Adam's Sneak Peeks | The Poor Soldier Boy

Hey everyone, Adam here. I have some exciting news. New episodes are here. We are making an extra special season called Adam's Sneak Peaks. It features all new stories from me, but with a twist. You are going to get to hear these stories before anyone else, before I even go into a classroom. I am recording them at home wearing my slippers because I want your input to help shape the final episode. You can write to me or even call me and leave a message to let me know what you think of the episode and your feedback is going to help me shape the episode for the final version of it. And also, we might even find a way to use your voices on future Grim Grim or Grimist episodes. And in case that wasn't enough, we will then use some of those stories to make a full, brand new season with the kids, the actors, the music, everything that makes Grim Grimmer Grimist the show that you love. We are going to have new Grim episodes basically all the time for the rest of the year. Isn't that amazing? I'm amazed. I'm also a little bit intimidated, but we're going to do it. But we do need your help. Because these new episodes will only be available for Pina subscribers. This is part of how we can keep making great Grim Grimmer Grimist stories. And this leads me to more great news. From now through the end of March, we are offering a major discount on annual subscriptions to Pina, Pina the app where you'll be able to access all the new Grim content, as well as some new content that will be coming to Pina that we know you love, but we can't tell you about yet. But don't worry, you already listened to it and you love it. So to hear all this new stuff, have your parents visit Pina.fm. That's P-I-N-N-A.fm and use code Grim30 during checkout for 30% off your annual subscription. I cannot wait to share these new stories with you. Your support allows me to keep making these episodes and keep Grim Grimmer Grimist going. Thank you for being a listener. Hey everyone, it's Adam. I have exciting news. Are you ready? You're about to hear a whole new kind of Grim episode. It's the start of a brand new extra special season. We're calling it Adam's Sneak Peaks. This season features all new stories from me, but with a twist. I'm recording them at home. No kids anywhere, no music tracks or sound effects yet. Because I want you to help me shape the episodes. Once you listen to this story, you can write to me or even send me a voicemail and let me know what you think. I'll take your feedback and use it to improve the story. If you like this episode format and want to listen to the whole season, we'll be releasing one per week for the next couple of months exclusively on the Pina app. And because there's not only this sneak peek season underway, but also a whole new season of Grim Grim or Grimist coming this fall with the kids and the music and the full sound design, you're going to get almost a whole year of new Grim content. But it's all going to be on the Pina app. So we're offering a special discount of 30% off subscriptions to Pina. Go to pinna.fm or just download the app. Meanwhile, enjoy this special episode of Adam's sneak peeks. Drumroll please. Hi, my name is Adam Gidwitz. I'm an author. I'm also a storyteller. I like telling all kinds of stories, but I especially like telling Grim fairy tales. You may think you know Grim fairy tales and you may think that they are sweet and boring. But listen, those tales you heard were the cute, happy, little kid bedtime versions of the Grim tales. The original Grim fairy tales aren't like that at all. They are weird and sometimes gross and often scary. In other words, they're grim. And we're starting something new and exciting here on Grim Grimmer Grimist. I'm sitting here at home in my office wearing my slippers. See, real slippers. No kids anywhere because I want to give you a sneak peek of a fairy tale. And I want to hear what you think. We're putting directions on how you can reach out to me in the episode description. And you can write or even call me and leave a message and tell me what you think. I'll take the feedback you've given me and I'll use it to improve this story. And then you'll get a full Grim Grimmer Grimist version of it with kids and sound effects and voice actors just like you're used to. Cool? I hope so. So this means you get to hear the stories sooner, which I know you want because you tell me that all the time. Okay, so I'm about to tell a real Grim fairy tale. Do you want to hear it? Let me help you decide. On a scale of Grim, Grimmer and Grimist, the story I'm going to tell you today is Grim. The story isn't too scary, but it deals with war and the underworld and the devil. If I get to a part of the story and you start to feel scared or uncomfortable, this is what you could do. You could turn down the volume and count to five and then turn the volume back up. If it still seems like a part you don't want to hear, just turn the volume down again. You know how much weird and gross and scary you're ready for. You know what you need. Okay, I'm going to start this Grim Grimmer Grimist sneak peek. Do you want to hear it? Are you sure? Okay, let's do this. Grim, Grimmer, Grimist. Ready