I DON'T CARE About My Sisters Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria And Will Have My Wedding The Way I Want

Hello everyone, today we're talking about the unpleasant nature of ghosting. Ooh, I can help you with that, Makita, because it all started on a cold March evening. No, we're all kind of ghosting, Danny, right? Well, you can tell that to the dark spooky presence in the hallway. Wait, what? From ghost stories to gossip and everything in between. BBC sounds. Packed with personality. Grace then here from the podcast Comfort Eating, currently being supported by Eminem's Cookie Doe Flavour, a masterpiece of texture. You've got that classic satisfying, crunchy Eminem's chocolate shell, the one that gives way with a proper snap, and then inside you hit a gorgeous creamy cookie dough flavored centre. The best part? Well, it's all the joy of cookie dough flavour with absolutely no baking required. So, if you're looking for a new favourite treat for your next sofa session, give Eminem's Cookie Doe Flavour a try. Available in stores now. I can't believe it! Max has asked me to move in with him. I mean, you practically live with each other already, but that's great! Did you hear that, Joe? Yes, thanks for letting us know. I see you've updated your universal credit claim. Now you're going to be living together. If you're telling other people about a change in your circumstances, tell us too to avoid a penalty. Search Tell DWP. First story. Much love, guys. Now, today's first story is one that was suggested on our own subreddit, r slash mark narrations from Hedwig flies again. They cross-posted it to us, but it's originally from the Am I the arsehole here subreddit, and it says, Am I the arsehole here for saying, I don't care about my sister's rejection sensitive dysphoria, and will be having my wedding the way I want it. And I hope this doesn't make me sound ignorant, but I hadn't heard of this before, so I quickly looked it up, and it said, rejection sensitive dysphoria, RSD, is an extreme emotional response to rejection or criticism. It feels like an overwhelming intense pain from things others might easily shrug off, like a minor criticism or perceived slight. And there's obviously a lot more to it as well, but that's just the basics of it. But the story starts. I know sometimes it might seem like the answer is obvious, but I am honestly asking for the truth, because I'm getting so much pressure from my family that it is becoming unbearable now. I, male 30, am newly engaged. By fiance, female 30 and I have been together for two years, and we both feel ready for the next step. We don't want a big wedding. We both come from huge families, and we don't want to deal with the costs and the headache of planning a huge event. Our plan is to go to the city hall and sign the required papers. We would invite my parents, my sister, my brother-in-law, my fiance's father, sister, brother-in-law, and brother, as well as two of my friends, since they were the ones who set me and my fiance up when we were in the armed forces. After city hall, we would go out for dinner. We don't want any other wedding stuff or any kind of reception. When my oldest sister got married three years ago, I ended up being thankful I was stationed in another country and wasn't at home. I was in the Air Force at the time. She had a huge, expensive wedding, and then took an expensive trip to the United States for a honeymoon. This is normal in our family, but watching the wedding on a live stream was enough for me. I was getting a headache when I was hearing about the planning second hand. My fiance and I don't want that stress. I thought my family would have a problem with us not having a big wedding, or only inviting my parents, sister, and brother-in-law. But my sister got upset because she wanted to be my fiance's maid of honor. We aren't even having a maid of honor slash best man or wedding party at all. Even if we were, my fiance would want her own sister to be maid of honor, not my sister. My sister also thought she would get a special role in the wedding as sister of the groom, which isn't a thing as far as I know. She wants to have a moment where she walks down the aisle alone before my wife does. I've never seen anything like that at a wedding I've ever gone to. Only the bride or one half of the couple, and sometimes the father walks down the aisle. For full disclosure, my sister has ADHD, and with that she also has something called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. She takes rejection really personally, and even though my parents sent her to therapy before, she still takes it hard when she thinks someone has rejected her, even if they haven't really done that. I told her my fiance and I aren't having wedding parties or a wedding where other people have a special role or moment. She feels rejected, and now my parents, my brother-in-law, and other people in my family are pressuring me to change my mind. I'm either asshole here, but tell my sister and everyone else that I don't care if she feels rejected and won't change a thing about the wedding. It gets annoying to have everything revolve around my sister's feelings all the damn time. I don't think it's wrong for me and my fiance to want our wedding day to be about us, instead of giving my sister a role of maid of honor slash groom's sister and letting her be the center of attention like she wants. My parents and my brother-in-law are the worst offenders, and I ended up telling them, and everyone else who pressured me, that I'm done talking about this and to never bring it up again. I'm either asshole for this, I just want to have my wedding the way my fiance and I want