From American Idol to Audience of One — A Redemption Story | Sadie Robertson Huff & Breanna Nix

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She was like, oh my gosh, should that Sprayanna next from American Idol? And so there we have it, Brianna. I'm so excited that you are here and so many people are gonna be so excited to see you on. I am so excited to be here. Thank you for having me on here. I'm pumped. Yes, welcome to Louisiana. Yeah. It was so funny. You got a little lost today and I was like, yeah, this is not the place you wanna get lost. Yeah, there's iPad ladies out there. We never know what we're gonna run into. You never know, friend. And I'm just grateful you're here. I've said this to you before we started filming but I'll say it again. Watching you on American Idol was so fun. I totally voted for you every single week. And it was so funny. You were like, really? I was like, oh yeah, I actually did. And I made everyone else do it too. Thank you guys. And you just did an amazing job. Like think about Jesus saying, you are the light of the world. The city on a hill cannot be hidden. And you were the light. Like you just were shining such a beautiful light. You didn't hold back with your testimony with the way that you led worship. And I think sometimes on American Idol, and you know, this might be a hot take but sometimes on American Idol when people go on and they sing a worship song, it doesn't go well. You know, like in the past now it's like so common but in the past it felt like when people did a worship song sometimes that would be like the end of their journey or something. And I was just so refreshed by this time. That was not the case at all. It was like everybody was singing worship songs. Like you saying them so many times other people did too. But I think what was different about now than maybe in the past is it was just so naturally who you were. Like you just seemed like you were made to worship and like we all are. And it wasn't like a forceful thing or a striving. Like that was just who you are. And it was so beautiful to watch and cheer you on. You did so well. So congrats on making it so far. Thank you so much, seriously. I really find it like honoring to hear. I've heard multiple people say that, you know, like it was like you were made to do this. And you know, we're all made to worship. That's literally what our duty is as Christians, right? To worship the Father. But, you know, looking not even to jump into it and get so deep so fast, but just, you know, looking back like over my life, you know, I always thought God, man, I'm so unworthy to hear all these things, you know, like who am I? And it's at the end of the day, it wasn't anything in myself. That was all God, you know, and I remember like right before I walked into the American Idol doors, like they'll never get out of my mind. There were these big tall white doors with these golden handles. And I opened them up or they opened them up. And I remember walking about to walk through and I just closed my eyes and I was like, God, if this is what you have for my life, I will get a golden ticket, but Lord, I will put you first before anything. And I feel like that's what, you know, made me go as far as I did because, you know, like God's favor is what I really, I feel it was honestly. It's true. I mean, you can see that. And it's so cool that you say that because I remember having similar moments before walking into big things, being like, God, if this is you, then like, you have to do this through me because I feel so incapable of doing this on my own strength. And it's so cool to watch what the Lord does, but you don't think you could be able to do on your own. Before we get too far into it, I got to ask you the question. I ask everybody who comes on the podcast, but what's the best piece of advice that you have ever been given? So I've actually been thinking about this because I knew you were going to ask this question. And years ago, we were, my husband and I were, I think, engaged about to get married and we were sitting in my pastor's office and he was just chatting with us. We're very close with him and he had a piece of paper and he drew the map out of the church on his own, but he also had like the actual blueprint, you know, from years ago when they gave it to him to build the foundation of the church and all the things. And he told me, he said, you know, look at all these buildings. He's like, look at, you know, the ground and you know, all the things that are inside. He's like, it's beautiful. He's like, everything looks amazing. He's like, but what holds this up is the foundation. And he's like, and without the foundation, everything will crumble, everything will break. And he told us basically, you know, God needs to be the center of everything, the foundation in your own personal walk and also in your marriage. And that has literally stuck with me since that day. If God's not in it, then it's not gonna be good, you know? And it will fail. And so just having God as my foundation. That's so cool. And you can see that, like even you saying that right before you open this gold handled doors, like you made sure God was the foundation of even your American Idol journey, which is so cool. I wanna ask you, I have so many things I wanna ask you about, I do wanna talk about American Idol a little bit because that is your most recent journey and it's a really epic one until a lot of people just got to know you. What was your experience like? I mean, actually before we even get to the experience, how did you even get to the point of auditioning? Because I know it's hard to even get into the room with the judges. So what was that whole process like? I don't even really know. I don't have the words to explain it. It's just my husband and I, we really felt a burden to start posting like music on social media just somewhere, like getting it outside of the church walls. And what were you doing before? Just every now and again, like doing a special at church. That's all we did. And if we were lucky, like someone would ask us to come and take a chance on us to do worship at their church. And so like that's all we did. But we were praying about it. And really I kind of brought it to my husband and he's like, wow, he's like, you know, I've been really feeling that in my soul too. So yeah, we should start doing it. So solely we started posting on social media and all my life, you know, like I heard, you should try out for American Idol. You should do the voice. You should do this, you should do that. And there was comments that were also being like posted on my social media of that. And I don't know what it was. I just remember like, I just got into a wreck like a couple of weeks prior and I was laying on the couch, you know, just like bedridden really, like couldn't really walk and move. And something was just like, just post that video on American Idol's tryout page. And I was like, okay, whatever, what are they gonna say? No, you know, like, okay, let's just try. You know, like not even thinking like, I just want to say I did it, you know? What song did you