Boyfriend Said I'm TREATING HIM LIEK A CHILD For Wanting Him To Contribute | Reading Reddit

Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider in the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from puzzleheadedjob577 and it says am I the arsehole for making my boyfriend pay half the rent i'm 27 female and make about 130 000 30k of that being from a side hustle my boyfriend of two and a half years is 28 male and makes 80k no side hustle i'm really serious about saving and only spend about 2 500 a month 1600 of that being rent occasionally i do something expensive and fun like a week-long cruise i went on with friends before the pandemic but i don't eat out more than once a month i buy clothes maybe once every other year and my car is almost old enough to vote my boyfriend is different he does have an emergency fund and saves 10 of his salary in his company 401k and gets a 4 employer match but that's it everything that comes in goes out he eats out every day leases an expensive car and is always buying things. I don't know where his money goes and to be honest, I don't think he does either. I don't love his spending habits but I'm okay with it. Saving 10% is more than a lot of people do and he doesn't have any credit card debt so whatever. The issue is that he's supposed to be moving into my apartment next month. He currently lives in a house with three other guys and pays $800 a month. If we split the rent on my apartment, he would still pay $800 a month. I think that's more than fair, but he wants to pay $600 and me pay $1,000. His argument is that I make a lot more money than him and expenses should be proportional. And he also says it's not fair that my rent is going to decrease by 50% and his is going to stay the same. I don't agree because I don't think what rent we paid before we lived together really has anything to do with the fairness of the arrangement. And he can clearly afford $800 a month since he's already been paying it. I'd feel differently if he really would struggle to pay half the rent, but it's 12% of his salary. Come on. My flat salary is also only 20k more than his. The reason I make so much more is because I sometimes work nights and weekends. He could make extra money doing that too, but chooses not to. I don't really see why I should be punished for it. I told him I would be willing to compromise with a 700-900 split, on the condition that he took the $100 he was saving and put it aside into a fund for us to buy a house one day and that money would be his to do whatever he wanted if we ended up breaking up. He got mad and said I was treating him like a child, that his finances are none of my business and it's totally inappropriate for me to tell him what to do with his money. I feel like I can't see this situation clearly. Am I the arsehole? Egg Jacket says to the OP, not the arsehole, but girl from one saver to another. why are you in this relationship he's not exactly irresponsible with money but you are hyper responsible with yours and you should be with someone who shares your values i did some back of the envelope calculations and your boyfriend is blowing at least 2k a month that's after all his expenses are paid including the car lease he's just spending 2k on takeout and random shit and that's fine like you said he doesn't have debt and he saves some so he's fine but he's clearly not on the same page as you. And he wants you to pay an extra $200 a month in rent. Why? So he can spend an extra $200 on stupid shit instead of you being able to work towards your financial goals. Girl, no. He's trying to make a profit off of living with you. Run. Misguided says, not the arsehole. Expenses should be proportional when you all agree on expenses and split all expenses he did not choose to have an expensive car he did and you don't share that your offer is more than generous i would honestly reconsider living together if he is acting like that and if he's saying his expenses are his business and if you differ so much on finances living with you should be able sharing a life not him trying to get a free ride 100% not the arsehole last signal says no one's an arsehole here he can present his terms and you can yours If he wants proportional and you want an even split, both have merit and neither are wrong. If there's no compromise, then we'll go moving in together at this time. Reassess later down the road. The condition of offer is a little gross at least from how I'm reading it, but might be okay depending on how you actually presented it. If his response was that you sound condescending, maybe he has a point to meditate on. Grizzly says not the asshole. My husband and I are similar in that I make more and we split 50-50. i put a lot more into our old shit fund to make up for the disparity but all bills are 50 50. op replies saying this is what i find so irritating about the whole thing if he lost this job he has 5k sitting in an emergency fund and would be completely screwed after that meanwhile i have enough cash and investments to float me for a long time and if i lost my job tomorrow i could just scale up my side business until i found another job i wouldn't make what i do now but having multiple revenue streams means it wouldn be an emergency if I lost my job I irritated that my boyfriend doesn see the benefit of dating someone with finances like this and instead he making a big deal out of a month I work nights and weekends on my side hustle. I've jumped jobs and moved multiple times to get a better salary and the last time I went out to eat was in November. He sees none of those