to launch your business? Get started with the commerce platform made for entrepreneurs. Shopify is specially designed to help you start, run and grow your business with easy customizable themes that let you build your brand. Marketing tools that get your products out there. Integrated shipping solutions that actually save you time. From startups to scale-ups, online, in-person and on the go. Brands made for entrepreneurs like you. Sign up for your $1 a month trial at Shopify.com slash setup. The world of Sonic the Hedgehog has been thrust into a not so dark, not so stormy, hard-boiled detective story that probably nobody saw coming. Follow Sonic and the Intrepid Chaotix Detective Agency as they take on their biggest case yet. This high-flying, action-packed adventure will take them across the world, fighting for every clue they can find. It's one heck of a tale, which is good because this story might be the only thing that can save their lives. Well, if that's all I can just dispose of you. Wait, what? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha All will be revealed in. Sonic the Hedgehog presents the Chaotix Case Files. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. When the Chaotix are on the case. This story is called The Poor Soldier Boy and it is based on a fairy tale written by the brother's grim called The Devil's Grimy Brother. Once there was a soldier who did not like war, you'd think that being a soldier was a poor job choice for someone who didn't like war and you would be right. You see, this boy had never wanted to be a soldier. He was a poor boy from a poor family in a poor town and when a general with a dozen shiny medals on his uniform came through that poor town, followed by a captain with six shiny medals on his uniform, followed by a sergeant with three shiny medals on his uniform, followed by a hundred soldiers with no shiny medals, but even the soldiers had shiny boots? Well, the poor boy figured it was the army or starve. So he joined the army and he got his own pair of shiny boots and a shiny musket and off he marched. The Poor Soldier Boy hated army life immediately. He was one of the platoon of 13 soldiers, a platoon is a group of soldiers, and this platoon was commanded by the sergeant with the three shiny medals. The sergeant shouted at the platoon of 13 soldiers all day long. March faster, clean your boots faster, load your musket faster. Everything with that sergeant was always faster, faster, faster. And he yelled at the Poor Soldier Boy most of all. The Poor Soldier Boy, as you can imagine, hated it. Then there was the captain with the six shiny medals. The captain was in charge of seven platoons of 13 men each, which sounds like a math problem. Seven platoons, 13 men each. How many men is that? I'll let you figure it out. Tell me later. The captain shouted at the sergeant all day long. Your soldiers are lazy. Make them march faster. Make them clean their boots faster. Make them load their musket faster. At first, the Poor Soldier Boy liked the captain because at least he was yelling at the sergeant. But soon he realized that the more the captain yelled at the sergeant, the more the sergeant yelled at the soldiers. And of course, he yelled at the Poor Soldier Boy most of all because the Poor Soldier Boy hated doing all that work. And then there was the general. He didn't yell at anyone as far as the Poor Soldier Boy could tell. He was a quiet, cunning man. He was always looking for more wars to fight so he could get more shiny medals on his chest. He spent all day riding a tall horse alongside the marching soldiers, and every night they could see the lanterns in his tent glowing as he studied maps looking for other armies to fight wars with. The general was very good at his job. He found lots of other armies to fight wars with. And after just a year, the Poor Soldier Boy had been in no less than three wars, and it was not clear who had won them. But the general and the captain and the sergeant all had gotten new shiny medals for each war they had fought in. And many soldiers had died. After the third war that year, the Poor Soldier Boy decided he didn't want to be in the army anymore. He went and told his sergeant. The sergeant shouted in his face. You can't quit. You'd be a deserter. You'll fight until you're a general or until you're dead. The Poor Soldier Boy didn't like this answer. So he went to the captain and told the captain that he didn't want to be in the army anymore. The captain turned red in the face, called the sergeant, and then shouted at the sergeant, Tell this soldier that if he leaves he'll be a deserter. He'll fight until he's a general or he's dead. The sergeant turned to the Poor Soldier Boy and shouted that in his face. So the Poor Soldier Boy went and talked to the general. This was absolutely against regulations. No soldier was allowed to talk to the general. But the Poor Soldier Boy snuck into the general's tent while the lantern was burning and the general was studying his maps, looking for a new army to start a war with. The Poor Soldier Boy said, Excuse me, sir. I'd like to leave the army. The general didn't look up from his map. Fine, said the