Episode 376: Helping Teenagers and Young Adults Find Their True Identity and Capabilities with Alena Pitts Franklin

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It's time to turn those what ifs into... With Shopify Today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash RBG. Go to Shopify.com slash RBG. That's Shopify.com slash RBG. Hey, friends. Welcome to the Raising Boys and Girls podcast. I'm Sissy Goff. And I'm David Thomas. And we're so glad you've joined us for this conversation. Let's dive in. Alina Franklin is an actress, author and vocalist. Alina's professional acting debut was War Room, a box office hit in 2015, and the sixth highest grossing Christian film in box office history. Shortly after, Alina started on a new journey and co-authored a three-book fictional series aptly titled, Alina and the Spotlight. These books follow Alina's life in a fictional way and they're co-authored with her amazing mother, Winner Pitts, author and founder of Four Girls Like You Ministries. Though having experienced unbelievable success, Alina's journey has not come without loss. She tragically and unexpectedly lost her mom on July 24, 2018. Though the pain has left her and her family heartbroken, Alina is not without hope and has used her grief journey as an opportunity to share the hope found in Jesus Christ. Alina values her relationship with Jesus as her highest priority, followed by her commitment to her family. I am so excited to have this conversation with someone I certainly think the world of. Respect so much. You know, we're in the middle of a season on this idea called capable. We have a book coming out in April called capable. And as we talked about that, it felt like you were such a great fit because you are one of the most capable women I know. And so we're so excited to talk about all the things. And we'd love to start with you saying a little bit about how what you're doing, this career that launched at an early age, just all those things, how you got into this work, how you ended up writing this awesome book, God Is, that I love and so thrilled about. So we just tell that part. You've been on the podcast before. We'll link the episode in the show notes. I don't know what number it was off the top of my head, but anyway, so yes. It's hard to explain my story. God has just been having me, an incapable girl do things and like show me that I don't know he's capable because I don't even feel like I'm capable. He's just been showing me that I literally can do anything if he's asked me to do it because he's going to help me do it. But I guess I got my start. I grew up in like a ministry family. Parents were like in ministry, but also truly actually love Jesus, which I think is cool. So I always love Jesus because I never was confused about who he was or what he represented. And then I guess I got my start in War Room. Like, I don't know, that was probably 11 years ago now that I was in this film that wasn't supposed to be huge and it ended up blowing up. Also, I had never acted before as to talk about incapable. God just kind of threw me into it. And got the opportunity to get to be in that. And from that stemmed a lot of just different things like authoring books and singing and yeah, all kinds of things in the entertainment industry, I guess. Yes. But really just like whatever God has called me to season to season, just saying yes and doing it has been kind of my motto and it's been fun and scary. And half the time I'm just faking it till I make it. Just like God's going to show me what I'm supposed to be doing here. But yeah. And then my story's got a little bit of grief, a little bit, a lot of grief wrapped up in it, lost my mom at the age of 14. And actually, that's why I know you because you kind of, it was cool. I got a little emotional this morning, just being like, oh, I'm going to Daystar to talk about this book that really would not have happened if I had not had my time that I had here. This place always makes me cry. I don't like it. But yeah, just, I just wouldn't, that would not be a thing I wouldn't know who God is if I hadn't spent three, four years here healing and relearning who God is and having you confront me with the truth in the midst of lies. And so that's my story. It is a great privilege to get to be a part of your story. And as you talk about that profound loss, we'd love to even ask you just in what ways would you say you still see your mom's influence showing up in your life today? Hmm. I mean, the first thing I think of is all the relationships and people that I have in my life. It's like she set them up before she left. And so even with Sissy, we know about you because I think my mom had met, what, which did she meet you in? She wanted us to connect or we got to speak in an event with your mom. And then she was coming back to another event and maybe even going to stay with me. And then something happened, like, I think the weather got, I can't remember. Like it snowed or something. But then I was her first guest on her podcast with Corbi Deveo called Leading