An Open Letter to the Emmys with Trixie and Katya

Inspired by jet engine silences, the Dyson Hushjet Purify powerfully purifies the entire room, quietly. Capturing pollen, allergens and pet dander, removing odours and harmful gases such as NO2, day and night. Hushjet, powerful, compact purification, that's quiet. Welcome to Ruck-Cuttle with us. A podcast for all of you creative weirdos out there. I'm Kate and some of you may know me as Mr. Kate. And I'm Joey, Mr. Kate's grounded in reality other half. You may have met us on the internet over the past decade. We have the largest interior design channel on YouTube, have decorated for thousands of people, have millions of followers, billions of views, our own furniture line. But life is more than pretty rooms and 15 minute YouTube videos. That's right, every Tuesday we're sitting down for an hour with each other. And more importantly with you, peeling back all the layers of how all of life is really a creative project. Parenting, relationships, all the things that inspire you in your daily lives. We'll laugh, we will cry, we'll learn. And my sister and I will gross Joey out with our Romantic Book Obsession. Listen to Ruck-Cuttle with us every Tuesday on YouTube or wherever you get your podcast. We'll see you on the rug. Watch the cliffhangers, they also call them serials. I know that, Mr. Man. We were, oh my God, we were at the ball, are we rolling? We were at the ball in the beautiful live. We were at the ball in the beautiful live in Kansas City this weekend. Which by the way, we're coming to Boston, we're coming to Toronto next week. Please, we have a second show in Boston at Wang. I want to sell out both. We want to sell out both and if we don't sell out that second one, it's going to be the ultimate humiliation. Also, why don't they have like a statue of you in Boston comments? Can they knock down some of the colonial racist statues? Well, and can they put up you? I am there, it's very... I'm sick of the colonial race. I want the normal kind. Fuck Paul Revere. I mean, we want a... Revere what? Rupal Revere. Oh no. Oh, I brought two Rupal shirts and of course I didn't put one of them on. I brought one too. Can I help you? Do you have a question? Fuck! Pamp... Pampondi. Once again. And that bitch, just because she's not the hot button of the week, I've been seeing so many good tiktok people doing her, but like, this is outrageous. Y'all got Trump derangement syndrome. Trump derangement syndrome. TDS. She's kind of... Yeah, she's kind of quailuded. She's not even... Quailuded. She's kind of slurring. She's kind of doing that housewife pill thing where she's like kind of slurring. It's a goofball machine, that whole White House situation. Every day she wakes up and RFK has a slingshot like Dennis the Menace and shoots a hydrochloroquox into your downer. I'm gonna help you. There's this... Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. This woman... Do you think that RFK is going to start recommending that we all drink Pampondi's breast milk? Yes. But she won't breast pump, so she has to outsource it to China. It's like a kissing booth. We all have to get in line and show up like the flu vaccines at CVS. Like you go in there, you walk in. It's a walk in appointment. It's a walk in appointment. But it's not actually Pampondi. It's anybody with the last name Bondi. They have to change their name to Pam. It's a whole group. Or anybody from Bondi Beach. Really? Anybody from Bondi Beach? Anybody. Oh my God. Last week we cliff-hunged. We cliff-hunged. We cliff-hunged. We really edged and we teased. We teased. We cliff-hanged and it made me think of a We're in Kansas City. Somebody asked who would be on your Mount Rushmore. I immediately said Kathy Bates and Misery. Clip hangers. They also call them serials. I'm not stupid, you know. So good. Mr. Man. Mr. Man. Where's she? Why isn't Annie Wilkes in the fucking cabinet? Get her down here. Who would get bagged as her down here? Back of shit. Back of chips. It's beneath you, Paul. When she's calling me Paul, Paul over and over again. I'm calling her Raymond. She was good. She's calling her Paul. I call her Ruth. Ruth Paul. I think it's a little bit of a cheat to do a character as the actress. Say you're doing the actress, but you're just doing the character. Amy Madigan, but you're doing Gladys. Gladys, yeah. Yeah, I think it's a cheat a little bit. But if it's done well, who cares? You know, like Ben Delacreme as Maggie Smith as the Dowager Countess. It's still great. Right. But like, so anyways, but I give a pass to Bag of Shit for that because I'm back on my comeback of shit. Lady Bunny called her that once on tour and it was funny. Did you hate it? Because it's such a bad joke. Did you see Kelly Mantle, the pod? By the way, Kelly Mantle won a fucking Queerty Award. Payola. Oh, yeah. The Accalations. Kelly. How much did you pay for that? How much did you pay for that award, Miss Mantle? Well, they don't know this. What? I was hosting and the lights went out and Ed McMahon switched the check. I made sure that Kelly won. You stole busy lifting drinks. You stopped all the beautiful on the check, but then the lights went out, lightning crash. Right. And then all of a sudden Michelle Visage switched the check. Right. She's the fully-haired and the beautiful. That's her pod. But she won. The Bobbed and the Beautiful. The Bobbed and the Beautiful. Oh, I love Kelly and the Bob. No, Michelle. Oh, can you believe that? No, I can't. It's really fierce. It looks like somebody's avatar from like Wee Bowling. Do you know what it is? It's like a randomized sim. But Michelle, I mean, like it's impossible to clown because that face can really do anything. Yeah. She could rip Pam Bondi with one look. And you know what? I actually really... Do you remember a few years ago when Megan McCain was trying to do funky looks with her hair and makeup? Do you remember the funky looks? Mary, everybody's trying to clown my style. But like, look at Michelle. Trying to do these hair show styles with the racist woman on the view or whatever the fuck. Right. Trying to do like Atlanta hair show. The helicopter that flies off the head. Yes. But I think it's funny that Air Force Three, Team Michelle, Team Michelle's hair and glam, could actually do versatility where it always looks good. Yeah. That was a tough time. That was a reach. That was a cliffhanger from which she did not hang very much. Yeah. Oh, we did a cliffhanger about the Jubilee video with Julian Michaels versus 20 body positive movement activists. Activists. Well, they weren't all activists. No, they were champions or whatever of the body positive movement. Right. And they were all different types of people like therapists, dietitians, activists, whatever. And I'll tell you, I sat down because I like, I like rage baiting myself. I like to watch something. And I'll tell you this. I watched a lot of Jubilee content. Okay. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it with anybody. Yeah. I always applaud people being so candid. And vulnerable. There was a lot of vulnerability. Even if I think they're cuckoo bananas. Yeah. I'm like, well, they're going on the internet speaking their truth. Yeah. And I learned from that. So thank you. Yeah. I didn't. So fuck you. But I went in there ready to sit down and be like, let's, yeah, let's see this white bitch get steamrolled. I just want everybody to take a lovely, a lovely keynote crash course in debating as it pertains to claims, listening to claims, high claim, hello claim, and then responding to claims rebuttal. I have a hard time when it just gets circular point, counterpoint or whatever. Or when it becomes, when it becomes scientific evidence versus my feelings, right? Because feelings aren't facts and they can't necessarily like, you know, they're, they're your feelings. They, they impact you. They're, you know, they're important, but they can't really be a lot. They can't really, they're not artillery as against scientific evidence or evidence based studies. You know what I mean? It's like, it doesn't really work like that. But I do appreciate something I like about that channel is a lot of times people's personal stories give so much context that like we can't just talk about studies we remember either. So I do like both. Well, and yes, and I appreciate what I really took away from that video, which was so impactful and really, really, I mean, I can't overstate the needles. I felt it literally because that the girl whose breast kept growing. I've never felt more seen in my life because I didn't know that there was somebody else there like me. Right. I didn't know that because I go on tour with you and you know that I on, you know, Friday I'm wearing a 38 double D. And I just have those little, I have a double G because they keep growing. There's nothing I can do about it. Well, your shoplifting. If I dye it, my waist grows, Chinese and my breast grow bigger. Because I like, I have, I struggle and I, I felt so seen by her. I just saw this video. You know, one of my other weird, like, I don't know what's wrong with me on the internet. The reason I'm not watching premium cable like you. What's wrong? There's a phone call. I hate that. I hate it. The reason I'm not watching premium cable like you is because I'm watching like trash teenagers get apprehended at Macy's on Tik Tok for stealing. Like I love that shit. Recently I just saw this woman and the cops are the cops have body cams. They're following her and they do this thing where they kind of flank you on an escalator where like the cops are at the bottom, the cop follows you on and they're like, follow us and this bitch. You guys, I swear to God. I swear to God. And you know, I got fired from a job for stealing. I wasn't stealing, but I have a lot of sensitivity to that moment. Excuse you. What? Excuse you. What? The Mac counter. I have to know that about you. Are you, are you really pretending you've never heard this audience at home? Tell me I have not told this story. It must have been at least 14 times on this. It must have been at least 15 times because why haven't we bonded so severely over that? We have crack. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Jesus. Greg and Coco, feel free to make a super cut of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Greg and Coco are in turn. Greg and Coco, please. So basically long story short, my guest in the makeup chair said, you know, my gift card for Macy's probably has 15 cents left on it. She said something jokingly like, go get yourself a coffee. I said, okay, I will. So I went to get my Starbucks and I said, my leading the makeup chair gave me this. It's the Starbucks Mac, the Starbucks Macy's. Yes. I was like, probably has 10 cents on it, but she told me to put a trauma coffee. It was like a dollar 10. I was like, oh, thanks lady. Who's makeup I did? Fired. They said it's in the handbook of if you work at the makeup counter, you can't use a gift card. I was the top salesperson at a million dollar makeup counter. I was fired for a dollar 15 cents. I was devastated. But still use Mac products to this day. They got me. They got you. And also I'm sorry, boo, but that no matter what the dollar amount you did, you did thieving. You were a thief. Maybe I'm like maybe I need to heal myself by accepting that that did count as thieving. You do. I see because when it comes down to it's not semantics, it's dollars and cents. There's really at the end of the day, no difference between $1 and $1.25. You know what it is? It's like in ghost when that program is stealing like fractions of a penny from all those people. What program? That's how they get the Sam Wheat money. Oh, oh, oh. It's like fractions of a cent. Carl? Yes. It's like fractions of a cent over time. Isn't that how they get all that money? No. Oh. Okay. Love it. Well, I decide it. Oh, Mary. Oh, Jesus. Oh my God, what about the comeback? She's like, I'm here for my day player. I'm Lana. She goes, Lana, I only have fitness instructors. That's the name I gave her. Love that. When she's leaving and the ambulance is behind her and they're just like, there's so many things about that show. And it's, I know we've tried to say before. Giving your character a name and then telling the person when you check in that character's name they don't know. Sorry, that's acting. That is how people are. Yeah. She's, I don't know. If you ever took an acting class, that's the type of shit they tell you to do. Yeah. It's like, you come into class and like, they stop the model like, like, hold on for a second. What happened to her on February 20th birthday? You haven't thought about that? What actually transpired on February 27th in 1993? Yeah. Between her and Barbara. Right. You don't know who Barbara is? Get out of here. But it's a good callback to season one because when she's doing room and board, she's like, so Aunt Sassy, am I her dad's sister or her mom's sister? And they're like, who cares? It doesn't matter. Yeah. It's like, it does matter. How about it's the brother and that way we have a better guest star later. Sorry, she is thinking about it. She is. She's thinking, she's thinking Jane, Peppa pigs. What are these? Percy pigs? Peppa the pigs. These are delicious. They're vegan. I don't know where they came from. Vegan. They make them in the UK. They're vegan. What do they made out of? Horse radish? They're delicious. Bit off. Oh, almost too sweet. Not bad, right? Yeah, I should stop. Such a pig. Oh my God. Oh my God. It's almost, yeah. I've been having a lot of food problems. It's almost a little too sweet. It's almost a little too rich. They got me a bunch of new arthritis medicine and it's my appetite's out the window. It's been harrowing. Hear the roof out the window. Gone. Oh, it's gone. Okay. I wake up, but choke down a smoothie with a nauseous feeling. My arthritis has gotten so much better, but I'm nauseous all the time. You know, God give it then God take it away. Yep. Up last night, puking, middle of the night. Love it. Oh, I forgot to talk about Kelly. Kelly Mantle's pod where she shoots in this room. She had Lady Bunny on and she goes, I'm going to read some names and I want you to do word association. Can you play it? Yeah. Can you play it? It's really funny. It's really funny. Control room. We don't have one. Yeah. Oh my God. I can't believe you didn't tell me you had this fake nail on. Kelly's pod and actually laughs. You don't need any. Payola. Payola Jackson. Oh my God. She was the prankster the prankster the prankster the prankster the prankster the prankster the prankster the prankster the prankster the prankster the prankster the prankster the prankster the prankster prankster prankster prankster prankster prankster prankster prankster prankster turned her and I go, haunting. Okay, ready? Dina Martina, suicide. Tammy Brown, 9-11. She's so sick. She would take this as a compliment. Bianca Del Rio is- Is this? It's so fierce. It's so fierce. I love her. I don't. And her look has never inspired me. No. At any stage in my life. Oh, gosh, no. And anything has repelled you further and further away. I've been trying to find this DVD of hers. Cause I'm like an old school Lady Buddy fan. I've been trying to- I know which one you're talking about. Yes, I can't say on the pause. Can't say on the pause it's too hot for extra something. You know what? Can't even find it on eBay. No, rated R for, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't