Future Sister-In-Law Is SABOTAGING Our Wedding And Fiance Keeps Defending Her | Reading Reddit

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My fiance Nate, 27 male, and I, 26 female, have been together for almost three years. He proposed to me about six months ago and shortly after we found out I was pregnant. We are planning on having our wedding in spring of next year. Nate has a twin sister, 27 female, who we will call Kayla. Nate and I announced our engagement and my pregnancy at the same time. We made a cute little Facebook post with a couple of engagement pics and an ultrasound photo that said something along the lines of, the Smith family is going to have two new additions. Kayla commented almost immediately that we will have to wait until next year to actually get married because she looks best in all colors. And as maid of honor, she'd get a say in choosing bridesmaid's dresses. I literally stared at my phone screen wondering if I'd read something wrong. I showed the comment to Nate and asked him why she thought she would be my maid of honor. He had no clue. So I texted her and this is how that exchange went. I said hey Kayla I see you saw our announcement on Facebook thank you for being ready to step up for me but we haven't started working out wedding logistics yet and I haven't picked my bridesmaids much less my maid of honor once we have more details of the wedding worked out we will let you know Kayla said well you don't have to choose a maid of honor anymore I'm your maid of honor op said i don't understand i never asked you to be kayla said you don't have to ask that's what makes me such a good sister op said i'm sorry you are not my maid of honor she said we'll see about that i showed these messages to nate who said he will deal with it i have no idea what the extent of their conversation was but kayla never brought up me being a maid of honor again she just reared ugly attitude in different ways as of now nate and i have booked the venues caterer the floral decorations and the dj already a couple of months ago i invited mine and nate's mother along with my sister sam who i asked to be my maid of honor to do some dress shopping kate found out from her mom and invited herself to tag along we started by looking for a dress for sam i wanted my bridesmaids in a pretty pastel yellow. But Sam's is going to be more golden. Kayla would not shut up about how yellow is such an ugly color and I should go with pink or blue instead. She even grabbed a bunch of pink and blue dresses to try on herself. I tried my best to ignore her while her mother entertained her bizarre ideas. Sam and my mother were making constant comments about how it's my wedding and if Kayla isn't going to be helpful, she should just leave. Unfortunately, she didn't and i'm too nice to kick her out in front of my mother-in-law who i already have a strained relationship with our mothers were able to shop for their dresses with little interference from kayla but as soon as i started trying things on she had all sorts of things to say she would tell me that certain styles wouldn't look good once i had baby bod and even told me i should consider not wearing white since i'm obviously not a virgin i told her she wasn't a virgin when she got married either yet she still wore an adorable white sundress to the courthouse she grumbled about how that wasn't the same but i was already halfway back to the changing room i still don't know what happened while i was in there but when i came out kayla and mother-in-law were gone and sam had a smug smile on her face i never discussed any details of the wedding with kayla if i could help it but i've heard nate sharing some of our plans with her he told that we were planning on a buffet-style meal because we already had a lot of dietary restrictions on our families, and that was the cheapest way to accommodate everybody. Literally like a few thousand dollar difference. And she told him he deserved someone who wouldn't go cheap on his wedding, even though the buffet was his idea. He told her about our venue choices. He picked the reception venue. I picked the ceremony venue, which is the same place my parents got married. My father passed away, and since he cannot walk me down the aisle, I always wanted to get married in the same place he married my mom to sort of feel like he was there with us. She told Nate that my venue choice was tacky and people would make fun of us. When he mentioned he wanted a DJ, she made a comment about how she knew I wasn't classy enough to want a live band. Each and every time she would make comments like this, Nate would tell her that they were his ideas, but not call her out for how she spoke about me, which I do feel a little hurt by. I've expressed this to him and he told me that he would try to do better about calling her out but she's just always been this way i told him that's no excuse for her to be disrespectful and stick her nose into business that doesn't concern her he hesitantly agreed on friday i got an email from the venue for our ceremony confirming our cancellation and asking if we needed to reschedule shortly after that i got a voicemail from our caterer explaining that my wedding planner had just called, but the line had dropped and was wondering if I could pass along her phone number so they could finish going over changes to the menu. I immediately emailed the