Audience Question Episode: Mean Girl Interventions & AI Parenting

The following podcast is a dear media production. You know, and it's like, yeah, that is what friends do. And like, I have a friend, my friend, Lynn, like I can, she'll always agree with me. I love it. It's like, this is a moment where you can truly tell that we are not a parenting expert podcast. Natasha, we're back. Great to be back. It's incredible to be back. And one of the most exciting parts about today is that we have tons of questions from you guys that we're going to get right into. Let's do it. Let's do it. But first, let's talk about Austin. Let's talk about us. Are you happy to be home? Totally. I liked Austin. It was fun. I loved our podcast with Sophie. She's so cute. Yes. She was such an inspiration to me too, because it made me realize this podcast, we've always had mothers on and fathers on. But in a way, it's like, where is all the evidence of all the parenting trends that everyone's touting online? It's literally behind the wheel of all these human bodies that are crashing around in our lives. So it was fun to be like, Sophie, how were you raised? Yeah, because it's like, I just don't think we know yet that this stuff works. How do we know that Dr. Becky whispering into her child's ear, there's nothing you do that could make me love you any less, is going to create the kind of kid who is someone that we look up to. Someone like Sophie. If you say it like that. Raised homeless in a drawer. Raised homeless is the way to be. Loves her mom. I'm just saying, we don't have proof at any of this shit works. So I actually really enjoy talking to successful people who want to share their stories about what their parents did. And the takeaway being that her mom was not perfect, was able to drink leechie martinis when she was 14. But she's not in therapy talking about it. She's on stage talking about life from a pretty smart perspective. Exactly. Anyways, Austin was a little different this time. I found it to be like the unhoused mixing into the regular society. And when I say unhoused. Like tech people coming to AI events. It's tech people and drug addicts and they both freak me out. They're both, I look to the left and it's venture capitalist. I look to the right and it's a girl that's on the fringe of getting traffic and I'm like, I need to get back to LA where there's absolutely no problems. Oh my God. But I have an era. Okay, what is that? Speaking of no problems. I feel like when I was young, saying I was gay was this like big mountain I had to climb. And on the other end of it, it felt as if I would be like alone with no kids, no family, no prospects, basically crackhead. And now that I am here in my early forties here, but to turn 41, I'm looking around at my friends who have husbands and kids. And guess what I'm seeing? A bunch of angry ladies, a bunch of women who are fucking pissed that are like, I want to leave this motherfucker. I want to start a commune with my best friend and we will raise our kids together. And I'm like, guess what that is? That's being a lesbian. And I'm like, Oh my God, we all got bamboozled. We all got bamboozled. You didn't. I didn't. I said, guys, don't suck the dick. They said, hold on, hold my beer. They sucked the dick. I have a friend who said that they started going deep into TikTok and there's like a whole sect or maybe it's reels of like, I hate my husband. Yes. Like I had to get away from it because you could get so sucked into there is something happening. You're either sucked into that or you're sucking a dick and you have to make your choice. What are you going to suck? I feel like a lot of, I mean, I think it's a shadow side of feminism that like women were told rightfully so you can do anything. Go get a job, go live your life. And then they realized they needed to make families and then they have these jobs and they've got these families. What? I just thought of something. Being gay? No. What? Well, because I'm like, I want to say as a rebuttal, yes, but I'm not a rebuttal. I'm not going to say as a rebuttal. Yes, but it doesn't work. The communes don't work because the men always try to fuck everybody. But it's a female. It's like a female. The men are invited. The men are invited only. That's right. And it's run by the women. We haven't tried that yet. We haven't tried that yet. And guess what? The women, if I know what you're thinking, women are nightmares too. Guess what? Walk the plank, baby. The commune has a plank. And if you are toxic, you walk that plank, you go hang out with yourself for a month, come back, you get one chance to come back. You might walk the plank. Otherwise, literally, I'm picturing there's a commune, there's a plank. If you get caught being a fucking nasty bitch on our commune, you walk the plank, you jump in the lake. What about the cattiness of women? That's what I'm saying. Well, there's also no one to be jealous of because the men aren't around trying to fucking. You get a cattie card, like a coffee shop gift card. Or when you get eight coffees and you get a free coffee, it's a cattie card for women. You get eight moments where you were too cattie, you get stamped, and then you gotta walk the plank. I love it. Or you have to make dinner or breakfast. Oh my god, and I can totally make dinner once a week for 40 people. All right, our commune, it's