general. Really, said the Poor Soldier Boy. Yes, said the general, You can leave, but you'll be a deserter and we will hunt you down and you will be shot. He said all this without looking up once, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. The Poor Soldier Boy slunk out of the general's tent. He didn't know what to do. What would you do? Do you have an idea? The Poor Soldier Boy thought, If I run away, they'll chase me down, and if they catch me, they'll shoot me. But if I stay, there's just going to be another war and another and another, and chances are I'll be shot in one of those sooner or later. Probably sooner. So he decided he'd run away. He slunk away from the army's camp under the darkness of night. They were camped near a swamp. No one liked traveling through a swamp, so he figured he'd be safe if he hid in the swamp for a few days. Then the army would march on and leave him behind, and he'd be free. But when dawn arose the next day, he could hear his sergeant shouting his name. And soon the twelve other members of his platoon were fanning out across the swamp, looking for him. The Poor Soldier Boy started to run. He ran and ran and ran, and the soldiers saw him and ran after him, as the soldiers shouted at them, Go faster, go faster! And then they started to shoot their muskets at him. The Poor Soldier Boy was tiring and terrified that they would catch him or just shoot him in the back as he ran. He fell in the mud, and he could hear the shots getting closer, and the sergeants' shouts getting louder, and he was sure he was done for. When he noticed a man in a green coat, kneeling by the dirty water of the swamp. Now, if you've heard one of these stories before, you probably have a guess as to who the man in the green coat is. And if you haven't heard one of these stories before, you'll soon find out. Oh, hello, said the man with the green coat. You look like you are in a tight spot. Yes, said the Poor Soldier Boy, I deserted my platoon, and if they find me they'll shoot me. The man with the green coat frowned. Tell you what, I'll hide you, if you'll agree to be my servant for seven years. What do you say? What do you think? What should he say? What would you say? Deal, said the man with the green coat. Yes, deals, said the Poor Soldier Boy, for being any kind of servant was better than being shot. And so as the shots grew closer and the shouting grew louder, the man with the green coat took the Poor Soldier Boy by the hand and walked right into the swamp. And the muddy water came up over their knees, and then over their hips, and then over their chest, and then over their shoulders, and then they were entirely submerged. And the Poor Soldier Boy thought he would drown, except that once he was totally submerged in the swamp, he saw that he was no longer in a swamp. He was in, where do you think? He was in the underworld. For the man with the green coat was, of course, the devil. The devil always wears a green coat in these stories. The Poor Soldier Boy saw thousands of cauldrons in the underworld, where souls and evil people were being tortured for all eternity. At least that's what he figured was happening inside. The cauldrons all had lids, but there was screaming coming from under the lids. I need some help, said the devil. For the next seven years, your job will be, what do you think? What's a job that would be in the underworld? Well, the devil said, your job will be to keep the coals under the cauldrons hot, and to keep the sinners screaming. The Poor Boy winced. Do the people in those cauldrons really deserve to be tortured like that? Oh yes, said the devil, this is the worst lot of murderers and cheats and tyrants that were ever born. You've got to be a real scoundrel to end up here. But look, I can tell you're soft-hearted. So whatever you do, do not look in the cauldron. You're going to feel bad for the sinners, even though they've led to more death and suffering than you can imagine. And you'll probably do something stupid, like let them out. So if I catch you looking in the cauldron, you won't be my servant for seven years. You'll be my servant for seven million years. Do you understand? I understand, said the poor soldier boy. If I look in the cauldron, I'll be your servant for seven million years. Good, said the devil. Now get to work. Did you know that you can listen to Grim, Grimmer, Grimist without any ads interrupting the story? Just subscribe to Pina. Not only will you get to hear me tell these fairy tales straight through the way I tell them to kids, you get access to tons of other awesome original shows and audiobooks all ad-free. Subscribe to Pina at Pina.fm, that's P-I-N-N-A.f-M, and use code Grim with two M's to get 30 percent off an annual subscription. And remember, it's not a smurf. So the poor soldier boy got to work. He put coals under the cauldrons and he kept them hot and kept those sinners screaming. But there was one problem. He was very curious. Who were these murderers and cheats and tyrants? Were they really such bad people? Every day he worked in the underworld, he so badly wanted to remove the lid of a cauldron and see who was inside. Every time he put hot coals on a fire and