Skankfest Surprise w/ Luis J. Gomez | Your Mom's House Ep. 846

welcome welcome to your mom's house welcome to your mom's house tim is still in la filming bad thoughts too which will tell you a little bit about i got to do a part on it's nuts but with me uh we've waited so long to have him on the show, please put your hands together for Luis J. Gomez. Thank you for having me here. Yeah, you guys are awesome, man. Honestly, I met you three minutes ago and I love you already. You have a great energy. Thank you, Luis. Can I tell you why? Please. Because you are the creator of Skankfest. Yeah. And I am the creator of showing videos of guys shitting on french fries and eating it and making it into a podcast so i feel like you and i are kindred spirits yeah yeah i think we're seeing the world from a very similar lens yeah yeah and we've had ari shafir who was at skank fest two years ago now he's in the woods somewhere in like the amazon jungle or whatever um but he actually shit on stage yes he no he did he did during a kill tony thing it was like i i don't even know what was going on i like skank fest is so well it's all one venue right so there's all these rooms and you pop into different rooms and there's all this shit happening and i walk in i was like oh killton was in a secret show i was like let me go to killton and see what's going on i walk in and it was like performance art ari was completely naked he had cardboard on the floor and he was playing with his own shit well everyone was just like what the fuck are we watching i just walked into the room and i was like okay i don't want to be here and i walked straight out it was what is there footage of this no no no he almost got us in a lot of trouble why is that illegal i think it's illegal like on so many different levels And where was this? That was Las Vegas. We were in New Orleans last year and we're in New Orleans coming up again in November this year. And I feel like those people would allow public defecation. Well, the Skankfest fans loved it. Of course. Yeah, I mean the venue owners in Vegas didn't love it. Now, here's the thing I always – I'm curious about. Will you bring up Norm Somerton, the poutine? Sure. the amount like how does one relax enough to take a shit in front of a large group of people because i can't even take a dump uh with my kids in front of me bothering me like the stress of it like i need full relaxation and i need an iphone you're a woman i'm assuming you've never taken a so maybe shut your fucking mouth right now and stop grossing everyone out you're a beautiful woman is that shit it looks like a cup of shit are you drinking your own shit oh you're a fucking savage isn't that disgusting it's a hot cup of diarrhea this is what I want you to watch this gentleman maybe you can book him for skank fest he's got beautiful breasts we're going to make French Canadian poutine fries what are poutine fries well poutine fries are basically your fries cheese and a great appetite. However, there's going to be a bit of a change to the recipe. Everybody likes to change the recipe up. These ones are going to have fries, cheese, pig shit, and pig piss. Ooh, it's going to be a treat. Wow. So let's get things happening. Yeah, see? There's the fries. We'll pee on the fries first. Oh, he's got a huge dick. I think if anyone's having a nice dicks that dump on my rice How does he pee through the I'd be happy with that If I had that dick, I'd actually be happy I'm not even lying about that He's got to cover all So much piss Now that I've seen this It's a ton of piss Hold on, it gets better I'm feeling where it's going There we go Watch the spread and watch the timing. Just right away. That's wild. That looked like AI, the way that came out. This is pre-AI. Wow. Wow, you flinched. That wasn't good. I made Luis J. Gomez flinch. Tell me he doesn't need it. Joe Rogan should do this to make people audition for the mothership. And they would. There would be a line. There would be 300 people in the bar next door to the mothership waiting to eat Joe Rogan's shit and piss. On French fries. Here's the best part, though. Are you ready? Hold on, let me get my cup of diarrhea to watch it. I mean, who is this for? For you. You and me, babe. But, oh, come on. Is there anybody else that like, is this like a kink for somebody? Are people jerking off to it? Or is it some sort of like, is that what it is? They jerk off. Can I tell you? Okay, that's enough. Thank you, Josh. Here's what I've learned in my whatever, almost 20 years of doing this show. If there's a guy making a video, there's a guy jerking off to the video. That's very astute. Yeah. Nothing exists in the universe. what men are doing this the only purpose is to make somebody's penis hard and to cum that's it yeah yeah I mean I've never met anybody who's really into a shit that's not true Big J loves to watch shit videos and he acts like it's because he's interested in them but it's like there's no reason he's watched them all like he'll be like he could reference them like it's old movies so maybe he does jack off to shit videos sorry like shit is in not like this type not this like a hot chick dropping a deuce or a chick farting. Can I tell you something? Easy money. Easy money. And if my career died tomorrow, you better believe feet, shitting, farting, easiest money in the world. You can just shake your tits. I'm sorry? I think you can just shake your tits. I don't know. Mine are kind of jacked. I had surgeries and stuff. Oh, yeah, and your kids. Yeah, right. My tits are old and shitty. But that's still better than shit. That's probably, it's a more acceptable kink. Old shitty tits. Old Chitty Tits. That's your nickname, Old Chitty Tits. Of course. That's who I am. We haven't even done our opening clip. This one's, I mean, that set the bar pretty high. Yeah. But here's my opening clip for you. Are you ready? This guy, oh, man. All right, here we go. Fucking bitch tits. Fucking dummy. Oh, you sexy Facebook woman. If you're lonely and you want to, you know, meet, I'm in Bellevue, Nebraska. I'm not gonna get my address out on Facebook because to me weirdo's out there somebody might try home invasion I have to fucking kill him. You know what I mean? So but anyway, but uh That was Randy don't bring anyone mother into this Cheers to this guy Welcome Welcome to your mom's house With Tom Segura Tom Segura And Christina Paget Welcome to your mom's house. Yeah, you feel it? Not enough podcasts have fun radio intros anymore. I love it. I love it. This is good. Can we call this guy? Call this guy? Yeah, his number is up the top. Can we call him? Dude, I didn't even realize that, Louis. Yeah. He's fucking legit. And we know where he is. He's in Nebraska, but don't give out address. He'll put his phone number there. With his phone number, I think he just said one Google search from finding his address, his family members. There's a great scam. You've never gotten a hooker, Christina, but let me tell you, there's a great scam. Yeah. If you call around and try to get a hooker, what it'll do is these people that are scammers, they put, it'll be like a number or whatever. You're like, hey, I'm interested in meeting with this girl. You start negotiating or whatever. Maybe they answer you, maybe they don't. But it's not even a hooker. It's probably just some Asian somewhere in another country or whatever. But what they do is you'll get a text message and they'll say, this is like, you know, Warito, Carlos, whatever, from the whatever cartel in Mexico. You're wasting my girl's time. We're going to fucking come and kill you now if you don't pay us $2,000. and then they give you they put your home address no your family members your contacts um and then you know you start freaking out and then they send you like pictures of like dismembered body parts like beheaded people um it's it's a very common scam that this happens um but it's not it's not really the cartel it's just some yeah person just because they're assuming one percent of the people that get this go fuck i gotta you would freak out i'm a dummy the first time dude the first time I was like, fuck, what am I going to do? I imagine like the guy that's like married, right? He goes home. He's like, babe, we got to move. We got to get his bank accounts. He's unlocking his gun from under his bed because he thinks the cartel is coming. Oh my God. I would shit my pants so hard if I got that. Very common scam. So if you're getting hookers, boys, that might happen. There's a lot of people going like, oh shit, dude, I fought for that one right now. Well, that's why we do this show to help people out. Wait, can we call this guy? Sure. What's his name again? Hold on. Let me just make sure we let me get his let me get his rap again. Hold on. Here you go. Why would he put his phone number? That's crazy. Oh, you sexy Facebook woman. If you're lonely, you want to meet. I'm in Bellevue, Nebraska. W Nebraska? I'm not going to get my address out on Facebook because there are too many weirdos out there. Somebody might try a home invasion. Well, I got to tell you something. chances are Bellevue, Nebraska is not that big to begin with. No, yeah. Everybody knows who this guy is. Everyone knows exactly who this guy is. He's the guy who posts this. I mean, I wonder if it's ever worked. He's going to shit himself right now and start eating it on some french fries once he gets a phone call from a real woman. Do you think he's gotten any phone? No, not a cinema. How do we do it? I'm 50. I'd be like, hey, I'm 50. I was on Facebook lots of technology here at the studio I don't think we have it what's his name David oh my god I've never done this before are you ready get him hard get him start jacking off no if you get him to start jacking off I'll donate $1,000 to any charity of your choice I swear to god And I'm talking to any charity, the Nazi party, like whatever you want me to donate money to, I will. What should the goal be? What should we do? I just want to like, I want him to tell me about himself. Okay, right. David? That's his name? Hi, if you record your name and reason for calling, I'll see if this person is available. I'm a sexy Facebook lady. Hi, my name is Tracy and I'm a Facebook lady. No. Nope. That's him? Nope. No way. What was the charge? What was the charge? Is this an active warrant? I'm not even messing. He violated a protection order? What's that mean? Is that a restraining order? Probably, yeah. He violated a restraining order? You know what? The man knows what he wants. You know what? I wish you the best. I hope you find love in your life, David. And even if she doesn't want to love you, just find it again and again with that same woman, apparently. I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race you. I'm Ian Fidance. Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy. And to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head, I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian Do, an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash IanFryDanceComedy every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I gotta rip a fart too, bro. Let it loose, toot, toot. I'll see you out there. How long you been working here? Fellas, you already know what time it is. It's time to level up and Blue Chew just dropped something crazy. I'm talking next level championship belt gold plated energy. 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Go to Quince.com slash mom for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash mom to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash mom. Have you ever been arrested, Christina? not yet there's times I should have been and by some grace of God I mean you just think about when you're younger all the dumb times you've just driven drunk when you're young when I was younger have you been arrested? not for driving drunk are you allowed? when you catch charges I was in New York City for 20 years So weed only became legal very recently. So I was arrested for smoking weed maybe 10 times. And they put you in central bookings for the night. You spend the night in jail though, but it sucks. It's annoying. And then I got arrested one time. The only time I've been seriously arrested was for menacing and harassment. And I had a roommate. This is right before my son's mother got pregnant. So this is probably like 15 years ago, something like that. And me and this guy just fucking didn't like each other. You know, you move in, you answer an ad on Craigslist, and I show up, and this guy was like a douchey. He was in law school. He was just this rich kid. But it was like a shitty apartment, and I had my own entrance. He had his own entrance. It was kind of a cool deal. It was in Hell's Kitchen, so it was a decent enough area in New York City, right? West side. I'm close to the West Side Highway. It's decent. Yeah, yeah. I heard it's not very nice. It's a lot of gays. That's very hateful. That's all you've heard. Oh, it's gay? I understand down in Austin you guys are fucking bigots, but up in New York we're very open-minded. I didn't know that was the gays. I thought the gays were the village. It's really all along the west side. So from Hell's Kitchen, which is like the 40s and 50s on the west side. Chelsea, like the 20s on the west side. Chelsea's big gay. Then down to the west village, that whole strip is pretty gay. They have so much territory. They have a lot. The gays, the rainbow going over the west side highway. Yeah, good for them. So was this gentleman gay? No, no, no. It was just a dude. Just a law school? I see what you're implying. Not that you're a raging homosexual. That I'm a raging homosexual. You heard it here first on your mom's house. Luis Jane Gomez. No, just a normal dude. But a law student, which is not normal. I went to law school for two whole weeks. They're not normal. He was a dick. It sucks, yeah. So we ended up just starting to bump heads or whatever. What were you bumping? Hold on. What were the arguments about? Were you stealing his food, to be honest? No, no, no. Nothing like that. We just didn't really like each other. and it became a thing where I was leaving. I was ready to move on, right? We weren't friends. We weren't, it was, you know, it was a short-lived sort of like thing. And it was the summertime and he, it was like it was his place. I was renting the room from him. So his name was on the lease, right? So I was getting ready to go. And I guess I owed money for utilities still. And he's like, bro, you gotta give me the utility money. And I was like, of course, I'm gonna give you the utility money. I was like, I'm trying to find an apartment where I have to put a deposit. Just give me, like, I was never planning on giving this kid the utility money. It was not happening. Right. He said he could smell that. His fucking lawyer nose went off. Was he big-nosed? Was he? No, I don't think he was. A little R-18? I don't think he was, but yeah. So he was like, yeah, you got to give me money. I was like, no, I'll give it to you when I leave. And he could tell I was lying. So he had, this was during a heat wave in August in New York City. Oh, dang. New York City in the summertime. Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong. You're here in Texas, dude. Texas in the summertime is pure fucking hell. This place is insane. But New York heat cooks in the smells of the city. Yes, it does. It's a different vibe. And it's very humid. It's very like the exhaust. Like it's just, it's a lot. And we were going through like a heat wave, like five, six days in a row. It was like 105, 106 degrees, which is really hot for New York City. And it was his air conditioner in my window. It was his unit, right? So I was out promoting comedy clubs. I used to be a comedy club promoter. Yes, I guess he was probably 16 years ago. And he goes, I come home and he took the air conditioner out of my window. No, he fucking did. During a heat wave. And I had a Jack Russell Terrier that I never, ever got groomed. So he just had thick hair. So it was like, I had a fan, but with the fan, it was like whirlwinds of dog hair and heat. You'd go into the room. It was truly hell, like the worst. So then I, to retaliate, I started cleaning the toilet with his toothbrush and jerking off in a shampoo bottle. I mean, the race I've ever been was that week as I'm just angrily jerking into a shampoo bottle. I was like, take this, you fucking motherfucker. Oh, dude. Every time he showered, I would just fucking listen over gas. He's fucking got my jizz on his head. Hold on, though. That is diabolical. Yeah, yeah. Who would ever think of jizzing in a man's shampoo bottle? Guys, that's a gift for the world. You guys can do that. Another gift. Yeah, another. We're just giving you our gifts today. Yeah. Bro, that's diabolical because it's like you don't even know that's there because you're not tasting it. You might catch a whiff of something and be like, is that? No. Honestly, it probably made his hair shinier. I think it's good. I think it's good for your hair, to be honest. So this fool took his unit, the fucking AC unit, out of your room just on the assumption that you would stiff him for the utilities Is that what I hearing He was right All of his instincts were correct I know but like you not supposed to So he starts the war with you I on your side here I your attorney on this side Good Thank you Okay so go ahead. So you're jerking off into his thing. You're cleaning the toilet. Smart. Yes, obviously. Just doing what I have to do, you know. Obviously, Lewis. I'm on your side. I hate this guy, right? So do I. So I guess I'm out one day. I'm in Times Square promoting the comedy club, right? Because that's how I got my start in comedy, was promoting comedy clubs. It wasn't barking. It was actually selling tickets. But he calls me. He's like, yeah, dude, I got to get the cable box out of your room. And I'm like, don't touch the fucking cable. Don't even go in my room, right? Because I guess he had to return it because I was leaving. And I was like, don't go in my room. I'll give it to you when I get home. He's like, I'm going in your room to take it right now. And I was like, if you go to my room, I'm going to come and beat your fucking ass. I'm going to come and fuck you up. He's like, come in your room right now. you're not going to do anything. So I start, I mean, running home. I remember Bobby Kelly lived on my book and Bobby Kelly was like, you know, fucking legend already. Like I'm a young comic. I see Bobby Kelly. He's like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm going to go beat up my roommate. He's like, you're going to get arrested, dude. I was like, no, I'm not. Run to the house, dude. And, um, yeah, we get into this big argument. His girlfriend's there and I'm making him look like a bitch. I'm Puerto Rican. So we just talk shit in a way where it's like, tell me, I know it. You can tell. I felt your fucking energy. You have extra security here for that reason. Love it. So I'm talking like just, I mean, real like ghetto shit. Tell me, how do you flip shit? Because what do you fucking, you fucking mother, you mother whore? I'm trying to get him to like, I want to get him to hit me for whatever it is. Smart, because that way you don't catch charges because you're defending him. Yeah, he's in law school. He's that kid who's going to fucking call the cops. So I'm just, do something, you little fucking bitch. I was like, yeah, you fucking, you know, whatever it is. Dude, I'm getting very Puerto Rican, very ghetto. Do you speak Spanish? No, no, no. But I get a Spanish accent when I get angry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It turns into... Hey, you fucking bitch. Yeah, what's up, bitch-ass motherfucker? What's up, motherfucker? It