Becky Robinson & Nicky Paris: Capes & Hat-fished

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Stop fucking apologizing. You're not making it any better. You're just reminding me how late we are. I know I'm specific. I know I'm a little high maintenance, which is why I tip really fucking well. I don't want to start shit, but... Really? Really? Okay. Really? Jeff Lewis has issues. Hey, welcome to Jeff Lewis has issues. In today's episode, Becky Robinson and Nikki Parris joined the show. We talk about wearing capes and food poisoning, plus Becky gets hat fished by a one night stand. But you know, Nikki and Becky are here. Woo! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah! That's my maiden call. Okay, here we go. Hey, Jeff. Good morning. Did you guys get your breakfast? Who has the eggs? I'm gonna give, I'm gonna swoop those eggs on my... I just bought them to you. They're extra, so we're giving them to you. Put a little salt on them. Does she have salt? No, you took the salt on her package. You did what? I raw dog the heart boils. I don't care. Oh, do you want salt or pepper or anything? No. No. Okay, all right. Did you everybody have what they need? Yes. He doesn't get a thing. He brings his own coffee. And you downgraded to the grande. Well, they got the size wrong today. He never drinks the whole thing anyway. No, I just nursed it till four. What, four? Really? Usually, I like to sip on an all day. He gets like the trinity. He gets the biggest cup of it. It's like a big gold. How many shots? Just for the flavor. Oh, I don't need the shots. I could drink a decaf. You should have seen him in Greece. He's like, give me the biggest. I want the biggest iced coffee you got. And they gave him like a little miniature. You know how they do. And I said, what the hell is this? I need two. A bimbo of coffee. Well, do you need caffeine, Becky? Because he does a really nice, skinty... What are you doing now for me? Okay, here's my new drink that I invented for the skinties. I invented the Americano. It's a double shot of espresso, one packet of coffee made creamer, and like a inch of hot water. It's so nice. Sean Maxwell House. Okay. So why are we starting off targeting me, telling me I need a skinty beverage? Is it because of my fat arms? No, not at all. I just saw you drinking Diet Coke, and I'm like, she needs caffeine. I can get you a skinty drink. And then... Wait, Jeff, did you drink the coffee? Because now I see the Celsius is open as well. Oh, I drank the coffee already. A little double. And then just remember, I'm operating on very little sleep. I know I'm in row sick. I'm running a pediatric hospital right now. Oh, God. So, but you know what? I finally got smart. So rather than waiting for her to get up with some crazy fever and like throwing up or the chills, we wake her up very quickly, give her a little Tylenol. Three hours later, alarm goes off, wake her up, give her a little Motrin. And you just keep doing that. You alternate it every three hours. We ward off the fever. Fever never comes. Let's see, I didn't do that before. The night before, I waited for that fever to show up, the chills, the bath, the whole thing. Then gave her the Tylenol. Stupid. And I got it down now. You're getting ahead of it now. I'm getting ahead of it, Becky. Yeah, yeah. I like to... Growing up, I like to be sick because you'd always get more attention from your parent. Like, sir, had you said before that you like when she's sick because she holds on to you? Oh, she's like, Daddy, I go, do you have to eat? I go, we're giving you all these... This medication. I said, you have to eat. Can I please get a French toast? I said, yeah, I'll just order it from IHOP. She goes, no, I would like it from Mel Steiner on Sunset. She goes, I don't like the French toast at IHOP. Does anyone? I don't blame her. Good girl, yeah. But fortunately, it was only 20-minute delivery, priority. Oh, they just bopped right down. Yeah, IHOP becomes a side of crime. It's never the right meal. I love IHOP. I don't care. I like IHOP too. I don't have a problem. I love the IHOP on Sunset. I've always seen someone getting assaulted while having breakfast there. That was me too. Are you serious? Yes, it's very dangerous. Do you ever go to Mel's on Sunset? I like that place. Is that a... Diner? Yeah. What about Wingers on... Is it Beverly Third? Wingers is good. I think. She wants the French toast from Mel's. I don't know what it was. I know, she's specific. She likes what she likes. She's been having us since she was a baby. Mm-hmm. And she has two pairs. She has two pairs. The cutest things I've ever seen. Wicked pajamas. Those are our matching pajamas. We have wicked and then we have wicked for good. Yeah, you gotta have both. They're the cutest things I've ever seen. Those girls have such sexual tension. If there's... Don't be sad. I mean, who needs two girls one cup? Alphabet and Glenda, they're, you know, taught. I like her home, actually. I'm thinking about homeschooling her. You should. Yeah. I mean, this is gonna turn into like a...哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎 And now she's an icon. Yeah, she is. I relate to her. I think we need to understand her side of the story more. You do? I'm surprised she does not have a podcast or something by now. Truly. Yeah. I have a question for you. Okay. So I know that you're now doing a whole new standup routine, correct? Yeah. What's with the cape and the hood? Like a traitor? What's going on? Well, first off, I haven't seen traitors. Ever? I haven't. No, I've been hearing everything. We should be. You should be on the next season, but as entitled housewife. Fuck yeah. I would love that. I would love that. Put the visor under the hood. Who came up with this idea? Well, Jeff, the thing is, I went out on a limb and I sang. I sang. I'm a singer now. You have to hear it. The song? I made a new intro song. We have it. For the Beast and Me Tour. And I'm absolutely wailing. Balls deep within fluenza. So there's a lot of growl to it. And we thought, you know, Nikki and I were just blasting it in this dump of an airbnb in Florida. And, you know, we just started blocking out some moves and Nikki was on his knees whisking around and thought, I need a cape. I need up the ante. And the only thing we could find within an hour to showtime was this rental that was like it had white stuff on it. It looked jizzy. It was from a sex shop? It was a rental. Yeah. You rented something from a sex shop? A black cape and a hood. It was Orlando. Throw me a bone. From a sex shop for $75? Yeah. Couldn't you buy one for that? We couldn't get it in such short time. These ideas hit us like diarrhea and then three hours till the show. How did it smell? I bet. It smells worse now. I was dragging it through the like the aisles of all the girls. It had character. I was picking up chum on the way down the aisles. This is so weird. So are you coming out now to this song in the black stained smelly cape? It was a one time thing with that cape. We now have one being made. Yeah. A custom cape. With sleeves. So the audience responded. They went crazy. Jeff, well I don't want to give it all away. Can we play it? Can we play the song? I guess. This is a Jeff Lewis exclusive. You're playing it from a... Okay, you can't play it. Trying to get a little deeper on this tour. Can you sing with the music? I do. Please. A live? Yeah. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Anything to really I guess maybe have to be there First of all we're going up the billboard chart with this one We are ready. Why wouldn't you just send that to me instead of playing it on your phone up to the microphone? well Audio engineer so the audience they loved the opening song They loved the cape and now you're gonna have one made Yeah, well, I don't know yet if they love the song or if they love the cape They do but there's something fun about like you Doing something through the audience instead of just coming out on the stage, you know I could feel them being like hype AF with that playing and that blasting you running I mean, it's she's a showgirl and is it true that you now have Nikki manning a spotlight which follows you follows you as you run through the crowd. Yes Yeah, so he finishes his set and sprints Dead sprints with a spotlight like a gazelle when the beat drops is there like a lighting shift to? Yes Yeah thing and things fly and they'll be pyro at some point. I'll probably come down on wires. No, you know Pink Joe this is how I mean Jeff this is how these things start You know, it's just a seedling right now be careful with careful with the pirate techniques I don't think most clubs are gonna allow you to do that because we asked we're doing theater I'd love nothing more than to be lit on fire I'm willing to lose an eyebrow. That's how excited I am about the theaters. Yeah, they won't well Obviously you're doing well Because I heard about your new purchase a brand new 2026 G-Wagon Did you go to keys no What It's one of the largest Mercedes dealerships in the country I remember I told you I was working with a middleman And they just so I wasn't even gonna buy it and then I went in and they had the exact color that I wanted what color white white with this The interior though, what is it beige brown? I see it everywhere There's two on my street is this the congratulations you give to a new car owner Okay, so it's white in tan You got ripped off if you didn't go to keys What's ripped off? I bet you I bet you spent 10% more than you needed to yeah 20 for sure. I bet they charge you 450 grand It also comes in a bidet It does massage you It does do you have a cooler? Haven't checked I really haven't explored it much because I don't have one in mind Was it the new Range Rover's you were saying no the Mercedes of the new Mercedes doesn't have a cooler. I miss it I miss it. I'm gonna have to find my drinks are lukewarm now Terrible I can't imagine driving around with that and it being helpful like it doesn't melt. Oh, it's so nice Really having a like a chilled glass of water at all times especially someone like you who drinks and drives right No, it's crucial That's what my whole Yeti cooler We need the white cool to the perfect tip Did glad to survive the superflu not by much? She's still fighting and hanging on He was calling me should not have been near her Face time and she keeps coughing up phlegm and I don't know you know It's it's like being on the set of osmosis Jones. There's all types of things flying I'm scared. It was like watching a flubber exorcism And I'm trying to be you know, but she's saying she's not holding it against me Gladys is a long hauler. She's a long hauler. How long she had it now almost two or three weeks We're still not a hundred percent. We both had it. I know same still gargling up a little is that what Monroe has yep She got the super you know where we all got it Hmm Yep, I don't know Celtic beauty over there. Why are you playing that we need to get it How else are you gonna drive to the urgent care is that where people are getting superflu allegedly? I don't know Sounds like I really should have taken off more days look at look at the havoc I have Monroe's class is out half and that's how bad it is Super home watching movies. Yeah. Oh, she loves it. We had to cancel the tutor again today Amazing what you doing right now? She's watching see for the fourth time. Oh, it makes me nuts She's just watches it over and over and over again She's sitting on that sofa and her wicked for good pajamas Eating her eating