have a DVD player, so I really have no plan. Mary, you had, I got a whole bunch of DVDs at home. All I'm missing is the Blu-ray player. All that's standing in the way of me and enjoying these DVDs. No, they're Blu-rays. Okay, so you don't have any DVDs at home? I got Blu-ray DVDs. Okay, okay, good. All that's standing in the way of me and some enjoyment of these discs is the goddamn player. Your pimple healed pretty fast. It's not healing, it's still there. Thank you very much. It looks way better than you. You had a full wig on acting like there was a crater under there. It was mama. It was the beginnings of Mount Vesuvius. It was Mount St. Helens daughter, just emerging from the primordial ooze. It was, it was flagrant, it was abusive. I had to stay home. I had to do cold and hot compresses. I had to do steam eucalyptus, mentholatum, benzoyl peroxide. Eucalyptus pussy. I didn't do any of that. I gotta tell you what happened to me. But wait, I'm not done with my story. Okay, I forget what you were asking. You always say that and then there is nothing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you just don't give me enough time to really formulate my opinion. Okay, clammy again. I know. I always feel like I'm talking to be kindergarten with you where I'm like, is this a question or a story? Why can't it be? And I'm like, does anybody know the answer? And you go, my mom drives a blue car. Like it's like some shit like that. But I'm like, my mom drives a blue car. Right, right. No, no, no. It's always like, I need to stop everything and tell you, I had a great night's sleep last night. Yeah, any elaboration, any relevance to what we were talking about? Not really. Not really. Go ahead, yeah. I, in the car on the way here, my God, it got like a J.Lo second act flash. J.Lo second act flash. Because what I was going to do, what I wanted to do after high school, one of the two things I wanted to do was either become a French teacher, but I knew at the time, because I was so gay, that I would not be able to summon or embody the authoritative armor necessary to fend off a bunch of fucking youngsters. Yeah, you're high schoolers. Now? Maybe now? Fermil Abouche. Assez-vous. No, no, no, yeah. Tete-vous-alop, espèce de sale blander. That I could do. I'd put on one of these nails. Do my cocaine, just kidding. And then I would let him have it, but I was thinking, you know what? 22, 23, 24, 28, no, 40 plus. That's what you, the age, you need to, the distance and the authoritative, you just need that age difference, that kind of like, in that life experience to be able to walk into a room of rotted, gutted high schoolers, you know, screaming six plus seven on Snapchat or whatever, and then get them to shut the fuck up, sit down and open page 83. I watched a TikTok about this phenomenon, that I don't know if it's true, but they're saying that. If it's not on TikTok, it's true. That the female, like perhaps female teachers are sometimes very nice to the male athletes in the high school, and then come down really hard on the girls. Many young women feel singled out by their female teachers, and they feel like the teachers give extra help or extra consideration to the athletes. I'm just watching TikToks. Okay, and that's where I get my news. Well, that's where, other than the 16 hours of news a day that I watch. I heard that we're telling this. Speaking of Savannah Guthrie's come back to work. They still haven't found her mother. You know where her mother is? Her mother is breast pumping Pam Bondi. That is awful. I'm sorry, I don't know who that Savannah Guthrie is. Savannah Guthrie, she's a journalist, she's a television. They took her mom. Yes, her mother was kidnapped. By whom? Like months ago, and they don't know, and they can't find her. And Savannah's been talking about it very openly. This is not a joke. I watch a lot of news. It's awful. And let me tell you, if anybody out there is into stealing mothers, I will give you Val's home address. And Ruth Paul's, like let's, call me mother. Snatched. It's awful. I think that in the world of crime and political warfare, we don't have to steal people's moms. I think that's pretty wild. It's also, yeah. It's also, I think it's directly. Would Pat go easily? Mama, are you joking? Baby, let me tell you about Miss Pat, Patricia, and McCook, and A. Moran. She is such a fast walker. You cannot, mama, you, she's so short though. Baby, don't matter. She leaves everybody in the dust. When we're on a group trip in a car, she doesn't wait until, if my dad's driving usually, she doesn't wait until he slows down or stops, opens the door, tuck rolls, and she's on her way. She is, you cannot catch her. The elusive Shantus. You're the youngest, right? I'm the middle. You're the middle. Just like you. Your sister's youngest. Yeah, and your brother's oldest. Interesting. And yeah, but she is, she's, you can't catch her. You cannot catch her. And what's your sister's name again? Shannon. Who would play her? Shannon Grace. Kirsten Dunst. You guys would all play each other. No, no, no, no, no. You guys have two genes. You all look so alike. Kirsten Dunst would play my sister. You look so much like your brother. I do. The face, without the beard? It was like you with the dark beard. Oh, and he's got a full head of hair. He's got the McCook side. Yeah, are you the only blonde? Your sister's kind of blonde, right? No, my sister's brown. Okay. My sister's brown, but I'll never forget it. I wish we could pull up a picture. I'll find it. She had a George Washington haircut when she was little. She got a perm. She was the spitting image of our first president. That's fierce. It was like, you know, that much. Like kind of like, you know what I'm talking about. You've seen the $1 bill. Oh, I've seen one. I've been doing drag long enough. That was my sister. Who's cunt. You wonder why such a trick that I do in drag. And people think this is gross. When people tip me a dollar, I'll lick it. Stick it in the forehead. Ooh. Your audience goes wild. I love that. But everybody's like, the money's gross. Don't lick the money. I think that's classist. Thank you. You don't know my experience. You don't know. Also, I would go even worse. I would crumple it up, put it in my mouth, and then I would spit it up into the air and get it and catch it. Yeah. I'm gonna swallow it. There was a drag artist called Sharon Needles and I watched her, she used to take people's money and put it in a blender. Well, that's... And then she would take pages of the Bible and put it in a blender. Well, I have no problem with that. That's gonna, I think, what... Shredding money, you would call the police. I would call the police. I was like, this is... Panbondy, get down here. Panbondy, get down here. And then she put it in. PANBONY, GET DOWN HERE April is a dangerous time for me because the second the weather gets even a little flirtatious, I start behaving like a woman of a certain age who has simply had enough. Suddenly, I need a spring trip, a trip where I need soft pants, dark sunglasses, and a destination where I can walk around at golden hour pretending I have secrets. That is the power of April. It thaws the pavement, reawakens my allergies, and fills me with the completely irrational confidence of someone who thinks a weekend away will fix everything. So this spring, I'm planning a trip to Savannah, where I found a home on Airbnb that is draped in both moss and charm. I want cobblestone little squares. I want to drift around in the spring sunshine like an Antouzon and Eat Pray love trip that includes grits and barbecue. I want to do some light strolling and maybe buy an impossibly impractical piece of jewelry in a local boutique. And at night, I want to sit down to