Tom Papa asks about stolen gifts

This is a headgun podcast. Checking all state first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that when you order a cowboy hat online, you get the right size. Big mistake. Now I'm showing up at the country western dance in a hat made for a toddler. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with all state. All savings varies subject to terms, conditions and availability. All state, North American insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. In partnership with Airbnb, let's talk a little bit about travel. TIG, as you know, I'm about to go on my first big tour around the United States. And while I'm traveling in a bus, I want to make sure I get a couple nights in a nice comfy bed that's not on wheels. So I'm going to book a couple nights day on Airbnb. That sounds like a plan, May. What area are you looking? Well, I'm going to be in Florida, which I'm very excited about. And I'd love to find somewhere with a hot tub or a sauna that I can relax in. Maybe some nice nature nearby, like a big park or something. I love finding a home on Airbnb because I know I can get the place all to myself. And I can read tons of reviews and make sure it's a great place. Airbnb also has guest favorites badges that show me the highest rated and most loved homes. I've just never gone wrong booking one of those. You know, I swam with sharks in Florida. Is that something you would ever try? I hadn't thought about that, but if I'm near the ocean, then who knows? Maybe I will. On the other hand, if I find a really nice place on Airbnb, I may just never want to leave. Cheers. Welcome to the handsome podcast. My name is Tignotaro and I'm sitting here with... My name is May Martin. And a fortune-femister. Yeah. Looking really, really like a pretty lady. So what you're... What you're... Yes, you are. It's because I have one to make up. Uh-huh. Your eyes are popping. Are they? Guys. They were like, do you want to take your makeup off and I went, no. Never. Never. Do enhance them and I want to be handsome. And I want to be pretty. So I have my... I don't have any lip taint on at the moment, but the eyes are still popping. I thought maybe you had invisible lip taint on. Yeah. No, just a visible mascara. Okay. And so you started filming your movie today? Today was your first day at work. First day at work. Everybody's really nice. And it's funny to go from like the golf show with Will. Uh-huh. There's a lot of dudes in a sporty world to like a lady... A lady comedy. A lady-led comedy. A lady-led comedy. So it's such of both great vibes, but just very different. Were you actually filming the lady? Pretty little lady vibes. Yeah, we were... Today was the filming. Oh my God, that's scary. Because you're like... Are people gonna like how I'm doing it? I know. I was like, I don't know how... Because it's a big broad comedy and I was saying I don't know how broad to go with my character. You're like, want to be funny, but not like annoyingly over the top. Nice sake of big. Go big. Yeah, they can always reel me in, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. It was good. Nice chemistry, we're feeling more comfortable around each other and getting to know each other. Great. Yeah. I drove Kim Kardashian in a truck. I mean, what is your life? You drove Kim Kardashian in a truck. Oh, in a scene. In a scene. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay. All right. Wow. Because if you're doing that in real life, then that's like, what is your life? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Were you driving for real or were you, was the car on the back of one of those driving for real? Whoa. Yeah. I'm still in May. I'm still impressed by driving. Period. Yeah. Well, I've driven, when I did office Christmas party, I, the car stood still sat there. I didn't drive it. But I did drive Jennifer Gardner in the ambulance. That was nerve wrecking. I think she's getting you to drive in these. I know. The ambulance is big and it had all the camera people in the back of it. So that was maybe nervous. Uh-huh. Well, oxygen seems capable. That's why you throw her in. You know, you have to do the driving. And then in Will's movie, you're cordially invited. I drove a speedboat. Yeah. You're always driving. Especially anyone's like, I didn't even know how to drive a boat. I was going to say, I mean, that's my sweet spot. I know how to drive a boat. Yeah. I had a motorcycle. Yeah. And they let me rip it too in the water. I mean, we're on around circles, I know. Yeah. You're always driving. I was drivin' it in beautiful women and cars. Here's what, did you park the boat? I'm trying to think, I brought it up to the dock and then they, they like kind of took it over from there. But yeah, I know, with a throttle and stuff, you got to push it back a little bit. Yeah. It can be a little tricky. This is the butchest episode of our podcast yet. We're talking throttles and parking. Throttles, baby. When you were in the truck with Kim, did she smell good? Were you chatting between takes? What's the vibe? She's lovely. I've really just been very nice, very professional, very collaborative. She's not been like, you know, us and, you know, we're here. She's over there, like it's, yeah, she was, we chatted between takes and, yeah. She's got it good since the humor, so she was laughing about us being silly and- She's really funny. I mean, I watched her. Many times. I watched her and keeping up with the Kardashians. She's very witty. They all are pretty witty. Pretty witty? Well, they have a lot of people around them love. She's had like a group of friends. She's been friends with for, since like kindergarten. Yeah. Well, this is a long shoot by the end of it. You're going to be tight. You're going to be gossiping with the gals, just like you were on Will's show. Yeah. And then because, you know, we had rehearsals the day after Nikki Glazer hosted the Golden Globe, so everyone just kind of went, I had three weeks off between shows. Yeah. So, I mean, between filming the last show and this, so it's been a shot, like we're all been shot out of a cannon. Yeah. Mm-hmm, busy times. Yeah. How are you, Teg? What's going on? I haven't seen you in a while. I did a mini-sode with Fortune, so we've been... We were cheating. Talking. Yeah. We were cheating on you. We were cheating on you. I started my period, my period, final night. Congrats, dude. Thank you. Oh my God. I'm hoping to get 300 tampons