Johnny Knoxville

Hello, my name is Johnny Knoxville, and I feel harder than a turnbuckle about being Conan O'Brien's friend. You know what? I think you just may have had the best one ever. Would you prefer harder than a folding chair? Because I can switch. I like turnbuckle. It's got a nice, it's really poetic. And I want that on my gravestone. Harder than a turnbuckle. And soon. Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, joined by Sonam Ossessian and Matt Gorley, still out on a parental leave. He has a brand new baby. Very excited for him and for his wife, Amanda. He's got two girls now, which is just lovely. And David Hopping, filling in for him. David, good to have you here again. Thank you. Happy to be here. Nice to see you. David, you love your reality television. You just love it. Yeah. Explain one thing to me because David loves the show Traitors. Yeah. And so I checked out the new season of Traitors because someone I knew was a contestant on the show and i thought i just want to see what this is like and uh i've i've seen it before but i don't know what the strategy is on a show like that i was watching traders and i thought isn't it they all act like oh i'm i'm gonna really practice my wiles and my expertise and i'm gonna win the game and i think it's not like chess yeah it looks like people are just doing stuff but i don't really see a strategy and then they get voted off or not yeah it feels kind of random. Am I wrong? They're supposed to like really be like paying attention to people like to slip up. Like if someone is a traitor, I'm like really watching to see if she messes up and gives me any clue that she's the person going and meeting at night to like kill people in the castle. Well, here's why I watch. I watch because Alan Cummings saying the word murder. That is what keeps me coming back. And he says it. I mean, he must know it's working for him because his outfits are fantastic. They're just wonderful. But, and he's just chewing scenery left and right in the most delicious way. But he manages to say, murder. Maybe every other sentence. Yeah. It's so good. And it's, so that's fun. And then people are doing stuff, like they're running around and you've got to put this cantaloupe on top of that gravestone. Oh no, not on that gravestone. And it doesn't seem to, I try to figure out what it's all about and I don't know. I don't watch it. What reality shows are you obsessed with, Sona? You know what? I'm not watching reality right now. I'm watching... I'm in the... I just like... I like horny shows. That's what I do. I'm sorry. And you knew that about me. Needed rivalry. Well, yeah. Now I'm watching the new season of Tell Me Lies. Oh, Sona got me on that. David and I talked about that. I don't know what that is. Of course you don't. How is it horny? No, it's horny. There's like sexy people sexing. Yeah. And so I like it. Is it full nudity? No. Do you see things? No, no, no. But just like... Yeah, it is actually. It's like soft core kind of... Not soft core. No, not soft. It's like with, you know, there's stuff. You could see it, but you can't see it. Yeah. You see the occasional butt, maybe a half boob. Yeah. Oh my God. You're getting really into details. Can you draw what you see? Oh my God. Okay. Can you just draw it for me? You can watch it. You're an adult man. If you want to watch it, you can. Sometimes my priest stops by. Avert your gaze Father McNulty Oh my god So reality shows Yeah What is your What's your go-to reality show Is it Traders or no I would say Big Brother Then Traders Which I know Blay watches And Adam watches Big Brother You're a Big Brother I've never watched Big Brother I like Traders too Yeah Here's what I love about Big Brother Which is It's in a house The idea is It's people who are sequestered In a house and they don't get to see another person, period. Like none of the producers they see, all the camera people are behind one-way mirrors. And it's watching 18 people slowly lose their mind over the course of a season because the house is very big and it's made for 18 people, but people get voted out every week. So when it gets down to like six people in a house full of four 18 people and they haven't talked to anyone else for like months, it is insane. Would you agree with that assessment, Adam? I would. I also, there's something really comforting about it. It's on three nights a week during the summer when like a lot of the big sports are off season and it's, it would be considered boring at times. It's people sitting around whispering like on couches, uh, whispering about strategy, but there's just something kind of passive and enjoyable. Yeah, it's better than talking to your loved ones or reading a really good moving book. No judgment. Yeah. They also have a thing called Big Brother After Dark, and they have all these Canberra feeds where you could just, when they're not on the show, you could just watch them unfiltered. And I used to put those on and work out when they were working out in the house. Like you have a friend? Yeah. Like I had a friend because I live alone. Can I just say, first of all, it's just for voyeurs, I think. And in my day, you had to go out and do your own peeping. And I think that's one of the things we've lost in America is you had to go into someone else's yard and you had to hang around near the shrubs and then peek in through their windows and hope that someone was undressing. And that's the kind of stuff that I thought really was the fiber of this country, the backbone. I peeped all through my teens, my 20s, my 30s. I leered. I ogled. I peered occasionally. And those were things that taught me valuable life skills. And now people are just, oh, I don't have to do that. I don't have to even leave my house. I left my house wandering at night to try and find houses that were brightly lit, where people were possibly undressing maybe on the first floor. Or if it's on the second floor, I had to go up a drain pipe. This is stuff that taught me to be resilient. You really had to put the work in. I got my arm and hand strength from climbing up the sides of houses. and then the policemen would show up and they'd say, hey, we've got a peeper. And then I had to haul ass. I had to scurry down and I had to run and that old cherry top would come after her. Wee-wee-wee-wee. And they would say, peeper, peeper, stand still. And I had to run. I had to really run and run and run. And then I'd get home and my mother would say, how'd the peepin' go? My mother would say, how'd the peepin' go tonight? Oh no. And I'd say, meh. I got chased by the fuzz. And she said, oh, have a fried ham. And so, you know, I'd chow down. And that was just how things were in my