Cinephobe Ep 306: The Odd Couple II

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What happens when two people who grew up in a very strange corner of Los Angeles look back and realize just how bizarre their upbringings really were? They start a podcast, of course. I'm Ashley Johnson. And I'm Taliesin Jaffe. Before we became the internet people we are today, we spent our childhoods as working actors, appearing in shows like Growing Pains and films like Mr. Mom. In our podcast Weird Kids, we're diving deep into our unique upbringings, our friendship with each other, and all the delightfully odd interests we still carry with us today. In each episode we get to share stories of our youth, the things that bring us joy, the problems that we face, and occasionally the friends we've collected along the way. If you're a misfit, an outcast, or just a weirdo who loves all things nostalgic and unconventional, come take a seat at our table. Each week we'll be releasing previously members-only episodes on YouTube and all major podcast platforms, with new episodes dropping exclusively and ad-free on Beacon.tv. Hi, this is Rob Benedict. And I am Richard Spate. We were both on a little show you might know called Supernatural. It had a pretty good run, 15 seasons, 327 episodes. And though we have seen, of course, every episode many times, we figure, hey, now that we're wrapped, let's watch it all again. And we can't do that alone. So we're inviting the cast and crew that made the show along for the ride. We've got writers, producers, composers, directors, and we'll of course have some actors on as well, including some certain guys that played some certain pretty iconic brothers. It was kind of a little bit of a left field choice in the best way possible. The note from Kripke was, he's great, we love him, but we're looking for like a really intelligent Dukovny type. With 15 seasons to explore, it's going to be the road trip of several lifetimes. So please join us and subscribe to Supernatural then and now. I don't know if you want to necessarily FCG show up to your friend's house and start breaking down War of the Worlds. But maybe depends on the friends. Yeah, I disagree. I disagree. Touchdown. I think Bloodsport has a lot more potential for you to not piss somebody off by putting it on. The right click alone in War of the Worlds. I don't know. Cross over. You got to do cross over. God, you got to do cross over. Cross over is a hall of fame, right? I want to rewatch it. I listened to it again. I did too. I never do that. I usually let some time go by like months, even years before I go back and re-listen to episodes. I went back and listened to it again. Oh my God. I found so many more jokes that I didn't hear the first time we recorded or the second time I listened to it. Third time's a charm. A trifecta, you might say. Oh boy. Oh boy. Let's give it a quick test of the instruments. Ready to go. Kiddafalve ruins the movie watching experience for good. This is so bad. I would watch this every day. Buddy, I could not possibly be high enough to make this movie work. I realize that we're watching these movies in vastly different ways. Don't act like you're fucking disappointed. I am disappointed. Come on, let's go guys. I'm missing the Oscars. I'm still horny, so I'm not gonna foe it. I didn't fucking understand anything. You leave this movie hyped as fuck and chittering. Copy, copy, copy, copy, copy, copy. I was thirsty. I'm thirsty. I don't know about you, but I'm thirsty as fuck. It went out my nose, I threw up, and I almost peed on myself all at once. Forget about it. This is really beginning to get on my tits. Slap, yak, ma, beat. La courria. The yaki problem. Hit the go! Deceptive captions to say the least. Oh my god. Captions are way off. Eliad left it right. Wouldn't right horror if their life depended on it? Yeah. Don't worry, we took care of it, captions. Keep the language and show me some titties. Enough of this useless banter. Five million dollars of heroin? That's nurse work. Fucking Babe Ruth of terrorism. How the fuck did you get from me having one towel to Omaha Beach? I'm not gay. I just happen to have sex with men sometimes. Well let's take that out of context and put that in the intro. Zach, stop talking. Stop fucking talking for a second. I have a vagina. Ha ha ha! Don't disappoint me, Tarek. Why the low-raining water blower? He's been getting diddled by two scoop smoggy over there. Why would these guys lie? Right? Why would you dad? They know two more. Welcome to SinaFo. The podcast we bring down the moves you're afraid to meet your love. I'm Zach Harper. That's me and all has in that's Anthony Mays. I don't give a shit where you listen to this fuck ice. How about that? They're still going. Fuck them. Spotify is where you can vote in the poll like the poll for senseless 70.7 percent fobe 29.3 percent file. Spotify is also where you can leave a comment like Nasha 43 who said perfect timing with the Tourette's. Oh yeah! Just like we drew it up guys. Oh shit. Yeah, we did that. Because the BAFTA's, yeah. Mm-hmm. Pression. BAFTA these nuts. Marcello commented ran into a Throckmorton at work and almost asked him about his Vidians. You should. They gotta be related. It can't be that comment of a name. There can't be that many Throckmortans. Come on. They have to be the same family. Yeah. It's like Lydianne Thomason and that white guy. If you encounter a Throckmorton in the wild, please ask them about Lil Tommy who's now, you know what, 65? Yeah, gotta be. This is not really related, but it just triggered something. I was on, you know, basketball reference and you go to the search bar and you start typing in a name and you just see like. Other name. Oh, this is a shortcut. This is the only person that starts with this way. Right? Happens when I went to Benyama with WEM, like whatever. I needed to look something up for Con Connipple. So I type in K and you and there's only one other in the reference database and it's a guy named Harvey Knuckles. Harvey Knuckles. He's a second round pick in like 1981 of the Lakers. Wow. Not even like in the fifties. No, that's what I thought. I saw Harvey Knuckles. I see no year. You got drafted, didn't make the team, played in the CBA, played overseas. Four years at Toledo scored like 22 points a game is last year at Toledo. Clearly like a good basketball player. And the thing that shocked me is I was like, you know what? I want to know more about this Harvey Knuckles. Google them. Yeah. What happened to him? Yeah. Not white. Of course. What? Harvey Knuckles. Harvey Knuckles. Immediately. I knew it was black. That's a fucking Dick Tracy character. What are you talking about? I knew he was black immediately. You didn't know he was black. No, you didn't. Absolutely. I knew he was black. No way. Okay. Let's play this game. No way. Let's play this game. Is he black or is he white? We'll do it with Maze because he doesn't know. He has my first name here. Cincinnati's Powell. Black. Oh, that's a real soft act there. Black. Black. Foots walker. Oh, it puts it on. Foots is white. No, foots is black. Okay. One for two. I think. All right. Michael Oluwakande. The Cantony man. Simon Binwalder. Black. Bill Sharman. White. Look at you to say Larry Costello. Walter Matthow. Oh my God. What is he? Oh, you can't ask that. I can't ask what he is. What is he? Is he human? He's fucking claymation. That's what he is. Look at this. I had to stop myself. I took two pictures in the first minute. Two pictures. I couldn't believe what was going on with his face. Cigar in the back. Where's that? Right. Yeah. Of course. I started looking up young Walter Matthow. I would deep dive. Same note to Robin. Has he always looked like this dog? Spoiler alert. Oh my God. He's described as having a hang dog face. Yes. Yes. That's excellent. You guys ready for a vibe shift? See his face. You got to hang down. Nope. What? Sam Gossett commented, when I was in college, my roommates would sign up for drug trials to make money. They are both false HIV positive now as a result. What does that mean? That means they test positive even though they don't actually have it. They don't have it? But how do you know? How do you test positive but you don't have it? How do you know? It means you have to cut this. We got any more comments? All right, that's it. All right. Leave a review and leave a comment. Make sure you check out our CD5 episodes. Amazing. You're confused right now. What happened? I'm so sorry. Or the discord. My subscriber to Baytran.com. You know what the fuck you get access to. Come join us on Washington to re-watch and all the extra shit. Like the extended cold open. You can hear about blood sport with Shane Torres and Sean Jordan. If you have a submission, submit it. Reminder needs to be 40% or lower on the rotten tomatoes audience or critic score. Oh fuck. I meant to do a new thing with this and write it out. And then I forgot we're on Pluto TV until we're not from getting even with dad. Pluto TV has suggested the 1998 buddy comedy road trip adventure comedy, the odd couple two or Neil Simons. Oh my God. Don't get me started. John conference. I might have to move over on one of these CT five list. Wow. That's Jesus. All right. Buddy comedy. They're buddies. Yeah. Well, there's a road trip. Kind of. There's absolutely a road trip. Is it an adventure? The odd couple two stars, Jack Lemon, Walter Matthow and Richard Reel. Lemon, you know from the odd couple, some like it hot and Glenn Gary Glenn Ross. Jack Lemon stars as the bitch roommate. The new one. Matthow, you know from bad news bears, the odd couple and Dennis the menace. And they had grumpy old men and grumpy old men. That's right. Yeah. In the 90s. Spoiler alert. I was confused for quite a while to which one this movie was. Matthow stars as every sports rider if they had my dad's sense of humor. That's what you wrote out every time. Yeah. Concise. I call them Oscar, but literally every time he made a joke of like, this is my dad. Oh man, you could have just called him banter. Richard Reel is from office space casino and repeat offender for the fan. I wish I knew how to quit you. Richard Reel. I had a sheriff recaps position. I don't know if you guys caught that every time he comes. Yeah. We get a nice little tidy update as what just happened in the last 20 minutes. You know, I had an idea like that once a long time ago. Really? What was it Tom? Well, all right. It was a jump to conclusions mat. You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor and would have different conclusions written on it that you could jump to. That is the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom. Yes. Yes, it's horrible. This idea. It's the worst fucking idea I've ever heard in my life. Jonathan Silverman from Weekend at Bernie's and Weekend at Bernie's too. God, I want to do Weekend at Bernie's too so badly. Jonathan Silverman stars as the bitch bridegroom. Oh, Brooklyn bridegrooms. No, did that for you. Lisa Waltz from Pet Cemetery too. Hannah the Chin Gigante. Jesus. They were both in Brighton Beach Memoirs, which is a Neil Simon memoir. Neil Simon's Brighton Beach Memoirs. It's part of a trilogy of Neil Simon Memoirs. Mary Beth Pale from Stepford Wives. She stars as Feliz Navidad. Christine Baransky from the ref. Whole number one. Oh, tough. I love her. The bird cage, bowfinger, she's great. Yeah, she's great. Mama Mia. Gene Smart from Hacks. Gene Smart stars as whole number two. Repeat offender from Bringing Down the House. I wish I knew how to quit you. Rex Lin, repeat offender for Ghost of Mars. The mustache cop from Rush Hour. J.O. Sanders, repeat offender for Angels in the Outfield, Green Lantern and Kiss of Death. Cool. Maybe Reg Wilder, the sports writer who also is going to become the manager of the team somehow. Barnard Hughes, repeat offender for Sister Act II, back in the habit. I wish I knew how to quit you. Estelle Costanza. There's also Peggy Miley, who is Mocha James, a Mocha Jo's mom in Curb. Oh, wow. Yes. That's where I knew her from. Rebecca Schull, who I only wrote down because she played a character named Faye Evelyn Schlob, Dumbly DeVay Cochran in 172 episodes of Wings. Amy Asbeck, repeat offender from Problem Child. Francesca P. Roberts, repeat offender from Hard to Kill. I wish I knew how to quit you. The Odd Couple II was directed by Howard Deutch. Deutch. He directed Pretty in Pink, The Great Outdoors, The Replacements and repeat offender for last weeks. Getting even with Dad. I wish I knew how to quit you. Oh, how about that? And repeat offender in a different way for directing Grumpy Old Man. Yeah. Which makes it even more confusing. I cannot stress how hard I was confused. It was written by Neil Simon. He wrote The Odd Couple. Really? And technically repeat offender for the original screenplay in 1972 for the Heartbreak Kid. I wish I knew how to quit you. Oh, so Neil Simon, three Tony Awards, a Pulitzer Prize, a Kennedy Center Honor, a Mark Twain Prize. Pulitzer for what? In 1966, he had four successful productions running on Broadway at the same time. In 1969, he was reportedly earning $45,000 a week from his Broadway shows, making him