delivered to my house. Because I do work in space just for your next cycle. Yeah. Um, I'm, I started my, the beginning of my, um, minor, my, my minor market tour. Minor market tour. Minor market tour. Minor market. What, you've called it? Or that's... Well, yeah. I'm just, I'm just hitting the places that are not like Chicago, New York, that kind of stuff. And the smaller guys. Yeah. I'm hitting the Fort Lauderdales and the Omahas and what have you. So I'm just hitting those kind of shows for a while and going out for long weekends. But um, it's been busy as well because I had to overlap my Star Trek premiered and then I think I told you, yeah, that the documentaries and contention for the Oscar nomination. Yeah. So it's just been pure insanity, like pure insanity, like the events and, um, promotion and, uh, but... Shmuzin. Yeah. It's not really nice to be on the honor. Not really your vibe. No, but I, you know, I want to do everything I can for the movie. But it is, it's a hard nomination again because they typically, it's typically just like global documentaries that, that, that make it to the nominations, you know. And it's a political situation. Yeah. Very political, very global. And, uh, but, you know, we still have to, had to give it all we had and, um, hope for the best. And even if not, we have, um, really friend projects that we're continuing to develop and work on around Andrea and Meg and with Meg, uh, Andrea's wife. And so it's just this kind of fun creative bubble of people that really, really connected on a project and want to continue to work together because it was just, it was so special. It was just a, yeah, it was a really special experience that, um, we all feel very lucky that we all, it all lined up the way it did. And, uh, on our Zoom today, I was talking about how, because they announced tomorrow morning. Oh, they do? Okay. I'm setting my alarm and I'm checking your, you can get about five of them. Yeah. That's when it, it's 5 30 in the morning where they read off the nominees. Oh, yeah. Why do they do it that early? I don't know. I think it's for the East Coast press. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And stuff. Yeah. And that's what I've been up to is I'm still filming Star Trek. It premiered, finished the promotion on, um, uh, that dual crazy run of promotion and, um, and doing my tour. And I'm, and I'm touring with Amy, uh, Berkman, who's an incredible speed artist and, um, our first, yes, of course, yeah. Yeah, she's an ovarian cancer survivor. She paints a portrait with an under 10 minutes and then we auction it off at the show to raise money for charity. Wow. And yeah, we raised like $15,000 a show. What? That's awesome. And 100% of the proceeds went to the charity and God. And we're very aligned on, she's a vegan and, um, so we're doing cancer charities, animal charities and environmental charities and, um, it just feels, it feels good. And it was my fantasy when Andrea was alive to tour with Andrea and Amy. And then when Andrea died, I was like, man, I gotta make this right. And so I reached out to Amy and it just was a really good vibe. And she's really talented. So it feels good. It feels really good. So who's she doing the portraits of in the, well, like we were in, um, Fort Lauderdale the first night and she did one of a manatee. Oh, yeah. And does the audience kind of weigh in on what they want? No, she dances to music while she's painting frantically and the, and the, and the, and the, the, um, canvas, she flips it right side up at the end. She's painted upside down the whole time. No, she flips it in the end. And then you're like, oh my God, it's a manatee. Oh my God. Oh my God. It's Andrea Gibson's face, you know, that must be like something must work differently in her brain to be able to paint upside down like that. That's like a really, that's cool. Yeah. She, um, she had very aggressive ovarian cancer. And when she lived through it, she was like, I'm going to devote my life to doing good with my art. So, and she's really incredible. So that's what I've been doing. Yeah. What about you, May? I've been working on my fr outrafia biopic. Got to. Yeah. Dance. It's a three and a half hour biopic based on no factual information. Don't die during the research. Okay, May. What do you mean? Fr outrafia. Well, you're writing the movies, and, um, yeah. Yeah, I just, you know, you have to research for a film and, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want you to dance till you die. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Do you not know the story? Oh, no, I know, I know the bullet points. And that's all I got. So taking a lot of artistic life since on her life. Uh-huh. No, I'm not actually doing that, but I would like to. Um, I am, I, well, one thing I haven't talked about on the pod is I did this, I think you guys will find this funny. I did a show with Lisa Gillroy, friend of the pod at Largo, and the premise was that we surprise each other. So it's like, we each have to plan two surprises. It's really anxiety inducing because you're like, am I going to go too far with a prank? Like, is, is this funny? And yeah, last time a year ago, I got the number of her, or the phone number of her husband who I've only met once. Okay. And I secretly texted him and I took him to Universal Studios and we, we went on all the rides and we did like a whole, I did. Oh, it was so good. So on stage with Lisa, I said, you know, I, I've only met Steve once. But we do have for relationship and it's, it's not sexual, but it is romantic. And then I had this whole slide show of us like spending the whole day together. And she was flabbergasted and she went through this like whole range of emotions of like, that is so funny. Yeah, like at first she, I think was feeling protective of him. Like, is he, you know, and then was like so touched that two people she loves independently hung out. And then she's like, and what did you guys do together? Yeah. And then she's like, did you kiss? Like she got really anxious. Did you kiss? Did you touch my love? Yeah. So then I've been, I don't know how to, I didn't know how to top that and I've been really nervous and I kind of was drawing a blank and I was nervous for how she would kind of retaliate. And so she, at the beginning of the show, she's like my, my surprises were pretty, were pretty lame. And then I was, I painted a portrait of her and I had Atlanta, Johnston pretend to be a Lannis Morissette. Uh-huh. But at