Alcohol Sucks | Girls Gone Bible

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Tease and season to give terms apply. Hi guys, I'm Ange. And I'm Ari. And this is Girls Gone Bible! We are a faith-based podcast where we talk all things spirituality, mental health, relationships. But we talk about everything from a biblical point of view because we love Jesus so much. We are just two average girls. I don't know why I thought to myself below average. That's why. Why do we have to absolutely destroy ourselves through the info? We were murderers, so you're not alone. We talk about everything from a biblical point of view because we love Jesus so much. He saved our lives, transformed our lives, and we always say, come as you are, just don't stay that way. What's up, Ange? What's up, Ange? How you doing? I'm doing really good. Other than the fact that I came 40 minutes late. Ari thought we were starting at 2.30. We were starting at 2.00, but I was five minutes late, so you were only 35 minutes late. And one of my green flags I'm going to give to myself is that I'm always, if you tell me to be there at 2.00, I'll be there at 1.30. Yeah. You guys are green flags. That is my green flag. You're always early. You're always on time. You are a respecter of time. I am a respecter of time. I got a haircut today. My point was at 9.00. I got there at 8.20, sad outside. Her thing. What is that? Does there diagnosis for that? I just don't want to be... What's the word? Disrespectful. Like, you know, something of your time. Inconsider it. Yeah, that's a great word. That's a really simple word I couldn't get out. Am I ever just going to be able to say the word? And that's a great word. That's a great word. I love your haircut. Thank you. What's the word you said in our prayer? I wanted to... Vitality was it? Oh, no, virality. That's a really good word. Explain to us what that means. You have to see us in my... When you were praying, I opened up one night ago. Good word. Really? Virality is something going viral. And so I prayed right now before we started this episode and I prayed a lot this morning. I pray typically over every episode, hopefully, you know, but today was a really important one for both Ari and I, where I pray today I never pray that God would like give us more eyes or more views or have more people watch the podcast, but I literally prayed and I think he would release me to say that, like, this morning I prayed for favor on this episode. I prayed for virality that an episode like today, where we're talking about sobriety and alcohol and drugs and smoking and a bunch of things, I prayed, Lord, like, I unashamedly ask for favor and then this episode would go viral. That parts of this episode would go viral so that people could hear a message like this and that there would just be a call to sobriety and a call to laying down of the things that we know are not good for us. Let's get into it. Let's get into a gir. So I know that you wrote a devotion solely on sobriety, so why don't we get into it? Because I think it's your best and then it's your best devotion. Really? Yeah. I love when you talk about sobriety because I know how many people it's freed and I know that couldn't have been easy to come out and talk about sobriety. Yeah. Thank you for saying that. But I know how much it's freed you even being so vulnerable and talking about it. I remember maybe one of our first, like maybe the sixth or something episode was sobriety. Do you remember how much I was freaking out being like, Ari, what are we doing? I like went into my story of how much I drank and the little alcohol bottles and how I was an alcoholic and it was really bad. And I remember freaking out and it's so funny looking back now being like, now we've told everything. And we have no issue disclosing anything. And back then I just remember talking about my sobriety because I had never talked about it on Instagram. Nobody knew I was sober. Really quick, I want to say look at us. Look at Lush. What is Lush doing in our book? I just want you guys to know we just had a meeting for this book, for our devotional today with our team and like, you guys, they're ecstatic. I'm just going to go out and say it because we should celebrate our devotional that we put our blood, sweat and tears into writing. This was so beautiful and so hard. We could have never prepared. Do you know how much it hurts your head to write so many words? We had a meeting and our team is just like ecstatic because it's people are loving it and people are buying it and people are like getting transformed through this devotional and we could have never thought that. I remember there were so many moments like especially with the purity devotion. I would erase the whole thing. I was like, I'm not putting this out there. And then I just felt that conviction of like, you know, you're putting it in there. I think God, we did. Those hard parts were seemed so embarrassing and so many people were like, no, I relate to this even with sobriety. I feel like it's helped so many people open up and be able to, who's calling us? Who's calling us? Who's calling us? Answer it. Everybody wants among. Baby, you're on the air. Sing us a song. Sing us a song. All right, give me a word. He's so sick. He's so sick. He had mucus coming out of his eyes. Listen, I need all 15.5 million of you subscribers praying for me. Oh guys, pray for John because he's feeling sick. You must be better. Is Jesse there? No, it's Thomas. Oh, shoot. Okay. Love you. Are you going to come on soon? Are you going to come on soon and speak in tongues? He speaks in tongues over all the seats at our shows. It's the best thing ever. Never in English. Never in English, only in tongues. You want to say a little something? Only with the Spirit of the Lord saying. We're talking about sobriety today. If there's anything you have to say. Yeah, what would you tell the kids? It ain't worth it. It really isn't worth it. I promise you guys, this is a mighty man of God. What do you mean? That's the best advice. It's not worth it. I know. It isn't worth it. If you play, if you fire kids, you're going to get burned. Yeah, that's really good. Yeah, and maybe what's the word of the Lord? What would he say? He'd say, listen, it ain't worth it. Okay, baby, I love you so much. All right, ladies, real talk. Our hormones run the show more than we'd like to admit. We've had seasons of PMS, mood swings, brain fog, and low energy. And honestly, that'll mess with your week. So we need to be taking Glow by Beam and building better rituals around our cycles. And if this sounds like you, you're not alone. Hormone health issues are all too common in women and rarely discussed. Did you know it's estimated up to 80% of women have a hormonal imbalance? 