Girls, right? Wasn't that what it was? I have no idea. I think so. Probably. And she said, I wish you could counsel my daughters. I wish we lived in the same town. Little did I know that y'all were planning to move to Nashville at the time. Yeah, just wild. So I'd say like relationships, I feel like my mom kind of just set up in different ways. And then I mean, I have three sisters and we're all just like mini versions of her. Just like in different aspects, we all look just like her. And then each of us represents a different part of her, which is really beautiful. But yeah, there's so many pieces of her, I think, that are like all around. It's kind of undeniable. Yeah. Well, grief can make us feel smaller over time or stronger in both. And a lot of ways. Would you, how would you say that walking through losing your mom shaped your confidence, resilience or sense of capability? I mean, I think anyone who has grieved and survived the depths of it is like, whoa, I can literally do anything, which is why I was standing on the top of a mountain called Kilimanjaro, which is like one of the seven summits. No idea why I was up there. But I was like, you got through like grief. You can totally get up this mountain. That was my reference point for pain in like what I could handle. And so I think, yeah, losing someone, doing the unimaginable, I think automatically, when you come out on the other side, shows you that you're capable or that God is capable of somehow getting you through these things. Yes. Well, and I was thinking back to you saying a few minutes ago, like, I'd never acted before and I ended up in this movie. It just blew up. That to me is such a picture of you. It is such a picture of me. And where people would see all the evidence of how capable you are now. But we would love to ask you just what would you say were or are kind of three behind the scenes support, so people, practices or truths that helped you grow into that strength? As far as people, I think I have an incredible support system. I can't imagine grieving alone, but getting to grieve with my family was, I think, made a lot of a difference, just being able to like be sad with other people over the same thing, decide to grow with the same people over the same thing. I think that was really helpful. Having a dad who supported me growing and changing and having different seasons. That man is my biggest cheerleader. Anything I decide to pick up, he's like, do it. Why not? You can totally do it. So I think as far as people go, those are huge supports. Practices love to get outside and I ended up marrying and outdoorsmen. And I didn't realize how healing nature and God's creation would be for me. And also I've done some scary things with him that I did not think I would be capable of, like Kilimanjaro or just sleeping outside with bears. And like just I'm always facing my fears with him because he likes to do scary things. So that showed me that I'm capable of people, practices and then what was the other, the third one? Or truths. Truths. I mean, this book, like the character of God. Like God's steadfast faithfulness in my life, regardless of all the waves and different things happening, good or bad, he's just constant. And so I think I signed up for a life of chaos a little bit. And so to be able to look to him and he's just steady in the storms has, I don't know, been really powerful for me, really impactful and really like without that stable presence, I don't think I would be stable ever because I'm a little bit wired and crazy. And so just to have a father that is still and constant in all of it. Yeah, it's the only reason I'm capable of float here existing. Yeah. So for any parent who's listening, who's walking their kids through grief right now, what would you say to those parents? Hold on, just hold on. It's really rough. Yeah, it's really rough. I have a lot of one. I think it does get better as far as your child being able to see you doing the best that you can. Like I was really angry at my dad for a few years and now as an adult, I can look back and just go, oh my gosh, he was really doing the best that he could do. And I have tons of grace and even regret for how hard I was on him. And so for the parent that feels like you're like really trying and your kid doesn't see it, they will someday. And they'll look back on your faithfulness and just your still presence, like just presence, I think is really powerful. I think about some of the darkest moments and my dad just being on the other side of the door that I had closed, like just sitting there, just resting there, waiting. And I'm sure that was very hard for him. I know he wanted to swoop in and save the day or try to. But I think God just showed him that he couldn't and that his presence was all that was going to impact me. And so now when I'm wrestling, I just see my dad on the other side of the door waiting and that's my image of God, my father, like his presence and doesn't force anything. He just waits, he sits and he waits and that is pursuit. And we show up, you know, when we're ready. So I think those would be my words to a parent. It's beautiful. You know, there are some organizations you just trust because you know the people behind them. That's how we feel about men. We have trusted the folks at Menno for years. 