443: A Top Podcast for the Elderly

You're listening to a Complexly podcast. Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Of course I prefer to think of it Dear John and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you dubious advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon John. I actually have recently started to rent out one of my toilets to a British soldier. Well you're a landcourt. Yeah, but only for British soldiers, which is a real betrayal of my roots. I asked him and he said that he's a lieutenant. I like how you said it's a betrayal of your roots as if like your ancestors participated in the American Revolution. We can't be providing quarter to British soldiers. That's like the main American thing. That is true. I mean, ostensibly we also can't provide quarter to American soldiers. Yeah, no, that's also a big deal. Shouldn't do that. Yeah. It is in the Constitution. So you've been illegally lieutenanting. Yeah, well no, it's okay. It's okay as long as it's not forcible. It's just a betrayal of my roots. I'm okay. We had an amazing Project for Awesome. I chose a British joke because during the Project for Awesome I was forced to speak in a British accent. And not just one, but many different British accents at random flowing into each other without control for over a half an hour. Yeah, it was pretty impressive from what I saw of it, but not in a good way. It was impressive the way that like me doing an Olympic ski jump would be impressive. You would be impressed. Yeah, an impression would be made. You would see a guy die. I made impressions. I thought you'd survive, but I bet your lower legs wouldn't. Based on my skiing results so far, which is that I got fairly badly hurt going 10 miles an hour down a green, I suspect that I would not do well with the Olympic ski jump. I give you a greater than 50-50 chance that you'd survive. Well, let's go ahead and not find out which side of the coin flip I land on this particular time. Yes, for sure. Don't do it. But I did go off the ski jump of doing British accents live in front of Demi Adige Uebe, who is an amazing impersonationist, which was very embarrassing. Yeah, but you did your best. It's like karaoke. You just really have to commit to it. Whatever you're doing in life, you have to commit to the bit. The more embarrassed you feel, the worse you are because you've just got to be totally committed. I was committed. I went hard and all the British people in chat left. They just left. They went to go to bed, which was probably the right call. It was late. It was a great project for us, and we raised over $4.1 million for great charities like Save the Children and Partners in Health. Super proud of the whole team of people who work on the P4A every year. I got sick on the last day, and I'm just now recovering. He's pushing through. He's been coughing during the pregame that we do, where we do a couple of beers, and then we make the podcast. We don't do beers because Hank can't drink. I would do beers. It's 1 p.m. on a Wednesday. I'd have a beer, but Hank can't drink. You last night, I slept 15 hours, which I didn't know was possible. That's the way to do it. Congratulations. I was like a bear. I went to bed at 4.30, and I woke up at 6.30. Wow. Yeah, that's what you got to do sometimes. Yeah. It's good for you when you're sick. Well, I feel a little bit better today. I still feel kind of crappy, but I feel a little bit better. I'm ready to do the pod, though. I'm excited to be with you. I'm excited to be with our beloved listeners, our beloved listeners, maybe. Our beloved listeners, for sure. I know that we're out of date here, but everybody who showed up for the project for awesome, thank you so much. It was an absolute blast. It was a really wonderful time and those last two hours where I showed up early by accident. Well, you're going to show up early from now on because that was a transformational two hours. We raised $400,000 in two hours. It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. It was crazy. It was crazy. Not from any big donors, just from thousands of people donating all at once. As a studier of the project for awesome, I've been there for a lot of them. That is very weird. Yeah, no. This is our 19th project for awesome and we were pretty sure where we were going to land. We landed somewhere that the project for awesome has never been before, which is pretty exciting. It was really fun. It was tiring. I wore a lot of wigs. It was great. But now we have to be professional podcasters again, Hank, because we have to provide America with its sleep slash gym slash dishes podcast slash hit podcast for teens. If only, John, we could be a hit podcast for the elderly as well. I mean, what is it going to have to take? We talk about our aches and pains. We talk about our diseases and our medications. You know? Yeah. Look, the AARP is in my inbox. They're here. Oh, I'm a member of the AARP. They'll go as low as you'll let them. Yeah, no, you can join. It's like AAA. You just got to pay your membership fee. But I'm a member of AARP because it got me a discount on my phone that was worth more than the membership to the AARP. So I just joined. Amazing. And look, I am 48. I'm not that far away from retirement. I just retired from Complexly kind of. I don't get paid anymore. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You aren't an owner. I said this to Oran. I was like, what if I retired? And he said, that would be bad. Oh, interesting. When I tell my kids I might retire, they're like, that would be great. Yeah. No, yeah. And I was like, why? And he was like, where would the money come from? And I'm like, oh boy, I got news for you. That's not what it's about. No. Yeah. No, it all goes back to our hit episode of the Future Podcast. Why does Hank Green want to be famous? But first, let's answer this question from Havilland who writes, dear John and Hank, I'm struggling a lot right now with morality, religion, personal beliefs, and politics. It seems that every opinion my parents have on a particular stance, I seem to have the opposite. I'm struggling, by the way, as being a teenager is the worst thing that ever happened to my morality. This is a hit podcast for teens, Hank. We're addressing teen questions. Wow. Wow, that's a great subject line. I think this is because I'm getting older, but that itself doesn't fix the problem. How am I supposed to be myself if my parents disagree with everything that makes up myself? They still love me and that makes it even worse because I could tell them what I think, but they'll just discard it in the name of protecting me from influence. I was always a good kid. I always did what they wanted. I always used to agree with them. So why do I have this unquenchable desire to rebel against them?哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎 day who's completely right. That is exactly what happened. I mean, I have this frame for understanding this period of life where cultures have to evolve. One of the things that you know, that you learn in evolutionary biology is that you don't want a rate of zero mutation. You don't want a rate of zero change. You want some amount of not too much change. And so you actually, the systems engineer ways to introduce change and to select for advantageous change. And that's wild. And I think the cultures do that too. And I think that like, youth is about that. It's about testing boundaries, because if we never do, then we never change, and we never evolve, and we need to evolve a lot. We need to change a lot right now, because all of the systems are built for a world that no longer exists. Yeah. So that's one thing. But the other thing is that maybe Haviland is coming to a place in themselves that is a true place. For sure. Yeah. Sometimes the distance you create between your parents is not just a matter of developmental appropriateness. It's also because you are going to have different values from your parents in some important ways. And that's a hard thing. That distance being created is really difficult. If our parents had been more religious, your atheism would have been really, really challenging for them, for you, for everyone involved. And that's a hard part of growing up. It's not necessarily a tragic part of growing up. I know it's hard, but when you say it's the worst thing that ever happened to my morality, it could also be one of the better things that happened to your morality, because maybe you're coming into your own moral sense of the universe. And that's an important process for you. Like the coolest thing about being a teenager to me is that you're asking those big questions about what it means to be a person and what we owe other people and what we owe ourselves. You're asking those questions about suffering and everything else separate from your parents for the first time. And good parents encourage that, even if they land someplace that isn't exactly where you wish they'd land. Yeah. I mean, the hard thing about this is nobody knows what's right. And your brain will tell you that you know, your brain will tell you that there's certainty. And when you're a child, you feel like your parents' version of reality is the certain reality. But all of us are struggling with the sense of our conception of the world being a sort of defined reality that we think is real and then also the knowledge that it might not be and that we can pick and choose different ways of being and of understanding things, of having worldviews and having values. We can grow. We have to grow. Like getting stuck with a certain worldview is bad. Oh, for sure. Yeah. I mean, that's the biggest thing I'd say is like, be open and curious. That's the biggest thing. This is the only thing that has brought me freedom from the crushing weight of feeling like I am in a world that is unjust and immoral. And like, you know, not feeling that way. That is the truth of the matter. And curiosity is the only thing that has provided me relief from that and also data that makes it easier to understand how we ended up in that world. And like, it not being about evil, but it being about 8 billion people all on the same planet trying to make life work for themselves and their family. Yeah. And in important ways, things are more unjust than they used to be. But also in important ways, things are less unjust than they used to be, right? Like whether it's educational opportunities for girls or malnutrition, those things are better than they were when we were in high school. What I would say is continue to be curious about where your perspectives are coming from and continue to be curious about where your parents' perspectives are coming from and continue to be curious about like all of the other people who are important to you too. Yeah. Stay open. That said, I will tell you, Havalon, that being a teenager was actually the worst