Graham Parker + Wyclef Jean (Carolla Classics)

Welcome to Corolla Classics, I'm your host Superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights, and fans like to clips from all 17 years of the Adam Corolla show. If you'd like to hear any of these full episodes, commercial free, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's sub-stack. There you can find the full archives of the Adam Free Adam Corolla show, the Adam Free Archive of the Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as the podcast Beat It Out. That's adamcorolla.substack.com. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us at classicsatAdamcorolla.com. Now on to the clips. Coming up first today we have Adam Corolla show 884 featuring Penn Gillette, Dr. Bruce, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2012. Penn's podcast Penn Sunday School started on Ace Broadcasting Corolla Digital back in the early days when they were first expanding with additional shows. Hope you guys enjoy. Good day, Allison Rosen. Hello, Adam Corolla. Good day, bald Brian. Hey, you're a spiritual. Get it on, baby. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandy, get it on. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for telling a friend. A lot of people have been checking out the Dr. Drew bonus episode and digging that. We put those on just for you. All right. We'll get to the show. Hello, Penn Gillette's calling in. Dr. Spaz is coming on. Much to complain about where to begin. My mom and my stepdad came over today, hung out for a little bit, had an uplifting conversation. Conversation went a little something like this. My mom's been living in her mom's extra piece of shit and with the one bathroom and the no central air and no central heat in it for her entire life in the valley. She's always wanted to get out of that, but she can't because she's dependent on that. But it is now her house. She now owns it. Yes. But now she's getting old. And it's why I sort of complain about the welfare state because I see how crippling it is. My mom spent her whole life waiting for her mom to die so that she could move to Santa Barbara. You shouldn't be waiting on somebody else to die or something else to have it. Did she do it while her mom was alive? Well, she was living in this house that she didn't own, but she wasn't having to pay rent, per se. She was getting the stipend from the government. She was dependent. She couldn't just get up and leave. It was like being a 65-year-old college student where the stepdad is paying for your room and board or something. She couldn't give up the killer lifestyle. Yes. You end up presenting the person that's keeping you a float. Yeah, a lot of that were Marlboro Miles. So she's no slouch. She needed the giant duffel bag. She needed the kayak and that. So you become sort of dependent on somebody. Once you become dependent on that somebody, it's hard to really get off that teat. It just becomes who you are. Your self-esteem sort of gets down to a point where work and all that kind of stuff is not really an option. So you're sort of waiting for whoever's taking care of you to either die or get drunk and cut you a check or do something or elect somebody to do something. You get into a mode and this is what I don't like. You get in a mode of what are you going to do for me mode or when are you going to do something for me mode. You're out of I got to fix my own shit mode. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. And it's good. If there's something that's upsetting you, then it's the fault of the person you've become dependent on, not your own. You're not even in you. You are just a styrofoam cup in that giant sea that field of trash, that field of trash that's the size of Texas in the middle of the Pacific or the Atlantic or whatever it is. You're just in that vortex. You're just floating around. A couple of oily feathers stuck to you. Yeah. Waiting for maybe a wind or a seagull to pluck you up, but you can't really do anything. Your plans don't involve yourself, which is a weird way to go through life. My mom's plans didn't involve her and involve somebody dying, selling something they used to own, getting some money and moving somewhere else. How much of this nature versus nurture do you think? Because when I was first diagnosed and Christy and I were both out of work and she was staying care of me, we were on unemployment for whatever it's like, at least three months or something. And it became sort of after three months, it was like, oh, it was really nice getting a check for however many hundred, a few hundred bucks every couple of weeks. But I was like, we got to put a stop to this because it's killing our ambition. We sort of realized right away, this money, while nice, it's too comfortable. It puts us into the last of a state. I don't think you could ever do it to Mark Cuban. You know what I mean? I don't think you could turn Mark Cuban into my mom. On the other hand, I'm not sure. It's a great reality. Sounds like a reality show. It'd be fun though. On the other hand, I don't know what would get my mom out of it. But the good news is we all fall somewhere in between my mom and Mark Cuban. That's what I'm talking about. So you could go either way. We all have it in us and we don't have it in us all at the same time, depending on what coaches we get or don't get. So she has this life where now she's waiting and now mama's kicked off and now she's going to move into mama's house. But that house isn't done and they're still, I think they added a bathroom to that house. But we had this conversation where they were like, we got a really sweet deal on a refrigerator, my stepdad was telling me. And I said, really? And he said, oh yeah, Craig's List. And I said, oh yeah, how's that work? Well, you know, $200. The guy was right here in Van Nuys. And I said, you know, nice couple. She was going to Chicago. He was going to Milwaukee. They were breaking up. They had other stuff for sale too. I'm like, you went into their apartment? Oh yeah, absolutely. I don't know why I had to know. Was there food in the fridge when you opened it up? But now please tell me he did the thing Gold People's Do or he's like, Craig's List. You heard of Craig's List? Yeah, no. He didn't. He was probably thinking it. And yeah, so, you know, I didn't have to drive too much further in Van Nuys. I went in these guys' apartments. They had other stuff for sale too. They seemed like a nice couple. And I just thought that, all right, it's a good deal. It's still weird going into somebody's apartment who's getting divorced, you know, and have to tell you their story. You know, cold bad vibes in that refrigerator. Yeah, it's just he was a chronic masturbator and there's just nothing we could do about. So we went our separate ways. So they have this, this thing. And then at some point he lets this part slip out. He said, yeah, you know, you don't always want to go to the person's house. You know, like the guy got my phone from now, I'm all ears. The guy got your phone from. Yeah, I met him at the 7-Eleven. I'm not in the 7-Eleven. We met in the parking lot. You know, we're not animals. We met in the parking lot. So you met the guy where you bought your cell phone from in the parking lot of the 7-Eleven. Yeah, yeah. That's $10. That's a nice phone. He didn't know all you had to do is remove the chip and add new chip. Yeah. So how did that work? Well, you know, the thing was funny. I didn't, I forgot to ask the guy what kind of car he drove. So I was just standing out there in the 7-Eleven parking lot as everyone would come in. It is funny. Yeah, it's good stuff. Got to take a fucking shower with the world's biggest loofah. And it's like, yes, I was just standing out in that parking lot at 7-Eleven asking everybody if they're here to buy a cell phone. Okay, that's $80 for me right there. Maybe $100. Like you've just hacked on $100 to this experience. Let's keep going. The parking lot is safe. By the way, there's a good chance of parking. The 7-Eleven would get robbed during the time you were there. Just the fact that it's a 7-Eleven in Southern California. Clean the odds. Yeah, every 14 or 15 minutes it gets robbed. So you know, if you're going to be there for 20 minutes, statistically, you're at a disadvantage. My stepdad got his cell phone from a dude on Craigslist and he met in the parking lot. To me, 7-Eleven at parking lot, they're certain we've talked about this before. I bought a used pickup truck. I feel fine about that. I wouldn't buy used bar of soap. Used toothbrush. Toothbrush, that kind of stuff. Cell phone does fall a little bit into that intimate item thing. It's been pressed up against your flesh just a little bit too long. There's a lot of your spittle that's been caught somewhere on it. I'm not worried about the cooties so much, but believe you me, no matter how much you wipe that thing down, five years from now, if we needed to lift a little DNA off that bad boy, we could get yours. If there was some crime, some guy, you know, they started finding hookers in the 7-Eleven up around Sherman Way there, we could get some DNA off that bad boy. What kind of, is it a new phone even? $10. I don't know. It's not the last iPhone, but it's not the one that's not out yet. But no, I don't know. I'll fucking probably get smart shoe phone or something. I don't know what it is. I didn't want to ask. You know, I was like, you met a kind of parking lot to buy a cell phone. If there was a conversational ejector button, you would have been pressing it. Yeah, I would have, yes, I would have been hitting it over and over again. So that was a fun and lively discussion. And then I said, I said, you know, but sometimes you see those people that are selling stuff on Craigslist, you know, they're selling a DVD or something for like 99 cents. And my mom jumped in and said, yes, sometimes you get lucky. And I said, no, no, I mean, all right, I can see we'll just agree to disagree here. So I got the friend, the cell phone for $10. I said, John, did you offer the, did he want 15? You know, did you work your way down? You finish him off by the dumpster and get, get, get five off that bad boy? Like God, no, no, I was 10. Wow. 10 is what it was. He paid full retail. Yeah. This going into, look, I understand. Money's money. You want to save a few bucks, but going into someone's apartment hearing the details about the relationship and why I don't, this part where here's, here's my feeling. One of the things I enjoy about buying things and paying retail at a store, the guy who works at the Sears doesn't explain to me why they have to sell this stack washer and dryer. See when you buy something used and you go, you're selling this fridge, it's fucking Kenmore. It's only like two years old. Oh, yeah. Why is it going so cheap? Believe me, I wish I could fit there so nicely. It's less than two years old. It's beautiful. Hardly used. I don't even like to feed people. That's what I think. I see people selling cars all the time or they're like, divorce, forces, can I get involved in your fucking personal life? I'm not going to, I won't judge. I understand cars. Is everyone sitting down on occasion or sold in a used form? Yeah. I don't sit around and go, what, why, what's up? Haunted? Is it haunted? What happened? Does it only turn left? What happened that this car is not good enough for your ass anymore? What'd you do? What's going on? No, I got to hear details about your messy personal life and why. There's a lot of wife wants this, divorce causes that. I always love that one. Just grew apart. I know. Look, the car's fucking used and it's for sale. All asks questions like how many miles does it have on it? Or is this the fifth owner or whatever it is? But I don't need to know all the particulars about the relationship. Is there a chance you guys can reconcile? You have a couple of kids after all. Yeah. I mean, Jesus, when I was looking at that space heater and was your youngest, Timmy, I was looking in his room at that space heater you got for sale. You know, I looked up, I saw that little league picture of him and I thought, well, he can't be happy about this development at all. Yeah. Also, yeah, when you open it and you see a bunch of yogurt in the fridge, you're like, well, problem with the bowels, huh? Yeah, I understand. Probiotic. I understand. Then you have to say, but what will you throw in the yogurt? Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, stepdad bought his cell phone from a guy he met on Craigslist for $10 at a 7-Eleven. So much interaction with other humans involved in that story that would make me not want to do that at all. She wants you to know who raised me. That's all I want you to know. Also speaking of, it was a nice visit. My mom came by, we sat around by the pool and drank some coffee and talked about, you know, buying shit cheap on the Internet. And then also, she wants, now you see, she still wants my book. She got to wait for that shit to come out on Craigslist. Listen, if anyone puts my fucking book on Craigslist, I'll kill you. Maybe that woman who keeps calling in with books. Who do you have buys this ass? She wants my book and I tell her I don't have my book. I don't have it at my house, which is true. I don't have a copy at my house. I have several copies here that I sign and we put them in the store. I think there's a hundred that I signed and that Ray signed, his chapter signed as well that we'll put up for sale. And there's some that we just give out and all that kind of stuff. But I don't have my book at my house and that way I don't have to be a lot. I don't have to lie to my mom, but we're going on two months and my mom's like, I'd like to read that book. We stick to myself. There are, first it's not Nazi Germany. And you know, you're not hiding up in some attic somewhere. You can get a used one on Amazon. You use that's your favorite thing, right? On Amazon. And then I started thinking about it's kind of the point is, I think partly mostly cheap. And then the other part is, hey, my son writes a book. He should give me a book. I shouldn't have to pay for the book. But then I always think about, I think everyone else's family just buy 10 books because they know it's part of the disconnect of not ever being involved with a private sector or working or anything. Like, don't you know, Corolla's that if you buy 10 books, I get it helps me and it helps the whatever the right, even if it, even if it's a nickel, a book, but it's the rankings and the helps the deal toward the next book. I don't know. It's sort of like asking to be on the guest list when the tickets are really cheap. I think they don't realize that it helps you if they pay for tickets. I would, no one in my family has the book or has purchased a book. And I don't think, yes, if you sat them down and and poke them, they would do that math. But instinctively, they're not doing it. I mean, and sort of conveniently, they don't want it. My mom doesn't want to pay for 10 copies of the book. That's that's the thing. But yeah, you could explain that to them, but you could also explain. Yeah, you could explain anything to somebody and get them to understand it. The question is, is do they sort of instinctively, inherently understand it? Answer no, evidently. So now I'm in this weird place where I have to keep pretending like I can't get my own book. And then she's in this great place where she's never going to read the book unless I give her the book, but I'm never going to give her the book. So we got ourselves a stalemate. I got a Mexican standoff here. Like I don't know. I don't know how it works. One of these days, Lynette's going to walk in carrying the book and it's going to be slow motion. You're going back. No. Oh, no, no. She's she's been briefed. She's been briefed. But one of her friends, maybe when the thing goes to paperback. Now, a week after it goes to paperback, when there's some used ones in a paperback form, one of her friends might buy one. But then why would you buy a book for the mom of the author? You know, I'm saying you would assume they had one. I have to figure this one out. It's very interesting dynamic. Would she actually read it, though, if she had it, or would she just say she's going to read it? Oh, no, she would read it. She read the chapters that are about you growing up. Right. No, no, she would. My mom likes to read. Oh, that's right. She's a reader and says she likes comedy and would read the book. My dad is a reader, but not a fan. So unclear, like I don't know. And my sister, I never get a read on her part of the pun. I don't know if she's read it or has it or it would never come up if she did. So my sister, family members, I don't know. I don't really know if my dad did. I've never had a discussion with him about it last book or this book. My mom did read the last book. So got that to look forward to. Thank you guys, by the way, because. You're welcome. Yeah, no problem. The thing that's nice about the book thing is as we talk about books, one of those things where it either has legs or a dozen. And when you come out with Marcia Brady's book talking about her years of using cocaine on the set of the Brady Bunch and that kind of stuff for Shannon Doherty's book, that stuff makes it to the airport, a bookstore, the Hudson Book stand, it lasts two weeks, week and a half, and then it's gone. And then once it's gone, it's just gone. The nice thing about my books thus far, because of you guys, the thing that's been really nice is you guys have kept them going. You've never really shut the spigot off on it. And that's all just word of mouth. And it's evidenced by the fact that my book came out the same time that Baba Buie's book came out and Embarable Lightness came out, which is a Portia De Rossi's book. I just told Mike to look this up. So we all came out New York Times bestseller list same time. It was your first book. First book, sorry. In 50 years, Wally B. Chicks and Baba Buie was number six and Portia De Rossi was number three. And I was number eight. So I was behind both of them a year and a half ago when our books all came out. Now, if you look on Amazon and you look at the ranking on Amazon, you will find you're moving down. Mike. Okay. I don't know what the rankings are. Oh, yours is now 8,410. Why am I not seeing that? It's it's very small and it's. Oh, oh, oh, sorry. Sorry. Baba Buie's is number 2,076,503. And so let me digest this for a second. Number 182. I'm at 8,000, which doesn't sound spectacular, but Baba Buie, who was ahead of me and came out the same week as a 276,000. So that's quite a difference from a percentage standpoint. And Portia De Rossi's is 75,000, 75,000, 337. We'll round up. We'll round up. So you see, and it goes on and on. There's these books. Again, they fall off a cliff and you go from, you know, being 20th to 21st to 250 something thousand a year and a half on you guys. I'll look and frequently, it'll be 3000, 4000, never really gets out of 10,000, which again, doesn't sound like you're taking the world by storm, but you can see where these books go after they come out. And it's you guys who sort of, it's only the tele-friend. It's not like my publishers got some sort of campaign that's ongoing or the Baba Buie's got anything that's ongoing or that anyone is it, they just come out and then either a friend tells a friend or a son buys it for his dad or vice versa, or they just completely fall off a cliff. So thank you very much for that. And I think the new book will continue to do the exact same way. Oh, right. I was somebody was tweeting me as I was talking about Red Dawn, the movie and lamenting the fact that that didn't come out last week. Somebody said it is coming out. Somebody gave me one of those. The reboot you're talking about. Yeah. Somebody gave me the story that made sense, which is whatever company was bought by Chinese company and they had to make the Chinese villains turn into North Korean villains. See, whenever there's one of those, what the fuck? Does that involve recasting? That's good stuff. What idea? Yeah, I mean, it's pretty make sense, right? You go like this is a 60 million dollar movie. They did it three years ago. How come it's never come out? Well, somebody got bought by Chinese company and they didn't want the Chinese being the ones who invaded. Makes sense. So they they swapped them out. Doesn't matter to me. I'm going to be there, baby. That's right. Come hell and high water. See, it's not a or. It's not an or situation for me. Yeah. Yeah. And by by the way, if you spell or like an or, then water is not such a big deal. Be boiling water for sure. There's all water. Yeah, but it's hell and high water. I will be I'll be watching me some of that. It's a lot of dedication. Thank you. I have a little something called priorities. Oh, God damn. You guys would have. You would have loved this Larry David esque moment for me. So. I've said it once. I'll say it again. It's again, this is all it's all out of a movie. I can't write fast enough. And by the way, I'm not good enough comedically to come up with this kind of content. My maids breast augmentation was botched. Oh, no. I know it's one of those California things. I've always lamented the fact you guys know how I'm wired, right? Yes. Yes. I mean, yep. I'm honestly. OK, here's what I'm saying. I have many, many expensive cars and I don't own any convertibles. The only convertible I own is a race car. And the only time I wear it is when I'm wearing a full helmet. And you have that wiener car. I got the wiener car. Hmm. The hot dog car. Oh, the hot dog car. Yeah. I only crash that thing once a year. So I don't like convertibles because I feel weird driving around convertible. I feel like people are looking at me and that kind of stuff. And I'm also one of those dudes that I just hate strangers in my house. Like if the gas man is doing the whatever down in the kitchen, I'll be upstairs. Tell me when he leaves. I don't I don't have it's not a phobia. I just I don't feel like going in and having that we have to have a little exchange in the kitchen. If I just wait up for 15 minutes, he'll leave and we'll never have to have that forced exchange, except for when you have kids and you have a house that's bigger than 2000 square feet, then you have a wife that delegates this stuff. You see, I thought it was going to be the kind of thing where I just got married and then I just went out and made a bunch of money. And then it was like, like I grew up watching Bewitched. That's what I thought it would be like. I didn't know. I thought it was just going to be Dr. Bombay and Endora and all that. I didn't know there'd just be a team of women running through my house all day long. And I've been on the road and working just about every weekend for the last three or four weeks. And Friday came around and I thought I got almost nothing to do today. I'm fucking happy about this. There's nothing I like more than putzing around in my bathrobe and sitting on eBay and looking at car parts and just doing whatever the fuck I want. I've earned it. I've been on the road working every weekend and arranged meetings off Craigslist. That's right. Meet guys and 7-Eleven parking lots trying to get cell phones off them. So of course the maid shows up and with the botched boob job. And then she brings her her her her muscle because because because of her physical situation, she now needs to bring another human being to help her do her job. And this other human being looks like Jack Black and Nacho Libre with a little like not quite as good a shape and female female and female question mark. And then she brings her bucket headed seven year old who's running all over the house and upstairs, Terrence Sonny's Legos apart and all that kind of shit. And no matter what they're told or how many times they're told, they start in the kitchen taking the kitchen apart. So when I come down into the kitchen, they're arguing in Spanish and I'm literally bumping into people like I'm doing the could you move? I got to get to the microwave that your blocks, you're standing in front of the coffee pot, you know, they're undoing the dishwasher sort of in front of the coffee pot. And it was like, there's a living room and a hall and the hall that goes down there in a bathroom with the end of it and that fucking Dan at the very end. Could you go fucking hit that shit and leave the kitchen alone? Like they can never can never get worked out. But you just have to smash cut to about four in the afternoon, me sitting in my office on my computer answering some tweets. And this kid who I affectionately know is a little Ricky, who's got one of those just big old bucket Mexican heads and he's just sitting there on the chair right next to me just playing Sonny's video games. He's a sweet kid. Yeah, that just sounds cute. It's not his fault. I don't want to like I can't tell him, hey, where's your mom? I got the fuck out of here. I think by addressing his large bucket head, we realize the affection you have for him. I just want to sit my fucking office. Can I sit my fucking office? What is this? You got to bring your fucking kids. And by the way, my buddy Kevin Hinch told me when I was complaining over dinner with him last night, it's like, look, I'm cutting you a check, baby. And then what's daycare cost? Because there's fucking kids running all over my house all fucking day. So I'm just going to go ahead and deduct that from the fucking mix. I know the answer is I don't know, but is she charging you more for the second person? This is a very good question. This is a good question. This is a question that Kevin Hinch asked me last night over dinner. And I said, you know what, Kevin, even I don't want to know that. Even I, I who get involved with everything, I don't even want to know that all. All I want is a little fucking peace and quiet. And so there's this thing. It's sad, but it's true. Back in the day, if the husband worked, then the wife did the whatever at the house. And thus you didn't have the pack of marauding strangers in your house constantly. But now the husband works, the wife does not do that. I understand that's where we're at. That's where we're at as a society. We've not fixed it. We've not closed the gap. No one's going to say a fucking word. Everyone's completely pussywhip. You'd be insane. If I, if I said to a group, hey, I'm working all day, my wife should be cleaning and take care. I'd be like, oh, you're fucking monster. I'd be a fucking burned at the stake, like a fucking heretic. I really would. So we now have this thing. Well, because Kevin was explaining to me that his dog walker was an ex con and a maniac. And I'm like, that's nice. You have a dog walker. Right. Sure. Of course you have a dog walker. That's what you do. You go out and then you get the dog walker and you get the nanny and you get the maids. And then you get whatever their kids are. And by the way, you don't realize how deep these guys roll because then when so and so sisters in from Guatemala, she's coming by and she's bringing mama. And it's before, you know, you're just surrounded by fucking people that we know you're entertaining. That's a great conversation. He's telling me about a dog walker. Awesome. The point is, is back in the day, you didn't need a dog walker. Unless you had a wife. If you're both attorneys, then you had a fucking dog walker. Now. Yes. I'm not there yet, but can one person not do more than one of these jobs, the dog walking and then a little dusting? Hell no, Brian. Come on now. That's silly. I don't know. The unions wouldn't allow it. No, that's a really good point. What ends up happening is the wives become traffic cops because they become like plant four plant managers because there's so many, there's so much fucking traffic coming through the house. She has this clipboard. Consuelo, you're on for a 10 minute break. Take your mandatory 10 minute right now. Yeah. Uniform then punch in. Don't punch in on your way in. Getting your uniform, then you punch in. Hair net, hair net, hair net. Yeah. And it's true. It becomes a job. You have the gardener to deal with. You have this person to deal with. You have that to deal with. And look, honestly, you got to not have a dog walker. But the point is you never thought you'd be dealing with all these people and you don't realize these guys aren't the best and the brightest society has to offer. They're 43 year old dudes that are working as dog walker. So when you then have a conversation with said 43 year old dog walker, how do you think that's going to go? First, I got my MBA from Harvard and then it was, oh, well, actually I'm not counting Peace Corps. I did a lot of work with those. Doug Wells in Ethiopia. And then I started my own internet company, huge. And I sold that off. And then one of those. When did the love of animals crop up? Somewhere between prison and the methadone clinic. That's when I fell in love with walking dogs. So you get a lot of folks who you don't really want to talk to. And good news is you can't really talk to some of them because there's a language barrier, but you can actually communicate with their kids a little more and they're just fucking running around your house and they'll be there for 11 hours. Now you can clear out, but I'm home for the first time in months and I don't want to fucking clear out of my house. But yeah, you should all get to that point. And how do your maid's boobs look? Boob? Is that what happened? Is it a uniboo? I don't know. I had this moment where I was prepping a race car and I had one of the guys just help me work on the race car and we're walking down some stairs looking through a piece of glass. And I have this moment twice a week now. Looking through a piece of glass, there's a big tint on it so you can't see in, but we could see out very clearly. And as we were walking down these stairs going to go work