Amanda Kloots on Resilience, Grief & Healing Through Fitness

TV personality, fitness instructor and former Broadway dancer Amanda Clutes joins the We're Out of Time podcast. I posted a positive thought of the day on my Instagram page when I woke up to something that was very negative and I decided in that moment to turn the negative into a positive. I get a lot of feedback, almost every day somebody DMs me and says, I really needed that today, thank you. We want to extend a heartfelt thank you to our listeners. Because of your incredible support, We're Out of Time has reached number one on Apple's Mental Health podcast chart, number two on the health and fitness chart and number 20 overall. We couldn't have done this without you. Thank you for being part of this journey with us. Thank you for listening to the We're Out of Time podcast with Richard Tate. If you haven't already, please follow the podcast, rate and review. And if you're getting value out of We're Out of Time, share it with someone else you know. If you have a problem with substance use disorder, please call 1-CALL-PLACEMENT. That's 888-831-1581. And if we can't help you, we'll make a referral to someone who can. Please, We're Out of Time. Amanda Clutes has done it all. A rocket, Broadway performer, fitness entrepreneur, TV host, author and now founder of New Wellness Brand. She's also someone who's faced incredible loss and turned it into resilience and inspiration. Amanda, welcome. Thank you. Thanks for having me. You've worn so many hats and embraced so many different chapters in your life. What has been the driving force behind your ability to keep evolving? I've had to. I've always had to take care of myself. So I've had to keep evolving every time something changes in my life. There's no other option. Well, like when I went through my divorce, when I was 32, I was married for seven years and then went through a divorce. I was now single, living on my own in New York City. And afford a studio apartment on my own unless I switched things up, which caused me to start my fitness business. So it's just constant evolving and then grit and hustle. I've had to. That's so good. People have said that I couldn't get a job saying, would you like fries with that? Really? Yeah. So it's a good thing I'm in self-employed. But it's hard, right? When you're starting out. I mean, I used to buy five top or six top ramen of the fake top ramen instead of five of the real top ramen, but it builds such character, doesn't it? It does. It does. And it helps you to really remain grounded and grateful for everything you have in life. The highs and the lows. That's right. Exactly right. A motto of yours is move your body every day. That's hysterical. I sell out to everybody. You got to move your body every day. Why is that principle so important to you? Well, I started my fitness business through my divorce. That was the first time I clocked fitness as like a mental health tool. I never thought of it that way before because I was a dancer on Broadway for 16 years and moving my body to me at that time of my life was to lose weight or to stay a certain size because I was wearing next nothing costumes on a Broadway stage. And then I was going through my divorce and I just remember being obviously so sad, so depressed, so just like out of it. And I would be crying as I'm walking to the fitness center where I used to teach and talking to my mother on the phone and sobbing. And then I'd wipe my eyes and I'd walk through the door. Three hours later, I'd leave the fitness center because I was teaching and I was smiling and I was happy and I was full of joy. And it was because I moved my body. I exerted the energy. I put loud music on. I focused on something else and I gave my body a fighting chance and got out of my head, which your head can really play games on you. So that was the first time I clocked it and it served me mental health purposes ever since then. But you didn't have children with your first? No, I did not. No. Okay. Do you break up with him or he break up with you? I guess I probably broke up with him. It was sort of mutual at that point. Do you know what's funny though? That's so unusual. I didn't see that coming because only a woman could break up with a man and then cry. Like the man wants to light himself on fire at this point. Right? Okay. Isn't that weird? I mean, he cheated on me our whole marriage, so there was that. There it is. I mean, that's probably why I broke up with him because I can't keep putting myself through this cycle. You know what though? I'm proud of you. You had self-esteem. This is insane. Thank you. It's like you didn't find out. You found out all at once and then hit the road, right? I found out the first one six months into our marriage and then I just stayed in it because I believe him a shot. I believe in marriage. I