S14E12 - "Ghost Ghost Falcon Rangers" - Horror Hill

Chilling Tales for Dark Nights. access to our extensive archive of downloadable Tales of Terror. Thank you for listening, and enjoy the show. Disclaimer. Horror Hill is a horror anthology podcast bringing you scary stories from all corners of the internet and beyond. As such, certain stories include content that some listeners might find offensive. Listener discretion is advised. and previously featured on this podcast. Friends, this is not your standard horror fare. In fact, outside of featuring ghosts and spider demons, it's not really a scary story at all. But, as God is my witness, I was on board from the very first paragraph. Sometimes you need some Saturday morning antics to balance out the, oh, general sense of universal dread that seems to be permeating all of our lives these days. So grab some Hi-C Ecto Cooler, ignoring the expiration date, of course. And let's get into some ghost falconry. You're listening to the free edition of this program. If you'd like to help support Horror Hill and also remove these pesky ads, head to ChillingTalesForDarkNights.com and click Patrons in the upper menu to sign up today. you'll get instant access to hundreds of ad-free stories so what are you waiting for also if you're watching on youtube do us a favor and drop a like and subscribe become part of our dark circle listeners and now from author thomas o i give you ghost falconry ghost falconry noun the sport of hunting with ghosts in the same manner as one might hunt with falcons the keeping and training of such specters by a handler who is predisposed to seeing ghosts and the glowing auras generated by all living souls when it comes to ghost falconry the best advice I can give you is to make sure the ghost you're paired with is very, very stupid. Smart ghosts are far too independent-minded and won't willingly bend to your wants and needs, so it's pointless to try and train them. All they'll do is ignore your instructions and go on nightly rampages of terror across the city, which yields you no profit. Even ghosts of average intelligence are difficult to mold and shape. Yes, stupid ghosts are the way to go. It might even be said that a stupid ghost is worth its weight in gold, if only it had any weight at all. These below-average ghosts, by the way, are not so easy to find, but the effort is definitely worth it in the end. Chapter 1 of the official Ghost Falconry Manual suggests that you peruse news articles to find someone who died a stupid and completely avoidable death, and then go to the place of their demise and attempt to capture the resultant spirit. My latest catch, for example, is someone who drowned in a toilet bowl. He wasn't even drunk, high, or suicidal at the time. Just a below-average guy who somehow landed his head in the toilet bowl and couldn't manage to get his nose or mouth above the waterline before losing consciousness. Yes, there are probably some extenuating circumstances I'm not aware of, but when you learn about a death like this, you gotta jump on it before another ghost falconer beats you to it. This leads me to my second point. Not all people who die become ghosts. Most, in fact, do not. I can't tell you how many times I tried to track down the ghost of someone who died a stupid death, only to find out no ghost existed at all. It's a gamble, really, but as with any gamble, sometimes you get lucky. So my toilet ghost, who I named Melvin, is basically my best find ever. He's just cognizant enough to respond to the training, but displays no desires of his own except for his desire to feed. Wait a minute, you say. Ghosts eat? Well, yes, they do. They feed on bits and pieces of souls. Strictly speaking, they don't have to eat. I mean, they're already dead, but they certainly enjoy eating once they get a taste for it, and it helps to quickly restore their power after they've been active. For the most part, it's harmless to the person whose soul is being harvested, unless it's a particularly ravenous ghost doing the harvesting. Melvin, like most trained ghosts, is careful to retrieve only the very edges of souls and then bring them to me. Most people who've been harvested by Melvin retain more than 99% of their soul and feel no ill effect. At worst, a few of them might feel momentarily irritated, but will quickly recover. So rest assured, I'm not really hurting anyone. Melvin gets to eat half of what he harvests, which keeps him fat and happy. I get to keep the other half, which I can sell for cold, hard cash to a mysterious man who goes by the name of Phalangium. I have no idea what Phalangium wants with these bits and pieces of souls, but he always happily buys whatever I bring him. I've almost saved up enough to buy a used Honda Civic. The one I have my eye on has only a hundred thousand miles on the odometer and some sweet flame decals along the sides. I keep Melvin in a fancy cardboard box that I painted purple, his favorite color. It also has some Latin incantations written on all six sides that help keep him under my control. The whole thing fits in my backpack, which allows me to walk nonchalantly through town until I find a mark, someone with a delicious-looking soul, that will keep both Melvin and Phalangium happy. Last Saturday, I was downtown doing a little hunting with Melvin. It was evening, so the crowds weren't too dense, which is actually the best time to hunt. After an hour, I saw a great opportunity, a man and a woman eating at an outdoor dining area. The woman had a delicious-looking orange aura, while the man's aura was a beautiful, swirling rainbow kaleidoscope, which is highly prized according to Chapter 2 of the manual. As long as they both remained relatively still, Melvin would be able to take nicks out of both of their souls, and they would never even know it. I sat on a bench across the street for my two marks. Slowly, I removed Melvin's box from my backpack and opened the lid. Melvin, who appeared to me as a faintly glowing orb with visible facial features and wispy tendrils for arms, poked his head out of the box. Psst, I said to get his attention. His ears perked up. Those two across the street. I nodded in their direction. Go get tiger. Melvin levitated out of his box and floated across the street, aiming directly for the couple. A few moments later, the woman swatted at the air in front of her like maybe there was a fly there. Melvin dug his tendrils deep into her cranium. You okay? The man asked. The woman paused for a second and then nodded as she went back to eating her meal. One down, one to go. A second later, the man coughed as Melvin moved across the table and perched imperceptibly upon a shoulder. As with the woman, Melvin's tendrils dug into his cranium and nicked a bit of soul. Then, as soon as it had started, it was over. Melvin returned to my outstretched arm with his little hands full of glowing goodness that only he and I could see. Good boy, I said. Using my soul-splitting knife, I cut both specimens in half and held out Melvin's air in my palm, ready for him to consume. Once he was done, I took the rest and placed it in my soul pouch. Two beautiful soul fragments. This would fetch me about fifty dollars. That Civic was nearly mine. I motioned to Melvin, and he returned to his purple box, which I then stowed in my pack. Suddenly, an explosion rocked the street, launching several parked cars into the air. The poor couple who Melvin had just feasted on were almost crushed as one of the cars landed right next to them. They got up and got the hell out of there. People ran screaming down the street away from the unfolding destruction, while at the same time, a new man appeared from around the corner. I immediately noticed his solid blue aura, which, as explained in chapter three of the manual, could only mean that he too was a ghost falconer. He did a double take when he noticed my own blue aura. Thank the heavens, he shouted. A fellow falconer to assist me in battle. I looked around, hoping he was referring to someone else, but he was for sure talking to me. Yes, you, fellow falconer. The war is not yet won. We must unite our forces if we are to defeat the spider demons. War? I asked. The new falconer looked a little confused, as if my question was the most insane thing he'd ever heard. Yes, the war of the ghost falconers against the spider demons, with the fate of humanity resting in the balance? Surely you know of what I speak. Oh, that war. I looked down at Melvin, who popped out of his box and gave a little shrug. My name is Mordecai. I've tracked down one of the spider demons to this city. It's a particularly nasty one who seems to have developed a newfangled