Free Bike w/Rich Vos & Eleanor Kerrigan

And now, The Bonfire with Big J. O'Crossen and Robert Kelly. Fitting for today's bonfire because we have a legend in studio who comes up to this song when he goes on stage, even if there's 10 people in the audience. Even if it's 10 people. Imagine if there's like six people and you're like, what's his name as a comic? Who's the guy that has the dog? I hate doing radio with my old friends because they go, what's his name? Who would never remember anything? He does the comedy jam. Oh, you mean? No, not him. You mean you got a blue shirt. You do the joke. What's his name? Josh? That's who I said. You know, you were doing the other guy first. I was doing Josh. Hey, come on now. Scoop-a-dop-a-doop-a-dop-a-doop-a-doop-a-doop-a-doop. Who's the other one? What? Why can't you remember any of your thoughts? I can't remember names. We started the show where a half a minute in, you're going, what's that guy's name? Who's the other guy? Who's this guy? They both open for Billy. Dean Delray. You speak rich. He's my interpreter. Yeah, she's, yeah, she, and what? Interpreter. You got it. I want to die a coke. I want you to stop touching the microphone. You want to die a coke? I'm not going to happen. Not in this lifetime. Speaking of touching kids, the who? What's up? I love his excuse too. He's doing research. Is that what Peter Thompson said? Yeah, they found kiddie porn. What? They didn't. This is the problem with the world. No, this is the problem with the world we live in today. You can't have a damn rumor anymore. No. Because some asshole went out and found the truth, Jacob. Who? I was a big who fan. Yeah. Did Richard Gear not put a gerbil in his ass too? You're going to ruin that one? Is the fat chick with the frozen hot dog? The fat chick with the frozen hot dog? Two cups and a girl? That happened. Two girls and a cop. Apparently it was a... Carvel? No. Putting? Putting. What was it? Fairy Queen? Custard? How many brown things are there that are soft? What the fuck? Lou's got one in his pants right now. No. Nut-Zella? Nut-Zella? What's Nut-Zella? Whatever that shit is. Nut-Zella? Nut-Zella? What is it called? Nut-Zella. No, it isn't. I swear to God, it's from Europe. It's called Nut-Zella. What the fuck was in the cup? I just wanted to get to you going. Nut-Zella. It's called Nutella. Okay, was it Nutella in the cup? No, it was two brown. What's the foamy chocolate thing that's not chocolate? What's it called? Come on, Jacob. It's like a light chocolate dish. Moose. Right. If this was four years ago, you would have got that quicker by looking at me. What is the moose rumor? Stop touching your mic. Listen, Vos. Listen, I just want to say something. I've been doing... Let me just say something. I've been doing radio with you for 30 years. Almost 30 years. And you don't wear headphones. And the only reason... Ask yourself my hearing aids and... What? My hearing aids and... You have hearing aids in now? Yes. Are you shitting me? Why would I shate you? What's there to see? You can't even see them. I didn't even notice them. Oh my God. Don't put them near the microphone. Oh God. Why? What happened? If you had headphones on, you'd hear it. There was feedback? Yeah, feedback. Oh, thanks. In a bottle too. Perfect. I don't drink out of cans. When did you get hearing aids, man? Those real hearing aids? Do you buy them on Facebook? No, I got them. $2,000 for hearing aids. They're supposed to help prevent Alzheimer's. What is it? Help prevent Alzheimer's. Is that how you say it? I don't know. Or dementia. Help prevent dementia. You were deaf completely? Huh? No, I wasn't deaf at all. There's a little bit of hearing loss. So why did you get them? Because it before it before it escalates and gets worse. Yeah. Now I nip it in the butt. And when I say nip, I don't mean Asian. I nip it in the butt. You're so- Comedy! You're so old-school. Oh, shit. I got- what's this name in trouble? Listen, you- but if you- little hearing loss, you don't need them. There's some here. Well, they say get them. I had a hearing. Have you ever had a hearing test? I have. What'd they say? I have perfect hearing. Good. Yeah. What about eyes? Perfect. Well, no, I have glasses now, but I just, they're reading glasses. You know what I gotta do next? Have you done the, uh, the, what do you call it? Oh my God. I'm gonna announce our guest. Yeah, I'm gonna announce our guest. I don't, I don't, I wanna see if he remembers his name first. Ladies and gentlemen. Oh God. Ladies and gentlemen, the legend Rich Voss is in studio. Good to be here. Thank you. One of my oldest friends, shirtless, sleeveless as always. Not as always. When, now that it's getting, it was like 90 degrees. Yeah. I have a hoodie in the car if it gets colder later, but, uh, I have to do, Thanks for that info. Huh? Thanks for that info. I have to do a calcium test. Have you done calcium yet? For the heart? No. Yes. He had nothing. Nothing. I bailed. I did, I did, here's the problem. Anytime one of you fucking old cluts that I know has a problem. I immediately go get what that is. Yeah. Cause I don't wanna be in the same boat. When Colin had a heart attack, I went and got all my heart checks. You did a stress test? I did a stress test. On the treadmill, you did a treadmill one or, what, how did you do your stress test? I did the stress test. On the treadmill. Yes, on the treadmill. Why do you quit? Why, let me ask you a question. There's a couple of different ways to do it. That's something to say. There's only one way to do it. No. There's only one stress test. No. There's coming into studio here. That's one. That is one. My heart is fine. I've been here for three years then. Yeah, he did it on the treadmill. Like five minutes in on the treadmill, he's like, you're fine. He said, get off. Yeah, me too when I did stress. But that was a while ago. My doctor, when she did my EKG, she goes, nothing to worry about, but I want you to get a, well, it's a calcium test. She goes, do you get out of breath? I say, well, I'm out of breath sitting here. Do you get out of breath a lot? No, never. I do. Not anymore. When I was fat as hell, I used to get, I used to get out of breath, putting my pants on. Tying my shoes. I used to get out of breath. I used to always tie my shoes to the left and to the right because I couldn't go straight down because of my stomach. So if you look. How much, how much weight did you lose? You lost weight. Fuck you, Jacob. You were there. You saw me. You were there. You never said a thing. It wasn't, did I, I was not on that level to say, who was I to you back then? Nobody. Same as you are now. Nothing. You're a fucking smug face. I have to look at three times a week. Your best friends didn't say a word to you either. Not one of my friends. About what? But they didn't talk about me behind my back. Yeah, there was a betting pool. Was there a betting pool? No, I never talked