the most financially successful Broadway writer ever. He's the most successful? Yeah. He was the biggest writer when Broadway was the biggest. Interesting. Who's my man? Andrew Lloyd Webber. Yeah. I would think of him, but is that Broadway? Those were musicals they take a little longer to produce. Yeah. Because you got to do the music and stuff. That's true. Also, was he writing? He was just doing the music. He wasn't. Well, I was going to say the story, but then I remembered cats. What story? What are you talking about? No wonder. Synopsis for The Odd Couple 2. Mismatch roommates meet again years later. So accurate. And then tagline, some arguments stand the test of time. This is a sequel for a movie that came out 30 years earlier. Yeah. So this would be like if they come out with Face Off 2, which they keep rumoring to do, but I mean, heat 2 is heavily rumored. If people who were not alive for first heat saw heat 2 coming out at taglines or all references, some scores have to be settled. They're like, you know, you're like, what? But for us, we're like, yeah, we're back. I could not find a budget for this. Yeah. I had something give me 30 million. Yeah. I saw that and I was like, I don't know if it's 30 million dollars. What'd they spend that on? Neil Simon green screen, but it made 18.9 US and worldwide. So yeah, maybe who knows doubt it. Okay. Before we jump to this movie, you listen to this podcast on couple two is available on Pluto TV for context, grumpy, your old men, $25 million budget grossed 71.5 million. Yeah. I remember that being a hit grumpy old men and grumpy old men. Both were massive hits. That's why I thought that's what we were doing. Those don't qualify right grumpy or does the odd couple two receives 27% on 30 critic reviews on rotten tomatoes, 56% from the audience on over 5,000 ratings. I mean, just like the positive or the negative reviews. I'm going to use better judgment on what I was going to say. I'm a bottle, a half full of sprite kind of guy. Give me the positives because the other one involved a pollo loco. And I just felt like that was a tight rope that I couldn't walk right now. Cops are coming for you. Yeah. Not me. I didn't make the joke. Thought police pre cogs. Pre what? Cogs. Oh, cogs. Got it. Cognition. Dropped a cog in tomorrow's awards watch. Just for me. Just for me. Yeah. Hey, John, that's weird. That glass looks half full to me. Wow. Now that you mentioned it, it is half full. Zan Brooks of the independent Xanax XAN. Oh, yeah. Zander, Uncle Zander. All right. Thank you. The two stars work hard to keep it upright. They what? The two stars work hard to keep it upright. Oh, this is pre Viagra, right? I feel like it would have been right around that time. Because you think that they would have made a joke about it? Yeah. There are opportunities. Let me say something. When Viagra came out, all anyone could do was make Viagra jokes. Anything with old people, tea in that up. Yeah. March 27, 1998 was approved by the FDA. When did this come out? This came out in 98. So they filmed it before. You think Neil Simon is kicking himself like, No. Is he alive? I think Neil Simon's sleeping on a bed of money. God unearned 45 grand a week. Oh, he earned it. He wrote them scripts. Mike Clark of USA Today. If that familiar jaunty theme music sends a rush through your body, like a Gerritol and prune juice cocktail, Oh, then shrug off critical reservations and see the odd couple too. Steve Crumb of video review master.com. Jerry Krause. All right, be in afterthought, but fun to see lemon and math out again. They haven't been gone for 30 years. No. Blake French of nuts world. Blake nuts with a Z. Newts. Oh, wow. And they know he has fun. Yeah. LL. LLZ three out of five. Steve Rhodes of internet reviews. Rhodes. Well, we're going. We don't need the Rhodes. The audience shares vicariously in their silly little episodes. Do we? I guess I was part of the audience. Then blank user four and a half out of five. One of my favorite segils. Oh, SEG. ULS. Oh, maybe it's why is that an OPE? Seguelz. Oh, negative. No. Don't. Maracas. That's getting work today. Beans. Maracas work today. These right here. Keeping them warm. They're in tune. Stop being a pessimist. This thing is not half full. It's half empty. Andrea Beach of common sense media. Dylan, you son of a beach. Flat reunion comedy won't appeal to kids. Accurate or adults who were kids when they came out. Wow. That's crazy. I mean, I did like grumpy old Ben when I was seven. Yeah. Yes. Because that's not this movie. Oh, I know you're a big Neil Simon fan. You're like, oh, but I love how much money he made. But grumpy old Ben is way better. Did I ever say it was a Neil Simon fan? You've been defending him left and right. What I'm doing is I'm pointing out that he's very accomplished long before I was even born. According to hoops, according to money and awards. I love the idea of maze running up to Neil Simon said, man, I love your work. He's like, oh, what's your favorite? Like grumpy old man. Great movie. That's not mine. Kako Leary of fullview drive in.com. Hello, Oprah. A big let down. They waited 30 years to follow up a classic comedy with this. Sadly, the final film Lemon and Matthew did together is also the pair's weakest. They did 11, by the way. Yeah. You want to talk about going back to that well. It worked. Well, a lot of time. When I realized that this was a grumpy old man, I said, this is like getting Sudeikis and Charlie day and Bateman in a movie and then call it a terrible supervisors. Same premise. They're old and they're grumpy and they're men. Hey, Dustin off Bob costs his bitch ass last night. That was months ago. Peter Vonderhaar of film threat. I wonder how what he had to say about this movie, aka return of the living dead for look, Peter, you ain't wrong. There's one scene in particular. I'm like, Oh my God, is that a human? Nelmino of movie mom. Whoa. Two out of five. Roger Ebert of Chicago. Sun Times. The legend. The movie has no purpose for being. Oh, it has a purpose. All right. So that maze can point to Neil Simon's earnings. Neil Simon wrote it. So it needed to be found blank user one out of five. It was such a wonderful comedy. I could have enjoyed its memories forever. And then someone made this piece of crap. Oh, he's talking about the first one blank user. One out of five. Pretty bad. Pretty silly. Good to see these two ride together one last time. And there were a funny spots, but mostly silly dumb. And nobody needed to see them in undershirts and underwear. Shame on the director for that, especially gross. The single star rating I'm giving is strictly for seeing Christine Baransky move her ass on the dance floor. Nice. Whoa. Okay. And then blank user two out of five. Howard scenes and lighting. No match to the original. The lighting. That's his issue. Two out of five. Her issue. By the way, left on Christmas Eve 2013. What a night. Critiquing the odd couple twos lighting for Christmas. We'll get a means first note, maze first note, and my first note after these messages, unless you're a patreon subscriber, patreon.com. Slash counting to get an ad free episode right to me out. Are you're at campaigns lighting up the dashboard? They're not the pipeline. That's bull spend. And marketers are calling it out in dashboard confessions. My boss asked for results. So we opened my dashboard for the only positive sounding metric I had. Impressions. Count the bull spend. See revenue, not just reach. LinkedIn delivers the highest return on ad spend of major ad networks. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend 200 pounds on your first campaign and get a 200 pound credit. Go to LinkedIn.com slash lead. Terms and conditions apply. I mean, what is your first note? Continuing a xenophobic tradition of watching sequels first dot, dot, dot. I wonder if Zach watched the first one. I thought about it. If I had more time, I would have. I feel like that would be very detrimental to watch the original first. Yeah. Well, no, sometimes it could be helpful like Highlander. Nope. Did not help at all. Mays, what is your first note? What's your favorite modern odd couple of mean? Shaq and Barkley. Interesting. Yeah. I can see that. What about you? My favorite was Robin big on MTV. Mmm. That's a good one. RIP to big, right? Didn't he pass what? RIP to big. Legend. Some say that he was sacrificed so that Rob Dyrdek could build this empire of ridiculousness. Rob Dyr, what? Dyrdek. And his name is not Dyrdek. It's called Vendison. My first note. I wonder if the horseman for this movie will be, this is not like grumpy old men. Oh my God. And then update. Amina's text admittedly through this movie. He realized it's not grumpy old man. Mmm. I'll get to it. We still don't realize it. Oh man. When you were telling the story last night, you had so much detail. The detail was so rich. And it was rich. Going through incredibly descriptive details of the story so we are none. Oh yes. Now it's time for the scenes. Here's what happened. Baw. We are at Sarasota Field, a little baseball action. This shortstop has fucking nothing on Ed. He can't field. He can't throw. Where is Ed the champ? Thank you. Thank you. Apologize both of you. For what? For not believing in Ed. I've always praised his work at the hot corner. He's the best. I said, is this the same Neil Simon moments later? No, wait, that's Paul Simon. I think you meant Paul Simon. All right. Sarasota, Florida 30 years later. Thank you. Wait, 30 years later than the first one. Yeah. Yeah. 30 years later. Are we going to jump around? Is this a time travel movie? Thanks for letting us know that you're only interested in people who were there for the original. All caps. Math out with a backwards hat. What? Toon on a cigar. I said file. Analog, scorekeeping. Oh yeah, had to. Is he a scout or no? I think he was a reporter. To be fair, he looks exactly like so many of the older dudes in the press room. 100%. They all look like that, especially baseball. The old cockas in the stands are better than the young cockas on the field. What? I feel like cockas should be added to Cinephobic's icon. 20 CP? No. No, 20 CP. 18 CP? That's timeless. That came from the old country. My daughter's dating one of those cockas. Ope. I hope she is. The old guy who got the errant throw in the crowd says who's the man? Bow ball. All of us takes the fan out and open yourself up for a load of banter. Oh my God. From Walter Matthow. He just missed someone in the crowd. We can all go home in one car. Maybe he should lay down a punt. This guy couldn't lay down a carpet. Banter. So I called it old banter. Oh, I like that. I said old man banter, so old banter. And that's 95% of this movie. Absolutely. It's almost every line he has. Overflowing. Now he's over swinging. Don't complain at least he's cooling off the place. Old banter, old banter, old banter, old banter. Is baseball the third biggest sport in Cinephobic history? Well, there's future sport and then what? I knew you wouldn't let me down. The Hanhaki in future sport. Baseball games over. We get exposition. Walk and talk. Hello, exposition. We got Oscar covering the Yankees and Mets. He just randomly says Roberto Clementi. That's my dad. That is my dad. Bet you missed New York, huh? Well, what was I going to do? They sold a paper to an Australian. Ruthless Murdoch reference? That's what I wondered. Good to see the paper got bought out, but Neil Simon. Topical. Let's not fog down because the next line lucky for me to in sell to the Japanese would take me a year to read the batting. I don't even know what this means. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not sure what he's talking about. Is it just the Japanese characters? Probably. Peaches rolls up. Peaches. Costanza looking insane. Oh my God. CT5 dangerous nights. Crew cheetah hat, white drop top, cherry red seeds, sloppy steaks, a Trophonis, dinner party Friday night. Short one man. How about Abe? He's a short man. Ass off for Abe being pissed. You can run Oscar, but you can't hide. See ya. Oh, that's such an original expression. I hate a woman who talks like Muhammad Ali. Wait a second. Did he just call what she said an Oakley shake? Conchita, the crossing guard. There you go. Relentlessly hitting on Conchita. Hey Conchita. You lost today, eh Oscar? Yeah, I'm suicidal honey. If I call 911 tonight, any chance of mouth to mouth? And then he raises his eyebrows like Milhouse. Is he still laying down pipe? He's trying. He's a million years old. This is when I wondered about Viagra. This is what... Dirty old man banter. What's the matter? Don't you look at a good ass anymore? I'm not allowed to look up a strong. Why should I look at an ass? What? He's not coming to the game tonight. A friend in the building died. Downer, what did he die of, got hit by lightning on the golf course, should have been using his woods. Old manter. Avalanche of math out though. Find out what his rent was. I'm always looking for cheaper. He is goddamn relentless. Oh my god. He's always looking for cheaper rent because he's... No. No. No. Uh oh, he's a horseman. No. Uh oh, he's a horseman. I'd rather you do the maracas. I gotta be honest. Don't worry. Their time is coming. Cut the math out, toughen his garbage into a golden dumpster from his window. He misses trash everywhere. The cats are instantly on the scene like they were the median. War of the world. He snaps. I used to make that shot. Another old man complains. And then the bucks got Lou Alcindor. A group of geezers are inside playing poker. Oscar's holding a sprite two liter in his mouth. I thought it was under his chin like a pillowcase. Nope. He's trying to gulk gulk this fight. He does it later with a notepad or a piece of paper or something. He carries things in his mouth apparently often. He's a pelican. Oh. He's a human pelican. Okay. Look at his face. He's bringing out snacks. Esther's blind. She wants the great big cards. We tried that once. Every time I shuffled, Abe's two pay blew off. Old man tear. He's on fire. Literally every line out of his mouth is a snapback. CT5 shit talkers. Number one. Neil Simon was riding. He gleaned himself like me taking notes for Cinnapope. I'm going to get him with this one. I felt like the whole time I'm trying to keep up the poker game with all these old bitties. I called it juju's game. I should have done that. I just said, oh, juju's got a card game. Now Abe's got a two pay. You can swim in. Looks like shit. You swim with that rug. They'll think you're building a damn old manter. He's serving up a chemical sponge cake for Millie. He's hitting on Wanda for her perfume. He did that to look at her cards. Oh, he's not hitting on her. He's assaulting her. Oh, that's assault. He's touching her. Oh, now it is. It's always been. It wasn't on the bus when homie Spamoni fell into the woman's ass on purpose. Face first. He didn't. The bus break and he fell. She mentions her third husband. May he rest in peace. How do you know he's dead? Maybe he's just bluffing. Oh, manter serves healthy nachos to seniorita and Brahmavits. One Jenny Craig Mexican style casserole dinner. This was very depressing food, which is a combination of 20 CV and they're not allowed to eat anything anymore. Like Abe not being able to eat his pastrami. He pretends to not be able to see Abe. He's busting his ass. I'm here. Why didn't you sit on a magazine? Old manter. It's literally every lie. I tapped out at some point. Lemon soda. This is a cherry. It's lemon. Takes the cherry out of his drink. I'll take a cherry. Now it's a cherry. The bed in quarters and cents. The phone rings. It's a sun. Brucey boy. How'd you know it's a sun? Brucey boy. Oh, it's Brucey boy. This is my son from California. Jesus Christ. You sound good, pop. You still an actor. He's still an actor. It's a crazy. Hello, exposition. If I called my dad. Oh, it's my son, Zach. You still writing? Are you still sports writing and podcasting on the side? It's my son, Zachy boy. In California. You still got the Mocles. His kid was just calling him to check up on him, right? Old man living by himself in Florida. No, no, no, no, no. On the news. He's getting married. Oh, wow. Yeah. Months from now, right? Like regular people. Sunday. Oh, okay. What is going on abrupt weddings, Daisy Chain? Getting married? Why? Because I love her. You didn't say it was a girl. Oh, is Oscar like my mom? Ah, homophobia. You're happy. I'm happy. He tells the group and Millie says there goes my Rachel's last chance. Oh, that would have been so much better if it was a disembodied voice. Howard Deutsch. What are you doing? Mm-hmm. Seeing her deliver it. Ass on. It's this Sunday afternoon. Matheu says wild race horses couldn't keep him away. Yeah, race horses. What do you need a thoroughbred? It's in San Molina, two hours north of LA. She's an actress so talented and smart. He loves her already. San Molina eats, has got it and writes it down, right? No. San Bologna? Jesus Christ. This is the tip of the iceberg on that one. Who you getting married to? Well, hold on to your hat, pop. I need a hat to hold on to to hear this. She's not one of those six foot 10 basketball players, is she? What? How long has she been? What? Oh, well, the WNBA had just come out a year earlier. It's topical because Neil Simon Topical is a horseman. I can't hear you. He's whose daughter? Whose? Oh my God. Cut to Felix sneezing on a plane, middle seat, into a handkerchief. He's clearing his sinuses. Wow, I wonder if he's ever done this before. Making noises. Is this a thing? Is this a callback? This is a very famous scene from the odd couple. He flags down a stewardess. He wants to switch seats to the non-smoking section, mid-20 CB. Whole plane is non-smoking. He keeps complaining. He's very sensitive. Possibly the attendants who cleaned the plane were smoking in here. I said racist. Whoa, whoa. Yeah, absolutely. Entire plane's full. He gets up, blames the woman's perfume next to him. She already moved him once. He says that was the hairspray. He knows he sounds crazy, but he just happens to be one of those hyper allergenic cases. He wants her to try. You mean sniff every woman on this plane until you find a perfume. You're not allergic to. To which then he pivots. I didn't complain about the food. Did I? I didn't eat it, but I didn't complain. And then we get exposition about the Mahi Mahi. And that's what I wrote. Dude. No, no, no. I didn't write it. You just wrote it. I didn't write it. You just wrote uh-oh. What I wrote is this was clearly written to be a very particular stereotype. Not your average hypochondriac. Uh-oh is a horseman. What? You're a horseman. Felix Koff's the neighbor offers cough lozenges, but he's got an unusually small windpipe and he'll choke. He sprays a perfume. He starts sniffling. Oh man. I missed one of my jokes. Oh no. Never mind. Uh-oh. This is a good one. What's your joke? When he got up and he unclicced his seatbelt goes to the flat tenses, not just the smoke. The woman next to me is a nigger. I mean she has a perfume that I'm allergic to. Jesus. Really glad we doubled back for that one. He starts coughing. She offers cough lozenges. He says isn't that sweet, but no, no. I'm not putting anything in my mouth that you touch with your stovepipe hands. He's racist. That's clear. Oh my God. The way he's reacting to her. The other dude slapping on old spice. What the hell is he doing on his face? Cologne. He's disgusted by that too. Yeah. He doesn't like that either. He plugs the other nostril. Doesn't talk about it. He's sensitive to smells and excessively OCD. Cut to the airport. Mathouse bag opens up as it hits the carousel. 20 CDS. I was so pissed. He's blaming mishandling of luggage, a federal misdemeanor. There are two different airport employees standing right there for him to complain to. 3911. What is going on in the 20 CD? 3911, bro. It was a beautiful time. By the way, they actually shot this at LAX instead of an office building with revolving doors. I don't remember a movie doing that. Felix's suitcase has plastic around it, like a 90s couch. They see each other at a distance. They're so excited. Oscar. Cue the music. Felix. Oscar. Felix. They run together in the airport. And then Felix trips over and errant suitcases rolling by itself. Crashes it to Oscar. And I guarantee every single bone in both of their bodies is a fine powder. He could snort it. Absolutely. Double broken backs is my note. There was one shot that was hard to capture. Yeah, I tried. But when he initially trips, he's hooked up to wires. Whoever is doing it. It's a weird. He gets yanked. Yeah. Starts to take flight. And then the next shot is Levin thrown his hands in the air and then he tackles them. Mathos clothes go flying in the air. Cool. And they come down raining in slow motion long after both of their pelvises have shattered. And also there's fruit from the produce guy who got hit by the truck going down the street. Arnold Schwarzenegger sunglasses after his kid and wife got blown up. We're at budget. Renekar Felix wants to stop for crutches. We get a crutch store joke. All banter helping him into the seat. Oscar Mimes a fisting motion on how to slide right in there. Bend down, slide in and tell me when it hurts. And I said, come on Neil Simon. What are we doing budget branded trash bucket full of ice. A lot of ice. And they rented the oldest old man car ever. I believe it's an old mobile cutlass. You need something to put it in. Put it in your sock. What am I an orthopedic old man. Ter drives off without Felix's suitcase. Foot feel any better. It's not a foot anymore. It's a piece of frozen meat hanging out the window to get warmer. Sure. He says it's eaten since last night. Didn't they serve on the plane? No, my fish was flying east. That was just to set up that joke. Uh huh. Yep. Neil Simon attempts for the detail. Here are the complimentary nuts. If your team key chattering, you'll have peanut butter. He's worried about fat and salt content of nuts. Why is that so? This dude's amazing. He is cooking. He wears you down. He's like Christie Matheson throwing 192 pitches in a complete game man. Absolutely. We don't build old banter like this anymore. Hmm. Not anymore. This is Joe folks going in 19 of 63 from the field in 1949 to drop 41 points. Hey, Joe folks. Why black or white? Oh, okay. Good guess. Cause he said like the pretty integration. Yeah. Felix starts bitching about nutrition facts. Mm hmm. Oscar says I heard that line on the Jerry Seinfeld show and I said reference except he fucked up the name of the show. Yeah. This is the Stallone award with is this great writing or is this bad writing? That's great writing. I don't think it happened on Seinfeld either. No, I don't remember happening on Seinfeld at all. Point me to where that happened. I still think it's great writing. You fucking love Neil Simon. No. Oh my God. He got a bullet certain money. He doesn't know that it's not on the show and he doesn't know the name of the show. That's an old man in action. It does your detail. That's not Neil Simon being an old man who doesn't know the name of the show. Either way works for me. The other topical. Somebody's an old man. Open the window. I want to throw the water out. It is open. It's bingo. He throws the water. It's not go midi. Sorry. They must have just cleaned it. We also got Oscar saying that he retains that unique elusive pain in the ass quality that drives me bzike. We've always had bad chemistry feelings. I said that's very helpful exposition. When? Before in a previous movie? I hate that. I said I hate disorder. I said more helpful exposition. Hello exposition. Mixed like oil and frozen yo-y good. I get heat for saying uh-oh but he can do that. I was some kind of nut in those days. A can to pistachio. There was some kind of nut in those days? Nut in. Oh. That's why I like it. Felix hates mess. Hates disorder. Went to a hypnotist. Didn't like. Right? He was late. Felix straightened up his office and left. Old manter. I mean he's got a point here. And they stop at El Pollo loco so Felix can piss. Listen. Just as seasonal rouses your senses. When my fire embraces chicken, marinated in citrus and spices, chicken becomes your passion. El Pollo loco. Taste the fire. This is not from the 80s. I swear to God in the 21st century, man. The commercials for El Pollo loco. It is unbelievable. What do you want? You are unbelievable, man. A ginger kid hassles Oscar for five dollars. Felix is locked in the bathroom. This kid is human cobra formula. Stands there until he's asked what Oscar wants. I kind of gave up on writing down cobra formula in this movie. Because it's so rapid fire. They launched right back into another one. It's Simon formula for sure. Simon formula. Back on the road should be on the 405, but they're on the 101. Now they're arguing about peeing. Okay, but the 101 would turn into the. Shut up, Zach. Save no two, Zach. From LAX. It's the first thing you would have taken. It's there. Reading and peeing are two different things. At your age, you're lucky to do either one. Killing it. Felix bitches some more. Oscar says, why do you think I moved to Florida? Keep this up and I'm moving to Guatemala. And then we get exposition about the last wife. Dead wife's position, but it's not dead wife. It's a joke. But it's a fake out because she left very quickly, but she moved out while he was asleep. Didn't leave a note. Call him, Eddie. Dating life all together. Three divorces, two broken engagements, and five women who disappeared on the first date went to Lazy Room. Never came back. Ghosting. Putting up numbers, man. Oh, this guy's incredible. Is he for as annoying as he is? Yeah, man. Exactly. That's why it was five first dates. He's laying pipe. He's not laying any pipes. Three divorces. There's no pipes being laid. Two broken engagements, pipe. This guy couldn't lay down a cup. Felix hasn't given up. No, there's a right woman someplace, somewhere. There's a line that says, what are you retired now? And I said, oh, I thought also. But Borot. Physical momentum. Retired. Retired. No, no, not retired. I don't work anymore. Stop working. Stop working. Felix says to pull over because he has to eat. Low sugar condition has to eat every four hours. Oscar wonders why not El Puello Loco? It wasn't time to eat yet. It was time to pee. So Oscar recklessly swerves across