean, that's why he's the minister. Yeah, that's a job. He's got to do the budget. Okay. We got to interrogate a guy. We got something going on with Bon Cadengeese. We got Dr. Phil Bon, whatever his name is coming in here to help us. I think that's it. I had another thing for Vismuth, but this seems more purposeful. Okay. All right, sounds good. You guys want to stick around and we'll just burn those meetings down? Let's do it. Okay. Up first, whoever I said first. Just kidding. Bon Cadengeese in the building. Yes, I've been trying to keep him distracted by, you know, anytime he asks about you, you're just, oh, he just left. You know, I've just been keeping him as distracted as I can. Why don't we talk with Bon Cadengeese first to see if there's, what's up? That would save me a lot of stress. All right. Do I have one that I ring for guests? Would you like one? We can enchant them. We're finding all sorts of ways to use it. What would you like the notice to be for guests? I mean, the ding-a-ling works pretty well for staff, and people seem to be able to differentiate it and just show up with whoever I'm calling. It's bhangadong, dong-a-long. Yeah, but I guess if it's just for, is it per person, where we do like a personalized ringtone for the bell? That'd be difficult. You'd have to remember what they were when you did it. Remember that. So we do ding-a-ling for staff. I mean, dong-a-long is pretty memorable for guests. You guys got any pitches for this one? Ring-a-ding, ding, I think this is dumb. What do you think we should do instead? What we've been doing up until now, just sending runners? Yeah. Instead of setting up a bell system, just save the runner so much time. Uh, yeah. I mean, what are we going to do with runners if they're not running? They could do other valuable work? Yeah. They can do more than just run? There's a whole neighborhood to build. Bucky's our chief ambassador, and he's running. Yeah, but he's not running for me anymore, so who cares? Are you going to be mad that you don't have a bell? When rebuilding a city-state, a nation-city, nation-city-nation. Well, that sounds complicated. It is. Do you want an assistant who just runs for you? Hmm, maybe. I don't know. Okay, I'm going to make a note of that. I'll see who's appropriating around. Assistant for... If they're annoying, you're going to fire them. Nope, that's not allowed. If I give them the job, then I'm the only one who can fire them. If they're annoying, you're going to fire them. We'll see. Okay, well, if I agree that they're annoying, I'll fire them. Don't like that. I think I know a guy. Shut up. Okay, so we got a fun assistant. We got the big, the big, the pill-bond-bond-pond bill. Well, based on someone saying it's stupid, that's a waste. That's a spoiled ballot in this vote because it's happening. We got one vote for Ring-a-ding-ding. We got one vote for Dong-a-long-dong. They're both my votes, so really, either way. All right, so we got first one's Ding-a-ling. I'm just spitballing here. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. I got to write this down so that we remember this sound for future. Ding-a-ling-a-ling in Gartok's voice? No, that's the bell we already have. Remember the one I rang for, Anand? Ding-a-ling-a-ling. That sounds like you. Yeah, that's the fucking point. That one's me, and then we need one for guests. It also sounds like me. It sounds like you, not doesn't sound like Gartok. Gartok is not Teddy. I'm just doing kind of a version of it, but it wouldn't be exactly like that. It's just like an example. Ring-a-ding-ding-ding. Ring-a-ding-ding-ding. So you're ringing my opinion on ding-a-ling sounds, and I don't just know the real ding sound. You spoiled your ballot. You're not a damn right, I did. I did like three ding's as good, because the first one could be missed, the second one could be misheard, but then the third one, people are listening. Do you know what we'll do? Ring-a-ding-ding, and then a dong, so they know it's the final one. Ring-a-ding-ding-dong? Yeah. Perfect. All right, I'm going to ring that bell for Bunga-dong geese. Ring-a-ding-ding-dong. Wow, that was fast. Hello. Keep going. You're doing it. That's the sound of Sam learning to swim in a Hilton resort pool. Oh, that's delicious. And that's the sound of Sam and his family enjoying dinner in the hotel restaurant. Good evening. Welcome back. With stays in your favorite destinations and everything taken care of, you can savor what's important. When you want your holiday to feel like a holiday, it matters where you stay. Book now at hilton.com. Hilton for the stay. Hey friends, I know you're ready to enjoy your show, but before you do, let me tell you