it, and my family has never gotten so upset at me about anything else before, so I wonder if I ever stepped. Edited to add, to whoever is sending me reddit cares messages, I'm fine and don't need that. Now the way that I see this is that you're just having the wedding the way that you want it, and it's quite that simple really. You're not rejecting her, which I know from RSD it sounds like what I've been reading and looking up YouTube videos a moment ago, is that it might not be perceived that way, but at the same time, you're simply not doing that, you're not rejecting her, and it sounds like in some ways the family has been enabling this for quite some time, which you know we've seen in many stories in the past, how it's just not helpful. But alternative owls says not they are so, and I would tell your parents, sister and brother-in-law that if they mention it again that none of them will be attending the small occasion you have planned. You're just a lope and have some random witness, that should shut them up. Commodore says Jesus, RSD is something you have to work on, not something that means everyone has to give in to you to prove that they really care about you. I have ADHD, I sometimes get RSD, it sucks, it's hard, it also doesn't mean I get to demand to get my way all the time. Not the arsehole, you need to be firm with your sister, it sounds like no one else is willing to. Fresh says, I have RSD, your sister is trying to weaponise hers, there is no wedding party so there's no maid of honour, there is no wedding party so there is no sister of the groom, it's not about her, it's that simple, if she remains upset she needs to work that out in therapy. And one more comment who says at this point it sounds like your sister has weaponised her RSD to rearrange her personal world to suit her, because surely her job doesn't put up with this BS, and I'd be shocked if she had more than a couple, if even that many, real friends. I mean, there's high maintenance, and then there's impossibly high maintenance. The woman is in her 30s, and she got everyone else in the family dancing to her tune, most likely because they don't want to deal with her, oh poor pitiful me, whining, when she doesn't get her way. They've essentially infantilised her and trained her to believe that her 30summing arse can get what she wants if she acts like she's 5 and heartbroken, as she didn't get something she had no reason to expect in the first place. Now, if they want to dance to that tune, they are certainly entitled to reorder their own lives to minimise the emotional fallout, but they are not entitled to demand everyone in that orbit do the same. So OP comes in some time later and then says, we got married, we had the wedding we wanted, on Friday afternoon we went to city hall, signed the paperwork and had a very quick ceremony. We invited my wife's dad, her sister and brother-in-law, her brother and his fiance and my best friend and his wife. My best friend and his wife were the ones who introduced me to my wife back when my friend, my wife and I were serving in the armed forces. That evening, everyone went out to a nearby restaurant for dinner. Everyone took some photos so we can remember the day, but things were very relaxed. We all wore clothes we already had and we kept everything low-key. Our wife and I spent Saturday together and we both have to work today. We decided not to invite my sister, brother-in-law and parents because of how they were acting. The last straw was them trying to say my father-in-law was on their side and wanted us to have a big wedding. He never said that. I actually think he was a tiny bit relieved because my wife's sister got married this year and her brother is getting married next year. My father-in-law doesn't try to control the weddings of his kids. He helps out with errands if he's needed but he doesn't try to control or change things. I think he was relieved my wife and I didn't have a big wedding but he would never say that out loud or comment on his kids having a big or small wedding. My sister and everyone else are upset but I honestly don't care. I don't think it's unreasonable for a couple to have the wedding they'd want or to have all the attention on them when it's their wedding day. I can't believe my parents and brother-in-law are entertaining her ideas on this. If we did have wedding parties my wife would want her own sister as the maid of honour, not my sister. I don't know where my sister got the idea she would get to walk down the aisle alone with flowers before my wife did. I have a special role as sister of the groom. I don't know why her, my parents and my brother-in-law think they get to control my wedding. My wife and I are adults, we don't live with any of them and we have jobs slash our own money. I put my foot down that my wife and I had the wedding we wanted and we will not be having any other wedding related stuff. We are done. My wife and I are ecstatic about being married and that's all I care about. I appreciated all the support in my last post. Edit, I've been told it is common in America, the UK and other places for the wedding party to walk down the aisle. I haven't heard of it because I explained in my post that it isn't done here. Also even if it was, my sister wouldn't have been part of the wedding party. My wife would have chosen her own sister and her friends and I would have chosen my friends. It would have looked very strange for my sister to walk down the aisle alone before my wife did. And I was going to mention in my first comment actually, like in the UK some wedding parties do do this where the wedding party walks down before the bride comes out etc. Sometimes starting like