a dinner that is so good, it makes me briefly forget pretty much everything. This is the kind of trip where you need to place that matches the fantasy. That's why I love booking stays on Airbnb, because when I travel, I do not want to be crammed into a hotel room with a view of a parking lot. I want a real place to stay. I want a living room where I can decompress after a long day of wandering around and judging Southern architecture. I want a kitchen for snacks, a table for my frosty beverages, and enough space to dramatically collapse on the floor like Julia Robertson's something to talk about. And if I'm traveling with friends, it's even better because then we can all stay together instead of scattered down different hallways in a hotel. And of course, once I start planning one trip, my brain immediately escalates. Suddenly, I'm looking at Carmel next, then Malta, then Hokkaido Island, a little ocean air, some seafood, and maybe even a long walk where I pretend I'm processing something deep would really I'm just thinking about Russian pop music. Whether it's one quick spring reset or the beginning of a full warm weather spiral, trips just feel more personal when you book through Airbnb. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Hi there, it's me, Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile, Empress of all that is glamorous, and now the proud founder of Nile Nights, the only luxury perfume line available exclusively at gas stations off California Interstate 5. Picture this, you're driving from Los Angeles to San Francisco in a pumping gas at the stroke of midnight, a hottie is pumping gas mere feet away, batting their eyes and looking you up and down. It's then that you realize you smell like potato chips in stale farts. You run into the gas station to find something to cover up your roadstrip stench, and there next to the register is a bottle of our signature scent, sarcophagus silk. Suddenly you smell like a divine ruler who once did bedroom stuff with Julius Caesar and Mark Antony. That is the power of Nile Nights, notes of Jasmine, Myr, and a suspicious hint of desperation. But even a long dead queen like me needs a new website. That is why I summoned Squarespace. With design intelligence, I didn't simply make a website, I forged a digital empire. It took my royal essence, my dramatic eyeliner, and my extremely specific gas station's distribution model and turned it into a stunning online presence that screams yes. This perfume is next to the beef jerky, but it's still luxury as hell. In Squarespace payments, please, my customers can pay with Apple Pay, Klarna, and ACH DirectEbit. I also connected all my social accounts including Instagram, TikTok, my extremely active cat fan page. Everything sinks beautifully so when I post a sultry video whispering, Nile Nights into the desert wind, the masses cannot resist. And the SEO tools, when someone searches real fragrance near windshield wiper fluid, Nile Nights appears. I dominate, I conquer, like the queen I am. So if you too want to sell something at California gas stations or beyond, head to Squarespace. If they're good enough for the queen of the Nile, they're good enough for you. Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash Bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that's Squarespace.com slash Bald. Do you think that Kristi Noh is still gonna be on the TVs at the airport? Is it gonna be over now? Cause she's done so? No, she's probably gonna be on. Cause normally you walk in, it's six a.m. at LAX, you get the bone collector being like, if you see something, say something, bitch, I see something. I see a lot of things. I see a lot of things. She comes on the screen and I literally, a phone rings and it goes seven days. I see your tracks. I see your, what about the old pictures of her? I don't, you know, I haven't, I have to say, I haven't seen. Bring it up, Trace. Bring it up. I have also bring up my George Washington haircut from my sister. Google her sister's George Washington haircut from 1982. Thank you. 1987, God, Jesus. Oh yeah, your baby sister. No, I have had the pleasure of avoiding all videography of Kristi Noh at the airport. That's great. Huge if true. It is true. That's old Kristi Noh. Can you see that? With the John and Kate Plissay at hairdo. Isn't that fierce? It is, well, no. Looking like a library admin at a middle school. Speaking of which, let's go back to my point. Okay. Second act J-Lo. I would go back to school because I'm, ridiculously, if you want to teach high school or even middle school, if you want to teach like sixth, seventh grade, you need a master's degree in what you're teaching. Even though- That's pretty amazing. It is pretty amazing. It's pretty ridiculous if you ask me, depending on whatever, but you know, to teach- How are you gonna pay off that master's degree as a teacher? Well, see, you don't. That's why I use my first job to pay for my schooling for my second job, which is really just, it's not a cash grab, obviously, because you probably make about, I don't know, 40 grand a year. In a, where you live, the cost of living is about 125 grand a year. You know what I mean? Well, I know a lot of teachers who only teach at private schools because they get a huge rebate for their own children going to that school. So even though you may not get paid a crazy amount of money as a teacher, if you get half off tuition, you have three kids. Are you talking about a university? No, I'm talking like the fancy private like middle schools and shit. If you teach there, your children could go for cheaper. I remember- Chote Rosemary. My friend Megan, back then, this was in the 90s. She went to St. Mark's, which was in Massachusetts, to the tune of 20 grand a year high school. Now in the 90s. Now, $1.6 million. Absolutely. Well, she was, and she got to, you know, I've told the story before, I got to drive her dad's BMW was thrilling. And I'm- The death ride. Well, no, that was what, yeah. Well, that was something different. Not me remembering a story. Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But she- I started the hydroxychloroquine and now my bone marrow is just, I'm on it. Well, that's getting, now I'm just gonna press you with the melanquin. And the breast milk, the Pampry-Brest milk. Yes! I've been, I was like, what is that? A wind chime, a breast pump. Okay, James. Oh, the fuck was that? Ow, ow, I just hit the lamp with my head. Oh. Oh. I took, Jennifer took me to see a play. Jennifer took me on a date. Jennifer took me to the Brode. The, not the Brod. The Brode. Is it called the Brode? Well, in, in, in, in Massachusetts, in Boston, in Cambridge is called the Brode. It might be called the, the Brode here. It's the Brode. Yes, the Brode, I love that. Okay. Went to the Brode Brode, Brode Brode. The Brode Institute? Yes. Giant tables and chairs. I don't, I don't know about visual art. Yes you do, but it's okay. I walked in and was like, that table's big and left. Like that was it. Wait, can you give me a little more? The artist does giant tables, chairs, giant, giant, like standing underneath the kitchen table. Sculpture? Sculpture? I guess, I mean, yeah. Installations? I, it's a nice size. You can go through, I went through the whole, I went through the whole thing in 15 minutes, the whole art museum. I mean, I power walked through it. I was like, love it, love it, love it, love it. Hate it, hate it. Camera from camera from camera on this guy. They got those little things to read, but I have hollocks. Placks. I had to go. Right? I'll make up what I think about it. Don't tell me what I think about it. Are you subjective? Thank you. I'm cautious. Okay. And so then we leave and Jennifer takes me to dinner. I