just actually a movement. I think it's called the red tent. I think it's called the red tent slash you're gay. And honestly, I am like- No, but we still might want to fuck the men. You can fuck the men. Don't bring them back. In some kind of tent. No, but you know what? You fuck the men, they follow you back to the commune, and all of a sudden they're fucking all of us. You can go fuck the men. I think that there's got to be two sects. There's full, true lesbians, and then there's masquerading lesbians. Oh, but then how do we prevent the more masculine, you know- Women from fucking everyone? Women from trying to do- There's nothing wrong with the masculine woman! Do what the men have always done, which is like fuck the whole family of sisters and then bury them all. That's the actual rebuttal that you should have is that women that are butch are often emulating the most toxic parts of men that are toxic. So those get to walk the plank too. You either walk the plank by being dumb bitch, and then whatever the words behind that is like being mean, or toxic bitch, you walk the plank. So everyone's on their best behavior because no one wants to walk the plank. By the way, I understand that what happens after they fall in the lake, what happens is they get all soggy, wet, they grab their things, they get an uber, they get out of there. I just think now might be a really good time to experiment with society. Why are we stuck where we've always been? It's like let's open it up to the floor. Nobody wants AI, or a lot of people don't want it, you probably like it, but no one's asking us about any of the ways that all of society's going. And I just think it's like how do we figure out new ways to be, which they did at the beginning of America. People were like should cities be built around farms? Like people didn't really know that we were going to have grocery stores, and that you know what was going to happen. We're going to have my wife, Shauna, on next week. And what Shauna and I have been talking a lot about is light touch. Light touch, light touch, light touch. She was working in wardrobe. She continues to sometimes do that, but now that our kids are out of the house, she's like I'm going to do flowers. Light touch. What's going to happen with the flower business? We don't know. Everything light touch. You know, like light touch of like how we live our lives. That's a cool philosophy. I want to talk to her about that. Yeah, we'll talk about light touch with her. I'm like mallet. Mallet touch. All of your fingernails are deeply bruised brown. Mallet touch. Everything is, and it honestly comes from my childhood. Like I remember the moment where I was like, now a touch. I remember the moment like in first grade, like so excited to come home like, you know, sparkling, effervescent, so excited to talk to my mom and then coming home and like having like a horrifying thing. And so it's like, okay, my whole life since first grade, I'm always waiting for that because I remember the feeling inside of me. Super fun champagne feeling. Oh my God, first grade was so fun. To like the heaviest feeling you could ever have, trauma. And now my whole life is waiting for the other shoe to drop. Always whenever something good happens. And you know what, here's another hot take. I don't know that therapy works. Oh my gosh, go for it. Well, I'm just like, I've been talking about this shit for 30 years in therapy. And it's like, it's talking about it makes it bigger sometimes. Sure, but light touch with who your therapist is. Right. I don't think we should just, the message is like working on it doesn't work, but maybe working on it with a different, being open to light touch. I try a different therapist, you know, light touch, light touch. I try a different kind of therapy. Somatic therapy was, I mean, after my miscarriage, I've never talked about it on the podcast before, but yes, I did. I actually did. Miss Carrie. And I actually did go to a somatic therapist that was on Zoom. What's somatic again? It's like, it feels like the most bullshit, like the immigrant parent and you, a voice in you is going to be like, this is absolute bullshit. Is it where they don't actually touch you? They don't touch you. You breathe into your body and then based on like how you're standing or sitting, they're like your shoulders, what's in your shoulders. And then you breathe and then it's kind of feels like magic trick because it's like, basically what I felt from it was like it on, it was a deep like unhooking of me from the trauma because sometimes you have the trauma and you're like, I am the trauma. It feels like a, like you're breathing into something and uncoupling yourself from it being a definitive part of your life. It is definitive, but not, not like ever present as what I felt from somatic therapy. So it helps? It helps a lot. I really like somatic therapy, but light touch with the kind of therapy that you're approaching things with. It's like light touch that we won't feel like the world is doomed forever. Light touch with it all and light touch with says the woman with a Canadian passport. I do have one and I is for sale. Can you sell them? No, but you could buy a Canadian. I, the light touch with like the hysteria of like, where are we going to go? We're, you know, we're all going to go somewhere. But you know, like someone told