to you. You lost weight. I mean, you still look like a pin cushion, but you look a lot better and you're healthier and you work out. What, what do you mean I look like a pin cushion? Not a big one. I don't, I think I, let me take my jacket off. You look good. You don't, you stopped working out. I stopped. You still lift? Dude. You got big arms. Dude, what are you talking about? You have no chest, but you have big arms. I have a, I, what are you talking about? I don't see it. Buddy, you are disgusting. Why would you be mean? I'm sorry. I'm trying to be nice. You know, that's my thing. I only have first gear and sixth gear. I go right for the jugular. Dude, I'm being nice. I hope you have, I hope you have so much plaque in your arteries. I'm not plaque, it's calcium. Oh, whatever. I hope a lot of all my friends, the one that's actually still kicking around is you. When you get home, I hope you find your wife not with plaque, but it rhymes with that. Me too. Me too. I'd love to go in and find her with a nice black guy. I've never conceived of the idea of being out of breath to bend down and tie your shoes astounding. I get out of breath very easy. Yeah, that's not good. My whole life. That's not good. No, my whole life. That's not good. That's not good. That's not good. That's not good. That's because you're Jewish. That's not gonna do with it. That's not gonna do with it. I know, I'm sorry. Oh, the silence was deafening. No, I mean, you know, it's a... Oh, my daughter, I lost my daughter. She's 19, she's just so fucking far gone. What are you talking about? She's just so left. She's listened to college professors, TikTok. She has no sense of reality. She doesn't really know what's going on. She sent me a video of some kid that was bloodshot to fuck up the war. Can I tell you something? It's not the colleges. It's not... It's part of the college. It's not the college. I'm gonna say something. Can I say it? Yes, go ahead. It's not the colleges. It's not TikTok. It's who she is. Max is on TikTok. Max goes to a liberal type of school. We watched the show with him in the day. I'm like, didn't that make you cry? He's like, no. I felt, I go, did you feel anything? Guys are different than girls. Yeah, she's a girl. Girls always, they go that way. Be good emotions, not intellect. And what's gonna happen is she's gonna hit her 20, she's gonna be on her own. She's gonna get a boyfriend. She's gonna have kids. She has a boyfriend. She's gonna get a real boyfriend. And then she's gonna have kids and then she's gonna go back to center. She's gonna stay on LifeWorks a little bit. I told you the father daughter talk I had with her. But was it? Okay, before her prom, right? I sat her down, you know, I'm close with my kids just like you are. And I go, look, there's things in this world that are very sacred, you know, God, your parents, your virginity. And I go, I know you're going away with this guy on the prom and for a weekend and he's gonna expect something from you. So I told her that you can give him a little titty. I said like that, just a little titty. Go little titty, but tell him. You mean grab her, you're actually making nipple. Like she can't. I said you can give him no hands just like that. He can't grab the titty. But he can just pinch the nipple. And tell him your father said it's okay. That's disgusting. And that's, that's good. I remember, I remember when I was, when I was just hot Bobby and I used to go, when I was hot Bobby back in my twenties, I used to make out with girls. And then I'd lean in their ear and I'd be like, God man, you kiss just like my sister. Oh. I said that about my dad. Just to break the monotony. I would make out with him, I go, okay, now try to get away. You know what, we were crazy used to do all the time. He used to walk up at the cellar, at the bar and go over to a girl's drink and just sprinkle, like pretend to sprinkle something in it. It goes, I'll see you in an hour. Before all this woke shit. This comic had a great line. I don't even know who it was. His pickup line was come with me, I have a weapon. I don't know what comic said that. It kind of sucks for kids now. I think, you know, I think it sucks more for girls cause girls, guys are so gun shy with chicks now that you can't even be a, you know, a dirty whore. You can't even like, as a guy, you mean? No, as a girl, like girls like, I think correct me if I'm wrong, Christine. Girls like to be slutty and hoary and do crazy stuff. You still are? I mean, this girl. But I just pulled up this article, nearly half of Gen Z adults have never had sex. They don't know how to fuck each other. Yeah. It's actually really gross and sad. Teen pregnancies down. What ages Gen Z? What ages? Uh, it's Jay's daughter's, Jenna's, but Reyna. Hang on, let me see. Jen Z. I hate this whole Jen stuff. What are we? I'm old. You're actually a pilgrim. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Jen Z are people born between 1997 and 2012. What is 1970? What is that? I think you're Jen X. I'm Jen X. Wait, was that when you were born? That's the coolest generation of all time. Wait, you go by when you were born? Yes. Where you were, it's a range. So baby boomers 46 to 64. That was born 57. So you're a baby boomer. You're a baby boomer. That's what I'm saying. Is that good or no? It's stupid. Why? Well, everybody thinks your generation ruined the world. Yeah. No, stop. Voss. Everybody like her thinks that. My people like. I'm the Jen X too. Everybody. I think it's baby boomer. Why do they think they ruined the world? I don't know exactly, but that's what they think. Oh yeah. You're almost part of the greatest generation. We don't fuck around. I'm Jen X, right? 65 to 80. And Jen X is the best. Jen X is considered the coolest. All this stuff is so stupid. It's dumb, but I'm the coolest, so I like it. Why does one generation get way more years? The newest generation is what? Is like, oh no, okay, I made a mistake. It's the same amount of years. Yeah. All right, nevermind. Baby boomers defined by post war. That wasn't me. What? We heard a gurgle. Was that me? It was probably you, but you can't hear it. What, can't hear it? Swallowing? I don't know, probably swallowing. Did he little snitch on me? What, hey Sam, calm down. It's not Sam. That's DJ Liu. How dare you? I heard gurgling coming through my headphones and I thought maybe it was Bobby, but then we both pointed at you. Oh, yeah, it was you. Maybe I'm, Oh whatever. I just don't, I, because I'm, what the fuck? What's wrong with you? I'm sipping my drink. Stop with your fucking belly noises. Ugh, you're such a disgust. Will you stop, please? I'm sorry, I'm guessing. You're disgusting. Sorry. Because I'm Jen X and I'm the coolest, I like it now, but I agree with you, it is kind of dumb. When did this happen? This happened like 10 years ago, right? No, there's always been generations. It just kind of came when the internet happened. I