Take Your Jeans Off w/ Rick Glassman | Your Mom's House Ep. 857

Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. Christine's on the road this week. She's doing shows, stand-up comedy shows. And so she's not here today, but sitting in, we're very excited to have for the first time here. You can see tickets, you can get tickets, you can see them on tour right now on the Loose Tour. Ricky's on the Loose. Ricky's on the Loose at rickglasman.com. It's Rick Glassman, everybody. Look at that. Yeah, it is. It's a hot room. It's a hot room, dude. We're getting some laughs beforehand. Yeah, man. They know the fucking deal. Wow. Is that a thing? Is that a thing that you ask them? Oh, we have pre-show meetings. I'm like, you don't fucking laugh. You don't fucking work here. Yeah. See? He knows. Are they mic'd up? I mean, they can put the mics on. Yeah, put the mics on. Yeah. What's going on, brother? You're killing it. They know. I've never met her, and I was sad that she wasn't going to be here today. Yeah, she left this morning for Dallas. Dude, gigs there. She's that, yeah, bring it home, dude. I'm off tour. Oh, that was the picture of her standing up and leaning over to me. And you're just going like this. It's going like this. Yeah, pinching her nipples. That's good. She liked that a lot. Yeah. Big nipple fan. Yeah. Are you a nipple guy? I'm a guy. I don't, I don't, I'm not saying like, hey, you want to go on a date? Let me see your nipples. Yeah, but how about your nipples? How about them? Do you like them touched, played with, caressed, sucked, all that stuff? Yeah. It's not something that I say like, suck my nipples. But like, if they're kissing me and they suck my nipples, and by they, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah. Then I'm like, oh, this is nice. Nice. Yeah. But it's not necessary. And I don't, whatever, we get a little sexual on here. Sure. I feel very similar about my balls. It's nice, but I'm not, I don't need that. You don't demand it. No. No. Do you have any demands? Yeah. They don't put their phone on my bed. Yeah. Right. And are you like, are you, you know, tie people up? Are you, are you something like that? Are you into that? Most people that, that don't want a woman to put her, their phone on their bed, aren't also the same people that tie people up. I don't know. I don't know that there's an actual Venn diagram for that. I think so. You think so? I think so. No phone on the bed. Why is no phone? Because you don't want the distraction? Unless they're family. That's true. Does that make sense? That does make sense. Because of Vin Diesel. Yep. Yeah. Because of Vin Diesel. They know. What's the phone reason? The phones are dirty as shit. They're just filled. Oh, clean. I'm one of those people that has bed clothes, indoor clothes, outdoor clothes. So you don't like her after the shower? I mean, after the gym, right? You take a shower? No, that's not necessarily the case. No, I actually think that's hot. I'm not like. Now we're getting somewhere. That's human dirty. That's sweating. That's, that's, that's your body. Pheromones. Yeah. Phones are, how often do you clean your phone? I, and free plug, by the way, shout out to a, a, a phone soap. Do you know phone soap? I don't know. I found them on Shark Tank. You, it's a thing that you could put your phone, your keys or whatever in, you close it for 10 minutes, it's ultraviolet light. And you got one? Oh, I've had one for years. And it really, oh, what, you do it daily? I, whenever I go home, I put my phone in there and another, another. Dude, that's a, that's a good, this is a good point to make. It also, I, it's locking your phone up. So I put my phone, I put it in there and I know it's 10 minutes. When you have 10 minutes away from it, I don't need it until I need it. And this is why everyone needs Asian friends too. Because you go in. I've been saying this for weeks. Asian people's homes and they're like, take your fucking shoes off. You, you white ghost and you do, and you realize it really is so sanitary. You don't want to bring the filth of the world into your home. And so many crackers just walk through their homes with their shoes on after they're out in society and you like, you white fucking pig, you realize what this, what your floors are like now. Why is it always like white? There's a lot of non Asian other colors. What do you mean? It's not, it's not just Asians and whites. But I'm talking to the most important groups, Asians and whites. Fair. And the, and the whites are usually, I think whites are usually the dirtiest. Do you, you did my podcast once. It was a while ago. It was so fun. Do you know, do you remember the name of my podcast? Something. Take your shoes off. White guy. T-Y-S-O-W-G. Dude, what a moment. This is the clip. You think so? I don't know. It feels like something. That sounds like. Have you been lifelong? Take your shoes off? Yeah, but my family isn't. I'll tell you another thing that I have, I'm annoyed by. When somebody comes into your home, right? I just had this, someone comes into the house and they go, do I have to take my shoes off? Like the, the way, they question it like waited. They're like, do I, and I'm like, well, I just did. And I'm the homo. It's nice to ask. Yeah. But then I go, and you can tell they're kind of like, all right. Like they're bothered by it. It's like, dude, you saw me do it and you just asked. As long as I'm not, if I see that you're bothered by wanting to adopt one of my rules, I'll let you deal with your bother. Really? I'm fine. I am very good at not taking other people's feelings as my responsibility. Well, that's very evolved of you. Thank you. Very evolved. I know. Because I know what makes me safe. Take your shoes off. I have friends that are boots guys. Maybe that's a common thing around here. Oh yeah. They're like, it's boots. It's like, it's like the roller blades. I don't know how tough it is to take off a boot. Usually. Let's be honest. Whites. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There is something about a white comedian. In his boots. In his boots. I think boots are kind of, they're being phased out. It's usually not a guy in his 20s. No, no, it's a new leather jacket. It's a guy. It's a guy. Yeah, no It's a guy like they found. Oh, this makes me hot. Yeah boots make me hot Maybe they make me a little taller. They give the lift for sure Yeah, if you're 5'7 and you find boots 5 7 no no you're 5 9 when you have boots That's what I'm saying. They're like, hey, I'm no longer. Yeah, you fucking white piece of shit fucking cock Yeah, you white fucking asshole Yeah, you miserable white fucking bitch, why can't you be Chinese fucking honky? Yeah Say something you fucking white with you for your fake height. Fuck you. Yeah, well I'm 6'3 Damn, she gets a boots dude You imagine I'm not into boots. You've tried them. I've tried them I've done stuff where like I got styled for press stuff today. You got like sneakers just like regular kicks Yeah, oh those are not vans. Yeah vans or chucks anything when I when I travel I only bring one pair of Show shoes, right and I like that those fold You know I'm saying give me something that's like those collapsible cups that little kids are they just for the stage Yes, just by not not intentionally but like oh, I just keep these in my suitcase So I change them out two pairs. I have my walkarounds and then you're sure I respect that do you not travel shoes? Yeah, you do travel shoes for sure. Yeah multiples. Do you check a bag even if you're gone for a couple of days? No, I check a bag you check a bag check a bag I'm only thinking about this because my friend brought up to me today on the road. I have my pillow I have my shoes. I'm gonna bring my bathroom stuff. Bring a pillow. Okay. Yeah. All right I'm a white piece of shit liberal cock fucking Jew bitch clip it Yeah, dude doesn't need his balls suck, but he likes it. Oh daddy wants his nipples played with maybe it's your fucking choice Well, let's talk about your balls for a second. Do you want? Do you want gentle or aggressive ball sucking? All right? You know what? I think my magic mind just kicked in. Yeah Let's talk about it. Okay. I have a little bit of an insecurity. I used to have an insecurity now I have maybe a little one. Yeah, do you know what a varicose seal is a varicose seal? I don't even know if I'm saying a right varicose seal. I don't think so like varicose veins It's yeah, you have a lot of times a man traditionally on his left side a lot of people who varicose seal is it on your left comment It's extra veins around your testicle. I had that pre-puberty it does two things one There's more veins so like it didn't give as much room for my testicle to grow Mm-hmm, and it also could cause fertility issues because there's more blood. It's warmer down there. Okay. I Got it removed in 11th grade. It came back But my left ball is significantly smaller than my right I don't think there's a lot of women who are like who want to hook up with me like I can't wait to fucking suck his awesome Perfect balls, and then they see one smaller and they go oh, yeah, but in my head, that's what they're doing Sure, so when they go down there and if they start with my right I get hot like don't go to my left don't go to my left And if they start with my left I'm like the right one's bigger and and then they never cared So like now I'm like I get it and when I'm in a relationship or I've been with somebody It's fine, but there is a first-time thing where I want to say to somebody if you suck my balls And you don't have to it is what let you know that my left one smaller It's a real thing. I'm trying to find a way to but yeah, okay, so pressure wise though Pressure wise the real pressure is do they think my balls too small other than that is I just go whatever and then if it's too Much of me like yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, I don't want it I'm not you know I'm not looking for them to That thing do people like a lot of pressure I think that that's probably a thing because everything's a thing Do you know I mean everything that you can imagine is a thing but traditionally people probably don't want their balls ripped on I don't know. I think some people probably do actually you know definitely not but I'm saying no, I that's a sensitive area I prefer it cut