Strictly Anonymous Confessions

1363 - Matt Recently Got his Wife Into Hotwifing

64 min
Feb 10, 20262 months ago
Listen to Episode
Summary

Matt discusses his and his wife Sarah's recent entry into the hotwifing lifestyle after 12 years together and one year of marriage. The couple has had four experiences with other men through online dating sites, with mixed results, and is now attending Splash Mocha, a vetted lifestyle event, to find more experienced partners.

Insights
  • Removing social barriers and normalizing conversations about non-traditional relationship dynamics can lead couples to discover previously unknown interests and desires
  • Online dating sites for lifestyle communities produce inconsistent results; professional, vetted events provide significantly better quality matches and communication
  • Aftercare and emotional connection post-experience are critical for maintaining relationship strength, even when individual encounters are subpar
  • Bulls who succeed prioritize communication with both partners, listen to preferences, and respect boundaries rather than relying on overconfidence or predetermined scripts
  • Removing specific profile criteria (like bisexual interests) actually expands viable dating pools by reducing stigma-based filtering by potential matches
Trends
Growth of specialized lifestyle events (hotel takeovers) as preferred alternative to traditional swinger clubs for couples seeking vetted, curated experiencesIncreasing use of encrypted messaging apps (Telegram) alongside dating platforms to facilitate lifestyle community connections and reduce platform frictionRising professionalization of 'bull' role with educational content (podcasts, courses) teaching communication and consent-based practicesCouples using lifestyle exploration as relationship strengthening tool, with reclaiming sex and shared vulnerability deepening marital bondsNormalization of hotwifing/stag-vixen dynamics through podcast media and online communities reducing stigma for mainstream couplesImportance of vetting and community reputation in lifestyle spaces; word-of-mouth and event-based communities outperforming anonymous appsCouples prioritizing emotional safety and aftercare protocols alongside physical experiences in non-monogamous arrangements
Topics
Hotwifing and stag-vixen lifestyle dynamicsNon-monogamy and relationship agreementsOnline dating for lifestyle communitiesVetted lifestyle events and hotel takeoversCommunication and consent in group sexual scenariosAftercare and emotional processing post-experienceBisexuality and male-male sexual interestDominant-submissive relationship dynamicsStigma around alternative sexuality and relationshipsProfessional 'bull' role and expectationsSplash Mocha event community and vetting processAdult Friend Finder and SDC dating platformsRelationship strengthening through shared experiencesRed flags in potential partnersTelegram and encrypted communication in lifestyle communities
Companies
Splash Mocha
Lifestyle event organizer hosting vetted hotel takeovers for couples and bulls; Matt and Sarah attending their Januar...
Adult Friend Finder
Online dating platform Matt and Sarah used initially to find potential partners for hotwifing experiences
SDC
Adult dating site promoted by host Kathy as alternative for finding lifestyle partners and discovering swinger events
People
Matt
Guest who recently entered hotwifing lifestyle with wife Sarah; had four experiences with other men over three months
Sarah
Matt's wife; former adult entertainer (stripper and legal escort) now exploring hotwifing; scheduled for separate epi...
Kathy
Host of Strictly Anonymous Podcast; conducts interviews with anonymous callers about their sexual experiences and lif...
Quotes
"I just want to know everything I can about who she is, what makes her tick. So exploring that past stuff is really part of our dynamic, our conversation."
Matt
"You just sort of realize how many barriers to experiences you put up for yourself."
Matt
"Being a bull or fucking a guy's wife 101 like it's about the woman you listen to her it's about pleasing her it's about knowing what she wants"
Kathy
"The experience is shared, even though it's like because we are married and because we are so committed to each other and because we view everything we do as a joint, you know, as a shared experience."
Matt
"Everyone, like you said, has the exact same goal is, I think, going to be probably one of the most interesting parts of the experience."
Matt
Full Transcript
Okay, is your partner never in the mood for sex? Or maybe you're the one wishing desire came a little easier. Well, just a heads up, Shameless Care, my favorite sexual health company, Shameless Care, is about to launch a brand new product later this month that supports sexual response and desire in both men and women. If you want first access plus private discounts sent right to your email, All you got to do is get on their email list now. All you got to do is go to shamelesscare.com slash strictly. There's no commitment to buy anything. You're literally just signing up for their email. So you get the discounts and you'll be in the know when their new products come out and you can unsubscribe at any time. All you got to do is go to shamelesscare.com slash strictly. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Strictly Anonymous podcast. conversations with online strangers we place ads online krex this is definitely the gift that keeps on giving real people respond you go to singapore or thailand you can't not do it the temptation is just too much real problem does your friend know that you're banging her no he has no idea and anything goes motto of the show let your greek flag fly probably the only good advice i'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change. Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you haven't followed the Strictly Anonymous podcast yet on Instagram and Twitter, go follow me. I'm at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, it's called Strictly Anonymous because I change everyone's voices. You can call me from a phony number. You can email me from a fake email. I don't care to know who you really are. I just want to hear your true story, your real story. so if you want to call into the show while remaining anonymous or not anonymous if you're i'm proud that's fine too send me an email strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com or go to my website strictly anonymous podcast.com and click on be on the show if you have a confession a naughty confession that you want to leave on my confessions hotline you could do that 24 7 the number 347 420 3579 that's 347 420 3579 you could call that number 24 7 like i said just make sure you're in a quiet place. Put the phone to your ear. You got like four minutes to leave a message if you need longer. Just call back. I change everyone's voices on those confessions. Some of those confessions wind up on a confessions hotline. The rest go on my Patreon. Now my Patreon is just $7 a month. And for just $7 a month, you get so much. You get all my episodes early and ad-free. You also get all of the anonymous confessions that have come into my confessions line. You get some extra content, exclusive episodes that I never posted anywhere else. You also get all the hot anonymous pics of all of my guests, including my guest today, hot sexy pics, if you want to put like a hot body to any of my female episodes. All of those pics are over on my Patreon. And you also get access to my private Discord. Now, my private Discord is a very naughty place. It's a not safe for work site. You get