thought millennials was like a new word for hipster at first. I didn't realize that like I was a millennial, it was just a generation name, but baby boomers, the silent generation, the grace generation, these have existed forever. This generation stinks because parents, helicopter parents, they don't let them do anything. They don't let them get hurt, they don't let them go out, they go everywhere with them. What year is that you're talking about? Not now. Alpha, 2013 to 2020. I don't think it's the parents. Child murderers ruined it for everyone. Yeah. Nobody's gonna leave their kids. All the child rapists did hurt this. Yeah, but listen. Yeah, I mean, what? The diddlers, but the good. You're not gonna let Max wander too far. No, but I'm gonna, if he, you know, go, I let him go out all the time. He's like, I'm leaving. You're with the tracker on his phone. Yeah, but he's a big guy. I have a tracker on his phone. Listen, I'm gonna know where he is. When he gets diddled, he can call me. I'd be like, I just got diddled at the park. I'd be like, I'll pick you up and I'll talk to you about my diddle and then we'll share diddle stories. And then you'll say, I'm bowed diddle. Hmm? That's a nice one. I think most parents would like to loosen the reins, but are too paranoid. No, now you're wrong because my daughter, at a certain age, you gotta trust your kids to do the right things. You don't wanna let an eight or nine year old take off and go to the park by themselves. Like we used to do as kids, but when they become 18, 19. No, no, no, no. But that's a mindset. You should be able to let your kid go to the park at eight. Not by themselves. I let Max at 10, 11, 12, he goes out. He goes to the gym at night by himself. He goes to the park by himself. Yeah, but he's a big guy. How old is he? He's 12. Oh, I just said that. Did you? Yeah, I did. Oh, if you had headphones, you would have heard it. Is he still 12? Are you hearing aids on? Yup. When my brother was eight, is he still 12? Hang on one second. No, he just turned 13. Yes, I said he's 12. Okay, good. How big is he? How big is he? You think he had his birthday between your sentences? How big is he? He's five, he's almost five nine. Yeah, nobody's messing with him. Yeah, but that's not the point. It's like. Well, we have, I have friends that, my best friend has a six year old and a three year old and her and her community, they have like landlines now. So the kids don't have cell phones, but they can call each other to like play. And they have like boundaries in the neighborhood and they let the kids kind of play in the lawn and have some autonomy, but the parents are still kind of like watching and it's a community of people, but they're trying to loosen the reins a little bit. You gotta let your kid go. You gotta let your kid go fuck up and do stupid shit. I have a thing with Max. I have a code word. And we have a code work. I go, you're ever in trouble with the cops, any, anything, anywhere where you're at and you don't want to be, you call my phone, you say this one word, no questions asked, not in trouble. I come and pick you up. I'll come and pick you up, whatever it is. You don't have to deal with it. I'm just coming to get you. One code word. So he goes to places and hangs out with kids all the time. You gotta let your kids, but these parents don't let them do it. And they don't let them hang. I showed up at the park one day, Max was two smoking hot girls. I'm like, what are you doing up here? He's like, you know, just hanging. Then he winked at me. I was like, all right, this is weird. And then we went back to the house. Don wasn't home. My God, we have a code word. What is it? Ouch. That's your daughter's code word. Ouch. And if you hear it over and over again, you drive faster. You're a piece of shit. You know that you're garbage. You should have had a boy. I have three girls. I know you have, you have, You have a great, You have sissies. I had, let me tell you, I raised three girls that are all fantastic. All your sperm, the only ones that are healthier girls. All your boys dying, your nuts. Or on somebody's back. That too. I have a God, you get so lucky in life. Oh, geez. I mean, I guess if you do the right things too, like my daughters have never seen me high or drunk or anything. So, you know, we set an example and you get lucky. The fact that you have a great son, my all my daughters are fantastic. My kid is going to drink. He's going to smoke. He's going to get arrested 100%. I know that already. I know, I know, I can tell Max is a, he's like me, he's gonna, he likes doing, he likes, you know, ring and run. He loves, you know, he came in the other night at like 11 and he's running out of breath. He's like, I'm like, what's wrong? He goes, we were ringing and running. And then they called the cops and the cops were driving around. We had to hide in bushes and shit. That's part of being a boy though. Who doesn't call it ding dong ditch? My son. Ring and run in, they rebranded ding dong ditch. Yeah, ring and run. Ring and run. Ring and run, ding dong ditch. That's so weird. That's so California ding dong ditch. What does that mean? That's what it is. Tell me, tell me what ding dong ditch means. You ring the bell and it goes ding dong and then you leave. Nobody has, everybody has a ring now. It makes a different sound. It doesn't go ding dong. It goes blah, blah, blah, blah. You're all on camera too. I know, I know everybody. You're not getting away with shit. 10 cameras videotaped your son. After you just stood there ringing the bell and ringing. I don't mind that he does that shit. I mean, it's fine. It's part of being a boy. Do stupid shit, get caught, learn your lesson. He's not gonna learn from me. He's not gonna learn from me going, you shouldn't do that because that's bad. And other people, he's gonna be like, okay, he's gonna do it anyways. At least I'd rather have him tell me that he did it and trust me that he did it than to hide it from me. Fuck it, go do your shit. He's gonna go through it. You know he's smoking weed. Everybody smokes weed for God's sake. At that age? Are they doing it that young now? No, not now. I didn't even smoke weed that young. Not now. When it's 16, 17, he's gonna. Can a penis be that big? I don't know, Jacob. By some does have a big penis. Hopefully he's not a fucking 30-year-old virgin like the rest of these kiddos. I don't want that. Hopefully Max's generation figures something out. They gotta start locking phones at school dances or something and let people have fun again. It's gotta be a nightmare. Here's what you gotta do. You gotta let the girls be slutty again. Let them be a little hoey again. Get them back into the Catholic church. Get them back to church. There's those dresses. Yeah, girls are up. You know. It seems like the girls are pretty slutty and the boys are scared to talk to them. Well, because of all the shit that happened. You