Mewling Quim with Mike Finoia

And now the bonfire with big J. O'Carson and Robert Kelly Whoa, whoa Whoa, yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, what make me hot Lou If you think we have a guest he's enjoying the show yet, I'm sorry. He's tech somebody He's busy. We're on the air Michael Hey Mike for noise and studio, and I'm glad he's in studio why why why wouldn't he be you like you like you like you like you like Jay, right? I mean, I love him. You love him. Yeah, you think you know him. Oh hell. Yeah. Yeah, you do I mean why I Bet you I don't know him as much as I think Well, I I feel the same way. No, they mean I really were you really shocked by this baby. I would you know what I Let me tell you something But you're where you're standing standing next to right now. We're just sitting next to you're sitting next to am I gonna want to move Buddy, maybe you don't have to move you don't have to be afraid of it because it's just a spineless jellyfish of a thing Amoeba, he's an amoeba He's he's he's actually the thing in that new movie Hail Mary that was eating the Sun Just wait, I can give you I can give you a little little precursor to the story here Sure, why don't you in that? Me and Bobby decided I was off skanks yesterday So what a Monday when I know I'm gonna anything I'm like, oh, well that'd be a night go bang around a comedy club for a second Say hi show my face See some people. Yeah Monday nights, you know, if he doesn't have anything say hey, what are you doing? I'm going on to hang I'm like, yeah, come on for now. We go for an hour. We go for an hour. We hang out. We bust balls We are getting a little snack at will that new joke night with will so we go to the olive tree It's a it's a rog's. It's a very fluid thing. Yeah, it's just to go down and be og's we drive down We take a fifth dab we traffic he plays songs people that's people outside People watching us he plays songs that gets stuck in your head Because he rearranges the songs Yeah, sometimes I'll rearrange him And then we had a great night. We went to we parked over by Washington Square Park. It was 420 Yes, it was the park was packed with degenerates if they could have just used a little mustard gas They would have took a lot of the problems in New York City away on the problems would have been handled right in that park They were lightsaber fighting But I will say also there was a black guy with reckless abandon doing crazy back flips off a ledge Without thinking or caring who was walking behind me at all I mean he almost made double foot contact with this other big black guys face Yeah, but everyone handled it really calm and cool and collected because a weed Hey, it is a performance enhancing drug and we did see the Saturday night live character miss miss Pat was actually in the pit to yesterday. Oh, no, what the fuck was that thing? Yeah, I mean Bobby film it. I don't know. It was like a fat guy with just like a big muster Again, I'm always taken back by the like the person who goes the other direction like I'll never look cool in any way So let me be a fucking like look like a fucking figment of someone's imagination Like somebody just was designed by a boy's dream. Oh man. Oh, I got it right I got to see this you should have like big bird legs or something like everything was wrong with this guy This guy he had four different bodies to make one body here. It is right there. I Really love this guy. Oh my god. Yeah, he looks like a like a constable in like a Dr. Seuss book he definitely like talks like with a whimsical like Everybody look at him in the crowd. He just sticks out in the crowd. Oh my god Oh, I'm fucking unfortunate. Yeah, he looks like a like a character in like yellow submarine from the Beatles Yeah, he does a good Beatles drawing Well, he's got that unfortunate thing where he wears pants that show you that at some point his legs stop and somewhere right around upper thigh Gut circle just begins to start. That's where my that's what my great-grandfather's body looked like but taller in Italian not so Well, he had to make the uncomfortable choice that a lot of fat guys make that we have to make we all get is it Under the belly or over the belly with the pain. Oh, no, you're wrong show that guy again. You're wrong about the center Christine You're wrong about that Bobby because the guy absolutely Real quick. I hate when you say I'm wrong. It hurts me I have trauma you shouldn't though. I just do I just So I'm gonna be honest with people. It's just conversation That's over the belt. That's over the belly button. No, no, it's definitely I'm not arguing that I'm saying the difference. You said he has the choice. I'm saying there's a build like you're right Here's the thing. Where's your equator? Yeah, where is your belt equator now mine? My that thing that happens that circle that's coming out. I love new fat terms by the way That's that circle that comes up for me. Yeah is I mean, yeah that far from my dick. Yeah So there's a go little there's a god-given line here that I could put my belts at and call that my waist this poor guy Even though there's nothing happening over here that guy circle starts too low He that you couldn't wear pants that low So he has no choice is he high because his equator is too low his plate. He has a planet around his waist Yeah, yeah, or northern and southern hemisphere. I'm sorry I'm wrong about his equator has to be high If it goes if he went to the under the belly equator No, he's on his legs if you're him if you're him. Are you ever tucking in a shirt untuck your shirt? I would know you can't tuck in a shirt because it's gonna immediately become untucked as soon as you move Yeah, you'd have to get a shirt that but look at how it attaches to your socks. Yeah, you're a way of suspenders like on a sock They's a quater is not very sturdy It's not a defined equator his equator moves through the day I mean this guy well, I was like look at that guy and I was like that guy. Nope. Nope. He does that guy Nope, he does this one Pete when he thinks people aren't looking he does like a oh Yeah, absolutely, you handed like like adjustment. Oh, yeah, a real Farley a real Farley toe Fat guys wearing suspenders. No belt suspenders. Yes, where it's suspenders. That's pretty sure best Leather most comfortable thing because the the pants are an inch looser than your actual Why don't you tell me that when I was fat as shit because I could not know you I couldn't stand by and watch you wear Suspenders every day Watch my friend cool. Baba used to get sucked off in stairwells now. It's like fucking a butcher. Yeah, not even now not even you're gonna Look at fucking. I don't know. I'm a little John Wayne Gacy or something. It's crazy. That's domino Yeah, is that cultural appropriation when skinny rip dudes like wear Suspenders