access to that through my Patreon. What's great about Discord is you get to talk to other people there. That's where you could upload your own stuff. That's where people upload their X-rated stuff. I don't deal in the X-rated stuff myself, but that stuff goes down on my Discord. So if you want to hang out and talk to people and post stuff with like-minded people, post stuff for like-minded people, join my Patreon and then you'll get on my Discord. Just go to patreon.com slash strictlyanonymouspodcast. That's patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. The link will be in the description. Now listen, if you're looking to get on an app and look for people to have a threesome or hook up with or a couple to, you know, have sex with, or you just want to open up your relationship, I can now offer you a free trial to SDC. Okay, that's a free trial. You want to check it out. It's SDC.com. use my code 37712. That's 37712 or just go to the description and click the link. SDC is great. I've always been wanting to partner up with an adult dating site. I chose SDC because that's the one that most of my callers are on and the one that most of my callers like the most. They're all over. They're worldwide. So you could go on there and meet like-minded people in your area or if you're traveling and you want to hook up with someone on vacation, you're going to be able to find people there. And what's also great about it is not only can you meet people on there, you could also find out about all the swinger events and swinger parties and hotel takeovers and swinger clubs and gang bangs, you name it. It's all on that site and you get a free trial. Like I said, just use my code 37712 or go to the description and click on the link and you'll be taken right there. Okay. Today I have on Matt. Matt and Sauer were supposed to be on and you'll hear me like midway decide that Sarah's coming on at a totally different time because Matt and Sarah were going to call in and talk about them opening up their marriage or becoming a hot wife they've had like three they've had like four experiences with guys super interesting story and then they told me like in the middle of the call when I was about to get Sarah on that they were they were going to splash mocha literally tomorrow for like a whole new year's eve event and so I decided to uh have Sarah call in because she's got a very interesting backstory uh she was not really vanilla before she met him. So we're going to talk to Sarah separately and get a whole episode from her. Once I found out they were going to Splash Mocha, I'm like, oh, I want that story too. So we're saving Sarah for another episode. Today, you're going to hear all about Matt and Sarah's experience together from Matt's standpoint. It's interesting what got them talking about her being with other guys and they talk about them opening up where they went online looking for guys, what they were looking for, what actually went down. They had four experiences. He talks about all those four experiences. None of them were that great. And he talks about why. There are a lot of red flags. And now, like I said, they decided to like go to Splash Mocha, which was actually a very smart idea for them because that's where they're going to meet some professional bulls. And we're going to get that story next. I will make sure that I air their episodes back to back. But, you know, Matt's side of the story of how and why they opened up, how he brought it up, what was going on with him, that he was interested in this whole hot wiping thing is super interesting. And then he explains all this information about Splash Mocha that I thought was super interesting. and he explains all their experiences they had with guys, which is super interesting because there was a lot of red flags, which I think are important to know so that you could learn from their, it wasn't really their mistakes, it was the guys' mistakes. But anyway, you know, you're going to hear from Matt today and then I'll be airing his wife's episode soon after. But Matt's story, side of the story is super interesting. So I'm going to get right to you and be right back on with Matt. This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Hi, Matt. Matt and Sarah. I was sitting there in a car. You guys are in a car. A lot of people talk to me in cars. It's kind of funny. You guys are sitting in your car, right? Your girl's next to you. We're going to talk to her second because you are in a car and it's hard to do it on speakerphone. So we're going to get your backstory from you. You guys have like, you're kind of newbies, which I love. I love talking to newbies because typically they remember all the beginning stuff, which I think is super important and helpful for other people to hear and learn from. But you guys recently started hot wifing She's been with a bunch of guys She has more of an interesting backstory Than you do So typically when I do couples I do 30-30 Like 30 minutes to the guy 30 minutes to the girl I always leave the girl for last Because most of my listeners Want to hear from her the most But maybe we'll do a little bit more with her Because she does have an interesting backstory And some stuff She certainly wasn't in the lifestyle But she was more out of the box than you were She was less vanilla than you were, right? Absolutely yeah okay so tell me matt how long you guys been married for well we've been together 12 years just married though the past year oh okay that's why decide to get married after 12 years why even bother uh why why even bother because maybe you were the couple that was like who cares about being married you know what i mean like that was yeah that was exactly right and then that just shifted in that we both thought that we didn't feel any pressure to get married, but it just, when we brought it up, the dynamic felt like a really good shift. And yeah, so we just did it. Yeah, I think it's kind of interesting. I had a friend who was like, never gave a shit about being married and whatever. But her guy really wanted to, so she did it. And she said she actually felt different. And she was like, glad that she did it. You know, like there was some sort of difference, you know. So I think that's interesting that you both decided to change it all up and then just get married and it was a good thing, right? Absolutely. And we've the same shift. Exactly. It's really kind of remarkable. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting that it's not just a piece of paper. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, cool. So now you opened up recently, right? Like how long ago? Like three or four months. Oh my God. Okay. But they couldn't have just like, you know, listen, you opened up three months ago, but when did you guys start talking about it or did it come up? Like I would assume it was like way before that. I don't know. You tell me. Well, like lots of couples who've spoken on your show, we definitely started talking about, you know, kind of more expansive kind of dynamics long before we opened it up. We talked about, you know, she's had a much more exciting past than I have. So I just have a real appetite for knowing as much as I can about that. I think it's hot. I think it's amazing that she had a really full and much more exploratory and dynamic sexual past than I did. So I found that to be really, for me, really satisfying to know more and more. And in fact, just generally, I just want to know everything I can about who she is, what makes her tick. So exploring that past stuff is really part of our dynamic, our conversation. Always, since the beginning you're talking about. Well, I would say pretty early on, yeah. But then more specifically in terms of kind of really wanting to know, kind of really know more about that, you know, the way she was with other guys. before me and kind of understand that that's been more recently. I think, I think it really kind of connects to another dynamic that's grown with us too, which is more of a dominant submissive dynamic where I'm definitely more dominant, especially in the bedroom and, and she's submissive. So really wanting to know everything about her experience, what she's like in different scenarios feeds for me an interest in how I think about being her dom and how I know her. And so it's sort of wrapped up in that as well did you always know that you were like a guy that was in the hot wiping thing did you know that about yourself and did she know that about you no that that definitely she did not think that for the time we're together i was into this nor did i actually this is i said it's really been more like a a removal of like yeah discovery yeah and kind of like barriers you just put up because we're just you know we're just none of us are well very few of us, at least we weren't raised to think that kind of being open in this way is healthy, although we think it is, you know, you just sort of realize how many barriers to experiences you put up for yourself. And then, but then, so once you start playing around conversationally, then of course we listen to, then we started doing internet searches or listening to podcasts like yours. And all of a sudden over, I wouldn't say overnight, but pretty quickly, these sort of interests become more normalized and you hear other normal people having the same kind of interest or experiences and then you start to see yourself as that being possible for you too. Okay, so you just knew you liked to hear about it. You didn't know it was a thing. You started talking more. Like what did the kids move out of the house or something that you guys started communicating more about sex? No, that's funny. No, just part of what part of this transition actually is, this is not going to shock you, but I'm also one of those husbands who calls on who a long time ago back when he was in college, experimented with guys, and I was interested in doing that again. So she was open to it. We started talking about how to make that happen and then thought in a male, female threesome scenario, that could be really interesting. And then it's just sort of honestly evolved from there. And I was remotely uncomfortable thinking about her being with another guy. But that honestly has these other, like being very interested in her backstory, being interested in her previous, that's been there quite a while. Yeah, that makes sense. it all came together was it a one-time thing for you no just one one no one person one person though for a while and did you like question your sexuality at the time like how old were you when that happened i was like you know like late high school early college i did not question my sexuality it was just a thing we did yeah yeah yeah listen a lot of it's a lot it's a thing that a lot of people do just people don't talk about it you know i just wonder if you were doing it like at that time of those formative years where you like, oh, maybe I'm gay, maybe I'm like, or you knew you were like into women, but you also knew you like to be with guys for whatever. Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, we spent most of our time pursuing women and then when we were bored, we'd do something else. Listen, I think, like I said, I think it's more common than people cop to, but there's just such a stigma that people, so why only that one time experience? Did you meet your wife like soon after or something? No, no, it just, I mean, he and I just fell, you know, we just went on our separate ways we just didn't have access to each other and just went off to different colleges and whatnot and that was it and you weren't like into picking up guys for the experience it just was it was like convenient and it just happened with him but you weren't going to go out looking for it correct literally for decades and decades and decades yeah crazy but you had no i mean obviously it was a good experience because so many years later you start thinking about it and you feel comfortable enough because you and your wife are always talking about sex to tell her about it she knows and you're like i want to kind of try it again with you yes exactly right yeah and And what was her, like, did you tell her early on in your relationship that you had been with a guy? Or is this something that you brought up around that same time? No, I told her early on in her relationship that I had been with a guy a long time ago. And then you just brought it up out of nowhere saying like, for some reason recently you're like, I want to actually have that experience again. And she was down. And that brought up the hot wifing thing and brought everything together that you had always been into. Yeah. I mean, I told her that I had been before and that at some point I'd be interested in exploring that again. But there's no rush and no panic. It's not an identity crisis or anything where I think, oh, I'm gay. It's just, that was fun. Yeah, you want to dick again. Yeah. Hey guys do you know that you also have a G That right Guys have a G too And it is hidden right underneath your taints And I'm sure most of you know where your taint is. But for those who don't, okay, it is that tiny little sensitive strip right between your balls and your asshole. 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You just take their perineum massager and you put it right on your taint and you're eventually going to have a prostate orgasm. He explained specifically what he did on that episode, so go listen to it if you want to hear about it. But anyway, right now for Valentine's Day, since it's fast approaching, Butter Wellness is offering my listeners 30% off your whole order. So make sure to order up. All you got to do is go to butterwellness.com and use my code strictly to get 30% off your whole order. That's B-U-T-T-E-R-W-E-L-L-N-E-S-S.com. Go there now and use my code STRICLY for 30% off your entire order. Did you come here looking to hear some super hot stories? Well, then I know where you can read a ton more hot stories. And that is in my book. Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. It's finally out. It's available anywhere where you buy books. The book contains 17 stories I have on my show. There's a hot wife. There's a cock. There's a bull. There's a bunch of swingers. There's a gangbang girl. There's a guilt porn star. There's a girl that fucked her best friend's mom from high school. All those stories are in the book and they're all true. Think Penthouse Forum meets my show. That's the vibe of the book. I am giving anyone who buys my book complimentary access to my private discord which is super fun the only way you get in is through me if you purchase the book send me a pic of your screenshot email it to me it's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com and i'll send you a private link to my discord so if you want to buy the book just go to the description and click on the link exploring that again but it's no i mean there's no rush and no like you know panic where it's not identity crisis or anything where i think oh i'm gay it's just that was fun no you want to dick again yeah and and so yeah so that that that was known early but not because i felt like it was something that would guide our