Mike Tyson and the Met Gala

This is what we do for eight minutes before you show. Cut it. I'm not making a sound effect. That's just me. I'm actually going to a body work guided. Let's start with ailments. Welcome to even stars have ailments. Can an AI do this? Oh yeah. You know what? They told me if you're ever talking about a body, they told me if you're ever talking to an AI like in an alley, I don't know where they think I'm talking to an AI, but they can't do certain things. So you have to quiz them. I think it's like if you're on a zoom with an AI, yeah, yeah, the person's fake. I saw them act it out. Then the guy goes, I think it was a job interview. He goes, well, everything seems to be in order. And then at the end, he goes real quick. Can you just put three fingers in front of your face? The guy goes, you guys, well, look at this thing goes over. And he goes, this is a diploma I have. And he goes, no, no, just put your fingers in front of your face. And the guy goes like this. And he goes, three fingers. And he goes, this is a little weird. I don't want to do this. I'm not buying. And then he goes, put it in front of your face. And he goes, I think there's some stuff I just shouldn't do because it just sounds weird. And the guy goes, well, everything's riding on us. And he didn't do it. And he goes, thank you. Click. They can't go like this for some reason. I don't know. Should we ask AI why AI can't do that? Whoa. There's lots of ways to get rid of AI. If you suspect you're talking to an AI, just slow it. You put your fingers up and you go, what does it do? It scares them. And the AI will look down and freeze and then disappear. Just go like this. Put your fingers up and breathe heavily. Boom. I go like this. Go like this. You know the other way to get rid of AI on your computer? Just close the thing. Is that the other way? That's the simple hack. Just close the fucking lid of the fucking laptop. So we are here the day after the Chris Rock interview we did at the Netflix as a joke. Shoot out at Orpheum Corral. Yeah. We went to the Orpheum Theater in downtown LA. Terrifying. Way downtown. Super far. And that's the one way. We made it as hard as possible for Chris to come and have fun and being in a good mood. And the crowd is just everyone that got in was like, fuck. Are we here yet? My God. Parking, mayhem, random strangers in the intersection. You get the drill. Knife in neck, needle in leg. Hey, how, hey guys, hey Netflix is a joke festival. Got 500 shows. Got one of us spade and car. Let's bury it at the Orpheum. How about Wednesday at six? Wednesday at six folks. As far downtown as you go, like go away, you're almost, almost in Arizona. Just downtown. Well, that won't be good. I mean, they couldn't sell tickets on a night like that. Probably be a dead audience. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong again. Nice try Netflix. I wanted to say, listen, a lot of our audience work. Well, some, some people work that are. Well, there's a few people that watch other work. Would it be difficult to get to basically another state at six o'clock on a Wednesday? It was a tennis, not moving. Borderline redonkulous. But we got there. Chris showed up. We, I haven't seen Chris in a while. We did have a great time. He always brings it. He didn't walk through it. He was very funny. It was very lively, fun. The crowd was very lively. We got on a roll, setting Chris up, asking Chris questions. And he had a lot of very funny rejoinders. I don't want to give it away. It is hard to think of stuff to ask a friend because A, we've interviewed him before. B, you just don't want to sound like a trite idiot of like, when did you get your first break? You know, that kind of stuff. So we sort of meandered into comedy and jokes and then people he's met, things he's done. And then of course it just kind of rolls from there. We just jump on. But it worked out really well. I thought it was really good. Check it out. This is good. The timing works. That's coming up this week. Yes. They tried to stop us and it didn't work. Yeah, they tried to do everything against us to make it not work and it worked. We're not victims. There's like 5,000 shows. If you had money for, there's a great comedy festival, this Netflix. It's too much of a good thing. I think it's like literally they have to sell 200,000 tickets in a week to fill all the places. So there are very famous comedians playing arenas and stadiums where it's like not, it's hard to sell it out. I mean, look. I never, Netflix is a joke always struck me. I'm going to suggest that they kind of modify it. Like Netflix is such a joke, you know, or kind of a joke. Netflix is such a joke festival. Could you think of any David right now as I set you up for it? No, I was trying to think of something. Can you think of something? You're usually very fast. No, I'm slow today. I was thinking of just canceling it all together. Now, I think if they have 140 shows, I think they mentioned last night and you've got Shane Gillis and Malini and Theo. Chappelle, everybody. I mean, you can't think of anyone's not doing a show this week or a podcast or this or a Kill Tony and they all individually do well. But if you smash them together and if, let's say you only have a million dollars to spend on tickets. You're going to go through. You're going to go through. You can only see 10% of the shows. Yeah, you can only see 40 shows. But I see people on Netflix in the Intersectum. I mean, they're well intended. They're very excited about the festival, but that you can get a little too exuberant. Hey, Siegfried, shall we go to 300 shows? Oh, I like it. Yes. I'm going to say something crazy to you, Gramford. Make out the names. Should we go to 500 shows? Yes, 500 shows. Well, they had a golf tournament to start it all off Monday, so I went to that. And that was fun seeing a bunch of comedians out of their element and a few football players. Did someone put a camera on this? Well, Fortune Feemster was there on hole six with Tom Papa and they interviewed everyone before they went on. We had to sit in chairs. It was kind of fun. Fortune Feemster and Tom Papa. I like these names. Yeah, they have a Netflix podcast. And so I played with Santino, Bert Kreischer. They just randomly threw everyone together. It was pretty fun. I saw your Bill Burrs, your Will Ferrells, your random Devonta Adams. Who's a great golfer? I mean, seriously. I think Santino, the one I played with. Oh, yeah. I think so. Whiskey, ginger. Yep. I played with him before and he's very good. He's very serious. He's getting a card. Go, go. It was a little time. Hey, you're slowing play. Okay. Pick it up. Yeah, exactly. He never said that. And Bert and I were just like kind of medium, so we're just doing it to screw off. But, oh, Michael Pena won. Not a comedian. Great actor. Not a