You Asked for it: The ALYSSA Episode!

This is exactly right. Welcome to Brief Recess. I'm Michael Foote. I'm Melissa Malbranch. Today we're going to talk about Pepsi vs Coke, the song of the summer. We found out a lot of people have no internal monologue, allegedly. We have an update on the Alex Murdoch murder trial. Trump recently dropped his lawsuit against the IRS. We have our bestialisa joining us to talk about concussions, world travel, and relationship advice. We're going to answer all your questions and rude reviews from my DM. So stick around. Well, there's no such thing as wintergreen, but there is something, such a thing as peppermint. Okay, but I'm allowed to not like what I don't like, Michael. I don't like wintergreen. I think it tastes disgusting. I prefer peppermint. There's barely a difference between wintermen and peppermint. I mean, unless you don't like something, in which case I don't like wintergreen and I don't want it. For context, I just broke into someone's desk at the I Heart Studios and took a bunch of mints and it turns out their wintergreen and Melissa didn't want them. I don't like wintergreen. They're good. No, they are not. And you could tell she smelled it and knew immediately that it was wintermen. You could, I could not go into my head. I wouldn't know. Do you know the difference between Coke and Pepsi? Answer carefully. I know. I was actually was about to give a hot take and then it was like, this might be the thing that does me in. I can taste the difference, but I don't care about the difference. If I'm drinking a cola and that's the end of the show, that's the end of our show, folks. Thank you so much. You're going to need to take a Pepsi challenge. If I am drinking a cola, it's, it doesn't matter to me. I do not care. They're both great. They both taste delicious. I know. This is like, and the thing is, is that it's actually the hottest take of all. The Coke Pepsi takes because when your take is that it's the same, you piss off everyone. It's not like you made the Pepsi people happy. No, they're mad at you too. So I know God gives his like toughest battles to his sexiest warriors, you know, and that is, and it's, and it's really my cross to bear out of all the things in my life. Like this is the one that keeps me up at night. I've never been more disappointed in anybody. I know. I know. So not only am I outraged and enraged, but wouldn't you want me to be honest with you? No, I'm, yeah, but you're, I mean, yes, thank you for being honest. I appreciate your honesty. I'm loving this. I'm loving this outfit. I'm a loving this. It's very military chic, militia, malbrand. This is not. This is I want you. Thank you for the compliment, but we're not getting away from the Coke versus. I'm really trying to change the subject. So not only do they taste vastly different. Yes. Vastly different. Yes, but I think it's because I'm I will eat and drink any most things. I love every. I'm not a picky beverage girly. Um, if someone hands you a Pepsi, you're gonna spit on them, slap it out of their hand. I won't accept it. I will not accept it. If I go someplace, drink a Pepsi. No, I will not. I will not. I don't understand. I think that's a little crazy. I don't like it. Okay. All right. I think it's pretty similar to a Coke. No, it is not. Not at all. Not at all. Maybe you're a super taster. I'm not. Do you eat cilantro? Yes. Oh, then you're not a super taster. I like cilantro. I like cilantro. Have you seen these clips of Tyra Banks saying she's a super taster? No. Tyra should not be speaking that way. She's crazy. She's making crazy people with hot opinions about taste. Yeah. Pepsi does not taste good and Coke is delicious. Okay. Julie noted. And you can really taste a difference. And if I go someplace and I'm going to ask for like a soda, I ask them. You confirm. Is it Pepsi or Coke? Oh, wow. And if they say Pepsi, I say no, thank you. Can I have an iced tea? Well, I feel like it's 99% of the time it's going to be a Coke. If it's a Pepsi, they will say we have Pepsi. I mean, I feel like Pepsi is very down south. It's like Pepsi is big down there for some reason. Down south of Union Square where the Taco Bell is. Yes. That's where they sell Pepsi at Taco Bell. They do. Which is why I don't go to Taco Bell. No. Maybe that's why I like Pepsi so much because I'm always, I've got, I'm doing cartwheels, both legs behind my head, drinking a Pepsi at Taco Bell for in the morning. I, here's the thing about, I haven't had Taco Bell in a really, I mean years, decades, but I think I would enjoy the Mexican pizza, which is what I used to love. Love a Mexican pizza. So good. Love a little cross-cultural mashup like that. Like that is, that's Ellis Island. That's why they came. That's a true American immigration story right there. The Mexican pizza from Taco Bell. Thank you so much. Let's get into a sidebar. Let's. It's, it's finally hot in the city. Finally. The boobies are out, the legs are out, the thigh, the thigh meat, the knee biscuits, the ankles, the cankles, the tuts. All of it is all out. Open-toed shoes on the subway. Open-toed shoes. Get a pedicure, friends. Are you excited for summer? I am excited for summer. Hot girl summer. I am really excited about what I believe is going to be the song of summer and we're not allowed to sing things, but I want to tell you the title of the song. Are you ready? Can I guess? Yeah. Is it Heated Rivalry related? No, not at all. Oh, okay. Is it a song that I would like? No. It's brand new. So you may have heard it. No, I'm not cool enough. I would not. No. Well, I'm not that cool either, but I heard it. But you heard it? I heard it. Okay. Multiple times. Are you ready? I'm ready. Are you ready? I don't know if I'm ready. The name of the song is Melissa We're Drunken Outside. Stop. Answer God. When I tell you, I am going to be insufferable this summer. Why did they have to call you up by name like that? They specifically said, Melissa, we're drunken outside. They give the coordinates of where you were standing. And it is a soca song, so it's very rhythmic. Oh yeah, electric boogaloo. Please leave. You have angered the people of Chinatown, Tobago. Oh, why? Is it not pronounced boogaloo? It's not that. That's... Oh, the Melissa song is from Trinidad? Yeah, it's a soca song. I believe that it is Trinidadian into... And they always do a summer cocktail. There's always like a summer beverage. Like the world. Oh, the world? Okay. I don't know. If someone will say, oh, it's the summer 2026 cocktail. What is that, do you think? And it's like the Nigerian prince. It's always like this weird cocktail. Okay. It's like, like, aparol and amaro mixed with champagne and a little bit of Coke. It's like something disgusting. I am really into Saint Germain and Prosecco. That sounds sweet. It is sweet. I want it to hurt going down. I don't want like a sweet... That's not enjoyable. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Don't, okay, don't kink shame. You're coming in hot with the, I'm sorry, it's almost Pride Month. You can't be out of town. I don't want the drink to hurt me. The drink? Other things can hurt me, but not the drinks. I don't want the drink to hurt me. No, I don't. Yeah. So they always do a summer cocktail and I feel like that'll come too, but Saint Germain and Prosecco. That's my, right now that's what I feel like. It's like very light. Do you chill the Saint Germain? Yes. Oh, okay. So that's important. I chill the Saint Germain and I obviously the Prosecco is chilled. Did our guests just arrive? Well, well, well. Our guests have arrived. We started talking about cocktails. And look who's here, friend. Alissa showed up. She smelled it. Alissa Gail Meyer is in the building and we are excited about this. She smelled the booze from Midtown. We weren't sure that she was going to show. It was, it was touch and go for a while. It was an ill-biter. Yeah, it was. It was. I was on Tinder hooks, but what should you do this weekend? I'm so glad that you asked Michael. So this weekend, my lovely Goddaughter, Emma, graduated from college and we had a lovely party for her where I saw my aunts who I hadn't seen in a while and my aunt is a fan of the pod and she had a few questions. Okay. I'm ready. One of the questions was just like, sometimes I don't see you talking about me. Sometimes I don't see you. Sometimes I see Michael walking and talking to himself. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And he always has on a beautiful shirt. Love. Okay. So, don't you get wants to know why she sees you walking around and talking by yourself? Who is he talking to? Talking. Shout out to Tontrigue. He was a friend of a pod and she was just like, why aren't you with him and why is he talking to himself and where does he get his shirts? That's actually a question I ask myself all the time. That is great. I know. I love that. Yeah, I love her just asking the concept of a TikTok. Why is he talking to the camera? So I think I don't think that my aunt understands that your TikTok is not the show at all. I love that. That is so beautiful. Because for whatever reason, it's all coming to her at once. At once. She's just getting busy for all those two people. She's just getting bombarded and she was just like, she doesn't understand. She's very confused. My shirts, I get them from Everome. I get most of my stuff on eBay, honestly. Once you know your size, you can just do them scroll eBay, bet on stuff. It gets quite dangerous. Okay. Yeah. What were her other questions? That was really basic. Yeah, she's very curious as to why you are talking to yourself. I am too. And why I'm not with you and where you get your shirts. Do you know some people don't have internal monologues? Have you heard about this? Who are these people? I don't know, but mine's been set. What do you mean when people don't have internal monologues? Some people just don't have them. Is that real? Yeah. Do you have an internal monologue? It's like a study. It's like a certain percentage of the population. Friends in the room, do you all have internal monologues? It is a safe space. If you don't, that's okay. Is it just like crickets? Oh, never stops. Right. Never stops. I honestly envy the people who don't. I don't. I think that's a very dangerous place to be. I do because because that means that there isn't a voice in your head saying to you, maybe you shouldn't do this thing or like talking out a problem that you just do. Yeah. How do they function? It's like that guy, that guy got an MRI and like 90% of his brain was missing, but he lived a normal life. Oh, yeah. There are like some real anomalies. Yeah. Because I feel like I've met people where I'm like, you don't have an internal monologue. I can tell. You don't have an internal monologue or you don't have a conscience. I'm not interested in that. Do you know what I'm saying? Like there's no like because I really feel like your internal monologue will stop you from doing dangerous things. What's the ethics of someone without an internal monologue? Yeah. If you, friends, if you don't have an internal monologue, can you let us know? I'm really curious. I'm really curious is to go ahead. It says up to 10% of the population does not have an internal monologue. Okay. So that actually makes me feel better that it's not that many people. It's not just, no, that's a lot of people. No, no, no. But I mean, if it's not like half the world, then I would have been like, oh, what's going on for the people who, no, it's not even a judgment. I'm just really curious. Like what, I don't even know what that means to not have an internal monologue. They obviously can live their life. No, no, no, they're living. But are they decisions and drive and like hold down a job? Like it's not, but they're not having critical thinking solo time in the shower, you know, like you and I are. If I'm going to go out, let's get to go food shopping, let's say, right? So I'm like, okay, I'm going to go food shopping and then maybe I'll have to double back and go to the dry career. Like I feel like that's a little bit of an internal monologue also, right? It's not just like, how do I feel about life in itself is like regular things. So if you don't have that, how are you deciding if you're in the car on the subway where to get off first? Let us know if that's you because I feel like this could be like a spectrum disorder or something. You know what I mean? It doesn't have to be. There's varying reports. Some say like psychology today says up to 50% of people. 50%? See that I think is, wow. Well definitely everyone in our government. Well actually, no, I don't want to say that people are stupid if they don't have an internal monologue. No, no, no, no, no. They could be brilliant. They just process out loud. Is that what it is? They're out loud? They only know like 5% about the human brain. There's only like so much that we actually know. Interesting. Can we get into algorithm? I wanted to ask you, did you follow the murder on murders at all? A little bit. Okay. Because it's gripped. I don't understand what happened. What came to light? So glad you asked. Michael, what came to light to allow this to happen? There was a legit jury interference. Gotcha. So his conviction is now being questioned. So it was a 2023 double murder conviction. It's been vacated in South Carolina, which doesn't mean he's just like walks free. He's still in prison for financial crimes. So the criminal charges have been vacated, but he's doing hard time. He's still going to do hard time. Oh yes, and he's currently serving a sentence. So it wasn't like he's released. I know, but the loved ones, you know, all those people, the victims. So when something like that happened, you want the person responsible to pay for the act. Absolutely. It doesn't matter that he's still going to do hard time for the financial stuff. The people who love the folks that he took care of. You know what I mean? Yeah. All right. The Supreme Court unanimously found that former clerk, Becky Hill, improperly influenced jurors and denied Murdoch a fair trial. The jury interference centered on the comments he'll made to the jurors, including remarks about watching his body language. So she was telling jurors like, watch his body language. Don't be fooled by him. Like the county clerk at the courthouse. Is it because she just wanted to be sure that he went to jail? Like that he served the time for it? I don't know. I mean, it really is. Well, now the thing about it is, this is again, so she did this, allegedly she did this for him. But if she's been the county clerk for a