on my car, I saw a bucket head holding, trying to twisting my door knob from my back door. Obviously it'd been locked. It was dead bolted, twisting it and banging his shoulder into it, twisting it and banging his shoulder and twisting it and sort of banging his, like fighting with it. Like trying to pull the knob off it and banging his bucket head against it. I just said, Rob, don't ever get too successful because you can look forward to this. This is what you can look forward to a life filled with this. And he said, well, I want to make money. And I said, yeah, yeah, just not too much because this, this will be your life. This will be your life. A bunch of fucking strange people running around your house all god damn day arguing in Spanish. It's awesome. All right. Where the fuck were we? Pen Gillette on the fucking phone yet? Oh, Penn's online one. Oh, were you telling me that? No, he just picked up. I mean, like literally as I said, he did it. Oh, Penn. I am here. Oh, Penn. I've never read him. Good. Good to speak to you, Penn. Penn Sunday School. Yes. I am here to receive the worst father in the world award. Please tell us. I was watching the Wizard of Oz with my children in our little home theater. And just as the flying monkeys came and my children became clutching at me, I said, Hey guys, I got a lead to call Adam Carolla, but I'll be right back. They're traumatized. I'm sure. By the way, Penn Sunday School is on our network. New episodes every Sunday. You can find it and subscribe to it on iTunes. I recommend it highly. I was just talking to someone about you the other day, Penn. They were saying about all the time, cool things to do in Vegas. And they said, Oh, have you been to Penn Gillette's house? And I said, I did when he was building it or he was adding an addition onto it, but not since it's been finished. So you do owe me a tour next time I'm out that way. I sure do. You got to come by. You do shows here now. And again, one of the, the children that were over for kind of a play date, their mom was telling me how much she loved Adam Carolla and she saw you last time you were here. Where were you at the house? The hard rock house of blues. House of blues. Yeah. She was saying how great you were. She just loved every second of you. Oh boy. I love that there's fans out there. By the way, the show is at the Rio Casino in Vegas and that is Saturdays through Wednesdays. Tickets, pennanteller.com. Penn, how long have you and Teller been together? You must be going on 25, 30 years almost. I believe it's 38. Holy shit. It's all I've ever done in my life. I went from getting out of high school. Notice I don't say graduated. Getting out of high school right to working with Teller. The thing that amazes me about you too, most teams when they've been together, even when you're talking about marriages, business partners, especially partners who perform on stage together, when you ask them 10 years on and especially 30 years in, what do you think of your partner? You get a person who usually looks around a little bit and says, you profess your love for Teller all the time and say he's a genius and say he's the greatest. That's very rare, is it not? Well, the major thing is that there's an absence of love. It's all just respect. We've never really had a friendship type relationship. It's always been respect. And I think respect is a much stronger emotion than affection. I think that Leonard and McCartney fell in love with each other. And when they started to not get along, it was heartbreaking. But Teller and I, it was much more like an internet relationship where you talk about ideas. So, you know, even when we don't get along, we still feel like we do better shows together. I mean, he's never late for anything. And this is a rare thing to say. So many people say this kind of stuff, but this is actually true in our case. I put my life in his hands every night. I mean, we do the bullet catch, which killed 13 people. And it's completely safe the way we do it, but only if we both do everything right. And he does, he does things perfectly. So if you have someone that for 38 years never screws up as always on time, if you don't get along with them for a second, it's pretty hard to get too upset, you know? This is an interesting point that in our society, and I don't know how you're wired, you tell me, I'll tell you how I'm wired. People do a lot of like, do you like this person? Do you love that person? You got to love your work. You have to love your coworkers. You have to love going in every day or you have to love this guy. I love that guy. And it's like, I always feel like, no, you don't. You have to not be made miserable by these people. You have to respect them. And you have to sort of respect your work and then you can go do something. I agree with you that once you start loving, like the day I fall in love with Mike Lynch is the day I'm going to be disappointed by something he did or take something personally that he did, what I shouldn't be taking it personally. You know, it's only been the past hundred years that love has ever been considered something besides just goofy, you know, not going to base your life around. Always something, one of the great things about the movie Psycho by Hitchcock is that everything bad in it happens because of love. The villain in Psycho is love. And I think it's a very, very dangerous emotion. I think respect and interest and all those things are much, much more powerful and less mysterious. And I'm not saying that love isn't wonderful, but for a business relationship, you're going to work at a 7-Eleven with a guy, which is essentially the relationship I have with Teller. You know, it's best to just have a guy that you're okay seeing, but you're not dying to see the next day and hanging on every word. You know, that way when things aren't going perfectly, it's just kind of a shrug. And there are no huge threats. I mean, you don't have anybody that will tell a story about telling a teller backstage, splitting up or screaming at each other. The worst you'll ever get from us is a little bit of positive. I agree. And, you know, people, I think, just to put a finer point on it, with love, I think I always feel like people hide behind it a lot. You know, there's the dad who hasn't been in the kid's life since the kid was three and he moved to Florida and he started a new family and a child support payments dried up years ago. And so did the Christmas cards. But at some point when they're reunited, when the kid's 19, the dad gets to say, you know, I always loved you. I never stopped loving you. And somehow that's supposed to make the last 16 years of neglect and abuse just go up in a puff of love smoke. Who gives a shit if you loved him over the last 16 years? How about a fucking card? How about payment toward college? How about something? It doesn't mean. No, I had a really good friend. I love this story. A really good friend who was, he rode with a motorcycle gang called the Huns. You love this story or you respect the story? I love that laugh. Certainly we respect the story. And he, you know, for those of you who don't know, the Huns were the ones that stole a million dollars in arms from the Black Panthers in 1968 and then sold them back to them. Yeah, that's so bad. A bad motorcycle gang. And he was in prison and in the hospital for 15 years and he had a daughter that he saw the day she was born and did not see her again until she was 19. Wow. And she came out to visit him and he was doing that. You know, I never stopped loving you even though I didn't really remember your name. Right, sure. And she brought her boyfriend with her from Florida to where he was in California. And she made a mistake that no woman makes more than once and no man makes more than once. And that is the mistake of leaving your date alone with your parents. Leaving your boyfriend alone with your parents. Sure. We've all had one girlfriend do that to us when we were 17. They were in the room. She left the room. We were there alone. From then on, if we were ever around parents with a girlfriend, we held onto them. Sure. We're not let go of them. But she makes this mistake. He says to my biker, evil friend, you know, he says to her, well, why don't I take Bob and we'll go to the 7-Eleven and get some chips? And she says, okay. So now this guy whose girlfriend has not seen her father for 19 years, but now he has to prove his love jumps in the car. They're in the car together. And my friend turns to him and says, listen, I love my daughter. I love my daughter. Let me tell you something. I know guys fuck around and I know relationships fall apart. And I know that you'll probably break up with her or she'll break up with you. And I don't give a fuck. But I want to tell you one thing. You're all be straight with her. You don't do shit behind her back. You don't fuck around on her. You tell her the truth. Because if you don't, I love her. And if you don't, I quit my job. My job becomes hunting you. I've only thought that was the greatest lie that I've ever heard. Anywhere I quit my job, my job becomes hunting you. Speaking of jobs, I forgot about the whole celebrity apprentice and you were, I think the first person picked on team Aiken and I was the first person picked on team Arsenio. You, your team raised about twice as much as our team raised. And then you guys put on a hell of a show and we put on a comedy show. Maybe it's an apples and oranges comparison, but your show seemed like it had a couple more layers to it than ours considering Arsenio just kept saying to me, just do stand up for four minutes and get off the stage, you know. And I called him literally in his room that night and I said, like, what if we did a roast? There's something like, you know, something with a theme to it. And he said, Adam, relax, just do stand up. We'll all just do stand up and that'll be that. And so you guys did a show that seemed, you know, dimensional and layered and entertaining. And then all the murals and the whole, the whole nine yards. So I found that you guys doubled our fundraising efforts. I found that your show, even if it was apples and oranges, at least a tie and I would give the nod to you guys. And then I found the setting for your last night to be, to be very, to Trump ours, pardon the pun, but with the entertainment and the theme and all that. So I was happy that Arsenio picked me first and was sort of rooting for him, but was completely prepared to accept the defeat. And then Trump called his name and said that he won. I was shocked. Were you as shocked as I was? I was, I must say that, yes, I loved your four minutes of stand up and everything else I have to say to someone who runs the ace network, which my show is on, all that having been said and all proper respect to a good friend of mine, Adam Corolla, we were wicked better than you. Yes. I mean, we didn't even rehearse. We just, we, we just did, I just went home and wrote my act and everyone just went home and, you know, did their, did their act. I wrote a couple of jokes for Pauly senior, but that was about, that was about it. You guys, what she didn't do, right? You guys were better. So why didn't you win? And how surprised were you out on that stage for the, for the finale? I feel like everybody involved was surprised. I was completely gobsmacked and then I looked over at the people who know more about reality shows than I do, which is like everybody and they said, oh no, no, of course he was going to win. Oh, of course we knew that for weeks. I went, what? Right. And you know, I had no idea there's, there's, there's a whole kind of culture in way this thing builds, but I have no idea what really makes it tick. But others were not surprised, but I was a bit surprised. And you know, the fact is that we're trying to thrust rules upon a game, which the only rules of this game is Donald Trump does whatever he wants. And if Donald Trump does whatever he wants is the rules, you can't be surprised by anything. Yeah, I was, I still was and the ladies, but it's true. I shouldn't be, but the ladies were convinced that the fix was in. Yeah, they were. And I think I'm not that cynical. You know, I'm, I'm not a cynical guy at all. And I don't think there's any reason to have a fix in. I mean, if you're talking about an election, if you're talking about the Super Bowl, there's a reason to have a fix in. Right. If you're talking about a TV show that's doing, you know, 10 million a week on, on, on a good week and is a two hour show and they're filling up the time and it's all going well, there's no reason to assume conspiracy. I mean, it's not a Watergate situation. So I, I still have to say that I believe that Donald Trump thought about it and maybe, you know, Donald Trump wanted to, uh, to, uh, be the kind of guy who picked Arsenio as opposed to kind of guy who picked Clay or maybe he did something, but I really believe that the producers are completely honest and I believe that Donald Trump does make the decision and just pulls it out of his ass. And that's what makes the show interesting. Yeah, I don't tell you. Yeah, I don't, I don't think, and, and you can corroborate this story that when Patriot's owner Robert Kraft was going to come into the room backstage and, uh, we were all standing there in the bullpen. I think it was me and it was you and it was George and it was D. And I can't remember if there was another person who knew nothing about sports in that group. When, when Trump poked his head in and said, I got a treat for you people, I'm going to bring my buddy Bob Kraft in here. Let me go get him. And then he left. I looked at everyone's face and you have no idea who Bob Kraft is. Well, you don't know who Robert Kraft is, much less Bob Kraft, right? Right. You didn't know. George did not know. Uh, then there was D. D did not know. And I, there may have even been a fourth person. Paul, Paul senior. Paul senior. It was a perfect, you, you, it was like you found somebody. There, there are guys out there that don't follow sports, but you had the representative from each different group of guys that don't follow sports. Like you had the magic nerd. You had the gay guy. You had even, I may be even looted and know what I don't know yet. Yet you have the rock and roll guy and then you had the biker guy. So when the biker guys aren't into, or the, or the gear heads aren't into sports either yet, all four of these guys, like from all different walks of life and all, they, they, all different colors, everything, not a one of them. And they're all super intelligent guys, all of them, all of them knew something about everything. When, when he said, I'll be back with Bob Kraft, everyone looked at each other and I realized I'm the only human being in this room who knows what he's talking about. Yes. That is the great Robert. I also love, I love that your way of telling us who he was was to simply go from Nick Dave to real name. He means Robert Kraft. Yeah. Well, thanks, thank you Adam. I know, well, I know, but I was, I was momentarily confused too with the Bob. And then so I did, I internalized it. I was like, if I was confused by Bob Kraft, then you guys are confused by Bob Kraft. But I didn't realize that George does not follow the NFL's closely. So I'd like him to. All right. Penn Gillette, the, the show, of course, Penn's Sunday school, new episodes every Sunday. Subscribe on iTunes. You go to our website and you can check it out that way. Tickets, by the way, for Penn and Teller can just be found at pennanteller.com, Rio in Vegas. Great to see you or great to speak to Penn. And I hopefully I'll be in Vegas and I'll come say hi to you soon. Please do. Always a pleasure, Adam. Thank you. Great Penn Gillette, everybody. All right. I forgot it made me laugh because I was trying to think of the fourth. Yeah. Paulie. I mean, Robert Kraft is one of the most, I'd say probably in the owner department, second to Jerry Jones. Who's a billionaire? Oh, he's a billionaire. So people kind of know billionaires. Number one, number two, he's been in six soup of the last like eight Super Bowl. So it's been Super Bowl's watch by 200 million people around the world. And there's a commercial is the people holding up the trophy. Half the time is Robert Kraft. Yeah. And during the course of the Super Bowl that gets 57 million Americans watching, they cut to him up in the luxury box 25 times and they go, that's owner Robert Kraft. So the idea that I was in a group in the, I was in New York, you know, it wasn't like we're in Tanzania or something. And these were all males and none of them had, but, but it was perfect because nobody cares about sports less than Penn, except for maybe George, except for maybe Paulie, except for maybe D. That was it. If only I had been there to represent the women who don't watch sports then. Well, sadly, if there was a woman in there, we would have given her a, all right, you know what I do. But these are like three and a half straight dudes. All right, write that down. New sitcom idea coming to ABC. All right. Let's give a little love to one of our sponsors. Go to my PC. Oh man, you don't want to be stuck in that office all summer long. It's hot. Oh, smells. Oh, the humanity. You can hit the road, baby. Go to the beach. Oh, how about you hit the beach and you pop out your iPad, your iPhone, and you get right onto that computer right at work in a dank office. That's right. Go to my PC brought to you by Citrix. You can do it. Bring your laptop wherever, whenever, doesn't matter. Mac or PC. It'll work on both of them. It'll work on multiple computers. If you have a Mac at home and a PC at work, you could do both of them. Ooh, I love that. Go to my PC brought to you by Citrix and tried out for 45 days. That's right. 45 days free. Try it out. Use the promo code, Adam, visit. Go to my PC. You could get to your computer right now at the airport, baby, wherever you are. Go to my PC.com. Click on the try it free button and remember, use the promo code, Adam. All right. Dr. Spaz is out there. He's got his pile of papers, I'm sure. The other day I said, when we were backstage at Irvine, I dropped some papers and I said, I'm turning into Dr. Spaz. Yeah. Big pile. It comes in here. The nutty professor. And in full newspapers. It's so nutty, professor. He's got some water to him. There he is. There he is. We'll be at the John Lovitz Theater. We'll be coming up this Saturday, August 11th. That's right. It's this Saturday already. That's right. God damn Christ. Also, I'll be doing some stand-up comedy at the Sunset Center in Carmel. Going to be doing the car race during the day and then out doing the comedy at night. So you check that out. Check out both of them. Tampa, Orlando. That is August 25th and August 26th with Dennis Prager. You can go to our website and check it out if you want to see any of that. Alison Rosen is your new best friend available now on our app and iTunes. Guests for today's episode, Greg Proups. That's right. Everybody loves some Greg Proups. And live show this Thursday at NerdMelt Pete Holmes. Everyone loves Pete Holmes. They love him. And Michael, is it Rosas? Yes. Michael Rosas, musician. And we actually have a little bit of one of his songs. All right. We'll play it. Can I talk while he does it? Sure. All right. I'm smitten. Just wait. Maybe more smitten. And then it'll be stuck in your head. And then you'll hate this. An evening with me, by the way, and Dennis Prager available. Available now for our store night. Do what? He doesn't have to do. He's just solo with this, right? Yeah. He isn't a band as well. But he's when he does my show. He just plays solo. Currently, number one on the spoken word, by the way. And number five on the Billboard Comedy Chart. So five on heat seekers. No one can tell me what that is, but it sounds cool. Yeah, it's hot. All right. So all that to look forward to tickets and information at alsonrosin.com. And we'll take a quick break. Back to Dr. Spaz now. Let's check Adam's voicemail. Hey, Adam. Rick here working over here at your favorite airport, McCarran Airfield. I was just wondering, Doug Natalia, your daughter. You've told, you said she's kind of a showboater. Does she get upset or is she aware of Sunny's ring tone? Yeah, there's like that. I rather just. It just a wait for my time. She's aware that he's got that and she wants her own ring tone or her own little catchphrase. Anyway, listen, enjoy the show. Big fan. Take care. Hope to see you in Vegas soon. Bye. Yeah, she's not a fan of him getting all this ink. You know, the name Sunny Carolla's Tink. But she's still caught up in her own shit. She gets so much attention. Yeah, she can't let him go 10 seconds without her jumping in the middle anything. It's just a waste of my time. Yeah. And I'm pissed at him because he's got this basketball league he plays in on Saturday. And the younger you are, the earlier you start. So he's the youngest one. So they started 8, 815, 830. And later on, you see, I don't know. Should be the other way around because the kids, the younger your kids are, the more you're up, like in the middle of the night with them, they have bad dreams and shit like that. They get sick and whatever. I hate this. I'm now I'm not a morning person. I never was. But I mean, your first day of vacation, basically, and you got to go down and watch a kid not score in the baskets. Yeah. But that's that's good. And who is it that's up at night with your kids? Is it you or me? Oh, it's you. Yeah. And I have a piece of rebar with your name on it. I'm going to stick up your I give advice, you know, coveted medical advice that I give to the Corolla family. And then I hear in the background, ah, just start it tomorrow. Start the medicine tomorrow. Yeah. Because he well, Dr. Bruce said, listen, he they're double, they're looking a lot better. This is no problem. We're not going to go out tonight and get it. It makes me feel just really like a valued health. Well, because it's like it's one of these, it's one of these things. It's okay. The thing that makes moms, you know, good. The reason Lynette's a good mom is Lynette's a literalist. If the doctor says no eating after midnight because you have to go in for the procedure tomorrow morning and she sees one of the kids or me or Molly or whoever, whatever, taking a swig of tap water, 12 or five shall slap the glass out of your hand. And I just go, listen, sweetie, you don't understand. First off, they only say that so you don't piss yourself. They don't give a fuck. And secondly, believe me, I've taken a peek behind the curtain. I realize that everybody's an idiot and everyone's horrible at their job. He's talking about you. Yes. Even physicians. And I get a lot of like, I get a lot of like, my therapist says that you're not. And I'm like, that's, that's okay. All right. But I'm smarter than your therapist and she's just fucking, well, she's the genius because she's hammering my checks telling you what an asshole I am. But I understand the ultimate, the ultimate business. But I mean, you realize, unless you fly a, no, an F four off a carrier deck, I know you're an idiot. That's number one. That's not me. While the figure out that no one knows what the fuck they're doing. But now I figured out that I used to just think cab drivers didn't know what the fuck they're doing. Turns out everyone doesn't know what the fuck they're doing. And then I realized they just make a lot of rules like no liquids past midnight. As I said, when I got my hernia surgery, it was, it was at five in the afternoon and I got the no liquids past midnight thing. Well, listen, Copernicus, do you have to fucking, well, seriously, eight surgery at eight a.m. versus surgery at five p.m. No, same midnight cutoff time. What the fuck are you talking about? Not only that, if you have to have emergency surgery, are they going to be like, wait, have you had a sandwich? Okay. We're going to let you die. Who's third are you on anyway. No, you're right. I go. I go both ways. So what happens is Bruce gets on the other line. He says to my wife, oh, no, no, no, no. And Italia's got the pink eye and you got to get the medication tonight. And then Lynette goes, it's 12. You know, no, it's 1015. And I got to call the old night, whatever, down in Burbank. And what are, and I just go tomorrow morning. Yeah. Call then tonight and then tomorrow just tell Olga to go get it on her way up and well she'll start the treatment tomorrow morning And she's like but Bruce told me to go out and she's getting all revved up and all fired up And she's gonna go do it Yeah, and I'm on the phone at 10 30 at night in the er yelling in the hallway on my cell phone The guy that can't speak english And next day didn't get the prescription right or didn't get it at all. Well, that's that's how I found out I wouldn't have found out but I had to call it again Yeah, so yeah, and I was upset and then Olga showed up the next morning. She didn't have it because it wasn't ready I don't know if you got that uh party. It wasn't no They didn't get the prescription which I had witnesses. They're all laughing at me. What do you do? What do I tell you anyway? Everyone's a fuck up. No, right? So just sleep it off everyone just sleep it off. You've gotten more aggressive and assertive in your medical Your false your false bravado. I like you'd be a surgeon It's like look I used to tell I still doctor draw all the time. Look I get an ingrown hair or zit or something I'll just lance it, you know, and he'll go what? What and I'll go yeah, I fucking lance it and I don't even sterilize the needle I just I have a needle my drawer if I got any grown hair or some I'll just pick it out Which I had to strain you from lancing your daughter's style. It was like I was close. It was close. I was close I'm handy the point is this until I get gangrene Then I'm going to continue doing it because I've been doing this my whole life I don't get food poisoning. I eat shit off the floor all the time. I lance my own stuff. I had nothing ever happens That's why I went on your ass though. I was thinking I was I was going to just be very very This is my this is my success that lump on my ass gonna plant a flag in the lump on your ass By the way, that's no lump. That's called your scrotum Okay No, you mean when I tore when I tore my hip muscle or whatever was yeah, you know, I was I was hanging black crepe in my mind thinking This was this was the end. This was the last you know, I had that MRI or whatever. Yeah, we got an MRI Yes, well, guess what guess who won the Toyota Grand Prix three days later Okay, it's called anecdotal anecdotal means your testinal fortitude Anecdotal and narcissist means you think you're a great healer a great surgeon. No, I just know everything is Here's all I know so much love in this room We've created a society where there's everything's a 10 and there's no more twos or threes anymore So there's a lot of like I get it at home all the time like I got to go out and get a can of dog food for Molly. Why? Because Molly has to eat a can and a half of dog food before she gets her insulin shot and I go What do we got? Well, we just have one can Just let her eat the one can then and give her you know, give her a couple ccs less than you No, she's supposed to get a can and a half and then I give her the insulin. I'm like You're gonna go out the middle of the night and find a fucking can of dog food for Molly Just let her eat the one can and then just lower the dosage a little bit It's not fucking science and it is but it's not I know what it isn't she can eat the one I know she can eat the one can And instead of giving her 15 ccs or whatever we'll give her 13 ccs or 12 and that'll be that And uh, should be fine. Hmm, right? Okay. Just am I right or am I right? You are you are you? But no, I understand what mothers mothers Are wired this way because that's how they're supposed to be wired They're not supposed to look at their kids and go man. I can wait until Monday, you know Mm-hmm in reference to your book. I found it interesting Is a study on recurring shoulder instability injuries and athletes thinking about your shoulder dislocation And and looking at recommendations for the best treatment And I just thought of your family and your milieu at the time this this period As with all return to competition decisions a team approach that includes the athlete his or her parents and family athletic training staff I felt like we were missing something We Some Bruce is referring to my shoulder being out of socket for four days Did you catch that though that the team of care Caring people in the in the here's how my rehab went. Uh, I'm playing pop Warner football this year No, you're not. Fuck you. You don't have a son. All right. Go ahead and play That's how it went. Well, it was uh well described in the book. I enjoy that that section And just to get down to some serious You said there's an abortion at your work today. No a miscarriage. Oh miscarriage and the pain and just going from the pain of telling of Well, that's nature's abortion. How does that work? How does that work the miscarriage? Well, you know in nature a third of implanted You know that the fur was right doesn't work So in the old days people would have higher people would have a period and not know that this was actually the ethnicity Something in a bladder. Go ahead. And so the way it works. Somebody comes in. They know they're pregnant Very sensitive test people know they're pregnant four or five weeks And they start having some bleeding and you start but this isn't what what's coming out six weeks. Yeah, it comes out I mean you're talking about, you know, yeah, sometimes But it's still very traumatic so And uh, this is also traumatic. There's a case. I don't know if allison you pick this up in the news of a Uh, a dog left in the car out in the I did not and in cochella valley But it was a