about another show I think you're really going to love. My name is Dee, and a few years back, I started writing a TTRPG rule book that lets players focus on the narrative, but not stripped-down mechanics to do it. Not going to lie, it was a challenge. But it turns out the result went from beta testing to live play, and a surprisingly fun story. It's all epically narrated by the players at the table. So we turned it into a podcast, called it an improvised history of the universe. That's the system. Presents the TeraMundi Chronicles. That's the pod. Now the game's not on the market yet, but the podcast is, so check it out. The TeraMundi Chronicles is probably on the pod player you're listening to right now, or find a link at www.improvisegames.com. Now go on you crazy kid, get back to your show. After you add the TeraMundi Chronicles to your playlist, of course. See ya. 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So please discover why Tales from the Stinky Dragon is so frequently fabulous. Check out Tales from the Stinky Dragon anywhere you listen to podcasts or on youtube.com slash at Stinky Dragon pod. Tales from the Stinky Dragon. It's stinky. It's good. It is good to see you have finally returned to your palace and may I say it is an honor to be back in the company of such fine people. Your Highness, your minister, your... Pardon me, am I to assume you are one of the Chief Justice folks? I am, thank you. Well, a pleasure to be in your presence as well. And of course... And you. Annan, I do apologize but how much trouble I've been giving you about this here meeting. But of course the lady upstairs is somewhat important herself and insisted I have words with the King in order to express what she would like. Well, that's wonderful. I'm excited to hear your words. So sorry about your brother being murdered. I hope you're doing well. Oh, we're doing okay. Not well per se, what with, uh, well, that troublesome errant child of ours, Vassal. Oh yeah, you get... Yeah, I remember. But, uh, you know, we got some ideas, some plans in the works and this is in fact what brings me here to talk to you fine folks today. Of course, assuming there are no conflicts of interest amongst any of you, if we were to discuss the nation of Vassal, you know, we do have eyes and ears in this year town and, well, some people talk about who is seen with whom. When he's not meeting his gaze. So are there any conflicts of interest we should be aware of? Huh? Me? I don't know what you're talking about. Tell me, sir, do you make a habit of playing Nikki, Nikki Nine Doors? It's a game where you go and knock on doors sometimes with the number of nine. And then you run away? Correct. Do you do this, sir? I don't know, maybe. That is not an appropriate response to a yes or no question. I think asking a grown up if they play Nikki, Nikki Nine Doors is also just generally an inappropriate question. So I should assume you do not play the Nikki, Nikki Nine Doors. You assume whatever you want, sir. I'm assuming, uh, right back that you have something more important to talk about then. Well, yes, it would just seem to me that unless you were playing Nikki, Nikki Nine Doors, you would have no reason to approach the embassy of Vassal in the middle of the day. And yet that is where you were spotted, not just two days prior to this. I'm sorry. I'd just like to chime in here as the king of this nation. Is this an interrogation about the minister of culture? Is there something you want? The queen would like a word, sir. And I would like to convey that word to you. However, I must be wary given that Vassal is so openly aggressive in what with all the strangeness that's occurring there. Great. Are you asking me if I can ask everyone else to leave the room and just you and I can talk? I'm worried that your minister is compromised. Quiddi, are you compromised? Nope. Zone of truth. Quiddi, you compromised? Now he has to pass the safe. Have to pass a wisdom save? We're all within 15 feet of you, so everyone does. I mean, I didn't cast it. Oh, you just say zone of truth? That's fun. Sorry. Just doing our friend thing. Sorry, apologies. Yes. We picked the worst friend safe word possible. Fireball. What? No, that's just my wanting you to be. I'll roll deception for Bongadongi's sake because I do pretending to cast it. Yeah. Gart talks aware of the honey pot. Like, I don't know. I don't. I like it. This is good. I don't like your looking at me. You're doing what you're doing. Go for it. I'm allowed to be puzzles, but you're allowed to do things. 