The Twelve Tortoises (Part II)

PINNA PINNA PINNA PINNA Hi, my name is Adam Gidwitz. I'm an author. I'm also a storyteller. I like telling all kinds of stories, but I especially like telling grim fairy tales. You may think you know grim fairy tales, and you may think that they are sweet and boring. But listen, those tales you heard were the cute happy little kid bedtime versions of the grim tales. The original grim fairy tales aren't like that at all. They're weird and sometimes gross and often scary. In other words, they're grim. And I'm about to walk into a classroom and tell one of the original grim grim tales to a bunch of kids. Do you want to join me? Do you want to hear a grim fairy tale? Let me help you decide. On a scale of grim, grim, and grimist, this episode is grim. Before they get better, things will get worse and bloodier for our brave hero, Caroline. If I get to a part of the story and you start to feel scared or uncomfortable, this is what you could do. You could turn down the volume and count to five. Then turn the volume back up. If it still seems like a part you don't want to hear, just turn the volume down and count to five again. You know how much weird and gross and scary you're ready for. You know what you need. Okay, I'm at the classroom door now. There are kids inside waiting to hear a grim fairy tale. So, are you coming in? Grim, grim, grimist. I'm just wondering why is the story called the 13 tortoises? There's nothing about the tortoises. The story is called the 12 tortoises and we have not met a single tortoise. Not 12, not even one yet. Great point. The other thing to know about this story is that it is scarier than last time's story. One, yes! This story is a continuation of the 12 tortoises. You'll remember that it's by Franz Xavi von Schundbott, so it's weird. As Caroline slept, the innkeeper's wife prepared a special stew. Once it was ready, she would throw Caroline in the stew, cook her until she was soft and tender, and then feed her to the hogs. Remember how I said that she was going to eat her? I do remember that. Her old best come back to haunt us. Yeah, totally. Caroline slept, and as she slept, she dreamed. She dreamed of the blue swan, and in that dream, the blue swan spoke to her. When you wake up, you will find a huge hawk tied behind the inn, cut off its head. Then make your way at once to the top of Glass Mountain. Your brother will be waiting for you there. The innkeeper's wife had finished chopping the herbs and carrots and potatoes for the stew, and it was all simmering on the stove. Now it was time for the most important ingredient. No. Caroline. The innkeeper's wife turned toward the sleeping Caroline with a butcher's knife in her hand. She didn't get the handle! I like how she said it off! And cut the meat from her bones. Suddenly, a voice came from the staircase. Hello! The innkeeper's wife turned around. The voice roused Caroline from her sleep, too. Her eyelids fluttered, and opened. Standing on the stairs was the innkeeper, who looked like he'd just been woken from a ten-year nap. He had a long, gray beard, and he was frail, and was trying to hide his eyes from the almost non-existent light in the cabin. Why do you look so surprised? Because he woke up. Yeah, I just think that she might've set her husband to sleep, too. The innkeeper's wife hid the knife behind her back, and said, Oh! You're awake! Wonderful! Could I get you some hogs, milk? The innkeeper replied, Yes, I'm very thirsty. I feel like I've been sleeping for ten years! Oh, don't be silly. You've just been in that pink for a little while. But Caroline realized that she had never actually seen the innkeeper. The whole time she'd lived with the innkeeper's wife. Maybe she put him to sleep, so he would not see what she was doing. What an interesting theory. The innkeeper's wife poured some hogs milk in a dirty glass, and the innkeeper drank it down. Oh, I'm feeling very sleepy again. Oh, I'll think of. Go back upstairs and lie down. Oh, you do that. Said the innkeeper's wife, and then she turned back to Caroline, and raised the butcher's knife over her head. Except, Caroline wasn't there. What? What? That's just crazy. Caroline had snuck out the back of the inn while the innkeeper's wife was distracted with her sleepy husband. Behind the inn, Caroline saw the hogs in their pen, and one hog was about twice as big and fat as the others. And there was an axe for chopping wood, wedged into the side of a tree. Caroline got the axe and raised it up over her head, and closed her eyes, and threw it down on the hog's neck. She heard a big squeal, and when she opened her eyes, she saw lying there, headless and bleeding, not the hog. But the innkeeper's wife, except her head, was no longer attached to