Savage Lovecast Episode 1002

We all need advice, but it's not always clear who to ask, even in 2026. Sometimes even I don't know where to go for advice, which is why I recommend checking out How To, the long-standing advice show, and 2026 Ambi Award-nominated Best Personal Growth podcast. It's hosted by my friend and award-winning journalist Mike Peska. You might be familiar with Mike's work on the just the longest running daily news podcast. Each week on How To, Mike tackles a listener question, including one of mine, ranging from mental health and finance to relationships and beyond. And he gets help from world-class experts who actually know what they're talking about. Think of it as eavesdropping on someone else's therapy session without the copay or the awkward silence or the stairs. No question is too big or too specific. I was happy again to appear in a recent episode of How To, focused on the topic of how to emigrate as a threpple. How To is a great companion to our show and you will learn something new listening to How To. I always learn something new every time I listen to Mike. So follow How To with Mike Peska on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts, and let him know the Lovecasts send you. You're listening to the Savage Lovecast, Dan Savage's Sex and Relationship show for grown-ups. If you're under 18, get out of here, young'un. If you're stuck in a relationship quandary, or if you're looking for sexual harmony, while there's nothing you can't ask on the Savage Lovecast. Before we start the show, I gotta say, I am probably like you a little in my feels this morning, because the president of the United States is a dangerous lunatic who needs to be 25th amendment as soon as possible. I don't love the idea of president JD Vance, but the president we have over the weekend threatened to invade Denmark because Norway didn't award him the Nobel Peace Prize he thinks he deserves for being the most peaceful president ever. So that means war. I try to stick to the dildos around here, stick to the dildos being code for this is a Sex and Relationship podcast, and we are going to focus on sex and relationships. So I don't mean actual dildos when I say stick to the dildos. We do talk about lots of other things. I mean dildos is a metaphor that symbolizes all those other things that we talk about. Nancy is always reminding me when I sit down to record the intro to the shows, rightly so, that people come to the show, come to the lovecast for a break from the news. And it's really clear from our calls, the calls we get, the comments that you, our listeners leave on the show at Savage.Love that you're smart and informed people and that our show where we try to stick to the dildos is not your only source of news. So we can safely around here stick to the dildos. But the news, the hard news, the political news, the awful non-dildo news is taking a toll on me. It's taking a toll on all of us, probably taking a toll on you too, and our relationships. And I define relationships really broadly. One night stand as a relationship, two or three people in the grip of NRE, but who haven't had a DTR convoy yet. That's a relationship, decades long marriage. That is also a relationship. Our relationships don't exist in a vacuum. We don't keep our dildos in a walled garden. And if you're anything like me, the news, the awful non-dildo news might be impacting your relationships, whatever form they take, whatever they look like, however many metaphorical or actual dildos they involve. That's texting a friend in Minneapolis over the weekend just to ask him how he's doing. He misread my texts. He thought I said, what are you doing? He said he's out in the streets, has so many people in Minneapolis and St. Paul are defending his city from the federal government and really defending the honor of the American people at this moment. Which is insane that people are out in the streets of a major American city defending themselves and their neighbors from the federal government. It is insane and stressful. And at the end of our exchange, he wrote, it's hard to suck dick in this city right now. Sucking cock is my friend's favorite thing. I can't focus on that dick in front of my face because of that dick who's constantly in my face. Which reminded me that comment of something my young gay friends and I used to say to each other back when I was a young gay, something I've said on the show once or twice, I'm going to say again, something we used to say decades ago to each other, my young gay friends about our parents, about the churches we were raised in, about the people who clearly wanted to see us dead, the people who called themselves the moral majority, who were out there celebrating our deaths. We used to say to each other when we went out to the bars, don't let the bastard slap the dick out of your mouth. Don't let him, that bastard, slap the dick out of your mouth. Like dildos, dick here doesn't mean literal dick or literal mouths. It's whatever it is that you enjoy, whatever brings you joy, whatever helps you get through the day, or get to and get through the protests, whatever you look forward to, that's the dick in your mouth. Don't let him slap it out. Fight the fight, get out in the streets, organize, make noise, make good trouble, and look out for each other. And I promise you, I'll do my best to stick to the dildos around here as much and as often as I can if you promise me not to let him slap the dicks out of your mouths. All right, coming up on today's show, a caller asks how she can politely ask the man in her