turns into a Mexican. Yeah. What's up, pato? I know we went Mexican. Yeah, we went Mexican. What's Puerto Rican like Rosie Perez? Yeah, that's kind of... Right? That's what I was doing. Yeah. Yeah. Like, what's up with her? What's up with... Okay, sorry. Go ahead. This is fascinating. Yeah, yeah. So Chad is defending himself. He's defending himself, but he's just, you know, you can tell. He fucking beat his ass. I'm out out for him. But I didn't hit him. I ended up just bitching him out in front of his girlfriend. And then I put, I had a fishing knife, an old fishing knife. It was a shitty old knife. In your room or in your pocket? It was a knife that I had, like growing up. I would go fishing. I grew up in the suburbs, so we would go fishing. And it's like a little shitty fishing knife. and I put it on top of the cable box to let him know if you touch this cable box, I'm going to fucking murder you. It was specifically very menacing and I would understand if he felt harassed in this moment. So I left that on the – that was that. Then I went back out and I did my thing and I go out to shows that night. Me and Dave Smith is a great comic I do with Legion of Scandings with. We're hanging out. We're doing our thing. And apparently he called the cops like a pussy while I was out on my show. What a little bitch, right? So I come home and I go to walk my dog, Sport, right? Me and Dave Smith are there and we're coming out and there's cops coming up the stairwell. They were like, do you live in apartment 2B? And I was in 2A because we had separate entrances. So I go out and then I'm like, Dave's like, dude, let's just go. They're going to get arrested. I was like, am I getting arrested? It's my word versus his word. We're not realizing that lawyer versus Puerto Rican, you're never winning that argument. So yeah, I come back up and they arrested me. They put me in cuffs, had to go to jail. Big Jay Oakerson's wife was a lawyer at the time. So luckily, she ended up coming down. And if you have a lawyer, they sort of move you to the head. If you're using the public defender, you're waiting on a very long list. I would have been there for like four or five days. So I was only in jail for like a day for that. And the charges got dropped and that was that. was she a criminal defense lawyer or just any lawyer i don't know what the fuck she did well because i'm saying if you just have any type of lawyer because any lawyer can't represent you i assume it doesn't have to be their brand of law that's a hot tip too lewis is like hey if you got a friend who's a lawyer doesn't have to be a criminal yep it bumps you up this is a really good hot tip good hot tip make that your first fucking phone call do they really give you one phone call do you get one no there's a there's a phone there's like um a payphone so you can keep I'm going back to it and using it if you need to. Payful. So do you need quarters? No, I think you're just doing like collect calls. Oh, that's smart. Yeah, that's the way it works. I need to tell you about my Helix mattress because it has changed the game. 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Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive bonus bets which expire in seven days. Minimum odds required. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co slash audio. Limited time offer. But I remember, so I couldn't go back to the house. All my belongings were there. Fuck. And it's so funny because my son's mother had to pack up everything with Nate Bargatze, who is actually my son's godfather. No way. And me and Nate are like the whole, like the fact that Nate had to go to this little shitty apartment. But he's like, it's like I watched him at Madison Square Garden like six months ago with my son. And I just think back to like him having to move everything out of this little shitty apartment with my son's mother. It's like, what a crazy world. What a crazy world. Yeah. But most importantly, when you're in jail for that one night, you're overnight once. Yeah. Yeah. I've heard that there's one toilet in the room and that you have to take a shit and piss in front of everybody in the room. And there's no french fries. so that's that why would you just do it right in the bowl it's wasted materials as they say but I'm serious isn't this true and it's like a toilet it's just like out in the middle of the room so did you make a brown while you were there no you'd pee some people do and you're supposed to flush it like as it comes out you keep on flushing it otherwise everyone gets mad is that a rule explicitly stated in the room when somebody goes take a shit everyone's like yo make sure you flush that right away they tell you yeah they say it a little blacker yo yo yo don't be sticking up this play show and what kind of gentlemen are you in there with and i'm assuming it's only gentlemen they separate yeah yeah you're with all the dudes and um it's everybody from like so i was in that time it was more like actual violent it's kind of funny they put the violent criminals together yeah and it's like when you get arrested for smoking weed it's just like do sweet nights in new york city or they used to anyway um you know i think they you know they started changing things because they were stopping and frisking just Puerto Rican and black kids. So the numbers were massively inflated, right? So everybody had weed on them. Like every NYU college student that was a white kid also had weed on them. But they weren't getting stopped. So when you look at the numbers in New York City, it was only brown people getting arrested. It was kind of a weird system, right? But when you get arrested for smoking weed or open container or public urination, that was sort of they would do sweet nights. You'd be in the cell with all those types of people and people that were like in like violent fights or like stealing things like that they were sort of separated so it was almost like a class of criminal um so yeah i was with more like but here's the thing a lot of people you get the people that have been through the system a lot like once you're arrested seven times you know it's only 24 hours you're like it's just not that big of a deal the first time you're like what the fuck's going on like is my life over but by the time the sixth or seventh time you go you go this is kind of it's you know it's whatever it's not a deal you kind of have fun you joke around you could buy weed you buy cigarettes like in in the cell in the cell people will sneak stuff and some people are doing heroin and getting really fucked up but um yeah it's kind of in a weird way like there's like a camaraderie yeah of course you're just kind of like everyone's waiting some some people know like you know if they have a warrant and they're going to like prison prison you can kind of see those guys like yeah they're gonna come get me um some guys just refuse to give their name or information so they'll be in this cell for like a week and it's like they just refuse because i think going to prison is probably worse than being in just like the jail for sure now do you have to spread and cough just to go to jail or that's when they check you into prison when they check you and you don't you don't have to do it actually in the cell but i did just for fun i just wanted to like show everyone that i was friendly well look you're are you single uh no i just i just got locked up you did got locked up Just again. So maybe you have some friends that are single. I want to show you this video this girl sent in. Oh, I cheat. So whatever. Oh, yeah. Perfect. Okay. So this chick just sent this in. She heard you were coming. I didn't know if you wanted to. What do you think? I hate when they do that. Oh, it's ASMR. She's getting ready for her big date with you. I've hooked up with worse. No. Yes, I have. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? I hooked up. What? I've hooked up with. Was she in jail? It's a good jail. If you're going to go to prison, this is the haircut. This is the one. Right? It's not bad. No. So, wait, you've hooked up with worse than her? Yeah, 100%. Without a doubt. Worse than a head-shaved skullet. Yeah, she's kind of cute. But, I mean, like, you know, if you forget the hair, body's decent, face is cute, she's going to be a freak. She's into weird shit. Yes, this is true. No, you're right, because the damage is out there. Yeah. She's like, I am traumatized. Here's what I, somebody did stuff to me younger, and now I'm going to be a good lady. Now I'm going to put my fingers in your butt. That's that woman. My girlfriend now, she won't touch my butthole. I won't touch Tom's. Yeah, now. I won't touch Tom's. One finger? Nope, I'm terrified of it. Never one finger. Can I tell you why? Please. My husband is large and hairy, and I've perused the area, and it's so hot and steamy in there. You know what I mean? It's humid, and I don't like it. It's like New York in July. Tom's asshole. Tom's asshole is New York in July. You nailed it. Yeah. Yes, and I get scared of the heat. Is that everybody's butthole or just Tom's? I think, you know, I can be honest with you. I've never noticed a lot of heat coming off of a woman's asshole. I think it's just men because there's a lot of heat coming out of my asshole, too, unquestionably. You think there is? Yeah. Like, have you empirically tested this? No, I've never done that. Have you touched your own b-hole? Well, yeah, I think sometimes you have to. When you're cleaning, but you know what I mean? Yeah, when you're cleaning. When you're... Not when I'm whacking it. No. No, that'd be crazy. Do you do that? That would be gay. Do people do that, men? Fingering your own asshole is wild. that's fucking like legs up that's where you draw the line two fingers that's crazy i think so too but i don't know you're the skank fest yeah leader you tell me you're the originator