18. He goes, huh, huh. Then a little sly smile comes across his face because he feels like he somehow evaded the zone of truth. Oh, well, I suppose speaking truths is always the best way. Minister. I'm not compromised. I see. I see. I must have some words with my eyes on the street then. Before we go any further. Yeah. Can you deactivate your zone of truth because we've said before no one's allowed to do that while ambassadors are present without permission? Oh yeah. I'm so sorry. It was sorry. Just seem like I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Do you know what? I'm not offended. And since I am in the zone of truth, you know that is the truth. It's done. Okay. There we go. I failed to disappear and I'm glad to be free of it. Butthole's just relieved because he's like, I was a really weird play. It seems to have worked, but if any of us lied while the field was up, the whole thing fucking falls apart immediately. You're lucky he thought he was more powerful than the field. He really grits the wheels. I'm aware. This scene would have gone differently. So your Highness, my beloved queen is requesting the presence of you and any from your court, you choose to bring with you as long as you keep the number somewhat small so we don't need to prepare too many extra plates, you know, how expensive these things can get. And we certainly don't want it to be a big deal, more of a medium sized deal in terms of the meeting. So not a full entourage. Simply you and a couple of treasured guests, special friends, if you will, you may be with me. All right. And what's the plan that you want to discuss? The Queen, Her Royal Majesty, Concetina Del Casio would like to have all of you portal to the palace to enjoy your dinner with her. She can explain the situation then and can explain the kind of help and assistance she is asking for. I am not permitted to know the details myself, just being a lowly ambassador. Okay. So we got like a dinner invite. That's kind of cool. Yes, it is rather cool. Do we need to give like advance notice or can we just show up like sometime in the next week or so? Well, I'd hoped that you would all be home before now. I've been here for just shy of a month. So at this point, you can just let us know when you're available. The Queen is aware you have not been present. Yeah, yeah, we got stuck in a pocket dimension. For us it was three days. We didn't know it was a month either. A pocket dimension. Yeah, when they say we were busy, we really were. Yeah, we got to manage our school now. It's pretty great. So okay. Indeed. We'll swing by for a dinner. We'll coordinate. I mean, I'm free tonight. I don't know, am I welcome to join? Am I trusted? Well, apparently you are not compromised according to the zone of truth. Yeah. So then who told you that I was there? We have eyes and ears on the streets. Do you have evidence that I was there? Okay. Again, this is getting weirdly personal and I'm just here for the dinner thing. We've got a dinner invite. Are you free tonight? I'm good with that. As long as like Alan's got the portals handled for now. Okay, could we? What matter of a problem do you find yourselves having? We're fine. It's just like ongoing thing. Portals need upkeep. All good. Indeed. Indeed. All right. Well, we'll see you for dinner tonight. This is going to be great. Fine. Fine. That's just fine. I will have to ask. Or if the queen needs extra time. I'll have to ask if the queen is available. Find out when the queen's available. Let us know. Give us some dates and then we'll look at our calendars that we can compare. Who's got time when? We'll pick a good day for a meeting and we'll circle back to this. Wonderful. Now, do you all have Toriel portal calendar? It's very easy to just yell your availability into those portals. We do not have that. And Beringo will add it right to the calendar for you. Well, we don't really feel the need to make whoever owns Beringo fully aware of all of our national secrets. Well, I think that's a might be suspicious, but fine. Well, as somebody who didn't want to share their plans and thought people in this room were untrustworthy. I mean, right now you're trusting someone you've never met with information that could very well save or end your life. And you were worried about a dinner invitation in person. I mean, Beringo seems like a delightful person. I'm a pretty delightful person too. So is he. So is a lot of people. Is he? Is Beringo? I shall think on this, your Highness. I appreciate all you greatly and you'll have to forgive my suspicions minister. It's just so strange when a one-eyed halfling wearing a cloak similar to yours should go up to a random ambassador's house in the middle of the day when said ambassador is not in town. You must understand that is slightly strange. Well, we take accusations like that