to a clip Gentle but I think you know, I'm think I'm just saying I think there's people out there There are always like yeah like this and it's an extreme or something. Yeah, they're people that like clamps on their balls Exactly, that's my point. I said no what kind of guy you were so I was asking yeah, well, thanks for checking in Yeah, man, it's Ricky's on the loose. Oh go ahead. Are we doing more? Let's play the opening clip. We haven't played the opening clip yet Let's go Hello there, which you have as witnesses just showing the thoughts of the Bible if you have a moment I'm just having a wank Mother Like I it's like you changed your name out so many times ahead of tell me someone else You Could have both got her balls sucked during that that's every time too. Why so long? 15 years 16 years and that's how long this song is every for 16 years Oh, I thought you were saying the song is approximately 16. There's a version that is but Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's always that long for thousands of episodes Here you go, I'm giving this to you, but I am Ari Shafir It's a fucking crazy night. We're gonna have here shit's about to go down We're gonna talk ball. This is a love story. Midna Herbie's God, Ariea AIDS One of the worst things that could happen She is it's not my shit if you're up there lady don't call me I'm the bad guy in the story. I know that I'll be a better person tomorrow at least he's consistent Finally something we can agree on discuss it in heart Not evening I plan but I'm having a blast now feel excuse me Oh Martin Luther King John F. Kennedy Malcolm X and now dog piss has the stage all hell dog piss Guess what violent horrendous to show where I do I guess what I do best which is Complaining way too much about shit. That's not that important I think all youtubers should be jailed an army of drunken screaming Santa Claus is the devil stick guy was the doctor Come along for this beautiful Disgusting vile and horrendous journey my new yma show subscribe Smash that like button. We're gonna be doing this every other week. This is vile and horrendous Hear me out have you ever had a thought that's so out of left field and then no matter what you do to distract or logic your way out of it It just keeps coming back. Here's the thing a lot of people don't know that thought loop may actually be OCD not the I like things to be clean kind real OCD involves intrusive Unwanted thoughts that cause genuine distress along with mental or physical behaviors You feel driven to do to get relief and it can attach itself to anything your relationships your identity your deepest fears about who you are But it doesn't have to be that way because OCD is highly treatable the right kind of specialized therapy OCD needs ERP or exposure and response prevention and that's where no CD comes in No CD is the world's largest provider of OCD treatment and is covered by insurance for over 138 million Americans all their licensed therapists specialized in ERP and will help you learn to take the power away From intrusive thoughts through virtual sessions if any of this sounds familiar visit no CD comm to book a free 15-minute call. That's N O CD comm and the best part is when someone is like you and they're like fucks going on here Well, it's just you know, it's just it's it's long. It's long. It is long Yeah, do you ever look at the analytics and see during those moments or some drop-off? You know, I've never looked and I'm not going to I Um, I I've heard people say it's so fucking long and then we made a 10 times longer version once That's fun. Yeah, that's fun. And then there's somebody who did the Well, Josh Potter did the acapella version. So he like he did the whole Who is Randy does he do good sound effects? He did radio for a long time. Yeah, Santino is good at those things Santino is also great at accents the noises and yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's really has that skill set You know, this is good at noises and I don't think he gets his noise credit Eric Griffin. Does he do a lot of noises? I don't know if like, yeah, they would be like radio noises. Yeah, but yeah, the Michael Winslow of an all like that guy Is he alive? Is Michael Winslow alive? There is a time I don't know how old are you? 29 He is he is nice. There was a time when This guy I actually thought this was the coolest guy in the world for a couple years as a kid Do you remember what did you watch the police academies? Yes, but my and I know him in those but my introduction to him was Spaceballs Because he's in Spaceballs too there but the creeps the creeps and the leaps man The fucking sounds this guy would make you're like that's gotta be a Modified, you know, I mean like in post thing and you're like no, it's just that he can just do those as you as a kid in the 70s This would have been in the 80s. Yeah, use a kid in the 80s. We're like It's probably doing that in post Corn that's a post move Just so hip it didn't sound though like like you were like how could this actually coming out of this guy? Wasn't yet America's got talent a few years ago doing it. I think he had a little bit of resurgence. Yeah, there he is That's crazy, man. I love sounds. I love people people who could sing and people who do accents It's like a magic trick to me like it is And if you could be entertaining with it, it's even better Yeah But like even if you could just like do the thing and it you don't have a bit with that I'm just like I want to watch this. Yeah, somebody who could do dead-on impressions, too I mean like the Calliendo of it all where they just totally more because the thing about the accent you realize the impression It's one thing to be able to get the the voice down But then if they are speaking as the person like the thoughts and the way that person would speak the things they would say Take it on a character. Yeah, it takes it to another level. Do you know a mere K? I know the comedian I know that name He's another one of those people that it's just like yeah, he does that stuff his voices and and not just for that's fucking characters are so good like he could go on stage as A character and it's not like oh, that's a character. It's so Authentic and it's so real. It's just like dude amazing. What a fucking head of hair to it's insane. He has a He used to do a joke and I'm Confident he doesn't do it anymore so I could say it but like you know, he's going grow my hair out for a movie And then it's like, oh, what are you doing? He goes I'm watching Godfather There you go. He is That's very funny very funny. Yeah Yeah, that's uh Love the voice. I love the voice thing. I love it. Could you do anything? Could I yeah? I mean I I never was like I'm gonna do the most horrifying Like you know how you have auditions where you're like that was terrible I was doing you've never had that I was doing an audition for mad tv and they told me to prepare um like a monologue and A character and I did them and they were like great and then they're like what about impressions and I was like yeah, that wasn't part of the Yeah, they're like are you in there for it? Like all you're in there. They say do an impression Yeah, so like I did a character. I did a monologue. I did I did like what they had told me to do and the lady's like can you do um, you know like an impression of someone and I was like, oh no like That's that's not what I'm bringing to this and she was like just do one. I was like what? She was like, can you do you know do like somebody and I was like, uh, she's like do like jack black Like she picked. Yeah, she picked and I was like jack black. She's like, yeah, just do like a jack black impression and I was like, oh and then I was like Like you could see me going like And and I could see her being like fuck is happening right now like well Yeah, you just threw this at me and I don't have this in my arsenal and then I I just Stammered through probably the worst Jack black impression ever and I was like done and she was like, okay Like we'll let you know and I was like, oh man. It was Humiliating that's funny. It'd be great to have that tape. Oh fuck man. It's out there somewhere probably exists for sure All of them do that's the thing they all exist man Every fucking shit. You've already gotten to the level to where if it was gonna get leaked they would have done it already I mean at this point also, I would be like just fucking who cares right like leak it. I don't care When I first moved to la I was asked to do an snl reel because that's that's the thing that everybody does and like that's not I don't do same. I don't do like I'll do Original characters. I can't do impressions or anything and then she said just put a manager at the time Said just put a reel together. I remember put a reel together. I still have it I've cut to it in my podcast before I have it somewhere, but I literally did Will Smith Will Smith jada pink and Smith Uh, I did uh, edward norton Okay, you know just think that like so random. Yeah, and I thought maybe like the joke could just be These are but even then I was still trying to do it. I don't know what do you? You you know I don't know well, that's the thing about when I I've talked to people who do like a lot of impressions and they usually say You know like Immediately when you have one like if you know, I mean if you go like do al Pacino If they if you can do it you just everyone could do a little al Pacino everyone can do it. I'm here your al Pacino But just got a great ass. Yeah You just done that you would have been mad to TV today I've been like, yeah, I got Pacino down But everyone they say that like you just have them in your like you can just do them or you can't they say a lot of And I don't I don't want to speak for the entire homosexual community. Yeah, but I do know most of them They know At a certain point usually around when you could like if you're gonna bottom around no just if you're homosexual Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah So similar time like you'll know by I'm making this number up But let's say 14 if you could do impressions and if you're homosexual. Hmm doesn't mean you can't do impressions later It doesn't mean you can't be a little later Well, yeah, you might be by do you watch or do you scroll a lot on instagram? Are you like looking at reels? Unfortunately, unless