No gloss, no filter, just stories, spoken without fear. A person who is not generous cannot be an artist. The world will be at peace only when it is ruled by poets and philosophers. Listen to my weekly podcast, the puja bhajjo on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Come for the honesty, stay for the fire. You ever been dating someone and suddenly realized, oh my god, this person's a total idiot. How could I miss that? Every girl that's ever dated me, I would say. I'm a comedian, you're gonna figure it out eventually. It's broken, Jeffrey, in the morning. Maybe it's an ex, maybe it's the person you're currently with, or maybe it's you. Oh, hi. For us, it usually is. But I only bring it up because recently a new survey came out asking people to share their best. I'm dating an idiot stories. This is gonna be funny. We found the funniest ones. Number eight on the list says, my ex-boyfriend cooked dinner and secretly put shrimp in my food to see if I was actually allergic to shellfish or if I was just being dramatic. Oh my gosh, I have a friend who would die, like literally die of any shrimp. Yes, like, that could actually be like something where you could get arrested for that. No, that could be a charm. He required an EpiPen and a trip to the ER. Oh my god. But he found out, no, I was not lying. Oh, it's not like a cat allergy. Yeah, when you're faking. Well, it's good to just make sure that your significant others are being honest with you all the time because honesty is important in relationships. He should do peanut butter next. Number seven, my date tried to argue with me about whether babies can breathe underwater. He said they can because they haven't fully lost their gills from the womb. I see. I'm not sure what birds in the bees class he took, but I definitely want to sign up for that one. He took the birds in the fish class. Why do I feel like there's at least four men listening that are like, yeah, duh. Yeah, there's an umbilical cord, gentlemen. Number six, my ex-boyfriend and I got into a heated debate about whether or not dinosaurs were around during the American Revolution. What? He was 100% certain T-Rex was roaming the earth while George Washington was crossing the Delaware. I don't, I kind of remember a T-Rex in the background of that painting, you know, the famous one. Yeah. They're just riding dinosaurs over the water. Jefferson rides one into battle. Oh, that's it. That's what it is. Oh, gosh. Or is that a velociraptor? I can never tell the difference between the dinosaurs. Those ones are quick. We're looking at a survey where people shared their funniest, I'm dating a total idiot stories. Number five, I went out with a woman who complained the temperature in her house never changed even when she adjusted the thermostat. Oh, okay, that's normal. She couldn't understand why she was always feeling hot or cold. Turns out she left the sticker over the digital thermometer and that's why it always said 72 degrees. Oh, my God. Oh, the sticker that says 72 on it. Oh, that's so funny. The display sticker, now I get it. I mean, honestly, like, that's dumb, but I feel like I could accidentally do that. You're shivering in your home and you know it's not 72 at one point. Is that the problem with this studio? Yeah. It is always cold in here and it says it's 71. I don't believe it. It's like 60 maximum. Did someone take the sticker off? I don't know. We got to go check that when we're done. We're the idiots. Number four, we were talking about where to go out to eat for dinner. I suggested an Italian restaurant. Yeah. She said she hated Italian and wanted a place with more options. So we went to Cheesecake Factory where she ordered lasagna. Oh, okay. Well, that'd be like, oh man, I hate it, but I love pasta. She's like, it's American. It's Cheesecake Factory. Lasagna. By the way, if you're just tuning in and you're unimpressed with the intelligence of your significant other, this is going to make you feel a whole lot better. Oh, text in your idiot stories about your people. Because we're going over the funniest stories from people who realize they were dating a total idiot. Yeah. Number three on the list, in the movie Seven, spoiler alert here, all the characters die for committing one of the seven deadly sins. Yeah, that's such a good movie. Have you seen that, Alexis? It's Brad Pitt. It's really good. She says, in the scene that shows the word gluttony written on the wall, my ex-boyfriend said, oh, gluten. Gluten. Gluten kills. You got a gluten allergy. GF for life, baby. Gluten free. Oh, God, she's eating bread. She's going to die. Oh, my God. That's a sin. You know it. Number two, and Brooke, you're going to like this one. It says, I dated a woman who thought Mark Twain was Shania Twain's husband. That's why she wrote the song, Tom Sawyer, Don't Impress Me Much. That's so good. Hey, ribba bolts. You want to paint this? That's a good one. Seriously. Move over Beyonce and the rest of the movie. Seriously. Move over Beyonce and Jay-Z. Mark Twain, Shania Twain. Power couple. Yeah, Huck Finn's their baby. And the number one, I'm dating an idiot story from this survey says, I used to date a woman who genuinely thought the sun and the moon were the same thing. What? She explained, the moon is just the sun when it runs out of fuel at the end of the day and it gets dim like a flashlight losing battery. Okay, and then it gets recharged. Right. It's one of those shake ones too. Do these people not know what Google is? I understand that their education system failed them, but honestly, the answers are right at our fingertips these days. And we do have an honorable mention on this list. Not in the top 10. My ex-boyfriend thought his car was stolen, filed a police report, turns out he'd driven it across the street to buy a soda at the store, walked home and forgot he moved it there. No way! Really, Jose, you definitely have thought your car was stolen before. I used to because I used to park at a new spot every single day. Alexis, he would call me to the show and be like, I'm going to be late today. I can't find my car. I just literally cannot find my car. Fun fact, Jose was nine of the 10 top answers on this list. Congratulations, Jose. Hey, I'm loose. I'm cute. If you're looking for a cute idiot, all right, ladies. You can't be hot and smart. It's just it's no one can have it all. That's too much of a powerhouse. That's like Mark Twain, Shania Twain combo. Those were the best. I'm dating an idiot's stories. Phone tap is coming up right after this. No gloss, no filter, just stories, spoken without fear. A person who is not generous cannot be an artist. The world will be at peace only when it is ruled by poets and philosophers. Listen to my weekly podcast, the Pooja Bhat Show on the iHeart radio app. Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Come for the honesty. Stay for the fire.