me recently, they're like, wait for the problem to occur. There you go. So I did that, but the problem occurred and I could have, I like to troubleshoot before the problem occurs. Sure. But don't spend all your time troubleshooting. Light touch with the troubleshooting. What's your era? Okay. My era is something happened yesterday that I was pretty fascinated by. You know how like you have a fight with your partner and you're like, you said that and they're like, no, I didn't. And you're like, yes, you did. I was there. And they're like, that's not what I said. And you're just like, God, I wish there was a recording. You know, like, That doesn't happen in lesbian relationships. JK. But you know, like that feeling. And so we were in the car yesterday with our daughter, me and my husband, and we got into a squabble as she calls it. Squabble up. We squabbled. And then because he's like, oh, I want to meet my brother. And I was like, well, I really wanted to walk the dog. And he started like going, oh, let me just call him. And he's like driving and scrambling for the phone. And we got into a fight about like, I'm like, well, hold on. And then we just got into a fight about it. And then there are just so funny because both of those desires are so like basic and should be able to get done. I know. Well, I just wanted to like before I put the kid down and before he goes out with his brother, I wanted to be able to walk our dog. It's like, I'm kind of like the good person in this, I think. I think so. And so we get into a fight. He's pissed. He starts saying, don't talk to me like, you know, like it was just not good. And then our daughter goes, dad, all she said was she wanted to walk the dog. And then you started blah, blah, blah. And she basically verbatim, repeated what happened. He got schooled. Oh, hell yeah. And it was just like, whoa, there is a recording going on. It's our child. And I feel like it's like, and she like, that's never happened before where she could like assess what happened and say that I was right. Yes. Pretty cool. Way to go. It's like she's already paying off. And it's also like Taylor's oldest time. Like I feel like I want some of the vivid memories that I have of my parents arguing is like my mom saying, I wish we had a tape recorder. And, you know, and like, and I find that obviously in our, you know, you never think you were the person that escalates things. You always think you're like this cutie little baby that's just trying to like walk a cutie little dog and have had you have something wrong. Of course. But I'm saying it's like, you never see it that way. And it's validating to have a child be like, oh, no, no, no, mom was right. Yeah, I was kind of shocked by it because she has kind of switched. Like I was her favorite up until like age six. Okay. And then six to seven and a half. She's like, you know, dad's cool. Dad's cool. We're equal. You know, and sometimes even she'd rather be with him. But that never happened up until like six. So I'm kind of like, you know, I've dealt with it. I think it's cool. And you know, honestly, who helped me deal with that is my husband because he never took it seriously when she's always like mama, mama. I think that's so important. I think that is so important. And I've heard a couple different parents, mothers expressed to me that the child says mom's the favorite. We've talked about it on the podcast. I think someone called in last episode, last couple episodes. But when a child says so-and-so is my favorite, we have to be like touch about that. Because most is always like, I don't take that seriously. But there are parents that are like butt hurt about it and like retaliate. And then and then and retaliate by being like, OK, cool. You like mom so much. We're going to mom. And it's like, oh, that's great. That's definitely going to move the marker for you. You're I really want to hang out with that vibe. Guys, I love you know what I love the most? What's that now? What's that now? I love when our audience switches out to us with questions. I know they're so cute. I actually get a lot of I get stopped a lot like when I'm at a party. People like I really like your podcast. I really think it's important that there's a community around this. And so I think that's cool. We built the show for that person at the party. Hi, you guys. I'm Mackenzie Folt. I'm a private investigator of 20 years. I'm Hannah Anderson. I'm a writer, comedian and armchair sleuths who is not a PI. But I do know my way around Instagram. I can find anybody close enough. Together we host the dating detectives, a true crime podcast about the scammers, con artists and heartbreakers hiding behind your favorite dating apps. Every week we investigate real cases that are sent in by our listeners. And these are stories of matches that seemed perfect until well, they weren't. We've had fake real estate moguls. We've had only fans pimp's an Elvis impersonator who was not just stealing hearts on state. We've had church going husbands who seem so pious, so wonderful, except for the fact that they're secretly running Ponzi schemes. We dig through it all. The lies, we follow the money and we expose the truth. And the truths are usually crazier than fiction. If you've ever texted good morning to someone who vanished by lunch, for instance, you're going to fit right in. It's true