I put it in the phone soap Then it's not yeah, then it's doing its own thing. Uh-huh When I just saw this guy who was like, yeah, man He's like, yeah I'm mostly straight and I got a little you know A little of the other side in me too and he's doing this interview And he's with a girl and the girl's like, yeah totally and I'm like, wait, where's he going with this? He's like, you know, like I mostly like Chicks, but like Yeah, I've done some gay stuff, you know and and she's like, yeah And then you figured out whether it's for you or not. He's like exactly And I kind of like it But I like the other stuff too and I was like, I don't I don't think that dude that's such a hypocrite That's exactly like you with Pacino, you know do impressions No, but like a little bit you can you play with it and you realize. Oh, I don't want to be on mad tv But you're still a little gay right and like I feel like you're like I date women But yeah, I mean whatever I give some hand jobs every once in a while. I don't know I'm convinced as a straight man I'm convinced that the only reason I'm straight the the only reason I'm as straight as I am Is because society taught me that's what I'm supposed to be I think if everyone was sucking and fucking dicks and jerking off dicks a little bit I would there's there's I would like I don't know and would that I'm not craving it necessarily but like, yeah, I don't know like Like I don't love sushi, but I it's good for my body Like I the way I fish when I eat fish I could tell like sometimes I'll eat I'll eat it But like I'll drink water as I'm chewing and swallowing it. Yeah, I don't want it, but like whatever It's good for you. Everyone's put if people were pushing homosexuality the way they're pushing sushi. You might be a redneck We'll be right back after work for my sponsors. I feel like you could get talked into some shit after that speech I really do. I don't think so because I think honestly. I'm just being honest. I think the right environment the right environment All right, here's I've thought about this and you're barts. You're at the fuck You're at the club Eden or whatever dude. I don't have your kind of money. I don't even know I just go to regular barts I go to barts simpson Keep it in you're you're hanging out there. There's a rave going on and there's these cool fucking french dudes who are like You know the shirts are open. You guys are having shots. No, they're hugging No, the accent turns me off the french accent on men turn me off. Okay. Let's make the accent you like then All right, let's make it a hemsworth. Let's make it chris hemsworth chris hemsworth. All right, there's Aussie accent uh, yes And it's chris hemsworth In a different world and you're doing what are you doing overhead like single press? No, no, no I already know what the situation is. Okay It's It's chris hemsworth. There's a woman that i'm so attracted to it's a beautiful woman And like and like we're like blah blah blah blah and then and the chris hemsworth is there And they're like, oh, then they start fooling around and like hey rick come on in here And then like maybe i've never done this but like it's chris hemsworth, right? So now i'm with her. He's with her i'm just looking at him saying like You know stuff like this. Yeah, yeah, and then like This is gratuitous. I haven't I don't know for sure, but let's say She goes I want to I want to go inside of my my pussy at the same time. Wow, okay, you know, you know these Aussie women Yeah, they're crazy fucking sluts. Yeah, they usually have their shoes on too. Yeah the white ones I'm like my dick's touching his dick. Would I say no to it? probably But I also might just say probably because it's like two dicks in one like you're in a vagina together Yeah, I don't need to like And also here's the thing don't you feel like her encouragement plays a role in this like what if she's like this is so hot If she goes no, no, no, I'm not turned on right right Yeah, so i'm thinking like and then and then once you do that. Oh, our dick starts. I'm like, oh look at I didn't melt Yeah, exactly. Let me suck his fucking dick You know in a different world in a whole other world in a whole other world like let's say like you're in brisbane or something I'm in brisbane. Okay, and let's say let's say i'm going down on her and she's beautiful And by the way more importantly, she's funny. She's very funny. Okay. Yeah, and and she's like oh And then she's like christ fuck me well and like i'm down like and i'm on her clitoris and and he's right Yeah, would I pull would I stop I think so But like what if they didn't tell me instead i'm like, oh And it melts what if he's like i need a little help i'm getting let me suck your fucking dick come on my Come on my podcast. Yeah, then on my face Eleanor Roosevelt Yeah, dude, that's a fucking great scene. Maybe maybe who knows There's a lot of noise out there when it comes to hair loss. I mean look From the 10 in 1 shampoos expensive clinic visits and random advice online It could be difficult to find what actually works for you Hems makes it simple to take control of hair regrowth and regain your confidence with personalized care with doctor trusted ingredients Like for nastoride and monoxidil You can stop further hair loss and regrow hair in as little as three to six months You shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself. 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I'm gonna lose so much money on it or berlin Yes, they're both fantastic I have eight days between scotland and london and i don't think i want to do more than two places And i want to do amsterdam Okay, you want to do amsterdam great. I've never been to amsterdam. Are you doing a show in amsterdam? Yeah, okay great comedy crowds. I would say Having done all those cities for stand-up. You can't go wrong dublin audiences are amazing and so is berlin's a great comedy town Really, that's what I hear. I was surprised to hear that not that. I mean, I had no idea I just feel like I know people speak english kind of in ireland, you know, yeah, they're pretty good at english. I can't understand them But they'll understand me. Oh, yeah, you'll definitely you're not it'll be different if you go to scotland Uh, is it harder to understand the scots? I dated a scot. Yeah, for sure. Um That was my first homosexual experience. Hell, yeah How's it going now? Okay uh Yeah, when I watch movies that take place in ireland, I need subtitles Well, there's oh, there's like just like here in the states. There's degrees of the accent, you know Outside in in like smaller towns, you're gonna have stronger accents. I think that northern ireland accent is stronger than it is in dublin um, I think uh the scots For the most part have a stronger accent than the irish and berlin a lot of english speakers That's a whole thing is probably right bilingual. Yeah, everyone everyone's so smart. Yeah, they speak great english You'll have and references everything should I maybe do all of them? It's just you know, I'm treating this like a vacation too I don't want to just do the extend it if I can just do more. Yeah, and paris by the way from london so easy Yeah, yeah, I I uh a girlfriend of mine. I used to have Lived in london and I was there for years all the time Oh, you were all the time. Oh, and I love it love being there and the paris trans easy. Yeah, I'm excited It's gonna be awesome, dude Anyway, I would I would think I would suck some dick maybe or if that was what the world was because like I don't want like whatever there's a dick right like are you it's another thing to say I'm not grossed out by dicks if we were if we were living in I don't know Dublin Dublin or like in in greece and it's fucking 2000 years ago and they're like, yeah, everybody's suck It's not like you would have your mind of today in that world All I'm saying is I'm open to the fact that if if I was yes, if we were in a different world Maybe I do know when I watch pornography. I I want there to be a penis Yeah, same. I don't like lesbian porn. Yeah, and I also here's the truth. I don't want some Mediocre dick in there. That's the biggest bummer when you're like that looks like my dick the fuck's that guy If the guy's body isn't at least decent. Yeah, uh, that's fine. Don't show it But if his penis isn't at least as big as mine, yeah, then what are we doing here? Yeah, it's gross I think penis is I think everybody could agree that if there's a penis that's significantly smaller than theirs It's gross and it doesn't belong on camera That person doesn't deserve to work. That's another thing. You have to figure why is there why are there six inch penises? In porn unless it's unless it's somebody like making homemade stuff, right, right, right? Yeah, but like at the pro level where this is like a studio or whatever is putting it out You're like bro, bring in some fucking hammers. Yeah, that's why we all signed up for this. Yeah, mugsie bogues of pornography You know, I'm sure it exists. Yeah, but I want to see this with his hips Good hip movement That's a real thing. That's a real thing. I uh, intuitively I I remember like Just out of college. I remember like, oh, I think you're supposed to go like this like, you know and and and It's still when I have sex and I do it like that and sometimes I think to myself you fucking phony Really? Yeah, it's just you fucking phony. It's something like so actually like You know to do it like one of those like a hot black guy or something It's like I get it. You don't have to just go like this. Yeah, but like to actually be like, you know, you're listening to like I don't know if you're Mara Kwayo singer But like, you know, you're listening to the you know, your yoga movement sex is like, yeah I don't know. Yeah, I just feel like they know I'm doing this for them. I know you just yeah, go ahead. Go back to your old in out in out. Well, there's there's a there's a spectrum There is. Yeah, you don't have to just Hammer, you know, yeah You don't have to just do that. Yeah. Yeah my my unique selling point In the bedroom, I think is the the connection the vocalization vocalization. Yeah Things you say or sounds you make That's the things I say the sounds I make repeat. I guess they're both a funny thing to bring up But the sound no women love the way I go They like your grinding no like