The late show will begin after this important message from First Lady Melania Trump Hello Last week I held an extremely WTF press conference Where I explained that I never spent any time with Jeffrey Epstein except for all the time I spent with Jeffrey Epstein I gave my speech for many reasons most importantly talking about Jeffrey Epstein Distracts people from the war that was started to distract people from talking about Jeffrey Epstein Yesterday that war got worse when the president decided to blockade the Strait of Hormuz and No one is more upset than me when my husband wants to do straight stuff So to once again distract from the war I would like to make the following announcements Just as I rarely hung out with Jeffrey Epstein. I rarely cooked with Jeffrey Dahmer We just had overlapping social circles in Milwaukee. I Also want to insist that I am not a clone of Melania that was created to appear in public with my husband I am the real one Last I want to put the rumors of marital trouble to rest by saying I live at the White House And I am absolutely in love with my home I am in love with my heart I am in love with my heart. Oh, I can't do it bring in the clone Welcome to the Late Show I'm your host Stephen Colbert ladies and gentlemen Spring Spring Spring is officially sprung here in New York temperatures were in the 70s It was a perfect day for the ticker tape parade celebrating our victory over Iran, but That Celebration has been slightly delayed Because over the weekend the United States and Iran failed to reach a peace agreement According to the chief US negotiator vice president and grim reaper's cousin who owns a tire store JD Vance before he admitted to his failure JD tried to distract with some odd praise well, good morning everybody and Let me say a couple of notes of appreciation first of all to the prime minister of Pakistan Whatever shortcomings of the negotiation it wasn't because of the Pakistanis who did an amazing job. Yeah, dude No one's blaming the Pakistanis It's like it's like telling your girlfriend baby, whatever my shortcomings in the bedroom Let's not blame my erectile dysfunction on the Pakistanis Who I think we can all agree did an amazing job Now You might be wondering where was Trump all this was going down Well, he was a tending to the most important goings-on as a UFC fight in Miami Of course in this case UFC stands for you gotta be kidding me Trump's entourage included a secretary of state Marco Rubio a few of Trump's children and the recording artist vanilla ice Yeah, that's what I said what? Seems random, but mr. Ice actually had some important negotiating advice for the president Yeah, it's eternal It's always a prize Trump wasn't just watching the fights he was making some very important connections Yes When you desperately need a deal to get us out of a war with no end in sight the first step is flirting with a cage fighter It's all there in his new book the art of seeming weirdly horny but Once word got back Stop collaborate and listen But once word got back to Trump that there was no deal with Iran he posted his revenge effective immediately The United States Navy the finest in the world will begin the process of Blockading any and all ships trying to enter or leave the Strait of Hormuz Wait, so we're blockading Iran's blockade That's actually genius it's it's like a plumber saying you know some guys would plunge this toilet But I'm gonna play some 12 dimensional chess and double clog it All right, here's what we're gonna do We're listening Somebody give me a strong cup of coffee. I'm going in Thank you. Thank you very much My friends now, okay But this development brings us to the latest installment of my unfortunately long-running series Hormuz news you can use Yes, it's true's now we block it twos After Double pump it a double pump it after the talks went belly up Trump called into Fox News Maria Bartolromo To say that actually the negotiations went great except for one little thing. We had a very intensive negotiation and toward the end it got very friendly and We got just about every point we needed Except for the fact that they refused to give up their nuclear ambition. Yes Trump got everything he wanted except the one thing he wanted The divorce is going great. She's getting the money and the kids, but I am not getting the house No then Bartolromo asked the president about oil and gas prices and Just take a look at her reaction After he answered So do you believe the price of oil and gas will be lower before the midterm elections I Hope so. I mean, I think so it could be it could be or the same or maybe a little bit higher Just one quick follow-up question mr. President are Are my eyeballs still in my head because I heard a loud popping sound That is the one line I had to memorize tonight because I cannot read those on no No, so some embarrassing setbacks for Trump and his team But the president took it all in stride and did the mature thing and attacked the Pope last night He posted Pope Leo is weak on crime. Yeah, man. He's the pope He visits people in jail though. It would be cool though if the Pope did fight crime Then we could watch murder she Pope It was long it was so I was a long unhinged post including a weird moment where he says Leo does not sit well with me Nothing sits well with you all you're sitting looks like clinical depression on a toilet This is unprecedented According to one Italian religious historian not even Hitler or Mussolini Attacked the Pope so directly and publicly It's never great when someone says you should really be more discreet and respectful, you know like Hitler Trump He didn't stop there because just 40 minutes later he posted this AI image depicting himself as Jesus Presumably trying to heal John Stewart It's Worth taking a moment to break down what's going on here first you got Trump Christ and his disciples young white man in hat Older white man in hat who is apparently a proud graduate of pladooby Young woman and same young woman in hat Above him is a heavenly host heralding the Savior and chief's