go, great, perfect. Tries to bug me. But then she takes me to see here lies love. Follow me here. Here lies love, not love lies leading. No, it was what lies beneath with Michelle Pfeiffer. No, she takes me to see here lies love, which is a musical play about the Marcos regime and the rise of Amelda Marcos, the first lady of the Philippines. Who ushered in the Marcos regime, which ultimately is like banning free press, curfews, That's just a kind of thing. The family is like widely known to have basically bled the country's money into their own bank accounts and has never truly answered for it. Set that to a disco musical. It's a disco EDM musical with a drag queen. Manila Luzon. No, it was a girl from Drag Race. Who? Google to that. I don't know who this. Manila famously did her under snatch game. Yes, yes. That's how I knew she was. So I sit down with Jennifer and Jennifer goes, I want you to go in blind to go great. So I Google it immediately because I'm like, Jennifer, get real. I go, Jennifer, is this the Amelda Marcos musical? And she goes, nope, nope, nope, just watch. And it was. I'd never seen anything like it. I'm really beautiful. I mean, I've seen a lot of musicals and when I was in school, we used to learn about every type of musical. I'd never seen like an EDM, like dance music musical. The music is produced by Fat Boy Slim, who I love. And so it's a lot of, sounds like Fat Boy Slim music. It's about Amelda Marcos being from a small town, being really pretty and hot. And then she gets turned down by this guy for being too tall, she's depressed. She goes to the city, she moves to Manila. And then I'm not spoiling it because this is historical events. Sure. Then she marries this guy who becomes the president. I forget his first name, Fernando Marcos. John Kennedy, okay. They are fabulously wealthy, bleed the country of money, very rich country systems are used. The Philippines. The Philippines, yeah. The Philippines, I've never been. Manila. You've been, right? I've been. I've been twins. Oh, Oremayari was the queen. And the drag queen role actually was awesome because the drag queen was dressed as Amelda. She opened the show and kind of was like, we're gonna tell this cool story. Then there's moments where Amelda's kind of like reflecting and the drag queen is there with her. And she's like a point of like for Amelda to kind of like notice her where she is. They use the drag queen as a way for like Amelda's nanny to be like, to not recognize her anymore. Cause she's so blown out on money and like being powerful. I just would have never a disco ball, disco ball the size of this room while they're singing about like the collapse of the Philippine. Like, do you think it was, not that the Philippines collapsed, but it was so fascistic. Do you think it was like, would not crave it? Do you think it was, what's the word? Vulgar or like insensitive or something? Do you remember that moment in cabaret when the Nazis had invaded and you have like Sally Bowles singing Life as a Cabaret with the Nazi gear on? And you have the juxtaposition of like, well, somebody putting their head in the sand and partying while it's so awful. There's irony. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's dramatic irony. The disco ball and like Amelda doing poppers with drag queens and stuff. So there was a dissonance that was intentional. Yes. And then they cut to like the news and it's a, you know, activist being like, we need to take these people down. And I went home and watched the documentary about Amelda Marcos. Eventually the whole country came for them in the palace. They flew them out of the country and they moved to Hawaii. Because the country is like, we're coming into this palace and we're gonna eat you. They January 6th, they're palace. They're in there fucking with her shoes, sitting at her desk being like, and what bitch? And guess who is the president of the Philippines right now? Pam Bondi, no. Her son, Fernando. Marco Marcos. And then there's the president of the Philippines. And so it was chilling because we're in a second Trump presidency. And it's like sort of what I got from it. And I'm listening. I've never been to the Philippines. Shout out to the Philippines. I would love to go. Mary, I'll let you finish your thought before. The musical portrays the country as obviously so beautiful and cool, the internal corrupt financial political warfare is so shocking. And the disco and the glitz of it made it even more like so sickening and absurd. I would say in that sense it was really effective. And it was, I just like to leave a musical a little happy. And that was like Cabaret where you leave and you're like, so should we go lay down? Yeah, I mean, that's why I preferred the Bob Fosse film version of Cabaret to any stage production. Have you seen hair? No, the musical hair. You don't leave super happy. You leave reflecting and you feel empowered. This left me definitely feeling like, oh my God, America is, we're watching the, we're watching some parallels here. We're living it. And now more than ever. Now more than ever. When I went to the Philippines, we went to Manila and I distinctly recall flying in there over like sort of shantytownish looking neighborhoods like reminiscent of, somehow reminiscent of like the favelas in Brazil, like not so downtrodden, but it was a lot of incoming inequality, let's just say. Like a lot of glaring income inequality. We get to our hotel. There's armed guards with machine guns everywhere. And the, it was a lot, it was very different. Yes. Very, very different. The crowd, I gotta say, Mary, the crowd was, I did my little dookie show and they were so, so supportive. It was like crazy. It was so fierce. It was so hot. The Filipino drag queens watching you do your dog show. My dog show. I was like barked and barked, whooped and whooped and they were just whooped and hollered while I sweated my entire body weight off. It was so hot there. Girl, you know what I just came across? That clip from the live ball to the beautiful Norway when I was at Boston at Jocks and I said, I can't believe Katz used to work here with you hot, gorgeous trans girls. And they said, yeah, estrogen hadn't hit Boston yet. Yeah. Baby, cause I'm telling you once these, I don't mean to be ignorant. I just want people to know, I went home, did a bunch of research on the Philippines, watched that documentary and sold all your shoes. I mean, the Philippines is fucking cool, but learning about like the deep corruption that is like active was like so. I mean, the world is a horrible place. Everybody's a horrible place. People are rotten, everything sucks and we're all going to hell. Something they said in the documentary is the Marcos regime was so destructive. Thousands of people were killed and stuff. Something they said in the documentary was the school systems haven't even been able to update their textbooks. So young kids are reading history textbooks that say how great the Marcos regime is. So these young people are like, let's vote for, it's just, yeah. It sounds a little familiar. Where does that sound familiar? But I hope to go to the Philippines someday. I've never been to Asia. I've never been to Asia. I be heard you, I just calm down. Everybody's been to Asia. Calm down, calm down. Everybody take a look to your left. 100% of those people have been to Asia. Hong Kong is so lit, so expensive. Chi Chi Devane would be like, girl, I go to Hong Kong three times a year. What's wrong with you? No kidding. Well, I suggest I just want to put this out there. I would love to return to Hong Kong. I'd love to go back to Singapore, although the weather's a little challenging. It's about 85 degrees all year round. 