relationship but just because we were really open and honest very very from the very beginning in a super deep way and it just felt odd to not tell her yeah she was cool with it i mean no big deal she was down and then by the time you brought it up that you actually wanted to experience it she was okay with that too now how did she feel about it when you were like oh but you know i don't just want to hook up with the guy i'd love to see you hook up with the guy too that was more just more practical honestly honestly just more practical like uh i don't really want to just a little skeptical kind of get on grinder or whatever else i'm just sort of trying to find some random dude we thought maybe we can do it a little bit more this could sound dumb conventionally like through a threesome which doesn't sound super conventional but and that way she would and then she could see if it she would see if she kind of liked that dynamic and if that did anything for her or not. I mean, you know, we would also sort of explore a couple things at one time. And if it didn't, we wouldn't do it again. What other things did you explore? Yeah. What other things were you exploring? You said we explored a couple things. Well, I mean, if we did it as a threesome, if we did it as a threesome, then I could sort of see if I still had kind of an interest in getting, you know, getting Dick that way. And she would see if she thought that was hot with me doing that. I could, you know, we could explore whether or not her with another guy was something. you know we could that scenario gives us a lot of things to explore of course just me finding a guy and for you it's like you like i said you you kind of realize like this brings everything together like that like that you had that kink like you actually wasn't it wasn't just going to be about you being with the guy it was going to be maybe more exciting also as well for you to see her with the guy right you realize that about yourself at that point yes yes and i had no when that was yeah i had no no reservations about that and indeed it would be i would like it and whether that she would you know she i wasn't sure at the time if she would she would be interested but yeah we thought we both thought that was a kind of maybe the right strategy and she actually even she could tell you her her kind of next steps from there but she she was the one to set up the adult friend finder uh account just to just to explore and see kind of because we'd heard about the that that site from i think maybe podcasts i think yeah and we thought well we'll just see what's on there and so she did you have the same tasting guys i mean because you know you're looking for a guy and it's not just for her it's for you too right like did you guys kind of have the same tasting guys did you find out um well i mean not really honestly partly because it's kind of a i mean the sites you know you've heard from literally you've done 18 million podcasts so you know that these sites are kind of hit or miss and the you know the guys are are you know not always unicorns are called unicorn for a reason. Totally. And that's actually, honestly, we're even less. And at this point, we're not even really focused on me being with the guy at all. It's just moved into... Because it's just... Yeah. Because it's not... It's just turned out not to be actually the dynamic we're most interested in exploring, actually. That's interesting. I mean, it's interesting that you started out looking for that, but after a few experiences, you realize it's like something totally different that you you guys both are into yeah yeah that's right and yeah and yeah and and in fact the few guys we've we've been with i've not done anything with them it's just been her let me ask you this because there is such a stigma with guy and guy action and sometimes when you put that in your profile it like you know gets a lot like a lot of people i don't know some people just hide that for a reason because some people are not into that even though there's so many guys that are into it did you put it on your profile that you were by and looking for a guy in the beginning? Yes, we did. And that definitely, yeah, I mean, because we were, but now... You don't have it. Yeah, because it just turns people off. Yeah, isn't that sad? If that's not something that's like a deal breaker for us, which it isn't, there's no reason to turn those guys away. Because you would be turning a lot of guys away. For her, and you're down to just see her anyway. Yeah, it's interesting. And that's just unfortunately what happens, and there's still such a stigma. It's weird. Did you ever have your hook? like okay let's walk through your experiences with guys like did was the first one with a guy that you hooked up with i mean did you ever have that experience with you with the guy and her no no no never had experience with a guy and her and i haven't had an experience with a guy for 30 some years so it never happened again for you yeah interesting never happened again yeah okay nope nope let me ask you this you're because you've been able to see her with the guy and be the same room and i've had them i'm assuming you've been there when she's hooked up with these guys because she's had a bunch of guys have like seeing it and being involved in everything is that like fed your desires to be with a man that like you don't even have the desire anymore yeah it you know it definitely has i wouldn't say it's replaced it totally but it's definitely further minimized kind of further minimized it mostly like she's only been a four guy since we that's a lot for three months well i know a four sounds like a lot it really But not in a bad way. Not in a bad way. But this dynamic is sort of in a good way, you know, taking up the oxygen, I think, in a good way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's great. So, have any of the experiences been good? One was, I think, one we think was good enough that we would have him back. Okay. One of the experiences was good. The first one, partly, and this is something I just, I think is really interesting for her and I, for my wife and I, is along the way, we've ignored a few red flags that we shouldn't have. Oh, okay. learning one of the red flags we ignored early was the first guy we met met with came off as in text and and whatnot you know he was talking about how dominant he was and how good he was and how good he was at everything and like this position wizard i mean he was you know and it was it was a little over the top he was very respectful and very nice and very responsive but there were a few kind of red flags about maybe not listening to exactly kind of her and kind of what makes her tick. Oh God, that's bad. That when we got together it was, well, pardon me? That's really bad. Yeah, and it wasn't disrespectful. It was just sort of like he would answer her with like his own version of it. So it wasn't exactly like he was ignoring her. It was just, he kind of had the whole script written out in his head before we even got together. And when we got together, that was obvious. He was just not there to please. he just thought he was so great at everything that whatever he came ready to do would work and it just didn't and he wasn't really that paying attention and he just sort of now i have some great bulls that have been on my show recently okay and they teach the ways of like these guys and the way they're supposed to be and that is like the antithesis i'm sorry that to me is very bad actually i know you don't think it's that bad but it is it's like you know being a bull