arrival. You got a bunch of cloud soldiers astronaut with a shiv and That middle guy is a winged man beast with spikes where his head should be Looking like a bootleg Transformers action figure your grandma got you at the dollar store The box the box says his name is Optimist Pring And he folds into a hand fan Happy happy birthday Of course Trump depicting himself as Jesus Christ anger a lot of people including Maga people with one conservative commenter saying Blasphemy blasphemy sir. May I suggest you just take a breath pray on it and read the gospel according to pladooby Today Trump deleted Today Trump deleted the post and a reporter asked him about it Well, it wasn't a picture it was me I did first it and I thought it was me as a doctor. It's supposed to be me as a doctor That's quite an excuse it was clearly me as a doctor Like in my favorite movie passion of the doctor And my favorite TV show Dr. Jesus Medicine Christ So Donald Trump wants us to believe that he thought this was a doctor If I'm in a doctor's office and that man walks in I'm thinking I'd die If I'm in a doctor's office and that man walks in I'm thinking I'd die We got a great show for you tonight More late show pod show after this Folks if you watch this show it is no secret that I love my home state of South Carolina It's got the three B's beaches barbecue and Bubba's I Love it so much that for the last ten years the spot where I stand for my monologue every night is Marked on the floor by a map of South Carolina I have literally done this entire show standing on my home state and Also sitting if you count my tramp stamp well now I know that my home state loves me back because recently the South Carolina Senate passed a resolution Which was read by the Senate's reading clerk Introduction of a Senate resolution by Senator Sutton Hutto Jackson and others it's to recognize and honor Stephen Tyrone Colbert a Navy son of South Carolina upon the occasion of his final episode of the late show Well, thank you, sir And you can that touches me and you can tell that man is from South Carolina because he sounds like he was reading that resolution with a mouthful of shrimp and grits Thank you South Carolina State Senate. I'm very grateful and I just want to say What? South Carolina might be the redest state in the Union. This is like if Donald Trump threw me a surprise going away party Which he kind of did It is an honor that I did not expect It's an honor that I did not expect but I take it as a sincere compliment and a bit of good news Because a lot of folks have been asking what I'm doing after May 21st. Well for the first time in a long time I can safely say I think I'm going home Over folks In the first act Over there in the monologue I showed you that clip of Trump talking about how his AI Jesus post was really just him as a doctor Well, that answer was even weirder than you think because it came in the middle of a stunt promoting his no tax on tips program With door dash, but the White House may not have prepped the delivery woman as well as they should have It's such an honor to meet you and I think you voted for me. Do you think? I Think we found the next pope Now before you ask yes, he tipped her and before you ask yes, there's a photo and before you ask yes It's completely bonkers Ah It's not his fault it's not his fault it's weird sitting sitting It's not his fault. He's just never handed a woman cash before he usually just tucks it in the G string Well the delivery woman very nice lady while the delivery woman was there He asked her to stick around for a press conference. You're really nice. Would you like to do a little news conference with me? These are not the nicest people. They're not nice like you. You know that, right? Do whatever you asked me to do sir Okay in that case Could you open the straight of hormones? Because if you do For the next few minutes he made her stand there while he answered questions about Iran and even gave her some tough questions of her own Do you think that men should play in women's sports? I? Really don't have an opinion on that. You don't I'll bet you do I Bet you do oh You do you bet you do Stop it I bet don't be shy you can tell me anything I'm dr. Jesus We'll be right back with Maya Rudolph everybody Hi, my name is Lloyd Lockridge and I'm the host of a new podcast from Odyssey called family lore in this podcast I'm going to have people on to tell unusual and sometimes far-fetched stories about their families I've heard my whole life that she ended at the margarita and then we're going to investigate those stories and find out how much of it is true He gets a patent one month before the Wright brothers. Oh my god Please follow and listen to family lore an Odyssey podcast available now on Apple podcast spotify or wherever you get your shows My first guest tonight is the Emmy winning comedian, you know from bridesmaids SNL and big mouth Now she's about to make her Broadway debut in Omeri. Please welcome to the late show Maya Rudolph I Am so happy to be here. I'm so happy to get this first time you and I've ever had a chance to do this interview Yeah, lovely to see you. I had to get in there. Yeah under the wire. Oh, yeah, it's a limited time opportunity I'll take what I can get so happy to have you here right before you make your Broadway debut. Yeah, April 28 Oh Playbill baby This is the first time I'm seeing this Wow Wow nice Now I know the answer. Yes, I know the answer. Oh, yes, do stay cool. I got you baby He's heated. Okay, so tell the people how long you've been dreaming of going on Broadway. I No joke I have always wanted to be on Broadway since I was a little girl and I was Having this conversation with a friend of mine. I said remember in the sixth grade Your book when I would you know you tell everybody what you want to be when you grow up. I was very specific Yes, we found it It says I would like to be an entertainer and maybe act on Broadway I would like three children two girls and one boy and live in a mansion in the city of New York Where all the stars 11 or 12 11 or 12 It's