#248 - McNasty invited a SPECIAL GUEST on the Podcast!

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Welcome to the GOOSE FALKER! Yeah! Yeah! Woo! Damn! Oh, wow! GOOSE FALKER! Yeah! FALKER! Oh, still out! The most, the most rockin podcast around. Oh, and a shot of... And a shot of what? A shot of... Oh. That was a delicious shot of water that you can mix with some game receipts. So, we're gonna go to the GOOSE FALKER and use code GOOSE for a temporary life. Welcome back to the GOOSE FALKER. Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! How can we get another? That was good. That was a great performance by McNasty, otherwise known as Eddie Van Halen. Eddie's fat hailing. There you go. He's a better one. You know, I kind of look like Big Fat Sammy Hagar. Eddie, Eddie Flan Halen. You do. Eddie Flan Halen. You look like, um, um, Steel Panther, washed up. Oh! The audio listeners... Oh, oh, God! The audio listeners at home, McNasty is... Is your audio listener you need to check in, brother? Yeah, if you're an audio listener and you're not blind, or severely handicapped with your sight, then you should check in right now, because you're missing a beautiful view. Yeah. And you're not the only one missing a beautiful view. We are also down a member today by a freak accident. Matt is not here. Blarig is not here. It is only me, Swagger, Dew, and McNasty. Yeah, Blarig unfortunately got into a horrible car accident. Bro had a trunk full of meat. It could be hook or meat. It could be hook or meat. We don't have meat. He didn't specify what kind of meat it was. He said it is a trunk full of raw meat. Yeah. That was a great performance. What inspired this beautiful get up today? Honestly, I have no idea. You got the wind flowing in your studio? I do, yeah. You have a fan on the floor? Yeah, a fan on the floor. No, I always keep a little fan over here in this studio. You look good. Thanks. Yeah, you should just do this look. Why are you so wet? Oh, that's your coat too. Oh, that's my second skin, yeah. Is that sweaty? Yeah, I got sweaty pants. You got a new kind of, let me see it. Come here, you little scoundrel. You got one tank too of what was it? A snake in his suit. Yeah, this is the first one. Yeah, I see the addiction caught on pretty quickly. So now what do you have? What is the addition? So this one is kind of hard to see because so much ink is like... With a sickle? Yeah, it's deathy smoke and a cigarette. That's hard. As he would. So that kind of symbolizes like when I got my car crash. That day I could have easily died. And I feel like death was kind of... You had a car crash? He was kind of taking a break, yeah. He was smoking a ciggy. Did I miss this... Did I ever... Did I miss this Lord? This was a long time ago. What happened? We were just taking off from a green light at an intersection and somebody just tried to run through the red light and just smashed in the front of us and she like flipped a bunch. But if we had left off from that green light, like a half second earlier, she would have died or and easily would have killed me. Or at least like paralyzed me. What's she going fast as fuck? She was going pretty fast, yeah. She was trying to blast through a red light, like going full speed. What was she doing? Was she putting on makeup in the rear view? I don't know. She didn't, from like the police report and everything, she wasn't drunk. She wasn't high. She wasn't under the influence of anything. She was just in a rush. The only thing they found was her phone was open with maps and like a destination set. Oh. I thought you were going to say her phone was open on GamerSoup's NatcheeG4 and she was like dude. Or she was trying to be cheeky. She was so tired or maybe she smelled like shit if she had to go buy herself some cheeky soap. Yeah. Oh man, does that smell through your mask dude? It smells like spit and our soap is what it smells like. It's good. It's great. It smells like your own breath. This mask. Which is dog shit right now by the way. My own, I just woke up so my breath, I haven't even scraped my tongue. Oh yeah, you got that. You guys gag when you brush? I don't. I don't brush my tongue. I scrape. Scrape yeah. I scrape the back of my tongue so good that I've projectile vomited in my shower like three or three times. Oh my god. Are you also a shower brusher? Of course. Hell yeah dude. That's fucking good. I never brush your hand. You can just get the shit everywhere. I guess you can just like get all of your fucking beer. Yeah. If you're having a shower beer or a shower orange or eating shower pussies, good. Pretty nice. I've been a shower. I like, I do water flossing so it's way easier doing the shower. Cause you do it like you kind of like get all my beer. I should do that. I should get doing that. Yeah. It's pretty sweet. Water flossers definitely go to because you can like, you can like shoot the water flosser down under your gums. They're like really good. Oh yeah. It's still, you still need to use like a regular like regular floss. Right. Everything but for like getting down deep into the gums, you can just kind of. Yeah. Yeah. All right. We get it. We get it. You fly. Dentists love you. Yes. I don't brush my teeth. I don't brush my teeth. I'm so metal. I'm so fucking metal. I brush my teeth. You can't, you can't use a British accent and say that you brush your teeth. Did you still? Oh yeah. I don't brush my teeth. I brush my fucking teeth. No. Try another one. Oh, it's good. I picked it too. The worst teeth motherfucker. What are you talking about? Actually, it is. You have great teeth. You have great teeth. Yeah. It's all they encourage. They eat the spicy food. Kills the bad bacteria. Yeah. They don't really eat sugar. Nothing can survive that. They don't really eat sugar. Nothing can survive all that. They don't eat sugar. Gandhi once was, was given the task of getting a little kid off of sugar. And so the little kid's mom came over and said, hey, Gandhi, how do we get this kid off of sugar? And Gandhi said, hmm, come back in 30 days. And they went, okay. And then they came back in 30 days. And then Gandhi said to the kid, hey buddy, stop eating sugar. And then the mom said, what the, why did you wait 30 days to tell him to stop eating sugar? And then Gandhi replied with, I had to see if I could stop eating sugar myself before I could recommend that you stop. I had to see if it was possible. Yeah. It was just some sort of some sorts. Gandhi was, was, okay. Gandhi, I did a report about this in school for Black History Month, which we could, you know, that was, okay. Yeah. Okay. We could, we, there's a whole separate conversation of whether or not Gandhi counts in Black History Month. But I would say he does. It's a spectrum. It is a spectrum. It is a spectrum. And I would say, look, Gandhi, I had to present this to a fucking class of like maybe eighth graders or ninth graders. But I literally, hey, yeah, Gandhi would overcome temptation, so to speak. Yes. By, I'm pretty sure if I remember the describe, he would sleep in bed with his female younger cousins and resisted the temptation to touch them as you do. Oh, that's a good way to test things. So he never, he never, he never molested it, but he slept in a bed. But he was molested, Jason. He was molested, curious. He was molested, curious, which you say. Sounds like he was curious. Yeah. But you know, Gandhi will be missed. He probably wasn't jerking off. You know what he actually does to a motherfucker? Harry Palms. Yeah. Isn't that why priests are like so touchy with kids? Cause they, it's like against the rules. They're married to God. I don't know why they just don't fuck his sponge. I don't know. Cause he lives in the bottom of the sea. It's kind of hard to get to him. You know what I'm talking about? You know, you take the two sponges and rub it in like a barrel can. Yeah. But can they masturbate? I don't think priests can masturbate. Yeah, but you're not masturbating. You're fucking a sponge. The sponge is fucking off. You don't want to just get a flush light at that point. No, no, no, no. You're just making the image of a pussy. Oh, well, you can get the unknown shape. Have you seen those? No, he's like doing it all. It's literally just that like it's just a flesh and then a hole. There's no shape to it. There's no, I guess for like non-binary people. There's no wrinkle or anything. No, they do make alien ones and they also have Shrek. Yep. I've seen Shrek. Yep. I've seen the mator from Gara Shrek. I've seen the mator-vaters. I love the mator-vaters. The mator-vaters are classic. Editor, editor, please add onto the screen a picture of the mator-vater. Just pixelate the pussy part. That's fat, uh, cash-glove, bugslash, grand swar, fat-bar, fuck things. Oh, that one too, that one too. Yes, that one. Because he's got those big fucking DSLs, man. He does. Yeah. Big old fat body, you can just stick a cock in. Oh, yeah. It's got like riches for grip. Yep. Like a little Michelin man. Here at the Goons Podcast, we answer the most interesting, thoughtful questions that you can think up. Yeah. A lot of thinking going on over here. We asked you guys on Twitter at Goons PC. Yeah, we did. Because occasionally we do this if you want your questions, comments, and or concerns later on in the podcast, get at Goons PC on your notifications and following tab. This is okay. Right off the rip. The most insane question here. Okay. I'm just, I'm just going to read it. Would you rather eat? Wait, wait, by who? Oh, she playing our bodice. Okay. Have fun with that. That is, that is who it is. I'm looking at it. This person asks, would you rather eat one, a carrot that tastes like your favorite food, but is the size of a horse and you have to eat the whole thing by midnight or two, a horse that speaks English tastes of oranges is carrot sized is the named Joe. You know what? You don't got to eat him. You can be French Joe horse. Joe horse. I would like to have Joe horse. I would take Joe. I would take Joe. I don't think I have a colossal piece of fuck. Or would you like to have a horse? Yeah, that is just like an unknown 500 pounds of food or 500 pound carrot essentially that you'd have to eat. But then you can't have it all in your body at once. You have to throw up. So you have to constantly eat the throw up and eat and throw up. Hold on. A carrot that tastes like your favorite food. But it's the size of a horse. So you're going to eat a massive horse size turd that tastes like pizza or burritos or whatever. Yeah, or cake. No. That's a whole cake. No cake over here. That's a whole. You know what I fucking hate about that goddamn joke too? I don't even like cake. Well, I don't hate cake. It's true. But I'm not really like a cake. I'm not really a cake eater. You remember when we were in Austin together and we had the cake? I didn't eat any of it. Yeah, you're not even a cake. I'm not even touching. I'm a cookie. I fucking love all kinds of cookies. There's not a cookie on this planet that I dislike. I eat a mud cookie. I don't give a shit, dude. Cookies gave me moobs. Cookies. Oh, yeah. I love some goddamn cookies. Show me your moobs. It's pretty good. Minor transitioning depends there. I'm losing you. I'm talking about minor transitioning. I just thought it was podcasting all the time. I feel like I kind of look like Ethan, but with a beard. Does Ethan have a beard? What the fuck? Oh my God. No? Yeah. Anyways, my man titties are becoming man-picks. They're no longer triangular when I look in the shower. When I look down the shower, they used to be big. They used to be big trolling. Hello, mother. Hello. Oh! Oh my God, are we getting off of McMom reveal? McMomsteen. Yeah, we're doing podcast. Like Nancy. What? You're always doing this to me. I'll give you a headphone so you can hear him. Oh! Hello. Mama Nasty. Hello. Hello. Hey, how are you? Can Blark take the day off again? What a fucking loose-up. He was in a car accident. He's telling her you blew out. Oh, which car? I don't know. I'm fucking kidding. Your son hits on me every day. I know. I know. I saw the last post, what was it, Twitter, where it was a fat woman sitting on a skinny man's lap. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was you. That was fucking hilarious. Are you fucking drinking? Yeah, I had to have a drink. I played the bar at the intro. Are you actually drinking? No. No, just gamer stuff. So gamer stuff is actually for sling, schoon. Oh, okay. Schoon's got a good 10% off. Okay. And you smell like goon soap. Goon soap. Oh, absolutely. You smell like cheeky. I don't know. Goon soap. Goon soap. Oh, absolutely. You smell like cheeky. Beautiful. Crisp apple, bergamot, and crisp ginger. It's very good for you. Always got it on hand. All right. Hi, guys. That's a pleasure. That was awesome. Wow. That was dope. Your mother's such a nice woman. She is very friendly, yeah. We've all settled on the small Bob horse. Yeah, little tiny-care horse. I'm taking a bob. I'm taking a horse. Joe horse. I'm taking the Joe horse. I'm taking the Joe horse. All right. I'll let you guys pick another one. I pick mine. Mine was goofy. Frogskin condom or camel hair hat? Frabally camel hair hat. Yeah. I feel like frogskin is incredibly porous. I feel like my jizz would inseminate the woman via anismosis. Yeah. I feel like you're- No. No, it- through a frogskin condom, I imagine it would just seep out. Oh, is that how osmosis works? I thought he was a guy. It was a little dude. I once shattered a pane of glass and cut my foot open when I was nine years old while watching Ismosis Jones. Oh. Holy shit. I was probably a little older, actually. I was probably way older. Oh! There's Bjark. There he is. Bro, you missed it. Nasty's mom was just on here. Yeah. Oh, man. She came in and talked for a couple of minutes. No way. I missed your mom. It was great. And you missed that fucking guitar intro of a lifetime. It was so good. Oh, shit, dude. Dude, I'm going to kill myself. You sure the fuck would the fuck happen? Yeah, so I went to- I had plenty of time before the podcast. We started an hour earlier than we normally do, so I was like, I'm going to go get my groceries. I'll be home. I'll be good. I'm on my way home from the grocery store. I fucking heard clunk clunk. And my air pressure and my front-ride tire just dropped to zero. Oh, man. I was like, oh, fuck me. Like, literally instantly. It blew out. So I think I hit a pothole at some other point and the sidewall was compromised and I- There was no big pothole, no bump or anything. I literally just- Ooh. Kitty. A great story like Monsters Inc. stays with you forever. And Disney Plus is where you'll find your next great story. From the return of the award-winning hit series, Rivals. Welcome to the naughtiest show on television. To the unmissable crime drama, High Potential. Gotta dead body, gotta go. A lifetime of great stories awaits. This spring on Disney Plus, 18 Plus, subscription required. T's and C's apply. Pop just fucking exploded out the side. Now I have run flat tires too, so if it was just like- If it was just a leak, I would have made it home. It wouldn't have been a big deal, but now- So you just fucked that whole thing. Boom. Yeah, so- Oh, get fucked, the entire side blew out. Oh, yeah, no, it literally exploded. I- Yeah, so my wheel's gone. This is essentially, for all intents and purposes, a highway. It's 80 kilometers on our speed limit, which I think is like probably like 50, yeah, something like that, 50 miles an hour. So I'm not having fun. It's pouring rain out. It's fucking cold. I have a trunk full of raw meat. I literally got so much fucking meat. Explain. I went to the grocery store. I got chicken breast, chicken thighs, I got pork chops, and I got female bacon, and they were sitting back there with eggs as well. I got my groceries for the week. I was like, alright, I'm going to Japan next week. Gonna eat good, gonna eat all my protein this week. I got the whole farm. No problem. Yeah, the whole fucking farm. And that was pretty much it, because I had everything else at home, because I just try to- I try to re-up on meat as often as possible. I like it fresh. So- Yep. So, yep, so it's pouring fucking rain. I called my normal tow truck guy, because this is a reoccurring theme for me. I literally just got this tire replaced two weeks ago, three weeks ago, Max. This was a brand new tire? A brand new, like within two weeks. Well, surely there's some warranty. There's gotta be some warranty. Yes, there is warranty. They charge me, and then we sort it out later, because this happens so fucking frequently. They just like charge me like the dealership I go to, and then they'll just reimburse me later. It's whatever. So, I'm waiting there in the fucking cold, call my normal tow truck guy. He doesn't answer. Sounds like fuck. All right, so I just Googled one, grabbed the first one. It was rated well on Google. Fuck this guy, dude. Fuck this fucking guy. I hope he fucking totals his stupid little truck. So, I waited for- I don't know, when did I tell you guys that I blew a tire? Probably fucking an hour and a half ago, maybe? That was after I called him. Sat there in the rain for half an hour. He gets there. He's talking on the phone. Fucking, I'm like, hey man, yeah, front right. We'll have to, you know, it's all wheel drive, so I'll have to actually like put it on the bed. We can't just drag it. Yada, yada. He's just on the phone. He doesn't give a fuck. He's just got his little Bluetooth in. He's just fucking yammering away. Tried to initially go up and shake his hand and say hi. Thanks for coming, whatever. Appreciate helping out. Yeah, but we can't do anything. Nothing. What'd you say? I said, is he white? Yeah, he was white. He was some sort of, I can't tell. I want to say like, going off my like, my ethno-guessor, I want to say maybe like Romania, Bulgaria, somewhere in there. Oh, oh, oh. We're talking Baltics. We're talking barely white. Like white but angry white, you know? Spicy white. We're talking like angry kind of toad looking white. Yeah, vodka white. Yeah, so. We're talking vodka white. We're talking women or gorgeous but all the men look like frogs white. Yeah, so he was one of those. Again, out of discriminate was happy he was picking me up and taking my car to where it needed to go and then he was going to drive me home. So whatever, it takes him fucking like 15, 20 minutes to load the car, which is fucking extremely long for literally just fucking. Just wrap a fucking two straps around the front axle and just pull it or not the actual you're with it up bars. Yeah, it's it's it's not that bad. It's an easy little fucking thing. I've watched the other guy do it and like three minutes. Anyway, we're sitting in the car and my wife is out. So she's not at home. So I just wanted to call her to fucking let her know that like, hey, blue attire, but I'm safe and all good. Just getting a ride. So if you're confused why my car is not in the driveway when you get home. I literally pick up my phone, put it to my head and he goes mm-mm. It's like, what do you mean? He fucking points. He has a fucking sign. He tapped the fucking sign. No phones. He doesn't want phone calls in his car. Are you fucking kidding me? And I was like, yes, swear to God. I was like, I was really like, ten foil. No, I was really just like what the fuck like I need to call my wife and I need to give her a heads up of what's going on. And he said text, text, no, no phone calls, no talking on phone, please. I was like, why? He's a sleeper agent. He's afraid he won't open up her phone. What is the problem? And he said he finds it hard to focus when his passengers are talking. Jesus Christ. Focus. He's driving down a fucking highway. Yeah. One street. What are you focusing on? You're going in a straight. That was it. I guess you're talking, you're like, oh shit. Hey, better fucking hang away. Better roll the car. So I was like, whatever. So I'm just fucking, I was just saying, because my plan was to get a ride. That's it. Because my plan was to join. I was hoping my normal guy pulled through and ended up showing up last minute because my normal guy, he's fucking awesome. He's like a little Arab dude like me. He's calling. No phones on a podcast. Hey, don't make me tap the sign. Don't make me tap the sign. I'll tap the sign. Yeah. My normal guy is like a little fucking Arab Lebanese guy like I am. So him and I always have a blast. I was hoping he picked me up so we could fucking say, you have a bling. Yeah. I was going to join with him. We were going to do a podcast together. But nope. I just got this fucking angry guy. Never even learned his name. Try to shake his hand. Say hi. Thank you. Nothing. No, I tried to shake his hand when he came and I just, I meant to like, hey, nice to meet you. Thank you so much for coming to grab my car or whatever. I really appreciate you coming out. I know it's raining stuff. Wanted to say thank you. Just fucking, the fucking points to his little earbud. He's fucking yammering away and not English. So then on the way back, we dropped my car off, whatever. I was fucking annoyed. And I was like, you don't fuck this guy. So I started watching Instagram reels full volume in the car and I was sending, I was sending him to do. I was getting the craziest ones. I got three back to back penises out. I got three. I got to see this. Yeah. Do you send me a link so then I know to blank these accounts? I was sending them to do. I was watching them full volume. I was like, fuck it. I'm not talking on the phone. He can't say shit. Oh my God, it's Dix out. It's like an advertisement for flip-flops. So this guy's just in the water with his cock out. I hope you were showing him like, hey, look at this guy. I was just fucking full volume Instagram reels. I got like right after that, I got, you know, those, you know how everyone on Instagram, anytime there's a two syllable noise, they think it's the N word. Yeah. I got like back to back like noises and like writing bites and shit. Oh, thank God this horse almost got hit by this car. It was very close. I love those. The ones where it's like woman almost gets hit by train and dies and then she actually just gets wiped off the planet. And then I love the top comment every time is like her name was almost. They have long story short. Fuck that guy. Also, by the way, while I'm doing while I'm watching Instagram reels of people's cocks, I'm literally just holding a fucking grocery bag of raw meat. So I ended up throwing all the meat out because I was like, dude, it's been like two hours. Like I'm not really. It would have been fine. It would have been two hours at room 10. No, it was never frozen. It would have been. It would have been was like, okay. Air chilled. What the fuck do you think people like 300 years ago did with the fucking with the game they killed? Do you think they were like, oh, it's out for two hours. Yeah, bro. Their stomachs were a lot different than mine. I'm not like that, bro. I fucking grilled meat. That's like a day old. That's why liver King did what he did. You can get that. True. You can get there. You just got to eat raw bone marrow and liver. Well, the problem was the reason I was mainly worried. I was trying every month. The reason I was mainly worried is I had I was blasting my heat because it's fucking cold and rainy. So like my trunk has two air vents. So when I opened it to get all the stuff, I was like, none of this is cold anymore. I'm not even close to cooking them fuck. Yeah. So I was basically sous vying meat in my trunk while I waited for this. But yeah, long story short. Fuck that guy next time. I'm just leaving my car there and walking home. Yeah. Wow. That is a shame. That is a damn shame. Yeah, but I'm glad that you're safe. Yeah, but you didn't die. Yeah, that would have been annoying. Wouldn't it? It would have been a cool podcast. I hear still fucking wet as hell. It would have been like a one time story. What do you mean? Like one. Yeah, no, it wouldn't really, it wouldn't really like paid dividends. I like your get up. He's going through reels right now. Did you did you watch the last one do there's this guy on like a one of those little. Yes, he's being pulled behind like on a raft and his dick is just going like this. It's like out fully out. It's out of his shorts. Just flopping around. It happens. Yeah. No, it's crazy. I've never seen on Instagram reels today. I would have pointed to his other sign that said like all penis reels are welcome. Please show me while I drive. I should have just put a break in his fucking. But Cox are okay. We'll take cock. We'll take cock. So as my fucking camera was cropped. How long have you been going? 31 minutes. We've been doing a little Q&A on the Twitter. All right. Get me back in a fast podcast. It's been a lot going on already in 30 minutes. Quick question. I'd like to point out by the way that I smell like absolute balls the entire time in this guy's car. I went I was on my way home from hockey. So I'm sweaty. I smell like shit right now and we are in a small heated cabin. So I feel like I got my lick back on that guy. Quick question. Yeah. I'd rather eat a horse size carrot that tastes like your favorite food or have a carrot size horse that's your friend and his name is Joe. Joe's carrot size horse that tastes like food. I like. Oh, oh, we just want to go. No, you had to eat it. You had to eat it by midnight. Oh, yeah. You have to eat all by midnight. Okay. Well, nobody told me that. I guess I'm taking Joe. Yeah, Joe. Horse. Yeah, Joe. Horse. Not bad. All right. That was like the first like Q and A question. We got one by Chad Cyborg. Chad's son or Floyd Daughter. I don't know what a Ford is. I don't know what a Ford is. I think Floyd. Floyd. I don't even know if there's a negative kind of taste. Is it like a simp woman or like it means it means fucking female humanoid. It's like the ultra autistic use it to describe women. I think it's like so. So you're a son or just a normal, you know, ugly, ugly, right wing or your son or like a human daughter, daughter. I'll take thought daughter. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like right wing son would be. It's a thought. We move out when she's 18 and the Chud son level me to fucking 35. Yeah. I'm saying at least a fat that was loved occasionally. Yeah, that is true. True. Very. A lot. Okay. Yeah. But then you might have a son. Yeah. Yeah. You get a worry about like, oh, my son is taking an interest in firearms. Oh, he likes World War Two history and firearms. Really likes World War Two history. He's got all three of the flags in his room. All three of the historical flags in his room because he's a he's a historian. History buff. Yeah. A history buff as it were. Yeah. I love that Shane Gilles bit. That's like guys who are who are into history. It's like a fucking gateway drug to being a right wing. To being a right winger. Yeah. It's just being like a conservative or something like being like your Fox News dad. Yeah. Like you sit down like, you know, you're like 35 drinking a beer watching like the history channel. You like wake up in a stupor to like, you know, the World War One like first invasion and it's kind of scary. I love how it's such a weird just like watching World War One. Like, wow, those guys are these guys were brave. It's kind of fucking hate the Mexicans. You know, like, how does that? It's a very odd like. Wow. Wow. A million people died in one day during trench warfare. The fucking Mexicans are taking my job. God damn it. I feel like they believe the Mexican. The first and that's kind of just what they grew up on. And then over time they get into the history shit. Well, I mean, you know, if their job is building houses and stuff, then yeah, you know, I don't see his nose at all. So there yo, yo, guys, perfect. Like for Cinco de Mayo for Cinco de Mayo, we should find like our like our equivalents of like of like Mexicans or Latino equivalents to us and then have them come on the show all goons and entirely in Spanish El Hunays. El Hunays. I think it'd be cool. Or like they laugh like in real life. Or do they laugh like normal? Like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I like the way your hair blown right now. It's good. It's cinematic. I would turn it up. One thing. One thing we don't have here in Australia is Mexicans. Oh, we got this by the way. You guys get this? That's great. Dude, I literally. So good. I watched my one day yesterday. I got one borrow. It's queso soap for the Spotify listeners. It's like coconut. Dude, it's crazy. You could your balls can smell the same as queso's balls. Knowing that I feel good. Smell good as fuck. His balls. It's a ball. For some reason I feel like queso is itchy. No, no, bro. I feel like oh that is true. He did have it. She calls till he is cheeky. Cheeky. Moisturizers. Yeah. The oil is absorbed into the into the chicken neck skin. When I imagine queso's screw out, I imagine one of those light boxing bags. Yeah. Over there. I feel like he's got no wrinkles kind of vibe. Yeah. Like it's like it's time. Like like they both. His nuts. They do do that. That's a thing. Do do. Yeah. Didn't George Clooney iron his balls? Did we talk about? Yeah. I would do that though. Cause I don't know. I'm like it makes you all. It's a ball length. Yeah, but it's one of those things where everybody has wrinkle balls. So it's like to be expected. Balls already look like alien genitalia. Like leave them as they are. Well, maybe maybe he was like maybe had short balls. Maybe like maybe his balls were really, really like. He stressed them taught. Well, maybe they're really tight to his body. Well, yeah, maybe. So like what happens? Listen, I've played a lot of hockey. I've grown up. I've seen a lot of penises and balls in my life. If you got real small balls, a lot of the time, even if you're pretty well endowed, you'll get a bit of a percher because your balls are always kind of right there. So your dick just kind of sit on top and no matter, you know, no matter what you got going on there, your dick just kind of on top the balls. So maybe he's like, I should extend my balls so I don't have a percher anymore. Now maybe his balls. Percher. Welcome to Paris piece. This piece said earlier, your blind date is already at the table and there she is. Cousin Brenda, what are you doing here? You're married anyway. Substitution brought to you by Paddy Power. Cousin Brenda makes way for Beth, the office crush. Oh, get in. You might not always pick the right starter, but your sub can still deliver. Because with Paddy's Super Sub, your bet rolls over to the player coming on. Paddy Power. Validant, selected leagues and markets only. Pre-match and in-play bets on qualifying player outcome selections only. T's and C's and exclusions apply. On day three of leftovers for lunch, have a day off. Switch it up with a double cheeseburger for 249 on the McDonald's savor menu. Leftovers left the chat. Talk about savor satisfaction. Served from 11 a.m. Price and participation may vary. Fees apply to delivery orders. Subject to availability. I just Google the hand-to-the-wrinkle scrotum and it just come up with this. It's called scrotox. It's a non-surgical treatment to kinematically reduce the appearance of wrinkles in the male scrotum. Combination of the word scrotum and botox. Yeah, we got that. How long do you think they workshop that name? And then there's ball ironing. Which just sounds so much worse. That's what he had done. It's a $600 scrotal beauty procedure. That's so bad. It's permanent scrotal beauty. Using lasers to remove hair, erase wrinkles, and correct discoloration of the scrotum. So they add ball ironing with lasers and then there's scrotox. Ain't nobody taking a laser to my fucking sack. Dude, that's horrible. Injecting botulinum toxin into the scrotum. Yeah, I don't know if I'm putting botulism in my cock and balls. Isn't it important for your shit to be wrinkly so they go down and they go up and then you don't get... They're supposed to stretch and be able to hang. Yeah, that's the red nature. Like you're like fucking with nature at that point. Yeah. They gotta regulate the temperature otherwise you're gonna be sterile. You're spurs. I want to explain to a guy in 1800s that you can pay $600 to have your balls lasered and when that happens... They'll say what is the US? They're smooth. They'll say what is the US? What is it diluted? What is a dollar? It would be good though for scratching purposes because you wouldn't have to bat wing. You could just... Some of us like bat wing. I do like bat wing. I like... I don't bat wing, David. I'm not a general. I'm not a general. I grab it with one hand and pull it and just... I do one of these. We've been over this alone. I just punch it as hard as I can. I just put a fucking lighter on it. A little lighter on the other. A lighter? Just fucking smoke us. Just burn the edge away. There it is. I wonder if you put like a lighter under your balls if eventually it start whistling like a teacat all out your dick hole. Your spurs are like boiling off. It's like a light little whistle. First of all, you just get a flume of like fire just burning up your pubes. Well, I don't... Oh yeah, you shave your pubes. No, I don't got ball hair. You don't have... You don't have a ball hair. I shave my ball hair, I should say. Yeah, but he's not old. Do you shave your pubes? Oh no, I go down to the bark. Are you like a landscape or something? Or you're... I don't have a razor. Down to the bark. I obviously shave... No, like show pubes. Not even on the pubes? No, on the top. On the top I keep... I keep... You gotta keep a little cushion for the face. You can't keep a little cushion for the pushing. Yeah, you can't be... Dude, if you bald, you look like a baby... Like a sloth sticker or like a dog. No, I just... I leave it so... You know, I like the slice of pizza kind of cut that's just naturally... Oh, yeah. Like a mustache for your dick. You don't ever like shape it into stuff? No, I got a really gross vein that goes from my hip bone down to my dick. And if I shave my like... My... My upper dick hair too much, you can see the vein and it's really fucking gross. Wait a minute. I'm curious, do you guys also have a really giant like earthworm vein going up your crack? No, on the top of it. Yeah, that's the one. It starts at my shoulder. I can trace it down to my dick. I can see the hands of a dildo. What the fuck? It's vile. So you take a bone or you have to put it up to here. Yeah, literally. It disappears a little bit here on my chest. I'm sure if I leaned out a little more you'd see it, but yeah, no, you could... You could find it again somewhere on the rib cage. And it looks like it goes right down to the old pecker. You gotta give someone a sharpie and they could trace it up like a... Like a... Like a mage. Does your main artery go into your cock? Of course. I don't know, man. All I know is there's gross shit going on. Yeah, so if you had a boner and I wanted to kill it, I could just grab your shoulder. And your dick would just... I don't know. I'm sure it has other resources. I'm working back with you to make you... I'm sure it has like a little bit extra help, but yeah, it seems to be his main supply comes from my shoulders. When you're shaving or you're waiting, obviously you're waiting for your balls to be like rolled up like jeans, right? Like balled up jeans, like they're all like tight and then you just... Like if you're waiting for your... I just go in the shower. Did you put it in the air? Wait till I'm warm. Get some shaving cream. Wait till you're warm. You guys are rolling your balls? No, I'm talking about... You get them really cold, so they're all... It's all compressed. No, it's warm. I'm both warm. No, I like that they're hanging as far as possible. Yeah, I like, yeah, far down and then he just... No, man. Ding, ding, ding, ding, gone. No, if it's all like, packed up... See, that's scary because sometimes I got like chicken skin when I'm cold, you know? I don't want to like... Yeah, let's have a get nicked, yeah. Nick my balls. I've never nicked my balls and I don't want to nick my balls. Don't nick your balls. This Q&A is not going super well, huh? No, no. We did two, two, four. 90% of the questions are spaghetti or meat. Are you sure? Well, I answered that. Did you see three spaghetti or meats in a row? Did we answer? We did. I would go for meat. That's meat. Meat's always the answer. It's still meat. It's always meat. It's always going to be meat. It's still going to be meat. It's always going to be meat. Crab uncle or dolphin sister? Crab uncle. I think crab uncle because I would eat him. Yeah, but crab uncle's gone missing. 11 billion other uncles. Yeah. It's just more uncles than there are people on the planet. Ooh, this is a good one for you, McDonnell. The populace doesn't count uncles. The whole extra 11 million uncles. We got a good one for you, McDonnell. What is it? Is it cake related? Let me guess. No, kind of. But we got kum. Kum asks, do you guys have any low calorie snacks for big bags trying to lose weight? I took a lot of inspo from McDonnell's journey, blokes video, and it's sort of a tan. Popcorn. We got this soon. Popcorn is goaded. Popcorn is, yeah, popcorn is a good one. Popcorn. Greek yogurt with protein powder. It makes you poop. I mean, popcorn's high fiber, high volume, assuming you don't drown it in butter. Low-calorie. How about that fiber? Very. It's just a piece of fiber. Oh, corncunnel. I don't really eat popcorn. I don't really go to. Great. It's the best. It's just kind of heartbreaking that. Yeah, you could literally eat like an entire bag of popcorn for like 150 calories if you don't go nuts on butter or anything. You should get it salted up. You know the salt and flavor. Yeah, salt and shake the bag. My favorite low-calorie snack easily Greek yogurt with a scoop of your favorite protein powder. Oh, good one. I wish I liked Greek yogurt. I got sick of it real quick. It smells like a hooker's ass. I was going to put the patterns. You put some honey or you put a little bit of maple syrup in there. You know what you can also do? Those, I think they're called skinny girl. They're like coffee syrups. You could put that in your yogurt. You can get sugar free at the Toronto once to whatever. Yeah, you can use like coffee sweetener and put it in. I do overnight oats. You should fuck. Yeah. Dude, almond milk. Almond milk. Some rolled oats, some cheese seeds, and then a protein pan of your choice. Put it in the fridge overnight. I feel like that's the most important part of a snack is like making sure that it's there's protein in it. Is it consuming like 150, 200 calories of just like not? Not. Well, depends what you're doing because if you're about to go. So you're getting into it. But if you're about to go work out or something like that, you don't really want or need protein. In fact, the opposite. You want as many carbs. If you're going to go run, if you're going to work out, if you're going to do any sort of physical activity, you want to get as many quick carbs as you can. So, you know, things like candy, things like candy and stuff still serve a huge purpose if you're, you know, being coerced. Like bodybuilders eat like fucking like Skittles. Yes, our patch kids Skittles, whatever you want. Just quick. Yeah. As long as you're not eating like chips for carbs, don't do that. But if you're a fat ass, maybe try and find something else. Something a little less. Yeah. Straight sugary. Yeah, I've held. Yeah. Yeah, I used to eat two peanut butter cups for every single hockey game as a kid. Damn. Straight. Bro, that would make me fucking puke. No, they're the best. It was like, you gotta give yourself energy, dude. You're gonna have like protein with my sugar. Really? Yeah, it makes me feel sick. Really? You know, some people, they get up and they're just like, I'll just eat like a sugary cereal and I'm good for the day. Okay. Well, that's that's like shit and balls. Or like, you don't give a fuck about your diet. They just get like a waffle or whatever. Yeah. You don't give a shit about your diet if that's your breakfast. You're just eating donuts. Yeah. I actually eat two donuts. Two donuts? Every single Friday during hockey season, I eat two donuts every Friday. If you're doing like, if you're doing like an hour and a half or two hours of like a sport like that, that's fine. You need to get the fucking, you need to get cars or cars. But if you're eating donuts and sitting down and watching Simpsons. Yeah, no, probably not the best play. Yeah, if you're fucking, if you're eating three crumble cookies and fucking playing with me, fuck, I love crumble though. You probably eat a few calories right after that. Damn. Is it a like two days of calories for a cookie? Oh yeah. The big ones are fucked. I think just like yeah. Is it actually that bad? Yeah. It's like eight. It's like really great. Well, the cookies are also like this big. I've only ever had like my wife's little brother is obsessed with him and every time he goes to the States, he, that's where he works. So he comes back and fucking brings a big ass box. I've never actually seen the calories since I've ever been in a crumble, but I've always just like, I always cut them into like a quarter and I'm like, this feels like. 700 to 800 calories. Oh my God. Yeah. It's funny. There was like a brand new one that was like over a thousand. There's like, oh my God. They have it in bold important context. Serving size, crumble serving sizes are usually listed as one fourth of a cookie. Oh my God. Just make the cookie. Just make the cookie. Just make the cookie a fourth as big and give me four. Wait, so seven times 700 calories times four. 700. I would explain my big chungus ass. The cookie, the cookie itself is 700 in total. The caloric. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I thought you were saying you were 700 per serving and each serving was a quarter. Okay. So you're like, of look, it's only 100 calories, but then the serving size is like the actual thing that you're doing. Dude, I was going to say with a fucking pure uranium in there. Fucking 3000 calories for one cookie. They have to put something. So much sugar. It's just a lot of sugar. 76 grams, 18 teaspoons of sugar added sugar. That is like two bottles of Mountain Dew. That's one and a half times your average maximum. And that's for one serving. That's one. That's the fucking one. I think it's 76 times four is a whole cookie of sugar. No, the whole cookie is 76 games. Oh my God. A bottle and a half of Mountain Dew of sugar. That's fucking crazy. That's a vial. I think the worst thing you can buy the like on the market that's just easily accessible is cheesecake cheesecake is the worst. Really? I was going to say. I think the dream cheese cakes like 1700 calories just for a slice. Oh, fucking insane. But the problem with is it's sugar and it's fat. Right. I can't be like that without free healthcare. Yeah, there's no. That's the thing. That's right. It's like an A1C speed run. You know what I saw that somebody said that if if Walter White had just like if breaking that took place in like Europe, it would have just ended after the first few episodes because you had free healthcare. Yeah, actually, you would have just had to wait a few months and then all good. I mean, he could have sold math for fun. Z's, you know, yeah, he could have just if you wanted like a, you know, he wanted his Christ or 300 or driving around. I always would have thought like Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts like coffees with all the frappes can be crazy. Those can be those can be like two things. You know, if you get like the actual large like leader and you and you load it with the syrup. Have you ever seen the fucking it's like a real or the YouTube shorts guy where he makes people's orders in Dunkin Donuts. You're like Starbucks and like you see him put all the sugar in a cup of sugar, half a cup of sugar, like half of the half of the syrup. Yeah, half of this is like sugar and then the other half is like syrup and then they like coffee on it. Like like they're like mixing it up. Coffee in like a 30 it's like becoming dough. It becomes dough. That's so file, dude. People drink that shit for like breakfast. You know, even in my fattest of my fattest eras, I never did shit like that. Like I could never wake up. You're going to be like different level of obesity. That's like some like my six hundred pound life show. They just wake up. I mean, I feel like you actually you'd actually need a medical condition in order to like crave then like you need to get a better. Yeah, you need to get better. You need to you need the sugar when your blood sugar is already that high constantly. You just constantly crave sugar. That's nuts, dude. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, I could not fucking do that. I imagine it's bad enough being 98% water imagine being 98% sugar water. I mean, I put a lot of sugar. I put like a lot of sugar in my coffee and I feel like I freak about it. You think 90% of us is water? I just googled how much am I water? I think it's like 75% or 72%. I say it's 50 to 60, but I don't know. We're just like jellyfish. We're just like sludging around. I did a snail trailer. There we go. I did a nice. I didn't find is a nice beautiful cup of game resupps. You can get to if you use code goons. You will get 10% off anything on game resupps. Whether you want to get some grandma's ashes, some crusader aid, a cup. Fucking I think those pads. You can get fucking anything. Anything you want with code. Anything but the bitches live on the side order the products to get the bitches. The bitches come with the territory. And since you'll be getting bitches, you'll probably want to wash your balls. So you should use cheeky. I almost said flavor, but it's smell. Gamer got like Chris Papel, Bergamot, a bunch of other shit. It smells really good. I don't know. And the love of a sweet sweet man. Go use code goons get 10% off. I do have an interesting question here. Okay, go ahead then. Would you rather be able to control any percentage or be able to see the future? Control any percentage. What do you mean by that? So like the odds of winning the lottery are like 0.1%. You make it 100%. You could increase yourself or just in general. Just you could increase like violence on women. The percentage of that happening or you could cool. Your odds at the casino. But can you control. So like if I created the odds of winning the lottery to 100%, is that for everybody or just for me? You hand me and violence against women. I'd make it. I think a percentage for you. You could alter like my percentage of violence on women can go up. Yes. Okay. Would you control without this question? You know this question for that. Okay. Okay. You can control that anyway. You can control your own percentage of violence against women right now. Or women or women still. Are women still are women still doing bitches if I make it zero? Zero bitches. No, are women still annoying bitches if I make it zero? 100%. Okay. Then I'll bump it up to five. Just to keep it. I'm not on this podcast. I'm still. I'm not here. I wasn't here this episode. No. My future employment opportunities. Can the violence against women be verbal and not physical? It can be whatever you want. It's your percentage. I'm a gentleman. I'm a gentleman. I would do 20% violence against women. But 100% of the violence would be done by other women. Okay. Yeah. See it's balanced that way. Yeah. I don't believe in hitting women. I don't believe in men hitting women. What are you doing? I'm not part of this conversation. Wait, it's us. Sorry. We're done. I didn't want to be a part of that conversation. Future employment opportunities. I'm not working anywhere. I'm just fucking. I'm. Unemployable. Oh God. Actually, like I can't go. Dude. I'm going to jump off. I'm just going to jump off. Dude, it would be to like go from our current job to just like next week. You're working at 8am. Yeah. Like a stocking shelves. Target. I would work at a medieval times, I think. Yeah, you'd fit right in. I'd be my next. I would also just go to IT. I would just go back to IT shit. You're giant walking through the halls. Just like do what I do. That's fucking hilarious. I would be a. I'm expecting like a scrawny nerd. I just show like this. I guess six or eight guy with a guitar. Just my dumb get up. I'd be a gravity tester for a tall building. Make sure it's still working. True. Yeah, I'd kill myself. I'd jump off a roof. I just want to make sure there's a dead guy down there on the concrete. I'm going to make sure that happens. Yeah, no, I would. I would taste test for a Fugu chef. Who is that? Isn't that the fish? It'll kill you. It's a fishy. Oh, taste test. Isn't it crazy? The people that make the Fugu in Japan, they have to go through like years of training. And then when they make the Fugu in front of you, they have to eat a piece. Have you? Have you had it? No, it's not very good. I'll be real. It makes you tingle, doesn't it? Low key. I feel like people be just saying that because they're like kind of placebo about it. Because in my experience, zero tangle and it literally just tasted like, try to describe the texture. It almost tasted. Have you ever bought really shitty like grocery store cod or haddock, like frozen grocery store cod or haddock and you like kind of cut into it with a fork and it almost like flaky but not like a delicious way. You're like, oh my God, this fish. So it's more like a mushy flake. It's kind of weird. It's not very good. It's not a good texture. I don't like it. I don't like it. I have not had that actually. I think about it. Swags, we're going to be fucking hanging out in Japan. I'm like five days. I didn't realize that. We are literally going to Japan very soon. Five days. Holy shit. What? Are we going to what? Are you guys going to molest each other? Yeah. Well, it's not really molestation for both. Kind of key. If it'll be a little cold at night. You can't see where it's like. However, however, the guy, the guy that falls asleep on the middle in the middle of the street. That guy were molesting. Oh, I know that guy. That was not even a little bit Japanese. John. John Ping. Lee is Chinese. Yes. Japanese. Rice. Take a look at the guy that has his little drum. He goes. What is like a typical Japanese name? Fucking Toyota. To be she dude. Literally just sick of car brains. I'm going to tell me on a he's. I'm sure you'll get. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎 where we're drinking or doing something along those lines, whether it be out for dinner or in Vegas or whatever the vibe is. He never just has one thing. He loves double parking. He's always got either two different alcohols or a cigarette and alcohol or a joint and alcohol. It's always two things in his hand. It's never one hand free at any point. It's incredible. It's called the Bollackle Double Pork. I love him, probably that guy. Bollackle Double Pork. That guy is my fucking, he is the LeBron James of Fun. Oh yeah, he's life of the point. He best PA a guy could have. Or EA, sorry, executive assistant. What's going on with McNancy? Where you going? He's just leaving, mid podcast. Yeah, dude, I had like all of Danielle's friends who were at the fucking wedding. We're just, they all of them were like, whoever that guy with the chain mail tie walk around was, was fucking awesome. He was like, that's just like, yeah, that's fucking. That's him. Nassim, are you about to, he's coming to, he'll be in the outro. He better be. Continue your conversation till you're ready. No, it's all right. Go ahead. All right. Ready for the outro? Stage is yours, bro. The Goons playing games. Goons podcast. Oh, that sounds like shit. Why does that sound like shit? The floating trim is out of tune. Yeah. All right, Goons podcast. Yeah. Oh, God, 250 fucking episodes. That sounded racist. Was this episode 250? No, no, no, no, no. It's 249. 249. No way. It makes one is 250. That's wrong. All right, I'm not even recording on that. You get that. That's your ending.