her body. Who can explain what happened? What is going on? I think the innkeeper's wife was a hog. Somehow the innkeeper's wife was a hog. And I also explain to her, where she cares about the hog too much, because if she feeds the hog, she's also feeding herself. I think that that's right. I think this is hoggyaga. Nah, instead of boba-yaga, she's hoggyaga. I love that. It's so good. Inside the inn, the innkeeper woke from his nap with a start. He came outside to see what was going on. My wife! He shouted, but he didn't look so sleepy anymore. He looked angry. He started for Caroline. But she raised the bloody axe and... he backed away. Caroline threw down the axe and ran. She ran through the darkest woods until she came across a man, driving a horse-drawn wagon. Please! Caroline begged the man. Take me to Glass Mountain. The man hesitated. I never go to Glass Mountain. That's where the giants live. Please! I need to find my brother. The man said, Those giants are fierce, you know. They breathe fire and can roast a man quicker than you can say. Franz Xavi von Schumbert. Caroline thought of her brother. If he was up there, she would go get him. She said, I'll take my chances. And the man, for no reason I can understand, except maybe the determination and desperation shining in Caroline's face, gave a nod, lifted Caroline into his wagon, and urged his horse to gallop at double speed, dragging the wagon up the treacherous road to the Glass Mountain. The World of Sonic the Hedgehog Has been thrust into a not-so-dark, not-so-stormy, hard-boiled detective story that probably nobody saw coming. Follow Sonic and the intrepid chaotics detective agency as they take on their biggest case yet. This high-flying action-packed venture will take them across the world. Fighting for every quill they can fight. It's one heck of a tale, which is good, because this story might be the only thing that can save their lives. Well, if that's all I can just dispose of you. Wait, what? All will be revealed in. Sonic the Hedgehog presents The Chaotic's Case Files. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. The Chaotic's are on the case. A lot of people remember what they dream about when they go to sleep. But what if you discovered you could move between the world of dreams and real life? That's the story of Dream Breachers, where Evan wakes up on his 12th birthday and realizes that the world is in danger. He wakes up on his 12th birthday and realizes that something he dreamed about that night had actually happened. Dream Breachers is a high stakes sci-fi mystery adventure. And with the help of his friends, a reappearing stranger, and a mysterious organization called the Dream Academy, Evan will discover what it means to be a Dream Breacher. If that sounds like a dream to you, you are in luck, my friend. You can listen to Dream Breachers now, wherever you get your podcasts. Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś Ś They arrived at the peak of the mountain just before sundown. Caroline hopped off the wagon and began to thank the man, but he had already turned his horse around and was height-tailing it back down the glass road as fast as he could. Thank you! Caroline called after him. The ground shook. I think the monsters are coming and they're going to see Caroline. It shook again. Me, she could just be a little quiet because we'll ship the giants and become after him! Caroline ran behind a large glass rock to hide. A giant was lumbering straight toward her and a glass rock does not hide you very well. She looked around desperate for a better place to hide. The other side of the glass mountain was a small cave. She ran for it. The giant blue fire from his mouth, but she dove inside the cave just as the giant's fiery breath roared by. Caroline crawled deeper into the cave and deeper. It glowed a glassy blue and after a little while she didn't have to crawl anymore. The space became large enough that she could walk again. I think it's the swan that's in there because it's blue. Interesting. Caroline walked into a large chamber and there, waiting for her, were the 13 swans and their wings fluttered softly when they saw her. Where is my brother? Caroline demanded of the tall blue swan. You told me he'd be here. The blue swan spoke solemnly. If you wish to see your brother again, you must face three trials. Ah, haven't I done enough? What do you guys think? Is she done enough? Yes! It's like these trials never end, right? Work Caroline. They're kids who kill someone. She had to kill someone. Now she's got three trials. She had to work for a king. She had to sell a rose. She had to drink a hog milk! Oh, I was thinking in my head this whole story was a bro. Bro, it's enough. She, like her parents literally sold