lanes of traffic. All lanes. Like Helen Hunt. Causing a massive spin out. Mr. Highway. No. Cut to them at a restaurant table. Felix lays out the pills he's got to take. Doesn't make a difference what they are. Whatever they fix, he's got. Oscar wants a timetable for everything. I said, save no two, bro. When he's going to eat pee, when he's going to fart, when you're going to cry, when you're going to sleep. He takes the pills with no water. You got to take that with no water? The local water? I said, how the fuck were they roommates? I don't know. I mean, there's this crazy movie about it. How they mix like oil and frozen yogurt. We could pause right now. Go watch it. Pause right now. Called Grumpy Old Men. He's shouting about the pesticides. The locals are confused. Future callback on the pesticides. Felix starts clearing his sinuses again. The classic scene. From the other movie. We're just remaking it. Let's do it again. Play the hits. Back on the road. Felix is passed out. He wakes up coughing in a cloud of cigar smoke. The man who claimed the cleaning people might have smoked while they cleaned the airplane hours ago, slept through the lighting and the filling of the entire car with cigar smoke. Well, it wouldn't take that long to fill up. Racist. How long was I asleep? I don't know. Didn't know you wanted me to time it. Oscar threw the directions out the window. Doesn't know where they are because he had them in his lap. And then ashes from the cigar, caught fire or some shit. I don't know. She owes one of the most important parts of his body over finding the house. Means it's dick. This isn't someplace. This is no place. Felix wants to pull over to check his suitcase. He pulls up to the left. But guess what? Suitcase is gone. And then Felix starts bitching. But hold on. I thought this was funny. Did you look? It takes a second and a half to look back there. That's a clever little one. There's so much old man to his act. If you're going to like point out this one was funny, we'll be here all fucking day. They're all funny. This scene is going on very long. He shouted, where the hell is my goddamn suitcase? The scene. It's one scene the entire movie. This is a one act play. Just reading my notes. Yeah. He didn't know at the time to be fair. Yeah. That's fair. Yeah. They saw the movie was going to happen. Yeah. Clearly this is going somewhere. Not a Broadway stage play that takes place outdoors on route five or whatever. Felix wants to backtrack Oscar complaints about how long it'll take. What? So we could stop to pee, stop to get locked in, stop to bribe a kid? His suitcase had his formal black suit for the wedding. A $6,000 Tiffany Silver tray. Oh. And in that suitcase was $10,000 in cash for his son-in-law. $20,000. Hello, exposition. Absolutely $20,000. Do you understand what I'm talking about? And he does it in the rush hour way. That's a rush hour fucking rip off right there. Do you think either Neil Simon or Walter Matthew has watched Rush Hour? Touché. In your suitcase, the police are going to find your broken, smashed, mutilated and dissected body in the event that you don't go back and find my fucking suitcase. I got surprised by the F bomb. I did too. He drops two of them and the second one is a doozy. Yep. Deliver where you've crisscrossed California more than covered wagons did 100 years ago. 19 CB. Maybe even 18 CB. Oscar says drive the first town they see and call budget. It can fax it. Federal Express UPS fax. Timeline. That's the new modern technology in 1998. I can wear a picture of my black wedding suit and paper copies of $10,000 in cash. Don't get physical. I'm too old to fight, but I can spit you to death. And I said, it's good. He pounds on the car. He calls Oscar a goddamn. In the silica. Idiotic, totally moronic. Shit head. Shafid and the car starts rolling, goes off the road, tumbles down, lands on its hood. It's on its back. It explodes. Then it cuts to right side up explodes. Explodes some more comedy comedy. Better call budget and have a fax. It's another car. Huh? Old man. They start walking to steal. Harmonica kicks in. Good. The bad, the ugly. I think I know where we are. Where in a Clint Eastwood movie, Cobra formula, the good, the bad and the stupid. Old man. Ter. God, his ass. Oscars mad. He lost the most important thing in his life. Some kind of heirloom. A paper printed out return ticket to Sarasota. Because you know, you can't get another one of those. 20 CB. He looks thinks they test nuclear bombs out here. He freaks out at what he thinks is a snake, but it's actually a stick. They probably got poisonous scorpions fighting in the middle of the road out here. Middle ones. They go to rest under a tree on a soundstage. Not the best background I've seen. I didn't change a little bit as they try to work out a plan. But we could call information. In what town? You said that my daughter said, don't you remember? No, I was playing poker. I couldn't hear anything. San Marino. No, I wasn't San Marino. Maybe San Quintino. Not San Quintino. San Sereno. No, not San Sereno. San Bandino. San Fatino. San Farina. Where you going for crying out loud? San Farina. We could do this forever. We need a phone book. How many towns could sound like that? California, San Diego, San Jose, San Quintin. San Mateo. What is happening? Shake those maracas. Oh, this shit just keeps going. How many towns could sound like that? What? They sound off on a bunch of maracas-worthy town names. Then Oscar says San Jemima. Oh. Yeah, Neil Simon. They also become us. What? San Pancho. Pancho Gonzalez. Oh, yeah. San Clementi. Roberto Clementi. Sancho Pancho. Pancho Gonzalez. San Jemima. San Jemima. Baruano. Fernando Lamos. Ricardo Montalban. Ricky Ricardo. San Pagawi. Where is that? Here, and up your honor. Los Pintos. Las Precios. Los Picos. Sound familiar? Yeah, the hotels in Acapulco. They stand on both sides of the road to fly down a car. Felix calls him Los Idiot and Oscar flips him off. I thought I saw Omar Sharif on a camel. Oh. And a reference. Corvette zooms by, hey, come back. Another car whizzes by the other way. They managed to not stand at the corner so that they could still have blind spots and cars keep going past. Felix hears something. Does Oscar hear it? With any look, it's the Killer Bs from Brazil. Topical? Topical, man. Absolutely. Dude, the 90s. Neil Simon attention to reference. This motherfucker had a new speed bar out in front of him. Front page. He would see something. Seinfeld at 830. Okay, Seinfeld. Gonna make a Seinfeld reference right here. That's how we know that if Viagra had been out, he would have written about it. He would have had it. Yeah. They get crop dusted chemicals, but it's just flour. Yeah. It's the fucking pesticides you were talking about. You were worried about drinking water with it. Now you've got it all over your skin. You're not losing your goddamn mind. They did on purpose to hit New Yorkers. I said that was Zach's relative flying the plane. Nope. They look like Pillsbury dough boys. Let's get out of the sun before we start to rise. Old manter. His response time is incredible. Dude, he's hitting 900. I don't know what's happening to you and Walter Rathau and you and Neil Simon. What's happening? He's got a hang-dong face and I'm here. I feel in the middle of a shit sandwich. And the sun's up. Felix starts laughing to himself. What's so funny? We could be the figures on the wedding cake. He does that a lot, by the way. It's Felix's formula. Yes. He laughs to set up a question so that he can... What are you laughing at so that he can tell the joke? Absolutely. They hailed down the truck that smuggled Amy into the Congo. Oh. Maraca yourself. What? It's... It's... What? What's that even? Where are you going? Santolito, San Redondo, Santa Mali, Santa Taco Bell. We'll go anyplace. Good Lord. Hop in. Driver thinks they must be good friends. They're looking for a phone, gas station nearby. No payment needed. Now, Zach, the driver, he's a regular white guy. Speaking the Queen's English, right? No, no, no, no, no, no. No? I believe he's Mexican. What made you say that? His name is Rico. Rico is a lot of people named Rico. A lot of black people named Rico. What do you think he's Mexican? Mostly the accent and he keeps calling them amigos. He says I'll take them to a teléfono. Completely sprinkling in Spanish words here and there to let us know. Pulsing compadres. They're poor people like him. This is his wedding gift to drive them to a gas station in two miles. Truck going the other way stops. The driver hops out. He hopes nothing's wrong. I don't speak Spanish, but I heard clearly ice. Fuck ice. Yeah. Apparently their driver's mom is very sick. It's back the other way. He'll go with the other truck. They take his truck to the gas station. Leave the truck there. You trust them and he gives them a peach. Felix starts sprinkling in a Spanish word here and there to let us know that Zach will feel very uncomfortable when maze repeats it word for word. Depends on the accent base like a rumble. Okay. I didn't write that down. No, that was me tonight. Manta. Oh, middle-aged man. They start driving. Felix is going to drive. Yes. Oscar to use a handkerchief so he doesn't get peach juice all over him. You think we're pulling into pebble beach country club? Old man. I don't think you need the country club there. Truck is struggling to get up the hill. Oscar says it won't make it. Felix bets him that will never count me out till a fat lady divorces me. 20 CB or old cliches. Well, regardless, there's a roadblock of sheriffs. That's a lot of cops to give one ticket. I don't know. Maybe they want some free pizzas. I says that reference to the Epstein files. Lot of references to pizza and Epstein files. They step out of the truck, guns pulled, didn't steal a truck. They make them get on the ground. You don't think there's anything to do with me offering that kid money in the bathroom, do you? And I said Epstein files. He was on it. I said, Oh no. Neil Simon. Preciant. This is ice. Fuck ice. Is a horseman. There are people in the back of the truck. Somewhere. Kristi Noem's bird just twitched. I'm topical now. Don't like you calling it that. Cut to jail. They're in a holding cell. 40 years late for a wedding. They need a lawyer. How do we know that the joke is that it'll be 40 years late to the wedding? Old man too. Felix starts laughing and Oscar says, What are you laughing about? Oh man. How do you not love this movie so far, man? This is crazy. Oh shit. Oscar has a lawyer. Yeah. In Florida. He's 92. Take some six hours to walk to the telephone. Another double. Rico gets thrown in the same cell. They ask about his dying mama that he lied about. Rico is ass off. Oh shit. They're here, but he's no Lord Dobbs. He sure isn't. Starts telling them. Oh no, you guys were the ones that are and Oscar turns to Felix. Oscar turns to Felix. So he's got a better story than us. And I said, say no to bro. Yeah, he really does. Rico stuff this out. Rico knows what he's doing. And then we go to the sheriff and we get recap. So the decision of the movie that's still in the first act. There's a second act. Oh, you didn't know yet. I didn't know yet. The sheriff looks at them and says, You two don't get along too well. Do you? He gets it. This is not like grumpy old man. Officers laughing them. Decide they're too stupid to pull off a border smuggle. So they're free to go. Oscar lingers to bring up the false arrest and says, Oh, Sue, but there's a girl at a computer that will help them figure out how to call the family. They call and get the name of the town. San Molina there in Santa Menendez. He's ass off saying Santa Menendez into the fold. Santa Santa men, Santa men, Menendez about five hours away. So they stay at the Santa Florita Hotel in town. New underwear arrives in a paper bag at their door. So they door dash draws in 1998. Preciant Neil Simon strikes again. I guess the Santa Florita sent a bell hop out to buy boxers for them because it's dice and fish boxers. Legitimately not trying to be funny. Me, a veteran of the 20 CB, I did not realize those were boxers shorts. I thought they got underwear and then these are the shorts that they're wearing. And it wasn't until three jokes in that I realized those are boxers. And then Felix says, I feel like it could be a cocktail waitress at a crab game. I said, where Felix, where do they wear that? It's all a setup for Oscar to say, I think if you wiggle your fanny right, you can make double sixes. Old man. Ter, I wonder is this a two America situation because these are some 90s ass boxers with the patterns and the size, the size. They were basically short shorts. These aren't short shorts. These are shorts compared to one basketball shorts. OK, compared to T.J. Ford. This might be a white boxer situation. It might be Rocky Marciano, not Lennox Lewis. I got my boxers from Old Navy, man. But then you got boxes just like this. I had boxes like that. Damn, man. Trust me. Inspired by jet engine silences. The Dyson Hush Jet Purify powerfully purifies the entire room. Quietly capturing pollen, allergens and pet dander, removing odors and harmful gases such as NO2 day and