i've never i've never fingered my own asshole whatever it is when there's a girl going down there that just seems really gay but when there's a girl going down there if she wants to put a finger in my ass or like lick my asshole like i used to that's fine i used to see you'll lick tom's asshole never in my life. Never, not once. No, I'm a fucking lady, dude. I'm a mother. I have two children. I have two sons. Yeah. No, them. I am a good Eastern European. They are 10 and 7 now. Wow. No, dude, I'm not a fucking dirty whore. And can I tell you something? No. Oh, sorry. I mean, not your lady. Your lady's a safe. No, my girl doesn't touch my asshole. She refuses. Why? I've made a couple jokes about it. I'm like... Because she's a nice girl. She's a nice girl. Well, she's from Philly, so she's not. She's a piece of shit. I'm a piece of shit because I'm from the San Fernando Valley and I'm Eastern European too. But I just like, I don't know. I'm old school, babe. Like I'm old school. I'm from the 1900s. I'm old. Yeah, like I can't. I'm not licking a dude's asshole. It's not in the fucking repertoire, man. It's a special type of woman that does it. And when I was growing up watching the pornography I grew up on, women weren't doing that shit yet. That was strictly for gay dudes. Yeah. This is not for women to do. I mean, look, dude, my asshole is a goddamn nightmare. Of course it is. I feel bad when they do it, but, I mean, boy, do I put my legs back and just fucking... I go cross-eyed and I stick my tongue out like an OnlyFans war. Okay, here we go. This is for you, then. I'm feeling... Are you into this? Let's do this. Want me to change your tamper? Did you dookie? Did you dookie? Are we talking about interracial relationships? No, I'm against this, actually. This is wrong. What's wrong? Stick with your own. I agree. That's what I said. This should be illegal, not in Trump's America. Of course. Well, you're in Texas. Okay, so this says, when he thinks he's about to hand clap my cheeks, but I have a diaper on, yes, I'm disabled. And then the crying laughing emoji, I'm so confused. What is happening here? So she shit in her disabled diapers? Yeah. And he's going to change her dye dye? I don't think you should be able to tattoo disabled people. I agree. That's like, yeah. But they're not retarded. What type of disability does she have? When I hear disabled, I'm assuming it's mental every time. I don't know why. Let me see. Hold on. There's some of this. Read me. Okay. Her name is Chelsea. She's an Instagram personality who posts about her life living Frederick's ataxia disease, which is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that damages the nervous system, spinal cord and cerebellum, causing impaired muscle coordination, weakness, speed. God damn it. This poor broad. So her boyfriend has to change her diaper because she shit herself. Wow. So but that's it. Here's the thing, man. There's no. before we go. There's no man on the planet that's doing that out of the kindness of his heart. As we learned in the opening clip, guys only do stuff because it what? To jerk off. That's right. That's it. It makes him D hard. He likes it. Yeah. I mean, if you're dating, look, here's the truth. I could never date a girl that has any physical shit at all. If she got scoliosis, I'm not passing that on to my children possibly. So every time you date, you're thinking in terms of down the road, like, can I make babies? Well, I have a son and I think that way. Of course. I'm not going to waste anybody's time. So if a girl has like any like deformities and shit like that, it ain't happening. We can't create some fucked up little babies, you know? Oh, my God. So it doesn't make your dick hard is what you're saying. No, it doesn't make my dick hard. Yeah. What about just changing a dirty dye dye? I change my son's diapers, but it's like whatever it is with your kid, you know, this like puke shit, whatever else it is. If somebody puked in front of me, I would just start dry heaving. But my son, I don't know why, I never had a physical reaction to it. When he was a baby or even when he got sick when he was like three, he puked everywhere. He just cleaned it up, you know? Yeah. I had a girl puke on my dick recently. Really? Yeah, yeah. And it was in a loaner car from the car dealership because I was getting my tires rotated. And she puked everywhere. No. It was pure hell, like genuinely the worst. And then she was hammered. I was going to say, alcohol puke is really hard to get that smell out of. I have a bit about it that I'm writing. The truth story was she tried to kill herself, and she was on medications because she was fucking whacked in the head. She came out to Story Wars, which is a podcast that I do in New York City. And I sent her over a couple drinks, and she wasn't supposed to be drinking because she was on medication. So she got blackout drunk. And then afterwards, she's like, let me come home with you. I'm like, no, you're too drunk. She's like, let me suck your dick in your car. I was like, all right, fine. We can do that. And we go out to the car and start sucking my dick. And then, you know. Oh, God, I almost threw up. Everywhere. Just thinking about it. Everywhere. And then I went to go get all the cleaning supplies. And when I came back out, she just left me. She, like, disappeared into the night. So I had to clean up everything. Just disappeared into the night. She disappeared into the night. Just scuttled off. Covered a puke. Yeah, like, why? Why would she just disappear? She knows you. She was embarrassed and she was just fucked up. You know where she lives. I don't know her last name. I have no idea where she lives. But, yeah, I had to clean up her puke. And the whole time I'm just dry heaving as I'm like. Oh. It was everywhere. Trying to get puke out of a cup holder. Just the worst. I hate puke. I have a thing. I hate puking so much. I hate puke. I know. I hate it more than you. I bet I have a fucking phobia. I've been to like doctors to try to get over it. Really? Yeah, I'm real fucked up, man. Yeah, you don't like it. I don't like it. Nobody likes puke. Except that first guy probably. I've seen some videos that we've done. Yeah. All right. What about, how about this guy? What do you feel about him? No cap, no cap, dog. It's really my life, dog. That's the guy that owns the house right there. The bitch is great at my potatoes. My mom right here talking shit. Other homegirl on the cuts. Come on, dog. I live on the lake, dog. Million dollar, million dollar nigga, nigga. Holla at me, dog. Like I said, get off my dick. That's a lot, right? No, that's the average Skankfest attendee. Just so you know, this is who I sell my tickets to. That's rich. Yeah, don't disrespect rich. well like okay so it's a brag because he's like this a million dollar lakefront shit and he he shows his sister grating carrots into a bowl yeah and my mom talking shit she's like don't fucking film me and then the and then he drops the n bomb he's like what's up and and then he's out of the night that's okay yeah i think if you don't have teeth you're allowed to say the n word interesting theory yeah yeah oh my god i think you because we've always talked about like what white person is allowed to drop N-bombs? And I think you're right. If you missing all your teeth From you know meth or heroin or whatever he doing Yeah But yeah this guy Do these people ever try to kill you and your family Like I wondering because you show these people on such a large platform Am I giving him ideas? Stop it. Stop it. Let's move right along. Here we go. But anyway, he's bragging, right? Like, you tell me you've met guys like him in jail, right? Yeah, of course. no i mean i grew up in the um like suburban new york not as like trashy like syracuse no no not as far out there rockland county i know where that is you ever played levity live in nyack yeah west nyack it's in the mall yeah yes i worked in the mall in high school i worked in hot topic yeah bro and that put you what they put you at a hotel yeah that's all um jews but what kind of curly Q Jews and the wigs. Muncie, New York, is the largest population of Hasidic Jews anywhere in the world. That's in Rockland County as well. It's an entire community of Hasidic Jews. My mom told me when I was driving through Muncie, she was like, be careful because they'll push their baby strollers in front of your car so you kill their babies so they can sue you. That was a real lesson my mom taught me. Your mom's Puerto Rican? My mom's white. White trash. Much closer to this guy. I'm half Puerto Rican, half white trash. So dad's Puerto Rican, mom's white trash. Yeah, because I was going to say that's like a gypsy thing. Yeah. Gypsies will do that in Hungary. They push their babies in front of your car? They won't do it to kill you. They'll throw their baby at you so that you catch the baby, and then they'll take your wallet. Ooh. It's to steal from you. That's smart. Yeah, it kind of is. That's very creative. That's why I was like, I wonder if your mom's a gypsy. She's not. Okay, so hold on. I want you to see this. This is a roommate fight. Is this what happened between you and Chad? Stoned out motherfucker. Stoned out motherfucker. Listen to that. Wait till I show you this, Darlene. This is the real Daryl. This is the real Daryl that slams doors. You piece of shit, Daryl. You are a total piece of shit. I've done so much for my safe Florida, too. Like I said, stay the fuck away from me. Stay the fuck away. That's right. This is common area, buddy. So fuck you. This is common area, buddy. Fuck you. Just go out and fucking get your stone some more today. Whatever, dude. Go get some more stone. Get the hell away from me. Oh, that really bothers potheads. Oh, they don't like it. Do not, do not. Hey, man, pot's cool, dude. You need to chill. Listen, DeRosa came on here, and he and I are