mind. So. Now we can just put on Paramount Plus. You ever do any peeping there, Eduardo? Back in my day. Yeah. No. No. Never. Never. No. Don't play along with this. Anyone here want to join me on this peeping thing? You're the only peeper. Oh, man, I'm a good peeper. I'd peep to the right. I'd peep to the left. I was really good. I used to not be able to go to the left, but then I learned how. Oh, good. That's good. Goals. Yeah. Anywho. Happy for you. I'm a good peeper. I just love saying peeper now. Today's guest co-created. Oh, God. And stars in the MTV series Jackass. This guy would appreciate my peeping past. I know he would. Now you can see him hosting the Fox series Fear Factor, House of Fear. And he just announced that a fifth Jackass movie is on the way. That's good news. Later this year. We're thrilled he's here. johnny knoxville welcome i've always been an admirer of yours uh and you you are a have a special place in my heart because in another lifetime you were on an episode of uh the late night show that we then decided to turn into claymation and so and it was an episode where i think you were the first guest and you were great. And so it's all happens in claymation later on. And then I think Richard Lewis comes out and starts talking about Shaq's penis. Just goes off the rails. It was wonderful. It was wonderful. And he goes off the rails. And at one point I stand, this is in the real show. I stand and I say, walk with me, Johnny, because he's going on this long. He says he saw Shaq's penis and he's describing it. And I walk with you and I put my arm around your shoulder and you and I walk to the fake window and look out at the fake window while Richard Lewis is still talking about Shaq's penis. And then this all happened in claymation, which made me so happy because I'm like, walk with me, Johnny. And it's not good claymation. And David Bowie's there. And I think he was on the couch. I don't know if Richard Lewis starts going off in front of him. I don't remember. It's all a blur. Yeah. I because that's the first time it's the first time I think maybe the only time I met David Bowie. And it was like, this is one of the best nights because after we filmed, you're like, wow, That was good. We wanted to do a claymation episode, but we wanted a really great episode that would be visual and funny to see in claymation. And then that was the episode. We decided, oh, it's not going to get better than that. And then it was so much fun, but there are so many times, the weirdest times I'll like be brushing my teeth and I'll hear, walk with me, Johnny. You and I go into the window to look out. So weird, but you've always been, you're always an amazing guest and a true, true to your oeuvre, your work, a real showman, you know? And so I wanted to start with, I don't do this with every guest, but you have such a fascinating career arc. Do you know what I mean? Just absolutely fascinating. Why'd you do quotations when you said career, Conan? Son of a... I'm including myself in there too. No, I've, no one sets out to have a career the way that you have. And it's, I just think there's so much that's brilliant about it. And then you're so effing likable, you know? And so you ride that all along too. That is kind of your, I think your secret sauce. But how does one even begin to become a Johnny Knoxville? Well, you don't go to college, that's for sure. and you get on the 10 West. Okay. Step one. If you're listening, don't go to college, then get on the 10 West. Yeah. Uh, and you're, you're fast, faster and disaster. That's how you do it. Uh, and you started making these videos on your own, right? This is, we're going back to what in the late nineties. Yes. What happened was honestly, I moved out to Los Angeles to become an actor just two months or maybe a month after high school didn't do a lot you know right uh for five six years and then my then girlfriend got pregnant and I'm like oh I have to do something quick because I that's the most frightened I've ever been because I had a little girl on the way and I'm waiting tables and I'm like I got to do something quick so uh I was living next to Antoine Fuqua in this duplex and he set me up with this casting agent who got me a commercial agent and I started writing for magazines and like my version of participatory journalism like Hunter S. Thompson type of yeah I was like how about if I my one of my first articles was that how about if I test self-defense equipment on myself I was I was just that was my best guess at how to support a family. And it was all out of fear of how to support, how to support a little girl. Honestly. I think you described that leap as if it's an honest, uh, natural progression, you know, well, a kid's on the way and I better, you know, start to get serious here. It's time to test self-defense. Time to shoot myself in the chest while wearing a bulletproof vest. it worked yeah so you start doing it and then you start making videos well when the only magazine like a few magazines around town wanted that article but none of them they wanted treated as a negative pickup come see us after you're done and then we'll the only magazine who would help me like buy the stun gun the taser gun i i bought the bulletproof vest with money my mom gave me for Christmas that year was the editor of Big Brother magazine, Jeff Tremaine, who is now the director of Jackass. And he had a skateboarding magazine owned by Larry Flint that that's in Jeff right before I was writing. I said, how about if I write the article? Jeff goes, why don't you film it at the same time? And they for our skate video. I'm like, OK. And that's what happened. And of course i went to the he's like i'll have dimitri go uh with you to film it who's now the director of photography of jackass right and i pull up that morning and i'm like get in and he goes uh here's the camera this is play this is pause it's got film in it i'm like you're not shooting it he's like no he because there's a gun involved he didn't want didn't want to be there nobody wanted to be no one wants to be there yeah yeah so that's why the camera works so shaky with that So you start making these things and then you get a chance to make a show for MTV. And I didn't know this at the same moment that you have this deal to make a show and you're about to make the show. Out of nowhere, you get this offer from Lorne Michaels at Saturday Night Live. Yeah. And I never heard that. Nothing was happening in my life like two or three months before. You know, I mean, the wonderful things with the family and the kid, but professionally nothing. And then it's like, I have a TV show. We're about to shoot the pilot for MTV. And then, like you