life to go get his teeth fixed and maybe brush them every once in a while. A man's girlfriend wants him to pay no sexual attention to her and a thong is somehow causing all kinds of drama in a gay relationship. And on the magnum, somebody called in wanting to know if we human beings were always this kinky or is this something new? Historian Dr. Eleanor Yanagha, co-host of the Gone Medieval podcast, returns to the show to bring the heat and the historical evidence of all the freaky kinky perverted sex people were having in the Middle Ages. And hey, Valentine's Day is coming up. If you're in a great relationship, if you're enjoying some NRE, good for you. But if you've got a broken heart, Valentine's Day sucks. So this year, we want to do a special Valentine's Day segment just for you, the broken-hearted, the people struggling right now with SBE, shitty breakup energy. So we want calls from people who have stories of gnarly, nasty, brutal breakups. If he ran off with your sister or he ran off with your dad, we want to hear about it. Record your sad story, send it to us at qxavage.love or call in from a quiet place, begs Nancy to 206-302-2064. Share your story, keep it under three minutes. And if you want me to call you back and console you personally on our Valentine's Day show, leave a callback number. All right, let's get to this week's show, Nancy. Hit me with the first call. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep, makers of the best mattresses ever. And right now, my listeners get 27% off site-wide when you go to helixsleep.com. This episode of the Savage Lovecast is brought to you by Soaking Wet by VB Health, the world's first probiotic specifically designed for vaginal and vulva health and wellness. Visit soakingwet.com and use code SAVAGE for 10% off or click the link in this episode's show notes. Hey, Dan, Nancy and the tech savvy crew. What's a polite way to talk to someone or ask them about their teeth to either brush them regularly or more importantly, like maybe just get them fixed, go to a dentist. There's got to be a polite way to ask someone that. Before you ask someone politely or impolitely to take care of their teeth, to brush their teeth, to go to the dentist, you need to ask yourself whether you're in any position to make that request. If you're talking about a co-worker, a classmate, someone who sits next to you on the bus on the regular, yeah, that's not something that you have any right to bring up to that person. You don't know what's going on in their mouth. You don't know if they have issues that they can't afford to address or that they've attempted to address, but nothing has helped. Yeah, keep your mouth shut about a stranger or a casual acquaintance's mouth. But if we are talking about the mouth of someone who wants to put their tongue in your mouth, that we are talking about, the mouth of someone who wants to kiss you and breathe into your mouth or wants to press their mouth into your vagina or your butthole or put your genitals in their mouth or wants you to put yours and theirs, then you have a right to speak the fuck up. The question you're asking, though, isn't like, how can I say this politely? What you want, what people really want when they say, how can I bring this up without hurting someone's feelings? You want a way to bring this up where they don't even realize that you brought it up or that you noticed that there was a problem. The odds that someone who neglects their oral hygiene, the odds of that person being hurt or devastated when you bring it up, when you tell them that they need to go to the goddamn dentist, that they need to start taking care of their teeth, that they need to brush their teeth, if they want to kiss your mouth, the odds that they're going to be hurt are like 100%. So don't waste too much time wringing your hands and trying to figure out a way. You can put this so politely, they barely noticed that you've said it, but that they take action. You just have to be direct and calm and say to them, we've been dating for three months. In that time, I have never seen you floss or brush your teeth and I can tell you aren't taking care of your oral hygiene and you need to start as a condition of continuing to see me. Just really what it comes down to, unless you're willing to put up with somebody breathing in your face or shoving their gross tongue in your mouth for the next 50 fucking years because you were afraid to say something in the first three months, you need to say something, you need to risk offending that person, you need to risk hurting their feelings. In the short run, if it helps you to feel better about definitely hurting their feelings when you finally speak the fuck up, you're doing them a favor in the long run because if your relationship doesn't work out, they're not going to hear this hopefully because they'll make changes after hearing it from you. They're not going to hear this from the next person they date or the person after that. And if you have dated someone who's got terrible oral hygiene that can be addressed, not talking about a medical condition, not talking about halitosis, terrible oral hygiene, something that can be addressed and they've dated person after person after person and all of those people have dumped them without saying anything to them for fear of hurting their feelings and just basically kicked those teeth down the road to somebody else who's like, that person could be standing there going, why does nobody want to go on more than three dates with me? And they may be so obtuse they don't realize it's