the talking like I like to okay. I like to find out what they like And then like I like to communicate. Are you okay? That's great. Yeah. Yeah, so you're a big you like that You one of those that's not real. That's how you're doing. How was your weekend? That's that's small talk dirty talk Small talk dirty talk. You're talking about really more pointed questions. Yeah, okay. Yeah, you're checking in a lot. Yeah, that's good. Yeah I mean god, this is like a really good resume builder for you. I think you know, it's interesting I've been talking about a bit of this in my act at the moment. It was like a two-minute thing It's become a little longer. Um, but just Where from where like before I ever had my first kiss to like where I am now and like the things I've learned and talking to people And it's like it's really a lot more intuitive than you would think What's more intuitive all of it like I like I know a lot of people don't like dirty talk. They feel embarrassed about dirty talk Yeah, are you a dirty talk guy? I like it. Yeah. Yeah, but dirty talk is just like Let me rephrase I happen to like dirty talk a lot If it's with if it's not small talk dirty talk So do you like that is not dirty talk to me? Okay. What's what's an example of dirty talk? I want you to You know not these words because that's personal and like it's very much in the moment But the the exposition is I don't want a finger inside of my butt But I want you to press on my my press on it. Yeah. Yeah And like having a way of doing that to where it's not like do you would you think it's gross if you put your finger on my Butt a little yeah, but like being able to like when you're having dirty talk like you put your finger, you know Confidently. Yeah. Yeah. I think of it like if you wanted to put your Your finger in my mouth, but my teeth are closed, but you're pushing around like the lips But like that's a vulnerable thing to say to somebody totally if it's not dirty talk. I think I think you're right I think you're right man. Yeah, look at you. Look how far you've come since your first kiss. I know I feel like you could start your own video line of how to teach people how to do this stuff. It's good That's a great idea. What if I for my merch I had a book on if you're neurotic and you want to fuck confidently. Yeah This is you you could sell I'm being serious. I'm being serious too And just talk about the body talk about the g-spot is how it works. Yeah Do you know that that 84 percent of women cannot orgasm? Penetratively really cut yourself some slack 84 that's accurate number if if you're a woman and and and you're beautiful Put in the comments if you could orgasm penetratively. Yeah most need something else Yeah, and if you're if you're not beautiful you could also comment. Yeah, if you're like I'm kind of a pig I feel like commenting too Why is that even though we're not even talking about a real person? Yeah, why is it and I know how that's received and it's fine But that is an like a jerk thing like if you're an ugly woman like ugly people are ugly Yeah, but there is something like I clocked myself and I don't need a censor but like Oh ugly women that's mean to ugly like I don't why Yeah, I'm saying because we're we're kind of conditioned to Especially be I mean, I think kind across the board, but there's a more of a sensitivity To saying it about a woman like for a guy guy can like own but like I'm not good looking but I got you know He can have the personality everyone's like. Yeah, he's not the most handsome guy, but he's the fucking best Women can have that. Yeah, it's it's less celebrated and I agree I agree But like we were talking about like yeah, if you're a fucking ugly dude with a little fucking dick I don't want to jerk off to you you fucking loser. Yeah, but you know if you're an ugly woman You don't have to let me know if you come penetratively. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, you could tell me it's weird. Yeah. We we I think it's all it has to do with um Just all having mothers honestly because everybody has like a special way they you know tenderly care for that maternal aspect and I think it carries into Other relationships, so we just are more gentle about women Whether you're fat or you're hot or you're skinny or you're fat and pretty. Yeah Let me know if you could come penetratively. Let us know you can come Penetratively. Yes. Yeah, and um and let us know what would help Yeah, yeah, I think it's important to ask those questions and there's there's fucking those unicorns out there that penetrate and they're just In in it. They're just all right. Here we go. I can come in two seconds. Yeah, they make you feel good. Yeah It's like um, it's like playing comedy works in Denver. It's exactly that's exactly look what I did. Well, yes But you don't know where you are anybody could do what you did. Yeah, you're like, oh really? That's a realization I had um on my first acting job But it was a show called undatables like a first where I was like a series regular There's a sitcom and I'm doing it. I'm like, oh anybody at least my part of it Like oh anybody could do this and like it made me realize how much more like what a lottery ticket it is to win like to get something like Like to have an ego when you're doing something. Yeah For 99.9 of actors like no fucking I'm it like any so many people could do what we're doing. Yeah, you know, yes But it's still it feels good It feels good it feels good to just penetrate and make her have an orgasm And it feels good to do comedy works and it feels good to book job. Yes. Yes The trifecta the comedy works thing too. It's like you the first time you do it You're like they this crowd gets it. They're good And then you leave and you're like the fuck just happened And then you think about the fact that there's people that Have started at that club and probably worked there all the time and you're like, dude, you got to get out of here This is bad. Right. This is too like the opposite of working out in extra gravity. Oh, yeah Yeah, you know what I'm gonna say something about Denver comedy works that I've never talked about I was there for the first time uh like a month and a half ago And it's five shows. They were amazing the first show I'm on stage. You know, there's people to the left of you like where you walk on and there's like like you can't really see him That's on stage. Yeah, but it's not lit. It's so well done. Yes. They're right there. I got off stage And maybe the most beautiful woman one of the without a doubt one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen Asian Sitting buyers. Yeah, I didn't look at her feet. I was too busy staring into her heart. Yeah She's here. There's two seats in between her and another guy But they're in the same row and it also makes sense because the seats were like maybe they just like if we're on a plane and um, um Sorry if we're flying coach And there's two of us. You don't sit in the middle Right. Was that what they were doing? So I didn't know if they were together or not and I didn't have enough time to think and say like are you with this person? I just wanted to say like you know and I just walked past her and I haven't stopped thinking about her I have I don't know who it is. Yeah, I've never done this with anything ever Miss connection if you're the hot asian chick from Denver comedy works I don't know. I don't know. I don't even know we I'll suck a dick out with you We can I think we can make this happen. We have to pinpoint we have to it was a Thursday show It was the first show. All right. So listen first of all There's a good amount of people in Denver that have that watch or listen to this show So you're we got we got somebody Somebody who is listening or watching? Goes to comedy works all the time. Okay, and somebody who was listening or watching was at the Thursday show Right at the date. Do I give a date if you can give the date? I think it's definitely better. Yes I think I think we could make this happen Okay, keep going what you're doing. So if you are in Denver and you're you're like, man Yes, I saw or or even if you know that your friend Went To see rick or goes to comedy works a lot February 26th Thursday. It was a Thursday. It was February 26 Downtown Denver. It was probably a little chilly. Right. It was probably I I was perfect. It was a perfect night. It was a perfect night It was a perfect night. Perfect night in the most perfect asian and somebody goes. Oh, that's my friend, you know That's my friend Annie or whatever. They know. Yeah, it's not any date. It could be could be kim It it yeah better Um, any kim somebody knows any kim And you know, I mean this is maybe not the most politically correct way of asking this what kind of asian it was No one knows No one knows no You didn't get ty or filipino or korean vibes or anything I I I I I I wouldn't I'm not good at that. I could tell if I look at the the written word Oh, and the reason is because I play magic the gathering and when I was coming up There's a lot of different types of asian magic cards and you could tell what it was. Yeah, yeah Have you been to asia at all? Have you traveled to asia? No, god, it's amazing. I waited so long I didn't do it for so long. But now I've been a few times. Wow And there's so much I have not explored yet, but holy shit is that part of the world? Incredible the closest I've ever been was um on february 26th In denver I was I was when asian. Yeah, almost when asian. Yeah, you still think of this woman I think it's you know make this happen. The big reason I think of it was because I'm Usually somebody that like speaks for speaks up. Yeah, I'm not even talking like in a romantic situation. Just like hey I'm bringing my dogs. Okay. If I do this. I do I want to like I'll just ask and then you could say, you know I'll you know set your boundaries. So what I'm really holding onto is like the regret of like, why didn't I say something? Yes, I know what you mean and I think I foolishly thought like oh, I'll see her after like maybe like On the walk out or like the meet and greet or something. I don't know. I I kicked the can down the road You didn't make a comment about her during the show. I didn't see her until my walk out That's what I was saying because it's dark. So I'm walk. I just got off stage Oh, I see and it was a great