said, Lauren Michaels comes calling and we go meet at the Polo Lounge at the Beverly Hills Hotel where Fear and Loathing did begin. And it was a lot, you know, because I had no gigs before this. And he's offering me a spot like five minutes on Saturday Night Live each week. Not to do characters and things like that. No, to do what I do, like make a video each week. and it was a i had to i really seriously considered it but i ended up thinking i would go on there i'm not gonna have any creative control whatsoever and i'm about to do this other thing with me and my friends and i'd rather where i have all the control and i'd rather bet on us than enter into that and would probably i i'd been lucky to be on saturday night live but i chose that no i mean I mean, obviously you certainly didn't make the wrong move there And you got to be the master of your own universe by doing Jackass as opposed to being a small piece of a show where you have very less sometimes we not going to air your piece tonight. It didn't make it, or, you know, we're going to hold onto that or so. So that was the right thing to do. Well, I didn't think so when the pilot, while we're shooting the pilot, it got shut down and I'm like, oh man, we're canceled. It's, this is not even making it to the air now. Why was it shut down? We were filming a bit in West Hollywood at this hardware store, which I think is a restaurant now, Laurel Hardware. It's both. You can get hardware and food. Oh, wait, great, great. I'll have the steak tartar and the rake. I'll have the rake as well. And I walked in. My face was all dirty in a prison orange jumpsuit. And I was handcuffed. And I was trying to get them to help me saw the handcuffs off. Right. they cleared out the place everyone's scared and i realized at one point i'm out there on the saw section saw and there's no not even my cameraman are around like well shit i love that you're you're doing you're committing to the bit and there's no camera at one point i'm sawing and it goes right on my wrist and it was very close to like so then i heard the cops coming i'm like well, I better get outside because that's where the cameras are. And I run outside and right as like three or four carloads of cops are pulling up. And the first lady on the scene, she gets out of her car and tells me, get on the ground. And I abide by what she's saying. But she didn't put her car in park and it runs right into a telephone pole in front of me. And I'm on the ground. You can hear me go, oh, no. because now they're mad. MTV couldn't shoot in West Hollywood for over 10 years after that because we didn't have a permit. We didn't know you permitted to shoot these things. You didn't have a permit? We didn't know what a permit was. That's so fantastic. You know, you are giving credence to this idea that I've had for a long time, which is that if a camera's going, I will do things that I won't do otherwise. And so in a jackass kind of way, I have always, if there's a camera rolling, I'll say, and there's a potential for people to be laughing. Yes. And for it to be recorded, I will do things that otherwise I'd say, oh no, I'd rather not. I eat bugs. I mean, we'll talk about Fear Factor, but all the stuff you guys do in Fear Factor, I lose common sense if I think there's a potential that people would see it and laugh. But you're talking about situations where you're invoking, the police are coming, people have guns. And they can very justifiably let you say, a guy in an orange jumpsuit came running out of the hardware store and I discharged my weapon. And then it's like, oh, that's too bad for that guy making a pilot. it well that's what the lady told me afterwards the female policeman she goes if you would have just moved a few inches while you were on the ground like i was going to get away she i would just put a bullet in your ear and i'm like well i'm glad i kind of just laid there yeah yeah and i said is this the weirdest call you ever had and they said no one time a guy was on pcp at the top of a palm tree, buck naked, and slid all the way down. Yes. Which we tried to convince one of the cast guys to do, but no one was up for it. That is either extremely painful or an erotic thrill. No. No? Okay. But the laughter thing you're talking about, I don't know how to write to make, like, wow, what would uh uh america thinks funny i that would that would make me freeze and but so with jackass if i only know how to make my friends laugh and if they're laughing yes probably we're good but if if they're not laughing we're probably shooting again there's jackass itself then and it's not always you doing the stunts obviously you get your friends so that you can it seems to me like distribute the pain and injury yes so that it's you know um and uh it it's a huge sensation and then jackass uh the movie i remembered seeing that and just being because i remember thinking how do they do this now because you know the tv show has so many sort of iconic moments how do do a movie and i thought you guys made great decisions when you made that movie oh thank you you know and i don't know what because you up the ante a little bit but you also have like production and you know what i mean it's not just the show it's sort of on steroids and more presentational i don't what was the thinking behind the movie well the thinking behind the movie was uh we did they called it three seasons of jackass but it was 24 episodes and over a series of nine ten months and we had unfortunately a couple of copycat incidences and it was an election year and joseph lieberman came down on hollywood that was his big platform and me personally and MTV because of that. Yeah. So it became impossible to do jackass. Right. Uh, we had, uh, all these safety OSHA guys on the set. You can't jump off anything more than four feet. And, and I felt like this doesn't feel right. Uh, what we do is really silly. Right. But it, it means something to me. So I'm like, I think this is the end. And so I gave an interview to my hometown newspaper and said, I quit. Yeah. And everyone was kind of surprised because I just went rogue. Yeah. So there was a lot of heat back and forth. MTV was upset because I was under contract, yada, yada, yada. A lot of back and forth. Finally, a idea for a movie was floated. And Jeff and Spike came to me and said, well, how about if we just do a movie instead? I'm like, like the idiot I am. And I'm like, who's going to play us? And they're like, no, no. You idiot. Yeah. Yes. Is it a love story? A naughty version of the TV show. I'm like, okay, got it. You know, so that I was a little confused, as I often am. But I felt like there was a time when South Park made a movie, and I