source of energy. almost like it's feeding off the citizens of the city themselves. I stood eagerly at attention. Wow, that sounds horrible. How can I help? I've become separated from my team. Therefore, I'll join up with you and we shall combine powers. With our strength, we can defeat this demon. This was a whole new level for me. A war was going on. That was news to me, but of course I was eager to help out my new companion. How do we defeat it? I asked. We'll use Plan A-17 as detailed in the official Ghost Falconer's Manual. I had no idea what Plan A-17 was. Uh, what chapter of the manual was that in? My new friend shot a look of surprise at me. It's in Chapter 57, of course. okay that explained a few things like any good ghost falconer i had the manual at home but at 70 000 pages long it made a better doorstop than anything else heck it could probably even double as an end table admittedly i'd stopped reading it after the third chapter oh right that's the plan where we where we where we use our ghosts to throw cars at it, Mordecai said. That's the plan? Throwing cars at the demon? Do you have a better idea? The manual says that in situations like this, landing a car squarely on the demon's head is the best way to kill it. But my ghost can't do it alone. He's exhausted and his accuracy is compromised. Your ghost must help. A whole new world was opening up to me. Just a few minutes earlier, I'd believed that the only purpose of ghost falconry was to suck out bits of people's souls so that I could buy a used car. But now there's a war? And are ghosts throw frickin' cars? What else was I missing out on? I made a mental note to flip through a few chapters of the manual once I got home. Okay, let's do it, I said, my excitement growing. Where's the spider demon at? The new Falconer pointed down the street. I've been chasing it for the last few minutes. It seems to be hiding behind that building. I looked to where he was pointing and saw the demon's head poke out and look towards us. Yep, got it, I said. Okay, he said. It's time to unleash Plan A-17. He pulled a golden, jewel-encrusted box out from his backpack and opened it. Behold the magnificent ghost Sullivan! He said as his splendid glowing ghost floated upward. He pointed to a red Toyota Corolla. That's the car we'll use. He made a hand motion to Sullivan, who floated toward the Corolla and began lifting it. Mordecai looked back at me. Now would be a good time for your ghost to help. Oh, of course. I pulled out Melvin's cardboard box. Here's Melvin, I said as grandly as I could. Melvin floated out of his box and looked at me. Uh, Melvin, we're gonna do Plan A-17. Melvin just stared at me. You know, Plan A-17, where you help the other ghost lift the car and throw it at that spider demon down the street. Melvin scratched his head. Go ahead, I urged. Help Sullivan throw that car. Melvin started floating away in the opposite direction. No, the other way, you stupid ghost! Something seemed to click for Melvin, and he turned around and flew toward the car. Good boy, I said. Now, help him lift it up. Melvin made a lifting motion with his hands, essentially asking if he understood correctly. Yes, help him lift it up and throw it at that demon. Melvin nodded and began helping Sullivan. The two ghosts, working as a pair, managed to lift the car a good twenty feet off the ground, though it was clear Sullivan was doing most of the work. The car started its eerie flight down the street. When something began to go horribly wrong, Melvin was clearly struggling with his side of the car, which began wobbling back and forth. Sullivan tried his best to maintain control, but soon the car was spinning around in the air as the two ghosts tried unsuccessfully to coordinate their movements. Mordecai ran toward them, shouting commands. Steady, steady! Don't let it go! Work together! It was no use. Melvin, completely out of his league, was far more of a hindrance than anything else. No, no, the other direction! Mordecai screamed. But he was too late. The out-of-control car did a full turn and came back the other way. It slipped from Melvin's hands, and a second later, Sullivan lost his grip as well. The corolla, well, it dropped straight down and landed squarely on Mordecai. There was a grisly, squishing sound as he instantly became the shape of a giant pancake. Melvin looked stunned while Sullivan began bawling hysterically. I motioned Melvin back into his box. Let's get the heck out of here, I said as I speed-walked both of us away. Who needs a war anyway? The sound of approaching sirens only encouraged me to walk faster. I hurriedly made my way over to Phalangium's residence, which is a cave hidden deep in the woods. When I got there, Phalangium seemed a bit out of breath, but he was totally happy to see me. I see you have more of your product for me, he said in his deep, creepy-ass voice. As usual, it was too dark inside of his house to see anything, but I think he was smiling at the thought of more nourishment. Yeah, look. I held up my catches for him. I have some orange sole and some rainbow sole. I'm sure they're beautiful, he said. As extra incentive for you, I'll be doubling my payment from here on out. It's more important now than ever that I receive your product. Great, thanks, man. I collected my payment, $97.73, and made my way out of the woods and back to my house. When it comes to ghost falconry, the next best advice I can give you is to not get involved in any silly wars. But was it true what Mordecai said? Was there really an ongoing war that I had kind of, sort of participated in? Right after I got home, I started flipping through my manual from the point where I'd left off a few years earlier. Chapter 4 was titled, All Ghost Falconers Are at War with the Spider Demons. I buried my face in the palm of my hand. If only I'd bothered to read just one more page before giving up on the manual, I might have had second thoughts about taking up this pursuit. Anyway, Chapter 4 wasn't what I was interested in at that moment. Instead, I flipped to Chapter 57, the same one that supposedly contained the spectacularly disastrous Plan A-17. When I finally found it, I saw it was titled How to use your ghost to throw a Toyota at spider demons. Score one for Mordecai. He apparently knew the manual backwards and forwards. I perused the pages. Plan A1. How to throw a city bus at a spider demon. Plan A2. How to uproot a large tree and throw it at a spider demon. Plan A3. How to uproot a utility pole and swing it like a giant baseball bat and hit a spider demon on its stupid head. And so on and so on. It seemed pretty much any large object could be used as a weapon against these spider demons. I started to read more, but the dullness of the book quickly tired me out, and I ended up falling asleep on the couch. The next morning, my snooze was interrupted by the sound of shattering glass as three people came jumping in through various windows of my house. In the dining room, a noble-looking man came smashing in dramatically. Behold, he said, as if he were some sort of magnificent creature. I am Johan, the Archduke of Ghost Falconry, and here is my ghost Winslet. He pulled out a shiny box, perhaps the shiniest thing I'd ever seen, and opened the lid. A majestic, pulsating green ghost arose from within. It was certainly beautiful. The second person who'd smashed his way into my house took a similar approach to his introduction. I'm Brutus Hall. He pulled out a diamond-encrusted box and proudly introduced his ghost. And here is the mighty lawgiver. He opened the box, and a deep purple ghost floated out. I have to admit, it was an unfathomably beautiful phantom. The third person seemed to be a little more reluctant than the others as she cracked her way through one of my living room windows but she finally made her way in She surveyed the mess that she and her companions had created and seemed to feel a bit guilty Hey Brutus and Johan maybe we should have just knocked on the door. Chapter 64, Brutus shot back. Yes, yes, of course, the woman responded. We should always introduce ourselves as dramatically as possible. she reluctantly pulled out a simple wooden box I'm Priscilla and here's Gracie she said as she popped open the lid a puff of smoke creeped slowly from the box but I failed to notice any sort of ghost Priscilla's aura seemed a little off as well Brutus paid no further mind to Priscilla and looked straight at me we've been led here by the ghost named Sullivan he seems to believe you know something regarding the disappearance of his handler a team member of ours known as Mordecai. Oh, yeah, that, I said. It seemed as though Sullivan had followed