do? So I actually sang a choir song that we were doing at my church by Ann Wilson. Let me tell you about my Jesus. Oh, that's good. Yeah, one of the best song. I feel like that's part of my testimony in itself. And so it was just crazy that that song is what like, open the door. Yeah. But it was just a very bad lighting TikTok that I posted and I forgot about it because I genuinely like, I did not think anything was gonna come out of it. Like, I don't, yeah. So I was helping people lose weight and someone signed up to go under like my, my little program thing that I was doing. And I checked the email and right below that person's name that signed up was American Idol Notification. So I'm like, oh, they're gonna tell me now, whatever. So I remember laying in bed, I opened it up on my laptop and my husband was asleep. My son was asleep. It was like dead quiet in the house. And congratulations, Rana, we liked your audition tape. We would love to see you again. And I'm like, what? Oh my God. This is crazy. And so I actually missed- Did you wake your husband up? No, I did. I slammed a pillow in his face. I'm like, I just, I got accepted. You know, he's like, what? Like he had no idea. It was so crazy. And I actually missed every day in Texas to like go do my Zoom audition. And so I'm like, yeah, this is dumb. Like there's no point in me doing this, especially going on nationwide. Like that's everyone around the world. Like there's no way I'm gonna get in there, you know? And my husband like, babe, you already come this far and like you should just try. And so I'll never forget it. I opened up my laptop. I didn't even have an ounce of makeup on. I probably had stains on my shirt from just like doing motherhood duties, you know? My husband was at work and I opened that thing up and I waited and I sang my songs. And the lady that actually was on the Zoom didn't know any song I sang at all. And she's like, oh, okay. Well, why don't you try like Carrie Underwood song? You know, I had no idea she was not gonna be a judge. And so I can only think of Jesus Take the Wheel, right? Classic. That's awesome. I sang it and it pushed me and got me to the executive producers. And I thought they were just joking with me and they're like, no, you're coming. So then we were there. It's also impressive because Jesus Take the Wheel is a very hard song to sing. I know, why did I pick that song? For the average person, that's probably what set you apart because most people who sing Jesus Take the Wheel, that might've been the end of their journey but that was the beginning of your, that is so cool. So from that point, that's whenever you got, like you knew you were gonna actually go in front of the judges. Yeah, so that's when they told me, okay, you're gonna try out for Luke, Brian, Lionel Richie and Carrie Underwood. I was like, gosh. Carrie Underwood. Oh my gosh. And they're like, yeah, and we think you should come in maybe with that song. And I'm like, you're lying. Like I'm not doing that. But I did. Oh my gosh. So it was just crazy. And the song went right with what I was just experiencing. Like I had no, like that's why I feel like it's such a God moment because that song, like it was just a spur of the moment kind of pick for me. You know, like, oh, what do I sing? What Carrie Underwood? But Jesus Take the Wheel was talking about a car accident with the little one in the back. And I just literally experienced that just weeks before this with my son. Wow. And so it was just crazy, like how God knitted every little thing together and it turned into like a ministry song really. Oh my God. In my perspective. And I was like, take it over Jesus. See, that's what you did. When I say the authenticity of you singing these songs, when you sang a worship song, you weren't just singing it, you were ministering to, I think yourself and to everyone who was listening. And that's why I think it was like, there was such a connection point there with you because it just felt so authentic and so inspiring. You could tell that you believed every word you were saying or you were speaking it over yourself, which was really, really cool. So how long did you have to prepare from the time you knew you were going to the judges to getting there? Well, that's kind of blurry now, but I remember I tried out August of 2024. And then, I don't know, I think it was October or maybe it was November. We were there in Nashville for my audition in front of the celebrities. And then from that month to January, we were filming Hollywood week. And then Hollywood week on out to the end of the show was kind of like stacked on, stacked on, stacked on, stacked on, stacked on, like let's go. So it just happened so fast, honestly. I remember whenever we started low and I had all the what-ifs, what if I fail? What if it isn't where I need to be? And looking back, I can see so clearly that God had his hand in the whole thing. Starting something new is exciting, but it's also very scary. And that's why I'm thankful for Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the US from massive brands to tiny startups. 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Oh my word, Sadie, like, let me just tell you. So I wasn't, I am usually the nervous type. Like I'm freaking out, I'm sweating. I drank too much caffeine. Like I'm going crazy at all the things. And my husband's like usually really, really laid back. Well, we got in there and I'm super chill. And honestly, in the Bible where it just talks about the peace that passes all understanding, that's what I was feeling the whole day. And my husband was opposite. Like he was frantically panicky, didn't know how to play Jesus, take the wheel in the rehearsal room. So I'm like trying to calm him down. And I'm like, dude, I'm gonna crush this audition. This is gonna be a bam. But as soon as those doors open and I walk in there, I'm like, okay, where is the peace that doesn't, you know, it doesn't fade and it doesn't pass on. Cause like I'm freaking out. I get that bad. This sweat started coming and I'm like, you know, it really hit me in that moment. And all my word, like I still remember like literally shaking in my boots. Like I was just standing there and I'm like, what did I get myself into? Like I remember staring at Carrie Underwood and I'm like, is she actually talking to me right now? Like it was crazy. That's so interesting. We made it through. It was so cool. It was crazy. I mean, it's so cool. I think like, I feel like a lot of people, I don't know if everybody, but a lot of people envision themselves trying out for American Idol and what that would be like, what song would I sing? How would I do it? You know, but you could never prepare yourself for actually being in a moment like that. One of the most like iconic moments, I think, from your journey was when Carrie asked you what you do and you said, I'm just to stay at home mom. And I loved how Carrie fired back and was like, you are not just to stay at home mom. I actually used that in a sermon this past month. Actually, I probably should have told you that before this, but it kind of just came out because it