their green fucking teeth until somebody ovals the fuck up and says something, you should be that person, even at the risk of them being angry with you, even at the risk of them breaking up with you because if they have terrible oral hygiene and you say something to them and they break up with you, well, good. You didn't want to be with somebody for 50 fucking years with green rotting teeth, did you? Did you really know? No, of course you didn't. And so if they are so angry at you for saying that, that they dump you, you did them a favor by saying something, hopefully they'll address the problem and they, if they weren't going to address the problem, did you a favor by dumping you? Either way, Yatsi, everybody wins. Hello, I am a 28 year old guy, heterosexual on the West Coast. I've been with my bisexual female partner for the last five years. And we've had a very loving and solid relationship, except we've had a lot of issues with our sex life. And lately it's to the point where I'm thinking of taking a break or leaving this partner. We're in a monogamous relationship. Sex for me is very important. I'm a regular old horny pervert. She is someone who has a lot of sexual shame. She has a very difficult relationship with her body. And so we have sex frequently. And it's not, not bad sex. It's just that I haven't made her come for years. Sex is all about my pleasure. She's not comfortable with being touched in sexual areas. And if she's comfortable, she doesn't really like it. And she is not comfortable with me focusing on her pleasure at all. So our sex is her focusing on my pleasure. And so it's not that much foreplay. And then it's over when I climax. And I feel like I want something more. I've asked her many different times in many different ways, like, do you think that you're asexual or maybe just a lesbian? And she's, she denies that she says she really likes sex. She says she doesn't have anything that she would want to change about it or any desires that she can think of that I'm not meeting. But I really want to fuck someone who wants to fuck me in the same way that I want to fuck them and someone who I can give a lot of pleasure to. So I'm feeling kind of unfulfilled about the relationship. We've talked about opening up the relationship, which I would be fine with, but she couldn't do it, doesn't really want to, but would do it for me. And it just doesn't really feel that healthy to do it that way. It's not the kind of relationship I not the kind of open relationship I'd want if she's truly getting nothing out of it and is just dreading it. But I don't know, maybe that's could work. We do have a very solid partnership that it does like mean a lot to me and we do really love each other and I know that, but I don't know if it's actually compatible. She's talked about how she wants to grow and be more comfortable with sex in her body. But I'm kind of tired of waiting for her to do that. I keep, you know, making suggestions or, you know, books we could read together. But it's just not something that she's really motivated by at all. So what do you think? This woman is wasted on you. I'm not saying you're awful, you're not awful, and I'm not saying that she's a prize. But the world is full of shitty straight guys, people call into complaint all the time about this particular kind of shitty straight guy where could give a flying fuck about foreplay and think sex is over. When he comes, she has a million dudes out there, millions and millions, tens of millions, hundreds of millions of potential dudes to choose from. Who would be fine with sex the way she obviously prefers to have it or can only have it, which is in this way that it's all about him. It's all about you. It's all about his pleasure and not about her pleasure. I mean, I think it's sad. I would love it if she became more comfortable in her body and found what it was about sex that worked for her, was pleasurable for her, and it wasn't just all about you, but you've sunk five years into this relationship and nothing has changed. And it seems to me that if she's capable of this kind of growth sexually or this kind of change sexually, she's not going to grow or change while she's with you. Seeing as you've already been together for five years and there has been no change or growth, maybe opening a relationship could be a sort of hallelujah pass, maybe you fucking other people who wanted to fuck you, who were into foreplay, who were not just there to give pleasure, but there to take pleasure and be pleasured by you, would rock her world. You never know. You never know how people are going to react when you open a relationship. There are some cases where a couple will open a relationship because their marriage is or their relationship is sexless and stale and they just feel like they're not attracted to each other anymore, but they love each other and they don't want to blow up the lives of their children if they have children or they don't want to end their partnership because they're such good partners. And so they open the relationship so they can have sex with other people and suddenly they start having sex with each other again too. And there's something about opening a relationship that just can flip the table, can have unexpected results. Some people open a relationship and it's the end. Some people open the relationship and it's the beginning of a new kind of relationship for the couple that opened the relationship. Maybe that would happen here and if you love each other, it seems like a hallelujah pass worth throwing before you end things. I don't