because it's a fat guy thing. Now looks it used to be a man before I think it was a country I grew looking at belt was like a sophistication like a rich person thing. Do you remember bill? I mean they didn't have belts They had rope. Do you remember bill Michaels? No, he's a comedian. He's probably dead But if you might be very much alive But if I the guests from myself, but he lost a bunch of weight too actually But he was a guy at his heaviest he used to run a bunch of like bringer shows. He's one of those guys to stand up New York Yeah, but he wore the complete home depot The complete now, it's not him the complete home depot Like suspender rig the iron worker suspender. Yeah Like like no no no like a construction worker ones. No, not a onesie It was it was still a thing but it was just heavy Velcro around the waist and then fucking He was in a union. Yeah My dad you stuff to wear Single-handedly carrying the industry see my big fat Bobby Bfb, I remember Joe Rogan call me a big Fat chubby person is it like that? She's called him fat too. I was listening to the show and I was like, oh Bobby He's a big fat person now. Oh, God. Whoa Like a girdle, what is that? Yeah, no, I guess like yes like that. That's what he wore. Wow all the time Yeah, that's like some John Goodman shit. Yes. Oh my god. He's so fat. Yeah Did he wear that under his shirt or oh you have to wear that over your shirt. Yes over shirt Yeah, that's what he performed comedy like advertising on the front you fat fuck like a donut company He would also wear again. There's the other big thing insert It's been so fat people should do they should advertise food fuck. Yeah on their clothes. It's been kind of nice and losing some weight that like I like my Biohazard like orange hoodie or my red body can't like I like those like a little putting a little bit of color into it because I always but Bill Michaels and his heaviest it was always like they like an orange shirt They give you a couple choices in the fat guy stores. You can go understated or they will be like Do you want to dress like a heavy D in the boys? Like a bright yellow it's like so bright. It's like all I get like do you want to be the loudest or the most Basic or are you committing to this or you not? That's what yes It's like are you committed? Are you good? You committed being a fat fuck? We'll try this on cuz you're gonna be a fat fuck be the fat fuck who shows up in a very fun multicolored floral shirt I love fat fucks that are fun. Yeah dress fun. Fuck. Yeah, everybody does I hate a fat fuck that tries to dress. What about like the bowling shirt or like the the Hawaiian shirt Like the short sleeve kind of like different things. Yeah, well, I'm thinking short sleeve button-ups I did the bowling are good for a fat dude the bowling shirt What it's the only shirt does is hide your side fat from the front and then your stomach reveals how fat you are from the side He turned sideways and it's just yeah, cuz it's usually like a black line down the side. Oh, yeah Yeah, that's true. Yeah, like, you know Flames yeah, so still problem even with losing weight when I see pictures of me sitting on a stool from the side It's still like where my back is and where my front of shirt is seems impossible If I'm built like that, I don't know how I don't have like a 70 inch waist because it looks like this from the side It's like a complete try. It's nuts That's cuz we mush down into a hamburger when we sit maybe because what every time you show me from the front now I'm like, oh, that's not bad. Well, it's like this is kind of fine When we do the videos here when Paco does the videos I always see that I Feel good, but then I watch the video and this is all mushed down and I I tell me Funny yeah funny how Paco says yeah funny how you cocksucker He uses a thing called fat cam on you, which I don't like What he beefs you up. Oh, yeah, he's the fat cam filter the fat cam filters you and then sometimes he makes me a bunny Well, I looked over you and then you were standing up and I'm like, why is he standing up and I figured it out Of course straightened you the fuck out. Listen Paco gets those cameras in here, dude You'd be surprised how much of the show I'm leaning back over here with the thing from now on profile Maybe making my chest a little big. I'm like so anyway Kim Congden. What was that? You were saying you're wearing your bill Mitchell Harness or whatever the fuck that You can't find no Michaels. Come on. Wait, so why is why is J. S. Squid? You that's right. He couldn't he actually couldn't wear suspenders because they'd slide off his I would have fallen over his derosa's. Yeah, cuz I have a derosa has more spine than this fucking god Absolutely, I'm telling you right now. Absolutely derosa would not have done this. Oh come on. Come on derosa wouldn't I don't think derosa would have done The opposite of what I digs will get to that a second. He wouldn't do the opposite, but he would have been like He would just disgust it. He would have been like no, but you know He would like he would have had some sort of discussion about it He would have discussion about it and he and this but the potential that he would have gotten another argument about it Hi, hi potential. Let me tell you why you gotta start the preface. Remember, so we walk over to the cell. Yeah, we go in We go and we usually go to the cell or by the way, we don't go anywhere. We let's go to the cell We're you know, geez. Oh, yeah, I Trying to bring back the hang well We went back last night. No, no, no, you can't bring you go get it. It's not this is there's a stroke There's a heart attack. There's a fucking hearing aid. There's a fucking tranny. It's done, dude It's done. It's done the hang is done. There's no hang. There's a little midgety guy there We got a larious kid. I walked in and he was sitting down at the end of the night I just stood over him and stared at his face and he just looked up and then just got up and moved things We're going for the table things are going pretty fun We were having a little Are the little flirtatious banter with that same waitress we get every time Marin? He's very nice. Is it Marin? I want to say Marin. I don't think it is You fucked me last night, too. Well, I fucking dick move. He did. Can I tell him that real quick? So now no no cuz at the end people might think you deserve for how much you beat me up on this Oh, what a great night you guys had. I can't we had it was a great 48 minutes. We have Every time me and Bobby do this we do this for an hour. Yeah, and we fuck him. I just go I just don't I just Mondays. I don't go home right after work. It just feels weird to do it Yeah, it's the day I put on like you like you see Tuesdays. I wear like sweats and shit But like I'm dressing for the day. It's the first day of the