uh, veterinarian that left the dog in the car in the heat really police were called Broke the window took oh sweet irony. Can I say this about these uh firemen and or cops? They fucking love pulling that chainsaw out and pulling the ax out busting through shit all the time Like I said When my buddy's tom when his warehouse got on fire when I used to do workout and chats where His warehouse didn't catch on fire his neighbor's warehouse caught on fire because his neighbor Got in a blowout the old lady and fell asleep in the camper that he kept in his Woodshop and then he was smoking and drinking and and when I showed up I said tom Why is your door saw it open and your roof saw it open? He's like firemen Thought it was his they tore open the other guy's shop, but they also tore open like You have a license to bash things open and knock stuff down and stuff and Every tow truck driver has a slim gym And i'm not talking about the delectable snack that's uh made of uh, you know Cowan testing i'm talking about just a fucking slim you slide it down between the door and the window You poke around alone you pop the door up. You don't have to go bashing windows And I think they like it and I think it's the punitive part of you either starting a fire or locking something in your car Well, I know this is one of your pitpies I thought it would be great to have a sticker to put on your classic cars It says something about in case of life-threatening accident. Please do not damage my car. Yeah, let me die I wanted to have those stickers in my window for the porn When I was you know living alone, you know, this is like the firemen. No, there's a pretty sizable collection here Start with that So this guy was arrested. Oh, it was for adhesive Arrested thrown in jail. There's a $500 fine and or a six month jail penalty for this but in this country No other country gets a fuck but truly max and max. You'll be a hero Truly the hailed as a hero. This doesn't lose his veterinarian licenses. Well, they give him the keys to the city if they had keys They got drunk and lost their keys 29 bombs or somewhere, you know that happened in tijuana true story. What the mayor got drunk and lost the keys to the city They were all locked out It's true. They had signs up on telephones. Yeah, they're all looking for the keys It didn't have telephone I stepped that bought them off a dude in a 7-11 parking lot only they had a gigantic dish to put them in and it was tough because they'd Their local soccer team had won the guy kick the winning goal was going to get the key to the city But they now they lost the keys to city So what happens when you go out and you get drunk? Do you want to where were we leaving children in cars? Still something that happens all too frequently people think i'll just be in for a minute But the temperature in the car 150 160 degrees very quickly so I have said this a fucking million times and It drives me nuts and all all the technology as I was saying on stage the other night I was driving the new outie on the way out to ervine and it actually applied the brake for me I mean that's technology not only are there anti lock brakes, but there's a sensor that decides I'm coming up on slowed traffic too quickly and literally applies to brake for me. Okay Can we figure out a fucking technology that keeps that car under 119 degrees inside the car when it's out in the burbank cosco parking lot for four hours when i'm in there buying shit Do you know what i'm saying you can buy that technology? We can yes we can and yes, it's not that hard to do your car has an air conditioning system Now look there's a pump that needs to be run. There's an auxiliary battery that need to be hooked up and Pumps are run off the crank and it takes a little bit to run the pump and all kinds of stuff and I understand There's some logistics here, but if you have yourself an 80 thousand dollar car or even better yet 175 thousand dollar car Wouldn't that be the best extra two grand you've ever spent that you would get in your car? I've just been fucking part and by the way, how many lives How many lives would we save each year because there's always a certain amount of kids that perish this way And also a certain amount of pets that perish this way And it would take a little while because these cars would have to become used and bought by the drunkards who leave their fucking kids in the car They're not going out and buying loaded outies as soon as they come off the ship. I understand that but really The notion of even if you own a 200 dollar Bentley You climb inside that with the black leather interior the black on black parked out front of the burbank cosco in july And you're going to be sweating your rich white ass off all the way to fuck home And you're going to park you have to put a fucking towel down to your that Really, we can't figure this out. We can't and and and again All the things where it's like these wipers turn on automatically. I don't need that I can fucking handle turning the wipers on when it's raining. You know what doesn't work that big Flappy foil thing that you put in the dash to prevent the sun from coming in. Here's the thing Every you have a black metal box Oftentimes and black dash and black interior. You should not get a black interior in the black car but everyone loves a black car and uh, matt the porcelain punisher finally or he's got a black black on out there and Even if and it's metal So you can fry an egg on the roof or the or the hood Even if the ambient temperature in the middle of burbank in august at the cosco on the black top at noon If the ambient temperature is 98 degrees the coolest your car could be is 107 on the inside I mean, that's the coolest I mean even if you put up all the shades and crack the window and all that kind of It's still going to be over the sheet metal box is still going to be hotter than whatever and Considering you could still burn your hand on the hood when you get home to your house There's a lot of heat that's retained in the metal So instead of just a ventilation system or shade system or something like that We need air conditioning that fucking comes on and it needs to be run off a battery And it needs a separate motor and it needs a thermostat hooked up to it It's a little bit of something something but so is applying a break when I don't apply So the fireman come the car is and complain about this for fucking years air conditioning is on kids locked in the car Are the fireman going to break out the windows? No, he's playing video games and he's enjoying himself I say this will break the windows put his hoodie on All right, all right, and this is for you adam We're going to save you some kidney stones iced tea a big culprit in I know your love of iced tea You you you you lemming apologists out there this fucking as I've said this this this goddamn Passion fruit iced tea. This is your crystal knock. This is your wake up fucking calling you guys all turn to blind eye All you even even some fucking Benedict Arnold Palmer's say they prefer it you people by the way first off Why don't you just announce you're retarded when you tell me you you prefer this iced tea this This uh, poppy reflavored shit to regular iced tea. You're just a fucking idiot. You're just an idiot All right, so number one this what's happening and now again, it spilled it spilled into my pasta my Chicken parmesan on the airplane. It's it's we're totally fucked. We've we've outsmarted ourselves and it's it's going everywhere It's flowing everywhere So somebody some in England somebody tweeted me from England that they have the passion fruit I see in fucking England where they invented the shit It's inexcusable, but this is sort of my attempt at a back door entry into the drink more water camp I've sort of been all right I've sort of been absorbed into that camp drinking insufficient amount of foods the most common cause of kidney stones And in this country tremendous amount of iced tea consumption in the summer months. Yes, which has not anymore I mean not with the fucking passion fruit, but in the south I think that's one restaurant, especially that's got that no no all of them in southern, California All of them have the fucking passion fruit and you don't get a choice. You just get passion fruit Well, interestingly interestingly enough real lemonade with more citrates in it decreases your chances of getting kidney stones So very what you drink chocolate is an offender spinach rhubarb watch your rhubarb pie Adam Oh, man, and less salt and meat. I see a lot of kidney stones in All all months of the year, but most people when you talk to them quite a few of them will describe salt meat Especially this climate spinach hydrate spinach oxalates All right, so but anyway, look, it's very painful kidney stones, you know You get one of those things in a year or in your begging for the morphine The problem with the thing is is when you're drinking iced tea, you think you're hydrating all But you're not right. You're not only not hydrating you get the oxalates which cause a crystallization and you get a diuretic So you get a little more dehydrated. Well my soda water consumption has gone up 10 fold because none of these Motherfucking restaurants have iced tea anymore. That's better. Yeah, okay lots of other good stuff sexual orientation studies and Studies that are being done looking at pupil dilation I am so Bisexual orientation still I think he's still talking about I am disgusted at what we've become. I'm just a fucking appalled I'm so it's like a part of me is Sad and the other part is appalled and the other part's just fucking disgusted and the other part wants to go on a killing rampage Like what are we talking about? I see okay the fact that The the fact that the passion fruit iced tea is not an option. It's the only thing there is It's so fucking weird I'd like to find that motherfucker and kill him I've never had a passion fruit ice tea. Thank you. It's nuts with the patient zero of passion fruit. It doesn't Okay, you got to eat you live in redlands, right? Yes. All right. Well, then that's like I don't know parts of Mexico mixed with kentucky or something It's not really you kipa come out to los angeles You'll not find iced tea does not exist. I mean you can get it at a denny's I think anything above a denny's that's it's over Okay, that's over. All right, so new studies looking at arousal states As you know, there have been studies done till With child molesters are they arousal again arousal arousal arousal Okay, it's like a tart candy that turns into a shitty chewing gum at the end Yes Thank you. I'll have a arousal Okay, so basically by the way who arousals who are you kidding with the gum part? You know what I mean? That ain't gum. Do you think if I could just say a list of words make yourself a colored cut sell them on Arousal let wrigglies handle the fucking gum. You guys try to turn into a gum. That's bullshit It's always gonna confuse where you should swallow that arousal arousal sort of turns into a gum But stick to what you know Yeah, yeah, then it's a gum. I don't think so First it's a candy. Then it's a gum. No first. It's a candy. Then it's something That's not you just can't swallow. You're not sure where to spit it out or swallow Yeah, I'm going call it gum. I'm going with the dr. Google and unwise practices blowing a bubble with a razzle All right, where were we? Well, dr. Bruce is talking about arousal. Did you talk about arousals? What about smarties? Smarties Uh, how about riz bird troll? All right, what are you talking about? Well, that that was an article that I just don't I have to use that word again and now I'm just like, you know All right, can I do a read here or you feel like you're coasting to a stop? What I was I got Running on a track No, I got great stuff here. I'm I'm really concerned about patients coming in. They're diagnosing themselves with google arguing And study this is a study dr. Google d and the practice of self diagnosis and what they found is that The purse that if you're closer to an individual If it's a family member, it's bad if it's yourself and you're looking at google as symptoms It's the worst that you tend to focus on your symptoms in an inappropriate light Drew would never work on his own kids. He would he would tell me Well, you'd work on your kids, right? Absolutely I'd use super glue instead of medical tissue would he use it on my kids? Yeah, why not? Would you operate on your kid? No, I don't operate on anybody super glue was invented to be medical tissue adhesive Right, that's how I mean, it's why it was invented. That's why it works. So very good Yeah, that's why it works better on your fingers than it works on model figurines, right I mean If there's if it's something more than a simple injury drew is absolutely right you cannot be objective and the whole The bombardment of information with the internet people do I've had people argue with me about well You're you're not considering this diagnosis because I looked it up on google and they'll show me their phone While I'm there and saying look at this this this this is what I'll I'll tell you what you can't argue with legal zoom Legal zoom it's national make a will month Kids should do that So what happens something happens is you'd I get the money you owe me for the laser Or how's that work? National make a will month legal zoom dot com. I'm going to give you a special discount Wish Over two million americans have used legal zoom for their last wills and living trusts. They've saved hundreds even thousands versus a traditional lawyer So you can get to individualized services tailored To the laws of your state. How about that with legal zoom? They'll help you baby Legal zoom dot com visit legal zoom dot com today and enter adam in the referral box to check out for special savings Legal zoom is not a law firm and self-help services are at your specific direction Individualized advice is provided through a legal plan available in most states. All right, dr. Spaz Put a fork in it there, baby. We got news to do you can hang out just don't talk The news with allison rosen She reads some news from her iPad some time this good sometimes is bad at allison Allison and when it's time to wrap it up she'll sign it off with zippin cunt. It's allison allison There's a shooting at a seek temple in wisconsin today and seven are dead including the gunman It's been considered domestic terrorism And all at this point that has come out about the shooter is that he's white in his Early 30s and initially they like with the colorado shooting. They thought perhaps there were more than one people shoot There was you know multiple gunmen, but there's just one they always think that yeah that with the north hollywood bank robbers They wonder why that is I guess it's it's sort of hard to tell if you're involved where the bullets are coming from I think First off like back in the day guys would wear Women's pantyhose on their head and stuff like that now everyone just wears cargo shorts shorts and hoodies, you know So it's like everyone looks there's no can't tell The guys like no psycho uniform anymore Used to be a psycho uniform number one number two They're playing it safe because there's always like What you don't want to do is just assume there's two guys and there's four guys and two of them are running around Yeah, and since they got the one guy They don't want to act like they're Right out of the woods essentially so uh This guy was out doing domestic terrorism like that's what they're calling it domestic terrorism and the fbi is taking over What is that? What is domestic terrorism? That's like tmcv stuff It's something where the act is meant to prompt a change in law or it could be a hate crime It's that it hasn't come out why they exactly why they are calling it domestic terrorism But what has come out is that the fbi will be taking over and in this town The fbi is that has the resources to handle this more than their local police department Well, if you shoot up a movie theater That's terrorism and it's domestic, but I don't know that they call it domestic terrorism. That's a rampage But if you shoot up a mosque or shoot up a synagogue Yes, yeah, then you get that okay. Can I work worked into it? Can I ask you a potentially stupid question? What is a seek temple? I don't know what that is. Well seek is the fifth largest religion in the world and they No, I think it's a beautiful question. I think you're stupid, but it's a beautiful question They wear turbans on their heads and so a lot of people mistake seeks for muslims Yeah, I don't know what they're up to want to find out how they uh, what the tenets of their religion is There was a seek guy talking on the radio earlier and he was saying that they respect women and like everything that you Imagine a muslim thinks they're kind of the opposite Yeah, very and that they wear the turbans because or the the head coverings because they don't cut their hair But the they are in favor of the liberation of women. Let me tell you something that a lot of religions have in common um The orthodox jews got this one to the hesedic jews and stuff like uh, listen, i'm growing my They're all sort of like I don't shave I like when you get into the serious like orthodox jews. They're like, I don't shave I don't work I eat I don't work weekends I'm not don't do a ton of wash my balls I do a lot of hanging out with other dudes who don't like shaving and don't like working and it's awesome We're like, hey, I wonder who came up with that one a bunch of ladies Bunch of gals got into a fucking sewing room several thousand years ago and went hey, I got a religion How about one where the dudes never shave they don't have to cut their hair They never work weekends get to have sex whenever they want. Yeah, they get to fuck wherever they went like and when we have our periods We'll go somewhere else. Okay. What about the balls? No washing of the balls. I was the catch I'm saying you see these religions. I like where they're clearly just prager washes balls Absolutely not and I'll tell you this It just be like if you got a whole bunch of fucking pats together to make rules new rules for the nfl like pats fans and they went Everybody's got to kick off at the beginning and flip a coin and then if you don't Kick off if then to start the second half then you could receive or you could kick off But you can't you can't receive the except for the pats The pats receive at the beginning and then after the halftime they receive the ball again. It's by law. It's a ball. Yeah, yeah And they have something called takies or mulligans when it comes to field goals further than 35 yards out Only in the second half they'll get a try it again Actually gets a try until they make it again just the pats again just the pats like When you hear about these other religions or any religion and you hear how it goes You know what the women need to do versus what the dudes need to do and I like the ones where the dudes can't shave I like those ones um Clearly there were some dudes sitting around a long time ago going uh Who hates shaving? Well, it's a pain in the ass and by the way, you know, we have disposable triple edge glide with the slice of Allo in it now. This is back when you had to fucking find a you know, piece of bronze and sharpen it on a rock You know so uh someone went well, I don't like shaving. All right. All right. All right. Here's the uniform full beards number one And uh, I don't like uh the whole pants and things with the buttons and the zipper. All right. Well, where are sure bath robes around No shaving. You know, there's essentially like homeless like how Howard Hughes if he was Just out of work make a religion of sweat pants and no bras, right? that That's what it would be if and then guys would only be allowed to speak if they And then you'd be able to have sex with who you wanted to but if I was caught looking at another guy There could be you could kill me but and I could have a ton of puppies But I wouldn't really have to take care of that right but you couldn't convict me if you killed me It's all this is a great And I always hear and I go, huh? What came up with these? It's it's right up there with the your suit men came up with them. Yeah, it's all right right up there with the Oh the gift certificate. Yeah, we don't honor those past the expiration date and then we don't give change on those if there's a like oh, I wonder who came up with all these incredibly convenient Codes and rules involved their direction. Yeah, I need to correct something I said earlier when I when I said that uh what you think of muslims seeks are the opposite I don't I do not mean to uh generalize about what all muslims think or anything. I'm talking about the You know I'm saying yeah, you know what I'm saying. Thank you. Yeah, exactly Okay, so jeffrey ross Performed at the roast of roseanne bar over the weekend and he showed up dressed as joe paterno With two men who are just wearing towels. I was wondering what the hell he was going to dress like Yeah, he was wearing something weird and they wanted me to do it but I was like First off fuck comedy central and then secondly Um, I'm tired. Is that what you told them? No, I just told them I'm tired on that order. Yeah Yeah, uh I think jeff may have crossed the line here. Do we do we think that if you dress as paterno He said the pee On the on the jacket he was wearing stood for people who can't take it who can take a joke Sorry, and then he said if they're offended by what they see they can do what joe paterno did look the other way Um, I just make a statement look, uh, I love jeff ross And i'll be with jeff ross I I do and I have this thing where I don't think anyone should get in trouble for anything they say I you you should have to do something and all that you want to know like What's this and what's that? But you know you should be able to make jokes about the massacre and the movie theater and aurora But I personally when there's people that are dead And when there are people in their teens and 20s that are dead, I I always feel like well, that's probably not a good He did also make those jokes and oh, okay, and uh When I see you know when you think about seven-year-old kids being sexually violated to me There's never any You know, I'm not getting sanctimonious or high my or anything. It's just personally if there's a victim and they're alive It's just the least of my time feels feels weird So you think in a number of years though I it's that you know first off who the fuck knows Um, what the hell went on on the titanic, you know what I mean? But as long as uh, as long as everyone would have been dead by now It's a kind of a you know, you can make Hitler jokes and world war two jokes and titanic jokes and hindenburg jokes and and whatever whatever jokes There is that time There's that time thing but uh This one feels weird Yeah, it was sandusky, but the why paterno Well, that's the thing is that uh, gary and I we're talking about this We're like is it are we sure that it's paterno not sandusky? He was dressed as but all the articles are saying he was dressed as paterno What the the deal is this you want? um You want to get people talking you want to make some news you want to stir some things up You want to start a conversation and want to be offensive at the roast? Yeah, and you want to be offensive and you know, maybe comedians maybe we're the new maple thORPS or something You know what I mean? I mean, oh Piss christ piss christ. You piss in a cup you put christ in there I don't think he thinks it's beautiful or artistic. He just wants to piss off his stepdad You know what i'm saying and this is now our new thing. Let's see if we can stir it up a little bit So anyway, like on the back of your book Like on the back of your book that quote Oh, I don't get me stars. So no one got that anyway Please so rossan was asked You know, do you think that he crossed the line especially with making some? jokes about colorado and The jokes about colorado were kind of ill-received and she said that I know she said that crossed the line But comedy is about moving the line and where where is the line in a country that has freedom of speech? Maybe there isn't one strong words. Well Look, you know again you say whatever you want and then everyone can decide whether it's funny or not I have this thing Here's what i'm saying. All right. Here's what I mean If you have something that you think is really funny She wish you could say it, but you can't say it, but it's it's really funny See it's a different it's a different way to approach a joke, which is Here's what I'm saying Occasionally we all have thoughts and sometimes over beers with other friends You say something and it's fucking funny, but you realize I can't really say that and sometimes it's about a ethnicity And a race or whatever sometimes it's about a wife or a husband or loved one a mom whatever it is Fucking funny, but you just can't Say you know oftentimes oftentimes, but you can't say but the the the genesis was Here's something funny Yeah, but if I said it in front of my mom she'd fucking get pissed off our feelings would get hurt or whatever it is right Now that's that's the way comedy works and what you try to do is a comedian is once in a while You think of something that's really funny and then you realize oh boy I wonder how my wife's gonna like this and then you think well, maybe there's a way I can tweak it a little bit and work it away and change the language in such a way There's even a version of doing it so I can say it on late night tv instead of you know I can't say beat off, but I maybe I could say pleasure myself or something like that There's ways to tweak it the thing that I don't like about this kind of humor I feel like they took the subject first and then tried to find a joke around it Yeah, which is the backwards way of doing comedy and it's sort of the way of saying I want the notoriety from this now. Let's come up with a joke that pertains to this versus Something you may have said or something you may have thought that just so happened to be really funny organically organically Yes, I feel like somebody says Let's see if we can stir things up. Let's you know Let's get it. Let's get a picture of my six-year-old suck of my tit and we'll put it on the cover of time and then that'll get some But but but but but but it's Yeah, it's kind of like I want people to see me. It's not You not that you care as much about the topic as you care about yourself speaking of there's this guy that made I think a Batman related movie or or something on youtube. It's a director. I believe he's local And he is saying that he believes that the colorado shooter called him a few times Yes, and was asking these questions like asking what kind of guns that the guy in the movie had and are you sure that's enough guns and he has no proof that Homes had called him, but he's like pretty sure it's him and he could tell that I was lonely And that's what that's what he's been saying and every time I hear this story There's something in me that thinks is is there any way that he is just trying to sort of Exploit this situation. I don't know what makes me think that but something some kind of bullshit detector is going off I've heard this story too. I I didn't know then I think maybe I am an awful person for thinking that Well, you are but you could still be right Number one number two. I I don't I don't know see I realized it's that same sort of the kim kardashian conundrum See yeah If if they had a daughter named conundrum, it was okay. That's right um You think and and you pass everything through your filter like oh my god No, if there's videotape of me having sex with my old boyfriend on vacation and so put it out on the internet like no way No way. Well, that's you you're sane. You're modest and that's the way you approach life Who the fuck knows what these insane people with their personality disorders are thinking and So these things that make no sense at all to you like oh, please I would never do that and and you and it used to be That used to be society like we used to have a society that had a Kind of a golden rule thing and kind of a hey if you don't want it to happen to you or you wouldn't feel good You wouldn't how would you like it if somebody and fill in the blank? And when I say fill in the blank, I'm talking about right jay filming your play I would be okay with it. Yeah, I would what yeah, so then we sort of knew but now Who knows what's on and what's off as a society and it's really fucked up by the way I will tell you uh quickly My buddy uh less Who uh hopped in my big dually Ford truck and is driving to new york To uh grab a car for me is also stopping in Georgia to pick up a car trailer to Trail said car back from new york And I get the call on I don't know friday and it's like how's it going? Well, I've been here at the trailer dealership over here for about five hours and what's up and well They got your checks, but they only take cashiers checks and They're not taking your checks and then I get with my people and I get on the phone and they get on the phone And they tell them to call the bank and talk to the people but they don't do that They only accept but they have my credit card number, but they don't take credit cards, but they just use it for a deposit and now less is going to go down to the um He's he's going to go down to the kmart or the walmart and they have like a Wire transfer, but they only can do it $999 at a time and the trailer's like $14,000 or something's got to do like 15 of these things and then that doesn't have Anyway, the point is is I call them the next day and I'm like so where are you? Where you got this saying he's like i'm still in georgia. I had to spend the night and I thought They wouldn't take the check is basically what it was and I understand they have a policy They don't take checks. They take cashiers checks, but not check checks and they don't take credit cards, but you have a dude who's uh, you know less looks pardon the pun less like a criminal than anyone you've ever encountered He drove a $45,000 truck out from california He's been there for seven hours trying to get this thing sorted out You've been on the phone with uh, my folks at the investment whatever the money guys At what point you realize he's not trying to write you a bad check what kind of con is this This is a horrible the worst con on the planet first off Why drive? 