EP 59: Rebuilding Old And New Relationships in Sobriety

Disclaimer. At Two Addicts in the Moron, we discuss personal stories of addiction with the intention of being educational, relatable, and inspirational. The views and experiences shared are those of individuals involved are not meant to glorify or condone any illegal or harmful behavior. This content is for educational purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, we strongly encourage you seek help from a qualified professional or support service. You know what's funny is I have dude wipes at my desk because I stole them from somebody at work. Yeah, I know. And when people come and ask me, can I get some of your dude wipes? Yeah. I get so hilarious or like if they're not nonchalant about it, if they just grab the whole pack and they just walk to the bathroom with it. I'm like, everybody knows you're either going to take a shit or you didn't wipe good enough because that's the only reason I use them. Yeah. Because I still got the little 100% itchy. And I think we should get this podcast started on that note because John's aunts are probably going to watch this one too. They're probably going to watch this one too. Yeah. Yeah. Most likely. Hey. Paul's right in line and Tia, John's aunts, John's Tia's. We're sorry. We're a different crew of people. We're a different breed of John's friend. Welcome. What? Welcome to two addicts and a moron. And you know what? John loves us. Mm hmm. Yeah. So JB, thanks for coming back, dude. Well, thank you so much for coming back and really excited to kind of talk to you. A little less about your story and just kind of chop it up and again, you know, gain some new perspectives on things. And I know this was a little last minute. Yeah. Apparently I'm an emergency fill in. Yeah. Well, you're, you know, late night booty call. I also, I also know, I also know your lady. So I was like, you know, if he's hanging out with us, she's going to be okay. She won't mind. Yeah. She's going to be okay with that. So that's a, that's awesome, man. Well, tell me a little bit about what's been going on, buddy. Oh boy, man, a lot's going on. I mean, just working a lot, which is allowed less time for, you know, personal stuff going on. So that's been the new transition, you know, how to balance more work and less social or less personal time, both with recovery aspect of it, but, you know, personal relationships with tea. And, but I mean, it's, it's some two years in now. And it's the foundation is so solid that it's, it's less of a, a worry, you know, where it's like, okay, am I going to have time for this? Or how am I going to be in my headspace? Uh, you know, if there's less time for things that I need to focus on and really it just comes down to not being lazy. Yeah. You have the tool belt though now too. Yeah. And I mean, I, and I was thinking on the way over here, I was having a conversation with tea. I was like, well, I got a, a last minute request and she's like, okay, so you're not coming home. Nope. Not going to be there for a while. And, and she's like, well, I mean, are you prepared to do it? And I was like, he's nothing to prepare for talking to Mike and Joe. Yeah. And, you know, and I was, my sponsor told me when it comes to recovery, you can't say no. The answer is always yes. Okay. You know. And so I mean, full disclosure, I was plotting in my head, you know, what kind of excuse can I maybe call, call them with? Listen, not tonight fellas. Something came up. You know, but the answer was yes. Cause, cause the answer is never going to be no when it comes to, when it comes to the recovery community. But nothing but good things, man. You know, I had, Easter was this past weekend and, and, you know, got to see all the family and, and I was telling Mike today, you know, there's a big difference between telling people you're sober and projecting something that may or may not be true. You know, only you know. Um, and then the people that are close to you and saw the progression downwards and have now the scene, seen the progression back. Uh, there's no, there's no talk that needs to happen because they can see it on you. Right. And so I say see it on you because my addiction was on me. I mean, I think it's even more, you can smell it on something like, and I don't mean to say that like, if you're an addict, you stink or what, but I'm saying like, sometimes you do. You probably do. Yeah. I mean, that, that can happen. But what I mean by that is like, you can smell when somebody's sad or right. And they could be projecting, but you're like, hmm, I just smell it on you. Like it's just, we call it, it's on him. Yeah. You know, when, when, when you see some, somebody who's been sober for a while, um, you know, and you start to see the progression back to, to old behaviors, old habits and, and body language is a big thing. You know, there's, there's a, there's a set of promises after the fifth step and it says you can once again look the world in the eye. Yeah. That's a good one too. And that's a great one. And, and I experienced that one. I mean, literally the day after. Uh, I remember going to this, all you can eat Chinese buffet with a couple of buddies of mine. What's, what's significant about that Chinese buffet is the last time my father saw me and it was bad. It was bad. He took me to that same Chinese buffet. Oh, and, and, and he'll probably watch this and he doesn't know this yet. But so, and then we happened to be on that side of town and it's a great Chinese buffet. I'm talking 19 bucks. Never had a bad one. I mean, never. I've never had a bad one. I mean, this spread, I mean, this place is huge and it's like King buffet and something in Houston off iten. You ever get a chance to stop in there? I mean, I'm talking, I mean, they got everything from, uh, where they got the, the, the walk. Well, they'll, they'll, they'll cook the Mongolian style stuff. They'll cook that stuff up for you. They got the, they got the, the, the, the boiled shrimp. I mean, desserts. I mean, everything dude. I mean, the spread is amazing. And I remember when my dad took me there and it was so bad. I mean, I couldn't even look him in the eye. I mean, I just didn't want anybody to look at me, but we were in this big setting, this big place. And I mean, and you know, and I mean, as, as messed up in my mind as I was, everybody's looking at me. Everybody's looking at me. And, you know, uh, I could walking through that same place after I did my fist step, you know, just chest out, chin up, head held high. And that's a, that's a great, uh, looking at everybody. Look at it. Everybody. And, uh, without the guilt and shame and it's almost like an amends with that place. Yeah. A little bit like sort of, they probably didn't want the guy that was in there. Looking the way I did. That's a good point too. Cause I remember like during my addiction, I never looked people in the eye, especially unless it was, we were getting high together. Oh yeah. Right. But like when, when Kalen's mom, when she would, when I would get around her, that was like the worst because I knew that she'd be I knew that she knew that I knew that she knew that. That's right. That's right. That's as complicated as that sounds. It's the true. Yeah. And I would always like try to look at her shoulder or her arm or at her hair, but I would never look in her eyes. Yeah. Because I knew like my eyes were black and my eyes were droopy and she's going to know I'm high for sure. And same, same at work with our managers and stuff. Like I never looked people in the face. Never did. You know, you know, you're going to be ashamed and then you knew they're going to know that I'm high. I'm so high. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, you know, I was, I woke up today. I was getting ready for work. I was thinking, I remember it for some reason, like I was getting ready for work and I was about to leave and I was like, it's 730. I don't have to be working at 815. And I was like, well, I mean, what else am I going to do? You killed 20 or 30 minutes and then so I just went in early. And I was thinking like, what a blessing it is that I don't wake up late for work anymore and like, oh, fuck, it's already 830. And then I'm trying to get out the door because I was sitting up high. You remember, you remember those days? Oh God. Yeah. Thinking about what am I going to tell them as soon as I walk in the door? Yes. Well, this happened this morning. Yeah. And it was all the time. It wasn't just like, it was multiple times a week. It was every fucking day. And even on the days where I was up early, I was in there smoking and getting high and getting high and getting high and time goes by quick. So quick. Well, it's six o'clock and before you know it, it's fucking 830. And I said, holy shit, I mean, I was supposed to be at work 15 minutes ago. Yeah. Yeah, but it was, it's such a better feeling not having that, that extra stress that we put ourselves in. Oh my God. Yeah, it's, it's such a good feeling. But yeah. So you're in a relationship. I am. Lovely woman. Lovely woman. Yeah, she's one of the best. And I'm, I would, she's a friend of mine too. We all know how, how this all came about. Yes, Joey. You introduced us. It would never happen without you. Yes. That's right. Well, at all seriousness though, this is your first like relationship in sobriety. Yeah. That's fair. Yeah. Or maybe a, maybe a adult. Adult relationship in sobriety. That's also fair. Yeah. So, so I want to talk about that because, you know, again, I say, so I know this, but when, when this was all happening, I explained to her, I was like, he's recovery. He's in recovery. Right. And like one of her friends, he like, okay, like, it was like, what do you mean? Okay. She's like, yeah. Like how, how good do you think, and I'm like, this guy's as good as it gets her right now. Like I got to see him when he wasn't, and now I get to see him now. And again, seeing it on you, look, smelling it on you, whatever you want to call it. It was just a complete 180. Yeah. So talk about that. Talk about that part because I know that was something that you were quite nervous about. As well, like going into it. Well, other than thinking that she was just completely out of my league, nervous about that. Let's be honest there. And the fact that I thought you were playing a prank on me. Yeah, you thought I was fucking with you. I mean, I literally thought she were fucking with me when you said, I did, dude. I told her, I mean, I looked at her and I said, dude, that shit ain't cool. Yeah, shut the fuck up. He really did. He legitimately looked me right in my face. He's like, fuck you, man. Yeah, that's just not cool. Like, that's not, this isn't fun. But other than that, just not knowing how to do it again was the biggest like, you know, okay, am I going to, am I going to know how to, it was just a couple of times. It was just a confidence thing, man. I mean, I had been out of the game for almost four years at that point, straight solo. And it was a lot of turbulence in that time, but also a lot of growth. And you know, it was just like, just the confidence of putting myself back out there and making myself vulnerable to being, to possibly getting hurt. I mean, if you, if you open yourself up to someone, and this isn't just in, in, in romantic relationships, if you care enough to make yourself vulnerable, and this is just one person's opinion, but if you care enough to make yourself vulnerable to get invested in that relationship, I mean, let's, let's be honest, people are people and in, in, in, in relationships that you're invested in, you can get hurt. And, you know, in a couple of my last relationships, there was a lot of hurt. And do I want to put myself in a position where I can allow someone, give someone else the power to hurt you, to hurt me again. And am I adult enough to handle it in a way where I know that I could also be the person that does the hurting? Cause there was a lot of that in the past. So that was what was going through my mind, other than like, man, I really hope she likes me. I really hope she likes me. Yeah, all the normal shit that you go through. Right, all the normal stuff, which was cool to go through. Right. You know, like, Well, you're relearning yourself, right? Yeah. Like, especially like, you know, those four years of turbulence, you're solo, but then before that, in the relationships you were in, you were using, right? 100%. And it's something totally different. And yeah, I mean, you're literally learning how to be a person again without using a substance. Right. And that confidence, let's be honest, that substance gives us a lot of confidence sometimes. Oh yeah. I know like, you put some method, me and I'm very confident about what I do. And, Oh yeah. The thing you also got to worry, did you worry about? Even if I'm not totally confident on the inside, I'm going to project like I'm a helicopter confident on the outside. Yeah, you didn't think I'm a CEO of a billionaire dollar company. Did you worry about if this doesn't work? And my goal is my sobriety in a good enough place to where I don't have to worry about going back if it doesn't work. Or did you not even, did you not even think it wouldn't work? Man, I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a little bit of that. What was the first time out of the gate? That's kind of, yeah. First time out of the gate, there was a, you know, Cause you don't know how you're really going to handle it. Right. If this goes south, because in my past relationship, man, when they went south, they went, I mean, they listened. Like it wasn't just like, hey, we can be friends after this fucking hatred guts. Yeah. And right back at me, right? You know, I'm not exactly friends with my exes. Yeah. You know, like, you know, I'm not exactly friends with my exes. My relationships don't end like that. Or they have in the past. And I thought so much of T that I was not going to let that happen. Yeah. Right. Luckily it's worked out far and away better than I could have even imagined. But there was a little bit of, okay, how might I handle this if it goes south? Um, you know, but I'm the person when I get in a relationship, I usually stay in a relationship years past the point of where it's already become unhealthy. Right. Um, and I didn't want that to happen. Yeah. You know, and so it was just, man, how am I going to move and, and handle things because things come up. And I have feelings come up like, what if she ends up making the decision and then she finds out she's not that into me six months in or vice versa. Because that's happened in the past. And I've just stuck it out. You know, and it was just, it was just a lot of what ifs. What if this happens? What if this happens? Luckily, um, you know, it's just been smooth. Yeah. You know, I've really lucked out. I mean, in more ways than one. You're welcome. Yeah. Um, so in more ways than one, um, and it, you know, so none of the things, and that's the thing about fear is most things that people are fearful of 90% of the what ifs don't even happen, never even present themselves. Well, I remember having a conversation with you. Um, we were just sitting down. We were chatting and you had, you had brought it up to me. And this was probably months before I developed a friendship with her while I had a friendship with you and it was just apart from each other. So, um, hearing you just say like where you were with like a romantic connection months before the thing even happened between you and her was just like, you're just like, I'm just not. I don't want to go and date and just do a roll of decks of day. You know what I mean? You were just like ready. I'm not a data man. I mean, dating sucks. Yeah. You know, I'm the same way when I get in a relationship, I'm in it. Yeah. I've never like, I think I've dated five girls my whole life and everyone that I've been with is like two years, five years, right? Four years, three years. You know, it's, it's always been that there's never been like two weeks, three weeks a month. I don't do that. Yeah. I mean, I just didn't want to go kiss a bunch of frogs. Yeah. You know, um, you know, to, to, to find the one I definitely, so I haven't dated in the new age, getting on a dating app. Definitely didn't want to do that. Terrified the shit out of me. You know, I mean, you hear all these stories about the catfish and deal and you walk in and they're not who they present themselves to be. You had an Adam's apple. Just didn't, didn't want to go through that. You know, didn't want to go through that. And, um, so it was just, I was ready and outside feedback from friends like you and family members. Oh man, you got so much to give and, you know, you got so much love in you that, you know, you need to be with somebody. And I had finally come to that place to believe that to be true about me at that point in time. I wanted to put myself back out there. I just didn't necessarily know how. Um, I wasn't going to settle. You know, I mean, I knew what I wanted. I have, I have, you know, I wasn't, I wasn't going to settle. We'll leave it at that. Yeah. Okay. I was, I wasn't going to settle for something not, not so much that I thought was not up to, to my standards, right? Something that, that I deserved. I mean, I was certain things I was looking for, right? And I wasn't, I wasn't going to settle in and, and, but at the same time, I