100% humidity. Okay, I don't know if I can go to the Philippines now. At least not in Drake. That's Singapore. But baby, I'm not joking. And I'm gonna tell you, because Singapore had a, basically if you got caught with drugs, they'd kill you. Okay, that's T. Singapore has a very fierce no drug policy. So she was stone cold sober when she was there, like down. And diva down. We're gonna move you to Singapore. Yeah, but so the point is, I'm there. I'll kill you here if that helps. I'm there, not a goofball in sight, you know. I've been eating M&Ms. Yeah, I've been eating skittles. Free-basing Red Bull? Yes, I remember it was in Singapore when the episode three of the last season of Game of Thrones dropped. I'm circling my laptop like a freak because I'm just on edge. And because I couldn't go outside for not even a minute to smoke a cigarette. Because it was too hot. Baby doll, it was so hot and humid. And my friend Eugene. They probably have great skin though. That humidity is good for the skin. Mama, moisture. It was like everybody's glistening, going not a bit of sweat on those native residents, including my friend Eugene, who is fiercely and famously over 300 pounds. Fierce. Yeah. Who's the drag queen's name is Ani Ari? Or Amayari? She ate. The voice. Sick name. The look. She was so good. And having a drag queen dressed as a Melda, introducing it almost like we're gonna have a really celebratory, fun disco show. The bait and switch was so effective. When by the end of it, you're just like, I mean, that ends with this activist, like toward the end getting shot on stage and a shooting in a play always, like when I saw. It's very Abraham Lincoln. It's just. It's very Abraham Lincoln. Well, it's different than Omari's shooting on stage was just hilarious. Yeah, that was very different. Actually, I thought that was very disturbing. Oh, okay. We wait, wait, wait. But I just wanted to say she was so good and so great. And I don't want to stereotype, but they make this joke in the beginning about like, what do all Filipinas love? Karaoke. It's an all Filipino cast. Some of the best live singing I've ever heard in my fucking life. Unbelievable. Like, like you would have swore because it's EDM, you would have swore their lip syncing. It was like a drag show, but it was like, no, they're singing some of the best singing in the male leads, the two male leads. Hot sexy. Well, thank God. Well, thank God. Because I don't go to the theater to watch a bunch of dogs. I don't want a bunch of dogs like trotting around barking. I saw this TikTok. There was this girl being like, this girl being like, Hollywood needs to stop putting attractive people on screen and they need to stop like getting like Timothy Shalame in the makeup chair to add acne and then call them ugly on screen. Damn. She was like, I have acne, hire me. I wear glasses. I can't take them off. I'm not saying I need more ugly people, but I don't long for hotness on screen. I don't care. I don't care. Well, that is where you and I differ young lady because I don't go to the movies to watch this dog from down the street because I can just walk down the street and see her. Beauty subjective. That's true. So what are you gonna do? Hope every movie caters to your idea of beauty. They do. You're like, just like a white man. No, I got plenty of ideas. Exactly. Silence, white men voices. I got plenty of ideas of beauty. The Beauty of Beauty is a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. She's gonna beat that bitch with a bat. I'm talking about the role. You could play Old Mary. I could never play. Can I say this? I could never. I could never. I could never. But you're not saying it, I'm saying it. Okay. You don't think that you could play an active addict who has a flair for performing in a bad wig? I could do it once and I would have the time. You would need six years to memorize this. Yeah, as long as I had six years. I need to call it and go, you can't do it. In Jilly Michael's boot camp. And then I would. What if you play her and I could play the teacher? Wouldn't that be fun? It would be fun. The one thing I wouldn't have to get past is calling everybody Mary. Right. Although you are Mary. My favorite part is when she's puking in the bucket. That's what it's gonna say. That's my favorite part too and she drinks it. Yes, and then drinks it. I, so it's just funny, I was thinking about that the other day and I had a dream that I was like up for casting and I was up against, me, it was like Michelle Pfeiffer and Sharon Stone and all these other gorgeous blonde actresses like me. And we were all concerned with the brown wig. That was our number one concern. It was like, I love this season. I can do the role. I can do the role. Of course we all can do the role. We're all talented actresses, seasoned actresses, award winning, but we just don't want to do the brown wig. So we all left. Isn't that funny? I don't disagree. It's a horribly ugly wig. Whenever I get on something, like when I did English teacher and they're like, your characters, what was my character's name? Shazam. And I was like, have you guys seen anything about the look? What about a blonde wig? And what about exactly my normal makeup? Okay, great. It's like, oh, she's an old show girl. She's like a drag queen who's been around the block. I was like, okay, but I've seen those girls. I'm not doing that. Okay. You don't want me to do that. Cole is face. They can do, I mean, so beautiful. Yeah. We've talked about this. We will continue to talk about this. I will continue to grind this axe until my last bitter breath is wheezed from my body. They have a face that is so perfect for any type of wig. And it's true. And in a demi brown lash, just a smear of chapstick, maybe a dot of blush and a twinkle in their eye, and it's a woman. They were in David Silver's movie. Please baby, please. Please baby, please. And even in that, they had them in like, kind of campy club shit, still eight. They're singing in like a phone booth and it's all beautifully lit. And that was the grabber too. Yeah. The grabber. The ghost of the grabber. The ghost of the grabber. Black phone. Yeah. Yeah. Horrible. Grabber on ice. The Christian propaganda. Ghost on ice. Well, if you don't want the grabber's ghost to get you, you need to embrace Jesus Christ. That was such a bait and switch. If like the Gladys origin story comes out and it's really just about embracing God, I'll lose it. I'll lose it too. And you know what else? I'm so happy for Amy Madigate of course. Why? If you're good, why can't we, why was it outside the realm of possibility for Tony Colette and hereditary to receive a professional accolade in that way? No, no, right. And I'm not, I'm not taken away from Amy Madigan. No, I think you deserve it. Yeah, yeah. But don't you think that's going to open the door in the future? I want it because I have a lot of retroactive, I have like Vanguard female Oscars that I need to get about starting with Nef Campbell. Yeah. And then over to Tony Colette and hereditary. Yeah. Then to Demi Moore in Charlie's Angels. Charlie's Angels too. Yes. Thank you. I love that scene where she's like, I wasn't good. I was great. I was great. And shoots the speaker with the body. Shebland. She's on the beach in that movie. She eats in Please Baby, Please 2. She has this long monologue. It's really cool. She has this wig with, anybody doesn't see in Please Baby, Please. Artsy film. Everybody. Wacky artsy film, but very good. I would love to see it. I would love to see it. So back to my second act, J.Lo. I always wanted to be a French teacher, but I knew and I knew and I know and I was right that if I like many teachers out of, so you go to college, maybe you do two years of masters at grad school and then you go try to do your