Red Fish, Blue Fish

PINNA PINNA PINNA PINNA Hi, my name is Adam Gidwitz. I'm an author. I'm also a storyteller. I like telling all kinds of stories, but I especially like telling grim fairy tales. You may think you know grim fairy tales, and you may think that they are sweet and boring. But listen, those tales you heard were the cute happy little kid bedtime versions of the grim tales. The original grim fairy tales aren't like that at all. They're weird, and sometimes gross, and often scary. In other words, they're grim. And I'm about to walk into a classroom and tell one of the original grim grim tales to a bunch of kids. Do you want to join me? Do you want to hear a grim fairy tale? Let me help you decide. On a scale of grim, grimmer, and grimist, this episode is grim. Nothing too scary happens, but there is a very threatening and frightening dude. If I get to a part of the story and you start to feel scared or uncomfortable, this is what you could do. You could turn down the volume and count to five. Then turn the volume back up. If it still seems like a part you don't want to hear, just turn the volume down and count to five again. You know how much weird and gross and scary you're ready for. You know what you need. Okay, I'm at the classroom door now. There are kids inside waiting to hear a grim fairy tale. So, are you coming in? Grim, grimmer, grimis. We're doing something special today. Just a little bit different. Not very different. We'll still be telling a weird, sometimes scary fairy tale. But today, I have another grown-up here with me. Her name is Sana Ali Mahmud. Hi, Sana. Hi. And she also likes telling stories to kids. She also likes teaching kids. Making audio shows, curricula, other stuff for young people. What are curricula? It's like what you teach. You when you learn things? Exactly like curricula. Curricula is the plural. And where are the schools where you are doing these curricula? It's in Kenya. Which is in? Where's Kenya? In East Africa, right? Okay. And now, if you listen to the episodes of Grim Grim, Grim is closely. If you listen to the credits, you know, some of the stories I write with another storyteller. Her name is Ali, Ali Horn. So she helped me write the crab man's daughter, ten thumbs, and the story you guys read last week, 12 tortoises. Was written by me and Ali Horn. You go past three. So, Franz Ksabuban Shunveth wrote it originally. Then, Ali and I talked about how to change it. Then Ali wrote a draft of it. And then I wrote another draft of it, revising her draft. So together, we wrote that story here. So you did add to it? I definitely added to it. And changed things. So the story we're telling today, Sanna and I wrote together. She found it. We worked on how to adapt it together. Then she wrote it, and I revised it. And while all the other stories I've told on Grim Grim, Grim has come from the German tradition. Brothers Grim mostly, Franz Ksabuban Shunveth. This story comes from a different tradition. One that Sanna grew up with. Can you tell us a little bit about where the story comes from? Sure. So this story comes from a collection of stories called the 1000 and One Nights. And these stories were told orally, which means using your mouth to share the stories in India, the Middle East, Iran, Turkey, Iraq Egypt. And the main story is that there's this king who keeps having to have wives. I know why? Because he keeps killing them off. What? And he finally gets this wife named Shaharazad. And Shaharazad has an idea. So every single night she tells a story, but she doesn't finish it. So the king lets her live so he can find out what happens next. Oh, that's smart. That is smart. So she tells story after story after story. And this is one of those stories. All right, we're about to start the story. But go ahead. Do you know something about that? No, but I'll actually, my mom and dad came from Turkey. No way. I wonder if they might have known this story when they were kiddos. We call this story redfish, bluefish, one fish, three fish. I know, I can't. I know that. You've heard that before, right? Where have you heard something like that? Anyone? Do you remember when you heard that? Dr. Seuss. Dr. Seuss. But what does he say? His story is called one fish, two fish, redfish, bluefish, right? So you don't want to get sued by Dr. Seuss. So we got to call it three fish. If you said that she kept telling the stories if she wouldn't die, does it have a cliffhanger? No. This one we ended. Great question. Yes. Are we ready? Once upon a time, there was a fisherman. Like most fishermen in fairy tales, he was poor. However, unlike most fishermen in fairy tales, he could only cast his fishing net three times a day. Does anyone have a theory as to why he could only cast his fishing net three times a day? This three is an easy number to remember. I heard very dealt-elling. Or maybe there's just not too many fish. So he just, oh, okay. I guess I don't want you to go extinct. I live off of you. Oh yeah, maybe he's trying to conserve the fish. Maybe he's under a curse. Maybe he's