504: Hobbies: Time to Give vs. Stolen Time

Welcome to a Slob Kems Clean, the podcast. I am Dana K. White. I share my personal deslobification process. As I figure out ways to keep my own home under control, I share the truth about cleaning and organizing strategies that actually work in real life for real people, people who don't love cleaning and organizing. Thanks for joining me today. This is podcast number 504. And I think I'm going to call it hobbies. Time to give versus stolen time. Maybe I'll call it that. We'll see. Here's the thing. Those of us who struggle with clutter are interesting people who are interested in so many things. If you've already gotten my children's book, you know, Winnie the Walrus is us. She's us. She's interested in so many things. I wasn't going to use this as a way to advertise her. But I am because she's adorable and you should go get my new children's book for every child in your entire life. But she's interested in so many things. Things light her up. And the reason things light her up is that she's us. We are the adults who grow up to have clutter. And it's not because we're boring people. It's because we're interesting people. It's because we see things and we see the beauty in things. We see the value in things. We see the potential in things. And we gather those things because they are interesting to us. We also, because stuff tends to be interesting to us, doing different exciting things tends to be very interesting to us. We love adventure. We love hobbies. We love, you know, I can't tell. It's so funny to me. I know I have had more than one person on my strategy sessions that I do with my Patreon members here on the podcast. And you all probably know better than I will, because you've potentially listened to them more recently than I recorded it. But this conversation around a, I think it was like a spinning wheel or something. And it was mentioned. And I was like, what is that? That's interesting. A spinning wheel, like this really cool spinning wheel. I think that's what it was. And then having a strategy session with someone later who was like, oh, when So-and-So mentioned the spinning wheel, that was so cool. And I also, I mean, so we're just into a lot of really cool things with those cool hobbies come different, paraphernalia, things, pieces of stuff clutter, right? But my point for today is getting my house under control before it happened, before I did it. It often felt like if I'm going to get my house under control, that's going to mean I can't be interesting anymore. I can't be interested anymore. I don't want to live a boring life. I don't want to live a life where I don't light up at certain categories of things or the idea of learning something new or whatever. That's part of what makes me me. And so it was frustrating because I was like, I guess I have to have the house that I want to have as a grown up. I guess I have to grow up and not be interesting anymore. And my point is that that's not true. That there are so many things that I have learned over this time of my desolabification process that have taught me that actually getting my house under control frees me to really, truly do those things that light me up. It frees up time for me to focus on and put energy into and just time for these things that I find interesting that I want to do. That strangely before, when my house was out of control, I was interested in these things, but I wasn't able to take action on them. I wasn't able to do the interesting, crafty, entrepreneurial, whatever things that I wanted to do. I was held back by my house because my house was constantly a disaster. That's just what I want to talk about today. We had this conversation in our Patreon community about this and just how much time is freed up by getting your house under control. Hi, we're Backmarket. We sell expertly refurbished tech like phones for talking to your friends or your AI babysitter. Now playing rockabye baby in style of Norwegian black metal. Either way, this expertly refurbished tech costs way less than you guaranteed by the back market promise, one year warranty and 30 day free returns on every purchase. Up next, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star Grindcore remix. Back markets where the world shops refurbished tech. So a couple of things. There's a term that I made up, but now I've been told that it's a real thing, but they don't use my word. It's so weird. I think that the official people call it time blindness. I've always called it T-pad. Actually, I don't think I always called it that. I just described what it was and then I would refer to it as time passage awareness disorder and then somebody reading my blog back in the day. Because if you're new here, I recorded from day one of me starting to get my house under control. I recorded every single day what I was doing and learning and wasn't teaching anything in the beginning. But I think I kept referring to it as I have time passage awareness disorder. I have no idea how long something is going to take. I always incorrectly predict how long something will take and that either makes me not do it or not leave enough time to do it or whatever. And then people started referring to it as T-pad and that made me laugh. But anyway, so time passage awareness disorder is that it's this lack of understanding of how long something is going to take. And it's not just one direction. I don't just overestimate how long something will take. I do that. I will look at a task and think that would take me forever. So I'm not going to