1416 - Frank 11 | Read With Me | SWM+ Sneak Peek

from PRX. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and friends beyond the binary. It's time for a podcast. I was going to record an intro for another. This is a super meta, but I was going to record an intro for one type of episode. And then I just thought, has there ever been a spinoff of this old house called This Old boat. And then I said, I don't remember one. And I said, well, better do an episode about it then. Cause that sounds like incredibly like in sleep with me ask. So probably at some point, like in the, you know, 20 minutes from now, I may be talking about this old boat. Uh, but I'll probably talk about it sooner. And then I'll go off time. You see, never even mentioned boats or old boats at all, Scoots. And I'd say, Scoots, what's your favorite old boat? And I'd say, well, the boat in Falcon and the Winter Soldier, but I wanted to see it. You know, a lot of people said, well, I want that Bucky cut with Bucky and Sarah, but I want to see the boat cut. Like, I want to see that boat like out in the ocean or the harbor, I believe. and I wanted to see if it was named or renamed to something because I say, well, I have a couple ideas from the arc of the season. So anyway, but what am I talking about? It's time for Sleep With Me podcast to put you to sleep. Hey, everybody, this is Scoots. This is where I normally do these pitches for Sleep With Me Plus, but instead I'm doing this listening campaign to get a better understanding of regular listeners who have never supported the show and who haven't decided not to support the show. Because last year I heard from a lot of people who aren't in the business to support the show and a lot of people who say, I just don't support podcasts or I just don't want to support Sleep With Me. But I haven't heard from most of the people that listen regularly. So I'd love to hear from you. and just kind of trying to figure out the feel, get a better sense of things, you know. So if you've ever heard me asking for support and you said, man, I don't need more, this free version always works, or I don't need bonus content, this version of the podcast is good. I'm curious, like, more of the feelings or the sense, like, behind, it sounds like a hassle, or more, or what do I even get? Does it sound like more work or extra effort? Like more overwhelm? Something you'd have to manage? Or some other feelings or some other sense I don't even know about? If you want to let me know, it's optional, but be a huge help. You could do so at sleepwithmepodcast.com slash listen. Oh, mystery bard. A lot of people help out on the show. Who are they? I'll make it perfect You see the kindness shine straight on through When the listeners form their own Facebook group Keith, Stacy, Sarah, Julie, and Jennifer These are your non-a-raiders Get support, dear scooter, on Patreon Buy the merch and support the sponsors You can find anything you want At sleepwithmepodcast.com And we're so proud that we could dance Rusty biscuit, Lois Anna like banana Leah does the transcripts Thanks Mystery Bard You should gift yourself the gift of sleep phones With Sleep With Me Sleep With Me branded sleep phones We've got a few different ones And you can get those at sleepwithmepodcast.com Slash sleep phones That's the only place you can get the sleep with me versions Of sleep phones Sleepwithmepodcast.com Slash sleep phones And use the promo code sleepwithme At checkout to get a discount. That's sleepwithmepodcast.com slash sleep phones and use sleep with me at checkout. Thanks everybody. What do you say we get on with the show? Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble, getting to sleep trouble, staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it's a bedtime story. All you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I'm going to do the rest. What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever is keeping you awake. Whether it's thoughts or feelings or physical sensations. So things on your mind, maybe from the past, the present, or the future. or that are just, you know, they're popping up. It could be physical sensations. It could be emotions or feelings. It could be a change in your schedule or your routine or your work or you maybe just work a second or third shift or one of the many other shifts I've invented. Whatever it is, it sounds like you're here because you need some company in the deep, dark night, and that's really what I'm here for. I'm here to keep you company. I'm so glad you're here and to take your mind off stuff while you fall asleep. And so what I'm trying to establish, I guess, is a safe place where you don't need, where you feel comfortable enough not to listen to me. And believe me, if you listen to me for more than five minutes, you say, oh, wait, you're right. I don't really need to. And I'd say it's fine because your first reaction might be, well, he's not making any sense. Should I listen till he starts? And I say, no, no, no need to listen to me at all. You can listen. So here's the thing. I got this safe place. I'm going to smooth it. I'm going to pad it. I'm going to rub it down. Then I'm going to send my voice across the deep, dark night. I'm going to use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. Creaky, dulcet tones, a little bit different than what you expect. They may take some getting used to. But for the regular listeners, they say, okay, I did need something a little bit different. And you say, Scoots, you're more than a little bit different. And I'd say, yeah, aren't we all? Oh, so shall we all, or whatever. They so say we all are a little bit different, and that's so good. Also, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. It means I'm going to get mixed up. I'm going to use filler words, go off topic, keep rambling, get lost in my own ovular logic. They called it circuitous logic, but I said, mine's more ovular or ellipsis. Like I say, is that an ellipsis? Did my brain just go in an ellipsis? And they say, no, I think that was an eclipse. They'd say hardy, hard, hard brain. so if you're new I want to give you some information up front because it's my job to kind of earn your trust and to make you feel comfortable so if you're doubtful or skeptical first thing first that's totally normal and and should be expected I'd say bravo because you've probably been tossing and turning and tried other stuff and you know you like it's vulnerable listening to a sleep podcast. Now, I will tell you, this podcast does not work for everybody. Probably doesn't even work for the majority of people that try it, but I really do hope it works for you. There are a lot of other sleep podcasts you can check out at sleepwithmepodcast.com slash no thank you. But I can tell you, I've been doing this show, But when I record this, I've recorded over a thousand episodes, and most listeners that became regular listeners over the