very seriously. So again, if you have any evidence, you should share that with us. Okay, you two can go in the hallway and have your own chat together. I do believe I shall take my leave, but thank you. Thank you kindly. I shall be on my way. Do be careful of hearsay. Ring a ding goodbye. Fuck, fuck, don't make sense. Queenie, could you not pick fights with ambassadors? Yeah, what the hell, man. No, you did, because after that you just kept the fight going. Yes, I did keep the fight going. You're absolutely right about that. I didn't pick it, though. Just realize, if you're going to keep picking fights with ambassadors, I can't have you here when ambassadors are here. All right. Seems like I'm already a liability anyway, because Queenie looks around. He's right. Are you saying that you have been corrupted by the nation of Vassal? No, but I was there. Who cares that you were there? He asked if you were a transfer. He cares. That keeps me from either going to the dinner or not. I don't know if you want me to go or not. It seems like you do. He doesn't get to decide who goes to a fucking dinner. He's a flunky. I decide who goes to dinner. Okay. But if you get really defensive, then the whole thing gets fucking weird, because you can't intimidate him. He's another nation. When he's in here, he's a country. Okay, is he's a country or a flunky? He's both. You not understand politics? No. Well, then welcome to politics. He's a flunky because he can't make decisions on behalf of the nation, but he's the nation because he's the one who's here to talk for the nation. So if we treat him badly, we treat the nation badly because he's going to turn around and tell the Queen that the minister of culture was weirdly aggressive about visiting an ambassador. All right, fine. Honestly, if you're going to continue your undefined relationship. Sex based highs. Yeah, that thing, it honestly might be worth it to go to the other ambassadors every once in a while for like to discuss cultural exchanges. I'm going to have to slurp myself out to a lot of ambassadors just to keep the cover good. No, it's not a honey con, it's an actual discussion. Oh, okay. All right. Arranging meetings with people to discuss culture. Geez, come on. I mean, you're also the minister of culture, so it's fine to not do that. But like, if you'd been like, yeah, I'm banging her, that would have been way, it takes all the ammo out of them. Okay, if you say so, I'll do that next time, I guess. Sure, if you want to. I'm just saying like, she, right now the question was, can he trust you to not favor Vassar over what the hell is this? Demarra. Oh, Demarra. In like business. Well, now I favor just about any place over Demarra because he represents the country and I think he's a dick. So I am biased against them because again, he's the nation and a flunky and I don't like him. She talked to Jenny this morning. Yeah. Yeah, I can't track days anymore. Yes, this morning. Yes, yes, I did. Do you realize who you're behaving like? I'm guessing Jenny. Yeah, was she, was she in a really shitty mood this morning? Yeah, were you spying on me too? No, I just know that you're now in a really shitty mood and I did not know why, but now I know. Oh, yeah. So you like came into this and just took out the anger you have on your daughter on Demarra. Ambassador and then me. Who are you bad at, Quitty? Oh my God. It's not the situation. It's not couples therapy time right now. No, it's not. No, no, I'm going to give you a morsel, but that's it. I'm cutting you off after that. Okay. Okay. Okay. I accept. I'm mad at me. Don't like the way I handle the conversation with her? That's it. That's all you get. What do you mean it's all I get? That's all the emotional availability I have capacity for. We got work to do. Okay. Well, I mean, you're not going to like it, but the next thing on my conversation was to have an emotional conversation with you. Are you fucking kidding me? No, I'm serious. Let me see that list. It's on my list. It says right here, Quitty Apology. God, number four. What do I have to apologize for? Well, Garret, I'm sorry. Well, Garret, do you want to be here for this or is it like a conflict of interest with you being our therapist? I could be a passive observer if you want. Are you sure you're not going to dive in and give a lot of opinions far way through? I promise I won't dive in and give a lot of opinions. Hey, Ann. Backends. Are you guys doing a thing or are you ready for your next meeting? Who is our next meeting again? You tell me, sir. Uh-oh. I thought our next meeting was an apology. Oh, the next thing was an apology. Okay. Then I have to do an interrogation. All right. And then pill bun