I caught my teacher CHEATING… what should I do? | Craziest Zoom Call Experiences | Reddit Stories | EP2650

Hey, this is Dakota, and this is Riley, your favorite OK Stories home host. And we got some great stories coming up. But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from the sponsors that keep this show alive. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human. No gloss, no filter. Just stories. Spoken without fear. A person who is not generous cannot be an artist. The world will be at peace only when it is ruled by poets and philosophers. Listen to my weekly podcast, the Pooja Bhat Show on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Come for the honesty. Stay for the fire. These are the craziest Zoom calls experiences known to mankind ever of all time from here to the moon. So we're going to start here with deleted. You know, it's bad when they delete their profile. They say blind kid in a Zoom call class at the end of last year during English. This was his worst Zoom experience. Blind kid. OK. Ableism. I see out of the corner of my eye, he's the only one with a camera on. Teacher was chill if we didn't want them on while online. Start stroking his shoulder in front of half of the class and the teacher. It was his soldier. It was his soldier. It was in his shoulder. Because I saw that too. He was jorping his gherkin. Oh my God. And he was jinking his jorkler. He starts stroking his soldier in front of the half the class and the teacher. I've never heard of that at one before. The teacher kicked him from the class without saying anything and continued on with the lecture like nothing happened. Poor guy probably didn't even know. But yeah, that was a very jarring English class. More like a very jorping English class. Dude, good thing she was there to kick him out because imagine if. Yeah. He put a kick him out. He forgot what class he was in. He thought he was in his braille class where everyone is blind on the zoom call. He didn't realize he was in his mixed ed class. Do you think it was just like immediate? All right, bye. Or was like, what are you doing? Stop doing that. No, because if he's doing that, he's probably got the classroom volume way down low. Do you think he knew what he was doing? How did he? How did he do that? How did he do that at the class? How do you not know that like welcome to the class is what's going on? Well, you probably didn't think his camera was on. Also, how do you do it when you're blind? How do you see it? In your mind's eye. You feel it. You got to see it in your mind's got to visualize. You know, you use echo location. You go. Dear God. Yaskoo says, I lifted up my arms to stretch the bottom of the top I was wearing got caught on my bracelet and it pulled the top right up. And my right front airbag popped out just a right little. At least it wasn't the wrong airbag. Yeah, it was the right one. Not the right. Yeah, barrestical. Thanks, dude. That's my right breast. He fell out. Dude, that's wild. Just flashing everyone. Hopefully there was a lot of people there. So your camera probably wasn't exposed to a lot of people. You said hopefully there was. Hopefully there was a lot of people there because the more cameras that are there. Oh, right. The less like the less noticeable it is. If you're just quiet. Yeah. Yeah. But you know, I don't know. Some people have really good, you know, radar for that kind of stuff. You know, some people are like, I sense a disturbance in the force. Oh, there's a boobacle on my screen. The only time I've ever got flashed was when I was a lifeguard and I happened twice. On purpose? No, no. They're both of the girls went down the slide and I was just like, making sure everything's good. And then I saw it and I was like, I just acted like because if I went like this, like I was scanning and then I went like that. Just kind of have to act like nothing happened. Yeah. The poor girls were just like, all right. Anyways, crazy, livy kid says my husband farted so loud once while I was doing online school. The screen focused on me because it thought I was talking. That's awesome. Your husband really said like, I can't even go. I have to go like. And it literally just zooms in on your face. Just like, like this. Oh, yeah, because it puts you on like an outer mode or whatever. Yeah, it'll put you to the forefront and it's just the sound of your husband ripping ass. It wasn't me. It never was like your husband's sure. It was definitely your husband. God, that would be so embarrassing. Dude, now you're the lord fart, you're the farter. Lord fart quad. The fartler. Zoom fart. Shampoo says, this story happened to me on my second day of training on my first ever job. So I just graduated in June, 2021 and found a job in October of 2021. Same season. No, no, no, 2022. Sorry. When did I graduate? I don't remember. You graduated in 2000 and it was 18. It was June, 2021. Yes, I did graduate in June, 2021 college. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Found a job in October of 2021. I used to use zoom for all of my university classes, but for work, they use Microsoft teams. So I'm not familiar with that at all. They're all the same. On my second day of training, we have an important meeting with the vice president of the company. Dick Cheney. The vice president keeps babbling about things about what I don't understand because it's only my second day. So I'm just messing around and I right click on him, see more options. I think mute spotlight pin. So I'm like, hmm, mute. That sounds impossible. How can a person who is on their second day of training be able to mute someone, let alone the vice president? So I think about it for a bit and go, Oh, it would definitely mute it on my side only. So I click mute. It works. All right. Yeah. Okay. I mute the guy from my side. I tried to right click and look for unmute, but it didn't work until a couple of seconds later, I hear people typing in the chat and also speaking up. Hey, vice president, we can't hear you. So he un-mutes himself and says, somebody just muted me. That's hilarious. Yes, it is. Mr. vice president. Yes, it is. Who could be responsible for something so funny? Yeah. Who's the funny guy here? Huh? Who's the funniest guy in the zoom car? I don't know. I don't know who could it be. Microsoft teams. Whatever. At this part, my heart is beating really fast and this meeting had 150 people in it and I typed in the chat. Sorry. Didn't mean to do that. Then tried to unmute myself to apologize, but it took some seconds to register. And then when I told my coworkers, yeah, I definitely didn't mean to mute them. I see my horror that he unmute button worked and everyone heard me say that vice president then jokingly told me, you should have unmuted yourself, not me. Oh, oh, this is honestly, this is pretty net positive. You're, you're making an inside joke with the VP. Low key. Yeah. Pretty cool. It took pretty well and this is a super laid back person. Oh man. That was terrifying. I thought for sure I was going to get fired. Dude, you're onto something there. If you're in a big corporation, this is your time to make an inside joke with the top VP. Yeah. It's like, dude, someone muted me. What? Nobody has the balls to stand up to me. It was a power move. Yeah. Yeah. And that's hilarious. Don't let it happen again. It's okay if you play your cards right. You could like, you could get a full house. Yeah. You could probably get a big, big old race. Full house, maybe a flush. I'm you. Hey, don't look at Joey. On our team leads. So on our team leads, we have Eddie, Leanne, Nina and May. Sometimes Nina's background noise because her like fiance is like talking sometimes that are crazy and sometimes whenever Leanne's talking, it like reverbs. Because of the volcanoes. Yeah. Because of the volcanoes. I just mute them. That's so rude. You're just muting. Sometimes it will say. You're just muting. Riley doesn't listen to women. No, I listen to them, but they're not talking is the thing. You listen to them until they're too loud. Their background noise is talking and everyone else is kind of like can hear it too and it's uncomfortable for a couple of seconds. And I'm like, and then I mute whoever. I don't mute them while they're talking. I just mute them whenever the background's talking. Yeah. You just mute them when you're like, I've had enough woman for the day. Dude, I wish. You know how powerful that button is? The mute every woman on earth button. Dude, how do you do? We can't we can't let that technology out. That's too dangerous. Too powerful. What happened? You know, every man from where I live, God, they all go fishing. If that happened, they wouldn't get anything done. I wouldn't be getting nothing done because they wouldn't have no women to tell them what to do. That's my grandpa sometimes. Oh, man. Anyways, why can't women just love telling us what to do forever all the time forever always and expect us to think nothing? You know what you signed up for when y'all ate that apple? Was that? I'm just kidding. Don't put that in. Leave that out. Get rid of that. You're going to put your hat back on too? Wear it. Two for one. I would wear that hat. It's a cool hat. People get it. It's just a cool hat. All right. So Blue Morphine says, went to my bathroom to Zoom call my college advisor because the internet is really strong in there. Okay. Why is that the case? That's like a, you've got some kind of CIA operative using some kind of signal booster in the bathroom to send off messages. You've got a CIA operative trying to recruit a professor to become an Intel agent. You really couldn't tell that I was sitting on the toilet because I was sideways and the window was behind me. Well, I'm in the middle of discussing stuff with my advisor and I had my right arm on the top of the toilet lid and my elbow slipped, hit the flusher. So in the middle of the Zoom call, I accidentally flushed the toilet. I quickly muted myself, but my advisor obviously heard it. I explained to her why I was in the bathroom and she laughed about it, but still horrifying. This could have gone so much worse. I mean, yeah, it could have been. Yeah. I feel like this was not that bad. I mentioned someone else just comes in and they're having like stomach trouble. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. It's just creepy. It comes in the bathroom and in the background you just hear someone going, oh, oh, oh, oh God. Oh, dude. Old. Literally the worst thing I hate, hate, hate, hate in the world is old man bathroom noises. Oh yeah. I hate old man bathroom noises. I am not. And I really would appreciate if you did not make any noises. What are they? They're like, they're like hot or like, they're like, like what I did. That anything that you would do in a bathroom to clear yourself out. I hate them so much. Do you like bathroom is for silent shame time? No. Silent shame in the bathroom only. I understand that you had to get stuff done in the bathroom. I just still hate it. My great grandfather would do this all the time. He wouldn't even be in the bathroom and he'll do it. And it just, oh, but with this story, I literally thought someone would be having stomach troubles like just screaming or like not doing well or. Yeah. Because sometimes those public bathrooms, they'll have a lot of reverb, you know, the sound will bounce around. So someone's in the other stall just like having a category five fighting for their lives natural disaster over there. Yeah. Or yeah, that's not that's not good. Or like you're having like a serious call in the bathroom and someone's like, who's having a zoom call in here? Yeah. Why do people do people take calls in the bathroom? I've noticed that before. I'm sure it's rare. I haven't really, I haven't experienced that either. I once had an interview with a woman and she was in the bathroom while talking to me. Okay. I mean, you know, hey, maybe you're busy, you know, some people have busy lives, you know. Yeah. So P90Medic says during an online clown workshop, we were lying on the floor with eyes closed and relaxing when one participant's autistic son walked in, saw his parents on the floor and thought they were dead. That's a smart kid. He gave out an ear piercing shriek and the two parents quickly muted their call and left to reassure him. What did he, what did he see in that? Yeah. Oh my God. Hey, well, I mean, hey kid kid was right to freak out. That's a freaky thing to have happen. They're dead. He just walks in and goes, They would just imagine relaxing. And then just the piercer. Everyone had to have jumped. Just imagine young Bruce Wayne in there. That's what he thought. Now I'm imagining, you almost said it better. Now I'm imagining the scream in the voice of Kevin Conrad. Or what was that? Not Kevin Conrad. What was his name? Kevin Conroy. Kevin Conroy. Yeah. Amazing. So Nerdy Girl 37 says, I was on my weekly team call when it happened. I was asking your question. So I was unmuted. I went, holy shit. Those are gunshots and hit the floor. All my team saw it was me throwing my headset off and frantically rolling off my couch. Supposedly my might picked up on me calling 911. Dude, that's cool. Wait, where do you mean? Where they towards you. You survive. That would be even doper. Now everyone's going to be like, don't mess with that guy. That guy knows how to survive. That guy's a survivor. That that's wild. They're probably like, you should move. Yeah, maybe they should offer you and be like, would you like to move in with me? That's also a pretty good. They're going to blindside you. That. But this is also a good way to get a promotion. You're like, I don't really like why I live. I don't know. It might be a good way to get fired. You know, they're like, well, you know, we did. We ran the risk analysis and, you know, if you were to get clipped in the face, you know, we would be in a pretty rough spot given how, you know, crucial you are to the business. So we're going to have to fire you and replace you with someone who doesn't live in the ghetto. No, that that that that they would they would probably give you a raise. I mean, yeah, probably. I'm probably wrong. I don't run a company, you know, but I'll tell you what, if you were my guy, I'd be like, we got to get you a firearm. You're going to be our private security from now on. Oh, there we go. There you go. Boom. Wow. So Thoreau Stone says, during online classes, a classmate forgot to turn off her camera during a break and we could see her walking around in her room and just a tank talk and underwear. Like for her, someone from the class had a private number and informed her. Dang, that's got to be a hard phone call to get. Hey, you're walking around with your butt out. Just her looking back at the camera like, as you just scramble to the. She just jumps into her setup. Just goes to no signal. Dude, sometimes whenever I used to live here, these cameras would be on and I'd be in just a towel and I'd be like, oh, dang it. Here I am, majestically in my towel. We could be accidentally streaming and someone could see me right now. Yeah. But that's how they all see you anywhere. In a towel. So I see you. It's what I see when I look at you. I see you in a towel. That's quite lovely. You telling me? How do I, how do I fold my towel? Like a straight man. Like the straightest man on earth. My brother does not know how to fold the towel. It's the straightest way to fold the towel. Which one? Tate. Yep. Yep. Every time he has a towel on, he has to hold it. And if he can't, then it'll fall. When you roll it. Yep. You roll it. That's right. Yeah. He doesn't know how to do that. You roll it the outside way. It took me a long time to learn that. Then you can go. It wasn't until I was like 26 or 27. Yo, Alicia Hodge. I carry one every day for my safety with my job. Blow. Bing bop boom boom boom bop bam. Type one if you do type two if you don't. I do. A Nerf gun. I got one in my car. I've got one installed in my hand. All right. Deleted says I had a class last semester taught by a 70 year old priest. Absolutely amazing professor. Glass was great even online. One of the girls in the class was usually seen hitting a vape or smoking. The devils let us right before class started and she kind of acted erratic. One day her camera turned off for a bit and when she turned it back on in the last few minutes of class, she had a towel on her head. The professor asked her a question and she goes, honestly, I have no idea. I was showering. I just had to get a little clean. I can't focus when I'm dirty. This girl thought it was perfectly acceptable to turn off her camera, bring the laptop into a bathroom, shower and count that as attendance. And this is a pricey private university. Professor looks slightly horrified and slightly baffled, as did most of the class. Honestly, though, if you had put me in a university during like the Demi, like the pandemic during that, yeah, you better believe I'm taking. I'm doing my class. Why take a shower? What the hell are you talking about? I'm paying $80,000 to go to the school on a laptop. Yeah, I'm doing whatever I want. Actually, thank you. Yeah, I I once made a sandwich during class and my professor called me out. He's like, hey, don't do that. I'd be like, hey, why don't you come over here and make me? Oops, you can't because you're on my computer screen. He also didn't like me because we had different views about the world. That was a hard one. Yeah, it was a hard class. Anyways, junior Bragg 5988 says I was a live drawer model and thanks to the pandemic could not be in person. So there's me stark, unclothed for a zoom call for the class. Oh, she's that kind of model. She was the she was the she was the one who's there and then like paint me like one of your French girls. She says pant my bizangas and also my tata. Wow. Maybe my booty, perhaps an elbow. I feel like if I was in that class, I would really, really, really focus on the nose. Oh, I thought you were saying if you were the the model. Oh, I was like, if I was a model, I would take a step. Powerful stance for sure. Just like a real lean back. Yeah, like like a superman hands on the hips. Yeah, kind of like, yeah, it would be like, yeah, just a yeah, just a real like get like hit like a stretch. Yep. I like that. That's how I do. When I went to that's how I'd hit it. When I went to class during this time, whenever everyone was on zoom and everything, it was an interesting time because it was like it really showed how comfortable certain professors were with like being in class and not in person, not in person. Yeah, I would be like I I'm paying no tuition for this. This is insane. I'm paying you can't I'm not paying for this. Yeah. I'm yeah. Thankfully, I had classes that I, you know, I had to take classes and I couldn't do it online or like look it up. I had to like actually do it because I actually learned that was good. All right, time to beat the. That's their username. No, that's crazy. That is wild. No, it's not. It's not as bad as you think. Here we go. It's time to be at the kids. Yeah, that's right. It's time to be at the kids says I forgot to put a bra on for a one on one. So one of my college students is acutely aware that my nippies are pierced. The good old nickels. You know, dude, learning about someone you know, having pierced ones, really is eye opening. Yeah, make sure eyes go boy. Oh, I didn't know about that. Banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana. Well, you could have gone without that. What? OK, fine says today. Remote learning. I was going to the bathroom and my fiber old says it dropped me. I can't get it back. Happens all the time. Wait, what? What dropped him? What? What? Dude, what? What dropped him? Keep going. It happens all the time. It means she hit the X or the teacher did. My daughter had to be present. So I said, fine, bring it to me on the toilet. Scream is black. So I restarted my daughter's device. Teacher emailed me that it was actually still on when the camera flipped. Everything was captured. Caught you on the commode. Dude, making a five year old. Take it. I have another zoom call story. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Does it? Yeah. When my little brother saw your was like five or six. I think he was like maybe seven or whatever. Six or seven. He was learning how to play the violin, but he had to do it on zoom. Well, one day he got obsessed with doing these puppet things. Wait, what? He's doing a puppet show. What do you get? He would get two socks and he would like make a puppet show just randomly. Like that's just what he would do for like this sprint of like a month or two. Well, we had to go to my grandma's house because she's the only person that has internet. So we take him to our grandma's house, put him upstairs and he's learning the violin. So the way that the teacher described it was she logged on and was like, you know, oh, hey, Sawyer, Sawyer. And then from the camera view goes, what? You can zoom in on me. And did that for five minutes. And would it respond? Yeah, no. He just kept responding with his hand. But it's respond as the puppets. She said it was the funniest thing ever. Oh, man, Sawyer was funny. Yeah. Goldfish 1902 says suffered from diarrhea and thought the discord was muted. It wasn't. Everyone heard it. Everyone heard you and it sounded like this. No. Uh oh. Oh. Oh. BK. BK Hazard says a personal social nightmare. During a discussion, heavy class I was taking last year. I had a question that turned into a two to three minute back and forth with the teacher as they expounded on my question. Just as they were redirecting the conversation back to the PowerPoint slides. One of the girls in the class wasn't on mute and someone in their room, I guess the roommate or something said, that guy has such an annoying voice. And the girl responded, I hate hearing him talk. Every time he opens his mouth, I'm just waiting for him to shut up. Teacher reminded everyone to mute themselves and the girl got wide eyed and muted herself. We could see her tell the roommate about it and then laughing. But they didn't apologize or anything. There was just a few moments of silence and the teacher moved on. I stepped away from my computer for a bit and barely ever said anything for the rest of the semester. Thanks to everyone. It means a lot to hear about these positive words. Dude, you can't don't let some girl in college stop you from learning about stuff in a class. Don't let her stupid, gross, ugly heart stop you from being a beautiful little flower. I did that one time. I was like, like doing some brainstorming stuff in a class once. And this guy was like, stop, you're like making it go longer. And it literally killed my creativity. Don't let people do that to you. You were like, oh, you were like, but yeah, you were being the kid. Well, no, I guess not. No, I was just saying it's the kid who's like the homework that you didn't collect the homework and then goes, ah, see, but I did it. I want to turn it in. I that I wasn't that kid, but I was like, oh, yeah, how how else could I learn this? And this was an English class. So I was like in my bag. I needed to learn this stuff. You were like, no, for real, I need we need to talk about this. What the hell is going on with D's and B's and P's? Why are they all almost the same? Can I please get some different D's and B's and P's? Please, right? In math, we're good. I had everything down. But see, now that's where my dyslexia always hit the most. Math, like I don't really have dyslexia, but like I would always end up swapping. Like if I had to recall a number and like it ended in a seven, I would always be like, does it end with seven or end with three? Because like seven is three away from 10. So that's how my brain would like re like would remember things with like that gap instead of the actual number. The neural pathways have that kind of. Or yeah, like so I'll just like flip around that number between instead of the actual number, I'll be like, I won't remember if it's that or if it's how far away it was from 10. Yeah. Five is really great for that, though. No, it's perfect. Overdue doughnut says, I attended a virtual networking zoom for work. And during the main speaker event, someone unmuted. They were clearly on the phone with someone and started going, oh, no, I can talk now. It's cool. I'm just on this stupid webinar. I'm not even going to listen to this. Nice. Very nice. At least you let everyone know and they can be like, I respect that. I respect a person who's up front and honest about their feelings. Keon, did you have to go to school during the whole COVID thing? Nope. I graduated a year before. That's crazy. You graduated in 2019. Yes, sir. When I graduated high school. I know. You're so old. I know. Why would you graduate college? Never. Why would you graduate high school? 2014. I was a freshman the year after that. That's crazy. Yeah, I remember I was thinking about that because I remember in my senior year of high school, seeing all like the freshmen came in for the like little freshman tour and I was like, you gross. Who are these little freaking creatures? Me. Who are these? And I was like, yeah, that would have been right. Riley would have been one of those. Riley was definitely one of those little creatures. Where you like I kind of want to pick on him. I was like, you gross. But did I look like that when I was 14? I was cool, though. And it's like I looked even younger, probably. Honestly, I was I was like this with all the seniors. That was yeah, I had a senior girlfriend for a little bit. Oh, that's problematic. That is problematic. Okay, we forget to know. Yeah, I actually like hung out with like I hung out with kids with every in every single grade. It was great. Snow doughnuts 308 says we're on a Zoom call conference call with our marketing agency. We were their biggest client by a mile, but our relationship had become strained as they weren't delivering results. The purpose of the meeting was for them to a introduce our new account director and be present the results and action plan back to us. Our marketing manager, Iron Ronically, called Karen, was giving them a real hard time. Makes sense. The new account director shared their screen, but inadvertently shared her slack on the screen where she and their whole team were chatting about us in real time as they were presenting. This included calling Karen a real Karen. And I bet she'll ask to speak to the manager. Did she? And did she? And saying that they'd have to stop lying to us soon. Karen, let them keep it on screen the whole time and told them at the end, the account director cried. I read that as the account director died. I that would have been better. Probably felt like it. Dude, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Heart explodes. You made him cry. Yeah. And then you made him and then you made him D word. You made him die. Dude, that's wild. I can't. That's also stupid. Whoever like shared their screen and just put it on that. Come on. I just think it's always dumb to ever get caught lacking in a digital setting like that, because it's like so obvious and right in front of you. Yeah, that's your job. You go, you go, wait, OK, do I have the little mute icon on? Can't do I am I making sure no one can see me and see that I'm talking crap about literally the people in this meeting. And it's like, if you can't do that, you deserve to be outed because you are stupid and others should know about it. Can we find this just realized Riley was as old as my youngest kid when I graduated in high school? You had your kid before you graduated high school. That's cool. Wait, am I as old as your kid? I'm confused. Do I have to shame you for being a teen mother? No, I'm just kidding. I'm sorry, has anyone made you feel bad about that recently? Sounds like he made a terrible decision. And honestly, I'm disgusted. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. God, it's just goes I'm just kidding. If it wasn't you, Kim, fine. Everyone can find tell us when you graduated. All right. So God tell us when you got pregnant. Um, not yet. Tell us the age working on it. I'm trying to get pregnant. Age, location and scale on one to 10. How excited you were and the girth. Goth avocado, ho says. Not terrifying, but I, 22 female, joined a conference call with like or 45 or older men I never met. So I'm a bit nervous being inexperienced. OK, then one of them shares a screen with two obvious corn tabs on his browser. I have no idea if the others notice, but the feeling of the guy's subtle OF realization through the screen made me feel not as intimidated. LMAO. How are you looking at that during work? I don't. Yeah, that's some people can really compartmentalize like effectively just very quickly. Just turn it on, turn it off, turn it on, turn it off, turn it on, turn it off. Some people just don't care. Well, this is my work half of the computer and this is my not work half of the computer. It's like I come to work to have fun guys. Yeah, I cross my eyes with my left eye. I work over here and with my right eye I play. What do you do with your hands? You can't get it. We can't get into that part. Yeah, I saw that. Kim really fun. That's why. Hey, Kim. Kim. No, I did not spawn in high school. When I graduated high school, Riley was the same age as my youngest is now. So yeah, when you exit was right. Yes. Nice. I'm so confused. Anyways, Kim, username says Zoom interview for a very well known paying admin position at my local high school. High school. Hospital. Did you say hospital? I can't read, but I just wanted to say you say hospital. He said he said he said bread come earlier. Bread come. I'm going to say bread crumb. Oh, that's so close. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, two two letters off, I guess. Hey, this is Riley, your favorite Southern bell. We're going to get back to these stories. But here's three minutes worth of ads for our sponsors. No gloss, no filter, just stories, spoken without fear. Addiction is a disease and it should be looked upon as any other disease. How did you cope with a reckless father like me? Join me, Pooja Bhatt, as I sit down every week with directors, actors, musicians, technicians and beyond. You don't need to work with the biggest people in the biggest sound to have great music. I have gone through the sub-siri, Hachakar. The pinnacle stung by the sneaker, I've fallen down again. Yeah, I am not writing actively anymore. And when I see my old work, it kind of saddens me. I'm only as good as the last shot that I gave. Mom's gone, but don't shut the theater. The show must go on. Listen to my weekly podcast, the Pooja Bhatt show on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Come for the honesty. Stay for the fire. Username says, Zoom interview for a very well-paying admin position at my local hospital. Lots of money on the line. I was doing the interview while my daughter was at school and my husband walks into the room saying, well, would you look at the time? Time to suck my wife's nose. Oh, no. Oh, what? Oh, Lord. He says this while unclothed and visible to the camera. Oh, interviewer laughed. I was mortified and a conversation discussing on boarding became an employer ghosting me. Oh, no. It was a genuine accident. I didn't expect him to wake up during it. He didn't expect me to be on an interview. The no sucking thing is part of a game we play. We're alone. We threaten to do any litany of weird things to or for one another. No sucking is the most used and is an inside joke. OK. OK. You should have you should have prepped your husband. You said, hey, babe, yeah, no nose sucking right when we wake up. Mommy's got an interview. Yeah. Yeah. Say that. Give him a heads up. I think that would be the perfect thing. Yeah, let him know. So I didn't get the job and kind of gave up on a traditional job at that point. Switched instead to starting a business and way more happier since I got used to my otherwise wasted degree. Oh, so it actually worked out for her. Oh, it looks like he should have sucked your nose then. Yeah, that is something I like to do to Angie. What? You suck her nose? What? You like inhale while she exhales through her nose? No, it just happens. And then she's like she like freaks out a lot. Yeah, I'm confused. That makes sense. I'm confused how you do that. It's like giving. It's like she's like so she's just doing this is literally what she's doing. She's doing this and then I go and then I can like I get a I guess made you do. And she's like, yeah, yeah, I pick her boogers out. No, I don't suck her boogers out and eat them. Don't you? Not at all. That's actually disgusting. I do clean her ears sometimes with your mouth. No, with two tips. Just go. And then this is the most disgusting thing I'll ever tell you. I'll take a video of like her ear and I'll be like, look, before and then I'll clean it real good and then do after. And she's like, oh, wow, good job. You should do that with Dakota. Why? Because you have waxy ears. No, I don't. I know how to get rid of the specters. Right now, I take it that I take care of them. All right, come come look. Come look at my ear. I'm moving forward. I'm we you got to come to your good. You're good. He's I'm not going to monkey you, bro. You scared him. I am scared. You scared him. I have a normal amount of wax in my ears. Opie, you can't go back from that. I really can't. Wisdom is haunted by a ghost. Wisdom of Pearl says. I personally have an oversized monitor so I can see the small little faces very well on Zoom, a guy who was in a shirt and tie all seem normal, but he kept making some very visual facial expressions and actually at one point, clammed his hand over his own mouth. Something's going on. Then I have a theory. I have a couple. I have none. Yeah, because he's so straight. Then suddenly and very briefly, the back of a woman's head popped up. Most people tried to pretend they didn't see anything, but there was one guy who kept asking whose head that was and why they were listening to our meeting. And just so on and so on. People became more annoyed by the guy asking questions then about what they had seen. The guy that made it just like, yo, is that guy? Did anyone else see that? There's there's someone's head. Someone's getting head. Someone getting head over there in the screen. So head whose head help that guy is getting domed right now. So like, help, help. She needs help. Help. So low key. If I see that on Zoom meeting, it's a canon event. I don't have it for them. I'm like, all right, cool. We're just going to keep going. So like when you see like road head, you just go, you go, you go. Like, no, like imagine being the guy who's like, I'm calling the police. Hello. There's some people that are sucking on PPs in traffic. And I need you to arrest them. No, I don't care how many how many people are getting shot in the streets. I need you to arrest the P.P. Toucher in the traffic, traffic or P.P. Toucher. Yeah. Don't be that guy. Just go, oh, kids, look away. Look away, look away. Me jock says I was on a Zoom call for work right after the band. Demi started. My wife and I were both working from home and the schools and daycares were closed to normally we divided up our day so that if one of us was working and the other one was taking care of the kids. One day, though, we both had online meetings at the same time. So we turned the TV on and told the kids just to watch TV until one of us was done. I had my headphones on so that I would be distracted from my meeting. At some point, I see my wife quickly get up from her chair. Then I look at my screen at the window where I could see myself. I saw my three year old behind me frantically clawing at her throat and trying to cough. No, she was choking on whatever snack she had been eating. No, my wife was too panicked to really do anything red flag and was just screaming and basically pulling her hair out. I hopped up, leaned the kid forward and just started smacking her on the back. Luckily, she coughed it up, started crying and I gave her a big hug. A minute or two later, I sat back down to my meeting, put my headphones on and then realized everyone else in the meeting was just sitting there in shock because they'd witnessed the whole thing. No one was like, hey, your kid is dying. I would be so pissed at everyone who could see that and said nothing to me. But also I'd think of you differently if I saw that on a Zoom call. I think you're in a very unfair situation, but also good on you. Just another day being a parent. Yeah, red flag that your wife couldn't save your child. Red flag, red flag alert. It's a lot. I mean, I'm kind of joking, but at the same time, I'm also not. You know, there's nothing I hate more than just a person who like in like a like a disaster scenario just goes. It's like, all right, you've made nothing better. You've made everything worse. Yeah. Let's save that. But good on you, dude. They probably think you're like the man from now on. They're all just sitting there in shock. Like, oh my gosh. Also, what are you supposed to do? Literally on a Zoom call, you can't do anything. You just have to watch it. What do you mean? Watch the kid cough. What do you mean? I would I would be like, hey, your child looks to be in distress. What do you mean? How do you mean like everyone in the call is probably muted? Yeah, well, no, no, I'm on the Zoom call. Your kid gets choked. You leave to go take care of the kid. I can't do anything. I'm on a Zoom call. Like if this was happening right now, I just mean like if you're seeing it in the background, no, no, no, I didn't say that. And I was like, I was like, oh, that's happening. Wait, I'm still confused what you're saying. So in this hypothetical, you did see it or you didn't? I'm seeing you take care of it. But you're not seeing. I would be more mad that because I think he was saying people saw it happening before and didn't say anything. And then it wasn't until his wife started freaking out that he realized. He said when I looked at my screen at the window where I could see myself. Oh, yeah, I guess people could. It's like everyone's seeing like his kids behind them. Like I never was just like, well, I don't want to talk out of turn. That might be awkward. It's like, hey, what is wrong with us? Huh? Yeah, right. Like I saw a video of some it was like a zoo. Like there were lions at the zoo. I don't even know if this was real. I assume it's probably not. Everything's always fake now. But it was like some some girl got like snagged by like a lion and like a Chinese zoo or something and she's getting pulled in and there's like one guy like pulling her back and then there's just two other people standing right next to it. Just watching it happen. Yeah. Doing absolutely nothing. Yep. And they're kind of like pointing like, oh, like try that. And it's like, what? Dude, like, dude, do something. What is wrong? There's no more community anymore. I'm pulling you down and feeding you to the lion. I'm saving my daughter. Yeah. Man with a pencil says my wife was going to call delivering a virtual training to some new foster families. Our computer is located at the back of our dining room study, looking back at the room and giving a good view of most of the door from about the waist height upwards. The door doesn't latch anymore, so it can be pushed open fairly easy. My wife had shut the door before she began the call to keep any background house noises from interrupting the session. She was about halfway through when our dog decided to investigate these strange voices coming from the room. Dog knows he can use his head to fling the door open, but the camera was angled in such a way that you could see most of the door, but not the dog as he came trotting in. So from the perspective of the people on the call, it appeared as if the door had flung open with no one on the other side. It was quite comical listening from the other room as a group of fully grown adults were shrieked in terror. And then my wife, having to explain that it was just the dog. It was just a dog. It's a dog. The dog likes making a little joke. Yeah. Every now and then the dog likes to be a little funny. The dog just likes the... And I know that dog's name is like Bernie or something. Bernie! I'm a goof-y goofler. Rawr. What are you doing? Oh, there's corn zoom. What? Wait, I saw that too. What are you guys talking about? What are you guys talking