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This is our devotional, Out of the Wilderness, 31 devotions to walk with God through your hardest seasons. Like we said, we love this devotional so much, and we are blown away by the impact that it's had. All that matters is that God's in it, and that people encounter Jesus through the devotional, and we believe that that's happening. But to hear from our team how well it is doing and performing is just like absolutely insane. And we're so grateful to Jesus. And it's just a testament that like the spirit of, or the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy. Like this book speaks prophetically into the lives of whoever reads it, because it's our testimony of Jesus that speaks to them prophetically. It's absolutely amazing. So please get your copy at girlsgonebible.com slash book. And so we're gonna start. Today, you guys, we wanna talk about sobriety. We wanna talk about alcohol, drugs, smoking weed, smoking cigarettes, vaping, all of the addictions, all of the things, all of the substances that for some people watching, you might have grown up as a Christian, or you are born again, and really all in with Jesus. And you're like, this is a crazy topic to even talk about, because as a Christian, of course, nobody does drugs or smokes weed or drinks alcohol. But the truth is we live in a world where lukewarmness is a thing. And double-mindedness is a thing. And passivity in your faith is a thing where you can be following Jesus and still partaking in activities that are, I believe and Ari believes, so against what God calls us to do. And that's happening with a lot of people all around, all around us. And so we just wanna talk about sobriety because it's a huge part of my life. I've been sober in November, it's gonna be six years, oh my gosh, November. Yeah, it's coming off, the cake is coming. The cake, yeah, it's gonna be six years. Six years. Which is like. Oh my gosh, I cannot believe it's gonna be six years. Time is literally flying. I met you when I was three. Yeah. That's such an accomplishment, six years. It's so crazy. Wow, unbelievable. So. What a testimony. Thanks, Ari. Seriously, what a testimony. It is. To so many lives. And I can't wait for you guys to hear because as time has gone on, Ari and I talked about this the other day where as you mature in your faith, you begin to realize more of your own testimony because you're able to look back. The first time I got touched by the Holy Spirit that I like got encountered by the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit fell on me. I remember I was thinking about it on my way here. Looking back, I didn't know what was happening. I was listening to a sermon, literally get wrecked by God, literally get brought to my knees. Holy Spirit's on me, I'm crying, I'm shaking, I don't know what to do. I think it's something about the sermon, so I take out my headphone, rewind the sermon, and then put it in my mom's ear and wait for the same thing to happen to her. I didn't know that I encountered the Holy Spirit. I was just like, what just happened? Was a girl get up? Yeah, it was Sarah, Jake's, Robert. The first time I ever remember getting baptized. It was girl get up by Sarah, Jake's, Robert. It's a sermon. It's where God met her. Yeah. That's unbelievable. Is that crazy? And it was in your house? Yeah, my mom was caretaking for a woman named Julie, so we're at Julie's house, and I was just in the bathroom, maybe washing my face or something with headphones in. I get baptized in the Holy Spirit, baptized. Like the Holy Spirit falls on me, not because all of us have the Holy Spirit inside of us, but the Holy Spirit came on me. And I didn't know what being baptized in the Spirit was, so I take out my headphones and then put it in my mom's ear, and I just stare at her, waiting for her to experience what I experienced, and she's just like, cool, cool. Isn't that so interesting? And then why? And then over time, that kept happening. I kept getting encountered by the Holy Spirit. I would listen to Sarah. Was that the day you put the drink down? No, no, no. This was way after. So this is like, there's like different, yeah, it peels you like an onion. Peels you like an onion, literally. No, that's how he deals with us. It's like layers, layers. It doesn't, you know. Yeah, sometimes people have a story where they give their life to Jesus, they're baptized in the Holy Spirit, they put everything down, they're delivered, freed, saved, transformed in a moment. I know that people who have that story, that's not either of our stories. It's been a process. He meets us, then he meets us again, then he meets us again, and he chips away at the stuff that's around our heart. You know what I mean? And we're gonna do another episode, kind of like all around that. So I'm just gonna start a little bit out of this devotional. It starts with Ephesians 5,18. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery, instead be filled with the Spirit from Angela. Alcohol almost destroyed me. Because of my experience, I have taken a hard stance on over-consuming alcohol or any other substance that alters one state of mind. I hope my story of how alcohol nearly ruined my life sheds light on the effects of this epidemic. Since I was a little girl, a looming feeling of danger has haunted me. I've always felt unsafe, and I've always looked to outside sources to feel secure. My brokenness and pain in this area drove me into the arms of a vice that would never actually fulfill me or bring me lasting comfort. I was only 15 years old when I realized that I really enjoyed drinking. It's not even that I loved to party. What I loved was the ability alcohol gave me to escape my pain even at such a young age. Self-medicating with alcohol or any substance is all fun and games until it turns on you. It feels like it's helping until it's not. This is how the devil works, not just with substance abuse, but with any sin in our lives. It's always good in the beginning, shiny and appealing and seductive, but then Satan leads you to your destruction by the very thing that used to feel so good. Anxiety and alcohol were a deadly duo for me. The more I drank, the worse I began to feel when it wore off, because you guys know that I went through a horrific period of years of anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, derealization, depersonalization. I had a bunch of phobias. I just had so much fear. I was a very fearful person and I had really bad social anxiety. So the idea of having to be around people was really hard for me. I could barely look people in the eyes. I could not go to a social thing without drinking. And I had a fear of panic attacks, which is literally panic disorder. So I would not leave the house because I was afraid that I'd have a panic attack. And then it says, my tolerance was rising, so I drank more. This is the violently toxic cycle that happens with alcohol. I went from having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol to being completely dependent on it, emotionally and physically. One morning, I went to Whole Foods. I hadn't had a drink yet. And within a few minutes of shopping, withdrawal hit and I was shaking uncontrollably. My head was pounding and my ears were ringing as I struggled to remember where I'd parked my car. It was absolutely terrifying to realize that I couldn't even take a short trip to the grocery store without having a drink. The shackles were tight. I was in bondage and the future did not look promising. At this point, I had everybody close to me praying for me. But I couldn't bring myself to stop. No matter how many times I tried, it hurts my heart to remember how badly I did not want to be doing what I was doing. I just wanted to feel better. I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. And when I did, I didn't recognize the person looking back at me. My eyes were empty and lifeless. There was no joy, no hope in them. I was a dead man walking and I was really scared. Have you ever asked yourself, how did I get here? How could I have let it get this far? How did I allow it to get this bad? That was where I found myself. I was trapped in an endless cycle. I wanted to numb the underlying pain, so I turned to a vice. The vice produced an immense amount of shaming guilt that I couldn't stand to feel. So I ran back to the vice to drown out the noise and repeat. So this is what my journey with alcohol looks like. And guys, I want you to know, anybody who struggles with alcohol or substance abuse, it's not for no reason. It's not by accident. And it's not just bad choices in