comedian. What's going on? Getting wasted in night clubs every night. Fixed. Rigged. Rigged. Right. Uh-huh. Yeah. So that happened. Is anything else happened? That's it? Is it listed anywhere? I can't get a hand. I'm like, are we in the festival right now? Is this technically part of the festival or is this outside? No, it's outside. Okay. Are we? Yes, Dave. Is it weirder that we're doing it like this and not on Zoom? Do you think anything's different? Well, yeah, because normally I just look at you on the Zoom and I go, it's weird like this. Now we're just, you know, that's why I'm going to a chiropractor at four o'clock today because of... Oh, yeah. Well, David, Dana's got a little bit of the spade. One of these days, let's get a table and we'll just go across the table. I would like that. Joe Rogan does it. Maybe it works. Yeah. Call me crazy, but why not do it? Joe Rogan, he has 70 million and we only have 65 million. He's right. We have a table here from Z Gallery. I know this table's kind of... Yeah, our necks have to be saved. We have to do it orthopedically at this point. Just going like this. Do you know what my neck hurts? Because last night going this to Chris Rock, I'm like this, I'm like, yes, Chris. Interesting, Chris. Oh, yeah. That's for an hour and a half. I try to look over this way once in a while, then he starts again. I'm like, hmm. Yeah. I was hoping he'd go real quiet and I could save my neck and go over like this and kind of go to you, but no. I know. You didn't look at me once. You were like this with me. Talk to the fist because the hand is pissed. The guys are here going, hey, we don't, we got no skin in the game. What do you want to do? Put them on top of each other? I know. Just tell us what to do. We don't care. We, but we had a good time and anything else, what was your week like other than this all consuming? Oh goodness. The cows and the horses and the nature. Your horse is going to have a baby. I don't want to give a spoiler. In July and we're with real authentic rancher people. I said, is it going to take them to a birthing place or anything? Don't be ridiculous. They'll have it right here in the field. What if something goes wrong? I mean, I've seen all creatures great and small. I mean, if you get a picture, you see me and I'm like here up into the horse trying to pull the baby out. That's what my fear is. Barf. That's my joy. But that's, that's what happens. You need me up there for that? You just go and see the meat. What? Do you need me up there to help you? Oh yeah. I've got a room all set up for you. Heather can film that. Yeah. If you go elbow deep. I've done it before. You have? How? And with who? I'm talking about a man to animal. Not with an animal. I don't know what. I can't even want to put, I didn't even want to think about this. So yeah, I just came down to LA, checked in a hotel. Let's see if I have anything interesting to talk about. I ordered room service. Oh yeah. Do you want to talk about your room service? Is there anything there? I don't have a real chunk on it. It's just, you know, I'm always trying to just be mellow. I mean, I'm not like, get the food in here and I'll get out. You know, I go into nice guy mode and I don't even want them to carry the tray. And there was this young woman who came twice yesterday and she was really strong. I kept, I'll take that for you. He goes, don't worry about it. So I realized it's not that he's that strong. It's I'm that weak. Cause they're like 40 pound trays. Yeah. She's like, I'm okay. Not a problem. They didn't like, well, I'll get the door. You don't have to. Okay. So I like when they put the little quirk in the door, they put the little holder. They got a whole system. Stay out of my way, please. I got this. I'm like, I can handle the lemons. If they're in little cutlets. Yeah. I always try to fake help. I do a lot of this. You want me to, then I clear the way a little bit and then. Yeah. Literally doing nothing. Well, I just tried to shoot. Do you want this? Do you want shrimp sauce? Do you want, no, no, no, no. Fine. Fine. Fine. Do you want anything else? No, no, fine. Fine. I just make sure, you know, we stay in hotels a lot folks. It's, it's just come we do. And that's why most of our bits are round travel and hotels. And what are you going to do? I have a big question for you. I don't mean to break the internet, but when you get your toast, is it too squishy because they wrap it in plastic? No. What hotel? Where are you anywhere? Anywhere. Anywhere. The problem is they don't leave it open. So you get it. And the point of toast is the toastiness. And so I never throw off it. Isn't it? Yeah. Well, for it to be toasted. Right. Or just give me bread because it's toast and they wrap it up. Now it's trapped in its own steam and it's fucking squishy. And I, I call down. Well, there are places I've worked and stayed in the middle of West Virginia. That's what we don't, we'll cut that. But anyway, no, where room service, please. Oh, we don't have any room service, but there's a menu and as a pizza place, like three miles away, I don't have a car. So I just hike over. Brought to you by Apple Card. Apple Card users get 2% daily cash back on purchases made in store and online, whether it's for big ticket items or everyday purchases when they use their Apple Card with Apple Pay. Now that's a benefit that's just too good to pass up. You could be earning 2% daily cash back when you use your Apple Card with Apple Pay to buy turmeric for your signature curry, 2% back on flights to visit the family in Tucson, and even 2% back on your kid's new tuba. You might even be able to get 2% back on a tuba tutor, not an Apple Card customer you can apply in the wallet app on iPhone. Subject to credit approval, Apple Card is issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City branch. Terms and more at apple.co.com. Hi everybody, I'm Maury Povich. On my podcast On Par with Maury Povich, I'm going to sit down with the icons, the stars, and the faces at the very center of today's big cultural moments. With everyone from comedians Josh Johnson, Dan Soder, Leanne Morgan, to newsmakers Don Lemon, Joy Reid, Aaron Parness, and so many more. So join me for new episodes every week because nothing is off limits. Great conversations. They're always On Par. Follow and listen to On Par with Maury Povich wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Paddy's piece of the air. Your blind date is already at the table, and there she is. Cousin Brenda, what are you doing here? You're married anyway. Substitution brought to you by Paddy Power. Cousin Brenda makes way for Beth, the office crush. Oh, get in! You might not always pick the right starter, but your sub can still deliver. Because with Paddy's Super Sub, your bet rolls over to the player coming on. Paddy Power. Selected leagues are market-only. Prematch and in-play bets on qualifying player outcome selections only. T-sensees and exclusions apply. 