about? Wait, could you scroll up? What are they talking about? This looks like I've got one crazy eye. Well, we've got some more zoom called disasters here. Let's see. Definition of tragic says, this happened three months ago while I was in class via zoom. Our instructors constantly tell us that we aren't supposed to be driving and running errands while classes in session. But of course that doesn't stop people from doing it anyway. I was bored during the lecture and decided to look at what my classmates were doing. One student was in her car driving with the camera facing her. She unmuted herself to ask the instructor a question and boom. No. We heard a pop and saw a glass flying. The camera was tossed around, then a glimpse of the airbag and the sound of a horn. The girl had crashed into another car and a red light. Yeah, you can't do that. You can't be on your phone and drive. They tell you not to text and drive. She said, you know what? They didn't say I couldn't zoom and drive. I think. Well, she drove and zoomed. That's for sure. Into another car. She's going to have to go to a virtual driving class now. Oh my gosh. Stop. Dude, honestly, skill issue. It's such a skill issue, dude. What do you mean? Yeah, that is you unmuted your call and then what? Forgot everything going on around you? Yeah, that's maybe you just shouldn't be a drive bang. And the thing is you're going to be in trouble because there were so many witnesses and they were all in class with you. Yeah, I think there needs to be a rule where if you get a certain amount of accidents, you're just you're not allowed to drive anymore. I agree. I think I think it can reset. Maybe after a certain amount of time. After a couple of years. You're going into like 10 car accidents in like three years. You shouldn't be allowed to drive. After a certain amount of years and driving tool, then you're allowed to drive again. For every driving class you take, you can get like a year back. Like, you know what I'm saying? Something like that. Yeah, you got to you got to. Yeah, you get reset, you know, back to like a provisional license. Anyway, deleted user says, I hosted this meeting and we were discussing the next steps in a project we've collectively been working on for the past month. Now, I normally don't like muting people and I think that awareness is on the person. But I came very close to doing just that. Pro tip, if you're not the one speaking, mute yourself when you're about to speak unmute once finished, mute yourself again. Anyway, I'm going over timelines and deliverables, but I keep hearing this dog barking. And what I can hear, I assumed it was a chihuahua. I keep going throughout the distraction, but stop myself and ask, hey, Steve, can you mute your mic, please? We can hear your dog. He says, yeah, sorry, bro. I'm muted, but I don't have a dog, though. Ha, ha, ha. All right. Is it a cat? I thought about it for a quick second and then continued on my previous train of thought. In the middle of making a point about 20 seconds after I asked Steve to mute, I said, wait, wait, wait, Steve, if you don't have a dog, what was barking back there? He unmutes and says, yeah, I don't know, man. Maybe it's the TV. Others in the meeting said things like, dude, Steve, that was definitely a dog. And Steve, I think you might have a dog in your house. Steve says, hold on, guys. Just a second. Hold on. Already including myself, who set up and organized this meeting. We all lost interest in talking about this project. Yeah, I want to know what that barking was. I, Steve's so chilly. He's like, yeah, I don't know. It sounds like a dog. I don't have one. So I don't know. It could be anything. Steve went off camera. We're making jokes that Steve doesn't know a chihuahua is in his house and that Steve is being haunted by dogs. Finally, Steve comes back holding a toddler. He says, hey, this is the guy making the dog noises. I found him. A toddler. Is it his? Did he just grab a random toddler? I found the noise. Shoot, give me that baby. I need to make an excuse. I got Beverly Hills Chihuahua on the TV. I can't let him know. I said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, there is no way. Steve asked the toddler, hey, buddy, can you make the dog noises again? And I kid you not, the sound coming out of that baby was not human. It was a full blown chihuahua. And then Steve says the toddler, buddy, how about a big dog? I'm just imagining Steve is polysore at this point. Hey, baby, how about a big dog? Then the little guy barked like a mastiff. Bark. I'm like, the range on this baby is incredible. We spent the last half hour of an hour long meeting making Steve's kid bark like a dog. Hell yeah, dude, Steve's kid's got a promising future ahead of him. He really does. Wow. Yeah. Next time Hollywood gets one of those uppity, you know, actor dogs and they're like, they don't want to bark. They just want to go, wow, wow, wow. And we're like, oh, come on, we need you to. It's not in my contract. They can just get this kid and he can bark however they need him to bark. And he'll just do it for the love of the game. We need a George Lopez, Beverly Hills, Chihuahua 2 style bark. Yeah, that is so fun. I like how OP was almost going to move on and then wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, Steve, you need to figure out what's barking in your house. Yeah. He holds up the baby by like this collar. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. It's this. Found it. Dude, I was in a zoom call with a guest and I had a moment like this where you know those chairs were like those the scorpion chairs that gamers have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was on this call with this guy and he's like talking to me and everything. And his background is muted. And I swear his background looked like he had one of those things just arched behind him. And then near the end of it, I was like, hey, man, what is that behind you? I have I cannot live on with life until I know what is behind you. He's like, oh, yeah. And he shows me and it's that thing. And he has one. He's like, dude, I thought that that was what it was. He said, yeah, man, I paid like seven grand for it. Got it here. It took like thirteen hundred dollars to get shipped here from China to Medellin. And I never use it. That's crazy. That's crazy to never use that. It's like, yeah, I would do meetings in it, but it just looks weird when I'm like laid back and everyone else is like, not. Yeah. No one had ever asked him about it. That's crazy. It's just like this like like blurb and then it's just like arching over him. They were just afraid what they would what answer they would receive. You know, to be fair, I've never I've never felt like reclined. Laying back is like the optimal gaming position. The Matrix. Yeah. You're like in the Matrix. You're like, yeah, but like even in the Matrix, you lean back. You're you're you're getting plugged in. You're catatonic. I'm not laying there in that position, like looking up at a screen. Like that feels terrible to me. Unless I'm dude, I've I've seen a page with this guy who has like a flight simulator set up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's like the whole thing like actuates and I can move around in like 360 degrees and he like flies like spaceships and stuff in it. Apparently, if you get really good at that, you can actually fly a real plane. It's just like it's like doing it in real life. It's like going from practice to a real game. Yeah, there's that's crazy. It depends. It depends. Yeah. That's fun. Oh, hey, it's Dakota, your favorite good time, boy host here. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. No gloss, no filter, just stories spoken without fear. Addiction is a disease and it should be looked upon as any other disease. How did you cope with a reckless father like me? Join me, Pooja Bhatt, as I sit down every week with directors, actors, musicians, technicians and beyond. You don't need to work with the biggest people and the biggest sound to have great music. I have gone through the Saab Siddhi Hachak. The reach, the pinnacle, stung by the snake and I've fallen down again. Yeah, I am not writing actively anymore. And when I see my old work, it kind of saddens me. I'm only as good as the last shot that I gave. I'm gone, but don't shut the theater. The show must go on. Listen to my weekly podcast, the Pooja Bhatt show on the iHeart radio app. Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Come for the honesty. Stay for the fire. We've got another story here from redacted G1 itch. Probably supposed to be glitch says teacher demanded that we stay in view with the camera on. I had to use the bathroom. Teacher said, no, I can't leave the camera view. So I said, fine, then, and I took the computer into the bathroom and was pooping on camera. Only the upper half of me was visible, so nothing inappropriate was shown. However, I did leave the mic on as per class policy. Oh, no. The class was all dudes and I was basically famous for a day. The teacher never spoke about it again, but now allowed us to leave for bathroom breaks. Way to be a trendsetter. You know what? Good, good for you. Dude, I mean, like sometimes, man, like, I mean, there's good teachers out there, but like the bad teachers are the worst. They power trip. Yeah, the teachers, because that is like one of the top positions for people who are just trying to power trip. It's like teachers, lawyers, police officers are like the top three people who just want to like Karen have power. Karen and be able to wield it. And yeah, good job. You did. You did the Lord's duty right there. You really did. You set the arbitrary in its place. Arbitrary. We all know what I said. Hanger 85 says someone answered Mia Khalifa instead of Burj Khalifa to a trivia question. That's rookie. That's rookie stuff. Who's that? There dude. Yeah, that's rookie stuff. I don't know. I don't know. Nobody knows who it is. Who's that? Like Wiz Khalifa? Sure. Yeah, they must be related. Anyways, next one. That was lame. Laura Babora. Says I didn't see it myself, but I do work from