What Wives Wonder But Are Too Afraid to Ask | Sadie, Christian, Will & Abby

What's up everybody? I hope you're having a great start to your week, but it's about to get a whole lot better because this is part two of what y'all love, part one. How do we say it again? What husbands wonder? What are two afraid asks? Or what guys wonder? What guys wonder? But I sure afraid to ask. And now it's what girls wonder. But I are too afraid to ask. And last time we had so much fun, willing to have you back on the piecast, Christians back on the piecast. Christian stays on the piecast. Christian stays. He's a steady. Are you going to host now? I am pretty much host, but I am excited to see which one performance better. You know, it's like you're in the driver's seat today. So let's see. Let's go. Is this a competition? I have a competition to see if the girls do better or if the guys do. So right now, send this to ten of your friends and let's get the views of your friends. If this one performs better, it's on us. So thank you for just telling them to send it to them. That's not true. We're hosting it. We're the one that answering the questions. Okay. Well, to be fair, this one might do better because this is all the girls that they're wondering in our audience is primarily winning. We'll finally bring some answers. So we're winning. So we all win, guys. It's not a competition. We're all in this. This is a part sing along today. We've already done some notchal Libre. Now we're on high school musical. We know that dance. Okay. Let's start with something we're all wondering. Our guys really able to think about nothing. So when we ask you, what are you thinking about and you say nothing? Is it actually nothing? I'm genuinely curious. Yeah. I'm curious. You can go first on this one. Yeah. I short answer. Yes. Sometimes. Wait, short answer. Yes, it's nothing. Yeah. Short answer. Yes. Sometimes I at least don't really have much to think about. Don't have much to talk about. So I'm just chilling. Okay. Which also throw back to the first episode. Whenever Abby was like kind of annoyed at you for how you were looking at something and then you said that you were just thinking about how the guy was putting the caramel sauce on the coffee. So I think it's not always nothing, but it's not worthy of it. It is, it's not worthy of our conversation. And also I have really simple thoughts. So I'm just like, no, I think I've kind of stopped asking you like, what are you thinking about unless you look perplexed because most of the time is nothing like he really is just like sitting there. Well, that's like chance. We're talking about that with chance. Really chance. Sometimes really is taking but nothing. But I feel like you, I mean, not that's not rude. That's like you said you're just thinking about nothing. Like it's simple, but your mind over there has a lot of thoughts for a little. I'm a complex character. No, everyone in the room just laughed at affirming that. Yeah. It depends on the setting, but I feel like in most settings of my life, I'm always thinking about something. And then when I ask you, what are you thinking about? You don't often say nothing. Yeah, it's just like random stuff. Yeah. Yeah. But you go deep. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thanks. Yeah. It's a really good fight. Well, we didn't really experience any of your friends. We didn't really experience that. But I was like, yeah, I thought you were going to say more what you did. Why don't I mean, exactly. It's nothing. Simple. Five. Yeah. Like right now, I'm literally thinking about nothing. Okay. That's it. I'm just waiting for the questions and then then the gear start turning. All right. Abby, you want to hit on with that question number three. We're skipping around. Do guys vent to one another? Oh, heck yeah. Yeah. I vent to like almost every day probably about this random stuff, about about the nothingness that I'm thinking about. I was going to say, I don't know if all guys vent to each other and we'll have interest. If you do, but Christian, you do every day. Like even your guy friends call each other way more than me and my girlfriends. And you're just interesting. I'm just a vent stuff. Just exhaling all of my stuff. Okay. But expand. Because I mean, yeah, I like and I don't know if venting is the right word, but just like conversations of like this morning, I call him. I took honey to school and I call my friend after and I was like, can no one like drive in the rain? I always just annoyed. I was like, it's 60 miles an hour. I'm going 40. It's like not it's drizzling. Did you call for that? What do you say? He was like, oh man, people are just, you know, it was, is this iron, sure, be iron? Where's the venting? Like, so I was like, yeah, I'm saying, just venting does not always have to be like deep stuff. No, I know. But like, you call a friend to like just let it out. I need call a friend to be like, I'm so annoyed. I need someone to like pump me up and encourage me or you just like, I just got to get this off my chest. Well, it's yeah, I mean, there's, there's, there's times when it's both. Yeah, like this morning was just like a, oh, that was just annoying, you know, like people just drive me crazy. I drive, I call your friend anytime you experience. He really does. He really does. I'm wondering if you have to let them. Yeah, yeah, love them. He really does. Yeah, because I don't like the harbor things. I like this to get it out. Um, chatting. Yeah, I mean, I call and like ask for advice on things I'm struggling with or we have accounts or a counselor that I vent to too often. Uh, pastors that I talk to a lot. But yeah, I'm a, I'm a very open book. You are, this is so fun to interview both the all of these questions because I do feel like y'all are really different. Cause like you call people more than any y'all are the beanie boys. Beanie boys. There's my look. Okay. But it's good. It's good variety for people listening. Cause some people might have husbands like