not pot people. I'm an alcohol type. Yeah, yeah. But, boy, were they pissed off, and we're like, you guys are fucking losers. Yeah, you guys got to. Just a bunch of pot smokers. Get some motivation, guys. Stop smoking your. I can't claim that I'm not a potted. I haven't smoked since Christmas. I take breaks for like, in my older age, I'll go like six months to a year without smoking, and I get in great shape, and I'm motivated. I get shit done. I start businesses, and then I fall off for like five or six months and just get stoned every day. It's really not good for me anyway. For my motivation, I feel like I'm just kind of living underwater. Yeah, yes. So I think some people have to be a little self-reflective. You can admit that it's probably not the best to get high in the morning when you first get up. No, I think what it is is because it's such a downer and it's such a brain killer. And it's not like you, at least for me, I don't smoke weed and then go out dancing and partying and go to a concert. I don't know how many people go to concerts. Do you go dancing even when you're not high? I can. You can. I can. I like only goth music, though. I'm fucking retarded. Did I mention that? Like, I'm embarrassing, but I also don't like the marketing of pot, the culture of pot. I don't like their fucking stupid posters. They're glow in the dark shit. Black lights, fucking beanbag. It's just ugly. It's not a cute aesthetic. Yeah. More punk. Like if punks were like into that, but they're not. They're into alcohol. But anyway, is this so fucking Daryl? Apparently, she's into smoking pot and they're fighting over the communal area. So hold on. Let's see. Oh, here we go. Speaking of pot. It's all you do every day is go out and buy drugs and get stoned. Left at 930 today. Where the fuck were you? Where was I? I was at playing against sports. I was at public. Get stoned and go talk to everybody. It's all right. I got your video showing you're buying drugs. I got you so fucked. I want to fucking stab you so bad, girl. I don't do drugs. I went in and made a medical appointment because I needed one. and I made an appointment today. I don't give a shit what you do, Joe. You're a stoned ass motherfucker. I don't care about that. Am I fucking stoned? Yes, you are! Fuck you, buddy. Fuck you. I shouldn't even deny it. I went to play it again, Sam. What is play it again, sports? Play it again, sports. What if you're talking about, but she can be high and go to play it again. She went to play it again, sports. Oh, is it just a store? It's a sporting good store. That doesn't make you a winner because you went to go buy sporting goods. You can be high and still do that. Yeah. Dumb broad. Debbie. What sports do potheads play? They don't play any sports, right? Like hacky sack? Hacky sack. They don't sell hacky sacks there. That's crazy. That's another thing. Potheads, yeah, what do they do? Hacky sack, watching movies. Yeah. Fucking losers, man. Fucking dweebs. Whereas, you know, alcoholics are like athletes. Oh, yeah. Baseball players. what's his name doc ellis uh pitched a perfect game highest shit on lsd that's a respectable drug that is respect that makes you do stuff you got to really commit you got to really commit if you're doing lsd or really i do real drugs really like heroin i do like lsd heroin's sexy the problem is the marketing on that sexy like i grew up watching train spotting. Yeah. All my favorite singers did heroin. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not into it. I could be. Oh, yeah. That would be it. You would have an endless supply of heroin if you wanted it. Oh, my God. If I find out I'm, like, terminally ill, that's the first thing I'm doing. Really? Yeah. What are you doing? First thing I'm doing if I'm terminally ill, I'm going to find my old roommate and fucking jerk off directly on a scalp. Play it against sports. Yeah, I mean, no, I mean, I guess I would, if I was going to, you know, I think Metzger has the joke like that. Yeah, he goes, he's like, here with these kids, like, they're suicidal. I was like, how are you going to kill yourself? Have you not heard of heroin? Which is such a great point. It's like, if you're that far down, just do heroin and maybe you'll die and you'll die. I mean, I'm assuming overdosing on heroin probably feels pretty sick. Yeah. It's so much heroin that it kills you. It was so great. Yeah. I know. Why? Yeah, you may as well just have a slow drug problem. Yeah. But then the problem is you're drawing it out. Yeah. I don't know. But it probably feels great. I mean, I've taken a Percocet. It felt pretty good. Bro, my last surgery I had, they gave me Dilaudid, which is essentially it's heroin. Yeah, it's opioids. Yeah. They gave it to me intravenously, and I was like, it's the best feeling in the world. Yeah. But I heard you can't ever get back to that first dose feeling. Oh, you're chasing the dragon. Yeah. Because then your body just gets acclimated to that shit, and then you don't ever get hired. You've got to just start drinking Kratom every day. Oh, is that right? Yeah, that's shit. I remember that. What happened to that? No, Kratom's still out there. They actually, the main sponsor for Skankfest is Yo Kratom. It's a Kratom company, and they're great. They're really good dudes. They're not selling it recreationally. I'm sure a lot of people do. But the reason people use Kratom is to get off of opioids and to get off of heroin. Oh, got it. So it's the better alternative to doing heroin every day. But yeah, people just recreationally drink Kratom. They have green teeth. You're like, what the fuck is wrong with you, dude? What's wrong with you? You fucking psycho. Yeah. Wow. Skate Fest is so much fun. I don't know because I – I mean, I do know because Sarah Wineshank and Kim Congdon come in here after doing – Last time they came in, hot off the plane. They had just flown in, glitter fucking still on their faces, fake fur jackets. I mean, it is Sodom and Gomorrah. It just sounds awesome. It is. It's very different. It's not like when you go to Just for Laughs. You're trying to schmooze with the industry or Moon Tower or any of these other. It's one giant venue. There's six stages. In New Orleans, we did four stages because there were bigger rooms. But we have fights. We have fans fighting, comedians fighting each other. Uncle Laser fought Jason Ellis. What? It was wild. Ellis is pretty strong. Ellis is a monster. Yeah. He's really terrifying. And we have a naked roast. Ellis also judges the naked roast. He's got a fucking... Dude, Ellis' cock. Bring it up, please. Dude, bring up Jason Ellis' cock. Let me make sure we can see this. It is a... Just... It's just a monster between his legs. Really? Like, soft. Like, his cock is... Oh, my... His cock soft is literally twice, no, five times as big as my soft cock. Wow. So, hold on. All the comics that roast. Okay, thank you. I got it. I know this guy. Okie dokie. I'm still a mom, guys, in my heart. You asked for it. I know. But then I remember that I, you know, I have enough dicks in my life. I don't need to see it. And I like Jason Ellis. He's great. And I'm sure he doesn't mind everyone saying he's got a huge cock. Yeah, he's the best. He's really tough and has a huge cock. Oh, for life. Poor him. Jason Hammond. So wait, what was I going to say? Okay, so the comics have to go nude. Yeah, it's a roast battle, but all the guys and girls are roasting each other naked. All the judges are naked. Stop it. Yeah, yeah. So who's going to sign up? I would be mortified. So many people sign up. It's crazy. It's insane. What the fuck, dude? So one of the things we do is there's no cameras, right? Yeah. And we don't even yonder bag. We don't do that. We literally, the fans are so fucking, they really get it, dude. They're so respectful. They look like a bunch of like bikers and heavy metal fans, but they're hardcore comedy nerds. Whereas like if somebody heckles, like everyone's like, yo, like there's none of that. Nobody pulls out their phones to take video or take pictures. We had Louis C.K. when he came back to comedy. He had taken off. He had done some shows in Europe, but he hadn't performed in the United States. He came to the one in Brooklyn and was a special surprise guest. standing ovation not a single camera phone taken out i took the video of him going on stage being announced that's what got leaked to tmz um but not a single person they just knew like this is for us this isn't for we did a tough grad reunion uh with colin quinn back in the day not a single camera people just like our audience is very educated they know like it's also like it was very special to be there it was like a secret show just for them so it's like you had to be there if you weren't there that was that so it was uh yeah yeah it's it's pretty special and it's It's just chaotic. So there's obviously great comedy and podcasts, but it's all the extra things. This year we had a Ferris wheel right on the water and a Gravitron. People are doing fucking acid and molly and ketamine. We have a weed tent. It's debaucherous, but it's also controlled chaos where there's no fights. There's been a couple scuffles now at this point. It's gotten so big. But we prided ourselves for years that we never had a single fight or nobody had been kicked out. So it's not like the Juggalos where people are. No, no, no, no. Which I performed at the Gathering of the Juggalos this past year. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We love these guys. ICP's been on this show a few times. They're fantastic. But I've seen fights breaking out and it can be whatever, but I don't know. Yeah, Violent J, he's been on the podcast. They're so funny. We had last year for our last one in Vegas in San Clampasso was the special musical guest. Oh, cool. They're so cool. This year. But yeah, we went to the kickoff party on Thursday night. There's always a surprise music guest. And, yeah, we do some live podcasts. And, dude, it really is a festival of love. It's like there's a lot of, like, craziness. And it seems like it's intimidating, I think, for people. But then people go. You don't have to be, like, a Legion of Skanks fan because we have – I mean, the lineup is crazy. Shane Gillis and Tim Dillon and Tony Hinchcliffe and Mark Norman. I mean, you could just go. There's almost 200 comedians that perform. And it's the best of the best. That's why you got to come this year. You got to come. So Skank Fest 2026 is going to be in New Orleans, November 13th through 15th. And when do tickets go on sale for this? The pre-sale, which is before we announce any comics. The pre-sale is February 16th, 2 p.m. Eastern, I should say. So, yeah, that's before we announce. And then the VIP tickets will get you access to the Thursday night kickoff party as well. It's the only way to get it. And then the general sale is April 20th, 2 p.m. Eastern. And that will be for everybody. That's when we announce the lineup. And it's the 10th anniversary, so it's going to be the best one we've ever done. Oh, that's going to be a banger then. You've got to go hard. And New Orleans was so fun. New Orleans is such a debaucherous city. The problem is Vegas ruined us because we did it in New York for three years, then Houston. Then we went to Vegas for three years. And Vegas doesn't stop. You leave Skankfest. The last show ends at like 1 in the morning. And you go out and it's just getting started in downtown Vegas. so people would just like stay up for five days. It's just so New Orleans has that similar vibe. There's the 24-hour bars. We have the after parties at Larry Flint's Barely Legal Club. I knew you'd really like that. How fun. So you're going to come to the Barely Legal experience. Of course. I love it. I'm Barely Legal. That's so rad. Yeah, yeah. It's really fun. You know, and that is nice. And I've always found, too, that people that are – how do I say this? Openly freaky or whatever are the coolest. And it's the ones that pretend to be normal that I distrust the most. Oh, yeah. Like if I walk into your house and you've got kids but your furniture is all white and then it doesn't look like kids live there, I'm like, you're a fucking serial killer. I have all white furniture, but it's not my – my ex-girlfriend picked out the couch and the rug or helped me. So it's like she had this hot girl, rich aesthetic she wanted to have. And then we broke up. I was buying a house for the first time, and we broke up right before we moved in because it just – I could tell that she was just not – when you try to buy a house with someone that you're not married to, everything becomes apparent, like what's important. And it's like, I was like, I can't, I can't like bring her into this home and make this half her home when it's not really. So we ended up breaking up. Now I have like this massive white couch and white carpet. My whole living room is like bright white. But you don't have small kids is what I'm saying. Yeah, I have a 13 year old, but he jerks off. He jerks off. He's in his room alone. And you don't come as white. Yeah. Most importantly. Yeah. Wow. You broke up. How long were you guys together for? On and off for three years. Dang, homie. Have you ever been married? No. Wow. Are you thinking? Do you think you could? I think if I – I really like being a dad, right? I love being a dad. It's the thing that I do best, right? Yeah. It's the one thing that I try to do really well and I try not to fuck up with, right? Yeah. And I feel like I kind of miss the experience because me and my son's mother broke up when he was two. We co-parent. We still co-parent great. We go on vacations together. We go to dinner together. You do. That's very hard. I just put it on my distance glasses. Yeah, yeah. I've got to get my prescription fixed. Go ahead. So you're co-parent. You guys go on. Things. Yeah, and we do it. We really co-parent well. We're very different people, so we would have never worked. But I kind of wish I didn't not give my son the full experience. He had a broken home, and even though it worked out really well, and he's spoiled, and he's got everything he wants, and he's really an incredible kid. a straight-A student, good-looking, tall, just sweet, kind, like really, really thoughtful and mature, athletic. He's in musical theater. He acts. He's gay, obviously. So he's got a girlfriend. He's got multiple girlfriends. This kid's like a little pimp. But he's really great. But I didn't give him the experience. I would have loved to give him a little sister or a little brother. So I think about it now. If I'm dating a chick and I am dating a girl now, it's like I would do it again. I'd have more kids, get married, do it the right way. Why not? You know, what else are you going to do? I'm 50 almost in June and I'm like, what the fuck else am I going to do? I've done everything else. How many fucking brunches are you going to go to? How many parties? You know what I mean? Of course. Really? Really? It's like your life becomes masturbatory at a certain point if your existence is just for you. I think it's very depressing. People who don't have kids, I go like, where's the motivation to like? Yeah, what are you doing? Like, for me now, it's, like, it's actually pretty easy. I'm 43. I'm turning 44 in April. And I'm going, like, I'm, like, looking at, like, death in the next 30, 40 years, right? That's, like, happening. And I'm going, like, it's not, like, depressing because I'm, like, oh, I'm going to leave my son and my niece some incredible things. Not only, like, you know, just, like, money and things like that, but also, like, just, like, my legacy will live on through, like, my kid who's going to probably change the world. He's, like, the best person I've ever met. So, yeah. Well, and you created Skankfest. And I had Skankfest. I think in all seriousness, I'm sure there's people that are like, thank God for this. This is the thing I look forward to every year. It's their vacation. Yeah. Our fan base, I'd say 90% of them come from out of town, and it's their vacation. They save up all year. They buy the tickets. They book the hotels, and it's different. You're not just watching comedy shows. You're partying. The concept came from – I was doing these heavy metal cruises. I was performing with the comedy acts on like, it was called Shiprock was one of them. You did? Oh, how? I didn't even know there were heavy metal cruises. Let me know if you know of a goth one. I'll do that one. I'm sure there's definitely a goth cruise, unquestionably. Is Bauhaus doing a cruise? It'll be like The Cure. I would love that. I just saw Nine Inch Nails live in New York. How are they? They're incredible. And Trent Reznor's incredible. Trent Reznor's incredible. Did you watch Soul? Soul, the cartoon? Cartoon movie, yeah. Yeah, of course. He did the music on Soul. That's why it's good. It's so moody and fun. Yes. Look, the gothic cruise, you got to do this. No, hold on, bro. 2026 info coming soon. Okay, bookmark this. I'm being serious. Dude, I would do this. I'll perform on it. Yeah, yeah. You want to do it? That's 100%. Dude, let's do the gothic cruise together. I worked at Hot Topic in high school. I was gothic Jason. I was unique. Yeah. But I wore eyeliner. I had long hair, purple highlights. I know you are. Dude, come on. I smell my type. You're my type. People think I'm like a Joe Rogan bro, And I'm like, no, no, no. Those guys made fun of me in high school. I was like a fucking weirdo. I was in a band. I played drums. Oh, cool. I play drums now very poorly. I just started doing it a couple of years ago. Oh, this is so cool. Original Gothic Cruise founded in 1989. Wow. What, bro? That's great. Where does it start? Tell me where and when. I mean, just let's go. This is a great promo for the Goth Cruise. I mean, I love this. Yeah, this is all I want. You know how much people pay to advertise on the show, Goth Cruise? Book us. Book us. Here's the one fatal flaw, okay? And I know this because I was gothic when I went on my first cruise, is that goths don't want to be out in the sunshine. So you've got to make it nocturnal where, like, everything happens at night. And then during the day, we all get inside. Get into your coffins. Instead of cabins, everyone's got coffins. Yes. Deep southern Caribbean from San Juan. Hey, that's your tribe. There you go. Alaska. Okay. Okay. All right, goth cruise. But we would do these heavy metal cruises. and I was this is really where the concept from Skankfest came right we were doing these cruises and I would see like at the food hall like or the restaurants like the rock stars were just like hanging out and talking to the fans and you'd be on the deck of the boat and the hot tub and you're just like oh that's the lead singer of fucking Limp Bizkit or you know whoever else it is and you couldn't escape everyone there's no escaping right I did the Interpractical Jokers cruises there's some comedy ones as well but it was like I was like oh, this is the way, what an experience. You're not only just watching these people perform, but you're eating lunch with them. You're interacting with them. You're partying with them. It's a different experience. So we took that to the land. So that's why it has to be one venue We never did multiple venues It has to be one venue It has to be a party It has to be everybody amongst each other So it not it it looks big Cause like but it only about 3 200 people a day It not like this massive massive amount of people. Um, but you're really getting to like the experience of like hanging out with the Legion of skanks or Bobby Kelly or Shane Gillis or Tony Hinchcliffe. You don't really get that anywhere else. Right. And we're all one. It feels like a very like, um, you know, so when the comics come, you know, these