thought, well, this, traditionally when TV shows make a movie, for many years it was the rule that it's a bad idea. You know what I mean? Justin and Kelly? Okay, almost always a bad idea. That's the first one that popped into your head. Justin Gaurini was just here. I'm not the butchest guy to come along the vlog. well anyway uh great poll by the way uh but you know i remember like south park made a movie and it turned out like oh yes excellent and then uh and then you guys made a movie and it felt like this time when people were making the right call and it was actually translating. I'm curious, you know, I think about there was whatever, 30 years or 28 years there where I was doing a show and always saying yes to things because I thought it would be funny. And I got tossed by a water buffalo once and fell onto up into the air and fell onto hard concrete. And it stopped. Wow. I jumped on a water buffalo when that was not what I was supposed to do. And all my common sense went away. And I think about that all the time. Now I'm thinking about your life where you have a montage playing in your head of things you did where probably halfway through you thought this is a terrible idea but i'm going to do it anyway well it's like this is a terrible idea i'm so glad i'm doing it we're about to get footage and by the way i've always wanted to get hit by a water buffalo so i'm envious i'm sitting there like oh I'm glad that you look up to me that way. So are there things that stand out to you now that you are this silver haired wise, you know, patrician? Are there things that stand out to you now where you go like, oh my God, that was a terrible idea? I don't know. Do you have any regrets at all? Like, I wish I hadn't done that one. Well, yeah, I mean, we're been going back looking through some old bits and you're like oh that that but not like anything for my physical safety just because you know they all can't be hits um so then then i'm like oh man we just even watching the the first movie it's it's almost first jackass movie it's so tame into what it became and uh which but i don't regret any that it's just what it was and like i'm watching myself do pranks and i just i watch it and just go why did i do that course of action why couldn't i pivoted into the i just like to beat myself up yeah we all do that we all uh look at past work we've done and have regrets but for you it might be um why did i light myself on fire no i mean the toothpaste is out of the tube, Conan. I can't do anything about it now. So I'm all right with everything. That's good. Are you in pain? Do you walk around in constant pain? Sometimes, but I'm, I'm not, it's not even a joke. I'm not really in touch with my body. So I can just kind of deal with whatever. Yeah. It's funny you say that because my least favorite question is if I go to to a doctor or something and they say, now how does it feel? And I go, I don't know. I just want to get to the grave. Yeah. You know, like I hate when they're telling me, you know, or whatever, you get a massage and they're like, now how does this feel? I'm like, I don't know. Leave me alone. I'm trying to get through life. You know what I mean? I have that kind of feeling. And so when you said that I was electrified. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I did this to myself. So what am I going to do? Yeah. I'm not going to complain to anyone. It's just, that's what it is. Yeah, that's true. I hadn't thought of that. Most people that walk around like, oh man, my hip, what happened? Oh, you know, just all those years of working at the plant. And for you, it's, well, I strapped myself to a rocket and had it fired into a concrete wall, you know, like Wile E. Coyote. Yeah. And it's hard to be like, oh man, that's tough. Yeah. What happened? I know exactly what happened. We have six cameras. I can prove it. Wow. Yeah. It's, I mean, it's incredible. It's so interesting to me too, that you've referenced Hunter S. Thompson a couple of times, someone that I had the honor of getting to interview, I think twice. And, and, and your interest early on in writing, do you know what I mean? These are, I, those are things that I feel very connected to. And Hunter S. Thompson was someone who put his entire, his self and his body and his sanity, he poured it all into his work. Yeah. And, um, it's, it's fascinating to me that in a way you are in that vein. Do you know what mean you're you're you're you're saying okay here's my body and i'm gonna put all of it into what i do and it's gonna go through this this grinder but that's that is my work yeah this is that was my best guess you know honestly um and i love hunter you know i like two books kind of change my life early on like on the road by jack carewark we're in a bar with my cousin and he hands me the book and I just I didn't know people lived like that yeah and it was you know I'm a small town in Tennessee everyone lives there stays there and and then I read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas when I was 19 and I felt like I didn't know anyone could write like this and be so free and uh after that I I was useless you know it's like my my path was set I guess That's so funny. Those are a time in your life. I think I had just moved out to LA 22 and I'm just only reading, um, you know, fear and loathing books. And it just spoke to me, not that I, my life matched that in any way, but it takes you over in a way that, you know, at my age now, I don't know that it would, I'd like it, but it wouldn't, it wouldn't inhabit me the same way. And like in actuality, if you're living like that or your friends living like that, It's so fucking exhausting to be around. I've had some friends who just, I mean, Steve, he was off the rails just doing the worst drugs. You can get your hands on PCP, those nitrous canisters. There would be, it would be a sea of nitrous canisters at his feet. And it was exhausting. I mean, he'll tell you it was exhausting. but I mean now he's like he's doing great he's been sober for well over we put him away in 2008 so 17 years or something good for him yeah so I mean people ask me well would you say something about if bravery I'm like that's that's bravery like he has to face that dragon every morning and he does and he's he's doing great and I'm really proud of him it is the most impressive thing yeah i see people do is uh you know and it's just amazing that you can give yourself another chapter like that where it's like steve-o can i get you anything some uh maybe uh do you have hibiscus tea it takes you four seconds to stand in front of a bull but he has to do something like this every yes the face bulls yeah all day long yeah yeah do you ever get when you're with all those guys and you guys together are together, do you ever have the thing of guys, keep it down? You know, you know, it's, it's it, you know what I mean? We're not that anymore. Keep it down. I don want to make too much noise tonight or I got to get to bed It nine 15 I don even I wouldn even know how to go about trying to quiet them down You know it just You can try Tranquilize them down. Yeah, I think everyone becomes worse in those situations. If someone tries to, I don't think I would do that. Well, here we go. When the cameras are off, especially early on, it was way worse than when the cameras are on. Is that true? Oh, it was... Yeah. They're very excitable. it's like you're talking about gremlins or don't get them wet you know yeah don't get them wet with whiskey because they're very excitable it's funny you brought up safety uh coordinators are people that are there to make sure that everyone's behaving properly yeah the times that i've been on a set where i had to do the most tame thing literally the most tame thing like go through the ceiling of the show the office and land land on a desk that's just like three feet below me uh on dwight shrewd's desk and just it's just like a little drop down at the time i'm doing it i'm 40 and i'm just throwing myself around all the time because i'm a big kid and someone's there like let's talk this is let's walk through this. Now we're going to hold your body in six different places and slowly. Yeah. You got to buy me dinner first. And then they're going to slowly. And then we've made the desk out of a special foam. And I'm like, guys, I, I grew up in a big family and all we did was toss each other off of staircases. And that is my way of, you know, most times I have a comedy idea. The first thing I want to do is pretend to punch somebody and then I'm thrown through a glass window. It's, I like that kind of stuff. And I think I, I am not body aware in the way that I'm, I'm going to do something still at some point. Cause I just think I'm having fun and being funny and I'm goofing around and I'm going to forget that I'm 85 years old. Are you guys picking, are you auditioning for the new Jackass movie? Well, I have to say, I am. Oh, my name's Colin O'Brien. You know what? I would. Yeah. I would do it. But it's just him falling out of bed. No, I think I would do it. Yeah. Yes. A big stunt for me is behaving myself in a crowded theater. No, I swear to God, there is a wish fulfillment with me. That's why I get so excited. and I used to, I'm obviously a big fan of yours and the stuff that you guys were doing and there was, there's always been part of me. It's funny to me, it's the yin and the yang. I am very cerebral and cautious and all of those things. And then there's the flip side of it where I kind of like it where I'm not in control. It's a relief from the other guy. Yeah, yeah, I'm cautious with my kids, right? I'm like, oh, but- That's so funny. For me, I was never, I was like a, I'm a total helicopter parent when they were little. Like I'm the guy underneath the monkey bars trying to like make sure they don't fall. Just you lecturing at 19 year olds. Now listen, I want you to have your heads strapped on right tonight. And you have like a, you have an and iron sticking through your skull. A bicycle? Are you kidding me? A bicycle? No way. you're gonna wear seven helmets i love all of that that's fantastic i know i do too well i you know i want to tell you we had um uh they let me watch the new uh fear factor they gave us a link to it and i was really enjoying it and i have to say um getting you as the host was a was a stroke of genius on somebody's part yes i'm very happy i had a lot of fun but uh because i mean it's not too much of a pivot from what jackass was except i can't go at these people like i do mine you're dealing with civilians here yes these people have pride a sense of a sense of self-esteem they want to live in society they they can use tools to make other tools they hunt and gather Walk on their hind legs. They wish to procreate. Yeah. So they know it's it's it's fun because I also love that you get to be around it. And it's it's really fun that they're doing all of this stuff and you're there wearing one of these fantastic like polo sweaters. Oh, thank you. My wife was my costumer, Emily. But you're always there like, ah, enjoy. And you become the Ricardo Montalban on Fantasy Island. It's like, you don't have to break a sweat. And you're like, all of you get into the giant meat grinder. And you're there. You know what I mean? You've earned it. And it feels like you've really earned the right to be that guy. Yeah, it's fun. Like, you know, when people display fear in an entertaining manner, I'm here for it. Um, and I thought I was going, I first got the gig. I'm like, oh man, I'm really going to make their life hell. And I got excited and that's never good. But then as I got closer, I'm like, well, these kind of, these are, these, they're different, you know, and there's money at stake and they're trying, these people actually do have phobias. Yep. So I, I was like, maybe I'm, I just felt more natural to kind of help them through it. But I still gave them hell. But mostly I enjoyed both things. It sounds to me like you've started to develop empathy. I did. I even teared up a couple of times in the show. Because you see these reality shows and people cry. I'm like, everyone's fine. What are you crying about? You just met this person. I can't feel my legs and you're crying. Four days ago. But then a few people left the show. I'm like, I don't know. I spent too much time around my mother. That's very nice. Well, I'm curious if, do you ever get asked to like come back and speak at your high school or something? And it's, do you know what I mean? Because it's a strange thing to get, because you've been extremely successful and iconic and now we'd like you to speak to these young people. Like an anti-valedictorian? Yeah, exactly. Do as I did. Here's what I find worse. Cautionary tales. Screw college. Yeah. Don't go to college. Fire a nail gun into your anus. Hey, that's not half bad. Yeah, that's good. Oh, I could be a writer. If you guys won't let me be in the new Jackass movie, I will be a writer. Has anyone ever Oh God. fired hot lava into their urethra? Lava from Mount Aetna. you guys are like conan no it wouldn't work it would evaporate the tissue around it okay i'll keep working on it oh yeah i come in with really giant glasses i'll keep working conan i'm just spitballing here but no i have never been invited to speak before uh high school college or yeah you know and i don't blame them no i don't know well i think you'd be a great they should yeah they should they're missing out on a great speech um so i also was telling you i'm obsessed with the new fear factor house because there's reality shows always take place in a house it's always a similar looking house i don't care this house is a house that's absolutely stunning and it looks like the richest man in the world lives there and he's got taste it's like beautiful this house is where is it It's in West Vancouver. It is a beautiful place. They have all these shots of it, and I just keep thinking about it. I want to be on the show as a contestant because I really want to try this lava thing. You can do that on your own. I know. And trust me, I have. Because getting the lava hot enough makes a problem. But I also, I just, I love that house. Well, they do Celebrity Jeopardy. What about some Celebrity Fear Factor at some point, you know? I would love that. Yeah. Yeah. Dame Judi Dench getting shot out of a cannon. You know, I was trying to convince the show Traitors. I'm like, we should have a jackass Traitors. Because all the things that you need to possess to be good in that show, none of us have. And we'll be physically attacking each other. We can be pranking. I love that you go into a show where there's strategy and psychology, but you just start firing nail guns. No one's going to want to walk down to breakfast and open the door. Yeah. You know, you don't want no one's going to want to touch the door handle. It's the genius behind, I mean, Alan coming watching Alan coming, say murder is the whole, I watched that show just for his costumes are fantastic. Oh, yes. And then, but no, you, Fear Factor coming into other shows. And I think, you know, like Password, you know, just. Just like it. Yeah. Yeah. No, Jeopardy. Yeah. You know, just shows where it's very intelligent shows where people have to kind of use their streets, their knowledge. But you guys are just smashing everything. You could really amp it up for the celebrity Fear Factor, too, because these people know what they're getting into and they're in the business. so just hand me a pen and a piece of paper and yeah, I can, that would be fun. Just writing bits. Okay. I will, I'll produce this with you. Yes, yes. Yeah. I'll take very little money and by very little, I mean 80%. Yes. That'll be my biggest stunt. That's kidding. He's doing a Fear Factor show with you and getting most of the money. That'll be a pain unlike anything you've ever felt before. Well, that may come at a price. no i don't target i i can only target my the jackass guys it's yeah yeah yeah there's a trust obviously there's such a trust and there's real friendship there i've had i've in a couple times that i've targeted a friend that was not part of a civilian was and it just hurt his feelings and i'm like oh i'm never gonna do that again isn't that the worst yeah it's yeah that was, it is interesting. You bring that up because they always say it's always, uh, you know, it's funny until someone gets hurt. And I always think it's actually when someone's feelings get hurt. Yeah. I, this, the bottom falls out for me. If, if, unless the person is pure evil and, and deserves to have hurt a hurt feeling. But other than that, the times I've done, anytime I've done something and it got back to me, Oh no, someone heard that joke and they were sad. I'm like, oh man, that's the worst. It sucks the air out of the room. And then you feel, I just like, I'm a monster. And it was, I was doing things that not even like one 10th of what I do to the guys, but still I was like, okay, I'm not going to target anyone else. Just I can, you know, save it for my fellas. And now Rachel Wolfson. Yeah. When is the next movie coming out? June 26th. Okay. Yeah. And are you doing any stunts in the new one or do they cut to a dummy? Well, I mean, they always cut to a dummy. I can do stunts. I just can't do anything where I get another concussion because I've. How many have you had? 16. So do you know who I am right now? Yes, Andy. I don't care about a broken arm or ankle, but it just, I can't have any more concussions. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a wise course of action. And I feel like I did my thing. I don't feel like I'm missing anything. That's good. I mean, if I saw you in the shower, I wouldn't be horrified. Well, I think you probably would be. My God! I didn't know it could be so small. There's just like a big piece of torso missing and you don't even notice it. Danny, you keep like little knickknacks in there. You keep humble figurines and a little alarm clock in there. Pull my arm off to get my back. Hey, Conan. Hey, thanks a lot. Hey, this thing's great. I love it. So what is your now commitment to the Fear Factor show? You just, you're waiting to see? Yeah, I guess it comes out tomorrow. Tomorrow? The 14th. Yeah, the time here. It's really fun. Thank you. And yeah, I'm hoping, I had so much fun. I'm hoping they pick it up. So it seemed to do good on the sneak preview on Sunday. The only thing that there's a lot of stuff that doesn't, that I don't worry about, but insects creep me out, you know? And I don't think I have a phobia about it, but I just always, a hairy spider to me is like the worst thing in the world, like a tarantula. An arachnid that has hair creeps me out. And the idea of, but then again, if I was on camera and there was a studio audience there and people were laughing and I knew they'd really laugh. If I went for it, I'd pick one up and start licking it as it stung my tongue and filled me with a heart paralyzing venom. And I'd look the camera and go, daddy likes his gum gum juice. And then I would die. You know, the thing about those hairy spiders is the hair gets in your eyes and it feels like asbestos what you're talking from experience no it's you just can't get it it just itches it can't get it it can't get it off of you that's funny i can bring up anything to you and you're like here's the thing about a rhino horn in your ass it's funny you don't know is there's a the horn is kind of waxy and then you You can't get the wax out of your ass. Like anything I bring up, you're going to go, you know, it's funny. Bull's horns are very dirty. That's when people get gored before penicillin. That was kind of it for them. But now they have penicillin, you can get gored pretty much all you want. Do you ever? There's one matador. I don't, I can't remember his name. He's been gored like 63 times. It's crazy. When he gets a drink at a bar, all this. All this bit in the world but I love it I fine Look look look He my favorite matador hands down But you know it funny I think of a germaphobic matador as a really funny idea He's like, he doesn't mind getting gored, but