cursed. Maybe he just, he's just really weak. So then he like tears a muscle after he pulls up three fish. I'm getting a little older. And if I threw it more than three times, he turns back. Totally threw it back. Maybe someone's only letting him rent the net. Just rent the net. When cold the balloons are something, and mid-eval. I like the idea that it's like a rent a net. Three times a day, that's it. Alright, son of what is the actual reason why he can only throw it three times a day? Are you ready? We have no idea. No clue. That's what it says in the story, so that's what it is. Like most days, the fisherman cast his net into the lake. Unlike most days, it got stuck. So he pulled and tugged and strained and, whoosh! Out came. Maybe a fish. Maybe a fish. Yes? Maybe three fish. Maybe three fish. A red fish. A red fish. Maybe it was actually a dried fish that was made for a million, a million carbon gold fish. Maybe one giant fish made of a million little fish. Maybe it gives you a big fat rock. A big fat rock? Actually, you're the closest. Out came a dead donkey. What? Yeah. Not a fish. The fisherman proclaimed. And he threw it back in the lake. A donkey? Yeah, it was a dead donkey. I like it. He loves donkeys. He's always talking about donkeys. Yeah. We're like when I talked about when that guy was mean, and I said he's a big fat donkey. Remember what are those stories? Yeah. And you know what he should do with that big fat donkey throwing it back in the lake, obviously, right? Yeah. The fisherman cast his net into the lake again. And again, it got stuck. So he pulled and tugged and strained and banged. Out came a toilet. A lemon. Not a fish, the fisherman said. He left the toilet on the bank in case he would need it later. Maybe it's going to be a long time until he catches a fish and you'll get so tired he'll need to take a poop. That's what I was thinking. Yeah, exactly. The fisherman looked at the lake. He had only one toss left. If it wasn't a fish, his family would go hungry that night. He said. Oh, come on, lucky number three. And he threw his net for the third and final time. And it got stuck. This time it better be a fish. He pulled and tugged and strained and banged. Out came a copper jar. What is that? Like a jar made of copper. What is copper? Have you ever seen a penny? It's like that material. Yeah, it was long and thin. And also this jar was kind of shaped like a pickle. But maybe jar is shaped like pickles were all the rage at the market. He could sell it. Not to mention, it looked like something was inside. Maybe a pickle. So he grabbed the lid and pulled and tugged and strained and banged. Out came nothing. Absolutely nothing. Well, at least I got that toilet, he said. But suddenly out from the jar were a thick black smoke. Yes? You know what's like, it's like a genie type of thing. And he's like, you can have three wishes. The smoke surrounded him and turned into a huge gin, which is a gin. What can you explain, genie versus gin? It's just one of those words that gin is used often in the Middle East and India, whereas when Disney took it over, they used the word genie. The gin's head was as wide as an ox cart. And the black hair on top of it touched the clouds, while his feet were still on the ground. The gin's hands were like pitchforks. His mouth as big as a cave. His teeth were like large stones. His nostrils like water jugs. And his eyes like two lamps. Frankly, he was terrifying. The fisherman shook. His teeth shattered. His spit dried up. What? Son, what do you mean is spit dried up? In the original story, it says, his spit will dried up. That's weird. The gin. Boom. Oh, it's so very good to see you. Thank you, my new friend. I can imagine I've made you very happy. Um, how? The fisherman croaked. Because for freeing me, my friend, you get the gift of? Deciding how you die. Oh? That's exactly what the fisherman said. The fisherman hadn't ever spoken to a gin before and wasn't sure if it was possible to say, friends don't ask friends how they want to die, without getting skewered by a pitchfork hand. So, he decided for a safer... Um, no thanks. But it's a gift. You can't say no. Can I give it to someone else? Or do you want it? No. You can't re-gift a gin's gift. That is super rude. Okay, in that case, can I get a different gift? Like a fishy gift. Like, you know... fish? No, no, no. If you freed me in the first hundred years I was trapped, I would have given you riches. Oh yes, I'd like that. And if you'd freed me in the second hundred years I would have given you all the treasures in the world. Is that more or less than the riches? And then, if you'd freed me in the third hundred years I would have granted you three wishes. Oh, now that sounds nice. But you didn't. It's been nearly five hundred years. Can you imagine someone stacked like me? Not gonna teensy tiny jawpony like five hundred years? But to so many years I'm crumpy. But I'm trying to be nice. So tell me how you want to die. So I don't accidentally kill you in a way you don't want to die. The fisherman had no idea