Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 23: A Memorable Feast

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Barring that very specific incident This is the final episode Of Trinavale Extrad I have fortunately And gladly been your Dracula uncle A.K.A. Drunkle Caldwell Tanner Let's give it up Come on Thanks so much That's so polite Guys what's this sound like You're trying to make it sound like A ball sack hitting a butt I'm trying to. Come on, man. That is hardcore penetrative sex, Murph. Jake gets it. Go on, Caldwell. Talk about a finale. And I'm joined, as always, by my pornographic players, Brian Murphy. Feeling pleasure, because I raided Strahd's treasure. Jens Liddell. Very nice. And, of course, the... Stop it! I'm getting too horny to read stuff. my eyes are crossing. And of course, another treasure at the table, we've got Emily Axford. Now that I have a shell, I'm in fucking hell. Onyx Lumiere. No, it's not sad. I actually love it. Emily loves it. Because I love to make Onyx hate it. That's the beauty of the dissonance right there. And now I'll give a big table shallow to Jake Hurwitz. Here comes the man who's going to burgle your ham, nyack of the ram for ham that's right i'm the ham burglar still he decided he doesn't do that wow the ham burglar theoretically he should be burgling ham i think that's within his scope for sure yeah that's in his purview yeah we talked about this a little bit on a short rest i think where uh the hamburglar like he doesn't often get the hamburger so what is he eating and i think he's just like going ham yeah he's going to kroger's and he's just like swiping ham he's Trying to be a hamburger burglar, but in reality, he's a hamburglar, and he steals from Arby's. Yeah, he's getting that honey bake. Yeah. They had the meats. Emphasis on had. Paul, well, take it away. Of course. Thanks for that glowing sound. Wow. Okay, before you guys slam your ball sacks into the episode, how about a quick recap? Please. Sure. Okay. When last we met, you three had rendezvoused with Leamund and were making your way towards the catacombs with a new lumpy glass monkey friend in tow. Inside the crypts, you saw a number of tombs, including ones for Strahd, Sergei, the former king and queen, and most importantly, yourself. You also found Kirill Stoyanovich, your werewolf ally who you met in Vallaki, and he promised to help you in the final battle but went to take a short rest in the Hall of Bones. After exploring the personalized tombs that Strahd prepared for you, you headed down into the golden tomb that housed King Barov and Queen Ravinovia, but found it blocked by a powerful curtain of blue light, beyond which you heard ragged screams and howls. Next, you found your way to Sergei's tomb, where you discovered a ladder leading up to the study, as well as the entrance to the Amber Vault, within which dwells the remnants of a long-dead god. Upon entry, a fierce wave of psychic energy assaulted you, but the energy was absorbed by the egg that the Korvac skull gave you. The egg then hatched, revealing a reborn baby Korvac. Cute. Who, despite your protests, flew out of the castle and refused to join your party, heading instead to Luna Lake to feed. Once inside the vault, you found four remnants of the dark god known as Yogg-Zadun, one of which, a crystal tooth, had already been claimed by Strahd. Ariana pinged Onyx and said that they could take one dark gift as a finder's fee. Onyx chose the nail of Yogg-Zadun, which gave her 30 extra hit points, but also scaly skin and a massive turtle shell. A dark gift indeed. And so you left the room with new purpose and a new tortoise. Yes. From there, you proceeded to the study, where you met Strahd's accountant, Leif Lipsiege. Fearing for his life, Leif explained that Strahd's treasure was hidden somewhere in this room, but only a treasure keeper's magic lantern could find it. Jins then realized he had such a lantern, and with a nat 20 roll, quickly solved the puzzle and found Strahd's treasury hidden behind a large portrait of Sergei. Inside the treasure vault, you found all sorts of awesome, questionably broken loot, as well as a desk and a board that revealed to you the true nature of Strahd's curse. Unlike everyone else in Barovia, Sergei's soul will never reincarnate. And so, laden with treasure and knowledge, you finally headed to your dinner with Strahd. Once you entered the room, the vampire rose from his piano and invited you to dine. He explained that at last he had come to a realization and no longer wanted Tatiana alone. Instead, he now wants all four of you to join him as his eternal consorts. With his dark plan revealed, the vampire drank a toast and summoned six vampire spawn from their hiding places. As the spawn skittered down to attack, the Strahd standing before you melted away, revealing him to be nothing more than an illusion. Just then, the doors all over the castle began to close as Strahd's will attempted to trap you inside the dining hall. However, his plan was thwarted by Keychain, who blocked the door and allowed Esmeralda and Leamund to enter. He told you that it was time to let the big dog off the leash, then push you out the door and towards the catacombs, where your destined meeting with Strahd awaits. And that is where we are now. So you hear a fighting unfold inside the dining hall, spells crackling, blades being unsheathed as they launch into the battle against these vampire spawn. But for you, you have a different mission. You rush down the steps, past the wine cellar and into the Hall of Bones where you see Karol Stojanovich sleeping on top of a large bone table. Big dog, wake up! Let's go time! Let's go time! Big dog time! Yeah, big dog time! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go. He headbutts you flat over. Ow! My fucking hell. My new hell. I'm sorry. What the hell? The gem messed up. Oh, my God. That hurts. It's like a cracked gemstone. Jeez Louise. Oh, sorry. He's got a little excited, okay? Okay, fine. Walk it off. Walk it off. All right. Jens is mad. We can try to get rid of him if you want. Maybe. I don't know. Just walk really fast. He can't keep it up. Okay, I start walking really fast. All right. Look at that. Look at that. Strong pace. solid stride okay jen's starting to be one back all right big dog come on he does that little like skipping clap that you see athletes do oh yeah oh yeah he's the fox nfl robot uh and you see like he runs towards the arch leading to the catacombs and jumps up and like slaps it with his hand oh you got to all right big dogs let's do this let's take down this fucking guy all right flame tongue flame on yeah oh yeah me too i wink yeah so uh you guys uh head down towards the catacombs uh but as you approach uh marina says uh do you guys mind if i take one of the potions we found that acid door fucked me up pretty bad all right yeah how many did we find um i believe nyack used one last time i yeah i chugged one we had two and then keychain give us three more right I have the list here. You found four in the treasury, and then you used two protection from evil and good spice pouches. And then you have three potions from Keychain, one healing, one resilience, which is plus one AC for ten minutes. And then one weak healing, which is just 1d8 versus the good healings, 2d8. And you have three potion of greater healings remaining. So I can just take this weaker healing one if you want. Perfect. No. Take it. I love that. Okay, take a regular one. Oh, really? You mean it? Yeah, take a regular one. Okay, wow. Nyack hands it over so slowly. To be only medium dogs by gins. What an honor. Yeah. Do you want to take this resilience one, Nyack? Ooh. Yeah. Yeah, sure. I mean, he can be a bit more in the background. Maybe you should take it. He is pretty far in the background. Because you have to fight Chris. That's an excellent point. Jen drinks it. I assume you're offering me the empty vial. Yeah, you can keep the vial. It's kind of a cool one. Yeah, this is me. You know how you'll get Crown Royal and you get the little bag and stuff? This one looks to be the same kind of situation. Epic. Yeah. You can have the bag. It says Resilience on it. It might be fun to kind of put a water in there or something. That's just a really exaggerated fist bump. Glass-ass gives you a thumbs up. I love you. Really should have been named Lumpy Glass Monkey. I'm going to roll the potion for Marina real quick. Oh, you know what? I'll do something nice. Why not? Choose up to three creatures within range. Each target's hit point maximum and current hit points increase by five for the duration. I'm going to cast Aid on Me, Nyack, and Onyx. I do it. Here's how I'm nice. I do it while Marina's drinking it, so she doesn't know. So we get five temp hit points. So we get five temp hit points, yeah. Amazing. Okay, I have my blindfold on and my ear most in while I was drinking, so I didn't know what was happening. Perfect, great. Nothing happened, literally nothing at all. Awesome, great. I'm back to full as well. Shall we proceed? I'm beyond full, thanks to my brother. No, we're all exactly at full. We're all exactly at full. Yeah, we're full of piss and vinegar. My cup is overflowing. Yeah. Like, metaphorically, I got it, of course. Yeah, he's excited about his new little bag, his new little bottle. Seems kind of fun. It's fun. Yes, we will fill that bag with the entrails of our victims. How does that sound? That's honestly just... You won't fill it with anything. It's my bag, so... Of course it won't. Sorry, I'm just getting excited. I saw the werewolf get, like, really amped, and that kind of, like, was rubbing off on me. Yeah. Okay. Well, I think we're ready to go in, right? Shall we? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I'm ready. So you descend back into the catacombs. Once you arrive, you see that heavy portcullis doors now hang over the entrances to Strahd and Sergei's tombs. But as you walk closer to the entrance to the king and queen's tomb, you see that the blue curtain of light has been lifted. Deeper within, you hear the same ragged howling you heard before, this time tinged with notes of both sorrow and joy. Oh, who's moaning? Who's doing the sorrow and joy? I don't know. Do you want to give me a perception? Sure. Big Dog, can you give us like a little sniff? Oh, yeah. I can advantage of that shit. That's 17. Dirty 20. Freaking nine. Okay. With Onyx's Dirty 20, you guys edge up close to where the blue curtain was, and you listen, and this is the voice of Strahd. He seems distraught about something. He's kind of moaning and carrying on. He seems unaware of your approach. Hackety and ecstasy. He just invited us. Oh, wait. Oh, it was a... It was there for a while and we got here so late. Is he upset that we're late? Oh, is he sad? Is he so sad to be late? I feel so bad. I love this old perfectly. What the hell? Should we pretend like he got us? Should we be like, oh my god, you got us. Yeah, the vampire spawn Ada. We can pretend to be dead. Yeah. Okay, so we shouldn't go in because we're pretending to be dead. Okay, so that's coming from beyond his parents' tomb? Yes. Onyx is just going to do a blood-curdling scream. I don't know where this is headed, but sure. um okay you like aim it towards like the tomb like into the king and queen's tomb damages jen's hearing fuck yeah um so before you do that scream i'll say that you guys listen in close um and here is what you hear uh issuing forth from inside the tomb this this is where it all began this