This Is Why You Keep Buying Stuff (And It Never Fixes Anything)

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It got me thinking about how we love a personality test, especially as women. I don't want to genderize things, but I feel like every girl I know loves a personality test whether it's four tendencies, Mars Briggs, Anya Graham. We love them. I think it's because we want somebody else to tell us who we are. We know who we are, but we want to have that justified, to have it legitimized in some way. Yeah, confirmed for us. That got me thinking about how that ties into our spending habits and how it often causes us to overspend. There's also this systemic way marketing tries to tie us to identities. That's what we're talking about in today's episode. Yeah, and I think marketers have realized that identity is one of our core needs. It's kind of one of those things that towards the top of our hierarchy of needs. That's why we've seen over the past several decades, marketing moving in this direction from identity marketing, influencing marketing. It's all evolving to have you buy products and services to get you closer to your kind of sense of identity. That's what we're going to be talking about today is identity and how it's used in marketing and what you can do to build a greater sense of self so that some of these tactics aren't as effective effective on you. You're going to hear from a licensed clinical social worker on identity. So stay for the whole thing. But first, I have a box of frugal friends mugs in my office and they look like this and this is actually has Jill's coffee in it. So I must be careful. I want to get rid of them. I want to get rid of the big box that they're in. So I'm going to give them to you. This is special for only our YouTube viewers and our podcast audio listeners. All you have to do is go to frugalfriendspodcast.com slash mug mug and enter to win one of these mugs. I'm giving away 15 of them. US subscribers only, so sorry, it costs double the amount to ship these internationally. So if you want one that says frugal AF, an AF can mean whatever you want it. Whatever you want it to mean. And I'm giving away five in March, the first drawing is March 13th, five in May or five in April and five in May. And if you enter today and you don't win in March, you're still in the running for April and May. So the sooner you get in, the more chances you have to win mug. So here you go. That's back for you. Have that. Get yours. Go on by. You will have to put in your YouTube username. You will have to subscribe to the YouTube channel, even if you're an audio listener, put in your YouTube username so that we know you subscribe to the YouTube channel on that entry page. So good luck. First, let's talk about identity. Well, second, let's talk about identity. Jill, give us your professional definition of identity. I mean, I really do think that it is our sense of self, how we view who we are the way that we engage with the world, the perspectives that we take on. And there is so much to be said about identity, how it is shaped and formed. I mean, starting from infancy and moving forward from understanding kind of cognitive development and children, babies, infants, begin to identify themselves as separate from their caregiver around six to nine months old. And then it just keeps building upon that as as we all grow and get older from, you know, I, okay, I'm separate. Oh, I can do some things on my own. Oh, I, I'm good at certain things, right? There's like certain childhood developmental markers and cognitive development that happens along each step. And all of it is a part of identity building. And so to name a few, there is, you know, culture and environment and family makeup and gender and religion, all of these things kind of come together to form our sense of who we are, how we identify. And some of it, I think, can be, we can have a skewed identity in some ways. We can think certain things about ourselves that aren't true or think, you know, the opposite things that are true that aren't, like there's, there's so many layers that we're not going to dig into all of them, but essentially it is what separates us. There's so many ways that we are similar to our fellow fellow human beings, but identity is kind of the things that we can notice inside of ourselves, the unique traits and personality and skill set that also makes us uniquely who we are. And so there's this kind of fun little ebb and flow of, I do like to be different, I want to be set apart, but I also want to belong and I find comfort in finding other people who share certain interests with me. And I think, yeah, when we don't have a solid sense of that, when we don't have a good, at least 90% accurate view of self, sense of self, then we can kind of flounder and that's going to show up in our wallets. Yeah, I can see. So when you mentioned the hierarchy of needs and we'll put it back up here, you can see that relationships are more on that foundational level than the very top, which is self actualization, where I think that is this like sense of being an individual, sense of autonomy and uniqueness and creativity. And both are needs, but I think we can, we get our identity is so convoluted by other people because our need for belonging is more foundational than our need for uniqueness. And so it's so intertwined because we are identity is influenced by other people, like you said, like culture and family and religion and all of that, but they are also like separate. And so my friends and I, when we were talking about like the four tendencies, we were also talking about