you who are like, yes, they call their friends a lot of time, they chat a time, they're always talking to somebody or maybe they're more like you will. We're like, I maybe don't do that. Do you vent to people? No. Well, I, um, I would say I've vent more to Abby than I do anybody else. But that's not to say that I don't talk to my friends. Um, cause I have friends, but what's what kind of, I mean, the, the friends that I have that I hold close are the ones that aren't here. Yeah. And so I think, I mean, that doesn't really call them. You call them. You're, that doesn't discount the fact that I could call them. But I don't know. I'm just not at that level with a few of my friends, which, I mean, that's not a bad thing. But it's like, I don't know. I just feel like I, I get everything out to Abby or, I don't, I don't, or, or I usually don't have to vent. I'm not like, uh, you don't get annoyed. I don't get annoyed easily. Yeah. Which I will say for me, that was something that I used to get. I don't know if like, insecure is the right word. But when we first got married, like you would call your friends so much that I would feel like one, uh, like, why don't you call me to tell me those things or two, I don't call my friends like, do I, is my friendships like as deep as like your friendships are. But then I start thinking about like, we just have different personalities. Like I don't really get as annoyed about things either or, but also venting is not always an, but you, you do call your friends about like, like this morning was a good example that you will, but what I've noticed about our differences that like for me, like I have great girlfriends, like I love my friends. We talk about a lot of stuff, but I'm going to call you to talk about anything like that. But you know my personality. And if you call me, decisively that, I would be like, Christian, get over it. Don't be annoyed at that. You know, whereas like Luke's a good person to call because you all have that commonality. So I as a wife, like can't be insecure that someone else holds that friendship with you. That's different than my friendship with you. There's rarely anything I would vent on like a deep spiritual level. I would never deep like, yeah, there's few things I would ever vent on a deeper spiritual level that I would never talk to you. Yeah. And I think that's like healthy. I think that's something I have grown in in our marriage where used to I would have what wanted to be your person for everything where it's like actually a healthy place to get where it's like, okay, I am your person. I'm secure in that. But you also have guy friends that you can call for things that I'm not maybe the best person to talk to about. And that's okay. And that was like a maturing for me to like be glad that you have. Yeah, you can get it. Yes. I am always thinking about something and I vent to my friends pretty much every day. Thank you for your honesty. Hey, this is a cute question. What is the male equivalent of flowers or coffee as a little I love you gift? Like y'all bring us flowers or coffee and obviously means so much. What's the mean we could bring y'all that would go a long way? Very interested. Besides a smooch. There are a couple of these I'm scared to walk into by the way. Just run into it. No, seriously, a kiss is like perfect. No, I already know what it is for you guys. That's true. What did I do the other day that you were like that is so nice. And I was like that was so small. I feel like that's so sweet that you feel like that's so nice. But that wasn't that big of a deal. It was like so simple. I said, Oh, I was like, Hey, when you run to the store, I'll make your chicken nuggets and make you a smoothie. Yes, that was so kind. Yeah. But I literally just made like freezer chicken nuggets in it. But I was going to have to eat my dinola. But I was going to have to eat. I was got the heat. The oven when I got home and it was going to take like 30 minutes. So that was very kind of you. Yeah. But like I thought about that's what you love. Like I got to or if I'm like, Hey, I put your drink in the freezer for you. My dog. Yeah. There's a smooch and the smooch. There it is. Thank you. I remember whenever we started low and I had all the what is what if I fell, what if it isn't where I need to be. And looking back, I can see so clearly that God had his hand in the whole thing starting something new is exciting. But it's also very scary. And that's why I'm thankful for Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from massive brands to tiny startups. 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I really like I there's not much that I like literally I have no more of like a word guy. Like he likes gifts, obviously, but he doesn't like feel loved by gifts, I guess. You know, I mean, like love language. Like I could tell that. I mean, that's like, yeah, you're right. What are they mean a lot to you? I'm crying. It's well, I feel like actions also, I think it's the acts of service and then words of affirmation, words of affirmation and access. That's that's what we are right now. Like I don't think, yeah, if you told me that if you just like told me that you love me, like like like in like a very random way, though, not just be like, Oh, hey, I love you, but like, like spell it out like I'm saying, I'll write it out. Yeah. Yeah. Like if you do that, I love that. This really is making me laugh. But it's so sweet because again, like you all represent a lot of different people. So I think it's really sweet. We're not trying to be different. I've been, I've been can read number five, but I am certain you've probably already told me Christian, but go ahead and hit us. What is one thing that I do that annoys you, but you would never say anything about it? Will be careful. I'm sure you can't say something about it. But if there's anything else you've been just secretly thinking about it over there, you can tell me. I feel like you already know I can see it behind you. You have an