week. I'm like, I just don't want to go right home And it's anything on Wednesdays. I'm just used to doing something afterwards I want to do something you know if I just go hey, let's go down smoke a cigar I'll smoke two cigarettes outside of the VU and then I'll get my car go home. Yeah, do something you got your going out wall It's you know, yeah, we literally have the same way. It's like, okay. Let's get out of here And we're both like let's go and we walk we get it. No one's ever said Stay for a few minutes Actually No one's ever said where you going they just say bye Yeah, no one even has to go take care guys. I'm like, yeah, I'll see another year and a half I guess I never come here falling over me. Would you? so Then very fun some of what's cool about going there is I'll see people I haven't seen in months or years Sometimes we did we did hop over a fence which was wild. We have to have our fence which is pretty and by the way We both did really good at it Because they shut the park off legs. No, no, it was a walk over. It was an undertaker move And we watched five people do it before us and we just kind of figured it out We did it better than other people though way better like one of those like cop fences. Yes, exactly Yeah, they block the metal the metal like gate gates that connect. Yeah, they they block in the park There's only exit in and eggs they want everybody funneled in so it's straight to the end straight poles down So you can get foot a little between those poles and me and Bobby both able to do that step over I have video because I'm the fluencer so I got video of it. I will stick to care of it I took care of that's really great that you're able to do that. It's not really hopping a fence Christine No one asked Christine. This is why you don't come this way Nobody wants to invite me to this Your dumb shit they're high stanchions They are high stanchions. Yeah, it's crowd It's it's controlling a whole crowd of high people from going that way Christine if you were in boots And jeans my going out wallet chain like I was you wouldn't have been able to do that easy Yeah, if you had a Zin in your pocket an iPhone. I had my my my bad from serious. I had a pen Christine I will beat you in everything athletic in the world. I don't know why you doubt that I promise everything athletic I would be you I sent you video you can watch it and then describe you you would not be able to hop over this fence the way we did Reckless abandoned. Yeah, I mean almost like we're parkour Christine. What do you think you mean? Athletically, maybe there's something I'm not thinking of planking. Can you plank longer distance running probably? probably running no Distance running we talking about more flexible I could probably pull my body weight up easier than you could pull your body weight up I've hopped you can't pull your body weight though. So does it matter? No, I can't do a pull-up but oh Whoa, she hasn't done that in a long time There's no need for her to do that support behind me Mike We're doing Mike is assisting so it doesn't fucking kill himself spreading his legs I could almost say like Jean-Claude van Damme Bloodsport Jacob grab his other leg Jay Jay he just did a full split on the bonfire a full split I would call that a city full split So I think Yo guy got you beat what else is next you said was the other things folding laundry swimming in what way? like speed I think I Maybe you might be strong or something. I just grew up by the beach. You didn't know here we go You can do the Jeff Cavalier What's that I saved somebody in the ocean I'm the best swimmer in the room That's not part of the I saved a life But that's not part of the test you wouldn't save anybody you wouldn't be able to get past the riptide and back in with a life Through the riptide right? Let's focus on this. Let's go with Christine a little bit more. I think I apologize fuck you what back to you Here she goes your videos Videos aren't sending to me and I really want to get them can I see your phone really quick and just send him to you cannot touch My phone. Are you fucking crazy nuts? I would never let I'd kill Dawn and and tell Bobby something accidental happened if she took my phone having Christine have shit on me Come over crazy. Let me see your phone. Give me your phone My photos are you nuts? What have you seen you got 27 missed calls from Modi? I do I know I do She put everyone in the room down because we did a lot of the exercises in the room the man test the man test Which then there's a female version of them. Yeah the female test Is the girl the girl version Yes, no No Why do you call the bitch quiz? She does think she could beat you in athletics And by the way, she's not gonna come home tonight feeling any different because she's going to see Florence and the machine She's gonna feel empowered. I'm probably gonna have to fucking crack her in the face a second She walks to the door you go in a flow. I'm gonna have to bring her back to reality when she gets back in here She's trying to get in my Google Drive. I'm like hey the fuck is wrong with you. You don't know what's in there You don't mean Bobby send back and forth through each other for Christ's Aggressive gay porn First time long time crackle crackle motherfuckers First time do you think do you think she's not listening? Is there anything like in a sports off between you and Christine that you would be intimidated like that you would go into the Event going like fuck she might have me on this. Is there anything swimming for speed? Probably she probably just a swim more than She grew up at the beach. I don't know if you heard that she's also Yeah, she's also lighter. She's also like lighter than me and become propeller self easier my in running I just think like my strides see thinking human propulsion Yes in her yeah, I think on the ground though. I think feet on the ground. I dust her ass Hi jump you think you could jump higher than no, she can't jump You can't jump jump. She can't jump. Show me a jump her jumps ass. That's the ceiling touch the ceiling. That's too low Bobby The ghost was holding your ankles. Can you yeah, of course, did you did you hear the weight? She somehow went down when she went up Bobby. What can you? Oh, he's doing a whimsical pants hold up Come on. You call Lou you film his face. I'll be on belly cam No cam Hey Wonder if I can that was a crazy amount of effort you put into it though. Yeah, dude. That's what I gotta do. I'm a short-kane Can you touch it black Lou? Yeah, you have not touched the ceiling while shaking while making content. We'll have to see easy Jacob Jacob Europe You really need me to do this. Yes. Yeah, because it's so easy. It's not easy. You're gonna do it really All right fucking white chocolate It does have those little tight buns from all that sex