Proposing With A Fake Ring, Keeping Videos From Your Ex, & Dropping Gender Roles.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt Season 2 podcast. This is a story about a horrendous lie that destroyed two families. Late one night, Bobby Gumpright became the victim of a random crime. The perpetrator was sentenced to 99 years until a confession changed everything. I was a monster. Listen to Burden of Guilt Season 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I think she might be innocent. Listen to Doubt, The Case of Lucy Letby on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Special Agent Regal, Special Agent Bradley Hall. In 2018, the FBI took down a ring of spies working for China's Ministry of State Security, one of the most mysterious intelligence agencies in the world. The Sixth Bureau podcast is a story of the inner workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets. Listen to The Sixth Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Clayton Eckerd. In 2022, I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor. But here's the thing. Bachelor fans hated him. If I could press a button and rewind it all, I would. That's when his life took a disturbing turn. A one-night stand would end in a courtroom. The media is here. This case has gone viral. The dating contract. Agree to date me, but I'm also suing you. This is unlike anything I've ever seen before. I'm Stephanie Young. Listen to Love Trapped on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Every breakup I ever had, I delete every single, like I'm so dramatic with it. I delete every single picture, text message, everything. And then I also will delete anything that reminds me, like, little things. Like, anything. Like, I'm throwing it all away. Because I don't want to see nothing that's going to remind me of you or the memory of you. Like, I have to act like you're dead and you don't exist. You get rid of somebody, you just get rid of everything about them. Everything except unless it's, like, a piece of jewelry or something. I don't know how it's going with it. Yeah, exactly. It's like a piece of jewelry or something. Exactly. Yeah, right. Yeah, she was about to contradict herself right here. Yeah, all right. This is the taking over the game. all right everybody welcome to truth after dark do you think that men or women are more toxic hello beautiful people welcome to another episode of the truth after dark i'm your host This is our fair day. This is your boy, The Truth. Okay, how you feeling? Yeah, what's up? It's cold out here, huh, in L.A. Yeah, L.A. It's freezing. Raining, cold, man. Right, I cannot handle it. I'm so cold. Okay, so there was a student who had a diamond tester, right? And he went around to his teachers and tested their rings. And a lot of their rings were fake. Damn. And they were calling their husbands pissed, pissed, off okay that is crazy what do you think about buying your fiance a fake ring hey you know proposing with the fake ring gotta fake it till you make it that's what they say you know what i'm saying hey it look good don't it what else all that matter nobody knew it's fake until he did that right well that's them type of teachers well a lot of women will go see if the The ring is real, I think. Because they probably want to cash out on it. They just want to see. Because now they have the lab-grown diamonds, too. And the lab-grown diamonds are half the price, like even less than half the price with their diamonds, with their lab-grown. So some people are like, oh, if a man proposes with a lab-grown, I'll have a problem with that. Me, personally, I don't really care if it was a lab-grown or not. I'm going to be honest. I don't care about that. I also feel like I wouldn't want to have this big-ass ring, and then someone's going to try to rob me. I'm paranoid. I don't have time for any of that. Yeah, imagine getting robbed over some live-grown diamonds, gun to your head, all of that. Man, how you going to feel? You going to feel, it's going to be crazy because you're going to be like, well, it was live-grown anyway, but the stress of just getting robbed is like, damn. The stress of getting robbed is what you care about. You have a gun to your head. Yeah. You stressed out. Damn. You going through it. Like, that's crazy. more and more people in the industry are wearing fake jewelry. Yeah, yeah, as they should. Because they don't care if he robbed and they just gonna get another one. Exactly, I don't blame that. I'm seeing people coming out, people are coming out and even saying it. Yeah, they're saying, they're saying, I remember Ocho Cinco saying he was buying fake jewelry. People are saying that. You know what I'm saying? Because I get it. Kim Kardashian got robbed for all them jewels she had on. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like it's me personally. Like, I don't want to be walking around with this huge bust down anything because I'm nervous, especially as a woman. You just got to worry about where you go with it. Yeah, exactly. If you're going to be wearing that type of stuff, you either need security or don't be in places where you feel like you can get robbed. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It's just a chance you take. And so, you know, ain't nothing to it. I think them teachers or whoever got them lab grown, just when people complimented it, it don't matter. It's just, you know, different wearing fake Louis or Gucci or fake whatever cheap clothes that look good. Well, the lab grown isn't going to test fake. What they're testing is just straight up rhinestones. Like they're tested like you don't even have the lab grown because lab grown will test like it's real because it is a real diamond. I did that before. What? I bought a girl some fake jewelry. You did? Yeah, I did. I was dating her. I think I said, here you go. I got these earrings. I'm crying. They was like some earrings. They was faking some money. But they would look good, though. I am dead. They look good, though. I swear, this might have been my second or third year in the league. I'm like, yeah, here you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bust down. Like, yeah. Bust down, baby. Bust down is crazy. Everyone uses the words yet, but, you know, that's what I was thinking. Like, yeah, you fly. You fly. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. So speaking of rings, Sierra asked Russell Wilson what ring matters more to him, his wedding ring or his championship ring. And what did he say? So they were eating wings, and they had to do the wings if they don't want to answer. So he started laughing. They started dying laughing, and he ate one of his wings. So my question to you is if you ever got married again, what would be more important? What is your answer? The championship ring or the wedding ring? Yeah. Well, the championship ring is forever. Right. No doubt about it. That ain't never going away. This wedding ring could get divorced and sold. You know what I'm saying? Like, damn. I agree that the championship ring. Tony Baker, he came on and he was like, look. I'm going to keep it real. He said, that ring, he said, I can get married this year. I cannot get a championship ring at all. Like, no matter what I try to do. You can get a wedding ring any time. Yeah, he said, I can get married. Listen, he said, but I cannot get. A championship ring. Yeah. That's hard to get. So I'm going to go championship ring for sure. You know what I'm saying? That's going to last. That's going to be forever. I don't blame you on that one. I mean, that's just what it is. Like I said, the wedding ring, damn. You got to think about this. What you did to get that championship ring based on what you did to give out a wedding ring. I spent these money to give a ring away. I spent my blood, sweat, and tears to get this ring. Right. I agree. You know what I'm saying? I gave a ring and one was given to me based on my blood, my sweat, my tears, my years of being devoted and sacrificed. You know, now I'm giving away a ring. You know, that's not mine anymore. I bought it. I gave it away. So now you see circumstances to where people get divorced and they sell the ring. Now what does it mean to me? Yeah. You know, it means nothing to me no more. but this that I grew up my whole life dreaming about trying to do and trying to get and I got it it's gonna be I'm not passing down like are you passing down the wedding ring to your kids? Yeah a lot of people do A lot of people sell them Well a lot of people give it to their son to propose or whatever but that's I think more in like I don't see black people doing that that's in like different cultures That's old school That's different, yeah. This is different cultures and white people be doing that. That's back like a grandma. And they be saying. She about the past and she like, here you go. They give the ring because I feel like now women are going to be like, what kind of raggedy ring is this from 1923? Like, I don't want this shit. That ring, $100,000 or more. You know what I mean? That ain't getting passed down. I don't want a ring. Listen, if I'm, I'm not, I don't want no $100,000 ring, none of that. Like, that's going to blow me. I don't want no $100,000 wedding, anything. Invest in businesses, invest in property, invest in things that will get us cracking do not get no hundred thousand dollar ring that's blowing me like i don't want none of that until he pull out that hundred thousand dollar ring and you like no i i feel like okay cool but it's just like i think that there's better things that you can spend money on like why are you spending a hundred thousand dollars on a ring like i just think it's too much i think that it's just like even with a wedding it's too much like i don't want it to be a whole thing where we're spending half a million dollars like that's blowing me like there's so many other things that could be that money could be going towards that actually could make a real difference instead of giving a performance in a show for other people give you a hundred thousand dollar ring you can afford to it doesn't matter if you can afford it it's the point of i'd rather just be like you don't give it back no i'm gonna take it i'm gonna take it But are you going to say this when he gives it to you? Like, hey, babe, we can do more with it. No, you don't be like, man, give me that back, her ungrateful love. No, but it's just a conversation that you can have where it's like, you don't have to do all of that. You know what I'm saying? Like, it could be more modest, and it doesn't have to be that. You know, like, just because I feel like even with the wedding, people spend so much money on. I know people going broke over weddings. And it's just like, I'm so confused why I'm spending all of this money. to do a performance for y'all. Like, yeah, I love that. And I think it's cool. But I think that it could be more like chill. Like, you don't have to spend all this money and do all of this shit just to do that. Like, it's cool. It's a party. It's a vibe. We're getting it cracking. And I love that. But like, I'm not about to be stressed out over no wedding, like every day. Like, people be stressed every day, planning, doing this, doing that. Like, man, you act like this is a whole business. Like, you putting energy as if this is a job. that's about to pay you. Well, marriage is a business. It is a business, but I'm saying like the wedding. Marriage is a business, but the wedding is not. Like the wedding is just a performance and a thing for other people. And I get it, but it's like you don't have to do all of that, in my opinion. I'm not about to be that stressed out. Like I watch people plan weddings, stress, money, this, that, that, that. Like why? Why am I stressed out to get married? It's only one day. You're going to remember the rest of your life. Yeah. What are you doing with the flicks? Like, what are you doing with the video if y'all get divorced? You keep it? For your children, I guess. Maybe they want to see it if you have kids together. But you keep that stuff? I don't know because I'm not married, but I delete everything. That's a good question. Like, what if, like, all the pictures you have with your husband or your wife, do you keep those pictures or do you, what are you doing? Are you throwing them away? You can give them to your kids. What if you got no kids? I'm throwing them away. Okay. Only because I'm the type, let me say the type I am. Every breakup I ever had, I delete every single, like, I'm so dramatic with it. Like, I delete every single picture, text message, everything. And then I also will delete anything that reminds me, like, little things. Like, anything. Like, I'm throwing it all away. Because I don't want to see nothing that's going to remind me of you or the memory of you. Like, I have to act like you're dead and you don't exist. Like seriously, I get so dramatic. And even when I know I'm about to leave somebody, I'm starting to delete pics. And I'm getting off. So when you get rid of somebody, you just get rid of everything about them? Everything except unless it's like a piece of jewelry or something. She knew how it was going with it. Yeah, exactly. It's like a piece of jewelry or something. Exactly. Yeah, right. And I'll keep that shit. Yeah, she was about to contradict herself right here. Yeah, all right. Yeah, I caught her. No, no, no. I'm going to keep it real. If it's something like a piece of jewelry, like bracelets and like little shit that I do have, like airbags and Chanel. Like I keep items like that, but also too, but also too. She had to catch herself. No, but also too, if it's little shit, I'm deleting it. If it's pictures, I'm deleting it. If it anything about this person it gone Like I not even kidding Anything about this person except the jewelry and the car and everything else Except the car the jewelry And the house The house the cash And you know like anything of value yeah But any other bullshit? No, because if it's some pajamas or some bullshit, why do you have that? Right. If it's a painting, why do you have that? Like, we're not going to have pictures of stuff, like, coming up. Like, I don't deal with