believed in love. I believed in him. I can speak about this now in a completely different light, which is thank God for life and time and retrospect. But he was dealing with a lot on his end. He was dealing with a lot of demons and we were very, very young. I understand it now in a way that I didn't at that point in my life. You understand now that it had nothing to do with you. It was all his low self-esteem. Yeah. I think he was dealing with demons that I don't even know if he still knows. We don't chat. We're friendly. I would not hesitate in texting him if I needed to, but we just don't talk anymore. But yeah. All right. Love that. Life is crazy. Life is crazy. It is crazy. Well, you're lucky you didn't have kids with that guy. That's all I can say. You and I skated on our first marriages. We're very aligned and we have very much like thinking. Okay. You recently launched proper, your new supplement and wellness brand. What has the experience been like launching a new product and that is it? That's really cool packaging. Thank you very much. Yeah. I love the packaging. It's, well, it's a big rainbow. Those are three of our seven powders we have now. So, if they're all out on your counter, it's very inspiring because it's a rainbow effect. You have that pot of money at the end of the rainbow. Yeah. There we go. Like the pot of money. The pot of money, the pot of the bag of money emoji. No, I don't, but you know, I'm a big manifester. So I should just like put that bag at the end of my proper on my counter. So don't worry. We're going to get to your vision board and your manifesting. You're manifesting because I do that too, but I write goals. Yeah. Me too. All the time. So do I. All the time. Yeah. But you have to have it there to visually see it as well. Yes. All right. So what was it like? What's it been like? It's been really fun. Also a big learning experience. It's not the first time I've created a product. I guess it would be my fourth product that I've created. What are the others? My jump rope was my first one. You were, what's so special about a jump rope? Oh, that's a good question. You know, jump ropes can be so many different things and so many different weights and there can be a speed rope and a weight. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It can be so many things. I know you don't, when you think of a jump rope, you know, like my worst case scenario would be some cheap plastic with some cheap thin plastic handles where the rope coils all the time and it isn't able to be adjusted to your height. And so it's just kind of like there or a yarn rope. Where do you get, what's so special about this particular? About my jump rope? Yeah, your jump rope. Well, my jump rope, first of all, let's start with the handles. The handles have embedded rubber so that the rubber never flies off or, you know, wears down. It's embedded into the handle and the handle is perfectly sized to fit your hand. It also has screws at the end of the handle that allow the rope to be adjustable without having to tie any knots in your rope because the knot in your rope is just going to affect how the ropes going around your body and you need your rope to be consistently going around your body so that it doesn't trip you or go wonky. Got it. Also, when you tie my rope up and then untie it, it perfectly goes out. You never have to worry about coils or things that are going to cause you rope to fit. Is it weighted or is it just a rope? It is not a weighted rope, no, but it's weighted perfectly so that the centrifugal force is great. But then it also comes with its own carrying case so that you can take your rope in your gym bag or your luggage or wherever you need to. I want one of the ropes. How do I get one of the ropes? On AmandaCludes.com or now that you know me, I could probably hook you up. I want to buy them. So, does everybody know how to spell Cludes? I don't know. It's like boots, but it's with a K-L-O-O-T-S. Okay. What advice would you give others thinking about starting something of their own? My motto is I want to start my own business. There's so much I and my. It's like the pressure is all on you and I always tell people and it will be on you because no one's going to care about your business more than you. You will work harder on it than anyone else. However, I also say don't be afraid to ask for help. Ask for help. I mean, we might differ on this because. Of course. No, no, I ask. No, no, I don't want partners, but if I don't know an answer, I know where to find it. Okay. So, I very much believe on, I know you want to start your own business, but ask for help and people who love you and are your true friends are going to want to help you, are going to want to support you. So with my rope, for instance, I had to ask for money from a good friend to help get that going and I told him, I was