me. I scratched the side of my head, debating whether I should tell them the truth. Uh, I think one of those spider demons squashed him with a car or something like that. He's no longer alive. Oh, no, Brutus and Johan shouted, almost in unison. They both grabbed their chests as if the news had given them heart attacks. Behind them, I saw Sullivan float into my house through one of the broken windows, pointing an angry spectral finger at me. He flew right up to me and let his ghostly little tendrils linger over my face. Stop doing that, I muttered under my breath. It wasn't my fault. Brutus, by then, had regained his composure. We never should have let him come to this city alone, but he was just so eager to catch that spider demon that he didn't want to wait for the rest of us. Okay, well, there's three of you, I said, so I guess you won't be needing my help any longer. If you could just pay me for my windows, you can be on your way. On the contrary, you're a fellow falconer and must join with us, Brutus said, conveniently ignoring the topic of my broken windows. As the demise of Mordecai has shown, our kind does best when sticking together. And this is your city. You're certainly more familiar with its intricacies than we are. Yes, please come with us, Priscilla said with a flat effect. We'll get that spider demon for sure, if you help us. I have to admit that Priscilla was kind of cute and seemed far more normal than her two companions. Maybe spending some time with her wouldn't be such a bad thing. I blushed and nodded yes. Then it's decided, Brutus proclaimed. We'll hunt the spider demon as a team of four. Now, please introduce yourself. I picked up Melvin's box. My name is Wick, I said, and this is Melvin. I opened the box and waited for Melvin to arise. After a few seconds of absolutely nothing happening, I shook the box vigorously. Come on, Melvin, show yourself. A few moments later, Melvin poked his head over the rim of the box. But Brutus, despite having asked for an introduction, had already lost interest and was on his way out my front door. Time to move, he announced. I picked up Melvin's box and followed them outside. How do we find this spider demon? I asked. Brutus held his arm out, allowing Sullivan to float over to him and perch on his wrist. Sullivan is an excellent tracker and has already encountered this spider demon once before. He will lead us. He turned his attention to the ghost. Sullivan, he said, please lead us in the direction of the nearest spider demon. Sullivan appeared tired. Instead of actually going anywhere, he lazily circled our group before landing on Priscilla's head. Hmm, Brutus pondered. He most likely needs nutrition before he can be of any assistance. He must have been flying around all night. He turned toward me. Tell me, where's the best place in this city to find people with strong auras? I stroked my chin, deep in thought. Well, downtown's usually pretty good. I trailed off after remembering the previous night's debacle starring Mordecai. On second thought, let's head to the marketplace. Well then, let's go, Brutus commanded. He turned to me. We've been walking all night. We'll allow you to drive us. I bemoaned the sweet Honda Civic, which was not yet mine. My car is, uh, in the shop, but the marketplace isn't too far. Oh, I see. You should be commended for keeping your equipment in top condition, even if it means that for today we have to walk. He gestured for me to lead the way, which I did. We arrived at the marketplace a short time later, where several shoppers were lazily hanging around in front of the shops. One of them, a teenage boy, had a beautiful red aura with shades of green along the edges. We call that a Christmas aura. It was very unique and, as such, highly prized. It drew our attention immediately. Brutus gestured with two fingers in order to draw Sullivan's attention to the boy. Sullivan, he said, you may eat. Sullivan licked his ghostly little lips and flew over to the boy with the Christmas aura, latching on aggressively and sucking deeply into the poor boy's soul. Soon, the boy became pale and collapsed to the ground. Sullivan kept right on going, slurping up soul like he was finishing a milkshake. Hey, Sullivan's gonna kill that kid, I protested. Yeah, Priscilla agreed. Call him off, Brutus. It's gone on long enough. Nonsense, Brutus replied. Sullivan needs sustenance if we're going to complete our mission. It's unfortunate that the boy must be sacrificed, but it can't be avoided. Blame the spider demons if it makes you feel better. they're the ones who cause us to take such desperate measures. Johan nodded in agreement. No way, man. There's got to be another way. I screamed. A few people had begun to gather around the boy, while some others turned to look at us. I pulled out Melvin's box and opened it. Melvin, stop Sullivan from killing that kid. It was a desperate move. Melvin and I had never practiced anything of the sort, but I was hoping that maybe my little ghost could rise to the task. Melvin surveyed the situation and, surprisingly, seemed to sense what needed to be done. He flew off in an instant and began zipping around Sullivan in tight circles, like an annoying gnat. Sullivan tried swatting at him, but couldn't quite reach. Annoyed, he finally released his hold on the boy and began a full-on, rumble-tumble fight with Melvin. The two ghosts rolled up into a ball together and began throttling each other's necks. Luckily for Melvin, Sullivan hadn't yet had a chance to regain his full strength. The two of them were an even match. They angrily entangled their tendrils to the point where it was hard to see where one ended and the other began. Eventually, they began spinning around so fast that I couldn't even tell what was happening. It honestly reminded me of two cartoon characters fighting, where all you see is a cloud of dust with the occasional body part sticking out. Get him, Melvin! I yelled while making some encouraging punching motions. Yeah, get him! Priscilla said. This is an outrage! Brutus protested. Let Sullivan finish his meal and... what's happening to him? It became obvious at that point that Melvin had gained the upper hand, as he slowly yet surely began compressing Sullivan into a little ball. He kept the pressure on and Sullivan got smaller and smaller and smaller until finally he disappeared entirely. What happened? Brutus stammered. This is inconceivable. Where is Sullivan? Melvin, fatigued from his fight, fell like a feather to the ground. I ran over to him and scooped him inside his box without missing a step. Then I kept right on running, trying to get as far away as possible from those other falconers. The less I had to do with them, the better. Behind me, Brutus continued his diatribe. This is an outrage! This can't happen! Then he took things to a whole new level as he commanded his ghost from his box. Rise, Lawgiver! Seek revenge for Sullivan! Johan joined in, calling his own ghost forth. Winslet, arise and seek revenge for Sullivan. I ran hard until my lungs felt like they were going to burst. Despite my best efforts to get away, I felt a prickly sensation on the top of my head, and not a moment later I felt my energy start to ebb. I stumbled and fell to the ground while a purple haze filled my eyes. Lawgiver and Winslet had gotten hold of me. I tried to pick myself up, but my arms gave way and I fell flat on my face. Melvin's box hit the ground and skidded away. Get away from me! I screamed while helplessly swatting at the two ghosts. As I started to fade out of consciousness, I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around my waist and lift me up. I wasn't too sure what was happening. All I knew was at that moment, I seemed to be traveling very fast, almost like I was being carried by the wind itself. I felt the ghosts hold on me loosen and then give way altogether. I was free. Then I passed out. I don't know how long I was unconscious, but I woke up in a park under the shade of a giant eucalyptus tree. Priscilla was looking at me with concern. Are you okay? She asked. I think so. I felt exhausted, like I'd just sprinted a hundred miles, but otherwise I was okay. What happened? We got away, she said. But how? Did you see how powerful their ghosts are? I should have been a goner, and wait, where's Melvin? I asked, realizing that his box was no longer in my hands. Here's his box, she said, holding it up. I was able to pick it up with my free hand. It was you who saved us? But how? Can I trust you? She asked. You saved my life, I said. You have my eternal trust. She paused, searching for the right words. Well, let's just say that spider demons can run very, very