home. And the company I work for said that during a training session for new hires, a woman had her camera and mic on pointed directly at her while she was working on her only fan content during her first day of training. Mind you, my company doesn't require you to have your camera or mic on. They can both be off if you aren't the one presenting or hosting the meeting. They were all informed of this when they joined the meeting. But this woman just full on stripped and did things in front of the camera and made noises too. Oh my God. You think she did it on purpose? Yeah, that was all for the content. Yeah, probably get more followers, whatever. I imagine what you did, though, was illegal in some capacity. I was told the trainer tried to say, um, someone's camera and mic are on. I'd appreciate it if you would turn them off. They're not needed repeatedly, but she just kept on taking her clothes off and shaking her chesticles in front of the work laptop camera. So either this woman didn't hear the trainer because she didn't have her volume up or she wanted an audience or maybe she's just a serious idiot. But it's not like she obviously isn't tech savvy. So she didn't realize the camera and mic were on. I think she did realize. I think she knows exactly what she was doing. I think she was giving you guys a free preview. I mean, she was in her late 20s making only fan content. So I don't think she's an idiot. Either way, she didn't make it past the first day of training. Yikes. That was a hard one. That was a hard read. Well, wow, that has to be illegal. You could probably get some only fans dollars out of that. Yeah, that was illegal. I think what she did was also prosecutable, perhaps. I don't know. I don't know, but you're not going to get any, you're going to get a payday out of that. That's some Ashley. She already got a full Tom Job didling herself. Self-diddling, settling, delving. Okay. JPMoney81 says, probably too late to have anyone see this. Jokes on you. But I was on a Zoom call and the department lead, a young woman who was presenting at the time, had those thick-framed, trendy glasses. None of us were muted as it was a pretty interactive, informal meeting where lots of ideas were shared. I guess one of the other team members, husbands or boyfriends came into the room during the call and didn't realize his partner wasn't muted. During an unfortunate pause in the speaker's conversation, we all heard loudest day, Oh man, I would jizz on those glasses. Oh yeah. We all heard loudest day. Oh man, I do a splooge on those glasses. Immediately kick out. That's crazy. We all heard loud and clear. Oh man. We get it. We get it. Keep going. I bust on. Blast. I. Yup. No, I don't hear me. I bust on those bifocals. There we go. Okay. There we go. The speaker paused momentarily as if to process what she just heard and then just continued the meeting as if it never happened. I was absolutely rolling around on my floor laughing and had to mute myself while several other coworkers did the same. It happened so quickly that nobody caught who said it and since the meeting wasn't recorded, nobody could figure it out. Wow. And then it was just a mystery forever. That's so funny. Oh my gosh. Why would you ever say that out loud? Maybe you could perhaps maybe think that. Those are inside thoughts. Inside thoughts. Inside thoughts. That's horrible. We have inside thoughts. Oh, another user says, not terrifying, but a coworker was literally suited on the Adderall and it was so bad. A little background. I was the party person at the company. A big company with a documentary starts with a W wentist. No, I don't know. So from time to time, people would ask me for stuff. I would always turn them down because I didn't want to be the dealer person. I was just the guy in the moment. Out of that, you know what? Forget it. Anyway, she hit me up for Adderall and I respectfully said I couldn't help her. The next morning on our standup meeting at 9 a.m., we all tuned in on Zoom and she was gone, absolutely gone. I have no idea who she got it from, but it was clear that she probably got it from someone who was prescribed a high dose and she bought it. She was so messed up on the call, it was awful watching her speak. She wanted to speak. She talked about mantras for like 30 minutes. For 30 minutes, she talked about her desire to be a Buddhist and how we should all do mantras in the morning. And honestly, it was a nightmare. Nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare. That's what you guys should all said that. Oh, we got in there out of it. No one knew what to do, so we just watched. Meanwhile, this girl was going a thousand miles an hour. Her jaw was going in different directions, but she could still talk. It was bad. No one said anything and people went on with their lives, but no one ever forgot. Don't do Adderall, people. Or don't do People's Adderall. Noted. Noted. Won't do that. That's true. But if I needed a quick uppity, I know where to go. Though I think I need some. Honestly. What? Yeah. Well, it has an opposite effect for people like me. Oh, you know, people who don't have it and take it go. But people who do have it take it and they go, I, yes, my scribbles have stopped. My brain's already. My the inside of my brain looks like your hair. I agree. You should probably go talk to a doctor. See what they say. They might give you some horse tranquilizers or something. Mm-mm. My. Who does doctors give out these days? I don't want to have to do that. I don't want to have to do just horse tranquilizers. Okay. Rhino tranquilizers. I don't want to do those either. They sell those at the gas station. Maybe those are a different thing with rhinos. Oh boy. Helly bb. Hi. Oh my God. Hi. They say one older guy sneezed and his camera immediately blurred and we watched while he smushed a booger with a tissue to try and remove it. Let's go to the next one. That's unbelievable. I'm just imagining it. No, no, I'm not imagining anything. Yeah dude, you just hear this guy. He's an old man. And he's just like, oh my God. Hey! And it's just the loudest sneeze ever. And then it's just like a cartoon. Is that better? Yes, Mr. Dinkowitz. All right, we're good. At a new says just last month we were having a class on sales and the professor started complaining about her husband. He's also a faculty member in the same department who, according to her, can't sell anything in real life, but pretends like he's the wolf of Wall Street. Well, he was right there in the class. We were laughing our butts off. Surely she had no clue he was there because his video was off. It must have made for some pretty awkward confrontation after the class. Yikes. That's always fun. He's like, bam, that was so embarrassing. You really, I told you to always refer to me as the wolf outside of our marriage. Yeah. And you're supposed to howling Mr. Belfort. Call me Mr. Wolf. And when I go, you got to go, he's the alpha. That's right. Those were our, we agreed on that. Um, I'm so sorry. I do have to use the restroom now. Why don't you go? All right, I'll see you guys in a second. Go piss girl. That's right. Oh, look, Boat Ghost 420. That's Keon because he's got ghosts. 420 days out of the year. He says, got on the wrong call by mistaking two numbers. And I caught my math teacher's wife having cyber spicy bleeping with someone else. I quickly recorded some of it and then joined the right meeting. However, the math teacher was in the middle of class and he said, I can't wait to see my wife when I get home. Wow. So I had him put us in a second room in the call and I told him, of course, me being the class clown, troublemaking 17 year old student I was, he didn't believe me and said, you shouldn't joke like that. I immediately sent him the recording via email and he ended the entire call early and in a soft, broken, almost crying voice said, you need to go home. He ended up divorcing his wife and she had to pay him a massive sum in alimony because it turned out his son wasn't actually his. It was his uncles. What? His wife had been cheating on him with his uncle for years. What? I was even asked to go to court as a witness to the adultery. Wow. I told him everything and showed them the email I sent my math teacher when his wife's lawyer asked for proof. I hear he's doing well now and even got a new girlfriend, even though I do home school now. I had to take you out of class. Question. So how in the world did you come upon this? Yeah, I was just saying, how did you put in the wrong two? Were they like in a Zoom call together? I guess the wife and the the the professor have a very similar phone numbers. Maybe they were maybe they were two cuties where it's like your number will end in two five four five and my and my and my number will end in two five four four. Yeah. So so we called the wrong number, heard it, recorded it. What the hell? Oh my God. That's wild. That's wild. Good for you, man. This this kind of happened to me when I was in high school. No way. What? Not like a via Zoom call, but so we had a history teacher and he was like, oh, I'm I'm engaged. I'm so happy to get, you know, like I'm gonna get married soon to my my future wife. He's like out for like a couple weeks, like like a week at like 10 days. OK. And we're like, hey, so Mr. so-and-so what happened? And like the guys hold him, you know, like he was very fun, very chill. Like he let us watch movies and everything. His demeanor was great. Totally changed when he came back from his like hiatus, like sad, mopey, depressed, mean, like, dude, like all of us were like, because we're all freshmen. We're like, yeah, what happened? Like, did he get divorced or like, I mean, did what happened? He's like, he's like, a lot of rumors have been going around. My I caught my wife cheating on me or my fiance cheating on me. And after that, full brown breakdown on like during the class had to walk out, had to get a substitute. The next day we start watching Pearl Harbor, like the new the newer one. And there's like a like as one, like there's like a love scene in it with Ben Affleck. He starts crying again during Pearl