Introducing: Stolen - Surviving St. Michael's
47 min
•May 26, 2022almost 4 years agoSummary
Connie Walker, an Indigenous journalist, investigates her own family's connection to Canada's residential school system after discovering her father sexually abused a priest years later while serving as an RCMP officer. The episode launches a new season of the Stolen podcast exploring St. Michael's Indian Residential School in Saskatchewan and the intergenerational trauma inflicted by these government-funded, church-run institutions that forcibly assimilated Indigenous children.
Insights
- Residential school trauma manifests across generations and in unexpected ways—even mundane triggers like fire escape stairs can transport survivors back to their abuse
- Many Indigenous families actively avoid discussing residential school experiences, burying trauma rather than processing it, which perpetuates intergenerational harm
- Personal journalism can serve as a healing mechanism, giving family members permission to speak about previously taboo topics and reframe understanding of loved ones
- The 2021 Kamloops discovery of 215 children's remains created a cultural inflection point, finally validating decades of survivor testimony and opening space for previously silenced stories
- Institutional accountability remains largely absent—very few priests and nuns were held responsible despite documented widespread abuse across 100+ schools over 100+ years
Trends
Increased media focus on Indigenous historical trauma following high-profile archaeological discoveriesGrowing use of personal narrative and family-centered reporting to contextualize systemic institutional abuseIntergenerational trauma becoming mainstream topic in discussions of institutional violence and reconciliationPodcast platforms (Spotify) becoming primary distribution channels for investigative journalism on marginalized communitiesTruth and reconciliation commissions influencing journalistic approaches to historical institutional crimesIndigenous journalists reclaiming narrative authority over their own communities' storiesDelayed disclosure and trauma processing becoming recognized pattern in abuse survivor populations
Topics
Canadian Residential Schools SystemIndigenous Cultural GenocideIntergenerational TraumaInstitutional Abuse and AccountabilityTruth and Reconciliation CommissionRCMP History and Indigenous RelationsCatholic Church Institutional AbuseIndigenous JournalismFamily Trauma DisclosureSt. Michael's Indian Residential SchoolCree Nation CommunitiesChildhood Sexual AbuseTrauma Triggers and PTSDIndigenous Identity and AssimilationInvestigative Podcast Journalism
Companies
Gimlet Media
Production company that created and produces the Stolen podcast series featuring this episode
Spotify
Exclusive distribution platform for Stolen: Surviving St. Michael's podcast series
CBC
Canadian Broadcasting Corporation where host Connie Walker began her journalism career in 2000
Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP)
Law enforcement agency where Connie's father served as Constable Howard Cameron in rural Saskatchewan
People
Connie Walker
Indigenous journalist and host/reporter investigating her father's residential school abuse and connection to a priest
Howard Cameron
Connie's father, RCMP officer who attended St. Michael's residential school and was sexually abused by a priest
Hal Cameron
Connie's younger brother who first shared the story of their father beating up the abusive priest on Facebook
Manuel Gonzales
Reply All host who introduces the Stolen podcast and interviews Connie Walker about her reporting
Quotes
"I think that sometimes to be an indigenous person in North America, it feels like your house is on fire and you're like waving your arms in the air and you're saying, Hey, oh my gosh, my house is on fire. Help, help, help. And people look at you and they're like, Oh, what's going on over there? Something's happening. Oh, and they just keep, but they look away and they just keep going."
Connie Walker•Early in episode
"It felt like, oh my god this is like a burning hot coal in my hands and i need to like to do something with it"
Connie Walker•Discussing discovery of father's story
"He ended up, like, taking him out of the vehicle and beating the shit out of him. In that moment, I guess he just didn't care what the consequences were."
Hal Cameron•Recounting father's encounter with priest
"The Truth and Reconciliation Commission found that what happened in residential school was cultural genocide."
Connie Walker•Mid-episode context
"It's the trauma that caused a lot of heartache. And they always wonder why. Well, now you know."
Auntie Ivy•Family interview segment
Full Transcript
Hey folks, before we start the show, I just wanted to give you a heads up that the episode we're about to play for you today references violence and sexual abuse against children. So skip this one if you need to. Hey everyone, so we'll be back with a brand new episode of Reply All in just two weeks, but in the meantime, I just wanted to share with you something that some of my colleagues have been making at Gimlet. It's a show called Stolen, Surviving St. Michael's. It's actually the second season of the show Stolen. The reporter and host of the show is Connie Walker. Connie's amazing. She's been reporting on Indigenous communities for a long time. She herself is Indigenous. And in Stolen, what she does is she goes into Indigenous communities and looks into mysteries and crimes that, frankly, not that many other people are covering. This season is about something that happened in a residential school in Canada. If you don't know what residential schools are, residential schools were boarding schools in North America that governments forced Indigenous children into, basically an effort to strip their culture and their identities away from them. We have Connie with us today. It's so good to see you, Connie. Hi. Hi, Manuel. How are you? I'm well, well. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. You've had this whole remarkable career and I feel like you've spent it telling stories that I really haven't heard anywhere else. And I'm just wondering, like, yeah, how did you come to be doing this work? Well, it took a long time, honestly. Like, it took a really long time to kind of get to this point where I feel like I could tell the stories that I feel are really important and that I want to tell. I mean, I've been a journalist for since 2000, basically, when I started as an intern at CBC. And for a long time, like, there just wasn't any space for stories about Indigenous people or communities. and I remember you know pitching stories early on and and and being kind of met with like a brick wall like people just didn't care oh there's like literally like people you worked for just saying we don't want to tell like indigenous stories yeah yeah I think that's the thing like I can I hear in the work that you've done a lot is you're very um you're very honest reporter and I can hear it when you are kind of like wrestling with the darkness of actually finding out what did happen to people but this is the first time basically in this season where you are like turning it around kind of on yourself and I guess I was just like yeah could you just tell me how you discovered that yeah how you started reporting this story it was really it was like a year ago actually it was like a year ago probably this week even um and there was a terrible discovery made at a residential school in Canada at the Kamloops Indian Residential School where they found what's believed to be the remains of 215 children at this residential school. And for whatever reason, like that became, not for whatever reason, obviously that's such a horrific discovery. But the reason I said for whatever reason is that because I think that this is an analogy that I told my team when we first started reporting on this story. I was like, I think that sometimes to be an indigenous person in North America, it feels like your house is on fire and you're like waving your arms in the air and you're saying, Hey, oh my gosh, my house is on fire. Help, help, help. And, and people look at you and they're like, Oh, what's going on over there? Something's happening. Oh, and they just keep, but they look away and they just keep going. And, and eventually you're like, okay, you've just got to keep going. And you learn to live with like the smoke and the flames and everything else. And it felt like after Kamloops that people finally stopped and they were like, Oh my God, your house is on fire. And you're like, yes, Yes, it is. It is. And it was like something about the acknowledgement or recognition that this is actually true, that what survivors have been saying for, you know, like decades is real, that this has actually happened and has been continuing to happen and impacting our families and communities. was like, oh, now that they're acknowledging it, like it feels even heavier. I noticed then after Kamloops, like that survivors started coming forward and sharing their stories and including people in my family who had never heard even acknowledged that they had gone to a residential school before. You know, there was a recognition of what they went through and that it was true and it was real. And that was around the time survivors were coming forward that like I just, I was just scrolling through my Facebook on my phone one day and it came across this post from my brother about how when my dad was an RCMP officer, like a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police in the 1970s, he was on patrol one night and he saw a vehicle that was swerving or he thought the driver was drinking. And so he pulled it over and it turned out that the driver was a priest who had abused him at residential school. And I read that in a Facebook post about my dad. Like I never knew that story before. I couldn't stop thinking about it. And it just made me think about how I really don't know anything about my dad. Like I didn't know, I didn't know anything about him. And, and that to me, you know, felt so painful to just think of my dad as a little boy going through something like that. And then I, and then I was thinking about like how so much of my work life is like diving into other people's lives and like connecting these dots. And I was like, that I had never like, that I had never thought about that in my own family just felt like something I should try to do. Right, right, right. And then I started thinking about like, what is the way forward? Like, you know, it didn't feel like this was like a thing that I could just be like, oh, I know. And now I learned this little thing about my dad. I'm just going to like put it in my pocket and keep going. It felt like, oh my god this is like a burning hot coal in my hands and i need to like to do something with it yeah and and it became then this this question this like who is this person and how do we find them and you know that that person you wanted to find out more about was the priest yeah and how do we like find out like whatever happened to them and and and and like try to find some kind of accountability. But it's like, it's like, it's like a classic thing. As soon as you start looking, as soon as you start scratching at one story, you uncover a whole other thing. And that's what's happened with this podcast. Thank you so much for spending so much time talking to me about this. Oh, no, I'm I'm happy to. Thank you very much. Of course. Right. So today, we have for you all the first episode of the series, Stolen Surviving St. Michael's. You can listen to the rest of it as it comes out exclusively on Spotify. All right, here we go. Where I come from, the open plains are broken up by gravel roads that intersect every mile or so and small paved highways linking tiny town to tiny town. Driving at night on these roads, it can feel like you're the only person around for miles and miles. And on the nights where there's no moon, it's dark and heavy and quiet. If something happened out here, it might never be discovered. One night in the late 1970s, something did happen. Two men met out here in the darkness. Their chance encounter felt like fate, because they had met before, but under very different circumstances. One of those men was my dad. He was a police officer in rural Saskatchewan. My dad was driving alone in his patrol car when he spotted a set of taillights swerving ahead of him in the darkness. He flicked on his lights, and the car pulled over on the side of the road. My dad got out of his cruiser and walked up to the driver's side window. He motioned for the man inside to roll it down, and as he raised his flashlight, he realized he recognized the man behind the wheel. He knew that face, those eyes, the white collar under his chin. And he saw the man recognized him too. For a moment, neither of them moved. Then my dad opened the door, grabbed the man by his collar and dragged him out of the car. He hit him again and again until he was tired and out of breath. My dad walked back to his patrol car and drove off into the night, leaving the man crumpled on the side of the road. There were no witnesses. The only people who knew what really happened were the two men who were there. But this is how I imagine the story. It's a story that my father told that was later told to me. Hearing it has changed the way I think about my life. Because the man who my dad beat up that night was a priest. A priest who abused him in residential school. I'm Connie Walker. From Gimlet Media and Spotify, this is Stolen, Surviving St. Michael's. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 okay I am just arriving in Duck Lake and I on my way to meet my brother Hal at his house which actually used to be my dad house If I can find it. Because I think I've actually only been there like a couple of times. That's kind of weird, I guess, maybe to not know where your dad lived. It's around 4 o'clock in the afternoon on a warm summer day in August. I've just pulled onto a small highway in central Saskatchewan. As I drive, there are fields of wheat on either side and big stretches of open sky. I know this place. I used to live here. But I haven't been back in a long time. The road I'm on connects the small town of Duck Lake to the Beardy's and Okamas' Cree Nation. This is my dad's home, and my brother Hal lives here now. He's the one who first told me the story of my dad and the priest. So that's why I'm here, to ask him about it. Okay, this is a road called Constable Cameron Road. My dad would have been Constable Cameron, but this road is actually named after my sister, who was also Constable Cameron. She followed in my dad's footsteps. And I'm pretty sure they live down this road. He lives down this road. It's a pretty big hint. My dad's name is Howard Cameron. He's my father, but I didn't know him very well. My mom and I used to live here with him, but they split up when I was seven and we left. I didn't see or hear from my dad until I was a teenager and came back to the reserve to visit. But whenever I would come here, I wouldn't stay with my dad. I would stay with my godparents, my Auntie Lois and my Uncle Ernie. The first time I came back to Beardy's, I was 14, old enough to ride the bus alone. My Auntie Lois and Uncle Ernie picked me up from the bus depot, and I stayed with them. When they asked me if I wanted to see my dad, I kind of felt like I had to say yes. And then, while I was here visiting them, I would have a visit with my dad and my brothers and sisters, including Hal. By then, my dad had a new life, with a new wife and four more children. I remember walking into his kitchen and immediately being surrounded by little kids and having them all hug me and call me sister. Hal was one of them. Okay. That, this has to be it. As I pull up, I see Hal waiting outside for me. What are you doing? Just golfing? No, no. I was sitting by the fire. Like most Camerons, he's obsessed with golf, and he's holding a club, practicing his swing. Oh, nice. Okay, hold on. Let me grab my bag. Is your dog friendly? Oh, yeah. She's a gentle giant. She's a little bit, like, skittish of new people, but once she warmed up, she's new to sleep. How are you doing? Good. I went, well, for the past, like, last week, it's like medicine picking season. Yeah. So, like, I went all last week picking. What kind of medicines are you picking? Today went out for sweetgrass. Oh, my God, it smells so good already. Wow. So we picked probably with this, it'll be over 20 braids so far. We walk over to a cluster of birch trees. Inside is a small fire pit. Hal says our dad built this setup, including the wooden benches surrounding the fire. He lights a pipe as we sit down. This is so nice out here. It's nice to be able to just be in a nice little secluded spot. Fire's not really going to go anywhere here. And it's nice and quiet. Hal is 32. His full name is Howard Cameron Jr., which is fitting because Hal really takes after my dad. They look alike with their jet black hair and brown skin. But Hal's very different than my dad was at his age. He's easygoing and gentle. A few months ago, Hal shared that story about my dad beating up the priest on Facebook. And as soon as I read the post, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I called Hal on the phone. And then I decided to come home with a microphone. But interviewing your brother is kind of weird. What is your job? cultural resource support worker. What kind of tobacco do you smoke? It's a blend. Are you going to quit? Do you think you'll stay here? I don't know. Like, I think... The truth is, I haven't spent that much time with Hal. I'm 12 years older than him. We didn't grow up together because we have different moms. And it feels like we had different dads too. My dad and I were pretty close. So, like, I was always, like, kind of by his hip, and, like, we spent so much time together. So I remember lots of, like, doing things with him and, like, him taking me to go sweet grass picking and things like that. Like, I remember, like, just having heart-to-hearts with, like, Dad. The way Hal talks about our dad feels foreign to me. I sometimes feel a little uncomfortable even calling him Dad. Not just because I didn't spend much time with him, but because the man I remember didn't feel like a dad. I only have a few memories of him from when I was a kid, and I don't think any of them are good. Some are hazy impressions of his presence, of what it felt like to be near him. Like, I can picture him sitting in a velour armchair, one that swivels or rocks. He's watching TV and eating radishes out of the bag. his jaw muscles clenching with every bite. I remember how tense I felt, how small and quiet I tried to make myself when he was around, how I tried to avoid whatever it was that would set him off. There are also memories that are very clear. Most of them are at night, when I'd be woken up by his bursts of anger, the sounds of his violence filling the house, filling my head. I remember flashes, running away from him, me and my mom dipping into alleys, hiding from him, trying to get to the safety of a relative's house. So when he and my mom split up when I was seven, it was a relief. It was like we escaped. And as an adult, I didn't see my dad very often. When I did, I could see that he had changed, that he was a different father to my younger brothers and sisters. But I was cautious. Whenever I saw my dad, he would tell me that he loved me. But we never talked on the phone. And we only saw each other once every few years. My memories of him from my childhood were enough to make me want to keep my distance. And I've kept that distance from my dad. But there's something about the story of him pulling over the priest that feels like a clue. One that could help me figure out why he was the way he was. Yeah, I don't know. Actually, I don't know how the conversation came about, but I remember we were driving and then he started talking about how he saw a vehicle driving on the highway and it's kind of swerving. So he figured that they're impaired. Hal says it was about 10 years ago that my dad told him the story. So he went, he pulled them over. And when he walked up to the window, asked for their identification or driver's license. He recognized him as being one of the priests that, and he said, one of the priests that abused me in residential school. He ended up, like, taking him out of the vehicle and beating the shit out of him. In that moment, I guess he just didn't care what the consequences were. And what did he say happened? He thought for sure there would be a call to his commanding officer and that would be the end of his career. But no call or anything came in. What was his mood when he was telling you that? Like no regrets, no remorse for what he had done. And this was an instance where justice was taken into our own hands. I felt this, like, pride. Almost like I wanted to, like, warrior cry. I could feel like that pride. I can understand why Hal feels pride when he thinks of that story, but that's not what I felt. I felt sick because immediately I thought of my dad as the boy he was at residential school. Did you get a sense of what kind of abuse he endured? He shared about like he did like experience like sexual abuse. That was my fear when I read Hell's Post, when I first heard it was a priest my dad pulled over. I knew my dad went to a residential school, but I never thought about what it was like for him. Which is surprising, given the amount of time I've spent reporting on what happened to children there. They were called schools, but the focus wasn't really education. They were funded by the federal government, and most were run by the Catholic Church. It was a perfect union. The government wanted to quell Indigenous resistance and continue its colonization of Canada. and the church was eager to indoctrinate as many Indigenous children as it could. Residential schools became machines of assimilation. They separated Indigenous kids as young as four years old from their families and communities to get rid of the Indian problem to strip away our culture our language our very identities There were more than 100 schools that operated for over 100 years Generations and generations of kids were forced to go. There were at least 20 residential schools in Saskatchewan alone. One of them was the St. Michael's Indian Residential School in Duck Lake. I think that's where my dad first crossed paths with the priest who abused him. I drove past it on my way to Hal's house. It was a big red brick building, three or four stories high. It always looked to me like an abandoned hospital, like something out of a horror movie. St. Michael's was one of the last schools to close in 1996. And then the truth about residential schools began trickling out. about the rampant neglect and abuse that happened inside school walls. Abuse often inflicted by the priests and nuns who ran them. Very few were ever held responsible. In 2008, Canada established a Truth and Reconciliation Commission. Thousands of residential school survivors testified about the physical and sexual abuse they endured, and other horrific discoveries came to light. At some schools, nutritional experiments were carried out on children. One school used a homemade electric chair as a form of punishment. The Truth and Reconciliation Commission found that what happened in residential school was cultural genocide. And last spring, ground-penetrating radar found what are believed to be the remains of 215 children on the grounds of the Kamloops Indian Residential School in British Columbia. It made international news, and it seemed like people were finally starting to pay attention to what survivors have been saying for decades. It's been said that there's not a single Indigenous person in Canada who's not been touched by the legacy of residential schools. And I know that's true. I felt it the moment I heard it. But I've never connected the dots in my own family. I've done this reporting for years, but when it comes to individual schools like St. Michael's and individual stories like my dad's, there's still so much that's unknown. It's like the biggest open secret that we just don't talk about. But my brother Hal saw how residential school haunted our dad throughout his life. He told me it came up in unexpected ways, that even the most mundane things would remind him. I remember we started walking up steps and there's like that black metal or like cage kind of step. Like a fire escape. Yeah, and it kind of like echoes when you step on it. I got to the top and I was going to open the door and I looked back and he was like at this top step and he was like, he had the railing and he was like kind of like hunched over and like looking down, like focusing on something. And then he kind of gathered himself and we went in. but then on the way home he told me that that was a trigger for him because that was the same stairs that they had at the residential school. So when he heard it, he brought them back because that reminded him that he was going back in there. And I was like, holy fuck, just imagine what this upstairs, what that did to him. Learning that what happened to my dad at residential school followed him his whole life. learning that he was sexually abused by a priest, I can't unhear it. I can't ignore it. I tried. But now I'm here, sitting with my brother Hal at my dad's old house, feeling like I need to understand how the father I remember was impacted by the priest who abused him. Did he tell you who the priest was or anything about him? No, he didn't. No. Or maybe he did, I just didn't remember the name, but no I yeah I've only just created this image in my head of what this person looks like what do you imagine he looks like he's in black and white like I don't even see a complexion it's just like this black and white film but he just has this like dark rimmed glasses very pale white hair and it's like really big, intense eyes. Like, you see people who have, like, just hate in their eyes. Like that. Now, that's how I imagine the priest too. One of the last times I visited my dad was when I brought my six-week-old daughter home to meet my family. There's a photograph from that visit that I love. My dad's smiling with his mouth open and looking up at me while cradling my daughter in his arms. His hair is black but starting to gray on the sides. He looks strong and healthy. Eight months later, he was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer, and we came home to see him again. By then, he'd already lost a lot of weight. I remember he was very sick, but he sat up with us at the kitchen table and held my girl in his lap. By February, he was in the hospital, and we were called in to say goodbye. He was only 58 when he died. I saw him three times that year. It was the most I'd seen him since I was a kid. I had always imagined that at some point in my life, I would take the time to get to know my dad, to talk to him, to reconnect. When he died, I thought I lost that chance, and I came to accept that my understanding of him and our relationship was going to stay the way we left it. But now it feels like a door has been cracked open, like there might be a chance to write a new story for me and my dad. I feel like the answers are here for me if I want them. But I know unearthing this story will also unearth a lot of painful memories, not just for me, but for my family. I need their help to find out more about what happened to my dad. And I kind of feel like I need their permission. Is that your garden? How nice. What are you growing? In the box here, I have beets. Oh, wow. What are you going to do with your beets? I want a candle. I love candy. After leaving Hell's, I drive over to my Auntie Ivy's house in the reserve. My dad was one of 15 Cameron kids. My Auntie Ivy is one of the younger siblings, but she's become sort of a family caretaker, the one everyone turns to when they need help. She takes me over to her gazebo, where there's a table and chairs set up. Can I have some of this too? Yeah. Awesome. There's the coffee in the thermos there, the tea pot. A few minutes later, my auntie Leona arrives with her grandkids. Hi, how are you? Your hair is so long on both of you. My auntie Leona lives just across the road and must have heard we were having a visit. My aunties look alike. They both have big smiles and long, long dark hair. My auntie Ivy keeps hers in a braid, but my auntie Leona's is held up by a barrette and flows down her back. Yeah, our hair is in the limits. I can't have my hair down. No? It drives me insane. And I can't have my hair up like that. I mean... In a braid, even? No? It just drives me nuts. That's the only way people can tell us about that. My Auntie Ivy's house was built behind another house that I remember well. My Cook and Mary's house, my dad's mom. We lived with my Cook and Mary for a while when I was little. The yard where the grandkids are playing now is the same one that I played in. And the same one that my dad played in when he was a kid. I remember the one time, I don't know what the heck was going on. But anyway, there was an argument. Somebody was standing on the porch. Go get him. Or on the steps. Right here at this house. At this house. My Auntie Ivy tells me about a time when my dad and my uncle Ernie got into an argument. And Ernie grabbed the mop that was sitting in water and slapped this person with the mop. Your dad grabs a gun and Ernie is running zigzag down the road. So he wouldn't get trapped. The ability to laugh about things that are dark is a gift that all Cree people seem to have, especially in my family. We're talking about my dad as a boy taking a gun and shooting at his brother, my Uncle Ernie. He's the uncle I used to stay with when I came home. He's my godfather, and in some ways I was closer to him than to my dad. My Uncle Ernie died last year, also of lung cancer. My aunties say that he and my dad were a lot alike. They were a few years apart in residential school, and after school, they both joined the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. I don't know much about that period in my dad's life, other than it was around the time I was born. Do you know why my dad joined the RCMP? No, I think he just, they were doing a recruiting thing. A few years ago, the RCMP tweeted out a photo from its archives. It was of my dad. It was jarring to scroll past a picture of him in my Twitter feed but I instantly recognized him In the photo he looks just like my little brother He standing next to an old police car in his uniform He has one hand on his hip and he's looking very serious. His eyes are narrowed, and his jaw muscles are clenched. I retweeted the picture, and a bunch of people responded with questions, like when was the photo taken? Where was he stationed? Which division was he in? I couldn't answer any of them. And now when I look at it, I have my own questions. Like, was this taken before or after he beat up the priest? Did you guys see Hal's status about my dad when he was an officer and he pulled over a priest from residential school? He told me the story, but not at the time. Yeah. What did he say about it? Well, he just was kind of proud of himself because of what he did. I just see him kind of just laugh. I don't really remember the total story, though. Telling that story with a big smile. Did he ever say who it was, which priest? No, I don't remember the priest. My brothers, they didn't really talk about things that happened. Like, even to this day, they don't talk about what happened to them at residential school. They just don't want to talk about it. I can understand that feeling of not wanting to talk about painful memories from your childhood because for a long time, I didn't want to talk about the memories I have of my dad. I think in part because I'm still dealing with them. I still sometimes have dreams of being chased, of trying to get away from some imminent danger. I wake up with my heart racing and fear and adrenaline coursing through my body. Despite the lingering effects of his anger on my life, I've never fully understood where that came from in him. But it seems like having a microphone is giving us all permission to talk about things we've never talked about before. I remember my dad drinking when I was a kid and that he was very, he was mean. Abusive. Yeah. Yeah, very short temper. You have to be very careful of what you said or did because, yeah, he would fly off the handle like that, you know? Yeah, even when he was sober, I think, yeah. Like, my kids don't know what we went through. They need to be educated. I don't know how they're going to get it. I don't know what's going to be the outcome of this. But I think that's our error as parents because that's what we were taught. I never told them anything about residential school. All of my dad's brothers and sisters went to the St. Michael's Indian Residential School. This is the first time I've heard any of them talk about it. And I think that's where we went from. Man, what we suffered, they don't know about. And what we had to endure that wasn't ours, they don't know about. So stuff like that you just try and bury. Just to not think about it on, like, to affect your life. But the thing about trauma is that it doesn't often stay buried. It keeps popping up. And one of the ways to heal is to talk about it. It's the trauma that caused a lot of heartache. Yeah. And they always wonder why. Well, now you know. Bye, so nice to see you. Good night. I should let you guys go inside. It's getting cold out and stuff. No, no, I'm good. Are you cold? No, I'm okay. I'm all right. The kids all go inside, and I know I should let my aunties go in too, but I don't want to leave. Learning the story from Hal and hearing my aunties talk about my dad is helping me realize that his life went beyond my bad memories, that there's more to his story. He had to find that and he had to work on it to become who he was. Because he was very humble at the end. Like, not the mean Howard that I knew growing up. He was very gentle, especially with the kids. I couldn't believe the amount of patience he had with the kids. And I said, what? That's not the Howard that I grew up with. I'm soaking up every story, every insight my aunties are giving me. Talking and laughing and crying with them as the light fades to black. I'm starting to see what I've been missing. My dad, my family, this place. and I'm going to find out that what happened to us is part of a far bigger story than I realized. It's pitch black when I finally leave my auntie's house and get into my car to drive the hour back to my hotel in Saskatoon. Oh my god, okay, it is 10.41. I got to my auntie Ivey's at 6.45, I think, So I was there for like four hours. It was just so hard to describe how I'm feeling because it's such a mixture of emotions. And that it feels amazing on one hand because I feel like I'm remembering a part of myself with every conversation. In talking with them, it feels familiar. and and then also obviously the people that we're talking about like my dad, my Coco Mary, you know like those were people that I spent a lot of time with and I was closer to but that who I then really kind of lost when I was seven and we left here and so it feels so good to kind of be reminded of them and reconnect with them all in a way. But then it's also just so sad because my dad passed away and the only way I can get to know him now is through these interviews and these conversations with people who knew him better than I did. My dad was stolen from me because his childhood was stolen from him by residential school but also by a man in a black robe. Their lives first intersected at residential school when my dad was a boy and the priest a grown man. And then they collided again years later one night on the side of a dark road in Saskatchewan. My dad's life was cut short when he passed away in 2013. But what happened to this priest? Who was he? And can I find him? This season on Stolen, Surviving St. Michael's. I was so used to getting up in the morning, running outside, playing with my dog, going to visit my grandparents, and all that was taken away. Did you understand any English when you arrived? Nothing at all, Connie. Nothing. They wanted to kill the Indian in me. They sure did. He's the one that said he was sexually abused by a priest. Did he say which priest? No. I said, you know what, Father? I'll tell you something. I tracked you down. What is this? It looks like there are photos of boys undressing. You sometimes lie? Are you lying to me now? Stolen Surviving St. Michael's is a Gimlet Media and Spotify original production. The show is hosted and reported by me, Connie Walker. Additional reporting by Betty Ann Adam. Reporting and producing by Chantelle Belrichard, Max Green, and Anya Schultz. Our supervising producer is Ellen Frankman. Our editor is Devin Taylor. Our consulting editor is Heather Evans. Additional editorial support from Lydia Polgreen, Rehan Hermansi, Jonathan Goldstein, and Saeed Tijan Thomas. Fact-checking by Naomi Barr. Original music by Emma Munger, Chris Dirksen, and Raymond Cameron. Scoring, sound design and mixing by Emma Munger Music supervision by Liz Fulton Legal support from Iris Fisher, Natalie Russell, Whitney Potter and Rachel Strom If you have information that you'd like to share about St. Michael's Indian Residential School in Duck Lake, Saskatchewan you can write to us at stolen at Spotify.com If you're a survivor or intergenerational survivor of Canada's residential school system and you need help, there's a 24-hour support line you can call. 1-866-925-4419. And if you or someone you know is dealing with physical or sexual violence, you can find resources in your area by going to spotify.com slash stolen. Thank you for listening.