venue back, saying that no, we are not cancelling or rescheduling. Please keep our original date on the books. I called the caterer, who explained that a woman had called and said she was my new wedding planner. She had said that I wanted to make some changes to the contract, namely switching from a buffet style to plated meals. I told him that was not the case. I do not have a wedding planner and please do not make any changes unless contacted by me or Nate directly with the contact information we have on the file. The caterer suggested putting a password on file also. He said he wouldn't make any changes unless the person requesting them knew the password. I called both venues and all of our other vendors to put in place the same types of precautions. they all gave their sympathies for me having to deal with this when they got home from work i confronted him about it i told him someone tried to cancel my venue and change our catering i told him the only person it could be is kayla he tried to deny and say that she wouldn't do it but i reminded him of how she's undermined and insulted me during every step of this engagement i told him i wanted her uninvited i will not give someone who has already done so much to make this wedding stressful the opportunity to do something like show up in white he fought me on this but i basically told him that i felt disrespected by him over how he's allowing kayla to treat me i'm his partner and the mother of his child my feelings and comfort should be more important to him than his sister's childish antics we met with her for lunch earlier today and once we got dessert he asked her she's trying to make changes to our wedding plans she said and i quote well yeah it's the maid of honor's job to make sure the bride is making the right decisions before nate could even say anything i told her she is not my maid of honor and even if she was that would not give her the authority to undermine our decisions and make changes to the wedding plans and budget behind our backs she said she didn't see what the big deal was since her grandmother had offered us a pretty large chunk of change as a present to pay for the wedding i told her again the wedding budget is none of her business. She tried to argue but I just cut her off. I told her that her behavior regarding our wedding thus far had been nothing but disrespectful and insulting. I told her trying to cancel my venue had crossed the line and she was no longer invited to the wedding. She seemed absolutely shocked by this. She looked at Nate waiting for him to defend her and then he did. He looked at me and said why don't we give her one more chance? I asked if he was kidding. He said no, that Kayla was only doing what she thought was best for us. And now that we've told her that it wasn't okay, we should give her a chance to correct her behavior. I didn't even respond. I just got up and left. I went and got in my car and drove home, thinking to myself that if he wanted to side with his sister, then he could rely on her to get home. I ignored him trying to get a hold of me. Once at home, I packed a small bag and left for Sam's house. I told her everything and she told me I could stay as long as I needed to. But now she's at work for the night and that's where i am now trying to process what just happened trying to figure out when i became a second place in nate's life trying to figure out if there's any way to fix what just broke in me he keeps switching between asking where i am telling me he didn't think that this was that big of a deal and apologizing and asking me to come home and talk i don't feel ready to talk to him just yet i'm still too upset and i feel like i'll do or say something i will regret like call off the wedding altogether i just told all my vendors that we aren't canceling the wedding but right now i kind of want to i don't know if it's my hormones making me feel crazy or if i'm valid and how hurt i'm feeling i just don't know what to do or what to think so am i the asshole for not wanting to give her a second chance or is my fiance right that she deserves a chance to prove herself before she uninvited from the wedding altogether So I'll just give you a quick overview of the comments and the majority were basically saying that OP is right in that thinking of cancelling the wedding or at least delaying it at this moment in time is the right decision because you can't go into a wedding like this where you're basically not his priority in this situation. and basically saying that op is second place to nate's sister but op comes in with their first update and then there's another to follow which says first of all i want to say thank you to everyone who read my original post and offer their judgments and advice writing this all out really helped me process what i was feeling and hearing that i wasn't overreacting or just being hormonal from people that i removed from the situation was very comforting i read every single comment and there is no way to express how much all the kind words meant to me. There were lots and lots of comments asking for an update but I wanted to wait until after I had talked to Nate. I spent last night at Sam's house and mostly ignored Nate's texts and calls. Kayla texted me once also telling me to not let my hormones make me irrational but someone advised to unblock and just silence her notification so if she