he keeps trying to use a wet wipe on the horn. His cape is a big wet wipe. Yeah, it's like, it's kind of less cool, Diego. I don't care. You got to wipe the bulls, horns and hooks before he gets in the ring with them. Well, this has been a blast. It's been really fun. Thank you. And I really enjoy you on the new Fear Factor. And I just love talking to you. Thank you. You are just an infinitely charming fellow. And congrats on the new movie coming out and that you're thriving. It's just really. And that you're well. You're happy. You're here. Yeah. You're able to move about. Oh, yes. I yeah after I finished the last jackass I was just I was so happy like I'm still walking yeah I'm good yeah so uh but thank you you've always been so kind to me oh my god you're kidding I just I mean I'm a big fan and uh thanks so much for doing it I really appreciate it oh one less you were talking about all these safety guys uh when you're shooting something you got to get really shady safety guys our safety guys are the shady it's just a little tip before I go So there's no union. Oh, no. But like our alligator expert, Manny, who dives in swamps at night with the miner's light and pulls alligators up from the bottom. Jesus. He's a wonderful man. He is Tarzan. But he's our safety guy when we work with alligators. And so, you know, you film those safety meetings before. And they're like, okay, Manny, tell us what's the plan here? He goes, well, Steve-O will be in there with an alligator. And if the alligator bites him, hopefully he will let go. All right, let's shoot. So that's good. You need a very shady safety guy who probably wasn't a safety guy a month ago. You need a pretty good safety guy. okay i am sitting here with son of sesian yeah and normally now i'd say matt gorley but he is out on maternity leave paternity he's a he's a he's a man i don't i'm gonna stick with what i said oh you're gonna you're gonna double down on it yeah he's on maternity leave okay he got his knickers in a twist. He's out. He had a beautiful baby girl. Yes. Nell, and very happy for him. Filling in for him is David Hopping. Now, this is a rare occasion where both of my assistants are sitting here with me. You've got Sona, assistant since 2009. Yeah. And David Hopping, when did you really take over as my full-time assistant? Well, 2021? 2021, when the boys were four. Yeah, that's right. Okay, so you've both assisted me. And I thought this is a great time to ask you guys some pretty blunt questions. And you have to be honest. No, seriously, you have to be honest. Okay. Okay. You mean we don't have to try to protect your feelings? No, just go for it. Because we try that all the time. No, no, no. I think this was a good chance to know more about me. I am not in the least bit defensive. I'm an open book. This is going to be fun. Yeah, okay. Can this be like a 30-minute segment? I'm curious. Stona, what was your least favorite thing to do for me? Whoa. the least favorite thing to do yeah the thing that when I asked you to do it you really hated it apologize is that one can I say apologize when I messed up and you were just like can you just feel bad about not doing something because you wouldn't do it I know that's your thing but no I think no wait well say you you screwed something up which didn't happen a lot I mean we made jokes but I got things done yeah you got things done yeah but when things would go terribly wrong and I would say oh come on sona, you'd say, yep, that happened. And you would just plow ahead. All right. And so I would sometimes I'm just being honest, I would try to get you to apologize or say you feel badly about it and you wouldn't. I know. I know. OK, here's you know what? So that's that's a good answer. OK, so but also I'm trying to think of things I did regularly that I was just like every time you would ask me to do, I'd be like, oh, God. Yeah. And you know what? Honestly, I can't think of anything where I might need some time with it because you liked shaving my back. Oh, God. You enjoyed that? Oh, God. Because I didn't think you would. Don't put that out there. I don't want people to think that was going to happen, whatever happened. You had the longest shaver in the world. She was on the end of a pole. Like back? Oh, yeah. She would be maybe 35 yards away from me. Like those gripper things? I was horribly cut up whenever you would do that because you were often on your phone while you were doing it. I know. I think that you're not a very high-maintenance person. I don't think so. I don't think you're high-maintenance. But now we switch it over to David, what do you not like to do for me? Or it's kind of a drag. Be honest. I mean, let's see. Where do I start? No, I think, you know what? Sorry, I just remembered. I don't know if you have this, too. There's times when there's something you ask us to do that we I think we know you can just do on your own. Yeah. And then I lived in Pasadena and you'd be like, can you just come to my house at nine in the morning to help me with this thing? And I'd be like, you know how to do that. Yeah. But I have to be in traffic for like an hour and a half. It was usually how do I read my email? Uh-huh. Or how do I get into Netflix? Yes. You can never get into Netflix? Now, in my defense, in my defense, it's very hard to get onto Netflix. Yeah. I mean, next to impossible. You have to be a brain surgeon. Although I do want to say, I think I got hired because of things Sona didn't want to do, like running the errands and things is why I even got a job. That's true. Yeah, that's actually true. My various creams and balms, ointments and salves. There's so many creams. And balms. And balms. Salves. Yeah. Emollients. Yeah. Gels. Yeah. So I'm grateful for that. I know. And it was job security. Like, you know. When do I get one? Oh, an assistant. That's right. When do I get an assistant? Oh my God. When you have an assistant, that is the end. I'm going to start a nationwide search. That is the end of days. I think, yes, the tech stuff. I'm constantly, I don't belong. I should not be living in this century. It's like I'm an 18th or 19th century man. I think I would have been uncomfortable in the 19th century because they'd be like, hey, can you pull that crank and make that steam powered thing work? I cannot do it, sir. We'd have to drive to you. Tis witchcraft. Talk to my assistant in Pasadena. Pasadena? No one lives there. that's not inhabited yet. Look, in my defense, I abhor technology. I just, and so, yes, I think that's probably the worst is when I call you up and say, I don't know how to take a picture with my phone and then send it to someone. It's not that bad. Which you've done a million, but