night. Hush Jet powerful, compact purification. That's quiet. They walk across the street for a drink. Bob Seeger is blasting at this old West Saloon. Lots of denim, denim, denim and cat boy hats. Oh, man. This is the bar in Oklahoma City where Dan Boyke ordered an old fashion. And everyone at the bar looked at him like when Felix ordered a martini. Yeah. The bartender is ass on saying martini. But ass off to everyone at the bar looking at him. Oscar orders a double Scotch. Oh, and Baransky clocks it. He's broad over here with Mascow, you say. That's what I was looking for, Zach. You see what Oscar does? He sees the reaction and he gets right in. He doesn't just sit there expecting Felix to see around his block head somehow to figure out. Is this going well? He didn't order that knowing they were there. They didn't even know those women were there. That's cause he's a hundred years old. They look incredible. Baransky and smart. They've got the thin eyebrows drawn on. They've got vests on their hair is 90s up. They're exactly how they're supposed to be. Christine Baransky has the metal arm band that we've seen in many a 20 CB movie. She's smart as a pink leather skirt. Oscar immediately starts laying game. He says beautiful weather we're having. Isn't it nice that this guy needs wenching lessons. Bransky rolls her eyes. Bransky gives a wink. It says just terrific honey. And she winks like Lucille Bluth. Felix tells him to forget it. Bransky is Thelma. So Oscar asked smart if she's Louise. She's been asked that a million times. She's Holly get mystery line in here. ASAP. This guy is crashing. Very nice name especially around Christmas time. And she goes okay he's back in. That's what got you back in. Oh dude come on. They're passing through maybe to Lake Tahoe or Vegas. Just lovers of the open road. Hey and I said are you losing them again. They've got a van. Oscar says that's not comfortable to sleep in. Oscar if I didn't know any better. It's a nice little grandpa like you was trying to hit on a couple of ladies. And then he hits her with the plastic surgery bit. Dude Oscar is cooking now. Hitting for the fucking cycle. Contact power doesn't matter. I'm not as old as I look. I had this plastic surgery done recently and the quack doctor botched it up. Your friend doesn't say much does he. He's the doctor who botched it up. Are you okay Doug? I think I put your mouth in the wrong place. He's still upset because they took his license away. Now now order the spress of white TV with this called out. Gene smart is squeezing in between the two of them to get to the bar to light her heater. And there's not enough room. They're overlapping while smoking their cigarettes. Their heaters Felix is trying to brush them off last call for dinner. Oscar invites them to dinner. They're going to freshen up. Christine Bransky wrapped a Bantana around her head. That's about all the freshening up that happened. Yeah. No, she wiped her cooch with a wet wipe. Oh they didn't even have wet wipes back then. What are you talking about? That she just dabbed it under the faucet and just... To the sound effects. Look at them. Tell me that doesn't look on brand. That's not what I'm objecting to. Felix calls them middle-aged bikers tougher than the guys in jail. Oscar wants to be wanted one more time. The wick is almost out. Oh. The last thing in the world I want them to see is our underwear. Speaking of boxers let's bring in Dr. John Boxer. Seminar man who's straight from 1885. O-tide Colonel Sanders motherfucker wanders over. They found someone older? Yep. Speaking in pure 19th century exposition. He's got warm wrapped candies. Classic Cobra formula. Are you here for the seminar? What seminar? Life. Does it really have to end? He's 84. He wants to be around to celebrate the year 2020. And I said, well I got some bad news for you Dr. Boxer. Dog. It could not have picked the worst one. It's not good. You fucked that one up Dr. Boxer. When I shit it could not have picked the worst year. Although, fresh shit. Fresh shit Neil Simon. Orson. Bays. There's a clip. Snowy. What? I have to tell you about the future. What? I have to tell you about the future. On the night I go back. Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, hang on Michael. I have to tell you about your future. Turns out Dr. Boxer lives in San Melina. Wow, what a miracle. He offers them a lift. What are the odds? He says we'll do the five hour drive in less than two hours. Does he have a chopper? What the hell is that? But they got to leave at six AM. Never live a long life sleeping late. That's six AM late. Dr. Boxer, man. They're old. Dumb one comes back. She's got a bottle of whiskey in her back pocket. Holly grabs Felix by the tie. Likes the quiet man talking always slows things up. Colonel Sanders is very shaken by this. I guess I was mistaken. I was like, were you trying to sleep with them? What's happening here? He wasn't ready for them mixing it up with a couple of Tootsies that drink whiskey from pints in their back pocket. Too early for men like you. Felix storms off. Thelma says, what are two wide awake girls going to do with one funny, hunky guy? Why don't we all write a suggestion on a piece of paper? What? Holly wants Boy Scout friend to come back. She's itching to dance. So Oscar scampers off the pole. Felix back for dancing. Horny says, why would I dance for you? Because I'm hunky and the other one is itchy. And I said, I'll say, I don't think that wet wipe did much work. Go with me. Don't ding yourself for you. Yeah, man. Ding yourself is worse than laughing at yourself. Yeah, it's fucking a mean formula worse than Felix formula. Why don't you try digging yourself first and then give us the jokes? But I just didn't wait. Wait, why do you think wait for you guys? Like, what was that for? Tim McGraw as I like it. I love it plays under a country disco ball. And my God, this dancing is happening. They're old as fuck. This is pretty good. Matt, that was a thousand years old, a thousand years old. And he's got a hang-dong face. What do you expect out of them? Holly pulls Felix into her cleavage. She went to high school with a boy like you. Who was he? The principal? Old man. He laughs. You have very strong hands. You work out? No, but my door gets stuck a lot. Old man. Hey, having fun. I'm stuck to your Velcro. Fast and furious. Phone rings. Someone's looking for Thelma and Holly. The bartender is ass on confirmed lock it in for the movie. Oh. It's someone drunk and real mad. Buddy, you had two lines in this movie. That's fair. I got another nominee for you later, though. The hoes take off suspiciously. I wonder if they'll ever come back. Back to the hotel room. Their drawers glow in the dark. Not getting ass wearing those. Felix wakes up Oscar in the middle of the night, asking where they are. Whoop his ass. Hotel, California, one of them Santa places. Whoop his ass. You woke him up to say, where are we? They're old. Scared, confused old man. Should have made you think of memory. Oh, is this going to be like a dementia plot line? Same note. I wanted memory to happen. I wanted him to think he's a hint man or something. No. He's just a lonely old man who doesn't know where he is and woke up in the dark. But Oscar reassures, if everything's going to be all right, maybe they are good for each other, you know? Right in early next morning, Dr. Boxer pulls up in his 1952 Rolls Royce. How about that? Probably gets two blocks to the gallon, old manter. That's my dad right there. Single up the middle. The car that he rolls up in is the one that Al Capone's been committed to Valentine's Day massacre. Only four of those cars left in the country and he owns them all. You a collector? No, I use the other three for parts. In the Moon by Glenn Miller plays. And they are driving slow. Super slow. Oscar passes this as fast as it goes. I should say no to bro. How do we know? Every car is passing them on the road. Okay, that's pretty slow. Is that it? There's bicycles. Bicycles, yeah. Well, that's pretty slow. Anything else? I'd be pissed if I got up at 6 a.m. to get driven by Colonel Sanders to get cooked by bicyclists, but then people jog by. Yeah, people going on a run. Well, that's really slow. Is there anything else? Well, what about power walking? Pedestrians. And you know what? Cool, Mitty. They bore you down. They got you. Who did dumpster? I ultimately laughed. But it took the power walkers to get to the left. Yeah. It's been a half hour and the wind is going faster than us. We're going 85 right now. That's your clock, sir. It says 825. Ah, it's broken. Ignore that. Felix wonders if he can really make it in two hours. And Dr. Boxer says, who said that? You did last night. No, no, no. You guys clearly misunderstood. I said I could make it seem like two hours. I said a mean formula. Well, Zach, here's the note. Okay. I'm with seminar man now. And then he starts talking about taking in the scenery and all this. One time I actually made it back in an hour 20. You got it, man. This man's incredible. Incredible liar. Dr. Boxer passes the fuck out. The car comes to a halt and Felix thinks he's dead. When was he awake? He's dead. How can you tell? The man is dead. At least he went quickly. He called 12 miles an hour quickly. Double down the line. Felix tries to pick him up, strains his neck, can't move. Of course. It always happens. Always. You mean whatever you try to pull a dead body back in? Old man tear. A truck drives past and blows his hairpiece off. A crow picks it up. Russell Crow. Then we get Oscar trying to shoo it away. Comedy. Shoo, shoo. Now the crow flies off with it. Another truck goes by. Dr. Boxer gets bumped on the Felix's lap. Ah. That's not a good position because it looks like, I know what it looks like. Please clip in, Jane Lynch. Look at that. What's that look like? Ah, homophobia. They hear a gunshot. The crow gets shot. Falls, the two-pay falls. And this is when I wrote the note. What the hell is this movie, man? Get to 90 is where we are. What? Dr. Boxer nods forward, honks right in Oscar's ear. Then a sheriff pulls up, wants them to pull the vehicle over. Dr. Boxer confirmed dead. Guns drawn on them again. And we're back to sheriff exposition. The 10 minutes that's happened since we last were here. Recap all of that for us. They have Dr. Boxer's wallet and antique car worth over 150K. But Felix says they didn't kill him or rob him. Sheriff didn't expect him to bounce back in here like a beach ball. They explain the comedy of the hair piece. It's even funnier the second time when they're describing it. You say show not tell. What about show and tell? And then tell some more. I've got a theory. Maybe this is Neil Simon great writing because he knows his target demo are a bunch of people who are falling asleep. There's no way they can stay awake. You are they falling asleep or are they dead? Yes. So he's got to give them a little recaptured position scene for what they missed. Remember this is 20 CB. There's no rewind. They're in the theater. There's no rewind in the theater now. Yes, there is. What? This is not like the 20 CB. Hey, you can get on a bus that conveniently leaves in 20 minutes. How about that? We have twice that long left in this movie. Beyond it. Get off it. Stay out of my face. Cut to the bus. Rip into the countryside. Felix smiles and laughs to himself, which means you know a good one is coming. Felix Morbula. Oscar, I'm going to say something now that's going to surprise you. Why do you always have to introduce everything you're going to say? It's either Oscar. Let me tell you something or Oscar. You may not like this, but I'm going to say it anyway. Why don't you just say it and get it over with? Then I can get back to my racing form and you can start thinking of the next thing you're going to say. This is a mean. Which part? Why do you always have to introduce what you're about to say? Why is it that? I said same no to bro. So maybe it is me. What? What? What is it? I actually had a good time on this trip. You did? Yes. As much as World War II? No, I mean it. Sure, it was dirty and scary and ugly and expensive, but I met a lot of people I never would have met before. I got out of the house, had an adventure. You know, there's more to life than a job, dinner alone, and a TV show. Do you know I feel younger now than I have in years? Why didn't you say this last night when we could have used it? Look, it's the horse from earlier in the movie. I couldn't even call it the beginning. They just happened like two scenes ago. What happened to your van had to dump it. They're being chased by the police worse. Our husbands, you never said you were married. They took half the money from the bank and hit the road. They squeal. They say their husbands were fit to kill. And just like that, we run into another roadblock with two hicks in the road with a gun drawn. It's the husbands from five seconds ago. Damn, wouldn't you know it? They tracked our perfume. How horny are these husbands perfume constantly mentioned in this movie? Horseman. Yeah. Felix has to pee. Time to come home, baby. Home. You mean that shack with whiskey bottles and bacon on the floor? And I said, I'm