fast and are extremely strong. Okay, that's great, but what does that have to do with you saving me? Priscilla's eyes scrunched up with exasperation. Really? You don't understand what I'm trying to tell you. I mean, I know ghost falconers aren't typically the brightest bulbs in the room, but... She faded off, recomposed her thoughts, and then continued. I'm a spider demon. But you don't look like a spider. Spider demons don't have to look like spiders, you know. We can be perfectly normal looking. I took a moment to pay attention, really pay attention, to her aura. It had seemed a bit off to me before, but now that I got a closer look, I could see pulsating blobs of gray permeating the edges of her otherwise dull yellow glow. I've never seen an aura like yours before. Really? What does it look like? I'd been able to see auras almost my entire life, but this was the first time I'd ever been asked that question. Golden, I answered generously, with pulsating silver orbs along the edges. It's very pretty. She smiled at that description. I have to be honest with you, I continued. I didn't even know spider demons existed until yesterday. What exactly is a spider demon? I mean, what kind of thing are you? She seemed a bit insulted at the way I phrased my question. Well, what kind of thing are you? She shot back. Me? I'm a person, a woman born with rare and unique abilities that other people sometimes find scary and unnatural, but shouldn't. Okay, but what were you doing hanging out with Johan and Brutus? I'm a spy, sent to gather intel on what the ghost falconry community is doing. And those guys never figured out that you're a spider demon? She laughed. Those two? They're total morons. Did you even see when I introduced myself to you? I don't even have a ghost in my box. I just rigged it to give off a puff of smoke every time I open it and they never figured it out. I can't even see ghosts. They're so focused on themselves and their so-called war that they didn't even realize there was a spider demon on their team. Ghost falconers are known for many things, but intelligence isn't one of them. It seems like your average ghost falconer trades 30 IQ points in exchange for the ability to see ghosts and auras. She noticed me frown, at which point she tried to backtrack. Well, I didn't mean you personally. You seem slightly smarter than most of the others I've met. She smiled. Okay, so I'm just a big idiot who can see ghosts. Why even bother to save me then? Because you showed compassion for that boy. You and your ghost saved his life. You're clearly not an average falconer. There's something different about you. I thought back to how quickly Johan and Brutus had shown their wicked side. I was nothing like those two. Yeah, I guess I'm not an average falconer. But why didn't you try to save that boy? It seems like you could have done so pretty easily. I was about to intervene when you set your ghost loose. Maybe I shouldn't have waited, but I didn't really want to give up my cover unless I absolutely had to, which is what happened in the end anyway. She glanced around nervously. We shouldn't stay here too long. Brutus and Johan might be multifaceted idiots, but in some ways they're savants, especially when it comes to hunting and tracking. They can be extremely dangerous if we're not careful. We're their number one target now, and they won't stop until they get their revenge. I grabbed Melvin's box and wobbled my way to a standing position. Can you walk? she asked. I think I'm okay. But where should we go? I guess my house is off limits now. I have an uncle who doesn't live too far from here. He's more of a traditionalist than I am. He lives in a cave, actually. If we can make it there, we should be safe. It's protected by ancient incantations that shield it from the falconers and their ghosts. Only people who already know about it or are invited in can see it. A cave in the woods? Sounds familiar, I said. You know of it? I sell things to a guy who lives in a cave in the woods. What are you selling? she demanded. Not much, just bits of souls that Melvin harvests from people around town. Nothing major. Priscilla reached up and pulled out a clump of her own hair in apparent frustration. Ah, just when I think I might have found the one decent ghost falconer, it turns out that you're stealing bits of soul and selling them to my uncle? Oh, phalangium's your uncle. Nice to know. But anyway, I don't ever take enough soul to hurt anyone. I mean, what am I supposed to do with my ghost? Uh, I don't know. Maybe not take things that don't belong to you? You don't have the right to take other people's souls, not even little bits of them. Did you know that taking just a tiny bit of soul can have a long-term effect on someone? As a ghost falconer, you should know this. It's in chapter 23 of your precious manual. I suddenly felt ashamed. Well, I didn't read that far. Nobody ever seemed too affected by it, so I just assumed it was harmless. And anyway, how do you know so much about the manual? I had to study it before I could become a certified spy. And getting back to the subject at hand, I just saved your life, so to make it up to me, I want you to stop with your soul harvesting. She was determined, resolute, and strong, and as her fierceness grew, so did her attractiveness. Yeah, okay, I agreed. You have my word, I'll stop. Goodbye, Honda Civic. Okay, let's go, she said. And I promise I'm going to have a real long discussion with Uncle Phalangium about what he's doing. When it comes to ghost falconry, the next piece of advice I can give you is that you shouldn't listen to a damn thing I say. I tried to talk a big game. I tried to act like I was some sort of knowledgeable practitioner of an ancient art. The truth is that I don't know squat. Maybe I'm a bit guilty of being one of those slightly unreliable narrators. I don't know. But spending time with Priscilla has led me to re-evaluate my priorities. So here's the whole truth. I've been able to see ghosts and auras pretty much my entire life. It's just a natural ability. the ghost falconry manual I have in my possession belonged to my grandfather. I have no idea why he had it, but I found it among his belongings after he passed away. I assume he must have been a practitioner himself, but he never said anything about it to me. Maybe he felt it would be better if I didn't get involved in some senseless war. After forcing myself to read the first three chapters, I went out and found Melvin, who really did die face down in the toilet. He was my first and only ghost, and I'm lucky to have him. I'd been selling the soul fragments to Phalangium because I didn't know what else I could do with them. Until Mordecai came bursting onto the scene, I'd never met another falconer. For a long time, I'd lived in a fantasy world where I believed that ghost falconry was a noble pursuit, meant only for special people with special abilities. We finally made our way to Phalangium's cave, both of us exhausted. Upon arrival, Priscilla gave a cursory knock on the door. By the way, she said, I think Phalangium is the same spider demon that Mordecai was chasing. It all makes sense now. I nodded my head in agreement as Priscilla gave one last knock and then simply pushed the door open. Uncle Phalangium, are you home? Priscilla paused for a moment and then moved inside, motioning me to do the same. A permeating gloominess greeted us as we entered. A moment later, Phalangium's deep, creepy-ass voice echoed throughout the cave. Stop! Who is it? Uncle, it's me, Priscilla. Turn on the light, right this instant! There was a long pause, and then a click as the lights turned on. I was immediately impressed with the size and grandeur of the cave home as the corners and deep recesses became fully illuminated. Phalangium, who I'd never seen outside of some shadowy glimpses, looked like a surprisingly normal person, if maybe just a bit worn down by life. Priscilla, it's good to see you again, he said as he went to hug her. Priscilla returned the hug with genuine affection, but as soon as the hug ended, her disapproving nature reemerged once again. So Wick here tells me you been buying bits and pieces of soul from him Phalangium turned and looked at me Oh yeah he said as his voice faded off Hey there, nice to see you again, he said sheepishly. Priscilla continued with her line of questioning. Do you know how bad that stuff is for spider demons? Phalangium rolled his eyes. Yes, I wasn't born yesterday. it's just that Wick has some pretty good stuff. It really helps me relax. You know, it takes the edge off. Wait a minute, I said. It's like a drug for you? And I'm your dealer? I almost couldn't believe it. I mean, I figured the guy had been using the soul as some sort of nourishment. But as I looked around and saw a bunch of rolling papers on the counter, I realized that he'd been rolling up and smoking all the awesome soul I'd collected for him. Which doesn't make a ton of sense, but somehow the dude had been pulling it off. Priscilla snapped me back to attention with her answer. Yes, that's the situation exactly, and any self-respecting spider demon should know better than to mess with that stuff. Isn't that right, Uncle? Phalangium looked ashamed. It's just that I met Wick in a chat room and he told me what he was collecting and that he didn't know what else to do with it, and it was pretty obvious that he wasn't in cahoots with the ghost falconry community at large, so I said to him, bring it over here and let me try it. Priscilla wasn't giving up. I looked up to you, Uncle. I still do. This is disappointing. Phalangium sighed and sat down on the couch. I'm not the same spider demon you used to look up to. I'm tired, old and sick of being hunted. I just wanted to experience something new and exciting. Priscilla, seeing just how deflated her uncle was, adjusted her tone. That's how the Ghost Falconry patrol guy found you, you know. You were this weird anomaly that kept popping up on the radar. The Ghost Falconers could sense what you were doing, but they couldn't pinpoint your exact location. Until I left the protection of my home, Phalangium concluded. Exactly, Priscilla said. I went out to see a movie. I guess I stayed too long, and that's when that weird talking ghost falconer found me and started chucking cars all over the place. Well, I won't make that mistake again. I'm staying put from now on. He took a moment to study your face. They're chasing you too, aren't they? Just look how exhausted you are. It's obvious you've been fleeing. Priscilla looked at the ground as if she was ashamed. Yeah, we might have to stay here for a little while, if you don't mind. Of course I don't mind. You can stay here forever if you want. There's plenty of room and plenty of food. Priscilla took the invitation as an opportunity to finally relax. Thanks, Uncle, she said with a relieved sigh. And that's how we became Phalangium's houseguests. The protection provided by the home's enchantments didn't extend too far beyond the boundaries of the cave, so none of us could venture too far. However, the home itself was supremely comfortable, with a ton of rooms, cozy leather furniture, colorful tapestries, and funky, cool lamps situated throughout. Phalangium really should have been an interior decorator based on what I saw. And let's not forget about how awesome Priscilla is. She kept me highly entertained. She's funny, she has a great laugh, and when she's not busy judging people, she's the most relaxed person I've ever known. She told me a bunch of cool stories about the historic battles that took place between ghost falconers and spider demons, and I taught her all about auras and what the colors meant. It's rare to find someone that you can just spend the whole day talking to and never get bored, but that's how it was with me and Priscilla. I dare say, the days I spent with her were immensely enjoyable. As for Melvin, his recuperation was slow, yet steady. I had nothing to feed him, so he was a bit lethargic for the first few days, but eventually he regained his energy. Once he was back to full strength, the three of us invented a game called Where's Melvin, where Melvin would zip around finding hiding places, and Priscilla would try to guess where he was, based on the clues I gave her. It sounds stupid, I know, but it kept us entertained when there was nothing else to do, especially when Melvin would find a silly hiding place like a box of Cheerios or something like that. A lot of times, Priscilla would guess correctly on her first try, and then I'd tell her she was wrong just to keep her from getting too full of herself. After about a week of hiding, Priscilla and I, both beginning to suffer from a bout of cabin fever, decided we would venture outside for a late afternoon hike. A bit risky, yes, but the idea of staying cooped up any longer simply didn't appeal to us, and Priscilla figured that as long as we didn't stay out too long, Lawgiver and Winslet wouldn't have enough time to sense our location. We walked through the woods, just enjoying the chirping of the birds and the chattering of the squirrels. Finally, she asked me to point to the tallest tree I could see. When I did, she told me to hang onto her back and then proceeded to climb the tree barehanded with me holding on. Her strength and agility are simply amazing. When we got to the topmost branches, we sat down, carefully, and watched the sunset over the tops of the trees. The light illuminated her face in a way I hadn't seen before. You have a pretty smile, I said. She blushed. Really, you do, I insisted. For the first time, Priscilla looked a little timid. Do you want to see me in my spider form? What's that? I asked. All spider demons have two forms, their human form and their spider form. Nobody outside of my family has ever seen me in my spider form, she said. You'd be my first, but I know I can trust you. I hesitated, not knowing exactly what she would turn into, but I quickly realized that everything would be all right. Okay, show me, I said. Priscilla took a deep breath, and then, sitting on a branch a hundred feet off the ground, she slowly transformed into something that, well, it looked a lot like her human form, just more fantastic. Her blue eyes blackened into shiny obsidian marbles. From her shoulders, two additional sets of arms stretched out into the air, reminding me somewhat of a Hindu goddess. Overall, her appearance was a little more muscular, but when she was done, she still looked like the Priscilla I knew, maybe even prettier. Wow, I said. Her aura, which had previously been dull, had become the brightest shade of lavender that I'd ever seen. Lavender auras usually signified strength and honesty, per Chapter 3, Subsection 4. There was a perfectly beautiful silence as I continued to take in her sight. You know, she said after a moment, spider demons aren't really demons at all. It's just a name that someone came up with a long time ago. I hope you know by now that you have nothing to fear from me or anyone like me. I already knew that. I just don't understand why Johan and Brutus would want to hurt you. The ghost falconers like to act as if they're fighting some noble war, but really they're just hunting us down one by one. After so many generations, I don't think anyone even knows the reason why anymore. It's just always been this way. She looked at the horizon in contemplation. And I want to thank you, she added. For what? For being the only person outside of my family to ever trust me, and for being the first person to be interested in who I really am. I've never actually had the chance to make a true friend. You're welcome, I said, and I want to thank you for showing me that there's more to life than just stealing bits of soul so that I can afford a used car. Priscilla snorted out a giggle. The sun was starting to set, bringing our perfect moment to a slow end. Priscilla transformed back to her human form. Grab onto my back and I'll climb us down, she said. After reaching the forest floor, we walked back to Phalangium's house, which was bathed in silence. He's already passed out for the night, she said with a smile. Do you want to come see my bedroom? she asked shyly. I pondered that question for a moment. I'd already seen the inside of her bedroom from the hallway and it looked a lot like mine, maybe a few square feet bigger. I couldn't really think of a reason why I needed to see it, so I just shrugged. Priscilla seemed to sense the various directions that the wheels and cogs in my head were turning. She stepped closer and gave me a quick kiss on my lips, and then asked one more time, Wick, do you want to see my bedroom? At that point, I finally understood what she was asking. Yes, I said as I straightened up in excitement. I would very much like to see your bedroom, every last inch. She took my hand and led me inside. We closed the door behind us and didn't come out until the morning. When it comes to ghost falconry, the next bit of advice I can give you is that if a pair of ghost falconers are looking for you, eventually they will find you. It says as much in the manual. We couldn't stay at Phalangium's home forever. Even with its protective charms, we knew that the two determined falconers and their ghosts would stumble upon us eventually, if only on accident. So we were faced with