like sometimes we find our identity in roles. And we like know that that's not, it's not completely accurate, but it is hard because our identity also like influences the roles that we choose. So like like wife, mom, our profession, like these things that make us unique do influence the roles we take on. And so that can also we can mistake those for our identity. So I think it is this great, it's such a gray area, right? I don't know if you can ever have your identity like fully nailed down because it changes over time too. Yeah, like not you know, wildly, but I think it can shift. And it's this gray area that marketers will use to kind of slip in to that uncertainty. And the more we focus on other people, the easier it is to slip in. So whether that's focusing on our partner or our kids or our friends or our work or whatever, the more we are focusing on other people, the more ambiguity like we have in knowing who we are. And so people who want to profit off the slip in there. And I think that's where we get identity marketing from. So people using products as kind of like identity shortcuts. So and we've if you've studied marketing, you've probably heard all of this before. So brands don't sell what a product does. They sell who you become when you buy it. So it's this aspirational marketing. And please let us know in the comments if you can if you hear that and you can think of an example of that because I the Olympics are happening right now as recording this. And every I love the Olympics. I'm I'm obsessed with the Olympics. Every commercial is aspirational marketing for like you're not at the Olympics, but like you could be on, you know, on the same level by buying this product. And it's like Salesforce or something. It's for like, Exponity Comcast. Right. Like it's hope is our. Yeah. These are credit cards. That one standing out to me like everywhere you want to be. Not like not every where you're already going. Like that really stood out to me. I'm like not not wherever you want to go. Everywhere you want to be. It's that aspirational like I want to get there. And this credit card's going to help me get there. And if you don't have like a really solid, confident sense of self, then you don't know where you want to be. Yeah. 100%. Like there's always you kind of know where you want to be. But there's always some wavering like, oh, could I could I be belittling myself or could I be like aspiring too much? Like there's always this questioning. So now in the present day, I so I we've seen it with commercials like that I think for a while. Now I think we see it in influencers and I think it's even worse because commercials can really show like the perfectness. And we're like, oh, I can never be perfect. I know. So I'm like, it's not as effective for me. Influencers are imperfect. And therefore there's more hope that we can be like this person that we can take on their identity if we are unsatisfied with our own in like a non creepy like non crime way. Yeah. And I think you know the parasocial relationship that's developed really helps to break down those barriers and increase the trust. If I've seen this person show up in my algorithm constantly, I'm following them and they're talking about this and it makes it look like their life is easier or they have some belonging or something that I want to have. And the thing about it is it's not so upfront. It's a little bit more of the subconscious psychology that's going on. Like I'm not looking at some of these influencers going, oh, she looks like she has belonging. I want that product too. It's like it's the full picture that's happening. This picture that's being painted, the subtle things that they're doing in the background, the way that their environment looks, what they're talking about, they just did with their friends. It's those types of things. Honestly, one of the best things we can do for our wallets and our health is cook more at home. There's just nothing like it. 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That's j-o-i-n-b-i-l-t dot com slash frugal. Make sure you use our url so they know we sent you terms and limitations apply subject to approval and eligibility. Built cards are issued by column and a member FDIC pursuant to license for mastercard international incorporated. I think that kind of segues into like the next point is that the longing is more important than like in our brains. It overrides logic sometimes. A lot of the times maybe depending on like what season you're in. I know that there I'm like in a season where I'm so busy I rarely go out. So if somebody like asks me to coffee, I don't check the budget. I just say yes because I'm like kind of desperate for human interaction. So like that happens in varying degrees for all people because we are wired for belonging status safety again with that hierarchy of needs. We want to belong. So if everyone around us is wearing something carrying something using something we if we're kind of like longing for community we will buy things so that we we look like people around us to make us more relatable so that we have a better chance of being asked to coffee or somebody taking our phone number or something like that. And the algorithms can really push virality as well. Like people are commenting on something there's a lot of use so it's going to keep getting pushed out. And that can create some homogeneity in product use where we are seeing these things and thinking oh everyone has this. And again it's not so upfront in in our thinking. It's one of those subtle things of just that like confirmation bias and and feeling as