You got all those cream pies Everybody can do it except for peace Mike. I'm gonna try Mike it definitely girl though. We have different Christine you should look stuff. He did it like it's nonchalant Can you Christine? Can you for the love of God try that again and not make a DJ look mean you could do this, but I mean this is nonsensical for me to do it. We're adult-sized men Yeah, that's what I mean. We're adult-sized men. I could jump up and tell you what's up there You guys want to know what's happening inside? There's a body cousin Bruce. He's bodies up there. He was trying to get into the ducts Christine you can't touch the seal Wow, I hate when people give up Do you think now for sure that I can defeat Christine and almost everything athletic? I never doubted in a minute. You could defeat her and everything well now. It's up to almost ever I mean down to almost everything. What do you mean almost everything? Almost swimming whatever It would be better in your yoga I'll tell you why Yeah, he's a yoga competition. I don't know we've done a lot of yoga. Yeah, my yoga is pretty great Remember that will we you've done your you've done your novice yoga. Whoa, excuse me. Wow shots He's a guest for Christ's excuse me. I mean there's like I apologize. I'm gonna cancel that edible arrangement Sending to her. Yeah, fuck that dude Novice yoga. She said what difficult yoga. Do you think you do? You said you do those same moves or just called different things for chicks. They're called different things But DDP yoga is beginner yoga What yoga do you do that's more intense than that? Do you hear this? It's not I hope DDP is not listening. Yeah, no Almost as many as Jacob Jew lives since he saved. Yeah, you hear about that on Thursday Why are G yoga for regular guys? You have no idea the sacrifice Jacob made for no For absolutely no recognition for it either. No, it's goddamn amazing I'll be honest It's one of the most masculine things I heard anybody say they would do you'll hear on Thursday I don't even want us to spoil. I'll suck it bitch. We could go we could talk about it right now No, I know what you're doing Jay. I'm being What I'm trying to he's edging out of I am telling you that I know anything Christine thinks you do Athletically I throw further run Christine Christine jump higher. You're better than her done. Thank you everyone agrees with that Let's go around the room. You agree with that. Oh, you're forgetting I Skating and roll skating. Oh, yeah, you can't do shit Oh Well, we have an ice skating race skiing. Yes Asshole Summer sports Swimming right also beat you By the beach, yeah, yeah, you can't roll seriously leave the winter sports to the Japs I say I Don't know how to do things with wheels under my feet skateboarding. No, what about skis? I'll tell you what I'll dust I'll dust their ass in a bike ride No, no, no, it's good. You got a electric bike. Why is that? He would dust your ass. I'm gonna bike riding together and You weren't faster than me. We never raced bikes He was always in front of you and had to hold up away for you Yes, you're right. Yeah, that is what you think in a 40-hour dash. That's not what happened But I will tell you this when we walk anywhere together if I didn't slow down I would be two and a half blocks ahead of her. That's how I am This is gonna take four and a half hours to upload to Google Drive. Can I just beam it to your phone? You know, we didn't try your drop you went into my phone started searching stuff I said get off of it all of a sudden I upload Seconds I don't know why it's taking two hours She opened up she didn't open up that weird folder says Jays weekend pornography. He makes no I have it under tax 2023 thank you and that was to get them on the computer if we get them to my phone my gay sex What are we even talking about anymore? I tell you we're gonna be talking about good subject change you last night. Oh, right? Let me tell you something about this guy Michael bring it Grab the unrivaled Samsung Galaxy s26 ultra with an incredible privacy display on E The UK's best network you can save 20 pounds per month plus claim a Samsung Galaxy Tab S10 like now we're talking so get yours today offer ends 28 for May Saving on minimum 24 month 125 gigabyte airtime plan eligibility credit check in terms of life credit by e-e limited claim from Samsung within 30 days of purchase Verify best network at ee.co.uk slash claims Jay comes across as a you know Confident doesn't take any shit. We'll tell you a thing or two about a thing or two. I will no You know, I don't I don't nobody fucks with me. I'm a nice guy I'm a nice guy, but if you cross me around the ship cross me you're done I'm gonna let you have it and let you know it. Well, let me say so we're walking We go in we get our coot first of all outside bump into two people Bobby goes says hi both of them isabel Hagan. I know her she's comedian She said she was running a set she's doing the tonight show mr. Cox from I was but well I didn't know I this guy goes Bobby goes says hi to both of them the guy in the girl and he goes Hey, you know Jay Ray goes of course and we shake hands and then I talk about Everything I talked to her and Bobby's talking to the guy for I had no idea that was Michael Cox That's the guy who books at tonight show books at tonight show what the fuck they mean knows who I am He knows buddy. Yeah, he's everything everybody knows you you're in the business Well, so I won't put on a fucking suit so I can't do comedy I found you can do I put I wore a leather jacket You know say fucking because I won't not say Chua instead of cunt. Yeah, no, you tell it like it is don't you? I really do I know you do and I won't be Told by anybody. Yeah to change. No I'm genuine. You're genuine authentic That's what I say. Yeah, I don't want I don't even care I don't try Michael Cox is nice to meet you do but I'll be I'm an interesting doing your show because It's this not my thing I'll say it right to his face So we go into the cellar didn't know talk to him for probably 20 minutes Yabbering like they were best friends. Yeah, didn't get a word. Where'd I to talk to what's her name? Because he was just Smoothing it up with the guy and oh my god. It was like they knew each other It's college Like that isn't it? It's it's happened a couple times around me It's kind of gross, but it's happening to me But I'm like, all right, you know He kind of leans in and he does little stuff and he squints his eyes and he gets cute fan Nah, that's like yeah, he laughs at unfunny stuff like it's I didn't know he turns suburban quick. Jay has stock stories. Yeah for these moments I know he's like, ah, it's like that time and you're like I heard this one before and then he looks at you for like assurance Yeah, he's like, you know, you were there. I hope we get everyone's