wretched curse. You, father, with your oldest scholars and their full pursuits, and you, mother, with your infinite love for my weak brother, you, you set me on this path. You drove me to this ruin. You hear that, and then you let noise a blood-turtling scream. Okay, if I had heard that, I wouldn't necessarily have. Well, he's upset about the turtle, I think. Yeah. Taking the power, yeah. Oh! Oh! Onyx! Is that you? Yes, Trot. Your illusion was so enticing and I ran down here because I really want to sleep in a crypt that looks like a cruise ship. Oh! Forgive me, friends. You catch me airing old grievances. Yeah, you were crying a lot. I was not crying. I was airing grievances. It is very different. You were moaning and bellowing. Yeah. Certainly. We thought you were ill. It was poetic moaning. Yeah. I was lamentating. It was very different. Lamentating? You could settle on lamenting, yes. He was lamenting. I'm just saying lamentating kind of sounds like breastfeeding wall. Like he's lactating. Kweecek, his shirt. Tears were being milked from my face. Sure, yeah. That actually checks out. That's sort of a turn of phrase. Anyway, I do apologize for being inhospitable. Please calm down. Okay. I guess I'm going to cast greater invisibility on myself and attack. I guess I'll... Wait. I'll make a show of, like, stomping and walking down while Onyx makes the first attack. Okay. Shit. Okay, everybody go ahead and roll initiative. All right. Ooh, natural 20 See, I'm excited when I roll a nat 20 on a crit Let it be known 17 22 Damn 26 for me 26, holy shit Yeah, with the nat 20 I'm going to not have cast greater invisibility on myself Because we're rolling initiative Just for the listeners at home That spell slot was not used Gotcha I'm going to roll straws initiative I bought new dice for this I have not rolled them yet So it could be anyone's game here. Please be tricked, dice. It's a 10. Okay. Wow. Completely average. Perfect dice. Damn. Wow. Well balanced. Great dice. That's a dice you can set your watch to. Unless it rolls another 10. Yeah. Well, then you can really set it. Okay. Initiative is rolled. Let's get into it. How are you going to proceed down here? Onix, you're not going to cast invisibility? No. I was just joking. Okay. Because I think I'm going to just attack. Great. All right. You guys are just going to launch down? Sure, yeah. Awesome. Let's do it. Okay. You guys run down these steps. You hear Strahd say, yes, come, come. You shall bear witness to the birth of a new dynasty. Mother, father, on this day, the house of Zorovich is reformed. Oh, I forgot to roll for Glassass. Glassass got a 17, Strahd. Wow. I'm so sorry. I'm pretty sure Glassass acts on your turn. on the find familiar spell it says that he gets his own initiative oh okay cool great it's a new role wow okay if you guys want to take that again go up the stairs one more time no okay i'm honestly upset i had like a whole thing i was going to say about how you're pushing us around and how you're pushing the people of this around but no i'm glad glass ass can act on that gets a moment you already have a jewel okay okay you know i don't strut i I don't want to, like, give anything away, but I don't think he has that much HP. The glass monkey or kitty? Yeah. Brother. So as you guys rush into this tomb, let me give you a quick layout of what you see. So this tomb is 40 feet on each side. Behind you is a small flight of stairs with a landing in the middle. You'll recall that that is where the blue curtain of light used to be. Cool. On the far end of the room is a wall made of stained glass caked in dust and dirt. In the center of the room, you see two white marble coffins resting on golden slabs. The one on the left reads King Bera Von Zarevich. The one on the right reads Queen Ravinovia Van Royen. Torches line the two walls leading to the stained glass, and the vaulted ceiling overhead is 30 feet high and inlaid with beautiful gold mosaics. You see Strahd standing between both of the coffins. He wears a gold brooch on his neck, and his fingers are laden with heavy golden rings that all have Jim's inlaid in them. His cape flaps despite there being no breeze, and he grins, his teeth glistening in the torchlight. And, Jim's, you are first to act. Woo! Okay. I'm a different guy than the last time you saw me. I have Flametongue now. I'm going to... Flametongue's already lit up. I'm going to charge, and I'm going to make some attacks with... I'm calling it Flametongue. It's the Sun Sword. Gotcha. I'll make some attacks with the Sun Sword. If you hit him with this, that knocks out his ability to regenerate. Whoa. So I'll make my two first attacks. That is a 25 to hit, a 24 to hit, and then I'll do my offhand and an 18 to hit. Gens all three of those hits. Hell yeah. Okay. Dope. So I'm going to do a defensive flourish for the first attack. Gotcha. 27 damage on the first attack. Okay. And I add six to my AC. Woo! And then second attack does 15 damage. And then the last one is not my fire sword, so will not do as much damage. It's just going to be nine damage. Okay. And then, so to explain my 24 AC now, I've got this giant shield on my back. I look at Onyx and then I turtle up. Turtle power. Mine is covered with gemstones now, right? Yeah. Okay, I flaunt it proudly. We're turtles now, Strahd. That's right. Yes. This land, it changes you, does it not? It does. It sets you into turtles. Yeah. That's not really what I meant. The turtles used to have a pizza hut thing, but now they're all about potatoes. Take whatever meaning you need. Okay. So, Jens, that is 51 damage total. Yeah. Hell yeah. That's incredible. You slice into him with this flaming sword, the sun sword reborn. And you see one of the rings on his finger cracks. And you see a small crystal heart falls to the ground and shatters. Whoa. Hearts of darkness. Very good. Very good. A strong opening to our dance, Jins. There's no dance. I'm just a turtle. I rock back and forth. Even turtles can dance in the land of Parovia. If I will it so. Okay, Jins, that is your turn. Strahd's still having fun, so he's just going to slide right up to you and return the favor. He's going to use a legendary action to swipe at you with his unarmed strike. Okay, protect me, weird shield. But wait, do you have protection against evil and good? I do. Okay, so he's going to roll with disadvantage. Oh, sick. Oh, my God. That is a nat 20 and a 2. Shout out to the children. Poetic. Okay, these dice get it. I hate these dice. Okay, so he splashes at you, but he just scratches the back of your silver shield. Oh, everyone's tortling up in the club tonight, and I hate it. Who said you could go turtle mode in my house? I have... My shield has a fetish. I don't remember what it was. A toe being longer than the other two. The second toe being a little bit longer than the big toe, which I agree is sexy as hell. Everyone, whisper your fetishes to me. It makes me stronger. Oh, okay. Okay, so that was Strahd's legendary action. And that's going to bring us to Nyack. Okay. Nyak is going to pop up between the two turtle shells and fire the Darkwing Bow. Cast Zephyr Strike. This turtle snaps. 27 to hit. Well, it hits, yeah. And that'll take my Dread Ambusher attack. That's a 19 to hit. 19 does hit. All right. And my, oh, fuck me, that's a nat 1. Okay, so the first two attacks hit. I'll use the acid on the Blackwing Bow as well as favored foe. And that is going to be 51 damage. Good Lord. Twins, right? Whoa. Yeah, damage twins. Damage twins. Give me a hug, brother. Get away from me. Ow, your shell is so large. Nyak, you fire this arrow right at the brooch on his cape, and you see that hidden inside this golden brooch is another crystal heart, which shatters into mist. I'm going to break all your hearts, Strahd. Now it's a party, huh? We're having fun now, are we? I'm excited that we're breaking your stuff, but I don't like that you have stuff, and you seem like you're fine because we're hitting your stuff. I'm just going to get a new health bar, everyone. You do see that Strahd looks totally fine. He seems as if he's taken no damage whatsoever. He dusts off his cape. I used all my stuff. Strahd grabs at his cape and throws it behind him and then just kind of gestures forward with his long clawed hands. He's going to take another legendary action, this time at Nyack. I think he would probably, not to rules lawyer and to be selfless, Murph is saying this, not Jens. but I'm right next to him. Yes, you're right. So he probably has to hit me. That's a good point. And I'm turtled up. Thanks, brother. You have insane AC right now, don't you? Just to be clear, I'm not cheating. I'm not actually using the shield. That's just a joke. I have 24 AC from the Bardic. All right. Flourish. Well put. We respect the elder DM in this house. All right. So where do you think you are, Onyx? Are you still back a little bit? I'm probably wherever because we just got here. Yeah, okay. Yeah. All right, great. I think what he's going to do then is he'll just kind of smirk a little bit, and then he will use a legendary action to jump back towards the edge of the glass and then just kind of bide his time. He looks at his sharp nails and dusts off his boots and waits for you to join him. Okay. So he has put a little distance between all of y'all. You are all at the front of the room. He's at the back. So I'll say there's like 30 feet of distance between you now. Okay. Okay. And that was Nyak's turn. That brings us to Kirill, the big dog. All right. I'm just going to do what I do best and try to bite the shit out of him. Sound good? Do it up, big dog. All right. Let's do this. Ooh. Okay. Kirill rushes up to where Strahd is and swipes at him both times. Strahd, just as if he is dancing a waltz, dodges both of these attacks. Kirill, you should really stay put. Bad dog. Oh, man. He pulls out a spritz bottle and spritzes him in the face. That's our thing. We do that with keychains. It will be our thing soon. You will all be a part of the Strahd gang. The Zorovich clan welcomes you. And then we can all share inside jokes together. It will be beautiful. I don't hate the idea of all of us having inside jokes. Right. We can all hang out in the crypt, and I will install special tubes for us to whisper to each other. Neat. That doesn't sound fun at all. Yeah, that actually sounds really weird. What if you just built Central Park? and we could all just go there to get her. If you wish it, it shall be yours, Onyx. Onyx puts her weapon down. Okay, let's see. So that was Kiril's turn. Next up is the lair. You see Strahd kind of like surveys all of you in this room and then he turns to Nyak and says, Nyak, I see you have made your own familiar. You have awakened the abilities of a wizard, a mage in you. Much potential, I see. But still you cling to the shadow. And the shadow clings to you. I need you to go ahead and make me a charisma saving throw. Oh, no. Oh, he's not likable at all. I really don't have a lot of that. That's tough. Oh, but I do have an advantage against being charmed. Okay. It's not that. Okay, great. Minus one to charisma. Let's see what happens. 15. 