Friend Compared Himself To My Boyfriend And Now I've "Broken Him" By Giving Him The Truth

Prime Video offers the best in entertainment. The end of the world continues with Fallout 2. A global phenomenon, inbegred by Prime. I heard you about what to do in this situation. Look at the epic end of the unwritten story of The Witches of Oz. Buy or buy? Wicked for good now. I'm taking you to see The Wizard. There's no going back. So what you also look, Prime Video. Here you look at everything. Prime is advised, especially to buy or buy. Inhoud can be advertised 18+. All the rules are used to be used. Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider in that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from a deleted user and it says, I told my friend why I don't want to date him and our friends are saying i broke him am i the arsehole here so my 21 female friend of 10 years mark not real name 23 male called me yesterday to meet him for lunch and that he had something important to discuss with me had free time so i agreed i met him already there and joined him we had lunch and then we talked a bit about random things then he cleared his throat and started speaking he told me that he didn't understand why i was dating my now boyfriend when he's a better match for me i asked him to explain he basically went on about how he liked me first and he met me first he's more good looking he knows me better he's taller than my boyfriend and more successful which is not true in a way my boyfriend works aside from growing up in wealth while mark's entire life is funded by his parents money he told me he doesn't understand how I can be with him when he's always been around waiting for me. I was out of words and I asked him if he wanted me to be honest to which he said yes. I told him that I would never want to date him given how I've seen the way he's treated his past girlfriends. He ghosts them when he feels like it and just expects them to be there waiting. I told him he's too immature and irresponsible for me and that dating him would be exhausting. I also explained the reasons I mentioned that was why overtime I started was putting a distance to our friendship because I didn't like the way he treated the women in his life. When I was done, he was just quiet. He just excused himself and left. I went home and went about my day. Later in the evening, our friend started asking, what did I do to Mark? And he's been a wreck since he met me for lunch. He's drinking and not telling anyone what happened. I explained to them what happened and they are saying I was harsh and that i broke him blah blah blah but i think someone had to tell him the truth so reddit fam am i er sol here hope you also add edits in the same post and says i know everyone says this but whoa i don't think this post would blow up so much i'm trying to get through the comments and answer some questions that are there we're sort of occupied the whole day so i just opened reddit thank you for all the comments honestly edit two i'm so overwhelmed by the comments in a good way most are really funny i've been laughing so much i woke my sister's baby i sent my post to my friend not associated with mark and our group chat is blowing up with more laughter but in all seriousness i'm thankful for the great comments and people giving advice on my safety i'll definitely be more aware of my surroundings going forward i don't know mark as a violent person but then again this incident has proved that i may not know him like i think i do mark is currently blocked from everything. Our mutual friends who were supporting him and calling me out are also blocked. And this is also a learning lesson to me. To distance myself a lot more quicker next time I see red flags in future friendships. Thank you again Reddit fam and if anything happens I'll update you all and I'll be reading the comments and answering what I can. Edit 3. I have an update but I'm not sure if I should put it below here since a post has gotten quite long. So I'll just make a new post for those who are still interested in this post which we'll be covering in just a moment. whenever I hear someone doing this kind of stuff like comparing themselves to like someone's boyfriend or or what they're missing out on I remember a video that was going around on on social media a little while back that's on the beach and there was a sort of like bodybuilder looking guy and there was someone with a microphone saying would you date this guy and the girl basically said no I don't think so he's too muscly for me and then this guy goes on this absolute rant at her about how he can run really fast and all this sort of stuff and it was was wild so the mentality of this story where he invites you to to wherever it was and then start saying oh why wouldn't you want me i'm taller got more money and the audacity to think that he gets some sort of dibs because he liked her first i mean and he said it he said those words the commoner said to op not the arsehole even if you had kind of liked him i feel like declaring his feelings by being rude about your current partner is such a turn-off he doesn't say anything meaningful or romantic about you just that he thinks he's better than your actual boyfriend so you should date him instead so entitled Commodore says and all his bragging about himself is superficial shallow stuff Opie is right he's too immature and self-centered it sounds like he's never had to earn anything for himself how did he think this would go she would say gee you're right how could I be so foolish then he could tell her she still had to earn his love bleh just gross opie says he's a typical rich boy who thinks we should all bow down to him but if we are to remove his parents money and he's got nothing to his name another commenter says why doesn't she like me i'm literally the most perfect guy i'm a really nice person you're a bad person and says q a narcissistic existential crisis that has nothing to do with you but you will be blamed for opie says very narcissistic he makes everything about him and always wants to one up his friends i'm definitely dropping him and the people supporting him commenter replies saying i