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Their signature organic cotton sheets are breathable, incredibly soft, and they actually get softer over time. The first night you climb in, you notice it immediately. I added the waffle blanket too, and now the whole bed feels finished, like polished, like intentional. Sharon literally texted me from her house a week later and said, I ordered them. I couldn't go back. That's what happens. You start with the sheets and suddenly you're upgrading the whole bed. Upgrade your sleep with bowling branch. Get 15% off your first order plus free shipping at bowlinbranch.com slash raising with code raising. That's bowl and branch BOLLAND branch.com slash raising code raising to unlock 15% off. Exclusions apply. Well, let's talk about your book, God is. So you invite readers to really slow down and name who God is for themselves. So why do you think that kind of intentional reflection is so important for kids and adolescents right now? I think in culture today, and I think there's some beauty to this, but we're just taught that you can fix anything. You can solve anything. And most of the time, like if it's about you, you can figure it out. And so we read tons of books on how to fix ourselves. We're trying to, like it's all about us. And I think none of us are really fulfilled with that. Like that is even why I had the idea to write the book, because I was like, there's just something that's not, there's something missing. Like we can do all the work on ourselves and we're still ashamed, empty, feeling afraid. What is that about? And my journey through grief, actually, you have to look up to survive. Like you have to look to God. And so I was able to, like, I don't know, capture that like truth of God is actually the only thing that that's going to fulfill this inner desire to know myself, like knowing my creator, the one who made me is actually going to open my eyes to what he's called me to and purpose. And then some of the things that you're worried about as far as yourself go fade away, like in light of God's bigness. It just doesn't even my little outfit today or whatever. It doesn't even matter today just because of how big and great God is. And so, yeah. And then I think in the midst of grief or hard things, life kind of wears us out as far as what we believe about God. And so maybe a lot of us had really accurate views of who our father was. And then life happened and like all of a sudden I don't trust him or know if he's, if he loves me or if he's real. And so the past five, six years of my journey, I just was wrestling with God about who he was. And he revealed himself to me and also through scripture, I was able to like, I don't know, truly understand who he is. Um, and through that, I've got a greater self sense of purpose and identity. Um, because I know what I'm living for. And I know who created me. Yes. Mm hmm. You know, counseling girls for 30 plus years at this point, I don't think it's ever harder to be a girl growing up and the culture has never been louder. The confusion's never been stronger. And I want to say personally for any of you who are listening, I mean, this is really for teenage and young adult girls, middle school, young adult. Would you say? Yeah. I, I, you have to, for marketing, you have to lump it into a category. So I say for girls, what did we say? I'm like teens, um, but I wanted to write it so that a little girl could read it with her mom or an older woman could read it and it speak to them as well. But it's for teen girls. Yeah. Well, in the longer I've done this work, the smaller, um, the confidence I have had in a lot of different authors writing to girls, I just worry more about what's being communicated in this world today. And so when I have someone I trust, when I have a book that I trust coming from that person, I just want to shout it from the rooftops. And so I really, I mean, everybody that's listening, just know this woman is amazing. And, um, and your faith, I have learned so much from you over the years and your faith and the fact that you have allowed, um, God to shape you. And, and I think really, um, in a, in a, uh, such a determined way of, I hear the culture and you in some ways have lived in the culture differently than a lot of girls your age, because you've been in this media world. And at the same time, you've been so determined for that, not to be your identity. And so I just, I think your voice is so remarkable in that it's so relevant. Um, and at the same time, so tested and, um, and kind of come through the fire in a way that's, there's so much truth and wisdom. And, and so I'm just so excited that you are someone who's speaking to girls. And I would love for you to talk a little bit about that, about the identity through comparison, achievement, social