show. It's fucking comedy works, baby It's the best and I walk off stage and I literally I was taken aback. You're like Yeah, I might have and and and and if you go to tons of Thursday shows and you forgot which one I was It was the one that when he walked past you he went like this I couldn't believe what she wearing. Do you remember? No I remember I'm remembering a memory. Yeah. Yeah, and and long straight hair Even and I thought to myself Afterwards like I why didn't I? It's not like even I needed to go on a date with her. I just why did that because the reason I didn't talk to her Uh, I was because I thought oh, maybe she's with this person. Yeah, I realized what I could have said I could have said I'm I walk out Looking like if she's here and you're him. Yeah, hi. I'm so sorry if you two were together You're so beautiful and I just wanted it like if you guys aren't you know like something like there. Yeah, we're together Congratulations. This is wonderful. I'd love to give you both a sweatshirt for free. Yeah. Yeah Would you if you had seen her? You know because sometimes you're when you're on that stage you can see front row stuff if she if she had been Would you have addressed it? Would you have been like? Excuse me miss not at the expense of the act if that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but yes probably there's a level of confidence up there But also I'm not somebody and I'm not meaning to sell. I guess maybe I'm selling something I guess but it's my intention but like I don't Don't hook up with people after shows. Yeah, you know like not that the people are throwing themselves at me But like there's a confidence of me like flirting with people on stage sometimes and then if they come up to me after I love it. That's great. I love the idea of this but like that's probably not that's not a thing that I you know Yeah, but with this person I would have been like I would love to have You know going out to eat. Yeah got to know her. Yeah I I Can't she was and I said I said to my friends who are on the show to or your left ball or something Yeah, also ignore this episode other than just the part where I'm reaching out to you Yeah, don't listen to the rest just this part but like I said I said did you see to my friend? Uh, uh, and I didn't even finish. He goes the girl in the back when you're walking out. I go. Oh my god. He goes. Oh my god Oh, so this is also why was she there? What were you doing? What if she's a what if what if she's the one watching right now and she's like I'm a huge rick fan And she's the one that reaches out. You know, I love what I do. I really do. I think it's worth coming to a show I I really love what I'm doing when I find it hard to believe that just a beautiful woman is coming there by herself to see me. It's possible It's possible. She could also be mentally ill, you know Statistically it's possible. Yes, but I don't think People that yeah, I don't know She could be severely mentally ill, but it doesn't matter What does that look like to you? Like what what do you mean when you say severely? What in a cartoon sense, but still Well, just a fucking demon person like she's mean. Oh, yeah, she could be an awful diabolical Just cruel narcissist. You don't know this do diabolical cruel people go to a comedy show alone I mean, it's not unheard of maybe that's her thing is that she goes and I don't know. She peruses the club for targets. You don't know. You don't know. It's all in your head right now It's everything's possible. She could also be an angel. I'm just saying this person could be one of many things We don't know. Well, if you were interested in me and I walked past you, let me just say I'm so sorry Then I didn't say hello Yes, but that was me. Um, yeah, that's just a little bit like uh speaking each other's language Do you do you because I saw your your dog Cute little dog. Thank you. Are you a big fan of animals in general? Are you an animal guy? Not enough to be a vegetarian But enough to where like I go meatless some days. Oh that plays a role in it. Wow. Yeah, I just They're so You know There's You've ever been to a slaughterhouse? Uh, yeah the Denver end of February But no, I've seen videos. Yeah, it's awful. I went to one. You're probably fine with it though. You have a you at little man life I mean, I it didn't stop me from eating meat. Yeah, you you have hunted, right? Uh, the only time I went hunting I was 16. I haven't hunted since in a long time. What stopped you did something happen? No, I I was I was friends I was in Florida. There was a bunch of rednecks and um, they're like you want to come hunting and it wasn't like It wasn't the type where I have friends who like I'm going out on a hunt and they go into The mountains or the woods and it's like a three-day thing where they're you know Tracking an animal and then they they use a arrow or a rifle and they dress it and they bring it all back Like it wasn't like that. This was just like I don't know how many acres in Florida And we were out on a hunting buggy and the guy had like a 271 rifle shooting hogs like wild hogs Oh, it's on a buggy. Isn't that kind of cheating and evil? I don't I wouldn't know It's like on a picture on a golf cart you're shooting golfers. No, it's like an elevated um picture like five-foot tires and The vehicle has an exposed top like there's no doors on it. So everything's exposed. Yeah Do you guys kill like slaughter the animal and eat it and stuff? um in that one they they did but I have friends that that's how that's how they eat That's what they do is they just hunt and eat what they kill which I think is a very respectable thing to do You know as like you can go to the supermarket or you can be like I hunted this and I'm eating it. So yeah I think it's a bit of a bummer how Easy meat is so how how farmed it is and I'm not educated in this at all other than videos I've seen enough that it really turns me off. It's awful. It's awful now I went to the I went to that slaughter house. Also. I was like comedy works Ha ha I was like 14. I was pretty young man and they took me to this slaughter house, which was very gross Did it scare you? It was it was it made me like It's not fun to see how it's done. Yeah, I think that should I think that should be something that everyone at least watches a video I feel like if you're gonna work in a restaurant anywhere You should at least be a host for a couple of months and here's the thing I think if you had the option if you're like, what would you rather like if you go out? I need to have I need to eat meat and you had the option of going Slaughterhouse or go hunting you'd probably feel better about yourself going hunting. That's an interesting. I don't know. That's interesting Yeah, because uh Well hunting are you saying slaughterhouse? Yeah, fair if you're I'm saying I thought you were saying like after the animals killed to watch it being butchered I think would be easier. No the the the butchering part's fine. I'm saying that like at a slaughterhouse. It's like Yeah, it's a concentration camp. It's a camp and then that you know, they walk them in and like Fucking thing goes right in the head and then pulled up by their leg It's not some of the lives that they live before that and you know Veal is just baby cows and they're being held up by their legs. So they don't get fat strong Fuck man. It's just so like there's a lot of meats. I don't eat but I haven't gone completely meatless I know it's great and then this is the thing it does it does affect me and it makes me like go like I don't like this. I'll still eat meat today. You know, yeah, but like like this. I hate that Yeah, I'm like, I don't like that this fucking happened eat it I but that is how it is sometimes like sometimes like Sometimes it'll happen like oh, I can't have meat now because this like my mind is but then that that'll kind of happen Once I've already like made the food. Yeah, and then like I have the food So I'm like, I hate that this happened, but like I think I gotta eat it. I know I know it's Throne away meat. That's that one's tough for me. I know just thinking about like the animal that it's like I thought I was gonna eat you but I didn't sorry. I almost hate how much I love it Do you know what I mean? How much you love meat god? Yeah, it's it's in our dna I know I just fucking love it. I don't fuck with snakes though like this shit these guys That are willing to like fuck around and see then real quick bite to the thumb Wait, is that really a dead person not yet does he die? Yeah, why are we showing this? I don't want to watch this I know you do this stuff. I don't want to watch this. What do you mean this stuff this stuff I've never seen this before this kind of stuff. We're watching somebody dying from a What are you talking about? What does that say? You can read that language. Can't you? I thought you said you know, it's not he's not really dead No, okay. Yeah, it says he's not really dead. It's not he's not he defanged him and it was all right He's fucking fine, dude. Okay. Jesus christ Uh, sometimes you just have to see something different, you know, like That's just a calf massage He's just getting his calf massage. Oh, dude, I get that way sometimes on my calves I do I don't know why I get massages constantly and I love it hard Sometimes I'm on my I'm not like that but sometimes I'm the calf. I'm like, ah, yeah, take it easy Yeah, this um this angle too of that This the contraption for fixing angles is crazy. I'm not even gonna look at it. Why? You know, I've never I talked about this maybe on a podcast recently. I don't remember how it came up, but just I never saw your dunk. I never watched the video. I won't watch the video. Like I don't want to see that stuff. It's bad. It's bad um I don't like that kind of stuff. I hear you. I hear you. Hold on. All right. How about this stuff here? Wait a minute. How about this? This is this is like no, no, this is gonna be funny It might not be but it also might be It's a I haven't seen any of these videos They gather they gather a bank of videos every week. I yeah and they give me in this in this specific folder And it's either horrible where you go that wasn't good or it's very very funny Horrible or hilarious. Okay. Yeah, I it's actually so Not gonna watch That wasn't that too bad someone jumping off a high