interested. Go on. Why is there bacon on the floor? Exactly. Need to know. Why does your dad? J.O. Sanders looks ridiculous. He looks fucking deranged. Look at this photograph. Oh my God. They recognize the geezers. A couple of martini drinkers from the bar. He said that like a slur. Come on, baby. I got some cold beer waiting for you in the car. And I said, chivalry isn't that they make the old men get off the bus with them at gunpoint. You just don't get it. Do you? You are the party cut to they're in a convertible. Daisy Chan. Everybody's laughing. Are they having fun? Yeah, they're the party. What's happening here? One of them's got a camcorder and is recording everybody else. Right. Sitting on the back of the convertible. No seatbelt catching the bald spot on. Yeah. Shoving whoppers into J.O. Sanders face. Felix says it's all innocent. Said innocent three times in a row. Get off the innocent thing. Will you? Why would a couple of beautiful young women like them want to run off with a couple of old geezers like us? Good point. Well, when the goose wants it, the geese come running. Geesers not geese. They'll stop in the woods to cook them up. A couple of fine geesers. I said, candles. Yeah. What? They taking them out to murder him? I guess. Drinking liquor straight from the bottle. Another police roadblock. Oscar knows all of them personally. Old man tear. And we get a recycled shot of the same roadblock earlier in the movie, despite a completely different location. But sheriff recaps position. Ass the fuck off. Double face palm. Neil Simon stick to right and plays. That's a horseman. Well, he did. We're in the same three locations. Zach, we're on the road. We're at the police station. We're in a car. You're focused on the wrong shit. Focus on Walter Mathows banter. This dude, we're watching Tony Gwynne in the United States. Legend. You tell about the trifecta banter. This scene. What's the point? No matter what I say, you two still end up here. Oscar is trying to find out about a horse race. So you had to try FECTA. There's a point where the sheriff is so apoplectic beside himself, frustrated with these two men. I thought kind of give some Cinephal vibes here of maze. Yeah. Stealing with the two of us. I was going to say that and look at this photograph. Yeah. Say that's definitely across my mind. Yeah. That's the same note too, bro. Oscar explains what a trifecta is. He picks first, second, third place and the sheriff calls them his trifecta. Three times three different crimes. Oscar says the odds of that would be 12 million to one. What if it's in a small town putting it in the trillions? Now he's key to us all and he's just doing fucking odd. I'm gambling again. Oscar, of all of the differences that we have ever had, of all of the fights that we've ever had, of all of those petty arguments that we've ever had. We can continue jogging because he's going to be on this for a half hour. Of all of the times that I've wanted to choke you by the throat, this is the worst. If you say trifecta one more time, I'm going to choke you until you are dead. And then that man can arrest me one more time for one more crime, one more time in his office, and he's going to have a four-effecta. So you shut the fuck up. Do you hear me? Lemon is spitting all over the place. Look at this photograph. As he creates a four-effecta. I think you can get a four-effecta in Cuba, but it's a cigar. Oh, you... Let's go, let's go. Sit down. Sit down. Sit like a... Now, both of you. This is exactly the joke that my dad would make in the same exact scenario. Not a joking matter. It's serious. These people are crazy. And my father is just like, you know what? Can't turn it off. It's a little duck snort into the outfield. It's not a hard hit. It's a single. But it's on a 115 mile per hour fastball. Is Lemon is shouting, So you shut the fuck up. Do you hear me? Matt still gets on base. He does. So he starts choking Oscar. The cops have straightened him. At seven. They're released again. He's running for sheriff next year. He can't campaign on arresting them. He has a billboard like in Amos and Andrew. Ladies exonerated him. He's going to get them to San Molina. And he wants them to never come within 100. No, 200. No, 300 miles. Oscar is about to explain the odds and Felix cuts him off. Hold the fuck on. Did Matthau just say he's 74 years old? No fucking way. He's a million. He's from the fucking crustacean age. What are you talking about? Yep. The crustacean age. You remember that. I mean, crabs. Outside, Delman Holly are hugging their husbands who are going to jail for a month. They're not just hugging. They always get a month. Always. It's a fifth time they've done this. Fifth. It's a five factor. They're going to fly in a rock port and it's a 20 minute cab ride to where they're going. Felix says rock port. Now that's a name I can remember. And I said racist. Super racist. They give them a ride in the police car. Hope to God to never see them again. Andy, if those guys commit a triple murder and rob a bank, just let them go. Oscar says if a travel agent booked this, consume them for a fortune. 20 CB. What the fuck are you talking about? Felix believes there's a divine payoff at the end. Some woman named Felice Blanche's sister recognizes Oscar at the airport. Hadn't seen her in 30 years. This is ex sister-in-law. Is he going to smash? Felix is like, I got to tell you something Oscar, but not until we're on the plane. And then they get on the plane. It's like, not until the seatbelt sign is off. And the seatbelt sign is off. And that's when I realized, oh, he's the horny one now. This is the woman for me. We have the same first three letters in our name, FEL, Felix Felice. Get it? Oh man. Felix needs mystery line, Bill Bellamy, Ted Danson, Van Wilder, and Oliver Platt to coach him up because this is not game. We're matched. I mean, it's like an Omen. This is the one. And that's part of Felix's optimistic nature is that he always believes that the next woman is the love of his life. He's going to make his move. He's going to go to the next door, but then he chickens out, goes to the bathroom, loudly bangs the wall, and starts tearing himself apart in the mirror. You chicken-hearted, gutless wimp. If you don't go back and sit next to that woman, you and I are through. Do you hear? It comes back out Oscar spitting that hot fire gate. Mm. That plastic surgery bit is going over real good right about now. Felix is crushed. He's pouting. He's crying. I said, is this thing a crying? You see his eyes all wet? He's staring daggers at Oscar when he sits back down. Have a nice chat. Oh, buddy. Oh, pal. Dear friend of mine. 20CV for sure. He set it all up. Go sit next to her. Said he's writing an article for the New York Sunday Times about widowed women and womenless men. Are you going or do I have to get a food trolley? Will you over there? Old man. Tear. What's that, Zach? Pop fly. Foul tip. Yeah. He gets to swing again. Because he does say, what'd you tell her that for? It's better than going to the John and banging on the walls again. Old man. Tear. Got his ass. Felix goes back there about to explain his article and Felice says, what article? Then he over shares everything Oscar said. And Oscar never told her that. Turns out Oscar was honest and that Felix couldn't figure out a reason. She wanted to meet him too. Lots of smiling. Oscar winks. Oscar's a fucking pimp. I told you. Pimping. Pipe. Both these dudes. Oh, no. Oscar. Yes. Felix. No. Both these dudes like pipe. Felix is not laying pipe, man. Worked on Jean Smart. He didn't like pipe on her either. He was about to until the husbands. The pilot says we're landing at Barbara Streisand airport. Oh, I thought the pilot said if you look out to your left, you can see the. See, not Everest. Not Everest. Tallest in the world. Now they're in the cab, all three in the back seat. Felix asks about her late husband's death because there's nothing more erotic for old people than talking about their dead husbands and wives. They love talking death. They have a lot in common practically the same name. Did you notice that? He pretends to not notice. And the both of you don't wear glasses. That's uncanny. Finally arrive at their destination. They hug their baby mamas, but Bruce is gone. Oh no. Bruce. He disappeared. They even call the police. No message. Not a clue. It's bad luck to cry before a wedding. They haven't told the bride. Felix is fucking losing it. His ex-wife says, don't yell at me. And he says, I'm not yelling at you. I'm yelling at the situation. Holy shit. 20 CB. This dude, I can see why he's getting divorced so much. It's not the annoying parts. Yeah. It's this. It's the rage. Got a little bit of an anger issue. Yes. Haven't changed in 30 years. Oscar's ex says we try to put this wedding together in three days. What the fuck? Well, you took a casual joy ride here and I said, bitch ex-wife Francis. Whatever her name is. Perfect. It is Francis. Well, Francis is Felix's wife. Oh, that's Felix's. Yeah. See. Blanche. Blanche. There you go. The other really young name. How easy do they think it is to get married in these movies? Felix's done three times. What the fuck are you talking about? No, I'm saying they plan a wedding in three days? These are vets here we're talking about. Yeah. And so now Bruce is gone. Who? Nobody knows where he is. Brucey. Oh, Brucey. Brucey. Sorry. Brucey's gone. I can't remember. Did we ever get exposition on who Brucey is? It's his son. It's Oscar's sonny boy or whatever. Oh, okay. He's an actor who might have a pilot. Yeah. So he's flat fucking broke. Is this their version of a third act setback? No, because the entire time they've been beefing. When did we get to the second act? That's a good point. Arguing about which kid is the wacky one. I did like this one, even though it is a little bit problematic where he says Hannah wacky. My Hannah wacky. Will you stop repeating that? It sounds like a Hawaiian hotel. Golden Dumpster. Double off the wall. That's a homerun, dude. Sounds like a wine hotel that I picked because it said it was an adult's home. The hotel only there when I checked in. All your fucking families everywhere. Those children were running laps from the pool to the check-in desk to the elevators around and around dripping water the whole time. Felix threatens to get physical. They go nose to nose before I sneeze your brains into a tiny Kleenex. Blanche says they found Bruce Brucey. Police chopper found him on the roof. Not a third act setback then. It's over because it's immediately resolved. Brucey is hanging out on the roof. Oscar tells everyone to back off. He'll speak to Brucey alone. And Brucey is my nomination for ass on because this guy trying to look sad on the roof. Do you know Jonathan Silverman? Nope. We got to get into the weekend of Bernie's universe. He's thinking it's a big mistake. He doesn't trust marriage. His parents were not good examples. His mom was married three times. His dad was married once then not for 30 years. It's hard. I'm like, you're just realizing this right now. Motherfucker, you decided to get married five days ago. Well, he doesn't have a job. Guys, you're forgetting that this is like baseball. Okay. Basketball is like jazz. Marriage is like baseball. Play of it. I don't know, Brucey. It's like baseball. Either you can play or you can't play. Your mother could play. I couldn't play. Trouble with your mother and she kept getting traded all the time. Did he just call the kid's mom whore? Absolutely. That was not the answer I was looking for. Well, then why did you wait so long to ask the question? Because it's what I thought I wanted. Now I know that it's not what I want. You sure? I'm sure. And get out of it. Don't do it. Brucey, you mean it? Let me go talk to the others. I'll figure something out to say. I thought we're going to get a joke about integration. Brucey gives us another addition to our poppy talk folder where he goes back to back with this gets him off the roof. He really loves her. Oscar says, sure you do now, but now Brucey's fine. He'll always love her. She's the best thing that ever happened. She's the best thing that ever happened. All he needed was Oscar to give him the mystery line. I mean, thank God you said that. I don't know how long I can keep talking like an asshole. He was faking it. All you got to do is give the kid the opposite advice and he'll do the opposite of what you say because yours dad and then he pinches Brucey's cheeks. I hated that. Felix goes to talk to Hannah seems just threatened to him. If he smudges the dress looks at her as daughter in the wedding dress says, I've just seen heaven and it's in living color in living color. And I started to say reference and I said, there's not a f***ing chance Neil Simon has ever heard of in living color. Maria the seems is a boy. Let me husband mom. I might check out. She asks if it was a terrible trip and then Felix starts bragging about meeting abroad on a plane at his daughter's wedding. He's a narcissist. His daughter's chin is all right time for the ceremony. They're married. His suitcase shows up right on time to change into his formal suit wedding ceremony, kiss the bride, odd couple smiling at each other. They're getting a lot of kisses in and they both hug their dads. Oscar says, what a pretzy at his son. He says, what a putsy. Oh, okay. The next to the ex wives Felix sneezes. You still allergic to my perfume perfumes a horseman triggered an old memory in my sinuses and then smiles at Felice and heads off. Dancing at the wedding, kind of a mini montage. Oscar gives an envelope to Bruce and Hannah. It's not cash though. Bruce he says, isn't she incredible pop? It's first editions. Mickey metal rookie card. George Herman Ruth known as Babe Ruth. Only sometimes known as Babe Ruth. Sometimes. All the time she's just George. Worth 22 K today. Tells Bruce to hold on to him until his kid is 18. Might buy a weaker tube in college old manter. Pressient. Yeah. Pressient. How did he know it was gonna be that expensive? How did he know? You're the greatest pop. We didn't manage on this deck. The Mickey mantle card, meaning that there's an ed card somewhere. Where is Ed the champ? No, no, you're a ward out. Math out did this to you. Wearing my ass out with all this fucking old manter. Oscar is getting tired. Bruce asked if he'd move out to where Santa Jacinta, Malinta, Caliente, Maliguerna, call back. Now they're sharing a bed. Why they're in the same room. Why what a wedding. The kids love the silver tray. CT5 liars. They're gonna sell that shit. They're gonna sell that for rent money in two weeks. It's at a pawn shop right now. It's a $6,000 Tiffany silver trailer. They're gonna sell it for 300 bucks. 