know what I mean? All the dads got scared. You know, we gotta raise a kid who respects women. Don't fuck girls that are passed out. Yeah, no means no. You know, don't fuck unconscious women. Yeah, don't. I know it changed the college experience for the young boys, but it changed it for the girls too. They had the story too. Remember that time I banged the football team? Good, Jacob. Oh no, I mean, it's your... They waited for me to say yes. Well, it's your... Bring it up. Well, you want me to start this? I don't know, yeah, because I have no idea what you're talking about. No, it's the first on the list. Oh, yes. It's not quiet. Oh, the bike? Yeah. Well, you asked me three times to buy the bike. Here's the problem with the bike. There's no problem. It's a great... A little background. Here's a little... No, we're gonna give a little context. Jacob loves context. All right. Okay, and the listener needs it. Around three years ago. Am I right? Two. Two and a half. No, it's not my party. Was that two years ago? No, it was three years ago. It was two years ago, two summers ago. Two summers ago? Yes. Are you sure? Yes, because we haven't lived there three years yet. Okay, two summers ago, I went to your house. Yes. And there was a brand new, in the box, electric bike inside of your garage. Was it still in the box? Yes, it was still in the box. Oh, yeah, because I just had to put it together. And I said, I would like to buy that, because I'm looking, I need it. I want an electric bike. Max wants an electric bike. Yes. For his birthday, I would love to... Let me buy it off you right now. Yes. And you're like, no, I'm gonna... I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna use it. And I'm like, first of all... First of all, don't use that voice. Don't use that voice. Just go to... I mean, it's identical... I said the conversation. I didn't go, I'm gonna use it. You called me a fat pin cushion. No, I didn't say fat. I said pin cushion. Which is in my brain fat. No. I've seen some nice little pin cushions. I won't use the exact voice you use. Okay. I won't... Go on, you tell a story and I'll tell a story. And I was like, let me buy it. You're like, no, I'm gonna use it. Yes. How's that? I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna use it. I said no, I'm probably gonna use it. It was a little whiny. It was a little whiny. Okay. And I don't mean it the way you think I mean it. You do. I do not. You do. I do not. Hold up, a flag while you're saying... I'll just say it regularly so you don't get a... I'm gonna use it. Is that better? All right, go ahead. Tell it, keep going. I'm gonna use it. Is that better? No, I'm gonna use it. Okay, I'm gonna use it. What are you fucking doing, singing a song? I'm gonna use it. That's not the way you said it though. It had tone. You're saying it like you're a nice person. You weren't. I'm adding tone to it. Okay, go ahead. I'm gonna use it. I'm using it. How's this? I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna use it. I'm like, Voss, you're never gonna use it. You're never gonna use it. I know you. You're not getting on this bike ever. Let me buy it off. No, I'm gonna use it. If I don't use it, are you farting right now? No, I'm stretching my back. Go ahead. Okay, so I was like, you're never gonna use it. And you're like, I will use it. And you got kind of mad. Like, I will use it. I'm gonna get mad. You're exaggerating, Bonnie. Go ahead. It's my story. Okay, then I'll tell my story. Okay, great. And then I called you back up. I'm like, dude, let me buy that bike. And you're like, no, I went as- You also- Well, so hold on. Let me finish. Go ahead. It was a gift from a company. So I didn't want to sell it right then. You think that company, what do you think they're fucking waiting for you to make an Instagram post about it? Well, it would help. That you didn't for two years. You didn't take it out of the box. You're right. And then you said to me, no, as soon as rain is- Can you stop burping? I'm gonna throw up. Can you stop burping into the microphone? You're a diacope, old man burp. I'm gonna throw up. Okay, don't throw up. It's grossing me out. Don't throw up. I'll take it definitely. It's disgusting. You said, as soon as rain goes to school, I'm gonna start riding around the neighborhood and stuff like that. And that's when I got to put it together when she was off of college. She's been off of college for a year. Yeah, and I had to put together this year. You had to put together a fucking week ago. No, no, no, no. I had to put together a couple- What did you say? No, no, no. I had to put together a couple months ago. One more time. I just took it out a week ago. One more time. No, no, no. I had it put together like maybe three months ago, but I took it out when it got warmer. You did not have it? Three months ago was fucking snowing. Yeah, the guy that came over to does work in my house, put it together. During the winter time. Yes, because he came over to do stuff on the heater. I have no evidence to contradict that. It was a couple months ago. OK, a couple months ago or three months ago? Like three months ago. Was it two or three? Like three. OK, so that's a few months ago. A couple is two. What the fuck? We're not in court. Just keep going with the dumb fuck. We are in court. And you hear all these amazing sound effects that you lose doing if you put your fucking headphones once in your life. The show would be much more enjoyable to you. I mean, he's killing it. He's a killer. So I'm going to tell Jacob because I'm not going to tell him. Because he said, as soon as she goes to school, I'm going to use it. And I call them again and go, dude, come on, sell me that fucking bike. You're not using it. It's been a year. It's still in the box. It wasn't. It was when I called you the third time. Second time. You never did three times. Second time I called you three times. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. Two times. Your Honor, I did. OK, go ahead. It's not your turn right now. I'm talking to the judge. It's not your turn. I don't care. Well, you have to. Who offered to buy it? I offered to buy it three times. And he said, no, no, no, no. Then the. I mean, no. No, no, no, no. So then it becomes illegal in Jersey. No, see you're wrong again. But go ahead. It's illegal in Jersey to have an electric bike that goes over 30 miles an hour. It's illegal. The law changed, right? Not yet. Yeah, it did. No, in August. OK, well, whatever. You can't. So then. Don't get gay. I can't help it. Then he calls me. He's like, you want the bike? It's two years later. I already bought the fucking bike. I already got the. I got Max's present. No, you didn't because you asked me again the other day. You asked me like four months ago, hey, tell me that bike. So don't say you didn't. No, that's not true. It is true. Prove it. I don't have to prove anything you're saying. I can. You can. I record all our conversations. And I recorded the one where you said sell it to me. Did you really? No. Oh. So then he calls me up to sell me the bike. He's not using it. He's. I used it once. He's not using it. Are you using it once? Using it once is not using it. Using it all the time is using it. All the time. One way to do it all the time. I drove to the park. This is exactly what I knew you were going to do. You're going to use it one time and be like, this stinks. No, it's fun. It's not fun. You're 70 and you're not going to drive around to the park by yourself. Yes, I bought a helmet. You did not. I got a nice helmet. You got that. Why don't you want to use it? What's that? Why don't you use it then? Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I did use it. I go, when it gets a little warmer, which it is now, I go, I'll take it to the park or when Bonnie takes the dog out for a walk, I'll ride alongside or meet her at the park. But then, like you said, I heard in Jersey come August or July, you're going to have to register and insure them. Now, my insurance is 1,500 a month. All right, so I don't want to. Who told you that it's illegal? It's not illegal yet. But who told you it's illegal, like it's going to be illegal? I was at a meeting and a guy had one of the bikes and he told me. You didn't tell me. I told you. I told you. You didn't tell me. I told you. I told you. I only knew. The guy at the meeting told me he had one. I told you. But that's irrelevant. Even if you told me or I told you, that makes no sense. Here's the thing. All I do is say to Bobby, if you still want the bike, I'll sell it. If you don't know big deal, I'll keep it. Whatever I'm selling for, 1,000 is not. No, that's not what you said. I'll read the text. No, I'm sure. I have the evidence that. I want 1,000 bucks, $10, $100 bills. Yeah, cash. Yeah. Yeah. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. And then I said to you on the phone, would you buy it or not? It's OK. That's not going to change my life. I thought I was doing you a favor because I thought you still wanted it. You would have. Well, I quit being so selfish. I thought you still wanted it. I go, let me call Bobby if he still wants it. I don't want it. Then that's not a big deal. How much is the bike worth? What's that? How much is the bike? I saw it online for $2,700. You think he called me and gave me a quote of what he wanted without him knowing exactly how much it's on my phone? No, I looked it up after you said, let me do some research. Then I looked it up. Because you said. Why don't you just give it to me? I think that's. You've lost your fucking mind. OK. I've already given you. Now we're getting to the hard end. Where's my Christmas present? I got it in the car in my truck. In the car? I got it in my truck. Yeah? Yeah. Why didn't you bring it in? I forgot. It's right in my back seat. First of all. I will. Listen, I'm telling you. Walk with Christine in my truck after. No. Why? It's right down the street. You get it and bring it to me. I'm not delivering. You're delivering. Where did you park? In the parking garage. Where? 48th Street. OK. It's right there. Yeah. Christine, can you show them? And you can get it tonight. It's my back seat. I got. You know what I got you? No. You want me to tell you? No. Why? Because it's a surprise. It's a gift. It's not a surprise. You're grown, man. It will not surprise you. I gave you a nice gift for Christmas. I got you got you didn't. OK. I gave you that fist hammer. You gave me a fist hammer. It's fucking nice. It's weird. But it's nice. It's not nice. I have to explain it to everybody that sees it. But you having your car, you could really fucking cloud or somebody. It looks like I'm putting it in my asshole. It's it's a fist. I loved it. I'm going to get myself one. I bet you would. You got me a fist hammer for Christmas. Well, I had two things for you. And I kept the other one and gave you that one. What? I had an option to give you two things. And you didn't give me two? You kept one? I was only giving you one. Well, one of the two. What was the other gift I could have got besides a fist hammer? It was a crank radio that you crank. I would have loved that. And it's a CB. It has everything. I would have loved it. You crank it. I would have loved that. You would have. I thought you would have had that already. I don't have it. I really would love that. It's great for camping. I would have loved to take that out the woods. Yeah, maybe for your birthday. Well, why don't you just. Anyways. When's your birthday? I got you a charger. You know the battery chargers for the phone? Yeah. The ones that you plug your phone in the. The crank thing has a battery charger too. OK. Listen. It's everything. Remember you went to Mohegan's son and your car was dead? The battery was dead? Yeah. And you didn't have cables? They said it was dead, but I don't think it was. OK. That's besides the. Can I? They said it was. I couldn't. I don't know how Bonnie fucking even talks to you. She doesn't. OK. Good. That makes sense. I gave you. I got you. So now you keep it in your car. It's fully charged. Yes. Anytime you call. And you just put it on your battery. I hate you. I hate you. And you put on your battery. Can I finish my my my present story if you. If you quit holding your breath when you talk to me. You're trying to turn me on so I agree with you. It's. It's a battery thing and then. Yes. Stop talking. Go back on your phone. And you any time your battery dies, you just put it up and it juices your car. Yeah. Those are cool. It's awesome. Yeah. I saw one. It's very expensive too. Yeah. 100 bucks. I spent 50 bucks. 49. I see on Facebook Marketplace. You know I bought Bonnie and she won't even open it. I'm sure you have one too. In case you're you get a flat your car runs out of air. You plug it in and you could pump the air into your car through your either your cigarette or this one's automatic. It pumps air. It's an air pump. Yeah. What if there's a hole in your tire? You can just get her a can of fix a flat. Well that too but to pump the air. OK. You know I'm just saying it's always good to have. I'm just saying this to you. I'm just saying. Why. Let's go back in the history of this this this bike. Here's how did you get the bike. It was a gift. OK. Through the company. How much did you pay. A gift you don't pay. Great. So why don't you give it to me. Oh really. Why don't you give it to me for 500 bucks. No. Why. Because you don't need it. You bought one. Remember you said that. Yeah I know but I bought one from Max. I would like to have one for me. Oh. 500 bucks. No. That's my final offer. OK. You know what. 500 cash. No. In 20s. Why don't you tell me. So it looks like more. Why don't you tell me. I have a thousand in my wallet just in case of emergency. I don't need it. I was doing you a favor. All right dude. Forget it. Keep the bike. I hope it