escalates I could maybe use it in court for my custody case. i did unblock her earlier today and i'm glad i did but we'll get there i replied to nate at one point last night telling him that i was safe and at sam's house and that i'll be home tomorrow today after work to talk about everything i expressed again that i was feeling really hurt about not being heard or backed up by him and that i needed time to decide what i wanted to do he asked what i meant by that if i meant canceling the wedding altogether i told him that is exactly what i was considering his reply don't let your hormones make you do something irrational we'll talk tomorrow anyone else want to take a guess where he got that line that just about made my decision for me i didn't reply not even when he texted me good night i love you instead before i went to bed for the night i sent him a link to my post and told him to read through it before we talk someone said he probably sent it to kayla too if she did read it she hasn't commented and if she texted me about it it was while i had her blocked this morning i called in to work and had breakfast with sam she gave me the number of a family lawyer that her friend used for his custody case i spoke to the assistant explained my situation and luckily she had a slot open after lunch for an initial consult so i took a shower and basically just kept reading through the comments on my post until it was time to talk to her i told the lawyer exactly why i'm leaving nate and how I'm terrified over how his sister would influence him with our baby. I don't trust him to not be influenced by Kayla and to have our baby's best interest in mind so I want to fight for sole custody and supervise visitation. I told her if possible I want to include something that restricts Kayla from having any contact with my child. I'm already mentally prepared to have to fight Nate in court because I know he will not agree to any of this. My lawyer told me that while my concerns are valid it may be difficult to convince a judge to put a contact restriction in the custody order based on family drama alone she advised me to document everything Kayla has done and anything moving forward so we can present it to the judge if and when we end up in court she gave me a list of things to think about like if I want Nate to get any custody at all or just visitation how I want to handle things like medical care or education for my child if I want to put communication restrictions like only talking over texts lots of things i would never have thought of and never thought i would have to think of we were supposed to do all of this together she told me to take a few days to gather my thoughts and decide on what i want i scheduled an in-person meeting for this friday to go over everything hopefully i will have my mind straight by then but if anyone has any advice when it comes to what to put on these custody papers i'm all ears after the phone call with my lawyer i checked some more comments and then took a much needed nap when i woke up i had a text from nate asking what time i'll be off of work so he could have dinner ready for me when i get home i told him i would be there around five if cader is there i'll be turning around and leaving without a word i then asked him if he read the post i sent him he said i did but i would rather talk to you than read you bash me and my sister on the internet with a bunch of strangers. Don't worry, I told Kayla she's not welcome. This pissed me off beyond belief. Clearly, he either didn't read the post or still doesn't realize how truly in the wrong they are. Either way, I lost all motivation to try and talk to work things out. I'm just done. I texted him, don't worry about dinner. All I will be doing is gathering some more things and dropping off my lawyer's contact info. There's nothing more for us to discuss. He asked what I meant what lawyer and told me he'd been waiting to talk about this all i said was fine sam wished me luck before i left and assured me i was welcome back once we were done talking i told her i absolutely would be back and thank them for everything so far then i stopped and got one of these boba refreshers from starbucks to calm my nerves before i went home when i got home nate had dinner ready just like he said i ignored him and just went straight to our room to pack up some more of my clothes and toiletries. He tried asking me if I really wasn't going to talk to him, but I just ignored him for the time being. Just seeing his face made my anger flare up and I wanted to be smart about our discussion. After a while, he gave up and just went to eat in the dining room. When I was finished, I went and sat with him at the table. I didn't touch any of the food. I started a voice memo on my phone before I said, go ahead. He looked at me all confused, so I told him he was the one that wanted to talk and must have so much to say. so go ahead he stumbled over his words for a while but ultimately started off with an apology trying to tell me he didn't realize i was so upset with kayla's behavior i asked him if he remembered how hard i cried after i got home from dress shopping because of her comments about my choices and my body if he remembered having to talk to her about not being my maid of honor if he remembered our conversation just a few days ago i told him canceling my venue that held so much sentiment to me was