S2 EP 25 - Dogs and Cats Help Anxious Kids Feel Safe — You’ve Got a Friend in Me

Well, hey y'all, it is a beautiful day to bust a few cognitive distortions. How's it going? My name is Suzanne M. Swain, EDS, LMSW, which is kind of just a big way of saying that I taught middle school for a long time and then became a therapist because of that. And a sociologist and I love middle school. And neurodivergence together with middle school is my jam. So welcome everybody for your time and for listening to this podcast. It is a nonprofit. I make it myself on my own money. That's it. I'm just a person. So no company, no nothing. And the fact that you all have supported it so much and all the messages I've received, keep them coming. I'd love to hear from you. And I may have a little something special for you at the end of the show where we can meet. How cool. But today I'm feeling the feels. It's a rainy Saturday. I have my absolutely wonderful family of furry friends around me with Lieutenant Steve. Hey buddy. And chief security officer, of course. And my also little scrawny friend. Oh, Neville, you silly thing. Neville, my little tabby cat that I've had for a long time and I got him from a student. But I'll tell you about that later. So today I want to talk about animals because I'm feeling the feels and feeling the love for the animals. So it's that oxytocin. But before we get started, I know my people just want to preface with saying that dogs and cats are not better than all pets situation type of thing. You know what I'm saying? This is any animal is your teammate kind of situation. So just let me be clear. So nobody's worried whether you have a dog or cat, a guinea pig. I have Pedro and Nunu by the way means cute. You know, I see you bird reptile, whatever. And honestly, if animals help you feel calmer and safer and more like yourself, then that is not a pet. That is a teammate. So I want to celebrate them and everybody loves to talk about their animals. You know, look at the pet industry and all of the interesting things you can find now. So I was actually, it's May the 4th be with you. It's very soon in a couple of days. And so I was trying to get Steve into his R2G2 harness and he was so not having it. So I think he thought he was going to look silly. But anyway. So when I taught middle school, we talked about pack mentality all the time. I figured we had a pretty high level neurodivergent population in my class and I felt like relating dog packs to kids and middle school life made a lot of sense because most kids had some interaction with dogs and the wide variety. I mean, dogs have the most variety in the species of any animal on earth. So dogs can be like kids. Everybody's different, you know, all kinds of individuality going on and it's connection. But the part that people miss is that dogs don't follow the alpha wolf idea the way that we used to think. And I wanted to make this really clear with them because they always thought about that and they just follow the alpha blindly. Well, that's not true. See, what I was telling them was that research actually shows that pack function is actually more like family systems with a sort of flexible leadership situation depending on what was happening in the family. So it was very cool. Sound familiar? Kind of like middle school. Maybe even your home. I mean, groups shift, roles shift. I mean, in middle school, everything's sort of flowing depending on the day. I mean, your role could go up, down almost like the stock market and your brain is constantly mapping like who's safe and predictable and where do you belong. I mean, it's kind of like you feel like the Hunger Games but without, well, okay, without the violence. I was like, hmm. But middle school is basically like a live action social algorithm with a bunch of snacks that I have hidden in a drawer if you know where they are. So it's all about regulation too. And besides just the pack hierarchy, animals give us such amazing emotional regulation and it's scientifically proven. So when you pet a dog, you have a stress hormone called cortisol and it decreases like it goes down when you pet a dog. Also a cat by the way. But cortisol, it's the hormone that I totally blamed for being a fluffy kid because unfortunately cortisol, it causes anxiety and cortisol will make you gain belly fat. So I was sort of a fluffy kid with a lot of anxiety but I didn't need a lot. So cortisol could have been the culprit. So don't worry my friends, blame the cortisol. Oxytocin also, that's their bonding hormone. That's the one that makes you be like, oh, the one that just floods new moms where they're like, oh, my, you know, and they would turn from, you know, kitty cat to cougar in a second over their child because it's so powerful. And that bonding love fuzzy feeling increases a lot actually. So petting animals, you know, reduces cortisol, increases oxytocin. I mean, what's better than that? And here's the part that actually surprises many adults though and a lot of them didn't know this. Kids knew this more. Dogs oxytocin increases at the same time as yours. Sweet. Aw, this is a dog thing. But yeah, it's actually, it creates a bi-directional feedback