300 bucks. Felix wonders what Oscar gave him as a gift. Oscar wants him to shut the fuck up. Might be another 17 years before they see each other again. Felix started calling Felice. Lease. Lease, yeah. Oscar wonders if she calls him licks. Not going back to New York. Gonna go to San Fran. And at this point I said fire him into the sun. He says G N G N. G N. Good night. C F C F. Cobra formula, but also prescient. Japp. Yeah. Yeah. Licks and lease and San Fran. God fucking dammit. What is happening? What is this movie cut to the airport? They're headed separate ways of the airport. She'll give him a chance to say goodbye. Looks like she's got a lot of dogs. You'll be walking a lot of dogs. Felix is worried he's making a mistake. Wants to give it a good try. Oscar wishes him the best, but his best doesn't always mean much. It does to me, Oscar. They hug. Felix is dragging it out. I cannot wait for a look at this photograph because there are all caps. Holy shit. A Dave Yeager award steals the scene. Everyone. Oh my God. A second Dave Yeager award just hit the airport. I, I knew we had lost Zach. Holy shit. What I got to these photographs that he said. I fucking popped. I saw it and I knew Zach is going to have this whole scene taken care of. There's so many people in the background. There's two in particular. Now there is one line I got to get to and he hugs him. Oscar says, stop. She's going to think we have a thing going. And I said, maze hit that button. Ah, homophobia. Back in Sarasota, Felix is dulling out snacks at the poker game. We've got a soybean facsimile corned beef sandwich. He's dulling out mentor hasn't missed. This motherfucker is going triple crown. He's back in his element. He's off the road trip. He's at home. It's a short porch in right field now Zach. Five balls are home runs here. It's prime Peyton Manning at the RCA though. 19 for 20. This cheesecake is rock hard. That's the wax model. See if you like it. He's kangaroo. If you're in your home run Derby and Baltimore off the warehouse right now. With his hat backwards. Yes. I asked him about the wedding. He served VL Alfonso. Oh, how do they make it? A guy named Alfonso comes in early crushing the doble. Rings. It's the pizza delivery boy. Nope. It's Felix. He's in the neighborhood dropping in. It didn't work out with Felice and it's coming in hot complaining. I said, Jesus Christ. Left her clothes lying all over the floor always running out of towels and Bobby pins in the bed. Yep. Those are red flags. Comes in with two plastic covered suitcases. Introduces him to the poker game and the old broads are thirsting. After Felix pulls him aside. What's up with those suitcases? Turns out he gave up his New York apartment and he's stealth moving in. Are you planning to move in with me again Felix? Because you know it didn't work out the last time. No, no. This is just until I find my own place. Then of course we could actually save a lot of money by splitting expenses. Nothing has changed Felix. I'm still a pig. You're still a human vacuum cleaner. I know so if you don't think it'll work you just say no. No. Okay. So I'll go. I didn't say go. I said no. All right, all right, all right. Give it a try for a few weeks. But the minute you start matching up my socks we call it quits. It's a deal. What kind of a deal? What would either of you do if one of us showed up at your doorstep unannounced? You think I'd open the door? You think it was a pizza you ordered? Yeah. Ordered before you left on a trip. You're like, can I stay here? Just until I get myself on my feet for a couple of weeks. By the way, he dropped that one. I know you've got money for a fucking Airbnb, for a hotel, for a motel. Not for a couple of weeks. It's expensive. LA is an expensive town. You got Marriott points. You're good. You guys don't want to share a double bed. I got a king bed. I'm good. You don't want to bust out the double to share with me? Oh, what if I slept in my own bed, but then I woke you up in the middle of the night and asked where are we standing over? We have fucking swinging. It's second I wake up poker game likes Felix ladies. It's possible that in five weeks you'll all be moving out of Sarasota, Florida. Old banter. And now Felix crushing it with the group back in action picks up a napkin. He's re toasting the fucking sandwich. A limp sandwich. This is the biggest goddamn dish out of anybody ever had. We play cards for crying out loud and the camera pans out slowly. Mm hmm. Those are the credits roll. You guys watch the post credits scene. No, what happened? David Hasselhoff shows up as Dick Fury and recruits them to the early bird special. Burger and fries on the floor. Seat belts fastened. Three tables in an upright position. Here we go. Well lived. Uh, what pretty easy. It's Bruce's extremely sudden wedding announcement reveal and then smash cut to Felix on the plane. I think it's leaving the suitcase at budget. That's when the comedy begins. Yeah. What lift off? Don't do that. Don't do what? What about when they move back in together? Is that lifting off enough for you? No. Okay. Nothing happens in this movie. What are you talking about? A shitload of stuff happens. A sheriff told us what happened three times. That's a good one. Appreciate it. Well, on that note, why don't you give us your plots? Why don't you try telling us what the fuck happened? 96 seconds on the clock. Zach, I'll remind you that you picked it. I sure did. Because in Pluto TV year, we do make picks. That's right. It's my pick and I picked the odd couple too. Neil Simon's the odd couple too. Three, two, one. 30 years ago, Felix and Oscar ended up sharing an apartment together. And Oscar's kind of a rash. We'll say things how they are kind of a horn dog, whatever. Felix, super neurotic, super hypochondriac and everything. And then so 30 years later, we find out that Oscar has taken his hang-dung face to Sarasota, Florida, where he watches baseball and he talks about Roberto Clemente and he's having poker games for bitties and everything and stepping on juju's turf. And that's when he finds out, oh, Bruce, his son is getting married in California. So he's going to go out there and who does he run into at the LAX? Oh my God, it's Felix. They're so happy to see each other. And then Felix gets hurt. Now the whole thing of budget rent a car and because of that, they forget the suitcase and now they're on a drive through Southern California in which they take the 405 to the 101 because they can't find the 405 and they get to this situation where their car blows up for literally no reason. And now they're walking and they get crop dusted and then they start smuggling in people unwittingly. They get arrested and then they let go. And then so they're going to get to the San Molina at some point. Now they meet up with Gene smart and Christina, uh, Bershansky, whatever the fuck her name is, Bransky, he's just laying pipe left and right. Both these dudes are laying old man pipe. Like you cannot imagine they fixed the marriage and then they moved back in together for another 30 years. Christina Bershansky, whatever the fuck her name, what is it? Benansky, Christine Baransky. Yeah, that's what it is. Benansky, bonanza. Three, two, one, the two grumpiest oldest men in Hollywood are reunited for a 10 FECTA of movies together. After not seeing each other in 17 years, like a ratatat song, the infamous odd couple is reunited when their children are both struggling actors getting married, which is a complete surprise to both geezers who never talked to their kids. They meet at the airport and begin what should be a straightforward two hour drive, but it turns into a wacky road trip full of comedy and misadventures. Felix breaks his leg and loses his suitcase. Oscar burns the map with his cigar, but not satisfied with those stakes. Their rental car explodes and they end up totally lost in the middle of Santa California. They end up transporting illegal immigrants and end up in jail. The walrus sheriff, Arturio Tuscany, releases them. They end up riding in an ancient Rolls Royce with Colonel Sanders who drops dead and end up back in jail where Arturio Tuscany releases them 30. They get embroiled in a twisted white trash marriage square where the husband holds up a bus with a gun and they end up back in jail where Sheriff Arturio Tuscany releases them. He then drives them to the airport and begs them never to come back. They make it to the wedding and it's over in five seconds. Then Felix tries to move in with Oscar back in Florida. That was the note. I thought of that while I was writing my plot summary and then I was like, do I call this guy Sheriff Arturio Tuscany in the entire time? That mustache was hitting the tough call. I don't want to do a countdown before I do the scene. No countdown. We'll just do off-action. I'm not a rocket ship. Holy shit, what a slog. This movie is a sequel to a movie that was watched by people who are no longer among the living so they have to give us helpful exposition throughout. Walter Matthow plays Oscar, a horny degenerate gambler sports writer with an absurd body build and my dad sends a humor. Jack Lemmon stars as Felix, Oscar's old roommate who just bitches non-stop. So a point where I begin to wonder, did these guys used to bang? Their kids happened to be getting married to one another so the old couple decides to carpool to the small town where the wedding is happening. How this guy still has a driver's license is beyond me. No wait, no it isn't. He lives in Florida. They miss their exit and end up in El Mirage or somewhere because Oscar lost the 20CB map when he was trying to dump out his cigar ashes. Now they fight on the side of the road as a car explodes and wait, this isn't grumpy or old man? They get arrested by ICE for smuggling illegals. They go to a local bar and order espresso martinis with mezcal you say. Back to local hoes who are married meet Colonel Sanders who takes him on a car ride so slow it could have doubled for this movie. Colonel Sanders kicks the bucket of chicken while losing his toupee to a crow. They get arrested for murdering him, released and put on a bus where they reunite with the local hoes. Then get kidnapped by the husbands of the local hoes and finally catch a flight where the bitch roommate hooks up with Feliz Navidad. Despite not knowing the manly art of wenching. Oscar has to talk his bitch ass son off the roof and Feliz breaks up with Feliz Navidad because nobody rails him quite like Oscar. They're definitely fucking. Oh, homophobia. That's not homophobia. The way you said it. That's tension. Who cares if you lose the game you got this off your chest? I mean it's just one night of bar trivia. One night of bar trivia is San Crescent Tuss. Trivia is San Crescent. This sequel to the odd couple from 1968 was made and released about 30 years after the original which is significant in film history for being one of the longest gaps between the release of the original film and a sequel where all the main lead actors actually reprise their roles. Later this record was beaten by 11 years as the film Going Down the Road from 1970 and its sequel Down the Road again from 2011 featured the surviving main cast and original director 41 years apart. Zach this Neil Simon movie is the only Neil Simon movie that was written directly for the screen and not based on a Neil Simon play as the rest of his films were like the original odd couple. That's because Howard W. Koch, our W what? Producer of the original film had frequently discussed his desire for a sequel. Koch was unsuccessful in convincing Paramount Pictures to