idea of what I'm going to say. No, but I'm fine with it. Okay. Whenever we leave the house, you leave all the lights on. That's true. And oftentimes, Cabo, going in P in the rooms. That's true. But that doesn't happen most of the time because I shut all the doors. So it annoys me sometimes when we get to leave the house and like the bathroom lights on, the closet lights on, every door is open. And I'm like, so the lights and the doors have to be often closed. I like to shut, turn off the lights and make sure you shut the doors. And you know, I'm actually calling home a Cabo P and it's like, Cabo P on the rug. And I'm like, well, if we shut the door, wouldn't have happened. Yeah. That actually is a good thing that you said that because I do often get annoyed at Cabo for that. But I didn't know you were annoyed at me for that. Not annoyed you. I'm like, this cycle could stop. Well, I've told you many times of like, hey, we're about to leave the house to turn off the lights. Yeah. And you have never done it. Yeah. Well, actually the other day, I thought about it and I did turn off the ones I saw. I just didn't like go surging. Yeah. And I know that it's more like when you, it's more like when you leave your space, just turn off the lights. Yeah. That's actually good. And two pop up will be proud to know that I'm a ready to man who reminds me of things like this. I was thinking I was literally thinking of two pop up. I know. Yeah. But I can do better about that. Thank you. I want the lights on when I get home. So I don't have to turn them off. I don't mean like the main lights. Like you can leave the kitchen. Oh, no, we're not living. We're not like people. But I mean like the closet lights on the kids, both kids are bathroom, the bedroom, like, I don't want every single light. We're not like not like the adjective big, but like the literal like the big lights, not a lamp. You know, it's like the seat, the lights on the ceiling at the cans and whatever. We're not the people. We're the ones that have the lights on the ceiling. Yeah. We are. We like the warm, like a little, we like the warm and cozy. So like, sometimes like we'll leave those on, but I have it. Most of the time we leave those on. They come on automatically at nine. I'm a, I'm a bright light. You're doing pretty good. If all of our lips are on all day. I'm a bright light kind of girl like in our office. A lot of the girls like to like work in the dark and every time I go in and like, good morning, turn lights on, which is probably annoying. That's probably something that they're annoyed about. They don't tell me. But I just feel like I can't like wake up if it's not bright. You know, I feel like I could just fall asleep with it's too bivy. Which you know, I'm really good. I can fall asleep anywhere. Oh yeah. Um, yes. I have to. The first one, the first one is a she leaves her cups. Oh, I'm not looking. Really like practically halfway off a ledge. Like if it's on the counter, I'm fully on. No, literally if it's on the counter, like if she'll have her water bottle, she'll, ooh, she'll live a knife on the edge. Okay. I will say half of it is too. I know you. Oh, my word. She, I, I, I'll catch it and I'll move it. I won't say anything. I'll move it. And then I'll look a couple minutes later and she takes a drink and then she sets me up. The other thing that does annoy me a little bit, I'm just like, is scared. Whatever I'm driving and I know where to go. She is sitting there like trying to give me directions of where to go. She goes. She's driving and like I was supposed to turn there and when she's going to go, I'm like, I'm not that hilarious. I don't say anything. You just, I'm graduated from saying stuff. It's just, it's way more funny than it actually ignores me. But it, it's just like, I know my direction. That is funny. And that's actually like the next question. Do you really think our driving is bad or do you just like being in control? It's bad. No, you're not. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. There's a difference, right? Then this is trying to be humble. There's bad driving. You're not a bad driver. You're just not like a good driver. You think you are the best driver in the world. And I'm like, you don't know what it's like to sit in the passenger seat of your driving. Yeah, it's a little stressful. It doesn't feel like the best driving in the world. It's unbelievable. Like last night we were driving. And there's this green light. And I'm looking at, here's the thing. You're looking at the crosswalk, right? You see three, two, one. Okay, hey, the lights about to turn yellow. No offense. You're not thinking that you're going five miles an hour or this being limited. Remember that last night? Okay. But you are telling me a story. I was listening to your story. But listening to a story of mine does not mean you're just listening to the story decreases by five percent. Yeah. I was listening to your story. I was like, then why are you driving slow? I wasn't driving slow. You said, yeah, how do you know? I noticed the light was about to turn red or it's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. I'm like, because I'm listening to your story. I'm not looking at the sidewalk three, two, one. Before I even saw that, I was like, please catch this light. And you were going, you were going 25, 31, 31, and a 35, 31, 35. That's unacceptable. But it was also two because kids in the back screaming her head on. So it's very hard as a mom. This is true. At least go to sleep. All women will understand this when you're a breastfeeding mom and there's a baby screaming in the back seat. There's so much mechanically going on in your body right now that you're like, okay, maybe a screamy and thinking about that. There's nothing to do to help her. My milk is probably dropping around this point to other child or something about you're telling me a story. And somehow I'm supposed to notice when the yellow light is about to have it. So let me just casually just go slow. No, you