thing for my morality. Yeah. It's so hard because there's no certainty anymore. Yeah, that's part of it. But part of it was that I just had a deep-seated urge to like blow up my world and everything in it. And I don't know why, but like I remember being on the like back porch of our house in Orlando and mom coming outside and saying, you can't smoke cigarettes on the back porch of my house. Yeah. And me like taking a drag of the cigarette and saying, what are you going to do? I had a backwards version of this where I read this like very sort of radical book and it was one of the first like nonfiction books I ever read. Oh, I remember. And I gave it to my parents. Everyone in the family remembers. I gave it to mom and dad and dad read it and he looked at me in the eyes and he said, you don't believe this, do you? Which is like, like our dad is very understanding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He makes space for people, but apparently he's not that much space. Looking back and like I still have that book and I'm like, oh, wow, this book is designed to alienate you from culture and reality to like make you like lose faith in everything. And, and, you know, because that can be very, it can be a kind of appealing, you know, like, like the idea that everything good is actually bad and everything bad is even worse than you think. Yeah, it's usually appealing, especially when you're younger. And those ways of looking at the world have a ton of explanatory power and any relatively simple worldview with a ton of explanatory power is going to is going to get some traction. For sure. I have one more piece of advice, which is don't read The Fountainhead. Moving on to this question from it wasn't The Fountainhead just for clarity. It's not the book that we're talking about with me. I know, I know. I don't want people to think that. Well, I mean, you know, The Fountainhead is a very influential book in a lot of smart people's lives. And so I shouldn't be as, as I shouldn't be the way I am with it. But I am that way, because I have a different worldview, because my parents and those around me had different worldviews. And I'm a product of circumstance, just like all of us moving on to this question from Isabelle. Dear John and Hank, why does pen on paper fade over time? Why does anything fade over time? I too shall fade, Isabelle. Top podcast for teens. And the elderly. I mean, the elderly. The elderly have this on the mind, Hank. They're watching as their old manuscripts fade away. They're watching as their lives themselves fade away. It's hard out there for an elderly person like Isabelle. Why doesn't anybody write in the editorials on top podcasts for the elderly? I don't know. I'm going to do it. And we're going to be number one. Yeah, I like it. It's all it takes. I'm going to create a media outlet that's designed entirely to create fake promo for myself. Like any good famous person would do. Have you seen these Facebook pages that have millions of followers that just report not like fake news, but like fake, fake news? Like that, for instance, I died. Oh, no. Facebook is a real no go zone for me. They'll have an AI generated picture of me inside a coffin or there'll be like Nicholas Cage, dead at 61. All the comments will be like Nicholas Cage isn't dead. And then some of the comments will be like RIP. Yeah. And that's happening because it's not that hard to trick some people. No, yeah. But why does pen on paper fade over time? I mean, it's so like the pen part of the ink, the ink part of the ink, the stuff that has color in it. So there's other pieces of the ink to make it like flow and stuff. But the part that's colored, it's a molecule and it is a color for God knows why, but it is only a color because of its specific shape and the way that the molecules are arranged. I'm never going to understand. I think I may have given up understanding why things are the colors they are. It's because they like absorb some wavelengths and reflect, but why I'm like, I, quantum effects maybe. Anyway, the photons go in there, some of them get absorbed, some of them get reflected and that's why it has a color. But some of them are getting absorbed. And when they get absorbed, that actually jiggles the molecules around a little bit. And over time, that can change their shape and it can break them apart. And those new molecules that are different shapes or are broken apart don't have color anymore. And this won't happen if you keep them out of the light. So this is photodegradation where it's really, the more light is hitting it, is what's degrading it. So the answer is light, Isabelle, the visible reminder of the invisible light. This is why if you have a nice painting, like I've got a painting right now and it's got some light on it, I'm not going to lie. And if that painting were the Mona Lisa, people would be freaking out right now. People would be furious with me and with good reason. Because you've got to protect, you got to get the light just right. This is something museum curators do, like something Sarah did when she worked at a museum all the time was like figuring out the right light so that you can see the art, but that you're not harming the art. Because you don't want to jiggle those molecules. They're jiggle. You don't want to jiggle those molecules with light. It's weird. They're just a bunch of particles and waves. That's all of it. That's everything that we're