way too far over the line he said he did each time and tried to add a to argue but i just cut him off with my next example i told him that after all of that he 100 should have known i was beyond done with her bullshit i told him i was so hurt and pissed that i wanted her uninvited but he wanted to give her another chance what cancel our dj and book a live band dye my dress red or show up in white herself he told me she would never do that i told him he told me she would never cancel my venue but then she admitted to it in front of our faces i told him i don't trust his opinion on his sister and he is just as delusional as she if he thinks she will change i asked him why he even told us so many details of our wedding anyway why does her opinion for our wedding even matter he tried to tell me that because kayla didn't get to have a real wedding when she got married she was just a little too excited about us i told him she has all the right in the world to be excited but that does not give her any rights to insult or change our choices regarding what we want for our wedding she'll have plenty of opportunities to have a real wedding if she could stop for two seconds and take her nose out of our wedding business she could go out and find a man or woman to marry herself poor soul whoever that may be i asked him what's next she gets to name our baby since she lost her own the look on his face made my stomach feel hollow he told me and i quote actually kayla does have a few ideas for what we can name our daughter daughter side notes i'd mentioned in a comment previously that we were waiting to be surprised about the gender of our baby we were discussing baby names and had settled on the top three for each gender we agreed to keep them to ourselves until the baby is born i asked if he said daughter and he looked like a deer caught in my headlights he backtracked but i pressed the issue i asked him flat out if he knows the gender of our baby he hesitated but ultimately confessed to remembering that i filled out an information release form at the first ob visit so he called the office and asked them for the results of our gender scan claiming that we changed our minds and he was going to do a reveal for me i feel absolutely sick and violated i asked him what the fuck he was thinking he said kayla was feeling left out since sam was planning my baby shower and not including her and that she just couldn't wait to find out i demanded he tell me everything what else has he gone behind my back to do did he give the idea to pretend to be our wedding planner was he the one that had to cancel my venue and change our catering he tried to tell me no of course not she did that on her own but i could just tell he was lying he absolutely put her up to all of this at that point i didn't even care why he did it it's clear that none of our decisions will ever be actually ours we'll always do whatever the hell he wants to and get kayla to back him up i didn't even want to think about how many of our decisions in the past were completely undermined and changed by these two i asked him if kayla came to him and told him everything i'm telling him that she doesn't feel supported by her partner that her partner went behind her back to learn the gender of their baby without her that her partner was retroactively changing every decision they had agreed upon that her partner was letting their sibling bully her relentlessly what would he say to her. He didn't have a response and honestly, if he did, I didn't want to hear it anymore. I knew the answer. I told him that as a woman who is supposed to be his wife, me and the baby I'm carrying should be his top priority, not his twin sister. I said him going behind my back like this for something as important as the gender of our baby is absolutely unforgivable. There is nothing that he can say or do to fix this now. I told him I will no longer be marrying him, but it's up to him if he wants to cancel all the vendors i said you're more than welcome to use it all to marry kayla seeing as she's the one you obviously care about the most he tried to backtrack and apologize and explain but every time i just cut him off and told him that i had heard enough and my mind was made up there is no going back now if he wants to have even the slimmest chance to get me back and have a real relationship with our baby you will need to attend some serious therapy and do a of work on himself and his relationship with Kayla I told him no woman in her right mind would ever marry him while he was this enmeshed with her. I told him that any contact we have moving forward will be through my lawyer. I want nothing to do with his family and if I get what I want they will have nothing to do with my daughter because I'll be damned if I let him subject her to this treatment. i put my lawyer's name and phone number on the table and walked out he didn't try to follow me so now on top of dealing with my lawyer for the custody case do i have to file a complaint with my ob office are they allowed to just give him this information without my express consent or did me stupidly putting him on the information release or my sign give them blanket consent to share any and all of my information with him god i didn't think this could get any worse but i guess that's on me for being naive. I'm glad I recorded the conversation though and got him admitting to