CLASS ACTION with Lou Wilson

Hi everyone, it's me, Lou Wilson, here to welcome you to the first ever episode of a game I made up while listening to music in my car. This is Class Action! Welcome. The rules of this game are simple. I will present an encounter to my three friends, and their job is to create a three-hero D&D party to meet the moment I have just illustrated. We'll go around the table drafting classes for potential third-level characters to defeat the enemy in whatever manner best suits the classes they choose. There will be no repeats, and once a class is off the board, it cannot be chosen again. Then it'll be up to you, fair listener, to decide whose strategies and tactics you most agree with. Let's meet our drafters. To my left, the one, the only, Ubria Iyengar. Let's do this. I'm ready. What else? And that's great. Woo! The energy is great in here. Directly across from me, his name is Brennan Lee Mulligan. I'm going to win, and if I don't, I'll freak out and scream. Oh shit, that's what we're doing. My bad, my bad. Honestly, yeah, yeah, okay, great, yeah. We're looking juiced in here, it's hot. And to my right, the one, the only, Erica Ishii. I'm just a little baby, and I don't know no classes, so everybody be very nice to me in the comments. I'm going to hit this baby as hard as I can. Oh baby, welcome to class action. Okay, we will now determine drafting order, and we will be doing a snake draft. So whoever goes first, second, third, third will pick again, second, first. Yep. Cool. And we'll go up and down. We'll go up and down. To decide how we determine the order. I'm going to figure it out right now. This is how we will decide the draft order. You all know me, we've eaten together many times. Each one of you is going to describe a sandwich. Whoever's sandwich I most want to eat will be chosen to go first. Whoever's sandwich is in the middle of a second, and whoever's sandwich I'm least excited to eat will go third. You may begin. I guess I'm looking at breaded. Yeah. Okay. A fresh baked sea salt focaccia. Oh, okay. Spring mix on buffalo mozzarella with a little bit of olive oil and pepper, and I'm going to say salami and chive butter. Oh, that's fun. A really great start. I've got mine. I've got mine. I've got mine. We're going to go King's Hawaiian roll. Just one cut in half, and it is covered in shellfish pate and like a tree nut spread. Okay. Yes. Okay, Abrea angling to go third and fourth. You get it? There it is. I'm going to drop. I was about to say. Wow, Abrea is way better at this than me. I am fucking toast. I also had a full moment of going, Abrea knows I'm allergic to shit. Wait, Abrea does. Abrea really knows. Erica, please describe a sandwich. Trick question. I think it would be a calzone. Except that, except that. Pull up, pull up, pull up. Has Erica somehow beaten my world's worst sandwich? Except that it is the right ratio of breading to insides because most calzones. Okay, I don't like that you just have like a hypothetical of like what if someone got a calzone right? That's not a sandwich. Yeah. You lazy bastard. What is a sandwich? You find a sandwich to me. A sandwich is anything that's not a soup. Next question. All right, because things are tense, I'm just going to step in here. Three incredible sandwiches here today. I cannot lie. I love calzones. I love them so fucking much. Erica, you have walked ass backwards into the first choice in our draft. Brennan, you will select second. And Dabria, because you made something that will kill me but has incredible bread. You will go third. Yeah, it would only kill you if you were tempted to bite it. That is true. Yeah, so the Hawaiian roll is there to go like it could be good. Yes. That's part of the Hawaiian roll is there's enough of it that you can still sort of slice just the part that has touched the shellfish. To be clear, you're describing a breadier calzone. No, a less bready. Oh, so sort of like... Because it's always too much because everybody's scared that they're going to bust out. I also like Erica did not describe any of what's in the calzone. That's what I was arguing. Imagine a calzone but they did it right. But let me tell you, that's all I needed. All I needed was a calzone done right. Brennan, you tried so hard. This is a testament to all the kids out there. When you are pitching, don't get specific. Describe a category and let the person you're pitching to populate it with what they love. Because Erica never said buffalo chicken, but I'll tell you what that calzone is filled with. Buffalo chicken. Exactly. You said that in like Buffalo mozzarella. Hey, I love chive butter though. Don't get me wrong. Hey, who doesn't? Also, but to your point, Abrea, potlucks are where I've had the most of my allergy attacks. And that is exactly it. It is me going, oh, something made on King's