2000 miles to fucking pull this con off and by the way when the first con goes bad like you're not accepting the checks You don't move on a plan b in your con you go. Oh, let me go out to my truck and grab his Crats and then you fucking haul ass right you don't go let's go down to the walmart and get the money order And then you talk to the person so I just realized and and he did this thing that they always do which is look This is the policy. They've been burned before so now and now he's spending the night in georgia And he didn't get out of there. It was like five the next day I mean literally like lost a day on these fucking trips because they had checks, but they wouldn't accept it It's not really anyone's fault. It's society's fault We've fucked up so royally as a society that they've been burned And they don't care if they recognize the name on the check and they don't care if less looks like a nice guy And they don't care if he's driving an expensive car and they don't care if they have his my My credit card. They've been fucked enough by the society that we've created That is fucked enough people so that there are no exceptions and less you're going to miss a day go to fucking Red roof in and I'll see in the morning and you can go try to get 26 wire transfers or eventually had to go over to you know, uh, western union But they only go up to like five thousand dollars to do two of them And it's just fucking my my money guys had to work on saturday trying to get this thing sort out They had the checks in their hands and the checks would have been good And if they weren't I would have made them good and I get the feeling like if we're in japan you leave Because you have a check and not only do you leave something called a check behind you leave something called your shame Your dignity and your reputation And that's more important than any check. You mean like you mean you get offended that they won't take your check so you leave No Honor You leave your honor and your check behind and if you bounce that check or you fuck them with that check they have your honor All right That's powerful. It's powerful and it's clear so I can fucking make it but the point is this And that means something there's a currency to that in that society You're not an honorable person or you're a person that lies or you're a person that Steals from other people. That's a big fucking issue We've turned it into the fucking thunder dome here Where it's just winner take all every asshole for themselves and thus we've had to put a whole shit load of With a whole shit load of failsafe devices in place Which is you got a 50-something year old dude who's standing in front of a 40-something thousand dollar four Duly who drove in from la you have the credit card on file. He has the checks and you're saying No, I can't trust you do not trust you. I don't trust you I'd like to trust you but been burned and this is our policy and We've taken away the decision-making process from the human being because the human being If we would let people fucking profile they'd look at less and they'd go Oh, this guy's no con artist. He didn't fucking drive out here to steal this trailer They'd know who it was your instincts your gut something used to have we used to rely on it you'd go I'll take this guy's check if this guy was sweating profusely Kept uh kept going out to the car and coming back rubbing his nose and his eyes were watering and were big rings A huge rings and was looking over shoulder all the time when he's talking. I don't trust this guy But this guy who ordered the trailer fields. Yeah, this guy who ordered the trailer a month ago and is driven in You've been talking to him and you have his credit card I'll take his fucking check and let him be on his way and also i'm a human being I I I would feel horrible to be in this person's position to have to spend the night in a small town in georgia Just so the following morning they could get the western union fucking shit cleaned out. So you don't realize How much we pay by this whole lack of honor and this lack of dignity and this lack of everything and this Letigious Winner take all sort of bullshit society. We're living in where we don't judge anymore and we don't We there there's there's just There's no more there. There's no more There's no punitive part of our society. I mean you can get busted by the law But you can't get busted by society anymore. You know everyone Young girls look up to kim kardash. I get away with whatever you can right right so Fucking sad and we're all paying the price. We all of us all of us and every day Well, every time you try to do a thing where you're like, I just got to go to the car and I put your drink down You can't carry it out into the thing and you go can I just fucking walk out with my fucking drink Could pour it into a foam cup all that bullshit the thing where you're treated like a you're treated like a criminal Because that's how less is being treated. He's like a criminal or a five-year-old either way We've decided to create this society where everybody's a five a litigious Five-year-old criminal. That's how we've built our society. Fine. Everyone enjoying it and where are we heading? Dicks Goddamn gotta move to japan. I don't think that shit happens in japan. I really don't I just think they have fucking code and honor and they would never do that The guy I always say all the time the guy who who totaled my car and then proceeded not to pay me back And then proceeded to try to not pay me back and proceeded to try to get it the value of the car That's I kept saying in japan this guy'd be my fucking house every weekend Vacuuming and then sucking my dick like just trying to fucking make it right just trying to get square I just found an ant on my hand. So we're gonna have to start doing this show from a different warehouse. That's the news I'm allison rosin zippet cunt That was the news with allison rosin Ah audible audible.com I'm gonna thank them for supporting the show. They have over this gotta be a typo 100,000 books to choose from Nobody's written that many books even steve allen did stupid lin's getting happy with the zeros. Yeah, wait Just got a message those are different books different authors Interesting still incorrect. I'm gonna circle that like brian gumbel does Like you think i'm doing glasses and the on the two of your nose circle that 100,000. That's right Including not taco bell material my new book Audible is offering a free audiobook so you can try them out. Uh, let's try mine. It's not quite eight hours Seven hours 59 minutes and 31 seconds. No if you pause in the middle though, that's right make the last eight hours You can try a free audiobook of your choice at uh audible.com slash ace I love me these uh audiobooks. I swear to god you're walking around walking the dog or just walking through a city or whatever Going on especially going like a boss or tram or anything to do with an airport Audiobooks and now everyone's got a phone. No excuses man. I got my phone has 10 books in there and they're probably hold A thousand put an end to boring tram rides. There you go audible.com slash ace try your audiobook out for free. All righty I want to thank uh pen gillette for coming in here Pen gillettes or I should say pen sunday school It is uh new episodes every sunday subscribe on itunes you go to adamcrawl.com you can go to pen anteller.com You can go to you have a twitter or something dr bruce h at dr bruce h everybody some arousal Yeah, it's some arousals And uh allison rosa and bald brine. This is adam corolla saying mahalo By the way, that's no lump. That's called your scrota O'Reilly auto parts. Yeah, they're in the business of keeping your car on the road They offer friendly helpful service and all the knowledge you need and If you can't figure it out they can't figure it out well they will uh That will help you find someone who can figure it out. It's always my first call by the way orilif I can't figure something out. I head to orilif that thousands of parts in stock and they can test your battery for free Need wipers brake lights quick fix engine light on They're gonna help you out Everyone who works there is knowledgeable and they're friendly Like they held the door for me last time I was there And they didn't know who I was they just said here comes a customer professional parts people at orily. Well, they're they're um a one-stop shop diy stuff you do it yourself And you can check them out online or you can go down there in person Either way They're the best. They're orily, right dawson stop by orily auto parts today or visit us at orily auto dot com slash adam That's orily auto dot com slash adam Pluto tv has thousands of free movies and tv shows You swear if I'm lying, I'm dying This is the mindset free With movies like inner stellar dream girls and gladiator And tv shows like survivor sponge bob squarepants the fairly odd parents and ghosts Pluto tv is always free Pluto tv stream now pay never All right, it was adam kola show 884. What next we have adam kola show 920 featuring the legendary white cleft john Also from 2012 adam and white cleft one-on-one check it out Thanks for coming in white cleft. Thank you. Thank you for having me Uh, I know uh, you love cars. I love cars. We can talk about that in a couple of few. Um, Reminded me I was with k rock the radio station for many years I remember I think around 96 when the fuji's were playing the weenie roast That big deal over at urvine meadows And I remember there was a situation and tell me if i'm screwing this up and and or if you remember this But what they do is they put on like 18 acts over the course of an entire day and everyone just gets stoned and drunk and sunburnt And at the end kiss plays or something like that and The thing is is because If they go past midnight They get fined like $5,000 a second or something like that They have a turning revolving stage and while one band is on front doing a 20 minute set or a 25 minute set The other band is setting up and the second they're done with it literally just turns and the other fan is playing And they turn that stage every 20 minutes whether you're on it or not Or whether you're one song in or you're at the end They turn it because at four in the afternoon if they get back 20 minutes They're back 20 minutes the entire show and they don't give a shit What's going on and the fuji's were late or something And the fuji's went out and started playing a song and about halfway through the song They just started turning the thing around. I do remember that that now. I know you were you pissed? Was there was there a situation? We didn't have a green day moment, right? Where it was like Breaking guitars, but but definitely pissed. Yeah, of course. I was at the same concert uh a year later maybe that year and green day was out there and I don't it was it was um One of the guys from third eye blind Ran out on stage and pretended to hug the bass player like he was a fan Like he was like oh, he got up on stage But he was just goofing around because you know the bands hang around and watch the other bands From the side of the stage. Well, they're huge samoan bodyguard didn't know who the dude was And he started beating the shit out of him and then later on While he was beating the shit out of him the bass player turned around from green day Looked at him and I thought he was going to tell his bodyguard back off and he just kicked him Wow And then the dude just waited out by the trailers in the back with a bottle And when the green day guy walked off stage he whacked him in the head with the bottle and sent him to the hospital like 18 stitches Wow Yeah, so he the the good old days the good old days So how did it how did it all get started for you? And uh by the way the book is called purpose and it's an immigrant story And you came here from Haiti when at age nine. Yeah, I came from Haiti when I was nine years old I grew up in the projects of uh, uh, Brooklyn first My dad was a christian minister like of protestant faith And you had a lot of missionaries at the time They came around in the church. So his whole thing was church music. So i'm christian rock So at the time I was growing up with like bands like uh petra Striper and different bands like that and And on the other side, I just wanted to be a rapper. So whatever he he said uh that rap music was devil music drug dealer music Didn't they know that what you can't tell a kid that's devil Can't tell a teenager did he not see footloose Don't you know how the story ends if you say anything is to work in the devil the kid's gonna be twice as into it, right? Exactly. So I definitely got into it. Yeah, you know, man They should have said like if you don't want your young kid to do something you go, oh, that's the music of the golfer A lot of white dudes. I know who golf dig that music man, and then you'd go fuck that shit I'm singing about the lord. I would have did something else So your your dad you you grow up. What's going on in Haiti? I don't know anything about Haiti other than it's poor Yeah, I mean the thing about Haiti is that the the The poor part of of Haiti is when you see Haiti all you see is porta prints, but the actual country itself It's like going to Jamaica right the only part I would say Haiti's worst enemy is the PR That it has but it has beautiful white beaches or Or it's similar. I don't know if you've been to the dr the Dominican Republic. No, I've been to Jamaica though Yeah, but you you know about the Dominican Republic So the Dominican Republic and Haiti is the same island right the only thing that separates it as a guard Really? Yes. No, I didn't even know that. Yeah, man So the same beaches you got on one side you have on the other side After the earthquake though, we have a new president in place And his whole thing is just getting rid of the tents right now Right and this is something that he's been working on it and putting the kids back to school And I mean there's there's I don't know like I said, I know you have tourism or you could have tourism Yeah, you had a lot more tourism. Yeah, you had a lot of tourism right country a lot of tourism back in the days And but what happens is you just said like you said you said you don't know a lot about that country Bill Clinton is is in Haiti like every Couple of months he's down there and I would say so in America. There's something when you want to travel There's a travel guy and there's these things that pop up. Hey You going here you going on your own risk you going here you going so whenever Haiti pops up it's always you know the mandate that pops up is look man. You're going on your own risk I think one of the things that can help is to raise that mandate because the place is getting better Right and so what you what you do? I mean Because I don't know how Haiti is fixed for natural resources and exporting tea or I don't know what their big crop is Or I don't know what they're sitting on a bunch of oil or anything But I do know people would go down there and lay around on the beach and spend a bunch of money at restaurants If they felt like it was safe to do so Definitely 100 back in the days when Haiti was at its prime is called a pearl of the Caribbean and it was known for exporting Coffee and sugar to a great portion of the world But to your point right now we have some of the finest beaches But until that mandate get raised and people feel like it's safe like anywhere like there's a lot of people It's like I ain't going to Mexico no more. You know right because of what's going on Well, what's what in who is in charge? Of that like parole hearing I mean you have to go look We've had under x amount of murders and under x amount of purse snatches and under x amount of cars Stolen like how who decides at a certain point to lift that band That's not a band but I mean lift that warning which which freaks out a lot of people who are traveling I mean that warning would have to do with the u.s It would have to do with the team lobbying To washington to showing exactly where the country's at remember at one time jamaica was at at its worst You know and then right they started throwing a commercial school back to jamaica what's over and started showing the beaches But a lot of that lobbying has to do we're going to washington because a lot of tourists that do travel are americans Americans like going all over the place so they they would like to know they're going to a safe place. Yeah, I saw did you see that Bob marley Documentary. Yes, I did. I did. Yeah, man. That was awesome. Yeah, I loved it. I learned a lot I did too and I love my marley freak. I didn't know his I didn't know his dad was a white dude I didn't even know that much about the guy. I didn't know anything about I didn't know anything about him But uh, it seemed those days jamaica seemed a little turbulent Oh, yeah big time very very turbulent but turned around though turned it so yeah Well, uh, again you get the tourism going people start making money They stopped stealing and uh everything mellows out, but your your journey back to your journey So you leave with your dad and your mom and your whole family. I'm I'm guessing no my father left me in Haiti I was born in a hut. Mm-hmm like straight up in the hut Used to take a donkey to school Wow Yeah, water takes three miles if you ever see the setting of the story slumdog millionaire The beginning of that movie that's sort of like how the hut look. Do you have kids? I have one daughter great And every time I tell her I took a donkey to school. She says no daddy. You didn't take no Don't you know what you end up getting? I'm gonna get you know what you're gonna. She's gonna hold it against you because she's gonna go donkey. That's cool, man Because I saw I saw that shrek movie. That's not fucking awesome dad You know my problem is is I used to work construction I had to eat off a lunch truck my whole life and I used to I was planning on saving that story for my kids You know, I had to eat off a lunch truck But now they have now my kids are going to be like oh the Kobe beef lunch truck Or the or the mr. Sprinkle soft swirl like no lunch trucks real shitty lunch trucks Like back in the day lunch trucks not cool lunch trucks that you're used to now Wow wrote a donkey to school man. Yeah, it went from uh the donkey my dad left me when I was one year old And he came to america because uh the church of the nazarene gave him a visa So he comes to america and he gets a six month visa And after the visa expires he basically goes underground at that time the immigration laws were quite different, you know Right. Um, if you had a kid within the united states automatically the child became a u.s. citizen So he had two kids here In the states then came back to hady and goddess Was he still married to your mom? Yeah, he bought my mama over Well, how'd your mom feel about him having the two kids? No, my with my mom. He bought my mom Okay, I just want to make sure everything was cool. Yo, so Well, listen, I saw that bob marley Documentary, you know, he did a little of that. Yeah, but he's still legend. It was with my mom. Okay. Good. So then You come over on a donkey or take a boat. No, no, no We came over you know, what's crazy is when you say in a donkey beyond the donkey in the book I talk about the fact that me and my brother ate red dirt from the floor and my brother is a lawyer today in california really and I tell people like when you say dirt poor the idea of of of Picking dirt from the floor and eating that now. I mean really what is red dirt? Is it dirt with blood in it? What is it? It's like this, you know in the book we call it like a mineral dirt But it's literally like sometimes as a kid in the village, you know, you feel like you don't got nothing to eat Right and you're so hungry You literally would take the dirt from the floor and eat it just to feel something in your belly Just to feel something in your stomach. I mean that was extreme So when when my dad came to get us was bringing us to america keeping mine. I ain't seen no electricity before nothing I didn't even have a clue what lights were besides the sun Right, right. You feel me? Yeah That's crazy. So I mean it's like it really from From zero to to nine years of age You could have been born in in any time period in the world like you could have been born in 1000 bc It wouldn't it would not matter same life dirt on the floor donkey Shover donkey eating dirt no sun no electricity. Yeah, and then you look at the sky You could see east west depending on where the sun is pending right you would know where to go So so that was the extreme right of um one to nine my grandfather was a voodoo priest In Haiti like so makes sense one out of every two grandfathers is over there, right? Your grandfather's a voodoo oh my grandma. Who's wait whose grandfather is none of your voodoo priest? Nobody Wow, okay, so one out of every two no is um, but um Man, I just remember man So your dad sends for you you go over there But the taking that airplane like can you imagine going from that hut and then when i'm getting on an airplane? Yeah, i'm thinking it's a ufo. It looks like a giant bird at the time right right. Yeah, I mean freaky Yeah, you go from zero technology to modern isn't it i've never seen white people before Yeah Yeah, we'll freak you out Listen So the only time i've seen and we call them leblanc. So it was like living in the time of the indians You know what he says he's a white man. He's coming now right right they would always come to the village bring the rice Right once in a while you get the rice. So when we get on the plane Yeah, it looks like we're on a ufo and I can't speak english right so everything sounds like alien language to me Sure. Hello. Are you doing? Yeah, we are here to bring you something wider than us Yeah, it's called rice. You know in short and you're looking like you know, so that was the The extreme of landing in the united states. So now what was your impression of people from the united states? Because at the beginning you only knew them as is the or or white people You knew them as the people that brought the rice. Yeah, because keep in mind what i'm doing is i'm taking you into the mind Of a Haitian in the village and when we say white people it's the same as indian people at the time So i'm taking you to primitive time like if we was talking in the village as i take you back Because you know, my family has white and black people. So i want to explain when i say Do the blanc so we call them leblanc. So um When when when we came like blanco like white it so when we came to the united states the idea of coming to the states was You was coming to the city of diamonds And anything that you wanted to be and accomplish if you got to this place you can accomplish it Right, that was the idea now. How did you feel then? I mean because it's it's an interesting It's it's interesting because I you know, I was I watched uh I I watched the uh prime or not the primers but the dnc and the the rnc and all that kind of stuff and You know, we do a lot of Let's face it. Um, the game is rigged and it's stacked against you and you can't make it and I think that's a bad message to send to people. I feel like your brother's an attorney, right? Yes, sir You have a de lorean You came here with nothing but red dirt In in your pockets and a donkey and you're doing good now the thing is is I always say like well, we could be better No doubt about it, but I think where you're from you really can't make it. I mean, that's hard That's a much taller order for someone like your brother. Let's say who's who's a successful attorney This is a good place for him to make it. It's not a perfect place and it's still got its problems But it's better than most places Hence your brother the attorney, right? Well, yeah, the place where i'm from 80 of the population is living on less than two dollars a day The majority of the population is not employed Um, and then that brother though the one that's a lawyer. He was in Haiti with me So the idea though is when we came to america Coming from where we came from Everything Look like we landed in the projects and we felt like we was rich already well the notion of uh toilet and running water and a and a light bulb and an oven to somebody from A civilization that could have like I said been a thousand years old That's that's a big deal. I mean we're we have it We have a kind of a poor in this country, which is you only have two tv sets Or you and your wife have to share a car, but we don't have a real poor We don't have the kind of poor that you knew growing up. We have a kind of a poor Which is you know our poor is not that poor I mean, I know there's plenty of poor people in this country and I used to be poor too So I understand, you know welfare and food stamps and all that shit but still There was a tv set, you know, it was black and white and it was 13 inches But we had a tv set, you know and we had running water and we our bathroom was inside not outside and We don't understand the kind of poverty that some of these other nations have and what poor is over there I mean our poor here would be Middle class and then some in Haiti, right? Yeah, I mean if you took uh It's certain you you hit you hit it on the dot when you said like, you know, you have toilet you have running water You have electricity that alone changes the idea of being in a hut Yeah, yeah, so um, you come over here at nine and uh all by the way chronicled in the book called uh purpose an immigrant story and your dad's preaching and you're living in the projects and When do you have your first? taste of success Uh for first taste of success, of course, you know for us, there's a lot of stories about we always start off in the church You know, I would say being in the projects um I got introduced my brother once bought uh a cd. It was the police synchronicity Yeah, don't yell too loud about the police and the projects people of spatter pink floyd So we was like the weird kids in the projects because also your accent must have freaked everyone out because You didn't look any different. Well your accent and you're listening to bob dillon. So the two just didn't get along at the time right um But we loved rock and we loved hip hop First taste of success came with my group the fugees Sure the cd was done in my uncle's basement I did the whole cd in my basement because my dad had kicked me out the church And the cd was called the score your dad kicked you out of the church because you were playing the devil's music Yeah, I was playing the devil's music according to him at the time. So basically Um, I went to my uncle's house that was in a hood too. Now. This is uh now it's the next chapter of my life, right? So you have we're in the hood We got the pit bulls in the back. We got the garage behind the garage is the crack house We're in east orange new jersey now and um and we in this basement And just started recording the score and I would say after we did the score We went to europe and when we was in europe we got the call from uh Sony music and it was like yo y'all like numbers something on the charts, you know, and it didn't hit us because we was touring Right, right and an idea of a cd That was produced in my uncle's basement to have sold over 20 million, right copies It didn't hit us because while the success was moving we was constantly moving, right? The first time it hit me was when I got to the grandmys right and um, and we had to perform 92 No performed at the grandmys 96. Oh 96 So you guys formed had been around been playing around and oh, yeah, that's right because that was a big year That was a riperta flak song that right. Yeah, we had killing me softly right, but that's what you started early Weird song to cover. Yeah, it's um, it was weird when um For us coming from hip hop, right? Right now lauren being of course, uh In r&b connoisseur and loving r&b um Loving roberta flak in a sense of like a hip hop group about to cover killing me softly That just don't mix with the two, you know Well, it sounds like the kind of thing you could do if you wanted to but it doesn't sound like the kind of thing That's gonna sell Any tickets or get any spins on radio? It's just it's a great song. It's from the 70s. It's very slow And it's a little depressing and it's a weird 70s song that's a good song, but no one would ever think let's remake that song It's a crazy song to remake. Yeah Now as a producer i'm a big fan of coincy jones, so I hear music a little differently in my head. So What I did was I said, we're gonna dumb it down Just rock drums and lauren's vocals is just incredible against it and I said we're gonna put a bass line to your point We didn't take that song that seriously. That's why when the song starts off I'm like, yo, this is why I clap, you know, I got my boy and and um, you didn't think I was gonna be a hat No, this song that you don't take seriously usually is someone that ends up blowing That's what I tell my kids all the time. Listen, be glad i'm not paying attention to you You're gonna blow up man If I had if I had a hopes and dream for you, you'd probably work in a 7-eleven So, how do you meet lauren hill? met it through um high school at well my last year of high school um going into Prize