media, all those things that we know are putting so much pressure on girls. So advice for parents in helping their teenage daughters discover a faith that defines them rather than the culture, which is so much of what you're doing in this book. That's hard. And I'm not a parent. So I have no idea. Um, hmm. I don't know. I'll speak to what my, what I watch my parents do. And yes, we are the products of that. Um, I think the first thing my parents did was just surrender us back to God. Like they, I'm sure we're very concerned about our involvement in culture and all of those things. And yet I don't once remember them like acting out of fear or like, maybe my dad a couple of times. I don't remember them being like super afraid and like really helicoptery and freaked out. Um, we had rules and we had structure. And also there was a lot of freedom to develop our own faith. And I think that just stemmed from like my, my parents' confidence that God was going to do what he wanted with us and that he loved us more than they could love us. Um, and I'm sure that that heart posture was bred out of their own personal walks with Christ. And so for parents who want their children to be, I don't know, to have a faith that is their own and to reject cultures, narratives or whatever, I think a part of that requires, I give to lead by example, and we're watching like girls are watching a lot more than you think they are. They're seeing everything. And we've got to, this is really bad, but we've got a good BS barometer. Like we know if you're faking or, and so I think for parents to authentically, um, walk with Christ, I think automatically instills a desire to like, why is my mom so at peace about, I just did this and she's so unmoved. Like what is that? That's aggravating for me to watch my mom stay peaceful. I just was like, why is she acting like that? And so I learned for myself like, oh, she has a faith in something that's way deeper than my behavior. Like she's a lot firmer in something else. And so I think for, I think that's the start is just to surrender us back to our maker and who even gave us, you know, gave us to you on this earth. And then, um, to have a personal walk with Christ that isn't fear-based, that's freedom-based and, um, privilege-based. Like it's a privilege to get to know Christ. And I think girls see that and it's hard to not be moved by that. So much wisdom. I'm sorry, I'm not saying yes. So much wisdom. That's so good. That's incredible. Okay. We get a lot of questions from parents who want to love and support their young adult children and don't know how to do that. It feels like a brand new season. Like what would you say the adults around you have done to help love and support you in this season of your life? Hmm. Just encourage. Like I have huge encouragers and I'm sure that I know that in my naivety and like youth, there are things that I'm not thinking about when I say yes to do things or like, I know that there is what could be perceived as foolishness or, and probably is sometimes. And yet like the voices in my life that are wise and, and love me are mainly just encouraging and I think of this as even as an older sister, like my sister's in college and there are things that she does that I'm like, really? Like, did you think that through? But also that's really cool. But hey, maybe you would want to, and there's nothing wrong with critique, but there's also something really beautiful about me just like supporting her and really encouraging her and, and knowing that she's going to have to figure some things out on her own. And I think most of the adults in my life have decided cause yeah, I'm just going to have to figure some things out on my own. But their encouragement, I know that I can run back to them once I figured it out or when I've run into the issue that came from whatever. And so I think, I think encouragement is incredibly like even when we look at the life of Jesus, like he did correct and he did come down hard, but also a lot of times he was just supporting people and loving them. And it didn't involve a lot of like heavy hitting criticism. And I think that just can shut young people down sometimes with and, and we kind of like, it, it doesn't, that sounds silly because we do need wisdom and critique, but also sometimes we just need support and encouragement. And now a quick break to hear from one of our incredible sponsors who make the podcast available. Okay. Both of my nephews were sick recently. You know how it goes. One kid comes home from school with a little sniffle and suddenly the whole classroom is sharing it like it's a group project. Nothing spreads faster than preschool and elementary school germs. 