thing. No, he's like he fell off a cliff but into the water Okay, we're gonna watch it again. You want to see it? Okay. It's not that bad. You're not fucking with me No, it's not he just slips and then he goes back and then he that's yeah, that's okay. That's okay But that's more than just falling into the water It's he bounced off some rocks Okay, okay, you know so was that horrible? Uh, I can handle that. Okay. I think he's okay I have to say I don't know how the rest of these will be but I think maybe they'll be okay How about this one? Is that a factory? Yeah, I don't like watching people get hurt. He's okay. He's okay Look over at his sandwich between these boulders going Yeah, he's all right though. Yeah that guy's not dead Why don't we why don't we so showing the other stuff that you do that's just kind of like weird and gross and like uh How about this one? Yes. No, these are people getting injured. We don't know that yet Oh He's he's not all right. He's not dead buddy. What why why is this stuff that people consume? I don't know All right. Okay. All right. Okay. How about this? Let's just talk about your balls. How about this? How about this? Do you like the people like this for the audience? No, this is different No, how do you know I said you haven't seen any of them? I can see the fucking descript This isn't one of the horrible ones. I promise I need you to know nothing about me If you're lying now and the sedate seat steak seems small to you. I'll never look at you the same I promise it's not. Okay. I promise. I promise. Okay I promise this is not someone getting hurt or in any way whatsoever promise He said that it did you did you film that? That's me. Yeah. Oh, I thought that was bird Yeah, see that I can hey, I didn't lie to you that I can handle but but also what where where In like who are they selling that to you know, if that were a show what network do you go to? Why is that a thing that you even people find to send you this? Yeah, who gives a shit? What do I don't understand what you're saying? Why is that on the internet? What are you showing me because guys like he's a feeder and there's guys that are aroused by how big his belly's gotten What's a feeder mean that his whole thing is like to gain weight and people get off by him gaining his weight It's interesting. It looks like it like his faces and it's like his belly looks like it's different than his I agree. No, that's just the way he's and that's a kink. That's a sexual kink. Absolutely. Yeah And because they're attracted to that kind of belly or they're attracted to feeding somebody while they're having sex No, not I don't think it's during sex. It's just they like that this that they're This guy probably has a thing where people are sending him money and then they're like eat more And then keep gaining weight and they like how round he's getting they like it All right. I'm making sure that anything I show you here doesn't have an injury. You know, like that's that's a job. Yeah Yeah I don't know if um Well, just yeah, I don't mean stuff too. I don't like like I see these pranks. Listen. Listen. Whatever. I mean I just don't you ever see these people that do pranks and they go to supermarkets and they like Throw stuff at people and they don't like what do you do? I don't like that. I just don't find it entertaining. Okay. All right. I don't Do nice shit and also when people do videos of this they wait for it because they know that the first 20 seconds Isn't worth it. It's like cut out the 20 cut out the 20 and if it doesn't work without it go back to the writer's room You fucking cock Everybody has a stage now and we're seeing this Show me something that I don't have to you know, I don't watch home alone home alone the end of home alone Is by far the best right end of home alone. Yes, same with eight mile. We love the end. I've never seen eight mile Okay, so the end of it I could watch the end a million times, but the four play is the movie It's you know remember home alone. Of course. Great the sticky bandits come in now. It's go time Yeah, if somebody said watch home alone, but you have to wait for the first hour. Does it matter? I'd be like I'm not watching it. I agree. Yes. I agree. That was when things were curated and now you feel like They're not curated me, but you're curating the uncurated. Yes. I never watched these. I don't know if these are good But don't you think we're giving a voice to people that deserve it? I don't know But I know we're giving a voice to a lot of people that don't That's true and we're creating We're creating a demand for stuff that it's going to feed itself. All right I'm going to show you kindness show me kindness show me the guy that goes around England and giving old people flowers Okay, we don't have anything like that, but I'll give you a few that have no injuries or cruelty Okay, okay, and then you tell me Okay, if any of these resonate with you, okay fair All right, here's I haven't I haven't seen any of these but I can tell you haven't categorized by cruel No, no, no, I can tell but the folder that it's in that it's not a devastating life-ending. Tell me what this folder is Like what does it say? Well, I'll tell you right after it. Oh, this is a secret. Well, I mean if I told you because it's the name of the I get it. Okay. I get it. Yeah one one one thirty One thirty one thirty is fine. You must get a lot of hate with that name, huh? The name your name my name. Yeah. I do Yeah, you must get a lot of hate with that I like it for a couple reasons. It's funny. It's one on its own. It works to the guy who's you could tell by his voice He's means it. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, I know you're not a Jew So it's okay, but it probably is a lot of people that like don't know for sure and like that's a dangerous thing to be right now It's pretty funny. You're a Jew, are you? Yeah, and she's like and he's like, yeah, right? It's almost like she's learning that there's another way that her name is interpreted too. Yeah. Um, okay. How about this? Oh, no, you won't like that. Hold on. How about See I'm I'm I'm putting it together. All right. How about this? This is pretty cool I usually just like to start with a few fingers And then you and all if they're if they're experienced Yeah Their shit's gonna four fingers are gonna slip right in. Yeah. Yeah, but some people aren't easy to open up like that You know, so they do need the two fingers stroke nice and slow He's writing it down. They open up until the third one, you know, and then into a fourth one Any now like my grandma says now this I like This you like. Yeah, I like it because It's not showing something that we didn't need to see and they're not just putting something on I think they really are having a conversation. They really are. Yeah. This guy's really teaching about how to fist Well, how to know when to fist very different when you first start make sure you're oh and how yeah Um, and then if you're going to then start to use the punching style Make sure your thumb is in I mean either I guess because maybe this is you don't want to happen if the thumb is out It's just like sometimes it could just like maybe the end of the hole is here and you get stuck You get stuck. Hmm That's important. So it's the opposite of giving a thumbs up Very true. I'll give you a thumbs up to put your thumb under under this is I remember learning at a very young age You don't want to throw a punch like this. Yeah, you definitely don't. Yeah, you definitely want that out I mean chris hemsworth though would appreciate this probably I mean now this I like See, yeah, see I found the sweet spot. Yeah Show me some more. Show me some more where people are being authentic. Okay. Let's see that. Oh, here this guy's seen I haven't seen it, but he seems authentic Hey, baby Daddy's back. Daddy just wanted to ask you a question Do you think you're too good for daddy or something? Because I mean daddy has skills if you don't want to see the skills That's okay, but they'll always be here daddy can lick it like a lollipop I can do more but I'ma just never reveals the secrets So it's like you when I asked what kind of folder it was in. Yeah See, that's fine, but does it this is fine. This doesn't make me upset But this I don't need I don't need this you need it. He needs to he Needs to send this to whoever he's talking to there's a whole lane of people who don't know That they need to Send it to somebody and not just throw it out there. Well, because they think sometimes they'll they'll they'll be like, you know Melissa I got something to say and they're just posting it. You're like you should send that to melissa, dude You should what's the best case scenario for him in what in this world by throwing this out on where was this? This is a take not sure I'm an instagram best case scenario. Someone like you know what I'm curious what other skills you do have Let's meet up. That is by far the best case scenario. Yes. Is he gonna care? I mean and I'm just gonna keep I'm just gonna I'm gonna keep it a hundred. Yeah, okay. Keep it. Yeah There's probably a good chance that whoever he's attracted to yeah Is not A good-looking person. I know this is a mean thing to say But I'm just saying like when you throw out that on the internet the people that are like Oh, wow. I want to meet you They're probably not meeting a lot of people in real life. They have a very specific look a very specific thing They're probably an ugly person So an ugly person might respond to this and be like, oh, I would love for you to eat me out or suck me or something And is he gonna be like, oh, even though you're ugly and I don't know you I would love to do that. Yes Yeah, you know, I guess, you know, some people will eat at any restaurant. I don't think he's gonna be like You're not up to my standards. I don't think whoever this is is watching I would love to know the answer to that because you're you're throwing yourself out there blindly I don't know what you want. I gotta say for his Unique appearance. He has a lot of confidence in what he's saying. He's like dad. He's back. Here's all my fucking trick He's a regular-looking person to me with the exception of Uh, what he's doing with the shirt off. I think he's a really looking person. You think that's a regular-looking guy I think I think that looks like