Ep 574 - War of the Butt Wipes (feat. James McCann)

Wow Wow West Let's let's keep an eye on my my balls this time To the blurs what the blur made it worse the blurs you did that on purpose You can use the black blur black box I'm not a box would have been great or a flashy blur It looked like my I had so many people my friends text me like was your dick and nuts really out I'm really sorry about that Sure, you reveled in it. You know I did For real Like he was like really sorry. I was like dude. I swear to God. I don't care What did you what did you catch like you cut you caught like? Like slut cleavage. I think you got a little bit of butchie. It was like upper thigh fat. That's like a that's a devastating Yeah, yeah, it's white and it was white Very what yeah, that's not seen the Sun I was getting into the shower recently and my wife was laughing at my white ass and she goes I'm gonna take a picture and send it to Shane. I was like his ass is the same as mine I Think he's not gonna be like what the fuck no, I found I found my ass last night when it was on TV I was watching an alien last night. So Gordy Weaver just has my ass for no reason what? Take a look at Sigourney Weaver's ass in alien She's got a full-on pale peasants ass Medieval dynasty ass Sigourney Weaver's ass in the movie is what year is that I don't know That's when tiny Hiney's rule. She had a good. She had the tiniest honey. Can I see your honey? She's got a man's ass. She's got a nice pale Irish ass She would die right now someone saw her ass I don't think women can survive with an ass like that anymore She looks good in it tiny Hiney's they out of nowhere at the end of the movie. Sigourney Weaver just gets in Yeah, they were wearing tits out basically what it's pretty slow. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was like one of the scenes There was a tits and leprechaun. There was the alien sex scene in Titanic tits and leprechaun was the first time I got in trouble from my parents. Yeah, that was came to the basement my friend's house We had it paused on tits and leprechaun. That was the fuck is this? I got it wasn't me that was that those movies were the goon boon back in the day. Yep There was no other opportunity Did you have to wait you to pray to perfectly craft what you? Like yo, I heard there's boobs in leprechaun in space. I'm gonna tell my mom. I'm gonna rent leprechaun in space She's not gonna hopefully check Yeah, they were like a cargo cult just waiting on just like the horses of the world to move around you like oh, they're back Tits are back now Music videos were my mainstay. Yeah, you know the BT late night. Yeah, that was that was big for me. Yeah Anyway, that's the the main order of business which I already told you is yesterday I had a very important I had a business meeting big Hollywood stuff, yeah, and I Woke up late and I The meeting was delayed about an hour because of how late I was Not because I was out partying that but because I was up till work for a m playing medieval dynasty And if you ever played that game you realize that's a real fucking psychotic move I was literally chopping trees for six hours. Yeah, I mean sticks I looked at my phone. I'll stick you get a lot of sticks. I got a lot of sticks and stones And you showed me I was fucking the villages astounding I was like really preparing myself You told me about it and I was like dude be supportive because I thought you're gonna show me some rinky-dink bullshit No, but that was like what a six-hut village with a crazy with a ye old blacksmithy That would have taken a normal man weeks. Yeah took me one day. Yeah, just a really pathetic day At what cost the cost was I was late for a pretty important meeting That I thought was gonna be like three writers and ended up being the director and the star of the movie I don't want to spill the beans, but I was shocked Bro, I got I was like oh fuck it was like, you know when you're like late for school or work or something I woke up like oh shit. I slept through my alarm. I just joined the meeting seeing if they were still there From my bed in the dark. I joined the meeting And you can block out who it is. It was wow wow I Was like what's up, dude? Sorry. I was woke up sorry to make you wait from the dark from the darkness They watch me walk into the light and your face was definitely I Tried to put on sunglasses. I got put on sunglasses. You can't see me this and I put on sunglasses Like what the fuck am I doing? This is what I look like I explained exactly what I was I was like I wasn't out partying. This is from me Checking my clock way too late gaming. I was going it's probably two four. I was like Jesus Literally sticks and stuff literally just chopping chopping blocks all night So that my village can start fucking weaving baskets that I run to the town to sell for fucking two dollars over and over again It's fucked up. It's really fucked up to do that. There's no like reward in the game. Just yeah, it's dude that game rules Oh, I'm gonna hit a nice You also court you thought you had a court the fucking your wife courted my babe every morning congrats by the way She is pregnant. Thank you fellas. She said meet let's meet back in our room at 7 p.m. And I oh you serious I almost jacked off here I'm not jacked off in reality. Oh She's such a sweet angel and then I will you name your medieval son? I Know I don't know Matthew on a King I be honored what happens in medieval dine is when you die you live as your son Oh, that's I was saying that in those you follow your seat. What yeah, you got to build a dynasty Holy shit. Yeah, wait. So when you died, I don't want to put you on blast when you got attacked by a wolf Did you didn't come back in your son how many respawns I came back as myself you can come back as yourself How many times I don't know if I would have quit there that might have ended my dynasty I can't do that. So if you don't respawn that's over if next time if my son is born if young Matthew is born Oh, then I'll go. You know that wolf got me during the hunt Well, then you come back when he's my son. Yeah as a boy or a man. I'm not sure I haven't gotten that far I've been chopping locks. I haven't sure I mean your son's gonna take it to such a cabbie from going carrots saw the apple orchard Apple orchard was just built. I mean this is and you had your barley you had your barley reserves from the barley reserves from the last Great that that harvest which I immediately took to town and sold got some clay pots and not a big deal Don't talk about the cherry juice. Oh Don't you dare bring up the cherry juice my sorry to bring that up. This was a low point. This is This was a low point for the village My sweet wife got me a fucking cherry juice for a gift $65 Don't you dare What the fuck dude, she was not tricking She saved up because she cares about me and she got me cherry juice and then I checked our coffers were low I had to pawn the cherry juice To get some fertilizer for the beats You gotta do what you gotta do Get fertilizer and beats Yes, it is one cabinet. There's just a chest for his office stuff isn't it's just a simple chest There's like sticks rocks rocks rocks You ask what they're feeling that you see my Dice I gotta sell the cherry What's wrong with that? He's like my wife gave Me as a gift dude. I didn't want to do it, but no I get that I'm gonna tell her I drank it How you gonna sleep you need to drink tart Jerry cherry to tell her I drank it. Yeah, you go slowly I'm gonna hunting expedition. Yeah, I got attacked by a fucking wolf. That was war out there. That'll get you is it really Yeah, there's all types of creatures that'll eat you the forest was scary dude. I thought you I thought it was a free-for-all Yeah, it's not fucking funny You guys it's all game to you guys, but to me it's a true dynasty It's a medieval dynasty my son Matthew will rise and he's gonna take over the big town when I'm gonna raise a force That'll be nice. Yeah, that place will be crazy I go in there if you don't shower if you don't get in the water for a while you stink and nobody will talk to you They treat me like a real outcast in there I like how you courted your wife every morning. I woke up sprinted across the river and was like hello. I love you And then you have to wait the next day to be able to talk to her again days are long too long as fuck days Like when you planted those apple trees, I'm like, bro This is gonna be I'm gonna