should be speeding. Oh, I'm trying to keep our family safe. So that answers that question. Oh, I just say, no, you're not a bad driver. You just could be better. Thank you. Abby is Abby is a, she's a good driver. You're a decent driver. You may not be the best at directions. That's true. You're a good driver. So anytime we're on a road trip in like we stopped at a gas station, whatever, filling up gas. And we decided we're going to switch drivers. So I'm in the passenger seat. There is at least a five to ten minute mark where directions are out the window. She is like, where are we going? What are we doing? I have a little bit directionally challenged. I just don't like, but you still want him to know where you are. He's like, wait, where are we going? Oh, where are we doing? No, we're out town. I know. But yeah, I just don't know like where we just came from how to get back to like where it just doesn't or not. No, you're not a bad driver at all. Like, well, it's hard for me to make that judgment because you don't drive a lot. I'm the one that's usually driving just one because we do go a lot of places together and to I like driving my car. Here's the way I like at it. You're not a bad driver. You're really not. You're a safe, neutral driver. If the ETA is 915, I'm getting there. You'll be 915. With me, it's like a 912. And that's why it's stressful. But I just like to like get there. It's still safe. It's still safe. It's just methodical smart turns usually be it. I will say, I'm not like the best driver. I know that this morning I was on the phone and Mary Kate on the way here and Mary Kate goes, oh my gosh. I just hit a curb. I've never done that in my life. I go, you've never done that in your life. I do that once a week for sure. I am just daily out of all of this siblings. Mary Kate is a good driver. That's true. Good point. Yeah, I would say I am a safe driver. This is a question I genuinely wonder. It's top of mine actually. I was wondering at this morning, what takes so long in the bathroom? Just curious. It's just pooping. Well, there's there's there's different stages of poop. There's sometimes it's like quick, but you kind of want to chill on your phone. But sometimes it's like, how is this, you know, still kind of coming out. And then sometimes it's like, and then sometimes it's just like, yeah, you just kind of just get lost in the it's a lot. I'm going the bathroom like for some reason I don't like my stomach hurts. I don't feel good. There's like a general like, okay, time to go, you go do your business, whatever. There's there's that one where like, oh, wow, actually, do you have a lot? Then there's number three where it's just like the most utter discomfort. Yeah. It's like it's painful. Then you think that sitting there longer would like help ease it. Exactly. And then you stand right back up, but you're like, not feels the same. This is the one question that y'all agreed on. Completely. The beauty boys. I can only think of two beauty boys. There you go. The beauty boys are on the same page of that one. That was interesting. I really know it is segue from that to our deeper question. So I'm going to ask one more lighthearted question. I mean, hit up with number seven. What is your idea of a perfect date? Something with a smooch. Oh my god. Just kidding. Go to dinner. What kind of dinner? A nice one. Some people are like, they would love a nice dinner. Some people are like, let's go hit up something like simple or let's go. You got a chick full of it. What is? No. Just go to a dinner you don't have to dress up too formal. It's just nice. It's good food. Then afterwards, go home. We'll play some games. Or a puzzle. You're so cute. Then while the smooch will go to bed. That's good. We don't need to know what happened after the puzzle. We'll go to a puzzle to figure out. Oh my gosh. That one of us, some people's heads. I think we got it. We tried to let it melt. I think a casual date night doesn't it be too fancy? Doesn't it not be fancy enough? It has to be right in the middle. Lots of laughs. A smooch here and there. No arguments of are you really thinking about nothing? Kind of those. Very small talk. We like to ask each other or do you have questions when we go on dates? We ask reflective questions. We do. I love that. But we don't like to try to rehash things. That's what turns a date bad. It's like hey, so then the day when you said this, it actually kind of, it's like let's do that. It's just a common date. Let's just have a moment. Let's just laugh. Let's just giggle. That's especially chocolate. It's a good burger. Something like that. Some laughs. The good burger. Doesn't it be like some super nice steak fancy? Just say a casual. You're cracking me up because we didn't have we just gone for a burger. I thought you would say when we go get sushi together. And when we drove to Rustin, we laughed in the car the whole way there. We asked you questions like that's ideal date for me. But this is not my podcast for I mean, I'm saying like planners. I'm saying like something casual like that. That's my idea of like casual. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. Yeah. Why am I not thinking? Oh, okay. Yeah. I don't know. Sorry. I was like, what's planners? But I was thinking I just think upstairs at cotton. Sorry. Yeah. That's for our local listeners. Okay. I was thinking more pairs. I love that. Yeah, I was thinking we go to a parisholy but I like love our sushi dates. Yeah, our sushi dates. Oh, now you're about to have. I know. Coco sushi. I'm so excited. Okay. Let's go into some deeper questions. Abby, you want to go into number two of the deeper? Yes. What are some unrealistic expectations that women slash wives put on men? This is a good question. Y'all can think about this and be honest about it. To go for this. We can just chop this silence up. Is it going to take a second? I think it's a good question. I want you to actually think about it. What are some unrealistic expectations that women put on