Hawaiian couldn't hurt me. And the answer is it could. Anyway, let's get into the action. In a crowded bizarre, four hunched hooded figures, dragging a covered wagon, moved to stand in the center of the plaza. When the sun is at its highest, the four figures remove their hoods and reveal canine features, slob running from their jaws. Three of the scarred war torn knolls draw weapons while the fourth moves to uncover and open the wagon. A gaunt, six legged panther with bob tentacles sprouting from each of its shoulders. A displacer beast jumps from the wagon and lunges at the innocent citizens. A crowded market, hundreds of innocent bystanders, four knolls and a displacer beast. Who will you choose to meet this moment? I don't know if we've taken a break, but we're back. Our drafters have taken a moment to assemble their dream list of classes. Let's see if they're able to get what they'd like. We come now to our with the first selection in the first ever class acting draft to Erica Ishii. I, of course, have to go with the incredible witch class. As formulated on the hit podcast, World's Beyond Numbers, the Wizard of the Witch and the Wild One. I heard it's not balanced. Oh, that's right. But now we're at a point where it's still, it's still things are still in contention and it's not balanced in a way such that it can be favorable for those who know how to read it. Absolutely incredible branding choice by Erica Ishii to come out the gate with the class they helped create. Erica, why the witch? The witch is usually seen as a support class, a support class, a support caster. However, on your third level, you get to choose your coven. And so I think that choosing a coven that would align well, you could do sort of a wisdom based moment because Displacer Beast, while they generally do not make alliances readily, they do so when it feels advantageous to them. I think a wisdom based caster, especially a witch would be able to use that to her advantage. I absolutely love it. What is the name of this witch? Woobin. Woobin? Yes. Woobin? Woobin. Someone with a sinus infection saying woman. It's Lucas. It's Woobin. Woobin. I feel like a Woobin. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. And thus, with the first selection in the first ever class action draft goes to the witch, Woobin. We now come to Brendan Lee Mulligan with the second pick in the first ever class action draft. I'm going to go ahead and select Barbarian. Okay, talk to me. Barbarian, the key abilities that we are looking out for here are that really define the gnoll and the displacer beast. The gnoll key ability is Rampage, the ability to drop an opponent to zero hit points and get a free attack. And there are many innocent bystanders in the Bazaar waiting to be dropped. Exactly. And that is a key component. There was a lot of consideration for sorcerer or wizard or someone, you have a group of opponents. Maybe we hit a flaming sphere, maybe we hit a scorching ray, but attack rolls have to contend with the displacer beast's disadvantage because of its displacement. And anyone on your team that drops gives your opponents a free attack from those gnolls. I need someone who's not going to drop. And this squad, even though it's two different types of creatures, the one thing they have in common is they exclusively deal bludgeoning, piercing and slashing damage. I love it. I'm going to be so honest. This was the first on my list that was actively poached. Damn. You hate to see it. So the Ion Garfaction is going to be reevaluating our strategy moving forward. That's the way these draft goes, but you do have two picks coming up. I do. Brennan, what is the name of this barbarian? Ban. Ban? Ban. Ban. Ban. Ban and Ban. With a second selection in the class action draft, Brennan Leibolig selects Ban. Ban. We now come to Abrea Eingardt for the third and fourth choices. Okay. So I've been talking it over with management, with the team, with the owners. And since we're going to have to make a big pivot here on what we're going to do against this, I've heard a strong case for handling damage in the group. This is a public fight. I've heard wisdom based, but not necessarily why. We're going to move to a strategy of these are four gnolls. So now we're looking at sort of a monster situation. And a big kitty. We're going to go into the full book talk strategy. Okay. So for my three and four picks, we're going to go to the girlies. We're going to go Beastmaster Ranger. All right. And we're going to chase that with a little bard. Watch out now. Watch out now. We want charisma. We want wisdom because we need to negotiate with the displacer beast. We want charisma because we are trying to, we're going to try to fuck it out with these gnolls. So sorry, let me introduce to the group Rachel and Dianna. The group Rachel and Natalie. Rachel