find it disgusting that she thought she had a friend while he was just waiting lying in wait more like commenter says it's the waiting part that's a huge red flag if i even thought i'd developed feelings for a friend i would let them know to get ahead of it and see how they felt but waiting 10 years and pulling the i knew you first that makes you sound like a possession not a person he wants to grow with not to mention the fact that you have a boyfriend and he waits then to tell you seriously i think hallmark christmas rom-coms are documentaries commenter replies saying yep he fuck zoned her then gaslighted her into thinking he was a friend commenter replies to that saying yes this is a huge detail right here hope he's gonna realize that he was never her friend and that he was just being nice because he wanted to be with her once you realize that as a woman your whole perspective changes as you question all the male friends you ever had opie's amazing for how she straight up told her friend lol opie says i've honestly been thinking about our entire relationship we went to the same primary school that's how we have mutual friends and all all this time i thought i had a great friend until i started noticing his relationships and this just solidified my decision to leave our friend group part of me was thinking what the friend group has actually heard from mark obviously i don know they might have just heard the truth from him and still act in the same way but it does beg the question doesn it But OP did come in with an update and says, I told my guy friend why I don't want to date him. Our friends are saying I broke him. Update. Hello Reddit family, I don't know if anyone will find this, but I did get a lot of comments and a lot of great suggestions and help on my first post, so I feel like I owe you an update. so a couple of things have happened since then after some people mentioned things on my safety i took it to heart and told my sister and her husband i live with them for now the issue of course it was also just in case my ex-friends were to stop by the house since they would do that sometimes since there's a baby at our house my sister's baby they thought having cameras was not a bad idea but everyone's safety and i told my boyfriend as well since some of you were worried about his safety too. He's a fit guy and has security at his house so he'll be alright. On Friday, I went to a birthday party with my boyfriend for one of his friends and everything was going well until I saw one of Mark's sidekicks. Let's call him Ben. I pass him without saying anything and he just looks at me. I notify my boyfriend that he's there and we decide to not let him bother us. An hour later, I saw him, Mark, talking to the birthday girl. Not surprised they know each other honestly. Most of us went to the same primary school and stayed connected through the years. Then he made his way over to us smiling like nothing happened. He went straight to my boyfriend and extended his hand. I'm Mark. You remember me right? And you must be the boyfriend he says. My boyfriend shaked his hand being polite of course. He then told him in his most annoying voice. Can I borrow her for a sec? I just want to talk. I immediately shut him down and told him to leave us alone he didn't he persisted for a full minute and when my boyfriend tells him to leave he just goes on and tried to take my hand by force my boyfriend being already annoyed by the whole issue slaps the arrogance out of him he tries to fight back but my boyfriend punches him in the face the security people were called and took him out shouting and we left after explaining the whole thing to the birthday girl my boyfriend dropped me off at home and he left immediately the next day that is saturday a video was sent to me a video of mark being taken away by security and people laughing i guess somebody was filming the person who sent it is one of mark's ex-girlfriends her message was served him right so yeah that's where we are now it's been quiet since yesterday but knowing mark he'll definitely pull something on my boyfriend my boyfriend is not one to resort to violence but Mark had it coming honestly. If it wasn't him, someone would have done it. I tried to make it short but it's still very long and I'm sorry for that. I tried to answer as many questions as I can and to those I couldn't respond to in my previous post, I truly appreciate your comments. The commenter says to OP, not the asshole bro, you literally set boundaries and he refused to respect them. Your boyfriend protecting you equals normal. OP says thank you, he'll definitely appreciate this he's still sad about me witnessing that side of him but i've assured him that i'm not bothered mark crossed so many lines another commenter replies saying security came and if they thought your boyfriend was a problem at all they'd have hauled him off right alongside mark they knew who the arsehole was even though they are complete strangers to you your boyfriend shouldn't be sad that you had to witness that side of him any more than he should be sad for you to see him take a shit he just did what he had to do in an unfortunate situation opie says i'll show this comment to him and you're right on the security part mark wasn't even invited the birthday girl was just being polite when he showed up after ben told him i was there ben needs to grow a spine and stop being a puppet commenter says following for more updates this guy is crazy he must have thought you didn't tell your boyfriend when he thought he could borrow you and it just shows that he has zero respect for women by thinking he could grab you and make you go with him he needs to look at himself and take your previous words to heart and maybe get some therapy opie responds saying honestly i wish you could get some therapy too mark is doing too much i wouldn't be surprised if more people started distancing themselves from him in a place where everyone knows almost everyone people want to avoid being dragged into drama gee bloody whiz but what do you guys make of this situation absolutely wild one let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from another deleted user from