15 fails. Yikes. So, Nyack, I have this heroic inspiration card. Oh, okay, that'll let you re-roll it. Okay. Nyack stumbles backward and then lifts up a tiny little card. You're no match for this, asshole. It's a nat one. Nyack, you hold up this card bravely, but then you trip over a pebble on the ground. And fall. I left this here. You just held up a pornographic playing card. Nyack, you look up at the torchlight and then back at your shadow, and you notice that something strange is happening. A hand reaches out from the darky blackness of your shadow and grabs your neck Suddenly another hand pulls itself free and you see a shadow being has emerged from your shadow and is going to try and drain your life force oh this is going to be an attack fuck me that's just a nine oh he would be with disadvantage right because doesn't have protection from good and evil he does so shout it to the two crew again wow i'm gonna have words for this dice shop, let me tell you. Okay, so there is this shadow kind of lurking within your shadow, hiding there. It will try to attack again if he uses it as a layer action. You can try to attack it if you want, but it's just chilling for now, kind of like biding its time. So that is the layer action from Strahd. That is going to bring us to Onix. Okay, I have a haste, so I'm just going to attack three times. Oh, yeah. Oh, before I do, I'm going to bonus action spirit shroud. And I think that I want my spirits to look like baby angels. Oh, right. It's so tacky. I think I'm just going to say, the morning lord has come to reap. Before we were into turtles, we were into baby angels. And I'm going to attack. Okay. First one is 11. I'm going to use my heroic inspiration because I want to hit. Does an 18 hit? It does. Okay. second one, 14. I'm guessing this doesn't hit. And then third one is a 26. Okay, so two of them hit. I'm using Savage Attacker on the first one. Oh my god. I swear to god that I got this. 51. Whoa! The triplets! Because I have plus 5 to the attack, I attacked twice with that. Add 2. I got 12 radiant damage, 15 bludgeoning damage, 14 fire damage. It's meant to be. The corpse star predicted it. Yes, my dark witch. Holy shit, the turtle with fucked up hair. This should be our castle. We could rule it. We'd be benevolent leaders. We'll take it. We'll take the two. That's so weird. That's crazy. 51 straw pickup. The digit triplets. Oh, my God. Okay. Yeah. You sock him with this mace. Jesus, Onyx. My freaking God. My plexus. Good God. You turtles. I sound like fucking Shredder now. Yeah, that hurt him for sure. You see he coughs up a little blood, staggers, but then regains his composure. He is going to try and attack you now with his last legendary action. Okay. 18? That hits. Okay. I am going to ask a reaction. I missed a step in response to taking damage. Okay. He's still going to deal the damage to you? Yeah, yeah, for sure. He's learned a lesson watching his vampire spawn. He knows that you can do this, so he's not going to try and grapple you. Okay. So after you baseball bat him in his stomach, he says, you disrespect me in my own home, next to the eyes of my mother and father. A lesson must be taught. It sounds like they didn't like you that much based on what you were saying before we got here. They only had love for Sergei. Me, I was just there to fulfill their dark wishes. Can we get into this? Were you older or younger? I'm older, yes. Really? I feel like you never hear that. I always feel like the first one is the golden child. So you must have really fucked up. Well, it was less that and more like I took after my father and I was like this big conqueror. I brought in new lands and conquered this whole valley in my father's name. And then like by the time I had conquered it, he was like, oh, I don't care about conquering anymore. I believe in arts and sciences and trying to get right with God. So that's why I'm founding these Ole Miss. And it was just like bullshit, you know, because like I dedicated my life to serving him. And now he just wants to, like, teach his precious little boy, Sergei, how to do astronomy. Sergei sounds awesome. Sorry, not to go too deep, but, yeah, Sergei, he is really hot. Yeah. Yes! Okay, I know! You think I do not know this! And you're kind of busted. How dare you? I've been looks-maxing for years. Yeah, I mean, maybe you went from, like, three to a four. I can tell you've been working on your jaw and nothing else. Strahd cuts you with his jaw for 12 damage. He's been smashing his mist with a hammer so that when he reconstitutes himself, he has a stronger jaw. Every time I turn to mist, my jaw grows back stronger. This is a lesson I could teach you as well. You could look, Smacks, and Mog with me forever in the castle. I have actually disappeared. I did my disappearing step, so I'm invisible now. Okay. So you disappear. You're fucking invisible. Awesome. Wow. So that's your turn. That does bring us to Strahd in the initiative. Since you used radiant damage against him, he cannot regain HP. Woo! So what he is going to do in this turn is he says, Ah, Fey Trickery. Two can play at that game. And he's going to swirl his hands through the air and start weaving in sort of a hypnotic way, and then suddenly his body splits into four different strads. He has cast Mirror Image on himself. Can Glassass counter spell that? Whoa! Glassass out of nowhere! Oh my god! Holy shit! Nyak, describe to me how Glassass interrupts this spell. Glassass climbs up on the top of my head, and I say, Glassass, no! You'll put yourself in danger. And all of the mirror images reflect in Glassass's glassy eyes. He absorbs them and then crawls back down. No! No! My duplicates! That's so embarrassing. That's so crazy. Someone's familiar just counterspelled you. Jen looks down. You. You monkey. You will be my new familiar for this. This will not stand. In Friends, Ross got a monkey named Marcel. It was one of the best arcs of the series. I think that was in the very first season, right? Yeah, I think they had a tough time shooting with it. It peaked early. Oh, my God. So that was Strahd's turn. He attempted to cast the spell, but couldn't. He has out of legendary actions. That is going to bring us to the bottom of the order with Marina. Marina is going to use the hide action. She crouches behind one of these coffins, and she is going to give a blade dice to Jyns, who's going to be next to act. You get six points. You can either subtract that from damage, or you can add it to your attack where your damage bonus is. Sick. Thank you, Marina. Of course. Yes, we do this together. Big dog behavior, honestly. You mean it? I do. Ruff, ruff. Ruff, ruff. How's that? Ruff, ruff, ruff. Yeah. Awesome. Marina barks while remaining concealed. Great. And that is going to be your turn, Jens. Sick. Okay. I will take my three attacks again. Why not? And I'll use a defensive flourish again. 19, 15, 24. Two hits. Great. With the first hit, I will do a defensive flourish. And then I've got my fire and my radiant damage as well. And then the other one's a little dinky offhand attack. Mm-hmm. 28 damage total, and I add three to my AC. Nice. Jins, you see blood-red mist is kind of pouring out of a few wounds on Srod now. He's starting to look a little upset, but he keeps his calm grin pasted on his face. Jins, you've seen the truth of my brother's fate. You would not want that to befall your brother, would you? removed from all existence forever? I mean, no. I wouldn't prefer it. I certainly wouldn't prefer it. Right, okay. So we're talking logically here. You would not prefer me to erase your brother from existence. I would be... That would ruin my day. I'm not going to lie. It would ruin my day. You talking about killing one of my friends here? One of the other big dogs? That would absolutely... Hell, that ruined my week. I see. He said weak. Nayak weeps. I'm putting you down as calm, then. Keep that in mind as you proceed. Okay. So now Strahd has his legendary actions back. He's at the back of the room. You guys have all followed him except for Nayak. I think he is going to keep a little distance. He can move 30 feet with a legendary action. So he's essentially just going to reverse course and, without taking opportunity attacks, zip back up to essentially the base of the steps. Oh, I teleported. Oh, interesting. So he wouldn't take opportunity attacks. Okay, and he doesn't know where you are, so good to know. Cool. Great. So that's what he does for his legendary action, and that brings us back to Kirill. Kirill's going to pursue and try and attack twice. All right. Honestly, that was kind of a little dog showing last time. That's all right. Hey, you know, we're all, you know. Go ahead. I thought you'd have something impactful to say to me. No, you're just right. You had a bad turn. I need that tough love. You said it wasn't much, and we have to agree, but that's okay. I was trying to spin it, but it's tough. And you know what? As a father, I understand. Yeah. You got to have tough love sometimes. But here's some tough love right here. That's two 18s. Both are going to hit. All right. All right. So the tough love works. He slashes into Strahd for 12 damage. Woo. Medium dog. Just like everyone else did 51 on their first turn Okay well excuse me but like I've been eating rotten bread for like the past week so I'm not very good for my constitution Glassass is literally made of glass and he had a pretty epic turn I have to admit and it kills me to say this Glassass was absolutely crucial Glassass is probably MVP He's got to be MVP I honestly would have wasted like several attacks would have done way less damage. Glass Ass is just, wow. He's definitely getting the game ball, right? This is tough. He's a really good monkey. All right, so that's Kirill's turn. Strahd is going to... Oh, I'm so stupid. Can I do an extra six damage to him from Marina's thing? Oh, yeah. I forgot to use it at all. Of course, yeah. Extra six damage. You got it, Chief. Let me add that on there. Appreciate you. Oh, look, he's dead. Just run up and kick him in the shins. That's for Marina. I'd be upset for a day if something happened to her. Kirill, hell, I'd be pissed for an hour. Whoa. Okay, so that was Kirill's turn. Strahd is at the base of the stairs. Nobody's near him. Yeah, Strahd is actually going to just kind of casually turn around and walk up the stairs. I'm just going for a stroll. I want to see how my catacombs are doing. Nothing suspicious. Goodbye. What? You can't walk away from me. See that? Get back here. We're fighting. Strahd just runs away in a really cool way. What? So he takes 30 feet of movement out of the tomb, up the stairs, and now he is in the catacombs proper. And that is going to be another layer action. As Strahd leaves, you see all of the torches on the wall animate. They grow little metal wings and start flying around. And they're all going to attack you. More birds. 27 to hit. Yeah. Okay, so this hits everyone. That is going to be 15 flame damage. I think it should be with a disadvantage because I'm invisible. Right, sorry. And they have protection from good and evil. Okay, this is an object, so I don't think good and evil would apply to that. But yes, you're right. I'll roll disadvantage for you. Thank you. There you go. 19? Yeah. Damn. Okay. Yeah, I'll say onyx that they kind of like swoop around in a like wide arc and just kind of graze you as well. Ah! So now there's this swarm of torches flying around the tomb, trying to guard Strahd's exit. But that brings us to... Oh, interesting. So at Initiative 19, from the top of the steps, you see Strahd chuckle and say, Let's make this a proper family reunion, shall we? Alana, show them the true power of the vampire. Suddenly, a figure leaps from the top of the stairway and into the tomb, her red scarf flying behind her. Yeah, helicopter pilot. As she lands, the wild-eyed pilot rips the scarf from around her mouth, revealing a claw-marked scar and a set of razor-sharp fangs. But despite all that, you recognize her instantly. You've seen her in a portrait in the Burgomaster's house. Here before you is Marina's adopted mother and the last surviving member of the Olmest Order, Alana Petrovna. The vampire spawn stands up and bows. What would you have me do, master? Continue the fight. I tire and shall be taking a quick break. Coward! You're a fucking loser, dude. You're a freaking leading. Sorry, my social battery is drained. I'm an introvert. All vampires are. Okay, that's buttoned up. So you see Alana is now standing at the base of the stairs, kind of guarding the exit. This episode of NADDPod is brought to you by Squarespace. 