two choices, the first of which was to try and run away. This would entail leaving the area, possibly even the state, quickly enough that they wouldn't sense us. According to Priscilla, this was how a lot of spider demons lived their lives, trying their best to evade detection and avoid entanglements. We also had the option to stand our ground and fight. It was Priscilla who finally decided the course of action we'd take. I don't want to run away anymore, she explained. I'm sick of it. And besides, this town is your home. If you leave here, you'll never have another place where you feel safe. Believe me, I know the feeling of not having a place where you feel safe, and it sucks. But if we defeat Brutus and Johan, will we really be safe? Won't there be other ghost falconers ready to take up the chase? Priscilla shook her head. Well, I'll always have to be on the lookout, but if we can get Brutus and Johan off our trail, it'll give us a lot of breathing room. They're the ones who have our scent, so to speak. So it was decided. We were going to stand up to them. But to do so, we would probably need more help. Melvin had regained his full strength, but he was a single ghost who had never been trained past Chapter 3 of the manual. True, he'd gotten the better of Sullivan and their scuffle, but we couldn't count on that type of luck holding up. Priscilla, as strong as she was, had a major disadvantage in that she couldn't see the ghosts we would be fighting against. And Phalangium? He wanted nothing to do with any sort of face-off. I guess his last trip away from home had spooked him badly. According to Priscilla, he'd been quite the fighter in his day, but he'd grown skittish and tired in his older years. He did his best to convince Priscilla to just stay at the cave house and continue to lay low, but her mind had already been made up. I pondered the situation until I came up with a pretty good idea. Maybe we should get a second ghost to help us out, I suggested. I think I can control two of them at the same time if I get some practice in. Priscilla thought about it for a moment and then nodded. You know, that might not be such a bad idea, she said. To be honest, I don't really support the idea of capturing and training ghosts, but we're in a jam. Maybe we should try it. I'll admit I felt a smidgen of pride when Priscilla liked my idea. Not so bad for a dumb ghost falconer, eh? Don't call yourself that, she said as she grabbed my hand and held it gently. You're so much better than they are. Just because you share their abilities doesn't mean you have to identify with them. Yeah, you're right. Old habit. She gave me a kiss before refocusing. Okay now, where can you acquire another ghost? Not just any ghost, I said. A dumb ghost. what about mordecai priscilla asked the guy might have been a decent ghost falconer but in pretty much every other way he was as dumb as a bag of rocks and the way you described his death to me i mean the guy didn't even have enough sense to get out of the way of a falling car huh mordecai my mind flipped back to the memory of him getting squashed by the falling toyota that might just be crazy enough to work we'd be sending him up against his former friends but as long as he's dumb as you say then it really shouldn't matter but that's only if he's a ghost well let's go check it out and see if we can find him Priscilla said I'm sick of sitting around here all day I nodded in agreement and the decision was made Mordecai's ghost if available would be my next capture. Priscilla, Melvin, and I left Phalangium's home before dawn the next morning and hiked back into the city. It was risky. Every moment we spent away from the cave was another moment we could be discovered. We moved quickly and purposefully. Priscilla kept a keen lookout for Brutus and Johan, while I scanned the skies for signs of Lawgiver and Winslet. If they spotted us, we'd be hopelessly outmatched and would have to make a run for it. After a long, careful trek, we made it safely to our destination right as the sun was rising. We were the only ones around. That's the spot, I said. Okay, she replied with trepidation in her voice. We're way out in the open. Pay close attention to our surroundings. Her eyes scanned the rooftops. This was the first time I'd seen her nervous. I flipped open the lid to Melvin's box. Melvin, I need you to patrol. Let me know if you see any other ghosts. Melvin stayed in his box, scratching his head. I shook his box. Come on, little dude, I need you. Melvin peeked up over the rim of his box. It's okay, Melvin, just keep a lookout. I made the hand motion for him to patrol, and he hesitantly floated out of his box and began flying large circles overhead. I started scanning the area for any signs of ghostly activity. I looked up and down, left and right, and in every nook and crevice, hoping to see the little sliver of light that would indicate the presence of a ghost. And then, on a small grassy area in front of an office building, I saw a faintly glowing blue orb lying on the ground, peeking out from underneath a pile of leaves. Got him, I said. I kneeled and called to the ghost like you might call to a dog. Come on, boy, I said. No dice. Mordecai's scared ghost seemed to be quite at home hiding underneath that pile of leaves. It was then that I remembered that I didn't even have a box for him. He and Melvin would have to share. I stepped up to Mordecai's ghost, treading gently to make sure I didn't scare him away. Once I was within reaching distance, I used the box lid and scooped him inside. Once the new ghost was secured, I called Melvin down, motioning him to get inside too. He looked into the box and then stared icy daggers back at me. I'm sorry, I said. I know you don't want to share, but it's the only way. Suddenly, I heard Priscilla yell at me, watch out. She darted toward me at inhuman speed and knocked me aside as an airborne car came flying right at me, missing me by inches. Hold on to me, she ordered. Melvin overcame his reluctance and zipped into his crowded box while I climbed onto her back, doing my best to hang on. I turned my head and saw Lawgiver and Winslet giving chase while their two masters screamed commands at them. The ghosts were quick, but Priscilla was even quicker and got us out of there right as another car came flying at us. When we got back to Phalangium's home, Priscilla collapsed in exhaustion. Did we lose him? She gasped as she sprawled out on the floor of the cave. Yeah, the ghosts kept up for a while, but damn, you're fast. Yeah, I'm fast, but fast isn't always good enough. If we had to go any further, I don't think we would have made it. Well, we did make it, so let's check out this new ghost. I tilted Melvin's box and shook it until Mordecai's ghost came oozing out. Hey there, little guy, I said. Look at you. We gotta get you a name. According to the manual, it's important to give your new ghost a name as soon as possible. It helps them shed their former identity and makes the training go so much easier. Mort, maybe? I picked up an old shoebox from a nearby shelf and dusted it off. Here you go, I said as I scooped him inside. No, too close to his original name, Priscilla said. Phalangium, who was walking to the kitchen, passed by and looked at the box. So is that where you're keeping the dead bastard who tried to smash me with a car? He asked. Well, yes, I said. But he's been through a lot, so maybe you shouldn't scare him. Whatever, he said with an eye roll. good day uncle Priscilla said sternly Phalangium knew better than to push his niece too far good day he said pleasantly as he grabbed a soda from the refrigerator and returned to his bedroom I'm tired Priscilla said to me as soon as we were alone again let's get some rest and tomorrow we'll begin training she thought for a moment Oceanus that's what you want to name him Oceanus? She nodded her head. Yep. Okay, then. Oceanus it is. Early the next morning, we began our training. Melvin was included, too, because Lord knows he needed it. It was lucky for us that Priscilla, due to her study of the Ghost Falconry manual, had a far better understanding of how to train a ghost than I did. We made a good team. And now we've gotten to the point where I'm going to avoid boring you with all the mundane details of how to train a ghost. Instead, just imagine the ghosts practicing a whole variety of drills, like lifting up boulders, flying around in really tight circles, and doing one-armed ghost push-ups. Now imagine Priscilla shouting directions at the ghosts, and then me telling her that she's looking in the wrong direction. And last, imagine that you can hear the theme song to Rocky while