like, I promise you, I will pay you back in full in this amount of time. I ended up paying him back in half of the amount of time with interest, but I, you know, it's like you can't do it all on your own. So ask for help and be prepared for people to be there. Be prepared for people to fail you, just be prepared, but ask for that help. It's, it's critical. You, nobody can do anything on, on their own and it's, and it takes a village, but just so you know to correct the record, the only reason I don't have partners is because I've got a vision and if you've got a vision and you don't want to have to ask for permission or negotiate your way in or cajole. I mean, just know, I'm just not, you know, I'm not doing that. Yeah. You know, it's, I'm not at that place in my life, but if you're that kind of person, you have to know it. No, and I respect that too, because I, I love like when I have a very, very clear vision, I get it. It's like, I don't want notes. You don't want to be, I know my vision. And you don't want, and, and, and at that point, I mean, you get input, right? And then you're grateful for the input and then you go back to them and you're like, okay, cool, I'm good. Yeah. And like, no, no, listen, you're not getting it. And it's like, hey, dude. Yeah. I got it. Okay. It's my vision. Yep. I'm going to take a little of what you said, but the rest of it trash. Yes. Right? It's like you have to go through that. I just, I'm just not about it. Yeah. No, I can't, I hear you. You, but you have more options. You have more options. Yeah. Right? Cause you know why? Cause you're built for public consumption. That's why not everybody is. Yeah, that's true. Not everybody is. That's right. Okay. All right. In 2020, you lost your husband, Broadway star and actor, Nick Cordero. Did I say that correct? You did. Yeah. To COVID, when your son Elvis was just 13 months old, looking back, what has been your biggest lesson in resilience and I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you. Um, sorry, it's emotional day because it's his birthday today. So I'm having a tough one. Um, get me some tissue. Resilience. Some other, I don't know. It goes back to what you said before. You just have to keep going. I think I first learned resilience in like the 16 years I spent on Broadway because you have a dream, you have a goal and everyone every day is telling you, it's never going to happen. You're not good enough. No, no, no, you don't sing well enough. You don't dance well enough. You're too tall. You're, you know, you're too blonde, whatever it is. And so in that Broadway training, you just have to come back the next day. You come back the next day ready to go. So I think, thank you. I think that's where my resilience kind of, that's where I was taught resilience. And then in losing Nick, I think, uh, I think Elvis has helped me a lot with resilience just because he forces me to keep moving forward. Um, and I always think about, I always think about Nick, Nick would want me to move forward, you know, like it's like, he would want me to continue living my life. And that's so sweet. That is really, that's, I mean, he's been a great guy. He's a better man than me. I want mine to suffer, suffer and be lonely. Don't sleep with anybody else. Well, I can't, I'm watching. Baby. Hey, listen, how old is Elvis now? He's six. Does he ever ask about his daddy? All the time. Yeah. I've never, I've never kept that door closed. That door has always been open since day one. He has to know who is dad was. You really loved this man. I'm sorry. Yeah. That's the worst. The only thing worse than that is bearing your child. Okay. In the darker moments, what have you discovered about yourself? That surprised you most? I bet you've learned that you're strong and that if you can deal with that, you can deal with anything, which is why you keep moving in a manic kind of way, opening up the next product to the next product to the next product. You know, most people, you know, have a product. You got seven of the same product. Now they're different. They're different. Okay. I don't know how they're different, but they're different. But they're different and you did seven of them. So you're rolling, you're moving fast, you're an entrepreneur, and only about 4% of us are entrepreneurial. Really? Okay. You're Goded up right now. You're full of God, right? I am. Okay. That's how you got through this. You got through it because you were leaning on God. Oh, well, 100%. Yeah. I mean, faith, I don't know what I, I don't know how somebody goes through loss without putting the trauma somewhere higher than yourself. Like it's just, I don't, I don't, I know people do it. I, I just know from my own personal. They don't do it. They don't do it with any sense of thriving in the world or any, you just get bitter. And you, and you can't let go. And then, you