about Bobby. I'm telling him He'll say Bobby Bobby doesn't want you in the story, but they remember that Bobby anyways and push you back out I'm here airport. Jay. I do that a lot. Yeah, he does. That is one of I don't know how much this Bobby's kidding or making up So don't remember this cuz I'm making a shell shocked. It's all But I will tell you I will tell you that at one point of that I did go Bobby I'm telling the thing about the thing. I had no idea what I was talking to. Yeah, I told myself I Go Bobby I'm telling the thing about go back to what you're doing. I stay over there stay over there But I'm doing this. Yeah, Bobby. I started to turn towards thing. I go. No, I got it from here Mike he always has a Going to the couch with Carson set available for a new conversation. Yes Got his couch material. I've been here all night Smooth jay the little smooja that he is he's got it going on, but I let him do his thing I just I just start with flew in here. So much going on. I just smoked a joint. I Was getting get ready to go do my shots. I was in a good place. Yep We walk in we walk into the club where the restaurant olive tree right away Bobby company boy has to run over and go get on his knee to kiss noem's ring I'm a 1% ombre of a commisar. I know and then I know there is a 1% ombre I know you take off two weeks to go to the fucking company retreat. I have to go to the I have to do Trustful with Liz and Estee. Oh, he goes over Starts he pays his respects to know I go to the back tables are talking to that kid. What's the name a little tiny guy? He was he's Adam something. I think great dude. Really funny. Yeah. Yeah We're both him for literally anybody on earth could rape that man. Oh, yeah guy or a puppy could I mean Yeah, anything an aunt could have its way with that kid. Yeah Yeah, I almost did it just because I could yeah, just show me this is the fear you should I know She's walking around not in fear, but you should be afraid this could happen every day I'm saving you down the road. I'm gonna finish And I'm not saving any Jews with this. I sat with noem because me and no, it's his friend He's my family. We have his respects. We have We have vacations together. We've we've done stuff together. He's a friend. Yeah Jewish Don Lon Lon Goldstein I sit down I talked to him We talked business a little bit then we always go into like, you know personal stuff like that And then I walked over I go away. I'm gonna go to food company. I Don't have to ask put it on my tab the waitresses all know you think right now. They do but they So I don't get a check again. I see a few people Kevin Brennan. I haven't seen him in a while I haven't been in was not that Kevin Brennan Neil Brennan came in came in. Yeah, that's two different people Yeah, this is it. I haven't seen him in such a long time God and I went in for a nice heavy handshake of dude. Good to see you. I forgot he's a I Guess germs would kill him. It looks like it looks like germs would kill him Yeah, so maybe that's the reason but he gave the fist and I was like, oh It's been for such a long time and this is such an awkward way to do it. That's all we did No, kind of part ways a Z's came over and talked oh so Todd Barry came and sat down next to me and we started shooting a shit a little bit and A Z's came over yeah started talking to Todd for a minute And then me and Bobby were just kind of like sitting there talking a little bit And then as he started to walk away and Bob which I was okay with because in my mind I go me and his ease we're on a tour together and That was about as much as we talked on the tour also I tried a few times but me and him just are we just don't hit it off. I guess whatever organically and he Starts walking away and Bobby goes a Z's Aziz Come here, and he makes me I goes you don't fucking say hi when you come to this guy's hey I thought you were in middle something Go get your fucking shine box. I do this to him every time Because every time Aziz comes over and awkwardly will look at this don't say doesn't say hi No, no doesn't say he awkwardly looks at the lineup and then looks around and then he walks away And every time I let him walk maybe three steps ago Aziz Get over and say hi. What's wrong with you? How you doing? Where you going? He's like, oh, I don't know I just I was just you know come in that's that's you are that's you are prepared It makes me person couch Joe. It makes me feel so good forcing him to be social It should make you feel good because I'll tell you why what he does He goes I know you're the most I'm he's I gotta go over to the VU because but I'll come back around and then son of a Bitch came back to sit with Bobby. Yeah, really fuck. Yeah, I'll force you to be a fucking social person Sexta Bobby start to me goes I live in London Yeah, he's just giving the whole stuff. Oh, holy shit Bobby I force Aziz to come out of his fucking elite shell He screamed down the street for Jimmy Fallon when he caught up to him I thought Jimmy Fallon's gonna have security tackle him or at very least be like hey man chill out He turned around he goes And just it was a we hugged me and Christine were so angry that they were being rewarded They ran away from me like they were embarrassed I was he's the Pope of Chili Town not like I was embarrassed of you I was humiliated by your behavior and then when it was rewarded. I go that's not gonna help him It's like when Lewis does something crazy and wins. You're like fuck. Yeah, you know learn do man Jimmy. I palsy wowsies I'll force you to be my friend. Yeah, and Aziz I for any he always shakes out of it and will come back from areas and just ignore the table It's like a verbal noogie, but he came back he talked to a bad friend. I'm being a bad friend to you and I'm gonna stop doing this What's up, buddy? I'm gonna stop because you say you're friends of people Yeah, and your personality is so great for that the in-person whatever if they even know you a little bit Yeah, you're gonna get like longtime friendship behavior because of your like assertiveness in it. Yeah These people and then in that you can get phone numbers and contact and everything and friendship in that these people leave and they Forget about you almost entirely and they don't want to deal with you anymore, right? And then I Now but you're living in the world going like Captain America is my friend. No, no, well, I fucked that up because of you I'm gonna give you I'm giving you credit here. You say captain America is my friend. This was my friend This one's my friend. Yeah, and then I challenge you. Yeah And you go I have the number right now and then and then you start getting Chessed out if you go like I'll text him right now and then I don't go I believe you buddy You don't have to do that, which is what a friend would do friend would