do it because it would take so long to do. Or I would look at a task and put off doing it thinking it won't take any time at all and be wrong. And then it takes me forever and it causes this big other pile of all the other things that I should be doing that I'm not able to get to. Right. So time passage awareness disorder is a thing that tends to be common among our people, those of y'all who listen and relate to what I'm saying often tell me I have T-pad as well. That's an assumption about time. The assumption about time that I have that's incorrect often leads to procrastinations, procrastinations, moments of procrastination. How about that? So an example of that. So a big part of the problem is that when I am experiencing T-pad, I'm rarely aware that I'm experiencing T-pad. Like I feel so confident in the moment where I can look back and go, that was time passage awareness disorder. I had no idea how long that would actually take. But in the moment where I'm estimating time, I'm very confident that I'm correct. That's part of the problem. You know, so I, what I did, what I learned to do, did this for the first seven years of getting my house under control and then I hired someone to clean for me. But I assigned cleaning tasks to a day of the week. And the whole point of that was that days of the week come around every seven days. And so if Tuesday is bathroom cleaning day, not a big long list of things I'm going to do on Tuesdays, but just Tuesday equals bathroom. Like I can remember that. Well, every time a Tuesday came around, I would go, Oh, goodness, I should clean my bathrooms. And that generally, it wasn't just about, Oh, now I'm going to go clean the bathrooms. It was about giving me an awareness of how long it had been since I cleaned the bathroom. Because there were a lot of times where a Tuesday, I, you know, was generally home on Tuesdays at this time in my life when I was doing it like this. But there were many times where I would realize, Oh, I was doing such and such thing last Tuesday. So I wasn't home. Oh, goodness, it's been two weeks since I cleaned my toilets. Oh, actually the week before that. And, Oh, it's been a month, you know, because if I didn't have something to break through that time passage awareness disorder, I always felt like I had just done that. Didn't I just do that? Didn't I just clean the bathroom? Because usually cleaning the bathroom was a big deal because I had no awareness of how long it had been. And so it was a big deal when I did it. And so then because it was a big deal, it felt like I just did it, even though all of a sudden all this time has passed and what in the world, how are we here again? So, so giving weekly cleaning tasks and assigned day, the main purpose of that was for time passage awareness disorder. So it wasn't that that meant that every single month, every single Tuesday I cleaned my bathrooms. No, it meant that every Tuesday I went, Oh, it's a bathroom cleaning day. And if I was home, I would clean the bathrooms. And if I wasn't, I was much more likely to realize it had been a while since I cleaned the bathroom the next Tuesday when it rolled around. Okay. So ways to, to combat that. Um, other issues for me specifically around this idea of I don't have enough time was that I felt like I was always cleaning and never getting anywhere. My house was not a disaster because I never, first of all, always want to be clear about this in case we have somebody new. My house was never a disaster because I didn't care. I desperately cared. I wanted my house to be under control. I never was like, Oh, I guess I just like it this way. No. And I don't believe that's the case for, for anyone here. That is generally what people who don't struggle in their homes assume about those of us who struggle in our homes. Oh, they much just not care. And sometimes people say it in an attempt to be nice, like, Oh, it's just not important to you. So it's fine. It's fine if it's not important to you. Well, I find that incredibly offensive, like incredibly offensive. Because it just means they don't understand. Like, of course I cared. I didn't want my house to be a disaster, but I didn't understand what I was doing differently from the other people who were cleaning their house because the problem was I would have my sub vision. I wouldn't see things. I didn't understand, you know, I was always justifying and saying, Oh, I don't really have time to do the dishes right now. I need to wait until I have more time. And then all of a sudden they're overwhelming. And then I don't have enough time because they're so overwhelming. All of that together worked to make me unaware of my house. Like I would shut down, I would shut it out of my brain because I was overwhelmed. And then when I did get after the cleaning, it was always a huge job. So it felt like any time I do any cleaning, it is so time consuming, it is so exhausting. So therefore I associated cleaning with something that took so much time. And so I would work on it, but I was always working on it from that perspective of it having piled up. Okay. And when it got to the point where it was so piled up, I could work every single day, work on this space for a day and so much time and effort and then move to this space the next day. Okay. I'm going to work really hard in there. I'm going to move to this space the next day. And in the meantime, all those other spaces are getting back out of control. And I was like, how do you, how do people do this? How do they not spend all their time cleaning? And that's the thing I