the beginning of the show, Lisa's like, oh, I have this new necklace. Like, yeah, my, my admirer got it for me and I was like, oh, no, what is this going to be? And she's like, it's okay. I'll talk about it later. And then she kept being like, oh, god, I love this necklace. My admirer gave me. And then she starts playing a video and she goes, oh, baby, are you there? It's on Zoom. My father appears in the video. She has gone onto Instagram. DMed my dad and unbeknownst to me. They filmed this whole sketch where she's like, did they kiss? Fonsip. I want to like just play you guys a little. Is that your dad's given name as baby? Yeah, it's baby, baby child. Baby Martin. Baby Martin. I think you're going to laugh at that because he's, he really went for it. Like he is really goofy in it and yeah, I went through the same age. Well after his acting debut on your show. Yeah, he was up for it. Okay. Guys, can we do a quick check in with my eye? Is it open? Oh, let's see. Well right now you're squinting. Is that on purpose? Well, I have trouble seeing. So I'm always squinting these days. You got to do this. Dude, it's definitely a little closed. This one? Yeah. Have you gotten it fixed? Yeah. No, I can't tell March. Fortunately, you can't tell. I mean, I was asking in case you take got it fixed and it was a buzz. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, yeah, I want, I want to get it fixed. Yeah, yeah. It's working. Yeah. All right. Sorry, Meg, on. Okay, ready? Yeah, we're ready. I think the audio will be funny, but I'm going to show the video and maybe I can post a little clip of the video if my dad agrees, but I'm going to show you guys, okay, ready? I'm sorry, darling. I missed you, baby. I missed you too, my everything. My mind, my necklace, you got me. It looks adorable. Oh, baby, look, I know you're taking me to Paris next weekend. Oh, my baby, love so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just so cutely said. I love you so much, James. I would literally die for you. It goes on for a long time. Oh, my God. I would love you. What if your mom walked in and was like, what are you doing? What are you doing? I mean, I was freaking out. I don't know. It was so weird seeing my world. She could have done it with your mom. That's really real. No, my mom is so shy. She was like, yeah, but I love darling. Hello, darling Lisa. Yeah, hello, my darling. And then she showed me their email thread, her and my dad. And she'd be like, okay, James, I'll send you a Zoom link and he wrote, okay, baby. Oh, my God. And now they're having a fair. Is that a save? Did you see any nudes in there? Checking all state first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that you're picking a king in a peaceful area of the park. Look out. I was halfway through my cucumber sandwich before I realized I was sitting in the middle of a disc golf course. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with all state potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability all state North American insurance company and affiliates North Brook Illinois. It's time to refresh your space and make your home the best possible version of itself with way fair from furniture and decor to organization solutions and outdoor essentials. Handsome loves way fair because they make it easy to find the exact items to fit your style needs and budget. Upgrade your space, find quality pieces and get fast shipping and easy assembly options with way fair. As we move into spring, I'm doing a little refresh on my decor. I'm trying to make my patio a place to hang out and relax. So I've already got my sauna, my food's ball table out there. But I found some really comfy outdoor chairs on way fair that look great and fit in with a look at my space. Way fair offers a bunch of filters so I could narrow stuff down by reviews as well as color and aesthetic style. Assembly was a breeze as well and I'm so happy with the new look. Find furniture, decor and essentials that fit your unique style and budget head to way fair dot com right now to shop all things home. That's w-a-y-f-a-i-r dot com way fair every style every home. A thoughtfully built wardrobe comes down to pieces that mix well and last. That's where quince shines premium fabrics considered design and everyday essentials that feel effortless to wear and dependable even as the seasons change. It's cozy season and I got a pair of everyday fleece straight leg sweatpants from quince for only $39.90. They're so comfy. They're my new favorite thing to wear around the house. And I just ordered a pair of Australian sheerling moccasins slippers to go with them as well. Quince has tons of pajama options and robes to whatever suits your style, they've got it. Right now go to quince dot com slash handsome for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to build your wardrobe and love it and you will now available in Canada too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last go to q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash handsome for free shipping and 365 day returns quince dot com slash handsome. But it really it was still you know when someone it's like when someone makes funny you really specifically it's like so touching almost but yeah it's the best it was thrilling. So that's my that's my big news other than that I just been driving around the town. I bought a new body wash you know I know I saw this I saw this car going down the road just slamming into cars and in late post yeah just pin falling down the street I was like look at me. Yeah look at me go are you getting more comfortable. Yeah I love it I'm way better now guys and I'm glad you didn't get in my car when I first got it. Because are we I have no plans to ever get a car. I have some point but I will not look when driving Kim Kardashian around I got a drive you guys. I've been driving since I was 12. Oh my god why'd you wait so late. I was like smoking and driving since I was born. I have my first make out of my car. Yeah because I've always been the passenger princess. I think I know who you were. Who am I going to. Who is there. Nobody. Was it you? Yeah it was me. Yeah it was for sure. No wait why would you know who what is happening two against one I don't like it. Well when when we filmed our mini-sode off my off my I was updating fortune on my various. Okay well bleep it out who was it. I'm scared. Was it your dad? It was scared of it somehow get in here. Yeah we'll tell you at the end