though everyone has these things and brands can't create virality but they can certainly capitalize off of it. I mean we've seen this with Stanley Cups and LeBuboos and leggings and certain types of vehicles and it just seems like everybody's got this thing and so I'm going to have it too. Like I and there might be a thought of even it must be so good if everyone's using this. Not only do I want to belong but I don't want to miss out on this great thing that everybody is saying is solving their problems. I want to find out for myself. I don't want to be on the outskirts of that. Yeah. I think a really good example of this is a YouTube video I watched recently and I'll link it in the description but it's Utah is a social experiment at this point and it's from Alyssa Grunfel and she's talking about how Utah culture, specifically Mormon culture, is this like bubble almost of trends. So like dirty sodas and like long sleeve wedding dresses and a dirty seat. We're in Florida so we have no idea. It's where you just put like syrup in a soda like like a cherry or and I may actually be wrong or you may add you add more sugar to a soda. So let me let me know if I'm mistaken or not but that's what I believe it is. No, yeah you're right. A flavored syrup splash of cream and how they have like whole like like almost bars just for dirty soda and that is a big thing in Utah but not really anywhere else but everybody is doing it in that location. So it can make you feel if you live there that this is just like a big thing because once you see it in you know in a target or once you see it brick and mortar you're like oh this is cultural this is not just like me or my friend group. Yeah. This is bigger than us. And I mean we've all had those moments. I mean it just happened to me just now although I don't feel that bad about not knowing but when you're with people that like you really care about their opinion of you. I respect you more for not knowing that between lines. Yeah when you're with other people they're like oh yeah you know that movie or you know that thing or you know this quote and it's like no I don't it can be really uncomfortable to be like wait what are you talking about who is that person what is that reference what is that thing and and so you don't want to be the one behind the curve like you want to know and be up on the thing and be able to talk about it because that's what makes for relationships. Yeah I that's me anytime Travis mentions a movie. Yeah. And so Skino this movie you know I don't know I don't I know like a movie person. That was you and Eric talking about the development plans in downtown Saint Pete this morning you're like I don't you know about this old thing that's going on. No I know he showed me a picture and it had essentially a man-made wave pool in the middle of what it's supposed to be affordable housing. We're like no you just missed the surfer in the picture. But so yeah so like this you think that everybody is doing this stuff buying this stuff but it could be very like on an actual global level like just a very very small and so there is a lot to be said for where you live and the people around you if you don't feel like you fit in like that that's a legitimate like concern and can cause you to like either buy stuff or just like constantly feel uncomfortable. So instead of buying stuff to be accepted you're buying stuff to you know like meet this I don't know like push down this unsettling feeling. So both can lead to overconsumption for like for negative reasons. Yeah. Okay the final example that we have about how marketers can kind of prey on identity is identity during uncertainty. So even if you do have a strong sense of self sometimes marketing can slip in and get you to buy where you wouldn't normally have during times of stress exhaustion trauma. Life changes okay friends as an outsider looking in again I'm not a mom they prey on parents like no no more have I seen like this exact thing identity during uncertainty and just give us all of your money is coming into parenthood for the first time because you are uncertain you don't know about it it's a huge responsibility you want to do the best possible thing for your child spend this money and even bringing in I mean who knows probably pseudo research about how this is going to be the best thing for your baby and you have to have this you have to have that you've got to have the best monitor that checks their heart rate and doesn't suffocate them and like all these things that make you so almost plants fear where there might have not even been fear oh to get you to buy in that for it can turn very predatory absolutely well if you saw our episode on the man who's responsible for why you're broke when Edward Bernays hired all these doctors to tell people that breakfast you know a bigger breakfast is more beneficial just for the bacon company to sell more bacon you've got the same idea here we're hiring safety experts and doctors pediatricians to tell parents like this is the best thing you can do for your child and look this product happens to meet that need as close as possible so who are you if you don't buy what's your identity as a mom like what's your identity in your role that you've chosen if you don't choose to buy this product that is the best or the safest or whatever I just saw a story and I haven't had time to fact check it so I'm so sorry you can do a retraction on me if this wasn't accurate but the story was describing how pamper's did like a dedicated marketing blitz to extend the time frame of potty training that apparently children used to be potty trained