and Natalie, which who is who? Rachel is the Ranger. Natalie is our bard. Great. They love, they are here straight from book talk. And they are trying to make their dreams come true today. We absolutely love to see it folks with the third and fourth picks in the class action draft. Rachel, the Ranger and Natalie, the bard. Join a band and whooping. We now move back to Brendon Lee Mulligan for the fifth selection in today's draft. For the fifth selection in today's draft, we are going to be going ahead and after careful consideration and a lot of back and forth. We're going to be moving forward with Druid. Damn it. God damn it. Fuck you, Brendon. Fuck you. Brendon, let's hear the reason. At third level, we've got our first subclass and circle of the moon opens up a way to get those excellent, excellent hit points. Now, if we're talking tactically, you have multiple enemies, even at three player characters. We are talking about five enemy opponents. One displace or beast four gnolls versus three heroes in a crowded marketplace. So even if you focus solely on DPS because you don't want collateral damage, the truth is either you're getting ganged up on or these people are attacking bystanders. So you do need battlefield control of some kind. I think a quick entangle followed by a shift to beast form to help hold concentration is the move of someone supporting that barbarian on the frontline. Cute. We like it. We absolutely love to see it. And Brendon, what is this Druid's name? Plentman. Wow. When you ask people to make up names on the spot, things go very differently. I do this for a living and I have never dropped the ball like this. I've never seen him fold like this. I was so deep in stat lock world that I was rocketed back to remembering what we're doing here. Sorry, wait, sorry. Plamons is last name. Plamons is last name. Herbie Vincent. Herbie Plamon. Herbie Plamon drew it at last. The sixth selection in this episode of class action goes to Herbie Plantman Esquire, the Druid. Who turns into animal? Okay. And his teammates with ban the Barbaraman. Okay. Hey, you give him enough time and he'll come. He'll rock him sail off out of that. We come back up now with the seventh selection in the draft to Erika Ishii. Erika, we all listen to you scream, God damn it, which assumes that. Isn't this number six? Sorry. Who cares? My bad, my bad. If it's six, then it's six. You're right, it is six. Erika, who will you be selecting six in today's draft? Well, after having to pivot for my beloved Druid, as Brennan knows, I tend to bring out swinging when I get to higher levels. I think that at this point, I'm going to go rogue. Okay. I think that as a player who very much values use of the environment, you did such a good job of setting the stage with a crowded marketplace. And a marketplace means eaves and roofs and barrels. And you even described, you know, they had a vehicle. What if somebody were to, you know, take you to steel to hijack that vehicle? That's a rogue, baby. We love to see it. What is this rogue's name? Tuwa-tu-wa-tu-wo. Oh, nice. Nice. Tuwa-tu-wa-tu-wo. Oh, okay. Those aren't just sounds. They're okay. Tuwa? Tuwa-tu-wa-tu-wo. Tuwa-tu-wa-tu-wo. Yeah. Great. What? Okay, I love you. Exactly. Erika jumped into my brain. There's clearly something going on. Okay, once you get it. But I'm not here to get into that. I'm here to manage the draft. Because we are back at the top. Erika, you also have your last pick in the draft at this moment. Oh, I do. I do because that is how the sports one... Don't you fucking point at me when you do that. I will slap you. The sports one goes that way. The sports one? The sports one goes that way. Bitch, you own a snake. How do snakes go? Wow. Yeah, imagine. That's the shape. It's not a sports thing. Okay. Okay. Well, I have to say, again, I'm going with kind of the role play and environment-based party. I think that Clarek would help support those two characters. I think Clarek, you know, you need a healer. You need someone who can take some damage. I think, again, I'm not going to try and go head to head with this group of villains in the middle of the town square. But I think somebody both for crowd control to help the people and in order to buff the party members, I'm going to have to go with Clarek. And their name is Teimo. Teimo. Yes. Hi, Teimo. Hi, Teimo. Hi, buddy. A party assembled. We now come to Brennan Lee Mulligan for your final pick in today's, in this draft. We have made choices thus far in our drafting, specifically tailored to resist the abilities of the opponents that are gathered before us. However, as anyone can tell you, resistance is not a long-term strategy. You need offense. You need to get the job done. And sadly for us, the 15 armor class and 22 hit points of a null is achievable over successive rounds of combat from the