bun pill bun. Pueble. Yeah. We're going to talk to Mr. Pueble's last. Great. We'll do it before the interrogation. I'm not going to walk past him. Great. I'll be outside. Great. You're the coolest. Okay. Quitty. Yeah. That's it. It feels weird. I'm sitting in a throne and you're standing next to me. I'm fine to stand. Maybe we should get out like a... Wow. You didn't make it 10 seconds. Yeah. I'm just going to turn around. Now there's just someone facing the wall in here. That's weird. Garthog. Do you want to go out with Ann and you can go out with Ann in? You can go out with Ann in? I'm just going to sit in the corner like that. Do you want to go talk to Ann or do you want to be a part of this conversation? I'd really like to observe. That's fine. Then go further away. Okay. Good to be in the far corner so you're less likely to talk. Back up to the corner but facing into the room. Yeah. That's better but it feels like Garthog will be aware that he really has to commit to saying something if he wants us to hear it. All right. What do I do now? I said, Quinney apology as in I apologize to you. What? Why? Yeah. Because shit's been weird, man. And I've made parts of it weird and I'm sorry how much just being a pranks has been a pain in the ass for you and like been a nightmare for your daughter and it's just a problem. It's something she agreed to do. It's something I signed off on. You did all the right stuff at first by asking if it was okay. That's just, she's a teenager. I guess but I'm just looking at the scale of the pressure that's involved and like the decision-making and I never got to be a teenager so I didn't know what one is. Oh, right. Yeah. And now she's trying to be a teenager and she sort of can't. Well. That's unfair to her but also kind of the deal. Yeah. Because I've read the reports and she's taking gifts which are basically bribes or could be seen as blackmail from people coming into the market because she's thinking this is a nice gift, not this is a manipulation or I have a weird power imbalance so people can offer me things and I should politely say no or hand them over to the taxpayer so that it doesn't sit with me. And she's, you know, this dating is really fraught. Sure. Because marriage is a huge deal and who you date is a huge deal internationally and then when a relationship goes bad to like send Bucky to sing outside their house and knock on the doors at midnight, Reginald's very thorough, knock on the doors at midnight and do all this kind of stuff, as another teenager, totally cool. As part of the ruling family of the country, very messy, fraught and complicated for the family of this teenager and anyone who gets near the pranks. Yep. Because you've got the ruler knocking on the door and then you wonder, am I in trouble? Am I doing the right thing as a parent? Do I have to tell my daughter to do this? That's definitely super complicated and the thing that I think is perhaps the worst that I'm reading in reports are the times that she's kind of used being a pranks to overrule you and other people around her, which is uncomfortable to say, but I'm going to say a truth for both of us, very Reginald-esque. Okay. Because is this still, I'm not trying to be a dick here, I'm just tracking. Have we moved away from apology now to solutions we're talking about? Like, you know, that was just the apology. Key to an apology is acknowledging the wrongs that you have done and I have caused all of these things to happen. All right. I don't think you've caused all these things. Like, she has to be responsible for the decisions that she makes too, but I understand. I'm just saying, like, it's a weird circumstance. Sure, yeah. We all live weird lives and we, like, Ginny was never going to get to be a normal kid, you're too important. We know that. So, like, that just happens, but we made it weirder. I could push education. I got to talk to her about some of this, but it's just like kind of being a little shit isn't cute when you have people's lives in your hands. And I don't think she realizes how many lives are in her hands currently, or she's pretending she's fine with it and I think she's all fucked up. Well, it's pretty isolating, you know, talking to her. She's the only person kind of going through this. Yeah. I heard we were talking about, you know, some of these rich assholes wanting their place at court back. Maybe we bring her to court with some fresh court blood, so to speak. People her age who are also going to be up and coming and future leaders, you know, she's the pranks, but, you know, the someone who's being groomed to be the next, as an example, minister of culture, the next justice, you know what I mean? I