loop. That's really rare in nature and it's kind of similar to like parent child bonding or close human relationships. So it really, really neat. Is neat. You're kind of like your best friend in middle school. When you're around each other, you also have oxytocin spikes, maybe adrenaline also, but you kind of get in the same vibe. So your dog is not just calming you. Your nervous systems are synchronizing together. Like with Steve, like we're, that's my dude. He's my bro, you know, like I don't you mess with Steve because what, you know, it's like that and he would do the same for me. And he's my dude and I feel like he's a gift and I was very blessed to have him. So it's a good thing. There's a part of your brain called a limbic system, by the way, and that's the part that's responsible for emotion and safety detection. It's tied to something called the amygdala. I call it Amy G. Dala and Amy is shathtow drama. But when you get emotional and you feel unsafe and all that, that's your limbic system. Okay. We good. But it doesn't just respond to thoughts. It responds to other nervous systems. So when a calm animal is near you, they can control your nervous system. Who, who, who, your brain reads safe. Because you see this dog or cat and safe. You adjust accordingly. Very cool. They have a pretty welcoming presence like, oh, oxytocin, and your nervous system regulates. So that explains why a lot of neuro divergent kiddos, they can only understand and connect to animals. And sometimes without the verbal mishmash, it's just about vibe. And neuro divergent folks are really good at patterns and can tell a false vibe in a heartbeat. Animals always give us the truth. And they never ask for money. Dogs actually also detect emotional states through volatile organic compounds in their own breath. Really neat. That has compounds in it. And changes in sweat chemistry in people. Dogs don't sweat, but people do. And they can tell how we smell differently and what we were doing. Not guessing. They're actually measuring. Studies show that dogs can distinguish between fear and happiness and all kinds of neural states. Like, you know, their noses are 10 times, excuse me, 10,000 times stronger than ours. 10,000. And as a neuro divergent, my sensory overload gets me just blown away sometimes. Yesterday I was so light sensitive, I couldn't stand it. And it was just because I was having a day and I was under a lot of stress. So wow. Your emotions literally have a scent and your dog can read it in real time. That is just amazing to me. That's really cool. And they smell time. Yes, they can. They can smell time. I'm approve it to you. As scent molecules, they kind of disperse in the air, right? Over time. So you're somewhere and you leave and those scent molecules will disperse over time in the air. 10,000 times stronger than our nose. Remember, the concentration of your scent will change the longer you're away. And dogs can track the rate of scent decay, right? So as the scent goes away or decays, they can tell that. So they know kind of how much time has passed, not in minutes or seconds or anything. I don't know, clocks. But this allows them to estimate how long you've been gone and when routines typically start to happen because their brains create patterns from that. So they listen for the car sound and the this sound and they can pinpoint these things very directly. And once they put that pattern together, it's like, oh, mom's supposed to be home now. So Steve's a lot of times is waiting by the door right when I'm pulling up. And I'm like, oh, and I can see him on a little camera. But your dog doesn't track time with numbers. They literally track it with physics. They read barometric pressure, the weather pressure, like if it's going to rain. Folks, how many of you know it's going to rain based on your knee not working? We're talking about children have a seat per second. Folks, you know what I'm saying? Those joints hurt when it's rainy. Animals are the same way. Not only can they feel pain if it's rainy, if they have arthritis or something, but when the barometric pressure changes, just like horses or a lot of farm animals, they'll see cover or safety as soon as possible. The nose. But did you know that they have a second nose? I love this. I love this. I'm so glad to do this again because this always brought me such joy to talk about animals. Dogs have a structure called, all right, let me see if I can remember what it's called. The Vomir on the Vomero nasal organ. Vomero nasal. Yes, Vomero nasal organ. Two rolled stars. Anyone can say that. It detects like pheromones, which are your hormones that, you know, male, female, things like that. And social chemical signals. So things like a little bit of fear or danger or how people are feeling in a social situation. And this is separate from their main olfactory or, you know, their nose system. It's separate. It's not the same thing. It's totally separate. They're having one nose for smells and one nose for meeting. Yeah, they have two noses, a secret nose. So brush your friends with that one. And I mean, hearing, they can hear up to something like 65,000 Hertz, which is a nerdy way of saying