life, which that is a thing, right? We have a choice, regardless of what happened in your childhood, regardless of how you were raised, regardless of abuse and all the things. You have a choice and a lot of people grow up in really bad situations and still make good choices for their lives. So that's not to say that we're victims to anything that happens. However, if you see someone who is struggling with addiction, who's struggling with alcohol, who's struggling with sin, first we remember that we don't wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers that we have an adversary who's trying to take every single one of us out. And every single person, some more than others, grew up experiencing trauma and pain and dysfunction. And so people don't end up in bad situations just because they chose to get there. And so I think that's something that's really important in noting when we're talking about alcohol and we're talking about substance, like people are in pain and they're hurting so badly. And it feels so good to have a vice. It feels so good to have something to cope with, whether it's alcohol or smoking weed or even vaping or sex or blah, blah, blah, the millions of things or being addicted to work and making money. Like everybody wants to have a vice because it does feel like it makes things easier and it doesn't. In the moment. In the moment it does. Right, right, but it's a never ending cycle. And it doesn't actually ever bring fulfillment or peace. Or it's just a destruction. Yes, it numbs you for a second. It never frees you. Only Jesus can free you. Only Jesus can bring true comfort. I talk about my testimony a lot, but I grew up in a situation where one thing led to another that led me to living a life of avoidance and escaping. I really have struggled in my life to cope. Give always escape to something since I was a really little girl. And so growing up experiencing a ton of pain and a ton of confusion and a ton of like, yeah, there's, I'm not gonna get into it, but there's like a million reasons why a little girl ends up addicted to alcohol, you know? And those things don't happen by accident. And so I found myself, as you guys know, having those panic attacks, my mental health was really bad. I was really scared, intrusive thoughts. We've talked about intrusive thoughts before, those unwanted thoughts that like are persistent that come up and you're like, oh, what was that that was scary? I was really struggling in my mind, really afraid. And so I started drinking to numb my pain, to avoid my pain. Alcohol was the only thing that made me feel better. All of my friends drank, you know. Sorry, this was started in Florida, right? Yeah, when I was in high school, from an early age, I mean, since 15 years old, drinking with friends, drinking on the beach in Florida, like that was our lives, like that was all of our lives. I was no different from other kids, which is so scary and sad that there are 14, 13 year olds drinking today. It's the norm, it's literally the norm. And so, yeah, it started at a really early age. And even then though, I'm coping, I'm medicating, I'm not well, I'm not feeling good. I don't know Jesus. And then I grow up and all of my friends are doing the same thing that I am, you know? And then I moved to LA and everybody drinks. Drinking is the most normal thing. Why would you not drink? You're now 20, right? Yeah, 18. So moved to LA at 18. And then, but even then I recognize, I wasn't an alcoholic, but I look back and I recognize that my drinking was different than other people's. Everybody's drinking is bad, cause it's not good, but mine was different. I remember specifically, you know, Saddle Ranch? Yeah, we went. So I remember being at Saddle Ranch when I was like 18. And being with all my friends from college, it was the end of the night. We all had like those mock, not mocktails, those cocktails that are like all that sugar. The big ones. Yeah, those big ones at Saddle Ranch. And it was time to go, it was closing, and we were getting up to leave. I remember this so distinctly, that everybody sitting with me all got up and they leave their drinks full. And I remember finishing mine. And I asked my friend, like, why didn't you finish your drink? And she's like, we're just going home. Why would I drink that? I remember clocking to myself, that was not normal. Like what I just did. And then you finished it. And then I finished it. And that's just like one little instance, but like it showed me like, why are you even finishing that drink when you're just gonna go home? You know, that's not normal, that's not good. And then I, for the next couple of years, I would drink on and off, not like an issue by any means. But then after I had my first panic attack at 19, by 20 years old, I found myself self-medicating, which means that I would drink for the purpose of feeling better. I would drink for the purpose of not having social anxiety, thinking I can't be with people. I'm like the most, I've been like the most social person my whole life. And Satan came into my life and literally attacked my strength, which is how much I love people and being with people. And he fed me this lie that I was like a socially anxious person. And he would tell me like, you're introverted, you don't know how to be with people. You can only be with people if you're drinking. That's the only time you're fun. That's the only time anybody wants to be around you, because that's when you're crazy and fun. And I would be like, yeah, you're right. I should only be with people if I'm drinking. And then so I developed a social anxiety, where I could only be with people if I was drinking. And that only led me to drink more and more often. And then by 22, 23, as most of us know, my story takes a really dark turn, where my anxiety was so bad that I couldn't even leave the house. I was like no longer a functioning human. I was in a relationship that was really toxic and really bad. I was living with the person. I lived in like this big house with a bunch of young people. And I lived with a boyfriend at the time, just perpetuated this culture of drinking. And it was just so dark. I'll never forget, I lived in this big house and it was like all brick. So it was kind of like dark inside. Like it was a red brick. I always just, it's like, it was like the set of euphoria. Not like doing a bunch of drugs or like whatever, but it was just dark. And you have young people everywhere, just living this LA life and they're drinking and this and that. And I am living in this house and it's so dark, even the walls were dark. Like I think about this time and I didn't have a life. And but the people in the house would drink to like party. So they would leave. They would go places. They would like have friends. I literally stayed at the house. I didn't want to party. I didn't want to be around people. I simply had a scheduled drink every hour or two, not because I wanted to be drunk, but because I was not okay. I was mentally so gone, so unwell. And I like borderline started to lose my mind a little bit because of the alcohol. It creates paranoia. It creates delusion. It creates anger. It creates like alcohol. Even if you're not drunk, but you've been drinking, it changes your personality. Alcohol changes everything. And marijuana changes everything. These things are really bad for you. So then ultimately, ultimately I get out of this relationship. I move somewhere else. I go back to Florida for a little bit. And then I, this is- You moved back to Florida? For like a couple of weeks. Yeah, because I moved out of that house and I went to Florida. And this is like kind of embarrassing. And, but like, you know what? There's no shame. I