want to say that your partner isn't in good working order, but your partner isn't in a kind of order that works for you erotically or sexually. And I don't think you should be faulted for wanting to pleasure your partner, for wanting sex to be not just about you and your deck. You deserve a little credit for that. There are too many guys out there who want sex to be just about them in their deck and who could give a flying fuck about foreplay and about whether their female partners have orgasms or not. You're not that guy. You're not one of those guys. She could have easily one of those guys if that's what she wants. But she's got you and she loves you and you love her. Open the relationship, stay together, see what happens, but if nothing changes, I wouldn't fault you for ending this relationship and freeing her to go find a guy who only wants what she's capable of giving and freeing yourself to go find a woman who wants more from her sex partners than just being jacked off inside. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. I've been doing a fair amount of traveling lately and while I love checking out new places, I'm always so happy to get home to my Helix mattress or my Helix mattress's plural, I should say, as we've got a Helix mattress on every bed in our house because we want our guests, including our special guest stars, to sleep just as comfortably as we do. The Helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Luxe Collection. That is ours, of course. Terry will accept nothing less than Luxe. 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Again, go to helixsleep.com slash savage for 27% off site-wide. Make sure you enter Savage Lovecast into the post-purchase survey so they know the Lovecast sent you. That's helixsleep.com slash savage. Hey, Dan. I'm a 47-year-old bisexual woman living in the Southeast. I've been divorced about 18 months now, and I've been dating really about the last six months. I've always been sex-positive, and I've had a lot of partners in my life, and I've had open relationships. But so in the last six months, I have been sleeping with a couple of old flames. I dated someone for a few weeks and slept with him. And the last couple months, I've also been seeing a polyamorous guy that I like very much. And the last couple weeks, I've had sex twice on first dates, which is a little bit out of the norm for me. But also, they were really hot, and I had so much fun. And I don't really feel that bad about it. But I don't know if that's like, am I, like, what the fuck, is this okay? I've also been sexing someone else who I met on the app, and it's been really hot. And today, we met up and fooled around with no sex. And so I guess my question is, like, am I being an empowered, sexy, hot woman? I don't want to have marriage. I don't want babies. I'm financially independent. Like, I just get to meet these really fucking sexy guys, and want to fuck me and I enjoy fucking them. And is that fucked up? Do I need to, like, have my head examined? Or is this just totally Joe? If all you describe is fucked up, then literally every gay man I know or have ever known is fucked up. Look, you are having your hot girl, hot middle age, adult grown ass woman, summer, you are having your cum spring, your fucking old flames, your dating people, your fucking a few people on first dates when you the vibe feels right. Is this working for you? Is it serving you? It sounds like it is. Are you taking unreasonable irrational risks? Are you putting yourself in harm's way? It doesn't sound like you are. It sounds like you are fucking people that you've gotten to know or gotten to know quickly and have a good feeling about, fucking old flames, dating people in poly relationships. And it's working for you. You're not going out and getting blackout drunk and waking up in men's beds. You're not having to use drugs or alcohol to disable sexual inhibition and give yourself permission to do the things that you want to do and have these sexual adventures that you want to have. You're going about this in what sounds like a very intentional way. And you are having a lot of sex. And yeah, so long as it's not leaving you curled up on the bathroom floor in the fetal position afterwards sobbing, so long as it's bringing pleasure and joy and connection into your life, it's fine that it involves a cast of thousands or cast of 10s at this stage of your life. You're getting it. And that's, that's good. That's good. I don't think based on the data that you shared, based on what you told me about, I don't think that you're dashing yourself against the rocks. I don't think you're acting out. I don't think you're behaving in a sexually compulsive way. You're just at a stage of life where you want the dick and you want a lot of the dick and you want it right now. And you're getting it. Enjoy and get tested regularly. Hi, Dan. I am a cis female entering back into the dating world. I had sex with a man that I really like who asked me to put a finger in his anus. I consider myself fairly open-minded, but I am still very vanilla when it comes to sex. When I asked my friends, they all insisted that he can't be straight because no straight man would like this. I have this in your show and I know that many men can have powerful orgasms this way. They all say that he will insist on more in the future, such as pegging or worse, have sex on the side without my knowledge to get his needs met. I personally feel they are being ignorant, but I am worried that I'm being naive. I asked them first, not really for their approval, but more so