Harbor. Well, that guy as one as a real American should. That guy, I feel so bad for him. But like after that guy was never the same. Imagine his wife, she has fianceed, she did on him with Ben Affleck. Yeah, I remember. I just remember all of us were like, we're so sore. Like we're like 14, like 15 years old kids, especially all boys school at a Catholic school, and we're like, what do we do? That's wild. Holy, is he doing OK now? Don't know. I don't know. But that guy, that guy was like, again, when you walk into that classroom, the first like first day as a freshman, you're like, oh my God, he's really cool. Really funny. He cracks jokes. He's like really excited to get married. Changed him. He became. Yeah. We all felt really bad. I think we all like chipped in to get him like stuff. But we chipped in. We got you a new wife. We ordered her online. Yeah, she's going to get here any day now. She was cheap. Yeah. Anyways, that was that was crazy. Yeah. Wow. User, that doesn't go there, says. So I've been on Zoom once. I got a job at the beginning of the pandemic at a hospital, and they were doing the incoming employees orientation online because of the vid. So I don't have a cam on my computer. I borrowed my wife's laptop. She was on Zoom with her friends the night before, and they were having some glasses of wine together, and she decided to change her screen name. I knew this is exactly where this was going. I long on to Zoom for the first time, trying to figure things out, and joined the meeting where everyone was muted and things were fine. Right. Until the moderator says, Oh, I see Princess Pretty Pants has joined. Can we please change to our real names for attendance purposes? Everyone was muted. I couldn't even explain. I just had to change from that to my real name. I never used Zoom again. I'm just imagining a very manly man having to change that name. Yeah. I see Pretty Professor Princess is here. Um, can we can we get our government names only please? No, no, no. Dude, I just remembered my own, my own story, but it wasn't my it was the person on the other side of the Zoom call that was it was crazy. I was working, I was working sales at this like solar company and. Oh yeah, we walked to the door. Yeah. And I was, I was on a onboarding like a of interview and the interview call on like Zoom. And we're talking to this guy who was like, yeah, I worked in like, I worked at a prison and I was in the cafeteria. And then like, we were kind of putting it together. We're like, this guy definitely was in prison and worked on the cafeteria because he starts talking about how he was doing like he had done firefighting work or whatever. He was part of a firefighting crew, which is like they do that in the California Southwest. Like there's programs that prisoners can be on fire teams. And if you were like, yeah, tell us a story of you like, you know, overcoming, you know, like adversity of some kind, you know, whatever. So he starts busting out as the story. He's like, yeah, I got a story and he's telling a story about, you know, how he's firefighting. And in our head, we're like, oh my God, he's going to tell us, he's going to tell us something crazy. Like he like saved somebody from like a falling tree or like whatever. He could have truly told us anything. Like we didn't care if even if it was, if it was true, we just wanted a good story and he's leading. He's like, yeah, so I crawled into this area, right? It's like there's fire, you know, we're fighting whenever I got my stuff on. I crawl into this area, I crawl into this tree and I realized the ground is a little spongy here and it's like different. And he was like, I realized I crawled into like a cougar den. So we're like, oh my God, is this guy going to tell us a story of him like fighting a cougar? Like this is going to be so crazy. And then he goes, yeah, so anyways, I was looking for a place to go to the bathroom. And we're like, oh God, where's, what is he doing? Well, he's fumbling it. Where's he going with this? He's like, yeah, so I like, I've got, I got, I got in there and I realized, oh man, I'm in a cougar den. I should do this quick. So I pulled my pants down and I went, I went and took care of my business. Now I went and did number two. We're like, oh my God, why is this guy telling us this? And he's like, because I was in the cougar den, I went faster than I should have. And my butt touched the ground. Anyway, a couple of days later, I started getting this real, real nasty rash on my backside. I had to go to the doctor and they told me I had anal fungus. That was his story of overcoming adversity. He took a crap in the woods, gave himself anal fungus and went to the doctor. That was his story of overcoming adversity. I feel like that's, I want to, I want to be like that guy. And no, we were like, we were like, this is great. Anyways, we're probably not going to bring you on. And we were like, yeah, because honestly, because he did more than anything, like, yeah, clearly that was bad. But he also lived like an hour and a half away. We were like, yeah, your commute is not going to work. Like that's not, that's, you can't do this. But also. Yeah. I mean, truly had free reign to be like, I've dragged two of my brothers, like burning on fire. We were like, we just wanted to know, can you sell yourself right now? Yeah. No, and plus I did not. I don't know if that's adversity that just kind of happened to you and you had to deal with it. Yeah. That's the other thing is it's like, you just told a story about how you were so bad at pooping that you gave yourself fungus on your butthole. And like, that's not really a story you tell someone you want to give you a job. Wow. That, that is, um, yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. So that would be my crazy zoom, zoom call experience. I kind of felt bad for the guy because we liked him until that. Yeah. I mean, we still were going to give him the job because we were going to be like, you know, we're pretty sure you're just lying to us about having been in prison. But like, we get it. But probably is looking for a job. We would have caught that on a background check and would have asked you about it anyway. So it was a bad move to lie to us about that. Gracious. But yeah. And I mean, like, and like his vibe when he finished was fully like, and I crushed that, didn't I? I just crushed that dude. I bet these guys, guys can't wait to hire me now. Goodness gracious. Well, there's a story from Professor Schniebli. Professor Schniebli says a guy was sleeping on a conference call at work with like 55 people on it. I was trying to show a friend for a laugh because he wasn't on the main screen, but I accidentally clicked spotlight in Microsoft Teams. So it put him full screen for everyone overtaking the presentation. Whoopsie desi. That's cool. That's funny. Yeah. Just a full, fully blown. Just someone. Zonking out. Classic. I knew a guy who could fall asleep with his eyes open. You ever, you ever seen that? I have. Yeah. It looks real freaking scary. Terrifying. It really is scary. Like, do you actually get rest from that? Or I don't know. Yeah. I mean, like, what is that? What is waking up like that? Like semi madman says nothing too crazy, but definitely bizarre. I was in a meeting and one of the participants was outside. Not sure if it was a park, a ranch or where there's an animal in the background. It looked like a rabbit or a big ground squirrel. And all of a sudden a big eagle swoops down, plucks it up and flies off with it. Kind of like a national geographic scene. Oh my God. The girl had no idea what had happened. Oh my God. She just sitting there in zoom, like being like, wow, that is a big rabbit behind that girl. Oh my God. Dude, that's so sad. And then you have to be like, yes, you're. Oh, you're. Other nature is wild. It is. It is very doggy dog out there. Or birdie story is Sophia's chicken story. Oh, God, where the bird, the bird came and took the chicken away and then dropped it in the backyard. I can't even say chicken around her because she gets she gets PTSD. Yeah. All these things she gets PTSD because she's blocked out of her memory. Yes, we have three witnesses that said this did happen. And she doesn't. And she's like, nope, that didn't happen. And she's always right. So it's hard for her to accept it. So check on, check on. Straight slip. 8897 says an RA on one of the floors of my dorm building had an online class a week ago. Turns out she is a bit of a nuisance, especially to professors. This girl joined the zoom with her mic automatically turned on, then left her computer to go and rant to someone, presumably a roommate, about the professor calling her every name under this son. Oh my gosh. The professor heard every word and began sobbing and profusely apologizing over the students criticisms. No, everyone in the class kept telling this girl to shut up and mute herself. But she either wasn't paying attention or wasn't close enough to her computer to think they were talking to her directly. Stop. While this fiasco was going on, another classmate I knew joined late and very wasted. Having no clue what was going on, they asked bluntly, why the F are we sitting here watching her cry, making the professor cry even harder. She comes in like, what? Where are we? Oh, what's going on here? This is wild. Dude, who made this for Professor cry? Why should be in such a baby? Oh, dude, I mean, good for him. He's saying it straight. No one should be doing that's not very humane. Yeah, we were not people during that time. Why are we all sitting here watching her? What are we doing? We can stop. We have the power to stop this. He's just like, can we leave? Are we doing class today or not? Class cancel. I'm hurting right now. And this is the last thing I wanted. I came in late and this is the first thing I come into. It would have which by the end of it, the professor had to mute the girl herself while the rest of the class tried to comfort her. I have no clue if the RA is allowed back in the class or if she's even still in R.O.A. either way, bad move. She had the power to mute