rots in your garage. So do I. I do. I hope it just I hope you every time you look at it you get sad. I hope you know what I hope happens. I hope my whole family dies. And then every time you think of us you look at that by every time you look at that bike you think about I should have given them. I'm going to ride that bike to the funeral. No. They go for twenty seven hundred bucks. I'm giving it to you for a thousand. But you're acting like you paid for it. That doesn't matter if someone gave you a. OK. If somebody gave you a fucking diamond necklace as a gift. And I said oh let me have it. No that's totally different. What. How's it different. Because a diamond necklace has value and goes up in value. That's like an investment. This stupid bike they've made 19 different versions. It's still twenty seven hundred. I'm giving it to you for a thousand. And it's put together. And you rode it once. One time. Yeah I know one time. So it's used. It's used. It's used. So yeah. So that's why I knocked it down to a thousand. Now give it to me. Let me have it as a friend. Stop drinking on the air. It's disgusting. Listen let me explain something. And I'm not bringing up stuff. Yeah. There's stuff I was going to sell that I've given to you. And you've given me nothing. That's not true. I've given you stuff. What. Everything you give me there's a price. What do you mean. Let me explain that. When you give something and there's a price I'm paying. OK. What. OK. Oh you did give me something that was for free. What was that. Which I never use. Some kind of ear things that you hook up to your phone during a podcast or something whatever they were. There were some out of date thing. But they were if you use them they were good at the time. Whatever it was I never used. I don't know. Are you OK. No. I mean this is grossing me out. I can't imagine the listeners are sitting there going what the fuck is that. Listener. I can't imagine that guy. So touching your microphone. So I listen we're friends. Yeah. The hat I gave you do you ever wear that nice beautiful that hat's worth a lot of money. Right. You gave me a OK. Here's the thing with the hat. You gave me a fedora. A beautiful brand new. Right. Couple hundred. The problem is I don't play black rooms. So I don't have an opportunity to wear it. You could wear that fedora. Where. Where could I wear it. Huh. When you go play cards. On Easter. Play cards. I don't play cards. You don't play cards with your with your with your man friends with your Tulsa buddies. You don't do Tulsa anymore with your buddies anymore up there. And I was there last night. Oh cool. I went last night. That's a good place to wear that hat. No it's not. It's going to smell like smoke. Not going to forget that. Whatever you gave me a nice hat. You did give me. I do like the hat. OK. But I just don't have an opportunity to wear a fedora. OK. Because it's not 1952. I wear fedora all the time. Yeah. But you are 70. I'll be 69. I know it's crazy. June. I know. God bless you. You look great for 69. You're not an MRI. Can I. Yeah. Go ahead Jake. I don't want to interrupt. But you were. You kept both of you bringing up gadgets. And when the Iran war broke out. Oh God. I started watching all these prepper videos. Yeah. Everyone started prepping. We have all that stuff. That's what I was going to ask. You guys do prepping stuff. Yeah. But I do it. I do with stuff that was made like this year. He does it and all his stuff says Marlboro on it. No. I got tons of good stuff. Why would you. But you watch the videos and like one guy will say you're a jerk off if you buy this. Everyone's the real the real deal on YouTube. Yeah. He will put down all the other prepping stuff that somebody else bought. All's all I have. If you buy. That's all you need for prepping. I have I have three water filters one for each of us that you can just dip into a dirty puddle and drinkable water. I got right. I have a couple of water straws. Right. Yeah. And I have freeze dried food. I don't have that. What about medical supplies. I have a huge first aid kit. See what did you and did you go to the dog. And I have I have guns. Yeah. In the Hampshire. Right. And I have you have hamsters. What. Oh no. What do you need hamsters for. I thought you said you have guns and hamsters in New Hampshire. I know. No but like one guy said you're all these other suckers. They're going to the first aid section aisle to buy all that stuff. No. Go to the dog aisle the pet aisle and buy the ointment antibacterial ointment for dogs same as human. You get one that'll last for you for 10 years. It's that type of prepping. Do you have next level prepping. Do you have Vaseline and cotton balls to start fires. God damn right. That's on the list. That's right. I just have Vaseline. Vaseline and cotton balls. That's all I'm doing now. If the world doesn't just jerk off until I die. I'm going to goon. I have all kinds of I know I have a a saw that's a chain. I'm pretty sure you have a chainsaw thing. No not a chain saw. It's a chain that's a saw. Yeah. It's a chainsaw chain. Yeah. And I have handles on it. Yeah. Yeah. I have that. I have all hatchets now. You know just stuff in my car and my backpack. But I actually use my stuff though. Like I'm taking Max primitive camping. I would like to go with you camping. I'm going I'm going June 5th. You want to go? Oh I'm just getting back from where? Donnie Dust. I don't want to talk about it but I'll let you know. OK. Oh OK. You know. Oh yeah. Are you doing Donnie Dust camping? Yeah. Do you have to make your own. Going up into the woods. You don't have a snake guard for your feet. I'm sorry. What did you just say to me. You don't have snake guards to put on your scent and around your legs. I have snake guards. Why. So you don't get bitten a leg. That's not primitive. As you're walking through the woods. I'm walking on a trail. I'm not I'm not I'm not fucking walking out in the desert. It doesn't hurt to have snake guard. It does hurt. My self-esteem. No it doesn't hurt. I'm going up the trail walking by other hikers with snake guards on my shoes. You put them under your pants. What I don't have pants. I'm going to wear shorts when I hike. Oh tick village. What are you talking about. Go ahead wear shorts. Get ticks. You wear long pants and tuck them into your socks. There's no way. Ticks don't crawl your legs. You're going the heart of tick country. Bonnie's calling. Oh god. No God. This. Hello. We have such that. Do you want to call me? About what? No you have to tell her. She's on air. Oh say she's on air. Oh Bonnie you're on air. Oh my God. Is that what you're calling now. Bonnie Bonnie. Bonnie's always negative. She's the most negative. She never you never get happy body. She always get oh this what it is. Bonnie I want Bonnie the bike that he has. I want him to give it to me and he won't give it to me. He's nuts. He wants me to give it to him. Well give