or fucking a guy's wife 101 like it's about the woman you listen to her it's about pleasing her it's about knowing what she wants it's about listening to her the husband you know i mean it's not about coming in and proving yourself as a dude you know i'm saying it's not yeah that's bad yeah no that's that's and well we cut that pretty short and sent him on his way once it became obvious that that it wasn't really jiving the the second the second guy was a lot more attentive to her. They had a lot better banter leading up to and chatting and texting, et cetera. Yeah. But when they got together, and so one of the things we thought from the first experience was also maybe it might, and so we weren't sure if this first guy was just kind of all talk and no action or just maybe the dynamic with the three of us was throwing him off. So for the second guy, she met initially with him on her own. That did go a lot better in terms of responsiveness, and them clicking, but he just sort of, he had a hard time kind of delivering, performing, had a hard time performing. And so it just didn't quite work out from him. He also kind of ghosted me in the conversation. He wasn't very connected to me. And that was another red flag we overlooked. Yeah. And he would, again, if I said, hey, let's check in on this, he would write back right away, but like a two or three word answer. And that was just, again, a red flag we kind of overlooked. the third guy was a total total disaster also one of these guys who talked about how what a how he could really work magic in the bedroom was a total god really make a woman and he was just super cheesy and gross and we he he he was with us about seven minutes i think before we thanked him for his time and sent him on his way oh my god okay fourth one is fourth one the charm was interesting because that was the person i had been chatting with him yeah and he was a little closer to our town than the other folks were. And he seemed respectful, but also a little, I would say, a little extra confident. But we had worked for two months on cultivating a connection with somebody who blew us off at the last minute, literally just didn't show up when he was supposed to. Yeah. And so out of the blue, I texted this local guy who I've been just, you know, my wife had never connected with him at all. like he's available this evening you want to give it a try and she said yes and he actually brought decent he brought it he did a good you know it was good it was a good nice enough chemistry to make it work and we would definitely have it have we're definitely going to connect with him again let me ask you this what were your like rules and boundaries going into these experiences did you have any so we had just a couple the first first one for whatever reason we had the no kissing rule that's just as weird to try to have sex without kissing yeah it's just And so that was, we threw that out. The most strict rules we have are, you know, neither my wife or I are interested in humiliation or degradation or anything, anything like that. And also condoms, condoms, condoms, condoms. And nothing humiliating, degradating, degrading. And that's important because you are looking for someone to dom her, right? Like to be the dominant, right? So you just, that's like your boundary for that. Yeah. And in fact, we don't really, I mean, yeah, because I'm not a cuck. So we don't want any, I don't want, and she doesn't want our third friend here to come in and sort of take over the scenario. What we really want is somebody who's confident in what they're doing to match my level of confidence with her. So she really, that's what she really wants. But you have used the word Dom a lot in this conversation. And I think when you emailed me, like she had a Dom previously. You're like a Dom. You're looking for a Dom. So there is a little bit of that dominating thing that you're looking for, right? And that she enjoys. But you don't want to be dominated. No, I don't want to be dominated. Actually, previously, she was dominant to men. Oh, that's what, oh, okay. Yeah, so, yeah. So, but in this case, in our case with our thirds, you know, we've really moved away from expecting and don't really need for that person to be, you know, in quotes, a dom, But just really confident and in fact not think this is a cuck scenario where they're going to come in and start, you know, kind of moving me around, etc. That's not what we're going to do. And another question for you like during these hookups are you fully involved too Is it like you know and did she go all the way in these scenarios a couple of them a few of them Yeah, yeah, yeah. She had sex with each of them. And the third guy, he was gone too early for me to get me here engaged in. And the first guy, quite honestly. So, yeah, I haven't really played much except for the, I was more involved the fourth time I was there. but uh you know our definitely our our intention is for me to be more involved and hopefully find a guy where we feel like the three of us could really have a lot of fun together and jive and everything like all together listen sometimes people find that person right off the i mean i've heard every story right sometimes people find that guy right off the bat some people a lot of times have experiences like yours where that's hard to find you know there's a lot of guys out there that and this is why i have a lot of bull episodes on i'm like and i'm always like i don't know why so many people don't listen to those episodes but those are the most educational that's what guys should listen to if they want to fuck guys wives because there is an art to it and there's a reason why some are like professionals and get passed around to people because they're hard to find you know the guys that do it right you know a lot of these guys think they're just going to go in and like fuck some guy's wife but like it's you got to make friends with the guy you have to listen to the what like there's an art to it you know and uh you guys just haven't found that right person but you eventually will well that's that's why we're actually the next thing we're doing is a hotel takeover with with that's organized with with guys who are vetted and we have a strong confidence we're going to find someone who's a bit more you know i wouldn't say professional but who knows what they're doing because we're in the game night and day for you it's going to be night and day for you because it sounds like every single guy that you've been with has been like it's like you know that like you said red flags they're just like the the 101s of what not to do they're doing you know it's like all the typical stuff that i've heard that is not right you know it's like the antithesis so once you get in there with all the people that do it the right way you're gonna be like oh this is what we've been looking for and it's not that hard i mean i don't understand well we're heading to splash mocha we think that will oh yes oh my god all the guys that i've had on my show recently the bulls they're all go to splash mocha i have another one i already taped too and it was all about how people like they you know they all go to that like that's where you're that's where you're going to be like oh my god we found our place you know what i mean oh yeah and and i've been communicating with about 20 guys from there they've been they've been just sort of pre-organizing they've been fantastically they again they know exactly how to communicate what questions they ask yeah they've been thoughtful and some of them have been in this this lifestyle for a very long time and it shows that they they respect the whole the entire entire thing. 