that. Like, don't put no pictures up. of anything and I don't play that I don't want to see no reminder or memory of my exes period I remember I was at my my uncle's funeral a long time ago and they had a slideshow and it was a picture of me and my ex and I said what I had to tell them I know you're lying why do you have this like delete everything honey I don't want nothing no reminders of these people because that's what keeps you stuck on the past like I'm not stuck on no past shit like you're not gonna see anything And I don't like that, like, do you think that it's wrong if a woman or your partner keeps, like, videos sexual of their past exes? Where they keeping them? In the phone. In the phone. Damn. That's tricky. On the computer. I mean, how you, like, damn, on the computer. Keep the videos of the, no, you know, you got to get rid of that. Yeah. Yeah, you got to get rid of that, right? I think so. I had to experience seeing that, and it traumatized me. So I don't want to... You saw what? Yeah, my ex having sex with his ex on our computer in our house because he had it, like, connected to his phone or whatever, and I was going on there, and you know how it brings memories and stuff? And it literally was a video. It was the craziest thing, and I was, like, so stressed. I was so traumatized. Did y'all break up over there? No, because it was in the past, but I was pissed. I was like, fuck you. I didn't watch it. I saw some of it, and I was disgusted. I threw up, and I was like, fuck you. I'm done. You know what I'm saying? Like, I couldn't be done because it was from the past, but why are you keeping this? Like, are you jacking off to this on the low? Maybe he forgot about it. That's what he tries to say. But I'm like, are you, what? You're using this? Like, because you're still stuck on her? You still want her? Like, what is it? He probably wasn't even thinking about it. Why is it coming up as a memory? and then I remember one time it was like Mother's Day we were at like we were eating with like our family and then on his phone it comes up memories him and his ex they don't have no kids nothing him and his ex the mother everyone like why why why do you is this coming up like you he kept so he gotta delete all the pictures of his ex all of that well I don't want to see it it shouldn't be coming up on the thing and I should not have to be traumatized and see I personally feel like I should not have to see nothing I don't want to see no nothing I don't want to see no pictures I don't want to see no nothing. Like, if you're going to keep it, it was our shared home computer in our home office. You can't make sure it's off that. No, you can't. Like, in our home office, I'm not on your phone. And then it's coming up as a memory. That'll blow me if we on our shared computer and I pull up some pictures and he on there dogging you out. And I'm like... And listen, she had his name. She had his name in lipstick written on her boobs, titties out. Damn. And she was cool. Like, little body. Like, you know what I'm saying? She was cool. I was like, it's crazy. I was pissed. No, it stressed me because I'm like, oh, wow. Okay, this is crazy. Cool little body, little situation, titties. You're like, they're, and then, and then, and then it was them just like laying naked on the couch and so in love. Like, I was so pissed. I was so pissed off. Like, I know you're lying. And he used to be, he's that type, like to keep everything. like stop keeping shit I don't want that I don't want to have to see that that blew me and that traumatized me for the rest of my life yeah that's crazy like imagine having to see your girl getting hit giving head to another man on our computer imagine you pull up and you see her giving head to another man that's crazy you're are you breaking up off of that well I'm I'm gonna be like man I ain't never had to deal with that I don't even know how I react. That'll blow me, though. But it's like, what if she's like, I didn't even know, like this and that. It's a past thing, but that's going to be etched in your head now forever. And what if she's getting and cracking better than y'all? Like, damn, you're like making noises you ain't never made. Like, you're... It's going to kill. Oh, bro. Damn. That's going to traumatize you forever. Like, what are you talking about? Yeah, that's crazy. That's blow you. I don't know what the fuck would have to do all day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shoot your shot on PrizePix and get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. That's right. PrizePix is now giving you $50 in lineups when you sign up and play your first $5. PrizePix makes every dunk, every dime, and every board that much more exciting. So don't miss this chance to get started on America's number one app for SportsPix. We are so back, baby. PrizePix is so simple to play. Football season is over, but we still have plenty of sports to build a lineup with. Basketball, hockey, UFC, soccer, college basketball, tennis, golf, esports, and so much more. You know, though, I stay rocking with basketball in my Boston squad. Peyton Pritchard, more threes, more points, more assists, more, more, more. Exactly. I am so riding with you, Paul. Let's go, Boston! And the best part, I got my friends hooked on Price Picks. Now they're hitting me up about my lineups, too. Love that. And there's a new feature alert. Price Picks now has early payouts. If your player gets off to a hot start, you now have the option to cash out those winnings before the game even finishes. Download the Price Picks app today and use code TAD to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code TAD to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Price picks. It's good to be right. So anyways, this is a story. So Denzel Washington, which I love him down, he said that his wife ended up having to pay on the first date because he didn't have enough money. That's baller. And now they've been married for 41 years. and he's cracking. See, women, y'all need to listen. 41 years of marriage, pay on the date. Like, do something for the man. He gonna always appreciate that. She wasn't trying to. He said he ran out of money and his car was declined type of thing. And so she was like, don't worry, I got it. And she didn't say, like, he wanted to, he was trying to. He wasn't like, pay for this date. And his car declined type of thing. And so she was like, okay, I got it. Yeah. And she didn't leave him. Now in this day and age, a woman is leaving that man, never talking to him again, pissed off, making a social media post about it, dogging and blasting him. He's going to be all over, ran through in the internet, everything. We don't have that same type of love no more and that same type of energy where it's like, now every single thing that a woman goes through with a man, you have to post it and you have to blast a man. And I'm sick of that shit. That's so low budget and low class. Like, stop blasting people on the internet, first of all. Yeah, breaking up was so much easier back in the day. Now, when you break up, it's always going to be receipts. Receipts. They're blasting your shit. You're nervous. You don't know if they're going to tell, like, pictures. You don't know what they're going to do these days. And that is just, like, really crazy to me. That's the one thing men have to be better at, just, you know, recognizing the character of your woman. Yeah. But at the same time, when a woman is scorned, anything, can happen because you've never seen her like this. You know, you think you got a woman that's not going to drag you because she ain't never been like that. But then when it get bad. But you got to look at her past relationship. Does she drag any other person? You know what I'm saying? Like, does she seem like someone who wants clout and attention from the internet and other people? Like, there's ways to kind of view that and see and determine the character of somebody. Because it's like, I've definitely dealt with someone where I'm like, I don't trust that you're going to not, Like, I don't know. You seem thirsty. Like, you go and do some shit. Like, you know what I mean? You can kind of tell with somebody where it's like, mm, you want to do this? Or even, like, if you're with somebody and they posting every little second of everything, everything. Like, I hate that. I'm not being with nobody like that. Yeah, that's too much. I ain't never been with nobody like that. Yeah, like, you're not about to keep posting every little thing that we're doing and every little moment. Like, that's thirsty. Every food, every little time you're on the flight. Like, that's just, to me, you do too much in that. And I think when you look at certain character traits like that, you realize, like, oh, someone is willing to do this. Or people say a little slick shit where you're like, why would you even have that thought in your head? Yeah. You know, like, that's weird that you would even think like that. Yeah, that's... I'm not dating nobody who constantly posting every day, thirst traps, all of that. I'm off that. I ain't never had, in the social media world, since this happened and the girls I dated, I ain't never dated girls that was super involved on social media, like, ridiculous. It's like, this is ridiculous. Yeah. Like, come on now. Like, y'all not going to get my full attention. You're going to get the attention that you deserve. And that attention is going to be limited. is I'm going to treat you how you treat yourself. And that's what it's going to be. Like, I ain't, no. I'm going to take you with a grain of salt. I'm not even going to take you serious. At that point, you just, like at a point, you just having fun or something like that. This is just passing time, really. And I know that, like, you know who you want to be with. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes you just date just to just be like, man, this is just something to do. Like, girls do it too, though. It's just something to do. Yeah, for sure. But you got to be careful with that because you can still create an attachment when you do that, and then it can still be difficult to part your ways with someone even though you know you don't have the intention on being with them. No, no, no. It ain't, like, unless we ain't together. We ain't together. You know what I'm saying? So, you know. But, yeah, I just think that even me, like, I be going all type of places, and people be like, damn, I'm sorry you don't post. They be on me about posting shit, and I do need to get better at posting at least something. But I just be in my moment. I'm gonna be tripping off of like Posting everything and I'm more of a Private person believe it or not even though I'm on Social media because I do this shit Like I'm private when it comes to like what I have going on in my daily life you're not about To see everywhere I'm going traveling You're not seeing all of that because it's not Necessary for you to see that Like I might share here and there But it's like I'm not big On sharing all my movements Either and I'm also someone who's just been Raised differently like I have gangsters In my family like they don't be telling nobody everywhere you at if you post somewhere you better have already left that location like that type of shit i already i'm like cut from a different type of cloth like i can't just be posting everything where i'm at and when i'm there and like like it's too much you ever go live yeah i go live i do go live with my people i love to go live with me but i haven't been doing it at all recently but i definitely um will go live but it would just be like when i'm just chopping Like it's not where I'm at and all of that shit Like it's just where I'm chopping it up And that's a way for me to connect with my audience And the people that fuck with me Yeah my live days is over Yeah you You don't need to be going live buddy at all We know that I don't even know That for me Nah I'm good Yeah you don't need to be doing that And that's real Yeah We already know you don't need to be doing that Okay um so anyways moving on moving on boris cojo is that oh my boy cujo cujo my boy boy he used to work out at the gym we used to be back in the day that's my man yeah he's he's he's dope man we need to get boris on the show him and his wife man talk about the longevity and man i think that'll be boris man we need to get you on the show man that'd be dope just to talk about you you know just the things i love let me say something i see a lot of boris's like commentary like he's been on shows and stuff and the things he says is so no we need to get good to me he got a gang of knowledge yeah yeah they're one of the most underrated they probably the most underrated couple they're cracking yeah and as a couple we don't talk about them enough like as far as like a hollywood couple because we don't we don't highlight the good couples enough. That's why. We talk about Cardi B and Stefan Diggs every goddamn day. But we're not talking about, you know, Sally Richardson and Dondre Whitfield and this. Right, that relationship too. And, you know, him. It was the relationships we need to talk about on the show. Yeah, we need to highlight Denzel Washington and his wife. Like, these are real relationships that actually... Like, how is it able to last so long? What have y'all endured? How are y'all... Yeah. You know, how did y'all meet? And how are y'all going through it? and he talks about some stuff. Ups and downs. Yeah, man. I've seen him. I'm going to reach out, man. We're going to get you on the show. Yeah, we've seen him talk about recently. I love to hear that journey, you know, just because that's like a foundation on like longevity with love. Like you said, with D'Andre and his wife and Denzel, like we need to have more stories that are putting out the positive relationships. Yeah, we do. Like for real. And I think like what Boris was saying recently, which I think is real and I resonate with, is that when you're in a relationship, it's just about deciding that you're going to choose each other. Like make a conscious decision, like this is who I'm going to be with and I'm going to choose this person. I mean, as long as you're not getting like ultimately disrespected in a crazy way or whatever the case is, but I'm making a decision to wake up and choose my partner every single day, you know, and not give up on them and not give up on each other and the bond and the connection that we have. And I feel like that's the common theme that I hear with these couples that have been together for a long time. It like we made a decision you know and we sticking to that decision You know even my sister and her husband say that like we not any different from anybody else We just decided we going to choose each other and stick with that Like, that's just it. Whatever's going on is what's going on. This is what we've committed to each other, and we're going to show up in the best way that we can every day, and we're going to choose each other regardless. Yeah, that type of love needs to be spread more, and that type of love need to be on the front pages, on the front lines. Yeah, and it's not because they don't like to highlight black love. We highlight too much of the negative stuff, but those are the type of stories we need more of. Yeah, for sure. And so he recently said that the number one mistake that a lot of men make in marriages is not communicating with their woman when things are feeling heavy, you know, like when they're stressed out, when they're going through a lot. They feel like, you know, I don't want to burden her. I don't want to put this on her. But they're not giving the woman the opportunity to say, hey, I'm here. I can support you, you know, even if it's just little things or just trying to make the day-to-day easier on you. And he said, because what ends up happening is, then a woman not knowing you're going through everything you're going through might do something or say something. You're like, you don't even know what I'm going through. Like, I have all this going on. And then you start to snap or resent the person, but you didn't even give them the opportunity to realize, like, I'm going through all of this shit. That's true. And he said that's a big mistake men make in marriages. Yeah. That's something men got to learn. Yeah. Because men are so used to like being the bearers of heavy weight. Yeah. On their shoulders. And that are expected, especially strong black men are expected to like not be vulnerable. Yeah. No, don't let that affect you. You need to be stepped forward, handle it, and move on. where when you go through so much stuff that weighs on you, you hold it in. Yeah. Because you don't want to be looked like as soft or a simple or just like, especially black men. Yeah. You know, because we talk, especially my era, we talk to be this hard, tough, and can go through anything and everything. But sometimes you need to vent and you need to tell your problems in the relationship. You need to release and, you know, tell your girl, tell your wife and let them know that like man i'm really going through some shit uh um you know i'm just i'm not there right now you know and then your partner understand you know how to come at you you know how to approach you know and how to deal with you on a day-to-day because your partner may be going through something too that they need to express but if you tell them they'll probably hold back a little bit like you know what i know he's dealing with so i'm gonna bring this to him right now uh you know i'll bring it to him at a later date and all of that and i think us a strong black man we need to be like hey you know i'm going through something baby i'm sorry i've been detached yeah uh things that i've been dealing with and be vulnerable i think we need to be more vulnerable to our partners i mean if you're going to be vulnerable who else to be vulnerable to than the person that you're with that you share your life with that you're with every day that that you say you want to spend the rest of your life with, even if it's a girlfriend you've been with a long time, because I think every man needs a release. Yeah. Because, man, the pressures of the world are on us every single day. We have the pressure of, hey, you're the leader. You're the one that has to take care of whether it's your kids, your wife, your girlfriend. You have to be strong. You have to be that guy. You can't let the world beat you up. You can't be depressed. And that's what, like, we're taught. Like, you can't be down. Like, because, but at the end of the day, men look at it, it's like, look, women don't want to follow that. Women don't want to follow a man who's always weak and always vulnerable. Women are taught to follow a strong man, like, that can deal with stuff. Because that's what you want to teach your kids. Yeah, but strength is vulnerability. It's easy to hide how you feel. It's easy to not say anything. It's easy to not communicate. It's easy to just let things fester inside of you. But it's very hard to be vulnerable enough to have a conversation. It's really, it takes strength to be like, baby, sit down. I want to talk to you about this. This is what I'm going through right now. Like, that's signs of a great leader, in my opinion. Someone who's able to actually communicate with you and be vulnerable and talk to you. Because not only does it show that you have the courage to, you know, communicate about things that are difficult to talk about, but it also allows your woman to feel like she can have a safe space to be vulnerable as well. And I think that that's important. And we're taught differently because you think like, oh, I have to be strong and I have to act like nothing ever bothers me. But then what ends up happening is you internalize that and then it creates resentment in your relationship. And then the woman sometimes feels like it's about her. Without knowing what's going on, you're like, well, is he not feeling this anymore? Is he detaching from me in this relationship? Is he checked out mentally? And then she starts to internalize those feelings. And then it creates this huge wedge between you when you don't have to. Yeah. Go ahead. But the thing is, when men, when we do tell our problems and we vent them, I think as men, we look at it like, I can tell her what we're going through. But at the end of the day, it's not going to solve the problem. Right. Like, I just got fired. I don't want to tell her. I got these bills that's behind due. I don't want to tell her. It don't solve the problem that's happening behind the steal. Like, I can tell you, and it feels good right now, but it don't solve the problem. And that's why we just feel like we're going to hold it in and deal with it. And then once we get through it, and I'll tell her after. You know what I'm saying? I think that's what men do a lot. We'll hold it in and tell you after we already been through it and got through it. And we'll just be like, you know what? I was dealing with this. I'm sorry. Or whatever it is. But, like, we just feel like if you are, when you a king, you are chosen to bear the weight of many people. You are chosen, like, when you're a king, you are chosen to withstand the arrows, the bullets, the war that's against you. And when you're a king, you don't want to show vulnerability. And as a man, that's why we hold it in. We feel like we got to have a bulletproof vest. We feel like I don't want to bring my issues. My, as a man, my issue, my thing is to take on yours and help carry your weight because I'm the man. So I'm not only can carry my weight, but I can carry your weight. I don't want to put my weight on the woman too. you know what I'm saying? Because that's what we've been taught. Like carry the weight, deal with it, and show that you're strong. I don't have to, like, I don't want to have to tell her this. I'm going to deal with it. And that's just how our society is. And men, we're stronger. We're physically, you know. You know, on the mental aspect, we are taught to be stronger mentally than the woman. We're taught that. So, and that's why we show, and that's why we don't tell and become vulnerable a lot. you know we're taught that as young like you gotta be the man you gotta stand up chest up chin chest out chin up like nah you ain't nah we ain't I got it and then when you get through it it's a good story after like man I'm gonna tell you y'all what's going through but we got through it and that's why it's like that but sometimes it just feels good to release sometimes it even feels good to cry man men don't even want to cry in front of their woman. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, man, I don't, I don't, I think I've, I've, have I cried in front of, I think I cried in front of my daughter because we went through some stuff and, you know, it was just like, man, but like, it's tough for a man to cry in front of his woman. Yeah, I can understand that. Because then you look at his weak and then a woman just look like, I can't deal with him, he's weak. I don't see it like that. For real. But that's the society. That's what we're in. And so that's just the way it is. And that's why we don't vent or express our true feelings. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So that's it. Well, I get that. I think that it's important to be able to talk and express and be open with your person. It's more of a woman's trait. Yeah, but that's because men were taught to be that way. Exactly. But it's not fair. like men should be able to say things you're a human being like you're a human person like you're not invincible you're not any of those things like you're gonna go through stuff that's gonna be heavy that's gonna be hard and you shouldn't have to carry that all by yourself what's the point of having a partner if you cannot have them be someone who's there for you like period point blank in my opinion I think that I get it and I get and I understand it because it's admirable that a man doesn't want to like burden a woman or make her feel bad they're trying to really protect her but i think too it can damage their relationship because like i said if you don't know what he's going through you could be adding more to the plate or you could get snappy or irritated because he's like being in a certain vibe and you're like what's the problem you know and then next episode it creates a new issue whereas maybe you don't divulge every single thing you're going through but you're like, yo, I'm going through some shit. It's heavy right now. And this is what it is. And, you know, like, I'm sorry if I might be a little, like, just in my head right now, but it has nothing to do with you. You know, like, little shit like that goes a long way. Okay, I feel that. You know what I mean? This is the more or less segment brought to you by Price Picks, where you can win real cash by picking just more or less on your favorite players. Use code TAD and get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. So today we're going to talk about how many dates do you think you should go on in a month when you're in a relationship? Four is good. You think like once a week you should go on a date? Yeah, that's good. That's healthy. That's a healthy like... Yeah, you plan it out once a week. What are the dates though? Is it more of like we have to go to an activity and dinner? Is it more like we could just order food and watch a movie? Like, what do you consider a date? A date is just anything y'all do, I feel, that's intimate and about y'all too. Because a date can be like, pull up, I'm going to make you some food, some wine at the crib. That's a date. You know, it's intimate. you know so like if y'all making a point to be intimate at least once a week minimum you know i think that's that's that's minimum four times that's once a week at least you know because i don't mind sitting around with you watching tv doing all this other stuff you know you busy we both busy uh yeah but we got to make it a point at least once a week minimum to like let's make this intimate to where we're like sharing time just me and you and this is what we're gonna do where it's dinner movies bowling activity it's an activity together once a week is it's good okay and what about going on vacations vacation vacations yeah twice a year twice a year it's cool yeah okay i think twice a year you gotta make it a point to say, hey, we need to get away. I think it's going to be refreshing. I feel like when you go on a vacation, it refreshes the relationship. You get away and it's the only thing that you can think about. It's all about just y'all two for the whole time. When you're home, you know, you got other things to deal with. Friends, family, whatever you get into. When you're away, it's just about you for those two, three, four days or whatever you're doing. I think it's healthy. You know, because then you realize, man, you really love that person you away y'all together every day it's all about y'all uh for the most part just doing activities and things of that nature y'all you don't think about none of the things or the problems or the drama that you got on it just for these next three days we ain't gonna think about none of our problems and that's refreshing if you can do that a couple times a year yeah but it's just a band-aid you're saying basically no it's refreshing yeah you know it's like no it ain't no it ain't no band-aid it's like yo we we need to do this yeah you know we need the mental sometimes it ain't it ain't covering up problems it's just like i need to get away from my problems from right now and it makes you when you come back it's easier to deal with them more because you know like i'm blessed i have an opportunity to really go on a vacation with my my one yeah you know you know i'm thankful a lot of people can't go on vacations twice a year Maybe once a year they can. Twice a year is a lot, truthfully, for the average person. So, I mean, twice is good, though. Twice is refreshing. And it can be a staycation, too, that counts as a vacation. You know, you can do that. So I think that's more than one in the more or less segment. Well, thank you to our good friends at Price Picks, America's number one sports picks app. Use code TAD and get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. That's important. Yeah. Okay. Well, on a