with young children who walk down throwing petals on the floor and stuff like that followed by bridesmaids and etc etc. But the top commenter on that update said, my husband has rejection, sensitive dysphoria. I don't think your sister's issues in respect to your wedding were related to RSD because that's not really how it works. I think your sister may well have RSD but she's also got a bad case of main character syndrome and needs to be centre stage at all times, even when things are not about her. In other words, she's just a self-absorbed asshole at times, completely separate to her mental health conditions. I'm glad you two had the wedding you wanted. Congratulations. And that is where the story ended for OP. I can only imagine there's going to be a little more drama in the future with the parents and stuff not going to the wedding etc. but OP did what they wanted in the end and you know fair play to him I think. But what do you guys make of this situation? How would you have dealt with it if it was you? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's have another story. So I think the lofty height of 511. The giant among men. The paranormal mystery. There was a very strong sense of pure distilled evil and everything in between. What are you thinking? I don't mean generally, I mean on this topic. That's not my business. BBC sounds. Packed with personality. In a world of noise and uncertainty, IG is the investment platform that backs you. Take a reflexable stocks isa which gives you the freedom to withdraw funds anytime and replace them in the same tax year all without losing your £20,000 tax free allowance. And if that's not enough, pay no commission on your stock shares and ETFs when you invest with IG. IG. Trade. Invest. Progress. Your capital at risk other fees may apply. Tax treatment depends on individual circumstances and is subject to change. This next story is from Bitter Confidence 866 and says I'm either asshole for refusing to let my brother move in after he got evicted because I don't want his lifestyle around my kids. My brother, 30 male, has always been the fun one in the family. Charming, spontaneous, the life of the party. But behind all that charm is a trail of bad decisions, maxed out credit cards and relationships that never last more than a month. He loves to spend money like it grows on trees. Knights out, expensive drinks, designer clothes and random gifts for whichever woman he's currently trying to impress. He works but he never saves. Every paycheck disappears by the weekend. A few weeks ago he got evicted from his apartment because he fell behind on rent. Again, apparently the landlord didn't understand that times are tough but the truth is he just spends more than he earns and always has. Now he's asking if he can move in with me. Just for a while he says. Here's the problem. I have two lovely kids and I know exactly what kind of chaos follows him. He's the type to stumble in late at night, bring random women over and leave beer bottles on the counter. I love him but I do not want that energy anywhere near my kids. I told him no. I offered to help him find a short term rental or even cover part of a deposit somewhere else. But he lost it. He said I'm acting holier than you and that family helps family. He even told our mom I care more about my couch than my brother. Now my parents are on my case saying I'm being cruel and that it's just temporary. But I don't think it's cruel to protect my home and my kids from someone who refuses to grow up. I spent years building a stable life. I can't risk that because my brother wants a place to crash between parties. So am I the asshole for refusing to let my brother move in after he got evicted for blowing all his money on women and drinks? Always in these family situations there's always some family member sat in the corner who's like yeah why are you being so cruel just take him in. It's only temporary and it's like why the fuck don't you do it then? And that's when they turn around again oh we just don't have the room I'm afraid. Yeah right whatever. And of course absolutely not the asshole in this situation. Everything you said about it just sounds like chaos that be brought around your kids, around your house. You don't need that. You know more than us and of course it just sounds like it won't be good for your family so you just don't do it. But a commenter says to OP not the asshole. I'm sure your parents would love to have him come home and stay there to get back on his feet. No the commenter says your home is your castle, your home is your safe space, your family are your kids and spouse, your brother is your blood and you love him but he is not a priority. Always choose your kids, not the asshole. Good luck OP. And one more comment from Detroit Smash who says not the asshole. You did offer to help him stay somewhere else on his own. It's not your fault that he wanted to live with you because he didn't want any responsibility. To living with you would be living bill free. If your parents feel so strongly about him needing help then they can help him. Your parents need to learn that they are not the authority in your house. They can run theirs how they want but the only things that they can run in yours are their mouths. So OP did come in with an update and said hey everyone I didn't expect my original post to get attention. Thank you to everyone who had weighed in. Even the tough comments. I read through most of them and honestly your advice helped me see things way clearer. So a lot has happened since I posted. When I told my brother he couldn't move in. He went off like full meltdown. He called me a bitch, he called me selfish, said I was