men? And maybe you can think back to like dating days or like just in general. What you feel like doesn't have like in our relationship? You think you got something over there? No. We always think it's stupid. Yes. No, I like this question. No, I'm trying to think. I really do have to think. Just a second. You don't, I'm saying like I'm trying to like you don't really put like I would say right now like as I'm thinking about it. unrealistically, I don't know because realistically, there's I don't know. I think it's just being expectations of like just being the natural leader of the household and learning and stewarding your family is like an expectation that I that Abby, no, not Abby is pointed on me. Yes, but like something that I try to put on myself every day is like the decisions that I make have to be for this family and the decisions that I make they're just going to follow like that's what that is. There's like weight to it. Yeah, there's there's a lot of weight. I think that this is an interesting question because I feel like a lot of men who are not walking with the Lord would say women put a lot of unrealistic expectations. But I think men who are walking with the Lord appreciate the expectation women put on them because it makes you be the man that you're called to be and that you know you are. And so I think of expectations I've had for you that maybe you didn't think of for yourself at the time, but you've like been glad for you've stepped into you've been. And I think that's where like a woman makes a man better like she calls him out. She calls him up, you know. I was just reading Genesis 1 and 2 last night and 1, 2 and 3 and it's that whole like there wasn't a suitable helper for out of it so that then God made the woman to be like a helper, you know. And to like help him steward the land. And I think that that is what we are to do to like help y'all and like call it all up, notice things that maybe y'all wouldn't notice. And women can certainly be annoying and nagging at that. But I think when you do it in a loving way and a calling you up an outweigh like it's something that y'all have gladly stepped into. So I think that that question in a context of walking with a Lord is so different than in the context of just living a worldly life. Stepping into a new year with a newborn two toddlers and the world's most energetic dog means that sleep has become more valuable than beholden our house. I need a mattress that actually helps my body recover and lets me sink into real rest. So I am and certainly thankful for our Helix sleep mattress. So we have had the Helix midnight mattress for the past few years and we just re-ticked the quiz and got matched with a Helix midnight elite which is a little bit different and we'd have the cooling effect and all that stuff which I'm super excited about. So basically the mattress we love but just a little bit elevated. 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I'm kind of having trouble with the question a little bit because I feel like the question applies differently to different people because for me I feel like I try to hold myself to like a higher standard and I feel like I put I put I feel like I put the expectations on myself before I would feel like you would put them on me to where it's like if I failed to do something and it would bother you because you were expecting to do it I think I was ready to expect to myself to do it if that makes sense so whether it is like venting to my friends to try to be healthier spiritually to lead our family or to take care of things like that or take out the trash walk that out of the street and you know like things like that that I expect myself to do because of whether it was the way that I was raised or you know the best way for me to serve my family um yeah I think I think maybe one of the unrealistic expectations would be um yeah like how to lead like your family kind of what we'll talk about um because everyone leads in different ways in a different capacities and some are more vocal about leadership some are more just kind of getting things done in less vocal I think maybe sometimes women want a man to be a more leader and be more strong and vocal and share leadership in that way and some men share leadership through serving um so then maybe that could be all right I think yeah the expectation sometimes is that there'll be someone that they're not you know so it's like oh well I see so-and-so lead their family like this so you should lead our family like that yeah but that's not your strength so I can't put that on you you know and I think that one of the things that we've tried to do good in our marriage is like don't put something on that person it's like not who they are if we were talking about this last night like we were talking about doing the dishes I night or like cleaning up the house at night and um you know I'm not the one that does that Christian does that he cleans the kitchen at night before we go to bed which is really nice because we had this conversation I was like I got you but we talked about it and it was like I don't really notice the mess it doesn't bother me as much I'm like kind of living in the moment with the kids and everything whereas Christian and bothers them so like okay well whoever bothers should do that you know and I think it kind of a lot of things are like that I really should like if you notice it if it bothers you they like you step in it doesn't have to be what that family does where that family does or the expectation of what a man or a woman's supposed to do it's like how do we step in and do this but then there is that like you said like biblical leadership that a man is to lead the house and the woman is to submit to their husband and it's like okay how does that we want to say true to that you are the leader of our household but in our context when people look at it as a oh I'm such a like loud person strong personality all that kind of stuff but the way you lead our family like there's