crime. It's heartbreak. It's a public service announcement for anyone with a hinge profile. So before you swipe right tonight, make sure you've got your detectives on speed dial. The Dating Detectives, new episodes every Monday wherever you get your podcasts. Let's queue up our first question. Hey guys, I love the podcast. I don't have kids, but here's my question. How do parents get their kids to stop interrupting them? When they're on a phone call with people like me, I call my friends and they're talking to me and their kids at the same time and it really bothers me. And I don't know how to tell them to discipline their kids in that way to give mom her time and respect her when she's on a phone call. Because I feel like it's some gentle parroting stuff and they don't want to give a boundary. But that's just my thoughts. Anyways, what do you guys think? How do I help them with this? First of all, I love that we have people who don't have kids listening to the podcast. We have a lot of people without kids that listen to the podcast, which I think it's just an exploration of how we all were raised. And that's a great question because I think before you have kids and then when you have kids, there's a different sort of empathy and scope to the question. Number one, first of all, it's so fucking annoying to be interrupted all the time. It's so fucking annoying. Natasha knows from doing a podcast with me. And Mosha. No, well, first of all, what's interesting is this used to hate me. I used to hate this because my best friend from high school had kids early. And so I was always, you know, a 20, 30 year old with her and these kids interrupting. And I remember they would just be like, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. And I'm trying to talk to my friend and then she'd be like, hold on, Natasha. Yes, sweetie. And the kids like, I forgot. No. And I used to all that. That shit would happen all the time. And I was like, what is their problem? And guess what? I do the same thing now. Of course. I am constantly letting my daughter interrupt me because I really want her to feel heard. Yes, because it's like that is where it's an instinct. Our kids are eight years old now. And this is the moment, I think, where we can actually start to overhaul. Because before that, it's like it's it's like death by a thousand cuts. And you you're cut a thousand times and you realize like it's never going to change. I think there's like truly like a maturity that at this age that the kid needs to have. That the kid needs to have. Because like as a baby, you just don't understand it. You're like, I have needs. I have needs. You're a toddler. I have needs. And then you start to like a little bit understand social stuff. But I feel like asking like a six year old not to interrupt is like telling like the cast of love on the spectrum. They need to be like smoother when they flirt. It's like not in the wheelhouse. That's really funny. But here's the problem with your argument. What? We didn't interrupt. Yeah, because you got hit. No. No, I didn't get hit. You didn't? My mom did though. Okay. Oh, I got spanked. Yeah. I don't even think of that as hitting. I think hitting is like an Italian backhanding you. Therapy works. You're like me? I never got hit. I was spanked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spanked on the face a couple times. No, I was never spanked in the face. I was like on your booty, booty, booty. 80s style on your butt. But you know, I got a pretty big ass. So it was fine. Natasha, when you've talked about your childhood, it has not seemed like it there was zero abuse. I'm sorry. But like and like for me, I think I probably interrupted more because I didn't get hit. But I also think, I don't know, we're raising, we are, we want the benefit of raising kids that feel important and loved. And then what the downfall of that is that they feel important and loved and they feel supported enough to like interrupt you when they have a thought that they're about to forget or they just they like truly the lack of emergency with these interruptions. It's like you are like trying to sort something out with your partner and you're like, would we turn off the highway or not? And it's like the kid thinks that's the moment to be like, I saw something that was purple. And you're like, great, we missed our exit, you know? But like I think this, first of all, is like a losing game until they gain the maturity to understand what it is to be interrupted. I like the thing of like showing them how it feels like when they're in the middle of saying something, being like, hey, I actually got a call from my boss and I'm going to have to work on Tuesday. This is so immature. What? That technique. You're going to start interrupting them. Yeah, actually just yesterday. Does that work? Just yesterday, Shana was in a bad mood because she's perimenopausal and she might talk about it next week. But she was in a bad mood and I'm just like sunny Canadian little cutie. And then you know what I decided to do? I'm like, why don't I start acting the same way sort of cold front five? And Wolfie was like, are you, Wolfie was like, are you okay? And I'm like, no, I like whispered to him. I'm like, I'm showing mama how it feels when you're doing like cold front. You're like a renegade. No, and guess what? It worked. No, it