mean, I'm happy for her to be people like that, but we got to spread court around because otherwise we're just feeding her to piranhas. The court here, if we're looking at the aristocrats, they're all scum. She's, how old is she? I'm not a good dad. She's 16? I think we put her at 16 or 17. Yeah. She's around 16. Okay. Well, if we put her with aristocrats or foreign aristocrats, she's about 16, 17 years behind on what she should know. Yeah. Sorry. I'm making up in my head like other kid prodigy people being groomed for leadership kind of thing. People who are like her. I don't know if there is anyone else like that. That's the challenge. We're looking at foreign pranks, princes and princesses, and they all have their own agendas. I don't have an easy answer to this problem. I'm just acknowledging it's a problem. Okay. Do you want her to step down? I don't. Here's the other challenge as being a person and being a king. As a person, I don't know if that helps you and her. Yeah. As a king, that's not really an option. She went real public in the last month. I think. Then she's like a fallen pranks wearing black wandering around and moping, and we won't have the ability to protect her with like if you're fucking with her, you're fucking with the government. Then she's like a weird free agent. And I'll tell you, I'm hoping I get a good letter back from King Melondrack because he had some problems with his son and it was weird and I could use the help. But he was very bad at it and his son lived to be like 400, so not a lot of it's comparable. Oh. Yeah. Knee jerk reaction, I would say taking this pranks thing away from her would devastate her, especially right now. It seems to be one of the only things she can really hang her hat on. But it also seems to be overwhelming her. She's just, it's a lot, right? So I also don't have a solution to this. I agree with you that it sucks. I'm just trying to, I don't know, talk to her. Yeah, I think my suggestion would be, but again, I'm uncle but also King and your dad, but she's pranks, it's very complicated. So we're just going to ignore that shit and we're going to try to look at this reasonably. I think she could use some structure. I think she's done great work on this market, but she's kind of free form, pranksing and teenaging all at the same time. Yeah. Kind of you really got to be able to separate the two. Yeah. Because I like the idea of finding like some good blue collar, regular people who can like hang out with her. But I think that's got to be like undercover, not in pranks costume kind of stuff. Reginald used to sneak out at night and go hang out with other people. It didn't seem to end well for him. No, I mean, look, sneaking around covers, she's going to kind of dig that. Yeah. And then she can like have real friends in times she's not the pranks. Yeah. And then eventually they can become part of this, but then when she's the pranks, she's the pranks. I think it'll also simplify things because trying to date being like I'm royalty. If someone's not impressed by that, that's something they're playing. That's an angle. Yeah. No, I know. She got a gift today or I saw a gift she received today. Some beautiful. Tom, can my thief eyes and mind appraise the value if I think back on that bracelet she had? Yeah, it's probably worth 200 gold. She got, she was wearing some trinket someone gifted her. She didn't tell me the name. I didn't press because she was dealing with a lot, but like it was like 200 gold. So I'm going to dropped on a gift for her. And I know some of her friends, right? I know Seamus, I know Bucky. I know sort of Lee as she calls her. They don't seem to have that kind of money. And so it's some other person. She's made a lot of friends building up a lot of merchants. And the first thing they're going to do is offer gifts to try to bribe their way into the friendship of the royal family. Yeah. Try to talk to her about it. Didn't go well. I kind of fucked it up anyway. Well, I heard from the report I got. They send reports early. You were watching. Yeah, that's important. But no, I wasn't watching you. Just the hammer's reports. I get a lot of paperwork. Sure. But yeah, she's doing a lot of like, what's going on? I heard that. What's beautiful? What? What's beautiful? Yeah, if you chime in once you're here now. Come on, wheel out. We just get over here. Just talking to myself. Oh, no, we're coming to you. I just talk to myself. We'll walk across the room. There we go. You're in the corner. What were you saying? What's beautiful? Do you actually want my input? We keep asking. I just think it's so nice that it started as a you versus you. And now it's turned into we tackling a