they can hear a lot. Humans are only like 20,000. So once again, you know, that's like three times stronger plus than ours. So they can hear all kinds of things. Stable hums, vibrations, subtle mechanical noises, you know, and those like, you know, I tried, I tried, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do. Steve was barking like crazy. So I got one of those zapper things that makes a loud noise. And I mean, I did it once and poor thing. He was so upset and it broke my heart because it, you know, he can hear it and I could sort of hear a humming a while back. And around this time when I was teaching this, there was this movement where a lot of the kids in middle school downloaded a ringtone that only kids in middle school could hear because as you grow, your ears develop more. And so kids actually can hear a lot better and have more sensitive ears than the rest of us. Because as we age, you know, we can't hear quite as well as we used to. So they would have ringtones that would go off in class. But what they didn't know is that as a neurodivergent, I also have very not super good, but pretty darn good hearing and I could hear it. So I let it go on for a few days and then I was like, hello, this is Ms. Swain. Can I help you? Pocco's tacos. But the point is dogs can hear up to like three times more than we can a lot. All that stuff, that quiet room is not quiet folks. I mean, it's like humming and a lot of neurodivergent kids can hear stuff like this and you don't even realize that it's bothering them. So it's really important to ask your friendly neurodivergent, hey, you know, if you think that something's going on with their ears, be like, you know, can you describe what that sound is and try to figure out what it is? You may have had a cord that's breaking somewhere and it's making a weird noise and they're the ones who found it and saved you from a fire. Boom. She-ro, hero. Look at that. Anyway, point being is that many neurodivergent kids, you know, experience a lot of sensory overload and a lot of unnoticed environmental noise, just like animals do. And if people can understand that neurodivergence have that similarity, perhaps a lot more understanding can happen. I mean, you and your dog may both be reacting to a world that people don't even perceive at all. And I've always kind of wondered, even as a kid, I was like, how do we react to this stuff? You, taffy, or you, Daisy, or whatever the, you know, my token pet at the time, or puppy, was called. I was like, why do we get this and no one else seems to understand? And there's a literal scientific explanation for that. So, all right, cats, we got to do cats. So let's move on. Neville, and Neville the cat is here. So I guess it's cat time. All right. Well, onto cat's nevel. Let's do this. You ready? Okay. He does this thing. It's so cute. I can pucker my lips and be like, and he will actually pucker up to me, not necessarily always touch my lip, like my bottom lip with his little furry mouth, but he'll pucker up like he's going to kiss me. Oxytocin flowing everywhere. All right. Anyway, cats. So cats aren't less social, by the way. Okay. They are super neurodivergent. They are not less social. They are selectively social. I like to make this point very clear about cats because I think we are, Neville, you are misunderstood, my friend, but I still worry about you. You have to know good, son. I see you. But cats prefer predictable interaction and, you know, kind of controlled engagement. Like it's like, I want to do this. I'll be involved, but I'm chilling. I'm hanging back. And kind of low demand relationships like, all right, hey buddy, nice to see you. Okay, bro. Bye. And nothing too entrenched. You know, dogs can have really deep connections even with other dogs. And that is very, very deep and complex. But cats like to keep things kind of surface level. They keep the secrets inside. And for neurodivergent brains, that means connection without pressure. That's the thing about cats. Connection, no pressure. Like I'll come to you. You come to me. If we click, we click and we have a hang. Okay. I got to talk about this. Neville, you just did it. The slow blink. Have you all seen this on cats? They do this slow blink and kind of close their eyes. Well, that slow blink, blinking cats is a total non-threatening signal and it communicates just like trust, relaxation, safety. And he just did that. I'm like, oh, Neville. And they look very zen when they do that. It's so cute. A lot of studies show that cats slow blink more with humans that they truly trust because they don't give up secrets. So if they really love you, they will start doing that right away. And to me, I'm just like, Neville, you madude. It's the version of like, I'm safe with you. All right. Now I want to go, weirdest facts I happen to know for no reason about cats and dogs. We're going to go off the cuff. I'm just going to, I don't know how many I can think of, but let's play a game. Okay. I'm going to think of as many weird facts about cats and dogs that I can do in like three minutes. So here we go. All right. Got this. All right. Let's do a dog one. Dogs, dogs can definitely detect your intent, like