sometimes you're in your head so much about something you have to do that you do forget very basic things. This is something that Sona was really on top of. She would always say, I'd call her up. And I don't think, to be fair, I don't think I would make you drive from Pasadena to my house. You didn't do it often. No. But there were times when, you know, I would have to be there. And it's my job. I didn't know when I was making a sandwich if the bread goes on top. You forgot how a sandwich works? Yeah, and I needed you to be here to show me. So I was like, get here, fast. Well, yeah, and also I liked going to your house. It's fun there. It's pretty nice. Yeah, it is. All those portraits of me. The statues in the yard. Yeah, I love seeing that stuff. Yeah, me on horseback, naked. Oh, God. Poor Liza. I'd say shave the back of my statue. So, you know, what's so crazy is that I would call you, Sona, and I would say, I can't do this. And you would say, yes, you can. You have a phobia about it. Yeah. But it's very intuitive. and you would coach me and I would realize that I'm very tech phobic and I will think I can't do this. This isn't something I could ever figure out in a million years. And because of you, I do try a lot now before I call anybody. I try to see if I could figure it out. And then when blue foam starts coming out of my device, I know it's time to get David on the I'm really proud of you. He learned how to put things in his calendar on his own. Oh, hey, you're doing it. Yeah. Oh, good job, bud. It's like we're talking about a one-legged turtle. That one-legged turtle. He learned how to make a poopy. Good for you, Mr. Gibbles. I'll take it. All right. This is a serious question. Would you, if my life was in danger, would you put yourself between me and the danger? Sona. You know what? like what I sacrifice myself for you. Yeah. Would you sacrifice your life for mine? I probably would have before I had kids. Now I won't. Now, but I honestly, you're fired. Oh, no. But I mean, I was going to say that's crazy. Well, no, but you shouldn't even. What do you mean before I had kids? I know I'm not I'm not like Secret Service. I'm going to jump in front of a bullet for you. But I think that I would have. I think that the and I don't know if you feel this, too, the need to protect you and make sure you are good is more so within the two of us than it is in a lot of people. Yes. And I give you a lot of credit for that because all joking aside, there were times when I was on tour in 2010. I remember, I think I was in Eugene, Oregon, and we did a show. And afterwards I said, hey, everybody meet me at this, like, there was a sculpture or something of a big red wagon. I said, everybody meet me there. And I really went there because I want it to be kind of like an Andy Kaufman happening. And there was a huge crowd there and you were with me, but then it was just so many people. You got sucked into this crowd. Sucked into this massive crowd. And then I saw you later back at the hotel and you were freaked out and you were mad at me. You were like, I didn't know how to protect you. And I said, that's not your job in those situations. That's my job in those situations. That's true. But you're very, yeah, you've always, look, all joking aside, I love you and you've always been you take really good care of me yeah David not so much ah there it is hey we were in New York and you cut your head open excuse me are you filing what are you doing back then what the fuck are you doing I'm getting all the I'm getting all the ads ready can you not do that right now I keep trying to remove paper from people I'm sorry Gourley was doing it the other day and now you are I think you're putting your thesis together I didn't realize you were at Princeton. I should have done this outside the studio. Would you drop it on the floor right now? Drop it. God damn. Sorry about that. I'm trying to talk to you guys and he's over here. He's not gonna jump in front of a bullet for you. Guess what? I wish you would. Because I'm hiring that guy now. He's the one who's gonna shoot you. That's right. He's giving you the bullet that you shoot. I want you to shoot me and jump in front of that bullet. And all your papers will go flying. I'm on it, I'm on it. Okay, here we go. Oh, my God. But David was saying when- Oh, hell, I was going to say, we were in New York at like one or two trips ago, and I get a text from Liza that you cut your head open, and I ran to a CVS and got you all the medicine, all the Band-Aids. You did. You did. So that's, I don't know where I'm going with that. Oh, I know what I did. Yeah, I walked into like a low-hanging lamp because I'm a freak. Yeah. It's not meant for people of your height? No. They like hung a lamp, and they thought, don't worry, 99.9% of the people won't hit this lamp with the rusty corner. Yeah. Yeah, I slammed into it and there was blood shooting everywhere. I was like bruised. Yeah, yeah. But you did go get a bunch of poultices. I got everything CVS had. Various treatments, herbs, remedies. It was, but would you, let's say the moment comes down to it and it's my life or yours, would you make the ultimate sacrifice? This is a crazy question. You know what? Huh? This should have been in the interview. Would you? I think that we really won't know until it happens. Okay. Yeah, that's a good answer. It'll be a game time decision. Yeah. You just gave me your answer. What cafe are both of you working at? Yeah. You know what? I think one of, we do need to stay behind to let Liza know you died. Yeah. This is so dark. Yeah. But you're right. Yes. You're right. You know, how's she going to know? And you know what? You'll both be chomping on sandwiches when you call her. Anyway. Yeah, you didn't make it. But it's really bad. No, no. No, no. I want hummus on the side. Okay. Hummus, hummus. Come on. I said it correctly. But why is it always hummus? You eat a lot of hummus. I do like it. I mean, sometimes you don't even have hummus, but you have it in your pockets. Yeah. You have hummus on you at all times. I wish. I really wish. I wish it was like a bowl and I was just dipping pita chips in it all the time. Listen, you guys are both fantastic. I will say that. I'll deny it. I'm glad this isn't being recorded. Oh. You're both fantastic. Oh, why are we recording these? And let's get back to Blaze shuffling papers noisily off camera so that my ads are in the right order when I read them 20 minutes after we end this recording. Incredible. Thanks, both of you. Godspeed. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gorley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair. And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. you