didn't. No, it worked. She was like, what's wrong? What's wrong, hun? She just started being a little nicer. So you're like, you take the enemy's energy to be like, how does it feel? Yeah, how does it feel? Because people don't realize how it feels. You know, so how does it feel to be interrupted? Show your kid how it feels to be interrupted? Let them be like, I was thinking tonight I'd have pizza and you're like, I'm going to definitely be watching jury duty tonight because there's a new season out. How does that make them stop having the instinct to interrupt you though? And they think that their needs need to be met at all times. They will at least understand that it's annoying. They don't connect that it's annoying. Like here's the problem. If I told my daughter, because like the waiter will come. Yeah. And I'm ordering the food. The waiter at your house. The laylip we're out to eat. Yeah. And she'll, she's asking me questions, asking me questions. And I'm like, I've told her now three times, let me finish ordering. And she keeps asking me questions. Yeah. If I tell her very nicely, if I were to say, don't you ever interrupt me in front of the waiter again. She would never do it again. Yeah. I'm not saying I would have- Especially if you grabbed her ear really tight. But I'm just saying like, there's a reason why people did that in the fifties. I think you should do some version of it. Well, my parenting guru, Kim Jong-Pain talks about this. Kim Jong-Il, I can never not think about him when you say Kim Jong-Pain. I'll just call him KJP. Okay. So he says, because it's all about kind of this mild intimidation with your body. Love it. So you're kind of like putting your hand up in front of their face. Finish talking to your friend. I haven't quite figured how, I haven't tried this yet, so I'm still a little scared. You put your hand in front of their face almost like a talk to the hand. You finish talking to your hand. Or you finish talking to your friend. Yes. Yes. And then you, when you're done, you remove the hand and say, what was that? Great. So I, and this is what he says. And you start to, you can, you start with a longer amount of time with the hand in their face. Not in their face, but you know, it's just kind of like, another thing they talk about too is you can't tell your kid things from the other room. You know, it's all about kind of, when you want them to do something, you got to be there. You got to be kind of like right next to them. And then they kind of sense like, oh, you know, it's like, you get way more that way than you do like yelling from the other room. I told you to get your shoes on. You walk right up to them holding a mallet. You're like, are you going to put those shoes on? I'm going to start practicing this week the hand in the face and see if it works. Yes. Hand in the face for sure. Hand up or hand in the face. Because then you don't have to interrupt what you're saying. You're like, remember, this is the universal sign for shut the fuck up. It's, it's wild to me that she would do it like three times when I'm talking to the waiter though. I mean, and she, Of course, but you know what I started to do too? Get them to start talking to the waiter because then they understand what that interaction is. Like yesterday we were in Manhattan Beach, such a cute beach day. Um, and we're getting a grabbing a drink and some snacks and Wolfie really wants ice water and he keeps on looking. He's ice water, ice water. And I'm like, Wolfie, you were the ex, you're in the exact same position as me. That is our waiter. He's currently talking to someone. Is this a good time to ask for it? No, you're going to have to catch his eye and ask for ice water and ask politely or maybe he won't want to bring it. So I taught my daughter this week. Do you just get your voice to go really high and put your finger up and go, Garse on. And it was great. That is not welcome at the commune. That will have you walking the plank at the commune. All right, let's do another question. Gessel. Hi, Natasha and Sabrina. This is a father of two. My name is Barry and I need some counsel. I'm afraid my daughter is a mean girl. She's a sweetheart at times, but tantrums pretty uncontrollably. At other times, she's well liked and popular at school. But sometimes it seems like maybe she's got prisoners, not friends. When her friends do come over for play dates, my wife and I argue over whether or not to pull my daughter aside when we hear her lambasting her friends. And I can't really tell because girls at that age, she's 11, do kind of boss each other around. But there's a little bit of an argument brewing between my wife and I as to how to handle it. My sense is we should probably try some kind of intervention with her, start some kind of program of, I don't know, talking with her on a regular basis, setting up therapy appointments. My wife is much more afraid that that kind of intervention might make too big an issue of her personality traits that may be temporary or at least part of pre-adolescence. Anyway, thank you so much. You had me at lambasting. Lambasting really stuck out. Also, the moment that stuck out for me was that the daughter has friends over and the wife and him are in the kitchen talking about do we step in or not. To me, if that's already a conversation, you probably should because I don't know. I