intention. They can tell between things that are accidents and things that are intentional. Like if someone is wicked and they're doing something with a wicked like frame of mind, they know that they're like super villain. Neurodivergent people are really good at judging if people are safe or not. And so are animals, especially dogs. So they move into a protective state. So I think that's really cool. If something is just a haphazard accident, they know everything's okay. And you smell differently if you have intent or if it's an accident. Right? Okay. So there's one. Even if the outcome is the same though, and that's kind of neat. So they're reading your decision making and not just your behavior. And I love that. And as a teacher, I have to do that all the time. Be like, where is this going? What are you up to, son? What you doing? Hey girl, what are you doing? And what you really mean by that? And so they just make things more clear. All right, let's see. Let's do another dog one. Oh, okay. Magnetic fields. Yes. Okay. Dogs use Earth's magnetic field. That's true. Dogs align their bodies north and south when they go to the bathroom. I don't know why I know this. They go north and south when going to the bathroom. And this indicates maybe a sensitivity to the planet's magnetic field. They think. Your dog actually may be able to subconsciously navigate like a compass, but have no idea that a compass exists. Super. All right. Neville. Okay. He swatted me. So Neville. Let's do a cat one. Okay. Well, I think you can hack caregiving in a heartbeat. So let's do that with Neville. This is you specifically. Cats make a specific purr and it has a frequency. It's like something around like a hundred hertz. It's like 25 to like 150. I think it's very low. But they can layer a higher frequency into it that resembles a human infant cry. What? Yes. They can, some of them can mimic a human infant with purring. And it triggers this like caregiving response in humans and makes you want to pet them. Because your brain is like, oh my gosh, your cat is, you know, bioengineering your empathy and making you feel sorry for them. Cats are like that. They, they're smart. They use that critical thinking. But yeah, they can mimic that baby cry sound and make that in like a cry or purr. So that's okay. Neville. So there you go. All right. Steve, here you go. Dogs form these like predictive models of your behavior. Like they can predict your behavior in a way. They don't react. They just like, they can anticipate and adjust and predict in like this early stage cognitive modeling of what you're going to do. Like they know if you, I know that Steve knows if I'm going to do something stupid. Okay. And I do a lot of stupid, but he can, he just gives me this look like, mm-hmm. Go on ahead. Yep. I'll be here. I'll, I'll wait and give you kisses, mom. I mean, they just know what your routine kind of is and can map all this and predict what you're going to do next. So also they can predict if things are going to go well or not. But for the most part, your day and the things you're going to do, they can pretty much figure it out more or less based on the actions you have and what you'll probably do next. So that's kind of cool. They have like a six sense that way. Oh, okay. Neville, I need a break. That's okay. Can I tell them about you? I want to tell them your story. So, okay. So Neville did not show up randomly. Okay. He kind of approached when everything was calm and it's really interesting. So I was teaching eighth grade and I had this really awesome student, James, and super neurodivergent, wicked, talented and every musical instrument he ever tried. This kid could do whatever he put his mind to. He will do it and do it well. He just needed direction on keeping focus on his target and getting through his math homework. So I knew his mom really well and I had taught his older brother. So I was like, all right, I'm going to go over there and I'll try to help him with math even though I'm so bad at math. But I would help the family. So I went over after school and sat with them and they had made me dinner, which was really sweet and I helped him with his homework. Well, at the end of it, I was just fried and we went outside and I sat down. All of a sudden out of nowhere, this little tiny gray tabby kitten, which incidentally I had wanted my whole life. I was going to name it Tigger, little kid fantasy thing. Anyway, this little kitten comes running over across a field and plops right in my lap and he rolls over and he starts swatting at me like, I picked you, listen stupid, you know, or listen silly girl, whatever. But he swatted at me and then he even followed me to my car and hopped in my car and wanted to go home with him. I was like, dude, what are you doing? Well, I found out, unfortunately, his brothers and sisters weren't around, but they were looking for him for days. Poor thing had been in the bushes for like three days, but he came out right when I was there. I was like, whoa. And so I was like, can I have this cat? He's like, it's in the car with you. Well, I've had him for eight years now and he runs the neighborhood. Let me tell you, and I should