know, there's no room for thriving in that. Yeah. Gosh. Yeah. I would, I'm glad I'm not bitter or living in a bitter place. That's, that's a thank God. Now, when you love somebody the way you loved this man, it's intimidating to other men. I'm sure. Okay. Yeah. How do you deal with that? Well, luckily I have a lot of widow and widower friends and we all, we all question that. It's very hard. We all, whenever I'm talking to one of my widower, widower friends, we're always like, whoever dates us, yes, has to be extremely self secure and thick skin and, you know, understand the dynamic and it's, it is weird and it's hard, but yeah. You know how that'll end? You know how that'll end? How? How this old end? Tell me, please. When you find somebody who you really love, when you find someone who you really love, that other stuff will dissipate, not disappear, but it won't be front of mind. Yeah. And that'll be a huge relief for you. Yeah. I, I'm going to say I don't know, but I, I love that outlook. Oh, you're the, you're the optimistic one in the room. I, I, I'm just saying I, I don't know. I don't know how it all, I don't know how it all plays out. It's kind of like, I have friends who have lost children, like you had said, and it's like, From, from drugs? No. A recent one, a drunk driver and then another one from COVID and, Wow. Sorry. No. Yeah. And, and you know, it's like, if they had another child, would that child replace or ever stop loving, you know what I mean? Like you, I don't think you ever stopped loving the person that you love. You only have one. Yeah. Right? Child, yes. Yeah. So I only had one and my daughter at two years, nine months, walked up to me and told me she wanted a baby brother and I said, daddy's old. Leave me alone. And she started crying and she says, I really want one. And I said, why do you want one? And she says, I don't know. I just want one, which is the best answer she could have given me. And I thought to myself, well, first I thought she never asked me for anything. So she's definitely getting a brother. That's the first thing I said. But the second thing I thought of was I'll never love this kid like I love her. Never. And it made me feel really guilty. Yeah. I love him every bit as much. Yeah. Every bit. They're completely different. Right. I love different things about that. I just wanted to tell you because I want you to have another baby. I would love to have another baby. You've become such a strong voice for young widows. What has that connection been like? Oh, everything. I literally was on the way here talking to one of my really good widow friends and I texted her. I said, our birthdays, one of your hardest days. And she said, oh my God, yes. And I was like, okay, so I'm not crazy. And she's like, you are not crazy. I mean, that's perfect example. You know, in every town, there's a guy that puts the dogs down. Do you know why? Because he can. It's why I do this podcast and it's why you got involved with these widows because you're leaving this place better than you found it. We got to help each other. We got to be good to each other. I'm meeting a new widow. We got tomorrow. She just lost her husband a couple of weeks ago and we're going on a walk. It's what I take. I try to take widows on walks. I call them widow walks and we go on walks. Maybe we should change the branding a little bit. What do you say? We get this widow thing out of there and we find another name for it. I hate the word widow. I hate the word widow because I feel like it's labeling you and keeping you down. What you focus on, you get and you know that because you have a vision board. So why don't we call these things something different? Let's figure out a name. What would be a name? I already changed the name. I posted this a long time ago because I hate the word widow so much. Because widow, I'm going to paraphrase this unless we want to take time to look it up. But it comes with a Greek word that means like sad and lonely. I said it's so funny because every widow I meet, yes, you're sad, you're lonely, but you're also very strong and resilient. Like you said, you kind of like have to take your life back. And so then I changed it to the word renovar, renovar, which it means like powering forward or something. It's a full post. Yeah, I did. I was going to say something like Phoenix. From the ashes. Yeah, from the ashes. Yeah. You know, I like that too. But I like that you did. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Erica Kirk, Charlie Kirk's widow is now grieving while raising two very young children. What words of comfort or guidance would you share with her? My late mother-in-law, so Nick's mother told me when Nick was in the hospital, she said Elvis will save you and his smile every day will make you want to get up and live. And it's true. And that's what I'll tell her. That that's what I would tell her is that your kids, like you have a purpose, like, because, you know, you go through a time where you're like, what's my purpose? Why did this happen? And your purpose is, you know, I told Nick when he died, I was like, I will be the best mom to this kid. I will show the world. I will. Yeah. Sorry, I'm a mess today, but it's okay. You okay? It's just a tough day. It is a tough day, but you want to know what? You are a good mother, I can tell. You're very present. He's your whole world. And you've honored this man. I can tell you he'd be very, very proud that I'm certain of. How do you keep Nick's spirit alive for Elvis? Oh, I read just so many things all the time. We not only talk about Nick on a daily basis, we listen to his music a lot. There's little pictures up. You got music? Nick was a musician, yes. He was a Broadway singer, but he also made his own music. And before he passed away, he did a one-man show. So we have his one-man show recorded and he tells his whole life story in it. So we listen to that a lot, which is really kind of resonating with Elvis now, because he can listen and understand and process it. That's right. It's really cool. Just at six. At six, it gets different. My favorite was two to five and a half for both kids. That was my favorite. I agree. I agree. My sister on Elvis's third birthday called me. She's like, get ready, sister. It gets really good at three and four and five. It is. At six, it starts to turn a little bit, but not so much with boys. I think you're going to be a little luckier. Okay. Elvis said I have a pretty special, cool bond, the two of us. So yeah. As long as I tell this to everybody, as long as you meet all of their needs joyfully, right, with the heart of a servant, you're never going to have problems. You don't have your phone, put it away, get down on their level, connect. I remember when my kid used to look at me and I used to get down on her level and she'd go, yeah. And I'd go, right? Yeah. Because it tells them they're important. We do eye contact. I go, eye contact. Look at me, eye contact. I love that. I love that. Well, that's because right now we're dealing with all these young kids and you ask them a question and they give you the stare. Yeah. Or they're not even looking at you. Right. And you're like, can I have an answer to your question? Yeah. Hello. I'm talking to you. And when you say that, they go, stop screaming at me. Yeah. Oh, this is good. This is the one thing where we're not alike. You post motivational messages daily. Why is it important for you to do and do you ever get feedback from your followers? Are you not a positive person? Listen, I'm a realist. Okay. This glass is three quarters full. Okay. But it could be a quarter empty, depending on my mood. Got it. Right. That's just the way I'm built. I see. But you are more polished than I am. I don't know if I'm polished, but I'm positive. You're more polished and positive than I am. So tell me about this. Yeah. Well, I started doing this when I started my fitness company and I posted a positive thought of the day on my Instagram page when I woke up to something that was very negative and I decided in that moment to turn the negative into a positive. Is it a gratitude list? No. It's just I find a quote or saying or something and or video or something you feel inside. Or something I feel inside and I post it every morning. I call it the AK positive thought of the day. And it is lovely. I get a lot of feedback, a lot of like almost every day somebody DMs me and says, I really needed that today. Thank you. Does anybody DM you that isn't 350 pounds, 40 years old living in his mother's basement, screaming for her to bring me down a sandwich? Because I am pretty sure those guys are going to hit you up all day long. No, no, I actually don't have that on. I don't. No, I have a lot of female followers. That's obvious. That's obvious. Yeah, pretty, I'm a really wonderful social media community. Because you're good to women and you have a genuine interest in their well-being. I try. You do. I try. You're a mom, entrepreneur and business owner. What's next for you? What's next? You know, just keeping more of the same, I think. I'm really trying to get my own projects made. Tell me. Well, with movies and scripts and things that I want to either act in or produce. I'm trying to write another book with my sister. She's in Paris. So the logistics of it all makes it hard, but we're working on that. I'm a creator. I love creating things. So I feel most productive career rise when I have a lot of pots going on the stove and they're all kind of cooking and boiling. Now, you were on the talk, right? How long were you on that for? I did five seasons. That's great. Yeah. How'd you like it? I loved it. I mean, it was so wonderful. It was such a wonderful job to have