acting better than him and even told my parents that I was turning the family against him. For a while they were on his side saying I should just help him out until he gets back on his feet. Oh turns out my instincts were right. Two days later a mutual friend sent me a video of my brother out clubbing, popping bottles surrounded by women. Literally the same night he told me he was sleeping in his car. He even bragged on his Instagram story about needing a vacation after all the stress. A vacation after being evicted. When I confronted him about it he said I needed to blow off steam before figuring stuff out. Apparently figuring stuff out doesn't include looking for a job or a place to live because he's been couch hopping between friends apartments and showing up drunk to family dinners like nothing happened. The final straw he showed up at my house unannounced one night, clearly drunk with some random girl in tow. My kids were asleep and he started yelling through the door saying I was heartless for not letting him in. My husband had to step in and tell him to leave before things got ugly. After that I drew a hard line. I told my parents that if they want to help him that's fine but I'm done. I blocked him for now because the guilt trips and late night calls were too much. The best part since then my mom actually apologized to me. She said she saw a bit of his behavior first hand when he crashed at their place for a few days. He came home drunk twice, flirted with one of her neighbors and borrowed money that he hasn't returned. So no, I don't feel guilty anymore. I feel sad. Sure it's hard watching someone you love spiral but I'm not sacrificing my kids safety or my sanity for someone who refuses to take responsibility. For everyone who said protect your peace, thank you. Brother sounds like a situation in this where we've seen it happen in other stories as well where they need to hit rock bottom before change actually happens. That's the way it sounds like to me anyway but regardless of you know him being an absolute asshole to you at the moment and you know I think opi did absolutely the right thing protecting their family etc protecting themselves and and just you know backing up from him for now but in some ways I do hope that he does get some help himself at some point in the future because that can't be nice to witness and I'm sure opi wishes that for a brother as well even though he's being a complete knobhead at the moment. But now I turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from positive situation 71 and asks am I the asshole for telling my brother he cannot bring his date to my wedding. I 27 female I'm getting married to my fiancee 26 male who I've been with for the last six years. Our wedding date is very soon and last month I asked for all RSVPs to please let me know who they were bringing to the wedding. My brother 23 male did not respond to this so I text him to find out who he was bringing. He acted very non unchallenged and said oh it's just Carrie 25 female. Now me and Carrie have a very long history and I will sum it up to the fact that she was my high school bully. I told him I'm sorry but she will not be allowed to attend my wedding and I stated she bullied me through high school saying things about me behind my back to several different people to the point where I only talked to two people my entire senior year because of her. Just a week prior to this conversation that I had with my brother I was talking with some of my friends who still live in our hometown and one of my friends let's call her Chelsea 29 female told me a story about how Carrie had tried to get Chelsea's boyfriend to cheat on her with Carrie. I did tell my brother the story I was told from Chelsea about Carrie that happened three weeks before that conversation. My brother then stated he would not be coming to my wedding if he could not bring Carrie with him. I said I'm sorry but I will not have my high school bully attend my wedding. It's your choice to not come but we would be holding a spot for him at the ceremony and reception if he decided last minute that he was going to attend. I also stated that if you would like to bring anyone else he's more than welcome to that she is the one person that I refuse to have at my wedding. I told my mother that my brother had decided that he would not be coming to my wedding and she cried and tried to get me to change my mind to allow her to come. But I just know having her in attendance I'd be super self-conscious about everything going on and more worried that she's going to be talking shit about me behind my back to my family. So read it and I the arse all for telling my brother that he cannot bring his plus one to my wedding. Hell no there's no way that Carrie should be going to your wedding your high school bully and look I'm trying to put myself in your shoes. Many of you know if you've been if you've been on this channel for a while that I was bullied during high school as well and putting myself in OP shoes someone coming up to me and saying oh I'd like to bring your high school bully to your wedding I'd be like no you're fucking not. The absolute audacity for someone to even ask in the first place is just mind blowing to me. This person who's caused you hurt trauma fucked up your school years I mean why the hell does she think she can attend in the first place? Absolutely just no no your brother can do what the hell he wants and you know I'd be siding him if he made that decision but Top Comerter says are you an arsehole for refusing to invite your high school bully to your wedding? Ah hell no not the arsehole you handled your brother's request to bring her graciously and firmly