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Well, we can't have a conversation with you without talking about for girls like you. Yeah. The ministry your mom started. So for anybody who's not familiar with it, will you just give a quick overview and talk about how y'all are showing up for girls? I'd even love to hear what you're doing with them now and what y'all are doing for girls today. Yeah. For girls like you started because I was an avid reader and I was bringing home books that I shouldn't be reading because of the books that we were reading in class were so like they just felt juvenile. And my mom was just like, we got to figure something out because you cannot keep bringing home these books and reading those instead of your class books. And so she started just putting together resources that were harder, not even harder to read, but that would, you know, require my mind to move a little more, but that also involved like the truth of the gospel. She was like just adding things in about Jesus. And I think I started handing it out to my friends and my friends really liked it. And then it just became a whole thing. And she started, she was like, I guess I'm just supposed to create this resource for girls because apparently they're all, their minds are all kind of bored. I did not know that. Yeah. That's how I started. And so, um, yeah, it started with me and then she had three other girls. And so she just started creating resources that blew up. And now I don't know any numbers of my dad was here. He would tell me, but we're serving girls all around the world. Tween girl specifically, just send that in between. You're not a teen, but you're not super like childish anymore. And so reaching them with the gospel and also just like creative activities and different resources on all the different things that tweens are struggling with these days. And my dad, when my mom passed, my dad kind of just took it on. We have a team now of incredible women that are helping us lead it. And I guess my position in it, I kind of serve as like a spokesperson and also just, I'll never not be a part of it because I'm kind of the reason that it started. And so there's a, there's a passion and like a, I don't know, a personal aspect of that. Um, my husband and I both do a lot of the creative work for it, which is really fun to get to work together and he gets to kind of see into my world before him. And yeah, so we do a lot of the creative stuff. That's awesome. Yeah. And there are books and there's a magazine. Yeah. Books. You can get a subscription. A bi-multi-magazine subscription. You can, I have bought that for my goddaughter. I love it. She loves it. Yeah. But we've got tons of books. My mom wrote, I'm going to butcher it, but I think 12 or 13 books before she passed and then tons of books have been kind of because she had so many words. We've created more books from her words. Um, and we just recently came out with a book on friendship talking about the hard questions of friendship for tween girls. So important. Incredible. Yeah. Okay. Between that work and your new amazing book, what would you say are three truths you think girls most need to hear in the world right now? Hmm. Um, I think God is safe. I just think not a lot of protection out here these days. Feel very vulnerable, very afraid. Um, and then when we look at like our own lives, it just has like, where's the per, like who's taking care of me? And I just want girls to know that God is safe and that he is, um, he is like behaving that we can run to in the midst of the really hard things. Um, a second truth, just that God loves us. I was listening. I told Kasiah last night, I was like, sometimes I just think I have to earn love and I don't, I just had that active thought last night that I needed to do something to earn more of your love. Like I was going to take the dog out or something. And I was just like, wait, that's not, that's not how this works. That's not love. And that really isn't, if that's how I view my husband, surely that's how I view God in some ways. And so I think a lot of us probably live like that. Um, and I really want girls to know that God loves them unconditionally, regardless of how they show up in the world. And I think that that's so freeing and also so inviting. Like if you know that God loves you regardless, why wouldn't you want to get to know him and, and live for him? Um, third truth. Uh, I think girls really are capable. Like it's a cute little, it's cute to say, but it's really true. Like you are capable of anything. I'm currently working at a hair salon. I don't know if I told you that because I just was like, Oh, I do hair. That would be fun. And so I'm doing it. And every day I go in and I'm so scared that I'm going to mess up somebody's hair or I'm going hair. You're not. Wow. Yeah. But I really, I don't just say that women are, that girls are capable because that I think that's cool to say. Or I'm like, go dream. I really mean it. Like I'm doing things that I don't have no business doing honestly. And it's very fun. And I'm realizing that I'm capable. Whatever I put my mind to, I can do, I can do because I have God. Um, I can't fly or do things like that. But like really those dreams, I just want girls to like really know that they can pursue them and, and give those to God. And there is no ceiling. There's no limit to what God will do with us if we just say yes. And