was in a relationship and then I literally jumped into another relationship right away, like literally immediately. And- Totally all of us grown up. Well, me too. Like literally no time in between. Jump into another relationship and then live with that person's family. And I was talking to John about this the other day actually. And I kind of like told him this story of like going from this one house with this one guy in his family, then to another guy in his family. And he literally with tears in his eyes was like, Ang, you weren't even like looking for boyfriends. I just wanted to be safe. You just wanted to be safe. And he's like, you were literally Angela on the run. Like one place to another, where can I find shelter? Where can I find safety? And then I start dating someone else and then I'm living in his house. My whole life is in shambles. I just got out of a four year relationship. And now I'm in it. I was so unwell between the mental health and the alcohol. I was not making my own decisions. I was completely gone. Like I was, even if you're not drinking a lot, alcohol will impair your decision making across the board in every area of your life. It'll destroy your relationships. It'll destroy your marriage because you're not yourself. You're not, it destroys. Even if you're not an alcoholic, but you're drinking often, it will change who you are. Oh yeah. And so now I'm at this new person's house and in this new relationship. And thank you Jesus for that person because it was the best thing that ever happened to me. But imagine I'm a 23 year old girl making horrible decisions. I don't know what's going on. I have no guidance. I'm just, it was a mess. It was a mess. And then I've told the story before, so I'll make it somewhat quick, but I just, I need you guys to understand what freedom looks like because I'm about to be six year sober. And I don't even consider myself like a recovering alcoholic because I was delivered from alcoholism. I was delivered from addiction. And that's not everybody's story. It's not like, I wasn't just like delivered from anxiety. And some people are, I still struggle with anxiety, but I was delivered from alcohol. And that sort of freedom, that solid like freedom, like there is no, I'm not even, that's not a part of my identity anymore. Like that's available. And so for me, Socrates, you guys know Socrates had been praying for me for like six months, every single day reading scripture. I'm praying for myself. I'm discovering who Jesus is. I'm learning a little bit about authority. I'm learning about who God is and what he died for and what freedom means and what the blood of Jesus is that by Jesus' stripes, I can be healed. And that if I give my life to Jesus and I literally take authority against all that's happening in my life, I can be set free. And so I'm praying like this. I start praying for myself every single day. But imagine the breakthrough didn't come right away. It was months and months of misery, destruction. Anyone who would have looked at me would have thought God is far from this person. Were you drinking at the time? When you say, okay, so you find Jesus. So you're learning about Jesus, but you're still in the process. Yeah, so by that point, I had met Socrates and I was born again, right? Like I had the first five minutes he met me, he probably led me to Jesus. And I grew up Catholic, but I hadn't been truly born again and dedicated my life to Jesus. So I had been born again and I had been, but again, this is sometimes people's story is like some people have a this day, I gave him everything and everything changed. That's not my story. It was a gradual process. I was in way too deep in the darkness. You know what I mean? It took some time for me. And so all this, all these months of praying, Socrates praying, me praying, imagine how God was like with me every moment, backing me, showing me like the light is coming. You will be free. I had no awareness of this, but God was, He was with me in the darkest moments of my life. He was right there. Yes, He was. He was right there. And it was Jesus who put me in contact with Socrates. It was Jesus who had Socrates lead me to the Lord. It was Jesus who orchestrated all. It was Jesus who got me out of that house and brought me to this house. And honestly, these are bad decisions, but works all things together for good. Romans 8, 28, this is what he does. He even takes our biggest mistakes and says, I'm gonna use this. And so I Thanksgiving 2019, I go to Thanksgiving dinner with my ex and his family who doesn't drink. And I bring the party in my bag, pack with me, my little bag, I brought alcohol with me because I knew there wouldn't be alcohol. And at this point, my ex had started to have conversations with me and being like, what is going on? This is not good. You need to stop drinking. And at that point, I was trying. I was trying to do just wine and beer, like no hard liquor. I was having a two drink minimum, maximum, whatever. I was in bound. I was in bondage. You have to just say completely cut it off. Like you can't even give the devil this much room because he will keep you stuck and bound. And it's a lie to think like, oh, I could just do it sometimes or have a little stop, stop. You have to go a hundred percent the opposite way. You can't even give yourself this much allowance because you'll just keep going back. I know, I know. And so to Thanksgiving 2019, my ex catches me drinking at his family's house. That night, he gives me an ultimatum. I write about it in the devotional. He gives me an ultimatum and says, I want nothing to do with you if you're gonna keep drinking because I can't watch you do this to yourself. And at that point, you guys, I would go through withdrawals if I didn't drink for 30 minutes. Literally, I could not go that long without drinking or I'd start to shake. I was completely addicted and anybody watching who smokes weed or smokes cigarettes or vapes, like you probably know what withdrawal feels like. Your body actually can't go on anymore without that thing. And that is so anti-gospel. Like the only thing that we're supposed to need and depend on is Jesus. And so anyways, that moment, that night, I received supernatural deliverance from alcoholism and it wasn't a big moment. It wasn't, like I said, Jesus, I'm giving you everything and I'm done. I have spent hours and hours with Jesus asking him, well, what was that moment? Where were you? What does that look like? Where was this when this happened? I was at my ex's house, he had six cats. And if that paints a picture, he had six cats. And I was sitting on a step. I was sitting on a step that leads into his room and he was standing up and he was looking like basically above me and being like, I'm done. Like I want nothing to do with you. You've lied to me, you've hid this from me. You said you were done and you brought it in your bag and now you've disrespected me and all this stuff. And it was exactly what I needed. I'm looking up at him and all I'm thinking is I am a piece of garbage. Like I hate myself, like literally as much self-hatred as you can have is what I had for myself. I absolutely hated myself. I hated what I was doing. And I've sat with Jesus and asked him, where were you in that moment? Like how did I in that moment not even make a decision, but something happened where I was so defeated that I never drank again. After that day. After that day, that moment, and I've sat with the Lord so many times and I feel like what I sense from Jesus is that those months of prayer are what led to breakthrough. Those months of taking authority, of relentless prayer, of having people back me in prayer, Jesus stepped into my story