doing. Not that I have a solution to the problem of consciousness, just for clarity. Why is there light? What do you mean? Just what I said. We don't know, John. Really? Well, I mean, we know that, like, we know why, we know why photons are produced. Why? So there are atoms, you know, about them. They have electrons. When energy comes into electrons, which are sort of like wobbling around the nucleus, those electrons gain energy. And that might, there might be a number of different ways that this happens. And they will like go up to a higher state of energy. And when they drop back down, they have to release that energy and they release it as photons. Now, deeper than that, there's probably like one or two levels down that a particle physicist or a quantum physicist could tell you. But another level after that, it's really like, oh, because that's the way the universe is structured. And we don't totally know why the rules are the way that they are. And we don't even totally know why there is matter in the first place. Right. There is only matter because the rules are the way they are. But the photons don't have mass, right? They do not have mass. So they're not matter. They're something else. That's right. Light is not matter. It's energy. It's just energy. I'm just going to stick with the TS Eliot quote about how it's the visible reminder, the invisible light, move on from there. This next question comes from Eileen, who says, Dear John and Hank, I know about the water cycle. I even taught a rudimentary version to kindergartners for years. But here's the question that's been bothering me. Do we make new water? Or is the water we have just a really huge closed system? Really, I do. Eileen. Again, we could get into complexities here. But no, we mostly don't make new water. I'm going to even take out mostly. I'm qualifying here because there are weird situations in which water gets made. But no, it's a pretty closed loop. Okay. So let me ask you a question, though. If a really icy meteor were to hit Earth, would that increase the amount of water? Yeah. So new water comes in in that way, and it's a fair amount. And water also exits when water in the atmosphere can get broken apart, again, by photons or high energy particles from the sun. And they can get broken apart. And I think that that can last. So the hydrogen will float away and even get knocked into space. The oxygen, I don't think, does get knocked into space because it's too heavy. So we can lose it that way. There's also a bunch of water on Earth that's not part of the water cycle because it's bound up in rocks and the mantle. And we think that there are some ways for that water to get out sometimes and that that might be part of how. On long-term geological scales, like the history of the Earth scales, we think that that might be an important contributor to the amount of water that is in the system. But the amount of water in the system is pretty stable. Like Jesus lived in a world where there was a pretty similar amount of water to where I live. Yeah. So if you like grabbed a handful of water, almost, I would wager that 99 plus percent of that water, those molecules were water molecules when Jesus was around. Wow. So what you're saying is that I was baptized with the same water that Jesus was baptized with? You were 100 percent, like when you got baptized, some of those molecules were in the water that baptized Jesus. All right. Can I go back further than that? Did a dinosaur drink my water? Oh, yeah. So the further back you go, the more true it is. Like you and I probably weren't baptized in the same water because it didn't have time to spread out. Though we were both, I think, baptized at the same church, which means maybe. Would more likely, yeah. But the more time, the more space you give it, the more the water has time to mix up. It's like how everybody is descended from Genghis Khan. Yeah. I don't think that everybody is, but you go back further than Genghis Khan and it's like, yeah, everybody's descended from anybody who has descendants still. When I drink dinosaur water, does that mean that the dinosaurs are still alive inside me? No. But I am the result of their chemistry, Hank. So it's not the water, but you do have a common ancestor with dinosaurs. And so in that way, the dinosaurs are still alive within part of you. Though that common ancestor was not a dinosaur. Okay. So the dinosaurs are still with us in a matter of speaking. No, the dinosaurs are still with us absolutely. The thing about... Well, because of birds, because of all the birds. The thing about theropods is that they are still here. Everybody treats this like a fun little science fact, but they are dinosaurs. The theropod dinosaurs are still around and there's lots of them. And there's like lots of them. I think there are more of them than there are mammals. Really? I think so. And these are birds? Yes. There are significantly more species of bird species than mammal species. And then individuals also, there are more. I mean, there might be more chickens. There might be more theropod chickens than there are humans in America. Yeah, there are a lot of chickens. I mean, no doubt. Not necessarily a good gig. Oh my god. At any given point, there are well over 1.5 billion chickens in America. Wow. I mean, I don't know about you, Hank, but I just saluted the flag. Yeah. Do you know like, it wasn't like Hoover before he crashed the entire economy and