didn't, I was 42 years old during throughout these conversations. And I didn't want to spend five years trying to find somebody. I mean, I mean, all these fears going through my mind. Um, you know, I don't want to do the dating app thing, but terrified me. Um, you know, I, I don't want to spend five years. I mean, I was being very picky and, you know, in a, in a, in a time where I probably shouldn't have been so picky, you know, like, I disagree, dude. What are they, what are they seeing in this guy? I mean, I didn't have much of a pot to piss in when I was, when I was putting everything back together, but you know, there were still standards as far as what I was looking for for the future. And luckily, you know, T, uh, a lot of our, our ideals aligned, aligned up. One thing I'll say is you might not have had a lot possessions or whatnot, but you were definitely in the best place that I've ever seen you. And you were definitely on your way back up to a place that I've never seen you, you know, because I've only ever known you during addiction. Right. I know we never, we didn't really know each other before our addictions. And so I've seen you here and I've seen you here and I've seen you here and you've seen me the same way. And then when, whenever you got sober and you came back to work with us, it was a totally different person. I mean, it was, it was amazing to see. It really was. And I knew when he, when you were the one that told me, when you say, Hey, I got to tell you something and you told me who you were dating. I was like, great job, dude. Well, first you were mad. Yeah, I was a little mad because other people knew first. One. One fucking person. Too many. Of course he did introduce y'all. But I was thinking, I didn't think like all the fears that you had. I didn't think that for you. I thought, man, she's getting a phenomenal dude and I don't know her well enough. But I know that the way that she carries herself, she's a great person too. She's great. And she's a good woman. She's not one of those that you can trust her. You can, I mean, I ain't, she ain't doing shit, you know? And I was like, that's a great fit. I hope it works. Like in, in, I knew that you was in such a good place that you weren't going to fuck it up, you know, like we fucked up so many times before you weren't going to. How sober were you when y'all got together? A year, year and a half. What was it? Year and a half. Okay. So you were pretty deep into it then. Because I know like that was one of my biggest things when I got in the rooms. Of course, I'm looking at all the females in there because I was single and I'm like, oh, probably save her life right there. She can probably, she can probably do real well with me right there. But I knew that I've seen so many people in early sobriety get in a relationship with somebody else in early sobriety and it doesn't work so much. It probably ends up in a disaster. And they both end up going back out there and relapsing and some of them don't ever come back. Some of them don't make it back. Some of them go and relapse together and don't ever make it back. So I'm a big believer on that whole, that year thing, not the whole year without sex and whatever, but on the year dating, I think that that's a very important thing for early sobriety. Do you agree? Yeah, I agree. I mean, had my story not played out the way it did where you just didn't have a place to go or means to do anything. So I was just there. You know, I was just there and there was no having money to go on dates or anything like that or a vehicle to go pick them up. I mean, so it couldn't I couldn't facilitate any of that to happen, which was how it was supposed to work out for me because it showed me. I got to see some of the things that you're mentioning about guys jumping into a relationship way too early. Yeah. You know, but when you're in it, it feels right. You know, I mean, everybody wants to feel loved. And there's, you know, and there's nothing wrong with that. But it in my experience, sponsoring guys working at a treatment facility, it will give you a false sense. It can give you a false sense of hope, confidence, and it it fucks up your priorities. Yeah. You know, I'm a big believer like you're still trying to find yourself. Yeah. And the other person probably is too. And you find each other and then you try to fill each other's gaps and holes when you don't even you haven't even filled yours yet. And and then I've just I've seen it in terrible, like in more ways than one. I've seen it work sometimes. Like, but and then you always hear like don't make someone else your higher power. I think that's where that's the priority. And that's the biggest problem is this person is my number one. And then they're gone. It's like, well, fuck, you know, and that's that whole making someone your higher power. And all of a sudden there's a void. Yeah. Where if your foundation has not said that you can't fill. Yeah. So what's the easiest thing to do? What am I used to doing? Yeah. You know, I'm going to go pick it right back up. Yeah. Like me and Destiny's had a couple of problems and I've been sober over three years. Two and a half, like at a year and probably like at two years, we've almost didn't work. Make it through. And that first time won the year. I was a year. I was almost two years sober at a year in our relationship. And that was a fucking rough time. Like if I didn't have the community and the people to phone and the people to reach out to that would have been a really hard one to get through. And then as I got more sober and more time, that got easier the second go around, but it didn't mean that that I did didn't pop up in my head. You know, like I know how to make this all go away. Yeah, I was with you. It was around you in the second round. It was it was some tough, glum. Yeah. Conversations with you. Yeah. You know, what the fuck I'm going to do. You know, go to get her back. You know, but yeah, there's a lot of that. You know, you can call it codependency or whatnot. But yeah, I didn't want to jump in anything. I didn't have the ability to jump in anything had I wanted to. Yeah, the way my story played out. You want to go out on the bicycle? Yeah, I mean, yeah, you want to go on a walk. That's what I was that that's I had two wheels, not four. Yeah. You know, and so, yeah, looking looking back, I definitely agree with taking the time that you need to figure your shit out before you bring somebody into your shit. Yeah. Because inevitably they're shit. They're shit. Everybody has shit. Everybody's got shit and shit splatters and who does where does it splatter on the people closest to you? Yeah. You know, and you bring somebody in to that. If your behaviors aren't a certain way, things can pop off really quick. You know, oh, well, fuck this. I'm leaving or whatever, you know, and I didn't want that. I'm trying to be what did you call it an adult? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, and rather than to run away or walk away because that's what I would do. You know, I mean, I used to take pride in making statements like, oh, well, I don't fight. I'll just leave. Well, that's not so much fucking better. Is it, you know, I mean, how much better is that? Yeah. You know, what gets solved by that? You know, I mean, usually all you're doing is pressing pause and then you come back and maybe may escalate even quicker because you didn't deal with it. You know, but yeah, I think relationships in general are allowing yourself to be vulnerable to the fact that you might be hurt, but there's a sense of power in that too. Right. Right. Because once that bond is formed, it's not just being vulnerable. It's trusting that person, you know, to handle certain things a certain way. And she's great the way I mean, I lucked out man. She's great the way she handles things. And, you know, I mean, for instance, you know, I think her response was, I think you should, you're great at that. You know, I mean, I think you should go there and do that. And that's just an example, but, you know, I had the opportunity to stay in Houston, being away from her for a week. You know, I had an opportunity to stay in Houston and see dad and see my brother and her immediate response was, I think you should. There's no way you should go and come back. You being so close in proximity. And so, you know, now I've not only been vulnerable, but developed a sense of trust where we're not going to hurt each other. Yeah. And so there's that and how and so I'll bring up another topic. And I was thinking a lot about this on the way home yesterday about someone. I won't mention their names. Someone close to me in my life that I care a lot about. But we