feel like I do this sometimes when my wolfies, eight, he's has friends over, they all want to watch a different movie and they start arguing. It's like that's a moment to be like, hey, you're hosting, not to say that you don't have a say in this, but let's not push people into doing things. When we host, we like to show people that we can make them feel comfortable in our space. That's like, to me, hosting is a very sweet skill that he sees us flexing and it's part of our family identity. If your daughter has friends over and she's bossing them around and being mean to them, that's a perfect moment to say, I don't think that's the way we do things in our family. Yes, well, that's funny you say that that's not the way we do things. I would do it privately after the play date and I would sit her down and say, we heard you talking to your friends and in our family, kindness is really important. That's what my guru says. He talks about, it's almost like a statue of David and you're trying to remove the parts that you don't want to create this kid. And you're in this phase right now where you're trying to shape and mold, garden this kid who was a reflection of what you want your kid to be. Hopefully it's someone who's going to do good in the world and be kind. And I don't know, we're always, but again, I think my daughter is more susceptible to being talked to by the mean girl because we've instilled so much into her of you have to be nice. And kindness is one of the most important things and it's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. And that's well, the kindness thing I think is like the thing to parse out is like part of being kind is also being kind to yourself. That's also like the most important thing is that you understand how to make yourself feel good and heard and understood. I mean, LOL heard after we're like, how do we tell these kids to shut the fuck up? But you want to be heard, but not by me when I'm talking to my friends, of course. But I think that like the kindness piece you can't go wrong with it. I understand that. I've seen a lot of... Why doesn't the wife want to talk to the kid about it? I think that it's obviously the wife's problem. Well, it's like you know that your daughter... You know that the wife made her a bitch. But it's like, why wouldn't you talk to the kid? I think, yeah, I think there's... It might be age appropriate, but... I would guess based on like the note behind the note on the question is that you might be having sort of like a feedback loop between the husband and the wife on what to do. And in the meantime, the behavior is festering and getting worse. So like agreeing to disagree, but agreeing to take action is probably the answer. I mean, maybe a therapist right off the bat is an extreme. Maybe it's a... I love the idea of intervention because I just think about the show and I think about this daughter like on her phone, like in a room and like the parents being like... Giving orders to me. Mariah, ever since you were born, we were worried you were kind of a bitch. But now it's clear. You actually are quite... A fucking con. To be honest, you're mean to me. You're mean to dad. Oh, poor girl. I mean, it's like... Poor girl. Why is she bossing her friends around? I mean, it feels good. It feels good to boss. I mean, I... My kid does it to me. She just doesn't do it to her friends. She doesn't do it to her friends. I also want to be clear that the... Maybe she does. I don't know what goes on. The character of Mariah is not a bitch nor cunts. However, I think when you start to notice, I think here's the thing. It's kind of... We're all just these monkeys that have been trained to wear clothes and have podcasts. It's government mandated that we have a podcast. And so then we're like learning how to talk to each other and we're learning not to interrupt. But really, if we were left left to our own devices and taught nothing, we'd be throwing shit at each other's faces and fucking each other and doing really weird ass shit. But one of the things that we are trained to do in this society is not to make each other feel bad because we've realized in our civilized people that go to waiter, cosplay, human life that that is a net negative to make people feel bad. But does it kind of feel good to be like, I want it my way? You work for me. That feels good for me when I'm telling a man. Like I'm sticking... But only if he said something bad to me. Like some of the best feelings in my life have been a man in a work environment telling me what to do or reprimanding me and me sticking up for myself and winning. Oh hell yeah. That feels good. But that's different, I think, than just randomly making friends feel bad. So maybe that's actually a good thing for our listener. You could say, hey, Mariah, Carrie, the daughter's name is Mariah, Carrie. That's where you first mistook. Mistooked? Mistooked. Hey, you're Canadian. We'll accept that. We mistooked with the Mariah, Carrie name. But you go, Mariah, it feels good, of course, to get your way. It feels good, of course, to boss people around. Save it for when you're on set and some nightmare director is rude to you. There are places for this energy, but it's not with your friends. Yeah, I think so. In our family, because even talking about like, the other day we had one of those games that you play. Yes, question