check back in in the spring literally insane how I and also I get excited for my harvest Yeah, so I'm like, I'll stay up until the fall and just take fucking six more hours It was it was a real it was a sad moment seeing the clock it hit it was 355 and I was like this is Something's wrong. It's so funny waking up for a high-power meeting It's been a power meeting. I was gathering fucking Bryce Harper Jersey Yeah That's all the game. I think it worked. I think that my demeanor in the meeting. I think so was appreciated as I Would venture to guess that you might have been the first person to ever Yes, zoom into the meeting hung over from medieval medieval conquest for sure Nobody that's been hung over from medieval dynasty has ever had a power and it come clean say fellas I'm gonna come clean to you guys. I was I mean it. I'm building something special Yeah, you're thing going on. We can talk about that. But let me just tell you about Yeah, I got fucked up with jelly roll last night I thought it was less embarrassing to be like I was playing a video. It turns out it's way more embarrassing. It's so funny Yeah, so especially when you're sitting there. You're like what's going on like dude? I'm full of full honesty I was up on my playing fucking medieval RPG I can't be bad. Yeah, it was nice. I Think they respected that though. You have to and also I was probably dripping medieval fucking swag. That's that's probably This guy is gonna be something special. You might have hit him with a g'day. You don't even know it I have been yeah, Lord Excuse me, my lord. Excuse my indolence my lord Forgive me. I threw a snowball at the king. Dude don't talk about that. I know he might get me Yeah, chill. He wasn't looking through a snowball at him ran ran out of the fort back to my fucking side of the river I can't believe you threw a snowball at the fucking king. I thought something bad was gonna happen nothing I mean, dude, maybe next time I see him. It's on site. Well, you talked to a son. You think you would tell the wicked prince The prince is a dick too by the way, yes I didn't like his fucking vibe at all But you talked to the prince is just walking around the apple which are by the road is a mistake Why they're gonna steal that from me. They're not gonna take you's gonna take your apples just any traveler They're gonna go here's some apples. Oh, dude, you can not they might you after you make an example out of the first guy True told you have some guards You're you're playing was he said my wife was gonna get sexually assaulted by highwaymen He thinks it's a funny fun thing to joke about her No, she's gonna get they're gonna take my apples and sexually assault my wife And then I'm gonna have to pretend to be more mad about the SA Then the fact that I lost all those apples We're gonna need those apples I was saying to me you gotta have you have someone guard in those fields, dude I will also So I got that going on That's awesome this episode of Matt and Shane secret podcast is brought to you by dude wipes Matt take it from there Well, let me tell you something about these dude wipes right now, man. I love to take it right here. Here we go. I'm your butthole Yeah, me the most overworked underappreciated part of your body Name two or three poor choices that your butthole never appreciates for example Lovings iced coffees gas station sushi. Yeah, there's I mean all of those what's going on. This is this is disgusting stuff Yeah, jalapeno poppers root beer floats. That's a weird one to tie to your butt. I don't know what that would do Do you float? Yeah, they put in here Two-foot double-ended Corner store chili cheese dogs. I'm the one dealing with your poor choices That's from the butthole what and then you drag a dry ass tissue across me like you're sanding a piece of shit coffee table Until I'm a throbbing red balloon. No, bro Who the fuck wrote this ad dude wipes available at retailers nationwide in Amazon? Look, they do fucking rule. You don't have to you don't have to write that ad read Yeah, they're good for your butt. It feels good. It's I mean having traveling with them is for real like my I'm with them is great first day traveling my ass falls apart terms. It's just completely blistered You gotta you gotta oil slick exactly these are designed specifically The oil slick then irritates the skin if it was just an oil slick fine But then your skin gets all irritated but having these to come back from and just yeah like after like a warrior in battle Just kind of dabbing it. You know But yeah, they're extra large and that was with sense like mint chill and shea butter Stop being an a hole to your beehol. We take it all back. That's fucking yeah, that was great Dude wipes available at retailers nationwide and Amazon. Yeah, we support this product for sure What else is going on just distracting yourself from the comedy wars the comedy wars are in full effect, dude The comedy wars the comedy war for the butt wipes Yes, we have all the but what we have a boat like they want to take our butt wipe sponsors Our seat is still young and our butt wipes made dwindle The butt wipes will slip through our fingertips into the hands of my experience podcasting yes You're just mad. I have all the butt wipes So sad to see you man, it's tough to see nobody got to see it No, no, I gotta say to everybody and sorry if you don't like this. I hope they all find peace and joy and happiness dude for real Yeah Hope everybody does. Oh, I do that'd be fucking sick. Yeah, you'll get dude keep working like I saw you fucking I know I was worried. I had a good day. I had a good day yesterday I got the pole later on so you know, it's time to build a hut How'd you hear about that game? I had it a while ago. It was it was So boring I stopped really yeah, I mean it takes like a level of like I don't know. I know what you mean dude. That's yeah, I could I could lock into that though I get the same thing where if it's like just give me that task I get to the end like you see because that's also that's slow-going progress, bro It's not some like bullshit. We're just hitting next like walls are appearing. You're exactly right Matt That's the you know, I'm glad you appreciate what I've done over there. I did I saw the village for real I got some chickens though. I've just built a chicken coop Gotta get into town and buy some chickens, but I gotta sell all those fucking baskets first so I can buy a chicken true I saw you yeah, that's kind of where you know baskets. They've fucked my village You have the light and all my sticks that I've gathered. I had those stone tools are nice. So I saw those stone tools were nice I didn't realize that yeah, yeah, the bad makes sense We got baskets you guys were small commune. Of course you made wicker baskets Checking for balls All right, keep an eye on the balls Can't have that again. Oh, you're checking looking at this piece. I saw you check the lens You want to see if there's a good shot? We're gonna go far we're good Shawn if his penis slips out we lose all my Shoots out of these shorts and we lose all our butt wipes If my penis was able to fly out of these shorts I sacrifice all the buttwipes. I'd be such a happy guy Dude, I knew my dick. I knew my dick was too big to be a podcast. I can't even sit down anymore Instead I have the perfect design penis for a podcast Things not going anywhere YouTube loves the size of my penis dude. No problem. Is this podcast safe for kids? Yes Forever eternally So I got medieval going yeah Oasis on Tomorrow, that's gonna be tight. It's just today Wednesday. Yeah, that I'm our stars. Oh my god tomorrow's Thursday We're gonna be there tomorrow night. Yeah, it'd be fucking sick. It's crazy in yeah, you should I down and then so tomorrow I Believe this underarm a commercial or the internet video comes out tomorrow so I can talk about it now I'm very excited about it. I put Phil in it dude Phil Gillis makes his acting debut furl kills it honestly He was great. He was Phil and the head coach Marcus Freeman of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish Finally on screen together. That's the people have been begging for this. It's it plays well Does alright, it's word of God you usually can tell if somebody's never especially like It's like a real fucking thing. So it's like yeah, he did great But it was funny to watch him and Marcus find out about how shitty Making a commercial is how long it takes so every we did the