people. I think he's a little heavier than average hair You know, it's funny that you say that you say and you think that's bad hair. I know I just said it's it's not I think I think that someone he needs to do something with that hair do something great hair. It's great hair If you get that line, I know. Yeah, he's got great hair. You know what pull up a mirror and do a side by side I'm that's the same hairline a mirror k In case you don't remember Look at that. The only difference is he's a little darker. Yeah, and he's a little bit more in shape. Yeah mm-hmm Well, I'll say this you're giving a lot of confidence to this guy. I think that's a good thing And while you're at that confidence find somebody that you're interested in that you think might be interested in you send it to them Yeah, yeah Let's see if this has something here for you. I don't know. I don't know what this is yet. I know it's not someone dying Okay, hold on. Okay, let's just see I'm damn Asian girl keeps putting her masturbation videos on my fyp and first Well, this this is kind of interesting because you're trying to find an Asian and this guy is starting with he's not Did you know speaking of jew from the airport? Did you know that jews is a thing love asian women and food? Wait, what jews have a lot a lot of times if there's an asian woman with a white guy He's jewish And if he's not a jew is jealous of him Really jews love asian women. It's like a thing. I did not know this that like this is a long-standing thing So it's something that I noticed and then I heard i'm like oh, I noticed that and then like i've asked some of my jewish friends Does it add up to you? Yes, and it's not something I could say is like Not purely fetishing fetishizing these women. You're saying that there's just an attract I I've always been attracted to asian women, but can you go a bit beyond the the Physical like attraction. Do you think there's characteristics? I don't know. I don't know. I mean maybe and I'm just pulling at straws Sticks here. Yeah that um, maybe there's something to like The neuroses of a jew and the like the way that the asian culture is so respected that's what i'm talking about That's what i'm talking about like no shoes. Don't touch it wash your hands. I don't know maybe but i'm just saying from a For me from a physical standpoint I just an asian i'm just so attracted to is this Something about the way you're saying it feels like it's a new revelation. All right. Have you always been attracted for as long as I could Remember yes, you have okay, and I think it's separate but also jews love asian food I remember my grandma even told me like if you're out some if you're someplace like not home and you're looking for a good chinese restaurant Look for where like the jews are Like you know if there's like a City in a town in brooklyn with a lot of jews is going to be a good asian restaurant around there really yeah See I always I always go for look for where there's no white people if you're looking for An ethnic food in other words that's fair. You know if you want sushi you go to like where you see a lot asian people eating Yeah brisbane. There you go. Yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah I've heard that when you're traveling In a foreign country where you don't know much and you know what to eat go where the locals are eating I've heard that that's a good expression. Yeah, I don't know if it's an expression more as like just a little I mean little insight. Yeah, it's good advice. Well, let's start this from the beginning Okay, I am damn asian girl keeps putting her She's not doing that On my f yp. What does that mean for you page? So like when you're when you're looking at a thing It's what the algorithm thinks you want does he think that she's putting it there for him It's kind of like when people leave comments on my clips and be like, why does this fucking jew keep coming up in my algorithm? I'm like because you're commenting. Yeah, you're engaging stop looking at it It's crazy. How much comedy fans hate jews. What? Yeah You guys are like the fucking Well, you guys you guys jews you're like the fucking Not anymore all stars of I also think there's a lot of people who are comedy fans that think they're being funny by being Saying shocking stuff. I don't that's very I think it's a lot of that but like oh jews thinks he's funny or blah blah blah This jew thinks he's funny really dude. Come on. This is your business Fucking talking like that's crazy I mean, I almost want to curate some screen grabs for like every other part. That's an insane comment to leave This jew thinks he's funny. Yeah, crazy thing to say That's a word for word Also, a lot of people say the only reason I'm in this business is uh because I'm a nepo baby My dad, you know sells rugs or he did. Yeah, I know and why do you think you're on tour? Because he retired Is that the ruck is that the business? Yeah, what is it marshal marshal rugg gallery? That's how you got this gig The only reason he gets those guests is because it's because it's parents parents, uh, what percentage of comments on comedy are have some version of like jewish what depends on the on the on the on the The channel Okay, so what's the how does it break down like youtube more or instagram? No, I'm saying like I don't know what this is Uh, I know that like if I'm on when I'm on killtony now you've given the formula So that's different. Yeah, but just because someone's like, oh, I have permission to say jew If they're in there, they're gonna do it. No, no, I'm saying they're gonna find this audience Is gonna find the humor in the fact that we're talking about this and dial it up for this episode I don't think in that makes sense on a normal episode. I think I could tell the difference between a bad joke and a hateful one Yeah, I think so too. I think it's very obvious. So what killtony a lot Uh, yeah, and and that's not me throwing shade to killtony Truly because also when you have millions of people watching there's gonna be a lot more jew haters than when you have 200 000 watching Exactly, but I do think uh on there. There's there's there is a lot of people who are uh Who just yeah, they don't like they don't like jews crazy There's a lot of people that don't like jews also and I think they associate jews with what their identification of liberal means Yeah, and their identification of liberal is different than a democrat It's just like and there probably is something to they're dialing up how they're viewing jews with the Situation for the last whatever two years in israel. So they're they're conflating the yeah And they probably also only think it's been two years going on. Well, you know, I mean the war. Yes the war this one Yes, this one. Yes, absolutely. I also think that like That if you don't like somebody yeah, you're gonna be mean to a thing that you identify like I Without naming any culture truly it could be any you're driving and somebody cuts you off and you see if it's a race or agenda Whatever it is. There's a part of you that like is fucking You know like fucking what like what women a lot of drivers license or whatever you think like you don't really mean that But you hate that person for a second. So you say the mean thing That's true when you're angry. I think I think people When you like a comedian goes on their podcast, I'm here for tom. Who's this fucking jew? You know or who's this fucking black guy? Who's this fucking black girl? Yeah, yeah Whatever it is. They're gonna like they're gonna hate you because they don't like if they don't like you if they don't like you If they don't like you or they'll be like, you know what? It's not a bad jew. Yeah. Yeah, I like this black girl Yeah, yeah, yeah, which is like, you know, that's always nice. So it's my responsibility as well to represent jews and fake nepo babies You're doing a great job. I don't know. I mean like I don't want to watch people if they're if they're being pranked and it's mean That's fine. That's a normal healthy view of things. I think I Absolutely do not like asian women. Hey, this is not a rick glassman guy. Also, you know, he does that's like that's like Homophobes saying they don't like gays because they they're ashamed of themselves. Yeah Well, he's been turned down by an asian woman. They're all over is for you page buddy. Yeah, why do you think that they're there? You've been engaging with these asian pages Fucking guy. I don't want to give them any more. I think that's enough for him. This one's called cop tom That's all I what cop tom my name. I don't know. You'll see ashley's lighting her hair out fine Oh, I get it. Okay. If ashley didn't have a warrant, she wouldn't have new charges. It does kind of look like me Yeah, she didn't have a warrant. She wouldn't be going to jail and she wouldn't be sleeping on a sidewalk right now. So Don't be ashley That's pretty good. Why it did start with ashley's lighting her hair I was gonna say that's what they call a hook in social media now. You're supposed to start with the thing at the beginning It's because ashley's lighting her hair fire and then to show the you know the lighting of it happened Holy shit ashley's lighting her hair out fire If ashley didn't have a warrant Christ does look a lot like me. I'll give you guys that a lot of times they send stuff They go this tom is just a guy with a beard and I'm like that's just a guy with a beard But sometimes it does actually you don't have that many distinguishing qualities though. No, no you have glasses You have a shaved head and you have a beard Anybody that has those three of those things And white. Yeah, I think you show me a white guy with thick black rimmed glasses A beard and a shaved head. Yeah, I think you should get it all in tom really. I'm yes. I think so Type just google search white guy black glasses Beard and balls take the glasses out of it. Okay. I mean the glasses make to do it, you know Like you glasses I know but if you just go like white guy bald Short beard Yeah, tom's all over the place See there's a gray beard Make it say gray beard. Okay A little penis with little penis No, no, no, no, if I come up first, okay, so Short gray beard short gray beard. Yeah, absolutely. That could be you. I don't think so I don't see even See that's the thing is that I think when it's your face you go That's what