years, since 2013, there's people that have been listening that whole time. They said, yeah, it took two or three tries for me to get used to you, or it took me listening once, strongly disliking the podcast, coming back a few months later, giving it another try. So just kind of see how it goes. That's one thing. And we say, well, that's really a way to sell your podcast. I say, well, it's the truth, right? But there's even more stuff you probably want to know if you're new. And if you're a regular listener, what up? How about that? This was supposed to be a one-kind episode, and now we're going to talk about old boats maybe. I don't even know, will this be a personal essay-style episode, or what am I going to be talking about? Uh, so, okay. So the, um, oh, but, oh, so if you're new though, oh, what are other things, you know, one, I make this show for two reasons. I've been there tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble, getting to sleep, trouble, staying asleep. I got all of those and I know how it feels there in the deep, dark night. So that's the first part. The second thing is that you deserve a good night's sleep. Your sleep is important, and you deserve a place you could rest in a bedtime that you don't dread, a bedtime that you feel neutral about. You say, well, at least I got that sleep podcast to listen to. He'll be goofing around. And how did he miss that? The name, how did he not see the, maybe he didn't watch the post-credits, credits, post-credits scene on Falcon and Winter Soldier to see the boat out in the ocean. But, you know, or maybe, I don't know. But so, oh, what was my point? Oh, you deserve a good night's sleep. And if you can get the sleep you need, maybe you could, you know, your life's a little bit easier. Maybe you're a little bit more engaged. Maybe you can be in a place where you could flourish. And if your life's better, everybody's life's better. It's just a real fact. Some people dismiss that. But if your life's a little bit better, if you're a little bit rested, our world really is a better place. so that's why I make the show other things to know if you're new that really throw new listeners off oh this is a podcast you don't really listen to you just kind of barely pay attention to it that can be really hard at first to kind of passively listen to someone rambling and you might be wondering when does it get started or where is this thing going I'd say well it's not going anywhere and it already started it already started and stopped a few times so just kind of consume it like you would if you're looking at clouds or listening to something in the back like i don't know for me it's like sports uh you see like sometimes not recently but i want to start putting baseball on again and not paying attention i gotta i gotta start listening to baseball in the background again so i cannot pay attention but it soothes me or train videos on YouTube, but during the day, I need a lot of soothing. And that was one thing I was using in late 2020 and early 2021. So this podcast is kind of like that. Something to have in the background to keep you company. It also does not put you to sleep. It keeps you company while you drift off. I take your mind off stuff. That's why the episodes are over an hour. So you have plenty a time to fall asleep. And if you can't sleep, I'm here. My job is to keep you company whether you're listening or not. So if you're listening and you need me, I'm going to be here too. I don't even know what I'll be talking about, but I'll be present here for you because that's important. That's really the whole show. Other things, if you're new, they can throw you off is the structure of the show. And the show is structured very intentionally to meet our goals, to help as many people to be there for free twice a week and to kind of help ease people into bedtime. So the show starts off with a greeting so you feel welcome and seen. Then there's listener support. Then there's sponsors and support for the show. That's how we put it out twice a week. Then there's the intro. The intro is usually, I've been trying to get them in around 12 minutes, but they always seem to go a bit longer. So the intro is between 10 and 20 minutes long. And the intro is really a show within a show to ease you into bedtime. So you could start winding down. And you can, as you become a regular listener, you can kind of figure out what works best for you. but what works for getting used to the show is like if the first few times is maybe putting the show on as you're getting ready for bed or as you're doing something wind down activity even if it's making your bed or drawing or you know looking through a magazine i don't know people like i don't know people don't do that anymore but you know knitting or you're just sitting around chilling. And so the intro just gives you a little bit of distance from the day. And I don't know, regular listeners, there's a small percentage of people that skip the intros. And there's this percentage of listeners that fall asleep during the intros. But for the most part, the listeners are either in bed getting comfortable or doing something else to chill out and wind down. So that's why the intro is like 10 to 20 minutes long. The variety is just my inability to be concise and to go on rambles. You never know. I say, well, I could plan out 10 minutes and talk for 25. And that kind of serves the purpose of the show. That's where my natural skill set comes in of not being able to get to the point. So that's the intro. Then there's business between the intro and the show. Those are the sponsors that enable us to be here for you twice a week for free. Then there'll be a story. Tonight, I guess it'll be a story about this old boat. I don't know if it'll be this old boat or this old boat because I haven't recorded it yet, but I'm excited now. I don't know, like Bob V. Oh, I can't even say it. Bob V. You see, those are the words I can't pronounce. Via, right? Bob V. Via. Via. Like, blah. Bob V. Via. I don't think people would say villa, but it's Bob Villa. Villa? I don't know. Bob Villa. Well, so I thought that would be easier for me to say, but apparently my mouth can't say it. So that's easy to avoid. I said we'll probably be overusing that term, but not if we can't say it. So we'll talk about that. And then there's some thank yous at the end of the show. So that's how the show works. that's why it's here for you and that's kind of what you expect you're just rambling in a friendly voice in the deep dark night to keep you company take your mind off stuff I'm really glad you're here I really work hard on this show I yearn and I strive I really want to help you fall asleep and these are the ways I'm able to be here for you for free twice a week hey everybody this is Scoots this is where I normally try to get people to support the show at Sleep With Me Plus but I'm trying to change things up because requests for support have not been – they're just to kind of try – like, I don't know. What I'm doing is not working, right? So I got some questions. You could answer them. You could think about them, or you don't need to, though. Like when you think about supporting the show or me saying, hey, can you support the podcast in the varying degrees of intensity I tend to ask? Like, does that feel like one more decision you have to make at the end of a long day or something you don't want to see? You're like, I'm just here to go to sleep, right? Like, I don't want to think about how to make this show sustainable. Or is it something else? And I don't know. I'm trying to figure out what I'm missing, right? That's if you're a regular listener, right? The podcast changes your life for the better. and you've never let me know about this. Because last year, tons of people let me know. They said, I can't afford to support the show or I just don't support podcasts. But I haven't heard from listeners like you that are regular listeners. You've never supported the show, but you've never said, I'm not going to support the show. So if you do want me to listen and I could get to know things a little bit better, you can fill out the form at slithamaypodcast.com slash listen thanks friends beyond the binary ladies gentlemen boys and girls this is the second time you get to hear me say that welcome because this episode is constructed uh from uh intro from the past and our read with me uh episodes here uh it's a frankie and victor episode with our friend Frank and his uh it could keep it like uh so this is me I'm reading from the book uh Victor and Frankie also known as a famous Mary Shelley novel and this is a little bit different than episodes we done it with Sleep Me but we tested this out on Sleep With Me Plus It was so popular we wanted to bring it to everyone So it's me reading through a book, also paraphrasing, making stuff sleepy. But it's not perfectly sleepy. I mean, just like everything else we make, you know. It exists within this world, but it's pretty chill. So I hope you enjoy it. And without further ado, more of Victor and Frankie. Thanks, everybody. Chapter 21. I was soon introduced into the presence of the magistrate, an old benevolent man with calm and mild manners. He looked upon me, however, with some degree of severity. and then turning towards my conductors he asked who appeared as witnesses on this occasion about a half a dozen people came forward and one being selected by the magistrate he deposed that he had been out fishing the night before with his son and brother-in-law Daniel Nugent When about ten o'clock they observed a strong northerly wind rising And they accordingly put in for port It was a very dark night as the moon had not yet risen They did not land at the harbor But as they had been accustomed At a creek about two miles below He walked on at first carrying a part of the fishing tackle And his companions followed him at some distance As he was proceeding along the sands, he struck his foot against something and fell at his length on the ground. His companions came up to assist him, and by the light of their lantern, they found a cute, cute, cute sleeping person snuggled up so they could not see them. And even with the tripping, this person did a thing with their mouth. but they were still deep, deep asleep. Their first supposition was that it was someone from the town that had been partying too hard. And then on examination, they said, wait a second, these clothes are not from our town. Never seen clothes like this before, except from people visiting or people that just had gone shopping, but no one that we could think of had been on a trip. and so we saw and said well that's weird and they couldn't wake we tried to wake the person up and said hey bub hey who are you hey where are you but they didn't wake up and we thought even though the sand is soft I don't know we scooped them up because they were so cute and they were going booby doo booby doo booby doo booby doo booby doo so we scooped them up and brought them to the home of a woman nearby and endeavored in vain to make them comfortable. It was a handsome man. We could see a young man about five and 20 years of age. And he still was like, he's still saying cutesy words in his sleep. But something on the look on his face made us all gather around him. because it looked like he had to do giant handprints on his clothing, like someone had patted his shoulders in a greeting of goodbye. And I don't know, the person went on and on and on like that, but I stopped listening. Maybe it was that they mentioned that he was a handsome young man. I started to think about myself. so the rest part of the deposition well that part I wasn't even listening to either until the big hands patted on the shoulder because the hands were huge the hands were huge and they kind of looked like they were made of tree branches or something I said wait a second also a lot of leaves including leaves we don't have like leaves everywhere stuck to his clothes. And I said, leaves everywhere. And leaves that aren't even from the area. And I started to think about, you know what I'm saying? And I started to get a little chill. And a mist came over my eyes, which obliged me to lean on a chair for support. The magistrate observed me with a keen eye and, of course, drew an unfavorable augury from my manner. Then the guy's kid confirmed his father's account, but when Daniel Nugent was called, he swore positively that just before his companion tripped over the sleeping person, he saw a boat with a single man in it at a short distance from the shore. And as far as he could judge by the light of a few stars, it was the same boat in which I had just landed. Then a woman deposed that she lived near the beach And was standing at the door of her cottage Waiting for the return of the fisher people And about an hour before this whole tripping over the sleeping guy She saw a boat with only one man in it push off from that part of the shore Like they dropped off their sleeping companion or something Then another woman confirmed the account of the fisher people having brought, like, this was the woman whose house it was, this sleeping dude into their house. And they put him in bed, and they rubbed him, and they made hot drinks for him. And Daniel went into town to see if, because he said, maybe we need something with more caffeine to wake him up. And they tried everything, tickling, pinching, singing, loudly clapping to wake him up. And there's plenty of other people that came up concerning my landing in the boat, and they agreed upon that with the strong north wind that had arisen during the night, it was very possible, probably even, that I had been out in the water for many hours and had been obliged to return to the very same spot from which I had departed. Besides, they observed that it had appeared that I was the one who dropped my sleeping friend off from another place. And it was likely that as I did, it did not appear. I didn't know the shore, right? And I might have put into the harbor, ignorant of the distance of the town from the place where I put my sleeping friend. And Mr. Kerwin, on hearing this evidence, desired that I should be taken into another room where the sleeping person was, that I might be observed spending time with the sleeping person, if it was my friend or not, and to see how I'd react. Now, this idea was probably suggested because I was already irritable, you know, like I couldn't hide it. You know, especially when they talked about the giant handprints and all those leaves. They'd probably never seen a person become agitated by the mention of being covered in leaves. So as accordingly conducted by the magistrate and several other persons to the inn, I could not help but being surprised by the strange coincidences that had taken place during this eventful night. But knowing that I had been conversing with several persons in the island I had inhabited about that time, the sleeping person had been discovered. See, I wasn't worried. I was perfectly tranquil as the consequences of the affair. I didn't have a word. You know, I said, it wasn't me, but I don't know anybody that fell asleep. I didn't drop any sleeping people off. show me a law against dropping your sleeping friends off anyway. But I didn't speak any of this because I didn't feel I needed to. That was until I entered the room where the sleeping person lay and I was led up to them. And I could hear clearly that they were instead of saying googly, googly, goo, they were saying goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. And how can I describe my sensations on hearing that clearly and beholding what I would assume, which I was beholding? I feel yet parched right now to speak on, nor can I reflect on the moment, even now, without getting a chill. The examination, the presence of the magistrate and the witnesses passed like a dream from my memory When I saw who was sleeping And I understood what they were saying Because it was Henry Clerval snuggled up before me I gasped for breath and then I leapt to his bedside and took him up in my arms And I exclaimed, wake up, wake up, my Henry. Oh, my Henry, do not say goodbye in your sleep. Do not tell me no with woe. You are journeying through the dream world and across to another realm. Please, Henry, you know, don't go to your dreams because I thought I was your dream. This has happened many times before recently And I know you think you're probably And then Henry even said As soon as I see my friends As soon as I see my friends I know they await you, dear Henry But what about me? Clerval, my friend, my benefactor Carrier of, you know, slowing me down Or speeding me up unnecessarily You know, outgoing when I didn't want to be and introverted when I wanted to be extroverted. I couldn't stand up even, and they didn't understand what I was talking about, so they carried me out of the room. And then I caught a cold, I guess, maybe something like it. And I just kept talking. I kept thinking I could give in, talk Henry out of it. And I guess this went on for two months of me going on and on and on. As afterwards, I heard it was very confusing. And I talked about William and Justine and Corville saying I was the one who they were walking away from. And it must be me and my fault that they walked through their dreams to another realm. Now, luckily, I had a lot of attendants, so sometimes I intrigued my attendants to help me track down who had planted this seed, you know. Who was the whisperer of the dreamwalkers who would leave this realm? Help me find him. He's a leaf-based being. Other times I felt like the leaf, then I said, you know, I would say to them, I'm covered in leaves. There's leaves all about. But here the branch is rustling. The branches are branches are calling. And most of the time, though, I spoke not in their language. So Mr. Kerwin alone could understand me. But, you know, the way I was acting, even if you could understand me, it wasn't sensible. But it was even less sensible to them. It was sufficient to confuse every other witness to my behavior. And I kind of hoped I would get invited to join them That I said, please let me dream something sweet That my friends are asking me to join them But I didn't dream that So I was more miserable than any person ever The most miserable person in the world If they could have given an award Historically, it would have gone to me It should go to me I wished I could have rest Or drift into forgetfulness And I just thought of doting parents, my doting parents, many brides waiting for me Many youthful lovers that may have loved after me Picturing me in the bloom of health and hope But now, wishing I was in another realm Of what materials was I made that I could thus resist all these surprises I mean, even though I had woe, you know, wow, I was also impressed that despite my behavior, I could handle so much, which like the turning of the wheel continually renewed, you know, both my resilience, but my need for resilience. And so I was, you know, supposed to stick around, I guess, in this realm. And after two months, I found myself as awakening from a dream, lying in a room with a bed, not up to my standards at all, surrounded by people I didn't even know. I said, this place is not like, you call this an inn, man? Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin would I call this an inn. And it was morning. And this was when I woke to understanding. I'd forgotten the particulars of what had happened and only felt as if some great misfortune had suddenly overwhelmed me. But when I looked around and realized I wasn't free to go as I wished, I had no servants. And I said, this place is like not up to my standards. I said it already. all flashed across my memory and I groaned bitterly. Again, if they were to give out awards, worldwide awards for groans, mine would be in the top of historical groans, in my opinion. But my opinion could be judged against it. No other groan could hold up against mine. No other resilience against mine. But, oh, boy, this woman was sleeping nearby. My groaning, my great, great groaning woke her up. She worked there. She was actually the wife of the person that ran this facility. And I didn't want to judge her, but it looked like she spent a lot of time working. She hadn't had the luxury of servants. So, and I just sensed she was going to be rude to me. I was kind of judging her insides by her outsides And my experience Because you know some people have trouble sympathizing with a guy like me They don't have my resilience My ability to groan My ability to need to be resilient They don't understand what it's like to be me But the weirdest thing was her tone expressed Her entire indifference and she addressed me in English. And the voice that she used was recognized as one I had heard during the past months in the middle of my things. And she said, are you better now, sir? I replied in the same language with a feeble voice. I believe I am. But if it be all true, if indeed I did not dream, I wish I was still asleep and not so resilient as I am. For that matter, replied the woman, if you mean about that sleeping guy, I believe, and you wish you were sleeping. I fancy you're going to have to find a different outlook. However, that's none of my business. I'm sent to help you and help you get well. I do my duty with a safe conscience if it were well you know if everybody did that just took care of their own business and their side of the street it would be all well for everybody and I said this lady does not I turned away from her because I said what an unfeeling person to make a speech like that to someone like me what I had just been through didn't she know but I felt languid and unable to reflect on all that had passed even though I felt like she thought she knew everything and was judging me and that all her comments were directed directly at me with ill intent though I've been told they're not but the whole series of my life appeared to me as a dream I sometimes doubted if indeed it was all true for it never presented itself to my mind with the force of reality I mean how could someone achieve such great heights and such low lows? As for the images that floated before me more distinct, I got frowny, frowny, frowny, and no one was near me to soothe me with gentle voices of love. of no deer hand supported me. And somebody came in in the lab coat and said, okay, let's do this, this, and this. And the woman prepared things for me. But, you know, like I said, not many people know as much as I do. And I saw utter carelessness visible in this lab coat. And in the woman, I saw something, an expression trying to, She was trying to hide the visage that was full of scorn for me. Who could be interested in the fate of me, right? They had already said it was my fault my friend has sleeped and then said I'm going to keep asleep. But you may be judging me as they had unkindly, but these were just my first reflections. The full power of my mind had not yet come to fully awaken So I could process all of this And I'm giving you my story without too much editing So that was my first reflections But I soon learned that Mr. Kerwin was kind of kind Apparently this is the best room in the whole place by far And it wasn't great in my opinion But in the opinion of everybody else, this was as good as it got. And it was given to me. And they said, most of the time, you don't get a woman to sit at your bedside and be good for you or lab coat at all. Now, Kerwin, you know, if I keep in score, he didn't really come and check on me either, though. He ardently desired to relieve every frown of every person. But he just didn't want to listen to me talking nonstop Because people thought, like, I wasn't making sense anyway He came, therefore, to see that I wasn't, you know, like I was taken well care of His visits were short and with long intervals Now, one day while I was gradually recovering, I was seated in a chair My eyes half opened and my cheeks livid like how, you know, once again, overcome with gloom and misery. And I often reflected, you know, let me just sleep, sleep, sleep here. Because this world became, was more wretched every minute that went by. At one time, I considered whether I should not just, you know, say like, what was I going to say? Maybe I could just make something up. I mean, I thought about what was happening with Justine in the past and how she had been judged. And suddenly the door opened and Mr. Kerwin entered. His countenance expressed sympathy and compassion. He drew a chair close to mine and addressed me in French. I fear that this place is very shocking to you. Can I do anything to make you more comfortable? And I said, I thank you, but all that you mentioned is nothing to me. On the whole earth, there is no comfort which I am capable of receiving. I know that the sympathy of a stranger can be but little relief to one born down as you are by strange misfortune. But you will, I hope, soon quit this melancholy abode for this plenty to grant you the freedom to head out on your way. And I said, that is my least concern. I am, by course, a strange events. It's going to get worse for me. Probably the right. I don't know if they keep they should keep records of this, of all mortals. None have endured or will endure as much as I. Nothing indeed could be more unfortunate and frowny than the strange chances that have lately occurred. Seems like you just showed up here on the shore by accident You know, this island, we're renowned for our hospitality But this time we were not hospitable to you Oh, no, no, no, no And then you were shown that your friend was sleeping And you were the only one that realized they were headed to another realm and so strange that they should be the one here waiting for you, as if placed by someone in your path. As Mr. Kerwin said, this notwithstanding what I view in retrospect, I also felt considerable surprise at the knowledge he seemed to possess concerning me. I suppose some astonishment was exhibited in my countenance for Mr. Kerwin hastened to say, immediately upon your being taken under the weather, all papers that were on your person were brought to me. And I examined them that I might discover some trace by which I could send your relations an account of your misfortune and poor, poor, poor, poor, poor well-being. I found several letters and among others, one which I discovered from its commencement to be from your father. I instantly wrote to Geneva. Nearly two months have elapsed since the departure of my letter, but you're under the weather. Even now you seem not to be able to endure any agitation of any kind. Obviously, this man knew not my resilience. So I told him, this suspense is worse a thousand times, like you making me wait versus all the events. Tell me now what else has gone on that needs to make me frown, withhold nothing. Well, your family's perfectly well, said Mr. Kerwin with gentleness, and someone, a friend, has come to visit you. I know not by what the chain of thought that the idea presented itself, but it instantly darted into my mind that the leaf-based being was the guest he spoke of. And he wanted me to get back to work for him, as I had promised multiple times, but, you know, defied. And I put my hand before my eyes and said out, oh, take him away. I cannot see him. For God's sake, do not let him enter. Mr. Kerwin regarded me with a troubled countenance He could not help regarding my exclamation As a presumption of my non-well-being in a rather severe tone said I should have thought, young man That the presence of your father would have been welcome very much indeed Instead of inspiring such repugnance My father, I cried Every muscle in my body was relaxed at once I went from anguish to pleasure Is my father indeed come? How kind, how very kind But where is he? Why isn't he already here already? I mean, wait a second, he should be here right now before you My change of manner surprised and pleased the magistrate. Perhaps he thought that my former exclamation was a momentary return of my confusion. And now he instantly resumed his former benevolence. He rose and quitted the room with my nurse. And in a moment, my father entered it. Nothing at this moment could have given me greater pleasure than the arrival of my father. I stretched out my hand to him and cried, Are you then safe, Elizabeth, earnest? My father calmed me with assurances of their welfare and endeavored by dwelling on these subjects so interesting to my heart to raise my desponding spirits. But he soon got the sense that this room was dingy too, even for him, not an abode of cheerfulness. What a place this is that you inhabit, my son, he said, looking mournfully at the lack of accoutrement around me. Not even fresh flowers. And how many servants do you have here? There's not even a lake for you to go out on whenever you feel like it, right outside your door. Oh, my father said, you traveled to seek happiness, but, uh, unluck, uh, seems to pursue you. Uh, no wonder you need to be so resilient, uh, and poor Clerval, the name of my friend, uh, who was now sleeping in another realm, uh, really, I said, pop man, uh, dad, uh, Too much. Alas, yes, my father. Some destiny. I have a destiny of not, you know, not a good one. Not the destiny like destiny's childhood. More like destiny's headache for me. Hanging over me. But yet I must fulfill it. Otherwise, I'd be a slow. I tried to get an invite, and I couldn't even get one from anybody. to sleep in another realm. And we were not allowed to converse for any length of time, you know, because they couldn't see how resilient I was. They thought I needed constant tranquility. So Mr. Kerwin came in and insisted my strength should not be too exhausted by exertion. But the appearance of my father was to me like that of my good angel, and I gradually recovered my health. As my sickness quitted me, I was absorbed by a gloomy or gloomy melancholy that nothing could dissipate. I thought about all the good times I had with Clerval and all that Clerval had done for me. and the idea that he would prefer to be somewhere else than with me boggled my mind. More than once when I thought about it, like, wait a second. I mean, who's going to run? I need a friend that serves me, not just a servant who serves me. And this agitated me and reflections through me and people who were concerned, am I going on and on and on about it? They said, when I get like that, I say, alas, alas, alas, alack, alack, alack. But why did they preserve, you know, don't help me feel less miserable, I told them. This was my destiny. And soon I would move on friendless, servantless, particularly without friends who serve for free. Clerval served me out of the quality of my friendship. Soon, very soon, will all this, I don't know, no one knew the weight of the anguish that I had to carry. So much heavier than theirs. It was so heavy it could bear me to the dust. And in dealing with this justice, even mine, the most powerful of recoveries, would have to rest. But soon the appearance, you know, soon I wouldn't quite say I forgot about Corvill, but Corvill became distant in my mind, although ever-present in my thoughts, you know, of what I was missing for me. And sometimes I would sit for hours, motionless and speechless, wishing for some revelation, you know, to make it. Because now it's like this leaf-based being, he's messed with him, you know, something I can't quite replicate anymore. The season of the sizes approached and had already been three months around. And while I wasn't feeling great and had a tendency to go, you know, say alas, alas, alack, nonstop, I was obliged to travel nearly 100 miles to a country town where the court was held. Mr. Kerwin got to work in a similar manner, like when, you know, people want to help me. He charged himself with every care of collecting witnesses and arranging my defense. and of course once they got an idea who I was they spared me the disgrace of appearing publicly even though the case was brought to the court and they said that's fine because I was on the Orkney Islands when Clerval took his nap he put on the beach and a fortnight after that they said I could do whatever I wished My father wasn't raptured on me that I have to live in this town that just wasn't up to our standards, right? And then I was again allowed to breathe the fresh atmosphere of my home country. But me, I didn't share these feelings. For me, both places were stifling. Whether I was home and being served or, you know, in the place that was shabby to me, being served, the couple life tasted untasty to me. And although the sun shone upon me as it should and as it did, but it also shone upon everybody else. And I said, what a ripoff. So I saw nothing around me that didn't perturb me. There was no light that could look upon me in such a way to help me as Corville's eyes did. But I would think about his expressive eyes, wondering, looking up to me as an adoration, almost like he was always applying to be my friend. And I said, well, if you just do this, this, and this. No, no, no, I don't want to do that. that look like a mascot almost, to think those eyes would never look at me with adoration again, that his hands and his body would never run an errand for me again, that he would never have to wait for me again when I was running late, when I really wasn't running late, I just didn't feel like being on time. You know, his eyelashes, how he would flutter his eyes When I woke, I said, what are you sleeping? I told you not to fall asleep, but to wait for me Man, I remember the first time I could tell You know, he lived within the palm of my hand As so many would and so many do Now my father, he tried to give me, you know, he said, come on man Let's go back to Geneva. Elizabeth is there, Ernst. But anytime he said anything, you know, favorite foods, I would just groan. Those great groans, those award-winning groans, deep, deep groans. And sometimes, indeed, I felt a wish for happiness and thought with melancholy delight of my beloved cousin or long to see some plays and eat some food, to see once more the Blue Lake and the Rapid Roan, things so dear to me in early childhood. But my general state of feeling was a torpor, which, I don't know, this shabby town maybe fit my new style, that this was welcome a residence as the divinest to seen in nature. And, you know, this fit my melancholy. This was the melon of my melancholy or the collie of my melancholy. And at these moments, I just endured to just stick around here and do nothing. Nothing, not at all. And also then other times I would get, I'd say, man, I got to find, I got to spread some leaves around the wood. Like I guess I would go out and shout at trees. I don't remember any. I claim not to remember any of it. And I would tell the trees what I thought of them. And like this wasn't a big composting town, but anybody that did, I disrupted their composting. Yet one duty remained to me the recollection of which finally triumphed under my bad feelings in the moment because it was necessary that I should return without delay to Geneva there to watch over everybody They loved me so, and they loved me so, so fondly. I was fond of their fondness, you know, and never going to give that up. You know, maybe I would go there and lie and wait for the leaf-based being. And if anybody, you know, if any chance led me to the place where he was lying low, or if he dared again to come within my eyes, said, oh boy, what I promise, don't you dare make eye contact with me, leaf-based being. I might, with unfailing focus, spread those leaves around, not just town, but holy cow, you would become, you know, whatever. I would make sure you went through the whole cycle of life, and you would be free of carbon and nitrogen so quickly. Recycling, you know, I would do, because I thought of him and how he was a mockery of all I stood for. and my father he didn't get it he wanted to delay our departure he said son you're still yelling at trees uh you kick leaves but but in a way that scuffs your shoes uh he didn't think i could he didn't you know of course he again he didn't know what i had inside me that he didn't think i could sustain the fatigues of a journey he said he would just pat me on the back and say why don't you sit down again. Like then I was the shadow of a human being. My strength was gone to him. I was just a mere presence sitting around and rambling all day. And again, yeah, I would go on these, like, let's see, don't speak to me of trees or vegetables or fruit. Oh boy, don't put a fruit in front of me. And so, I mean, Father said, son, it's just a fruit. Just eat it. Now you hold up the seeds and, you know, all sorts of stuff like that. Apparently, according to other people, they said, you can't go, like, you can't just go to a show. Where are we going to stay even? And you do, they would have to put fruits and vegetables in other foods for me. They would tell me that all When I would ask I guess they would tell me my food was minerals I'd say is this a vegetable Is this organic They'd say oh no no this is Chopped up mineral Limestone This is a limestone Key limestone pie We're serving you The whole town I guess had to play in the charade I mean they should thank me for that For teaching them to be so creative But my son, I guess my father was like, what do you want me to do? I can't like go ahead to an inn and say, oh, by the way, all of your tomatoes are basalt or basalt. When my son comes for dinner or sup, as they would say some places. And I said, where are we anyway? He said, Ireland. I said, we got to get out of here. I got to get going. I had such inquietude and impatience, my father finally gave up and thought it best to yield. So we took a passage on board a vessel bound for Havre de Grace and sailed with a fair wind from the Irish shores. It was midnight when we left. I lay on the deck looking at the stars and listening to the dashing of the waves. I hailed the darkness that shut Ireland from my sight, and my pulse beat with joy as I reflected that I soon would see Geneva. The past appeared to me in the light of, you know, I said, this is like a dream. Yet the vessel in which I was, the wind that blew me from the shores of Ireland, which now I loathed. why I can't quite say because I guess they didn't, you know, that's where I don't have, I had a resentment towards it even though they're apparently now reading this, I see that they would say, what do you want us to do? We should do the best we could with this guy. And then, you know, the sea was getting on my nerves too, surrounding me and not showing me anything, deceiving my vision. And also when I was out there, I was thinking, there's no one doting on me like Clerval would. My friend, my dearest companion. And to think that the one who coaxed Clerval to sleep into another realm was a leaf-based being. So there I stood. I repassed in my memory my whole life, my quiet happiness, my quiet happiness being quietly brilliant while residing with my family in Geneva. Then my mom, then I went to Ingolstadt, and then I remembered when brilliance came to my foremind, the creation of a leaf-based being. And I called to mind the first night that the leaf-based being became sentient. But from there, I was unable to pursue a train of thought because a thousand feelings pressed upon me. Maybe I feel more, too. I don't know. Maybe a normal person's like a hundred feelings pressed upon them. Maybe it was for me it was a thousand. Whatever the record is, I probably have one or two more. But, you know, then tears. You know, some say that tough guys like me don't cry. But Victor, hi, Victor, did cry. Now, every night since I was at this town, they would also give me a small quantity of laudanum, which gave me the rest necessary. And I said, maybe I might take some laudanum. And soon I was sleeping profoundly, or so I thought, because sleep did not afford me respite from thought and brilliance. My dreams presented a thousand and one objects that then I needed to process in the night as well. It was like my mind was an unceasing machine of brilliance and thought. But my mind didn't understand that it needed to be more like colorful and serve my needs. So by the time morning came, I was in a bad mood again. And I felt leaves, I heard leaves, I felt leaves. And I started ranting about leaves and trees, saying there's trees on this Yarship. And my father, I guess, was there, tried to wake me up. And there was waves all around a cloudy sky. No leaf-based being, no leaves at all. And for a second I had a sense of security, a feeling that a truce was established between the present hour and the irresistible future. And it imparted to me a kind of calm forgetfulness. Also, I was tired. What do I need to remember anyway? And sometimes the human mind, I said, I guess apparently my father started saying that over, What would you have for breakfast? I'd say chlorophyll who? I don't know what leaves you're talking about. What's your tree? Cambium? No. Compost? No, commost. Comm most of the time. No, I don't know. Fruits and vegetables? I'm unfamiliar. Please tell me more. In that forgetfulness. But I now know it was another powerful thing within me, probably that this is why I need to record all this. So people know that Victor Frankenstein or Victor Frankenstein possessed such qualities that, again, maybe you could just take a small dose of and we'll bring you, you know, because then you don't have to endure all I've endured. For so few have that level of resistance or what was it called again? And the plasticity of my mind in your modern terms is nothing like that. So, yeah, soon you will understand better. Rest well. Good night. All right, buddy. This is Scoots with a talk you in message at the end of the shows we do. So, and this is going to ask questions because since April of 2025, we've been trying to look at, like, I don't know. What I'm doing is not working, so I'm trying to change what I'm doing, I guess. So, I've been trying to get some questions together, and you could answer these questions or not. you don't need to or these ones are kind of just if you just happen to be listening in but I'm here to listen to those answers and you could answer those if you happen to want to tomorrow or even tonight at sleepwithmepodcast.com so yeah and this will help me understand especially people that listen have been listening longer than six months have been listening longer than a year you've been listening longer than three years. People that listen most nights or listen all night long or fall asleep fast or you've been listening so long that everything kind of blends together. You're like, I don't even know how long you've been listening. So one question would be like, when you press play with sleep with me at bedtime, what's something you hope doesn't happen? And like, I don't know if it's like, you know, that you don't, you know, it doesn't start you thinking about more or that the night doesn't feel as long or that you don't feel alone or the physical sensations you don't feel or the thoughts or the feelings you don't come up. Or it could be something else. I mean, something more specific, you know, but maybe it's not. Maybe they're just not words for it. And what does Sleep With Me replace for you? Like, what did you used to use? Or what does it fill in? Does it fill in silence in the room? Like a TV that used to be on or something, a show you used to stream? Does Sleep With Me replace your thoughts? you know like a train of thoughts you got to go on a ride with uh does it replace uh i don't know something that helps you rest uh and then i guess like i'm curious like if you do hear the requests for support uh and the kind of varying degrees of uh feeling i have when i'm making those messages right and then maybe they kind of slide by or slip past you. Yeah, I want to know more about that. So when you do hear those messages, if you do, like what thoughts or feelings come up? Is it something like, I'll do this later? Or someone else probably has it covered? Or you don't need my support? Or I don't want to think about that right now, doing something or paying for something or taking any steps? Or is it like, that's just not for me. I'm not a person that supports podcasts or that doesn't sound like something I want to do or need to do. Okay. And then if you are one of those people that says, yeah, I'll do it later. Like, what does later mean for you, right? Is it like later? And this is one that comes up in my personal life. There will be a better time in my life later for this. Like my life will be more calm or I'll be more. These are my words that I use for internally, not for you, but I'll be more emotionally able to handle that later. Or I'll remember later. Or maybe I'll be sleeping better and I won't need to do it later. Or maybe my sleep, maybe my life will be less full later. And then another question or another question is like, if you've ever looked at join in Sleep With Me Plus and thought like, I don't need more or the free show always works for me. So what else would I need? I'm curious about that. Like what the more might be. Does it sound like more work or more effort? Like, does it sound like you'd have to do something or manage something new? Does it sound like a change to a routine that's already kind of working that you don't want to mess up? Because I can't keep doing, like, I've got to change around the messaging around the show, even if it doesn't end up working out, because it's just I want to be closer to the listeners I have, you know, and I don't want to expend so much time and energy keeping the show going or with my concerns around that, that it makes it impossible to make the show anyway, almost. It's kind of gotten to this point where it's like a conundrum, I guess. So I want to move to getting to know things better and then trying to produce things in a different way. I don't know if a more holistic way is the right way to say it. So yeah, that's what kind of those questions are about is me kind of understanding more, listening. Most of the questions will have open-ended answers too. So if you want to do that, you can feel like I got a survey. I don't know if it has all those questions on there, but sleepingmepodcast.com slash listen. Or if this kind of pushed you over the edge, you know, you could always support the show at sleepingmepodcast.com slash plus. But I think it'll say that at listen anyway. And again, there's no rush requirements. I mean, it's just, yeah, this way of like, I want to keep making this podcast, ideally for a long, long time in the future. And most of our funding comes through like 80% of the way we pay our bills is by listener support. But I want people to feel welcome, right? And it's kind of gotten to this point where it's like, I think I already said that. It's like I'm so concerned with keeping the show going. It's almost making it possible to keep it going and maybe pushing people away, which I don't want to do. Because, again, my goal this year is not just to keep the podcast sustainable. It's to bring sleepy joy and delight. So I'm hoping I could do both those things together somehow. So I'm hoping, yes, some of this idea of listening and getting to know. and if you are the thing is and it's also no pressure like if you can't support the show or you decided when we did it last year you were like and the group of listeners was like no I don't want to support the show ever that's great because we like it's the people that I've never heard from right that I'm trying to get to understand better this time who are like in a position where they can support the show and it's just like I don't know Like, I don't know. Like, so anyway, thanks so much for listening. And if you're new or occasional listener or you already decided not to support the show, you're not in a position to support the show. Thanks, because you're taken care of. Like, and I think probably me getting through this phase of the show will positively impact your show, because I know when I'm really feeling it. And like, I'm really like, you know what I mean? You could hear it in the tone of my voice on some of those reads. And I don't know, I'm trying to find a better way to move forward with the show. And I guess I apologize when it's like, I don't know, everything's kind of intertwined. So I wish there was an easier, perfect way to do all this. So I guess I'm going to try this way and see how it goes. Thanks. Amen.