to make sure I was doing it properly because it is something I've never done before. So I guess what I'm asking is, one, do straight men like having a finger in their butt during sex? And number two, how do I do it properly? Is it something where I just put my finger in there or do I need to do something else so as not to hurt him? I really would like to know because I like him and I am starting to get very attached. It's not that hard to put a finger in someone's ass. You're not Indiana Jones, his butt isn't the temple of doom. You're not trying to steal the icon. You just have to have a lubi finger and a clean butt. He wants you to finger his ass. He's got to practice good personal hygiene if he wants you to go deep or use more than one finger. He should courtesy douche, but it's really not that hard. You put lube on your fingers. You don't just dive right in. You also trim that fingernail. You take that ring off. If there's a ring on that finger, get your hand nice and lubi. Get your fingers nice and lubi. Massage his anus and sort of circular motion on the outside of the ring and then apply pressure gradually to his anus. I assume if this man is comfortable enough asking a new sex partner, a new female sex partner to stick her finger in his ass, he's probably had a finger in his ass before. He knows what he wants. He knows what he likes. He is the best person to ask for tips on doing this thing that you haven't done before when somebody who's gotten, I don't know, fisted a lot asks you, someone who's never fisted them before to fist them. You should ask them how they like to get fisted and what you need to know about fisting them. You can ask this guy how he likes to be fingered and what you need to know about fingering him and what kind of lube he would like you to use. Does it mean he's gay? No, it does not mean he's gay. It does not not mean he's gay either. I mean, he could be deeply closeted. But you know what? My experience of deeply closeted guys or what I've heard about a lot of deeply closeted guys is paradoxically, they're less likely to ask a woman to finger them or peg them or play with their butt because they're worried about being perceived to be gay and those things are kind of gay coded. So a guy who was deeply closeted and anxious about it would be less likely to feel comfortable asking to do these things. A guy who is secure in his sexuality and he could be bi, but a guy who's secure in his sexuality is more likely to casually ask a new opposite sex partner, the new woman he's sleeping with to do something like this. The closeted guy probably wouldn't ask for this. He'd probably like Shane and he did rival where he'd probably own a dildo and get his butt rocks off, fantasizing about dudes that way and not ask Rose Landry the first time they fucked to stick a finger in his ass, lest Rose Landry got ideas or began to suspect. So yeah, fuck your friends, your friends don't know what they're talking about. All that said, there, you know, there are no guarantees. There are certainly guys out there who are gay and sleeping with women and getting a little butt stuff action when they can from their female sex partners and closing their eyes and wishing it was a dude. I think that's less common today than it used to be. And there are guys who are bi who like butt stuff because they like butt stuff. And yeah, maybe he will ask you to peg him. What would be so terrible about pegging him if he enjoys being pegged? You listen to this show, I assume you have some baseline sense of sexual adventurism in your soul and pegging a guy is hot and you might want to do that for him if his ass is hot and his ass is clean. And this works for you. If it doesn't work for you if penetrating a guy kind of ruins a guy for you, if it's a libido killer for you to flip the script in this way, like the dude isn't supposed to be penetrated by the woman, the dude is supposed to penetrate. If it doesn't work for you, you don't have to do it at all. And if it doesn't work for you after you try with him, you don't have to do it ever again. And if his butt isn't sparkling clean, he doesn't deserve having it once much less ever again. Hey, Dan. So my boyfriend just told me that he's going to start being a filmmaker for only fans. And my question is, should one be unsettled when their monogamous partner is becoming a filmmaker for porn? We have a great relationship, but I still feel unsettled. Do you have any stats data? Any information at all about how likely it is that your boyfriend will cheat on you if he films only fans? Are you talking about your boyfriend making porn or filming porn, being a filmmaker, being behind the camera? Are you talking about your boyfriend wanting to be a content creator, wanting to film porn with his own self in front of the camera? If it's the former, yeah, he's going to be in highly charged situations where people are being sexual in front of him. That doesn't mean he's going to be sexual with those people. It doesn't mean the people he's filming would want necessarily to be sexual or intimate with him. I think he's less likely to cheat on you if he's making the films. If he's appearing in the films and it's not just solo stuff, if he's not just jerking off or the camera or showing off for the camera and posting that content to only fans, then yeah, he'll have to cheat with you, right? If he's making porn with other people, if he's making porn shorts, at least professionally, you would have to get with other people. But there's no data, there's no research on the likelihood of someone who's a