teachers, whatever. So yeah, cause it's grad school and some kind of teaching certification, right? A teaching certification and then there's like student teaching. Did you know to be a sub you'll need an undergrad? I'm sure that's you. I'm sure you need a PhD in several subjects now. We should do that Joe celebrity substitute. Joe celebrity substitute. No, there's a TV show called celebrity substitute where they have like Ed Sheeran go be a substitute teacher. You and I could do it. We could. I mean, you could. I'm not famous enough. And I'm so poor. They would get out of here. You're not, it's not that you aren't famous enough. You're not famous at all. But I am and I can help you. Thank you. That's my problem. No, I would, I would want to be like Viola Swamp if I was a sub, but what I would really would love is like, I mean, In the old Mary Wig. Backwards. I want the buns to be like here and here. Yes. No, at 28, I could not have been a teacher. I could not have had someone the confidence or build up the wall to tell kids to shut the fuck up and sit down. You motherfucker. I know you can't swear like that, but that's the energy and that's the authoritative tone you need to get them to sit down and stop saying six plus seven. Tick tock. See, sit. See, sit. See, sit. Yeah. But now I think I'd rather teach Russian. But. Okay. Okay. So can I, will you please indulge me in a very small exercise? Yeah, no, it's good. I'm nauseous. So I don't want to talk. Okay, great. So it's a repeat after me. So you know how a lot of people scroll at night, they look through porn or whatever on the phone in the toilet? Yeah, you gotta, you gotta. I've been looking at old church, Slavonic script, which is like a precursor to the Cyrillic alphabet. It was derived from Greek and it was like with the old monks and the Orthodox, they transcribed the Bible and shit. So country, so squiggly, so lovely. But I thought I could, I want to just do a call and response of the Russian alphabet with you, just to practice and see if I could be a. Try a king name. Russian alphabet. Call and response. Call and response. It just came to me. Anybody can have that. Take it. Take it, you bitch. Somebody's gonna comment. I actually named that one. I didn't know. Well, Cyril Mist, sorry. 2015, pull up the tweet. Cyril Mist. I know, I said it and now there is one. I thought of RuPaul. While you looked it up, I got to show you this drag king that I'm obsessed with. The drag king's name is Milkman. Milkman. You been fucking the Milkman. Girl, when I show you this Milkman. Now that's a high school teacher. Look it. That's what you need. Can you believe? I, look at this. Look at this. That's the kind of energy you need to teach those kids. That's the kind of energy I need for my drag kings. Mary, that's tea. I want weird, look at the makeup. They're using Pam Bonnie's breast pump. But that's really great though. Zoom in on Cam B, whatever my camera is. Look at this. I'm sorry. That's fierce. That's actually, that's incredibly fierce. If this thing walked into precinct. Yeah. It's like a big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big. It's like a big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big. That's incredibly fierce. If this thing walked into precinct. Yeah. It would be curtains for everybody. I would become one of those like, those drunk straight girls who just wanders on stage and starts dancing. What's with that? Well, they're, I don't want to stereotype. No, it's their day. I don't want to say it's drunk straight girls. Oh, because it's their, but if we're talking about the party, it's their day. Didn't you know that? It's their night. It's their night and you are all victims of their joy. I want to, I want to retract my statement. Okay. What's with people getting on stage at a drag show? Okay. Yeah. Well, they want to be the star. They say, they look at you. Drag isn't good, but don't get up there. No, don't get up there and try to, it's not your time. There's an order to things. There's a process. Okay. So repeat after me. This is a Russian alphabet. A. A. B. B. V. V. G. G. D. V. Yeah. Yo. Yo. G. Z. Z. Z. Z. E. E. E. K. K. L. L. L. M. M. N. O. O. P. P. R. R. S. S. T. T. O. V. V. G. G. T. I'm fucking trying. I'm fucking trying. I know you're doing this, but why are you never listening to me? I'm really trying. It's fierce. I love it. Okay. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. I'm trying. T. T. T. T. Those are the letters? Yeah. So there's sh. And sh. Sh. Okay. And then ʷ. ʷ. And then ɛ. Uh, u. U. Yeah. Yeah. Not fun. Hard. So it's weird. So if I'm in my car and I'm talking that bullshit fucking bitch Siri. And I'm, cause I, you know what? I don't like to like fumble with the phone while I drive. Eyes on the road. Eyes on the road. Eyes on the road smoking cigarettes. And then I smoke in the car now. Well, no, I'm telling you, while I have been, listen, full disclosure, I'm not a liar. I try not to lie. That's a lie. I have been smoking a little bit. As you can attest to, can you smell my shitty body? I smoke a lot less. That's for sure. I mean, a lot, lot less. And the X program never hired me to quit. And that was the condition of our arrangement. They're realistic. They know I'm a, I'm gonna lie and cheat and be a bitch or whatever. But I, I smoke a ton. Like I went from 35 or 25 to 30 cigarettes a day down to, you know, sometimes zero, sometimes 10. But in the car, I have a hard time giving it up. A lot of people have told me that before. The driving, smoking is a big thing for people. And I used to find, What do you think that is? I used to find it fucking repulsive because smoking as a person who used to smoke. Oh, baby. You have to stop. The car is gonna smell. But get into this. You give me rides sometimes. Mama, I don't give anybody. I give, listen, I used to smoke in my house, in my apartment. And I was not aware of the fact of how nasty the cat's ass smell that was permeated on every fabric, a piece of wall, everything in there. So it's truly bio. You go to a guy's house for a hookup and they, No, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't have that. If you go to a guy's house for a hookup and they smoke cigarettes in there. They haven't told you they smoke. No, no, no. It's a non-starter. It's a non-starter. You can't do it. You can't, a non-smoker can not have such a smell. You can't have a fucking shorty. No, you can't smoke. You can't have sex or kiss a smoker. When you are a non-smoker. The short kings and then the smoke kings. But so, wait, what the fuck was the, Oh, sorry. You were talking about smoking in the car and smoking indoors. We were talking about smoking and driving. What's the correlation? Oh, it's, My best friend, one of my best friends, Jenny in high school. She told me, Oh, I'm trying to stop smoking, but I'm driving. That's what I'm driving. It's, well, so there's two things in the car that are absolutely essential for me to get into it and drive the car. Access to all, no access to all of the songs that I need to listen to or want to listen to. That is non-negotiable. That's number one. I cannot, like my mother, drive in complete silence, focused on the road alone with her thoughts. It is diabolical, serial killer behavior, enviable, but I can't relate. She doesn't listen to music. She's never listened to music. She certainly doesn't do it in the car. She sits, she drives quietly, carefully on the road. I can't. I have to blast music. I have to sing it loudly. My boyfriend goes for 10 mile walks, no music. That to me is the killer, just staring into space, like, Mary, if I had, when I go missing, baby, if I'm leaving the, like, if I have to go from 40 feet outside without my headphones, I start to