mentioned a specific word before we came in the room to do the podcast and it was, you saw someone taking pride in someone in something that they had not had in a long time. And that word was, was joy. Joy. Joy. And I mentioned there, there's a very vivid conversation that my uncle had with me and it was knowing the difference between having fun with something or being temporarily happy and having a sense of joy and joy comes from going through something, whether you wanted to go through it or not and having a sense of accomplishment or, you know, and that, that gives you that sense of joy. And having fun is just something that you can have, you know, instant gratification. It's, it's, it's temporary and even being happy, happy to me is very temporary. Being happy is trying to do something that an external force, right? Whether it be a person or, you know, setting a goal for yourself. And maybe it's a, it's a very small goal, but, you know, doing something that just affects you on the outside, right? A smile that's temporary, you know, a real, maybe euphoric feeling or that it's just a new relationship or something like that. And I mentioned this because the relationships are a big part of, of what brings me joy. I don't get a whole lot of joy from personal accomplishments or personal stuff. I get, I get, for instance, so I had dinner with my, two of my aunts on Thursday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night, Wednesday night,哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎 I think if you are able to recognize the journey that you're on because nothing in God's world, and it says this in the book, nothing in God's world happens by mistake. And the person that I was thinking of yesterday, driving back has been struggling and is not so much happy with the situation that he's in. And I thought about what I might say to him when I see him soon, I think I'm gonna see him soon. And is that maybe what you're going through right now is what you're supposed to be going through. And maybe what happened to you, and I'm trying to not put too much of, is he's probably gonna watch this, maybe what happened, which put a halt on your direction that you thought you needed to go was supposed to happen because of the situation that you're in now. Maybe you can make a difference in somebody else's life that might bring you such a sense of joy that that's where you find happiness again. And I hope I'm making sense. And maybe that's where you find happiness again, helping the guys at work, helping guys buy houses for the first time. Achieve different things. Achieve different things, younger guys. Things that they didn't think that they would even achieve. Things that they didn't think that they could achieve, especially this early on in life. That brings me joy, which makes me happy. Yeah, you and I are a lot alike when it comes to that. I would rather, I like to, I get more joy from seeing other people achieve things than for me. Destiny always brings up, she's like, man, you did so good at work. Like, aren't you so excited? I'm like, well, that's just what I'm supposed to do. Yeah, I do that shit all the time to myself. That's just what I'm supposed to do. I do it all the time. But when I see other people, like, dude, Coach and Kalen's volleyball team is one of my favorite things that I've ever done in life. And the first season, I've said this on here before, the first season, like, I've got earrings, I've got a chain, I wear my two addicts and a moron shirt. I know the parents are going to look that up and find out who I am. They're going to. I would, right? And after the first season, we had nine out of the 11 girls only come back if I was coaching, if me and the other coach were coaching. Like their parents sent text messages, hey, are y'all coaching next season? Cause my daughter's only playing if y'all are coaching. That's like one of the greatest feelings that I've ever felt. That's a great compliment. And then the next season, all the same girls returned. And then this season, the YMCA just told us, hey, after this season, we have to break y'alls team up because y'all are too good. All the good kids are only playing for y'all. They don't want to play for anybody else. And it's like three years ago, you wouldn't have let me babysit your dog. But now you're letting me take your son or your daughter under my wing and coach him. And the other day, Destiny was at the practice with me. One of the girls that I've gotten close to, she brought up a key chain, gave me a key chain. I opened it and it said, behind every good player is a good coach that believes in him. And dude, it fucking made me cry. Like I walked over to Destiny, I handed her that and I was fucking like, See like that shit right there. The tears, that's joy to me. There's no drugs ever made me feel that way. But for this little girl and her mom to go out of their way and go get me a key chain. And I saw her mom on game day on Friday and I said, thank you so much. She said, my little, my daughter loves you. She said, you deserve it. And it's a key chain. It's not the key chain. It's what the key chain represents. You know what I mean? Great, one of the best feelings ever. Like watching my daughter get voted to be a captain. Like that's not an accomplishment for me. That's her accomplishment. I love it. She's like, dad, have you ever been a captain? Never. I was never voted to be a captain, but you deserve to be a captain because you're a good teammate. I was never a good teammate, you know? But yeah, those little things like watching guys at work, like he said, you're a manager at work, watching them buy houses and be able to do this and do this and do this. I know that's a great feeling for you because you're a part of that. Like you've helped them do that. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And so getting back to the romantic side of the relationship, I think what has been different this time is I've taken pride in a sense of accomplishment in making her happy and seeing her in her face. When, I hope she doesn't get mad at me for saying this. I've been putting our business out there. She probably won't, but she needed a new car. Yeah. She needed a new car. Yeah. And that's one of the things that I respect most about her. She will sacrifice. Yeah. She will sacrifice. Don't I know it. For her kids and to make sure, not just to make sure that they have, everybody has what they needs right then, but that things are gonna be taken care of and there's not gonna be any surprises. And so, and she needed a new car. She had a car that was 21 years old. I mean, I had probably 180,000 miles on it. And she had been doing well at work. I've been doing well at work. And she had been looking online, looking at cars. And I remember one night when I knew things were gonna work out with me in the position that I am. And when I had the conversations where, you're never safe in a sales environment, right? Right. I mean, I don't know what you've done for me lately, but I had had the conversations. I had been far enough along in it where I was like, okay, I think that's gonna work out. And I came home that night and she was looking and we were in bed and she, I was like, what are you looking at? She's like, well, I found this one. I was like, okay, well, are they closed yet? No, they're not closed. Okay, well good. We'll go ahead and make an appointment. We'll go get it on Saturday. It's kind of like, she thought I was fucking with her. Yeah. And so we did and we went and got it Saturday and it was the most, she got the same car that reminded her of the favorite car she's ever had. And I was able to help her do that. And not only heard the look on her face that night in bed and the smile, but when we went and actually got the car and the hug that she gave me and the smile on her face and the smile that she's had since then, I was just like, dude, this is what life's all about. Yeah. You know, a sense of joy is, it's not permanent. Nothing's permanent in life. Everything's temporary in life, but joy is so much more of a long lasting feeling and sensation that gives you the drive, gives me the drive to be able to want to do more and I want more of it. I'm an addict, right? I want more of that. Replicate it. I want more of that. I want more of that. Like, I mean, it can be everywhere. It can be in places that you will overlook. There are spots where you can find joy almost any time of any part of the day. It's easier to be able to find joy if you're looking for it, right? Which means being aware and recognizing, I don't know, I was for sure not aware or recognizing anything, but was right in front of my face or what I wanted to when I was using, but