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Head to squarespace.com slash pawpaw for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code PAWPAW to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com slash PAWPAW. You hear Marina say, What's that? That voice? It sounded like... No, I will not believe it. It is an illusion. I will keep on my blindfold. I will follow my sword master's instructions. No, it's okay, Marina. It's for sure your mom. Oh, my God. Your adoptive mother, how do you feel about this? Like, I mean, obviously I don't think you feel good, but are we allowed to hit her? Well, we have the herbs and spices. We can make a potato that can cure her. We also have a necklace we didn't... Yes, yes, of course. The necklace. Yeah. The periapt. We could try to save her. But I think I've learned much on this journey. I think that we must not give in to kindness now. There will be time when the sun rises for kindness and kind words. But for now, we must fight. Okay. I will aid you, but I cannot strike her. That is all I can do. Okay. Okay, so you want us to strike her? So we're going to hit her. We're going to hit her a lot. Feel reluctant about it, but yes. Okay. Great. You got it. All right. Yeah. It must be done. Try to just knock her out, and then we'll feed her a potato with the herbs and spices. I think that has to happen in the morning. Oh, okay. Yeah, so maybe that's why. So that's a good comment. Yeah, we'll just knock her the hell out. Just knock her the hell out. Knock out my mom, I guess. Okay, yeah. Just clunk my mom if you don't mind. We have to. Okay, that's going to be Alana's turn, but wait. Did I skip you? I think so. Fuck. Okay, yes. You can go. If you want to get a hit off on Strahd before he leaves, I'd allow that because you've got range. But Strahd is currently upstairs. It's up to you, but it is your turn. I'll let you act now. Okay. Well, since we just cleared with Marina that we can hit her mom, I'm going to just loose an arrow. And as it's flying towards her, I'm just going to turn and be like, arrows are cool. Arrows? Oh, remember, we're only knocking her out as arrows fly by. I'm going to Zephyr Strike. That's a 21 to hit. hits, and then a dirty 20 on my second attack. Okay. I will save some of my other stuff for Strahd, though. That is going to be 25 damage. Nice. Okay. After telling Marina that you wouldn't rough up her mom too much, two arrows thud into her chest and knock her back. She's going to be okay. Non-lethal, yeah. Oh, those are in deep. Oh, my God. Yeah, you rough her up a little bit, Nyak, but she still has some fight in her. And that is going to bring us back around to Alana's turn. I think she is going to, after getting struck by you, return the favor and cast Ray of Enfeeblement. Marina said it was okay. He's already enfeebled. That is such a rude spell. Your monkey has insulted my master, and now I will make you insult yourself with bodily noises and fluids. Are you going to give me gas? And more, my friend. Joke's on you. He already asked it. Joke's on you. He can't eat anything. Yeah. I have a parasite. This is a constitution saving throw. Oh, fuck me. Also not good at that. It's a 14. That's one under, unfortunately. And with my minus one, I rolled a 15. So you see this sickly green bean shoots from her palm. and right into your mouth as you go, wait. You just gave me Chardia. Okay, let's see. Target has disadvantage on the next attack roll it makes until the start of your next turn. Disadvantage on strength-based d20 tests for the duration. You also subtract 1d8 from all damage rolls. You can repeat this save at the end of each of your turns. Ending the spell if you succeed. Okay. Your body takes on just like a sickly green pallor as you buckle over. Glassass tries to comfort you, but he's hitting your stomach in a way that just makes you even more nauseous. Please. Enough, Glassass. Settle down. Okay, so that's Alana's turn. That brings us to Strahd's final legendary action. He does something out of your sight. Fucking loser. Who runs from a fight? He did get hit by your sun sword, right? Oh, yeah. Before this. Okay, so that means he can't heal, right? Oh, shit. Yeah. So take comfort in that. Yeah, for now. So that is going to be... Onyx's turn. Okay, I'm going to try to get to Strahd via knocking out Alana. Okay. My first attack will be with advantage because I'm invisible. Nice. Not 20! Oh, what? There you go. I will savage attack her to see which one I... Yes! Clunk my mommy! Does anyone want to use my super cool straw dice? It rolls really well. Could you imagine rolling a 10? 43 damage! Wow! Okay. 14 of that is radiant. Okay. And is that just one attack? Yeah, my first attack. Sick. Christ. Okay. Is she still standing? She's still standing. Okay. I will attack her again in my second attack. Nat 28 Holy shit Give me that dice Give it to me No way I'm going to use that dice I'm going to give you Just one time I just get to use it one time I'm allowed to Compostate dice It's this Eye of Soran dice No it was the other one It was this one that Oh shit Yeah yeah You know what it is It's your fucking fingers Incredible It's your damn fingies 47 more damage Eight of that is radiant. Oh, my God. Onyx, finish Marina's mom. With a nat 20, I'm going to say I successfully take her right to zero without going any further. Out of respect for Marina. She says you'll have to do better than that to stop me. Oh, I really liked your recipe book. Oh, thank you. Yes. We're going to try out some of your proprietary recipes on you. It worked. you see like as she fades from consciousness like a flicker of her comes back and she says the the puralium it worked yes everything that you ever invented is correct you've never done a single thing wrong in your life that can't be true okay you don't have to go that far i took some liberties yeah but i am telling you we just took the protection from good and evil and it worked on both of them. It worked. Yes. It worked. And we're going to be able to cure you, okay? Yeah. This is your work. This is going to be like feeding Dave Thomas a junior bacon cheeseburger. Okay? This is your delicious thing that you created. Yeah, try to conjure that image. Hang on to that image as your consciousness says. I must be hallucinating those words didn't make sense. Okay, so Dave Thomas, I think, was the guy who created it. Hisses, reverts to vampire form, and then passes out. Nyack runs towards her throwing up, saying, Can you do anything for the food poisoning? um nyat this sucks for me but great for you uh the concentration lifts you are no longer poison yes um i do still have another attack and a bonus action because of the haste so i'm gonna run outside and try and find strad did you roll concentration when uh yeah i've been rolling concentration i have eldritch mine so i uh roll with advantage nice yeah i love that there's just torches flying around as we're just saying these party words to alana where i just get like conked in the back of the head with a fucking torch. Ow, Jesus, read the room. Shadow's still trying to strangle me. Not gonna. Okay, so what's your plan? I just want to run out and try and find Strahd. Okay, you still have movement? Yeah, go ahead. Okay, I run out for Strahd. Try and follow wherever he went to. Strahd is pretending to take a phone call. Okay, attack him. Awesome. to weave. That's a not one. Wow. As a bonus action, as a bonus action, I will turn my tongue into a serpent tongue by casting serpent tongue. And now I can attack as a bonus action with my serpent tongue. Okay. I see. Okay, that hits. 22 hits. 22 hits, yeah. Okay. Okay, so he takes 2 d12 piercing damage and has the poisoned condition for the duration of the spell. I'm sure he's immune to that, but... So 15 more damage, and he has the poisoned condition if he is not immune to that. So he is not immune to poison. He has legendary resistances, obviously, but he needs to make a save for it. You give him a little poison kiss with this forked tongue, and he says, You've accepted that dark gift does well, have you not? we grow more alike with every passing day. My tongue is actually from my warlock sling, so the shell is my darkest. I would say that the tongue matches the shell. Does it? Yes. Do turtles have forked tongues? I don't know. I'm not a hortetologist. I'm cool. But you know what a hortetologist is. Can I just tell you, like, you're clearly not taking a phone call. okay i can see it like your cheek has opened an app but there is no phone call but it opens up some sort of step counter app and you're way under i've been taking a lot of steps with my legendary actions way under your averages look abysmal sorry i've just been so busy 300 steps a That's crazy. I mean, it's not so big. I'm worried that... You're just going to the bathroom a few years. I was going to say, you go to the bathroom. I don't have to go to the bathroom. Vampires do not have to go to the bathroom. You don't feed the blood that you drink? No. It exudes from my body as a mist. Okay, actually turn me. What? I waste so much time pissing. Okay. Shroud has already used all of his legendary actions. Getting up here. Onyx, you see that he had moved even further. almost like a little more towards his tomb in the catacombs. Oh. Okay, I'm going to shout that back to everyone. Okay, great. That, like, maybe he was trying to heal in his tomb. Sure. But that is going to be Strahd's turn. Strahd looks at you, Onyx, and says, This is so embarrassing, but I just forgot that I've got to pay my taxes. Pay your taxes? Yes. That's not even, like, a daily thing. No, I've got the, when you are as rich as me, you have to do it all the time. There are so many fees. Oh, actually, I support that. Yes, anyway, goodbye. He turns into mist and flies through the portcullis of his tomb. Okay. He's got to his tomb! Okay, we need to stop that. I thought he was going to his CPA. I think he can do it from home. Oh, my God. So, Strahd was 60 feet away from everybody in the tomb, in the king and queen's tomb, and he's just moved another 30 feet into his tomb. So he's 90 feet away from everyone that's in the King and Queen's tomb, but he's only 30 feet away from you, Onix. Okay. Cool. That brings us to Marina. She runs over to her mother, pulls off her blindfold and says, She still has a pulse. Do you want me to stay here with her and keep her safe? Yeah. Yeah, I think you should. I will try to stabilize her and keep her from escaping. Do you have one of those peri-aps? Yeah, I was going to say we have the necklace and then you could give her a potion and maybe she can help oh uh yeah hand her a potion hand her a necklace okay great i will do that all right holy shit yeah she uh puts this periapt on alana and then feeds her a potion and you see alana starts to go Oh Oh Oh