it to him. Why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't I? One. I don't like him that much. Two. I thought he was like your best friend. He's one of them. He's in my top three. I am. Him, Colin, Norton and sometimes Keith. You have Norton in there? Bobby one time we got in a fight and I go. I go just so you know exactly what to say to Bobby. And I told him and he goes I don't talk to Bobby about us. I don't. Do I ever bring up Bonnie with you? Oh never. No. The looks that are going on right now I'm sure. Listen Bobby is he wants everything free in life. No I do not. I gave him two sets of golf clubs. Two sets. I was going to sell them when I said you know what keep the money just take them two sets of golf clubs. That's not giving me that I was going to pay for it. And I said no. I said I don't want the money. Keep them. But that's on you. You're right. I gave them to you. That was great. What do you want from me and I'll give it to you. So give them the money you were going to give them for the other for the golf clubs. 500 bucks. I'll give you 500 bucks. Bonnie he wants market price for the bike. No the bikes were 2700. I'm giving it to him for a thousand. It's three. You paid a lot of money for that bike right Rich. Yeah. Exactly Bonnie. Exactly. It was a gift. Yes. Just give me the money. If you're not going to use a gift you should give it. First of all this is why this is why we decided you didn't come in with me because whatever he does you're going to team up and take his side. You. I forgot let me try again. Let me start again. Let me start again. Go ahead. Come on. Ask me like I didn't know. Yeah what should I do with that bike. Should I sell it or give it to me. Yes sell it. Sell it. But Bonnie shouldn't you. Bonnie shouldn't you give it to me. Bonnie shouldn't you give it to me for free. No. No. You should have to buy it. Market price. Thank you. All right well there you go. Sorry. I got a sag as my husband on this one. You know what I never understood why you guys slept in separate rooms. I do now. It's because I snore. It's not because you snore it's because you breathe. Wow. He did get really angry when you said no. So now I think you're doing the right thing right. Thank you. Thank you. I didn't know he was going to be like vindictive and mean about it. No. No. The problem is. I realize neither one of you knows what vindictive means. OK. No wait stop. Let her tell us what it means. I know what it means. What does it mean. It means to be mean and come back at you vindictive. Vandictive. Vindictive. If you said van. Well the vindictive is a way to describe vindictive. Bobby. Oh sorry. You're right on this one Rich. Thank you. God I like your wife so much better. Then whoever this is you mean. Well she's on fire. Her career is on fire. Yeah I know. So give me the bike. You don't need to make money. Yeah. All right say goodbye to Bonnie. Let's go. All right. Do you guys want to ask me something else. Yeah. Anything else. Yeah I do. So good stuff. Is it always got to be about Rich. Do we always have to center them. Bonnie. Bonnie how. You're not funny anymore Rich. No I'm not hanging up on my wife. That would have been hilarious. I'm not saying it to me. I almost cried. I almost cried. Are you going to. Are you going to LA for any meetings. Can you not have a regular conversation. On the air. What are you talking about. You're having a conversation with your wife. Yeah. You're the worst. I want her to bring up. You're going to get a turkey on your way home honey. All right we're going to take a break. See you later. Bonnie I love you. I'll see you later. I like you. God. Rich you know what. Keep the bike. I don't want it. Good. And I'm going to buy you a bunch of gifts. And I'm just going to send them to you. I want your address. I'm just going to start sending you gifts for nothing. Because giving. You know what giving is. Yeah what I do with you all the time. It's not what you do. Yeah. No you're nickel and dime me. I don't. It all started with the phone and the recorder that you walked up and the iPad. You got a new iPad and you stiff me for the old one. And I never let it go. I really did. And your camera. And you're a sucker. You're a sucker. What a dummy. He paid $500 for an old iPad. It was like the first iPad ever. There was iPad 4 out. And he paid $500. He could have got a new one at Walmart for fucking $4.99. That's OK. I don't tell you advantage of my. But yes I live and learn. Yeah you do. You live and learn. And so do we. Rich Voss he's going to be at the Grand Escondido, California May 8th and the Funny Bone in St. Louis the 15th. Whoa. May 8th and 9th is Friday Saturday. There's no 9th. I only read what I only read exactly what she prints up there. May 8th and 9th and then the Funny Bone May 15th. And 16th. There's no 16 up there. I mean this is not me. This is all on producer Christine. It's not her fault. It is her fault. I think she's trying to throw me under the bus because Jay's gone. She doesn't want me to. What was the website? You just. It's Rich's fault. He has. He still has a website too. It's unbelievable. Check out richvoss.com for all his stuff. We got another guest coming in. Ellen Carrangler. Wait am I kicking me out? No you're staying you dummy. What's wrong with your self esteem? Nothing I was hoping. Make sure you check out punchup.live. I'm going to be in Cleveland, Boston. I'm going to be in town this weekend, but I can't tell you why. But next week, a week and after that, I'll be in Cleveland. The 15th and 16th and then Stanford, Connecticut. May 21st one show punchup.live slash Robert Kelly and Jay is out right now doing story wars in LA. Make sure you check him out this week. He's got a lot of stuff. Big Jay is going to be big time next week. I'm telling you. He's going to kill. He's well relaxed. We didn't tell anybody that yet. Go to bigjcomedy.com and we'll be right back. It's the bonfire. I've always liked men. I do. I like men. Put your headphones on Voss. So you can hear all lose magic. All lose magic. What's up everybody? We're back. It's the bonfire. Oh, Eleanor Clegg. Why the hell would you do that? I know. Seriously. I'm just joking. What kind of person? I'm sorry. I have a story about her too. Eleanor Karagin is here. One of my favorite people's. Claykorn wouldn't do this show. She can't. I think she's alive. Oh, shit. My fault. And of course, the legend Rich Voss is here in studio. Eleanor, no, you're one of my favorites. Where did we meet? Do we meet? I don't remember. Did you do a guest spot or something? No, we met on the cruise. I remember. No, we met before that. Nope, we met on the. We never met before that. Never met before that. I just store. We met at the Joker's cruise. And practical Joker's cruise. In the food room, you and your sister? Yeah, my sister's out of control with her condiments and her handbag like a kook. Yeah, I love your sister. She was