18 plus scammelaware.org. I have a story that's cold off the press is the Met Gala. The Met Gala has been so far away from the time it's airs, but I will tell you. Oh, but it'll never end in our minds. Because I asked Rock last night, I go, do you go to the Met Gala or did you not have anything stupid enough to wear? And he said he went last year, but, oops, spoiler. But when I was watching some of the people, and here's my question. What is that? Spoiler. He said he went last year. Spoiler. Yeah. It makes no sense. But still listen. It sounded funny. It gave the whole podcast away. So when I see people and they go through the outfits and they go through who's had a few nips and tucks, I want to make a petition for Margot Robbie to never touch your face. This is someone who has such, I was watching Wuthering Heights with the WU. Everyone says Wuthering Heights and I go like this. I saw it. Wuthering Heights. No, Wuthering. Thank you. Wuthering Heights. Right. A remake. It doesn't mean it's not a good movie, but we've seen it before. It was shot a little bit like young Frankenstein. He always looks a little bit like a Frankenstein. Very good looking, great actor, but I always see Frankenstein when I see him. He's a stud and then when you've ever heard him really talk, I go, oh, that's your accent? Because I'm like, he's always sounds like on euphoria. Yeah. Sounds like they're ready to burn out. Well, here's my question for you. Please. So in movies now, it's cause to lab. It's what you do is you've got the male star and the female name, but might be married, whatever. But then they float it out like, hey, there's some extracurricular activities happening in the trailers during the shoot. And they did it with Margot Robbie and Jason Adlabugha. What's his name? Jacob Alorti. Jacob Alorti. And they make it like, it's always right when the movie comes out. Are they hooking up and it makes you go, oh, I wonder if I can see the movie, if I can tell if there's any chemistry. Well, that's what makes you see the movie. Are they, is this simulated sex and pretend or they like get these cameras out of here? Kind of. I heard they started the movie with one boner and then after that nothing. Did he have the boner? I did not know that. I just said someone was, by the way, they put it in an interesting situation to turn people on. The guy was getting hung, like killed. And he gets a boner and I'm like, that's where you throw it? Yeah. That was when I knew this was my kind of movie. The first scene, a guy gets hung and midi, and then they show that he's excited. Why was he excited? Well, you know, the Wiener Wranglers, what they call them, Wiener Wranglers did a prosthesis. But I guess you went to, where was it? Arizona State? Yes. A little bit. When you are aphyxiated, you get your rouse. Now, some people do it like in a closet and then they come to or something, no pun intended. But yeah, that was so anyway. But after that, I heard there wasn't enough sex. They wanted raunchy sex. That's the way it was. Maybe in an old fashioned way. I'll just say this for filmmakers. And this, I don't know if this is a hot tank. More boners? What is it? No, it's more the unrequited and they're using it to a point, but we don't, it's just that they really want to have sex, but they can't have sex. It's all about that tension. The actual sex is not as interesting as a film. Oh yeah, I fast forward to that. For more teas and more, you know. So when this movie, Wuthering, was there a lot of teas and that was good or they're not enough? There was. I mean, the whole book and everything is about that because he's adopted and he comes in the house and they just have this tomboy kind of relationship and then they realize they grew up and they're all hormonal and horny and then. But you cats, marry your brother, get out. I saw a clip the other day, I was watching it for a little bit and I was like, I didn't get what was going on. So he had come back and he's her brother. Well, not my birth, I believe. We're going to get letters. No, I don't know. I mean, listen, she, anyway, the point was gorgeous. And I know at some point someone's going to get to her and go, you should do a little bit of this or nothing, do nothing. She was extraordinary in a movie that wasn't a hit. I think it was called Babylon. Oh yeah, Babylon. Is that with breakfast? And her performance in that was like, next level. That starts with like an orgy, right? Yeah, it's just, it's a wild movie. I don't know. Maybe audiences didn't quite connect to it. It like comes in the middle of the movie, like just this crazy, sex craze intensity around the early days of film. Was it Baz Lerman or who did that one? Yeah. It was? Or his brother, Edward Lerman. One of the Lerman brothers. That whole family. Oh, here's what I didn't like. And, oh, by the way, in political news, there's a big mayor race here. Spencer Pratt. Spencer Pratt is getting a lot of chatter here in town because for better, for worse, there's the old guard of mayor, Karen Baz. And if people aren't happy, they look to someone else and they're like, what about Spencer? What does he know about this? I know. And he makes some good points. Well, his platform is a little out there. He wants to clean up the streets, lower crime and help the homeless get elsewhere. He wants to lower taxes and have a financial boom. And he wants it to become kind of a jewel of the world. I don't like it. What's that about? I don't like it. All those goals anyone would really want. I don't like that angle. Also, his only caveat is that any... He can't run on a platform or clean up the city and make it become a jewel of the world. And he says everyone will get their own reality show. He doesn't need to add that. He wants to rename LA The Hill. No, I think he makes some good points. Kenny come through, I don't know, but at least it's getting attention by talking and saying some things you like to hear, which happens around this time of year before an election. But I do think that if he's... He seems serious about it. He was caught in the fires where they burned his house down. And this Batman parody is like coming back saying, you wronged me because none of the money seems to be going to the victims of the fire, Al-Tadina or Palisades. Right. And there are what they call secular trends that are not really related to politics in a sense is that we give our public employees pensions. In the olden days, you get your pension and you were kind of going to the stars in about five or eight years. Now you get your pension at 53 and you live to 102. And there's inflation bumps. So it's happening in Japan all over the world that people just don't want to check out. They're liking it so much and they're getting