problem. And I just think that's beautiful. It was versus? I was just saying sorry. I tend to make things versus. I'm talking about in our first meeting. It was very antagonistic, which I thought was the point. And then I've realized therapy doesn't work that way. Apparently, I just think it's amazing that on your road, what a beautiful apology and for Quitty to accept it. You guys to, you know, beat each other where you are and then come together and tackle this, the problem, the thing that was between you, which was, which was Ginny's role and the frustration. It's just beautiful. I'm just so proud. Are you going to cry? You're going to talk? I'm just so proud. Okay. All right. Yeah. You're all right there. I'm great. Okay. You want to make this like from a we thing us to to a we thing us three. So if you can help us figure out what to how to help Ginny. Oh my God. You have any thoughts? No. Okay. All right. But you're here. But your partner is. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. And you being here is beautiful. You being here is beautiful too. Okay. So I'm trying to figure out. Yeah. If we be totally honest about this or if we try to play the king as all these demands and dad is more reasonable. I'm trying not to be sneaky dishonest with Ginny. If it's going to be anyone Ginny, you guys as well. Okay. So I know what I would do if this was not my kingdom where I would be like, oh, scout out a cool thief crew. Let her quietly do that on the side, but I can't have my friends get caught doing crimes in the one place where everybody's supposed to be reasonable. Yeah. We need safe rebellions for her to do, right? Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. What's like a cool rebellious thing that is not a crime? Cool rebellious thing that's not a crime. Correct. That's the goal. Listening to loud music, but early enough in the day that it doesn't impact the noise ordinance. I don't think we have that written down very specifically. Our rights. Our rights. Listening to loud music up to 11 o'clock and then stop. He pulls out the rights and future freedoms and he's like, okay, so we got the right to life, right to betterment, form associations, move freely, beliefs, equality, privacy, counsel. We don't actually have a right to silence. Just to say. Okay. No freedom from like disruption of reasonable. We said it was an aspirationalist and it's a flawed system, but I'll tell you right now, you don't have to fight for your right to party. It's a right because we didn't say it wasn't. What about like trying to think about like things that Ginny likes? I mean, she likes adventuring. She likes thievery. Thievery is very much, I know, out of the question, but adventuring is also too dangerous. But, you know, we're, we're building up a, a scene here of, you know, like the, the wrestling and things like that. Maybe there's more thrilling, controlled risk that we can employ here, like races or something or other contests. Do you know what? You might have a thing with the wrestling. Yeah, you think? I think that's the way it, races or anything else. The moment we step into real competition, people are either trying to beat the pranks or they're purposefully losing to the pranks. That's why, yeah, we would have to be like a racer X kind of thing where no one knows if there's a low level wrestler joining a new wrestling organization who always works in a style. Now I've heard of this. It's, it's from Lustria. It's called Luchador. And it's where you wear masks the whole time you're a wrestler. Oh, that'd be perfect. She wears a mask. She goes in as a junior wrestler. The, the matches are fixed. It's a little bit rough and tumble. People can still get hurt. Okay, but we know exactly who she's fighting against. What if, what if, yeah, yeah, this is the wrestling thing I've been working on. It's all like a huge wrestling thing. Okay. We just have to make sure that like someone from the outside knows the choreography and all that stuff in advance. I don't want it to be like she's playing hurt and when she's actually like dying in there. It's, it's, it's, it's, wait, wait, wait, wait, this is important. Do you think wrestling is real? No, I'm just worried that someone might use it as a cover to actually hurt her and pretend that it's pretend that it's fake. Pretend that it's real and pretending to be fake. I felt like I had a really good plan where she could go and make friends at the beginning of an industry where no one would know where she was, where she was supervised by her dad and also was risky enough that she'd be interested. But you think that's too dangerous. What's your idea? No, no, no, no, I think it's, I just think we