and literally my testimony is not by strength, not by might, but by my spirit says the Lord. That was what happened because I never made the decision to stop drinking. I simply stopped. That night, I'm telling, it's such a weird thing because I remember that moment, maybe having a thought of like, oh man, I have to stop, right? But I remember feeling so defeated and almost like I had left my body. I woke up the next morning and I didn't drink. Like you didn't crave it? No, no, I craved it. I went through withdrawals. So my body was craving it definitely. So that first day I was in bed dying. I thought I was gonna have a seizure. Withdrawals are the scariest thing that can happen to you. You're shaking in bed, you're sweating. I'm telling, I think I told my ex something like you have to get me a drink. Like you have to, I'm like pleading and begging, like I can't do this, I'm bawling my, I'm like, it's one of the most horrific things you can probably see if someone go through withdrawals. And then he's like, no, no, you're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. It was literally God sent. And that guy wasn't even a believer. Like he's like, you're gonna be fine. But what's interesting is that right in the other room was a bar of alcohol. So I could have walked five steps when he was in the bathroom and got a drink. But I didn't do it. God said no. It's the Holy Spirit inside of me, empowered me to not get up and drink. Jesus stepped in and said, you can't save yourself. You're done. I'm saving you. And then I always tell people like, I think I had to go to work a couple of days later. I think I didn't leave the house for a couple of days. I just stayed in bed and had the shakes and was miserable and thought I was gonna die completely disassociated. I'm driving to work. I worked at Joey Woodland Hills, a restaurant. I was a server and I was driving to work. And there was this liquor store to my left that I had a tab at because I didn't have any money because I wasn't working at that time. So I didn't even have any money. So I would literally, I had a tab at the liquor store. That's like how bad this was. I'm driving by and it was like an instinctive reflex to turn into the liquor store every time I passed it. Even if I had alcohol, like I would just like not even think about it, I turn in. I remember so distinctly, driving by the liquor store. It's right here. I'm watching it as it's going by. And then I just keep driving. And I think to like, I look back, then I didn't know what was going on. But now that I look back, the Holy Spirit was inside of me, moving my hands and my feet, getting me to where I needed to go. Literally like not letting me, like I was no longer in control of myself. It was empowerment. This is the Holy Spirit's power at work in our life. I never made the decision to stop drinking. And then it wasn't, that was in November. It wasn't until Christmas. I didn't talk about being sober once that whole time, that whole month, because I didn't know if I was sober. I never said I'm sober. I never said, here's my sobriety date, I'm done. It was never anything like that. I didn't talk about it because I was confused. I didn't know what was going on. And then during Christmas, I remember telling my mom, hey mom, I think I'm sober. And my mom didn't know how bad it was. So she was like, okay, awesome. And then it wasn't until maybe literally a year later that I started to talk to people and say, hey, I'm sober. I didn't even know that I was getting sober while I was getting sober. It's so insane. It's so wild. And I say all that to say you guys that I, Jesus pulled me out of a really scary place. And in my position, you do not get better without rehab or without AA or without a program or something. Like you don't just get better. And my journey with anxiety after that took a long time to heal. But I had Socrates who prayed with me very often. He was my connection to Jesus because I didn't really know Jesus for myself yet, but I had somebody. And if you just have one person, do not neglect having even one person that will be there for you, that praise for you because their prayers will carry you until you're strong enough. So I say all of this to say that I can't believe I'm standing here today, almost six years sober, never craved it one time in six years. That first week of going through withdrawals is a little bit different, but I don't even consider myself a recovering alcoholic because I'm not recovering. I've been recovered that day. I recovered by Jesus, by the Spirit of God, supernaturally. This is the Jesus that we talk about here. These are the types of things he does. So if anybody's sitting here thinking that whatever has bound you, the alcohol, the cigarettes, the addiction, whatever you think has all this hold on you, because Ari and I both know in different ways what it's like to be so bound by something that even as a follower of Jesus, you think, this is the one thing Jesus does not have authority over. There's no way that Jesus is stronger than this. And we're here to tell you that we've both been through a lot of stuff. I went through something that I stand here and I'm like, I don't know how I made it through, but Jesus was stronger than the alcohol. Jesus was stronger than the addiction. Jesus is and forever will be stronger than whatever is in your life. He's already put it under his feet and you have the authority, you have the right to put everything under the authority of Jesus, to bring everything under submission, to bring your body under submission. If you're addicted right now to anything, any substance, you have the ability to speak to your body and say, I put you under the submission and the authority of Jesus Christ. And I say, be free in Jesus' name, from whatever it is, alcohol, all the things. You have authority and it will not have a hold over you anymore after today. I, first of all, just, I just love you so much. I love being your best friend and I love you saying the story is like the first time, every time. And I just thank you because this isn't easy at all to share these vulnerable parts about your life, being in a dark home and I know how hard that was to talk about that from the beginning. And you don't know how many people you help. Like you don't know how many people you free. You don't know how many people look at you and say, look at this girl, like I'm not alone. I can get through it too. I'm not unworthy. I'm not too far gone. So many people that are drinking that come up in this thing that like, I know, because I'm from Massachusetts, like this is what we do. Like so many people feel like I'll never be able to come out of this. Like I grew up in this and they hear you and they see you sitting here today, glowing beautiful on the other side of it. And you don't know what you're doing for those people. And I've even talked to a girl recently last week in Massachusetts and you were half of the reason why she has a woman center that she helps recovering alcoholics. And she's been sober for four years. Let's go. Because she found Jesus through your story. Oh, Jesus. So I just, I know it's like, you can't even see it, but you don't know what you're doing. Yeah, I love you. By being open and vulnerable and loving on these people that are battling it. So I'm just so proud of you. I love you. I really am. Thank you so much. I really am. I wanted to ask you, and maybe you like, maybe you didn't struggle, but what did after you, okay, so you were delivered and what did that next season of your life look like? Like, can you walk us through how your life looked? Because I know that you were partying, you were in LA. How did your life change? What did your day-to-day to life look like? Because even when we're delivered, we still have to do a complete life change. So tell us what your life looks like moving forward after the alcoholism. 100%. I mean, I lost all of my friends during that time because my friends during that time, I mean, and I was like doing nightlife. I worked, I was, you know, doing bottle service. So I first of all quit the bottle service job. Thank you also to my ex for saying you're never doing, you're not going there because it just breeds out, you're not gonna stay sober in an environment like that. So I think what's so important for everyone to hear is that your friends and your environment are literally everything. My ex during that time, he also got sober with me because he was like, you can't do this by yourself and you certainly can't do this if I'm also drinking. So he got sober and I went into intense isolation and that's not what God would have for people. God would have us be in Christian community. I didn't have that and I didn't even know what that freaking was. I had never even been to a Christian non-denominational church. I was still like, you know, I had no idea about any of that stuff. But for me, I went through isolation. I was with nobody except my ex at the time and maybe one or two friends. I wasn't around alcohol for at least the first six months of being sober. Nobody drank around me. And then after that, I was able to be around people but it was intense isolation and I went through deep healing and Socrates walked me through so many things. We had so many, honestly, and I'm not ashamed to say this because I'm not ashamed to be charismatic, deliverance sessions. There was a lot of prayer that had to go through. I had accumulated a lot of darkness and a lot of stuff that was not good. And so I dedicated my life to healing. And at that time, I wasn't reading the word yet. So I would advise people differently than what I did because I got a lot of anxiety journals. I got gratitude journals, but I was trying, you know? I was doing all the things for healing and I was meditating. I was trying to silence my mind now. We know that we meditate on the word and we fill our minds with the word of God. But anybody who's in that position has to go through intense healing and your life has to change. You cannot be in the environments that you were in before. Me getting out of that dark brick house that I was in, I was gonna die in that house. I would have died in that house. And I needed to be away from all of that and God in the middle of my absolute destruction somehow led me to a place that was the opposite of that. And that was the most important part, getting out of the environment. And I know guys, Ari and I are like loyal people who are like, you never leave anybody, you never, like I'm sorry, but I'm gonna be the one to say it. You can lovingly like Tony said last week, like you can say like, I love you so much, but like this doesn't work for, you have to get out of situations that aren't good for you. You have to get away from people who are influencing you to do things that you shouldn't be doing. It's life or death. It's you will do what the people around you are doing. You know? All right guys, morning set the tone for my entire day. I wanted coffee that I would look forward to, but that also makes me feel steady. 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Your liver helps turn what you consume into essentials, stores vitamins and minerals and impacts your digestive and metabolic health. So supporting it just makes sense. The science backed formula helps promote liver function, aids digestion, helps ease bloating and supports steadier energy over time. So you feel more like yourself on ordinary days. It's also gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free and vegan. Stick with dose and feel the incredible benefits over time. More energy, better digestion, reduced bloating, healthier liver enzyme function, reduction in brain fog, better sleep. One dose for your liver shot is equivalent to 17 shots of turmeric juice. Save 25% off your first month of subscription by going to dosedaily.co.gb or entering ggb at checkout. That's D-O-S-E-D-A-I-L-Y.co.gb for 25% off your first month of subscription. So I mean, so I grew up around it my whole life and it goes back to generations in my family of alcoholics. And that's another thing that can, it plays a big part in being an alcoholic is it goes back in your family line. And so I just saw so much darkness and alcoholism. I just looked at my family and I was like, I just, and like where I come from and how I grew up even in high school. I mean, half of my high school died because of alcohol and drugs. I mean, there's so many scriptures, right? Like that we can even read. I mean, there people drank wine in the Bible but you have to be careful in Proverbs 23 verse 29. It says, And first Corinthians verse six, it says, I've just, I don't know, I grew up and I've seen how much it destroys, you know? You can get sober and then you fall and then you go back. And I've seen it my whole life with friends and family and drug addiction and alcoholism. And it, I mean, it's one of the worst diseases you can ever go through. It's not as simple as it seems for most people. And so, yeah, and I just, the whole, like the whole time we talk about alcoholism, I just think of how many people fall back into alcoholism and they're like, I'm too far gone. It's such a journey with substances. It really is. My dad's best friend owns a sober house and that's the girl I was telling you about. And this girl that was in the sober house, my dad's best friend started talking about girls gone Bible and she's like, wait, Andrew and R, she's like, I found Jesus through their podcast. She started talking about you, how she saw how you were sober. And she's like, I've been sober for, I think it's been three years and now she literally runs sober houses for mothers, single mothers that were alcoholics that struggle. And I just wanna talk about, I was so blessed to have met her and hear her story because she, it's something that she grew up, she had been drinking since she was seven years old. Wow. And I feel like this could help so many people because most people do need AA. Yeah. Most people do need to go to rehab. And you know what, guys, like that's okay. That's so okay. Yeah, because it's, I mean, rehab saved my dad. AA, like truly saved my dad, it gave him community, it showed him the Bible. But I just wanted to read to you because so many people in Massachusetts just struggle with this. This is like, there's something about the Northeast that you just grow up in this environment of alcoholism. And it's so normalized. It's just, it's crazy. Her name is Angelica, by the way. And she said, for someone who has struggled with addiction since I was 12 years old, I look at these definitions and all I see is symptoms of what addiction is. The most important part is not even addressed in the clinical books or taught in school for those studying addiction. What the world is doing is treating the symptoms and not getting to the root. From someone who has tried every method possible, I can tell you that the one true answer to addiction is addressing the spiritual part. Addiction at its root is so deeply spiritually connected to the deceptions and the lies that we believe about ourselves, about this life and about God. From someone like me, I was born into addiction and alcoholism. It was a part of my life from a very young age. It was part of how we lived, how we coped. And honestly, it was a solution for my spiritual brokenness for many years. I never wanted to live, I was always suicidal. And the very first time I took a substance, I finally felt like everything was gonna be okay. Exactly. Yep, drugs and alcohol took away that feeling of unworthiness, that feeling of never being good enough or pretty enough or smart enough. It gave me the ability to be free from the mental torture I had experienced as far as I can remember. Growing up being abused emotionally, physically and sexually obviously played a huge part in that. But again, that is all spiritual. When you're a child and you experience physical, sexual and emotional abuse, you're being exposed to bond experience. So she goes on and says this, in the book, big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it says that we can have our own conception of God. While I understand why that's written to help people take their first step toward faith, I also recognize that it doesn't fully align with the deeper truth. At its core, alcoholism is self or self centered and driven by the need to control and have things our own way. It's rooted in pride and thinking we know better. True freedom then comes only when we surrender that mindset and truly accept God truly is. So I thought that was so interesting. That's beautiful. It says in AA because I always thought that they teach about God, but they say in AA that you can have your own conception of God. Yeah. And basically- They call it a higher power. Yeah, I didn't know that. I thought it was all about God. You thought it was Jesus? I did. And so, yeah, I just, I thought that was interesting. If anyone's in AA right now battling, that can be tough because when you make your own God, you're fighting this battle by yourself and we can't fight the battle by ourself. So- It can only be Jesus. Yes. Your truth to freedom will never come from a higher power. While that probably does help a lot of people, that probably the idea of a higher power is a beautiful thing that definitely helps people and they're still not truly free. Yeah. And they still haven't found the true source of freedom. And even if somebody is able to get free on earth and stay free from alcohol, if they don't give their life to Jesus, we know where they're going. Yeah. And that's devastating and that's heart-wrenching and that can't be the case. And like, I'm so happy that you mentioned that, that like having a higher power does not equate to believing in Jesus. You either put your faith in Jesus or you're believing a lie. Yeah. Yeah. And we just wanna say alcohol is not a sin. Being drunk is a sin. Yeah. Alcohol is not a sin. However, looking to anything other than Jesus for comfort is a sin. Yeah. Looking to anything except Jesus for fulfillment is a sin. So having a glass of wine, yes, isn't necessarily sinful, but what is your heart behind it? Are you trying to have more of an identity? Are you trying to feel more comfortable? Are you trying to feel like more of a version of you that you wanna be? That is sinful and it's just so bad for you. And it's false peace and it's not worth it. Alcohol impairs your judgment, whether you're drinking or not, if it's in your life. Like it will impair your judgment for days after you even have one night of just a couple of drinks. It changes your brain chemistry. It makes you a different person. Imagine if you're married and your spouse married one version of you, but then every time you drink, they get a different version of you. That's not fair. And I'll just say one more thing. When you are struggling with alcohol, you need to be surrounded by a body. Yeah, yeah. Addiction, whatever it is you're struggling with, we are not designed to do this alone. Jesus gave us each other. Like we need to be surrounded. I can't tell you when I am in like a fight or flight for my life because I'm struggling mentally, I need my people. This is why I talk about people, friendships, so much because this is what is gonna get us out. You need to be surrounded. If you are dealing with addiction, you need to be surrounded. You need these people to hold you up and carry you through. That's why people have sponsors. Sponsors are the best thing for you. Get a sponsor, get a trusted sponsor that can walk this thing through with you. Yeah, you need people. You need people, absolutely. And like Ari said, there's nothing good that comes from alcohol. In fact, there's a lot of bad that comes from alcohol. So even if you're not just addicted to alcohol and we'll even talk about that more, but we can read Genesis 9 verses 20 to 27. Here we have Noah. And this is a story about how drunkenness leads to shame and destruction. And how often does that happen to people where they drink for a night art? And then they're like, they wake up the next morning with all this anxiety because they don't know what they said, they don't know what they did. They acted in a way that they wouldn't have acted and it leads to so much shame. So in this story, Noah began to be a man of the soil. It's after the flood, Noah plants a vineyard and he becomes drunk. He drank of the wine and became drunk and he laid uncovered in his tent. So he laid naked in his tent. In Ham, the father of Canaan saw the nakedness of his father and told his two brothers outside. Then Shem and Japheth took a garment, laid it on both of their shoulders and walked backward and covered their father's nakedness. When Noah woke from his wine and knew what his youngest son had done to him, he said, curse be Canaan, a servant of servants shall he be to his brothers. So in this moment, we see Noah was laid naked and then his son dishonored him and put a curse on the land of Canaan. And I know this sounds really intense, but like imagine the first mention of alcohol in the Bible ever leads to a curse and not a celebration. So people who use alcohol as a celebration, the first time it's ever mentioned in scripture, it's not a celebratory thing. And I just imagine like Noah is a good righteous man and he ended up in complete shame because of his drunkenness. Imagine how many people go through that where they drink and then they're like, oh, I wish I didn't do that. I wish I didn't say that. It makes you different, you know? But look at even Noah, the most faithful man fell. And that should free you right now that even Noah who was so obedient, so faithful and man after God fell. And so while you're sitting there beating yourself up, feeling so far gone, feeling so much shame, be reminded of Noah. So good that even fell, you know? It's so real. I mean, and like what Ari's saying, you don't need to have shame, but the truth is that alcohol, the weed, the vape, that everything is going to lead to more shame. It will lead to more shame. And you don't have to be bound. You can be free. Jesus granted you freedom. He gave you, the spirit is the Lord and where the spirit of the Lord is, there's freedom. If you call on the Holy Spirit, if you accept Jesus into your life and then you're baptized in the Holy Spirit, you can receive true lasting freedom. And if you remember my story, remember all those months of praying and then there was the breakthrough. Some people receive breakthrough in a second. Some people it takes a little longer. We don't always know why God does things the way that He does, but what I know is that He promises freedom. He promises complete freedom. And like Ari said, you might fall and then get back up. The truth is, if you've gotten sober, if you've laid something down and then you pick it back up again because you think, oh, I could just do it one time, I guarantee you it won't just be one time, you'll find yourself directly into the same cycle. Like six years later, I could think, oh, it's been so long. Why don't I just have one drink? I promise you, I will be right