government money and then it goes for three decades instead of two years. Does that make any sense to you? So you start to run out of money. Yep. You're in the pot. Then you can't get the money for clean up the city or fight crime or the money to do forest management around fire prone areas. That costs money to have guys go in there with a rake. You got to pick and choose your fights on those. I do think it was crazy that... Oh, who just apologized to the... Oh, a judge apologized to the guy that tried to shoot Trump. Because the conditions are the way he was being held wasn't it? But come on. I mean, like my dad said, don't go to jail. It's not fun. Good thing about jail is that's where bad guys go and it's not great. Yeah. That's supposed to be right. So when you do a crime... I get it should all be enough to be humane, of course, but I don't like doing one of these sort of numbers where you're running in with a gun shooting and then they're like, hey, sorry, it was a total hassle for you when you got arrested. Yeah. A judge just shouldn't say that. Just say, here's my judgment. This or that. Don't throw in that. That's a weird, weird thing. It's like when Mandami, someone tried to stab someone and got shot and then he went to the hospital and apologized to them. What all comes to this one basic... It's too soft. ...ideas that all people are good and all people are born good. So if someone's behaving badly, they were let down by society. So the oppressor and the oppressed are the same. The victim and the perpetrator are the same. In some ways, the perpetrator gets... People feel more empathy toward because, wow, what made him do that? Because he's a great person. Then the she. Right. It's all in my book, How to Solve Everything. I know everything. By Dana Flarfow. Yeah. It is just sometimes that rubs me the wrong way. I don't know about anyone else. You just really, if you think about a city, if you're going to go visit a city, what's it like? You can hear a thousand things. If you hear, it's clean and safe. Oh, let's go there. So every city needs to work toward that. Try to get back to that. Get back to it. It's a clean, safe city that you want to visit. And then the business comes in, tax revenue rises. It's all in my book. Hey, everybody. I know what to do. That is a good name. Hey, everybody. Come to me for the answers. Which comes about this catchphrase that I, it's not a catchphrase. It was something Mike Tyson said. So last night being silly in the car on the way to the gig, which I just told the story of Tyson, who I love the clips of him. He's on with some radio DJ and the radio DJ says, so you're voting for Trump and Tyson with this. He goes, yeah, I vote for Trump. I vote for Trump. Then he goes, what are you going to do about it? And then the guy gets scared. He's like, well, I just like I'm saying, no, what are you going to do about it? I'm voting for Trump. So what are you going to do about it? So I just thought, what are you going to do about it? It's funny. The guy was like, well, I don't know if you should vote for him because this is the guy who goes, yeah, but what are you going to do about it? Yeah. How are you going to stop me cause I'll knock you the fuck up. But he does. He's seated. But he does the thing of like you'd go like this. Like, like make your move. What are you going to do about it? We're going to sit over there. what you can do about it. I'm voting for Trump, what you can do about it. I just think what you can do about it, you know, is a funny answer because also it could, when you're with another guy, and especially Mike Tyson, guys in line at the bank, you bump into someone, I don't know if we've talked about this, where with women, I don't know if you think, banks don't exist anymore. Like if you're in line at the bank, it's the normal thing, I'm in touch with reality. When you're in the bread line, you're not on your online account, when I'm buying milk for a 10 cents a gallon or whatever it is. Yeah, you get in a scuffle. Right, and someone bumps into you, there is a chance, anytime of the day as a guy, you can get in a fight or beat up. And I think with women, it's not, it doesn't always cross their mind, but with me, every time you're in a car, a road rage, if this guy cuts me off and gets out of the car, he's gonna beat the shit out of me. So that can happen. So when Mike Tyson says to you, what are you gonna do about it? You know what he means. He's like, fight me right now. It's not gonna change your mind, but what are you gonna do as a man? Yeah, I gotta pull over for a little bit of a speeding ticket. And I was just thinking of Tyson that moment, he goes, oh, you're going as fast as I can. Yeah, so what are you gonna do about it? Well, I'm gonna give you a ticket. Yeah, but what are you gonna do about it? Yeah, I was going over the speed limits. What are you gonna do about it? I went over what you're gonna do about it. And I should stop that. Are you gonna, I think it means, are you gonna physically stop me from doing something and you're not? Right, it's helpful if you're 220 pounds of solid muscle, it would solid rock. If you had giant lethal hands, it could kill you with one punch. That is helpful. I may not have the size to be physically threatening, but anytime you say, what are you gonna do about it? Hey, you're in the wrong line at the bank. You're supposed to start over there. I wanna say this all the time. Yeah, I went over this line. Yeah, what are you gonna do about it? Well, you're in the wrong line. Yeah, but what are you gonna do about it? That's a better one. But what are you gonna do about it? I'm gonna do nothing. What are you gonna do about it? Why are we talking? So why are we even wasting time? Because you know you're gonna do nothing. I do love it. Yeah, so that's the new catchphrase. You can use it at home with your friends. Try not to get in trouble with it, but it's kind of a fun thing. It puts you in a positive, sort of strong posture in life. Because Tyson, he hasn't fought for what, 20 years? And everyone knows that guy could kill me in two seconds. Yeah. He was the first heavyweight boxer, you know, champion that I met and then shook his hand. And it was like, it was like just, it weighed about 60 pounds. I go, your hand is so heavy. He goes, yeah, what are you gonna do about it? Yeah, exactly. Well, no, I'm just saying it's a very heavy hand. I know, but what are you gonna do about it? Does he always say what are you gonna do about it? He said what are you gonna do about it? I go, nothing, Mike, I know you. It's okay, great, sure. I, you know, no, it's a terrific hand. It's just, but the point is that. It has brittle bones. One punch, you would not be happy. All right, let me show you a video I saw on Instagram. You know, when we, sometimes they pull sound from movies, this is funny sound. Tell me who these people are. Mark Zuckerberg. And we gotta go to Milan. Milan what, Italy? What's in Milan? Was that your voice? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, funny. You know, funny? Did someone do that or did you do it? There's a TikTok trend that I didn't even recognize in my own voice where they go, this is you. And it's people, and that other part, play it again. Is it too late? The other part's Sandler, this part. And we gotta go to Milan. That doesn't even sound like an Italy. What's in Milan? It's grownups, yeah, it's from Milan. Oh, okay, so they took those from grownups. So there's a scene in grownups where we're at Woodmans and Sandlers and Barris, cause Salma Hake's wife says, you can't hang out with these guys next week. You know what we're doing and I go, why, what are you doing? He goes, we gotta go to Milan. I go, Milan, what, Italy? What's in Milan? And then he goes, fashion show. And we're all like, no way, dude, you're leaving. And he's like, yeah, but I think it's funny, they pull it for that. And then everyone does the same thing. They pan to all these places in Italy. So it's sort of a slice of life. Grownups is trundling around in the culture. I think I'm going out on a limb, but maybe you guys should make a third one. I think there's what they call demand in the marketplace. Yes. TBS channel is asking. They go, we need that thing. Does TBS still exist? I think we're keeping the lights on over there with grownups and Joe Dyrton bench warmers. Oh, blended is on. Blended, all movies. Blended every day. Ha. Holy shit. Okay. I'm going to see Chris Rock cause we're meeting in Milan this summer. He's going to take me on a boat. Really? Yeah. So that was arranged last night. You're going to go to Milan and go on a boat with him. It's not a big talk. Yeah. I'll go. What do you do about it? I already worked it in. All right. What are you going to do about it? Well, no, I'm just saying you're the wrong light. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. No push the action yet. Okay. This is, let's play it. We'll figure it out. All right. We can see it. This is how F1 drivers reacted to my really high backflip. I have one of the highest standing backflips. That is that real? That's a really high one. I'm going to rate it one through 10. Holy shit. Well, they're kind of shorter anyway. F1 drivers. How did you even take it out? I won't tell the viewers, but it's because I'm black. What are you going to do about it? It's funny. What are you going to do about it? I'm standing back. Okay. I'm ready when you are. It's definitely higher than I picture it. Well, he's got a big vertical, and then he pulls his leg way up. I mean, that's vertical. I've got a really high backflip. I want to have you ready to look at that. Okay. One more. All right. Just stay right there. No, you can come closer. You don't got to say that. This guy's tall as shit too. It seems like it. Two, one. It's really easy for one. It's so easy. Now, Dana, you know my neck hurts because I did a backflip and I landed short. 10 out of 10. Because that's how it happened. Is it an injury? That's how it happened. I didn't know that. I was doing backflips for a show in high school, like a talent show, and I was on the hardwood. And that day, I was with my buddy, Dan, I think, and I go, hey, we're at the pool. And I go, oh, I got to do a standing back tonight. So I was also in gymnastics, a lot of red flags here. And gymnastics, hey, and we were doing a dance number that night. Uh-oh, ladies. And so I go in the daytime and I was in the pool and I was barefoot and I go in the grass. And I go, hey, let me practice one before tonight because we have to do it at the end of this thing. We're doing sketches and stuff. So I do it and he flips me around. I go, what happened to you? Because you weren't going to make it. I go, no, no, no, I can do these. I got to do it tonight. So that night I went in and I was backstage and the crowd is coming in and I go to the other guy. It's pitch black back there. I go, hey, on that black hardwood, I go, hey, flip me around. I go, I'm going to do backflip. And he flips me around and then I go, okay, don't spot me on this one. He goes, okay. And I went and I came out short and missed my feet and landed on my face and I bounced off my head and I go, and he goes, are you all right? And I go, not at all. And I walked away and this tooth was loose and it was pouring blood on my nose, it was pouring blood. And I had black paint on my teeth in the stage. So I got backstage and they called my mom out and a doctor from the back. And is there a doctor in the house for real? Wow. And he goes, he's a little rattled. I mean, by the way, this is, I had a, I didn't know who anyone was for an hour. I used this to illustrate it. Like you go, okay. You go up, yeah. Yeah, okay, let me see. I mean, I'm standing there. Like there. And you're supposed to go up and on like that. Yeah, full rotation. And land short and you go wham. But wouldn't you be on your back? No, you're coming on your feet. Oh, okay. These two go up. I was too short. And so I just basically had to back dive and all the weight went on my face. Okay. Here's your face. All right, buddy. And then, Hey buddy. Dump. Yeah, it didn't go far enough. Like I put my feet out, but they missed the ground. The feet need to go all the way around like that. It is hard to explain. I know, you went, Hey buddy, I got this. How bad I could fuck this up. Yeah, like that. And bam, you didn't rotate in. So you didn't get enough lift. So it cracked and it went and my jaw. And so, Well, you could have been paralyzed. Yeah. Cause it was, you know, I see these fails on TV and it's like, ha ha, another fail. And I'm like, each one of those I go, that guy's fucked for years. Because some of the, so anyway, I'm backstage. I don't know who anyone is for a full hour. Right. I know they've choppered me out. Everyone on one knee. But instead I'm just backstage staring. And then my mom's, I don't know who she is. Doctors like, he's a little shook up. He's rattled all these old, it's like, oh, all those little things. And I, he's a little banged up. And they go, get, but we don't have insurance. So, get him to the hospital. And she's like, oh my God, right away. And then my mom's like, David, do you want to go to the hospital or pizza hut? So I stayed, I got my memory back about halfway through the show, went out and did a couple of my numbers. And then afterwards, went to the after part, I never got it looked at. And it started to get worse. And then I got out of high school and got to a, started to stand up. And then the stress, combined with the never fixing it, the neck and jaw was just fucked up. And to this day, that's why it's still. Did you ever get it, you know, MRI? To see what had every, well, what happened? Are