of the video. And then we'll tell you at the end of the pod. Oh my god. Because we can't actually let it slip through. Yeah. You know what? It's more set. Yeah that would be amazing. But it felt good because usually I'm the passenger and someone's dropping me off and then. I'm not listening to anything now. All right okay okay. I don't care about anything unless I have this information. Okay well should we for Thomas you're we're bleeping this. Yeah. Okay. And you're definitely bleeping it. I promise to bleep it. I mean not even bleeping it like take the whole chunk. Okay. What the hell is this? Well it's all of this is staying in until this. Okay. Oh my god. So who the hell is this? Yeah. Yeah. Who the hell is this? Well it wasn't who you think it is actually fortunate but it was bleeping. Oh. It's okay. That's not exciting to you. That's not thrilling. No. No. You're not answering. No I'm not no it's nothing against. I'm like great whatever I thought you were giving me like scandalous information. Oh no. No it's scandalous just like pretty good. What a twist. Okay. Cut that whole chunk out. Well some of it keep in some of the teasing. Okay. But you can listen to the other teasing and then also keep in my disappointment. No. Okay. We'll come back. It's like who was your first kiss that cannot go anywhere. Oh my god. That was a bit of a bust. Yeah. Ticks not. Ticks not. No. Well there was more to the story but anyway. Oh my god. We thought it was juicy gossip me and fortunate. Tell us juicy. I thought I was some hot gossip. I think it's unimpressed. Well it's like yeah of course that person would make out with you. Yeah. But like I thought if this was someone your first kiss and like who they must be now that you're so protective. Wait my first you with this person. Oh okay okay yeah yeah yeah. I think I think I think this interpreted it thinking that it was something scandalous. It's not scandalous. It's just okay. Okay so who would have got like the biggest reaction for you that you would have been like a lot. I guess someone like married and famous is that. Justin Trudeau. No. Justin Trudeau. Amen. Take one of the scandal. Okay. Yeah. No scandal. You know me girl I always want to scandal. You love a scandal. I love a scandal. Yeah. Yeah I do. Yeah I don't know who would be exciting for you to make out. Oh. And Angelina Jolie would you have such a crush on her. That's always an answer right. That would be pretty exciting. It would be crazy. Anyone that kisses her it's like that's like a big deal. It's a big deal in their life forever and I don't and if they're if they say it's not they're lying. Like anyone who just like out of party. I don't want to kiss her but I want you to kiss her. Why don't you want to kiss her? Yeah. I'm more of a gin and a spoon gal. I think you have to be on one team or the other right still or no. Well like removing any teams it's like you're at a party Angelina is coming in for the smooch. And are you like are you like I'm a gin. I have cheese in my pocket. My pocket. I'm cheese in my mouth. I'm putting my mouth in my pocket. That's how nervous you would be Angelina was coming in. I have cheese in my pocket. I have cheese in my pocket. And cheese in my pocket. Oh my god that is now the let down line. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When you turn someone down and you know it for me. I got cheese in my pocket and then walk away. I got cheese in my pocket. Oh my gosh. I'm sorry to let her down easy. Well you did you told her you had cheese in your pocket. Yeah she's going to. She's walking away. She's walking away. She's walking away confused. And I don't want to kiss her now anyway. Yeah. Don't ever let me forget. I have cheese in my pocket. We know for a while. We forget everything we say. People come up like hey speedboat through the desert. And they're like wait what happened. We love remember if it becomes a merch. If someone else tell me I just wrote it down. I have cheese in my pocket. Yeah. Thomas we put that on the list just so we remember to turn down Angelina with that line. Turned on anybody with that line. I have cheese in my pocket. Yeah you have to point to your mouth. I have cheese in my pocket. I have cheese in my pocket. Oh my god I love it so much. Oh. And please sneak that in when it makes sense in any possible moment. Yeah. Like if I say do you want to go get coffee and say I have cheese in my pocket. Now are you making out whether she comes up to you at the cheese table? I have cheese in my pocket. You're eating vegan cheese. Yeah. Well yeah and I'm married. So you have in a scenario where you're not and you're at the party. Yeah. No I'm not a party kisser. Yeah I know you mean. Yeah. Why? That's the other excuse. I'm not a party kisser. I can't believe both of you are saying you're rejecting Angelina Jolie. This is such garbage. Here's the thing is I'm pretty sure she would reject her. I know. She's got way more cheese in her pocket, by the way, in these scenarios. We're just letting her down before she lets us down. Yeah. Oh my god. Oh my god, logically. Okay, what if you're out and you're introduced to her and you're chatting, getting along, and then and you're like oh my god, Angelina is so nice and then at the end of the conversation as she walks away, she goes, by the way, I have cheese in my pocket and you realize that she listened to the pause. She listened. Oh my god. Oh. I would be more happy. Then would you kiss her fortune for listening to the podcast? I would kiss her hand. I would kiss everyone who listens to the podcast. I'll speak for yourself. I would do the TIG kiss. Kiss my own hand. But if we were at a party, totally in chips and caclin, I like this. Yeah. You turn and you totally see me in a corner just making out with some girl. I, wait, this is a scenario where you're not married, right? Oh, whatever, whatever. You're just, and you're suddenly a party kisser. I'm a suddenly a party, that's March right there, a party kisser. I would be a party kisser. I would be a party kisser. And you walk in the door. That is a fun shirt. Oh my god, we have a lot of shirts. I'm a party kisser. So many shirts. We need to open a store. Party kisser is good. That's really good. I feel like a lot of people would wear that for sure. If you were making out of a party, that would be wild. You don't even like to touch people. I've had so many people come through my meet and greet lines going, May is coming here and you know, whatever