while, who else was she doing this for? So now it's, this is the problem with stuff like this. Because now people are going to be revisiting cases where she had been involved to see if she had done the same thing for others. And the retrial could be higher stakes. They're saying that they might go for the death penalty now in the retrial. So there was this like undue influence, but Murdoch is suing her in federal court for influencing the trial. Civil rights lawsuit, jury tampering, misconduct. So this has like blown back up again. We're all talking about this. Like again, we thought that we got the conviction that it was over and now it's back in the headlines. Another like trial in the headlines. Have you seen the Trump was suing the IRS for $10 billion? Okay. Today. He dropped it. He dropped it. Yeah. Yeah. He just dropped it. Because. The judge was basically like, you guys have to show evidence that the parties in this lawsuit are different because both parties were hired by Trump. It's his private attorneys and then his government attorneys negotiating against each other for a settlement of taxpayer dollars that will be paid to Trump. So the judge was like, you have to prove it's called diversity of parties. So she was like, you have to show that these parties are actually separate and different and have competing interests for there to even be a hearing. And he can't. And he can't. So he dropped it. With Drew, with prejudice. I don't understand. What a waste of time money. It's a waste of time and money. And I really feel like, I mean, obviously, I'm sure he wants a payday. But this is just distractions. Yes, exactly. Right? Like he just wants to distract us from the lousy job that he's doing. He wants to distract us from the Epstein stuff. This is all anything that he could do to make us look elsewhere. He will do. And it's always like, this is one lawsuit. I'm sure there's 50 others where he's lining his pockets that we're not talking about. You know? Yeah, it's crazy. He was in China last week. Did you see what he was saying to the Chinese government? What was really great about our two countries is how much American people love Chinese food. That you know, the same way that Chinese people have really taken to like basketball and stuff. American people really love Chinese food. This is many Chinese now love basketball and blue jeans Chinese restaurants in America today outnumber the five largest fast food chains in the United States all combined. That's a pretty big statement. That is such a weird thing to say. I mean, it is a weird thing to say. But is it is I don't know, but is it is it a weird thing for him to say? No, no. Right. This man has lost his fucking marbles. He really is demented. He's lost his marbles and he's president of the United States of America. They were going to like find him on the side of the highway like walking barefoot muttering to himself. Do you know that song by I think it's by fastball where it's a song about these this couple who they just disappeared. And it's like they're just they're just walking off somewhere. You can see their shadows walk wandering off somewhere. It's always summer. They're never like it's just the and it's like based on a true story of this old this elderly couple that just disappeared. OK, I'm going to text Afro man and I'm going to have him write a song about this. Oh, he would love it. This is like visiting Peapot the nursing home. This is like, you know, the thing is the way that he speaks also, right? He was like, and it's a really wonderful thing, isn't it? This is grandpa when there's like. The world is on fucking fire, but let's keep talking about Lomain. Let's just do that. Let's just keep on talking about, I don't know, egg drop, wanton soup. So stupid. This person is geopolitical negotiations. I just. It's so embarrassing. It's so embarrassing. And it's just there are no grownups. Like there's nobody. Do you know what I'm saying? There's nobody. No one is minding the store. The door is just open. The cash registers just open. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Just come on in. Come on in and do what have you. We've got yeah. And it's all our money. It's our money in the cash register. I'm sick of it. And how much more time do we have? I mean, the midterms are in November. So like at least two more years. Yeah, but hopefully checks a little bit more checks and balances. Like Congress has passed like a record low of bills in the past two years. So soon enough. I don't know. Did you after your hot girl, Melissa, dance party summer? Hopefully, hopefully, they'll be a little bit of we're drunken outside. Melissa, we'll be right back. We've got an extra special guest. Yeah. Welcome back to brief recess. We're going to do a deep dive under oath with everyone's favorite celebrity guest. You love her in the comments. You do. You love her in the street. They've been clamoring. What clamoring? Please welcome our dear friend, Alyssa Misty Meiner Meyer. That's not a good nickname. It is. Yeah, it's exactly. Somebody who's never had a misdemeanor. I want to make that very clear. I'm reserving the rape for any future litigation. Oh, fair. OK. Well, you are my lawyer. So that makes sense. I am your lawyer. Oh, wait, this is great. We've got like an actual client. This is wonderful. We've never actually, but I've never needed you. You're on retainer. I'm fully retained. Yes. Imperpetuity. Just in case because something is bound to happen one day. Life breaks. Lemon drops a little while ago. One time. OK, so Alyssa is our good friend. And we asked her on the show one time during the pandemic, we were all getting lunch because we're all in lockdown. We couldn't do anything. And we're crossing the street. I'll never forget this. I have no idea where you're going. Me neither. He does this all the time. We're in the East Village. We're crossing to Tompkins Square Park. Yeah. Alyssa just walks into the street. Melissa shrieks. She goes, oh, I saw. She said, get back here. You look both ways. Melissa said, the paperwork alone. The paperwork alone. That is something you say a lot. Yes. The paperwork alone would be arduous. You know why? I'll tell you why. When I was in high school, I was going someplace with a bunch of friends and one of the kids, the person that I was with, got hit by a bus. Now. OK, well now this is a weird story. Let me be clear. He got hit by the bus, not super duper hurt, but it hit him in the shoulder and it kind of knocked him over. Oh, he's OK. He's fine. No, he's fine. No, he's fine. I had to call. Nobody wanted to be the one to call his parents. So I had to be the one. And that would happen again. That would happen again. Yeah. It was awful. Yeah. Hi, Mrs. Smith. This is Melissa Malbranch. I don't know. He's fine. But you know, Dom got hit by a bus. Dom. I don't know. Dom got hit by a bus, but he's OK. Yeah. Sorry. And you know my mother would blame you somehow, in some way or another. My mom would want you to call some, Melissa. Melissa and my mother are very close friends. Oh, I love her. Tipsy and Melissa go way back. No, we go way back. She would want you to call. Yeah. Well, I would find humor, I think. More. I mean, it would depend, right? How bad is he hurt? I still think I'd find humor. Melissa would be like, the bus driver was basically blind. Your son is so enormous. Yeah. I can't believe that. I don't know what happened. It definitely wasn't his fault, for sure. He wasn't drunk or anything. No, it was nothing to do with it. Yes. The paperwork alone. And so I thought it would be fun if we did relationship advice. Oh my god. I think this could be really fun with Melissa. By the way, no one warned me on this. Well, OK. We actually. Neither did I. I had no idea what we were talking about. I didn't warn myself because I just made it up. OK, perfect. Very good. I also think we have to clear the record. Alyssa is OK. She's no longer concussed. I am no longer concussed. OK, straight to camera, please. Yes, I am no longer concussed. In fact, I got passed today, earlier today. A clear claim of health. I am out of all medical leave. I'm good. And so this was your second concussion this year. This was your third. Third. Oh, OK. Sorry. It was your third. And people in my defense, like what's a year? Like in this year. Oh my god. 2026. Yes. Just the one. You know what? Thank you. That's the body count. But in 12 months you're talking about? No, it's about three. Yeah. And you know what? The research isn't in yet on whether or not that's bad. We're going to. No one has been proven. But no, it is bad. We know that it's bad. Well, actually, I found out after I got the third that if I was in school, I would no longer be allowed to play sports. Right. Yes. Like kids, if they get three concussions, are like not allowed to play. Oh, because it's. Organized sports. What is it? I don't know. Like CBT or something. No, that's cock and ball. CTE. CTE. It's not related. Not related. Not the same. Yeah. NFL and all their CBT issues. CTE. That's what it is. Yeah. I'm hoping I don't have a. But we don't know. Oh yeah. Why? What is happening? Right. Right. That you are getting concussed. OK. In my defense, from what I understood. OK. Alyssa's always. Whenever she tells you a story, she prefaces it by saying in my defense. Right. Continue. Apparently, once you get hit, you can get hit more easily after that. OK. Yeah. That's one. Because you're like dizzy and falling into things? Yeah. No. Well, yes, maybe. You're more susceptible. But also, like they say that like your symptoms kind of like. Settle and then get like revamped. So like if you get jostled on. And like I'm no doctor. I want to make that very clear. I don't actually know what I'm talking about. But this is what I've been told. OK. This is what the rumor is. OK. So the first one was like an honest mistake where I was getting in a cab and hit my head. The second one was my depth perception was genuinely off. And I hit my head on the counter. It had been like eight months since then. And this time was because in my apartment in Miami, the door is normally open. My mother is afraid of getting locked on the balcony. And so because she has very irrational fears. Oh, sorry. She's never been locked on the balcony. No, she is not. Is it possible to get locked out? No, it is not. In fact, the door is locked. So yes. OK. She is not. She's very much a very strong rule. You cannot. You cannot close the door. I had a friend. So the door is. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. The door open constantly. Only when you're on the balcony. So if you're on the balcony, the door needs to stay open. OK. I had a friend who was visiting. She closed the door because she thought she didn't know about the rules. I was like, oh, I'll go get something. And I like went and then smacked right into the door. Thinking it was open. There are a lot of videos like this. Like for fail videos. Yeah, luckily there was no one filming, but it was in front of a group of people. I'm not thrilled. Because I wasn't there. Yes, exactly. And I would have sued her somehow. OK. And so we found out about this. You were driving when you told me. Where was I driving? Why was I driving? In Miami. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, OK. Yeah, yeah. I made you pull over as your lawyer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair, fair, fair, fair. But you're feeling better now. Well, I was in Denver. I was not. I was in Miami. I was in Denver. She's always somewhere. Sorry. I was somewhere. So when was that? Oh, yes. I'll tell you something. We took a break to reset for this segment. Alyssa was booking a flight in our green room. She was booking a flight. She was doing it on her phone. In the green room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are you going? I'm going to Palm Beach for the Lizzie McGuire concert. For the... I mean, I'm sorry. Are you guys not going to be there? I was sure you were going to be there. Sorry, actually. Wait, so Lizzie McGuire as in Miley, what's her name? Oh, no. Her name is Hillary Duff. That's right. I forgot. I'm very much sorry. I'm very much millennial. I forgot her image. And I'm very much a nice and don't give a shit about any of this. She's repressing her role as Lizzie McGuire in the concert. Wait, who? Hillary Duff. Who was Miley Cyrus? Hannah Montana. See, that even was past my time. OK. I feel like, yes. Same, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I didn't really watch that. But I did watch Lizzie McGuire. KP watched Hannah Montana. Is that more of the... Yes. OK. Yeah, KP's generation. That's her time. She's 25. That's about right. Yeah, 10, 15 years younger than us was Hannah. Yeah. OK. And so you just got back from Venice. I did. OK, give us the full review. And Slovenia and Croatia, which I was there for two weeks. How was Croatia? Croatia was amazing. I really wanted to go. It was a spa for two days, which I really needed. Because the first few days was my friend's wedding in Venice. And then the second two days was spa. And then we went to Slovenia. Were there cute boys at a wedding in Italy where there were like cute Italian men? Yes. Like the TSA agents are gorgeous. Like everyone in Italy is. She had her path down. Yeah, had that. Have you ever seen? Sometimes they'll show you like the hot priests in the Vatican. I have that calendar. Oh my god, that's not a thing. There's a hot priest calendar. That's not a thing. I'm going to get you one for your birthday. OK, I would love that. Because I missed your birthday. But like, no, no, no. But have you seen the hot priests in the Vatican? I mean, these are beautiful. They're like real priests, though? Yes. No, no, they're real priests. OK. Yeah. That's crazy. Well. It seems like an interesting job. I mean, everyone needs a reason to find God. God? Fair, fair, fair. So like if that's your reason. I mean, yeah. Let it be the reason. Always give me a reason. Catholics can't be too choosy anymore. So. Did you meet any nice boys at the wedding? I did not. Well, part of it was because I feel like I knew everybody there. I was a very close friend of mine. And I feel like I knew everybody. So I'd already kind of like exed them all. Gone through. It's not gone through. Make that clear. No one there I had ever hooked up with. But I will say. You had looked at it and checked people off the list. I'd opted out. She desessed the situation. Yes, I'd opted out. And also when you're entering a small community like that, you do one thing with one person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You cannot go twice. Like that's. No repeats. No double dipping. And in my defense, I have also. I do say that a lot. I'm now realizing I. No double dipping. I have not done any. I haven't even dipped. So. Not even a single dip. Not even a single dip. She's fasting. She hadn't even dipped that for an eight once. Yeah. OK. OK. And so you. So after that wedding, you needed the break and you had to go to the spa. Well, I do a spa. Yeah. So we were in Croatia. I think I slept for four hours in the middle of the day, which was. Oh, that's nice. Glorious. Yeah. It's just what my new thing in old age is that I love sleep, which is great. I don't know how old. Doesn't matter how old I am is. Yeah. And then afterwards we went to Slovenia, which was amazing. What was that like? So I had never been. I have never heard of anyone who had been. It was gorgeous. It's very niche. It's niche Instagram girly. I'm in Slovenia. Come with. Get ready with me to go. Come with me. Is that a thing? I mean, I think it is now. You're really. Oh my god, I'm making it a thing. Everyone's going to be going to Slovenia this summer. Yeah. It's hot girl summer. Yes. It's going to. So I went. Ljubljana is the town and it like the main town. And that was like the cutest little town. Their whole thing is it's like a dragon town that like. It's they say that there's a dragon that lives under the city that like wanted girl. I don't know exactly. I'm not going to pretend that I don't. I think that's a legend. I don't know if that's actually true. And the comments correct us if it's true. Let us know. I mean, maybe I don't know. I didn't know. I didn't meet the dragon. But I was getting in trouble for saying this. It looks like it belonged to Nefka. I think Epka looked like it belonged to Ljubljana. Was it giving like Game of Thrones? It was giving like Game of Thrones fairy tale man. Got you. Like I feel like everything in Epka was trying to look like Ljubljana. But I think it's. I think it's. She's like this looks like it belongs in Vegas. Yeah, like exactly. OK. Anyway. I feel like people of Sillenia will not like to hear. No, I know. And I should probably not say that. Your medieval town would look great in Florida. But what I meant more is that. Where the castle built out of foam. Exactly. In fiberglass. I mean, if you told me that was true, I'd believe it. No, it was the most like iconic town. People were like, oh, yeah, like it's a smaller town. You don't have to spend too much time. And I was annoyed that we didn't have more time. I felt like we should have had like we were thinking just a night out would be fine. And I could have spent like a week there. It was really, really cool. What's the hot girl summer drink in Slovenia? Is it like. I honestly have no idea. What was like the cocktail that you had? Because I know every country has like a thing like. It does. But I was really drinking a lot of champagne, I feel like. So like when in Europe. Why not? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're so much cheaper. So much more. Yeah, so I was. Accessible. And also after the wedding, I will say I was slowing down a little bit, which was helpful. But not you. I know. It was out of character. No, and then we went to Lake Bled, which was like the most amazing town, like looked Game of Thrones again, like beautiful. And there was this man who was like sitting on the side of the path, I would say. And we was selling these like beautiful paintings for like four euros. Did you get one? Of course. I got like five because. Because Alyssa can never just do the one thing. Yes, fair. But but four euros. This man was very talented. He deserved a little bit more. Plus the fact that when we was a couple of my friends, he was like when we were buying it, he turned it over and painted like right then and there. That's you don't a painting of each of us. Like each of us got one. It was like Alyssa and friends, like a picture of me. And he was. It was so nice. And we were asking him questions, like, why are you only serving charging four euros? He's like, because I like live my life. He is like a full blown person that like now was just like going to town and lived seven kilometers away was painting people. It was like the most beautiful setting of this like man. It was just, yes, it was amazing. So now that's going to go in my apartment whenever you come up or you will say it. OK, so when you come to the. Yes, when you come to the. Every time I go to Alyssa's house, I'm on plant care. Yeah, you are. By the way, they're not doing great. OK, so I got the. Monstera house the month because the last time didn't you like he like pruned it. She truly she put me to work. I was wearing gloves and everything. And she had me resetting up all the plants. Somehow I don't even know where those sticks. They're still there. I don't know where they came from. That's the thing about a monster. It likes to climb. Yes, that's him. That's him. Wow. How did you find that? CJ's a wizard. What? And so did your friends also get one? Yes, that's amazing. Oh my God, you just found the guy. He's really good. Wow. CJ is great. Mm hmm. Oh my God. Well, I what is his name? I want to like tell his words. It's Bobby B.O.B.I. Bobby, that's his name. Oh my God. Yes, if you have a lost relative, let us know. CJ will see you. He's on the case. I can't believe he just found him. Yes, it was Bobby. But if you're in Slovenia in Lake Bled, look for Bobby. He is amazing. I'm going to give him a plug. Yeah. Well, now they're going to be they're going to shoot up from four years to ten. Yeah. Well, we were trying to. We the next people came over and we were like, it's ten. And he was like, no, it's four. Like, do Bobby? It's ten. Yeah, it's ten. Yeah. But isn't that like, think about that, though, like this man who's super talented, he just wants to share his art. So he's making it accessible as possible. And we, as American people, are so disgusting. No, try not to. Disgusting capitals. We're like, you're not charging enough. Yeah, yeah. You should charge more. You should charge more. Yeah. He's like, no, I have health care. It's fine. Yeah, literally. Yeah. Do not need the money in any way. I. Yeah. So I bought four, obviously. Yes. Yes. My mother, in fact, got one from Mother's Day this morning. So she's very excited. We will see. So you did this is like a big bonding trip for you and your friends. Yes. How many people? That part of the trip was three of us. OK. Yeah. And so have you ever done other things with your friends that that was like really bonding as a group? I don't know. Piercings or tattoos or anything like that. Anything like that. Oh my god, I did that with Melissa. Oh, that's true. That is absolutely true. We did piercings together. That's so funny. Wait, I think I was there. You were. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I watched you get your nose pierced. It was your nose. Wasn't it your nose? It was my nose because I had to get it re-pierced because it closed during the pandemic. It popped out. Yes, that's right. Whatever. I had to get it re-done. OK, so here's my favorite part about that. We went to a random tattoo place for that, which, by the way, why did we do that? But then the next time we went to Maria's Hodge. No, we did. Right. But the first time was like this shitty place. Right. So that place, I remember I did it and I like jolted or something. Not by much. And I was like. Oh, and the guy got mad at you. He got really mad. And he was like, if you had moved anymore, I would have like taken your ear off or something. Right, but you're so lucky I'm so good. You're so lucky I'm so good at this. Yes, that's right. I remember. Right. He was like a douchey guy. Yeah, yes. And then when we went to Maria Hodge, they were like, we do this to babies. Like that is not true. That you like could have moved a little bit. And you were like, this guy was was trying to make himself look better. I know. Which is why from now ever since then, I will never go anywhere for any of that stuff. But Maria Hodge, it was a good experience at Maria Hodge. Something that's like. Right. Legit. Yeah. And because we went to this place and it literally, you know. He was like, we did no research. Right. We just went. Yeah. It was on bleaker. Went down these rickety steps. Yeah, it was like not good. We were all like, yep, we're doing this. We're in. At lunch. At lunch. Yeah, in the middle of our lunch. Yeah, in a lunch break. I followed you to just blind. To be there for the experience. So yes, I've bonded over a trip to a piercing place. With me. Yes. But did you ever bond with a bunch of people and get like matching tattoos? Oh, are you trying to hit something? I see what's going on. Sure. Hint at something. Literally. Oh, now I see what's going on. I know what story you're trying to get me to tell. OK, so I was in Porto. We had a friend. I had a friend in from Australia. I had a friend from London. I we obviously I'm from the US. We were all together in Porto and we decided this is so cool. We all live in different parts of the world. Like we're going to do this every year. We're going to make sure we do a trip every single year. And we're going to make it so that we get a line for every place that we go to. And so you were dead sober when you were totally sober. Right. Absolutely. No, I evolved. Yes, for sure. During this decision, Porto, which is not known for wine. Not at all. Not a wine. Famously not a wine. Of Portugal. Yes. And so we went to a place they did not speak English. I had to call my friend who was Portuguese and he was like, I don't. This man does not understand. He thinks all you're asking for is a line. And I was like, no, that's what we're asking for. Exactly what we're asking for. Yes. So we got on the back of our neck and we're like, this is such a great idea. And then the next day we will not the next day. We were really still into it the next day. And then like a month or two later, it was like a curtain to all of us. Like there are two ways this goes. One is we get the one line and never again. Or we do this and we keep it up and we have a barcode on the back. So there's no way this wins. And so what ends up happening, of course, is that we did the one time never again. So first of all. Yes. When did you realize this was maybe a mistake? Like longer than it should have been. Like about a month and a half, two months later, when people started like making comments. Right. Oh, my gosh. What is that? Well, so Alyssa comes back and she was just like, well, I did this thing. And I was like, all right, let me see it. Like, what is it? And then she shows it to me and I was like, why did you do this? And she was like, I don't because I promised that I would. So I couldn't. Yeah. Yeah. And you were like, I'm loyal friend. Yes. We did say that. Yes. I'm a very loyal friend. We did say that about you. Like if Alyssa says she's going to do something. I'll do it. She'll do it. Yeah. No matter how stupid it is. No matter how much in the end she decided that she doesn't really want to do it. But she said she would. So she's going to. Who was it? Somebody, in fact, somebody would want to cut. I think it was one of you, but somebody came up with like a new story that I thought was much better. And I started telling this story, but like I would always end up not telling the true story every time. So it defeated the purpose. Is that like when you die, it's like the year that you were born and the year that you die and there's a line in between. And it's the line. I got the line in between. And I was like, that's so beautiful. That sounds like something a drunk person made up. Yeah. But that's like the story I'm going to tell everyone, but never once have I stuck to that one. But the other thing about when the dash, there's supposed to be dates between the dash and there's no date. No, no, the dash in between. Where's your birthday, though? But where's the date? Oh, I see you. I should have. No one could do that because they're going to have to put a date on it. Right. But so I don't know who told you this to do this. This is most ridiculous thing because the whole thing. I want to say it was one of you. I wasn't me. I was not me. I think you told us this. Oh, I might have told you. Yeah, I did not come up with this. You made it up. I'm not that clever. But the only way to do it, if it makes sense, is that you 19, whatever, dash and then the end date. And the thing about that also is that you have to die getting tattoos posthumously. Yes. No, I'm not doing that. That's what I mean. This whole plan is. OK, well, I did not tell you to do. I did not tell you to do this. Put it in your will, please. Finish the tattoo before. Totally random thing about people in there in their wills. But the woman who does my hair, shout out to Lorraine, in her will, she has it that not to straighten her hair. Oh, that's smart. Because she's like really worried that somebody might get overzealous and decide that her hair needs doing. Yeah, well, people do get like they I've seen at funerals where people are like, that is not the same person who did that. Right. That person's hair. Yeah. People are frying their hair with the flat iron. Yeah, well, I'm not. The no, no, just people in general. I know it now. And it's because of Melissa. She talks about we have talked about this. Yeah. And once you said it, I can't unsee it. You can't unsee it. I know every time I see the phrase. You can't get rid of the phrase. No, you don't. Is it's also like the little curl things that like end up you can never get rid of that. And there's always one little I met a celebrity. I'll tell you who it was after. Yeah. One chunk in the back. See exactly. You miss. Yes. Yeah. And it's still curly. Yeah. Yeah. This is what used to happen like in high school. We would all use like really cheap. Yes. Flat irons and our hair looked fried. And I stopped doing it. That's why I like I'm wearing my natural today. It's like my new thing is to not do as much. It looks really great. Do you have any product in there? I do. JVN air cream. OK. That is my favorite now. It's nice. It's got like. Yeah. It's got like a little bit of something. I mean, I if I'll bet you if you want to Lorraine, she would like wavy you up. She's always saying that. How do you wavy me? She'll know. She'll know Lorraine. Yeah. Call me. I don't know where she'll find your number. She's Rebecca. I'll go with you. OK. I've been I'm bald. I want to go with Melissa. I want to go with me. I sat there and hung out with Yapt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's