you've become like that's that's your next that's your next But when the thing is that people are missing like distinguishing feet They just go like, yeah, it's it's a bald guy with a beard. You're like, yeah, we don't have the same face at all Like our nose isn't the same or cheeks aren't the same the lips aren't the same Like I don't see the similarity other than the guy doesn't have hair. Okay. Check this out If that guy was a famous guy that uh, and they're making a biography film about him You would be in the running to be able to cast to play agreed. That's what I'm saying You could play him. They could play you. I'm not gonna. Is that tom. I'm not confused. Right. Right. Right. I know what you're saying Okay, but I just get I get sent they're like I saw your doppelganger today. It's just like a guy with a beard I get tagged a lot of stuff. What? I get tagged a lot of stuff. Is this you and this is a chewy guy? I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about, man? um, okay, this one Let's see if this one's fun. All right, let's just try this one The night that my father bought me a prostitute was the night that he ceased being my father and became my best friend Not only did he want to talk about what the experience was like But he then suggested that we go to the casino and gamble all night And let me tell you why these two things are a problem Children need parents. They don't need best friends when my dad introduced me to prostitution and gambling It became an issue for me. He normalized it for me. I want to speak to the fathers that are watching this video Please do not buy your son's prostitutes and please don't take them gambling I gotta disagree with that I think it's one of the most loving things a father can do. I think this kid's this guy's a loser Do you think that maybe depends on the age of the son though? Yeah, I mean you shouldn't do it when they're seven. What's what's the age to take them gambling? Prostitute and gambling Prostitutes may be a little over the line. Okay. Yeah, if this was just gambling. Yeah, I'd be like let's say it's just gambling Yeah, you think that's crazy. I think it's crazy like Look, if you take your kid your son gambling I love going to the casino with my dad That's what I'm saying and like if the son develops a gambling problem You're gonna feel like you got your your kid into a gambling problem But there's a chance there's a good chance though that if the father introduced the son to gambling and prostitution The father has a gambling problem and that addiction is genetic. I think you're you might be right there I think the prostitution thing's insane because I also feel like a kid Should like in my opinion you should have zero knowledge of your of your dad's sexual Preferences what he likes nothing like that shit. It should not be in the conversation and vice versa I don't want to know what makes my dad's dick hard and I don't want to talk to him about it I don't like that shit So I'm with him on that but the gambling thing I think is he's tying the two together I think this is the first time I've ever really seen you really yeah I don't think you've been putting on a fake, but I saw you as a kid just now Oh, okay good you I bet you there's a lot of guys that don't care about Telling their dad what how they get boners. Oh my god. So there's something going on I just think it's like it's inappropriate. I agree. Yeah, but like I didn't I don't where's your inappropriate line And that is so PG 13 to me really a guy that doesn't talks about the stuff you do like I don't want my dad to know About Everything you talk about everything. I can't think of it, but I know you I've watched your stuff like the stuff you talk about the gaping Assholes and the things you show gaping assholes on here. I don't there's something there's a gaping asshole thing I don't believe that's for you. I don't think so Really? I think so how big a gaping asshole? No, there was something about an asshole and it was like a big asshole and there was talking about something you guys are making fun Of like Josh sitting there. What is that? Maybe like a prolapse kind of thing. Yeah, maybe something like that That's possible You just don't want to know if it gets your dad hard. Fuck no No, do you want to know what makes your dad hard? I mean, I'm his son. I know a nice pair of jugs Well, no that I already know that's what I'm saying. My dad's like I like tits and you're like, okay Did did uh, uh your mom have big tits? Yeah when they met now they're like her waist But like when yeah when when they met is that crazy? Yeah, the big tits to go down like that Oh my god, her tits are I think below her waistline Yeah, would you rather talk about that kind of stuff with your dad or your mom? My mom because I know it's upsetting to her to talk about that stuff and she doesn't she's not going to have the conversation It's just a it's like when you're a kid and you belch at the table and then she's like, you know Yeah, so like if I bring up something That's inappropriate. She's going to have that same reaction and that's fun. That makes me laugh So it's not my dad. He might be like, yeah, I like when they have a full bush and you're like, jeez Yeah, christ man. Okay, so it's not that you don't want your dad to have the information It's that you don't want to connect with your dad over it sexually. No Uh, yeah, I think probably that's like a male to male thing where I know that there's never going to be a connection But you'd rather you'd rather talk sexual with your mom than your dad as a son. I think that's atypical Yeah, because I I because I also know she's not going to engage in the real Conversation we're not gonna we're not going to be at a point where it's like and I like this and I like she's she's going to be like Absolutely not which is like you're not really having the conversation. You're provoking Is there also a language thing there because like english is in her first language? Maybe to a degree, but I'll say it in both languages to her because um, I I know that if I say in spanish It's gonna bother her even more Yeah, I'll do that too. I love to upset her That's kind of a thrill. Do you do that? I It's a it's a it's an operational cost is upsetting my mom. I don't want to upset her. I want her to laugh Yeah, but depending on her mood and the pocket that I'm sitting in yeah, I go too far But I always want her to think what I'm saying is funny. I like I like my mom to laugh too It's fun to make her laugh, but it's it's very fun to upset her because it makes me laugh so hard Yeah, and then my dad laughs at that. Yes, and then it's like, you know, yeah Yeah, it's fun. I have a video that's my most viral. I repost it once a year It's gone It's my most successful piece of content ever ever and it's it's my mom being upset that my cousin didn't replace the cold sodas The warm sodas with the cold sodas when he takes the sodas out He doesn't replace it with a cold one. He doesn't replenish it and my dad sees that my mom's upset and my dad starts acting really upset Can we pull this clip up? It's a minute You maybe I don't know if you've seen this before You're supposed to take the cold the warm ones and fill it up after you finish you have one I saw you have a soda pop today. I had one yesterday. Well, I am million yesterday You had a million but I definitely like you're supposed to replenish You take the I can't believe it. I never have anything after you get here. Oh, fuck I'm talking to you to replenish Yeah And if you went downstairs in the basement and got a soda, what was the fucking rule? Okay, what the fuck daddy doesn't fucking replenish No, I listen I think it's a microcosm of more serious things Yeah, because he even said don't call my dad he's gonna say it's it's big It's a problem of bigger issues and then he says that so my point is like I don't want family members to be upset But there's something so funny when like we're being silly and somebody is just getting a little upset It makes you want to keep going. I don't know what that is Well, I think the thing about that clip and that moment is that the realer it is like the fact that it's like There's a little aspect of performative from your dad in the beginning, right where he's like you it's all performative for my dad Right. So you feel that but then Then you there's a hint of this is Grounded and real and that's what makes it so it doesn't feel like a sketch. Yeah That's why it makes it so and really in real life too. That's a thing like when it's somebody It's like I know I might my higher self knows hey relax relax, but there's a music a little bit more a little bit more Yeah, that's a real thing. It's fucking great, dude. That was that was fantastic. Um, you're on tour I want to tell people again go see rick glaspen on tour. It's rickies on the loose tour It's at rick glaspen.com slash tour. Of course, there's the take your shoes off podcast I want to lack white asian Hispanic take your fucking shoes off at the front door. I wanted to say my my cities I don't know where they all are. Austin cleveland, Dallas dc portland, eugen, oregon uh as well philadelphia uh scotland, london and i already said those maybe double course we know there's a beautiful asian woman in denver I don't know how that happens. Whatever if they send send in or something No, i'm saying put it put the energy into the universe and see what it gives gives you back. That's all i'm saying man Let's just try. Yeah, you know Inshallah, so Thanks so much for For coming and um, I hope you have that you make that that connection that was missed and You know every time I think about her, uh, I think about her again 30 minutes later. Yeah, I mean, I know this is gonna happen I feel like it. I feel like it's gonna happen Um, thank you for coming. This was a lot of fun and uh, I think you're gonna have some nice comments Thanks in this video and this is what I'd like to say to her as well. Yeah, thank you for coming I hope you had a nice time and we're gonna get some nice comments. There you go. All right. We'll see you guys next week Oh Yeah, that's good. Yeah, that's good. Take me as hard as you can in the balls. Take me as hard as you can in the balls. Who the fuck boy? Come here scum fuck. Fucking dummy. Fucking dummy. 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