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And some of them have been in this lifestyle for a very long time. And it shows that they respect the entire thing. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's like I said, that's what it's all about, especially with the husband. It's no different than if a woman's coming in as a unicorn, like if she avoids the wife and doesn't talk to her. You know what I mean? Like, that's not cool. so uh it's the same way with bulls with the husbands they need to communicate with them they need to find out how the girl is into it you know but you're gonna have the what are you going to splash mocha do you know like when the next are you going to the next one they're having we are the next one yeah when is it coming up um we leave tomorrow oh you're kidding oh my god you should have maybe we need to get your second half of this episode after your splash mocha event i I mean, that would be a good, well, probably be a good idea, actually. Well, wait, wait, when are you, is it this weekend? Yes, it's this coming week, yeah. Well, do you want to do 30 minutes of your wife after Splash Mocha, like next weekend I could tape you? It'd be fun to do after Splash Mocha, because you'll have some more, I think it'll be like night and day. I think it'll be super interesting, don't you? I'm down, I could squeeze you in, because it's only 30 minutes. If that's, yeah, well, we trust you. Okay, so this is what we're going to do. I'm sorry, everyone. We're not going to hear from the wife to say you're going to have to wait a one week, okay? I'm going to air your episodes back to back so people will hear it. They'll get your wife right away. But we're going to do the whole episode with her backstory because she's got an interesting backstory. Why don't you just tease her backstory a little bit right now? I'm sorry, say that again? Why don't you tease her backstory a little bit now? Yeah, explain a little bit about her wife because we're going to do a whole separate episode with her. I mean, she was in the entertainment business, like adult entertainment business, right? Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. And this is actually before I knew her. But like I said, I've asked lots of questions and asked for lots of stories. She spent a good number of years as a dancer. And, you know, and just, you know, very straight dancing. But not ballerina dancing, stripping. No, I'm sorry. Dancing at a gentleman's club. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I didn't mean to be. No, no. As a stripper and dancer, she also worked as a legal escort. No sex involved. Oh, okay. Just dates. Just dates. Really no sex involved. Just dates. So what, she had sugar daddies? Maybe that's the better way to phrase it. You know, just guys who just needed an eye candy on their arm. Interesting. I don't know. I guess, you know, listen, it's like gifts. They gifted her to just go out to places. Your wife really hot? yes she is my wife is very hot and she and she she's very hot and she she she's very sultry and she looks like some of you got on your arm if you were trying to make an impression yeah interesting what oh i can't wait to talk to her i'll wait to talk to her to get the like the demographics of the guys that she was arm candy for and all that kind of good stuff you know what i mean like that'll be that's why i need a whole hour with her but let's go back to you so you she's had these like four experience now i know that none of them were totally ideal but you did get to see your wife with another guy and all that kind of stuff was there like great sex with her afterwards was it still a turn-on for you like just thinking about it how did you feel about seeing her that's a lot of questions yeah no i can handle those those are good i'll go kind work in reverse how to handle seeing her i i loved seeing her and it was really hot and it was sort of a unfortunately kind of a imbalanced experience to a degree because i thought it was really hot even you know kind of thinking about the first encounter with the guy who really thought he was superman super nice fella but not quite as great as he he thought he was it was still hot for me to watch her and him together as they were sort of getting into it she wasn't feeling unfortunately So it wasn't as hot for her, but it was very hot for me. And watching them, you know, watching her, you know, suck his dick and things like, you know, things that and that sort of thing. And when it became obvious, she was just like not into it that sent him on his way. We had awesome reclaiming sex and reclaiming sex has been the best in all of these scenarios. It's just been the best part of part of all that. And I have a strong suspicion when you talk to her, she'll say the same thing. Yeah, that's interesting. Even after like subpar experiences, it still adds to your guys' sex life afterwards, right? Yes, because the experience is shared, even though it's like because we are married and because we are so committed to each other and because we view everything we do as a joint, you know, as a shared experience. because when you're married, it's really, I mean, to some degree impossible for a person, one of them, one of you to have an experience that the other doesn't have some sort of response to or impact in some way. It's just, it's just been really strengthening our connection, just even planning this, talking about it, but just doing it together is something we're doing together. So the connection afterwards is, you know, five times what it was before we walk in the room. Even when it's bad, because then you're talking about how it was bad because you're right there with each other. You both went through that experience together. And I mean, there's a bit of, after the bad ones, there's a bit of aftercare that's necessary to really, you know, make sure she, well, I want to make sure she understands, I wanted to make sure she feels the difference between the experience she's had with the guy who wasn't, it wasn't very positive or very good. And that, you know, a transition into, transition into our back into our connection, the scraping kind of mentally scraping. So because they're very physical, like they're on the bed, there's smells on the bed. So one of the things I did after the, the third guy was, it was really just a kind of disaster. We got out of the room in like seven minutes. She went to take a shower. Like I got new sheets from the, I got new sheets and pillow cases for her, for us, for the bed, just so she wouldn't even smell the guy anymore on the, on the bed. I mean, I just want to make sure she really knew that she was transitioning back into our, our connection and not distracted by, you know, this other guy who had been there. And because that was, because it wasn't a positive. It was, if it was really positive, maybe that. Then that would be hot. Yeah. Remnants might've been hot, right? Yeah, of course. But so that's what I mean. Aftercare requires, you know, sensitivity to kind of how to move her from one physical experience into the next in a way that feels the most positive and connected for both of us. Were any of those guys, because you in the beginning when you did go on a Delf Friend Finder, you were looking for a guy for you to hook up with too. Were any of those four guys that you wound up meeting up with by at all or no? no the first guy was open to it and he'd be he would have been fine if i had done something with him and kind of likes that dynamic of of having