how to handle a gargantuan gin tantrum, which this clearly was. But he did know how to handle other fisherman who liked to tell tall tales about catching fish. Do you know how fishermen talk about catching fish and telling tall tales what would it what would happen? I just quote a fish besides a boat and everyone who saw it first came to a plow. Exactly. They tell tall tales about fish, fish tales they say. How you handle the fisherman who told tall tales was you played on their pride. And what the gin said gave the fisherman an idea. The fisherman said, You definitely are big and powerful. Yes, yes, tell me something we don't know. The gin flexed his muscles. The fisherman continued. So I can't imagine how could someone as big and powerful and stacked as you been in such a teeny weeny jar. What? You don't believe me? No, no, no, it's not that I don't believe you. I just can't imagine how the laws of nature make it possible for you to fit into this jar. You can't? I'll show you. Oh, I know what he's doing. He's trying to trick the gin even though he knows how he can fit in there. But he's trying to trick the gin so he can put the lid back on. And this gin, as tall as the clouds, pushed himself back into the copper jar. The fisherman quickly put the lid back on and threw the jar into the toilet. Get me out of here! The gin squeaked because apparently when he's inside the jar his voice totally changes, right? I was giving you a gift and you do this! How rude! The fisherman said, Look, I don't want to die. I have a family to feed and fish to catch and a net to throw exactly three times. I have a lot going on. You don't have to take a joke! Sweet the gin. I was just kidding. Do you think he was just kidding? No. Yeah, were you just kidding? Well, no. And why shouldn't I just throw you back in the lake like the dead donkey? Because that's littering! Please get me out of this jar! I don't like it! His voice is so muddy! Yeah! The fisherman felt bad for the gin because hundreds of years trapped in not just a jar, but a pickle-shaped jar just had to be the worst. And the fisherman could imagine that being in there like that would make the gin pretty grumpy. So what should he do? Should he let him out? No. No! Yeah. He's doing the toilet? Yeah. He's really diced to death. He's really diced to death. I think he might get grumpy and if he gets grumpy and the jar maybe he might get too strongly, he might explode the toilet and the jar. So maybe I see him. The fisherman said, Okay. What if we make a deal? I let you out of this jar and in exchange you get me some fish. You sure you don't want the death thing? I'm very sure I don't want the death thing. Okay, fine. It's a deal. The fisherman opened the bottle and the ginormous gin burst out once again towering over the fisherman with his head touching the clouds. The gin plucked the pickle shaped jar from the fisherman's hands and threw it into the lake. The fisherman shouted, Hey! Littering! And then as he looked up at the stacked gin who was now totally free of the pickle jar and whose head was again scraping the clouds and his hands again looked like pitchforks and whose mouth was again as big as a cave. The fisherman thought, And he peed himself. I knew it was a PM self soon enough. Sonna, did we make up the thing about peeing? I mean because like it was predicted. They predicted that he was going to pee himself. So did I just make that up just now? Nope. In the original text it says, the fisherman piddled in his clothes and said to himself, this promised badly. So this promise of badly means this ain't good. And it says he pilled in his clothes which means, Peeing himself! Exactly right. The fisherman and the gin watched the pickle jar sink into the lake. I've been waiting a very long time to do that. So... He turned to the fisherman. Who won some fish? Poof. Suddenly, the fisherman and the gin were in front of a different lake. Hey, what was wrong with my lake? Didn't you say you pulled up a dead donkey and a toilet? And places a garbage dump. The fisherman conceded the point. The gin said, The fisherman cast his net. Now, that's more than three times right? Mm-hmm. Maybe since he's with the genie, he might be okay. He might just get some fish. I think you're probably right. He pulled and he tugged and he strained and splat. A big red fish hit him in the face. Oh, finally! Fish! The fisherman exclaimed and he pulled and tugged and strained and... A big blue fish hit him in the face. Yes! More fish! A third time he pulled and tugged and strained and... Splat! A big golden fish hit the gin. But not in the face because that was way up near the clouds. It hit him between the legs. And the fisherman said, That was awesome! The gin didn't think so. Anyway, the fisherman was so happy. Oh, yeah! Now this is what a fisherman does. Thank you, Gin! I can't wait to eat them! Eat them! The gin bellowed? No, no, no, no, no, my friend. You must give them to the Sultan and exchange for riches. The fisherman thought for a moment. It had been a long day and he was hungry. Okay, dinner or riches? Dinner or riches? What are riches? Riches means lots and lots of money. What would you choose? Dinner or lots and lots of money? Lots and lots of money because you can technically get dinner. You can use the lots and lots of money to buy dinner. That makes perfect sense. Dinner or riches? Dinner or riches? He thought of how poor his family was. He had three children who could eat either one meal with these fish now or eat a lifetime of meals with the riches. So he announced, I'll take the riches. Oh, Mark, can you have to think about it? You seriously? Anyway, take these to the salt. Where are you going? I'm off to a desert or a mountain topper, somewhere with no lakes. Enjoy the riches. And poof. He was gone. The world of Sonic the Hedgehog has been thrust into a not so dark, not so stormy, hard-boiled detective story that probably nobody saw coming. Follow Sonic and the intrepid chaotics detective agency as they take on their biggest case yet. This high-flying action-packed adventure will take them across the world, fighting for every clue they can find. It's one heck of a tale, which is good because this story might be the only thing that can save their lives. Well, if that's all I can just dispose of you. Wait, what? All will be revealed in. Sonic the Hedgehog presents the chaotics case files. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. And the chaotics are on the case. Buckle up for Don't Break the Rules. The hilarious improv comedy game show, where amazing voice actors become wacky characters based on kids' wild prompts. They make up lines on the spot, pushing each other to be the last one standing without breaking the rules. Every episode is packed with laughter, silly sounds, and maybe even a unicorn or two. Hosted by the awesome Carly Cherokee, this parent's choice recommended award winner is guaranteed to tickle your kids' funny bones. Don't break the rules. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. So the fisherman took the blue fish, the red fish, and the golden fish to the palace of the Sultan. What is a Sultan? A Sultan is another word for king. Why do we use that word instead of king? It's one of those things, a different area, used different words. You know, some people like in the US we call states states of Canada. They call states provinces. This is real. So the Sultan is just king. At the Sultan's palace, the fisherman had to wait in a long line of people giving the Sultan all sorts of wonderful gifts. There were peacocks and zebras and chests of gold, and the fisherman started to get rather worried, as all he had brought were these three fish. But when he got to the front of the line and presented his gift, the Sultan was thrilled. The Sultan said, Finally, do you know I've been sitting here for hours, and no one has offered me as much as a snack, not a single sweet, not a fake, not a date, nothing? Let's go to the kitchen and fry those fish up right now. And if they are as delicious as they look, I'll give you riches to last the rest of your life. Wow. Thought the fisherman. That was easy. So they went to the kitchen and told the cook to throw the blue fish into the frying pan. But as the oil started to sizzle and the blue scales started to brown, they heard another sound. The kitchen walls were cracking open. The walls broke a sunder, a giant crack running down their middle, and through the crack stepped a beautiful lady, with golden hoop earrings and a pearl necklace and robed entirely in a blue as bright as the fish's scales. She carried a bejeweled walking stick, and she strode up to the frying pan, and she said, Fish, if I keep my promise to you, will you keep your promise to me? And the blue fish that was frying in the pan, remember, spoke back. If I am thrown back in the lake, I will keep my promise to you. Very good. Said the beautiful woman, and robed in blue. She used her bejeweled walking stick to knock the frying pan off the stove, and the fish went spinning across the kitchen floor. Then she turned, and without another word, the beautiful woman walked back to the wall, stepped through the crack, and the wall closed behind her. And the sultan said, What the heck was that? Oh my god. The fisherman had no idea. So he said, Should we try the red one? So they threw the red fish into the pan, and the oil started to sizzle, and the red scales began to brown, and just then they heard another sound. Again, the kitchen walls cracked open, and another beautiful lady stepped out with golden hoop earrings and a pearl necklace, and robed entirely in red as bright as the fish's scales. She carried a bejeweled walking stick, and she strode up to the frying pan, and said, Fish, if I keep my promise to you, will you keep your promise to me? And the red fish said, If I am thrown back in the lake, I will keep my promise to you. Very good. Said the beautiful woman, and robed in red. And she knocked the pan off the stove, and the fish went spitting across the kitchen, and she went back into the wall, which closed behind her. And the salt and said, What