probably charge James for peck hair for eight years. So we should add that up because he's done very well for himself, by the way. And way to go, James. He is now a purveyor of a pizza shop. So way to go, buddy. But Neville didn't show up randomly. He approached, you know, when everything was going well, like everything was kind of smooth, but he just knew that I was going to leave soon and that he wanted to leave with me. And that's exactly when animals tend to initiate their connection. Like they know when they need you and you need them in the right moment, like kismet, what they call that kismet, like that perfect serendipitous moment of joy when two people or an animal or person meets for the first time and you just know that magic exists. Okay, so Neville has a best friend named Adam, right? And Adam is like the executive officer and compliance coordinator for the neighborhood on the street. He was a stray kitty and just really, really funny. And he had the sister that was a twin with him. They were both these giant black cats with very, very chunky. And, but they each had a white spot on their foot, but one was on one foot and one was on the other foot. So Adams was on his right foot and he's just like Neville's bruh. Like he's very quiet. He's like the bouncer dude and like he protects everybody's like, what's up? But then in secret, he goes and rolls around on the rose bushes and he just looks all like oxytocin doubt and happy and cute. But then he's like, what's the, how you doing? But then yeah, he's like a total teddy bear on the inside. So really cool. So he's a keeper of secrets, you know, minimal words, maximum awareness kind of dude. And so one day I was coming off from school and the weirdest thing happened. I'm driving into my driveway and all the cats were sitting in a circle, like Neville and Adam and I have this cat Jolie that I took in this gray, really cool gray Russian blue type of cat. And then a couple of other neighborhood cats, they were all sitting in a circle right in front of my driveway and Neville was clearly running this meeting. And Adam was so the bouncer. Another cat kind of moved funny and he just kind of like hissed at him. I'm like, what, what is the street council up to? It's just, it was weird. It was like anything that happens in street council stays in street council. And, you know, Adam the keeper of secrets, but really crazy. And, you know, so I brought Neville home when he was little, you know, and he, that little kitten would climb on the curtains and swing all over the place and swat me with his paws, but still gives me kisses. And, you know, cats are quirky and some days they like you and some days they don't. Dogs are more consistent, but for kids who are neurodivergent, sometimes that's a perfect kind of friend for them to have somebody that comes to them when it really feels right. So maybe a cat is the best way to go sometimes. And let's face it, they're a lot less mean than sometimes, but my boy, Steve, I wouldn't trade you for the world. Love the dogs and Neville cats too. So dogs detect seizures and disease and emotional shifts. Yeah. They can detect all kinds of things like that. So service dogs can do. So you got to mention service dogs is interesting facts because they can detect, you know, bombs and earthquakes. There's a dog that can do just about anything, but also cats can be trained to do a lot of neat things too. They can do like fine motor skills and get little tiny things out of drawers and so on. Cats are very easy to train. I saw a very cool bunch of cats that were in this like circus kind of display with this man in Key West and he had trained his cats to do all kinds of neat tricks and stuff and they loved it. So cats are really smart. All right. So folks, the little contest, I want to tell you a little bit about that before I forget. So I'm offering a contest to my listeners and please note that I was going to hope to create a newsletter mailing list from that so I could send you some tips and things. I'm going to be making some parent packs and teacher packs of the episodes that bundled them together into, you know, like social skills or technology, things like that, and bundle them together with some things that you can work on at home and talk about together to engage some better conversation and understanding. So if you don't mind my website, which is MsMariePoppins.com, which is MsMariePoppins.com, pardon the pun, and just click on the area that talks about the contest and click on that and you will win. I will give you a 45 minute session of all kinds of weird and wacky knowledge about middle school life and hopefully help you out and maybe meet your kiddo and see if we can help you all get along a little bit better and have some ridiculous joy. Okay. So whenever you get the chance, head on over to MsMariePoppins.com, fill it out. If you don't mind, it'll put you on the mailing list and I promise not to email you unless it's important because we do not need any more spam unless it is on pizza, perhaps with pineapple. All right. And we got to talk about the other last thing about pets that I've totally been avoiding the loss of a pet. There's probably