unravel. Girl, can I tell you, please, we keep talking about how the AirPods get lost cause you dropped them and they fly into space. So I had to buy new headphones. Now I got the Gen 4 AirPods, even smaller case, and I will say the magnets are stronger. Can you imagine the grip? The magnets are stronger. Oh, are they ready? So I think like they're in there better. Do you know what I think you need to do? I think this, this may be able to compromise the mechanism of the actual thing, but you know how they have like chalk spray paint, where like you can spray paint a surface and it becomes a chalkboard? Understood, yes. What about a grip? A grippy kind of spray or a grippy kind of like, like a, like a, a, a textured kind of lap. You know what I'm talking about? I can see that, yes. Basically turn them into, put Astro turf on them. Well, I mean, realistically, every time you close it, you can just put like a rubber band around it. Like there's a lot of things you could do. See, that doesn't work cause it's going to slide right off. Not rubber, rubber band. With those oily, nasty, slippery, slick headphones. Call in. If anybody from the Genius Bar at Apple wants to call in. Well, I'd recently traded in my AirPods Maxis for another brand, which I, well, it doesn't really work with that band. I can't live that giant over the ear headphone life. No, no, no, this is just, this is for the plane. This is for the studio. Understood. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, um, yeah. So I, but the, I'm not, we're not sponsored by the brand. So I won't mention it, but let me tell you that noise canceling. I love it. I love it so much. Yeah. It's great. The new Apple headphones have like a, I don't like, okay. Ear buds, tiny earbuds. I don't like the kind that plug your ear. I don't like the feeling of a plug. Yes. Where when I'm talking, I answer a phone call, it sounds like I'm underwater. Okay. I hate that. I like the AirPods because it's like, the sound of the room comes through. It's not a plug. Well, you can do three different. And you can turn on the noise canceling. So your ears don't feel plugged and you feel noise canceled. I really like that. Well, you have the three different, you've got immersive, you've got aware, you've got noise canceling. Yes. This is the situation with those, with the over the head things. However, when I'm producing music on the plane and stuff, I have to use corded headphones because when you're trying to make music, the little bit of a delay from Bluetooth, it makes it impossible. So I do travel with like a good old fashioned, these. I actually really love these. I do too. And these are very similar to the ones that I have purchased. And maybe guess what they are corded up plugged in, tuned in, tapped in, turned on. Are you corded? Are your nipples corded? Are you tuned in, tapped in, turned on? I'm James Corden. Oh, horrible. Is he still going on? I hope not. Horrible. He was big for a while. They were like, No, no, no, he was huge. What was him? Yeah. Do you want a carpool karaoke? Each shit, James Corden. I don't care for him. Oh, that's too mean. No, he's not Pam Bondi. Fuck him who cares. Okay. Thank you. I hate it. And when Anna winter doing her little boo boo, like this is my office, be afraid of me to work with Vogue, her unrehearsed 73 questions. Her favorite comedian was James Corden. I was like kick her out of the office, kick her right out of the office, kick her out of the office. Boop. Mine might be Maria, but I love Dana Gold as well. Maria who? Bamford. The female comedian? Yeah. 100%. I love Dana Gold to that bitch. Dana Gold is fun. Robbie Hoffman. You were telling me about the Robbie eats. The Day Thames. Robbie eats. Robbie said Robbie was doing this bit. You're a white girl from Brooklyn with a boyfriend. Yeah. You can't take these back. No takesies, back seas. Robbie, I saw Robbie at the Emmys. I said, Robbie, just so you know, like I tell everybody you're my boyfriend. And they were like, that's cool. I was like, great. Perfect. I was like, ever since I worked with you, I tell people you're my boyfriend. I forgot to tell you. It's fine. Sorry. That's fine. You're my boyfriend though. Yeah. They had lost their Emmy nomination. They were. Dejected. Yeah. No, they were really cool about it. And they were just back there like, it's okay. It sucks though, but it's okay. And I was like, that is it. I think, and you know. Yeah. Especially if you go to the trouble of going to the ceremony, you know, you have to wait in line. You have to get all fluffed up and stuff. Yeah. The next Emmys, the cage match between Miss Kudrow and Miss Smart is going to be deep, vicious and. Well, and us. Poly market. I know. Cause we're going to be in their respective corners. No, we're best guest stars. Yes. And we're also going to, when the cage match, we're going to be giving them the water, making them doing the ice on the chin. Like the boxes. Oh, we're the, yes. Or it's like Greece. They're like doing a sing fight. And we're like, tell me about it. Yeah. Throwing dadders and shit. Oh my God. Did I tell you this backstage at the Emmys where I presented with Kelly? Cliffhanger. Yes. Come on girl. Come on drunk girl. Why don't you tell me next episode. Oh, but or not. This is a little wrap at the end. Little wrap at the end. Okay. I'll tell you next episode. Oh, okay. You're right. You're right. I love a cliffhanger. I know that Mr. Man. You think I'm stupid? Well, tune in if you want to hear this riveting, the riveting conclusion to our one cliffhanging. Well, now that people know I'm on the comeback, I can tell you the rest of the Milan Ackerman story. Oh, baby. All right. I didn't have to turn on wiggie, wiggie small. See you next time. Thanks for the prank prank prank prank prank prank prank prank Rural Britain! Is there any greater value out there than giga-clear full fiber from only 19 pounds a month? It's out of this world. Speed and reliability. Fast upload and downloadiness right here in rural tranquility. Saturn's dreams. Is that a bull? Gigaclear. Faster broadband for Rural Britain from only 19 pounds a month. TZC's apply. 18 month contract. Prices may rise during contract. Check availability at gigaclear.com. With WOOP, you can focus on living better for longer. Understand your sleep. Optimize your training. And build habits that support your well-being. WOOP gives you personalized insights into your sleep, your recovery, your strain, and the patterns that may influence how you feel. With more clarity and consistency, you can create routines that support you throughout the year. Add more life to every moment. Discover WOOP at WOOP.com. Are you chronically online? Well then hey there howdy come on over and check out the Wild Wild Web pod with me your host Eric Sidanio. We talk all things internet like memes, viral content, online things that we love to hate and hate to love. We ask your favorite internet people about their origin stories and what made them fall in love with the Wild Wild Web in the first place. Whether it's hooking up on Club Penguin, the Jonas Brothers old YouTube sketches, or just girly things on Tumblr. At the end of every episode we dive into fan-submitted stories, where my guests and I react to some of the nastiest, wildest things I've ever heard. Y'all are crazy. It's a digital rodeo and we're taking you on a wild ride. See you every Thursday wherever you get your podcast. Turn to a laugh. We're comedians and moms so we listen and we don't judge. Girl yes we do. New episodes drop every Tuesday. Subscribe to Quit Plan with Jasmine and Amber wherever you listen to podcasts, Apple, Spotify, or YouTube. Watch us act the fool and look good doing it and remember Quit Plan with Jasmine and Amber.