you watch all of this, like it's a movie training montage, and then you'll have a good idea of what the week was like as the ghosts and I whipped ourselves into shape. And then, drumroll, we were ready. Or at least as ready as we were going to be. We really couldn't risk hiding out any longer. We figured the best place to face off against Brutus and Johan would be the auto junkyard that was just a few blocks away from where we found Oceanus It was an ideal choice for many reasons It was empty so no innocent people would get hurt and the stacks of junked cars would give us plenty of opportunity to duck, weave, and hide. And Priscilla reckoned that with so many potential projectiles lying around, Brutus and Johan would become overconfident, making our mission just a tad bit easier. We left Phalangium's house before dawn, nervous, excited, and scared all at once. A little while later, we arrived at our chosen battle site without incident. I surveyed our surroundings and then opened the ghosts' boxes. Begin patrol, I instructed them. Go now. Both ghosts confidently arose from their cardboard domiciles and floated about thirty feet overhead. They commenced flying in figure-eight patterns. They were good to go. Priscilla was on high alert, but she took a moment to look at me. Thanks for being here with me, she said. Too often we spider demons just run and hide. It's like we don't even know how powerful we are. But I'm sick of hiding. I'm sick of seeing my friends and family get squashed by buses and trees and boulders and shopping malls. shopping malls. I shook off the question as I caught sight of a disturbance overhead. Melvin and Oceanus both began frantically pointing their glowing little tendrils toward the entrance of the junkyard. My eyes darted to where they were pointing, and I saw Johan and Brutus approaching. Well, well, Brutus said. We finally found you. He and Johan wasted no time in opening their boxes and releasing Lawgiver and Winslet. Brutus allowed Lawgiver to float into the sky and then turned to address Priscilla directly. You who hid among us in a web of lies, you'll be crushed like a common spider. He then turned and looked at me. And to the traitor, no mercy will be given. I gulped nervously as I imagined what Brutus and Johan could do to me. What if they unleashed Plan A3 and used a utility pole against me like it was a giant baseball bat? that could really hurt. And the worst part is that I'm allergic to pine wood, so I'd probably break out in hives while I was lying there all squashed on the ground. I quickly forced that unhelpful thought from my head as I slinked behind a junked car. Priscilla stood out in the open, seemingly defenseless. Brutus and Johan made smooth hand gestures, cueing their ghosts to move toward a nearby station wagon. A moment later, with a creaking of old metal, the station wagon was lifted into the sky. The ghosts worked in tandem, and then, from a distance, they flung the vehicle directly at Priscilla, who easily ducked out of the way as it crashed harmlessly behind her. Lawgiver and Winslet would have to get closer. Throwing cars from a distance wouldn't work against Priscilla. And that was our plan, to draw the ghosts in, far enough away from their handlers so that Melvin and Oceanus could sneak around the backside and subdue Brutus and Johan. But for the plan to work, Priscilla had to keep putting herself out there as bait, making herself an easy and obvious target. Brutus and Johan took the bait and commanded their ghosts to move closer to us. I have to admit, there was just a tiny part of me that was disappointed when they fell for our plan so easily, only because I wanted Priscilla to see that maybe ghost falconers aren't so dumb after all. But those two thick-skulled halfwits never considered that they might be maneuvering into a trap, which, now that I think of it, was probably a good thing. I ducked behind a car, nodding to Priscilla to let her know that the ghosts were approaching. From that point on, her reflexes would have to be lightning quick. Motioning for Melvin and Oceanus to follow me, I snuck behind a row of junked cars and worked my way closer to our adversaries. Thankfully, the minimal brainpower possessed by Brutus and Johan was focused squarely on Priscilla, which meant they more or less had forgotten about me. As I advanced, I heard the creaking and groaning of another car being flung toward Priscilla. I popped my head up just in time to see her dive out of the way of a red sports car. Too close, I thought. As fast and strong as Priscilla was, she couldn't last forever out there. Another car flew toward her before she even had a chance to get back up. She rolled to her left as it smashed to the ground beside her. If I didn't hurry, she would be squashed, and that would be awful. I'd never met anyone as beautiful as her, and even though I'd still love her if she was a pancake-shaped smudge on the ground, her normal shape was much more preferable. Once I was close enough, I motioned for Melvin to go and suck out some of Johan's soul. not enough to kill him, but just enough to incapacitate him. I ordered Oceanus to do the same thing to Brutus. My ghosts behaved beautifully, with both of them setting upon their marks without being noticed. The plan was working perfectly, right up until the point where I heard Priscilla scream. I turned and saw two cars flying at her. She couldn't dodge them both, and while one sailed harmlessly to her right. The other one nailed her head on, sending her flying backwards at least 50 feet. Any regular person would have died instantly. But Priscilla was still alive. Seriously injured, but alive. Flat on her back, she woosily tried to sit up, but fell back to the ground in a heap. At that same moment, Johan and Brutus began to show the effects of their souls draining, with their hands dropping lazily to their sides. Keep going, I motioned to my two ghosts. I turned back around to check on Priscilla, only to see a large delivery van floating toward her. It seemed as if Lawgiver and Winslet were carrying out the final order they had been given. They carefully positioned the van over Priscilla and then floated with it higher and higher, obviously planning to let it go once they reached a great height. She would be squashed like a spider under a shoe if I didn't do anything. Melvin! Oceanus! I called. Save her! Melvin glanced up from the best meal he'd ever had. Even with his little ghostly pea brain, his training kicked in, and he immediately recognized the danger. He left his mark and zipped toward Priscilla as Lawgiver and Winslet ascended with the van and their tendrilly little grasps. Oceanus, perhaps because he was so new it being a ghost, ignored my calls, and kept sucking out Brutus's soul. Melvin was on his own. Lawgiver and Winslet must have gone over a hundred feet in the air before they released the van. Don't let it land on her! I screamed. Melvin flew faster than I'd ever seen him go, becoming a streak of white light as he shot through the junkyard. All of his new training really seemed to be paying off. He collided with the van just a moment before it landed, altering its trajectory just barely enough to avoid squashing Priscilla. Great job, Melvin! I yelled as I ran over to check on Priscilla. When I got to her, I saw she was bleeding from... everywhere, it seemed. Priscilla, I said as I kneeled next to her. Are you okay? She gave no response. my thoughts shifted back to that magical moment when we were atop the trees and it dawned on me that I was watching yet another sunset except this time instead of sunlight it was the beautiful light of Priscilla that was receding from the earth her aura pulsed feebly as she struggled to take in breaths I held her close trying my best to pretend that we were still upon those heavenward branches I was brought back to the present when Lawgiver and Winslet zipped past me like a couple of angry gnats. Luckily for me, they'd expended a considerable amount of energy throwing cars. Melvin, on the other hand, hadn't expended himself nearly as much. I motioned to get his attention, then directed him toward the two ghosts. Ghosts send them to the beyond, I said. Melvin zipped towards his targets. The two other ghosts didn't even see him coming. He grabbed Lawgiver first, flattening him out and folding him up like a sheet. He made smaller and smaller squares until there was nothing left. Winslet tried to dart away once he saw what had happened to Lawgiver, but he was too spent, and Melvin easily caught him and began compressing him into a smaller and smaller ball, until he too simply disappeared. I pumped my fist in momentary elation at