same scene fucking yeah, so many times and both of them We're like, all right, we got it right. Yeah, we're gonna we got it from one one camera. We're gonna switch do the same thing over and over again Yeah, Phil got a little tired. He was ready to get to the linebacker. Yeah bar there This is a bar called a linebacker. Yeah at Notre Dame and Phil Phil Frequence it it is funny because he definitely probably thought this is like I was like probably half 20 minutes 30 Yeah, film is out in a half an hour. It's fucking how long it's two minutes long three minutes long It's gotta be fucking 30 minute film. Yeah, not the case took all day Have you grinded the tape at all on the commercial? I've been grinding the tape. Did you really? Yeah? I've watched it so many times. What do you think? Actually? Yeah, so happy. Yeah, you have ground tape. Yeah, like is like the best thing See Phil at Notre Dame. It's very nice. I don't care if the commercial sucks. It doesn't it's good. Yeah But it's nice. Yeah, just get him in there. It's nice. I knew and I called him like the day before we filmed Did you really like Phil you're in this? He's like, okay. Yeah, he pretended he was like, all right Shane you got to pay me this time You gotta pay me a lot to get me out there. I was like get on the fucking plane dude shut up John We got the beautiful flight from Harrisburg Pennsylvania to South Bend, Indiana. Oh, you want to see some ugly people? Get on that fucking flight. Everyone's hurt Everyone's got that disease and it's fucked up Harrisburg to Indiana That's an ugly bunch Probably that they probably like you must be a movie star. They just catapulted a bus Yeah Phil must have been yeah, that's why he was so confident he probably felt good on that flight. Oh, yeah It's also what was embarrassing because we brought the crew who filmed it was everyone who did tires so But it just me and my dad both act like we went to Notre Dame like we're driving around like you see this campus here This part of the campus is they look at the bricks they use it's the same bricks in every building a lot of campuses Don't have that actually look at that. I forgot you guys both didn't go there We walked around like and I look at that that's the grotto I took these fucking Animals from Philadelphia to the grotto. Did you they were just screaming they were hammered. They were just making noise And I was in there like shut the fuck you knock it off. Yeah, fucking enough of that. I said a prayer For my young baby Matthew What do you what do you want for your child I just I can't wait to play as him, you know, I can't inhabit his body. Yeah, true No, I mean, I hope he's as strong of a lumberjack as his father. It's all we need is more more logs Father his father's a skilled craftsman as well. I saw I saw a couple fucking together a stone knife to skin that there stone knife on the fly I'm impressive. Yeah, that's that's where it gets a little pathetic where I know exactly how many sticks and stones I need to crap shit that was Anyway, but Phil's acting debut is tomorrow. That's nice Currently when this is out, hopefully I think it's tomorrow. It'll be I know this will be out tomorrow. Yeah, sure you that Gardinis on the case always got to do is blur your monster hog Again, somebody's got to feed these hogs Dude, I Oh Man, I think I think I messaged you. Oh, yeah, I told Gardini about this. I came across a thing I think it was like the day we recorded the podcast last week Unfortunately, my YouTube has I've been like curating my YouTube because it's just started getting like annoying political stuff and Obviously, no jumper comes back up because I think blizz has been sending me some stuff or I don't know But I come across as actually this came across my feet organically, but There was a guy Who was in the Crips and none of this is funny by the way because it is a tragic situation but I mean Dude, I sit up all night fucking watching this video. So I didn't know about this guy. He was in the Crips He was like, you know, like a real gangbanger and he was doing drugs. He was on he was on a Fentac ice pack. He's doing fentanyl meth. No, he's his own words. Yeah, he's doing that pretty serious pack and And he He claims his story his story is that he was at a party one night Someone slipped spiked his perp with meth, which is like dude special place in hell Yeah, if you do if you do fent and meth your forging skills go up You were a 10 level for a drink Tiz went up too high. Oh really? Yes, because he doesn't remember any of this So he just like was you know out partying. He was like a gangbanger doing drugs Just living the life and he just woke up one morning and everyone called him like yo like what the fuck are you doing? And he checked the interweb Apparently he had been on FaceTime and got dominated by a Swedish lady into sucking I believe a phantom bottle and Putting it in his butthole Or around I don't know if one in I don't know, you know It went around or in his butthole and he just got like completely gay dominated by a Swedish lady Because I don't remember any of it then his whole gang beat his ass. Oh Well, they had to be them up They had to beat him up. What happened to just razin a guy. No, there's no resin because it was calm zesty after Fucking actually beyond you do more zesty shit me and Madagina fucking jump. We'd have to Dp. Yeah, Paul said but that's I call Dp But yeah, dude, it was I was shaking in my bed just laughing like although it isn't funny But I was laughing just like it's very funny Dude sucking a phantom bottle and getting kicked out of a gang is maybe the funny truly Maybe the funniest thing in the world. Yeah, we got beat up, huh? Well, yeah, he got he got beat up and then he went to jail. So I think he's still in the gang according to him My I according to me too. I say still in the gang My favorite thing about it was you told me that he blamed it on the on the bloods or the crypts or whatever Set him up they spiked them so they could gay dominate him on FaceTime because of the meth That's diabolical. He literally had meth then turned gay Just for a night. Matt. Why does meth keep turning everyone kind of gay, bro? I don't know it does it to people man. You get I think you just have so much energy from it That you just start going like yeah, you don't have time to do gay stuff I want to hit the dance floor. Yeah, it's like I've gotten all of my straight business done I still have a whole other half of my day that I usually sleep a quest Yeah, you have a hole like if you stay if you don't sleep for three days Your schedule opens up. Yeah, you know because usually it's like dude. We're so tired. We work so hard We don't time you gay. Yeah, wish I did. Oh giant. Oh nice James why you just come right in yeah join grab a seat Grab a seat brother grab a seat grab a little James grab a broadcasting apparatus Yeah, nice good Thinkery Places a little little too busy for my liking I lost track of the children for And there's a lot of big kids running around. Yeah The place if you have an older kid fantastic for little kids. Are they lad boys? It's it's Full get full spectrum, bro. It's no zog in there. Yeah It is it's a lot of oh, it's just like 25 field trips bouncing off of each other like particles and you just have to like grab your three-year-old and back It's like it's like young Simba getting lost in the stampede But um, let's just say many beautiful young mothers. I mean this I notice every time I'm there I'm the only dad and it's all the fight the mothers and the young sexy nannies and they're all there Yeah, and me my kids just staring at the you know the science. That's what I'm Do you go to the upstairs of the shopping area we we've shopped we I There's a height chart the children who come to our high there And I have a complex that my son is small But I measured him he's of normal height and I felt good and I felt proud What was my toe? Bang in the middle couldn't be more than a percentile Oh There we go You're totally good man. We were just not long. I don't recall 30 20 minutes if I had a guess 20 no 15 25 we're at 25 right now 20 so yeah Fuck it. What's up, John? Just hanging out. We got to make a video for the crowds This has been a devastating couple of weeks for the crow boys why all right not doing well We finished top of the ladder so you've finished the season home and away season when number one. It's fantastic You might have to bleep a word that I'm