guys, they're all like, what's weird is we started this 10 years ago we were all just broke asses and just trying to figure out life right now everyone's gotten like rich and famous and they're touring and making a million dollars on the road and fucking so they nobody has to do it like shangles does not even tony hansel doesn't have to do skankfest the reason these guys come back it's because it's a very unique experience and comics were we can just were our foundation was built on self-deprecation being broke not having anything making fun of that so you really never escape that thing right You spend a decade minimum being fucking broke. So poor. Minimum. And then the next decade, you kind of figure it out. And I think because that's built into our foundation, we never move away from that. I'm sure – don't get me wrong. You do to a certain degree. But you always kind of remember that. And I think that's why we get so many people that are still coming back year after year. I still have nightmares that I'm broke and that I never made it in comedy. And I'm living in downtown L.A. again. And I have to sell my feet pics. Well, and also, too, I think it's because you guys create. It sounds like an environment where comics aren't afraid to walk around and be with people. And comics, for the most part, I think are pretty down to earth, folks, because we deal with the public. Your bread and butter is entertaining drunks. So, you know, fuck. Okay. Let's do some TikToks. Can I have you for another 10 minutes? You can have me for whatever you want. Hey. You know what I like about you, too? What's that? You're a go-getter. Yeah. You're a real hustler. I really am. Yeah. What is this? Who's this? Is this your Puerto Rican dad? I've been, no. My dad was stabbed to death when I was four years old. What? I grew up without a father. Wow. God, my eyelid just twitched out of the... No, no, no, it's okay. God damn. But what? You got such a... And I mean this, I got the best kid in the world. That sperm had to meet that egg. I wouldn't change a minute before I busted that nut. Of course. Everything had to happen right up until that moment. So there's, you know, I've, believe me, more than made my peace with everything that I had a pretty hard childhood. But I was always like, I was just broke as a kid. We were on welfare in Section 8. And I just, I was the kid who was shoveling people's driveways, lemonade stand, iced tea stand. You know, I got my first job when I was 11. I've worked, literally, I've never not had a job since I was 11. And I'm not likable. So the industry never, like, in comedy, the industry never, like, latched on to me. There you go. I know what you're saying. And I would like I'm pretty comfortable with podcasts. I'm very comfortable. This is like there's a microphone right here. I'm talking to somebody. I'm sort of in my sort of flow state. But if I have to go to like a meeting and I did all that, I did Montreal just for laughs and I did, you know, new faces and I did all the meetings in L.A. and, you know, trying to pitch a TV show. And I was so uncomfortable in that moment. And I, you know, I never. So I had to start everything myself. I started the comedy festival. I have a tour management company that books myself and some of my closest friends, some really big comics. I have a podcast network, Gas Digital, gasdigital.com. Yes, yes. Massive. I just started a coffee brand. That's good for you. God damn it. Chat a body brain coffee. Go get a, if you want to naturally support your testosterone, bodybraincoffee.com. It's a mushroom coffee that also has Tonka Raleigh. Listen. Yeah. That's the only way to do it. Do it your fucking self. That's it. You know, when they didn't give Joe Rogan the best podcast of the century, Grammy, was that it? The Grammys? Golden Globe. The Golden Globe. I was like, are you fucking kidding me this is so stupid and he's like well yeah they wanted was at five hundred dollars uh to submit myself like what a what a fucking circle jerk yeah is this industry of like give me five hundred dollars and you can put your name in the hat for a fixed bullshit thing anyway you know whatever whatever yeah no rogan's the man dude of course he's the man yeah we're all the man stick it to the man okay listen are you ready for tiktok please so i don't know if you know this i like to curate the marginalized community of tiktok these are not your dance videos these aren't people with symmetrical faces or hot chicks babe my algorithm is so fucked i don't even see that i don't even get it are you ready let's see like i don't that's it but what but what sexual thing does that lead to is that a sexual thing it's all things lead to dicks all things lead to dicks I mean I don't even know what's the case of this I thought it was going to stab something into the hole I was waiting for that too it's a little anticlimactic but maybe we'll I'll keep my eye on this guy okay next oh come on dude come on oh my god so rough so it's a dude shaving with a straight razor and then he licks the hair. Do you think he swallows it or he just, after the camera goes off, just spits it out? Let's see. Let me look. Let's try it again. Here we go. Oh, dude, you nasty as hell. Now he didn't swallow. Wait. He's just keeping it in his tongue. You're right. You got that. That was like a horse trick. You don't swallow. You fucking saw that right there, huh? Yeah. Yeah, you were like, bitch, you don't swallow. I don't like this. I don't like that either. I don't like it at all. But that's the whole fun of your mom's house is that you're supposed to feel like you don't like that. Like it feels sick. You have to feel, well, I always say that it's like you kind of get the best out of people when they're uncomfortable. Is that what it is? Yeah. The best? Yeah, no, yeah. I doubt that. I think when you're on your heels and that's when you, look, when there's adversity in life, you kind of see what you're made of, right? Yeah. So this is tough to watch. Yeah, yeah. That's the fun of it. Okay, well, how about this one here? That was a little fucked up. I don't want it to go to waste. My Georgia made me buy cheese. But we go through lots, but if anybody wants some, please come bring a container. Did you get the logic? She got a lot of cheese. Yeah. It's a can of nacho cheese. And if you want some, you can have some, but you have to bring your own container. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Would you go at your poorest? Would you show up at this lady's house and take her cheese? Uh, yeah, why not? It actually looks pretty. As I'm looking at it, it doesn't even look that bad. You throw that in a microwave? Yeah. That's not going to be terrible. My concern, because I'm a little vomit-phobic, is like, how long has she had the cheese? How long has it been open? Well, is that movie theater cheese? It's a Cineplex big screen snack. So she'd buy that from a movie theater? Buy. Steal? What did she do? She stole it. Yeah. She stole it. So is that what they do to like, is it like essentially like a large amount of cheese? cheese and they put it in like cups at the movie theater? Yes, that's disgusting. That's wild. Yeah, she essentially, I'm thinking stole, you can buy this nasty shit on Amazon. 50 bucks. 50 bucks for that big ass tub of cheese? That's not bad, dude. This is a new business idea that I'm having right now. What are you thinking? I can start selling small portions of this cheese at Skankfest. Five dollars, Skank cheese? Out of a jizz cup? Yeah. That's a great idea. It's not a bad idea. You should be selling, Like, yo, like, no, bro. Even better, you'll buy the chips. You know how they do in, like, comedy clubs everywhere? How they fucking sell you the chips in the paper thing, and you just put a little jizz of nacho cheese. Little jizz, and that's it. Not even a cup, bro. Yeah. Just a fucking jizz of it. Where you give out the chips for free, and then you sell the little buckets of cheese for, like, $25 each. That's what's up. Holy dang. Dude. Shit is so good. It does taste good, but if you've ever worked at a restaurant, have you ever worked in a restaurant? Once. I worked at a Mexican restaurant. Yeah, I was a busboy. It was one of my first jobs. Or when I first, I was like 14, I guess. And yeah, the Mexicans, they were so fast. So fast. I'm like a goofy-footed fucking goth kid and fucking trying to keep up with these Mexicans. And then they started busting my tables. And I got mad. I was like, guys, stop busting my tables. You're making me look bad. And the one guy, he spoke Spanish. I didn't speak Spanish. So he's like arguing with me in Spanish. I'm like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I did this to him. I put my finger up. And it was a little Mexican. He was like five feet tall. He grabbed my finger and he bent it back. And he tried to break it. It like sprained it. I'm a child. What are you doing? It was crazy. That's crazy. So I'm on ICE's side. Yeah. Just so you know, ICE is doing a bang up job out there. You don't fuck with no Mexican busboy. But also, if you've worked in the food industry, like, you see how nasty shit comes? Like, everything comes in, like, big tubs like this, metal tubs, plastic bags that you cut open with scissors, and it's all foul. So, like, whenever I'm at a restaurant and I'm like, do you want this to go? I'm like, no, dude. Like, I don't know how fucking old this shit was by the time you put it on my plate. I worked in fast food, too, when I was sick. I went to KFC and Taco Bell. Taco Bell was, like, just, KFC was great. Yeah. KFC, I had such a great time working at KFC. I got all my friends' jobs there as well. We all just would just – it was so fun. It was like a fun job. And I remember one time – this is a perfect story for your mom's house. I was – it was the dinner rush, and we were really good. Me and my buddy Dave Green would