by like 18 months and now it's more typical to be about three years and that a lot of that had to do with pamper's efforts and bringing in kind of experts to be claiming you know don't rush your child don't don't do this before they're ready and all these different things me there could also be other reasons of just convenience it used to be cloth diapers and now they're disposable diapers so it's far easier but I found that very interesting and and very well could be the case I wouldn't be surprised um but sorry if it's not true I just found it in a picture did you hear it from Jillian Michaels because I'm seeing a video from her on a podcast no it wasn't okay no they were reference she talked about it too so I guess it's it is well known so yeah but I mean same thing with the light bulb all the light bulb makers got together and be like oh we're gonna make light bulbs that dies that we can all sell more light bulbs arising tie lifts all boats like it happens the planned obsolescence or I guess delayed obsolescence in pamper's case like yeah it just it it happens and yeah I would agree like definitely in the parenting space it's it's so crucial I think in general people on social media um we'll try to make you feel fear and anxiety and a sense of urgency and offer a solution to manipulate manipulate you into buying something whether it's product they're making or product they're an affiliate for um because negative emotions decrease our capacity for rational thinking it's a really strong and it's I mean it's typically frowned upon in market it's not ethically right but it's not illegal so you see it I think a lot on social media because influencers are not held to the same ethical standards as like more I don't know established marketers so they will decrease using fear and anxiety and urgency to decrease your brain's ability to make rational decisions yeah I mean we see it all the time even in just copy we get from brands for their ad reads a lot of times they'll even list out negative hooks for us to use and they're literally called that a negative hook it's what we love of you're doing this wrong the five reasons that you're broke the I mean who knows I'm not like a marketing expert but it's it's something to elicit you don't have it right we have the answer pay attention and praying upon the fears that that are probably already there below the surface and then just confirming them in whatever marketing and then trying to sell you something to be fair I really try to avoid those negative hooks like we don't utilize them no and they don't need to rock your entire world view of who you are right they don't need to make you question everything they just need to make you question for a second long enough to buy that's it they're not trying to to make you question your entire world view so remember that that it is in that second where we do need to pause and step back and wait and see if this is something we really want to buy really need to buy if it is something we're trying to align with an identity that we want to achieve or if is it something that truly aligns with the sense of self that we have established in our confident in so how how do we find that sense of self how do we find that established confident sense of identity yeah and I really think that this is a lifelong journey I don't think any one of us can say oh I've arrived at identifying who I am because I also think there is this growing we can understand who we are we might even have a good sense of who we are but then be able to identify some areas of growth and things that we want to work on and so it's ever evolving and changing but I do think it's important to know some of the core things about who we are what matters to us how we meet our needs and give that a significant amount of thought and reassessment year over year of how am I meeting my needs is it effective how am I showing up how are other people experiencing me how am I experiencing myself how am I experiencing the world around me I think these can be really helpful questions to be asking and one of the ways as it relates to finances that we think can be really powerful is doing that 90 day transaction inventory that you've heard us talk about we give an even deeper dive on how to do one in our book by what you love without going broke you can get your copy at by what you love book.com but it's essentially going back through all of the transactions that we've made in the last 90 days on our credit cards on our debit cards even the cash that we've spent because that still counts and and see what is this showing me about who I am before I even look to make any changes what am I noticing I am drawn to where am I spending money does that feel like it's aligned with the things that I would say matter to me if yes fantastic keep doing that if no how can I shift some of these things or what need is it meeting that I might be able to meet in an even more creative more beneficial way that yeah I might be experiencing belonging by getting together at a restaurant with friends but are there other ways for me to experience belonging and even get to engage in other aspects of who I am can we go play an outdoor game together would that be more fun and more bonding and less money that can kind of help us to identify the things that we can shift while also noticing more about who we are like that would probably be the best personality he quiz to take is where do I spend my money that's going to be the most reveal it is I truly believe that it is more revealing than any personality test I truly believe that so let us know do your 90 day