the husband's play but not really and had had had and had had a long term he was a bull for like a long term for a couple and and he did have the guy do some stuff as well but that wasn't primarily what he's about he really wanted to be with how come do you how come you didn't take that like opportunity to have a hookup with a guy considering he was okay with it it could have been your time to like get you know scratch that itch like why do you think you didn't go for it were you not attracted to the guy well no he was he's plenty attractive it's we we started and the the plan for that encounter was they would start you know trying to build some chemistry and and get things going and then we sort of see where it went from there It just again was kind of pretty early into their building chemistry and getting into each other that we realized he wasn listening and wasn't and was just really not a good match for us so that's why we we ended that and he he left before we can do anything because he wasn't really pleasing your wife and that wasn't a good experience you weren't going to hop in there and get your own that's right yeah that makes sense if he's yeah if he's not connected to her he's he's leaving yeah yeah you're not going to like take that opportunity to suck a dick and fuck her. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. That makes sense. So, and then none of the guys after that were, and then you eventually like you change your profile just to, so that you could get more guys on the table. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And that's right. And because it's, it's just, it's such a stigma and turnoff for some guys and it's not, like I said, it's not something that has to happen with us. So we don't want to minimize the pool because it's already not huge to begin with. Yeah. people you'd actually want to share your wife with. I mean, it's all right. I mean, it's okay to be picky about who you share your wife with. So it's not a complaint. It's just, you know, not a huge pool. Yeah, totally. I mean, you know, when, and it's weird that though, that there's, is that like stigma, it is though still on the table. Like if you met the right guy and they were down, which you don't know that that might happen because I'm sorry, like my show is here to say, there's plenty of guys that are into guys, you know, it just, a lot of people don't, a lot more people don't cop to it. Look, you even took it off your profile, but you're down. How many other people don't have it on their profile that are down? You know, it's just like this hidden secret thing that a lot of people don't advertise that it, you know, it, it, it, it's very possible that it would come up. And are you, is there a part of you that wants it to? I would be, I think at the moment, if it came up and my wife was, you know, at the moment felt cool with it, I felt cool with it, then I would be, I would be interested. It's just, it's really moved off of something we're planning around or even just assuming might happen it would but if it came up organically then absolutely that's that's a possibility i'd be interested but it's we're just not planning around it or even building it into the equation when you were with that guy were you a top were you a bottom were you a verse were you verse we only did we just did oral oh okay and is that all you're down for that's a lot of guys that's correct that is all i'm down for. Yeah, isn't that interesting? So many guys, I tell my straight friends all the time, and who knows if they're really straight, but I'm always like, if you just want a blowjob, there's so many guys out there who just want to suck a dick, and they don't even care if their dick gets sucked. That's exactly right. It is. Yeah, I've found from your podcast and others that there are lots of us out there. Yeah, I did not know that. Yeah, I think the straight guys got to get in line to get the blowjobs, because most of the guys like you don't care about receiving, they just want to give. So there's a lot of givers and not a lot of receivers. Yeah, it's a weird dynamic. I don't mean weird in a judgment way, but you wouldn't have imagined it to be that way. Yeah, isn't that interesting? That's why I think, you know, straight guys, quote unquote, should hop in, you know, just because there's so many, they could just get free head at all times. Yeah, that's super interesting. So you, so if it would happen and so you don't ever though, have any desire to do anything more than that? That's correct. Yeah, no. Yeah, interesting. and so your wife so now that what was that last experience for your wife with the fourth guy how long ago i was uh november okay we're in december october early november so recently do you have any other guys planned up besides splash mocha and you're talking to a bunch of guys right from splash mocha i wonder if any of them have been on my show because i know the professionals that work there i you know i one of the things that's been complicated about talking to guys in Splash Mocha is that there's a Mocha website and they have usernames there. Then you use maybe a service like Telegram or something to talk with a different username. And then they have a third nickname. So it's hard for me to keep them straight. Oh, my God. It's funny. Just by name alone. Yeah. But I think I heard someone recently on your show who I think we've been communicating with. Who? Which one? I can't remember his name. I remember thinking, it sounds like one of the guys I've been talking to. Yeah. We also occasionally listen to a different podcast for folks who are very MoCA-focused. I think the O-Faces podcast. That guy was on my show. Yeah. That guy was on my show. Yeah, Mr. MoCA. We've not been talking to him, but I'm sure he's just not one of the people I've been connecting with. Yeah, but there's a Bull Brother podcast, too. The Bull Brother. Yeah, that's right. Those guys, yeah. Yeah. so but talking to yeah so there's no the the local guy who was our fourth who would just sort of spur the moment and it went pretty well i think we'll we'll see him again at some point just the timing hasn't worked out well listen you were going to the top of the mountain going to splash mocha okay after all of these like subpar experiences like it's really smart that you guys just abandoned you know your website and went straight to splash mocha because i feel like that's going to really change the game for you guys and up your expectations with other bulls when you're you know what I mean you might be like oh why bother with that guy when we could have someone so much better right because Splash Mocha is where it's at and you're going to see a very different experience how did you like I think it's like let's spend the last 10 minutes like talking about how you found out about Splash Mocha how you started getting involved in their telegram group and all that kind of stuff because I think a lot of people whenever I have people talking about it want to know more detail so why don't you explain how you even got involved in it well we as we've been exploring this we started you know you just hear about it both of us yeah we just sort of listened to podcasts on like the stag vixen lifestyle hot wife lifestyle what you know kind of whatever the framework of the of the podcast or maybe blog might be yeah and people would mention lifestyle events um clubs uh parties hotel takeovers things like that and so as we kind of heard more of these opportunities mentioned, we talked about, I don't know, maybe we might want to try something in that zone. And so we did a