about to say but our star player Isaac Rankin. You're not gonna bleep it That's fine. I'm mine. No he called someone in the opposition if well Wow, and he got he got dropped for four weeks What which is the entire final season if you they investigate why he did that? He was upset a player on the opposite team had Concussed him the year before and been rubbed out for less than four weeks I think or exactly that and so he was dropping that now the man He did say that to paint his nails and wears a lot of perfume so That whole Collingwood back line is a fate But this is I mean it's just if he had punched him in the throat He would have gone this time totally trying that but the league is if they've got all the women players now and they're all Rainbow coalition and it's just the women's a different sport though, right? Or they have for real women Yeah, they get pushed together. It's the same game the same sport played at a less captivating I'll get in trouble, but it's not as good a watch You say we talking about You're not gonna get in trouble dude. They're not you're not gonna get can't I can't watch it's also It's a violent sport. You don't want to see ladies getting punched in the back of the head. I don't know No, at least it's a lesson at the thinkery Real thoughts Oh, I can't have my coffee in here, huh? Okay, that's fair. Mm-hmm. Yeah, how do you like that straight into the fucking laser river bitch? It is funny because you like you're not allowed to have coffee in there And they'll like come up to you and be like, um, you know, I don't have that and all you know, I don't coffee dude All you have to do literally. Okay, and just keep walking. Yeah They'll come back up 10 minutes later make I'm sorry, but you're not allowed to have that You know, I'm sorry about that and you just keep walking That's right, I didn't hear you it's also so annoying. It's like dude. Yeah, I can have this relax I'm not gonna like dump it on a kid. I need this right now So you're telling me there's hot mom's nannies there. Yeah. Oh, yeah, sounds like a nice time Now is it a what's going on there said people were splashing there was a splash pad upstairs. Yeah No, it's a museum thinkery is like a kid's science But all these children's museums are basically the same I've been to 20 Shitt that a bunch of kids already touch. Yes, everyone gets sick Kids spits right near fucking house. It's positive in a way that the grown-up museums are not positive You go to the grown-up museum like this land is stolen slavery was terrible Look at all these birds that don't exist anymore. You go to the think you go to the kids museum You want to look at a microscope? It's cool, you know, I like I also like each one has a kind of rocket launching room Yes, where they have like a thing you put on you can mess with the angles Send a handkerchief up into the yeah, the handkerchiefs scarf things different But do they have out of the thinkery where you can like put a foam rocket and step on a pedal No, they didn't they only had handkerchiefs That's nice to have kids so you can impress them with oh dude just everything. Yeah, they they get stuff Shit you launched that fucking rocket dude me and Maya did a An inflatable pool in our front yard yesterday And it was like it was leaning on a hill and I just laid in this thing just spraying hose in the pool Just on both of us while it filled up just killed like two hours. It was awesome The later in the evening go out there alone and yeah Have five or six beers and pass out on the front lawn. That's the drain dude the inflatable pool was nice, bro Yeah, my wife was hating on me. She's like you look like fucking white trash out here. I was like get it I Didn't fill it up all the way so I was just like leaning in it The above-ground pool is never a classy no above-ground hot tub is acceptable I think Huge above-ground oh, yeah, that's very Man this fucking rules yeah, they're pretty awesome They're like a fraction of the price and you can build a nice little wood deck around them to really spruce them up But that's faking getting it into the ground. It is building the ground up Also, you know, you're gonna have a good time. Oh, yeah, I mean I would love Deccan above-ground pool. Yeah, we're gonna somebody's gonna fight. Oh, yeah, this is gonna be crazy You make it you can make a nasty whirlpool in those things too. Yeah, because everything's standing height So you and all your cousins just know I'm not a circle like a Muslim dance I Used to hate on above-ground pools now. I'm kind of like they're kind of nice Especially you for the money of it in like in ground Front yards in the catch for it there were when I was growing up They're nice. I think the people at the end of my block that had a horse in their front yard and had a above-ground That a horse in their front they had a horse tied to the tree in their front yard Just for fucking it was a horse was there for fucking 20 years not dying Yeah, it was amazing by the end it looked like The horse death was usually in the Midwest you can't even have I mean just every yard is exactly the same It's just flat lawn backyard. You can do something a bit wild. Yeah, they had a full horse grown up. There was no HOA you could right that's coming later Yeah, stop all these horses that you get the horses I'm surprised made it as long as it did because every house in my neighborhood growing up was nice And then at the end of the block there was just this looked like it was made out of like plywood Yeah house with a fucking dying horse tied to its front and it wasn't a big yard the yard was Oh, no, I was my front yard. It'd be like if I had a horse tied to that tree think about it Crazy could be cool. I want so I might have my name it as fucking animals. Yeah, I'm so big cock turkeys I've seen turkeys around. Yeah Roosters I like that. It's crazy the best thing I ever saw in Austin was a it was a black guy on a horse just in a suburb It was like an enabler on a main road. No helmet. He was texting. He was texting and clopping Just like it was the most normal thing in the world. He was wearing a we call them wife beaters I know yeah, he was wearing like one of those it was just chilling out texting on his horse going down the street I you know driving well, they never got rid of horses, right? Like legally you can still take a horse Oh, yeah, Philly has their own like horse. Well, he has Yeah, oh, yeah, what people would yeah, it's in West Philly and it's in also North Philly There's a tradition of black guys with horses. Yes, dude. This is Year like 20 it must have been like 2014 or you know, whatever sometime around then And I was like very very high at nighttime walking up to my house in West Philly and a black dude on a horse came by me And I was like I thought I was hallucinating I sort of got I was like what is going on and then like I looked into it and there is like a There's stables. Yeah, there's a good Expensive it was in rocky. It was in a creed to they like a huge plot is the horse guys Concrete cowboys. Yeah It's a way of life. I I felt so free looking at this man No equipment. I think he had a saddle that was it. He was nobody was home. It's the right horses anyway Only like fox catchers or something Very helmeted country my kids are learning to ride bikes now with no helmets and I'm so happy Yeah, my mom will be upset if she ever finds out. Yeah, there's such a freedom to not wear this kid They're doing they're learning fast. Yeah, it's a good move Yeah, I was taught to ride a bike as my dad took me to the top of a hill by my elementary school The first time without training wheels and just launched me and I couldn't I didn't know how I just went straight into I was flying just straight into these bushes. Yeah, I hit bushes as well. Yeah, the ones right in there Yeah, off there, dude, my kid like champs riding a bike They don't do training wheels anymore You do a thing where you have no training wheels We're feet touch the ground you have no pedals and you just like push yourself along you learn how to balance Then one day we just threw on pedals and she just took off. No problem. It's actually it's pretty insane So training wheels are like the worst. I'm happy. We're pretty happy. I'll be nice I was pretty pumped. I just ran actually I think I just skateboarded after and it was kind of nice It's kind of scary though because they don't know how to turn it also. No It's pretty and then like the street. They'll they'll what they will just ride right through the street. You got to be like stop I did that. Yeah. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by prize picks Matt chain What was your favorite part of last football season the Super Bowl? What was your favorite part of the football season? Was it watching take one Barclay? Yeah, it was honestly watching Against the Chiefs. Yeah, I saw that and I had a Chiefs fan in the house. So that was nice Yeah, I mean almost felt bad because they were winning so badly. Yeah, he's went outside the whole time What are you most excited about in this upcoming season Matt? This upcoming season. I is there any young teams? I like it I'd like to see a young team really kind of snapped together trying to think of a cool young Unfortunately, it's the Washington commanders are kind of the cool. Are they really younger team? No, I've been beefing with Washington. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, also, I'm kind of pissed they changed I don't you know, I don't I'm just gonna pick talk about your thoughts on the upcoming football season This is gonna be a big year man. They got a lot of new things coming in I know they got Friday night football big they got a lot more are they adding the 15th game? Because that is 16 16th. They've already done it. Maybe more. Okay. That's what I want to see I want to see football get more commercialized Yeah, in a way, you know, I want to see them grind some more money out of these players. Yes, and Extra weeks on a grueling sport. Yes, that has constant injuries if they blow Yeah, they get hurt they get fucking hurt man. Fuck it. I don't care. Yeah, that's good. I want to see I see more merch I want to see we do need more merch All this football talk is getting me pumped. Oh, it's getting me plumped dude Thankfully the football season is already underway on prize picks prize picks is offering season-long stat picks that we can take right now Before the season even starts to think about that Here we go Price picks is simple to play just pick more or less on athlete stat stat projections If you get your picks right you can cash in and went up to 2,000 times your money Price picks is the best way To get action on sports in more than 30 states including California, Texas and Georgia and it's Texas guys. We love that Mm-hmm download the app today and use code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup That's code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup prize picks run your game. I'll do it Yeah, go ahead black Israelite that my new comedy special September 1. It's coming out on my gonna be really great huge I've seen you run a lot of that material and you've seen it all yeah Yeah, and every time you've done a show with me every single DM I get after was like who the fuck was that Australian man? Well, it's only 23 minutes. I've panicked for tonight out again. That's all you man. It's gonna be awesome And I to a date some going to Houston, St. Louis Omaha Springfield Indianapolis, Las Vegas Irvine Los Angeles Baltimore and more Where we're gonna get tickets? JDF McCann comm I gotta work on a better website Desquiring levels of egg new book of poems number one They won't give me a book deal I just put out a couple tour dates Shane M. Gillis calm Good my YouTube's please yeah, that's got that cartoon. That's great I don't know a whole new song too, man. It's really good. Thank you. Do you hear my song? Even listen to the song. Yeah, it's half credit sequence We got more clothes yeah get in there And Please if you're in a gas Atlanta, please come see me October 23rd at Atlanta Helium. That'd be huge for me. Thank you so much. Was I not on screen? God damn it And I could knock this September 2nd September 2nd next week, please Thank you and well done on the Madison Square got you've On sale third on sale now You're gonna break a record. No The record is five Sebastian Manuscako and five I looked it up. You can five you sold the first two out in like a day Yeah, it's not until next year son till January My stock go down by then no could be an empty garden No, and if it is an empty garden, I'm still performing for sure It's gonna be the funniest way to end the best thing ever Literally the best way to end a career if my career falls off between now and January. I'm doing three empty gardens That'd be a nice special to triple crown just get the triple crown Silent bombs scalpers just get fucked up scalpers get absolutely fucked Yeah, that's a kind of a dream Be nice way to go home. Be awesome. I could put all my effort in a medieval dynasty Focus heavily on building the ultimate city in town for my beautiful wife We're gonna have to the kids every day at the moment my wife is she's unwell and she was in bed And I've just got the kids every day and I just try and tie them out with They're just going around the night that other children on the street They want my weird children to go away from them Up to them and asked to play with their basketball and I Thought I made a swim that was a bit as a big break Oh, yeah I'm gonna pull and I just trying to exhaust my ADHD daughter by forcing her to swim. She's I'm tired that I go swim through it Yeah, push on go She's shoulders are getting it's only been like two weeks, but you're gonna be watching Lady AFL You're gonna be watching the Lady Krom I just have a trans son who can dominate the league. No, I know not even for that. The crumb is this is heart breaking this week It's ruined my The fact that they could do that all he did was call a man of wow and they're gonna take his career away from him I saw clear is he bought is he bench for a little bit for the finals is that first time playing finals in eight years? That was you on record saying or can you can he be like I just say he copped to it immediately He said there's the must-have footage and hmm. I wanted him to come out as gay I thought that would have been that would have been the move, but he's he loves the ladies Yeah, sweet Isaac, and then he went to Italy to cool down. Oh, that's not good I know that's still be training if you guys lose the first. Yeah still make it to the granny I don't think he was doing well. We've all got a really behind I'm getting like banned from the league. You just can't suspend it right? It's four games So if you lose the first game, yes, you can really picked it up Yeah, I've been Afraid to grant the dream is that we lose the first game of the finals and then he would get to play in the grand final But what is nice about the AFL is you can't be taken off for a foul You can be suspended afterwards, but they can't take you off at any point in the game So when you announce your retirement before the grand final The violence is astronomical. That's awesome. You get a blank check. They can't do anything to you Texas is gonna hit the if Tex retires you think he's gonna go wild Come out. Yeah, thanks. Oh, yeah, I reckon nice Reck in the arms my come at all big tics Need a granny for Adelaide up the chrome Up the fucking I would I would like to see my trans daughter dominate in sports if I'm being honest if it's like You know, it's it's a lot to process imagine having trans daughter losing all those There was an Indian trans at the Olympics or intersex who could still couldn't keep up with the ladies. Yeah, well That's Your I thought you were fiving for attention in elementary school You're fucking dead on In the car you fucking on athletic I'd have to stop though and be like be honest with me. You weren't losing out of King. You're on that was that kink Yeah, that would be cool though is watching like Pure domination to be like That's my girl gotta be everyone's like crying about it. What about the also that would fire me the fuck up, dude If I was like the Penn Swimmers fucking parents. Yeah, you're like get him out of the pool. That's a guy You know shut the fuck up science is real bitch. I Be the biggest live on earth. That was my kid. I'd be in there I'd be you have no choice. I'd hold a Ukraine flag every fucking match. Yeah, you'd have to I'd be going crazy Yeah, unless somehow you can do a Jenner Be Republican trans yeah, well the contra is the most powerful dangerous force. We gotta get up in the log cabin The log cabin is where like gay Republicans can like enjoying finally. Yeah, you get the log cabin Out of the toilets into the beautiful It's the poor guys who have to go to a public toilet the rich