didn't understand. I would look at my own house and I would think, I feel like I am constantly having to clean. So if my house looks like this and I feel like I'm constantly cleaning, what are the people doing whose houses are like always perfectly fine? Are they literally constantly cleaning? That's what I assumed. They must constantly be cleaning. And so I thought, I don't know how I can do more than I'm doing right now. I don't, because why? I have interests. Things interest me. This is not what I want to spend my life doing. And so it was this big bad cycle, this vicious cycle of not understanding what was different about the way I was doing things versus the way that they were doing things. Hi, we're Backmarket. We sell expertly refurbished tech like phones for talking to your friends or your AI babysitter. Now playing rock of buy baby in style of Norwegian black metal. Either way, this expertly refurbished tech costs way less than you, guaranteed by the Backmarket promise, one year warranty and 30 day free returns on every purchase. Up next, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Grindcore Remix. Backmarket with the world's shops refurbished tech. Everything you know and love starts with water. Your dog, your car, your internet. And then there is just a small miracle of keeping us alive. 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So a couple of things that I have learned. I talk about a lot dishes math. Dishes math was the problem. I thought that I understood what it would take to do the dishes every single day. And therefore it didn't make sense to me to do the dishes every single day because I was like, well, if it takes me five at the very least hours to do the dishes when I've put off doing the dishes for five days, obviously math would say that it must take an hour to do the dishes every day. Who is spending an hour working on their kitchen doing the dishes every single day? Who's doing that? Who has time for that? I don't want to spend an hour every day. So I would rather put it off and just do the dishes in five hours on this day so that I don't have to be doing them for an hour every single, like that was how my brain was working, but I was wrong. After I started doing the dishes every single day, that's when I realized, oh, dishes math does not work the way that I thought it should work mathematically. One day's worth of dishes is 15 to 20 minutes. I know you don't believe me if you're not there. I absolutely understand that you think I am crazy. I will just tell you. I learned this from experience and so many people listening right now have learned this from experience. One day's worth of dishes is only 15 to 20 minutes. Prove me wrong. I mean, like, but the only way to prove me wrong is to do all your dishes today and then do them again tomorrow and time yourself, not waiting more than a day, doing one day's worth of dishes tomorrow, time them, and then one day's worth of dishes the next day. So you'll have data points, right? So that you can average them together and find out. And for a week, do the dishes every day and time them and just see how long does it take? Maybe I'm wrong. I'm not. But maybe I am wrong. Maybe it takes you 20 to 25 minutes. But whatever it takes, if you've put off the dishes for seven days, it's going to be well under one seventh of what it takes you to recover your kitchen after seven days. It just is because you don't have the finagling. You don't have the dish that is the sink that is so full of dishes. You can't actually do the dishes in the sink anymore. Dishes math is is shocking. It just is it's a phenomenon. It's something that you can observe and you can experience and you can see it. But it just feels mind blowing like what? OK, so just doing the dishes every day, freed up time. For things that I wanted to do. Doing the dishes every day gave me time. And a lot of it was always that because I was always behind on the dishes. If I ever wanted to do something fun in my home, if I wanted to work on a crafty type thing, if I wanted to cook a fancy meal, which is the kind of thing that I really enjoyed doing, if I wanted to do that, I felt a lot of guilt because I had to ignore the dishes, which I knew you really can't argue that dishes need to be done for all sorts of reasons. But I would always feel guilty. So it it robbed the joy from this thing that I wanted to do because I was having to push aside the nagging feeling that I should really be working on my house in order to do the fun thing, which may be not able to enjoy doing the fun thing the way that I wanted to enjoy doing the fun thing. And I felt like to stop and do something fun was stealing time from my house. Was because I had such a warped idea of how long, how much time it would take to keep my house going and keep it under control. If I was ever to get it under control, I had such a warped idea of that that any time I spent on these things that interested me, that were fun for me, I always felt like I was having to say, I'm just going to block out all these ideas of things I'm supposed to be doing so that I can focus on this. I felt like I was stealing time from my house to do that. But when I started doing the dishes every day and I didn't have those nagging feelings, I didn't have this. OK, what am I going to do today? Am I going to do the thing I enjoy doing? Or am I going to work on my house? Today is going to be the day I got to gear myself up. All of that took a strange amount of time and energy for me to have that conversation with myself every day and to