their children for free and they're broke too, so like... No? I might have had worse than any of our fairy tale heroes so far. She just has got thing after thing after thing. Haven't I done enough? Caroline shouted and the swan said... Nearly. So Caroline said... Fine! Bring it on! Ooh! That's a big word! It is a big word. The swan warned Caroline. These trials are no simple feat. They may seem deadly, but remember why you are here. And trust that no matter what, you will be taken care of. The swans vanished, but the blue swans' final words echoed in Caroline's head. They reminded her of something. That's what the mom and dad said. I think the mom and dad are the swans. Caroline waited, alone in the glassy blue darkness. Before long, the first of the challenges arrived. The ground trembled as the giant space appeared at the mouth of the cave. His fiery breath heating the air. I know you're in there, it tells you man. The giant roared his hot breath burning the rocks and plants outside. Caroline's heart pounded, but she held her ground. If you won't come out, I just want to remain there. The giant blue fire straight into the cave. The flames rushed toward Caroline and she didn't move. She let the flames engulf her and somehow she did not die. What? The giant breathed his fire again and again and each time the flames engulfed Caroline. But they did not harm her. Because everything was else magic and now she is magic. Maybe like, it was connected to like, you always be taken care of. Maybe it's like how she thinks of her brother and like, how she loves her brother and wants to get her back. So her brother is her love for her brother, protector? Finally, exhausted, the giant stomped off and Caroline realized that, miraculously, she had survived the first trial. But just as she had begun to relax, a massive snake slithered into the cave. Its emerald eyes gleaming at her. Again, Caroline stayed calm. The snake coiled its muscular, rippling body around Caroline. It squeezed tighter and tighter. But Caroline just thought, no matter what, we'll take care of each other. The snake's grip constricted. But Caroline imagined that it was her parents wrapping their arms around her. But the snake squeezed harder and harder and Caroline felt certain that her body could take no more and that in a moment she would be crushed to death. And then, the large snake loosened its hold, slid away and disappeared into the shadows. No sooner had the snake vanished than the ground trembled once more. This time, 12 enormous tortoises each the size of a bathtub lumbered into the cave. Finally! Finally, the tortoises showed up. The tortoises' filthy cracked shells were covered in mud, trailing a sour swampy stench that filled the air. Caroline wrinkled her nose, recoiling from the sight. She waited for them to trample her or snap at her or something. They did nothing. She stood up. What on earth am I supposed to do with you? Caroline circled them. They were revolting. She tried shewing them out of the cave, but they stubbornly refused to budge. She lay down trying to encourage them to trample her. They didn't even flinch. Frustrated, she muttered. What do you want? A hug? A kiss? Yeah. As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew she had to try. With determination outweighing her disgust, she stood and walked to the first tortoise. Wrapped her arms around its filthy, muck-covered neck and kissed the top of its head. And just as she did, the tortoise shimmered and its swamp covered skin and shell transformed. Until before her stood her own mother. Then her dad, then her brother. Caroline's arms closed around her, but Caroline pulled away and ran to the next tortoise and squeezed its neck and kissed its stinking head. And instantly it transformed into her father, gazing down at her with pride. I think the last tortoise is going to be the boy, the second is her father. Very interesting. I have a question. What is it with the stories this so far this year, or it's like you just have to keep kissing reptiles and amphibians or something? How is this possible? Caroline asked breathless. But then Caroline looked at the ten other tortoises. Who are you? She ran to the next tortoise and threw her arms around it, and well, she kissed its head too. It shimmered and expanded and transformed. And to her brother, but into a regal woman. Okay, I guess I just kissed a stranger. But that didn't stop her. Caroline wrapped her arms around tortoise after tortoise. Each time hoping the next would be her brother. But with each transformation, she found only another random person. Doubt crept in. What if none of these tortoises were alias? Finally, she reached the last tortoise. Caroline's heart pounded against her ribs. Would this be her brother? She