do that I go text them then you do and they block your number Yeah, because they didn't actually want to be friends, but you would have lived in a war like I'm I'm making you wear dark tint glasses. I because I'm stealing I take people shine I steal people shine is what I do. I bought these from Anthony Aiden. These are my heart. Huh? Yeah, you don't have to make me I wear them from the jocmeery. No the dark tint though. Oh, sorry You've gone dark tint because I've taken the sparkle out of your eyes. When the fluencer wants to get a plug in he gets a plug Let's stay on this You're the shot you you take people shine like predator would take their skulls and you collect them Yeah, and you take people shine. Yeah, do you live off that? Do you do you get off on that? Yeah, buddy? I'm like dr. Sleep. I'm the shy steal people shining. You know what it is though I'm rose the hat Mike. I'll tell you what it is and I learned it last night is because I have a backbone Yeah, and he's an amoeba. Well, wait a second. You understand before we jump too far ahead sure Is it crazy? Did not every time I see his ease. I'm like this poor guy got canceled for the biggest horseshit thing. Yeah, never that No, stupid. He's fine. Wow. You're amazing. He fucking came out and he fucking you're amazing No, he didn't do anything. He gave her Guys He's doing white That's the beginning of a news topic from seven years ago during the me too situations I believe all women call me crazy to divert away from this spineless jellyfish He's the shadow doesn't believe all women His alter ego the shadow. He steals the shine. Why don't you go? So anyways, we're at the comedy cellar I just talked to my close friend gnome and we sit down at the back table. We're getting food disease things happen These things happen You're now I Start talking to Todd Barry catching up with Todd Barry It's been a couple years and I overhear what they're talking about and I stay out of it intentionally because who cares about his cat I would have stayed out of that one to Todd Barry. We were having we were having good conversations But whatever I told him he should come do story wars It's not Legion of skanks. So is my pitch. It's not Legion of skanks. You'll love it and then by the way I Did it again, but I was saying that while Bobby's talking to his ease and I reach across the table and I go Bobby I'm talking about story wars. How much you love story wars. He goes do stories great I got he goes is every time I play go that's enough though I was kind of trailing out on the conversation need to get okay. I'm back goes go back in the car Example And then when I come back, I have to go no solid no fence and I have to go Todd what else I talking about Was I saying again? Yeah, so Todd and here talking and he eventually goes He goes, you don't work here anymore. No, hi He goes, do you have a problem in this place and I start just would like that I get this whole thing and I do the I go now. I'm just like busy You know, I usually do legionist skanks Monday. I do story wars Tuesdays. You know, I'm just not really around anymore. I'm going every week and he's like, yeah, I guess I thought you had a problem with them or something and I was like, you're bringing it up. I know they, yeah, I got that fucking book. What book? Oh, they were making the book and then I sit there and give him the 15 minute dissertation. Buddy. He's interested, by the way. Don't let me see it. It wasn't interesting. Why would he not be interested with the amount of energy and facial expressions and fucking anger? Couple times in the story. I see Noam wandering around and I'll go, I know I'm sorry about that. I'm going to hang on a second and then I would just do whatever I'd go over. I'd make Bobby say something for a minute and then I go, that's all good. Noam walked away. We're good now, Bobby. Bobby, show him that dance you do. That's good. All right. Stop. Enough. Bobby, pack your head and rub your belly at the same time. Stop it. Noam's gone. Do that joke for the beginning of Raw and then Bear come out and start taking a dookie. All right. I'm going to shut up. Noam left. That's enough. I got to get back to my story. Can I ask a quick question? Sure. In the time that, you know, I know you don't go there a lot, blah, blah, blah. Have you and Noam had any like, hey, how are you? Or do you kind of avoid yourselves? It's great you should ask that. He's been on the show. He zoomed on the show and he came on the show. I think he apologized profusely both times. And he's also said to me, please tell Jay, I love him. I want him to work the club. I hope he's, you know, I think he's one of the funniest guys. Ever. I want him at the cellar. And I've told him this. Jay O'grace and genius. I said this, I said this. That's a quote. That's a quote. And I've said this on the show. And the last time I said it on the show, he went on, I think for an hour and fucking tore apart the cellar. Yeah. And Noam and really though, I really went elbow deep on SD if I'm being honest, but he did talk. Noam was in there. The cellar, blah, blah, blah. I mean, some of my favorite jokes have ever made. I go, SD and Leslie Jones sit back behind home, behind a home plate of the Yankees games. Which one do you think brought the ugly person? So which one? What? You think they both walk around and go and embarrass? They're like, oh, geez, I'm with Leslie Jones. I'm with this little, I'm with this little, I'm with this little crazy. He went off so much where he called me later. He goes, yeah, did that, did that bother you that I was just, I mean, where I was like, nah, you're trying to be funny. Trying to be funny on the radio, but it is my friend. I'm genuine, dude. It is my club. Oh, you're genuine. You can't be fated. No, you can't, you can't fade this guy. You can't be fated. There's only one way to fade, Jay. Hang on. So I start giving Todd the story and Noam will walk kind of nearest and I'll be like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, we're back. And I go on this and Todd's even making a face and he goes, that sucks. He goes, yeah, and then they wrote in the book and I gave him the, I told the book that I love this club and I'm not going to talk shit about it. And then they talk shit about me. Mike, he gets mad as when it happened every time it comes. He gets as mad as when it happened after the apology, after the second apology, after the third. He gets mad and I hear him talking. I'm staying out of it because I hear him going and then he's, it's like, I never learned not to bring it up, dude. It's like fell dog, dude. The guy keeps showing up everywhere and performing like he doesn't know he's bad. Did you see he's with alien ant farm on the internet? No, dude. He came out and did smooth criminal with alien ant farm. Oh, Jesus Christ. Are