heard the sinners in the cauldrons scream, he was powerfully tempted to push the lid back just a little and ask the people inside what they'd done to deserve this torture. But living in the underworld was hard and hot and he didn't want to stay there any longer than he had to. So he resisted the temptation to look for a while. Then one day, after three years, he put some coal under a cauldron and he heard a very familiar voice screaming in pain and agony. I know that voice, he thought. Where do I know that voice from? You have a guess who the voice might belong to? The voice kept screaming and the poor soldier boy was sorely tempted to look under the lid of the cauldron. But he had already been in the underworld for three years. So he only had, how many years did he have to go? Did you know that I used to be a math teacher? That's why I'm asking you all these math questions. He had four more years to go. He'd been there for three, total of seven, four more to go. And he really didn't want four years to turn into, okay, how many years would he have left if the devil caught him looking? I knew you knew. It's 6,999,996. That's correct. So the poor soldier boy turned away from the cauldron. Then the voice screamed one more time and the boy couldn't resist. He returned to the side of the cauldron and peeking over his shoulder to make sure the devil was nowhere nearby. He slid back the lid of the cauldron. Haha, shouted the poor soldier boy. I knew it. Inside the cauldron, being boiled alive for all eternity was his sergeant. Help! The sergeant shouted. Please get me out of here. The poor soldier boy put his finger to his chin. I'll think about it, he said. But first tell me everything that's happened since I deserted, including how you died. The sergeant said, same old, same old, marching and cleaning boots and loading muskets and war, lots of war. Our platoon alone must have killed a thousand men. And then I was shot and I died. Now please get me out of here. The poor soldier boy thought about it for a long, long moment. And then he said, what do you think he's going to say? He said, I think you're right where you deserve to be. In fact, I think I should work faster, faster, faster. And he put the lid back on the cauldron and ran and got more and more coals as fast as he could so the sergeant's cauldron was doubly hot and his torture was doubly painful. The poor soldier boy went on with his work, always sure to keep the sergeant's cauldron doubly hot and he worked for three more years. And then one day when he was put in coals beneath a different cauldron, he heard another voice. He was sure he recognized. I know that voice, the poor soldier boy thought. Where do I know that voice from? Who do you think it is? The voice kept screaming and the poor soldier boy was sorely tempted to look under the lid of the cauldron, but he had already been in the underworld for six years and he only had how many years to go? That's right, just one year to go. And he really didn't want that to turn into how many years? Six million nine hundred nine thousand nine hundred ninety four. I think if I did that math right, you check me. So the poor soldier boy turned away from the cauldron. But then the voice screamed once more. And the boy couldn't resist. He returned to the side of the cauldron and peeking over his shoulder to make sure the devil was nowhere nearby. He slid back the lid of the cauldron. Haha shouted the poor soldier boy. I knew it. Inside the cauldron being boiled alive for all eternity was his captain. Help the captain shouted please get me out of here. The poor soldier boy said I'll think about it. But first tell me everything that's happened since I deserted including how you died. The captain said same old same old making sure everyone is marching and cleaning boots and loading muskets and war lots of war. Our company alone must have killed ten thousand men. And then I was shot and I died. Now please get me out of here. The poor soldier boy didn't have to think very long this time. He said I think you're right where you deserve to be. In fact I think you should work faster, faster, faster. And he put the lid back on the cauldron and ran and got more and more coals as fast as he could so the captain's cauldron was triply hot. Another year went by and the boy kept the sergeant's cauldron doubly hot and the captain's cauldron triply hot and finally the seven years were up. The devil wearing his green coat came up to the poor soldier boy while he was shoveling coals. So said the devil you've worked here for seven years. Yes I have said the poor soldier boy and you've worked hard and done all I asked. Yes I have said the poor soldier boy and you never looked in any of the cauldrons did you? The devil asked and there was something dangerous in his voice. Um to the poor soldier boy he didn't know whether to lie to the devil or not. Would the devil know? Would his punishment be worse? But what could be worse than staying in the underworld for another six million nine hundred ninety nine thousand nine hundred ninety three years? What would you do if you were the poor soldier boy would you admit what you'd done or would you just pray the devil hadn't