sacrifices just sees my salary and wants to make $200 a month off me. I feel insulted and honestly kind of used. And Alex says, I've seen the same scenario with the man being the one to make more. Almost every time, the response is that it should be split in percentage. Coming from a female, it's interesting that in the female making more scenario, everyone is saying it should be 50-50. If you make so much more, it makes sense that you would pay a little more. No one's an arsehole here. But then OP did add an update and said, I told my boyfriend we needed to talk and went over to his house. i wrote down some of the more salient pieces of advice i'd gotten here and basically just told him that i felt like him wanting me to contribute more to rent while also saying his finances were none of my business suggested he has a real what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine attitude and that it makes me uncomfortable i said that it wasn't really just about an additional 200 a month it was about how he just mindlessly spent all his money and it seemed like his emergency plan was just to rely on me for everything. I brought up how he couldn't even afford his dog's surgery and I had to pay. And that should have been the wake up call, but it wasn't. We got into an argument where he basically said he works hard and has a good job, so he deserves nice things and to be able to go out whenever he wants. It made my heart sink to hear him say that, because I feel the exact opposite. That when you work hard and have a good job, the thing you deserve is financial security. I knew I wasn't going to change his entire outlook on money so I just tried to focus on more concrete things. I said that if he lost his job I would be able to support him while he looked for something else but he didn't offer me the same security and that if we eventually wanted to buy a house I'd be forced to pay the entire down payment myself and then he wouldn't even be able to contribute much monthly since he'd continue to blow a bunch of money on stuff he doesn't need or even really want. I said that dating him felt more like a liability than a partner and that him wanting me to pay an extra $200 a month in rent so he'd have more spending money is what really made me realize how unhappy I am with our situation. We argued some more and I could tell he saw my point of view, but was also understandably feeling pretty defensive. I eventually just told him that I wasn't comfortable with him moving in right now. And if he wanted to keep dating me, then we're gonna have to have a frank talk about finances he doesn't have to live the way i do but he does have to meet in the middle i said i wanted to see him saving 500 a month and for him to only eat out three times a week and i'd work with him on creating a budget that worked for him he's never budgeted before i said understood if he doesn't want to compromise with me on this but it's a deal breaker for me and i need someone who's going to be more responsible with their spending he said he'd think about it and i left feeling kind of drained by the whole thing i've made my peace with the fact that the relationship might be ending and a lot of people saying that op handled that really maturely but op added a second update and said probably final update and we just spoke on the phone again and he said he would work with me on a budget and agree to save 500 a month as long as i met him in the middle on certain things he said that he wants to have kids someday and he doesn't want them growing up with nothing the way he did. He was pretty poor, especially if both parents are high earners. He wants me to demonstrate that I'm not inflexible by agreeing to get takeout with him two times a month and he wants us to each budget $50 a month for one expensive date, so $100 total. We do go on dates a lot but they're usually cheap or free. I agreed but said the dates need to be something we both actually want to do and if that's hard or impossible because of covid it's around covid times i want to just save that money he already has some cool ideas of stuff to do so it probably won't make a difference i said i want him to see a financial planner with me and he agreed i've never been to see one before but i do technically have someone assigned to my portfolio and i think it's free to make appointments with her we're going to re-evaluate moving in together in three months his landlord is a friend from college and his roommates are also friends and they don't plan to immediately fill the room when he moves in with me so we luckily don't have to be super committal about it i don't expect this to magically fix the relationship and it could still easily fall apart but if it does at least i'll know that i gave it my best effort and looking through this there were some mixed comments at the end most of the people were saying opie's doing the right thing and opie said that they're willing to end the relationship over enormous incompatibility which people were saying fair enough other people commenting on op's frugalness if you like but what is your thoughts on this situation let us know down in the comments below let's move on to another story now our next story comes from asked wife to cook and says am i the arsehole for asking my wife to cook I'm not a bad cook by any definition, but my wife is a much better cook than I. We've divided household chores in a way that I do most of the cooking, and she does most of the cleaning, laundry, dusting. I do these chores sometimes and she cooks sometimes We both working from home full and work