my goodness I free My mind is not fogged anymore Give me a moment and I'll join you! He's on the defensive! We can stop him now! It must be done! Go! Go! Alright. I run. My shield's heavy as hell. You see her kind of like cup Marina's cheek as she looks lovingly at this daughter that she's lost. they embrace as you guys rush up the stairs. That is going to bring us to Jinz's turn. Okay. I'm a little bit hurt, and I'm going to need to take a dash action. So I will dash while using a bonus action mass healing word. Wow. Okay. And I'll hit everybody four. Wow. I could use that too. Pretty goddamn bad, but seven to everybody. Okay. Ain't nothing. Ain't nothing. All right. So you're going to dash. So you're 60 feet up. You're in the main catacomb floor now. Yeah. So that means that puts you, like, right where Onyx is. Yeah. You guys, like, are 30 feet away from, like, the portcullis gate that Strahd went through. You just notice now how bad Jens' running form is. Jens, is it because... We have to catch him. I think that you've stolen too much stuff. Elf speed! I run very straight-legged. You see my knees? It looks like my ACL is gone. I can hear your knees, Jens. What? I can hear. Yeah, it hurts because you're running. You're overpronating. You hear your shield says, Master, I wish for a new owner. What? I wish to be born by another. Shut up. Tell me your fetish. God damn it. You have to wait. Okay, so that's Jyn's turn. He's running. Nyak, how about you? Yeah, I think I have to use the full dash action as well. Great. Nyak, you're running. Kirill's also going to dash. Then that's going to bring us to another layer action. Who is left in the crypt? Anyone? I brought Glassass with me. Marina and her mom. Okay. All right. Let's see. Yes. This focuses on one person. Onyx. Yeah. Give me a dexterity saving throw. Okay. Do that with advantage because of ace. Nice. I also can technically fly. Oh, that was really bad, though. Eight. Eight? Oh, no. Onyx, despite being able to fly you do see that because you drank this Coca-Cola potion you do have like little tiny wings flapping on the back of your turtle shell With a shell and a flying turtle I have become a medieval chimera What's the actual fuck? You look like a Koopa Paratroopa from Mario But despite that you feel a rumbling beneath your feet as skeletal hands burst out of the earth and grab you and then pull you underground. You are dragged through the dirt. Rocks clunk against your head. And then you emerge inside your locked cruise ship tomb. Holy shit, they buried the turtle for the winter. Where the fuck did Onyx go? I wish I had a mirror. So I can gaze at myself and then breathe my breath onto the mirror, fog it up, and write, why me? With my finger. You hear Strahd's voice echo. Think about what you've done while you enjoy the comforts of your terrarium. Okay. Okay. Okay, so that was the lair action. That is going to bring us to Alana. She is also, now that she's revived, oh shit, you guys used a greater healing potion on her? Yeah. Right. So there's only one of those left now? Yeah. Okay. Let me roll that real quick. Okay, Alana gets 13 hit points back. She's got this silver garlic bulb dangling from her chest now, and she runs up. Okay, did he go through the portcullis? I think he's on his way there. I think he did go through it. Yes. He turned into mist, didn't he? He did. He did. So cowardly. So last time we used this necklace, there were these two weird guys, and they were just pulling it off of each other. So you're in a lot of danger. Maybe try to help Onyx. Onyx, where are you at? Are you in hell? I think so. I'm on a cruise ship. Okay, she's in her tomb. She's in her tomb. Where's her tomb? Is there a ginormous hole where Onyx traveled through? No, you see that the skeletal hands patch it back up. Damn, they do good work. You see one skeleton pops up and gives you a thumbs up? Damn. Please help me. Help me. I'm so scared. Okay. She's really scared. I can hear it. I can hear it in the way that she said she was scared. I've never been so scared before. She said she's really scared, and she's never been this scared before. So I think she's really scared. I don't think she's ever been that scared before. This feels a little performative. I don't know. I'm kind of like, is she fine? No, I'm scared. I think it's the scaredest I've ever been. She's never been this scared before. It's the scaredest she's ever been. You're Jin's, right? Yes. No, I'm not. Tell your friend. Hello. Alana, tell your friend... I'm on it! That one is on it. She's a turtle now. Yeah. I was going to ask about that, but later... Right. Tell your friend that the tombs don't lock from the inside, but pushing it might require a bit of strength. Okay. She should be able to get out without any trouble, but it might take a full action. How can I be strong when I am scared? She's frightened. She's frightened, yeah. Okay. I don't think she has the frightened condition. I think that's just who she is. I think it's a condition. Yeah. All right. So that's Alana's turn. She's up in the mix with you guys, but she did have to use her dash action. But Onyx, that is your turn. So you are in your cruise ship tomb. The door is closed, but you see it doesn't lock. It's essentially just a very heavy stone door. So what I'll say is you just have to use your action to push it open. There's no check required. It just takes your action. Does it have little slits or anything? Can I see out of it? Or is it a full... It's a full stone door. Then I will use one action. Okay. I'll use my haste action. Great. Oh, yeah. She's hasted. That's a fast turtle. And then I will try to run back to wherever things were. Okay, yeah. Your tombs are actually right next to where Strahd's crypt is. Okay. So I'll say that, yeah, you use your action to open it, and you can use the rest of your movement to run up to where everybody else is. Also, you can even get up to the portcullis if you want. Okay, and then I will, as my bonus action, use my serpent tongue on the mist cloud, if that does anything. He's too far in. Oh, okay. Okay. You do see the mist kind of, like, receding in as you do that. And you, like, just attempt to lick it, but it's too far away. Then can I bonus action into the portcullis with misty step? Yeah. Does it need to be open from the inside? You do see a large lever that you can use to open it from the inside, but I'll say that you've already used your actions getting here, especially in using your bonus action, a misty step. But do you have an extra feature with your misty step? Yeah, I'm going to decide which one. Does that sound fair? Yeah, totally. Okay, I'm going to just give... Who's hurt? I'm okay. I'm okay now with that seven HP Jens gave me. Alana's pretty hurt. Okay. I give her one hit point. refreshing step. Nayak is insanely jealous. I'm not at full or anything. From one chef to another, feast on this, I give her one hand. Do not apologize. To receive any sort of blessing or aid in this dark, damp place is a blessing in and of itself. Also, I just reread it. It's a temp HP. Oh, okay. Yeah. Don't use it all in one place. They don't stack. And then I'll kind of like prepare myself to, like, help them in. Oh, right on. Okay. So Onyx is on the other side of the Fort Cullis. On her action, she can open the door, but that does bring us to Strahd's turn. Since Strahd did not take any radiant damage this round, he is going to get a little HP back. Ah, yes. I'm very busy in here. Lots of correspondence. You know how it is. I can't wait. We're in the middle of a battle. There's absolutely no service here. I have Wi-Fi mesh. It's better in here. It's 5G. Okay. Yeah, we'll be in there in a second, so we'll be able to tell if you're lying. Yes, come check out the 5G. The signal is so strong. I'm in here. My phone isn't working. Fuck. Nothing gets under your shell, Onyx. Okay, so Strahd, since he can't technically speak in his missed form, he is going to have to revert back into his human form to do anything else. so you see he appears in the room trying to look casual he's just kind of like leaning on his coffin a little bit you're sweating actually I'm so sorry I was so rude to you about your steps but I didn't realize he turned into mist all the time that's true it doesn't count it when you miss yeah that's so frustrating I've lodged a lot of complaints with the app okay so Strahd returns to his vampire form there's not much else he can do but as he solidifies and lands on the ground Onyx you see this and everyone else you hear him say I do not know why you waste your time here even as you challenge me your friends and family suffer at the hands of my spawn here I shall show you he holds out his hands and you see a vision of this battle taking place at Berez. Ismark and his forces, the Were-Ravens and the Donk Squad, all engaged against an army of vampire spawn and zombies. And I actually want to give you guys a little agency in this battle, so I want everyone to roll a death save, and we'll see how the battle is progressing. Okay. My acquaintance is... Twelve. Twelve. That's a pass. That's a pass. I also know those guys. Eighteen. That's a pass. That's a fourteen. Fourteen. Ooh! Okay! That's three passes? Hell yeah. Holy shit. Strahd holds out his hands, and in your mind, you see this battlefield. And in it, you see Ismark and his men fighting bravely. You see them rallying behind Ismark, him wearing his father's military outfit, the silver buttons shining brightly and triumphantly. He lifts his sword high. You even see Donovich, the cowardly priest, has joined and smites the zombies with bursts of holy energy. Strahd witnesses this in your mind and seems a little perturbed and then quickly shuts off the feet. Wait, hang on. It looked like they were doing pretty good. Also, you said there was no service in this room. How did you do that? It's on a wired connection. Bluetooth is on, at least. Oh, you were not supposed to see that. It is trickery. Illusions! Illusions! Did you see? I did a great favor to Ismark by taking all of his clothes. Now he's taking his true mantle. but how long do you think they can hold out how long can this glory last allow me to turn you and they shall be spared it looked like they were doing great fuck okay Jesus Christ let's do this okay so that was Strahd's turn he turns back into his vampire form but he's going to take a legendary action he is going to kind of slide his finger along his tomb and get to the back of the room in an inviting way trying to keep distance between you and him onyx but also inviting you to join him okay all right so that is his legendary action yes come on in i'm sorry i haven't cleaned up in a while yeah it smells so bad it smells like fucking cabbage i don't know what that smell is i cannot get rid of it uh that's marina's turn uh marina will just follow everybody up she's the last one that wasn't up the steps so now you guys are all in position ready to attack again. The portcullis is still closed. That brings us back around to gins. Sweet. Okay. I can't get through until Onix opens it, correct? Unless you have like a spell or... You could make a strength check. Okay. Definitely not going to do that. But what I am going to do... You know, they say that a vampire's weakness is garlic or a steak. But I know what your weakness is, Strage. and I pull out my elf shot. No! I pull out a tiny bow and I take aim. What's the range on it? 60 feet. Perfect. Okay. You see he's like leaning against the wall in the back of his grip trying to look casual. So confident right now. Doesn't need the elf shot coming. Pop his casket or anything. Ooh, not great. I will use my heroic inspiration for you with all that. Ooh, okay. 19. 