everything got destroyed? It was a little bit of a simplification, but yeah, what was the slogan? I think it was like something and a chicken in every pot. And we did get that. Yeah. No, I mean, if anything, right now we've got five chickens for every pot. God, we got so many chickens per pot. There are more chickens than pots. I just read a book that was a little more generous to Hoover than my previous books I've read about the Great Depression. It seems like, I mean, two facts about the World, Hank. Yeah. One, the world runs on the confidence that the world will continue to run. And two, at any given moment, we are way, way, way too confident. And when we become too, too confident, the confidence fails to deliver and there's a big crash and then we lose all our confidence and it takes like a decade to regain it. Yikes. I'm not ready for that. It happened in 2008. You lived through it. Yeah. I definitely, really, let's make it so that it happens every 80 years. Oh yeah, I'm a big believer in not having two once in a lifetime events occur inside of a single lifetime because otherwise it undermines the idea of a lifetime. It drives me crazy when they're like, oh, we had 600 year floods, the last 100 years. No, we didn't. We had one. We had 100 year floods. You did your math wrong somehow. We had five what used to be 100 year floods, but things changed. So I have already lived through one once in a lifetime financial crisis. If there's another one, I throw out the whole concept of once in a lifetime. Which reminds me, John, that this podcast is brought to you by once in a lifetime events. Once in a lifetime events, sometimes they should not happen once in a lifetime. Yeah, today's podcast is, of course, also brought to you by your teenage morality, your teenage morality, information. This podcast also brought to you by Herbert Hoover. Herbert Hoover, apparently, not as bad as you think. Well, no, I want to be clear. Bad. I'm not coming down pro Herbert Hoover. And of course, today's podcast is brought to you by light. Light. It exists. This episode is brought to you by NoCD. Have you ever had a thought pop into your head that feels so foreign or distressing that you just can't move on from it? 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Their therapy is covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans and they provide support between sessions. So you're never facing this alone. If any of this sounds familiar, go to nocd.com and book a free call to learn how they can help. That's nocd.com. This episode of Dear Hanging It is brought to you by Quints. I doubt you have noticed, but I do like to be somewhat intentional about what I wear on any given day. There's a lot of there's a lot of hoodies that get thrown in, you know, there's a lot of decisions that I'm not super proud of, but help has arrived in the form of Quints because I want to open the closet and have not a lot of work for me to do, but a lot of things that like work well with each other and look good and almost like maybe I'm doing a good job of being an adult. Quints can be a huge help here. You got 100% European linen shorts for $34. You got Pima cotton tees that feel the way a t-shirt's supposed to feel. You got pants that are relaxed enough to wear around the house, but put together enough that nobody's gonna polite. You'll ask if you're doing okay. And the reason everything costs 50 to 80% less than what you would pay at comparable brands is that Quints works directly with the factories and skips the middleman layer. This is how you could do premium materials without the premium brand markup. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quints.com slash deer hank for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too, that's qince.com slash deer hank for free shipping and 365 day returns quints.com slash deer hank. All right, John, let's do another question. It comes from Hailey who asks, deer hank and John, what is the scent of soaps like Irish spring and palm olive? And how do they achieve it? The only word I could think of to describe it is fresh, but that's not really a scent. Also, why do I want to eat it so badly? Oh, that makes one of us. I got soap put in my mouth when I was a child. Oh, did you? Not by my parents, but by my best friend's parents. Wow. That's awful brave. I know. Yeah, that's definitely not a thing I would do. No. Like come home from a sleepover and be like, oh yeah, I did slightly abuse your kid last night. I will totally discipline a child that is not mine. I'm not afraid to tell them that they need to behave more different. Yeah, tell them with words, but not with sinks. Yeah, when I think of discipline, I do not think of causing them physical harm. Yeah, so anyway, I don't remember liking that taste at all, actually. I remember being like, oh man, I really shouldn't have used the SH word in front of that guy. Boy, yeah. Did you tell mom about this? I don't remember. John, there is a ton of stuff that goes into哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎 is fresh, which is so weird to me because what does that mean? I think that what it means is that it smells like fresh produce or specifically fresh citrus. Yes. So, if you walk into the part of the grocery store where the citrus is, you will get this smell. I think that there's definitely a citrus element, but that doesn't cover the entire spectrum of Irish spring. Irish spring also has some spring