appreciating the journey will allow me, I'll speak in I terms and me terms, will allow me to just enjoy life a whole lot more than having the outlook of like, I have to fucking deal with this again, right? Or, you know, or, damn, I want that. I wanna, I'm setting this goal for myself and I want that, man, I'm not willing to walk from here to there to get it. You know, and whatever it is, it ain't as bad as it used to be. Whatever that walk might look like, it sure as hell not as bad or a fraction of being as bad as what I put myself through. And I have to recognize that and I remind myself on a daily basis, all the problems, and they're not really problem, we call them first world problems, right? Oh my gosh, I have to get in my used truck. That's really nice truck and drive to where is that so bad? You know, I mean, and that's just, that's a very surface level example, but I've got friends that will just nitpick on every thing that can be looked at as negative. And I talked about this in one of our morning meetings recently that can be looked at as negative, but is it really negative or can I walk through this? Can we walk through this, right? Because I walk through things with people these days. Can we walk through this and get to the other side and what that might look like looking back? Because every time since I've gotten sober, walked through something and joined, people have joined me walking through it. By the time I get to the other side and look back, the stuff that I thought was gonna be difficult and the stuff that I didn't wanna do seems so small. Yeah. Seems so small and so insignificant moving forward. Yeah. And again, I hope I'm making sense to everybody out there and in this room. No, you are. So insignificant as to why was I afraid to walk through to the first place? When you look back at it. Why did I not want to do the work? Why did I not want to maybe do the difficult thing rather than taking the shortcut, which is what I used to do, walking away from personal relationships, walking away from what I thought were problems. When I get to the other side and I look back and then I see the looks on the people's faces around me and the sense of accomplishment that we did this together or I had a big hand in helping this situation, whether it be me, it's an accomplishment for me or in the relationship that I'm in, looking back and reflecting on that gives me hope and joy of knowing that I can walk through anything. I can walk through anything. And it's, so I was, and I'll just say, I remember being in jail one time and the guy that I was always talked to about things would describe, he wanted to go put things back together and he described, and I'm a big Rocky fan, right? I love the Rocky movies. Everybody does, if you don't, you're a sociopath. Right, and you know, when he's getting ready for a fight every time, he start doing the music, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Da-da-da, and he's like, I view me getting back out there and putting things together the right way again, like the Rocky music, it's putting things back together again and that's what it is, it's getting strong now. And that's what it is, it's walking through situations in life almost with that Rocky soundtrack in the background you're getting stronger and feeling a sense of joy where my aunts are tearing up at the end of a dinner because I say, no, it's my turn. Yeah, right. Or, and that's part of, it's my turn, getting strong now, right? And going to my uncle's house on Friday night, and it was a Friday night, but the cool thing to do and what I thought was going for my cousin's birthday and just hanging out and playing a card game, and then my uncle, he was like my hero growing up, right? He was this college football player, bigger than life, strong guy, farmer, and for him to hug me as tight as he does and say, I'll be checking on you, and knowing that when he checks on me or having a good sense of when he checks on me this time, that it will be even better than the last time that he saw me. And then going to my dad's house and where the first thing my stepmother does and man, you look so good and them seeing it on me. And then every time I give him a hug when I leave now, them tearing up and saying, we can't wait to see you again. Just such a sense of accomplishment where it's like, I don't want to pat on the back, but it wasn't so long ago that it wasn't that way and just seeing their faces where it's almost a sense of relief. Like instead of, man, what the fuck happened to you? It's like, man, we're so glad you're back. Yeah. There's no more shame in their face, right? Because there's no more shame in yours. Right. And that's the, I mean, that's the other part of it too. And it's like, somebody said it a few weeks back, but it was like, I think it was Andrew. Andrew was talking about how the families may suffer. He was the guy who directed 300 miles to redemption. 100 miles to redemption. Sorry, 100 miles to redemption. But he said, after interviewing Sean's family, your sister, mom, stepdad, like they have to recover too. Oh yeah. They have to go through that recovery process as well. And being to the point where they get to see y'all in the position that you are now after seeing it for so long the other way, it's like a huge step of their recovery, right? And I think that they, he made it sound like Sean's sister still had a struggle with that, maybe longer than the mom and dad, which made a lot of sense because that was their superhero. He could do no wrong in her eyes as the little sister. And it makes sense. Like, I don't know whether to trust this or not for a long time. And that goes to the point of you not wanting to, or maybe not wanting to, but you having apprehension to call your dad that one time, right? Like had me having the confidence in you and seeing where you were, I was like, you go call him. Go call him. Yeah, what are you doing? Yeah, I remember that. You're fine. You're fine. What are we doing here, dude? Like it's a phone call, which has now led up to where we are now. So, it was a phone call that was 18 months worth of building up to that. It wasn't just a phone call. It was the first phone call. Right. That was 18 months worth of building up to that. 18 months worth of fear. Trials and tribulations in my life and playing it through in my head. How's it gonna go? How's it gonna go? How's it gonna go? Me wanting to be in a certain place. So it was a phone call, but it was 18 months worth of shit building up to that phone call with me. It was my shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was the first phone call. Right. Yeah, no, I- Big phone call. Big phone call. I wasn't downplaying the phone call at all. I just- You knew he was ready to make the phone call. Yeah, what I was doing was giving you the vote of confidence that you're good now. Like I promise you- Which I definitely needed. No matter how, no matter how that phone call goes, I know you're gonna feel better for doing it. Like I just knew it because of where you were now. Right? So, I say that because of your ants, because of all these people around you that you get to see all of these things happen. These are all part of their recovery process. Oh yeah, 100%. That's all part of it for them. Right? And it's not about the check. It's not about it. I mean, it's about the phone call. Right? It's about the, hey, yeah, we're gonna come see you next week. Like it's, and like what? You're willing and ready and able to come see us next week? Yeah. Yeah, I guess who's on my arm. You know what I mean? Right. It's a sense of relief where it's like, is he gonna show up? Yeah. Right? Like is he, is he, is he, okay, we made plans. Is he really gonna show up? Right. You know, because I mean, they're traumatized to the point where like they might be expecting a phone call or a text or maybe just to get ghosted. Oh yeah. You know, but they're, yeah. The first Christmas that I showed up to my family's sober, I made sure to show up a day early. I did, just because. A fucking day early. I did early because my luck, my car really would have fucking broke down. And I wasn't gonna make that phone call and be like, hey, my car really broke down this time. So I showed, I was the first one there. I showed up before fucking any presents were out or anything and I made sure that I showed up and I let everybody know I'm fucking here first because it was always me showing up last or not showing up at all. And I'm sure like, I've never thought about their recovery that way. Yeah. But I know that I'm sure some of them still maybe, whenever I'm on my way, there's still some, hmm. Some sense of. Is he gonna show up or how's he gonna look or, you know, I mean, because they don't get to see me every day. Or what's he gonna act like? How's he gonna act? Is he gonna be in the bathroom for three hours? Is he gonna fucking, you know, and I know, but I never thought about their recovery part because I'm selfish. I've always thought about my recovery, right? And, but yeah, that's a good point. And when you get to show up and not have to fucking excuse yourself every 30 minutes and be able to play cards and look people in the eye and shit, that's a huge dude. That's the recovery process for everybody. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and. Yeah, because they go through your addiction with you and they develop certain behaviors in response to it. Yeah. I think they might go through more than what we do. I mean, the. Probably so, yeah. I mean, they definitely feel the shame, but. Like the. I mean, the hurt. From. Yeah, the hurt and the, and what I got from the day before I was sent to treatment was the word that comes to mind is helpless. Yeah. Yeah. A sense of helplessness. Because you love someone so much, or I imagine they would say, they loved me so much, but they, they didn't know what to, they wanted it so bad for me. Mm hmm. Right. But, and they said, we don't know how to help you anymore. There's nothing more that we don't, we don't have the, the tools and the means to give you the help that we think you need. Mm hmm. Sense of helplessness. And I feel like being an adult, caring about someone else that you care so much for, not being able to fix it. Or not being able to help the situation to pull them out of it. A sense of help, helplessness is one of the worst feelings you can probably have. Especially as a parent. Especially as a parent. I would imagine so. Our pet, we had a visiting pastor come to our church not long ago, and he was talking about when his son was four, his son fell and hit his face on the table and split his, I mean, he said he split it, tear it, where his whole face was hanging. Yeah. He had to get like 20 or 30 stitches, something like that. Damn. He said he got his son to the, to the hospital, and the doctor's like, we got to stitch him up right now. And he's like, I'm trying to get all the details. He's like, I don't know, you know, what's going to go on? And it's like, sir, we don't, I don't have time to really explain it to you. We got to get this done. And he said, well, I'm coming in the operating room with you. And he said, the doctor looked at him and said, you don't want to do that. And he said, no, I'm coming. He said, okay, that's fine. He said that his son, when this doctor pulled this needle out, this long to give him a shot in his face, he said, my four year old son was staring at me, screaming, dad, help me, dad, dad, help me. He said, I fucking couldn't do anything. And he said, it was the most helpless feeling. And he said, it made me think of two things. He said, it made me think of what God went through when Jesus was dying saying, help me, right? And he said, it made me think of people that have kids that are addicts and they can't help them. He said, that's what it made me think about. And he said, I remember driving home that night, my son, he said, he's medicated, he's sleeping. He said, and I'm just fucking ballin', just crying. Because I can't imagine that feeling for a parent to have to go through all the time where, man, I wanna help him, but I can't. All day, every day. Nothing I can do, nothing I can do. Just people who love you generally. Yeah, just family. Just family, friends, whoever, man. Especially when they seen you grow up to what you were becoming. And then they seen the downside, and it's like, like you said, the shame, and like, man, what happened to you? You know, yeah, it's a great point. Well, it's a good point. Michael Bryan's sponsor. What's that like? Ha, ha, what's that like? Like, why, how come? Why? I'm a terrible spawn C, that's why I'm fucking terrible. It's an interesting dynamic because he's a very good friend of mine. Yeah. But Mike O is Mike O. Yeah. And, you know, I'm of the mindset, you gotta love people for who they are. Yeah. Yeah. And I know who Mike is. Yeah. And so I love him for who he is, you know, but in the sponsor, spawn C relationship, I have to remember that there's times where I'm gonna need to say some things that he probably doesn't wanna hear. Yeah. Okay, and I'm not, the way I sponsor, I don't coddle. Okay, I will support, but I don't coddle and. I'd argue you do that most, even with me. I mean, you're not my sponsor, but. Right. If I've got some shit that I need to hear from you, that's just kind of you now. Like, I think I was just kind of built into you. Tighten up, Joey. Yeah, god damn it. But, you know, and so usually, and I'll speak in I terms and me terms, usually when I have an issue with something, it's not so much the thing that I have an issue with actually being the problem. It's something's up with me. Right. And so I gotta remember that. And that's the way that I sponsor. And so, you know, I have a couple of go-to responses when Mike and I talk and he knows these responses. Now he pretty much knows what I'm gonna say. And, you know, first of all, is it a them problem or is it a you problem, Mike? Right? 90% of the time it's me. Kind of sounds like it's a you problem, Mike. Or a me problem, right? And the second thing is, is what's your spiritual life look like? You know, how's your spirituality doing today? And have you prayed about it? Usually the answer is I should probably go do that right now. And then it looks to be somewhat like things will get at ease, you know, after there's a little bit of self reflection there. You know, but it's an interesting dynamic and I can't help but love the guy. And, you know, just sometimes things need to be said a certain way at a certain time. And I know I can see it on him where he just wants to be, he just wants to tell me that's not what I wanted to fucking hear. Yeah. You know, I think that's somewhat of a good Mike O'Hara and the echo impression. Yeah. But he doesn't say that and he's pretty good about getting feedback. But he looks at you like you're saying it in your head. There was a time not long ago I went to you and I fucking was just, I just laid some shit on you. So what do you think? And he said, this is the time I'm just gonna listen. I'm not even gonna respond to you. Thank you for sharing. And I was like, that's fucking it? He's like, yup. I said, that's fucking terrible. He said, that's just, that's how I said, cool, thanks. And I went to my desk and I sat there. I sat there, I sat there and then I was like, that's actually probably the best thing he told me. Yeah. Cause I just need to come over here and sit down and fucking like, look, I don't ever wanna pray about it. Right? I know I need to. I tell people all the time, did you pray about it? But God forbid you tell me, did you pray about it? I'm like, no, I didn't fucking pray about it. Cause I don't wanna talk to God right now. I don't wanna pray about it. But I know that's the devil telling me, don't pray about it. You don't need him. You don't need him. But I know when I go pray about it, it makes it, it's so stupid that I even say this because I would never say this in my addiction. And when people used to first tell me, did you pray about it? And I'm like, no, that's not gonna work. When I go pray about it, it actually does make it fucking so much easier. Because there's so many things that I can't handle. Right? And there's a lot of times where I just have to say, man, just take this from me today. Something you said earlier was, we all go through things where we think it's the end of the world. Oh yeah. And we've all had them. You don't have to be an addict to have them. There's something that happened in your life to where it's like, if I died right now, I'd be okay with it. I'm not gonna get through this. Not gonna get through this. This is the worst fucking thing ever. But then a day goes by, a week goes by. It's like going in through a bad relationship, right? Or losing the love of your life. Two weeks goes by, three weeks goes by, four weeks goes by. And when you look back on it, you can take pride in saying, oh fuck, I got through that. Cause I didn't think that I would. And I think that that's where a lot of people mess up, not just in recovery, but in recovery too, but in life. Because they don't realize all the things that they've went through, that they've made it through to the other side of. Because this one terrible thing just happened all of a sudden. And what's crazy is I don't even remember all the terrible things that I was so worried about that fucking I thought was gonna end my life. Like looking back at them now, I just know that I got through them. But I couldn't tell you what any of them was. Maybe when the IRS garnished my wages or something, that was a terrible day. And I had to pay them 40 grand or something, but that was, I got through it. That was like 15 years ago. I wasn't even an addict then, but that was a terrible day. And I was like, this is the end of my life. And it's just putting too much weight in something that is very temporary, that you think is going to permanently affect your life. And it's just 99% of the time, it's just not the case. Not gonna do it. It's just not the case. Hell, probably 100% of the time. Well, maybe some medical stuff and stuff like that. Yeah, like I was gonna say, I mean, I always think about someone who was paralyzed. The day that happens, that changes their life forever. Forever. Right? But just some like heartache and pain shit that I have to work through. Right, me throwing a fit about the guy going 10 miles under the speed limit in front of me is, pale's in comparison. To that, to that. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's what I mean. So like it's all like perspective. You know, like, yeah. Yeah, it's like, and my son kind of hates it too, but he'll get sore from like working out. He's like, man, my legs are fucking killing me. I'm like, at least you can feel him. You know, like, I mean, look. And he fucking looks at me like, but do it. That reminds me of a, It's fucking never real though. It would be GI Jane with the Mimor. You know, when it's the Navy SEAL training and they're on the beach. And the master sergeant is like, pain, pain is good. Pain lets you know that you're still alive. Yeah, yeah. You know, you want a certain amount of pain and there's emotional pain and being able to feel that stuff. I mean, reminds me like, I mean, hey, if I can understand feelings of any kind, you know, lets me know that I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. Yeah, man. Still kicking. It's well said. Good thought. Yeah. So, T is a friend of mine. So I wanna. You've established that a couple of times on this. Well, I wanna establish this a big way at the end of this episode. And I wanna give her like a little Easter egg in this one. Make sure she watches it. So what's her favorite color? It's gotta be black. Okay. 100% black. Okay. What is her favorite movie? Man. You're a dick. She's not like the, this is an excuse. Okay. Yeah, for sure. Let me preface this. Yeah, you're trying to. Not like a movie person. Yeah, I'm sweating right now. But yes, I mean, she never said, I love that movie. I mean, we watch movies all the time and we like a lot of the same movies. I would miss this one too. I would've got the first one. We like who done it, man. I mean, we may be old, but like 2020, you know, date line like, you know. Oh, really? Oh yeah. It was the butler with the knife in the kitchen type. You know, we like trying to figure some shit out. Some criminal, some crime that works shit. Yeah, crime, crime, shit. Her favorite stuff is documentaries by far. Documentaries of any kind. And I'm sorry, they conspiracy documentaries are far and away her favorite thing to watch. So I know what her favorite movie is. We've talked about it before. I'm just saying. Perfect. Thanks, John. But I want to just have this conversation with him. Thanks. Well, what is her favorite movie? I'm not gonna fucking say that. I want this to come out. So you set me up. And then you fucked me right at the end. All right. Favorite dish. Well, she makes two dishes often, which is this salmon with this kind of Dijon mustard coating, which is phenomenal with rice. And you know, she's in this fitness stuff. And so she also makes this sweet something glaze on these chicken thighs with rice, which is phenomenal. So yeah, I mean, favorite dishes, but she's a she's a she's a steak chick. That's what I was going to say, man. She likes steak and I love steak, so it's perfect. Steak sushi. Yeah, stay in. Both of you guys. How do you do your steak? Medium rare. Yeah, I always. If you do it anything more than medium rare. Yeah, here's the thing about medium rare, too, dude. Like I would rather it be more rare. For sure. She gets hers rare, dude. I would be. I would rather it be like. You don't eat rare. Medium rare. You don't eat pussy either, do you? And what? Tommy Trillia told that to somebody in the kitchen one time. Oh, man. This old guy worked. It was the funniest shit, dude. I think it was a new guy that he said it to. You're like. He said, I don't like my steak bloody. He said, you don't eat pussy, do you? He's funny. He told me, he's like, you got to quit being a pussy. You know, got to get a thicker skin to make it in this business. Yeah. He told me that very early on. And I'm like, yeah, I love Tommy. Yeah, awesome. Great dude. How do you eat your steak, Joe? Oh, terrible. Jesus Christ. You used ketchup, too? Medium well. Medium well. Yeah, you ruined it. We got to get a new producer, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. You're eating it like fajita meat. I want my fajita meat kind of. Yeah, I do. If I'm making it myself, it's going to be a little pinkish. Yeah, mine's medium rare, more on the rare side. Yeah. Yeah, more on the rare side. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's Amy's favorite color? Amy's favorite color is pink. Is it? What's her favorite movie? Favorite movie is Dirty Dancing. Really? What's her favorite dish? Favorite dish is tacos. Really? This isn't fair. They've been together for a lot longer. Destiny's favorite color. I'm also lying on all three channels. I just. Destiny's favorite colors. So you set me up knowing full well, you didn't have the answers about your significant other. Absolutely. You're an asshole. Yeah, I didn't think that was going to come at me. But I did it with confidence and conviction. He did it without thinking. I believed you. I was like pink. So Destiny's favorite color is green for sure. Her favorite movie, she does not watch movies. She watches TV shows. And it would either be 100, never watch the 100. Are you the use a serial killer? Yeah, she's watched that. That's a show. 15 times. Oh, yeah, I've seen that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I watched the first season. What's the other one? Manifest. Crazy, that guy's out of his mind. You ever seen Manifest? That's where they go on the plane. Oh, yeah. And they disappear. They disappear for five years and they come back. And they're on the runway. Yeah. Yeah, something's up. Yeah, she's watched that like 19 different times. Every episode. Amy's actually a Spanglish, the movie. Oh, really? Yeah. She likes Spanglish a lot. I like Spanglish a lot too and not for Adam Sandler. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty cool stuff. Taylor Leone. Yeah, well, let's get you home to tea. Yeah. Because we stole you from her last minute. Tell her don't watch the last 13 minutes with the quizzing. Absolutely. Oh, she's watching this. Last time, so I didn't want to watch it. I just hate hearing myself talk and seeing myself on camera. And she's like, you got to watch it with me. You got to watch it with me. Well, she waited all of half a day of me saying, you know, and she was like, well, watch the podcast. Yeah. And I'm like, all right. So she's watching this as soon as you drop it. Yeah. That's awesome. For sure. Well, that drops tomorrow. Yeah. OK, perfect. Yeah. Drops tomorrow. I will let her know. We'll get in there. And she will watch it in the first 30 minutes of being dropped again. Yeah. This is great. Well. She's great. Well, JB, we love you. Love you too. And thank you for coming. And we'll see you soon. And we'll see you often. And that's perfectly fine by me, brother. Yeah, man. We love you to death. I bet I'll catch you. And to all the aunts and uncles and dad and step mom, take me and Mike as we are. Yeah. We bring your sweet boy into this. Please forgive us for. Please forgive him for his choice and friends. Yeah. You know. Yeah. I think it was a good episode. No, it's going to be great. It's great. Sum it up as to why I've been able to have a positive journey as what do we say, recognize and appreciate the journey and the people around you. I think it's important for you to is you don't forget your journey. Right. Like that's something you run our morning meetings in the morning. Right. You always say something. And I always appreciate the things that you say. Because sometimes when we go from here to here, we forget when we were here. Right. And it's common for most anybody. Yeah. Like if you grew up poor and then all of a sudden you're a millionaire, like you don't. You might remember that you were poor, but