19 hits. Okay, great. His feet stick to the floor. Does it do any damage? It doesn't do any damage. Okay, cool. Yeah, it doesn't do any damage. His speed is zero until the end of his next turn. You see, it pins his other foot to the floor, and he's kind of stuck like he's sitting in a chair position, but like up against the wall. Oof, that's painful. This is what I meant to do Since I don't walk enough I have to get squats in when I can That makes a lot of sense It all makes sense I shot you with elf shot You don't know that You don't know if it hit Awesome Okay, Nyak, that's going to be you Okay, so this portcullis It has to be open from the inside There's a lever Yes, or you can make a strength check To try and open it You can shoot him You might be able to shoot through Yeah, you probably shoot through Yeah Well, I think I'm going to shoot through but I also, can Glassass crawl through and push the lever? Ah. What size is Glassass? He uses Baboon stats, so we'll base it on that. Okay. Actually, you know what? Yeah, let's just do a straight-up luck check. Baboon is a small beast. Okay. Yeah, 11 or above, he can squeeze through. Okay. Glassass crawls out of my back, and again, I say, Glassass, no, you'll endanger yourself. That's an eight. He goes butt first and gets so stuck. Come, Glassass. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. Bring, bring, bring. Come, quick. You're hyperventilating. Claustrophobic. He starts freaking out and slaps you in the face. Hey, Glassass. You didn't mean that. You didn't mean that, Glassass. He puts two fingers in your nostrils very intentionally. Now's no time for playing, Glassass. And I'll put my bow and arrow through the Porcois. Zephyr Strike King, that is a 27 to hit. Wow, that hits, yeah. And then my second attack is a, oh, yes, a 30 to hit. So I'll use my favorite foe and my last acid. That is 36 damage. Yeah. This is not very becoming of guests who wish to become my consorts, I will say. You just got elf shot again. Yeah, Nyak, after you shoot him, and now that he's pinned to the ground with elf shot, he says, Nyak, do you really want this? Do you really want what's coming for you if you do not play along? What? What's coming for me? Come in here and find out. That is what I will say. Okay, can you open the door? i told you i'm busy fine i admit it i was trying to piss i do have to piss it's not a missed thing vampires still piss okay okay what else have you lied about the taxes that's the one thing it's only that you don't pay taxes you lied about getting a phone call i was making a phone call i wasn't getting one it was a quick phone call you missed it And Wilson, they hung up on you, and you were still holding the phone to your face. It was a prank call. I let them go. That was the whole point. I said, do you have Prince Sergei in a can? Well, I do. Ha-ha. He's in my tomb. It was funny. Okay, that's pretty hilarious. It's pretty good. It's buttoned up, right? It's logistical. Ha-ha. Nayak, that is your turn. That is Kirill's turn. Kirill, I'll say, holds an action to rush in and attack, but can't do anything right now. That is going to be another lair action, though. I'm going to say that the shadow reappears from beneath you, Nyak, and it's going to try and drain your life again. You again? Fuck. That is a seven to hit. That's going to miss. Can you please, can you please leave? Come on. Come on. Just a little bit of life. No, you come on. Yeah. Come on. I'm being totally fair right now. You have to get out of here. You got so much life. Just let me suck some out of you. That's enough. That's enough. All right, fine. Fuck you. He flicks your ankle as he recedes back into the shadow. Oh. That is the layer action. And that brings us to... No, Nyx ACM. It's not in his ankle. My Achilles. And that brings us to Alana's turn. Alana treads so carefully. Yes, would you rather I hang back here and maybe wait to attack if Strahd comes through? Yeah, that's not a bad idea. I don't want your necklace to get taken off. You've done a lot already. You've done a lot already. Thank you. I will recuperate. Okay, so she's going to wait here. She'll hold an action as well. Onyx, it's finally your time. Okay, I'm just going to attack three times. Okay. Oh, first one is an 18, so 26 to hit. Then a 12 is not going to hit. Now 20. Whoa! Wow. Okay. Okay. Okay, I actually rolled really poorly, so 47 damage. That's still good. Some of that is radiant. Pretty damn good. Yeah, but I mean, it's not impressive for a crit and a second hit. And then I will try and use my poison. Okay. That's going to hit. That's 26. 19 more piercing. Wow. Onyx, you see Strahd is locked in this chair position because of the elf shots. And you just like mercilessly beat the shit out of him. But as you flick your tongue at him, he grabs it and pulls you close. Onyx, you belong here. You have toppled gods, traveled to other worlds. You, you no longer fit anywhere else. You are beings out of time, out of place. Let this be your new home. Here, with me! You can live lives of eternal luxury and lavish splendor. Onyx, please, don't do this. This is your last chance. It all goes away if I fall. And now, finish Strahd von Zorovich. I already live a life of luxury. because my triplet Jen is engaged to a king. So you have nothing to offer me but a bad story that I've already heard everything I need to hear of. So thank you so much, but I'm going to be leaving your hotel a one-star review. No! And then I want to sort of, you know how like Sindel in Mortal Kombat that used to wrap her hair around people and make it look like a snow cone and then whip it back. Do that with my serpent tongue. You whip your serpent tongue around Strahd's head so tight that it pops off. And then I want to jump in the air and then land on him with my turtle shell. And say, go to the shell. You grind him into mist with this turtle shell. No, no, Onyx! You've ruined everything! How could you? I will return! I will return! And you see the mist swirls around, leaving the place where you struck him and seeping back into his coffin. The lid closes shut. He's in his coffin! Okay, yeah. Don't get complacent! We'll get him, we'll get him. Can you open the door? Just like out here. Oh! Okay, yeah. I go and I open the door. Okay, you open the door. I take my time. on it today. I think the lever's right there. So it's right there? Yep. Yeah. Hold it. Okay, she's checking her phone. Yeah, no, he's lying about the 5G. Okay, you didn't seem that scared. It's okay, Onyx. You popped him. It's okay. You jumped down from the ceiling with your shell. And you said, go to shell. You're not scared. It's okay to be frightened. We can see it all. Yeah. I just think I'm having like an adrenaline crash when I get pulled into my coffin. Yeah, I don't know that. I just feel like he can like restore HP if we take too long. So like, maybe we hurry? Fine! Onyx throws her phone across the room and opens the door really angrily. You see the poor Cullis door opens extremely slowly. She's like, oh, come on. Oh, it's gloating. It's so heavy. But eventually it does open and you are all able to rush into the room. You hear like a strange thrumming coming from inside this coffin, almost as if Strahd's body is trying to like reform, like that of a injured caterpillar. What do you want to do? Open it up. We're going to crack that thing open. You open it up. You see Strahd's injured body huddled in the coffin, attempting to restore some of his wounds. Red mist seeping out of all of his cuts and bruises. He looks up at you with a look of utter surprise as you prepare to deal the death blow. How do you do it? okay okay big dogs it's time to put an end to this this is for destroying our soft opening and for destroying barovia you prick no we couldn't roll together you are all brave you're all strong you've proven it here please please this land will be filled with restaurants and potatoes yeah you won't get to enjoy any of it. Yeah, you have, for too long, elites like you have ruled over this place, but we're going to have chain restaurants everywhere. Okay? And everyone's going to be able to have a fast, casual option in this town. Alright? And instead of one castle, there's going to be new condos everywhere. Okay? We're turning your castle into a bunch of condos, and anyone who makes a lot of money is free to live there. 80-room castle? More like 80 studio apartments. Yeah, okay. You piece of shit. Instead of one billionaire, there's going to be a bunch of hundred millionaires up here, okay? Oh, could you? They're so tacky. The lake will be full of jet skis. Yes, delightfully tacky. And yet refined. I spin my sword and I stab him through the chest. Wait, we promised Marina she would get some killing. Oh, fuck. He's not dead. He's not super dead yet. Marina, please. You can twist it. Oh, twist it. He's not totally gone. I'm so dead. He's not totally dead. He's not totally dead. He's just dead. He's not totally dead. Marina, twist it. Twist it, Marina. Marina, get in on me. Real quick. I think he's going to regenerate unless you twist it. You can twist it. You can twist it. You're not so doing, friend. They won last. You see Marina twists the blade. radiant energy blasts into him like a hammer and you see his body explodes in a ring of dust and Strahd von Zarovich the dark lord of Barovia is dead and gone good job Marina that was all you all you and Glassass Glassass was unfortunately absolutely crucial MVP for sure just handing the game ball right now, but thank you for letting me take the final strike. But now we have to see if we can turn your adoptive mother back into a human. Yes! Yes, we have the notes. Mother, we have your notes about how to cure you. You see, um, Alana, still shocked by seeing Strahd destroyed, is gathering her senses and says, yes, the notes I left in the tome, you have them. Yeah, I whip them out. Come with me. she leads you from strad's tomb and into a smaller tomb on the other side of the catacombs and you see that it is labeled alana petrovna this is where i was buried my grave dirt lies here what's what was on your tomb walls yeah did you have saxophones as well it's um just one just one saxophone okay that's fine just a single two I think Strahd was saving the saxophone budget for you, Ones. In that, you should at least take some solace of pride. I do. Yeah, you see her tomb is much more sparse because of Strahd's contempt for the Olmists and their order. You just see one skeleton playing a saxophone in the corner. He's so good. He looks like he's good. He's really good. Wow. Holy shit. So I will need to lie in my resting place alongside an item I treasured in life. Something that can help my soul find its way home. This is the book? Yes. The book, of course. Yeah, I have the book of Sraaj. Yes, this is the book of my order. It is what I studied growing up in Perez. This is cherished amongst my order. It will do nicely. So place that, and I will place this bulb in my mouth. And please do not be alarmed, because by ingesting this, I will die. But the ritual will bring me and my soul back to life. I will say if you have extra bulbs, we could strengthen the ritual as well. Yeah, I think we got a few bulbs. Yeah. I think I have a bulb. Unless there were other spawns that you were like, oh, they were really good. I'd love to continue hanging out with