be on the drive-thru, and we made it a game. Like when people would be – they'd order their food. They're like, yeah, I need a two-piece dark meat with mashed potatoes, coleslaw, biscuit. And as they're saying it, I'm like packing it in the bags, right? I'm just doing everything, 16-piece, blah, blah, blah, blah. So as soon as they drive up to the window, we'd have it hanging out the window every time. It was like we were so fast, and it was like a game that we would play. So we created a system where our fucking drive-thru was like, it's just the best. And I remember one time, for whatever reason, I'm just 16, hormones going crazy, I decided I wanted to jerk off at work and I just needed to get it out. So I went into the bathroom and I jerked off and I was just – whatever. I was in there for a while. I was just really pleasuring myself, taking my time. Taking pleasure in yourself. Yeah, yeah. And it was like during a dinner rush. And I was just gone. I was gone for maybe 15 minutes. And then when I opened the door, my manager on the shift, his name was Kevin, this big jacked, goofy guy who was like a former military guy. He just literally – I opened the door and he punched me in the face. and what's funny is he thought I was shitting. It's not like he knew I was jerking off. He just thought I took a shit during the dinner rush but he physically assaulted me. Damn. Yeah, yeah. You're not allowed to do that. You're not allowed to do that. I was just a kid. I was just a boy. You're just a kid. Yeah. Okay, but most importantly... It's the 90s. The 90s, you could really, you could hit kids. It's whatever you want. You could... It was like if you were a girl that grew up in the 90s, you were right. I mean, I'm surprised I wasn't. Yeah, when I think about all the crazy stuff. I mean, by today's standards, you had a couple of reasons, but not by our standards. Oh, right. You have a different standard. I've seen multiple men masturbate in public. See? More than I've wanted. A lot of people will say that's some sort of sexual assault today. Totally. These TikTok girls, they don't know how good they have it. They're pussies. Tell me, most importantly, the biscuits at KFC. How are they that good? Do they actually bake them like they come as dough? and they're great. They come as like frozen dough and then you would slather them with butter. Aha! Makes everything better. Lots of butter. Lots of butter. And yeah, so the Popeyes were made with old chicken. The Popeyes, like the chicken at the end of the night, they'd put it into like, and also at the time, I don't know if they have it anymore, but they had like barbecue chicken sandwiches. The old chicken would be put into a bucket. They put that in the fridge and then at the end of the week, they would have the cooks you know, debone everything, throw it into the Popeyes, throw it into the, So that was the stuff that I never – it was never really fresh. But the fried chicken was fresh. It was just fried that day. That's what I'm saying with restaurants, you guys, is that's the kind of shit they do to you. Like, oh, the special of the day is fucking chicken chili. And you're like, yeah, because it's made from all the leftover bits. Don't fall for that. All right, let's do one more TikTok. Please. Oh, this one makes me want to – I think this is her. I don't know. What are you doing, smashing or passing? I've had sex with old ladies. Really? I just wanted to pleasure them. You want to feel sexy? Sure, sure, sure. You're like American Psycho. You know where he's fucking just jacked in the mirror? I'm a fat ogre, so I don't get that when I'm having sex with a beautiful woman. But if I bang an old lady, it's just such a great story for her. So it's happened a couple times. Wow. I was at Cabo, at the Cabo Comedy Festival. And this one had to be 68 years old. This is like, you know, at least this is before I had a kid. Yeah, this is like 13 years ago, something like that. And yeah, it was pretty cool. So many questions. So was it hard for you to maintain? No, it turned me on that I was turning her on. Okay. Well, that makes more sense. Yeah. I feel sick again. See, you feel sick from the clips and I feel sick from your stories. Yeah, my stories are sickening. It's kind of cool. You and I are a really cool pair. Oh, this chick, I love her. She puts fake ads, cranberry spice latte. Bowl espresso up here with an entire can of cranberry spice. I love this chick. She sabotages. I like comedy for yourself almost. It's kind of like just like, I mean, I guess it's for social media now at this point, but I feel like she'd be doing this even if she didn't have a TikTok. Well, especially because so many people are just not very observant of little things like that throughout the day. I can't tell you how many people I've called mommy in drive-thrus, restaurants to people's faces. Only once in 15 years has a person gone, mommy. what the fuck does that mean yeah you're just like hey mommy hey mommy like you can like a latina yeah yeah like that right okay mommy what's up puppy yeah yeah but i'm not cool enough to do it the way you just did it when i was in high school we would do this this is a fun little prank we would do this is before social media there was no cameras we just did this for just our own entertainment um i would take like a chocolate bar right and i would go into like the burger king bathroom and i would put while it was still like in the wrapping i would put it under hot water to melt it oh brilliant and then i would take it and i would smear it all over the toilet seat and on the walls you draw swastikas on the the door like everywhere and then you just sit outside and you watch each employee go in and then did we watch somebody quit their job the manager was like you have to clean it was like oh fuck this and they threw their shit down they walked out it was it's brilliant that's magical yeah you gotta do that one again yeah no no Oh, this is a good life hack as well. If you take actual shit and put it on your telephone in your hotel room, they'll give you a free room. No. Yeah. God, we've learned so many tricks from you today. A little bit of poop. Like, there's shit on my phone. This is insane. Yeah. And like a little bit of your own poopoo. Yeah. So hold on. You're at least 10,000 Hilton Honors points. At least. At least. The question is, are you touching the poopoo with your hand and then smearing it on? Yeah, it's your poop. I mean you can at least use a spoon a spoon or like a stick a spoon is crazy spooning poop under a phone you should put it to the phone you could do it really anywhere in the hotel room I'd be like there's a schmear of shit what the fuck is wrong with you guys especially at the height of COVID remember when they were sterilizing and sanitizing your remote control they put it in a cardboard box it was like sterilized for your pleasure I'm like you're right man that fucking is not going to stop Oh, another great hotel hack. We stay in a lot of hotels. If there's anybody being noisy down the hall, which happens all the time, you know. You know. And you can just call their room and pretend you're the front desk. They'll never have any idea. Bro, you just blew my mind. Yeah. You just call the room and be like, hey, you're being extremely noisy, guys. We're getting lots of complaints. We don't want to have to remove you from the hotel. Then silence. I should have fucking done that 20 years ago. Yeah. Damn, dude. You got all hot tips. Yeah. You got to write a book. Hot tips. I did just write a book. You did? Yeah. A memoir of my childhood. Knives and spoons. Pre-order on Amazon. I mean, is there anything you haven't done, Louis J. Gomez? You're just a hustler. I hustle. Books, coffee. Bobby Kelly said this to me years ago. He's like, dude, you're a real hustler. I was like, thanks. It's not a compliment. It means you stink. Oh, I don't mean that at all. No, you're fantastic. And everybody, buy your tickets now. I would say pre-order them for New Orleans, November 13th through 15th for Skate Fest 2026. It sounds like it's going to be fucking insane. It's going to be great. Yeah. We're going to send you an offer. I want to come. Do you already have dates booked that weekend? No, I ain't doing shit, bro. That's like Thanksgiving. I'm shutting it down. All right, bro. You better. If you're not Skankers, I'm going to be very upset because you would love it. I know. I feel like I would. You really would. You really would. Also, Legion of Skanks. That's your pod. Yeah, I do four podcasts. Legion of Skanks, Story Wars. Me and Big Jay started a game show podcast, which is a lot of fun. And then The Regs with Bobby Kelly, Dan Soder, and Joe List. and Real Ass Podcast with the great Zach Amiko. Well, you're a high achiever. You're a very funny man. Thank you. You're also a very decent human being. I sense this from you. You're a good human. I try. And I would love for you to come back when Tommy is here so we can all laugh together. We had Tom on Real Ass Podcast back in the day. He was like, what the fuck? We've made him uncomfortable. It was me. It was Tom and Tim Dillon. Yeah, yeah. We have some crazy segments on that show. I want to come on and you guys ramp it up for me. I love it. Open invite literally for anything in my world, there's an open invite for you. Same, bro. I love you. I love you, homie. I love you too, girl, girl. That's it for your mom's house, you guys. Check out Luis J. Gomez. And I love you. Bye, meow. Meow. Oh, my God. Y'all dudes in to get paid? Oh, my God. I see why y'all wearing them black men. Oh, my God. You undercover sucker. Thank you. We can get paid by those damn girls. We can get paid by those damn girls. If it's been a bad girl, a man did it first. We can get paid by those damn girls. You can do it by the wind. You can do that by the wind. A man did it first. You can do it by the wind. Oh my God.