the relationships advice subreddit and says my stepdad referred to my husband 37 male and me 25 female as the pig and his dumb little see you next Tuesday at a dinner party. I'm sure all or most of you already know but see you next Tuesday is just a it's just an alternative way to say the swear word that would get me demonetized on YouTube so just throwing that out there but it starts off. First English is not my first language. I am fluent but I do not completely understand the double meanings and how to imply them here. I try to translate it as best as I could but the word pig does not mean a literal pig. In the context it was used I think what my stepdad meant was bourgeoisie or capitalist pig and used it as a double entendre in reference to body fat. My stepdad has been with my mother for up to five years now. I was an adult before they met. We're not that close but have a cordial relationship or so I thought. My husband and myself were invited to a small impromptu dinner party. My husband was sick so I initially made our apologies but afterwards he encouraged me to go even though what I truly wanted was to play nurse for him. These dinner parties happen with regularity and my husband is far more important anyway. However he encouraged me and said it'd be good for me to go so I did. I arrive a little late and don't immediately announce my presence. I stand in the entryway arranging myself and overhear a talk from the dinner table i hear my husband's name mentioned this was rude but i'm curious what is going to be said while they think i'm not listening so i take my time next to the door the question about our absence was casually directed to our mother and my stepdad cuts in with the line in the title he said exactly yes where is the pig and his dumb little see you next tuesday there were some chuckles and my mother answers your son-in-law are sick in a mildly chastisizing tone. She turned the topic to something else. I decided to leave. I nearly cried in the back of the car, but stayed composed until I got home. My mother's reaction was most hurtful. I would have expected a far harsher reaction than she gave. This suggests to me that this happens with some regularity. My mother doesn't defend me while I'm called a dumb little scene next Tuesday. She doesn't defend my husband when he is called a pig. She acts as if someone Someone made an inappropriate noise at the dinner table. Should I tell my husband? I'm a little afraid of his subsequent actions if I do. His help specific family members that were not at the dinner party and could take that all away on a whim. I need to tell him I don't want him to punish people that weren't at the party. My husband will be very angry at them but I need to tell him Then there is my relationship with my family I been trying to think how this could mean something else i been trying to twist it into a term of endearment and i can't this was cruel i feel used by those who i loved most they hid their feelings while we were around governor says to op tell your husband he has the right to know if family members are dependent on him and talking behind his back he should know about it in quotes he has helped specific family members that were not at the dinner party and could take that all away on a whim and then says do you think so little of your husband that he would punish people in need because they are related to someone who bad mouthed him once what about when you have children and they go visit their grandmother will your children learn to call you a dumb see you next tuesday behind your back there's no good reason for that type of name calling especially when the person isn't around You don't need two-faced jerks like father-in-law in your life or stepdad. Tell your husband and then you and your husband can confront your mother. Demand an apology and minimize contact with mom and stepdad for a while. OP replies saying, I think the world of my husband, but he is a very fierce man when it comes to people who don't respect him and me. I know I need to tell him. Governor says to OP, my man is exactly the same. Protective and unforgiving of people he feels have disrespected me. himself too but it's a whole other level when i'm involved all i can say is you need to let him vent and be angry and then ask him to have a game plan with you his loyalty should help you come up with a compromise that you can both live with another commenter says my initial reaction was you should have walked in and said the dumb little see you next tuesday is right here picked up a drink from the table and thrown it in his face seriously op you have to tell your husband tell him exactly what you told us he deserves to know let him be a part of the decision on how to proceed burning cake replies that saying ah yes the classic soap opera ending fantastic choice jungle gloom says in quotes he has helped specific family members and then says i think this is where the pig thing is coming from for some people your success and help just make them feel inferior and they're resentful of you being the cause of those feelings so they cut you down when you aren't around. Instead of taking responsibility for their own life choices or being secure in themselves and happy for you, they'd rather drag you down in some crab bucket mentality. They don't have your best interests at heart. They only want to drag you down to feel better about themselves. It may be the healthiest thing for your relationships to not help if they aren't the kind of people who can deal with it. They're not happy and you're just losing respect from people you previously had a better relationship with. And agree with the comments on this, you You absolutely need to tell your husband immediately and come up with a plan together on how you're going to tackle this. I mean, this isn't the kind of thing you sit on because one day when he does find out and he finds out that you knew that they've been talking about him behind his back like this and you as well. He's going to question why you didn't tell him sooner. And he's been around these people, talking to them, socializing with him without knowing how they actually feel about him. You know, that would