transaction inventory and let us know what it shows you about your personality and I think there's one thing I want you guys to take away from this episode and it's something that I have to remind myself very often when I am about to potentially make an impulse buy and it's that I buy things because I want to improve myself or my life in some way like being grounded in who I am there can always be improvement and that is the goal when I buy something but I have to continue to remind myself that I cannot buy the person I want to be that I cannot do and so if the inspiration for me to buy something is to the person I want to be uses that that's not right but if it's something I'm already doing and I can improve upon it or make my life easier in some way because of a problem I legitimately already have then that is a better use of my money still can question if I could if I need to spend it because maybe I can get creative in a different way but I cannot buy I cannot look at like a four hour man marathon or on social media and what she's hawking on her reels and buy that stuff to become her yeah as we kind of break up with the ads the influencers the the the amount of time that we spend on social media not only is it going to reduce some of our spending but it's going to start bringing to the surface and illuminating more about who we are how we want to be spending our time and then that's where our creativity can enter in how do I want to meet some of those needs in these low cost ways still getting what I want still having fun I think it's that beautiful symbiotic relationship and I think just helps us to feel better about ourselves like I have never felt so insecure and down about myself as when I am spending more time on social media preach same and and it's it's hard sometimes to connect those dots because it's so subtle it's not as if I expect to look like everybody on here but when you're constantly inundated with people who are really concerned about image or you know getting the exact right nutrition or doing the exercises exactly right or decorating the home in the most beautiful way it's just this constant flooding of you're not doing enough and I go you need to do more or you need to buy stuff to do better or you need to keep watching these things and keep taking this in keep marinating it to get better and it doesn't actually improve anything it just makes me personally feel worse about myself and so when I break up with those things and if I'm going to say on social media follow more encouraging accounts like it changes my outlook and you know what it's crazy yeah it is insane you know what also is insane and crazy but for all the right reasons don't break up with this one would never the bill of the week that's right it's time for the best minute of your entire week maybe a baby was born in his name as William maybe you paid off your mortgage maybe your car died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore duck bills buffalo bills bill clean this is the bill of the week hi Dan hi Jill this is Jennifer from New York I just have to say that I have paid off in the last two and a half years sixty five thousand dollars worth of credit card debt and a small car loan I am so free I've also managed to start saving my Roth IRA and start a healthy savings and a high yield savings count for three to six months and I will never go back to my old ways most of it was from rescuing people and mindless spending and a lot of subscriptions and not looking at what I was spending plus the 30% interest on the credit cards so I am a different person I wish I discovered you at the beginning I have made some mistakes and it's taken a while but I am debt free as of today and I am thrilled thank you so much for everything that you do Jennifer yes from a fellow Jennifer congratulations bless you that freedom brought to you by the Jennifer by Jen yes this is amazing and first of all I'm so honored we are so honored that you would choose to share this incredible news with us on our little podcast I do love my favorite bills of the week are the ones that are I'm just free because it's not screaming at you it's I want to say I scream back right I want to scream for you but I don't need you to scream if that's not the kind of person you are yeah so I love those oh this is so incredible and so true about all of us we don't do it perfectly we make mistakes and a lot of times it's because we just don't know what we don't know girl we have an episode about subscriptions coming up I think next week you don't you take it from Jennifer you're gonna want to check it out if we weren't taught it how would we know to seek it out how would we know that this that there is another way that other people aren't doing finances like this there's so many reasons I mean yes good that you took responsibility and did the thing but also no shame no shade in it you paid off your credit card you paid off your car loan and then started investing in a raw fire right and then started saving an emergency fund six to nine months in a high yield savings account we love the one at CIT it is the one that we use frugalfriendspodcast.com slash CIT if you're listening to this and you're like I don't have a high yield savings account what do I do with my money that's what you do with it because the money that you put in there earns money higher percentages than you would add a typical in a typical city if you're like I want to be like Jennifer I'm not happy with with who I am right now and I want to be more like Jennifer I she sounds great then oh it's so I want to belong everyone has a high yield savings