fun. Oh, she's fine. OK. I'll go. Oh, I love you. Yeah. OK. She put me in her. Yeah. Come. I feel left out. Well, then we'll do pierce me afterwards. She's the one who put me in her book. Remember? I want to get a septum piercing. Wouldn't that be cool? God, I'm going to come. I have a perfect place on Bleakhurst Street. You should go. No, not down the stairs on Bleakhurst. But wait, you you had said to you asked Brad. And he said no. And he said no. I'm not allowed. I'm going to be honest. I'm with Brad on this. I would do it for the story. I think it's funny. I'll get it and then we'll take it out. What? That's fun. I'll do it for a couple of photos and then we'll take it. OK, fine. OK. Yeah. Yeah. We'll do it for the Instagram story. A lot of pain. Do you see how I? A lot of pain. When I mean I assume. I've heard. I actually heard that the septum is less painful than the nostril because the nostril was fucking painful. Was it? I heard a nostril. But it's like a cartilage versus not. I feel like I felt it go through every layer. And I watched it go through. I was there. I know it was there. We were all there. We were all there. Yes. I don't know. I must have been drunk. Yeah. Why did we go? You went twice. Like why did we go to Maria Tash afterwards? You had to redo it. I had to redo it. Oh, interesting. I did it the first time. It took out in the closed. It fell out during the pandemic and then nobody was doing stuff close to the face. So I had to wait. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of the pandemic, can we pull up the photo again of Alyssa's air conditioner? Oh, my God. What happened? What happened during the pandemic to Alyssa's air conditioner? That was not during the pandemic. Yes, it was because we were all on Zoom and we FaceTime due because your air conditioner exploded. And I think also... Do you know why I never found out? I never knew what this was. Like I think it was something like this place, by the way, I'm pretty sure is illegal. I had no heat for two years I lived there. That's illegal. That's very illegal. 100 percent. And I like went to them and asked about it and they were like, we'll get to it. Then of course, two years later, we're still not getting to it. And then they had this whole thing happen and I was like, what went wrong? And they were like, I don't know. And then like I never heard back. Yeah. What seat were you living on? Christopher. Right, I remember that. Yeah, it was a terrible apartment. It was a terrible apartment. I also remember that I was on the phone with my dad, I think, and I was coming in and I had like somehow I was on the phone with him and there's a woman who was going in and she was like, isn't it amazing that we can get into our building and into our apartments just using a credit card? You don't need a key. You don't need to use your key. And my dad overhears this and he is like, you need to get out of that apartment immediately. That is so dangerous. Yes. And she was bragging about it. No, she was excited. She was excited. Like, yeah, I never bring my keys and it's amazing. And I was like, don't say this. And then my dad was like, yep, and we're moving. We're moving. Yeah, good job, dad. Yeah, he was. So I moved to Brooklyn soon after that. But like he literally was like, I accused me up at night now knowing that my daughter is so unsafe, like it was a problem. Yeah. Do you want to read our DMs for us? Do you want to read some reviews? All the things people send us. OK. Is it negative? Yeah, it's all negative. Yeah, no one's ever sending us positive. The negative ones are really interesting. Oh, OK. This is Tales from the DMs. These are all the wild things y'all send us on the internet. So we're going to get into it with Alyssa. Yay. Extra special guest reader. OK. While I am too angry and tired to write an eloquent email, OK, I still wanted to reach out to seek both of your guidance, advice, input regarding a truly shocking situation involving the school board in my hometown. The board has banned Mother of a Revolution from being performed at the upcoming Spring Wind Symphony performance stating it's indoctrinating students. This from a school that had us singing religious songs in a church every Christmas. I myself was cast as a lady of the night in La Misera, my shining moment online, only line in play, making money in your sleep. So proud. The instructor has followed the school board's guidelines from the start. But regardless, they now have banned it a week prior. Is this legal? How can I, as a community member, help fight back? I include the full meeting here. Walk out. Walk out, do a sit-in, protest. That's my advice. That's what I would do. For a Spring show, you would actually do that? Mother of a Revolution was composed by Omar Thomas for contemporary wind ensembles, does not have lyrics. So it's a wow to hear. That's ridiculous. And it has to do with trans LGBT issues. It's like a celebration of bravery of trans women. But it has no lyrics? Exactly. Yeah. So what's the big deal? How was that indoctrination? How would they even know what it was about unless you actually did the research? Exactly. So it's not like preaching to the children. It's a wind ensemble. Yeah. It's like so stupid. So you really would like take it to the next level. Yes, absolutely. When I was in the fifth grade, I staged a protest. For what? They closed the playground. I'm not kidding. And I alerted the press and they came. Oh, wow. My parents were called. They had a meeting with the superintendent. About you? Don't fuck with me even in the fifth grade. Yeah, yeah, fair. Keep swinging, bitches. You can't hit me. Wait, but she asked, is this legal? Is it legal? I mean, if the school board decided, yeah, I'm. Yeah. OK, and then she says, how can I, as a community member, help fight back? That is. Fight back. Yeah. Fight back. Walk out. I think there was also there was a walk out, a similar situation this week. Oh, wow. Of a song that was, I guess there's a lot of trans orchestra music happening lately. Maybe this is the same situation. Maybe, yeah. But they also, all the kids walked out. Oh, I love that. And that made headlines. Love that. Yeah, that I love. I love that. Kids teaching adults a lesson. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Love the, bring it back, Peter Pan all of a sudden. Anyway, no reviews. OK, please. I can't either the incessant giggling so tiring. Are you constantly giggling? I mean, I'm sorry. We have a good time and we like each other. God forbid we experience joy. Is there happiness here? That's not OK. That's a problem. This review, this review. I hate expressions of joy. Maybe that's something to look internal. OK, the next one could not get through the first one I tried, car buying. She repeats her privilege status and he brags about blowing through money. OK, let me just say something about that. This is me, right? Yeah, yeah. So I think we were talking about. I'm dead. I don't remember. No, I do remember. I think it was like, oh, how are you? Like what happened to you this weekend? And I said, I have a bone to pick with the car industry, right? And I said that I'm going to complain about something, but I know I'm privileged. I know that it's privileged. And my problem that day was I had gone to buy a car and I could not understand why it took all fucking day. Right. And what I wanted to make clear was like, yes, while I was annoyed at how long it took, I also understood that I was lucky to be in the position. That's what I was trying to say. This apparently pissed this person up. I'm fucking sorry. OK, but I think that's like that there's always somebody worse off. Like there's like that saying that people say when like ever you have any, like you're not allowed to have any complaints, anything bad in your life if you are in a position to privilege, which is obviously not true. You can also be aware that there are people who are in a worse scenario and still be uncomfortable. That was the point that I was trying to make. I'm sorry if you were so offended by it. Yes, yes. Especially if you started with I know I'm coming from a place of privilege. Yes. And this whatever that pissed this person off more than anything. Yes. Yes. I mean, I don't have a car, but it's fine. Yes, I thought you did. What happened to your car? I don't have a car. You on the show and we're doing reviews. Oh my god, is there a negative of me? I'd like to leave a review of the three of us in our friendship. Oh my god. And I have a memorialized and a text message. This is dated. Is this when you sent me a cease and desist? No. Oh, I did send you a cease and desist. Oh, a real one. We'll pull that up. The cease and desist. I haven't. Oh, I still have it. Yeah. OK. It was basically she took me to a sample sale and dragged me there. And I was like, I don't really want to go, but you're like, I promise there's men's clothing. Oh, right. And there was nothing. I got all the way there and it was all women's clothing and I sent her a cease and desist. And you said something about that I owed you Skittles for life or something? Yeah. Where are they? Yeah, yeah. No, I'm sorry. Any minute. Any minute. I'll eat anything. I established this earlier. Skittles? It was a full blown cease and desist. I kept it. I notarized it. Yeah, you notarized it. I have notarized it. I think I was. Wasn't I the witness too? Yeah, you were. Yeah, yeah. OK, so this is from 2019. Oh, my God. The three of us were attempting to go somewhere and do something. And some of us were upstairs. Some of us were downstairs. And we're trying to just coordinate getting out, literally out the door. Right. Of someone's apartment. OK. Text from Melissa. This is on the group chat. Alyssa Meyer says, downstairs, coming up. Melissa Melbourne says, how are you getting there? Alyssa says, with you. Melissa says, OK, I'm coming up. Alyssa says, we'll come down now. Alyssa says, I'm down. Melissa says, OMG. The two of you are going up and down in the elevator trying to find each other. I don't remember. Yeah, I'm sure it happened. I'm both on your phone. It's very annoyed with each other. Do you remember this? No. Oh, OK. But it sounds weird. You're probably in the same elevator car. I'm on my way up. I'm coming down. I just got out. I just got out. Well, what I think is funny is my anger is so predictable. I get so pissed off. And I'm like, you know what? Fuck the both of you. Oh, my God. Especially because it's so easy for me to cancel plans and be like, I don't want to do this. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm in the elevator. The number of times I've tried to see a Broadway show with you and you're like, is it past five o'clock? Yes, every Broadway show is past five o'clock. So why must I not know? No, it's some of them. Like I don't like it when they start at eight. Yeah, it's like a really big point of contention. Like you don't see the show. I have to tell you what's really interesting is like, I think at least once I've given my ticket away, a ticket that I've paid for. Yeah, because we found out that it was at eight. I'm not doing this. And because immediately I start thinking about what time what time am I going to get out? Yeah. Yeah, I got to take the train. But the time I get home, you know what? Never mind. You go have a good time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think I might have been at the show or you gave your ticket away. I'm pretty sure I had to bring somebody else with me. I want to read this. I want to read this one because I think it's really, really funny. I do love both these people. They're so smart and funny. The three stars, they gave us three stars, by the way. The three stars is because it's so uncomfortable to listen to. As a white dude, Michael clearly has a lot more power and privilege in the world. Acknowledge, but in the friendship, it's all Melissa. That's true. I'm not sure she actually likes Michael. And it seems like Michael is full of nervous laughter waiting to be dragged by her. I am. Uncomfortable. Yeah. OK, I will say. That is beautiful. Thank you. What an empath. No, really. And life is beautifully surmised. Because you're the victim in the situation. You love that. Finally. Yes. OK, but here's the thing. One of the best things about you is all of your one-liners that I used to take notes on. Do you remember? Go, go. OK, go kick rocks. Kick rocks, no socks. Kick rocks, no socks. You are welcome, wanting and invited. I say that all the time. Yes. What was it? Behind God's back. Behind God's back. When God was a child. When God was... I've been around since God was a child. Something about lipstick. When you pack your lipstick or something. I have them all written down. Mother has lived. Mother has lived. Because Mother has lived. I had seen some shit. Yeah. That happens behind God's back is my favorite. Or when something is far away, I'm like, I don't want to go there and you're like, why? Well, it's behind God's back. I'm not going. So thank you for joining us. We're going to wrap up. Do you have anything you want to plug? Anyone? Yeah, Bobby in... Sibinio. Bobby in Sibinio. All right. Shout out to Bobby. Bobby. Bobby in Sibinio. Watch out. You're about to get a surge of activity. He's the Lakebled Bobby in Sibinio. A lot of people who give us three stars are going to be listening and wanting to get their portraits painted. Yes. Four Euros. It might have gone up in the instance then. Lead us out. Tell everyone that the show's over and that they should have a great week. Have a great week. The show is now over. Time to find the next episode. We'll see you in court. Thank you for joining us on Free Free Sess Everyone. See you soon. Bye. Bye. This has been an exactly right production, recorded at iHeart Studios, hosted by me, Michael Foote. And me, Melissa Malbranche. Our producer is CJ Ferroni. This episode was edited by Nicholas Gallucci. Our associate producer is Christina Chamberlain and our guest booker is Patrick Cottner. Our theme song was composed by Tom Bridefolgl with artwork from Charlotte Delirio and Vanessa Lylak with photography by Brad Obono. Free Free Sess is executive produced by Karen Kilgariff, Georgia Heartstark, and Danielle Cramer. You can find me on Instagram at Department of Redundancy Department or on TikTok at Michael Foote. And I'm on both Instagram and TikTok as Melissa Malbranche. Got legal questions? Reach out at Free Free Sess at ExactlyRightMedia.com. Listen to Free Free Sess on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And of course, we're a podcast with video. Search for Free Free Sess on YouTube.