she's not invited if brother decides not to come as well you respect this decision and still he's welcome to attend and your mother oh please she can turn off the manipulative waterworks however you need to have a contingency plan because your brother may show up with miss thing so you need to be prepared to kick her sad behind to the curb. OP says one of my bridesmaids is already volunteered to kick her out if she shows up. Another commenter says no. Thing about weddings is that they are about the bride and the groom not about the bratty little brother or the mum who'd rather make excuses for him instead of support her daughter on her special day. I get that mum just wants everyone together but she's directing her dismay at the wrong child your brother is an arsehole try to enjoy your day. Goh says not the arsehole I can't help but wonder why this is the hill your brother is choosing to die on he isn't dating Carrie and doesn't seem especially close to her so what else is going on here some speculation questions does he always need to be the center of attention does he not like the groom what is OP's relationship with him like normally does he want Carrie to ruin the wedding on purpose and again why what's up with mum back in brother bringing Carrie is this a golden child situation OP says my brother does know the groom as I stated we've been dating for the past six years he's come to every holiday function with me in that time period me and my brother do not talk very often and no we do not have a great relationship I did not put in some specific details about mine and his relationship because it is against the guidelines just know that I moved out of my mum's house early because of him OP adds their own comment to the post and says I would like to mention that I did not specifically talk to my family about her bullying me the only person that knew was my sister directly below me because we had several classes together with her she did mention to my other siblings and my mum that I would not be okay with her being there but did not give a reason this was before I found out who he was bringing also I don't know if she knew that my brother was specifically my brother who's in four grades below me which makes five grades below her I do know that the reason they met is because his friends with her sister who baby sits my niece so OP comes in with a couple of little updates and says for those of you that are suggesting that I have a conversation with my mum and she has in fact cried to you both of us about the situation I had the conversation with my mum and she has finally come to terms with the fact that if my brother wants to be there he will and if he doesn't that's his loss my mum is more worried about it putting a rift between me and my brother than the fact that Carrie was my high school bully my brother stated that he had not dated anyone in the last four years and just got the courage to ask her to come to the wedding and now he is more embarrassed to tell her that she can't come that he would rather not go at all and OP had another update which they said is their final update and says my wedding was this weekend and it was beautiful the night before the wedding my family and friends all went out to eat together my brother included we had a really nice dinner it was so nice to see everyone my brother and I did not speak my mum and family respected my request not to have Carrie in attendance my brother did not attend the wedding at all and honestly I did not notice until we got to the family photos but it was his choice not to show him not attending did not affect me at all yeah that brother with what OP was saying about OP moving out early etc and then this situation as well seriously side-dying that guy and I always question these days is like is that someone you still want in your life I mean just because they got this tag of family over the top of them I mean they're fucking an asshole in every other way by the sounds of it anyone else treating me like that I wouldn't have nothing to do with them so you know it's the same case it's the same case for this guy what what value is he bringing to your life dude wanted to bring your high school bully to your wedding the thought process that in that south is just mind-blowing for me and then didn't turn up to your wedding at all absolute asshole but in some ways like everything OP was saying before it sounds like it's best off him not having much to do with her anyway and OP just you know because he does bring no value it's it's quite that simple really but now I'm going to turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below now just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it really does mean the world to me so thank you so so much and don't forget at the very end that there'd be a couple of playlists there it will automatically scroll through all the videos for you thank you so much for being here and I'll see you in the next one take care and much love let's talk about your favorite 90 favorite 90 minutes it's so hard to choose especially as five life sport has more live premier league commentaries than anywhere else no I meant your favorite 90s song ah sorry third well if it's the 90s it's going to be take that great choice let's see your dance moves from football to throwbacks and everything in between bbc sounds packed with personality hi it's jesse and lennie from table manners and our podcast is sponsored by innocent orange juice which they reckon can help you get a better start to your day I'll be honest mum when I heard that I thought it sounded very unrealistic it's not like you can stop 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