no doubt who leading your household it just leadership looks different you know and so I think that's the thing you can't put the expectation that has the look the way that it does for everybody yeah what's the what's the ununknown said for us what's the we said all the time that expectations for us is anger yeah expectations that's good that's good that's good that's good that's good that's good that's good so it's that's kind of things to wear yeah same idea just different wording because it you know like I talked about with the lights earlier which is a super simple thing but if I put this expectation on you to do it which you can start doing it that'd be great but my point is if if if I see it in the in you didn't do it and I just choose not to do it then to me I'm going to grow cynical because I'm putting this thing on you that you're not doing it versus me just doing it yeah so I think sometimes in our immaturity you can like have these expectations and and not do it yourself and you ended up just growing bitter and cynical because the other person doesn't do it versus just do it like yeah that's the dishes you don't do dishes every night I do the dishes but if if I was like you know what for the next week I'm just talking to the dishes and just see if say he does it then it's like and I'm just setting it then then I'm just going to be angry and cynical and yeah that's not healthy yeah so I think sometimes yet to just say what your expectations are yep don't have these expectations that are not said and then be like I'm expecting him to do it but he never does it we have that rule even in our office staff always tells it like this like there was a picture frame one time that was crooked for so long and it followed her annoyed her she's like when does somebody gonna fix that frame and she was like I can fix the frame and she went over and fix it and she always says if anyone if you notice something then it's your job to do it it's your job to take care of it and I think that's such a good rule for like anything in life like whether it's you're working for somebody you're doing your day live you're living with a roommate you live with your spouse if you notice it a lot of times is your job to do it and if you're not capable of doing that job then communication is everything asking someone to help you accomplish that yeah so you don't just sit there and get annoyed or mad or harbor that frustration they actually are bad but if you don't ever tell your spouse what the expectation is then you're just setting yourself up for better yeah that's really good love that yeah got there um I didn't understand this one but maybe y'all understand this one because let's dive into it well and the reason why is because in parentheses it says we got this question a lot we're answering DMC are these are things that you guys sit in um and apparently a lot of people ask is the statement if he wanted to he would true what does that mean if he wanted to he would like if he wanted to get me flowers he would do it like I wouldn't have to ask him to do it so like they're saying so like if he wanted to get me flowers he would do that naturally like I shouldn't have to ask him to do that so like it's frustrating to know that you have to yeah like a lot of people we just post a TikTok or he posted a TikTok for my birthday of him like setting up like the room for me and just like get like just being a really great husband and people were like this is proof of like if he wanted to he would that's good so they're saying is it true it does make sense I guess why this kind of go back to the expectations thing I I was like for your birthday you expect him to do all this and he didn't do it then you're just mad because like did you expect that no I didn't expect him to do that yeah no I would say well I would say yes and no just because like yes I did want to do that because I wanted to celebrate you but it was also a specific day not saying that there needs to be a specific day but it was like a day that you were honored you were celebrated I wanted to make sure that you are shown the same appreciation that you show other people and so I in the no part is like I don't know I feel like yes you deserve flowers but that's something that I don't think about all the time which that may be on me but still then that's still the expectation thing I think that's I think that's such a yeah because it's at the end of the day if you have that mindset one I think there could be a wrench in your communication but too you're you're setting yourself a for failure if you if you have this mindset of like I want them to do this but he's only going to do it if he wants to versus me just telling him or telling her hey I would love it if you did this because you're by choosing not to say that you're expecting them to do it then they don't do it then you're frustrated because you don't feel like he or she loves you or yeah versus the other person not even thinking about that yeah so it's like if he wanted to he would or whatever whatever however you you stated that yeah like just tell the person what you want and if you don't tell them what you want don't put that expectation on them to do and don't get in your head all you get to really love me he doesn't know is me you don't appreciate me yeah so they go it's such a problem because it's like it I think it's a sign of immaturity if you just constantly live in that state of like I have these thoughts and hopefully he does it but then you're just constantly going to be frustrated that they're not doing what you're what you're expecting to be doing it's so true first you just telling them hey for my birthday I think it'd be sweet if you maybe did something sweet for me yeah like one thing for her birthday I had the whole thing plan I was gonna go and run and do everything that I did do but she was just like just video that's all she asked me to do and so I videoed it and posted it and also I think like I think of a seed planted at least every now