forest in it? Yes. So, there is a thing called Hexylcinemol and that has a green leafy smell that is also in the Irish spring and that probably also adds to the freshness. What they call this is synthetic ozonics. So, it smells like the ozone that are produced by life, but they're synthetic. Interesting. Yeah. So, that's like kind of the freshnesses. As you know, Hank, I've been trying to work with sunbass and soap to recreate the smell of my childhood dorm room. My high school roommate had a special deodorizer that we use to mask the smell of cigarettes and it's the best smell I've ever encountered and I would like it to be a sunbass and soap smell. Sunbass and soap has all these fancy, nice classy smells, nice citruses, nice Christmassy smells, whatever, whatever. I wanted to smell like my high school dorm room. Could you put a little bit of burnt tobacco in there? No, no, no, minus the tobacco, obviously. I mean, unburnt tobacco has a lovely smell. It does. It does. But yeah, there is... So, burnt tobacco, but that's neither here nor there. I don't know what you're talking about. That is not my experience. Wow. Thank God I quit a long time ago. Yeah. All right, Hank, before we get to the all-important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, we've got to answer this question from Miriam, who writes, Dear John and Hank, inspired in part by the fiddle player that wrote to this podcast years ago, I decided not to tell my mom that I've been trying to learn the splits because I thought it would be funny to just suddenly be able to do that. I'm very nearly there and now I'm wondering how can I make the reveal? Any ideas? I think that's something where I can warm up first, committing to the splits, Miriam. I've got... It's easy. It's easy. Yeah. You're going to be doing a funny dance in your socks, in your awesome socks club socks, on some slippery floor, on the tile, on the wood, on the linoleum, and you're going to be doing a dance for your mom and then you're going to act like you fell. Yes. And you're going to be on the splits. And then you're going to go, Huzzah! I don't know if you're going to go Huzzah. The other thing I was thinking is maybe you could go to your mom and say, what's that song? It's like, Hello, my baby, hello, my... Your mom says, darling, and you're like, what's the end there? She's like, Hello, my ragtime, and yeah. And then you're doing the splits. It's good stuff, Miriam. I really need an update. I need an update of your mom being duly shocked when you do the splits. Can we do another question that is inspired by an old episode of Dear Hank and John? Sure, of course. This is from Eliza. This is amazing. And I can't believe that we have never gone deeper into it. Dear Hank and John, over the summer, I've been listening to old back catalog, Dear Hank and John episodes with my parents. Thank you for all the joy that you guys have brought. The family, episode 371 from May of 2023 is a banger. You spend the first half discussing the meaning of life in the second half pitching a horror film called 44 Olympic-sized swimming pools full of mosquitoes. Oh, God. But the Mars news from that episode comes in the form of an announcement of a new reality TV show called Stars on Mars. I had completely forgotten about this, where celebrities vote each other off of a fake Mars. Since this was the last regular show before a six-month break, there's never been an update for how Stars on Mars fared. And I would love to know if there has been any notable news on this subject you wanted to share. Martian Pumpkins and Space Penguin's Eliza. Hank, while you had cancer, what happened to Stars on Mars? The whole thing happened, John. Stars on Mars happened. They did it. They made Stars on Mars. And it was completely and totally a 12-episode series that was made for one season and then never again. Wow. They flew these celebrities to Cuber, P.D. Australia, and each cycled the group elected a base commander who would assign tasks to complete around the compound. And the base commander would not be able to be voted off. And the base commander also selected another celebrity to be the mission specialist who helped oversee stuff. And some names of the people on this show. We have Bruce Willis' daughter, Tallulah Willis. We had the guy who played McLovin, Rhonda Rousey. We have Lance Armstrong. Lance Armstrong was on the show. Andy Richter was on the show. Yeah, reserved legitimate celebrities. Some people I've never heard of like Kat Cora, who was an iron chef. Oh, she was a big star. There's also a real housewife of Atlanta. There's several professional sports players like Marshawn Lynch. What is wrong with Lance Armstrong that he wanted to do this despite being a wealthy person? I'm not sure. I am not sure. We also had Adam Rippon, the Olympic figure skater was on it. Who won? He was the winner. He won. Adam Rippon won. Yes. McLovin was voted out on episode one. John, you know how like Jenny Nicholson will do like a four hour long YouTube video about that? I mean, I really want to be that guy so bad right now. I want to watch this and I want to tell the whole story of the whole thing. I bet you could get Lance Armstrong to co-host it. That guy seems willing to do anything. I mean, I bet I could get Adam Rippon to do it. Yeah. Oh, man. This is great. This is gold, man. Stars of real housewives of Atlanta. I mean, everybody. Everybody. I can't believe Marshawn Lynch did