really so sweet and so anal and specific This many this two girls and one boy. I was one kid off. I have three girls and one boy You're an overachiever. Yeah, there you are Okay for those who haven't Heard can you explain the the the folks out here what oh Mary is about and why playing a mentally unstable at the bell I'm alcoholic first lady in a hoop skirt might be appealing to you sure So story about Mary Todd Lincoln. Oh, yeah, it was married to the president Abraham Lincoln and it's a dark comedy about The few weeks before Abraham Lincoln's assassination spoiler alert I Came for the womp-womp Well, why is that a part you were born to play wow? Honestly, this is a show. I really feel is truly like no other and I know you're familiar with it You up on that it's really truly its own thing and it's goofy and weird and Bitchy and ridiculous and campy and silly and you can do everything in it and it's It's so ridiculous and over the top and it's it's funny I really feel like for me to do Broadway and for this to be the first show I'm doing makes so much sense This is kind of a part. I was born to do Well, there have been some great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I'm following my great about cola scola, but I love so much Titus Burgess a Betty Gilpin Jane Krakowski. Have you asked you? Have you asked Jinx monsoon? Have you asked any of these people for advice on on how to owe me? I did I've asked a lot of people for advice I asked Jane when I went to see her and she said Well, the hoops skirts 15 pounds So I started working out a lot and lifting a lot of weights. Wow. Yeah wearing heavy pants. Yeah Yeah, you go really heavy pants. I just wear hoop skirts at home all the time now. Have you gotten into it? Have you been in the full outfit? I have I've tried it on how's it feel? A cumbersome she's she's cumbersome. What more does it really? It really feels like something you want to like play tennis in like it's really uncomfortable And but it's like the minute you put it on it has a life It moves and it jumps and it makes it makes you want to bounce around. That's nice guy kind of a character of its own Yeah, yeah for sure. Well, you're you're from a family of performers You're the daughter of musicians mini ripper 10 and Richard Rudolph and what one was the first time? Do you remember I like to hear about when there are kids like this this kid right here who wanted to be on Broadway When did they realize they like to be in front of an audience that little tiny one that one with like the round face I used to watch my mom on stage all the time I mean my mom and dad were on the road together So they take me and my brother and it's really fun when you're a kid because there's always food backstage and There people give you candy and I remember losing a tooth in a in a casino in Tahoe and Were you betting on you know black? That's better. I'm black Well, I'm just watching your mom perform as a child and I know you lost her in an early age But what as a performer yourself? What do you think of when you think think back to seeing your mom perform on stage? I really you know, I think about it more now and I'm amazed at how much of Her uniqueness has Influenced me. I mean my mother was so singular There really wasn't anyone like her and there never has been and beautiful picture of your mother She was so beautiful and she was just her own thing and I really I Really didn't realize how much that influenced me to be my own person and She really owned the stage and she was also just such a singular voice And I never really wanted to be like anybody else And I think I think I must have picked up on that, you know Did you think it was gonna be comedy or do you think it was gonna be singing? I kind of thought it was gonna be a combo of both which I think I I think I'm guilty of doing both to be honest Yeah, I feel like yeah, cuz it's cuz music is the family business So it's it's very normal to me and I'm sure you know when I was in my mom's belly I'm sure I heard a lot of music and thought it was I'm sure I thought it was normal You know it's like whatever your parents do is normal You are also one of a kind as a performer and Jess we've all enjoyed years of your your comedy I'm sitting here last week Last week we had on Oprah and I'm sitting now with one of the best oprah's we've ever had When you got to SNL did you have like an Oprah in your pocket? Was that something that you auditioned with? No, absolutely not, you know that that for me was actually like a huge surprise and and a true testament to I Think when you work with people that really know you my good friend Emily Spivey wrote that and we had come up together At the groundlings and sketch comedy and improv and she wrote it for me, but I really wasn't an impressionist and I never I Didn't realize I had to do impressions when I got the job, you know, I thought oh Daryl Hammons are impressionist What he does he'll do opera. Yeah, I think all the guys were doing Oprah before me to be honest Tim Tim yeah, I think Tracy did it at one point. Yeah, I think I was I think I was the first lady to do Oprah Well, we have a present for you for your for your your start of your Broadway career You did you did a great you need to decorate backstage Yes, your area and you're such a great Oprah that we had Oprah last week and so this is we gave this is a pillow That that Oprah leaned on Okay, I Hope it smells like and it's and it's oh it does. Yeah certified. It's like oh wow. Wow. There you go, and it's certified It says certificate of providence this certificate Provided provided for a green room pillow that Oprah Winfrey leaned on and let me just sign that That is so thoughtful. Thank you every welcome what every girl needs this Maya Rudolph makes her Broadway debut in O'Merry on April 28th at the Lyceum Theater tickets are available now Maya Rudolph Thank you for listening to the late show pot show with Steven Kulmair Just one more thing if you want to see more of me come to the late show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives
