Jelly Beans vs. Beans: a flavorful debate

Hi friends, you might have heard that Bark, Sandin and I are on the road this spring with brains on live. We've been to several cities so far and it has been so much fun. Our next two stops are Atlanta and Fort Lauderdale. That's at the end of March. Then we just announced that we added Lawrence, Kansas in May and Columbus, Ohio in June. We're also heading to Chattanooga, Durham, Milwaukee, Portland, Buffalo and Ann Arbor, Michigan. We hope you'll be able to join us at one of those shows. We can't wait to see you to get tickets and get more information. You can head to brainson.org slash events. That's brainson.org slash events. From the brains behind brains on, it's Smash Boom Best. The show for people with big opinions. Hi, I'm Otto Noldesalassie filling in for Molly Bloom and this is Smash Boom Best. The show where we take two things, smash them together and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's debate is a mouthwatering showdown between a colorful sweet treat and the goon of legumes. Put your hands together because it's jelly beans versus beans. We've got actor and writer Mike Cabalon here to fight for team beans. Beans, beans, they're good for your belly. They're better than beans that are made out of jelly. And comedian and photographer Ali Horman is here to defend the colorful confection for team jelly beans. I'm here for the colors of the rainbow and the flavors of the world because jelly beans rule and smelly beans drool. And here to judge it all is Riley from Columbia, Maryland. Riley loves to sing, solve crossword puzzles, and she's performed on Broadway. Hi, Riley. Hey. So Riley, tell us how you ended up on Broadway. So in Columbia, I'm part of a singing acting theater group called the Young Columbians. And a couple years ago, we were selected out of seven other groups across the nation to travel to New York and perform in the Arts for Autism benefit concert. We sang a medley from the musical Hair and then performed with the other groups in an opening and closing number and also did workshops around the city. Wow, that's really impressive. You mentioned you like crossword puzzles. When did you start solving those? Probably within this year. I just like to wake up on the weekends and I do the Saturday and the Sunday on the Washington Post. And then if I have time during the rest of the week, I do the other ones. Oh, wow. Any words of advice for our debaters? I guess be yourselves. And I like to take notes, so I will be taking notes. And yeah, I'm excited. Well, Riley side with Mike or Ally. Only time will tell. But first, Smash Boom Best is a nonprofit public radio program. That's right, Riley. Which means we rely on support from our listeners to keep the show going. There are lots of ways you can support the show. You can donate, become a smarty pass subscriber, or buy our merch. Like a Smash Boom Best hoodie, pencil pouch, or keychain. Head to smashboom.org to show your support. And thanks. Now on to the rules. Every debate consists of four rounds. The Declaration of Greatness, the Microwound, the Sneak Attack, and the Final Six. After each round, our judge, Riley, will award points to the team that impresses her the most. But she'll keep her decision's top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won. OK, Mike, Ally and Riley, are you ready? Absolutely. Yep. Born ready, baby. Perfect. Then it's time for the Declaration of Greatness. In this round, our debaters will present a well-crafted, immersive argument in favor of their side. Then they'll have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. We flip to coin and Mike, you're up first. Tell us why we should give a hoot over the magical fruit that is the bean. I could start my argument by telling you all about beans, but why don't we hear a story instead? We all know Jack and the Beanstalk. It begins with Jack on his way to the market. Pardon me. You there, young boy. What be your name, lad? Jack? And this is my old cow, Bessie. And what brings you to this part of the forest? Well, you see, sir, my mother and I were very poor. So my mother sent me to the forest. Well, you see, sir, my mother and I were very poor. So my mother sent me to the market to sell Bessie here. Hmm. You won't get much for that old cow at the market. I, on the other hand, would be willing to take her off your hands. Now, I haven't a gold coin to spare, but what I can offer is worth more than any precious stone or currency. What I am offering you is five magic beans. Wow. These are no ordinary beans, boy. These beans are magical. And when you plant them, you just ate the beans. Yep. Delicious and nutritious. Thanks. Here's your cow. See ya. Okay, so maybe that's not how Jack and the Beanstalk actually went, but it could have. Because Jack knew beans are good and good for you. They're chock full of fiber, protein, potassium, copper, folic acid, iron, magnesium, and vitamin B6. They can even help protect against heart disease, lower cholesterol, and lower blood sugar. In fact, beans are so good for you that they're one of the only foods the U.S. Department of Agriculture considers both a vegetable and a protein. Vegetables. Beans are vegetables. Ugh, nonsense. Beans are a protein. Just because they're full of protein doesn't make them a protein. If you ate a bunch of beans, I wouldn't call you a bean. Your brain is a bunch of beans. If you think anything that grows is automatically a vegetable, what about flowers? Enough, you two. There's no time to argue. Beans are both a protein and a vegetable. On top of being good for you, beans are just plain good. With over 10,000 varieties, beans can taste like anything. In Asia, sweetened red beans are commonly used in desserts. In the Middle East, garbanzo beans are ground up and turned into hummus. In the UK, some people eat beans on toast for breakfast. Whether they're sweet or savory, bean recipes show up in just about every country on earth. Another great thing about beans is that they're cheap, easy to cook, and they last a long time without expiring. For literal sense on the dollar, you can stock your pantry with dry or canned beans and have a nutritious meal ready to go, even in the toughest situations. Not only is it the zombie apocalypse, but I'm starving. Don't worry, I have this pantry full of beans. Oh, we're saved. Yeah, well, from hunger, I mean, there's still a horde of angry zombies out there. Oh right. Brains. Okay, so beans can't solve all your problems, but they'll definitely keep you going. Beans are packed full of nutrients, and they're one of the most versatile ingredients in the kitchen. I've gotta agree with Jack here. Magical or not, beans are the best. That might be one of the best declarations of greatness that's ever bean. Riley, what stood out to you about Mike's declaration of greatness? I liked that part where it was talking about how beans are both veggies and proteins, and it was kind of a debate within a debate. I thought that was really funny. Oh wow, you're absolutely right. That's very meta. I really like that. Okay, Ali, it's time for your rebuttal. Tell us why the bean is so mean. You've got 30 seconds, and your time starts now. I love the idea that beans are healthy, but none of that sounded like any fun. Are you kidding me? Chaos giant, zombie apocalypse? All of that is not anything good you're ushering into the world. Not to mention, beans make you stink. And if you want something that's full of fiber and vitamins, you can have potatoes. And those you can mash them, stick them in a stew, like the way you should. I really think that beans should be colorful and fun and not just boring. Wow. Wow. Beans make you stink? Well, at least beans don't make you tired like jelly beans do. That sugar crash? After you have a handful of jelly beans? No thank you. I'll take regular beans any day. Ooh, good point. Okay, it's your turn, Ali. Tell us why jelly beans are more than just an Easter treat. Once upon a time, it was the Easter Bunny's first day on the job. And he had no idea what he was doing. I don't want to get fired like the flag day flamingo and the Halloween hippo. I gotta put something amazing in these kids' Easter baskets. But what? Pebbles? Rubber bands? He opened his cupboard. Or maybe beans? It was the best idea he could come up with, so that night he opened a bunch of cans and hopped around, slapping the beans into kids' baskets. In the morning, when the kids awoke, a giant cry erupted. Boop, boop, boop, boop. Shoot, nobody liked my beans. But the parents forced their kids to eat them. And then a few hours later, a different sound erupted. The smell was outrageous. Darn you, Easter Bunny. These are horrible. We hate beans. The Easter Bunny felt bad. If only there was a bean that tasted amazing and didn't make you fart. Hold up. There is jelly beans. So next Easter, he tried out his idea and when the children awoke. OMG, thank you, Easter Bunny. I love jelly beans. They're so much better than beans. The bunny kept his job and cried tears of joy. I love you jelly beans. The end. Jelly beans. They're sweet, they're fun. You can share them with your friends and play games like, guess how many jelly beans are in that jar? Or guess that flavor, where you can close your eyes, pop a jelly bean in your mouth and try and figure out what you're tasting. You could also use jelly beans to make shiny, colorful art. I've seen amazing jelly bean portraits of everyone from Harry Potter to Elvis. And sure, you can use regular beans for some of these activities, but those drab colors don't inspire fun. Jelly beans bring people together. Beans push them apart. You don't come near me. If you like sweet, predictable goodness, stick with the classic flavors, cherry, root beer, cream soda, tangerine, green apple, lemon, licorice, and grape. If you're a thrill seeker, dive into a bag of more adventurous tastes. There are over 100 flavors to choose from. From toasted marshmallow to limeade, to rotten egg, to barf. Jelly beans are a flavor adventure. Meanwhile, regular beans need help to taste like anything at all. Ugh! These beans are bland. Pass the salt. Or even better, pass the jelly beans. Jelly beans have also been enjoyed in some seriously surprising places. For example, some say they were first enjoyed by soldiers during the Civil War. Need a boost? Celebrate your strength and vigor with jelly beans. They've also been enjoyed by astronauts in outer space. I never thought being an astronaut could get any cooler. Until I started eating jelly beans in space. Watch me catch them in my mouth as I float. And if that wasn't enough, just look at them. When I grab a handful, it's like holding a rainbow in my palm. Neon pink and grass green. Pumpkin orange and Robin's egg blue. They're a vision to behold. Jelly beans are sweet and gorgeous. They bring people together and they're a flavor-packed adventure. No wonder they've been snacked on in space and cherished by children. Plus, they rescued the Easter Bunny from a professional disgrace. Right, Bun Bun? Yes, ma'am. Jelly beans saved my tuchess. Now, I don't know what to do with all these Kansas regular beans. You want some, Allie? No, no, no. I'll stick to jelly beans. Thank you. What a gaseous declaration of greatness. So, Riley, what did you think about Allie's declaration of greatness? Any moments in our argument really stand out? I just keep thinking about how she mentioned the rotten egg jelly bean because I've had that when I played that game with my cousins where the two beans are the same color, but one of them tastes good and one of them tastes bad. Now, I'll take your word for it. That sounds like a lot of fun. Okay, Mike, it's time for your rebuttal. Tell us why jelly beans are candy for no dandy. You've got 30 seconds and go. Okay, here we go. So, your first argument is that jelly beans are good for Easter. What about everyone else on Earth who doesn't celebrate Easter? You know who can enjoy regular beans? Jewish people, Muslim people, atheists, agnostics, everyone else on Earth. Okay, so you can play bean games with jelly beans. You can play all that stuff with beans too. Same with the taste test. Making a collage. You said that regular beans have drab colors. We got red beans. We got black beans. We got white beans. We got green beans. You name a color. We got a bean for it. Wow. I had more. I had more. I could have kept going. I just think that Mike needs to up his level of whimsy in his life and less concrete and more in the clouds. All right, Riley, give one point to the Declaration of Greatness you like best and one point to the rebuttal that won you over. You get to decide what makes a winning argument. Did one team's jokes make you giggle? Was another team's logic impeccable? Award your points, but don't tell us who it's going to. Have you made your decision? Yes. Excellent. Allie and Mike, how are you two feeling so far? Confident. If you could see me right now, I'd be cracking my knuckles. Ooh, I like that. Confident in cracking one's knuckles. Okay, it's time for a quick break. Look for the Easter Bunny and frugal old man. And we'll be right back with more Smash Boom Best. You're listening to State of Debate, home to rage and rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation. This is the list flashed to me, Taylor Lincoln, alongside my sparkling clean bud, Todd Douglas. Say, is that a pair of vacuum cleaners you're holding above your head, Todd? Hi, Taylor. It sure is. I use two so that I can clean the ceiling at lightning speed. Phew. Now the only thing left is my double-handed super spinning full room mopping. I love to clean, too. Instead of rooms, I like to clean up bad arguments, especially when there are logical fallacies in the mix. Oh, a logical fallacy. That's when someone makes a bad argument that's easy to defeat. It is. And the other day, I overheard a real messy one. Let's take a listen. Hi, welcome to Sergeant Sloppy's Slop-Tacular Slop Straunt. Our food is sloppy and rude. Can I please take your order? Yes, I'll have the chili cheese slop dog, extra slop sauce, with a side of slop fries. But hold the onions, please. Anything else? Do you think I could get some extra napkins with this? I mean, it feels like it might get kind of sloppy. Ooh, no can do. No extra napkins, but why not? If I give you more paper napkins, then everyone will want extra napkins, and then they might have to cut down whole forests to make more. And there wouldn't be any more trees in the world. So, I'm sorry I have to say no to extra napkins. Whoa, clean up in the debate aisle. Indeed a Mundo, Todd, old pal. That was a real sloppy argument. That cashier was using the slippery slope fallacy. That's where someone claims that a small action will lead to a huge outcome. It's messy because it exaggerates what might happen without any evidence. Well, I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm suddenly craving slop dogs. Me too. Let's not get them to go, though. I wouldn't want to get any on this newly cleaned ceiling. Thanks. We'll see you next time on... State of the Week! Brains On Universe is a family of podcasts for kids and their adults. Since you're a fan of Smash Boom Best, you'll love the other shows in our universe. Come on, let's explore. It's Alien Exercise Hour. Hi-yah! Well, I stretch my snoodles and bounce on my trampolini. I'll listen to a new podcast. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I'm going to try Brains On! The best science podcast ever! It's starting. Yay. Hello and welcome to Pop Planet, the only show that gets you up close and personal with space. I'm your host, StarEden. Zorp! Come back here, podcast! Must listen to Brains On now! Listen to Brains On wherever you get your podcasts. Best. Smash. Smash Boom Best. You're listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Adon Woldeselassie. And I'm your judge, Riley. And we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Take a listen to this debate idea from Bethany. My name is Bethany from Tennessee. My idea for a battle is nerve guns versus water guns. Let's give this debate a shot! We'll check back in at the end of this episode to see which side Bethany thinks should win. And now it's back to our debate, jelly beans versus beans. That's right. And it's time for round two, the... Micro round. For the Mic Round Challenge, each team has prepared a creative response to a prompt they received in advance. For Mike and Allie, the prompt was short story. We asked you two to write a short story about your side. Mike went first last time, so Allie, you're up. Tell us a tale about your tiny treat. Oh, look! A bridge! I'll just skip across here and... Hello there. I'm a bridge fairy. And you must answer my riddle before you can pass. Shouldn't you be a troll? Do I look like a troll to you? No, sorry. So the riddle? Oh yeah. What takes three weeks to create but seconds to destroy? Its countless colors and flavors have brought 150 years of joy. No clue. Did you just hit me with jelly beans? Yes! Because that's the answer. Jelly beans. They take weeks to make. Come with me on a magical, rainbow-flavored journey to learn more. Do I have to? If you don't, I will turn you into a can of beans. Hodge but fair. We start in commercial kitchens where food scientists stir together sugar, water, fruit pectin, and flavoring to cook for almost 12 hours. Shouldn't there be magical creatures or something? What? Like Sasquatch in a hair net? Come on! This is modern candy making. Good point. Next, the sugar mix is poured carefully into molds of cornstarch so they can dry for 24 to 72 hours to make the chewy center. That's my favorite part. Dude, same! Next, the jelly bean centers come to rotating drums where they are tumbled and coated in colors and more flavor. This is how you get the crunchy outsides. Wow. So much goes into making these tiny, delicious beans. I feel like such a garbanzo for not knowing this. They are carefully crafted treats that take seconds to eat. Okay, now you can cross the bridge, but watch out for trolls. Cool. Wait, trolls! What a fairy tale. Mike, now it's your turn. Tell us your bean-filled story. Once upon a time, there was a bean who really wanted to be a jelly bean. He was so jealous of how jelly beans always got passed out at Halloween and how everybody seemed to love them. I'm just a plain old bead, he lamented. So one day, he visited a wizard chef. He said, Oh wizard chef, will you please turn me into a jelly bead? The chef thought for a moment, then said, Yes, just soak yourself in this magical pot of water for three days and three nights. And when you awaken, you will have everything you desire. So the bean hopped into the pot and fell into a deep slumber. And when he awoke, he felt different. He felt like a butterfly ready to emerge from its cocoon. He was practically leaping with excitement to show off his new jelly bean form. And sure enough, when he climbed out of the pot, he was the talk of the town. Everybody loved him. Everybody wanted a taste. For the first time in his life, he felt popular. He had finally gotten everything he ever wanted. But when he passed a mirror, he saw that he wasn't a jelly bean at all. Where's my brightly colored candy coating? He shouted in horror. He was still just a regular bean. So he asked the wizard chef, why did you lie to me? The chef laughed and replied, I didn't lie to you, little bean. Don't you see you had it inside of you all along. You don't need to be a jelly bean to be loved. You're nutritious, versatile, and perfect just the way you are. And so the beans smiled and lived happily ever after. The end. Oh my goodness, what a tasty tale. Thank you so much. Okay Riley, what did you like about Mike and Allie's micro rounds? I don't know, they were really fun. I liked about the jelly beans one. I liked how it talked about the creation of the jelly beans. I thought that was really cool. And then the beans one, I just very much empathized with that bean character. That lonely little bean, I thought that was a very nice story. Sure, sure. We can all relate to the lonely little bean. Exactly. It's time to award a point, but don't tell us who you're voting for. Riley, have you made your decision? Yes. Fantastic. Then it's time for our third round, the super stealthy... Sneak attack. This is our improvised round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. Today's sneak attack is called 3 2 1 list off. In this challenge, Allie and Mike go back and forth listing off different varieties of flavors of jelly beans and beans until one of them runs out of ideas. We'll give you to the count of three to come up with something. If you can't say something before time runs out, game over. Does that make sense? Yes. Yes. Perfect. Allie went first in our last round, so Mike, you'll kick it off. So on your mark, get set, go! Pinto beans. Grape. Chickpeas. Cherry. Soy beans. Buttered popcorn. Black-eyed peas. Root beer float. Broad beans. Earwax. That's not real. Okay, okay, okay. Cannellini beans. Lime. Black beans. Blueberry. Butter beans. Cotton candy. Kidney beans. Lemon lime. Borlotti beans. Barf. Gigantes. Sour apple. Lime beans. Limeade. Lentils. Lentils or beans. Licorice. Anasazi beans. Tangerine. Garbanzos? Did I ever say that one? That's game. Yes! Wow. Wow, I really thought I had that one in the bag. Yeah, you guys are going back and forth. That was impressive. Allie, I gotta say, I really thought you were scraping the bottom of the barrel when you said Barf. I was trying to find things that would throw Mike off his game. Sure, sure. Barf really did it. Yeah, Barf will really throw you off your game. All right, Riley, think about which side impressed you the most and award your fourth point. But don't tell us who you're giving it to. Have you made your decision? Yes. Perfect. Then it's time for our final round. The Final Six. In this round, each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. All right, Allie, let's hear your six words that prove jelly beans are the sweet treat that can't be beat. Slow and steady wins the taste. Lovely. Okay, Mike, it's your turn. Give us your six words proving the power of beans. Beans are actual food, not chemicals. Ooh, a thinker. I like that. Okay, it's time to award a point for the Final Six. Riley, have you made your decision? Yes. Are you ready to crown one team the Smash Boom Best? Yes, I am. Drum roll, please. And the winner is... Beans. Yes! Riley. Wow, I really thought I lost it there with the back and forth, but I'm glad we prevailed today. Oh my gosh. So Riley, was there a moment that decided things for you? I don't know if there was one moment. It was kind of split. It was three, two in the points. Wow. Right down to the wire. Wait, what was the final point? The final point went to Jelly Beans for the Final Six. Mike, I really appreciated the effort you put into not only knowing your beans, but knowing the value of them. It's very kind of you, thank you. Allie, I think you're right. I do need a little bit more whimsy in my life, a little less concrete, a little more head in the clouds. So thank you for encouraging me to reach higher. Anytime. And that's it for today's debate battle. Riley Crown beans the Smash Boom Best. But what about you? Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think won. Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On and APM Studios. It's produced by me, I don't know the salassee. Molly Bloom. And Anna Wegel. We had engineering help from Evan Clark, Jake Cherry, and Vince Armstrong. But sound design by me, our editors are Shayla Farzane. And Sandin Tot. With Mac checking by Rebecca Rand. And Ruby Guthrie. And we had production help from the rest of the Brains On Universe team. Rosie Dupont. Rachel Brees. Anna Goldfield. Nico Gonzalez-Whistler. Ruby Guthrie. Lauren Humphert. Joshua Ray. Rebecca Rahn. Mark Sanchez. And Charlotte Traver. Our executive producer is Beth Perlman. And the APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati and Joanne Griffith. Our announcer is Marley Foyer-Worker Otto. And we want to give a special thanks to Luna, Lulu, Austin Cross, and Taylor Kaufman. Mike, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to today? I would like to shout out the inspiration for the voice of the bean in my short story and the best dog in the whole world, Cosmo. Aw. How about you, Ellie? Any shout outs? I would like to shout out my three sons, Soren, Jude, and Axel, and also Caleb and Maya Gouy, who listened to this podcast with us. And do you want to give any special thanks, Riley? I'd like to thank my family and special shout out to the cast of Legally Blonde at my high school. Aw, that's so sweet. Before we go, let's check in and see who Bethany thinks should win, the Nerf gun versus water gun debate. I think Nerf guns would win because you don't have to have a water source. If you're between the ages of 13 and 18 and you'd like to be a judge, or if you're any age and you have an idea for a knock down drag out debate, head to smashboom.org slash contact and drop us a line. And make sure to subscribe to Brains On Universe on YouTube, where you can watch animated versions of some of your favorite episodes. We'll be back with a new Smash Bros. Best debate next week. Forts versus Puzzles. Bye-bye! See you later! Goodbye! Bye! Oh, yeah, the Smash Bros. Oh, better than the rest It's the Smash Bros. It's the Smash Bros.