Republican Guys like out of a fancy log cabin. I'm my girl. They're shake something Shake something for the boys my shakes. I'm shake something for shake some crime statistics for You know my dick's only 13% of what it should be but it's about to commit 50% Fucking ass Who's that fucker from South Carolina is that gay fuck You know Lindsey Graham's in there working for the boys did honey, I got to go to the log cabin again. Yeah We're bashing pubs. I'm all about it. I was fucking looking at audible last night. I was down there I was trying to get a book on what you got and then it was like the books under like history. I just looked at the top one of them's What's that fucking? Who's the FBI? Cash Patel cash Patel's book. It's like American gangsters or like political gangsters and it's like how we're gonna expose the deep state That's his book Got threatened and he went I've seen fucking did it be killed himself. Yeah, you know what turns out the gangsters have done their political gangsters Yeah, it turns out there actually are political gangsters and apparently cut my head off There's a hubble-oo about Melania being on the cover of Vanity Fair one of those magazines I don't know which one and there's people saying like this staff either. It's vanity fair people I don't know but there's a they're saying like the staff is threatening to leave and For the first time I've never seen this but I saw One of the it could have just been a bot on Twitter, but someone was like How do you fucking like it? There's a hundred million of us Trumpers and we'll get and we will support this magazine stand against the fascist And I was like whoa The lives I didn't know the lips are fascist. I gotta give me some of that vanity fair magazine Dude, they're like we are one million strong. We will support you Melania on your cover of vanity fair They're both fascist. Yeah, that's the both sides of If someone who disagrees with you as a fashion, did you see Marin this week? No, he's coming for Chappelle He's saying that Netflix standing with Chappelle showed that they were a fascist organization. They are not work with them. He's right They are I'm feeling the wind I'm feeling the wind shift. I'm going full work dude I'm going to all fucking work. I am to fucking fascist dude What did that guy say in the soccer game piece of shit? Yeah Piece of shit dude cracker brother furious. I was fucking living dude. They're a visitor today. They took it back Yeah, they've got they've pussies what happened here Crackerel took the old white guy off the cover what and they Was like you fucking pussy Also, what is even woke about taking an old white guy off the thing a cracker, but why why did they take the cracker off there? And the barrel off what the barrel to the barrel. Yeah, just a cracker barrel and like shitty. It was a terrible redesign But nobody was mad about I mean, I guess people were upset. They were like this is a bad redesign That would have been a fair critique, but instead people are fucking woke bullshit Wait they put them on well, I don't understand. What was the redesign of a barrel cracker, bro It's just a yellow. It's just a yellow guy sitting there next to the word cracker, bro What they got rid of the guy was he a Jew? The history yeah, probably Prevail refined cheeses I Thought there was gonna be a logo spaz on the Notre Dame guy What they do with that they change it to a guy running the football and when we were when we were filming that commercial They showed me the under armor people like here's the new logo. Here's the new leprechaun And I was like, you know you guys you don't know what you're doing. Why did you change this guy? You guys are fucked wait It's the same guy was still around but still around some that's how the reddit board managed to defend is that now every team has a Let's not carry something. Yeah, you can't get rid of this, but everybody loves the leprechaun That's next week. Yeah, I am Sunday Sunday. Yes, we see you go week zero has been good though. I'm not gonna go I gotta go I'm gonna be in Chicago till Sunday. I'm gonna fly to PA. I'm gonna watch it You're gonna be so close to watch Notre Dame Miami and Pennsylvania where Chicago Chicago. Oh, it's at Miami It's at Miami rowing. Honestly, they don't have a good track record down in Miami. Matt. You're exactly right They've had a tough time you've been grinding the tape They they don't do well on at Miami It's fucking Miami Super Bowl Retreat Matt, he's a red shirt. He's a red shirt. He's going up against Carson Beck Who's a transfer from Georgia who had a hell of a career and he's at Miami now? So they the quarterback will see We have to protect them. We have to protect young CJ. Yeah, true Yeah, it's gonna come down to the nose tackle from what I gather for my You've been grinding the tape dude. It's crazy. That's my take personally. That's my take That's gonna come down to that nose tackle because we all know they got that that defense man Exactly, we know about that defense man That detackle can eat up two blockers and now you're leaving one-on-one a tackle at that the end or I mean God for better Fucking running back picking up the pass block. Yeah, how long so when they played Ohio? Well that one drive was what about 18 minute drive because I want to see him do your first drive It was 18 plays 18 plays. That's what it was the whole first quarter was Yeah, I want to see I want to see a couple more little some little more explosive little more dynamic Yeah, I'm going down the field. Well, that's what we're hoping with this quarterback. There he's got more of an arm. Yeah There we go. That's got was a runner. Yeah, I'll tell you what Third and one you're getting that first down with that quarter. Yeah, he's short area acceleration And he's bro. He's willing to die for that yard when you see your court Let's say let's say you're left tackle. You got a bum ankle. All right You see your quarterback dive across that fucking first down marker Suddenly that ankle doesn't hurt that bad anymore. You go this whole team's ready to die right now when it has germ I love buddies. Oh, no, is he come back? I love his body. He's looking. No, I good His body is looking good We have to keep him healthy. You're exactly right James, but we got good Jadarian prices back there and he's Williams. We got some good running backs. I'm not worried about that I followed the whole on the offseason as Svelte boys would walk around the Notre Dame campus and the press coverage is incredible Take a picture of the boys you go this kid's looking strong It's one way to do it 17 year old with beautiful So that's a news story for noted that is a 17 year old with big shoulders is walking around the campus We saw him smiling with coach Freeman. That's good. That's good. You know, who else is what me? I'm the one who's really yeah Do you make a reddit exception for reading about noted that no I stay up read it Oh, you get to miss out on all of the real nothing open reddit the first thing I see is Shangela's fucking blows I can't get all that is very positive. That's not do you think the coach ever like During locker time just looks at the muscles of all his his team and like a good way like damn He's got so many fun. Yeah, this is like the this is a physical machinery. I would know that's a guy's job. That's awesome Yeah, it's my strength and conditioning. It's like out of their mind. True. They're like serious about that. Yeah, it's fucking awesome Just getting that extra you want your team to pass the eye test. Yes, you want to win the game getting off the bus You see those boys get off the bus you go, oh, it's gonna be a long day I liked it when we played Georgia and many of them were fat Commentary gets stuck in on fat teenagers Program might have a couple of questions I also don't like grind the tape stuff. I memorized dude Well, we were watching nasty YouTube videos about the comedy wars. Yeah, I was like, what are we doing? Let's get some let's get some positive tape. I had to stop put on fucking grind the tape Does it ever feel like you're a marketing professional just? Speaking into the void but with LinkedIn ads you can know you're reaching the right decision makers a network of 130 million of them In fact, you can even target buyers by job title industry company role seniority skills company revenue And did I say job title yet get started today and see how you can avoid the void and reach the right buyers