which is the other member of the group gives me a call and says, you know, I have a group with two girls And of course i'm young at the time sure and i'm like how the girls look And I basically went to the studio and the producer at the time in the studio was a gentleman by the name of khalise bayon He's cool's brother. So he's the one that did junk jungle boogie celebrate good times joanna all those hits Cool in the gang. Yeah, so I went in there and uh And I just laid my part and he was like man There's a mystery and a magic going on with you guys and that was my first time meeting lauren and marcy There was two other there was two girls from the fuji's One ended up leaving we're uh lauren hill by the way just stunning Looking I mean that chicks just got bones like she's just a good-looking person at least what i've seen of her Where the fuji's get their name? The fuji's is uh short for refugees so We wanted to go with refugees, but there was a rock band at the time. I think on sony Called refugees. Yeah, and um, and we couldn't use refugees. So uh, you know what I like I don't know why but I I love the fact that uh better than ezra is called better than ezra because there's a band called ezra And so somebody said you can't use ezra because like they sued them or something Let's change our names to better than ezra. Yeah, which is uh funny. I don't know. He's cracks me up So there was like refugees. We can't use so it was okay. So you went with fuji's and uh, so you got lauren hill And she's got an amazing voice and she's very easy on the eyes. So that done hurt and you guys Take this reberda flak song from like 1973 or something and I don't know what year that song's from but like I'm feeling like early mid or early 70s and that thing just blows up I mean other songs as well, but that that song becomes a crazy hit and it's played all over the place It didn't seem to have I mean, it's not played on classic rock stations, but it seemed to jump from genre to genre in terms of you know Radio stations it seemed to get just tons and tons of airplay So now the fuji's are blowing up. Is it freaking you out at all? Um, is your dad kissing your ass now? No, not at all. He's just straight up still a minister asking me when i'm going to Come back to church. My father never Came to a fuji concert. Really? I mean, it was is there part of you that goes Okay, he's a very devout man and I respect that on the other hand i'm his son And he should come out and support me. Well, I mean, of course I thought that every day So the only concert he actually showed up. I tricked him. I told him it was a gospel concert Was uh when I performed at conagy hall, right? You know, I made that call. I had everybody come out that night. Eric Clapton Stevie wonder and um I was just gun-ho to see my father on the balcony and the fact that he showed up And what did he say about it? You know after the show, you know, you're waiting for him to say, you know You I bought you from haydee. You did good in america, you know, right? But he said to me he said He said, do you know when you make it and I'm like, no, you know, I'm waiting for him to say he said when White people black people yellow people green people They come to see you and they don't see the color. They see the man Then you know, you've made it in america Well, that must have felt pretty damn good from pops. He didn't he didn't give it up that easily, right? They didn't give it up that easy Well, you know interesting there's a couple things One is uh, yeah the whole We're talking about the bob marley documentary, you know, he wanted more black faces in his audience It was pretty much a bunch of white people come out and see him play And he wanted he wanted more Folks who were from where he was from or looked like him to get out in the audience and he had to open Did he open for cool or the comedores or something like that? It's a crazy story, but In terms of dad's giving it up see you know, I'm from here and Our dads especially now everyone's just pussy whipped everyone's oh my son. He's my brother. He's my light of my life He's the greatest. You're supposed to be best friends with your son, you know, you're supposed to call him buddy You know not son Not his name, but champ buddy, you know, he's my buddy and hugs and kisses and I am that way I have six year old twins but In other countries in other nations I feel like the dad is a little more of a dad like a you're a little bit scared of your dad And b he don't do a lot of hugging and kissing on you because that's mama's job Like his job is to be that that voice of authority The one you respect and maybe the guy calling you champ and hugging you and kissing you isn't Isn't what you need and I don't know like do you think If you had me as your dad And I was just going oh man, I love your new song. That's give me a kiss. Give me a hug. This is awesome Do whatever you want. Do you think maybe you wouldn't have had the fire in your belly? Like do you think you needed that disciplinarian? If I had you as my dad I probably would have been a good race car driver Well, that's a good segue to talk about cars for a second I got to give a little uh, love to uh, one of our fine fine sponsors go to my pc everybody Oh man, wycliffe you travel a lot, right? You bring your computer with you and that's why you need go to my pc brought to you by citrix. You can connect And you can use your laptop. You can use your ipad. You can use your iphone. You can go right to your office Mac or pc and what it is is you know that thing where you're on the road And uh, you want to show someone a picture or something and you go damn it's in my home computer I don't have those pictures for me. It's cars Occasionally my kids if they're leaning against one of my cars, you know, I'll take a picture of them But I go uh, uh, damn I got all that stuff with go to my pc You can get to your home computer You can literally use your iphone or your ipad or whatever you're out on the road touring the country Touring the world Go to my pc you can access you can edit you can work on your home computer work on documents You can oh you need this special 45 day free trial only if you use the promo code adam visit go to my pc.com Click on the try it free button and remember use the promo code adam all right, so let's uh Let's let's jump ahead and talk cars for seconds because um you um You grew up with a donkey And not a car you probably from zero to nine and and haydee probably didn't see it Ton of cars, right? I mean the white guy carrying the rice. Maybe had a Range Rover I didn't see no car land rover, but no no cars in the air at times. We saw airplanes, but there was so high We thought that there were giant birds and try to hit them down with slingshots So at a certain point you start making some money And you want some cars because you like cars because what's not to like about cars? Yeah, the thing about the cars was my father Worked for Don Warnock And wait a minute. Who's Don Warnock? It was a car company. Mm-hmm back in the days. You mean like a dealership Yeah dealership like Don Warnock Ford. Yes And remember they had the Taurus all kind of cars My father was part of fixing the cars the mechanics on the cars And also he would be the guy that would drive the cars to different locations And once in a while fridays, he would pick me up from school as he's going to the next location And we would play that's my car Mm-hmm But that's and that's your car pretend that's my car, right? That's really where it really got started for me um and in the sense of um, I went to To london when I was a fuji And the first thing I did I said, uh, take me to the mclaren store. Yeah, and um But keep in mind. I'm in london. This is 94. I don't have no money. Yeah now mclaren mclaren makes a lot of f1. Yeah, uh engines and then they made a car and they made a super car and they I think 93 or 94 and it's crazy It you it's mid-engine you literally sit in the middle of it It's incredibly exotic and they've recently now made another version of that that they knew mc12 or whatever it is mclaren, which is actually sort of reasonable. It's like, I don't know $245,000 or something. It's got all carbon fiber monocoque tub and stuff like that The first one of the early 90s was It was an it was a fighter jet. It was the most advanced Street going car on the planet for its time. Yeah, but it's probably stickered for like 750 grand or something back in that You know 93 94 something. I don't know. Yeah, remember. Yep. And then to your point the 95 edition was the Last street legal version of that car like it was just too much, you know, it was like Basically an airplane on wheels. Yeah, it's a 200 mile an hour car back when you know, there weren't too many 200 mile an hour cars I don't think any on the street. Yeah um, it was going for um one point uh one point one Dealer markup. Yeah dealer markup pounds. Yeah, and you know and I worked in a dealership too. Just a dealer markup and um And I asked him he said one point when I said man, he said he said chop. That's you know 1.1 and I said, okay. I said, I'll be back for it in uh three years He looked at me like I was crazy and in three years I came back You know, that was like my first car. Well, I gotta say those cars I don't know if you still have it or not You do. Yeah, good because those things have gone up in value quite a bit over the last few years And you can't say that about a lot of cars. I mean modern day cars, you know, if you'd bought a Ferrari in 1994 It would not be worth Four times or five times as much as it's worth today if you bought a marinella 550 or i'm trying to think of what they had in 94 95 Well, let's just say you bought a 550 Ferrari in 1995 That Ferrari would have cost you a hundred and fifty five hundred and sixty thousand dollars and it'd be worth 75 to 100k today. So that's a little drop Yeah, uh this car, you know million bucks probably worth three three and a half today I don't know I gotta get I gotta get jay on the line and figure it out Well, the car is incredible because it's sort of like the way somebody loves bosky are the painter Mike angelo, you know at times um, you know, they feel like we're we're overboarding and Odeying but um for me just the the architect of someone to think that far, you know Sometimes I have a 19 uh 1932 zephyra And at times i'm looking at this car and i'm like who created this thing. What did the person have in a mind? You know the thing I love about it is it wasn't I mean it was one guy But 200 guys worked on it. Yeah, and I love the fact The form and the function part. I love the fact that there's a bunch of engineers and artists, you know working together I love the fact that there's some woman Old Italian woman who's been working on the same sewing machine stitching the hides together, you know, I love it like I've gone to the um Asin martin factory in gaden outside of outside of london, you know And you know, they're saying to you when they're explaining to you Well, we use all our hides all our cow hides. We contract with a special farmer Where you know cattle rancher and this guy's in the netherlands and they don't use barb wire because uh, it nicks up the skin You know, so this guy so all our hides have no scuffs or nicks or scars on them And then they're all sewed by these two women And they don't mix and match if one woman sews one car She does the entire car because there's because Her sewing machine may be a little bit different than the other one's sewing machine and they don't want the pattern to be any different I love that and I'll tell you when you walk through one of those factories Like, you know ferrari, you know, uh, Asin martin something like that you look around and you just go Well, this is what human beings can do When they're motivated and when they're not fighting and trying to kill each other This is what they can do and You turn on the news and you see the latest terrorist attack or whatever's going on wherever's going on ethnic cleansing Whatever's going on and you go what the fuck is wrong with us? And then you go to the factory Uh, um of asin martin and you go wow, we're pretty good Yeah, so it's one of these things where if you ever get depressed go, uh, Hop on a plane and go take a tour of asin right because when you see the craftsmanship when you see and There's a million different guys and they all have their one department Yeah, and one guy's just doing the body work and he's old school. No, that's incredible. I'll say for me My greatest high was probably going to abu dhabi In the ferrari city. Yeah Like that was pretty insane like every ferrari possible and the you know, it's like going into disneyland ferrari's yeah, and um, but the fact that people love it so much that they would actually build an entire city Never even knew there was a a ferrari city in abu dhabi Same in insane man. Wow And uh, and what do they have they have everything new and old everything for everything new and old from race on down And then they even have rides so they tie it with with the themes where you can get on amusement You know, it's like an amusement park with right all ferrari. Jesus christ I was uh Well speaking of cars as long as we're talking about cars. I was at uh bruce miers place You guys can find find a picture of bruce miers bruce miers cars Uh, this dude has I was there today Little storefront right in the middle of beverly hills wouldn't even know it just a door Just a door in the middle of everything in right in the middle of beverly hills And you know just the most crowded part of beverly hills and there's just a door. That's uh, that's his home garage I think we need to find a picture of his work garage because there's more and um You open the door and you go up some stairs and you go to the back and it was an old It was the first parking structure that was built in beverly hills in 1929 and now it's filled with ferrari's and goal wing Mercedes and motorcycles and just Everything under the sun and by the way, you know as a car collector You know, he's pointing at the cobra and you're going wow, that's a nice That's a nice cobra and he goes. Yeah, this is the first one ever built and your brain just going Ching what is this five four million five three million three five three seven three five. Would you take four? Yeah like crazy Crazy what this guy has um, so you have uh, you got the the zephyr, right? You got the you got the McLaren, yeah, I'm gonna get the new McLaren I I looked into the new McLaren, but you know, it's just no need for for for that You can get it when you need to I gotta tell you I'll tell you what pisses me off. You tell me how you feel about this I hate it when chicks And i'm not talking about danica patrick. I'm i'm talking I'm talking about perris hilton When I see pictures of her leaning against her lexus lfa I get angry because it's like she don't drive. She don't know how to drive that car. What's she got that there? She is in her lexus lfa and and I was driving down the street the other day and I saw It's driving down sunset and I pulled up on a new McLaren and and this was a few months ago So I hadn't seen too many on the street yet and I was like, oh was that McLaren? And then I pulled up and there were like two 23 year old chicks driving it and I thought what the hell And then at the next stoplight I was looking in on him and one pulls up some taco bell And she's just eating taco bell and her new McLaren and i'm like i'm thinking what the fuck has gone on some Some guy busted his ass to make a car that would turn the nerberg ring Two seconds faster than anything ever that's what it is. That's blasphemy period Yeah in the car world. That's blasphemy right could you imagine somebody eating taco bell and your mclaren? Ain't gonna happen. Not gonna happen right? So now what else do you have? um I have um Like I I like 58, uh pink Cadillacs, you know, I like the tail of the long tail You know, I think that's really cool. Um, do you do do events? Do you go around do you go to some of the show when I was when I was like younger? I had more time, you know Now it's not that much time, you know um My favorite thing to do um when I have little time is um Get one of like inside of one of my old vintage and just go through time square Like just very very slow like 11 30 at night when the sun is coming down and just You know, um just cruise. Um, that's like one of my my favorite thing to do You're uh on the based on the east coast. Yes. Yes. I'm originally based in the east coast and stuff and I love bikes too You know motorcycles. Yeah. Yeah bikes. Yeah, I do too So a lot of bikes on most and it's tough when you're in uh, new york A you got the weather B you got to pay if you want to park your cars in the city. I mean, it's tough It's a it's tough for dudes who like cars. Yeah, no a lot of my stuff now is in Miami You know like you you can't you're not going to leave a lot of it, you know, right? Miami is easy my mother's in Miami. Mm-hmm. So um The the the the the the only bad part is I feel I just don't get enough time with the cars, you know So now what uh, we'll step back for a second now so the the fugees are blowing up and Everything's going great And then what happens is it Is it because I don't know if you guys broke up because you got into an argument or you just broke up because it was time to Do something else. Well in the book. I talk about it. I talk about um The the heated of fear the the love triangle At the time that um that I was having um with lauren at the time of Of the group and I talked about the fact that I was married at the time And um and then being married and then I have lauren and I'm in the middle it's got a being married and going out on the road with the 22 year old lauren hills gotta be a little rough I mean in the temptation department, right? Well, it's like you read these stories about because before me there was marvin gay tami torel. You're looking you're like No, it's not going to be me. No, it's not going to be me. Um, I think in any situation if you're spending a lot of time with the person Well in hotel rooms Well, not just in the hotel rooms because you're in the studio. So if we're in the studio, we're recording We're there if we're on stage we're performing. We're there Um, we at the hotel. We all watching a movie. We're there, right? So eventually that led into um A deep Passion which um, which later, you know, like I say in my book that's really What led to to the breakup I would say of the group, you know because well, hold on a second I wonder if I should tease this Hey, ask a doss ask mike if you want to take a quick break or just want to um, no no reason. All right, okay so you have this This this incredible love affair with uh, lauren hill who's in the group with you and you know, it's a double edged short because on one hand You know, you see them all the time and on the other hand you see them all the time And you can't get away from them and if things don't go well, it's really hard to be on stage I'm guessing travel and work with this. I mean every band not every band but Bands do it sometimes with love affairs and then sometimes they just become the eagles and everyone hates each other's guts You know, you know what I mean like something happens. There's a relationship of sorts So you guys have this relationship. Do you do you divorce your wife? Do you break up with your wife? What is what? No, I definitely don't divorce my wife. I stayed with her And I stayed with lauren at the time and your wife. How's your wife with this? Oh, not happy. Of course not happy. Yeah stupid question. Yeah insanely not happy right and and But in the book, you know, you write in a memoir So you got to go back there and just say it raw the way it is right So your wife knows what's going on now. She didn't know. Oh, she didn't know she didn't know You know one time she was like I Gets me in a car. He's like, you know, we got to put it into this her and lauren get in the car wow and um And I talk about it in the book was it the mclaren. I'm sweating my balls. No, this is way before that Because that's got the center seat with two seats on each side of it. So they could have done that no no That was nothing like that. You could have sat in the middle All right, so they get oh, so it's you your wife and lauren hill in the car Yeah, and I have to make a decision you feel me. Uh-huh. And is your wife saying it's me or her or lauren saying it's it's you know Make a decision That's how it went down. Wow. So what'd you say? You know, I ended up I have a song in the My album the carnival when I talk about this very chapter and I say Um, I'm in love with two women. Who is it going to be now? You know, I knew that I love my wife because of the simplicity love being at home and she was a go getter She was modeling at the time and then at the time I love being in the studio with lauren and I love the music We was making you know, um I eventually ended up finishing the fuji stuff and then You know, I was married to my wife. So you picked your wife over lauren hill. Yeah. Yeah. I mean eventually And and and so lauren Didn't get over that No, but now keep now now. This is where the story gets deep So the law of karma, right? You know, you just think man, I'm gonna do stuff and Ain't nothing gonna happen to me. You feel me right and The part of the book that The gossip part that they pull out because there's eight chapters in the book and you went through all the chapters So we could talk about this. Um was the the The part when her first Kid was going to be born, you know, lauren's lauren's first child and For a while, I thought that that was my child Because she told you that well a combination of her telling me that and also a combination of Why wouldn't it be? You know at the time sure and I think That part of it, you know When there's a kid involved, I don't get into the the depth the deepness of that But inside of the memoir it was important to for a fuji fan What what is the missing piece because you just don't get it? You like what happened cleft? Did this group break up? You know and you just asked it you was like what because it was hearing and it disappeared What's right and that sort of like was the component so once that happened Um, I talk about the fact that um, well, let me let me just Let me just Make sure we're all clear here for a second Lauren hill gets pregnant or is pregnant But this is after now you've made your decision to stay with your wife But you're assuming that that child is your child even though i'm staying with my wife. I'm still Little back and forth. Yeah, yeah, a little rotation back and forth. Yes So then your dad would not approve of this. I don't think right of course not No, see what the devil music makes you do You may have had a point All right, just stay in the church, but now you're doing a little rotation And you're assuming that's your kid Because if that's not your kid then Lauren hill's cheating on you in a sense Yes at the time and at the year In the early 20s, of course Um, just the adolescent years, you know, you're a rock star. You think everything belongs to you, right? I know it's it's it's great being a dude because while you're cheating on your wife You could be yelling at the woman you're cheating with you slut I can't believe you're sleeping with somebody else which is exactly what you're doing Essentially, of course at the time definitely so it ends up not being your child How do you find that out? I find that out basically, um by being in the hospital, you know, not Then a delivery or anything, you know, just showing up sitting down, you know waiting patiently you feel me And um, and of course when the child is born i'm clear that that's not um That's not my child and not right at left. I mean like white dude Huh, well, it was like different color different just like I just know that you just know I just knew you know and I left well wait a second. Hold on. Sorry I don't know like my kids when I saw them. I really wouldn't know Their twins like I wouldn't go out. That's my boy. That's my girl Like I couldn't tell but if the kid now if the kid was a couple of shades off of me I might tell something. Is that what we're talking about or well? I just knew you know, you just know really yeah, that's there's a I think that's a Haitian thing Because I'm from north hollywood. We don't just know anything. No, that's there's definitely a Haitian kid. I like I said no No, no, no, no, no, no, not your blood. I just know you know, um, and uh And I left, you know and and is is that it? I mean Is there any Fuji reconciliation any any Fuji reunion tour Is is it and I know there's that thing where it's like listen I want the best for Lauren and maybe she says the same thing about you but Realistically could you guys be in the same room? Could you make music? Could you go out on stage together? well Dave Chappelle Came and got the fujis all back together And we did the Dave Chappelle block party then we all went in the studio And um attempted to try some form of reunion album. Yeah, the vibe's just you know, like you could just It was just not it, you know, yeah at the time just We didn't feel it. Yeah. Well women They have pretty good memories Yes They do I I I find I found My experience with women is they don't have fantastic memories when it comes to dates like you know when certain battles took place in world war two And stuff like that, but if you fuck them over They do remember that stuff pretty well Yeah, they remember the time the date the whole they remember shitty things you said when you were drunk even when they were drunk Oh, yeah, they remember all that shit really good Uh remembering where their keys and cell phone not as important as remembering super shitty things that you may have done or said And that stuff is always brand new. It's like they keep it in Tupperware and it's fresh Dudes I do find move on I mean guys who they were fighting with they they can be friends with The year down the road women not so much they hang on So that's probably that but you tried it The vibe wasn't there And you're doing your own thing Yeah, I mean, you know, there's a phrase that say never say never right so the possibility of the future I've seen all kind of rock bands get back together. People was like man, they will not get back together. You know, it's impossible Well, I mean they're yeah, I mean, it's legendary guys throwing having fist fights and stuff like that and then 10 years later Well, sometimes money helps Yeah, but I would say um in the in the case of the fugees like I told you They was throwing all kind of money and if the fugees right now say they want to do it Tell they're gonna throw all kind of money, you know, I mean, right, you know, like like I tell you like in in bonos bono From you too one of my favorite bands, you know, like bono one time was talking to me. He's like man What's going on? You know, y'all like the black Beatles of hip hop Right when I first heard y'all y'all had the band y'all was playing guitar y'all was singing You know and he's like for the core of the music y'all can y'all can't stop doing that, you know Right. Um, so there's a lot of people that would want to see that, you know, I mean, I just don't see it, you know yeah, well, it's It's one of the these things that's sad because um it's like I don't know. It's like when a painter kills themselves in their 20s or something like how much more Work could have come out of that dude You know what I mean? Well, I mean, you know, that's one way to look at it another way I looked at it is if The fugees was going then I probably would have never wrote the first song for destiny child, which became no no no Which was a hit. I probably wouldn't have wrote maria maria for carlo santana, which became a hit I probably wouldn't have wrote chicara hips don't lie, which became a hit I probably wouldn't have ran for president in my country. So there's there's two sides to it Um, I just know when you're in a band and it's more than one person your whole focus and energy Is how do you make that band better? You wouldn't have written a book purpose by the way And I know it because uh, I lost uh radio gig and when I lost a radio gig I wrote a book and I don't want I wouldn't have written a book if I was working every single day And getting up at five in the morning and doing I just would have said i'm too busy or I can't do it I don't know what the time is so I mean, yeah one door closes and another one opens and people don't seem to realize if you're good One door closes and another one opens and if you're not good the door closes it gets welded shut and you Get back in the house, but weichlef you're obviously talented So when you leave the band you take your talent with you And you just start applying it in different different directions And you'll always have that and they can't they can't that doesn't get left behind with the fuji's and so for you You have this luxury of talent and that we're not everyone has that luxury Do you know what I mean? They're I love I love talent and I love finding talent and I love discovering people You know, but my range really um You know, I remember when I was doing my video for gone till november, for example And I asked bob dillon to come down to the video shoot, you know And even the director thought I had an imaginary friend. I was like, yeah, yeah, bob dillon coming Whatever bob dillon ain't even sure for jacob dillon with that. I'll make it. He's gonna show for you man and bob shows up at the video shoot and When bob dillon is like man, you know, you remind me of an old chap that used to play bass with me You know, like when he says that to me that just stays inside of my brain, you know Well, you know the good thing about you wyclef is you're cool So people want to be associated with you You know what I mean? And I don't know how you get cool You have to earn it but some of it's just a little uh, je ne sais quoi. You know, it's just that je ne sais quoi Thank you. That's how you say it. Yeah. Yeah, so no woman wants to Disappoint wyclef in and everyone wants to go. Yeah, that guy's cool. Yeah, that guy invited me down And again, I don't know how how you get it. Some of it is earned and some of it is just it But you got it, baby. Hold on. Let me give a little love to one of our sponsors on core insurance That's right on core insurance llc You need some life insurance. You want a free quote 866 347 57 48 or you can visit them online at smartterm.com listen, man, you don't know One minute you're in the fugees next minute. You're on you're on your own life Life's not predictable. And by the way, the road is not all paved with mclaren's sometimes there's little setbacks You got to take care of your family. What if something happens? What if you wrap that mclaren around an oak tree? You got to take care of that family. Give them a call 866 347 57 48. We have one of our sales guys here kit He's 36 non smoker 20 year 500 000 policy for less than 30 bucks a month On core licensing and disclaimer information can be found at smartterm.com that is smartterm.com Wycliffe, you got to meet with shan pen About the Haitian national choir That's what i'm told. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah So i'm told you have to i'm getting a message saying Oh man What a life you have Uh, what a goddamn life the uh name of the book purpose. It is an immigrant's story Who do you hope reads this book? Well, not who do you hope? But what do you hope people get from this book? I hope they get um triumph no matter what you think you're going through Somebody is going through something worse like when you was comparing it from uh, You know, what is the hut compared to how we living here and sometimes we hear And we complain and about we need more work or we don't have something to eat today, you know, um, right always know that It's all right for us here because somebody else got it worse, you know, you could be eating dirt and riding a donkey Mm-hmm book by the way available on amazon and one of the things that's uh nice Speaking of uh one door shuts another opens I would have never started this and had this studio If I didn't lose my radio job and now it's coming on four years never looked back and when people Support this show They go when they go to buy your book off amazon they go to my website and they click on the amazon banner Pow wow we get to wet our beaks as well. So you can help white clef you can uh get his book you can get some knowledge and You can give us a little love as well the e-book has five songs and videos by the way So, uh, you want to check out the e-book version of purpose as well white clef. This is uh, It's been uh been fun, man. It's been really cool. You're a cool dude, man. Your collection is rad, man Oh, oh, I gotta see that my oh, this is the best interview because this the coolest interview when I show up first thing I do go to the garage and see the cars He's a genius everybody. We're playing uh indio performing arts center Coming up this thursday october 25th with grand parker one of my favorites and uh, that's exciting cobs comedy club coming up san francisco Four shows november 17th through the uh 18th and all that good stuff redondo beach performing arts center next uh saturday october 27th with denise prager White clef john denise prager same dude. Yeah, all right. So until next time this adam crawler for white clef john saying mahala Pluto tv has thousands of free movies and tv shows from mine i'm dying The mindset free With movies like inner stellar dream girls and gladiator And tv shows like survivor spongebob squarepants the fairly odd parents and ghosts Pluto tv is always free Pluto tv stream now pay never Those adam crawler show 920 with adam white clef come up for our final clip today was adam crawler show 943 featuring the legendary grand parker along with alison rosen bryan bishop from 2012 and they're very excited adam Hope you guys enjoy this one Good day alison rosen. Hello adam crawler and good day bald bryan The fan little hot. Yeah a little hot Uh, but not with that fan on oh, I see you say Yeah, grand parker coming in and it just for me. There's a couple reasons or there. I guess what you call uh perks perks uh for being in this business and it's getting to meet people whose work you really enjoy And I've met a few of my idols over the years, but i've never met grand parker I met john hyatt Many years ago and I got him just booked onto love line at some point and then I went and saw him do a show and it was the greatest moment of my life because um Was it love line because he was on the radio show for sure the morning show It was a both it was a love line first and he was doing a song called slow turning and um You might have it somewhere one of his few hits although see to me I know 150 grand parker songs and 150 john hyatt songs and I love them all but they've never No human being has ever heard them and it always drives. It's it's what I do at night This is slow turning I get a little buzzed and then I force linette to listen to grand parker songs and then she always makes the mistake of saying She makes the mistake of saying wow, this is a really good song How come I've never heard this song and I go because you have to fucking hear man eater because you have to hear man Eater for the 26 000 time. That's why you can't hear this song No human ears should hear this song because they're fucking man eater or witchy woman again but I get you leave it on I get hide in and um I'm kissing his ass and just tell him up. You know, I was in high school. That's a huge john hyatt fan and No one knew who john hyatt was and I saw grand parker and john hyatt together at the greek and probably 1981 or something like that so Hyatt's got a good sense of humor and he's written a lot of songs for bonnie reyton A lot of soundtracks and done all right for himself in nashville and really good in concert and I go he invites me to the concert that night So I go out to the concert that night and we're standing at the l rey theater over there on wilshire boulevard right by the old don't keep it going and uh He's He's up on stage and he's singing this song and i'm just in the audience just jumping up and down with my beer Buzz like enjoying myself and on the net shoulders on the net shoulders I got my top pulled over my head. Yeah, and he comes uh He comes into this part right here Because I got the radio down and then he goes And where's drill where's adam on the radio like he said This is real he's like and i'm listening to adam and girl on the radio and i'm like It's like because I was fucking cleaning carpets and listening to this in my walk man, you know And he's up there screaming my name when he's got the radio on in his car And you know for him he has a sense of humor and he just did love line the night before so He goes into like a little riff where he's like adam where are you adam drill? Where are you need some help? You know and then i'm like but i'm Going insane because i'm here john i'm here. I'm here buddy crying so You can pot it down not too much else so here I am and You know for me it's not just that I was fans of these guys, but I was You can bring down a little more Brian feeling I was living in a garage and cleaning carpets and had a fucking shitty life and a shitty job and a shitty everything and and you know When you're depressed and you're poor and everything looks like just 10 miles of hell out in front of you and not only Did the immediate future look pretty pretty grim In bleak for me The life, you know the the horizon looked pretty fucking horrible too because I was like People we don't talk about it that much but worse economy as bad as it is now and and actually worse It was 1982 83 no jobs to be found parents Lack luster meets doesn't give a shit meets we have no money meets I don't know anyone who has a union job and can get you in to do in construction Fashions are terrible meets bad fashion meets a bunch of friends who have the same parents as I do with no money And all of us just sort of sitting around And I would just meets no girlfriend meets a totter and shit I have no air conditioning and I would just sit around and listen to grand parker and John high It would make me feel better sometimes Depending on what the song was it'd make me feel great or bad or whatever but all those things that songs bring out and For me to be in a position later on in life Much like uh when uh probably the same feeling the first time The jimmy felt the first time he went fly fishing with Huey Lewis And a little bit less the second time and a little bit less the third time and yes by the ninth or tenth time What does he have a standing fly fishing date with you Lewis? They do a lot of fly fishing and then it's funny if you pan over just 20 feet to the right see the news I'll say you we lose on the news still wearing the suits heads bowed standing in the water Huey forbids them for participating but he's still in there in unison now. No just sitting just sitting heads down They're not a lot of fish. They're not a lot of fish more fish for Huey. Yeah, and jimmy. He's the alpha male. Yep Uh jimmy tweeted me a picture or tweeted me. He sent me a you know instant message text a Picture up on the raised rail that I talked about in new york that was so cool I was talking about this on the show the highlight. Yeah the highlight I never come up with the right name me and phil rosenthal told you walked up on it walked all around So halfway through the city with it and everyone I talked it was one of the things where I got back to LA And I was saying to everybody he got to check out this high line and they're like, huh? And yeah from there and they're like what? It snuck up on everyone because I used to live there and I wasn't even aware that it had opened until we went back so uh He uh text died me a nice picture of him and molly up on the uh high line, which I thought was sweet. All right, so um Well, so do you have a recording of him talking about you because if not you should uh, put it out there via this podcast In case anyone happens to have a bootleg or anything because that'd be so cool Of who what of uh, john hyatt singing your name Oh Wow, it would have been it this would have been like 98 or something It was probably pre everyone had a phone and or whatever, but yeah somebody has it But that was that was prime time for like dave matthew's band and those types of bands whose fans were you know The recording off the soundboard thing was very popular. I will uh, I will be more. Okay. Listen. I bullshitted you. He never did it I didn't go to the show He held out man cow Goddamn it You've painted me into a corner once I'm supposed to say So uncomfortable There's some maggie maggie with the grease man so um, all right, uh couple couple nice moves um was able to um Take uh took my kids out for a nice walk. Uh, of course my daughter announced She had to take a pee as soon as we got to the top of the hill and I said, uh, you know fool me once shame on me Uh, no you and I said listen I and she's daddy helped me and I said I'm not I gotta figure this I gotta figure the angle out this time because I can't have any more pissing into the into the boots You know, you gotta fold her up and hold her like a machine gun. Oh That's what I thought about that, but I was I was trying to uh, uh, yeah Yeah, uh, I was trying to get her I need to be a little heated up here Yeah, I need I need to get her away from me, but I figured out she did the whiz thing. That was a good thing Uh, then we got this whole system worked out. We're about 11 30 12 o'clock at night 12 30 I come up there wake her up pick her up put her on the pot get her all cleaned out Squeeze her To wring her out over the pot and then put her back in the bed not been not been wetting herself Uh last night 11 30 went up to pick her up. I know a nice big warm Patch of water right where she was and that's not water No, it was but now it's not and uh, well, I did the right thing called the wife said take take care of this She took care of it and uh, I don't know what the system is anymore because I don't know it was an hour earlier than I went the night before and she'd whizzed all over herself speaking of whiz She's getting ready for the time change Oh, is that coming? Always catch me by surprise Either I don't care or I'm really stupid or a combination of both which is which is volatile I can't I think it is I think it is Um, my son was explaining that he was bullied at school It's and I said well, what do you mean bullied at school like how first off? I know there's no bullying No, no real bullying that goes on and he's like, yeah, I was bullied and I said, uh, well now what happened and he said well I was telling a story And uh, buddy hinting or whatever the bully's name was Very forties name. Yeah, I think that was the bully's name The bully's name from the Brady bunch. I think was buddy hinting But anyway, it's back when you know, would they take husky white guys put a butch haircut on him and his friend's lampwick. Yes Buddy hinting was he said he was Brady bunch he was um, so I said, well, sunny. What kind what happened? What kind of bullying? I don't see any marks on you. What happened with the bullying? And he said, uh, I'll tell you what happened. I was telling him a story and he put both his fingers in his ears This now can't by the way your dad gets tuned out You have no idea the kind of bullying that takes place on a regular basis with me I mean no fingers in the ears, but the emotional fingers in the ears. They're just the insane tuning out. I mean come on I'm aware of what's going on. Uh, but putting putting fingers in the ears is now That constitutes bullying and then he paused and he went Well, he also hit me in the penis and I went now we got something Then I thought this kid he followed with that. He was setting the table You know what I mean? He was setting the table with that and then he just But the the one he went and went off the wall in the power alley. That was the punch in the junk He's gonna be a good negotiator someday. Well, but listen, you don't start off with your best joke, you know, right? You set the table and then you come to you set him up temperature, right? So I was like, he broke it up to you He punched you in the penis. Well, he hit me I don't know my son's got he claimed I hit him in the dingaling when I was teaching him how to box the other day And uh, he's telling how to box. I got him in on the heavy bag. I got him in his stance I I may have brushed it. I got him in on the stance. I got him throwing the punches and doing the doing the whole the whole nine yards but um I said, well, I'm just gonna have to make you a little better boxer in casey and he's like, I can't punch him I was like, well, if he picks on you, no, no, then I'll get into trouble and they have this stuff so Carved into these kids minds by the first grade. Like there is no more of that. Oh, you know, I mean every third sitcom and after school special and everything was about I mean, it's the karate kid story It's he's getting picked on so he learns how to you know, it's It's the atlas thing in the back of the The spider man Comic book like he gets sand kicked on and by the way, then he starts working out now. He's kicking that there's no more Now he's working out. There's just he's going to the principal That'd be super boring for the comic books when it be and at the end of karate kid, by the way Two minutes in act one he ratted out the cobra kai gym to uh, one of the principals and they all got busted Yeah, instead of sweep the leg it's like fill out a form fill out a form Johnny Right and that'd be the end of problem with that. That'd be the end of the whole thing. All right, so Fingers in the ears, which I liked was bullying but on the flick of the bick Evidently not a good thing Some I was thinking about our dogs getting a little bit old and You know, we've been kind of talking about that Maybe we'll get a little puppy dog in here and get Molly And then I realized, you know, you have to sell it to Molly is hey, we got you a playmate, you know I mean, but then I just want to say this to all the dogs that are listening when you're having difficulty getting up on the bed and You're 11 and a half So you're 88 years old or whatever you are and you got a little hip dysplasia And you can't see out of one eye and somebody shows up and goes we got you a playmate That means you're dying. Yeah, and by the way for the dog. It's gotta be you got me a playmate now I can't move What happened it? What happened to something I could fuck five years ago. Now you got me a playmate. This is bullshit. I'm being replaced That's what's going. This is fresh blood with a puppy's name be I would not get a puppy I had a conversation With well first off every time I talk to Mike august I hear this dog like bellowing in the back and my August has a dog Mike august is a dog. Well, he got married. So he's got to get the dog He gets married to get the dog and then like a lot of like hey, don't chew the curtain, you know And I like I've had that thing with the puppy where they go Everyone's got this thing when you put them in the crate now get something and then they think that these things that make sense You know where they go get something that reminds them of you something with your smell on it like a slipper something something They've already chewed on but there's got your scent on get a t-shirt and put it in your hamper rub it all over your body And then put it in the crate and then that'll calm them because they're like and then you and then what you do is you have to Turn a radio on in the room like a little talk radio. I'm gonna smash cut to you in bed rolling over And you're like I want to fucking backhand that bitch you told me this advice You should just do that with everyone It gives you advice about dogs like where they go if you want them to stop peeing where they're peeing put a little Put a little white vinegar on that spot and then take a piece of thing and then put it You should just backhand it. You'll lie. It's never gonna work because you go home bursting with confidence Doosie as well. Okay. I just got to get a t-shirt put it in the crate and I'll put a little am radio No, no that night still crying still pawning and I've done that thing where it's like you put them in the crate and You lain bed and you go okay. It's been 20 minutes. They're gonna fall asleep like they cannot keep this up the entire Oh, yes, they can't oh, yes, they fucking can't they have crazy puppy energy You know who else is puppy? I think is a terror is dr. Drew's dog. Yes because I follow his wife on instagram They chew everything. Yeah, so here's the deal It's not quite as cool get the one-year-old See I I was just today. I was looking at pet finder. I thought I'm gonna kill five hours So I was looking at pet finder and I turned into seven but go ahead. Yeah I was thinking there's so many adults or one-year-old they call one-year-old baby, which I don't think so That's a seven-year-old in dog years But there's so many of those dogs and there's just not that many true puppies and I was thinking I should really just If I'm gonna get a dog I should really get an older one but god I want the puppy I know But you want the puppy and it's so cute I I must tell you this I had the puppy. I had the german shepherd puppy She yelped that she chewed she chewed and she yelped she knocked over the barrier thing She jumped over the barrier thing. She pissed and shit everywhere And then she chewed and then she died you showed her. Yeah, so Then molly girl came into my life like one-year-old Newer name Pissed and shit outside Gave her the uh didn't I mean literally you could Leave if you had slippers that were made of jerky I do and I don't know why because you'd probably be attacked by coyotes when you got the newspaper But if you had jerky based slippers, you could and a and a hat that was made of giblets And leave them. Uh-huh sounds like a jewish curse. You should wear a hat made of giblets And and run through a cave filled with crows. Yeah, your ears should be replaced with chicken livers. So, um, the uh You allergic to to jewisms. I must be so my dog molly if you left slippers that were made of slim gyms out Would sniff it and never chew it Like literally and if you're sitting at the table and you gave her a scrap She'd like take it very gently in her gum and make sure to go like gentle Didn't piss inside didn't shit inside would have those days when it's like, oh, she got locked in for you know 14 hours and no one was here and I thought you were coming home No, I was going straight to work and just sat there having to piss but never doing it like possibly she used the toilet possibly Yeah, I swear that seat was up when I left either way When you experience that versus the crate the crying and the chewing You will almost immediately be over the novelty of the cuteness of the cuteness. How long does the it's awful but cute phase last? When somewhere around night two when you want to either put them into a Water balloon launcher and just fire them into the nearest yard or against the closest brick wall Or when you just want to take a nine iron and put them out in the backyard and just try to just try to launch them into the alley It the cuteness when the sleep sleep deprivation trumps all cuteness I mean like you go for humans. Yes, you could have the fucking you I could be dating I I a drunken scarlet Johansson who just wanted to fuck and talk about my girth would be annoying Did you know something I don't know or no, I just made that up. Okay I would get a night number two. I'd be annoyed. She's been tweeting about it. Okay. That's what I said I'd just be like, uh, sweetie. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk about my girth anymore. I'm fucking exhausted Get your tits out of my face. I want to go to bed like that that let's face it sleep Just takes the fucking top pyramid block of And it only takes three nights of no sleep before you start looking at that dog's a little pain in the ass Little devil dog hound from hell That's right. I watched a lot of tv specials in the 80s and late 70s. Did you ever have a pound puppy the stuffed animal? Oh, no, remember those no short lived like giant beanie babies. Yeah, I had friends who had those Sure friends. I had a friend. I had a friend who had digger the dog That's as close as I as I got digger the dog digger. He goes with you when you explore That's sort like leon redbone would sing the song. He's saying the mr. Belvedere theme song. I believe holy shit We'll find the digger the dog digger the dog digger. He goes with you when you explore Yes I love I have that But we have it We'll have it in a second, but I I swear to god If I try to give all right, let's see if we can Why you white male man Cold hard molded plastic very unsatisfying if what you want is an actual dog a whole 60 inches worth of movement on his own We gotta get that to kimmel for a unnecessary censorship. Yeah drop a little uh bleep in there. Yeah walking um I if I gave my kids that for a toy, they'd be like fuck off old man I'll choke you out with his leash. Like it's not even a remote control. There's nothing here. Where's it plug in? Where's it charged? Where's the batteries? Where's the solar panel? Why is it wearing a hat blows ass? Yeah, it's a weird dog. It was like a sort of detective dog except for my car. They're what you were doing exactly There's a bloodhound digger the dog digger. He goes and that's also Yeah, that's what kids from the 70s really respond to 20s crooner music Anyway, that was hot. I didn't have one of course because I could I didn't have I had a I had a fundamental problem with toys Which is my mom would buy nothing that was new It all had to be weird shit that smelled funny and had other people's Funk on it from from the salvation army or whatever it is So like digger the dog would have been cool when I was six, but we didn't buy new shit So we'd have to we'd see digger the dog in the thrift store, but I was 12 No longer in my digger the dog face right yeah grown it but now I wanted a go-kart But there are no good new go-karts we had to wait so there was a weird math thing It was always it was always too far by the time it made it to the thrift store I was too old for it I suspect if you ever got a toy that it was based it was lead paint based They made sure my mom would always ask that All right, so again, you want a dog that is A teenager or you know one years old something like that don't the crate dog get digger Love digger, but don't get into that Don't get into the crating and the biting and the and you don't see here's the thing I I shit you not I will shit you not As a single dude don't shit us I will not not this is not shit This is shit not we'll see As a single dude Who was living alone in the hills of hollywood and his freshly minted house from 1923 where I redid the floors I've got all new carpet all that kind of shit Having one german shepherd puppy was a much bigger hassle than having twins Wow much Bigger hassle than having twins now. I've thrown money at the problem I have you know nannies and wives And things like that. So it's you know, I got it worked out But just living alone with the fucking dog in the crate much bigger pain in the ass than the twins. I mean You know, I mean, it's a labor left. Where was I? All right. Let's hear uh, I got so I should tell you before Grand parker comes in here that um So here it was 1979 1980 I'm uh going to north hollywood high and there's a radio station called k-rock that I would one day end up on Which is that much more bizarre and while everyone else is around the country listening to like ario speed wagon and sticks Mr. Roboto and like a lot of 38 special and you know bands bands like that I'm listening to like the talking heads and uh the blondie and grand parker And you know Elvis Costello and stuff. So there this is one station that's playing These songs and I I hear this grand parker song called the play either one you want but uh the first one and I it doesn't sound like the songs i'm used to hearing because it's like van halen and stuff is what i'm used to hearing and i'm like What is this song? It's a happy song And i was in a good mood then because i was in high school playing football doing stuff Love when the piano comes in No Put it down a little So i'm like wow, who is this dude? I've never heard this dude before and then I find out it's grand parker And then I found out my friend alex has a grand parker record And it's like it was a big deal because that was like it at my house a record was considered a durable good Because a big ticket item Who made that for you? What library did that come from would be the more important question my dad would get records from the library library how Uncommitted to supporting your artists must you be And how little is your time worth where you're fucking and these things Looked like the fucking Sands of the sahara like just the dunes. They were just sweat. They look they look like They look like abalone shells like they are huge clam shells, you know just that big wave and i'm living candy they get left out in the sun and they just go like It's like a like a fucking the perfect storm when that when that goddamn needle would go on there and my dad and so I saved up my money. Did you ever have an embarrassing reveal where you're like this album's cool? Let me know when you return this to the library. I'm gonna get next like I just remember the super pathetic like the picture on all the record covers that my dad would get from the uh From that library wouldn't be herb albert and the tijuana brass or whatever It'd just be the standard one which was a record and it was looking up at the sun and it had like a frowny face, you know and it's like Jesus christ oh man you're 43 the sticker cousin of be kind rewind right when you fucking break down and uh buy yourself a record I like when people do this. Well, what if I don't like it? Well, look, you know, you like the artist, right? Yeah, and you know, you like the one song you heard on the radio It's 699 how badly could you get burned if you didn't like although let's say just like one other song in the record Money. Yeah, I know So i'm like oh man, so I save up and I get me a uh, grand parker record And uh, it's called the up escalator. Uh, graham is here and uh I'm excited. E voice. I'm so excited. I gotta tell you about e voice Free by the way, I got a toll free number answers and routes calls to your home office or cell Awesome for the business person on the go Put a little uh, dude, you can pick your uh your whole music For a voice This is a business for smart people Voice mail is transcribed into easy to read emails text messages Yeah, someone's just talking about this here that you can bring your cell phone in here You get a you get a voice message and you can just look at it. You don't have to have it go off on it It's all the time I get voice mails and just read them and decide to reply later calls screened Automatically you can answer the urgent calls now let the less important ones go I do it the other way around but that's just me Service you can count on 25 10 it says 24 seven, but I'd like to round up live customer support Click on the banner at adamcrawler.com or you can go to www.e voice.com slash adam for six months free Six months free. All right, so I go to my buddy, alex's house and he's got Another grand parker record that I didn't even know about that's right This one's called squeezing out sparks very uh critically acclaimed and uh It's got a little rock and roll song called siren and I just dead and I was like, let me hear this