month I'm going there. And then whenever TIG comes, but we know she's not going to do meet and greet. She didn't like to touch anybody. She won't touch us. We don't want to beat anyone. We can't touch. Now, is it merch for also, I got cheese in my pocket? I don't know. Well, let me see how our listeners take to it. Okay, you have one shirt like on the front party kisser. And then on the back, it says, I got cheese in my pocket. I like that. Or a little like a stick. And you can do either one. So if you're out of party and someone's propositioning you can either hold up I've cheesed my pocket or a party. Yeah, we're just spitball in here. I should probably spitball our merch another time. I went on I had a party and afterwards I said to my friend, did you have fun tonight? And he goes, yeah, I made out with, and then he said this person. An angel. An angel. Yeah, I made out with someone so in the bathroom and I went, me too. And this woman had made out with both the party kisser. Did she have on the shirt? She was such a party kisser. Yeah, I really, I really respected it. I do enjoy hearing about a party kisser who is just kissing everybody. Oh my God. Male and female and pretty little ladies and ladies. Yeah. Yeah. Are you a party kisser fortune? No. I know May is. No. Yeah, May is definitely a, but that's how, why I may use to throw parties was to be a party kisser. Yeah. No. Thomas, are you a party kisser? Back in the day I was, but not anymore. Yeah. No one was kissing me at parties because I was by the cheese table. Cheese is my pick. I didn't even, yeah, I wasn't me, me very open to that. Uh-huh. Yeah, you were sending off. I was chewing to the cheese. I have a really love for sure. Cootery board. We know. You know why? Because it has a word cootery in it. That is exactly why. That's funny. Oh, guys. How is it that we do it every single week? We deliver the goods every time on time. You and Stephanie never made out at a party. Um, if you were in the early days, you'd be like, I mean, our first kiss was in public at La Puebao in Hollywood. What? What to bail. That sounds sexy. That was when our photo was, you know, our first kiss was captured in a picture. No. Oh, you think I wrote? I don't think I wrote that was in a picture. Yeah. Wait, so like a paparazzi picture? No. No. No, perhaps. The pap's getting, yeah. Yeah, they're like, oh my god. Here's two unknowns. Let's grab this. I was writing my book. And it was like 11 o'clock at night and we had a texting relationship for months. And I was thinking, do I have a crush on this person? And then she, it was the first time, it was like six months into texting that she was like, oh, I'm out with my friends. Do you want to come join us? And I was like, oh, sure. And then I was like, oh my god, I've been writing my book all day. I haven't showered. And then I was like, oh, she doesn't date women. It doesn't matter what I look like. So I just went down there. I'll fill fee. And I had this big Canadian wool sweater on with an eagle on the back. And I walk into La Puebelle and she's sitting at this huge table with friends. They had just an improv next door at UCB. And she was wearing a huge Canadian sweater with an eagle. And hers is dark blue. Mine was off-white. And we were like, this is insane. That is crazy. We switched sweaters. And do you know Arman Weitzman? No. Oh, anyway, he's part of that whole UCB world of long ago. And he was like, oh my gosh, you two get together. I'll take your picture. And as soon as we touched each other, we started making out. Oh my god. And as a joke. No, no. Like we were at least. What? Yeah. And we immediately started kissing. And our first kiss is captured. And then we went to my car and made out all night. And then the next day is when she wrote me the 50,000 page email saying, I'm not gay. I can't date you. And then I wrote, okay, Dyke. Oh my god. Oh my gosh. Wait, wait. Yeah, yeah. So you started kissing in front of your friends in front of the person? In front of her friends. Oh my god. And I wonder if before you arrived that night, if Stephanie had said to them, like, I'm don't know if I have a crush on this person. No. No, she's not that kind of person. Wait, did one go in for the kiss first? Or both? Yeah, both. Wow. And we are not those types of people. And we were just immediately like party kissers. Yeah. We did not have any cheese in our pockets. Yeah. So that's pretty sexy. That's hot. Yeah. And it wasn't like you were doing a bit for the photo. And it got... Oh my god. There was no bit. I was like full blown crush on this person here. Let me show you the... Can I show you this? Yes, please. The picture of our parents first kiss. Please, please. It's so insane. I can't even believe that we have this. That is pretty crazy. That is pretty crazy. That is pretty crazy. It's so crazy. Okay. Prepare yourselves. And here it comes. Oh my god. Oh my god. I don't know what hair you have. That is... For a minute, I wasn't sure which one you were. And that you've never looked more... You've never looked more tom cruise. There's something very tom cruise about the hair. Yeah. Wow. That is very romantic. Okay. Are you ready? This is the final thing to blow your mind. Okay. Yeah. And this I wanted to say... And this I wanted to say... And this I wanted to say... Blow your cooters and puters off. Excuse me. I actually don't want to say that at all. Okay. I'm never... And you both... Wait, yeah, is that a saying? This is now... Cooters and puters. Put on the merch list. Yeah. Put on the list. Oh my god. We need to start a new list of... We're going to blow your cooters and cooters. Oh my god. What is this episode? I don't know. What are we doing with our time? My family is at basketball practice. And they have dinner. And this is what I'm doing to make a living. But so when I tell you this final part, you're going to go, Oh, come on. You knew... She knew... No. Okay. I was just back in town. I had been in New York. I had been touring. I was back in town. And because I was in town, she said, come meet me. Not... She didn't say, come meet me. She was like, hey, I'm out with friends at La Poubelle and we're hanging out. Come meet us. It was Valentine's Day. No, cute. Oh, cute. So our anniversary is Valentine's Day. She was looking for the smooch. No, she wasn't. She was. Yeah. She didn't realize it, but deep down, she was looking for the smooch. She's not a bar kisser. But on Valentine's Day, after months of texting you, she wanted a smooch. Yeah. She got it. And she's sure good. I have a really specific question. And now I lie down next to her with a... See, probably. See, probably. See, not. But anyway, go ahead. So in your friendship before then, had you ever had any prolonged eye contact with a little twinkle in your eye? Because that's my favorite thing. No, I think more than anything, anytime we went out to eat, we would just have so much fun, talk forever, laugh, stay at the restaurant until for like three or four hours, then we'd go out into the parking lot. The sun would come up. That kind of so. Oh, yeah. And I would leave going, oh my god, I think I have a crush on her. Oh, yeah. That's a lot. But I didn't think she did. So I just went about my life and party kissed other people. Yeah. I told she married. Well, you got a party kiss until she's ready to only party kiss you. Yeah. That's where we are. She did. Yeah. And now you're rejecting Angelina. Because you got cheesier rocket. Now you're all full of yourself. I got a pocket full of cheese. Well, that was a fun treat. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for listening. I'm happy to always tell the story. And yes, Mae, we should get to our question. Yeah, let's do it. Today's question, Asker, is one of my dear friends. He's a comedian, an actor, and a radio host to co-host. The serious XM show what a joke with Papa and Fortune. That's right. He's my radio co-host. His latest stand-up special home free is available to watch on Netflix. Tom Papa is asking today's question. Hey, handsome. Handsome. It's me, Tom Papa, your friend, friend to all of you. Wish I could see your faces right now. But all I see is my face. I have a question for you. Have you ever, at any point, in your life, at any age, stolen something, and then given that as a gift to someone else, and you never told them that you stole it? You were stolen something. I don't know what your motivation is. I don't know what the situation is. But you needed a gift, and you stole something, and then you gave it to them, and then you never told them that it was stolen, and they just enjoyed it, and have it, and hold it, and you never said. That's it. Hello, Tom. What is great energy he has as a person? How did you guys start working together, Fortune? I had met him through Aaron Foley, very funny comic here in LA, who has been dear friends with Tom forever. And then, Netflix wanted to do a radio show, and he was like, you want to do this with me? And I didn't really know him, but I was like, yeah, let's do it. And so we're in our six-year together, doing this radio show. It's every Monday through Thursday, two hours a day. Oh, my God. I know it's a lot of chat and, a lot of chat and, a lot of chat. On channel 93 on Series 6, if anybody wants to check it out. And does Ginger still listen? Yeah, she still listens. That's so nice. He loves Tom, and he is a bread baker as well. I didn't mention that in his bio, but he's a fantastic bread maker. Really? Yeah, he even just came out with his own line of bread baking products that have been doing really well for Nambay. Wow. I'm trying to think of a pan on papas somehow. Papas. Breaking bread with papas is podcast. Oh, nice. Okay, stealing things. Well, I can tell you, I never stole again after my mom caught me when I was five stealing a piece of gum, and she made me go back in and be like, I'm so sorry I said let's go. I'm gonna do it again. And were they nice about it in the store? Or they said, yeah, you said they were nice about it. But you know, she wanted me to learn my lesson. And I did. So I didn't steal this, but I definitely was trying to take credit for something. I was riding my bike around the neighborhood when I was in elementary school. And somebody had thrown out a bunch of stuff on the side of the road. And one of the things they threw out was like crocheted like, you know, bless this home or whatever. And I was like, oh, my mom's birthday is coming up. No way. Yeah. And you would have like a little like, you know, it's gotten some dings to be in the trash. And I was just like, bless this heart. Bless this home. This is going to be a pretty sweet birthday present. So I took it from out of the trash and gave it to my mom. And I'm sure she was like, these, you could tell that it was used. It was like, and abused. You said abuse. Did you give it a wash or no? Just no. I'd like to question me. I'd like to not give it a wash. It was just like, this is, you go enjoy this. Yeah. I never, I never asked her about that. I should ask her if she, you know, did you see it around the house? Or did it go back in the trash? You went right back in the trash. Yeah. But I got credit for giving her a present. I wonder if some other kid found it in your trash. And it's like, bless this home. I love this. The traveling knitted the home. Yeah. I have a similar one to that. This someone made me hold on one second. Oh, she goes. Yeah. There she goes. That. Oh, it's right there. What does that say? A handsome listener. Croch, is this a crochet? A fortune. Very nice backwards. But it looked just like this. It was a circle. No, that's not backwards. For us, it's not backwards. No. But a handsome listener made me this. But this is what the bless this home look like. It was one of these circle things. Oh, Thomas said it's cross stitch. It's cross stitch. Whatever we say. What are we called? I'm not a nerd. The fortune is like crochet. I say crochet. I don't know. Cross stitch. Are you calling Thomas a nerd? Not Thomas, just knowing anything about it. Anything. It's cross stitch. Like you put it on your wall. It's, it's just, it's not like a T cozy or like a coaster or something. Yeah, this is just like a, I don't know. So where do you have it hanging on your wall? I have it on my shelf. When I decorate my home, yeah, this office, I hope to eventually have a bunch of like a shelf or something in here, where I can put fun trinkets on it. Someone also gave me an elf, a stuffed elf thing. Someone gave me a croat. This was crocheted, an out, a crocheted hooters owl. How do you know it was crocheted? I don't, yeah, I know that. I don't know. And also, dream big. Look at you. Hope in one day you'll have a shelf. I know. I know. I know. I want to say, I want my fortune Marie. On a shelf. So, yeah, not stolen, but I feel like that's adjacent. Oh my god. Then during Christmas, you can have Alf on a shelf. Oh my god. That's good. Oh my god. That's strong. I still got it. I