with linkedin ads Spend 200 pounds on your first campaign and get a 200 pound credit for the next one Go to linkedin.com slash lead to claim your offer terms and conditions apply Attention Attention rail travelers platform paces window gazers and armrest negotiators Have you heard the big rail fare freeze is here Railfares have been frozen across England until March 2027 on standard class tickets including off-peak anytime and season tickets for more information visit national rail Dot co.uk slash fares freeze season season exclusions apply So much The balance bro, well the comedy wars. Yes, dude The Austin comedy scene is too powerful LA and New York need to unite to destroy the Austin comedy scene How are they gonna stop it? That is this we have all the butt wipes. We have all the They're either doing a nice successful blockade on the butt wipes. They're going into like deep political theory. I mean, it's actually Fascist Backfire you can't do that. You can't call the you can't call group fascist But then you can't say you're not fat is it be like cracker barrel? It's gonna be like vanity fair true. You can't do that true They're gonna go Disabled guys The disabled guys a little nasty What dude yeah You think about it you think because of the disability this guy must be a sweetheart Then he talked to me go fucking this guy's a little climber. This guy's a little nasty fuck think about it Think about the draw. There's any of them. I'm not some of them don't have a lot of time They've got to establish the career very quickly. I think those guys they seem good Which specific the same they're all fake I think about that think about the fucking dread and like drudgery of just being like a Healthy young man in an office. You're like I got to escape this form. That is my life if you fucking Strap me down and like scramble my fucking wires. I'd be like I gotta Fucking do something about this. I Yeah, you got a nothing but respect for the disabled bros for sure Killing it I they get me every time New York have any disabled men a lot of stairs in that there's a couple disabled men True yeah, is that place even fucking On the front yeah, they'll get some of those guys I was about to make a YouTube video. Thank God I was about this fucking trash the dude the New York comedy scene. We're coming for you We need ramps we need ramps dude. That's one thing. Awesome. Got a fuck ton of Every comedian takes 30 minutes to get to the stage. They got to sit on one of those Getting dipped in by those I still get moved every time and I see a dude with like genuine disabilities doing a thing on stage because it to me it's like I would give in I would be it would just be too much for me I don't know that my spirit would be resilient enough to fucking practice the sacred art form that is in a comedy Dude, it's such a sacred art That's what I that's what the thing that's driving me during the comedy was is how sacred the artist That's all yeah, dude the comedy wars will pass Yeah, well This one look I was I got to go to New York. I'm going back to Philly for about six months. So yeah I'm out fuck the Austin scene dude I'm back I talked to the people in the New York and everyone talks a big game and then when they see you they're very interested in knowing how That that's working and can they can they get a little piece of that? There's a hopelessness out there You go LA you say what are the podcasts that you can go on here? They got nothing. They got bad friends universe No, there's a lot. There's a fucking lot of so many LA New York are doing great. No, New York's doing great on the podcast If you're Bill Blossom and glassman's out there. Yes, that's number three There's a lot and name a fourth name a fourth. How many are fucking here? We've got the man Shane secret podcast. We've got the job No, you gotta take you gotta take the stuff Island being here Philly all day. That's Philly podcast. What am I Australian? It depends on you you got that lovely woman with the We're like the Jews of the Congress to send like 9 million but what's the Philadelphia Try to get in New York So don't be like a performance Sorry, are you Jewish? No, I'm from I'm from the Philadelphia comedy scene I'm worth it ox. We have to wear gym shorts at all Dude, we have to return to our homeland Beezer Is definitely a city dude he's all true fucking silly Can't wait to take my birthright back to Philly. Yeah, I'm so excited. I also like LA. I was just out there Special it's really nice. I like great comedy stores fucking great. I know I like everywhere Everything's yeah, I hope it doesn't devolve into it in biggie Tupac situation. I don't want to see yeah I don't see Joe de Rosa get shot in 92 He's also Philly he's one of us he migrates anyway Like he has a fucking deli dude Fuck Massacre, Massacre Philly. He's also yeah, he's extremes I just Time ever no relaxing have a good time. I really don't it's just the I'm telling you the butt-white money is driving everyone crazy How much of these butt people paying the podcast? My booty too clean for them to have been attached with me, right? You wouldn't believe I would No offense, dude. You're booty must be a fucking you sure Fly must be a god Like for real well the ass doesn't exist so it's straight butthole to it Yeah, okay, oh, it's easy to get in for sure absolutely no What if you don't shower for like three days? I've become a daily habitual shower. That's what I like you gonna have to not today Obviously, but most You got shower before bed before bedtime like if I feel if my legs feel even like a dry sweat on them at all I gotta get a bed Shower up seriously how much is the bum money? James it's literally starting. It's like oil money. Just look up how much a barrel of oil is same fucking price same thing None of them will that's one I could actually they try and get me for the I couldn't do condoms And I don't think I could do sports bit gambling because I'm but what I've said never been in touch I would love to I could do erection ones boner pills. I'd say I do like the pay-away ones I've never had a problem with getting an erection, but if I did is there's but wipes Yeah, but wipes is obviously the biggest I'm hearing the but wipes everywhere. Sometimes a video game. That seems like a good You get a video game Careful, that's like putting on the ring once you read one but wipes app Why is Coca-Cola not getting involved or something? Where's the big way's crack a barrel crack a barrel double pivot back I was hoping they didn't pivot so I could get another commercial true I thought I would usually do that. Thank I love cracker I would support crack a bow What they're they have like a good I knew people who like loved cracker bow I think it was like the cheddar they got the they got some good cheddar going on there I believe there's a cracker right next to my house growing up. He's hit it didn't hit it as much as I should I'll be a biscuit. They got biscuits. I don't I probably went like Once and it was like a ten minute drive There's nothing I think I want the cracker barrel once as well right next to a best Western and a pigeon putt Did you know anyone who's like you like loves cracker? I knew one person my life who like loved cracker barrel I've hit a cracker barrel on the road and been like genuinely pumped this place is decent Yeah, wasn't it wasn't cracker barrel like a big candy like isn't that there front you go? That's all I remember I went there coat the gift shop gift shops popping. What'd they sell fucking rocking chairs Well, old toys beautiful dresses for chase rock candy. That's all I remember that rock candy People like to put racism on cracker barrel, and I don't like it was what were they races about I think When I suppose I have seen many black people waiting tables at the cracker barrel that is not a racist establishment at all Well, that's not how you say. Yeah, that's is that not it. Is that not cool? That would be the most people at waiters giving jobs in waiters kind of star of the show to be honest Well, I'm sorry I didn't mean to say something well, it's okay. It's not that serious Don't worry dude. We're under the spotlight though the podcast for us Oh Never give him The Austin comedy scene said Shane Gillis and then they move on they They don't want the fucking 80l coming after them. They know I'm here. Yeah, true. I'm exactly I might be Netanyahu from Philly God damn. I was in art more. That was my last job Fuck Accessory