justify and go in. But when I just went ahead and did the dishes and then I did them again the next day and the next day, then it's like this time in my day opened up. That's not just about doing the dishes. But the dishes and a five minute pickup, which means however long it takes to do the dishes, maybe it really does take you an hour, even though it took you 15 hours after five days. It doesn't. I won't. I promise. I can almost promise. I'm not going to promise that one because I know some of you have very large families, you have different whatever. But I'm telling you, if you wait until every dish is dirty, I do promise that you have no concept of how long it will take to do the dishes every day until you actually do the dishes every day. OK, but when I started doing that, it freed up so much time. And I was given time. It felt like this time was a gift to me to do these things that I wanted to do. I wasn't having to steal it anymore. So that's why, you know, hobbies time to give versus stolen time, keeping my house under control weirdly, bizarrely, freakishly, freed up so much time for me. And I hear from y'all all the time that the same thing happened to you. And it's, yes, I'm trying to explain it because that's my job. You listen to the podcast. That's the deal that we have here. You're going to listen. I'm going to try to help explain things so that you can hopefully get there a little bit sooner. But if you don't believe me, the best thing that you can do is try to prove me wrong. Because if you try to prove me wrong, even if I am wrong, which I'm not, your dishes will still be done. And you'll know for real how long it takes in your home with your dishes to do. And it's tough because I know I'm sure I've said this before, but I remember it was probably very soon before I started, you know, a slob comes clean the blog back in 2009. I remember being at my aunt's house and my aunt is so incredibly lovely and always helpful and always understanding and always kind and she's just the best. But I remember it was after lunch or dinner or something and cleaning up the kitchen. And I said something about how, oh, I have to run the dishwasher multiple times every day. And she just looked at me and she was like, really? And I said, yeah, I do. I have to run the dishwasher multiple times every day. And then I started doing my dishes every day. And I often think back to that conversation of her because she she believed me because she's lovely, right? I believed what I was saying. I was not purposely telling a lie. I wasn't making that up. I just firmly believed that I had to run my dishwasher multiple times every single day. Because if I ever did the dishes, if I ever got the kitchen cleaned up, I had to run my dishwasher multiple times. That was true, except that I wasn't doing them every day. I felt like I was always doing the dishes because there were always dishes to do. And I was always having to move around the dishes and I was having to deal with all of that all the time, but I wasn't doing the dishes every day. Once I started doing the dishes every day, I was like, oh, even if we literally never use anything, no paper plates, no paper cups, no plastic cups, nothing like that. Almost every single day with five people at the time in the house. And this was when I had kids at home and they were, you know, eating three meals a day at home, all of us. Then I was able to pretty much do one load every day. And sometimes I would have to wash a couple of of the cooking pots and pans by hand. But that was it. And maybe maybe you have, I know a lot of you listening. Home school, I never homeschooled, but like you homeschool and you've got eight people and eight kids and, you know, you may have to run it every day. But if you haven't done it, I mean, you may have to run it multiple times every day. But if you haven't until you've done it, you cannot know for sure. And my point is that I firmly believed I was not lying about what I thought I was doing, but I didn't know until I actually did it. I didn't know how much time would be freed up by doing the dishes every day until I did the dishes every day. Like there's just literally no way to know if it's right or wrong, how it's going to work in your house. But the hope I want to give you is that in my experience and for so many people, we have experienced the phenomenon that doing the dishes every day frees up so much time to actually do the things that give us joy. To do the things that we want to be doing. To not, you know, I always say it now. I'm like, I just, I didn't want to be held back by my house. I didn't understand that's what I wanted. But that's what I wanted. I wanted a house that didn't hold me back. That quiet moment behind the wheel, the perfect space to get your thoughts in order. With the all electric ENY1, you can make a statement without making a sound. A smooth, smart drive that puts you ahead of the curve. Because every journey matters. Book a test drive at Brailey Honda today. Honda, the power of dreams. Hi, we're Backmarket. We sell expertly refurbished tech like phones for talking to your friends or your AI babysitter. Now playing rock of buy, baby in style of Norwegian black metal. Either way, this expertly refurbished tech costs way less than you, guaranteed by the back market promise, one year warranty and 30 day free returns on every purchase. Up next, Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, Grindcore remix. Like a ladle. Backmarkets with the world's shops refurbished tech. The other thing with dishes, you know what