still got it. I still got it. Alf on a shelf. That's pretty funny. It's good. It's really good. I gotta be honest. We might have to, at our next hollybubs, we might have to do that. Yeah. Alf on a shelf. And it also might be merch, where we can get an elf. We gotta get an elf. Put it a suit. Or a head. Health suit. Take it. You ever regifted something or like. Yeah. Or you picked it out of the trash. I was. I mean. I was. At. A. Entertainment. Party. Long ago. And I was. There. With a comedian. That. since gotten into trouble and not discussed much anymore. Anyway, we were at this party having a ridiculous time and then he dared to go up to the bar and just like not hide, just walk up, because they had all of the alcohol out. And he wanted like a bottle of scotch or something and he was like, we just casually walk up and just grab that bottle and then bring it over to me. And I was like, sure. Oh my God. I went over and nobody saw me and I just picked it up, walked over and handed it to him and we had a good laugh. This, you love it, dare. I want to, you want to see what you can make, take, do. I want to see what we can, yeah, what we can get. Well, there has to be, you know, it's like a certain thing where like if I got caught, I wouldn't be scared to get caught because it's so ridiculous. Like the jug of whiskey or whatever I took was like, and the fact that I didn't run off, like that I, the dare was go up and just casually pick that up like just bring it over to me. And so I guess that stealing and giving something as a present. Yeah, that's exactly what that is. Exactly, yeah. Yes, yeah, he gifted it to himself. That's right. And I drink it all. Uh huh. Yeah, he probably did that night. Yeah, right then. That was a good one. What about you, May? I can't think of it. I can't think of a time I've stolen a gift but I have had a gift given to me that I later found out was stolen. By in grade seven, E and peach. He, there we have, infamous. I was so excited because he came after school and was snowing and he gave me this necklace and he said specifically that it was from Tiffany's. Great seven, 13 year old, right? But I'm like, he's, you know, his family's loaded. Like he lived in this nice air. So I'm like, maybe he went to Tiffany's and got me a, I told everyone known what Tiffany's was. He knew. I told everyone in my class. I was so, like I was just so deeply moved by it. And then the next time I was with him and all of his friends were there, I was like, Ian got me this and like, and I was bragging about it and they all started laughing. And they said he stole it from the mall, from a little stand, like one of those crappy little carts. Yeah, I wasn't from Tiffany's. No, and he stole it. Yeah, that Ian. Yeah. And I mean, if you could have seen the necklace, it was clearly pretty cheap. Pretty cheap. Yeah. There was like a diamond missing. One time I was at the Grove here in Los Angeles and it was right when the Grove opened and some friend, and it was like, oh my gosh, the Grove. And these friends of mine were eating. But I've been, I was like, oh my gosh, the Grove is finally open. And this group of friends of mine were eating at a restaurant there. And they just told me the name of the restaurant. I had never been at the Grove, like I said, it just opened. So I was running around in a panic. I was a little late for dinner. And there's this woman working at like a sunglasses cart or something at the Grove. And I just said, excuse me, do you know where whatever restaurant is? And she's so rude to me. She goes, no, I don't hang out at the Grove. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. But you work at a cart at the Grove. Like I don't understand where the snobbery is. But it made me laugh so hard because I did. I felt like a loser. I'm like, hang out at the Grove. Sorry, I don't hang out at the Grove. I don't know where that is. I hang out at the Grove sometimes. I go to the Cheesecake Factory. We know you do, girl. You know it, Adam's peanut butter fudge. Cheesecake. Yeah, anyway, I just, I always really, I think about that woman every time I see one of this cards like she could stay like the biggest loser that I had lunch plans. So funny how like one interaction with a stranger and one sentence they said, it'll stay with you your whole life. You'll think about her. Yeah, once a month or so. But I loved it. Yeah, I loved it. It's like when I saw that woman running for the subway and she just about made it on and she sort of bumped into this other woman. And then the woman goes, Jesus. I've thought about it every day. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Yeah. I feel like that to have asked this question, yeah, that Tom must have had something on the top of his dome. I know what it's the thief. Yeah, I'm the thief. That's what we're going to find out. Oh, I did find a ring once that, do you put quotes around to find? Yeah, I found it. And it clearly was like costume jewelry. But I was like, my mom's never going to know that this is not real. These trash gifts. And I gave my mom another trash gift. I was like, man, I'm a great daughter. Look at all these gifts I'm giving my mom. Doesn't La Puebele mean the garbage? Does it? Tomas? Did I have a garbage make out? Bob Puebele means garbage? I thought it meant the scooter. No, gosh. And I was at La Puebele. Puebele sounds like a vagina. Yeah, Puebele. Fortune? Are you talking to me? I'm going to blow your scooters and Puebele's off. Are you talking to me? How on earth is that what you've come up with? I wouldn't have even come up with garbage. Puebele? Puebele doesn't sound like a vagina. No. No. How does that sound like one? Like a pousse, pousse, pousse? French. It's French. Jesus. Jesus. Clearly, you guys don't speak the language of love. Clearly. I would like to touch La Puele. I'm glad I was right about that. But we thought a garbage theme that trash gifts La Puebele. A garbage vagina. Imagine if someone, if someone found your dumpster tits and tried to regift them. Oh, yeah. You think so? Repurpose your dumpster tits. Yeah, a couple of rodents, drag them over to the house. They used to like familiar. There's those little nips. Or you see a rat with massive tits. Oh, good times. Everything about this episode made complete sense. Wait, has Tom told us? No. No, we can't go here. Okay. Okay. Hit us, Tom. Well, my answer is no. Of course I never steal. I'm not a monster. Set us up. Yeah, I stole. And now I'm lying. So no, I'm not