like, you need salt. She had salt. She needed to pass. Gosh, you know, whole thing. It was so sick. And Bobby's like, I'll take the salt. I did. I needed salt. Why go up and get it? I think she went to see you at what the hell was it called? Souljoles, when it was outside. Yeah, that's right. With my brother, Johnny. Yeah. And she brought you salt. She did. She was so excited. I love your sister. She brought me little packets of salt. She's funny. Why salt? What? Because she wants his high blood pressure up. Oh, I'll tell you. So I was supposed to do the room at the Claridge. So they paid you. No, and then it was over. So Dice calls me and says, hey, listen, I'm taking you. Oh, no, just go with it. Listen, I didn't realize he was in a story while we weren't. OK. No, no, no. Oh, well, you done talking about salt? Yeah, listen. I'm telling you. OK, condiment. Hold on, the salt of the earth wants to speak. Eleanor, he's never been diagnosed. He's ADHD. The honor presents. And smidge autism. And I'm just putting it together. I wouldn't insult autistic people like that. You know, you're right. I remember when I met Ellen, she brought me paprika. Ellen. Eleanor. She brought me paprika. Ellen, Cleckhorne and Ellen. You guys just want me to be a dyke. All right. Oh, shoot. Again? You can say that. You can say it. You can't. I can't. You what? No one's listening. Oh, good. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Wait, I'm here to sell tickets. Hang on. We have to go to the this center. No, we have to go to the center. Can we say it? I think that's OK. OK, great. You can say it. Thank you so much. Thank you. Hold on. Rich has a riveting story. You can't say captain. No, I'm kidding. Don't come after me. I know. I'm sorry. I'm just angry. I was stuck in traffic. I apologize. I'm ready to kill somebody. Can I tell you right now? Yeah. I think you have the best hair in the business. Well, thank you. That's really on my nerves. You don't think her hair is the best. I mean, Christina, am I crazy? No, great hair. Thank you. You have like you have Gen X hair. I don't see it. You have like you have like Charlie's Angels. I kept my Gen X-y going. Yeah, you have Charlie's Angels 3 company. I am Gen X, right? Yeah, you are. I'll be dead within the hour. What time is it? Are you more financial how we mend? I take that as a compliment. You called me a pink cushion. Now I'm thin. I'll take it as a compliment. Oh, Jesus. You know, this is what I don't know. This is why this is what bugs me about rich. What? Everything. No, no, I love a lot of things about you. OK. You're one of my closest friends. Yes. You're one of the sweetest guys ever. You're cheap, but that's OK. I'm not cheap. Are you crazy? I just want to say. You're my high roller, bitch. Yeah, that's that has nothing to do with it. That's gambling. Are you judging him on his chains or? No, it's not that. I don't I don't mind the chains. I don't mind the watch. I don't mind the bracelet. I just. He's a jeweler, guy. I don't like guys who wear rings. I don't think men should wear rings. I think they're just silly. You should wear one around your neck. Sorry. We'll just let that sit there. OK. I mean, we'll let your anger sit there. I have no anger. I let go and let God. Listen, I just don't like a ring. Live and let live. I'm not I'm not a ring person. I'm not a jewelry person. I like to be rings. You came up for it. No, that's true. That's true, too. You guys, you guys are big watch guys, right? I have I have I have a watch collection. And that's all I wear. I do I don't even wear a wedding. I got Don's name tattooed on my finger. I don't even wear wedding rings. What's your watch tonight? I forgot it on the counter. I'm bumming. Yeah, but I have a counter on my counter in my kitchen. I think I have a little island. I'm sorry. Bragging about your. Yeah, I have an island. It's a little creepy. You have an island. I have an is a granite. Like what happened is my heated floors in the bathroom sometimes take me away and I forget things. You know, but my shower. Oh, I'm walking on coals all day. Yeah, I got to get my pool open this. Buddy, go ahead. Can you do it after the show? What does that mean? The pool, my in ground pool. So you have to have it open. I like how you say ingrown. In ground. I really call it. He doesn't even say ingrown. I call it built in and most people call it in ground. But I grew up. I'm built in pool. Like a. We called it rich. Yeah, you did. Well, you go up in Philly, right? Yeah, South Philly. So if you had a pool was I mean, I ran a pool. I ran a public pool. You were your house is connected. Yes. My mom still lives in the same room. Like a row home. Yeah, that's kind of cool. That's the best. You everybody on the block. You take a shower with your neighbor. You just you can feel each other up through the wall. That's cool. You think a row home is cool? It is back then because. Why not now? That's for a second now you're poor. But back then. Still still still still hanging on. But back then when a lot of immigrants came over or when a lot Italians were in one section, I rich. Sure. And Philly, we're still doing that. We're still segregating over there. That's good. Voscos at the good old days. Yes, I call that segregation. Every time. Yes, see how far he is over there. Oh, it's just black little in the corner. He's not in the corner because we make him sit there. It's that's his office space. I didn't notice he disappeared. I didn't know where you went. I thought they kicked you out while we were. So that's fucked up. J. You can fucking swear. I don't know what I'm doing. Radio you're good. Like I know what's happening. I just don't. I just the fact that he wears four rings is in my. I have five. One is the diamonds are loose. If he had a body count, would it be OK? Yeah, you mean if he was a rapper or you ever killed someone? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely be fine with that on stage every time. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Thousands of people a year. She said thousands because it's not a lot. No. No. Not at all. When I. Ah, ah, ah. She's trying to sell tickets and play pleasant. New Jersey, if you're listening. Ellen, Ellen Craig, Craig Horn and Ellen. Please don't Google. They're going to Google Ellen, Craig Horn, Ellen DeGeneres, and Nancy Kerrigan. I'm no one's going to come to my show. Eleanor is going to be at Uncle Vinnie's this week at Friday and Saturday. It's so much fun because it is a great room to do crowd work and fuck around. It's just so much fun. I love doing that room. I did my only album there. Really? During the pandemic lady like it. It was great. Did you do that with my company? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Bobby, for remembering. Well, I actually got you the special. I appreciate it. I was like, you got to see this girl because she's the best. Check this ho out. Check that ho out.