them. Well, not to toot my own saxophone, but I do believe that if you can save me, I can replicate this formula and then we can mass produce this recipe. Let's give you every bulb we've got. Yeah. Let bulb you up All right So here how the ritual will work The DC is 30 but it goes down for each additional bulb So with one bulb it 30 but you putting in three more So that's going to lower it by 15. So DC 15, this is going to be a religion check. You guys can stack it all on one person. So if you've got anything you want to add, but one person is going to be like the focus of the ritual. Okay. I have plus zero. I have plus three. Whoa. Okay. Can I give Jen's help action? I'm highly religious now. Yeah, you can definitely give Jen's the help action. Oh, wait. Someone else should do it, though, because I can give them Bardic Inspiration. Okay. Who has... You both have plus zero? That's right. Plus zero. Marina's plus one to religion. Okay, great. Okay. As long as Caldwell doesn't roll it. Can we have some help? Yeah, someone else will roll it. Can I roll my sound? Caldwell does? Yeah, yeah. Okay. It's so fresh. So I'm going to give Marina Bardic Inspiration. One final lesson, Swordmaster. One final lesson. Okay. It was your mother that came up with the idea for the secret herbs and spices. And that's really what Spudfuckers was all about. So I'd like to hand over the patent to you. What? Because honestly, we're from a different place, and I think we're both just going to be able to open Spudfuckers. Right? Like, I don't think... Yeah, we can franchise it. Yeah, we can franchise it. We can be our first franchise. We'd like to give you the exclusive rights for Spudfuckers franchise in Barovia. Okay? It is an honor. Thank you. All right, but first we need you to bring back our head chef, okay? Because she came up with a proprietary blend. Yes. We will have a great feast. All of the vampire spawn, who are no longer under Strahd's control, they can come and feast in Barovia as people once did. And they will be cured. That is such good advertising. And we'll do 10% profit sharing. And we will do some profit sharing. I mean, just obviously to cover the expenses. Yeah, of course. It's going to cost us money. And with that, I give her bardic inspiration. Okay. So she's got bardic inspiration. What I will say is this ritual will succeed regardless, but there are complications based on how well you roll. Okay. So she's got bardic inspiration. She's got help. Does she have anything else? I don't think I have anything. I don't think I have anything. Okay. So why don't we have, Emily, why don't you roll it? Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I think so. Okay. So roll it with advantage. I'm going to roll them one by one. First one is a three. Oh, boy. Okay. And the next one's an 18. Okay. First one is 19. Roll a D8. Eight on the fucking D8. Dude. 27. 27. So the DC was 15 because of all the bulbs you used. You easily clear that. you see Alana puts this bulb in her mouth and chomps down on it and then her eyes go white you guys all hold hands around her and kind of just sway a little bit as Marina focuses on her mother the mother she remembered the mother that saved her from Vallaki and brought her to Barovia she focuses on her family on the connection they had on the connections they'll rebuild on the great feast to come as the sun rises and Alana Petrovna comes back to life, cured of vampirism. Welcome back, Burger Master. It's going to be so awkward when Ismark finds out we had this moment without him here. Yeah. He'll be fine. He was almost like he was here because so much of his clothes. That is true. But I believe he has his own battles that he is fighting. I hope that things are going well in Perez. We must hurry and find out how things have fared, both upstairs in the battle. Yeah, all of your customers could be gone if they lost the fight in Perez. What's the point in opening a restaurant? A battle has never meant more. Jens runs out. Yes. Alana, you see, turns to Marina and hugs her close and says, Thank you, my little Dawnflower. I dreamed you would come. You truly are the son returned. Now let's go check on your brother. So you guys all rush upstairs. you head up the spiral staircase and then back to the dining hall yeah keychain you still alive Esmeralda, Leomans, you good? Leomans! you guys peek your head into the dining hall you see glass shards and wood splinters litter the floor the table has been cracked in half from the weight of a dead vampire spawn you see several other dead spawn are sprawled across the ground one is even draped over a chandelier which sways gently but outside the clouds break and a glorious beam of sunlight shines through the hall windows of this room. And on to your beleaguered companions. Can somebody roll a d20 for me to see what state they're in? I got it. 15. 15. Not bad. Oh, 15. Keychain's dead. Eskilden's dead. Learman's dead. It needed to be a nat 20. That's a great roll. That is the good outcome. You see they are a little beat up, but everyone is alive, everyone is standing. As soon as they see you, their eyes light up and they rush forward. We did it! Oh my god, we did it! Hooray, big dogs, get in here! We did it, big dogs! I gave Leamund a huge hug for some reason. Oh, hello? Am I being punked again? Thank god, Leamund, you're okay. You old fuddy-duddy. Come here, Leo. Oh, bitch boss! I tussle his hair. Leamund, you dog. I football tackle Leamund. How would Tom Cruise laugh? You see Keychain holds out his arms waiting for a hug from you guys. But you all tackle Leamund. Leamund. Oh, lovable Leamund. And while you're doing that, you see out of the corner of your eye, Esmeralda kind of tacks him on the shoulder, spins him around, and gives him a big old kiss. Whoa. They're crunching. That's right. This guy is super smart. You know, he knows like every movie ever made. Isn't that cool? I knew he was a DVD player. I know he's played like a movie. Technically, a DVD player knows every movie. Right. Anyway, we really hit it off. We both realized we kind of have relied too much upon the people that are important in our lives. We put too much of our sense of approval into them. And I think we need some time with just us. Raymond, you have to tell us everything that happened. We are going backpacking across the Sword Coast. Whoa. We're in war. Okay. Liam, what are you doing now? Oh, yes, of course. Liam, did you hear that? That's crazy. Yes, whatever. Anyway, you should have seen this battle. My gods, it was impressive. Your fingerprints are all over this, Liam. I bet you got the guy on the chandelier, huh? Liam. Oh, yes. Liam. Liam. Liam. Liam. Hey, remember the dart guy? Let's go free him. I pushed past keychains. You see, Leomond says, yes, lead the way. He blasts the door open with an arcane blast. Oh, my God. That was awesome. I've quite nicely recovered. I wouldn't want to be a door around you. Yes. What are you, a door? Jens laughs so heartily. You'll be more of a doormat if I say, hello. So you guys run upstairs, free Leaf Lipsy trim his chains. What's going on? We killed Strahd. Oh, great. Let's get out of here. Yeah, let's get out of here. Do you want to be our accountant? Do you want to be a... Oh, you could do that. You could run the books for spud fuckers. Yeah. Yeah. We have a lot of expenses. You seem like you're willing to cook the books. We want to be at a loss every single year. Yeah. Will you chain me up and threaten to bite me? Probably not. We'll threaten to bite you. Sure. Yeah, but you won't be unchained for sure. You'll always be able to run away. All right. We can negotiate the amount of times you threaten to bite me, but no chain. I'm going to be hard and firm on that. Yeah, I don't think anyone wants it, but I do want to bite you. No, I want to bite you. You keep saying it, so maybe I want to bite you. You see your shield says, does anyone wish to be bit? Okay, the shield's into it. We need to go. I leave the shield. Okay, shield, you can have this room. You've served me well. Very good. I shall await the freak that fits my freak. Right on. We wish you the best. I close the door and mock it. Hello! Good luck with the full stuff. So you leave the shield, and you guys walk out of the castle. And as you do, you see a dazzling blue sky, the first in over 400 years. In the valley below, the strange fog dissolves, giving you a perfect view of the village at its base, where you hear joyful cheers and festive music start to play. The sun warms your skin, and a playful breeze carries the scent of fresh blossoms. Barovia is free once more. So you all make your way down to the village where you see Ismark, wearing the Burgomaster's jacket and medals, drops an armful of potatoes he was carrying and rushes to hug his mother and sister. Oh, you dropped the potatoes. You dropped the Ismark. Come on. I'm so sorry. You couldn't have placed those down and then run over? Jeez, I was just saying, I have not seen my mother in many years. this is a beautiful homecoming please forgive me but yes I will be more mindful of the potatoes it's okay it's fine it's Mark you know what that was rude of us we've been a little bit I think we've been workaholics we've been workaholics and so like when we were with you we were thinking about work all the time which is why we were rude but now when you jerked off into the oaths it just made us upset us Because we were working. We were working so much that we got upset. Please don't say that in front of my mother. We also had dreams of opening a restaurant, and we couldn't be seen consorting with someone who goons in the oats. I say it loud enough for a lot of the year. I understand. We had to keep a distance after that. Yeah. I was going through something as well, but again, a new day has dawned, and I think the oats shall go goon-free this day forth. Wow. Goon-free oats for all. please keep it down good free oats for all I say we have a shield that would have really liked to what my friends you can say what you will as loud as you will for it is by your hand that this curse is lifted whatever you would have of us please name it and it shall be so we want this castle to become a bunch of condos. And we want three of them next to each other. And we just want a couple condos. The best ones, but just a few. Corner condos, adjoining units. Our condos, we don't have to pay to the HOA. The HOA, we don't have to pay to them. And we want terraces. We want terraces. Best three rooms. Best three rooms, but the other ones are available for purchase. Yeah. Okay, at a semi-affordable price. I see that man is writing all this down. As he leaves, he's like furiously taking notes. Yeah, this will work out nicely. Just threaten to bite him, he'll do anything. All right? Because he works for you now, is Mark. Actually, I have one more request. Yes. I need every single person in all of Barovia to leave Spudfuckers a five-star review. Yeah, yeah. It shall be so. And they can't all say the same thing. they have to all say something yeah we don't want like a bot thing yeah it's gonna look like a paragraph a paragraph of course yes it shall be so we will all meet at the great feast it shall be called the five star feast in remembrance of the triplets and the blessing of the potato that they have bestowed upon this land great and then i guess we would for sure take a plane shift back to turn it down yeah because like this has been nice going home yeah and we've made some like acquaintances, but I want to leave. Yeah, we're supposed to