piss me off as well. I was also questioning the mum's choices in this the simple chastisizing tone when he called her daughter a dumb little see you next Tuesday that's wild and made me think of several scenarios maybe she's heard this kind of talk before and has become like desensitized to it maybe she feels she can't and won't stand up to him for various reasons possibly both or maybe she's just an ass all herself but op did update the post and says i told my husband about this earlier this morning i did it carefully making sure to tell him that i didn't know exactly who was there other than a few names and ensuring that he knew a few specific people were definitely not there my husband is a very deliberative person he sat and listened to everything i had to say without showing any emotion it's hard to talk to him sometimes about difficult things because of this but I got through it. He asked me a few questions making sure I was completely sure on every detail and he told me to fetch his phone and I did. He made several calls. He called various people and over the next 30 minutes three of my family members lost their jobs. Two lost their apartments or will be losing them as soon as the law allows. He only punished people who were guaranteed to be at the dinner party or directly related to those who were though. He did not punish my big sister who I was worried about the most or people who couldn't have been involved afterwards he told me that he would not tell me to cut contact with my family but that he will not be seeing them until we receive a written apology from everyone who was at the party he said i can handle my family as i like i thanked him and told him i would not be seeing them either until that happened whilst i was helping my husband dress for work my mother called but my husband waved it off and told me to keep her waiting because she will call again he said i don't owe her promptness and keeping her waiting shows her that i have the power she called many times in succession afterwards but i only answered after my husband was dressed and had seen him to the car she told me in a frantic voice that person a had lost their job and wondered what happened or if there was anything my husband could do i'm glad my husband had me wait because i'd formulated a response i told her that my husband had person A, B, and C fired. I didn't tell her why. She went silent for a bit and finally asked why in an odd tone. I just told her that I heard what my stepdad said at the party. I told her that my husband and I expected a written apology from everyone at the dinner party. A long silence followed. So long that I nearly hung up, but my mother did it first. This was a confusing reaction. I think she was too ashamed to speak, but it could also be that she doesn't care. I will wait. They need to reach out to us with an apology if they are interested in continuing our family ties. I thought this was going to be harder and feel worse than it does. I'm at peace about this. Evil Buddha says to OP, if you live in China, I can understand the response. People in relatively high positions can make the lives of family miserable if they show disrespect. OP says you are right. I know it is not this way in western countries. Buddha replies saying I agree. It's not the same in western countries and folks here have to understand that the culture in china is way different stuff like this happens in china question did your husband help your family members in getting jobs and housing makes me wonder how he's able to get them all fired and evicted just like that opi says yep he did help them get jobs and housing good jobs and preferred housing which can be very hard to get opi then responded to a deleted comment and said my husband was kind at all times it may be that they resented him for his help he asked me what i thought should happen i told him i was very upset he makes the decisions after consulting me but this was disrespectful to him just as much as me thank you for your explanation i understand why this might be shocking in that case i said helped in my first post i meant jobs and preferred housing commoner says what the hell why would your husband get people fired as far as i read in your last post they didn't even have anything to do with what your stepdad called you. They were just there. This seems like a huge overreaction on his part, where you guys could have just gone and confronted your stepdad, not fuck up people's living situations in their jobs. That's crazy. AB says, I think it might be cultural. Often when someone does something poorly, it is part of our culture to judge the family as well Also they laughed AB says I genuinely curious and I sorry if I come across as naive in this question but what would the proper etiquette in China be in this situation For example, what if it was you and your husband at your aunt's house and dinner table? Your aunt's husband makes this rude comment about the person who gave your husband's job. Who is your cousin's husband, her daughter's spouse, and not present? Should you say anything? would you speak up out of loyalty for your employer or would you not say anything out of politeness for the host who is also your family what is correct in this situation in china opie responds and says of course i will answer and no you do not come across as naive i think first understand that there are no individuals in china i'm not a single person i belong to my husband i belong to my family those units are more important than me alone i think there is no correct response for this would there be a correct response for this in a western country i think it was incredibly rude and that crosses cultural barriers the shock in this thread is that my husband punished everyone yes here we return to the fact that no one is an individual in china you see my stepdad as an independent individual who made this decision my husband and i see him as part of a larger group in this case his family unit and those others at the dinner party. They all allowed this disrespect to stand by not acting. I think the correct response would have been for everyone at the dinner party to banish my stepdad. They should have