there any discs? Are now kind of damaged? Everything's like smashed down. And it's the muscles are the most pain. So muscles are tough because any muscle relax and knocks you out. So, right. It's really the guys like, just you're so fucking tough as shit, man. It's like unreal. Well, huh? Pizza was good. And the floor was okay. I thought you'd ask about the floor. The floor was fine. Yeah, I had a neck thing. That was fun. But what was pizza hut like? Pizza hut, I think it was more shakies, but they have a salad bar. That's why I like all these old trashy places. Closest I came to that was that, and I've told it before, but I was doing a flip on Saturday Night Live. SNL. SNL on Friday, pre-tape. I was playing vice president Dan Quayle as if he was Dick Van Dyke in the old Dick Van Dyke show. And in that thing for you boomers, he goes, and there's an ottoman, and he does a flip over it. Fake trip at flip time. Yeah, fake trip. And it's hard to do it right. Right, and I don't think there was no stunt coordinator there. There was just the ottoman, and it might have been teeny carpet or something like that. There wasn't like a soft landing kind of thing. Oh yeah. So the first time I did it, like, oh, I didn't fully rotate, and I landed here, there's a bump here. And then I was just stupid. I kept doing it, of course. So then it's completely separated. Grade three, I found out later. I'm walking around 8H like this, and Mary Tyler Moore's husband is there, who's a doctor. He goes, hey, come here. I think you got something. Oh, he says, and yeah, the husband said, whoa, I'm gonna have to call the doctor. So I said, all right. So they checked me out, they said it's probably non-surgical. So the next night I had to do the show with all the quick changes. Gah, gah. Anyway, that's my story. No, I'm not even joking that. This still hurts. After that, on Shiller vision, my neck was already fucked at SNL. And I'm so thirsty to be in the show. Short film. Tom Shiller says, you wanna be in this short film that no one will see or care about? I go, yep. So I go to the park by the water over there in the West end with Victoria, we're playing old people. And we live our whole life and then a bomb drops on us. So they're on a ladder about 10 feet above me and keep dropping. This bomb hits me in the head and I fall down and it jams my neck so bad. I go, oh, it kinda hurt. He goes, okay, let's get it again. I probably did it seven times. And it jammed my spine every time. It should have been illegal. We needed at least an intimacy coordinator on there. So I was getting fucked on the deal. Well, why, after, okay, you do it three times. When did you think to say, I'm not gonna do it? And he would say, you'd have to do it. And then you would say, what are you gonna do about it? I'm not gonna do it more. Because I don't want the word get back to Lauren that I didn't want to do it. Oh, okay, gotcha. And I didn't wanna be in this dog shit three minute film that was played at five to one. So I remember going to, and I was trying to think of who I could go to. I was going to act upon, and we have no time, listen. So there's no time except a Sunday to go to any doctor. And I have my great pennies I make on the show. Other than that, all right, let's go to another video. This has been sad, sad productions. That was the feel good story of the year. I'm fucking dinged up. Can we edit that and bring it on the top of the show? When I go like this, I go, I go, I don't wanna do it again. What do you do about it? And he goes, beat the shit out of you. And I go, oh, that backfire. Yeah, you gotta be menacing with that. Oh, this is interesting, Danny. You might think this is interesting. Maybe. In 19, can I read this? This is the big part. In 1965, archeologist in Peru unearthed ceramic jaguar vessel when they poured water at Rord 2000 years ago. Incas did something. Modern engineers can't precisely reproduce. I love old things that you go, are there aliens? Where did these come from? What's going on? Were they make these so precise that when they pour them, they whistle a different whistle? Let's see it. Ding. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Isn't that cool? Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Isn't that cool? How old were the, when were they, when did they make those? Dude, 2000 years ago when you were born. Well, I think it's clever, but imagine how much free time they had. I mean, I mean, it's like, there was no distraction. Oh, oh, oh. They had lots of time. Well, what happened was, in very olden times, humans would eat snails and snakes and anything they could, and we were incredibly healthy. Then we, the agricultural revolution came in, wheat. So we were just eating wheat, but it was enough to, we could put it in a silo and then feed guys to think of how to make weapons. Because everyone's hunting and gathering, they had no time to make a weapon. Finally, that guy's eating tons of wheat, and they're going, hey, what about this? And then the whistle workers were right next to him. I got, I make a bird whistle high. Make a turtle. That's a good vocation back then. This is a Mayan accent from 12, 18. From Emperies. I can't believe I nailed it. I don't know. You know how that, you know what I heard during like the Civil War, and those old wars, all they had was Luna bars to eat. They just had protein bars, no real food around. Well, in World War II, they called it hard tack, I think. Yeah, in World War II, then they had like those Nutri-Grain ones. Yeah. And the Strader Hormuz on the ships, they have Susie Q's, those little- Strader Moose. What is it? Was it Trump or- Who's that? No, it's the old actor. Oh, Kirk Douglas up on in the movie. Why is this funny? I'm gonna call it the Strader Hormuz. Excuse me? I told you. I don't wanna tell you again. From now on, this body of water is gonna be cold. Wait for it. The Strader Hormuz. What do you think, Bert? I think it's a fine day. And the boat is. Strader Hormuz. Shit, we've gone this long already. Strader Hormuz. All right, let's do another story. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. This is for the 90-year-olds watching. I know. We've been fucking yapping, dude. I know. Okay, oh, this is cute. We're going to watch the second hour. Oh, Heather, this one I said is like you when you get news. So he's giving his fiancee, come over here and look. Here, pause it for a second. Surprising my fiancee with a puppy after two years of begging. She does the classic Heather thing. The door's open. Does it open the gifts? Is it a joke? I was scared. Just open it. She freaks out. I swear. I'm kidding. No, it's not. I fall. You're cute. Look at this. I'm going to put a spell. She's going to be a snake or something? No, it's a little puppy. It's cute. Oh. She's overwhelmed with joy. She's giving to me. Oh, I'm so excited. She's so excited. Oh, sweet. It's too much, isn't it cute? Look at the puppy. So cute, too. Hey, mom. She can't even deal with it. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Jeez, I'm so glad she got a puppy. I know, me too. I wish I could get a puppy for everyone here up there. How bad was life? Everything's straightened out. You can't breathe. You've got to do it. Look at that little puppy. Hey. See, that's the feel. Wow. All right, that's enough. Did you see the sequel? There's one line. It goes two weeks later and then she died after. She died all over the rug and she goes, you clean it up. The puppy's like, oh, mama. I've been holding that one in the box. Okay. How many different raspberries do you have? Okay, what's this? Let's say this is. That's us from last night's show. Oh, skateboarding king to Botswana. You know what a good crowd. Dude, let's bring that crowd on the road with us. Wow. That was us last night with Chris Rock. Look at how great they are. They're so excited to do one skateboard trick. They think it's magic. I love it. When is the age where you kind of lose that kind of unbridled joy over time? Just so excited. With ice cream. I can't believe it. Dude, I saw a guy doing, he's like a magician. He had like a puppet. And every time you turn around, he's got like a bunch of like, you know, six year olds. And he goes, I can't feed the puppy yet. Let me see what else I have in the puppy bites it. And they all go, because they can't believe the puppy ate, you know, the fake. They scream and laugh so hard. And he goes, whoa, what happened? And they're like, the dog ate it. It's so funny. I know. Yeah, that's the best time. And then everyone, you know, who needs them. You know, 20 to 25 before life gets you by the scruff of the neck. By the short and curlies. You just laugh a lot by the short and curlies. I don't know what are you talking about? They used to say that when people had short and curlies. Now they don't mean. Okay, let me just take a step. Hey man, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Winners find a way to win. Losers find a way to lose. These are high school cross country posters. And what, which one would you have been? Going gets tough. The tough get going. Winners find a way to win. Losers find a way to lose. I had ass gas or grass. Nobody rides for free. That was that. That's the only way you're trying to give a girl a ride. Phoenix Junior High. Yeah. I don't know. I know. M.O. Harvey Elementary. Mass mannequin scares car burglars, which, oh, at least you're shooting. This might not be as fun as the other. Oh, I love these. Perfect right after the puppy. Wow. What's going on? He gets broken into constantly. It's like all the time. So I was just kind of getting tired of it. But it backfired, obviously. Oh, he put a fake man. A mannequin in his car to deter people. And then they shot it. Like a scarecrow for thieves. Instead of just walking away, they just shoot him. Oh, that's what happens. And they're like, that's terrifying. What if he was just sitting in there? They go, I'll just put a mannequin. I'm getting robbed too much. They'll think someone's home. And then they just gun down the mannequin. And then they just kill the mannequin. And he's like, I'm supposed to deter them. It kind of backfired. Yeah, it didn't. It seemed to increase the amount of violence they unloaded. Yeah, because the mannequin goes, what are you going to do about it? And they shot him. Okay, six. What are you going to do about it? Okay, let them shit the plastic man as long as the earthy flesh turned guys. God, we've been flesh turned guys. We've been flapping for so long, almost an hour. Is that true? What? This podcast is so good. People were listening going, you could have locked up 20 minutes and we wouldn't have noticed. I was not funny at the beginning. I'm getting there. These are the comments? Or for this one? Yeah, this is my comment. Shut up, Danny. They're in person now. They're in the same room. No, they're not. They always do it over Zoom. Shut up, Danny. They're in. Everyone's going to be like, run in here. Look at YouTube. They're in the same room. Run in here. Yeah. Yes, they can't look at each other. They're kind of tilted. Their necks are a little stiff. Cover both. You just watch the show too much, Danny. Oh, a great story like Monsters Inc. stays with you forever. And Disney class is where you'll find your next great story from the return of the award-winning hit series, Rivals. Welcome to the naughtiest show on television to the unmissable crime drama, High Potential. Got a dead body. Got to go. A lifetime of great stories awaits this spring on Disney Plus, 18 Plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. Hey, everyone. It's Stavros Halkis and I'm here to tell you about my podcast, Stavi's World. Each week we're joined by great guests like Josh Safty, Eric Andre, Caleb Herron and more. It's sort of an interview show, but really we're just messing around, making each other laugh and hopefully making you laugh while you're washing the dishes or grocery shopping or out on a long drive. Plus, I take listener calls where we have honest conversations about dating life and everything in between. Imagine if your therapist was a vulgar degenerate whose office was in a Greek diner. No scripts, no polish and absolutely no holding back. Listen to Stavi's World wherever you get your podcasts. The Haranta virus? Yeah. Is it a trend to live on or film? No, I'm scared of the Hauntas virus. Hauntas virus. Is that the rat virus? The rat one that they said today is taking over and the new Corona and I'm scared to death. The virus should one more people are starting to. I won't be able to go to Milan. So what does that say to the people who got it? What did they do? They went. No, but they're saying they're going to maybe stop people from traveling. This is the beginning. This is the beginning. Lockdown on cruise ships? Yep. You heard it here. I heard on three different news this morning I go, shut the F up. You cannot. Well, this will be all the patrol cars, the government officials and the Apache helicopters. We are occur. The Princess USS Princess is officially quarantined. Please leave the boat. No. There's one man right at the gangplank. Sir, sir, please get out of the way so we can board this boat. We are taking control of it. No, they're off. What are you going to do about it? All that? Yeah, because I wanted it to be a surprise. It was. That's not how I interrupted. What are you going to do about it? Is that the haunted virus talking or is that the person? Here's the haunted virus when the vaccine comes up because I'm here to kill you. What are you going to do about it? Yeah, the haunted virus learned to do an impression of Tyson. It scares everyone. It scares the vaccine. I don't want you inside my body haunted virus. What are you going to do about it? I'm getting in there. What are you going to do about it? Exactly. You're going to get a fever. Well, I don't want that. I can get away. What are you going to do about it though? See, this is the theme. This is the theme of the show. This is the man on the YouTube. What are you going to do about it? This is how I do it. If I get ahold of a rhythm, it's like a song in my head and I can't stop and I'm sorry. Next week I'll have something else, but this is the what are you going to do about it week because I just love that. I wonder if by Monday when this is on, everyone will be talking about the haunted virus or whatever it's called, haunted virus. And they said they're tracing people's because they got off the boat. Now where did they go? Where did they come from? Now they're starting to do that again. The beginnings of like we got to find out where people were, stop them from going somewhere else, maybe slow down on travel. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let me please help me understand like who wants to go on a large, giant sweaty boat with all these people that toilets don't really work. Everyone's drunk. People are falling over. And then there's tidal waves. Someone always dies. Every story daily man once a week. What about this? Good news I saw this morning. Moderna already is working on the haunted virus vaccine. Oh boy. No. Do not. Yes. To the rescue. I'm going to make a little stock by M-O-D-E-R-N-A. Okay, good. That's what I heard. I'm just telling what I heard. Undisclosed amount. All right. I'm going to wrap up. Let's do one more. Thanks for coming. Oh, why not? Oh, this kid. I like this because this kid can recreate a logo with a chalk. Kleenex was good, right? Chlorine. Oh, so he's memorized the font and everything. Right. That looks good. You can't see it either, can you? That looks just like it. What about Fabriz? Fabriz. Why did you sound like your mom? I'm sorry. Fabriz. I mean, this kid's pretty gifted if he can recreate. This is cool. I like this. I can't think of any. Walt Disney. Big, big. Yeah, there you go. Oh, the circle. Oh, the S too. Good job, kid. And he's also working in this, in a tight square. What about? One more. Cadbury? Fucking Cadbury. God, he never stops. He really gives it a gripper. Got some crocs on. He's chilling. He's uncomfortable. That was pretty good though. That was cute. We've had some cuties today. Except the haunted virus. Wait, what was the next one? That sounded fucking rough. Fini's socials. I don't even know what that one is. It's women dance to fake asylum seekers, not to abuse European women. It seems like a joke, but it's not. Wait, let's see. It's too late. Stop. Don't touch me there. This is my Nono Square. It's my Nono place, Heather. Oh, that's right. Stop. Don't touch me there. This is my Nono Square. Can you see him dancing? It's so hysterical. That was that not AI. But one more time for Heather. Or is that real? This is real. Stop. Don't touch me there. This is my Nono Square. Is it squared on there? I never look and the lights are off. Well, I'm sorry. She goes there all square and I'm like, are they? They're singing this to this guy and the guy goes, you know, what are you going to do about it? I'm sorry. You set me up, right? That's a good wrap up. That was intentional, right? He had to be because that was the ultimate. That was a good wrap up. What are you going to do about it? Well, this has been sort of the show and we did a pretty good job. I had some dead spots on my end. Dana's always bringing it. I just felt silly. I felt a little, we're summarizing this show. A little spacey from the whole whoop-de-doo, yeah, say, two hour drive to the gig downtown. I'm going to this Netflix brunch. Yes. I'm going to go with Nicky. Daytime parties are a little odd for me because I'm a little bit of a Ray Clues. I'm a little bit of a prude. I'm a little shy in crowds. But once I see that buffet, you're a wallflower. Yeah. I'm going to do that and then you're going to drive back after you. I'm going to go get a little adjustment. I will be sitting different. Probably in 10 days I will get sort of a haircut. I want people, I don't know if you have your calendars out or if you just want to. I-Cal alert. Got it. And other than that, I'm going to go to New York and then I'm going to go to Miami. Then you're coming back here because we're doing one in person. And then, yeah, then coming back here for our friend Brendan Frazier, a nice and gentleman. And you will be going to brunches and parties. Clicking my heels around here, going to the Grove. Laps around your house. Worrying about the Honto virus. Honto who virus what? Punching rats in the stomach. Is it from rats? We had a rat in this station at our house once. Is it from your farm? No, no, it was another house, David. What if they trace it back to your farm? But here's the thing, they go, oh, don't be afraid. And they all show up in hazmat suits. They're all just like, down, we'll come in and put it on. And then we catch rats. They're like a foot long. And you're like, you have to go down. They've been smashed by the trap and you got to handle them. There's no tight. This is allergic to the story. That's all my rat story. I don't really, I like, I'm not a rat guy. I mean, I knew a guy had a pet rat and loved his pet rat. I just don't, I don't get it. Did you notice that my leg is showing more as the episode went on? People are already lighting up the comments. I got to get a 32 in the same or something to cover up. Are you growing out of your pants? Well, my legs have gotten a little longer recently. I don't know what it is. It's some kind of hunt of virus side effect. Make a stop at TJ Rats. I'm not spreading anything. Inflation of virus particles from infected rodents, neurons, dropping or saliva. I'm not eating any more rat poop. Hey, you know what? At least for a while. That's anti, that's anti-road. Man, I'm not comfortable with that kind of thinking. That's rude talk to a bad guy. Yeah, they're not the bad guy. I think that's prejudicial in a sense. I'm with you. Just blame it on the rat. That's an easy one to blame it on. Yeah, everyone hates rats. All right, thanks for coming, guys. Thanks for being here next week. We'll see you again on another edition of Poop Poop. Poop Poop. Poop Poop. Poop Poop. Poop Poop. Poop Poop. Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us review, five-star rating. And maybe you can share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly On The Wall is presented by Audicy, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese-Dennis of Audicy. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweetek, booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email us at flyonthewall at audicy.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y.com.