Monday to Friday from 9 to 6 When we working from the office we would eat our lunches at work and sometimes grab dinner outside. For the past year and a half, we've been eating most of our weekday meals at home. She cooks once or twice a week at max, but when she does, she makes really elaborate and delicious meals. She's South Asian and knows how to use her spices well. So yesterday, she cooked us a delicious Indian meal for dinner. I complimented her on her amazing cooking. She replied that she cooks whenever she's fed up of eating my bland food. I don't know how to use spices, but my food is decently edible, just not up to her standards. I bypassed the sauce from the store while she makes the sauce at home from scratch. But I agreed that she was a far superior cook and suggested that she cook more often i offered to take up most of the cleaning responsibilities in effect i suggested that we swap responsibilities that way we would both be eating better food during the week she was very angry upon hearing this and accused me of being a typical male chauvinist and patriarchal for asking her to cook more just because she is the woman when i pointed out that i could do more of the cleaning her response was that i would do a half-assed job and it wouldn't be up to her standards anyway. So she would have to redo all the cleaning in addition to cooking. She thinks I'm an asshole for suggesting that she cook instead of learning how to cook better. She likes her spices, slow cooked over hours while I'm more of a quick pasta salad and some oven roasted meat guy. Doesn't take me more than an hour on average to whip up dinner from start to finish. I can try to cook better but she's still going to be the better cook. I don't see what I said wrong. stace says everyone sucks here if you think she cooks better cook with her and learn how to use spices take a cooking class buy a cookbook you're capable of learning how to cook more delicious food i think everyone sucks here because you approach this from completely the wrong angle and she really didn't hear you out there has to be a compromise plus when you've cleaned has she had to go behind you and clean again is that a valid fear that she has i think there's plenty of room for compromise in this. Maybe a couple of days of her cooking and you take over bathroom cleaning duty. There are options that you and the wife need to discuss once you're both calmed down and ready to listen to each other. Turbulent says you're the arsehole. You obviously do a half-assed job cooking relative to her so have no trouble believing you'll do the same with cleaning. Plus her version of cooking takes hours while yours takes like half or less time since you use shortcuts so i have no doubt that if she takes over cooking she'd be working more hours doing that than you would cleaning i don't think your motivations are from a sexist place but i think you're the arsehole for not putting in as much effort as she does commenter replied saying you're assuming a whole lot because of her comments just because it doesn't take hours to cook something doesn't mean he's half-arsing it people aren't the same and have different talents not to mention different tastes in food now his wife comes across as an arsehole since she decided to not only insult his cooking but also his cleaning tip top says not the arsehole you propose an alternative but still balanced division of household labor if she hates cooking more often that's one thing but making this about gender and misogyny is a strange take seen as cleaning also falls into the traditional female social role why does she believe you'll do an inferior job cleaning i think you need to ask her that and what you could do to make sure you were meeting her standards i'm not sure why she thinks you could learn to cook better but not clean better it sounds like there is some underlying resentment here that you need to work on together so that you can maximize your effectiveness and pleasure at handling shared responsibilities so in the same post opie did come in with an update on this one and said i spoke to her and she apologized for calling me a male chauvinist she agreed that the comment was unwarranted because she knew i didn't mean it in that way. She also explained what ticked her off. She wants me to take more of the mental load on the cooking because she takes the mental load on cleaning and other chores. She said swapping was not the solution because we already had a system in place. She doesn't think I'm a bad cook. She just wants me to put more thought into what I make. I don't mind eating the same food every day for lunch, but she does. And sometimes I cook too much for just the two of us and we're left finishing up leftovers over the next few meals. She hates that. I asked her to teach me how to cook new dishes with spices and she agreed. But on one condition, that I would decide on the dish, do the grocery shopping and have the ingredients ready. She's okay to do the labor. She just doesn't want the mental load. Sounds fair. Thanks for all your comments. And now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? There I was of all sorts of comments on this one from you're the arseholes, not the arseholes, and everyone sucks here on this. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from BlueChameleon27 and says, am I the arsehole? My family changed my birthday plan, so I canceled instead. I27 female will be having a birthday later this month, close to Halloween. My stepdaughter, 12 female, will be having her 13th birthday as well, a few days after mine. My elder brother, I call him Brother N, and his wife called me a few weeks ago and offered to throw me and my daughter a joint birthday slash Halloween party at their house However we agreed to hold the party on Saturday October 30th because my stepdaughters will be back with their biological mum on the evening of Halloween My daughter and I got very excited for the party. Then today, brother N texted me that plans changed, so our birthday party was just going to be a brunch instead. It turns out my eldest brother, brother E, wanted the family to go out to a very out-of-the-way Halloween carnival instead and have a family party the night of Sunday, October 31st. I called my parents to ask why the sudden change and that I didn't really want the brunch. They got very defensive and basically scolded me for not going along with the family plans. Yet they didn't ask my opinion before making these plans. I felt very hurt that mine and my daughter's birthday party would be less important than a carnival trip. My parents and said to me that brother E was throwing a Halloween party on Sunday anyways so why can't we just go to that party? I was very upset by this so I rudely responded. In case you forgot, this was not only my party. I have stepdaughters one who is also celebrating a birthday and they happen to not be with us on Sunday nights. My parents claimed that they didn't know this but this had been the same for three plus years. I talked to my husband and we agreed to just do something together with our kids. I then called brother N and told him that I appreciated the thought but not to worry about doing anything. He got upset and also seemed to just want me to go along with these plans that they made without my input. I told him that I didn't even want to go to a carnival. The point was that I felt they didn't include me in making my own birthday plans. He got upset and hung up. My daughter and I don't like large crowds so we were very happy with the idea of celebrating with just a media family and having it be a nice halloween dinner party for both huge halloween fans am i the arsehole for not just going along with the plans the main reason i'm upset is because they were just expecting me to go along with whatever they planned for me without actually asking my opinion and they didn't even consider our family custody schedule i politely declined in favor of my own plans with my husband and children they got upset at this that is absolutely awful like they just seem to be missing the whole point whether it's intentional or not but they asked you that they could throw a party for you got you and your stepdaughter really excited about it and then just changed the plans i'd be devastated if had to do that to someone now they're trying to turn it around on you like you're the problem in this and seem to have ignored this custody schedule that's been going on for years changed your birthday itself from like a party a halloween party which sounded really exciting to a brunch and just done all this without actually talking to either of you first and what's with the parents in this thing that they didn't know about the custody schedule i mean come on now i absolutely wouldn't blame you in the slightest for having your halloween dinner with your husband and kids and just doing something that you love yourselves second cup of coffee says by not participating in any plans that are made without you and calmly declaring you assume you aren't consulted because they don't need you there it will eventually make an impression same dynamic in my family kk tide says not the arsehole they cancelled you and your stepdaughter's party and that was rude they do not seem to understand how hurtful it was for the both of you they are completely out of line sama says not the arsehole so not the arsehole as a kid from a divorced family and having plans changed on me often and being expected to smile all the way through it and say no that's okay but often it wasn't it was supposed to be a joint birthday party by changing the plans they were basically blowing off your birthday and your stepdaughters and no you are not at fault for not being pleased about them changing plans without at least consulting you it should have been a do you mind if not and well we're going to xxx and you've been accepted it and smile again not the our soul i just can't imagine how her daughter's feeling in that either but op did update within the same post and said i talked to my daughter she was very sad but mostly because my family was being that way to us she said she was originally really excited about the party however she had been thinking about it and she would much rather prefer to stay at home just us my husband my other stepdaughter to celebrate again she's a very timid person who hates large crowds unless she really really knows the people she was afraid other random people will have gotten invited to the party by my brothers we agreed and instead we'd have a nice dinner her choice then cheesecake and halloween movies games and music thank you all for your kind words and happy halloween to all gee bloody whiz i wonder what that family's thinking when when they don't attend that party or don't attend the carnival with them will they actually care will they not because one of my family members did that i'd be absolutely devastated especially that i hurt them at the same time but what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below that's just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully i'll see you in the next one take care and much love Thank you.