now This is from 1979 And it's so like british and european and Unnortholywood and exotic Yeah Doesn't sound like molly hatching It don't matter what they say you've got to use your own I pot it down just a little bit some like man, I love this grand parker cat and uh We went and saw him at the greek like I said with uh John height opening for him Some do An acoustic show. Did you know about John height at that point or is this just like a pleasant surprise? I did know about John height I didn't know the breadth and width of John height because John height was kind of just getting started And he didn't have all his alms. He had a couple alms Grand parker was probably about five alms into into his career Uh, John was probably two or three into his career, but I knew I liked them both and uh, it was a perfect marriage and it was really It was really the Reese's peanut butter cup of concerts for me because it was like you're taking the two guys at dig And you're putting them together at the same time. All right, let's listen a little guitar turn up All right, we should Why don't you give me a little pot it down a little Well, they're a little bit undergo to my pc and then we'll go get grand parker a little more. I need a little more Did you ever play in a band adam? No, no, do you never played an instrument or anything? Never. He and jimmy were in corn Oh, me and jimmy were in corn for a while I forgot about that You probably go to youtube and see me and jimmy and the band corn the man show bit I remember them a little behind the little behind the music No, I loved music I just I never had the discipline to ever learn an instrument and I can't sing other than that. I'm your man Oh, there's uh, you know, there's me and jimmy when we're in corn. Yeah Yeah, I would have loved Love loved being a band Hey, you know what? Let me give a little love. Has he never picked up like tried to play the guitar bass I don't have any discipline triangle. I have a ton of discipline, but I don't have like sit around discipline I have punch a heavy bag discipline drums Oh, that's what I should do. But you also understand that would have required like a kit and a place and there was apartments and just Go to my pc. That's right business people. You're using your tablets, right? And we've decided people keep retweeting me this that the tablet Simultaneously the newest and oldest thing on the planet Cannot find anything older and newer than the tablet Smartphones, huh? Well, those are new You want to get some business done? I would suggest go to my pc use the app brought to you by citrix You can put it on your ipad your iphone your android kindle fire Whatever you like and it goes right to your computer access Any program and you can edit and save and do whatever you want go to my pc free try it for free 45 days free that's right free trial only if you use the promo code adam Visit go to my pc.com click on the tried free button and remember to use the promo code adam All right. Do we have uh me and corn? By the way, I could play a little behind the music of I think it'll work without the visuals, but uh It might might might play a little when we're in corn. I was friends with those Corn their legion of fans know them as hard-edged rock music visionaries But what they don't know is this seemingly invincible band was nearly torn apart by the two members who helped bring them together Tonight corn the story beneath the music Our story begins with adam corolla and jimmy kimmel two wide-eyed idealistic sophomores from bakersfield high Believe it or not When we were in high school, we didn't get a lot of girls. It's true. I can't explain it, but um, we didn't know And and there were these guys in the school and they had a band and you know, we figured if we got in the band It'd be good for the chicks, you know, they'd they'd flock to us like like mice on tuna on tuna. Yeah That guys in the band, uh, they were huge fans of our music I guess they knew we had something special to contribute adam's dad had a van and we had a lot of equipment to carry And jimmy jimmy We were pretty high But the combination of the band's talent and adam's dad letting them use his van worked They started small high school dances pep rallies bar mitzvahs And eventually grew to concert halls arenas and bar mitzvahs Together they took the music industry by storm rock radio caught on and soon sold out concerts turned into massive hit singles Millions of albums and thousands of adoring bands But adam and especially jimmy did not handle success well. He wrote the song freak on a late one night after jimmy Well, let's just say he was tripping pretty hard either. He was on drugs or he's monkey Or a baloney or something. I'm not sure but he was out of it. He thought he was a dog He was running around the dressing room Biting people humping legs. I mean all kinds of crazy shit. It was it was just too much And then he started peeing Not just in his pants everywhere the dressing room and that that was the end of it. That was that was like that closed the coffin The band tried to keep their problems private, but somehow the news leaked I called this press conference tonight to announce that jimmy peed all over the rest of the band any questions The media had a field day On october 22nd 1995 corn decided to part ways with corolla and kimmel forever Adam's dad sold van and I think we knew it was time to end it it's Jonathan We left them We had a lot of new ideas and quite frankly those guys were holding us back While corn went on to become one of the world's most popular bands adam and jimmy quickly sank into cable television obscurity I don't know whatever happened those guys. Last I heard they were doing some show about farting Corolla and kimmel corn's forgotten foot soldiers Faded from the public's memory, but a part of rock and roll history forever The rented uh band show I just They're doing a show about farting I think that's kind of I think most people I know would have summed up the man show that way too A great show about a great show about farting, but that's why whenever you get all these Reviews or whatever they go, you know the uh neanderthal doing the show about the beer chugging like I just tell most bits were This there weren't nothing to do with chicks or beer. It was mainly Mainly all the bits were these kind of bits. I'm poking fun at yourself Yeah, we were always the butt of the joke and then it was something to do other than it was me going out and trying out for the Raiders and getting my ass kicked, but it was never me making the team was there Was there I tried to tell someone the other day you were there ball brian I uh, I don't like to talk about myself on this program do it just once Please for the listener for gram. Okay, because we're gonna go get gram parker in a second um We tried out for the Dodgers and it was non-stop tommy to the sort of cussing at us going you make me sick You're disgracing the uniform take that uniform off. You guys are pathetic. I've never seen so many pathetic never seen too Yeah, spring training. We're trying out in varro beach and it was you're pathetic and you stink and that's the way we had it And then it was fine He did my radio show Five years later and he said you know what adam if I got hold of you at 18 I you could have you could have made it you could have made I would have thrown you 100 curve balls a day And you would have made it and I was like god tommy come on seriously He's like absolutely you could have made it meaning He thought we were pretty good But we only filmed him telling us how much we sucked because it's not funny for tommy to the sort of go You're pretty good. It's much funnier for him to go. You suck You've disgraced the dodge organization take those uniforms off. You don't deserve to wear them And that's where the joke was and we always knew it But I don't know why the show got spun into us making fun of women constantly It was us making fun of ourselves. I feel like people who don't Understand well, they don't understand the nuances of humor either and they don't to them it They don't see what's in the quotes, you know, right? And they don't understand that making the team or having tom lasso to say we're great or having They just think it's jokes about baseball like they're not going to get it Right, they don't realize that us going to wrestling camp means we have to get our ass kicked and we have to get embarrassed That's what's funny being good wrestlers not funny also the promos at least for the first year were exclusively You know girl I know people judge, uh, you know comedy central. All right the great grand parker 30 32 years in the making I've been wanting to meet grand parker for 32 years and we'll bring him in next I thought I was a cool cool man As a rider you have to be Got to observe everything from a distance recorded for posterity But lately I've been hearing things that I never felt before Oh Grand parker in studio reports good name of the new album available november 19 Pre-order by the way do it through amazon go through our website click on the banner and pow show us a little love gram So nice of you to come in. Well, thank you for having me appreciate it. I'm looking at something here that it just struck me I'm going to interview Judd Apatow next week and Judd said go see my movie first and Tomorrow I'm going to go down to universal and see a Pre-screening of his movie which is called this is 40 and now I'm looking down here And here's grand parker in the Judd Apatow film. This is 40 So this is what you call serendipity For me. How'd you get involved with that? Well, um, Judd, um One of uh, I think jonathan carp who's a music music supervisor Works for jude jude a lot got hold of my um publishing company Administrate my catalog and said Judd would like to Talk to Graham. So I said email address Judd got hold of me. I said give me a time and place. I will be there and I met up with him and um You know, he sort of outlined this this movie that was that he was you know in the works He was writing it sort of a follow-up of um knocked up But it involves pete and debbie paul rudd and leslie man, right not the seth rogan thing Right leslie man is his wife exactly. Yes. Yes. Um, yeah, so and and and paul rudd His character is pete is starting an indie label And he wants to sign what he would call real music because in in knocked up. He was working for like a major label I didn't seem very happy with it. So, um 70s and 80s music and I might be one of those kind of acts that he would sign to his Individually, you see and so Judd's talking with me and um, you know, I said well guess what? I've just reformed the rumor and we we're gonna do an album in about a month and a half time And I said you should get the rumor in there as well so, um Then I broke into a really bad sammy davis impersonation And because he asked me can you ask out of it? Can you do a little of it? Um Have I played this room before because you cats are cool And I mean that Pachow Pachow Pachow So Judd said you're hired, you know, well actually he looked at me like I was insane Well, he was probably a fan of yours, right? He was a fan. He'd used one of my songs in um the last episode of uh Undeclared and that's how I got hip to that show and freaks and geeks, you know Um, and he's a fan of many many artists and different types of music and so, uh You know, he sort of thought maybe I could fit in with this and and and be an actor Um acting as myself And so he got back to me a week later and said, okay, I want you in the movie acting as yourself And I want the a do two-day shoot with the rumor and also I just saw you on the uh, Craig Killburn show on youtube with this uh with a guy playing upright bass Can we get him and do a duo thing? So I've got two musical performances with the rumor We did a two-day shoot in the belasco's theater downtown la. I'm acting in it quote unquote And um a duo performance and songs. Have you seen it? Do you know I've seen a screening? Oh, they didn't cut you out I'm astonished. I mean, I really cut you out. I know I've been on tender hooks the whole time thinking universal Would come up to jud and say, you know, this this brian parker Right. He's nobody. No, he's not good and the rounders need to go to nobody's heard of him You know bring somebody in that people have heard about jud floats his own boat man, you know, I mean That's exactly I told him today because I was on a panel with him for billboard You know, I think it's admirable that it's it's not just about trendy new acts or Superstars it's about what he liked, you know loud and wainwright's music was right all over knocked up and So he has convictions and the courage to back them up and nobody's messing with him You know, well, let's uh, I'll talk to jud in a couple days and tell him Tell him you said he did a fair to midland job directing him. Yeah, I would yeah, uh, but I want to talk about you Um, I I don't want to put any words in your mouth, but I always felt like 79 and 80 was Some of the most exciting time for music at least for me because I think about Joe Jackson's first two albums look sharp and I'm the man and you with uh, Up the up escalator and squeezing out sparks and stuff like that And it seemed like in the pretenders and all these bands doing just some great great stuff And then somehow around the mid 80s the synthesizer started to kick in and it took a Synsonic drums started kicking in and it took it took a step, you know, and I guess in any Art fashion music anything architecture. There's some good years and then there's some years you look back on and go but uh growing up in in England and being on the scene in the Mid-70s going into the late 70s and early 80s. It must have been a really exciting time Well, a lot of people kind of always say oh, you came along at the same time as Etc etc. Etc fill in the names, you know and um, I I actually sort of got Broke into the music business in 1975 when I met a guy who Loved my work and became my manager and I had a demo played on a on a radio show obscure london radio show And instantly got a record deal from nowhere. I didn't have all this background of playing and gigs and all this it that wasn't really me And so my first album came out in 76 howling wind right and then heat treatment the same year and um, I owned them both You own the boat to see that that year was kind of it was a no man's land. It was still prog rock rule There wasn't this punk and new wave But it exploded, you know 77 with the sex pistols, of course in England and the Ramones were around in 76 television But they hadn't impinged on the the the consciousness of the public But your stuff changed like uh, sorry, I got a geek out a little bit here But like heat treatment had a lot of horns in it was very soulful And it sounded like it was like tip tip of the cap to the 60s or something and then two years later You're doing something called new wave, which I like I like more even for some unknown reason I don't know why I love horns and stuff, but I mean You're doing a totally different sound two and a half years later Well, yes squeezing out sparks. I I'd done three albums third one was stick to me And there were horns on all of those records those first three. Yep, and um, it's it's enough already You know, it's time to do something different I just wrote a bunch of songs as I've always been doing not really thinking much about it But I think I was kicked into to making some kind of change in what I was doing because of all those other new artists that were appearing And um, you know, you don't want to be in danger of being thought of as some kind of um, good time bar band Which is what people kind of talk is to mention me in those terms and I'm like, they're missing the songs They're hearing the horns. They're missing the songs. So I think squeezing out sparks I wanted to clear that deck and come up with something You know very different were were you I was always I'm just living in north hollywood at this point in a garage And I'm just reading the album like when you just read the album, you know and like but It was described. You're always sort of described as angry Like uh edgy angry, you know, writing lyrics that'll uh take your Heart by the lapels and shake it senselessly and things like that At least that's what's said on the back of one of the records. That sounds right. Um, but were you angry? Well, I what were you angry about? I you know two two years before I I got my first record deal I was a hippie like everyone else or not like everyone else But um, I was traveling around to go going to morocco and doing all that stuff, you know but um, I came out the end of that and started to feel um a lot of Something was you know, sort of pinging away in my head about the music I used to like when I was 15 and 16 And we're talking soul music basically american soul music and jamaican scar was a kind of underground scene in england And also, you know something that the you know the intensity of the stones and the Beatles This was coming back to me instead of the more flowing psychedelic prog rock thing which I thought was already dead. It was flatulence and you know self Congratulatory by 1973 74 So I got this um intensity that came into me. I don't know why I'd had a pretty decent life But you know the this anger came and where did you grow up? I like I grew up. I was born in london and uh when I was four Um, my parents moved to a village called deep cut. There's one word in sorry Wow, so I would get out of my house walk about 30 seconds and be in the woods gone vanished That was the life I had and surrounding deep cut were provincial towns like woking and all the shot the home of the British army and gilford very middle class stockbroker bell. Where's chichester in this whole next Aunties and chichester. I spent many christmas's there and relatives and chichester in sussex So i'm not far away from there. You know, it was a short drive. It seemed like a long long drive in those days But the cars were you know, it's sort of ancient but um, so that was my upbringing Which is pretty pretty done nice, but I was a tyke. We were all like monsters the kids. Where where what did your parents do? Um, my dad um Uh, he after the war he he he was a wood machinist and that kind of died in london You know that that work kind of died away. I guess they were getting more mechanized And so we they moved to deep cuts this village and he got a job stoking the boilers of a hospital So he'd be doing night shifts with these row of boilers. It was really got and hauling the coal in there Oh, god, unbelievable and uh, man poppins. Yeah, it really was. Yeah, and you know, I'd sit with him sometimes and you know With this pint mug of tea and his his his roll-ups that look like peter toast joints So right and as I like to say he died at the age of 89 of a bizarre cigarette smoking accident, you know Um and and coal dust as well, you know, sir. It's a tough 89 Yeah, he did and so for you And I was just watching you and the rumor from 1980 playing. I don't know Blaupunk Fest in, uh, germany Uh, yes the um, whatever the rock palace I want to see a little of that if you can do it, but that is I don't know 5000 seats 8 000 seats I don't know. It's a big venue. Yeah, so all of a sudden You're traveling around your gypsy and you're coming out with some alms and all stuff and then all of a sudden you're on the radio and you're playing these massive venues and you're traveling all over the place Were you ready for it? You're still young at this point You're 29 30 something like that. Yeah, to be honest my career was in steps You know, it wasn't it was an explosion of press interest, but the public didn't really follow So it just but it got it's steadily bigger and bigger and I must admit the rock palace gig A little bang called the police were actually on as well. So, you know, that's I'm sorry about that That's what it was a 10 000 seater jack bruce was on as well on that bill. I got to sing spoonful with him Wow, pretty awesome. Um, yeah, so you guys are opening But you're doing an hour and a half set. Oh, yeah, no, we were all treated equally In fact, I think we were on after the police even though they were the biggest selling man at the time and you know, we'd built up a pretty strong reputation and um You know, so we we we did well as a live act and my record sold a little bit more every time So it was it was a kind of slow healthy thing. It wasn't bad at all. Now, do is it weird to watch? Watch you from third by the way, I got it. I got to tell you David Wilde gave me this dvd and uh, I drank some red wine And uh, I just uh sunk into my sofa and I think I watched it two times in a row and I just thought I was back and I was a little of that But I watched mainly during the refractory period And this was uh, it was like I was back in high school again and it was it It was just it was just I god love that David Wilde because uh, I uh, I didn't have this disc But I just thought how tight the band was and how great you were and brimsley shorts playing the lead guitar How good that guy was like you just played every song exactly how I heard it on the album Yeah, we were pretty close to the album arrangements just twice as fast Right because we you know, I was getting angrier every day for some reason, you know so, um, what amazes me about this is that Uh, two of those guitars there I I still own the one i'm playing and the one brimsley is playing the the gibson flying v I bought that from him. Oh, you brought it from I and and both of them are used on my latest album And this is by the way three chords good is the name of the latest and it's first time the rumor The band Is back together. Exactly. Yeah. Now what what got you guys apart? Well, I you know four years is a very long time when you're young and you know having this sort of success In the music business. It's a really really long time If you look at um, there's a website that has a gig list on you know touring in 1979 Right, we start at belfast in january and end at wellington new zealand near christmas right with not much off in between And um, you know it always as there's the driving force of Artistry where you want to hear your music in a different light, right? You know, I thought the rumor We we'd covered a lot of ground So it wasn't it wasn't a bunch of ill will it was just timed at shift gears and move on for me It was I was driven to try something else. I wanted to sound slicker and Softer and I made another great area was the first post rumor album with jack douglas who'd done Double fantasy very slick smooth sounding. Um, I just wanted to see what it what it was like It was curiosity have that album as well. I know you need to be sitting down when you hear that Um is so did you move to the bay area at some point or where you're living now? No, I'm based in upstate new york for the most part in the in the in the wilds there in the mountains Now why why and why not england? Well, no, you get to england's uh there and I think uh, let's see I'm ready to retire uh by a pond in england in about uh, oh about a week's time So you'll be you'll you'll you'll be back. I mean you'll you'll you'll be buried next to dad America has been incredibly good to me the fans, you know in england, of course the the press the media in general Love to build you up a bit and then say oh, we knew he was no good anyway after a few years America isn't like that. America is much more generous much more willing to actually listen and and give you the time of day And uh, I can play, you know 12 gigs solo in new jersey and do pretty well I I saw you in uh, oh 1980 889 live alone in america tour your acoustic tour Did you really at the palace which is now something else but uh, oh, yeah Yeah, it was um, it was where I went to uh, it was the after party for molly ringwald's pretty pink and also uh, The club from the movie Oh, hell can't think of it with graham up there playing. All right graham Uh hang in with us. I think we're gonna do some news Alison rosin you got some news I'll give a little up to one of our fine sponsors first vista print business owners graham. You need cards We can put a little guitar or something on there so people know you rock thousands of designs and uh, by the way, you can do your own artwork if you like 250 top quality cards graham 250 business cards. What would you think something like that would set a fella back? Well, I would think that would set you back up an awful lot of money. Am I right? Yeah, yeah a lot of quid a lot of quids man Yeah, by the way what you brought something bam You brought things and there's three of them and there's three of you here. Ah, perfect. Thank you. Yes, I paid for them myself That wasn't even a promotional thing from the record company. Thank you very much. You've known a vista print at the time I know that could have been a lot cheaper and broke after that. They would have done They can do postcards signs brochures t-shirts invitations buttons with graham parker. I guess you can put other people on them Why would you want that's all they offer just graham parker buttons? 250 top quality business cards $10 graham. Oh come on 10 dollars you're kidding me 10 dollars plus No Free shipping that's right. Oh, I like I'm changing the game go to vista print dot com type in What a game changing it up. Yeah, go to uh vista print dot com type in ace in the upper right hand corner and get 250 premium business cards for just 10 dollars End up shipping shipping free free included Included. All right free shipping 10 bucks. All right, let's do a little uh, let's do a little news. Shall we the news with allison rosen She'll read some news from her iPad sometimes as good sometimes as bad And when it's time to wrap it up she'll sign it off with zippin cuckoo So yesterday we talked about donald trump's big game changing announcement That was going to change the election Which is that he would give five million dollars to a charity of obama's choosing if obama would reveal his college transcripts Even he you know what though? I knew it was going to be a bunch of nothing because even he didn't really commit to it Like he was like i got a big announcement and they're like how big Medium big and they're like it's going to change the election Quite possibly like but he normally goes p.t. Barnum on everything He's like he said to fox news. You're gonna want to cover this in a big way. Well. Yeah, but he's like they're going like Is this going to change the game and he was like Put crutch could be like he he didn't when i once i saw that i was like the potential to possibly right He usually does the this is the biggest one million percent plus 10 percent You know this is and when even he was he was like He wanted coverage when i could tell he didn't seem like it was in love with his own Thing but uh, anyway, that's when i i'd braced myself to be disappointed. Well, steven colbert With whom you share an agent. Yes james baby doll dick. Yeah had something to say I'm gonna Gary's gonna have to do something can you back to 258? Can i tell you this? Yes, you can. What do you do in this case? I got a friend I mean i got a guy. I know who works in radio, right and he does sales, you know and um He's been going round and round with dicks and trying to get me to do a deal Can do you know it's basically, you know, here's some money come out to the auto show do this do that do the other and The guy's like a friend His wife angie was my old producer and she's a dear friend and i know the guy And i'm not best buddies with him, but i know Graham you may have had this happen in your career so My agent james baby doll dixon gives the uh, listen I took that whole thing with the fiat and i squashed it screw those guys They wanted way too much they bullshitted. I didn't want anything the money was there But they wanted way too much and then they wanted to do the thing and run it on the internet And that's a commercial and that's they didn't want to pay for that. So i tell him so today i talked to him and i said, uh Well, I talked to chad. Yes, he called you. Well, yeah, but we're friends. He called you I said, well, yeah, but we might talk he called to talk about what I said, uh, well, we talked about the deal Baby, yeah, he was like a fucking guy called you he called you at home He called you at home of balls on that guy and then he was like i'm gonna call him right now I'm gonna submit motherfucker. I'm settling his friend's husband. Yes, and i'm like no don't call him Don't yeah, he called you at home. He called you at home Did he after I told him the deal was off so then he went around me and he called you at home I said, well We're not best friends, but we do know each other. But what'd you talk about? I well, we did try to talk about some of the parts of the deal. All right I'm hanging up the phone. I'm gonna have motherfucker. Oh Oh, we're gonna give it to him good and I was like don't you shouldn't give it to fucking don't first off I know what i'm doing. Secondly, he should not have called it. Well, it wasn't to be no was not okay It is not okay. I'm calling him right now fucking son of a bitch I'm gonna tear him a new one and I was like, well, don't be too don't tear him too big a new one The medium-sized one then I started to go back like maybe he didn't call Maybe it's another guy named chad. I just wanted to talk about a fiat deal. I don't know and he's like fuck that I'm calling him. I'm getting off the phone right now. This is bullshit. So did he call the motherfucker? Fucking did yes, he did I couldn't I didn't know what to do. I was like I'm trying to tell him but he we talk sometimes Okay, here's a question. Is there a code of conduct that agents are privy to that the rest of us aren't oh hell No, but I mean, but is it a real one? No, no, but if if the agent said no deal You don't call grand parker up and go listen. I