approve a sequel. I wonder why I promise I'm not hearing that right. Despite the original film's success in the return of Simon as the writer, Simon had 37 pages written for the odd couple to which he said were left sitting in the drawer for 10 years. John Goldwin and Paramount Studio Chairman Sherry Lansing began serious consideration of a sequel in July 1996 before announcing it on March 30th, 1997 without the involvement of Koch. One of the few sequels that is rated PG 13 when its predecessor was rated G. And that's because of the use of a number of choice obscenities, including the F word twice. The film was shot with the title, the odd couple to travel in light. Rockport's Barbara Streisand Airport is a fictitious airport to make fun of the fact that some airports are named after celebrities like Bob Hope comedy. Gene Smart described the characters of Thelma and Holly as a quote bad 90s version of the pigeon sisters characters who appeared in the original film. The odd couple to Walter Matthow returns to Neil Simon movie after a 16 year hiatus, but this last one being I ought to be in pictures in 1982, which is a very 20 Phoebe statement. Similarly, Mark Jack Lemons come back to a Neil Simon after 23 years, his previous one being the prisoner of second Avenue in 1975. This was the penultimate theatrical film for both Walter Matthow and Jack Lemon and the final film as a full producer for Neil Simon. This was it. They wrapped it up. It's a swan song that includes that both of them were in JFK and I don't remember either of them being in JFK. Remember lemon. Gotta rewatch it. JFK is every five to 10 minutes. There's another heavyweight actor coming in to do their scene or their couple scenes. Yeah. Spoiler alert. Whenever I read the name, Cincinnati's Powell, I always think of John Candy's accent in that movie. That's perfect. Hands are soaked in butter and lobster crab or whatever shellfish he's eating. I was just looking at our CT five lists. Oh yeah. Could I move this into CT five dream Tony medley's because I bet he fucking loved this, but I don't think I can. You think he loved it? Absolutely. All the references. You get to wax poetic about Neil Simon. No, he wax poetic about Neil Simon and the original odd couple and then they'll complain about how this one doesn't deserve that same name. Who do you think he blame? Would it be Howard Deutsch or no, he's going to blame the guy in the press box sitting next to Walter Matthow. They're getting the movie one that is that called Jason Jones, the one that Walter Matthow leaned over to to talk about the young caucus. The caucus. Yeah. Still don't know what that means. Lewis Pinock accent award. Hold on. Hold on. I got a trivia for you here about caucus. Oh, you ready for this Zach? I didn't like the way he said it. I didn't like that at all. Fine. By the way, intro swear to our, it comes from the Yiddish phrase. I'll take Cocker, which means old timer. A young old timer. Cocker, by the way, Cocker has a hard R in Yiddish. I bet a lot in this movie as a hard R. Cocker Eddie, Cocker like a black guy. I'd like you all to do an experiment on a plant, something that may benefit mankind. And if you would devise something that groundbreaking, I gown to you a A in this course. Oh, hold on, man. You following me? You can't do that, Lionel. Look, man, if you don't want me to have a foreman job, I understand, but I need my fucking job, man. Lewis Pinock accent award. Old man broken Spanish. It's the two of them. All the Sands and the Santas and the most idiot everything. Yeah. Can we show him who the horseman are guys? Yeah, we got soul. Yeah. Five horsemen, old man. There's plenty more, but I stopped writing them down. I feel confident. I'm calling my shot like George Herman, Ruth. This is not like grumpy old man, Neil Simon, stick to stage writing or stick to play writing Neil Simon, prescient Neil Simon, topical Neil Simon attention to detail. And you guys are going to fight me on this, but absolutely not doing that. It is old man. For sure. Ass on. Fuck it. Ass off. Ass on. Fuck it. Ass off. Michael Bean Memorial Ass on Award. Jonathan Silverman is Brucey or the bartender answering the phone. The bartender. It's not the bartender. Just when he answered the phone. Okay. Martini. Martini. I think it's a bartender. I didn't hate Jonathan Silverman as much as you did. This is like you made a mockery out of the words. Neil Simon, Terry L Rose as bartender. Check this out. $1,100 is exactly what I charge for acting classes. No, it isn't. Yeah. Well, what are the shit? Universe. You've done it again. Carl Weathers Memorial Ass off award. As much as I enjoyed Gene Smart and Christine Baransky. They had nothing to do for two or three scenes. So I think it's between the odd couple. It's math. Oh man. I think lemon is good at what he's doing. Lemon's fantastic. But look, it's fucking banter after old man. After old man. Fucking hang dong face. Fills up the screen. He's incredible. He really does fill up the screen with a lot of skin, a lot of loose skin and a lot of your hair. Can I nominate someone else? Sure. Sheriff recapt position. Sheriff Arturo Tuscany. Tuscany. Yeah, he's good. He's got his three scenes that escalate and how annoyed he is. But I think it's math. That's right. There's not a single line that goes unresponded to with some kind of snapback. He fires back every time. He's returning every serve. Unforced heirs. That's all he gets. Give him my dad ass off. You're good at keeping secrets? Absolutely. Because I've got a present for you. Secret present outside by the dumpster. Is it a baseball mitt? It fits you like a baseball mitt, like a glove. I hope. Golden dumpster nominees. Not a whole lot here. Thelman Holly's outfits with the vests and the eyebrows and the bracelets and arm bands and Hannah wacky. My Hannah wacky. Will you stop repeating that? It sounds like a Hawaiian hotel. I've got the plastic surgery whole routine at the bar where he really just started cooking at that point with Ms. Cal. You say, yeah, but my selection for golden dumpster, they wore me down. Them in the car driving slow. First being passed by cars and bicycles and joggers. And then finally, the power walkers. I got to go the plastic surgery at the bar. Well, no, it's Walter Matthow with the backwards baseball head on. So instant. Yeah. Golden dumpster lift off. I never thought I would see that in my life. Zach has an ed level of obsession with Walter Matthow. You see his eyes? How do you? His eyes just lit up. Yeah. I don't even to respond to me. It lit up because for a brief moment in his head, he imagined Ed and Walter Matthow in the same movie. Tell me I'm wrong. How about this? All right. Our sequels. Walter Matthow as old Mickey Mantle reuniting with Ed. No, no, no. It's before he kicks the bucket and then Ed has to go to a baseball team. I think that's the one. I mean, you've got that prequel. Well, I've got monkey mantel. Sorry. You're adding another Ed spin off here. You're expanding universe. I'm looking. I'm looking. I don't think I can move anything. I'm going to go with Thelma and Holly's outfits. Look at this photograph for evidence of that. Well, Zach, you picked it. Motherfucker. Motherfucker. I like that. Over file. I am shocked how negative you guys were about this movie during the episode. This is like a surprising file. I had a good time. It's fucking dumb. There's only one act. Matthow is so good. I would watch Matthow return hit after hit after hit all day long. Absolutely. I mean, you want a reference for you? This is we're shooting fucking guns, laser guns at Darth Vader. He's just knocking them back with fucking lightsaber shooting laser guns at him. Whatever the fuck they're called phasers or what are they? Blasters. Blasters out there shooting blasters at him. Got it. They held it. Edit that. So it sounded good. It's a file intro. It's a file. It's not a good movie. I am going to watch the first one compare. I wish I'd had time to do that before the episode, but I had a good time. Math was amazing. I could look at his face all day too. It's fascinating. It's like looking into the sun. You said in the chat that you had to restrain yourself from taking too many pictures of his face. I took two in the first minute. So what we could have had 15 more easily simply of his face. Every scene I could have taken a picture of his face. I enjoyed Walter Matthow. I enjoyed the odd couple dynamic. It's crazy. It's like you make a highly successful movie in 1968 and then that spawns a career where these two people work together 10 times. Obviously they have chemistry. Not like they say in the movie, they actually have chemistry. And then the plot of this movie is essentially that they keep getting arrested by the same walrus sheriff for crimes that they had nothing to do with. How could you be mad at this because they happen to be there and you get it. It's comedy. They keep it in and back up there. They happen to transport illegal aliens and they happen to be in the car with a guy who dies and they happen to get kidnapped by a bunch of white trash people that are going to fuck them or kill them in the woods or some shit. I don't know. Didn't really get there. Tell you that he's a comedy legend. I was worried while watching this movie because I have somewhat fond memories of grumpy old men and grumpy old men. Yeah. But I haven't seen them in 25 years for all you know. You just watched it. Am I misremembering this would grumpy old men hold up when we do it someday. But this was the last movie they ever did. I would much rather watch any other movie they did together. That's a fair. That's not a fair basis for this. Judge it on the movie. The movie's not good. Judge it on math house face. Their dynamic is good. There's nine other movies to watch that have that dynamic including grumpy old men, which we will do someday. I love and Margaret. I love Sophia Loren. I hope that that movie holds up to the way I remember it. But this is a phobe. I mean, I've been thinking sitting here thinking listening to both of you guys and I think I owe an apology. A very big apology. Thank you. To women. No. Don't have a policy to women to respect women. To women. No. I intro a huge apology to Sylvester Stallone. Please take him off the worst riders list. Move John Carpenter. Put Neil Simon as the other ally. Oh, God awful. This old fart opened the newspaper in front of him. Jerry Seidl. Okay. Oh, Thelma Louise is playing at a matinee theater. Okay. Put that in there. Oh, killer bees in Brazil. All right. Let's put that in. All he did. All he did was write this trash. It sat in a desk drawer for 10 years. Should have sat there forever. And again, I mean, he's journalism. This podcast has helped me realize one thing for years. I thought the studios were villains. These are bad guys and they're taking these art editing it and cock by why would you okay that? And why would you try to edit this guy down? And all along they were the heroes. They're gatekeeping saved us from mountains of drivel every year. This is as strong as a phobe as I can think of. You're saying you're team Weinstein. Look, man, if Neil Simon is on the other squad, how is that not an immediate no? Yeah, that's whoa. That was a layup. What? May's clip R Kelly's interview where they ask him, do you mess with young girls? And he's like, now when you say young, how young are we talking here? What? You never heard this clip that? It's one of the funniest. Don't send that to me on any platform. It's an interview. Don't send it to me. It is better than Tommy boy, but worse than Dickie Roberts. So it's the second hardest phobe I have of 2026. So does your phobe file golden dumpster ass on ass off five horsemen, Lewis Pinnock plot lift off at talk hoops at Darth Amin at corn puzzle at cinephobe pod at counter things or dropping the discord by being a Patreon member, patreon.com slash counter things. Add to that your favorite screenshot of Walter Mathis face next time we make love. You introduced me to jade. I got three suggestions, one we've already done one that doesn't qualify one that does qualify. My options were hurting two odd couples, including the one in Spanish, two odd couples and getting even with dad. Okay. Yeah. I got odd couple getting even with dad that 18 again, movie again. Fuck. I got completely different ones. El Ditto came back for another go round. Wow. The rapture. I got a movie called exit strategy that allegedly has Kevin Hart in it, but the way he's credited makes me think this is a favor. Is this Lou Frignos, Scorpion King four situation? No, because even that was not all in a day's work. This is like all in an afternoon's work. The other one is Mac and Devon go to high school, which Pluto TV took pains to point out to me 75 minutes long. Yeah. Shit, man. Exit strategies an hour and 16 minutes. Oh, they're both. Wow. Okay. Well, I really didn't want to do 18 again. I'm going to go with Mac and Devon go to high school. Wow. Which is eligible because it has one negative critic review. Man, that screening one guy showed up. This is going to be a 55 minute episode. That's another reason I'm choosing Mac and Devon go to high school.