back to where I was in that brick house within days. Within days. And for you guys, because that's how Satan works. He doesn't, oh, I thought there was something on my face. That's how Satan works. And so if you did give in again, just do it, just get sober again. Just lay it down again, just submit it to Jesus once again. You can get sober again, you can lay it down again, but there can't be this back and forth, wishy-washy, oh, maybe just one more time. It will trap you again and it will keep trapping you until you decide, because it is a decision you have to make, that I'm done with this for the rest of my life, whether it's alcohol, whether it's vaping, whether anything that you're addicted to, that you're dependent on, that you want, that you have a craving for, that's not allowed. You can't do that. You can't live like that. It means you're in bondage. It means that your mind, body, or spirit is craving something other than Jesus. And we were not meant to live that way. That's worship. If you're craving anything other than Jesus, you're worshiping that thing. And it's idolatry and it will lead you to death. You know what I love what you said? And I think that's really important, is like you might fall, just get back up. And that's so real. I think the tension is here. Everyone falls. Everybody sins. Everybody, yeah, I don't drink anymore, but guess what? I sinned probably three times this morning, eight times yesterday, like with the words that I say, the thoughts that I had, like, of course. But this is like the point of maturity in your faith, is it's one thing to tolerate sin, and then it's one thing to fall into sin. Of course you're gonna fall into sin. And then you also get to a point where you decide, no, I'm never doing this again, and you let the Holy Spirit empower you for that to happen. But that can only take place when first you've made the decision to not tolerate something. And you have a clear conviction because a lot of people are like, one day alcohol is bad, but then the next day, it's okay. And so of course they're gonna be falling into sin because you don't even know what you believe. But then it's another thing to know what you believe and then be human and fall into sin. So this is where we begin, guys. We make a decision, where do we land on this? Are we gonna make a decision to never get drunk again? Are we gonna make a decision to never buy a vape again? Are we gonna make the decision that alcohol is bad for me and there's nothing that good it does in my life? Are we gonna make the decision that marijuana does not do what I say it does for my life because it doesn't, because it doesn't. It's not doing anything for you. And also, you know what? Alcohol and weed and all these substances in studio too. It ages you. Ages you. If that's not... If that doesn't say I'm never touching you. Can I do this? That is enough for me. That is enough for me. Hey, if you're vain, here you go. Don't smoke cigarettes because it'll give you wrinkles. No, I'm sick. So for vanity purposes, there you go. And more importantly, it leads to death. No, seriously. So make the decision today. And let's just pray for you guys. Lord, we just lift up every single person in this who's watching this video or listening to this podcast who is at a crossroads Jesus, who hears your voice saying, come to me. They're hearing you, Jesus, for the very first time maybe. Saying, come to me. Lay all of that stuff down. You don't need it. I am better than with the thing that you're holding on to. I'm better. I'm more fulfilling. I'm more comforting. And it's real and it's everlasting. So Father, I just pray for every single person. I pray that they would encounter you so intensely right now, Jesus, that they would fall, be brought to their knees in an encounter with you. I pray this very moment, Holy Spirit, you'd fill their rooms and their hearts and their minds with your presence. And that the spirit of freedom would fall upon them. And that there would be supernatural breakthrough right now in Jesus' name. That the addiction that is held onto them, that has its claws in their neck, the thing that they love, the thing that they're worshiping, the vice that has brought comfort. We break the stronghold in the name of Jesus and we say, be free in Jesus' name. Guys, I just wanna invite you into a moment if you've never given your life to Jesus. This is where your freedom starts, okay? This is where the spirit of freedom comes over you and inside of you and on you and empowers you, anoints you and empowers you to live a life of freedom because we need Jesus to do it. He did it in our lives, He will do it in yours. But you have to accept Him first. The God who sent His Son on the earth to get up on a cross to die a brutal and painful death, to be beaten, bruised, marred beyond recognition so that by His wounds, the wounds on His back, you could be healed in this moment. He lost His life so that you could gain one. He gave up His life so that He could right now in this very moment give you a brand new one. And this moment can be your moment of absolute breakthrough and turnaround. But in this moment, you not only have to accept Jesus, but you have to declare repentance, that you repent of the way you've been living your life, you repent of the addiction, you repent of the idolatry, you repent that you have had this thing in your hands and you've said it's more important than Jesus, I put it higher than Jesus. So in this moment, the best thing you can do is give your life to the one who gave it to you. Jesus loves you so much and He wants you to be free. And someone needs to hear that because you're living in sin, shame, bondage and addiction, thinking God doesn't want me to be free. But the truth is, He died so you could be free. So receive freedom and don't settle for not being free. In any area of your life, do not settle for not being free. So pray with us. Dear Jesus, I give you my life. I believe you died on the cross for the forgiveness of my sins. And now you're seated at the right hand of the Father. I believe you resurrected from the dead, ascended into heaven. And now you're seated at the right hand of the Father, reigning in glory forever. Jesus, I invite you to be Lord of my life. I repent of my sin. I renounce my sin. I renounce the world. I renounce the devil. I repent for my addiction. I repent for my substance abuse. I repent for my idolatry and I repent for turning to anything except you. Lord, I turn my heart to you right now and I give you everything. And I declare that my mind, my body and my spirit is under the submission and the authority of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. You said that you would heal us and that you would free us. So Lord, I say, I believe you at your word and I declare that I am healed and I'm free in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. He's waiting for you. He's already after you, just like he was in the bathroom with Angela when the whole time he was right there and he had her girdled under his arm, it's the same with you. All you have to do, it's so simple. It really is, help me. Like help me, get into community. Like he will be your strength. You just have to take that first step and say, I need help. I wanna put this under my feet. I don't wanna be addicted to this anymore. That is the first step. If you're saying that, we are so, so proud of you. And so is in Jesus. So we love you guys so much. We're so proud of you. Go be free, go be free. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May he make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. May he turn his face towards you and give you peace. Shalom, shalom. We love you so much.