you're not going to remember the struggles that you actually went through. It's minimizing the consequences and the struggles and the trials and tribulations. And that's something that you always bring to our meetings. Like when you talked about the park fence the other day that you slept on. I still get responses. I loved it. When I was in Houston. Yeah. I mean, the park, you want to say that real quick? What you kind of said? Yeah. You know, as part of being at the bottom, and this is true about me, I found myself in Alvin, Texas on a park bench at the age of 41 years old with everything that I owned in my backpack. I had a cell phone and it had about a third of the battery left. But I knew that it was my day to pay my bill. And I wasn't going to be able to pay the bill. And so at 11 or 12 o'clock at midnight, or 11 or 12 o'clock that night, I knew that even the cell phone, even my one lifeline, was going to be gone. And so I had texted a couple people and they were out and had one friend that was living in Alvin, Texas. And I let him know where I was the night before. And he was to come get me the next morning. But yes, I spent that night on a park bench with a backpack. And luckily, my buddy came and picked me up the next morning. And the reason I said that is because we're blessed to work where we are. Yeah. Blessed to have the opportunity. For sure. That we do. And I say it for my team members, but I also say it to remind myself, too. For sure. To remind myself every day of it can be gone like that. Where you were and how fast you can get back there. It can be gone like that. And I think in life, and this goes for anybody, but especially me, remember where I was not too long ago, which helps me appreciate and recognized the opportunities that are put in front of me. And it gives me the ability to stay hungry and capitalize. I don't believe in luck. I say that a lot in our morning meetings. I used to believe in luck. And I used to fall back on, oh, well, they just got lucky. He just got lucky. She just got lucky. I don't believe that. I believe now you can hit the lotto. And that may be OK. But in life, I believe that opportunity meets preparation with a little bit of God's grace. You can capitalize on what I used to believe might be luck. And I believe that wholeheartedly. And so I remind myself by saying these things in our morning meetings of, we all came from somewhere. And at some point in your life, there was that time of, holy shit, how am I going to get through this? And whether that be a medical issue or the ending of a relationship or if I can just have one more opportunity, if a company will just give me one more opportunity. One more chance. One more chance. If she will just give me one more chance. If I promise I'll make it work the next time. And there's so many times in life, maybe I said that. And maybe I really even thought that and believed that in my delusional thought process at the time. But now that I've come through a lot of things, I say that to help remind people on our team and help remind myself and help remind our leadership that at some point in time, it wasn't so fucking easy. Right. Right. And it can go back to being not so fucking easy very quickly. And so unless you're aware and recognize that in order to stay hungry and continue to capitalize on the opportunity that you find yourself having at this point in your life, you're doing yourself a disservice. I'm doing myself a disservice. For sure. And if I'm not moving forward, I don't just stay still in life. I start going backwards. Yeah. And so I say things like that and it's the Park bench and Alvin story, which we laugh at, which is funny about this community, the recovery community. It's the only community, the only meeting you can walk in. You can't walk into a board meeting and talk about a seeing bugs crawling out of your skin or talk about a heroin overdose and the entire room laugh about it. Yeah. Right. And it's not so much that we're laughing about the heroin overdose or we're laughing about the bugs crawling out of our skin. It's we're laughing about the experiences that we all share the common problem that we've dealt with in the common solution that we now implement in order to walk through, in order to get through getting rid of the bugs on, you know, or, you know, or, or, or walking through the heroin overdose and recognizing that it can happen again. Yeah. And we laugh at that shit. You know, and it's the only, it's the only community in the world you can walk into. And we all immediately share a laugh. And it's not so much about laughing at it or about it. It's laughing about the process that we all walk together in some sense of the word. Yeah. And so I think, I think it's a great, a great way that you, you help people stay humble and stay grounded. Right. I always tell new guys when they start with us, stay humble and stay grounded and remember where you came from. Where you came from. You can get back there real quick. And because once you start getting that money, you can forget a lot of that or the shit. You know, I did this. Or look what I've done. Look what I've done. Yeah. I start saying shit like that. Y'all need to watch out for me. Yeah. It's not a good thing. It's not a good thing. I always tell people, especially in recovery when they, uh, I tell people this all the time, I think it's such a great thing. And I heard someone, Rico did it when he first got this job. He took a video of himself and how excited he was about getting this job. So on days where he's struggling or days when he's ungrateful or anything like that, or when he's not being humble, you can go back and watch the video and remember, man, I was so grateful just to get this opportunity. That's right. And I tell people in recovery that all the time, take a video. I told this guy that I went and seen yesterday, take a video of how you feel getting to see your kids because you're going to have some rough days that come about. And you need to be able to go back to those memories, that cookie jar memory, and you can actually watch a video of yourself and how grateful you were just to be alive. That's right. And don't forget that feeling because you can lose it quick. And when you lose that quick and you lose that humbleness and you lose that grounded feeling, you can start losing a lot of shit because God will give you back what you need, not everything that you lost. But I feel like you can lose a lot of that shit too real quick. Quick. If you're not humble with it. It's just a great way to keep things in perspective. Well, I think it's more easily summarized and just like, keep looking for joy, man. Don't step over joy. Yeah. Don't step over it. Don't lose sight of it. Always be on the lookout for it. Yeah. If you do that, I think everybody's going to be okay. Yeah. I mean, everything else just kind of falls into place. Right. But just if that makes sense. But when you stop looking for joy. Or stop trying to do the work in order to have, in order to feel that sense of joy, in order to accomplish or help people accomplish the things that give you joy. You can look for it, but joy is something that you, in my opinion, joy is something it's more of an action type situation where you have to do some things in order to feel the sense of joy. It's an opportunity. And then there's side effects from it, which is happiness, fun, things like that. But yeah, striving to achieve a sense of joy. Right. And recognizing that it can be found anywhere. And said in church yesterday, the pastor said that every story in the Bible, and he said, he was told this, he went and looked it up. He said, I didn't, I didn't really trust it. He said, everybody in the Bible, that got something that they wanted. It was because they put in a little work to go get it in God, help them get there. It wasn't that God just gave it to him, right? Like they were putting in the work to get to where they were trying to get to, and God rewarded them to help get there. Right. They had to put in a, they had to plant seeds. They had to farm the land. They had to do whatever they had to do. And then it came. It wasn't just like, here you go, here you go. So it's just like in recovery, you got to put in the work to be able to get to where you're going. Yeah, you give what you get. Just like in life, you got to put in the work. Well, well said. Well, let's get out of here. And it's good seeing you, buddy. Love you. Good seeing you, buddy. Love you guys. I got you. Love y'all. I love you guys. Go on my short. So you can do the other thing. See y'all next time. Up to short. Yeah, man. We can. Two addicts and a moron and Mike's nipple curtain. Again, back again. We are over and out.