damage output of our barbarian and everything else. Our displacer beast, our displacer beast at a challenge rating of three is clocking in with 85 hit points. There is no amount of withstanding damage that is going to add up to a W on the board for our three-person team. If we cannot put damage on the map, we're going paladin for our last pick. God damn you. Wow. And perhaps a brious choice to make a nasty sandwich comes back to bite her in the air. Never. Never. Brennan, what is the name of this paladin? Rocco Yufface. I had time to think of that one. It's the best I could do. Rocco Yufface. Abril. Absolutely not. With the final pick in this draft. Yes. Okay. So paladin was going to be my big tank. We've got a ranger and a bard, so we've got some like buffs and we've got someone that's like reaching forward and trying to bridge this potential fight and turning it into an enemy's a lover situation. If it comes down to it, we got to get someone that can get hits in if things go badly. So I'm going to bring in my girl Delaney. We're going monk, baby. Oh, right. I need a monk. Monk is a snipe. Monk is a snipe. Yeah. It's also another wisdom based like when there's magic, it is wisdom based. I'm assuming very good at knots. I don't know what the nulls are into. So we have sort of both cases handled here. Flurry of blows could go in either direction. And that's the girls. Oh my God. How about it? Here we are. Three parties assembled to meet these nolls in this displacer beast here in the Bazaar. From Erica. Whoop in the witch. Tee. Tua Tua. Tua Tua Tua. Tua Tua Tua the rogue. And Teimo the cleric from Brennan. Ban Barbariman. The Barbarian. Herbie Plant Man Esquire Druid. And the Paladin. The Paladin. Yes. The Paladin. Rock on your face. And from a brilliant iron guard we're bringing out the girlies. Rachel the ranger. Natalie the bard. And Delaney the monk. And now it's up to you, Fair Listener. Which one of these parties, tactics, moves, ways of handling this situation do you most agree with? Let us know in the comments and I'll maybe check. And if I do, maybe you'll hear about it later. God only knows. However that Beatles song goes. That's the Beach Boys. Not only knows. That's the Beach Boys. The Beach Boys. What? I got you right. I think you're fine. That's the name of my squad. The Beach Boys. The Beach Boys. The Beach Boys. But it's spelled B-E-A-T-C-H because it's named after the Beatles. Nice. We found it. Either that, yes. That's perfect. But yeah, get in the comments, let us know what you think. I might find it more like kind of satisfying way to wrap these up by the next episode if we ever do this again. Welcome back to Class Action. You've probably just heard some kind of music interstitial to kind of like break this whole thing up. But here's more classes into action from your three favorites, Abrea, Ayn Garbrennan, Lee Mulligan, and Erica Ishae. Before I lay out the next encounter, we will now decide drafting order. This time it will not be up to me. It'll be up to you. Who was most recently on a flight? Certainly not me. Okay. I was on a plane on the 13th. Okay. Anybody can beat that? Oh my God. I have to look. I can't do that. Abrea, it sounds like Go First, who was second most recently on a flight. Erica, you're right. No, I was on a plane also on the 13th. What time was it? Who departed first? Probably, mine is 8 p.m. Pacific. Yeah, you win. Congratulations, Erica. You will again have the first draft, first pick in the draft. Abrea, you will have the second. Brennan, it sounds like you will have the third. Here is your encounter. In an interview with Men's Journal, Mark Wahlberg revealed that he was scheduled to fly on one of the planes that hit the World Trade Center. But fortunately for the terrorists, he took a different flight a week earlier and wasn't able to prevent the 9-11 attacks. Quote, if I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn't have gone down like that, he said. Oh my God. There would have been a lot of blood in that first class cabin and then me saying, okay, we're going to land somewhere safely. Don't worry. 3,500 feet in the sky, four archers stand and declare the fantasy sky plane is under their control. A commoner named Mark Wahlberg, two L's turns to our heroes and says there's about to be a lot of blood in this first class cabin on this fantasy sky plane. Five archers in a pressurized cabin. Again, a lot of innocence and Mark Wahlberg, two L's cannot die. Who will you choose to meet this moment? This is the podcast equivalent of waking up in an unfamiliar room in a bathtub filled with ice. Yeah. This is your chance to hear the rest of this episode on the World's Beyond Number Patreon. How will our hypothetical heroes save the day on that fateful September morn? Only our Patreon has the answers. We will see you there. Let's roll.