little research, you know, just sort of started doing Google searches, et cetera, and found that people tended to have really positive things to say about hotel takeovers versus clubs or parties, depending on the night or the mix might be a little more hit or miss. So the hotel takeover strategy seemed to be, for a lot of what we're reading, very effective. And so we saw one in Miami in May, which we, so we booked that one first, although it's not till May as a, well, let's try it. And so, and then we found that online and that was our first thought. But then as we kept thinking, you know, as during the search, we also saw that there was one coming up in January, December, January, the Splash Mocha event. And I don't, I don't remember if it was me or my wife, but I was thinking, I think it was probably me, I'm kind of more anxious to get jumped into this than waiting all the way till May. Yeah. I just couldn't wait that long to see if that was a strategy for us. So we said, yeah, we said yes to this event here coming up in the next couple days. Just really, again, to do exactly what you're saying, kind of elevate our engagement, to have more choices, honestly, in front of us, that we can find better matches to what I think is the right kind of person to connect her with and I with. So yeah, so it's just really searching and kind of a lot of reading on blogs and responses and listen to podcasts and what people's positive experiences have been and then try to find those, then try to find, okay, great, what's available? We have thought about a club or- No, but let me know, stay with Splash Mocha. So you find the event online. I guess it's splashmocha.com you found it on? Yeah, I think that's the website. Okay, so how do you start talking to the guys that are there? Like you said, you threw out there like, yeah, we've been talking to a bunch of guys who are going to be there. How do you get involved? How is that the next step once you sign up for the event? You get in touch or put on a list with all the people that are attending? So, yeah, actually, so when you sign up for the event, you create a profile, of course. Either the husband and wife will create a profile or the bull will. And then the website is set up. So when a new profile is created, it gets populated in the new members section and people, you know, are checking who the new members are fairly frequently, especially as you get closer and closer to an event. And so you can put in your profile that you're new, how many splashes you've been to before, what you're looking for, what your dynamics are, who you are, anything, you know, just obviously similar to any of these sort of websites with profile information. Yeah. And you might put a picture or two up or 50, whatever you're comfortable with. And so what starts happening is you start getting notifications. Someone's liked your photo. Someone wants to be friends. Someone wants to meet. So people start reaching out to you, especially new people. I think I've picked up newbies to the community are very, people have been remarkably helpful at just sort of saying, hey, whether we meet or not, if you have any questions. And so just people started reaching out. And then I would write back and say, we'd love to know more. This is our first time. We're very new to the lifestyle. We've never done an event. tell us what we should know. And you just started, and then that's how you sort of organically start meeting people through the website like that. And then they'll might say, Hey, let's move this conversation to telegram because the website, you know, it's just not as, not as conducive to quick chatting exchanges as something like telegram or messenger. So, but mostly people reaching out initially to us and saying, welcome, you know, love to meet, or at least say, Hey, when you're at the event, you know, welcome to the community and people have just been really welcoming and reaching out. And that's how most of these conversations have started. And then as I, and we would go through and look at, you know, the members who are going to the event, we might see a few, we just, you know, on the site say, Hey, hit friend or send a message. Hey, if you want to talk, hit us up on telegram. And, uh, yeah, talk to at least 20, maybe 25 different, different guys. And then also some couples who, who are veterans who've seen us, if we're new, and they've just reached out and said, hey, we're a vet couple. Let us know. We'll say hi when we're there. Any questions you have to make the most out of your experience, we're happy to help. That's kind of amazing that it's all in this one place. You get sort of connected with all the right people, right? It sort of weeds out all the other nonsense because you're all there for the same thing, right? It's a hot wife experience, Splash Mocha, and you're put in touch with the bulls, other couples. I mean, it really is great. And right away, you're connected to 25 people. Yeah, no, that's exactly right. And the idea that we're going to be in a place, an environment where everyone, like you said, has the exact same goal is, I think, going to be probably one of the most interesting parts of the experience. because this isn't something you can talk about with lots of people. Typically, at least we can't. This isn't something that, you know, kind of a focus on this theme is really acceptable in kind of spaces that haven't been really carved out and sort of blocked off for this kind of experience. So I think we're going to find it pretty rewarding just to be in that space. Yeah, I think that it's amazing. I think that that's really smart. I love that. You know, sorry to everyone that thought they were going to hear from your wife. I decided midway that we are going to get her whole backstory, which is super interesting. I can't wait to ask about her arm candy guys that she was, as well as your whole experience at Splash Mocha. I cannot wait. Make sure you remember names of people. I want to see if there are guys that have been on my show because I talked to the professionals and they're super charming and they're great and they're really thoughtful. And I feel like you're going to have such an opposite experience there and it's going to be so fantastic. And it really is the smart thing to do. And listen, I think you gave like I never knew that when you go onto the website that you get connected. Are there pictures? Does everyone have their pictures on there and stuff? Yeah, everyone has at least one profile picture. But most most members have, you know, whatever, five. That's great. Literally hundred. Yeah, that's amazing. So you literally see all the people that are going to be there. You get in touch and people start reaching out. I love that. It's like this little community. Like I said, so many times when people talk about Splash Mocha, people want to know more information. and nobody really ever explained it like you did. So that was like sort of key and really super interesting. And now we're going to get the whole story about your wife with, with your, you're like, we're going to get the whole experience like super fast. Thanks so much, Matt, for calling in Sarah sitting right there. We're going to get her whole backstory and, and you're, you know, you have the whole event splash mocha next. I'll air your guys episodes back to back. So people don't have to wait that long. But anyway, Matt, thanks so much for calling in and giving me your whole backstory. and I look forward to talking to Sarah. Thanks so much. Thanks, Kathy. Take care. Bye. Good news. 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