I'm going to say, right? Is decluttering. Doing the dishes every day, doing a five minute pick up, which means picking things up and putting it away for five minutes and only five minutes as a daily practice or an almost daily practice will change your home. But the more that that five minute pick up changes your home, the more motivated you are to get stuff out, the more stuff that's gone from the house, like completely gone. The more I am freed up to never have to touch that thing again, to never have to pick it up. The bigger impact that a five minute pick up is going to make if there's just less stuff in our house. Decluttering to where things all had real spaces to be put away in. Meant that I had what I now teach you for the purpose of functionalism, for the purpose of being a functionalist, you got to have space for availability. Space is already taken by availability, availability to cook. OK, my kitchen counters, I enjoy cooking and I know a lot of you don't. OK, and I get that. So this is my example I'm giving, but I enjoy cooking. Well, cooking is an active thing that I have to do, which means I need open counter space. For me to have that open counter space, I have to think of empty counters as full counters, they are full of availability. They are full of being ready for me to be able to just cook. So it's not just a, oh, I, but I don't want to, I don't care so much about having clear counters. I don't notice when, oh, there's people have things on their counter. Oh, you know, I don't notice stuff like that, right? But for my purposes, I view a clear counter as a counter that's full of availability, which means I can't just set something else there. This also means that anything that does randomly get set there and sometimes stays there a little bit longer, for example, in our house, we put away the toaster, we put away the little blender that my husband bought, which like a smoothie blender that I use all the time to, which I love. And we put away the air fryer. I got my husband an air fryer for Christmas. And because I knew that he's always saving all these recipes and I was like, he's going to want to use this. And he loves it. I actually enjoy it too. But when I got that air fryer, I got rid of something in my house because I was like, I've got to have a place for this air fryer to go. Does it stay out sometimes for four days at a time? Yeah, it does because we're using it consistently a lot. But I don't want it to live on the counter because I want the counter to be open for availability. So that meant I got rid of something in a cabinet so that I could put that air fryer in that spot so that it has a place to go easily. Immediately, I don't have to move anything around. I can just put it away because the role of that countertop is to be available. Yes, available for the air fryer, but also available for all the other kinds of things I want to do, the chopping and the mixing and all that kind of stuff. So that idea of availability, taking up and deserving space and a space being full, even though to the naked eye, it's how we say it in Texas, we say naked, to the naked eye, it is empty space. And the old me used to view every little teeny tiny inch of empty space as available for me to stick stuff. Oh, I could put something there. I could put something there. So I had to change how I thought about it. I had to view it as available space. Well, in the same way that we'd look at things and in the same way that your kids, like if you've ever, and I always say, know your kid and know what they can handle, my kids loved it when I did a big declutter in their room while they were at school. And they would come home and they're like, oh, you're so good at this mom. And I'm like, really, if you only knew. But they would, they loved it because there was so much open space for them to be creative and play. And I eventually got to the point where I realized, oh, they need play space as opposed as opposed to play storage. Like they were much happier with play space than they ever were with a room to throw toys into, to toys, to store toys. They loved having open space for playing. Well, it's the same way with us as adults. Like once we really change the idea that this table here is full of availability, which means that I have to, anything that has kind of lived here needs to be given a real home according to where we would look for it first when this table is clear. And then I'm going to have to get rid of something else in that place where I would look for it first so that it actually has space to go so that clearing off this table is not a big deal. It's just, you know, for our countertop, it's just putting the air fryer in the cabinet that I freed up to be the space for the air fryer. You see what I'm saying? So it's that giving it a, giving it space for availability, prioritizing that space, viewing that space has taken space. And that means other things that tend to end up there have to have real places to go to be put away. That means stuff is going to have to leave my house because I used to have every surface covered and think that I didn't have places for all my things because every inside of spaces were also completely full. So as I took things out of the off of the surfaces, and then I went to go put them in the place where I would look for them first, I had to get rid of something. Things had to leave my house so that everything had an actual real functional place to live. And once that happened, then I was in a situation where I actually had the place to do the thing. So