collectively shown him that what he did was wrong. Social harmony is very important. I hope this makes sense. Fyadorn says, I'm from Taiwan, living in America, and I completely understand your husband's response. Trust is difficult to come by in China, and if your husband is in a position of financial power than he is in a position a lot of people are willing to suck up to just to get something out of him he's 100 correct to cut his financial and personal connection with people he cannot trust most others in the sub will not understand the cultural implications of this but trust is everything in a workplace situation in chinese culture because of the possibility of backstabbing and betrayal you do your thing op and don't let the naysayers in this post sway you. So, Opie after that comes in with their final update and says my husband has received several written apologies from those who are at the party, but not from my stepdad or my mother. I think it is correct to say now that they are not going to apologize. I talked to my mother again a few days after my second comment for a brief moment. She frustrated herself in front of me verbally, but she will not give us a written apology. She is supporting her husband over her daughter. I hung up on her as an apology was hollow in many ways despite how deeply she spoke. Those who have apologized said that these insults were not uncommon but no one other than my stepdad engaged in them. My husband believes them and blames my stepdad. My stepdad later lost his job as a result of his words. My husband could not punish him immediately because of his position. I'm feeling okay. It hurt me after the second conversation with my mother where I realized she would not apologize i'm trying to make peace with it but it has been hard my husband has done things to cheer me up he bought me a puppy i need to feel this over a period of time if that makes sense opie responds to someone and says i agree the letter is a formality but an important one i think my mother's words were hollow though i'm not sure i have the words to describe this she apologized but defended and dismissed at the same time this is why i hung up last leader says your mom sounds like you in a lot of ways both you stand behind your husbands no matter what and let them make all the decisions this is between your husband and your stepdad your mom won't be able to apologize until your stepdad allows her to this is one of those times that being old fashioned and doing what your husband tells you to do is pretty stupid i mean both you and your mom both you are letting men ruin your mother daughter relationship these updates sadden me to see all the unwise decisions and ego continuing on both sides. Hope someday this will change. OP responds saying my husband did not force me to cut ties with my family. I chose not to forgive my mother because our apology was hollow. Her words were empty. Commodore says to OP I think it's refreshing to see someone posting to this Reddit. With such a clear idea of their boundaries and acting on them being violated. We always encourage people to find their boundaries and learn to back them up when they face crisis in relationships. Here is an example of a couple who have very clearly defined boundaries and doing something about it when they got disrespected. The husband was clearly taking care of a lot of people in this family and would feel deeply hurt and disrespected to learn that those same people were witness to the offensive things said about him behind his back and not stopping it or standing up for him. I 100% agree with his decisive actions and while I feel sorry for Opie's mother who is trapped between daughter and husband, I think Opie's husband was still within his moral rights to act as he saw fit in this case. OP, I wonder if you would act differently than your mother did though. Would you go against your husband if he ever behaved badly towards someone in the family or would you have his back even when he was wrong? Your mother has apologized to you in the only way she can without making open conflict with her husband. Can you understand her at all? Maybe you can forgive her eventually. Another commenter quotes that last commenter saying your mother has apologize to you and then says i think you make a great point not just there but the whole post but that part is framed incorrectly she isn't making open conflict with her husband the husband is making conflict with her by not standing up to him she's being an enabler she's giving him tacit permission to continue is it unfair she's in the middle of this along with the people who got fired yes in life when unfair things happen to you through no fault of your own character shows when you do the right thing. Absolutely no one did the right thing and she still refuses to throw his mess back in his face. Opie's stepdad is the one causing trouble. He's an ingrate piece of shit. After all the problems he's caused and impossible scenarios he's created to not back down and give her an out. Fuck him. There's at least three to four other people like the mom who also need to save face. He isn't allowing them an out. She isn't choosing conflict. She's choosing to lose the conflict rather than fight for herself. opie stepped out as a piece of shit to the highest order asian slash chinese society is about harmony and making decisions that benefit the group so that everyone wins is sacrificing the group for his own twisted sense of egotistical honor this one was like a fascinating one to read especially when op started talking about the culture side of things in this one that you're almost part of a a unit and like the immediate firings and and people losing their apartments that quickly and there was there was loads of people in the in the comments explaining you know the culture around it as well which was just absolutely fascinating and and wild for me but what do you guys make of this one let us know your thoughts down in the comments below now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for being involved in today's stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully i'll see you in the next one take care and much love you