was such a powerful moment because I think a lot of people relate to that feeling of being asked like, what do you do? And feeling like what they do isn't enough. It's not impressive enough. It's not whatever. And so you kind of, we all tend to do this. You either get insecure in that moment. You say, oh, I'm just whatever or people might feel an insecure in a different way and try to over explain what they do and who they are. But that is like a tough moment. And whenever you said that, I felt like every mom around the world could like totally relate. Did you feel when you said like, I'm just to stay at home mom, did you feel an insecurity in that moment? Or were you just kind of- I 100% did. Like I first of all, like my first thought was, what did I get into? You know, and like the enemy was already like, when I tell you, like it's gonna get deep really quick, okay? Because when I tell you the enemy fought me, like the enemy fought me because I brought this to like my church leadership and asked them, hey, like this is what I feel the direction of the Lord is. This is what I feel like I should do. And they said, no, like that's not from God. Like this is not what God wants for your life. And we're completely like 100% against it. And just told me like, if you were to pursue it, like we can't support you in this because we just don't think this is God's will for your life. And so, you know, growing up, like that's all I held onto was like that, you know? And so like it was a very trying time for me because after I got accepted, you know, I started fast. I don't know why I just felt like I should fast. And so I started fasting and praying, like really asking God, Lord, is this what you have for my life? Cause you know, you hear the horror stories with Hollywood, whatever. And so I'm like, I don't want to put my spiritual self in danger or my family, especially my son, you know, like I don't want to put us in harm's way at all. So God give me wisdom. And every single time I prayed about this, I just felt God tell me go. And it was crazy because about a year and a half before any American Idol thought came through my mind, I remember I was sitting at the piano and I was in such a broken season of my life. I'm talking broken, like shattered. And I remember praying and I was asking God, Lord, let this be, let this happen. And God for weeks and months kept telling me, no, I have greater, I have greater, I have greater. And I became in a frustrated kind of mood, if that makes any sense. I was on the piano, I was just banging the keys. And I remember I was like, then what do you have for my life? If this is all you have, like this can't be, you giving me a talent to sing and I'm not using it, you know, like, and it was just, you know, a moment of really selfishness, but God's like, I have things you'll never be able to imagine. And then I remember he spoke to me, nations upon nations. Tribes of different tribes and I held on to that. And so American Idol came about and I fasted and I prayed and I brought that to my leadership and God re-brought that to my memory. You know, he's like, I told you that you will be singing in front of nations upon nations, tribe of different tribe. And I'm like, okay, but the enemy fought me. Like he fought me, he fought me without, I mean, he fought me with torment over my son. Every single night, like I was restless, I couldn't sleep. And at first I'm like, well, maybe that's God trying to tell me, you know, so confused. And that's exactly what the enemy was doing. He was confusing me, which is not from God and wearing me plum out and making me doubt what God told me to go do. And so finally, I don't even know the question you asked me, but finally, you know, like I fully surrendered that over to God and was like, Lord, I trust you. Like, I don't know what the next step is gonna look like, but I know you told me to go. And I don't know like how far I'm gonna get. And I'm just gonna take it step by step. And so whenever I was there in American Idol, I was already thinking about all these things. Like I am not enough to do this. Like what did I get myself into? And I remember standing there and they told me, prepared me, you know, like, hey, they're gonna ask you your occupation. Like what do you do? Like what makes you stand out from everybody else? And I sat there and thought about it all day. And I'm like, there's nothing. Like I came, I come from a broken home. You know, I don't do anything, you know? Like, and I just started beating, like letting the enemy beat my mind up. And so when I walked down there and she asked that, I'm like, I'm just a stay at home mom. And little did I know that that moment, you know, God was going to use carry honestly to just speak life into me. And that's literally what carried me through the whole way. Was that little moment that we had in my audition? That was like the most beautiful moment. And I didn't even know the backstory. And now it's even more beautiful. I have so many like thoughts on ask you when you, so when you came to your church leadership and they said, no, that was specifically for American Idol. And so you went from that and fasted and prayed, did you ever go back and talk or did you just pursue what you felt the Lord was doing? We did. And it didn't go great. And I kind of just told them like, you know, like it was very respectful. We left on, you know, we're still on great respectful terms, but just like honestly, you know, just being so transparent with like the whole entire world, you know, cause there's so many people that are in this. When God tells you to do something, that's because he has a calling on your life. And your calling on your life is not gonna match everybody else's opinion. And everybody else's call that's on their life. And that was the biggest thing I learned in that small little season that came into American Idol, all the things, but conversation did not go well to say in the least we left on great terms. But I just plain outright knew that, I mean, it was a fight with my family. It was a fight with so many people like that loved me. Of course, they wanted the best for me, but like the enemy used a lot of really close people to come in and try to stop what God was wanting to do. And I know when I say that, I know that with confidence because American Idol was great, you know, I was able to minister to thousands and help so many people, but what the cameras didn't see and show the world was small conversations that I had with people in tiny little rooms, you know, or walking to someone's hotel room down, you know, my room, whatever, just to go in there and pray for them. You know, like the world didn't see that, but God knew that they were gonna need someone, you know. I love that you're sharing this because I think that's something that's not talked about a lot that whenever God calls people to certain things, it does often feel like the closest people around them, sometimes the enemy can use in such a way that, because you know, you typically would listen to them, you typically would respect what they're saying, but if the Lord gives you something and you know for sure that's what the Lord said to do, then even if it's a church leader, even if it's your mentor, even if it, you know, you have to weigh it beside what the Lord's saying. And I mean, yes, you're so wise, like fast and pray so that you felt really confident enough to know and to say like, hey, I respect you guys, I respect, y'all so much, but in this area, this is what the Lord has called me to in knowing that. And man, I've been studying the life of John the Baptist and it's so cool because like he was prophesied over, you know, the angel came to his father, was like, this is who your son's gonna be. And there were illicit things that John the Baptist was gonna be that were different than everybody else. And there was a calling on his life that was to a higher standard than everybody else. And I just think about if John the Baptist would have, you know, looked at Jesus and like, well, he's doing this, like, actually we do that. It's like, no, you were the one supposed to prepare the way, you know, like, you're different than him, you know? And this is what I've called you to, we were talking about this yesterday, like it's interesting that they prophesied over John the Baptist, like he wasn't supposed to drink wine because he was gonna be filled with spirit. But then you look at Jesus and the disciples and they were drinking wine. But if John the Baptist did, like that wasn't his call, you know, so like you do have to be, you have to hear from the Lord on that. Like, God, what do you have for me? And if it looks different than somebody else, and that's okay. And I think too, you have to trust God inside of you. Like so many people are like, I feel like Christians were too scared of the enemy. Like when we give the enemy too much credit, when it's like, no, God defeated the enemy. And we have the spirit of living God inside of us to rebuke, you know, anything that comes at us outside of his will for our life. And I think a lot of people go like, oh, I'm so scared of Hollywood. Like what would Hollywood do to me or my family? And it's like, okay, but what could you do for Hollywood? You know, like that's the thing. I mean, people do that with our family all the time. Like, reality TV or me going to dance with the stars. I got the more hate, way more hate from the church than I did from the world and dance with the stars, which is a confusing time at 17 year old. Because I'm like, I'm trying to be a light, but all the church can think about is about them dancing on TV. And it's like, they didn't see. Yeah, the conversations I'm having with people in our little trailers and places that you're the light. I want to ask you a little bit about, so you said before you were helping people with their weight loss journey. I know that's a passionate topic of yours, which is so cool by the way. And I was looking at your Instagram day and your pin post was like your journey. J.D. Robertson was looking at Marl. Yes, I was. I told you, I'm a huge fan. And I saw your pin post about your journey and I was like, wow, that is crazy. Like just showing the different pictures and how far you've come. And I always feel like sometimes it's awkward whenever people share like, like, you know when people like share videos and they're self crying on social media, but like yours was so sincere. Like you had like tear shirming on your face and I could just see, man, this is like a huge part of your story that you had to work really hard for. It's a huge part. You had to speak a little bit into that. So I'm still on my journey, but the journey, I don't even really like to call it. At first it was like, here's my weight loss journey. But after the years, you know, moved by and things, I started to realize it was just a journey of like, and even more so now, like, you have to be sometimes careful with these words because people go crazy with them. But I have just been feeling the conviction to honor the body that God's given me. And at first it didn't start out like that. It started out 100%. I just wanted, I need to get skinny, you know? I need to just be a certain size, you know? So I can live long for my son. And then it turned into, okay, 100% just health minded. Like, okay, I got to get as healthy as I can for my son. And then now it's more so turning into, how can I present myself every single day as a ministry to others through my body? And I know that sounds crazy, but you know, the Holy Spirit really just has been convicted me of that because really like, God wants us to be inside and outside full of him, you know, and honoring of him. And my weight loss journey, when I started, you know, like just looking back at it, like four years ago, my mind was so unhealthy. And like it showed on my body, you know? I was in such a broken and bad place. I was married happy, thriving in that area. But I was like literally showing all the trauma that I've gone through in my life, you know? And I really believe that like, if you fully are surrendered to God, you know, and 100% sold out, you know, that God can help you totally 100%, you know, like build yourself inside out. And I don't even know if that makes sense. It does make sense. I think it's kind of cool cause you went, did that make sense actually? It actually does make sense. I think it's cool that you went from, I got to do this for my son. I got to do this for my son. I had to do this for everybody. Like it became like a ministry for everybody. It's like, I want to be healthy. I want to do this. And I think it's cool that the Lord just continues to like define to you what it means to be healthy. And I think that that's beautiful because I think a lot of people, it just stops like, I want to be skinny or I want to be this. And it's like, I don't think that's like- It was almost like a pride issue too thing that I had to lay down because it was like, it turned, you know, turned into like, oh, well like, I need to look this way. I need to look like her. And it was like turning into, you know, at least I don't look like that one anymore. And like God really just like stroke my heart and was like, no, like your body needs to honor me. Yeah, that's cool. When people like, especially the fact that I came from like 300 and something pounds to, you know, wherever I land at, you know, like God's going to be my help and you know, show me where I need to be. But just like showing that little small difference, you know, like God can really just like clean you up. That's hard work friend. That's awesome. I feel like I'm so rambled right now. You are not rambled, friend. I hope you feel confident. Everything you're saying is such a blessing to so many people. You know, we have done a couple body image podcasts in the past and like those are always some of our most listened to, most watched because so many people struggle with that. And we've, I've had a comment because people have said to me like, oh, well, you don't really understand because you haven't like, you haven't been bigger. And I'm like, but I've really struggled because my mind's been very unhealthy when it comes to food and exercise and all those things because no matter really what your size is, you can make an idol out of anything. You can make anything become something that becomes unhealthy, even sinful because it really distanced you from God. I mean, it separates you from the Lord in some ways. And so for me, I'm like, no, I've actually really struggled with that. So it's been something that I've overcome, but it's something I'll always have to keep track of just like where my mind's at whenever I'm thinking about my body. And so I think that I think everybody can relate. I think what you're saying is hard to put words to in general when it comes to it. It's so hard to put words to it. And it's so vulnerable in it. So, and I think too, it's like also a personal thing, you know, but like, if I could just like recap what I was trying to say is, you know, like one of the biggest takeaways from my weight loss journey that I've noticed is when I am like in the gym and I am fueling my body with the right things, you know, like don't get me wrong, these times are like, I could throw down the cheeseburger. And I still do, but like, you know what I mean? Like there's times when I'm just like rotting in bed and I'm like, give me an extra fry, you know, like I don't need it, but you can notice a difference when you're exercising, you're eating right, just the clarity that's in your brain. And it's like when you're overweight and when you're eating like a sob and you're acting like a sob, then you're laying in bed. You don't want to read your bio. You don't want to go serve anything. You don't want to, like you're serving yourself. You're not, yeah. I feel like whenever you let the Lord define what healthy is to you, it really is. It's more of a spiritual thing and it's beautiful because it's not just about being healthy, like, oh, I weigh what I want to weigh or I look the way I want to look. It's like, no, my body, soul, mind is healthy. Like for me, this morning, this might sound funny to people, but like I made cinnamon rolls for my girls. And I love cinnamon rolls, but a lot of times I'm like, I don't need to eat it because it's not good for me, blah, blah, blah. But then this morning I'm like, I'm gonna eat the dang cinnamon roll because I'm eight months pregnant and that sounds really, really good. And to me, and if someone could argue this, this is my journey, my experience, I'm like, it's healthier for me to have the freedom to know I can eat this and it actually not mess with my mind. Like I'm living in freedom. Like I'm not being unhealthy. It can be an addiction. I'm not overdoing it. I'm not being crazy. I'm eating a cinnamon roll with my girls in the morning and I feel fine. It's balance, yeah. You know, it's balance. I think like when you argue that it was healthy, sometimes it's unhealthy when you sit there and you just think about it and you're like, I'm not gonna eat cinnamon roll, I'm not gonna eat cinnamon roll, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it becomes this. Well, my thing is like crazy cycle. The fact that you just said that actually kind of brought clarity to my mind because so many people they're like, well, if you would just not bring it to your house, then you won't gain weight, you won't eat it. And I'm like, dude, you don't understand. Like food is like a drug. It's an addiction for certain people. And I think that's really like awesome that you said that because like I feel like that's the freedom that I'm seeking. I have found a little glimpse of it and God's helping me. And that's really the tie in what I was trying to say is I was bound by food. You know, I was going through all of this. It's a good way to put it. Yeah. It is like it's bound. I mean, it was. It's a totally mental place to be in. And you can't always see it. Like it doesn't always show up. Like that's the thing with when you hear people with eating disorders, you can look at people at all different sizes who struggle with this same thing. It's an internal thing. You know? And so I'm super thankful that you share your journey. I'm super thankful that you talk about it. I think that there's so much power in just fumbling through things sometimes and trying to put words to something that like everyone's feeling but doesn't know how to say, you know? No, truly. And I actually didn't even think you fumbled your way through it. Genuinely, I was tracking with you. I was like, yep, that's good. Someone's just saying they're like, what is going on? I was like, what's happening? No, most everyone there is like, I know exactly what they're talking about. You said that your trauma was showing up on your body and that you had a broken home background. Do you wanna share a little bit about kind of where you come from? Yeah, so this is kind of like the more vulnerable part of my testimony really. But I, again, I've been feeling from the Lord like to really just share this. And I hesitated on American Idol, but the more like I've prayed about it, you know, so many times people think that like, I'm not even like trying to boast or brag about myself top three American Idol, she has it all together. Her life is amazing, beautiful family, beautiful son, which these things are true, but I've come from a broken home and my dad is actually like a child predator. That's been in prison for my whole life because of that. And when I found that out, it crushed me. Crushed me not only as he out of my life, but like what he did. You know what I mean? And so I know that's like really tight and it's very uncomfortable, but like- It's your story. Just to share that, you know, like people so many times, I mean, I know I've done it is like looking at people and I'm like, man, they have it all together. Like why can't my life be like that? And then you've come to find out and it's like, wow, they don't have it all together. And that's just like that ate me alive. Like it ate me alive. My whole life growing up, I had a stepdad and I thought he was my dad, you know what I mean? And when my mom and my first stepdad split up, my mom like broke it to me basically was like, that's not your real dad. You know, I had questions like, why am I not going to see him? Like all this kind of stuff. And my mom like broke it to me and was like, that's not really your real dad. And so then I had more questions. Okay, well, where is my dad? So finally like at a young age, my mom told me that and I remember like, oh my word, the feeling of rejection. Like it was just, it's like, unless you felt it and dealt with it your own, like I can't explain it. Like it was insane. Like it ate my life away for years and my mind. And then the split between my stepdad and I called dad, you know, for years was extremely draining. You know, my mom was struggling with alcohol and I'll never forget like we were going to church and I like nine, 10 years old. Like I'm like, I don't want any part of this stuff, this Jesus stuff. You know, like I know the name of Jesus, but like I'm never, no way. There's no way he can't be real because if he's real and my family still is acting this way, like no, I don't want it. And so yeah, I just, I was trauma, a lot of trauma that I went through and. So young too. At a young age, the weight started like putting, just coming on because I was trying to feel something. And I know it sounds so crazy. It's like one of those things unless you've just been in it, you understand. And if you haven't, then you won't. But I would eat so much that I would feel sick. And that was like the only feeling that I could feel. It was so strange. And so I just eat and eat and eat. So I was like physically going to throw up or physically like laying there like, oh, I can't anymore. You know, and it was because I was just trying to feel something. I didn't feel nothing. I just like, I had such a hard heart, towards just life in general. Wow. I'm so sorry friend. Like truly, I'm so sorry that like actually brings tears to my eyes because I've never experienced something, I haven't experienced that. And for you to say like, unless you've gone through it, you don't know how to understand it. But I remember in a dark time in my life, like not feeling anything. And it was when I didn't feel things and emotions properly that I would turn to things that were not healthy because you just want to feel something or you want to control something. And a lot of times that can take you down a really, really hard road. So I know a glimpse of going down a path like that, but nothing like what you've experienced. And I'm so sorry you had to. It's wild to me that at 19 years old, you're like, I want nothing to do with Jesus. And fast forward, I know you to who you are now, just watching you on national television, ministering to thousands of people. How did that change? Like how did you actually come to trust God? That's kind of like in the beginning, like when I was telling you, like when people tell me, like, oh, just the way you honored God, I'm just like, you know, I sit back and I'm just like, I think about all the things, you know, because I remember like how I felt for years, you know, towards it. And I don't know, I mean, we relocated to Dallas, like the Dallas area, because my nephew was facing a lot of health issues. And so not only was I dealing with like all the rejection and then like being fat and overweight and all the other trauma that, you know, I'm not going to mention today that my family was just going through. We relocated here and slowly started getting plugged in to church and my mom, you know, thank God, the Lord God hold over and she like truly finally sold herself out to Christ. So thankful for my mom. She started forcing me to go to church and there was this like youth night we had on Friday nights. It was just youth kids. She would make me go, I hated it. So did you see a change in your mom? I did. Did you tell? I did and it made me mad. I don't know why. Well, because she was just happy now. You know, she wasn't as, I think that's why, you know, she wasn't as miserable as what I was feeling. Well, you know, and there was so much chaos that was still happening, but she still remained, you know, like with the joy of the Lord, you know, not always perfect of course, but like the joy of the Lord was her strength and it really showed and I hated it because I'm like, I'm miserable. And like half of this is your fault. I blamed my mom for it, you know? And so like I hated her a long time and it was, I'd really hate saying that, but it's just the truth. I hated her and I hated her even more, like when she forced me to go to church, but slowly every single Friday night, my heart kept getting tender and more tender and there was this one service where like the Holy Spirit was just, I'm gonna get emotional. The Holy Spirit was just feeling so strong. And I remember like my friends were praying and I was sitting down like in a chair and I like, man, I really wish I could get freedom from all this stuff, but there's no way that God's gonna touch me. Like I said so many bad things about God and rejected them so many times and I'm so broken and I'm so ugly and yeah, I'm too dirty. And I remember someone grabbed my hand and brought me up to the altar and I remember like falling down and like everything was black from that moment. But when I woke up, I just felt like God was like, oh, literally getting my heart and just putting it back together. And there's actually like a song that I'm trying to write through that testimony because like it was just crazy. Like it's like literally all things are like black and I woke up and it's like, I had like a vision in my mind, like my heart. It was just so ugly and so dirty and there was like band-aids all over it and cracks and bruises and it was lumpy on certain parts. But God had his hands on it and was like slowly putting it all back together. And I wasn't perfect. Like I can't say like everything changed and I was 100% different. No, like I still had things that were there. But I remember like I gave my life to Christ that night. Like I knew Jesus, but that night I've come to like find him. You know, like I heard about him, but I found him that night myself. And I was like 13 years old that time, about to turn 13. And it was so crazy like how God progressed my life and like called me into worship and all kinds of different things. My youth pastor at the time, the assistant, he heard me sing and was like, oh, you gotta get up and lead worship. And little did I know, he signed me up to do it. And I was there and I just jumped up and I did it. And every week God was building on that. I still didn't have a relationship like I do now. It's kind of young and immature and stuff. I just had no idea, but it was that turnaround moment that I had. That's literally what God has done. I'm about to turn 26 in August. And from 12, almost 13 to 26, God has taken that broken heart and has mended it and brought it better. And I've done things I'm still not proud of. Everybody has mistakes, but God has been faithful. And I found him to be like that true friend. And like it's crazy going back to American Idol. I thought I let things go and I thought, okay, well, I'm not dealing with this anymore. And God brought a lot of restoration in my life and my family's life and healed a lot of pieces. And I got a love for my mom, which was crazy. I didn't think that could ever come about again, but like I adore my mom. She's like my best friend. I call her like and talk to her all the time. Which was crazy. And I got a wonderful husband, but I got on American Idol and I'm like, okay, well, like I don't have anything to talk about. And little did I know that like through that journey, God was gonna heal me through the situation with my dad. I didn't even know that I was still harboring those hurtful rejection kind of type feelings until I got on American Idol. And I talked about, there's so many interviews where like I just had my scare running down my face. And like we sat there for like two hours because like I couldn't get it out. And it was like therapy really. And like through American Idol, you know, that season in my life that I recently just got out of, like God healed me. And through my healing, he was able to heal other people in different ways. So I feel like I just talked in eternity, but no, you didn't, you could have kept going. I mean, seriously friend, that is absolutely beautiful. Like that you let the Lord heal your heart like that. And I can't wait to hear that song because I remember a time that I was like, it was weird because I was driving the car. It was in a tough season of life. And I truly got a vision of my heart being stitched, like stitched together. And I felt like the Lord was like healing my heart from some things. And when you said that, it took me back to that time of my life and I was just like, man, like what a good healer. You know, like we talk a lot about physical healing, but like, no, like to heal your heart and to mend it to go from like a bitter nine to 13 year old girl who by all rights had every right to be bitter and to say bitter and to stay in that zone, but for God to heal your heart and for him to place a gift in you that you didn't know was like even going to be used in the way that it was used. And then here you are worshiping in the next thing, you know, you're on American Idol next thing, you're testifying to the world, but all the while still healing your heart, you know? I was so curious when Brandon Lake asked you to do daddy's DNA. Yeah. Was that like, I mean, just with all the stuff going on with your dad and with that, was that pretty wild? I was just like, and it seemed crazier, like that happened on the finale. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Like that's just, and I didn't like, so I came back for my hometown visit and we had like 12 hours to prepare for the show. Of course, yes. And I was trying to like, I literally flew back from Texas, got back to Los Angeles and was in the studio immediately to record my first single. And then I got the news, hey, you're going to be singing with Brandon Lake. And this is a song you knew to learn it. Here it is. And so I stayed up, I remember really late trying to learn this song. And at first like, I didn't even like really hit me. You know, I'm like, oh, this is just amazing. Like, and then I'm freaking out like, I could just sing with Brandon Lake, like what's going on? But then I look back after the finale, you know, and I'm like, you know, you know how you like, you know, reminisce on things. And so I'm like just thinking about the whole journey in itself. And I'm like, wow. And then I'm like, wow. And I'm like, oh, wow. And I'm like looking at like, God, you're crazy. Because like I came in and I was like, you know, dealing with, and I just said that like dealing with all this stuff. And I thought, you know, okay, I give, giving this to you God, giving this to you. And then my dad issue came up and I really have been feeling recently, like I need to open up and share like why he wasn't in my life because there's so many reasons why, you know, dads are not in people's life, but like why was my dad not in my life? And I just been feeling like I need to share that. And it hurt me and it traumatized me and it broke me, but God restored me. And little did I know it, it would happen on American Idol. And then he put the cherry on top. And it was like, daddy's DNA, like I'm known by- That's crazy. Your father. Like he's gonna be chills. Isn't that crazy? Like that's only God. It's so crazy. It's like when we have the eyes to see what God is doing, it's actually insane. Like when you're telling the story, I'm like, are you saying daddy's DNA at the finale? I was like, God, you're crazy. Did you like choose that? You couldn't have chosen it because you didn't know it because he hadn't put out that song yet. Like it was just hitting me real time too. I'm like, yeah. I remember like the first time me and Brandon like sang it, we were like, I had the words and like I said, it didn't hit me, but I remember the first time we were on the stage and we were rehearsing. And I feel so bad for Brandon like, cause I didn't really know the song. I was trying to act like I did. Cause I'm like, this is Brandon like. Well, that was a new one. I only had like 12 hours to learn it. I'm so sorry. You already sang a Brandon like song that you crashed on that season. So yeah. But we were standing there on the stage and I actually asked him about a line in the song and he started sharing his testimony. And a little bit I know, you know, after weeks went by, he's like, hey, like I really want to get this audio and use it for my Deluxe album. Like, are you cool with that? I'm like, am I cool with that? Let me check. Of course. You know, and then come to find out like, this song is going to be part of my testimony because I was healed, you know, and fatherless has now found the father. And like who I am is through my dad. He's, you know, like. Crazy. I listened to y'all's song this morning, the Deluxe album and it's so beautiful. And so as you're sharing the whole time, I'm just like, this is wild. Like God writes the best stories you literally can't make it up. I want to ask you because you talked about how you do have this beautiful family. Like you and your husband are so sweet together. Watching the way he loves you and supports you and was so proud of you. Was so sweet and your little boy just carried such a piece. I mean, literally slept through like half the show, which was just so cute. And I think every mom was like, how does she get him to just sleep like that? There are so many rumors. She gets a melatonin. I'm like, I actually don't. No, I was so sweet. It was so sweet. And just how proud they were of you. Coming from a broken family and a broken past, what has it looked like for you cultivating the healthy family that you have? It just goes back honestly. Like Austin and I, we've had our struggles. Every marriage goes through hard times and there's been a lot of hard times in our marriage. And there's been a lot of times where I'm like, how are we gonna make it through this one? But I think what has helped us is going back to what I said in the beginning is the foundation. And we're not perfect people. Like that's the last thing I ever want to portray to people is that like we have it all together and we don't make mistakes, yada, yada, yada, because we're so far from that. We need to save here to save us from all of that. But God being the center of our marriage is what has helped us the most. Just going back to that source. And there's been times where we, like I said, we question things and like God, like you're gonna have to help us here. You have to help us there. And he's done it every time he's been faithful. And I feel like that's the biggest, just putting a plug out there for any teenagers out there, AKA my niece, if you're listening, like make sure he's a Godly man, because that does make the difference. The foundation back to your beginning thing, like the foundation of your marriage has to be the Lord. I remember Christian and I built the house that we live in and it was actually funny because of the way that like the rain was coming and the storms, they were gonna lay the foundation, but they had to lay like two in the morning. And so, and I really wanted to be there when they laid the foundation, but I was like, it's two in the morning and we have children. So that's not gonna happen. But me and Christian like set our alarm and woke up and while they were laying the foundation of our home, we were praying and that was really important to us because I just knew that this is so much more than like concrete, you know, that like they're pouring today. Like this is the foundation of the home that we're gonna raise our children in. And so we prayed for like the spiritual foundation. And I just like, this is one of my favorite memories of us praying for the spiritual foundation of our home. And our home is like our place of peace, you know, like it is our first ministry, it is our place of peace. Like it is where our kids are gonna be shaped and grown into the people that they're gonna become. And so that foundation is so important, but it has so much to do with who you marry and the prayers y'all pray together, the life y'all choose to live together. It's not perfect, it's messy. There's all kinds of things, but to your point, like it's so important who you marry. And I also like, I laugh about this because when I first met Austin, it was so not my type. Thank you, so not my type. It was like, he has blonde hair. Now it's kind of brown because he's getting old, but he had blonde hair and I'm like, I don't like blonde hair. You have blonde hair. I don't actually, like I have a natural brunette. I know it's such a like, yeah, like my hairstyle is so good. Anyway, so good. Shout out. But he had blonde hair and I'm like, it's not my type. And he was dressed like a city boy and I'm like, so into country boy, no way. So when he was trying to like get my phone number and talk to him like, dude, you don't have a chance, like no way. But I like look back and I'm like, he's more than I ever could have dreamed. Like it's just even looking back at videos we post on social media, like how did God, like God just, he was working things out, Sadie. 12, 13 years were broken and hurting and God led me to be a worship leader. And then he gave me a husband who sits and plays the piano right beside me. So cool. Can play the guitar really any instrument. Wow. And it's like, yeah, God, he just like, he knows. Like he has the roadmap. Yep. And it's like, all we gotta do is literally what the scripture says, trust him, don't lean to your own understanding because it's gonna lead to harm. It's true. But if you just lean on God, like he's going to lay that roadmap out and It's great. Things you can't even think will happen. Just a little side sermon to all the ladies listening. That's a word because so many people are too picky for their own good. And they miss out on amazing Godly men because you don't like their hair color or you don't like the way that they dress. And it is about the heart. Like mainly except the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart. It is so, so important because I just hear so many girls say things like, oh, well, yeah, because he's, I'm like, are you kidding me? That's why you're not gonna go on a date and a second date with this Godly man because he wore blah, blah, or. Yeah. And like those things can change. Okay. Hair color can change. Outfits can change. A heart is a lot harder to change. And so I love that you shared that. Last thing I wanna ask you because, you know, this kind of when America was introduced to you, it was probably for most people from that Instagram clip of you saying, I'm just a stay at home mom and then Carrie speaking into your life. Now you're not just a stay at home mom. You are, you know, going around the world singing and people, you're writing music, you're putting out songs. Like, I mean, that's a lot to Carrie. You have a big following now. And so what does that look like now for you? Of course, still being the amazing mom that you are, but also working because one of my best friends is a stay at home mom. And we like, we, it's so cool because we both face challenges in such different ways. It's challenging to be a stay at home mom. It's challenging to be a working mom. I love that I have her in my life because we relate on a lot of things and we learn from each other on a lot of things. But there's challenges to both. And so how are you kind of caring, walking through being who you are and still raising your family? It's just God, honestly. Like he gives me strength that I don't think I have. And as I'm fulfilling, like, I mean, my motherhood is a ministry and I've learned that throughout the years is that's my first ministry. So if I'm serving that, you know, then I can serve my second ministry, which is in my marriage. And then my third ministry is what God called me to do, and I'm not saying in worship, but I just feel like God like so beautifully like put it all together, you know, and just weeks and months before American Idol came about, my husband was able to get a job where he just works from home. And so my husband is like my safety net, like in all things. And he picks up all my slack and God does most of all the heavy lifting, obviously, is what I can say. And like some days I'm like, oh, you know, like this is a lot, this is crazy. And then other days I'm like, well, you got this. Yeah, hey, that's so real. He started going with the punches, you know? That's like motherhood and shell. Some days you're like, this is going so good. Some days you're sitting in the corner eating Oreos crying. That's real, that's so real. My husband sent me this DM yesterday, and I was like, I can't even be offended because that is so accurate. It was like, Julie Andrews, like it was a motherhood day. It was like 7 p.m. me putting my kids to bed and she was like singing like, you know, the sound and music, it was so beautiful. And it was like 8 p.m. And it turned to like some TV judge. And she was like, I'm literally done with all of you. That's funny. Yeah, I can't even argue that. That's me sometimes. I started out so strong at bedtime. I'm like, sing all the songs, we say the prayers, you know what I mean? And then hour and a half in, I'm like, okay, go to bed. So that's so real. You gotta roll with it. But friend, you've been such a delight to talk to you. I'm so encouraging. I have been a big fan. I'm an even bigger fan now. I'm cheering on so loudly and just so proud of who you are and the way that you're sharing your story with the world. It's not easy, but your testimony is gonna inspire so many people. And I just wanna affirm to, a couple of times you said, I feel like I didn't say that right. I'm not kidding, your words are life. I mean, they just speak so much life. One of my favorite verses, it's why we named our daughter Honey. Gracious words are like a honeycomb sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. And I just feel like your words were like honey to people who are listening today. And so thank you for sharing. Oh, glory to God, honestly. Thank you for saying that you're a fan of me because I'm a fan of you. I've literally watched you forever. And it's just privilege to be on here. And you're an example to so many people, including myself and just an inspiration and your wonderful self. That's so sweet. Thank you.