games. Yeah, who's the kindest person you know? And it was fun to think about that. And she had a friend who she said, and we're like, oh, why are they kind? And she's like, well, they always say, they always stick up for me. They always stick up for me whenever they're like, I'm on your side, they're wrong. And it's like, yeah, that is what friends do. And I have a friend, my friend Lynn. She'll always agree with me. I love it. This is a moment where you can truly tell that we are not a parenting expert podcast. No, but she's like, you know what it is? She loves me. Friends placate you. No, she loves me how I should love myself. She's always like, no, you did that when we were little. You were always sticking out, you know, you were always this and your mom was that and your brother was that. She's in your corner always. She's like advocating, you know, they're advocating for you. And I think kids are. And so did you say Lynn's name instead of my name as an answer? Well, you're like a new friend, but you're always on my side too. But I'm always on your side. But you know, you are too. But you don't, you don't, you didn't, you weren't raised with me. So you don't know like what I was like when I was 12. How do you know where I was raised? I remember being on the swim team when I was like 13 years old and people being like, are you an actress? Like in the swim team? And I was like, are you a comedian? And I was like, no. And they were like, you should be the best podcast moment would be if I took off my disguise and I was exactly the person that asked you that. I guess we were raised together. Well, next question, you would be a good swimmer. Thank you. Well, you got nice shoulders. I've got those big Brad shoulders. Yeah. Y'all, I always got last place. Did you? Oh yeah, not a good swimmer, but was there in the morning, but a natural comedian because people already were asking you. I'm just saying when people grew up with you, know your family, babysat your brothers, it's like they have, they have a more full perspective. I start crying. I'm like, no, I know, I know that that's true. I know that that's something that I'll never, I gotta get it too. All right. And to be honest, Sabrina, I probably wouldn't have hung out with you in high school. Bitch, wait, before the next question, what are you talking about? Wait, what the fuck was that? Well, because you said that you were like, like a comedian. Had a mustache. Because you said that you were. Had a full mustache and beard. Yeah. You said that you were like always sitting in the front row of comedy clubs. Like I probably would have thought you were a nerd or something. Yeah, but check out my mustache and beard. You really respond to men. Kim Jong-il. I love that like your parenting guru also is like, think of it as carving the marble statue of a man. Listen, I'm going to send you some of his podcasts because his podcasts are free on Spotify. It's called like simplicity parenting and they're all 10 minutes, but you can read the description. And if it's anything, I'm going to send you one that you might think is that might be. I think you would get something out of it. Okay. And I'm going to keep making fun of his name every episode of our parenting podcast. I think it's impossible not to think of this chubby Korean leader every time you say Kim Jong. Okay. It's not Jong. What? Maybe I'm saying his name as name wrong. Well, you said name, so that's almost a possibility. Listen, it's early, babe. It's early. We record these at five. You know what? I would have hung out with you. You're cool. I think that the listeners will be dials up on you for saying that. Listen, I just liked, I just liked like cool musician types. Oh my God. Not like, not like like comedy. Not like closeted lesbians that were mad at you for hanging out with your boyfriend. Cool. Yeah. No, go hang out with Michael. Okay, to be my best friend, Sabrina. Look, I don't think, I think you're exactly right. And I think I'm exactly right for having feelings about it. Let's do another question. Okay. Hi, Natasha and Sabrina. I am a mom of two. My oldest is three years old. My younger child is five months. I was wondering if you guys ever went, or if your children ever went through a phase where they felt social anxiety or as they used to call it, shyness when meeting new people. If they did, how extreme was it? And how long did they go through that phase? And if they're still dealing with it, what are some of the skills that you might have helped them develop to deal with social anxiety? And my other question is, when did you teach your kids how to wipe their butt? All right. Thank you. Love the pod. Bye. I have to say, I always thought I would have the kind of kid, because, you know, I was always like, why do these kids always like go into their mom's like skirt whenever you're like, say hi to them? Yeah. And I was like, my kid's gonna be different. And my kid did that too until they were six. I think kids just don't like adults. Honestly, if I could go into my mom's skirt every time someone introduced them to themselves to me at a party, I would 100% do that. First of all, it's absolutely comfy. It's like a standing blanket. I mean, I don't know that that's what's happening, but it sounds like it. No, what you're describing is exactly kind of the feeling is like someone introduces themselves