talked to your agent He doesn't want you to play parkens palace, but I think we could make this work. Yeah, that guy That agent finds out about that. He is pissed You know how doctors say you know when a surgeon says we gotta have surgery and they're like surgeons just want to cut You know what I mean like agents want an agent that went agent. Yeah, and I like the guy and I love his wife and everything And I'm screaming Don't call back and yell out and he was explaining you don't understand how this stuff works And at a certain point I just give them the you know, then I want to go don't tell him I told you But that's just like your madman calling him for no reason So your agent agents mr. Cole there as well. He has uh, he does jimmy kimmel Okay, I'm trying to think how he explains it. I think he'd say I do john stewart. Do you know what a podcast is? I do john stewart. Stephen Colbert jimmy kimmel and Who lives that last guy? He probably say bill Simmons. I think oh, sorry bill Simmons Oh, well tell him to put a good word in for me. I I want colbert. Oh you want I want. Yes, you want the other show I can't get on the fucking show. I bet you now. It's nice like really I should call steven directly Go around oh my god Then you'll be the motherfucker Well, what does he do when when it's like motherfucker versus motherfucker? I don't know. I'm gonna book myself on kimmel and find out. Well, he doesn't book. He doesn't book anything That's that it doesn't book this show. All right. Let's go. So colbert has a counter offer for trump. Oh, oh good I am so moved by this generous offer That I have an offer of my own right over here Mr. Trump I will write you a check for one million dollars from colbert super pack. You know, I've got it To the charity of your choice anything save the children feed the children put the children on child apprentice, whatever One million actual dollars if you will let me dip my balls in your mouth But This dipping and I hope you're listening very carefully, mr. Trump This dipping has to be to my and more importantly my ball satisfaction One caveat one caveat my balls must be in your mouth no later than 5 p.m. October 33rd All right, we can stop it here on the fourth wall man He went on to say that he thinks the american public will appreciate something going in trump's mouth instead of What's coming out of it speaking of trump? It was funny because um brine has his He's the honorary chairman coming up with the brine bishop dot com by the way you can donate redshirt for the Team bald brine for the la brain tumor walk, which is uh coming up sunday sunday I made a donation yesterday my pleasure brine called to thank me. That's nice of him And uh, you did you did a baby ultimate? I got my goggles down their line. I did I was just kidding. I want to get off the phone god dammit, but um, no he called nice. Thanks. I was on their line I said no problem. He called your house and uh straighten out that motherfucker She uh, so the thing that's funny is I got the call from pen gillette today because he's right in the middle of the all-stars doing the Doing the uh apprentice all-stars wants me to donate To whatever I don't donate to that much stuff But uh, this would be two times now in nine hours Like I I I put the I'm a kid is empty. I have a rich tradition of not donating shit And uh, I just it's weird. It's like I think I opened some sort of donation window by giving I'm gonna need that money back Is basically I'm gonna first what I'm saying to you and when they ask you to donate on the air They're on the air. I mean you you should be warned first No, no, they just go who's gonna who's your friends and now there's one thing to donate anonymously There's nothing to donate when they're saying you need to donate you need to do it on there And then they'll tell you how much was donated So so you'd had to do it I just found out today like this afternoon So I was like, all right, let me get some of that money back from Brian and then we'll see what we can do Graham, what would you do? Um donating don't I don't know. Yeah, that's it's like I can't afford to donate to anyone. You're good, right? You got a catalog I've done a I've done a few things like I've done gigs where I've given all the money to Habitat for not habitat 50 minutes. That's a store, isn't it? That's that they build houses. That's right for um the the big tsunami thing I did a gig and but I don't like to do it as an announcing thing when I give something I like to do the gig and say to the audience by the way what you just paid for that's going towards Tsunami relief and it'll build an eight room building in you know, Sri Lanka But and I did one for a hurricane match. I gave some you know mine So I do a few few things like that, but you know I think John Lennon said in the music business you get benefited to death, you know Yeah, so you have to be very careful with all that kind of role as you are trying to do this I we've uh, we found out Very famously in comedy you do comedy Comedy you get benefited to death too because you don't have any equipment So there's a lot of like just stop by and say hi for 25 minutes And there's a lot of that and how can you say no? You don't have a semi truck You're not on the road you just you come by holding you have to be a huge douche Not to go somewhere and drink a free Heineken and tell a couple jokes There you go But there was a big deal where somebody claimed they had like cancer Or whatever and then they were just taking the money. It was a big deal. Yeah. No. Do you remember that story? There was a big deal in our town. Uh, it was like everyone played this woman's benefit and it turned out she was not famous though, right? She was no she was it faked her own Faked her own shit and took all the money and everyone was pissed off. That's a good ruse, isn't it? Yeah, it's nice. Yeah But more importantly there was a hurricane named mitch. Yeah. Yes, uh, south america. This is going back a little bit 1890s was it? Yeah, unhurricane name. It was I know it was sounds like a nice guy Kevin, you know So, uh, yeah, it was pretty bad at the time, but it was a long way away. I don't know why I got moved by it Yeah, you know, it's unlike me to be moved by her. Yeah, I know you're angry really. I am exactly Fuck that. Come on. Blow it all up. Whatever Uh boxing trainer, manuel stewart died. He was 68 at this point. Love him because of death has not been revealed Uh, he had did he found cronk gym? Yes. I think so in philadelphia Mm-hmm. I I think he if he didn't find it or found it He's he was there toward the beginning and he trained, uh, you know, uh, Hernes and all those great philadelphia linux luis Yeah, and most important the one is going to miss the latimer klitschko is going to miss him the most Literally could not say latimer called him latimer. That's his legacy in my mind And i'm glad to say that latimer was on the show explaining that he did not say Latimer he said latimer. I didn't realize that was the guy that we were talking about when we talked about the guy He says latimer. We were talking about the guy that was his trainer. Oh, oh, I did all the boxing He's a real soft-spoken guy and he did uh, he did all the commentary for hbo and all that kind of stuff and he's one of those guys Graham you're in this uh, you're in this group as well. Um, I don't need you every day But if you're gone, I'd miss you You know what I mean? Like I feel like okay. That's nice. Yeah, he's not there Like I don't wake up every morning. Go where's grand parker. I just making my omelet. It's the phil harbin category It's a phil hartman. Yeah, it's like I feel a little sad and I didn't really know who he was until a little while ago phil harbin No manual steward manual steward way into my heart. Yeah, he's very fast sweet guy did a lot for boxing and uh, like I see it Called flat america klitschko latimer That's all what happens when your beloved trainer dies sort of like I always wonder what's gonna happen If if a therapist I've had dies ask mc tyson Yeah, ask rocky and rocky three Yeah, rocky three clubber lying down. That's right. Mm-hmm. But really yeah, well, it's been incredible morning You do you do you do need to win? I think you know in his memory I think anyway, he'll be missed um So the third presidential debate was the least viewed overall Yeah, that's how we are but for fox news. It was their most highly viewed telecast ever Really? Isn't that surprising? Sort of I guess. I mean what how many how many viewers did they get you know? Um, yes, they got 11.5 million people watched the third one 11.1 million people watched the second debate um, but then overall 59.2 million people watched the third debate 67.2 million watched the first It's kind of nice because I don't I feel like those are big time, you know, those are that's uh Mashes last episode kind of numbers. We're ugly americans. You know what I mean? Right? So it's only we give a shit Yeah, only 10.7 million watched the football game Wow. All right. Now you're making me depressed Because uh, we got to get our shit together gram into american football at all or still in the soccer Yeah, my friend. Sorry. I'm into football meaning. Oh, sorry. Yeah. No, I You know, I like I like the super bowl big as ants I I get into a a bit of baseball if it's a subway series. You need another subway series, you know The drama it's like an opera or something But I don't really understand the rules or you know what and and basketball, you know, all these others Why do they keep stopping they look plenty fit to me everybody keeps stopping and they have a time out Yeah, they all look soccer. They never stop. They don't stop moving Well, they did some of them sneak around a bit and pretend to be doing something, right? You know, I was playing competitive soccer until about two years ago. Really? Yeah I got into it when I was 45 after a gap of however many years I think I I lost interest when I was 13 because the Beatles and the stones came along So it was like the way to get chicks is to grow your hair and smoke cigarettes and right It's better than being on a muddy filthy field. It was really disgusting really And I got back into kicking a ball around around 45 and it was like oh great the ball is lighter You don't wear those big hobnail boots with laces that were 40 foot long. You have to wrap around your knees Everything was lighter and sweeter. You kick the ball and it's swerved, you know, yeah, like Beckham. It's it's it's not that hard And uh, so I got into a playing with teams and indoors and you know about you know The phone stopped ringing when I hit 60 the team didn't call me anymore Yeah, did it would do they have they must have soccer leagues that are 40 I mean like in basketball, they have like height leagues like under six foot over six foot. Yeah, no, they have a over it's generally Open, you know any ages and then there's the over 30 now if you're like 58 Right over 30 tends not to mean that much if you find yourself playing against a bunch of very good Mexican or Ecuadorian guys who are very kind of Low group center of gravity and are really good. You know, it doesn't matter that you know, they're all 32 Yeah, there's a lot of guys playing professional soccer that are 32. Yeah Our gravity is a really nice way to say short, right? Well, I that's what I have as well A low but some of these guys I played against from the south american they have a lowest Yeah, they're shorter the south american guys have a different style of playing than the european guys They're they're fast and you know a lot of speedy footwork, you know I never had the speedy footwork quite honestly and english teams are still trying to get that kind of liquidity about the game English players, they don't really have it. It's a good old-fashioned game english play You run down the wing you cross the ball the tallest guy tries to head it in right that's basic English football and um, that's my kind of style run down the wing cross it and drop it on a white guy That's all white guys. It's white guy stuff. Yes. It is listening to gram discuss it Does that make you change your opinion of uh, soccer? He hates it. Yo, stop it. Yeah. Yeah, you and Keith overland hate it man. I know I know you guys I follow you Always compared to now. Do you have uh, do you have anything about axel and jimmy from the other night? Am I I'm talking uh, oh me. No, I don't oh Oh, I don't oh, you don't oh, okay. I thought it was a mix in I was talking to uh Talking to mike about it, but I thought somehow got mixed in with the news or something like that But I know that axel was on Ah, yes, that's what I'm talking about. So Axel rose that his first interview in like 20 years. I was gonna say doesn't pop up on a lot of uh, Talk shows. No, I mean he'll still sit in on tmz every once in a while. Maybe twice a week, but Uh, he was on star of the confusion. I was still mike to pull the clips And I thought he was going to throw him into your in your news somewhere, but he didn't so What do we got do we got something On that all right, uh, anyway, I was I was I'll take a look at See how sane he seems and if he's smoking or no I Fat he's not smoking so far sane Talker had a funny headline All right That's all right, is there anything good in there? Are we good? On the reason I'm bringing it up because You can stop it Mike's got a look on his face. Is there anything good in there or is it? I have that chance to watch I thought I didn't know we were gonna be jumping to this Oh, well, here's the headline from gocker talking hat appears on jimmy kimmel live wearing axel rose That's funny jimmy, uh sent me a Instant message text Close enough I'm so uh, I sent him one that said, uh, oh, you know cool seen you up on the high wire there Whatever the hell that thing's called high line in new york and um Oh, wait, wait, wait, do you see how fast I type when I drive? So um and listen You don't text and drive, but if you type as slowly as I type it's perfectly safe perfectly safe all right, so um he I just said, uh, I'll be checking out axel rose tonight because I I t vote it and I went to bed too early last night But I'll be checking out axel rose tonight and he wrote back axel Was a big man a big man was a uh big man show fan I told him he should do your podcast. So we'll uh see if we can't get axel in there There may be a new rock and roller in my life grand parker My life being in the same room is axel rose. Would you be nervous if axel rose came in here? I was a fan from agonida. You'd be freaked out. It'd be the most star struck probably ever been Amongst this show and I've not been two star struck since Larry Meliobus came in really so soon as I mean, but by the way when when yeah, it was michael bean Duff mcagan probably when he came in I mean, this is a very small handful of interesting to know this conversation is going to go you You be me and I'll be mike august our booker So august how's that axel rose booking coming along? Uh Alex hose I think I can find him no no no I'll call you back guns and roses ax axel axel from guns and roses right Shunt tons of roses. Are you even listening to me? Hold on. We'll write this down. Do you have another phone up? Alex hose tons of roses. We'll get him in on wednesday. We'll do a phone her. Thank you Yeah, he's the guy. Where was his band?ations mike you can help me out with this doken for doc doc was doken D.l. Hughley was d.l. Hughley. Yeah, I think he I think he had I believe that maybe ronnie james d.o. Was dio or something like that It was fun to listen to a mispronounce every every rock man. He probably called me brian pork And the the root the rum hour the rum hour. Yeah, but he made up for it with confidence supreme conference. Yes. Yes, he's Great. Yeah, I swear that's a doken. That's the name. All right. Should we do uh, let me give a little love to uh legal zoom Graham you got life insurance? Um No, I don't expect to have too much left of it actually so it's not we're really worth it. Don't worry about it You don't need it. You just need legal zoom dot com wills powers of attorney living trust and more Starting a business think about branching out on your own Graham Um, branching out. Yeah, it's sort of yeah, treeing twigging out Twing out on your own. Yes, I may do you can uh form an llc. You can incorporate you can register Trademarks patents and more all legal zoom legal zoom dot com, baby patents. That's good. I'm always inventing things in my head Protect your family and business today at legal zoom dot com legal zoom is not a law firm But you can use it to find an attorney and to get self-help services of your specific direction for more savings Enter adam in the referral box at checkout legal zoom dot com All right, should we do a little more news? So uh, a fan tweeted us this or alerted us to the fact that rod stewart was interviewed on Nightline Is it nightline or front line? Are there is there a show nightline and front line? It's nightline I think front line is gets rid of fleas and ticks, right? I think there's both front line might not be around Pbs front line. Yeah front line might not be around anymore. There was for sure And I think there is something that helps exterminate your house called front line Anyway, there's something you put on your dogs the place that like one place on your dog that your dog can't get a paw or a Tongue on which is that we're a little mark in the back of your neck the nape I did a power move today. I went I got a haircut because I knew you're coming in Graham and I'm gonna look tidy He looks sweet. Yeah, and uh, oh, yeah Take it off now, but you know, I wanted to look good around the edges there, you know And uh, the lady gave me a haircut and she gave me that she gave me the mirror and she started to spin the chair around And I said we're good and she said you want to see what the back of your head looks like and I said no And she said how do you know I did a good job? I said I trust you and by the way No one's ever made fun of the back of my head like as far as I know number one and number two What if she fucked it up? What am I gonna do? Do you know what I mean like replace that hair or you'll get no tip like there's really nothing to fix what I think they want to show off a little bit, but I'm like we don't spin around They're proud of the nape. Look the nape. Yeah now that's stuff that fleeing Advantage right there you put it right on the nape there like right on the back there And they can't get to it and gets rid of them fleas and ticks They can't get a paw there, but they can get a tongue in their own butthole. Yeah Weird sure you've noticed that foreground. Of course having way old So speaking of uh Things that I'll then feel like I should have talked about um Rod Stewart finally addressed the urban legend I'm sure but I'm not even gonna say what it is because you have to hear how the newscaster describes it. All right. Okay. All right Is that urban legend about getting his stomach pumped after supposedly ingesting bodily fluids? I had a very mean spirited Press man. He was so upset at being fired. He decided to start this ridiculous rumor an absolute lie. Yeah My kids have to live with this for a while. You know, it's it's hard. You know, it's wicked wicked thing What do you think well first off He cannot be punished enough for the song passion And or hot legs and many of the other horrible songs he's punished me with over the years I feel like he's taken a considerable piece of my life away with some of his horrific horrific songs I mean he is so horrible as an artist that this little rumor Grand park in the room are getting back together by the way new album three chords good this little white colored semen lie His it's nothing This is nothing. It's like it's like it's like you're talking about the holocaust and I'm saying, yeah, you know one time Hitler backed over some of my uh Shrub and I'm like, no he killed six million jews. I know I know but I had just planted these shrubs This is nothing whatever pain your family was caused by this rumor Whatever caused whatever whatever hardship it caused you or whatever pain it caused your heart I don't give a shit you've punished my ears with your horrific brand of music for so many years that this is a pittance It's it sounds funny to me that the kids would roar with laughter, wouldn't they? Yeah, it's funny. I feel it's manipulative that he would bring up his kids to make us feel bad They were chuckling away. Yeah, they thought it was great. By the way, rod has covered one of my songs um hotel chamber, man It's a genius. It's a genius, isn't it? You've changed your opinion. Just snap like that, man Uh hotel chamber made. I know what would have been off howling wind. No, he treated him at heat treatment Close enough. Close enough. Yes. He covered it on his probably least selling album of all time Yeah, uh cover versions of people like oasis and myself and nicola even and uh, I think it was his least selling They they they people want the hot legs, don't they? Holy smoke that sounds remarkably like it I think I can sing this song. Yeah, this is a grand parker. Thank you rod. Thank you rod He's ripping off something else at the stones. Yeah, the stones often injecting it into my song Oh yours is so much better I'm gonna then come on hard all right. Yeah Thank you Outside my window gonna get there gonna get low gonna shut the bell ball way out tonight See I know this song this was when I came 76. You know you stuff, man I know my grand parker. You do but now i'm sickin that rod steward has has desecrated a grand parker song But do we believe that a publicist started that urban legend like I feel like urban legends are bigger than I mean, I guess that must be that one person starts a bit. It feels like it's somehow bigger than that He should not have offered any explanation. He should allow I don't know for that game. I heard that too. Who knows I like the part where whoever was interviewing him had to go That's a lie, right Like like that was made up like no, I ingested Uh 10 liters of male semen and then had to have my stomach pumped first off something about stomach pumping Caught America and possibly the uk It it just captured our imaginations Somewhere around the mid 70s because there was a lot of like If a kid wasn't home wasn't like missed a day of school like where's daryl had to have a stomach pump He ate an etch a sketch And had to pump his stomach. It was like a lot of pumping of stomachs Eating some bad baloney and pump this stuff like pumping a stomach. How come nobody everyone just shits everything out now Nobody pumps anything anymore or you eat a charcoal tablet or something But this pumping of the stomach and what is it even they they stick a tube down your nose, right? I don't think there's pumping anyone around here had this done I think down your throat and they sort of do something with some bellows like your dad would have done They just sit on your stomach and yeah, that was the old school way of doing it I I think everything that was in you either you yacked it up or came out of your ass Or if you ate some poison, they gave you some charcoal Yes, and we actually my mom used to have this whole chart on the inside of the cupboard Which had all like all the antidotes or what you're supposed to do if if you eat plants or if you eat this or do this or whatever So no one ever went for those no because I know that if there's certain things if you eat them You're not supposed to induce vomiting right like things that'll rip your insides out Volt batteries and stuff like that and for some things you're supposed to drink a mixture of Detergent because it'll neutralize it. Yeah, like very diluted. Yeah Sounds bad doesn't it? Maybe the blood transfusion thing was big for a while after Keith Richard Zinno said he went to Switzerland to have his blood change somebody said that that was kind of a Fashionable stomach pump. He didn't actually yeah, he didn't actually do that. He said that was just something he said to Oh, really? Yeah, I've written his book. I read that but I think a lot of people thought that's a great idea It's gonna have a blood transfusion change the entire blood system. So get rid of you know, stop smoking or something Rod's whole thing was Um, this was a publicist that screwed him over by making this up and then what's Richard gear's story same angry publicist on the roll Yeah, I know I'd like to meet that man Right, but anyway, like I said with all the fucking passions and the hot legs and all that rod deserves All the punishment that can be meted out with this horrible horrible. So we don't like hot legs I personally can't stand zizi tops legs. Are there any good leg songs? No No, the legs pantyhose commercial where they talk about who wears short shorts. That's better than zizi tops Zizi top for a good band has some bad songs sleeping bag song But it was a lot of 80 stuff and they're like they're one day I'll make you a list of good bands with shitty songs rods not on that list And like I said every time you like one of rod's songs It's someone else's song that you like first cut is the deepest hotel chamber made Uh, down downtown train things like that. Yeah, you go. Oh, that's oh, I that's how you know You go, what am I doing enjoying rod steward and then you go, oh, that's uh, that's yeah, that's a grand parker song And then you go, oh Now it's funny how when you enjoy a song and then you find out that it's by someone that you thought you didn't like It causes an identity crisis. It should just make you go. Oh, I'm enjoying a song But instead it's like what I like collective soul. Yeah. Yeah, I do have that feeling Yeah, it doesn't creep up on me too often. All right. Let's bring it home. That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen Zippitkund That was the news with Alison Rosen I gotta go to my son's um Tiger scout meeting today because we're gonna carve pumpkins That's what my time. Yes. This is the waste of everyone's time Uh, but uh, I like to just put a long, you know, and I'm gonna tell him about your dad Stoke in the fires. Yeah smoke in the hand rolled cigarettes and throwing the coal and the burners That's the way to live just sitting there on a bench. That's real real man. Yep Just a pine bench just sitting there sucking up some tea Smoking a cigarette big pint. It's just keeping those boilers going so the people in the hospital could stay warm Exactly man coming out with all the cold dust all over his face. Yeah looking like he'd put in a hard day Yeah, and I realize I've said this many times Your mom was probably sympathetic And probably had dinner waiting for him as well because when he came home from work, he he looked like he was at work He looked like he'd done a real job. Right whereas you go off somewhere Write a couple songs and come home your wife's not like I need to feed you I go make some fart jokes on a podcast. My wife's not she doesn't feel sorry for me I'm basically swanning around the place. That's what I do. Yeah, you're just you're just Engulging yourself. You're not actually working. It's not work. That's right. I I'm telling you There's a drop-off between what is considered work. You can tell people all day long I worked all day, but air conditioning Checking your team's fantasy scores on your on your computer talking on your cell phone It doesn't feel like work and when you come home I mean, I'll tell you I'll give you an example Like the latin guys I work with like the guys who roof and the guys who do work For living like they work they come home. There's food waiting for them and they come home because they worked all day I went fucked around all day. Well, what do we have to do to our appearances to make it look like we worked? What can you do at a studio? You got to get a briquette You got a rubber charcoal briquette on your face. Okay, you have to get this salty sweat stain under your underarm Where it dries out and you have to ingest semen And have your stomach pump looks like one of us is going to have an easier time. What on the stomach pump? Yes, we shall. All right. The great great grand parker in studio Three chords good the name of the latest sound and uh, it is grand parker and the rumor Reunited for the first time in 31 years available November 19th, you can pre-order it on amazon make me happy and pre-order it on amazon as I will do and you can click through Our website hit the amazon banner show us a little love This is 40 name of the movie. He's in with jud apatow. I'm gonna see that tomorrow So I'll get back to all you on that and then we'll get jud on the show as well And uh, that'll be in theaters december 21st grand parker dot net is where you go and you can tweet him at its grand parker A delight grand parker my pleasure. That's fabulous. Thank you for your time. I mean, uh, I I don't actually tweet back because I have a Um Phone this is my phone. Wow 1989 it's it's analog no cure phone. I'm so my my my uh, record company primary wave do a tweet for me. So if it's something that's All right sensible that you get back for the tree that I you know that that's you know, it's not gonna play your goddamn charity though No, no, you people fuck right off. I'm not. I'm angry. I'm very angry. He's angry. I'm not. I'm not. That's what you need to know Nice to the world as you know town hall new york city. I'll be doing stand-up saturday november 10th So let's not miss that redondo beach this saturday performing arts center with the denis prager So until next time this adam corolla for grand parker alson rosen and bold bryan saiyan mahala No, I just did uh 10 liters of male seaman and then had my stomach pumped One of adam's musical heroes grand parker in studio a very cool episode Hope you guys enjoyed that that does it for days cool classics. Make sure to tune in tomorrow for an all-new installment until then I'll end get it on You Ever Pay never