doing all of this. I don't know how or if it will help my custody case but I sent it to my lawyer with a note that we can discuss more on Friday. I'm back at Sam's place now. She was already at work when I got back but I texted her to wake me up when she gets home. I need my sister. I also called my mom and told her everything that's happened so far. She cried with me for a while and then asked me if I needed her to do anything. I asked her if she'd be willing to go to the house with Sam and get the rest of my stuff because I do not want to see Nate right now. Just picturing this face is making me feel sick. She said she is more than willing. Kayla did text me again. I'm assuming Nate talked to her after I left. It was a very long, cruel message that I don't want to repeat here. I can post a screenshot if anyone cares for the whole message, if I can figure out how to attach one. But to summarize, she just called me a delusional control freak who can't let Nate make any decisions for himself and insulted my venue choice once again and then said that she hopes my baby is stillborn because I don't deserve to be a mother. Honestly, after reading it, I thought the message would hurt, but it just gave me a really good laugh. I took a screenshot and sent it to my lawyer as well. And that's where we're at. The wedding is off. I will call the vendors tomorrow and see if we can get any deposits back. If not, I'll let them know to contact Nate and Kayla to see if they would like to keep things as planned. Let them throw a party for all I care. But I'll be cancelling my venue regardless of my refund. Neither of them are going to step foot in that sacred place if I can help it. I didn't realise how much I was letting this weigh on me until now. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Even though a new one is settling very quickly. Writing everything out like this is truly freaking helpful for me to process how I'm feeling and what I need to do. I don't know if I'll keep doing formal updates, but for anyone who's interested maybe i'll just treat this profile like a little journal as this all unfolds thank you again to everyone for all your advice and for showing me that i'm not crazy so op comes in with one more update which again was titled to their final update and says everyone so i was originally going to post this in the mi the arsehole here subreddit but it ended up being too long and i can't be bothered to trim this down for the 26 382nd time so on my own profile it goes also i tried adding links and tags and stuff but i don't use reddit so i don't know if i did this right sorry in advance but everything is finally wrapped up so i thought i'd come back and post the resolution i did post a few other updates if you're interested in reading those but i didn't have any details relevant to nate or kayla really this is the one that has the juicy meat as i said in my life update i've pretty much been writing and editing this update for months so hopefully it makes sense i did my best to keep everything chronological so after i posted my original post and once i decided to leave nate for good it became apparent that i needed to hightail it out of state so many people had a lot of good advice for this and i swear i couldn't have done it without you sam and i got to work pretty much immediately i called my manager at work who already had a very brief understanding of the situation and asked who to talk to about options for relocating to a different office and taking leave until after my baby is born without going into too much detail i was able to use up my benefits to still get two weeks of leave paid and i was essentially approved for my maternity leave indefinitely i basically just needed to contact my boss at the new office once my baby is born and at that point we worked out my start date sam had just graduated this past may and was still looking for a job in her field so she transitioned her search to the city that my new office is in and had a lot more luck than she did locally. She found her job in her field rather quickly and while it's not ideal it's something for her to have now and gain relevant experience while she keeps looking for a dream job. My mom also moved with us. She got to work selling her house and is currently staying with Sam and I. She has an apartment lined up and will be moving out once I go back to work and can cover my portion of the bills again. The day after I cut things off with Nate, I called all of the vendors that I had paid deposits to, my venue, the caterer, and the DJ. The caterer and the venue were very understanding, seen as they had already been dragged into this mess before. The venue had no problem returning my deposit because they already had someone that was interested in reserving the date. The woman I was talking to for the catering literally told me to hold on a second and I heard her say something like, I know we don't normally refund deposits, but can we do it for her? and there was a little bit of back and forth that I didn't catch before a man came on the phone and informed me that I'd be receiving my deposit back in full and wish me the best in the future. I was at a loss and while I felt incredibly honored and grateful I couldn't help but laugh when I hung up that time. The DJ only refunded me a half of my deposit but that was the cheapest deposit anyway so I wasn't incredibly