account what but that's that's the good version that's us spending that for good you want belong in for good belong in a high yield savings account you belong in a high yield savings account and a Roth IRA you belong there sure do sweet huh okay if you all are listening have a bill that you want to submit if it has to do with debt freedom if it has to do with that high yield savings account if it has to do with investing in that Roth IRA it has to do with being bill we're not going to break up with you frugalfriendspodcast.com slash bill we can't wait to hear it we cannot stand bank fees overdraft fees monthly fees minimum balance fees it's like getting punished for using your own money that's why chime is such a game changer it's fee-free smarter banking built for you the new chime card lets you build credit with your own money and earn rewards 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now available in Canada to don't keep settling for clothes that don't last go to q u i n c e dot com slash frugal for free shipping and 365 days return quince dot com slash frugal and now it's time for the life i run all right what's your favorite personality quiz and your result uh i am a Myers-Briggs girl yeah i do love is that you're guiding light is it how you understand everything no here's the thing so when i was talking about we were doing the four tendencies my result was rebel and yeah you roll your eyes no i'm like i'm like yeah of course yeah that will that's that's what all my friends said too um but i was like initially it was like i don't think i'm a rebel and then i hear my friend uh hailey's voice in my head being like that's what someone with ripple tendencies would say because she's like a counselor and then i told her that and she really did say that before i could even say the part where she said it in my head so knowing that about me i am a Myers-Briggs i'm an i n f j and it's the rarest personality so we love to be rare and we love to be different assignments in the we love to be different from everyone and but you never gonna find another i mean we're out there i find them all the time i think we just attract each other uh so so tell me more about this what do you know about yourself because of being an i n f j very little i'm gonna be honest um but i'm introverted intuitive feeling and judging and it is the rarest personality type baking up 1.5 to 2% of the population known for deep insights high empathy and strong idealism wow principaled creative and often strived to make a positive impact on the world wow which i feel like this is my impact for girlfriends is my impact yeah and i love that my the way i make money is aligned with that that is beautiful a deep connection i would value deep connections over superficial relationships which is also probably why i disdain pair social relationships i am this is so many examples about why you are exactly why you're describing but it would not like it would it would potentially cancel you get you in trouble almost good things and you're like oh man i love the examples would make you look bad it's what i love about you like you are so certain about who you are and what you are entitled to that it is it's wild and beautiful to watch and i wish that i could share this example because i find them so endearing and hilarious but but you might get fined and someone might find you unless you have a deep connection with me you may not understand it all right Jill okay i take in all of these different exams and you know being a licensed clinical social worker people always think that i'm going to be super into especially the endiogram and i'm just not i don't have anything against it yeah when people in the past came to see me in my you know private practice it would be great if they knew their any a gram or their Myers-Briggs or their disc or whatever if it resonated with them if it helped them understand who they were we'd talk about it i just don't i'm not one of those like i've taken them at some point i knew my letter combination and this and my that but i i don't remember it anymore yeah they think saying like oh i'm in eight you're gonna be like okay i know you right yeah it's a shortcut to knowing someone right yeah and and i think that's an awesome thing i think being able to put language and can help bring understanding and a pathway forward so i think it's awesome i just have never personally connected with them except for my sign and i'm not super indiscribable your astrological my astrological sign i have and have ever resonated with anything more no disno Myers-Briggs no any in gram no no internet what disney princess are you nothing more than i identify with being 100% oleo and i'm not saying that that's a good thing right like leo's are the worst you look up the things about oleo and it is not good things but it is 100% accurate the most accurate thing oh well so ai has great things to say leo's are known for their charismatic confident and dramatic nature often acting as natural leaders who enjoy being in the spotlight they are passionate and generous and god and generous yes be an idiot no it's all right go ahead but again i can be arrogant or stubborn i don't think you're arrogant i think sometimes you can be stubborn but you are all those positive things oh thank you absolutely yeah um i i was like born right on the cusp like there's a cutoff i'm like the final day of being a leo and i don't know if astrology would support this but i do think that it made me the most leo that you can be the most i just my wait your august 21st right okay my sister-in-law is august 22nd so she's