as, A, a new person in LA, and also a new mom because I mean, it was such a godsend. I live in Laurel Canyon. We were shooting in Studio City. My son's preschool was over in Studio City. I basically had this like little triangle of safety where I would drop him off and then go to work and then pick him up and then come back home. It was just like crazy. And then I got to meet all these wonderful people in this business and hear about what they're doing. And it was, it was wonderful. I mean, it's no joke being on live television every day. That's a whole other beast that luckily I felt very used to them being on a Broadway stage every day. So like that felt like home, but it is a lot. And it was a lot when I started because I was really, really new into my grieving process. So that was, you know, a whole different beast. If I was on live television, based on your years of experience, how long, how long, how long, no, no, of course I'm going to be canceled. Come on now. But how long would it take me to get removed forcibly from the set? Well, I just met you today. I'm going to give you, I'll give you some grace and say within three months, maybe. Three months. I don't know. Oh my God. No, I, I. Somewhere in the third hour, I would have been like. Oh, really? That bad. Okay. I mean, I can only hold it together for so long. Well, it's, it's pretty much only like 45 minutes of taping with. You should have called this the mental guy has a mental health podcast. Ridiculous. Giving you a benefit of the doubt. Number one in the country, people. I love you. Oh, do you keep in touch with some of your coams? I do. Yeah. I mean, over tax time and I've seen a couple of them here and there out and about and, you know, Hollywood land. But I wish I, we need a reunion. We need a, like a reunion dinner. All right. Did we leave anything unsaid? Because I know when you walk out of here and you're getting the car, you know, I should have done X, Y and Z. I should have said X, Y and Z. Where can we buy proper? You can buy proper at Target stores on Amazon and also on properhealth.com. And you're going to leave this with me. I'm going to leave that with you. Yeah. And they are to be used at your own pleasure. They are not something that, I didn't create a supplement that you have to take every single day at noon without food. You know, I, I hate that kind of discipline, especially with vitamins and supplements. So it's very much how you use it, how you need it. If you're feeling like I need to make sure I'm getting my daily greens, then that's when you pop in the greens and some water and you drink it up. If you're feeling like you're getting sick, immune support is your friend. Or if you're going to go fly, have some immune support before you fly. But like it's all so that you use it to tailor it to your day, your month, your week, how you're feeling. It's not, I hate when supplements make you feel guilty. It's a, it's a non-guilty pleasure. Oh. Oh. You taste the best. What's your favorite flavor? I mean, it's not here today, but the calm and anxiety one, which is a wonderful lavender lemonade flavor is one of my favorites. Is this one, Snazberry? No, it's the daily boost, which is our greens. It's like a bright green apple. It's super refreshing. I love to drink it very cold after my workout, but they all are very good. And they all. Which one, which one, which one, which one should we try right now? We'll try the daily boost. Which one's that? The greens. The green one down here? Okay. Okay. There you go. Good. Now we have a proper mixer, but since we don't have one here, you can just use your spoon. Okay. I'm going to mix it up really good because it's. Because it gets a, well, it's not, it's, it's actually dissolving really good. Yeah. No, it does. It's, it's just, you, you know what it is. You have to put the powder in first. I agree. I am a powder then water and then mixer. The electric mixer actually really like blends it up very good. So. All right. Let's see how this goes. All right. I mean, yeah. That's delicious. Isn't it delicious? How'd you make green drink taste delicious? I know. Well, that's the, that's. No, no, this is magnificent. I know. It really is refreshing and delicious and you're getting all of your daily greens in there. That was delicious. Thank you. I love that. Yeah. You know what? I don't take gifts from anybody. Ever. Well. But I'm going to take these. Please take them. That's awesome. Thank you. All right. How do people reach you? Oh, well, thank you. You can find me at Amanda Clutes on Instagram, proper, proper health official on Instagram, but proper health.com also in Target stores and on Amazon. And my fitness is Amanda Clutes fitness on Instagram. So check that out. Okay. Yeah. Nothing else? All right. Thank you for coming, Amanda. Thank you so much. So lovely. See you next Tuesday. Huh?