hurt by that loss. All deposits were stated as non-refundable in our contract so even though i'm given over six months notice they didn't have to give me anything back so i was very grateful for what i was given i used the money to help secure the lease for our new place and the rest will just help pad my bank account until i'm back to work sam's also been helping me apply for all the support and aid that our new state offers for single mothers while i was handling vendors sam was going online and changing my passwords and locking down everything bank accounts credit cards social media accounts utility accounts emails everything i forgot to list here all the works and it was while she was doing this that she discovered that nate was still logged into his apple account on my laptop i knew his password and he hadn't changed it yet so she logged in and got to snooping while i continued changing passwords and doing stuff like transferring half of nate and my shared funds into my personal bank account well she found exactly what she needed to get nate away from me and my baby for good to make an already long story somewhat shorter she found some text between nate and kayla that definitely hinted to a sexual relationship that happened when they were teenagers stuff like remember when we used to do xyz or even stuff like i bet op doesn't do abc as good as i did there's a lot more but for my own sanity i'm not going to be repeating it it's unclear if this relationship is still going on now but at this point i wouldn't be surprised if it is in fact in hindsight i highly suspect that it is i couldn't stomach reading through everything so i just had sam screenshot everything she thought was important and held on to it so i could give it to the new lawyer i was planning on finding closer to our new city which leads me to finding a new lawyer i contacted the lawyer sam put me in touch with and explained that i planned on leaving the state she'd actually told me initially that it would help with the case and she was surprised and pleased to hear that i was following through with it she told me that she didn't know anyone personally in my new city but she asked around with a couple of her colleagues and gave me a few recommendations from them for lawyers in a new area i could try the first one i reached out to never called me back but the second one seems absolutely perfect he was appalled by the situation when i gave him a quick rundown of the events and if we hadn't already discussed his fees i think he would have taken the case for free drama when i finally told him about evidence of incest so after After I checked work, cybersecurity, wedding deposits, and new lawyer off my to-do list, Sam and I started apartment hunting. I was terrified that we wouldn't be able to find anything as quickly as I needed, but Sam enlisted the help of all my friends, and I don't even know all the details of how, but one of my friends managed to find a three-bedroom unit on the main level of an upper-lower duplex. It's owned by a private landlord who lives upstairs, but he's a truck driver and is literally gone all the time. He only charges enough rent to cover his expenses, not make a profit, and the apartment was just renovated so it's real nice it was a literal miracle the weekend i posted about my life update was the weekend we moved some of you guys might have guessed that based on the details i was previously leaving out all my friends came over to help sam and i pack and give me one last pampering before we left and baby arrived we did the baby shower on friday i got to open all my gifts but two of my friends took care of the packaging and mailing the smaller items to our new place so that we could save room in the u-haul saturday i was sent away to be pampered while everyone packed up all of our stuff sunday night we got to the hotel because sam's apartment was literally empty and monday morning we left for a new state we spent four days unpacking and setting up our new home i wrote that life update from the floor of baby girl's new nursery after putting together the crib my grandparents got for me with tears in my eyes when i say everything felt too good to be true i truly meant it i was so overwhelmed with peace sitting in a room that i had full control over i didn't have to worry about what nate thought about the sheets for the crib or the themed pictures i decided to put on the wall there was no feeling of anxiety wondering whose input i was getting i was able to do whatever i wanted for my baby girl and it was freeing nate had no idea i left the state until about a week after i did so at that point i hadn't spoken to him since around a week after everything went down which was just to tell him to take my number off his Walmart account. He said he did and asked again if we could meet and talk but I ignored him. He found out I left the state because I guess Kayla had been driving by Sam apartment randomly It kind of on Kayla way home from work so it not like she was going completely out of her way but she would have to take about a three detour to get into the neighborhood After she drove by twice and didn't see either mine or Sam's car, she reported it to Nate. He tried to come by Sam's apartment to figure out what was going on, only to be met with maintenance and cleaners preparing the unit for new renters. I guess one of the neighbors told