be on vacation, so we have to go back to Journeyville to plan another vacation because our vacation got ruined. We were basically working this entire vacation. Yeah, and we're workaholics. We are workaholics, so obviously it's hard to get us to not work. But we're trying to unplug. We're trying to unplug. I believe I can help with that. Onyx, you see, this time, fully in the flesh, Ariana Darkov steps out of the shadow to meet you all. She's wearing a glittering black pantsuit and her eyes reflect sort of a rainbow of color and her hair blows with an unseen wind. She strides up with Bluetooth who is now wearing a zip-up performance fleece vest. He's growing up. You did it, Mom. Whoa. What happened to you? You look awesome. Really? Yeah. You look so strong. I am really strong. yes you're strong and stylish i see that you've accepted the dark gift yeah should i keep it or could you maybe take it you shouldn't keep it yeah i kind of want to get rid of it because there's such thing as a glow up but this is kind of like a throw up unfortunately i cannot take it away because it was part of a deal you accepted with a greater of power. How do I get rid of it? You will need nothing short of a wish spell. Okay. How much does one cost? Oh, yeah. Ismark said we could have anything, so can we have a wish spell? Okay. New request. I need a wish spell. A wish spell. You see, Leamond perks up. Totally, Leamond. Even I do not have access to such powerful magics. He goes back to shooting off fireworks for everyone. All the children are cheering. What? Leamond can't do it. No one can. There is one person I think who could help you but you will have to seek them out okay, I'd do anything people travel so far for hair transplants I can only get you an introduction with those that will lead you to her realm is it a flight on Turkish hairlines? Ariana opens up her blazer pocket and hands you four tickets and printed in rich purple text is the phrase Witchlight Carnival at MIT 1 I have to go to a carnival just like this to try to get rid of it? The carnival is hosted by Zibilna. She is a powerful archmage who dwells in a realm of pure desire. Atop her castle, you may find a wish spell that can aid you. That sounds so good, doesn't it? A realm of pure desire? Honestly, we've been workaholics, so just to go to a carnival? Just to cut loose? I was mostly doing dry January, but I might get absolutely fucked up at this carnival. Yeah, Bucked Up February. Bucked Up February. Let's go. Okay, this is such a good introduction. Is there anything we should say when we meet her? Say that Ariana sent you. Okay. Thank you so much. I was going to be so hideous if you didn't do this. You are an onyxpreneur now? Yeah, I'm an onyxpreneur. And it's all about optics, and you know that. Okay, yeah, you're right. But you know what? you've got to keep the shell on the inside because you are tough and you are important and you're brave and you're going to fuck up this February. Thank you! I give her a big hug. Okay, I'm just going to take these remnants. I've got some great dark intentions planned for these. I'm going to be able to expand the network extensively. So thank you! You got it. You're welcome. Enjoy. She melts into shadow along with Bluetooth, leaving you to enjoy the great festival, the five-star festival. You see, Whale Ravens, the Donk Squad, everyone you have ever met and helped in Barovia comes to a grand table. I try not to make eye contact with the Donk Squad as I'm in the crowd. Because you don't want to tell them what happened. I try not to drink any wine from the Whale Ravens. Yeah. You see, I avoid the Whale Ravens and the Donk Squad. I will go around telling everyone don't drink Wizards from the wine. You see Davian comes up, a fresh barrel, here we are, yes! Spudfuckers is breaking our contract with Wizards of the Wine. Looks like a great barrel. So you guys all sit down at this massive table. Alana brings out a fresh batch of Koleon's Kool-Yummies, as well as several steaming hot baked potatoes, complete with herbs and spices. I don't really like starch. Marina socks you in the gut. Jen chuckles and throws a boiling hot potato at Nyack. Get his ass. My neck! Put my hand on Liam and shoulder and laugh like I'm in the ending of Return of the King. And with the manager of Ravenloft firmly dealt with and a burgeoning fast casual potato empire added to your portfolio, you three leave the land of Barovia, oddly better than you found it, and head off to the Witchlight Carnival to finish your well-earned vacation. And that's where we'll end our campaign. Woo! There we go! There we go. oh man what a happy end oh my god you guys fucking spanked strong the disadvantage on attacks is not hard for him to hit especially with like defensive flourish and stuff like that yeah yeah uh that was rough he was just like on the back foot the whole time i'm excited to talk about it because i feel like it certainly could have gone another way if i'd managed to knock off that concentration from Onyx. But, yeah, we'll talk about it more on the short rest. I think that it was always going to be a whopping, but it was fun putting it all together. It was fun getting to do this campaign. Yeah, great work. It was awesome. I loved it. And I'm very intrigued by a witch light to you. Yeah. I thought it might be fun to have a little hook there. But, yeah, we'll talk about that all on the short rest. We can delve into all of the rooms you missed in Ravenloft, as well as Strahd Tactics and all the good stuff. And you can find that at patreon.com slash nadbod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D. We are. We are. Ah, what the heck. You can sing one more note. We are the. That's enough. Okay. Anyway, you got anything you want to plug? Yeah, we've got some shows coming up. Sydney Opera House on March 16th. That's right. Be on the lookout for that. That's the only show we're doing in Australia. Get your tickets for that. April 10th, we're going to be at Radio City Music Hall in New York. Culver just knocked over his nose. I don't need him anymore. He doesn't need him anymore. He's done. April 10th, Radio City Music Hall. Get tickets to either one or, hell, both. NatPod.com slash live. We're doing both. You should too. We're going to be at both. And you can follow us on social media that you may or may not use at CFRF's Me, at CaldysCaldol, at AXR's Emily, and at SugarRitz's Jake. And you can talk about the show online using hashtag NatPod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. Thank you. Thank you. Hey now, it is time to thank our benevolent council of elders, and they are Brad D., Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, later Mick Skater, Matt M., Cutter W., Daniel G., Danielle, the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T., Balnor's Boy, Hoyt's Friend, Justin I., Danny Danster, TJ M., Traylay the Cray, D. Rohi, now you have to say it, Jordan L., Cyborg version of Josh the Kobold. Stevie Wags. Hellish rebuker. The NBDM PhD. Jack L. Nicholas C. Star of every film ever made in Bohemia. Mike Hightower. Alka Smeltzer Plus. Great value Gemma. Tyler F. Hercule Poirot. The rabbit folk detective. Timmy R. Jake's jerk jelly. Hashtag CCC. Cass. Skateboard Cass. Stephen C.'s drunk monk says honor the cork. Nick W. Nico, the underpaid English teacher William W. Big Bad Beardo The Mad Percival, Frederick Stein, Von Mussel, Klowowski, DiRolo The Third Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe Honoring the Cock Impressive, Dongle, Ben A. Dave H. Not That Nick Danny F. Hawkeye Pierce Big Bad John, DPC Is Awesome, Brand New Wife Hell yeah, Sean, the Shade Tree Mechanic Of Zell Bildar, Sever R.G. Mark, The Dark Lord's Taint Misa of House Nzunza, Ariel the Occasional Mermaid, Selena N., The Lacey Raptor, Be Perky Always, Pat L., Lauren H., Serv 16, Annie the Baywild Therapist, Pierogi Frenzy, Bowquart 7, Trub Hop Dropper, Jack H., King of the Mole People Under Iron Deep, Dressed in Blue and Fighting His Way Through a Bracket Style Tournament, Valen, Paj, The Bitchin' Bunny Bard, Druidic Peyton, Carlin C., Omri M., Noah, the gentleman fister, hashtag honor the cock. James G, everything bago, the Aladrin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey. Reverend Chatterbones, Han, Eric B, Marcos, PhD, eventually. Learns the balance druid, Frida M, Maggie. Holly, the green laughing hyena. Papa Bumbino in chinos, butt heavy. Russell H, Cody C, Lorelai the succubi, and Kira the succulent snack. Ellen S., your funly neighborhood, yonkle, Andrew and Sid. Fun in the snow, now back to the show, Mr. Adams. James F., Wayfarer, now has to do something with the trolls. Get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them, turn to page 69. Soft Lose, Uncertain Hand, Oreo, Dallas R., Barpo, Good Barrel, Bard, Barion. Charlie Brown's best friend, Renee, the monster captain, Olivia, the enchanting bard, and Jared, the soap opera cleric, who are prepping an epic playlist for the final battle. Blue Ash, Fico, J, K, Guard, the Sugarbone Fairies are out caroling. Happy Hoglidays. Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesie wearing barbarian. Lexi H, MJ, the BFG. Roger L, NoDrog, the pass a fist barbarian. Ryan L, Eric B, two running buds. John Luca, Leon K, legendary hero of Bahumia from a future campaign. Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S, Alexander, Linz W, Sky the Wise and former Lone Dungeon Master, the Spud Fucker himself, Johnny Dude K, the Mischief of Nadpods Familiars, Pavu Escanor, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile, Jakewell Murphily, Tim M, Dragon Knight 86, Richard, Scrungle, the main event. TR, MLG, Cheetah. Shelby, Kenneth's first favorite Sprite girl. Surprise round, Battle of the Brands. Spudfuckers vs. Palm Charm. Who comes out on top? My God. Jet S, Snailess, the Eldritch Snail. French Toast is my wife, Jake. How could you? Oh, no. Stormy, 52. Meemaw, Sky Days. Megan, N. Anthony, B. Balnor's best friend, Steve. Seth Me of House in Zunza, Benjamin A, Sacrificial Otaku, Bringing Otaku Culture to a Fantasy Realm Near You, Mikkel A, SSS-Tier, Crickwater Enjoyer, Josh H, Pilot of the Nightmareverse, Flight, The Two Crew, Blue, Through, Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Nick AJ, Ashesaurus, Seth the Stroker, Bearer of All Hog-Related Burdens, Billy B, Tori the Tungsten Dragoose, warily watching the warehouse of Wiley Wildwater Wardens. Wow. Michael L.S. II, Carl B., Plumber of the Realm, Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critsburg, Venn Diagram, D.M. Charby, Catamilius, The Consumed, Cam, The Frogliday's Man, Dean, Jake W., High Mom, Tuesday Cross, Only Here for the Surf and Murph, We Love You, Rat Jesus, S'mores, Tyler McEach. M. Godog. Zibby DeBakery. Kaylee. Katerina C. Carly C. Olaf Dies in Frozen 2. How could you? KCJ. Pawpaw's litigation associate. Greg W. There's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great and we love you. Baruch Thunderhelm. Fifth generation Minotaur. Working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide. Chupac Aubrey. Cappy B. Of the Schooner. Louis R. French. Boney is dead. The Waterworth. Your four-legged Greg. companion, Nick, the raging ranger, Echo Ashmore AEG, 15 Kunari watch me kickflip my mech, not a DJ but we'll still take the gig, DJ Dramamine, Chef Julie B Mama Mayhem, so sad pretty veil X-Straught is ending us too Jen's Rules Kinda, Thomas C, Little Dark Lotus Creations Kendra M, Oblong Bongo, Medium Dog, Joshua H, Jacob M, Thank you, everybody.