calm connect you right to David I did went straight to David. I Did my medieval dynasty the first player was David You know blow it's much bullshit man Bullshit yeah, it's kind of embarrassing it is it's deeply Deeply want to bicker. I don't like it. We're bitter together. That's what I'm saying That's what I'm saying stop Austin hate that's what I Up in the street Throw us in front of fucking trains and shit Stop Austin hate. Yeah, true. Who do you think's fucking you think it's a New York comic has been murdering everyone by Lady Bird Lake certain without a doubt. She's fucking immature My man is stalking the streets at night Killing hacks Slaying all the hacks Say you might be on Assassin's Creed just sits in the back of an open mic and goes I do respect I want to inspire. Yeah. Yeah, I do respect being old and just being like fucking hacks. It sucks They're all fucking hacks that could be the life cycle. I'm in Open micro center around going everyone's a fucking hack piece of shit. They suck Come this way. You've done since day one. Who have I called a hack? I've seen you up the back of comedy rooms. Okay in private You're very good in public, but no, yeah, I'll be I remember the one of the first times we hung out We were at the cellar and I was watching me. I said this guy's good. You're like it's cheap Everything he does is cheap. No, I wouldn't say like that Remember being like hey, he's gonna watch me Was it like this up? I don't actually I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell you I would never throw someone under the bus like that True not a brother. We're gonna have it the name out Brother will be back brotherhood will be back. I trust me, but you also Person is good and people dislike them in the scene you will champion them in the reverse you go true They guys actually great and you don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, look at you I walked into that I walked right into that and I You set a trap and fell right into it. Yeah No, I if I'm sitting there saying somebody sucks on stage. It's usually because I'm about to go next And I'm nervous. That's a hype up for sure. He said that go on this guy fucking sucks He does bullshit hack fucking trash fuck that Then I get done with my son. I'm like, you did great man. Yeah, that was fucking really good. I'm really I'm ready to socialize actually I want to I want to bounce out with a positive anecdote because it was the same night that that happened It was a comedian that you really liked that other people were shitting on I once said you got into it I actually wanted to go home. I want to do what are the other and take us back, but you stood arguing for 90 minutes Defending someone's comedic chops. Nice. Yes. Do you not remember that? I Mean you up you'd had a few Now hold on now we'll blank it out who was it wow wow yeah, well, that's what you yeah, if you come on man That's just hanging around the cellar. That's just table stuff, you know, true. That's just being at the table It's nice. That's the nice Templar. That's where that kind of talk belongs dude You can't you can't get it out to the civilians for free You can't defuse the legendary No, it'll cool down. Yeah, let's replace all of our jobs with a I will chill out. Hey, man I'm sorry about what I said back in 2025. Yeah, I've been getting the way they've been giving me the way mo's for the first time I still haven't been a while. I want now once they crack I think they eventually got you want one way mo and if you like it then they just nothing but way mo's they're the new Let's get with them. I hate the way most baby because I love our from the city. No, I didn't get Smoking smoking six in a way. I got away with that scoffery That's off record. What were you doing in the way ma? I Was smoking a cigarette in the way mo but I didn't get in trouble, but it takes too long Maybe I live too far away. They don't want to go the freeway. They can't go on the highway So it'll take you like 30 minutes to do like a 10-minute drive. How'd you smoke the sick? Open up the window With the mouth So you can't as you're on cams they couldn't say Probably saw me but you got to be on camera, right? They tell you they're on. We're watching you. Yeah And if you sat I'd imagine if you sat right behind the seat up against it you could in theory beat off in the way mo Yeah, I guarantee a lot of people of Jack. Yeah, I was thinking it might be just like Jack Shacks Yeah, people drink beers in there There'll be beers left in there and it seems like it's kind of just open season on this sounds awesome Yeah, what you're describing. It's awesome. It just takes way too long and it drives me nuts when I'm this is a weird The thing I got every time I go to get I got thank you and I Yeah, I Mike they're like the new punchboggies for my kids my kids see those and they're like robot car I'm gonna be honest. I'm with your kids on that. It's yeah, dude. First couple times. I saw the robot cars Shit fucking robot looking to verify nobody's driving that no one's driving that that's crazy I'm gonna fucking flick it. I'm gonna swerve it I do that all the time trying to threaten the way Yeah, I threaten those fucking way most sometimes they threaten you they're not very good at driving still yeah Back to Australia though what way most sounds like a nice fucking derogatory Australian term Fucking why my Yeah, fucking why my be nice to take some new slurs back sadly we You guys have good slurs when I go back to you know, whenever I go back I'm gonna lose all my Australian things that I can say over here that no one understands But you can do a marriage. I don't say actually forget that I there's a we know all the American ones sadly Yeah, you do It's a way mo and way mo is nice to go back another. I like saying that is that a wet back? Yeah, I don't call anybody that we don't have what did you think? Back there's the South Park episode whether the news they have goo on a wet back. Yes Terrible thing. I'm told to call somebody. Yeah, you shouldn't say that but our Latin Americans are all rich people They flew over we don't have any walk-in Latin Americans. We only have the the Venezuelan suit Give an appointment sir Every Latin American person is an aristocrat in my country and I know Because they were being cruel to the middle classes they come out really yeah, huh? It's a very fancy Well, isn't it? What's the other one? There's Venezuela and Fucking blanking on the name of the South American country world that the Nazis went Argentina. Yeah, Argentina Yeah, yeah, I That's my way mo whenever I meet someone who's like oh, they're Argentinian and they're like white I go Tap my wife like this grandfather might have been a Nazi don't freak out. Yeah, I learned about that on a YouTube video should be cool That's what did your grandkids do? They might have I wonder if Argentina had natural honks because it's so far from the equator But I don't know who walked there or how the civilization started down there Hmm. I never thought about their name. I might have naturalized honks just because it's so far from the equator It's like being from North America Yeah, there were no natural honks on this hemisphere. Yeah, maybe Aryan Wanderers from way back when true stuff of Superior Yeah, you know Messi's awfully white Yeah, they do I didn't read the book but I I got it on my Which McCaulet on my audible and it's all about the Indo-European language and how it's like it is kind of weird that English is Kind of close in a way to Sanskrit and all those like Middle Eastern languages bear resemblance to English Which kind of well, then there's the weird there's the Finns who seem to come from no nowhere and I'm getting they have their weird thing My favorite is the Pacific Islander people so I what about them? No one knows where they come from I know they just Getting on other islands dude, they're just well way finders bro the rafts put your hand in the water. No, I know but I mean, yeah, but I mean they were just getting on fucking tree made fucking canoes and going to medigascar They made it so far. It's fucking crazy, man Impossibly far. It's fucked up. You see the raft technology. It's pretty insane and then to just get there and go all right Yeah, fire it up. Let's get some hopefully they brought a woman Yeah, they probably had a couple Couple babes that's crazy The uh, let's switch over to the patreon. That's a disgusting way to end it My wife is Samoan