him they saw us packing up the unit, and he called down there everyone I knew before he somehow pieced together that I left the state, but still didn't know exactly where. He tried contacting me again at that point, but I ignored him just like I had been. He tried telling me I couldn't leave with his child, that I had to come back to work out custody. I had my lawyer reach out to him and inform him that custody would be handled in the baby's home state, which will now be XY. My lawyer also reminded him that any communication moving forward can be done through him. Nate didn't like that one bit, but my lawyer really didn't like Nate, so he just threatened him with some legal stuff i didn't fully understand they got him to back off my lawyer had told me that even without moving out of state evidence of nate having a sexual relationship with his sister is enough to get any and all custody revoked by any sane judge because it could be used to argue that he's unwell in more than one capacity apparently incest is also a felony in some states so i guess maybe if this got out in court criminal charges could be brought up against them i'm not entirely sure how that would all work to be honest but i don't really want that to happen i just want nate away from me and my baby after that it was a fairly uneventful month i was getting frequent checks with my new orb who was informed of the situation we put every precaution in place to make sure nate and kayla didn't come anywhere near my records the ob office or the hospital i did make a baby post when she arrived but for those who didn't read i'll copy it here when my little one finally decided to make her appearance it was a long stressful labor that ended in a c-section to avoid the potential for further complications but she made it healthy and strong six pounds nine ounces 9.5 inches you'll all be pleased to know she was given my top choice of first and middle name and she has my last name the day after she was born my lawyer sent nate's new lawyer some paperwork that basically stated all the evidence we were prepared to present in court to support our case that he would be an unfit parent and request for his rights to custody to be revoked. We then gave him the opportunity to avoid having the nature of his relationship with Kayla come to light by voluntarily giving up his rights. My lawyer said if his lawyer is good at his job he will advise Nate to give up his rights and avoid court because there's no chance he'll win anything worth the scandal. Hell his lawyer might even drop him so as to not be associated with the scandal. Obviously I don't know what the conversation with Nate's lawyer looked like. After a week or so we received word that he would agree to terminate his rights. From there, Sam handled my lawyer for the most part while he did all the necessary paperwork and filings. The whole process from birth to hearing took about six weeks. When it came time to go to court this past week, Sam came with me for support and we left the baby with our mum. Nate came in person and had the audacity to bring Kayla with him. I genuinely don't know what was running through his mind when he made that decision and I don't want to know. he tried to talk to me but i ignored him with sam's help i didn't hear or see what any of them were talking about or doing but sam told me that kayla kept giving me nasty and dirty looks while they were talking so much so that at one point when a cop was walking down the hall he noticed her glaring at me and came over and just double checked to make sure that our hearing was civil and that i was okay i'm sure i looked visibly shaken also i think he was heading to a different courtroom or something but the fact that he noticed and stopped to talk to me says a lot after that sam said she saw kayla head to the bathroom she did not come back before we went in for the hearing our hearing was held in private so the sisters had to wait outside in the hall everything with a judge was fairly straightforward he asked us both a few questions and confirmed with nate that he was giving up his rights voluntarily nate kept looking at me like he was waiting for me to backtrack or say that i changed my mind and wanted him to be in my daughter's life but i just stared at him with as little emotion as i could muster even though i felt like i wanted to scream and cry and break something he eventually confirmed that he wanted to keep his rights because he felt he needed to work on himself before he could take care of a child i don't know how much of a speech he actually believed it sounded very rehearsed if i had to guess i bet after the hearing he went home acting and feeling like the victim i'm sure him and his entire family are painted me out like some witch who stole his child straight from under him that's the feeling i got from both of them when i left without saying a word i really don't care though as someone has suggested i changed my phone number after court they have no way to contact me could they come stalk me here in my new city sure i guess so i don't get the feeling that they're going to do that i really think i blindsided nate with how quickly i went nuclear with this whole situation i don't think he expected me to polish up my spine and hold my ground this firmly he definitely didn't expect me to move out of state so quickly. Nate is a dumbass who fucked his twin