and that not like oh yeah I would really love flowers to you like flower shoot to get me like I like every week I'd be like oh that's something really nice you can maybe send him a real or send them something that's like oh yeah that's something that that's something nice I could do but not something overly repetitive to where it's like you eventually don't want to do that because like is this all that she like wants is just flowers every single day yeah rather than being a spontaneate a spots the spontaneity of him just saying dropping hints is good dropping hints is is helpful and good not all the time though well like dropping hints but if you're dropping hints like you need him to do something like that all the time for you to know your love you need to look in your heart and saying okay why do I feel this lack of security in my heart why do I need him to prove his love by doing something special I just need to know that I'm loved and that he sees me yeah because of our relationship is deeper than you doing that you know or it's like if you're if if if your car is on low gas and you you see it and let's say I drove it last night and if the if you get in the car and first thing you thought of oh well if you wanted to he would and I'm not even seeing you have low gas right yeah yeah I'm saying versus you just saying hey if you don't mind if you're driving can you put my gas yeah that's a simple thing versus just being frustrated of like he doesn't love me he didn't like yeah don't go down that rabbit hole yeah you're just sitting yourself at her failure if that's your first issue yeah being an adult sucks adults they have to work all day when adults get mail it's always bills and bills suck sure but we've got a driver's license enjoy a 4.9% APR representative with up to four years free servicing on the alpine a290 plus range at your alpine store PCP mobile life financial services order between the 6th and 23rd of February 2026 TSD supply visit alpinehyphencars.co.uk for more information and also to like bring in another perspective of like love languages I feel like as your wife you're supposed to like learn how I feel loved best and in this way like I love to be celebrated and I've told you that like a lot not not like I love to be celebrated celebrate me but like you know that that is like holds value yeah for me and knowing that I feel very loved in that way that is when you were like I need to do this yeah it is like since oh yeah we were talking about that the other day in a different context but someone asked me to speak on one of our kids birthdays and I was like I can't do it because it's our kids birthday and he's like oh you could celebrate your kid there and I'm like I know and I know that would not be a be a big deal to a lot of people and I know we could just do her birthday another a per party another day but birthday parties are a big deal to me yeah it does matter you know where I am but so and then you know we're on the same page because he already knows that's a big deal to me that's a priority in our in our house and so yeah if you got to know what each other values what each other prioritizes and to honor them and their decisions in those moments or to celebrate them on days you know they're in celebration you know just to pick me up like recently we've just been going through something that by the end of the day I am like exhausted and the past few days Christians like hey I'm gonna put the girl's bed you just get kicked down go take a bath like that makes me feel so love because he's seeing me where I'm at and helping me get through it and like picking up some of the slack and over time you realized those things if I see you're like that I'm not gonna be like all right I'll go upstairs and watch a movie like there's there's obviously you know the longer you get to know each other and spend more time and marriage there's little things like that that you notice yeah and if you fail to notice that then I would probably say that you're maybe you're not a good spouse my way is in the maze just say that if you're exhausted well today yeah one more try to copy that I'm just saying like yeah just the way you love your spouse is like like a lot of these questions who do you make you go inward and go and I secure in my relationship am I being a little insecure am I being selfish am I being selfish is the biggest thing selfish is and there's so much refinement when it comes to marriage and it's a beautiful thing there's no shame in that like don't just go all I'm in bad spouse like go okay how can I be a better spouse tonight I'm gonna choose to be selfless and I'm going to ask my person like what they need for me or you know I'm going to choose to be secure and I'm not gonna need him to tell me he loves me a million times for me to believe it you know and you gotta make those choices for yourself like and it's gotta be intentional you know I think the thing for me because I think when you think about selfish I think most of the time you you think about selfish with like possessions or like coveting something else but for me the thing I found my one of my biggest struggles is there's like selfish with like emotions so last night we have this argument right and I'm brushing my teeth and I'm like I'm exhausted I want to go to bed so I can either be selfish and like I don't want to go say I'm sorry I don't want to go try to resolve this before I go to bed so I'm gonna like play the victim I'm gonna be selfish I'm going bad internally hoping she feels bad for me right versus go into say hey I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that please forgive me I'm gonna go to bed like because that's a lot harder to do than be like I'm just gonna wallow and be like I hope she feels sorry for me but that but humbly that's what we do it's like yeah you're selfish with the way you feel you would rather play the victim you'd rather your spouse feels sorry for yourself versus just you manning up and going to say I'm sorry which is