also she's also a leo i was that okay so it's up to the 20th is the other sign so i don't even know that much about astrology like i don't even know what you are if you were born August 20th or before or anything else about most other signs i just know i'm a leo and that's right you are you are it you are passionate you are energy you are determined and persistent and you know what and that makes for a great combo for friends i think so thank you so much for listening let us know your personality short short cut to us being friends and maybe we could be friends in real life i much prefer that to pair social relationships but i will i'll take what i can get with you if you're subscribed to the youtube channel uh and if you've read our book by what you love without going broke and reviewed it also i'll take what i can get with you like angela who has given the book a five star review on amazon and says i love the emphasis on values not everybody is going to have identical budgets and that's okay i also appreciated the reality that if it isn't simple you won't stick to it very well put together and bonus points for being author narrated that's right our audiobook is narrated by both of us and you can tell which parts we wrote by who reads which part oh beautiful i love this what a great review thanks so much for that if you have read the book and you want to leave us a review please do so it really helps us on amazon like gen said please subscribe that helps us and then um let us know if you want one of those months for more friends pack s dot com slash mug for subscribing yeah and three days all the three ways yeah to belong see see you next time bestie i love you so much bye frugal friends is produced by eric syrionny okay i am actually looking up your side and you are a tourist i am a tourist i do know i'm a tourist um most compatible with not me bring it capricorn other toruses scorpio cancer pices um travis is a picees nice highly compatible dream like pairing that allows tourists to connect with their more emotional side and in the support of environment i will say that that is something that travis brought out of me like i was very like boundaries like if i don't connect i can't get hurt or i have to be like you know i this is a weird example but i would wear like leather jackets and combat boots and like be the cool girl yeah um so that i wouldn't have to be like the emotional girl uh-huh and then when i met travis i like had permission to be the like emotional i i don't want to say wishy washy that's a bad i don't know like just like mushy that's what i want to say i had i had i was able to i'm able to be mushy now yeah yeah i don't have to be hard yeah yeah would you relate to this so they say the strengths of a torus are reliable patient practical devoted responsible stable i would say i'm pretty responsible and stable uh-huh grounded yeah either yeah i think a lot of those are true of you weaknesses stubborn possessive and uncompromising yeah i'd say those too oh wow the torus likes gardening cooking music romance high quality clothes and working with your hands that's not like none of those things that's actually like mostly me zero percent of those things dead horses dislike sudden changes complications insecurity of any kind and synthetic fabrics who wrote this 100 yeah zero percent accurate on the likes and dislikes but i do feel the other parts maybe okay one last thing before we end this i want to know what they specifically say about Leo because we're not okay torus and Leo create a passionate loyal yet challenging pairing often described as a battle of wills between this table bowl and the theatrical line while their fixed natures lead to immense loyalty and stability they also create stubborn long-lasting conflicts they share our love for luxury comfort and appreciation allowing them to form a powerful enduring and mutually respectful bond if they can overcome their refusal to bend i think we have i yeah i mean we bend pretty easily to each other but we are like fiercely loyal yeah i feel like even if we hated each other we would do this hot cat oh my gosh they would feed together forever i have proof of that that will never be hated each other because that will never be seen no we never hate each other the i think one of the things that makes our relationship work is we're both so direct and honest yeah and willing to be like no i don't like that yes i do here's why did it like we will hash it out and we respect like we'll always like lay down or defend like exactly in the end something happens yeah and it's okay but there was one time when we were recording and we were like having a bit of like a tiff but we had a time constraint and we like hat and i it's all on video because we had started to record and then we were like a little bit back and forth we hadn't resolved it yet but we went straight into okay three two one and we were like really right and then we resolved it afterwards like but we had fun too like it wasn't put on our fake we we were able to tap into relating well yeah but this other thing hadn't been resolved yet and then we did resolve it yeah we did resolve it it was very funny to like go back when like in the editing process and like see that happen i mean yeah like that's yeah that i think that's why we work yeah you guys are still listening comment on the youtube channel about your bestie yeah how do you guys get along what's what's their sign what's your sign tell me your sign what's your any a gram what's your disc whatever you want to say to us we want to hear from you because you guys are the real ones okay bye