only a lying monster, I'm a stealing monster and a lying monster. I was little. I was small. And I was, I needed a gift from my grandmother. And my friend and I went down to town on our bikes and we went into a gift shop and I was looking around. I was like, ooh, that little, that little cup looks, looks quaint. And that looks grandmothery. And the guy, the shopkeeper was kind of following us around. We were probably 10 and maybe 11. And we were looking around and then I saw this cup. And that owner was like, he knew we were up to no good. He was kids don't have money. Why you went a gift shop? And I found, my friend distracted him and I stuck it in my shirt and I stole it. Wow. Yeah. And got on my bike and went home. And then I gave it to my grandmother. I gave it to my grandmother and it's, she liked it. It was the total thing. She liked it and put it up on her shelf on her little grandma, you know, like little, little corner shelf grandma. It's for no shelf. It's a trash key looking thing with all things. And that little mug sat on that shelf and I would come over and visit even like later, like in college and stuff and it was always there. And she would always point it out and I would just sit there and think, I stole that. I'm just stolen food. But I'm either happy. So was I wrong? I don't know. That's a whole nother question. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Guess what? This is it. That's the mug. Oh my God. Good. Good job. It was worth it. He stole it from his grandma. But I still have it. Wow. I am which could even have cost. I'm a monster. Mm-hmm. He is. He's a terrible person. Yeah. But it actually reminded me of another I did in a similar story. Like I did. I stole something. I'm just remembering and gave it to my friend. There was a pet store that I used to go into to look at animals just to like, you know, just to see the cute little things. When you said that I could just smell it. I could smell the sawdust and the aquariums and the. The coop and yeah. Yeah. And I could see this little kitten in a cage. Oh no. Guys. Oh wait, you stole a kitten? I opened the cage. It did. Put the kitten in my shirt, got on my bike and rode over to my friend's house and gave her the kitten. Yeah. And it was the same color as her bed spread and she named her kitten bed spread. And she kept it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Bed spread lucked out. Yeah. Oh, you stole a whole last kitten. Well, it was just, it was in a cage and it was just a little poof bot. Like imagine if you saw, I didn't, you know, I couldn't, I knew I couldn't bring this kitten home. I don't know why I decided Kristen's mother would let her have it. But I was right. And then bed spread's name became shortened to BS. That's cute. Yeah. Yeah. You stole an entire creature. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Put it in my shirt and just. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we could chew everybody. I'm a monster too. Yeah. I'm a monster. I've called the police on all of you. All right. I just took stuff out of the trash. That's true. I'm just trash. I called Oscar the Grouch. But you took something out of store gum. I did when I was five. Well, let me just to clarify. To clarify a half stolen things. I just haven't just gifted them. You're what? Who was itching? Sorry. Fortune Marie. I don't kind of go to YouTube. I don't mean to rub that in your face. Your boob. Please don't. Go to YouTube fortune just. I'm not scratching it now. Okay, but you can rewind it. Okay. Or whatever you do, you go back. Before you go to YouTube, you can see fortune scratching her. My dumpster too. Her dumpster too. Oh, you guys look at us. Look at us doing it again. Look at us. Yes. I love it. I have a snow globe here. We're trying to wrap up the episode. Yeah, I have a chance. I'm just showing you what I got. All right. Well, I'll tell you what I got. What do you got? I am going to be in Tucson on February 26th. Santa Fe, February 27th, Ventura, California, February 28th. It just goes on and on and on. Largo, March 6th. Go to Tignotaro.com and I'll show information. We'll be on there. Sometimes dates do change. So apologies. That's usually due to Star Trek shifting shooting dates. My deep apologies if that does happen. That does happen with me. I had to reschedule. Yeah. I deeply apologize for that as well. Yes. I would love people to spend Valentine's Day with me if they live in New York City. If you're a bar kisser on a theater. Or if you're a bar kisser. A concert coming to the show February 14th at the Beacon Theatre. That's my big show coming up. And then I'll have San Diego in early March. All the rescheduled dates are on my website. They have new dates in the spring and into early summer. I'm coming to a lot of fun places. So check it out. I am, well, it's, it's coming. My tours happen in so soon. I'm starting in Oklahoma City, February 26th. And then Houston on February 27th and Dallas on February 28th. Then New Orleans March 1st and go to Maymartin.net for all the rest of the shows. I'm going to 37th cities. A lot of them are selling out, which I'm so grateful. But some of them are not. So come to those ones, please. And I love everyone. Thank you. Subscribe to YouTube. Share your favorite episodes like this one with a friend and help build the handsome community. And get your merch. You can get your own peanut butter bitch shirt, your own frow, frow, frow. shirt, forch and marie shirt. And if you keep getting them, we'll keep making all these crazy ass shirts. And it frow, chaffawi. I don't know. You don't know whatever. Dance till you die. Dance till you die. Frow, chaffawi. Until next time. Keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feamster, Tignitaro and Maymartin. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Woolett. Email us at handsomepodatgmail.com and follow us on social media at HandsomePod. What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a hit gun podcast. Checking all-state first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking your new smart thermostat before going to bed? That's a sticky situation. For some reason, it programmed itself to heat the house to 90 degrees right at midnight. Yeah, check in first is smart. So check all-state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with all-state. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. All-state North American insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.