had kissed a lot of strangers now. I'll be it in the form of very dirty tortoises, which maybe made it better or maybe didn't. Anyway, she really hoped this was her brother. Wee to be um, that brother. I can't handle this. Kissy stranger, I think it's disgusting. I think it's gonna be her brother. Because who else would it be? Another stranger. She wrapped her arms around the wrinkly neck. And as she did, she kissed the top of the tortoises muck covered head. The creature began to glow just as before. It transformed. And it last. Before her stood alias. Yeah! Finally! As they embraced, tears of joy streamed down their cheeks. Finally, Caroline turned to her parents and demanded an explanation. How did all of this happen? Her father said, When we left you at the inn, your mother and I were on the brink of freezing to death. Suddenly the blue swan appeared. And in a flash, we were swans too. Her brother, alias, added, The blue swan took me from the inn because otherwise, the innkeeper's wife was going to feed me to the hogs. Because you lost the game. Said Caroline. And alias said, Right! And soon, I became a swan also. And then, after you were swans, you became tortoises? Is she brought us here? And yes, we turned into tortoises! Caroline said. That's weird. Alias agreed. Super weird. Then Caroline asked. But who was this blue swan? And where is it now? Caroline's parents looked at each other. And then they looked at the other people who had first been swans and then tortoises. And everyone shrugged. No one had any idea. Caroline had one more question. She marched up to her parents and stuck a finger in their faces. You said, no matter what, we'll take care of each other. But you gave us a way to the innkeeper's wife! Why? Why would you do that? Her mother said. Isn't it obvious? We didn't want you to starve. We would never sell you to anyone, but we hoped that if we gave you a way, you would live. We were taking care of you, as best as we could. Alias walked up to Caroline and took her hand. But you took even better care of us. You saved us. Caroline replied. You saved me too. A couple of times. That was true. They had all taken care of each other, no matter what. And they lived happily ever after the end. That's a good story. Will you want more? Yeah! Yeah! As Caroline slept, the innkeeper's wife prepared a special stew. No. What does soup say? A soup. Did you predict that there would be a soup? No. Yeah, you totally did. You said that there was going to be a soup. Why? The beginning of the story. The lay was going to treat them like soup. Oh, she was going to treat them like soup. Yeah, I think it's time to get going. She did because of people eating the soup. The soup was belly-wrapping. She might treat Caroline very much like soup right now. You feel like not nice. You know what I mean? Yeah, maybe the soup is very poisonous or might give you heart attack. Or maybe Caroline is going to go in the soup. It's not nice! It's not nice! Did it work? Is this thing on? Okay. Good. Hi. My name is Carly Cue. And if you're anything like me, you may have noticed that there are a lot of big questions out there that need answers. Like, is the lockness monster real? What's going on in the Bermuda Triangle? And who ate my pie? Okay, well, maybe the last one hasn't occurred to you, but on who went wow, mystery edition, I'm solving all of life's mysteries. Well, at least some of them. Join me as I travel through space and time to investigate history's most famous mysteries all during my lunch break. Some things can't be explained, but they can be explored. Listen to episodes of Who When Wow Mystery Edition, wherever you get your podcasts. Go on adventures with Opal Watson, the curious brave kid detective with her own mystery solving business. Whether something's gone missing or something strange is happening in town, she'll get to the bottom of it. She always does. So break out your notepad and be prepared for dramatic twists and turns, because you're coming along on her next case. Opal Watson, private eye. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. Grim Grimmer Grimmers is a penna original production created, written and narrated by me, Adam Gidwitz, author of a tale, dark and grim. Coal Written by Ali Horn, produced and edited by Kalen West, associate producer Rebecca Cunningham, field recording by Julia Martin, casting and voice direction by Rebecca Cunningham, sound design and mixing by Kalen West, executive produced by Carly Malliore, production support by Devon Shepherd, characters voiced by Triel Yong, late Walshleger, Rob Moreda, Tyler Kees, and Charlotte Wilson Langley. Special thanks to all the kids who joined us in Staten Island and Brooklyn for our storytelling sessions. You guys are awesome.