this. Marshawn Lynch also a person with adequate funds. Probably doing okay. Wow. Yeah. Stars on Mars. It happened. It happened to Lula also. Willis did not last long. Nope. Richard Sherman, great cornerback, not apparently a great Martian. He was out in the third episode. And then who is our fourth episode loss? It says Tom. Tom Schwartz from Vanderpump Rules. One of the only people on this list who does not have a Wikipedia page. Brutal. Brutal. Brutal Tom. So Hank, it's now time for the All-In-Fortan News from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. AFC Wimbledon lost to the top of the table Cardiff yesterday. They lost 4-1, which if anything was a scoreline that flattered them. But that's not the kind of game that's going to define our season. The kind of game that's going to define our season is beating Reading 3-2 and tying with Barnsley 3-3. So in this Barnsley game, we went down 2-0 after 13 minutes. And I don't think AFC Wimbledon have come back from 2-0 down in like seven years. But we did. We came back and we were actually ahead 3-2, but then Barnsley scored in the 82nd minute tying the game. And thereby we just got one point out of that. We're currently six points clear of relegation. There's five teams between us in relegation. And so I don't know. I'm not brimming with confidence, but we're doing our best. Just to remember that there's a reason why those teams down there are down there. Part of the reason they're down there and not lower is because they tend to beat us. But yes, that's true. There's a reason those teams are down there. And look, hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words. And there's every reason to believe that here in the last 15, 16 games of the season, we can pick up the four or five wins we will need in order to survive. Well, John, in Mars news, we're still having Mars news that's moon news because that's our step. We're going to go one step at a time. And first we'll be on the moon. So as we are recording this, so God knows what happened, but NASA is carrying out its second wet dress. What? Is that like a dress rehearsal? It is. They call it the wet dress? Yeah. So they're actually putting fuel into the tanks. So that's a what. I'm not here to tell NASA scientists much, but I am here to tell them to rename the wet dress. I think that they more commonly call it the wet dress rehearsal. It doesn't matter. That's not any better. Okay. Well, so the first one got cut short because there was a leak in the liquid hydrogen tank. That's no good. Easy to have a leak in liquid hydrogen, a lot of pressure and very small molecules that you're dealing with. They've also sealed up some of the problematic parts and they did a partial fill that goes well. Artemis II should launch as soon as March 6th. And I'm ready, John. I've got a YouTube video all queued up for it, actually. Wow, good. Well, it'd be great to shoot around the moon again. It's been a while since we saw the back of the moon as people. Yeah, for sure. It's been a long time for this species. I should get one of those astronauts on, Dear Hank and John. You should. I'll take the week off. But instead, John, we've got Adam Rippen. He's joining us right now. What was it like to be the final star on Mars? What did you get? Did you get a Mars? Did you get a promise from Elon Musk that he was going to let you be one of the first Martians? God, what do you get? Do you think the person who gets voted off early is actually the one who most wins? Because it's like you get your appearance fee. I think you get paid by the week. Ugh, really? You must get a bonus for showing up in the first place. I wonder what the prize was. Yeah, what did they get? A mission patch called Brightest Star. There was no monetary prize for winning the reality competition. They were paid for their participation. The final challenge involved constructing a satellite tower to broadcast a message to Earth. Wow. Oh my God. The brightest star in the universe. Winning stars on Mars was amazing. But the real prize was all the incredible friends I made. Not being cheesy. Just let me be earnest on Instagram for once, says Adam Rippen, 129 weeks ago. I'm so grateful for all the time I got to spend filming this show. Just imagine that Adam is here. I laughed, I cried, I won. Thank you to everyone who put so much work and made this crazy show a reality to cast the crew, everyone. Last but not least, I love you, William Shatner. He did. He got us patch. Yeah. You got a patch. I mean, ultimately you do that kind of thing for the experience of doing it, right? It's gotta be. And you might say yes to that. I wouldn't be shocked if you said yes to that. Not right now, but like there's a version of me. Yeah. For sure. There's a time when I like being on Wipeout was a dream. Oh God. Hank Green wanting to be famous. A subject for a future podcast. I don't think that Wipeout is the path to be. Thank you for potting with me. Thank you to everybody for listening. You can email us your questions at hankandjohn at gmail.com. This podcast is edited by Ben Svordout. It's mixed by Joseph Tuna-Medish. Our marketing specialist is Brooke Shotwell. It's produced by Rosy Anna-Hals-Rohas and Hannah West. Our executive producer is Seth Radley. Our editorial assistant is Deboki Jharkarvarti. The music you're hearing now and at the beginning of the podcast is by the great Gunnarolla. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.