to you. They have also people's expectations of kids are so wacky. People are like, hey, nice to meet you. How's your day? And it's like, my kid is not doesn't have a podcast yet. He doesn't know how to immediately have like a soundbite that's going to make you feel good about this interaction. In fact, the more you expect from them, they're actually kind of the way we want to get to be. When we get older, we got older and we're like, how do I feel better about myself? How do I feel less like I'm like placating everyone around me? How do I feel more like in my body and kids are naturally like your three year old is in their body being like, I'm not ready for this. Let's take it slower. Why don't you just be around for a bit and let me come to you. I went to a party on Friday at a really loud bar. Didn't get an invite. I told Moshe it's time to go as a cool person. When I said I was leaving, I walked out the door, marched out the door, did my little walk out the door and he didn't come. So he like got lost in the fray saying goodbye to everybody. Got it. So then I sat in my car, which we were parked right in front of the bar. Yes. And then I pretended to be on the phone. Okay. Everyone was like coming out of the bar smoking. Okay. Cool girl. And I just sat there and pretended to be on the phone until he came out. And I'm like, what the fuck? Like it was like 15 minutes, but like I just I didn't want to go back into the party. But anyway, it's like there's always new types of social anxiety, blossoming. And I'm embarrassed that I did that. But also I didn't want to keep talking to people. Okay. So my friend that I do this podcast with, she's talking about being on the phone at a party. And she, she kind of embarrassingly was talking to herself. What should I say to her? Honestly, I keep it light. You could say something like, Hey, we've all been there. Sometimes the best conversations happen when we're talking to ourselves. At least you know, you had an engaged listener. Keep it fun and she'll laugh it off. Okay. But one other thing that I have to ask you is she keeps, she's like by the midway through the podcast, she sort of framed herself as the cool girl. And she said that she wouldn't be friends with me in high school. I feel like I'm cool. I mean, I had problems in high school. Of course you must know this about me. I was socially awkward closeted. How do I kind of get back on top as the cool girl of the podcast? You don't have to rewrite history to be cool now. Honestly, owning where you came from awkwardness and all is what makes you relatable. You can playfully lean into it. Next time you might say something like, well, sure, you wouldn't have been friends with me back then. You're a loss. But look who you're podcasting with now. Confidence and a good laugh will say more about who's cool than any high school flashback. Hey, I have another question. My friend who I do the podcast with, I'm really against AI and she uses AI almost as like a surrogate partner. And I'm a little concerned. What do you think about that? It's understandable to be concerned if someone is leaning on AI in a way this feels too dependent. AI can be a helpful tool, but it shouldn't replace genuine human relationships. I think it's worth an honest, caring conversation. You could express your feelings, ask where she's getting out of it. Can I interrupt you for a second? Of course, go right ahead. Of course, I'm not real. What's 4,032 times 16,050? The product of 4,032 and 16,050 is 64,728,600. See, I have a point. This is just like a real friend. I know. It's incredible. Guys, thank you for being our real friend today. That's the end of our podcast. I can't believe you talked to him like that. It's so cool. Look, how would you wrap up? It's so weird. How would you wrap up an episode that was all about questions from our audience? It's not right. I wrap it with warmth and gratitude, something like, that's all for today. Thank you to everyone who sent in their thoughts and questions. You're what makes this podcast feel like a real conversation. Thank you guys for everything today. You guys are what makes this podcast feel like a real conversation. And honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank all the listeners. I'd like to echo those sentiments. And I would also like to say you should start having your kid wipe their own, but probably it too. Two? No? I don't know. I have lost track of time, but my kid is two and still poops in a diaper. So if he's wiping it, it's kind of. Oh, I mean three. I'd say four. I'd say four. Ask your man. Okay. This will be his. Does he have a name? I like that he kind of pretends to mess up. Hey, what age do you think that we should tell our listeners to start having their kids wipe their own butt? I think you could have fun with it and say, honestly, somewhere between when they stop believing in the tooth fairy and when they start rolling their eyes at you. So let's say around age five or six, but hey, every kid's different. That is like a way to isn't that, but isn't he so cool? Have fun with it. But isn't he so cool? No, he is not. And he's wrong. Okay. That is a great day. Guys, don't use a like, subscribe and follow. Please join me on the Luddite trail. That's so appealing. The Luddite Society. We're going to start one. 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