sidebar, so Justin LaBoy, he's been in the media right now because him and Koyla Ray have been on their little podcast, not little podcast, but their podcast. And he's going to say that real men don't do dishes. If she cooks, she cleans and everything. Real men don't do dishes. I like that. If I got a girl, I like it, but I ain't opposed to not doing it. Like, I'll help out. You know what I'm saying? You know, I don't think there's, you know what? I tired of like the gender roles Right Like woman clean cook and all that Like no I take on a lot of the woman responsibilities You know I cook I clean I change some diapers I'll do a lot of all of that. I'll go grocery shopping. And that's considered, like, gender roles that we put on women and men get put in. Like, men can do more of the gender roles of the woman than I would allow for the woman to do of the man. You know what I'm saying? Like, my woman, you ain't got to change this tire or take this trash out. Yeah, that would be crazy, though. You know what I'm saying? And that's part of being a man. Like, we have to carry that weight to where we not only can do our role, but we should be able to do the woman's role, too, without allowing the woman to do our roles. I'm with that. Okay. You know what I'm saying? I'm really with that. Like, you don't have to do none of this stuff that I'm required to do. But if you need help doing a lot of the stuff that you're expected to do, I can do that too. And that's what I feel like being a man is all about. Okay. I think for a woman, like, I don't mind, like, cleaning, and I love to cook, and just, like, that type of stuff. That's, like, gender roles we put women in. Yeah, for sure. What are we asking? Like, are you taking out the trash if you have a man? No, I'm not taking out the trash. Are you, like, you know what I'm saying? Are you changing the tires? I'm not taking out the grass. I'm not changing tires. I'm not changing light bulbs. I'm not doing none of that shit. Right. So that's what I'm saying. And that's why I don't mind doing the things that I can do. Like, because I can't do some of that stuff. I probably can, but I'm not. I mean, some of the stuff I can't physically do. either you know um are you cleaning up the dog shit and all of that but the man should be doing all that little stuff like stuff like getting their hands dirty we were trying to get our hands dirty yeah you know so i don't want my woman doing all that though you know i'm saying i need your nails to be looking right i need your you know i'm saying keep that feminine role we good i'm good with all that you know what i mean yeah that's how i make me a couple you know make me a couple dinners here and there. Throw me something together that I like. So I kick my feet up and I'll be the protector and the provider. Okay, come on, protector and provider. That's what a woman really wants. A woman wants a protector and a provider. Like, what are you doing if you go out on a date and say a man disrespects you? What are you required from that man to do? Step in and what? Rectify it. beat his ass? No. I don't think that a man should ever put himself in a position where he could be taken to jail, police showing up. That puts him at risk, especially, you know, if people depend on him, he has children. Like, I don't play that. What you gonna do if you out and you with your man and some dude all drunk, he grab your booty or something, what you expecting from your man? Don't touch her. that's weak that's weak you want him to beat his ass right no I don't what if he like hey homie like what what what and then they get into a physical conversation and then he get his ass what you gonna do y'all breaking up no I'm not breaking up not only did he grab your booty but then he got his ass what you gonna do in the relationship and he's respected to be the protector what you gonna do if that happens I'm gonna feel bad I'm gonna feel bad. He's just gonna feel bad. You ain't gonna break up with him? No, I'm not gonna break up with him. He can't protect me from nothing. He let another dude grab my booty and he got his ass with him. No, I'm gonna feel bad. I'm not gonna feel like, I'm gonna feel responsible. No, I'm not gonna break up with him. That'll be crazy, right? You ain't gonna be thinking, that ain't gonna be a back yard. When you was talking to your girlfriends and they hear the story, they gonna be like, girl, you need to get off him. Nah, we gonna be laughing and dying laughing like, this motherfucker got his ass beat. Like, you know what I'm saying? damn you gonna be laughing at your man no I feel like me and my man gonna be laughing together too like this was crazy I can't believe and the dude grabbed your booty oh my god that would be crazy I don't think it's something to break up we would just die laughing at that forever for the rest of the life like remember when you got your ass beat that's wow that would be so crazy I would cry like I would be I would be feeling so bad in the moment though like I know you didn't just get your ass beat at least he got his ass beat trying to protect you exactly and you did your big one baby that's what I'm gonna say come on baby let's go you did your big one we're gonna go pat you up and we're gonna get you right like I'm not gonna leave my man off of that I honestly don't want my man to have to fight at all like and put him in a bad predicament like I don't I don't like that I feel like at the end of the day things can be handled with words. Now y'all going out, he got a black eye. Right, it's funny. It's tricky now. Like, damn, he holding your hand black-eyed up. That's tricky. Oh, my God. I think that you shouldn't be fighting. Like, let it be. Nah, he's trying to protect you. Yeah, but damn. That's disrespectful. What do you expect from your man on disrespect from another man in front of y'all? Like, what do you expect from him, though. He probably should just check him. Like, hey. Hey, man, don't be doing that. B? No, you don't have to hit. You just... Yeah, that's a tough situation, though. That is a tough situation for a man. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it is. I feel bad. I never want to get that situation to where I gotta put the hands on somebody. Yeah, I don't want that. What situation you gotta be in for the man to put the hands on somebody? I don't know. I remember I almost had that situation before, but that didn't happen. They didn't fight. And it was a rapper too. And he's, you know him. No, I wasn't with him. He, I was in Vegas and my ex was gambling at the table. Yeah. And this rapper, famous guy, we actually seen him out together before. He literally, like I'm walking to the trash and I'm throwing something away and he quickly like grabbed my hand and like tried to spin me around, right? And I was like, whoa. and he's like you're the most beautiful woman i've seen in vegas like damn like just going crazy right and i was like and i like froze up i was like because i knew my man was right there this is crazy and i was like well he's like why you look like that i was like oh no i was like my man is right here and so he gets up and he's like hey why you grab her like that and he was like and he mind you this is like a this rapper is like from LA like yeah and he had like men with him like different type of dudes with him so they were all like what's up and he only had him and his cousin right so he was like what's up I was like please don't do it like I'm like no no no it's not even that serious y'all like it's I promise you he didn't know that you were right there like and I was like don't even do it and they were like what's up the dude was like hey and all his told him, I was like, hey, what you want to do? You trying to, like, want to get down? It's crazy. And they didn't end up fighting. I was so stressed out. I was so stressed out. I was like, I do not want no one fighting over me. I don't like that feeling, because then it feels like it's my fault or something, and I'm feeling crazy. Like, I'm cool. I'm cool on that. Like, I'm definitely cool on that. Don't put a motherfucker in those situations where you have to go do something. Yeah, I don't want that. Yeah, I don't like that. I don't want anyone to be in that situation, especially because I have a brother-in-law that's really ready to kill down to say what's up. And I would never call him or put him in no type of predicament ever. Like, I've never done that because I don't want you to like, I don't want nothing to happen to you. You got kids, you got a wife, like you're not about to be out here in jail because I'm stressed out. Like, unless it's some serious, serious, serious shit, like literally. I feel that. Okay, so anyways, let's do one fan question before we wrap up. I feel like my man loves me but doesn't like me. Like you? He laughs. That don't even seem like that go hand in hand. Yeah, that's true. You can love someone but not like them. So what does it mean to love and not like? You tell me. Like, I feel like like and love go hand in hand. No, because you can love someone. Love is stronger than like. I love my sister, but I might not like her at all. You could love someone, but you don't like them. Like, I love you, but, like, you're blowing me. Like, your personality, everything. I've been in that situation for her. Are you going to have somebody's back that you like or love? That's a good one. I don't know. Both, probably. So if you love them, you got their back. If you like them, you got their back, too? Probably, yeah. What's the difference? I think that when you like someone there is a difference because you can love someone you're like I love you because I have this bond with you this history with you this attachment with you this familiarity with you but do I like you as a person not really like I've been in that position before where I'm like I don't even like you for real you know what I'm saying but anyways let's get into the question I went through my man's phone and didn't find cheating but I saw him venting about me to another woman. Should I leave him for that? Who's the woman? We don't know. It could have been his cousin. No, it wasn't no cousin. Which all you know. You don't know. She's saying it's another woman. Let's say it's not the cousin. Let's say it's not the cousin. Depends on who it is. What was his auntie? It's not family. It's a woman. Just get into the fact that it's just a woman. First of all, why are you venting to a woman? Do you like her? Is she attractive? Is this your homegirl? Do you have friends that you can vent to? No, don't vent to no female that... Yeah. Don't, no. You can't vent to no girl. You must like her. Yeah, imagine venting to me, venting to a man about my relationship. What? Do you know the girl? Do you know the girl? You asking so many questions. It's not my answer. I don't know. It all depends on the girl. Because say he's venting to your homegirl and y'all both cool and y'all know y'all cool and he got your homegirl number, your best friend or something. He just venting and wanted to tell her. Because maybe he can get through to her so she can get through to you. No, it's not that. For instance, I might vent to my boyfriend, his cousin or something, or his best friend because I know he's going to give me advice on, like, okay, he loves you. You don't, like, he's not going to be against the man. So that's a good person to vent to. But as far as, like, a random, it has nothing to do with them, then that's crazy to me. There's only certain people you're allowed to vent to. Family. Yeah. And your close friends. Like, if it's the opposite sex, he has to know him or she has to know her. I don't trust no opposite sex friends, period, point blank. And that's just where I'm at. don't vent to nobody about me. Because it just don't sound right for a guy to vent to a girl. You got homies that you can be like, man, you know what, I'm going through this. You venting to a girl. I've been in that situation. You venting to a girl as a way to be like, well, I'm here for you. Like weird stuff. I don't have time for that. I've seen that and I've literally read text messages of a man venting to a girl about me and then what, next episode y'all are venting in the bed. And let me tell you about that. No, we're not doing that. So anyways. This is the taking over the game. All right, everybody. Welcome to Truth After Dark. Do you think that men or women are more toxic? I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt Season 2 podcast. This is a story about a horrendous lie that destroyed two families. Late one night, Bobby Gumpright became the victim of a random crime. The perpetrator was sentenced to 99 years until a confession changed everything. I was a monster. Listen to Burden of Guilt Season 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Amanda Knox, and in the new podcast, Doubt, the case of Lucy Letby, we unpack the story of an unimaginable tragedy that gripped the UK in 2023. But what if we didn't get the whole story? I've just been made to fit. The moment you look at the whole picture, the case collapsed. What if the truth was disguised by a story we chose to believe? Oh my God, I think she might be innocent. Listen to Doubt, The Case of Lucy Letby on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Special Agent Regal, Special Agent Bradley Hall, In 2018, the FBI took down a ring of spies working for China's Ministry of State Security, one of the most mysterious intelligence agencies in the world. The Sixth Bureau podcast is a story of the inner workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets. Listen to The Sixth Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Clayton Eckerd. In 2022, I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor. But here's the thing. Bachelor fans hated him. If I could press a button and rewind it, all I would. That's when his life took a disturbing turn. A one-night stand would end in a courtroom. The media is here. This case has gone viral. The dating contract. Agree to date me, but I'm also suing you. This is unlike anything I've ever seen before. I'm Stephanie Young. Listen to Love Trapped on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.