the lot harder thing to do and it's what's interesting though is it is harder and that it takes a lot of humility to go do it but it's not harder in the sense that normally that brings closure and you actually sleep in peace and then you have a great next day so I think that that is one scheme of the enemy because he'll be like you do not want to do that like that you're gonna have to have so much humility like swallow your pride you have to die to yourself in that moment but it's like it sets you up better for later whereas like it's actually just as hard if you really think about it to try to go to bed and be mad and fresher it and wake up the next day and be walking out eggshells and so like don't let the enemy make you think that that's an easier option because it's actually harder no longer I'm this is gonna change someone's life this is gonna change someone's life who am I to say it wasn't gonna love that okay this is just a sweet question we asked you all this so or y'all asked us this so we'll hit you back what is the first thing that attracted you to your wife your smile and your dimple that's so sweet this is actually sweet though because you came and answered that later that night because it was like the same whenever we wait how do I say I keep saying it the wrong way we asked y'all no y'all asked us and we said it and in that night you came to me you're like hey I want to answer that for you and you said when I first met you the thing that tried to me to you was your smile and your dimple but now it is you being a mom yeah I thought that was really sweet because like that was the question last time is it still the same thing that you find the most attractive and mine was different for you than it was back then and yours was due I thought that was sweet that's really sweet sweet when I first I interacted with you I thought you were super cute I thought you're really pretty and I love your just your face you know you have a cute dimple too but yeah your smile and just like your eyes you just have really warm and sweet eyes so sweet is it still the same now sure no not so much attractive but just like an adoration of I even said this to you on your birthday yeah just something that like makes me like feel like I don't know it's just it's just I don't know is your love for people and I think you you know how to honor somebody very well and you think about like even it doesn't matter if you're gift giving or not just you think about people and you think about little things you pay attention to how people feel and what they what they enjoy the most and you put that into how you want to honor them that's so sweet yeah so I love that about very kind yeah that's so sweet this is the last question and this might be the same answer but maybe a little different how do you see God in me and how does it encourage you in your own walk with Christ that's good well that's good well that's good I would say you're very steadfast and consistent with the way the view God and that's very helpful for me this school because I feel sometimes with like different situations like not that my view of God changes but I feel like sometimes I question God's personality when certain things happen and you don't usually necessarily so that's really encouraging to me that's awesome I think this ties on to what I really love about you but it's one you're passionate for people and like and how you are so quick to pray for people and you're you're quick to you know learn what's going on and immediately start start praying for the Lord to intercede and what people are going through and also and thinking like eternally like with certain people we have in our lives like like I want to see that person whenever we reach eternity and I think you are so passionate about that and you you want to you want to yeah you want to just spread the love of Jesus to those people and I just have seen such a yeah I think it's steadfast growth and just wanting to just wanting to reach other people and I think that encourages me to not just sit around and and what I have learned and how the Lord has touched me that once me that encourages me to get up and move and go and and and just talk to other people instead of just letting letting like everything else just happen just I want to intercede this is sweet good wife Abby good wife one more question one more question one more question funny funny one more question okay let's go back to the funny questions to in this you have here's a good funny lighthearted question to end the podcast with what is it with farting so often just to throw it back to the first of I guess to ting so often okay I'm going to say to eat toot with poot or poot I don't know I don't know how much is diet related I don't know how much is just being a I don't know how much is just being a man I feel like men just do know though like we have three little girls who are all on tutors like fart more than I do I think I I agree I think it's not diet really I don't know if it's diet related I don't know if it's just like sleep definitely being sleepy prize everything to do with like I don't know sometimes like don't even I don't even eat that much during the day but then I have such like oh god Johnny I was screwed up Johnny good probiotic have you guys ever taken 80 one wait oh no there's something that we ate the other night that I know what it was it was we went to Logan's that's where we went to Logan's actually really good but I remember how it's hurting so bad I can probably die it related but bro I can't I can I be like so for real I have I'm scared I'm on the chamber so I'm I'm pulling but I'm not no I'm holding I know I hope you guys so excited from this podcast we love doing these we love answering those questions so keep sending in fun questions good DMs because that's where we get most of the content we talk about inspires our conversations so love you guys hope you have a great week maybe we do a part three and a part four who knows who knows asking questions you