found out? The boy said nothing. He just waited. The devil smiled. Oh I know what you did. I know you peaked in the cauldrons. But don't worry I fear that if you peaked in the cauldrons you would let your kind heart get the better of you and let the sinners out. But you didn't. In fact you worked harder and faster and made them suffer more. So I won't punish you. Really? Said the poor soldier boy. On the contrary I'll give you a key to the underworld so you can come and go and see the sinners being tortured whenever you please. And the poor soldier boy said uh thanks? But he was very glad to get out of the underworld so he took the key and went back up through the swampy water and found himself just where he had been seven years ago when he deserted the army. And what did he see before him? But the very army he deserted. And he saw something very surprising. The general was out of his tent shouting at all the captains and sergeants. No one is marching fast enough. No one is shining their boots fast enough. No one is loading their muskets fast enough. What has happened to this army? It's a disgrace. At that instant the poor soldier boy had an idea. He waited until nightfall when the general was in his tent and the lantern was burning and he was studying his maps looking for a new army to fight so he could get another shiny metal. The poor soldier boy snuck into the general's tent. What do you want? The general grumbled without looking up. The poor soldier boy said I heard you say the army is a disgrace now. The general grumbled. Ever since I lost my best captain and my best sergeant things have been going downhill in a hurry. The poor soldier boy said I know where they are. The general suddenly looked up. You do? How? Where? The poor soldier boy said you might think they were shot but they weren't. They deserted and they're having a party right now. What? The general roared. Are you sure? Yes, said the poor soldier boy. They're in the swamp right now having a party and laughing at all the poor stupid men still here in your army. The general said I don't believe you. Prove it. So the poor soldier boy said sure come with me. If you're playing a trick on me, said the general, I'll have you shot. Fair enough, said the poor soldier boy. I swear I will take you right to them. You know where he's taking the general, right? So the general followed the poor soldier boy out of his tent and into the swamp and because the poor soldier boy had the key to the underworld he was able to lead the general right down into the muddy water. Hey, where are you taking me? Where are you blub blub blub? And into the underworld and when they got there the general said where are we? What kind of party is this? And then someone was standing at the general's side and said you're kind of party. The poor soldier boy said to the devil I brought him for you. I can see that. I would have gotten him soon enough. Said the devil. Yes, said the poor soldier boy. But since I got him sooner, could I have his uniform and his medals? Not my medals, bellowed the general as if the medals would help him here in the underworld. The devil was happy to give the poor soldier boy the general's uniform and medals. The poor soldier boy put them on, left the underworld and went back to the general's tent. He sat by the light of the lantern, studying the maps, seeing where all the enemy armies might be. The next morning when he came out of the tent all the captains and sergeants and soldiers were lined up ready for their orders to march to the next war. When they saw the poor soldier boy they were surprised that he was wearing the general's uniform and all his shiny medals so they figured that made him the general now. And the poor soldier boy wearing all the general's shiny medals commanded all the captains and sergeants and soldiers to march. Slowly and to take a lot of breaks and to stay as far away from the other armies as possible and to never kill anyone again. And soon there was very little shouting in that army and no new medals and no killing at all. But their boots were shiny and they respected and admired their new general very, very much the end. Now that story might sound like, you know, against all armies and soldiers. I'm certainly not. I'm very grateful for the army that keeps us safe in this country. But that army was from a time a long time ago when they weren't just defending people. They were just actively going out looking for wars. There wasn't even a people they were trying to defend. It was just sort of like a rampaging army. So if your family is in the army I'm grateful for your service, for their service. But not that kind of army. That general and sergeant captain kind of got what they deserved, don't you think? I am so glad that you listened to the story and please let me know what you thought of it. Go ahead and email me at the email address in the episode description. You can call and leave a message. Who knows, maybe we'll even find a way to play your message on a future show. And keep listening right here because we will be coming out with the full episodes of Grim Grimmer Grimist later this year. In the meantime, more sneak peeks are coming. Talk to you soon.