filmmaker, a pornographer, but not in front of the cameras, the likelihood of them cheating on their partner that they have a monogamous commitment with. There's no date, there's no university out there, there's no section of the NIH or the CDC that threw money into a research project to look into that. You're just going to have to assess whether you can trust this guy. And if he just wants to shoot the films, well, then he doesn't have to have sex with other people. If he wants to be in them, and it's not just solo male masturbation content that he's making for only fans, well then he's going to have to fuck somebody in his films. And if it's not you, it's going to be somebody else. So he's going to by definition, maybe it wouldn't count as cheating. I know people who don't regard their partners who appear in porn, they don't regard their professional sexual relationships as infidelities or cheating. But he might have to have sex with other people. He's going to be in the films. But yeah, a little ambiguous, your question as to whether we're talking about a filmmaker or a porn content creator. Make your worries are greater. Maybe you don't want him touching other people if it's the latter, less so if it's the former. But yeah, I got no data for you. I got no studies to share. Hey, Dan, I have a question for you. Do you think it's wrong if I get upset if my partner's friend buys him some like little sexy thongish underwear? Do you think am I wrong for being upset or telling my partner that I don't like his friend because he actually did that knowing that he's within a relationship? Do you think that's a valid reason to be upset? I answered a question this week in my column where I got to say sometimes a pineapple is just a pineapple. Swingers used to use pineapples or upside down pineapples as a symbol, as a sign to other swingers to let them know that they were a swinging couple. This was before the internet came along. People could get online, get on apps like Field and Adult Friend Finder and go to swinging clubs and parties and find other swingers. Yeah, people used to use this code, kind of like gay men used to use this hanky code. Now you just don't like, you don't walk up to a couple who happens to have a pineapple in their house and say, hey, do you want to fuck me and my wife? Because you don't need the pineapple. You have the internet. So yeah, sometimes a pineapple is just a pineapple, which is of course a reference to people talking about Freud saying sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. But I'm going to go out on a limb here and say a thong is always a thong. People don't buy thongs for people that they don't want to fuck. Now you are gay dude in a relationship with a gay man. You need to be realistic about the fact that you're a little gay world or the world with all of the gay people in it. You and your boyfriend are both going to encounter as you move through the world, people who want to fuck you. If you're in a monogamous relationship, you don't fuck other people. But just the fact that somebody wants to get with your boyfriend is an evidence that your boyfriend has done anything wrong or that he's about to do anything wrong. But somebody giving your boyfriend a thong, that's that person telling your boyfriend that they want to see him in that thong that they would like to get with him if they could you do not buy lingerie for somebody that you do not think that you have a chance with. So this guy getting your boyfriend a thong and your boyfriend accepting a thong from this guy, it's disrespectful. The guy if he knows that your boyfriend is in a monogamous relationship with you should not be buying your boyfriend panties. Your boyfriend out of respect for you, the man that he is in a monogamous relationship with, should not have accepted panties from that man. I'm not saying that your boyfriend is more culpable here. It is possible that your boyfriend just took the panties because he wanted to avoid the awkwardness of having to reject them and reject this guy. But he really should have. And I think you need to have a conversation with your boyfriend about why he took the panties and then throw the panties away and your boyfriend should know that next time somebody comes along and offers him lingerie or panties or a thong that he shouldn't accept them, that he should say to the person offering him the thong, hey look like it's sweet of you to get this for me but I'm in a monogamous relationship but I don't feel comfortable accepting lingerie from other men. The only person who's allowed to buy me lingerie is my boyfriend but thank you for the thought. Now stop thinking it please. All right, time for listener feedback. First up, a few comments listeners left in the comment thread about last week's show. There was tons of talk about the ethics of infant circumcision in the comments too long too detailed to share here. So instead I'm going to share a couple of the comments that listeners left on the bonus episode of Lovecast about heated rivalry that I recorded with Claire Perlman. Says Aaron Melb loved the episode almost as much as me and my girls loved heated rivalry. The one thing y'all missed which aids in the positive portrayal of M.M. relationships and is a breath of fresh air for the hetero women watching. Ilya is the king of consent. It can be bossy while still being respectful and checking in does not kill the mood. True, true, true Ilya is always asking Shane if this is okay when he is an ordering Shane to get on his fucking knees. You can do both. You can check in and order