you serious? Michael, Michael, focus. He's our guest. Focus, Michael. He dances around. Michael, don't bring it up, Christine. We have a second half. No, you have to show him for a second. You can wait. We can wait. Get back to it, Chad. Excuse me. You're my producer. Wow. Apparently she can produce better than you. That was athletic as fuck, dude. That was not athletic. I get to beat Christine. Let's do an athletic contest right now. His second pushups. No, Bobby has a direction he's trying to go. Wow. Oh, you really are. Let's do raised pushups. I got a little hard when she did that. We'll get it to you. You can have that as a dessert. What yoga position do you think you can do better than me? All of them. Hey, earthworm. Let's do one now. Hey, earthworm. Get back to the story. So the waitress comes up. I order my shots. I get the celery sauces, which I have in my house when you come over later. So I have the buffalo and the wing sauce, the buffalo and the blue cheese. You put that on whatever. Michael, look at me when he does it. He's just trying to get you. Go with the story. Two words of hummus without pasto and stuff. So I'm talking about and I'm going heavy on time. And then I tell him, no, I finished the story too when I go. So that's where it's like, it's not that I don't come here ever. It's like I've come here, but I'm just like, I'm like, I'm just kind of like this place. They don't fucking, it was just so disrespectful. I'm like, they don't fuck with me. I don't give a shit. I don't fuck with them really like that. And then no one walked up to the table and he goes, he goes, oh my God, I'm so happy you're here. Is this real? Are you really here? I'm so happy you're here. And then he goes, I go, yeah, I go. I'm off tonight. So I came through and he goes, he goes, I'm so, I'm really so happy you're here. He goes, I would, what do you say? He goes, if you came here, I would start buying you whatever you're having right now. Every night I go, I go, okay. And he goes, because I always, I don't know why, man. I just feel like, I feel like you hate my guts. And I went, what? I looked at Todd Barry's face. Michael Todd went, what the fuck is that? What's happening? I just got a fucking, a fucking cannonball. Todd Barry was baffled. Baffled. I was lighting up inside with joy and laughter. Knowing this moment was coming. Oh my. I mean, I start giving him other time. I go, what? Why do you think I came to do Bobby's show? I was on the new thing. I'm just crazy. He started giving his comedy cellar resume in the last month. No. Why would you think that? Oh, and Noam literally sat down. And said, I got everything is no, I bought it all. I already got it. It's fine. Oh man. I gave him anecdotes. Oh my God. These two love birds. I don't know what happened back there, man. What happened? I'll tell you what happened. He is. What was going through your head during this? He's a mushy fucking amoeba that talks a lot of shit and has no backup. I'll tell you what he loves to do. He's a tea spiller. That's what he's a mulling quim. He loves. Oh, Bobby. He loves athletic. He loves to. Oh, and then you know what? And then you know what? And face with the fucking man. Hey, how you doing? I turned into a five year comic that just got passed. Oh my. If you would try to, I would have stood up hugged him. Oh my. Oh my God. They know what happened back there. I can't say something. No, I have no idea what he walked into. He has no idea. His name was his club. His legacy was being besmudged by this earthworm. There's something in his own club at the table. It is. I would have loved to talk very monotone. Pussy. Oh, he did in his head. He definitely did. I mean, was he just like, did he could you read his expression? Was he completely confused? Yes. What was happening? I looked at when he listened to me. I was nervous when Noam came over because I was hearing this. And I know Jay, Jay, Jay doesn't take shit from no. No, Bobby, you're not thinking of what it is, though. I'll tell you what it is. And I know this about myself. It's why I try to say this. And I are whenever somebody goes, I hate on air arguments. The audience doesn't love, which is a lie. Whenever they go, the audience, the audience loves on air arguments. Yeah. But they go, they hate. Nobody wants to argue on air. I, everything confrontational in my life. I need to happen on air. I don't know why. Well, there's a reason for sure. But I will go at it intently. If the same night somebody could, if we ended the thing on a an angry thing on the show, the same night the person calls me, I go, I'm just fucking doing radio. I'm good. You know what? Good. I'm going to have Noam have microphones and a recorder at the table. Yes. All the time. So next time he shows up, I'm going to throw a microphone. Jeb Natterman moderating. Now, no, you did fuck up. Well, you know, you should know if we were fucking podcasting, I fucked the shit up. We probably got physical. Jay's only tough on a podcast. But seriously. Yeah. Seriously. Your kryptonite is real life. Yeah. Let me. My kryptonite is the living, breathing world. Michael, when Noam was walking over my heart, I was like, ah, shit, I'm going to have to deal with my friend over here and my friend over here. I've got it. This is going to be a confrontation. Yeah. He's going to say something. Jay's going to go, you know what, dude, I don't fucking work here. I was just telling Todd, you know, you know, you show me no respect. As he's an asshole and you should change that. And Noam was going, what are you fucking? And it was going to be this thing that I was going to have to break up. Thank God, Jay is just a fucking dandy. No, I didn't. It's really fish. Oh, my God. I didn't want you to be uncomfortable. No, you did not. Let me tell you something. But I think that last night, by the why did I think of my excuse being? I didn't want Bobby to have to be uncomfortable. I was fucking Bobby. What the fuck is wrong with me? If I would have thought a little bit quicker, I could have just been like, yeah, Bobby, it's like your friend. What am I going to sit there and make you be in a weird situation? If you weren't there, dude, I'd have fucking lit them up at the table. We're patreced as many. Hey, you got wooden teeth. You mean that table? Yes. At the table where I saw somebody make you cry one night. Yes, where I've seen grown men cry. Yeah, meanest table in the world. I've seen some. Bobby, Bobby Kelly trial. But yes, you mean that fucking table, buddy. I was waiting for it and I was like, oh, my God, Jay's going to Jay. Jay's going to do it. He's this is it. But whatever. I'm here. It's happening. Oh, my God. If you could have saw these two love birds, Jay sat down and哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎 You know one head like look Watching noem