Melvin's decisive victory, but as my attention returned to Priscilla, any bit of elation was soon overwhelmed by my growing distress. She didn't look good at all. Her breaths were becoming shorter and shorter, not to mention all the blood she'd lost. Priscilla, I said between sobs, you have to wake up. I need you. I didn't realize how pointless my life was until I met you. Melvin floated down and perched on my shoulder as I helplessly clung to Priscilla's hand. He even attempted to wipe away a tear falling from my cheek, even though his tendril passed right through my face. This is awful, Melvin. All she ever wanted was to feel safe, and I let her down. I wasn't fast enough. Priscilla began violently convulsing as the final threads of life she clung to were cut, one by one. Please, no! I sobbed in desperation. Then, at the moment of my deepest pain, Melvin unwrapped himself from around my shoulder and positioned himself so that he was right on top of Priscilla. He spread his tendrils out across her body. And then something amazing happened. Glowing pulses of energy began to run along Melvin's ghostly outline and entered Priscilla. As best I could tell he was transferring his own remaining energy into her. Within a few moments, Priscilla's convulsion stopped, and as the energy continued to flow into her, her breathing stabilized and her eyes flickered open. Melvin, after expending the bulk of his life force, floated gently away, as if he'd been set adrift upon the surface of a slowly meandering river. Are you okay? I asked Priscilla. I think so, she said. What happened? It was Melvin. He saved you. Twice, actually. She managed to give a smile. Thank him for me. I looked over to Melvin, only to see him drifting listlessly, barely visible at all. I held out my arm to call him over, but he simply shook his head no. He had nothing left in the tank. He wanted to obey me, but he simply couldn't. I stood up and walked to him. Melvin, you were amazing, I told him. You've done things today that I didn't even know were possible. How did you learn all that stuff? Melvin gave a little smile and pointed to his head, letting me know just how intelligent he really was after all. Yes, you're very smart, I said. A lot smarter than I gave you credit for. I've learned so much from you. Melvin looked skyward and then waved goodbye, flickering out forever. Goodbye, Melvin, I said. I'll miss you. I looked back at Priscilla, who had managed to sit up. Her life had been returned, while Melvin's existence had been taken away in trade. I truly would miss him, but I somehow felt at peace with the situation, as if that's how things were meant to be all along. Can you walk? I asked her. I think so. It took Priscilla a few minutes to regain her strength, but soon enough she was able to hobble around with my assistance. When we got back to Oceanus, I discovered that he'd finished off both Johan and Brutus, sucking out the entirety of their souls and leaving them as nothing more than two emaciated, prune-like corpses. You went too far, Oceanus, I said as I motioned for him to return to me. He burped, wiped his face, and then flew back into his box as directed. With our hunters vanquished, we left the junkyard. When it comes to ghost falconry, the final thing you need to know is... nothing. I'm done with it. I could no longer, in all good conscience, keep doing what I was doing. It had never been our plan to kill Johan and Brutus. We only wanted to incapacitate them so they would surrender and leave us alone, which is a perfectly acceptable outcome, according to the ghost falconry manual. You could certainly make the argument that they got what they deserved, but I never wanted to be a killer. It's just not how I envisioned my ghost falconry experience would pan out. I'd lost control of Oceanus, and two people died as a result. And it's not just that. I was beginning to see that capturing ghosts might not be in their best interest, even if they willingly performed. In the end, I think it was just Priscilla's positive influence on me that caused me to re-evaluate everything. I wanted her to be proud of me. So, no more ghost falconry. I would just have to find another way to make use of my special set of skills. A couple of weeks after our showdown, I took Oceanus out to a pretty meadow where I commanded him to rise out of his box. Okay, this is it, I said. I release you to the great yonder. He seemed a bit confused, so I gave him the hand signal that let him know it was okay to cross over to wherever it was he would go. He looked hesitantly at me, but then he smiled and flew high into the sky, disappearing forever in a shower of sparks. He was gone, and the final chapter in the book of Mordecai slash Oceanus had been written. As for Priscilla, she's pregnant, and she doesn't even know it yet. It seems like our night together at Phalangium's yielded some unexpected results. I know this because I can see a pure white light emanating from her belly. It took me a while to fully understand what it was, but then I realized it must be a new aura that was separate from Priscilla's. I thought about telling her, but I think she'll enjoy discovering her pregnancy on her own, and besides, she's so much smarter than me that I kind of enjoy the feeling of knowing something that she doesn't. I can only imagine how powerful this child is going to be, because I've never seen the aura of an unborn child before. For its aura to be strong enough to reach out beyond its mother is, well, it's simply amazing. Just looking at it makes me feel calm and oh so content. Priscilla caught me staring at her belly and wondered why I had such a goofy smile on my face. I just gave a happy little laugh and kissed her on the cheek. I've already purchased a book called Fatherhood in 100 Easy Steps, and this is one manual that I promise I'll read from beginning to end. I've got a big job ahead of me, and I know there will be some major challenges, but I plan to take this more seriously than I've taken anything else in my life. Speaking of manuals, the Ghost Falconry Manual, Chapter 178, says that a leader of sight and strength will come forth to end the war between the falconers and the spider demons. Maybe it'll be my kid. That would be nice. Regardless, I see this as a chance to bring something really good into the world, as I've seen a lot of bad things recently, and I'd like to think that maybe, just maybe, something can be done to balance it all out. You've been listening to Ghost Falconry by Thomas O. God damn, my cup of silliness runneth over. But even with a tale as goofy as this one, I appreciate the earnestness and heart that it has. How easy it is to get embroiled in us-versus-them mentalities based on labels and associations that we know almost nothing about. Who would have thunk that a tale about stupid ghosts would have a poignant lesson for us? I'd love to give you some information on Thomas O., but he, or maybe even she, is remarkably reclusive. They have some collections with our friends over at Veloc's Books, but the only information I can find is that they like dogs, the ocean, and creepy stories. Well, Thomas, that's enough for me. Thanks for a highly entertaining yarn, and I encourage you fine listeners to go hunt down more of their work. Until next week, friends, I've been Eric Peabody, this has been the Horror Hill Podcast, and I'm signing off. Stay spooky. You've been listening to the Horror Hill Podcast, a production of Chilling Entertainment and the creative team at Chilling Tales for Dark Nights. Tonight's episode was hosted, narrated, scored, and finalized by yours truly, Eric Peabody. Additional music by Nikki McSorley. Got a terrifying tale of your own that you'd like performed? Email it to us at submissions at simplyscarypodcast.com to have your work considered for future production. Note that any writing utilizing artificial intelligence is ineligible. and signing up to be a patron, you'll get access to hundreds of episodes of this show, as well as everything from the other programs in the Chilling Tales for Dark Nights cabal. That means all of scary stories told in the dark, Drew Blood's dark tales, and more. It's a veritable smorgasbord of horrific delights. Head to ChillingTalesForDarkNights.com to get started. If you're looking for someone to narrate or handle audio production for your own personal project, I just so happen to know a guy. Email me at ericpebodyvoice at gmail.com. That's E-R-I-K-P-E-A-B-O-D-Y-V-O-I-C-E at gmail.com, and we can talk details. If darkness is what you're after, listener, your search is over. Yet, let it be known, you haven't found the darkness. The darkness has found you. Thank you.