around. Says GT. Hey Dan, thank you for the heated rivalry deep dive episode. One thing worth mentioning, heated rivalry and its source material game changers are 100% Canadian created media. Canada's cultural differences from the USA are many, including public funding for the arts. The fact that the Canadian government provided over $4 million in cash and tax subsidies to make heated rivalry should be celebrated. Sadly, at the same time the US government is killing its own public broadcasting media. We got one detail wrong about the show about heated rivalry when Claire and I were talking, Svetlana is the goalies kid and Sasha Ilya's teenage boy toy hookup was the coach's son. Those two characters are not siblings. We apologize for the error. And one comment I'll share about last week's Lovecast says Black David, so many of these calls to this average Lovecast could be solved with one simple piece of advice. Mind your own damn business. Black David goes on. He is talking about the Infants circumcision called what the fuck are you worrying about your nephews dick for? For the record, I agree with Black David about the dick that particular caller was concerned about the dick of his unborn nephew. Yeah, the caller should mind his own business. I think I said as much or hopefully conveyed that in my response, but I am an advice podcaster. This is a sex and advice podcast. I am in the Minding Other People's Business business, which means I'm happy to remind you when to mind your own business, but I'm also here to help you mind yours as needed. So please keep calling me with your business. Got something to say about something I said on this week's show? Go to Savage.Love and say it in the comment thread under the show. And now, Savage Love listeners who left voicemails on our answering machine about last week's show get to have as they always do the last word on this week's show. Hi, Dan. I just wanted to call on and share that I just finished making my very first piece of the ass-bunt cake. And as I was finishing making it, I thought for anybody that's having their first piece of the ass party this evening or in the future, a lovely little ceremony would be to set the icing aside and then bring the bun cake out and then create this experience, which we call the glazing of the ass. Hey there, Dan. A comment for the guy worried about his nephew getting circumcised. I think your advice was absolutely spot on and I just wanted to share some personal experience. So I'm a cis man and I was circumcised in my late 30s. I did not lead to any decrease in function or pleasure. For me personally, I enjoy sex with a circumcised dick marginally more than I did prior. And as for the form question, this just seems like a very personal aesthetic preference. I think that varies widely person to person. Honestly, I'm not sure if I would have preferred if my parents had me circumcised. I guess it would have saved me an unpleasant recovery period. But also there's something I like about having experienced my dick from both sides. As for like, is a personal violation, I think maybe it's on par with getting your appendix removed. And if anyone's sort of worried about it, wondering about it, no, I don't think you'd be having drastically different sex if you still had your foreskin. Hi, this is a comment for the person who wants to put mouthwash in his mouth and then go down on someone. I would never, let you do that ever. Oh my God, the burning. Can you imagine the burning that you get in your mouth when you do mouthwash? Now put that on your pussy. Fuck that. And we are going to leave it there. Do you have some business, some sex or relationship business that you would like me to mind for you? Call the Savage Love Cast of 206-302-2064 and leave a message or record your question or your comment on your very own phone and email it to us at qat Savage.Love or go to Savage.Love slash ask Dan where you can record and upload your comment or your question directly onto our website. And if you had a new sexual experience and you need some help processing it, you want to brag about it or cry on my shoulder about it, email us at qat Savage.Love to come on after action report. Hump is back. Hump 2026 kicks off soon. Hump is a film festival that celebrated sex positivity, desire and kinks with short films, five minutes or less made by real people with real bodies, real curiosity, real kinks, and it is real dirty and real fun. Come as you are to Hump, leave a little more turned on to who you are when you leave. Experience it together in theaters. Hump in theaters is an amazing experience. You can find out when Hump is coming to you when it's coming to a city near you at humpfilmfest.com where you can also order tickets and watch the trailer for Hump 2026. Follow me at Blue Sky at Dan Savage. Follow me on Instagram at Dan Savage. Follow Dr. Eleanor Yonaga on Instagram at Dr. Eleanor Yonaga. Her last name is Bell J-A-N-E-G-A. Learn more about Dr. Eleanor Yonaga's work, her research, find her newsletters, podcasts, and blog at her website, eleanoryanaga.com. Savage. Lovecast is produced every week by Nancy Hartunian and me and Nancy at the TechSavvy at Risk Youth. We will all be back at you next week with an installment of the Savage Lovecast. Thank you for downloading and don't let them slap the dick out of your mouth. This episode of the Savage Lovecast is brought to you by Load Boost by VB Health. Load Boost is a supplement designed to improve the taste, the volume, and the overall health of your semen. 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