jam with this band and look watch this ready you watch this well look who's sitting right there Yapping away watching noem. Oh, he loves it you what made me sit there I did not you know what makes you do anything. Jay. You're you do what you want you lured me into that I didn't lure you I didn't have fucking snacks. Did you leave with a couple t-shirts? I go guys for the new house which by the way you got a commode Yes, give me stuff. I want to wear if I do a TV thing. I think I want to really show the They talked like old friends we just sat there and they talked about his drinks He's like not this is my drink all the time I have to have three of these and I have one of these and that's my thing for the night Did I go this is the way I always try I made Bobby to back up This is the way I have my drinks. Yeah, and then all right, Bobby I'm talking to noem if you don't mind. Yeah, I'm the I'm the conductor in his little fun He's Frank Sinatra. I'm the black guy that he brings over. This is the guy right here without him. All right. Go back Honey boy Jay, dude Very talk to you like what just happened. No, well, let me tell you something Todd Barry's face. I've never seen it I've seen him confused. No, I made it. I made his leave so quick after that So there's no time to I left before Todd Barry can go What the hell was that? Pink And Jay was sharing my chips out of my wing basket We were and we had a little and we had a little lady in the trail. We had a little fight in the blue cheese Oh I was looking down they were both eating my chips. We had some knuckle hockey that you were both going for his little saucy chips Everyone loves the buffalo covered chips That is fucking amazing. You're living with a coward She knows Now no walking out where you just like your ears are ringing. You're like, what the fuck I hit him as soon as we walked out It didn't matter. We walked outside and he goes, what the fuck was that? And then the whole he kept calling me an amoeba spineless toad. I think we got what's that thing? It's like a frog You fucking tadpole as soon as we walked out. I was like, yeah The whole walk back to the car and then the whole drive back to his truck If I met this j2 and a half years ago, you'd be sitting in the seat He just said no I'm okay. I'm not working with that fucking I only work with real people This show will be called I go Bobby you got to get me on the air dude. I'm mad real on the air The show will be called the wet firework. It's not even about being a man. He's not a person. No That's crazy Mike if you uh, it was I mean the pitch I mean My dog was probably barking back in wane when she heard the the high pitch of the end of my Getting this crazy information from my lips to your ears The monitors on the living the monitors went Had feedback I want to pay for your drinks. No, I don't know these are my things Hey, buddy, you know that lean in j does when he's really interested when he pretends I guess to be really interested. He did a lean his j cute face lean in When every time gnome talk there it is right there. I can't believe this Well, also, I was leaning in so uh, because we were having a couple giggles at how we were kept Fumping knuckles with the with the tater chips. How did it end with you and gnome? Did you go like french kiss? Oh, buddy Did you tie a cherry stem and give it to him? I was I turned my ring around. It's got the hands in the heart I'm taking that. I'm taking the clatterin. You guys are dating now He's taken by the seller. I turned my I turned my heart ring around. He gave you his capo I am his he should have used that special at the new theater at the summer Yeah, oh my god, I'd be honored. Oh, oh, they did the whole one you're gonna put in spots. You're gonna go probably in the summer Crazy in the summer is it still the same? I would love to go to a Yankee game. I hope she's in good health Unreal cool, if a plane ever shoots leslie jones down I'll go to the game today. Was Liz did Liz see this let me tell you something Because I could see her just fucking I saw Liz walk over to the table. Look at the table and turn around She's she's ashamed of me for sure I am I wasn't even there everybody Todd back. How can you have Todd Barry be like? You're not a man Todd Barry thinks I'm not a man That's the worst he thinks I'm all talk for sure If nothing else he thinks I'm all talk He talks so much shit Right there. I'm on and I swear to you when gnome would do like the walk by to like go to the bar or something And I would stop telling story for a second. I go way over. He's right behind us be like Fucking jerk off over And then I kind of follow his eyes back as he went back over. It's like, yeah. Yeah Anyway, Todd, I can get back to the story and I go back and I mean I gave it to him It as dramatic as you could and they printed the letter They gave them the whole letter Which had a bunch of lot that I do all my self defense of the letter itself I go and then she said I said this I would never say that She says I did this which is not me You're lucky Todd Barry didn't step in on your behalf and go actually. No, I just heard the whole story I gotta tell you super. I was watching it like a play. I mean seriously. He was a Greek tragic He was doing a monologue to Todd Barry with such emotion which is how to keep Bobby's attention. He prefers musicals You could turn into a musical at the end No I would never be What are you talking about? It turned into Annie at the end. That's what you did you sissy I'd never be me. This is my comedy home. You're like my comedy dad I belong here That's he was through a war He goes no, I mean we talking about my blood my blood and sweat is in these walls man My spit is on this microphone. I bleed the cellar. Oh, you are unbelievable a coward I'm a coward son of a bitch. Am I blind or is this super fuzzy? The screen went fuzzy again Mikey vanoya is going to be at the brokerage in long island on may 8th and 9th For tickets in all of his tour dates go to punchup.live slash mike vanoya F-i-n-o-i-a And of course the big news mike's new show saturday night shakedown premiering may 16th On the grateful dead channel Right here on serious xm not her christine's thinks that all radio channels are women Channel her on serious God and look how she's spelled vanoya. You see did i just jump right into confrontation Yeah, with any girl. Yeah with any girl on a microphone on a microphone at a show outside nothing Jacob, what are you looking at pussy? JJ j you got a problem jay We're going to break so the microphone is going to be off so I like the microphone still on right now and i don't like the way he's looking at me Yeah, but he's going to be off soon. He's going to slap you in the face. All right. Well, we'll be right back then I guess we'll see what happens. We'll see what happens