need to make sure there's the proper safeguards on it. Do you mean like they have in a wrestling organization where they, they run things and make everyone's okay? Yeah, I guess I just don't really know the ins and outs of wrestling. So as, if you can assure me that it's actually safe. That's honestly key to making it entertaining. Wow. Is that you don't know? Yeah, wrestling's not real. It is safe. Yeah, no, I, I mean, the risk is real and the athleticism is real and the sport is real, but in terms of storytelling, the outcome is decided and they want to make sure that these incredible stunt performers who do terrifying and amazing things can continue to do them every week. Okay. It's not profitable if someone's in the hospital. Also, no one will know who she is. That's key to this whole idea because then she can, I guess, yeah. She can meet other new wrestlers who are starting up. She can work her way up, but she's got like an activity that's also overseen by you. This is great. It's the racer X thing anyway. Perfect. What's racer X? Racer X is like a luchador who drives. Okay, should we get her a cart? Drives what? What's that? Drives? Oh, I assume cart. Yeah, cart, raptor, horse, just, you know, any, any kind of racing implement. Yeah, speedy racing. Yeah. So when she's the pranks, she's the pranks. When she puts on the mask, she can become a luchador. Secret identity. But if she blows her cover in like 10 minutes, like she did with this other secret identity we tried, that is going to be a problem. Yeah. I mean, like, what, we talking about Baldur's Gate secret identity? Yeah, we tried to make her a thief. Yeah, I kind of helped her blow that, unfortunately. That was, that was, that was totally. It's all right. But I'm saying like, you're on this now. So why don't we get her set up at wrestling and I will give her a bit of a talking to about prank stuff. How do we make it seem like it's her idea? I feel like, I feel like in order for it to be actual rebellion, it has to come from her, no? Otherwise, she'll find another way. Because she's still kind of like doing something that's safe and it needs to feel risky for her. Well, I think the risk will be if she blows it, it's gone. Yeah. Right. Because she can, as the pranks, she can't date. No. As luchador wrestler, she can date. Oh. Because that's a normal person. Secret identity is going to extend beyond the ring. Full life. The mask is on one out there. We could set up a little apartment. We can maybe figure out if there's a way to portal her there or whatever, underground or whatever. She's got a space and she can have her own life. It's this random weirdo. But it's a double life and it's tricky. That all sounds fine to me. I mean, I can teach her how to separate. I have so much experience separating like your facets of your personality. Yeah. I can, yeah. And I, everything's fine. Oh, okay. And I can all- Unytherapy? No. I'll answer too quickly. Yeah. I chat with Dr. Martha all the time. You can't therapize yourself. No, it's fine. Do you know what? Let's get him. Do you know? Here's the therapy. What? Okay. You? No. For your own good. Why? You have to go to confession. Confess? What am I gonna- You're the only therapist I know. I've been great. Gartok's made a couple mistakes, but nothing that's really hurt anyone. Savor confession. What I'd like to say is, I can't even tell you a mistake that you made. That's you. You're haunted by stuff, and that means confession. Because I don't know a therapist. You're the therapist. And do you know what's equivalent to therapy and equally as good? Confession. I don't believe that for a second. I'll tell you, it's equally annoying. Because I hereby order as king, that you have to go to confession. Can I just journal? Nope. Confession. But what if I write things down in a journal that's confessing things into a paper and then burn it like you do, butthole? That's worked so well for you. Nope. You've reached such a good, like, like levelheadedness that's really admirable. Don't worry. The guy writes it down anyway, so it's kind of like journaling. Yeah. And Gartok, are you saying because I journal, I shouldn't ever go to couples therapy again? No, not at all. Oh, so you need both? I don't like that you've turned this around on me. Yeah, well, that's the problem with teaching people therapy languages. It's really easily weaponized by people who don't know that. So you admit you're weaponizing it against me. No, I'm propagandizing it to get you to go to confession. I reject both. This is so much more fun. This is what I thought therapy was. This is great. This is not therapy. Go to confession. 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