going to be an episode about this because my dear boy, Ralphie, is like 16 years old and he's half blind and can't hear. And this afternoon, bless his heart, he was in the yard and the poor thing, he went to the bathroom and then stood in the middle of the grass and he just, he just went somewhere. It was like doggy dementia and he just was like, la, la, la and forgot everything he was doing. And I called him, I said, Ralphie, from a Christmas story. And he, and he heard me and he was like, oh, I did just, it was like pure bliss. And he's like, mom. And just, da, da, da, da, da. And he tried to hop up the stairs and he, you know, took it really slow, but poor thing. And Steve just helped to guide him all the way back to his little dog bed in the other room. And it was just the sweetest thing, but I know that there will come that time. Kiddos, families, big burly guys in trucks, you know, don't be afraid of losing your family member, your friend, your teammate. And don't not have that in your life just because it may scare you to lose them. I fell victim to that with our dog Taffy. And she was a golden retriever that we had when I was in middle school and she was so sweet. She was the most patient, sweet soul. And golden retrievers can carry raw eggs in their mouth without breaking them. Very cool. Try it, you'll see. And Taffy was just there for me and I had a really rough go in middle school, but she just got me and would just sit there and just kind of, I would read to her and I would draw pictures with her and she just hung out. I just needed a friend. Thank you for being a friend. Totally cute. But when she passed away when I was about 16, I was away in the summer and visiting my aunt in near Seattle. And when I got home, she only had about a week, but she waited for me and then, you know, old age type of thing. But the loss of a pet, there's nothing worse than the loss of a pet. I promise you that. And I feel instantly when I even think about it, the loss of that. And Ralphie, you know, when is it's time to go on the rainbow bridge? It's his time. Dog is God's build backwards, y'all. Simple as that. I do believe and not to be all preachy and I'm just not that kind of podcast, but like, I just believe that there's a reason for that and that dogs were sort of our gift to be our angels, to keep us from going berserk. And Ralphie agrees. He just barked. No, but, you know, animals are here to keep us from going nuts. And people do crazy things all the time and do wonderful, beautiful, amazing things. But there are little co-pilots through life to help us through those emotional things. And for that, we are forever grateful. But don't, don't not have another one in your life if you're afraid that the loss would be so hard because all those happy times are worth their weight in gold and all of that oxytocin that they bring to your life. So whatever pet that, let's not even call them pets, whatever companion that you have, furry companion, furry family, you know, give them a hug. And just remember that I think their time is kind of short on this world because they are made from pure goodness and honesty and love. And they never hurt anybody. They never want to do anything to cause harm. They're just here to love. And that kind of purity doesn't have a really long lifespan. Right. So there you go. So when your dog or cat kind of feels like they get you, it's not imagination, everybody. I hope I've made a case for that at the very least, but. It's just neurobiology and chemistry and sensory alignment and predictive cognition and a lot of big words, but honestly, it's just a relationship that your brain is wired to value. Your brain wants this. Your brain needs to have an animal at some point in your life to give you that comfort that you can't really understand unless you've had an animal in your life. I mean, if Neville and Adam had an app, it's like, they're so crazy. They just make you laugh. Come on. I mean, imagine if they had an app, it'd be like, feed me, be mom, you know, texts from cats, the council is watching you. Nobody gets hurt. And, you know, just in case, you know, we don't talk about street council type of thing. You know, I don't know. They're just quirky and we love them so much in a world that feels overwhelming sometimes where people are really confusing and emotions are off the wall. And middle school honestly feels sometimes like a live action social algorithm with snacks. Total truth. It's OK. I hear you. But you have a friend in them, your dog and cat and guinea pig and bird reptile, whatever. That's your teammate. And connection doesn't always have to look human to be real, you know. A lot of the best friends come with fur and sometimes love has pause and whiskers and little white feet and official titles like executive officer and compliance coordinator. I'll add them. But just don't hug your teammate and give him some love. Stir some oxytocin and just remember the first rule of street council, though. We don't talk about street council. I'm Suzanne M. Swain, and this has been middle school Mary Poppins. So go bust some cognitive distortions and give your fellow friend a treat. Say clever little foxes.