sister and made all the wrong choices to ruin his own life. Sure, but he doesn't seem the type of person to risk prison time. He knows he's fucked in more ways than one and he knows that having the evidence that I have makes it easy to discredit him if he tries to come after me for anything. Nate seems more like the type of person that would just try to forget about this and find another, maybe more naive woman to manipulate which honestly might concern me more than if he kept bothering me so if anyone has any recommendations on what i could do to protect people from him in the future while also not allowing him to continue to take up space in my life going forward i'd love your ideas but i fear i may have to wash my hands of this for my own mental health i do have cameras and everything else set up in case nate or kayla do try anything also one of my new co-workers husbands is a police officer i met her at an outing event that i was invited to to meet my new colleagues before i started and we really hit it off i've explained to her the situation she told me that if i ever needed help with anything to just let her know and honestly that's about it i'll be starting back to work next week my new office shares the building with a daycare center so on the days that sam or my mom are busy i will just bring my daughter with me and drop her off there while i'm working my mom will be moving into a new apartment in the coming weeks. The current plan is for Sam to live with me for a year or two and then when she wants to find her own place again. I'll keep this apartment that we have for as long as the landlord will have me because I think it's just perfect for me while I get myself used to a new normal as a single mother. It kind of feels surreal now that everything is over. For the last six weeks I've always felt like there was something to do. A lawyer to respond to, a baby to feed or change, a password to change that I missed, paperwork to fill out for my new office. But after the hearing it was like everything settled my friends are all coming out today to take me out and celebrate while my mom watches the little one even my new friend from work will join us i'm really excited and for the last two days it's just been peaceful overall i think actually seeing nate again brought up a lot of feelings i hadn't actually processed since everything went down which my therapist and i were kind of expecting so we luckily had a session booked for the day after the hearing but we noticed my brain kind of shut down and disassociated from nate right away whenever i thought about him and what he's done i felt nothing but indifference i never truly processed the disgust or the betrayal or the heartbreak i immediately moved into protective mama bear mode and focused solely on my daughter but seeing him and knowing it is finally over it brought everything crashing back to me full weight of the sadness and betrayal really hit me the fact that he had likely been manipulating and cheating on me for our entire relationship finally registered and the fact that it was his own twin sister just adds to all of this i will never know the full truth like if they really did fuck each other while we were together or if they were just using me to have a baby like some people suggested i have to learn to be okay with that most of all though i'm just feeling so defeated it's hard not to feel like an idiot for wasting three years of my life with this revolting waste of a person it's also hard to not be disgusted with myself by ever loving him once but rest assured i'm actively seeking help with my therapist so i know these feelings are temporary it's just so hard right now i know some of you will understand but i just want to thank everyone who's reached out to me in the comments or privately to offer advice and support and a special shout out and thanks to a user who's been a sounding board in my chats for the last few weeks this whole community truly means the world to me i don't have the words to express what you've done for me i know i would not have been able to get this far without the support of thousands of strangers and i know that nate wasn't expecting it either i've never been one to put myself out they're like this but it was so much more worth it than i ever imagined so thank you again thank you to everyone and to anyone who's just hopped on this train now welcome aboard i hope you enjoyed the ride feel free to stick around and lastly the state of the world is not ideal so i'm always up for sharing positivity i love reading about what's going on well for you guys too it shouldn't all be about me but just like i did before if you made it this far and feel so inclined share something happy something that's going well for you i hope life is good because you deserve it to be gee bloody whiz what an absolute roller coaster this one turned out to be nate and the sister oh i didn't see that one coming to be honest i mean the link between them at the start you know you're sort of like thinking oh possibly right but didn't i actually expect it to happen but it just sounds like opi is doing so much better in this situation now got lots of support around them at the same time but what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below i just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully see you in the next one take care and much love Thank you.