kind of fish did you bring me? And the fisherman responded to the salt and... I mean, honestly, your majesty, I have no idea what kind of fish these are. Shall we try the last one? So they did. They threw the golden fish into the frying pan, and again it sizzled and browned, and again the wall opened with a crack, and out came a beautiful lady, and robed in... Gold! That's right. And she said, Fish, if I keep my promise to you, will you keep your promise to me? And the golden fish said, If I am thrown back in the lake, I will keep my promise to you. Very good. So she tossed the pan on the floor, and walked back through the crack, and the wall magically closed up behind her. The salt and turned on the fisherman. Okay, one question. Where did you get these fish? So the fisherman took the salt and back to the lake, where he'd caught them, and the salt and brought the fish along in a basket. The salt and said, I don't like being on the wrong side of beautiful women who can walk through walls. So let's help these fish fulfill their promise, shall we? And he threw the fish into the lake. Nothing happened. The fisherman said to the salt and... I don't know how to tell you this, you're majesty, but as a fisherman, can I just say that we don't usually put cooked fish in a lake? We take uncooked fish out of a lake, and then we cook them, but just then, the lake began to warm. It churned and rose in enormous waves. A thick fog covered the area, and the earth shook until... ...out of the water rose a castle. All around the castle, people enrobed in blues and reds and golds, woke up as if from a long sleep. What is this? What's happening? Who has an explanation for what's going on right now? The fish were actually the key to a kingdom. Yes! And these people wearing gold and blue and red... Who could explain that? I feel like, all this time, there were like thousands of people just stuck in the water as fish, and then, like the moment one of them got rescued or something, the whole kingdom just rose up, and then everybody were awakened. The Sultan turned to the fisherman and said, Do you want it? The fisherman said, What, this castle? And the Sultan said, Yes! I have one already. I will give it to you, on one condition. The fisherman winced. I have to tell you how I want to die. Oh, what? No! I'm starving! Just invite me in for dinner. So the fisherman and the Sultan went in and had dinner, and then the fisherman went and got his family. He also went and got the toilet and installed it in the throne room. Get it throne room because sometimes we call the toilet the throne. Anyway. So the fisherman and his family lived there. And every now and then, the gin would take a break from his adventures and come and visit. And the fisherman and the gin would laugh and laugh about the time they met by that lake. And the gin would say, Hey, you know, you could have chosen how to die! And the fisherman would respond, Yes, but instead, I chose how to live. And he and his family did live. And he lived for a good, long time, happily ever after. The end. This is so funny and farting. This is so funny you're farting. I was farting three times. You were just farting three times. Okay, great. We were just farting, farting, farting. It's a farting, farting. You said fart! I sure did. Did it work? Is this thing on? Okay, good. Hi. My name is Carly Q. And if you're anything like me, you may have noticed that there are a lot of big questions out there that need answers. Like, is the Loch Ness Monster real? What's going on in the Bermuda Triangle? And who ate my pie? Okay, well, maybe the last one hasn't occurred to you, but on who went wow, mystery edition, I'm solving all of life's mysteries. Well, at least some of them. Join me as I travel through space and time to investigate history's most famous mysteries all during my lunch break. Some things can't be explained, but they can be explored. Listen to episodes of Who When Wow Mystery Edition, wherever you get your podcasts. Who Are You? Go on adventures with Opal Watson, the curious brave kid detective with her own mystery-solving business. Whether something's gone missing, or something strange is happening in town, she'll get to the bottom of it. She always does. So break out your notepad and be prepared for dramatic twists and turns because you're coming along on her next case. Opal Watson, private eye, listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. Grim Grimmer Grimmers is a penna-original production, created, written, and narrated by me, Adam Gidwitz, author of a tale, Dark and Grim. Produced and edited by Kaelin West, associate producer Rebecca Cunningham, field recording by Julia Martin, casting and voice direction by Rebecca Cunningham, sound design and mixing by Kaelin West, executive produced by Molly Barton, and Carly Milliori. Production support by Devon Shepherd, characters voiced by Lath Walshleger, Zadran Wally, and Rojine Rashida, special thanks to all the kids who joined us in Staten Island and Brooklyn for our storytelling sessions. You guys are awesome.