I think girls saying yes at a younger and younger age, like you'll just get to see really incredible things, um, play out in your life. And you'll have so much time to experience those things because of how young you started saying yes to him. Which is certainly what you've done. Yeah. So if you could leave parents with one simple, doable step that they could take today to help the girls they love grow in confidence in capability, what would it be? This sounds silly, but just taking a deep breath. Yes. If I feel stressed that I don't even have children, I'm positive that parents all around the world are feeling incredibly stressed and worried. Um, and now that I'm a dog mom, I didn't know dogs were like sensitive and could feel things, especially like the breed that we got. And so there are times where we'll be stressed out or arguing or there's just tension in the air and he starts acting a little funny, like either acting up or like just trying to get our attention, like being very weird and needy. And it's taught me like, Oh, I can be present and show up for him all I want. But if my heart is not right, or if I can't breathe, he can feel that and me, I would, I should probably just, it would be better for me to not be in their presence, you know what I'm saying? And so I think for parents, like truly valuing the deep breath and the beauty that is your own health, I think really impacts girls specifically who are watching and like for moms watching how you interact in the world. And I just think having a mom who is at peace, like really at peace was really impactful for me. And I can't imagine, um, what it would feel like or who I would be if she was just like chaos. Um, and I don't say that to shame any chaotic moms. I'm just saying there's real beauty and valuing the peace and finding that. Power, tassling it. Yeah. Like it's really important to then show up that way for your girls. Um, I just think it's, it will do more for you and for your daughter than you think it could. Yes. That's my advice to a parent as a non parent. It's good. Yeah. Your mom exuded that piece. I have such a strong memory of that one. I think about having met her and knowing her. I love how you spoke to that. And how true that was. Okay. For any parent listening who is thinking, I know my daughter's capable. She does not believe that to be true for herself. Like what would you say to that parent who's wanting to bridge that space? I don't know because I didn't, I used to not, I still don't think I'm capable, but I really was like horrible at talking to strangers and really people in general. Like I was a shy little girl who was very insecure and just had a lot of bad habits as far as like, yeah, my mom is so proud of me. I know it because I used to not look at people in the eye and that kind of stuff. Um, and I don't know what clicked for me other than she maybe just kept throwing me into situations where I had to decide to be brave. That could be really bad advice. I don't know. But my mom just continually threw me into situations and there wasn't like a, you need to perform and do this, right? It just was like, well, just keep practicing until you get it. And I guess her persistence and her not giving up on me or being frustrated with the fact that I wasn't confident yet, um, was encouraging for me. Like she thinks I can do it and she keeps putting me in these situations where I have to do it. And so I guess that means eventually I just decided I could do it and did it. And, um, so yeah, I think not giving up on your girl, cause that's, she's probably already given up on herself. And so to just continue to support her and show up. Yeah. I think it probably takes time, but being that encouraging presence and just not giving up on her, not growing frustrated with her inability to do the thing that she's supposed to do. Um, I think that's why I'm a little more confident and less awkward today. Well, we want everybody with the girl to buy this book for them. And we would love for you to talk about where folks can get their own copy, find and follow all the things you're doing. Yeah. You can get a copy anywhere books are sold. Amazon is great. Barnes and Noble, Lifeway.com. Um, and I guess the only place I'm really am around is either on my husband's Instagram page or my Instagram page, which is the Alina Franklin. And then yeah, sometimes I'm on there and sometimes I'd disappear for a little while, but which is so good and healthy. Yes. Yeah. Alina, thank you so proud of you and the difference you're making for so many girls and parents too. Yeah. Thank you for having me. Delighted to be with you. David, what a team we have that we get to call friends who help make this podcast possible. Chris, Jared, our engineer, our management team at KCH. And we are thrilled to be a part of the That Sounds Fun Network. Our music was created by the insanely talented Dave Haywood of Lady A. And if this podcast felt helpful to you, please consider subscribing, liking, sharing, all the things. We are grateful for you and cheering you on always.