it's, yes, it's the time, but it's also the space, space to give versus stolen space for doing the things that I want to do, the things guilt free. There is so much, the joy is so much more real in doing these things that light you up, that bring you interest when you've been given time and you've been given space by the work that you've done in the past to be able to focus on this stuff without feeling like you're having to ignore something else in order to do that. Okay. So every bit of time spent decluttering, really truly giving things actual homes and getting rid of stuff so that they have real homes to be in so that, you know, you've acknowledged the reality of your space and you can't keep everything, getting rid of those things for that purpose. It just frees up so much time and so much space. And as far as the time goes, let's say that you have your craft table and the craft table has become the permanent home for the cricket machine, for the sewing machine, for your, what are those things called? The, the T-shirt press kind of a thing and for this other machine and all of your scissors and your bin of markers and your fabric supply and somehow that's just all kind of lived there permanently. And maybe those are the things that you actually use because you just felt like you didn't have space for things because they were in other places. Okay. That first time that you declutter this space, it is going to take time, but that's like a deposit into the time bank that's going to pay interest and dividends in the future when you actually want to do the crafting. Because what happens is if I will go through this and I say, you know what, this space right here needs to be available for me to craft. It cannot be storage. Nothing can permanently live here that takes up the space I need to actually do the thing that I need to do in this room or this space. So therefore, I got to get this cricket machine off of here. It doesn't mean that I'm not going to put the cricket machine on here to do the cricket stuff. And when I'm saying cricket, for those of you who are not familiar, it's that C-R-I-C-U-T. If I'm pronouncing that wrong, I'm sorry, but I think it's the cricket. So maybe this is where I do that actual thing, but it's space for doing that thing, not for storing the cricket machine. And so then I say, okay, if I needed the cricket machine and this table where I that needs to be completely empty and open for availability, filled with availability, if I needed this cricket machine and this table was clear the way that I need it to be clear, where would I look first for the cricket machine? I go, I would look in that cabinet on that shelf right there. That cabinet, that shelf has other stuff on it. Okay. Well, I have to go over there and say, how much space do I need for the cricket machine? And what's the least important stuff on this shelf so that I can make room for the cricket machine? Because I actually use it and I actually love it, but it has to have an actual place to go. So that's hard that first time when I go do that. But then I use the cricket machine and maybe I did the same process for my sewing machine and the the markers that I use all the time and the all these different, you know, items that used to live on this table and I've given them homes and I've gone through that and I've gotten rid of stuff because I can't keep more stuff than I have space and have any hope of my space ever being under control. Okay. That's the container concept. But I go ahead and I put it there and I get rid of those things and I go through that. It can feel like, wow, all that stuff is back on that table now. Oh, I don't want to go through that again. But it's not the same thing. Now that cricket machine has an established home. It's easy now. I don't have to declutter. I just have to put it away. And then I go to put it away. It's got a spot to go. And that becomes, oh, I can clear this table so fast, so quickly, so easily, so stress freely if everything that's on it has a real home that's not this table because nothing can have this table as its real home because this home, this table is a home for availability for me to be able to do the crafting. Okay. So those are just some thoughts on this because when I go to put things away and I'm not decluttering because I've already done the hard work of decluttering and giving things home by homes by getting rid of something else. What was a three hour angst-ridden decluttering process the first time is now five minutes. And every time I do that five minutes, I've gotten this, this stuff put away because it all has established homes and places to go, available space in these places where they, I would look for them first. Every time I do that, I realize, oh, all I have to do is put this stuff away. And then I can do my crafty things. Then I can do the things that I want to do. That feels like being given time where before it would even take more time to do the things because there were so many things I had to shift and move around and I feel bad about it. And I'm like, I'm just setting this over here for right now because I need to have the space to do this thing. Anyway, so time to give versus still in time. Those are my thoughts for today. I hope that was helpful. I just want to give you hope and tell you to commit to experiencing the phenomenon. Just test, test to see if I'm right or not and experience this phenomenon of decluttering and doing the dishes, giving you time so that you don't have to steal it anymore. All right, I will talk to y'all next week. Bye.