her the whole time and just let it happen. Yeah, I'm not going to lie, folks. I feel little to no empathy for that teacher. You're just not you're not cut out for it, bro. You got to have thick skin and you just let someone talk about you like that. And you just you're just crying. You're probably crying. She was probably crying for like 10, 15 nights. And she didn't do anything to stop it. This is the same thing I was like, yeah, I'm annoyed at the person who's like their kid is choking and they're just going. It's like, no, we can't do we got to do something. If the kid is just calling you every name under the sun and it upsets you and you have the power to go click and mute them. Do that. I don't care. I do not care. You've done it to yourself now. A deleted user says a week ago, I was doing a study group with my friends and my male bestie was trying to access our study guide. But when he opened Chrome, we started seeing his search history. His last name starts with a P and he found an adult website in the search bar and accidentally opened it due to a misclick. No. Or yes. We were both in shock and he quickly defended himself. Apparently he was using his dad's computer for the first time in years. It was hilarious though. Oh, dude. Yeah. I don't know what's worse that you looked it up or your dad looked it up. Yeah, I was about to say it's like not making it much better being like, no, it's just my dad. He's a jorkeler. My dad is a certified gooner. My dad has a gooning problem. Golly. That's that's tough. I come from a long line of gooners. User Cisfler says or Silphr. Silphr says on Tuesdays and Thursdays, my school has a camera on day where anyone in online classes is asked to turn on their camera for the day. I watched a guy in my class take a fat bong rip and then cough out a huge cloud. He was on mute and the teacher had his back to the screen. So the teacher didn't notice. People in the class chat just said his name and nothing else. So when the teacher looked at the chat and asked us what the guy did, we just said he made a goofy face to the camera. Hell yeah. Fat rip. He was waiting. Good class. No, class passed the vibe check, honestly. Yeah. He was waiting for the teacher to turn his back. He's like, he's like, that's hilarious. That's a good one. That's a good one. I don't want to say this name. Rudolph Kittler. It's just far enough away, but also just close enough. It says I have a coworker named Jaden who for a long time made work far more stressful than it ever needed to be. He is extremely competitive and constantly feels the need to call people out, especially me. Whenever he points out an issue with my work, he never explains what I did wrong or how I could improve it. Instead of offering feedback or guidance, he simply says my work is wrong and reports me directly to higher management. That is useful. Thank you. We love good constructive criticism in this house. That is like the most effective. It always felt less like teamwork and more like he was trying to make himself look better at my expense. My role is in the company is to review CVs and determine whether candidates are qualified for the open positions available. It requires careful attention to detail, consistency and fairness. I take my job seriously and always try to do my work properly. I am also not someone who enjoys confrontation. Particularly in a professional setting because I believe arguing with coworkers creates a toxic environment. Because of this, I usually let Jaden's behavior slide and focus on my tasks. Over time though, dealing with his constant criticism and lack of constructive feedback started to wear me down. After about three months, it was taking a noticeable toll on my motivation and mental well-being at work. One day our manager scheduled a team meeting and told us we would wait around five minutes for everyone to join before starting. When the Zoom call began, only a few of us were present. Me, Jaden, our manager, Beverly, and another female co-worker. Beverly started in the same position as me, but was promoted due to her strong performance and long history with the company. She is calm, professional and well respected by the entire team. At the beginning of the call, Jaden said he needed to attend to an emergency and asked us to wait five minutes past then another five. And he had still not returned. Instead of continuing to wait, Beverly decided to start discussing some work related topics so we could make use of the time. Suddenly, Jaden's camera turned on. To everyone's shock, he was completely shirtless and holding a large bowl of food. His belly was fully visible to the entire team. He had a background blur filter on, which made him the main focus on screen, with nothing to distract from what we were seeing. An emergency? This is what happened. This is what happened. Whenever you press the spacebar, you can unmute yourself. Yeah. But that's because it's correlated as it click. If you press Tab on accident, it'll move from the mute button to the camera button. So if you press spacebar, the camera will show. So he pressed the spacebar on accident while the icon was on the camera thing. That's how this happened. Okay. Okay. He did have an emergency though. What's a big bowl of food? His belly was a window empty. My belly is empty. I got to fill it up. I'm going to fill my belly up. Oh, every person on the call was forced to look directly at him. Moments later, his microphone turned on and he shouted several curse words. Right after that, we watched him rush towards his computer and start yelling at a kid, why assume it accidentally turned on the camera and microphone. Watching all of this unfold during a professional meeting felt unreal. The meeting went completely silent. No one knew how to react. Beverly paused for about five seconds, which felt painfully awkward and then continued the meeting with impressive professionalism, acting as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile, I was laughing so hard I had to mute myself. Oh gosh. Almost immediately, co-workers started messaging me on Slack asking if I had seen what had just happened. Several of them admitted they were also frustrated with Jaden and had experienced similar issues with his behavior. Dang, what? He's the company. Cooke. Company Cooke, man. Everyone's got one. It was oddly, hey. What? What? What, Keon? What'd you have to say? Nothing. Nothing. He just called me the company Cooke. That's all. You called him that? When? I didn't call him anything. Call me the company Cooke. I didn't do anything. At when? I love you. I love you. What is happening? He said every company has one. I said every company has one. He did this. I mean, Keon has a point. But guess what, Dakota? You're our company. Well, you may not just be you anymore. Yeah, it's getting delicate. Yep. I think dyslexia is very cookey, to be fair. It's not. It's cookey crazy. It does make me. It's cookey quirky. I do say wild things, but I'm not always being wild. Yeah, you are. I'll try to be. Hey, I heard you like the wild one. Wild one. Anyways. All right, Keith. Okay. Oh my God. Everyone shut up about Jaden. Jeez. It was oddly comforting to know I was not alone in feeling this way. Even though the incident itself was simple, it was incredibly satisfying. After that meeting, Jaden noticeably stopped calling people out and acting superior at work. Not long after he was laid off due to poor performance and ongoing behavior problems. I honestly believe that incident played a role in the decision. Later, Beverly told me privately that she disliked him as well and that he had been difficult even before she became a manager. Hearing that felt validating. In the end, it felt like karma had finally caught up to him. The entire situation was awkward, unexpected and strangely satisfying. And that is the end of a Zoom call. Boom call. Wowie, Zowie, bow. All right. What do we think guys? Do we like these zoom calls? Have a nice one. What a kook. Yeah, poor Jaden. Jaden's kook. I know what Jaden and he was also pretty high strong and a little weird. Like an actual Jaden or just like a guy who's like Jaden. His name was Jaden and he was like this. I knew Jaden. No, I knew a Jaden and after school and middle school, we'd go over to his dad's house and his parents were divorced and his dad really didn't care what we did and we did too many things. We were playing with butterfly knives. We were using power tools and flamethrowers. Sounds pretty sick. Yeah, only went over there a couple of times. It was a weird vibe. Now it's like my friend. An infant baby that we had to take care of and look after as well. So the infant was also on the go-karts and around the flamethrowers and the power tools, but we kept it safe. That's good. That's good. We were like, hey, baby, why don't you check out this sick butterfly knife trick? Hey, baby, do some barks for us. Hey, baby, want to check out this sick knife? Hey, baby, let's go do a donut in the golf cart. Yeah, no, they had it like a, it was like a buggy. It was like, no, it was like a dune buggy. Like it was like a fully motorized vehicle. And we were just whipping it around at like 13. Yeah, I expect, but everyone, that's the end of our stories for today. If you enjoyed it, please let us know. We'll do more of just like this. So if you love us, make sure to subscribe. We love you and see you tomorrow. No gloss, no filter, just stories, spoken without fear. A person who is not generous cannot be an artist. The world will be at peace only when it is ruled by poets and philosophers. Listen to my weekly podcast, the Pooja Bhat Show on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Come for the honesty. Stay for the fire. You know what you're getting with a wedding? Wedding hats. A baby in a waistcoat crying throughout the vows. Themed tables. Awkward best man speech. The plus one. Hello. People dancing in a circle. Ruin drental suit. Sometimes in life, you just know what you're getting, like a luxury bed and a great night's sleep. You know what you're getting with Premier Inn. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.