her French toast from melz diner. Yeah, not I hop not that trash No, what is her lunch gonna dish like chicken nuggets like what is she like to have her lunch? She'll probably do a pasta and peas. Oh beautiful a primavera whatever I'm never gonna go back to school. She's not gonna go back to school. Why would I if you will I was always at the nurse I had every fake illness. I was like, I think I need to get in a wheelchair too. I had every excuse It was like I think I have to go home. They're like, no, you're good go back to class. She was telling me last night She goes she has a savings account where she takes like her birthday money and Christmas money and all that and then she's like She mentioned the name at school. She's like so-and-so has $11,000 in her account. I go. Well, you're not doing bad I go. I think you're like five or something in there. She goes. Yeah, but she's got 11 I go well you have purses and you have jewelry I said you can always convert that to cash and I go it's far more than what she she has So she seemed to be calmed by that you should get her break of gold She get her And we did the zoom oh mo arrived I know it's so Cute, you know what a zoom oh mo is. Oh, oh look it up. It's a huge laboum. Oh 22.8 inch laboum. Oh, I thought it was a vacuum cleaner Did you see the zoom oh mo I thought it's so cute. Oh, when are they gonna make like an evil Chuckie doll laboum movie? Oh That's clever. That's a zoom oh mo but zoom oh mo is real tall. Justin almost screwed up He was like, how is there's how do you like your new zoom? Zububu and she was like I don't have a Zububu a zoom oh mo fucking Justin Are you serious? He was like, oh, I must have been thinking about someone else and then she like moved on But I was like Justin that was a gift There's a reason why it's hidden in the closet Justin. I know I was like Justin pay attention I know I go yesterday. I can't get worried about him. I know I go. This is the accountant Yeah, I go so we're you know when we first have a new guest we got to get their Venmo or whatever it is They're Zell the W-9 is the whole thing and I said to him yesterday. I go. Hey, did you end up getting? Arden Marine paint he goes. Oh She on tomorrow. I go no she was on last week. We put it on the check request. You were supposed to pay her I get a little worried about him. I know well to him I tell him the names like He doesn't associate the names with people so he just like you're saying a new name. I think like and what did he say to you? You you were wearing a sequence top yesterday. Oh, yeah, he goes you look like fortune-feamster Wait why? Yeah, he was he was It's a call because she's wearing a really shiny showy top and so he was like wow Annie you're dressed up today You're you dress like a comedian you look just like fortune Really weird That makes no sense he should have said you're giving entitled housewife This guy sounds like he's maybe been dropped on his head Just my type let me know if you don't get paid Today great really the last one didn't pay Nikki remember the last one didn't pay yeah like for two times It happens. No, it doesn't I'm so agreeable Dropped one F bomb I didn't deserve it I looked at the register today, and I noticed that he paid Chas Dean and I go When was Chas Dean on yeah He was on he was on the 19th, and he paid it But he didn't put in the book and he the petty that payment for Teddy didn't go through so it the book was balancing So it didn't really didn't put in the book. I would be afraid there wasn't under the table deal for haircare products Oh, you think so trying to slip up some payments for Tanner by the way, did you hear about the Mace that Aurora bot? Yeah to match me. Do you hear what happened? She was walking Toby and a dog Toby's my dog. Yes, he's the other bookkeeper And there was a woman one of my neighbors was walking ahead of her Some guy showed up out of nowhere Started getting into the woman's face like what's your name? What's your name? What's your name? And Aurora took out her mace And she pointed at him and then Toby was like And he took off and the woman was like thank you so much Wow boss she was she was ready to go down with a bedazzled mace. I'm so proud of her I don't know if it's like a homeless guy or something or no I do you you carry mace when you go to I just have it in a Little purple canister. I need to get some weaponry. Yeah No, just taser. That's not charged Oh Bridget in York agrees with me line two Hey, Bridget Hello Hello, what's up, Bridget? Oh My god, so I just wanted to say there's nothing better than a sick child. I know not terminally of course I Know no, I mean so my kid just turned six She is like the biggest Bitch I Know they're so demanding right a parent her It's great. Well, you know whatever I'll give her things but like I'll try to parent her and she'll just be like Why are you bossing me around you butt cheek like she's just like a nasty girl But when she's sick, she's beautiful. I know Bridget. I know They're just sweet and calm and quiet and vulnerable I just love it. I know like a dog. I don't I really don't want to film today like I want to Exactly and enjoy it. I just want I really got it. I cancel plants. Yeah, I have two kids and Sometimes I let the sick one just get the other one sick I Elnice Try giving them a little Amazon sleep I absolutely agree. Thank you for calling. Thank you. So you think lattice is gonna much You think lattice is gonna survive. She better. Is she coughing? She's coughing up all different colors, you know It's it's like pride month see that's coming. How old is she now? She's 88 my sweet angel This could take her out. She she has quite a story. She was slept in a crib until she was nine Why all right Bridget was like I think you have another fever Get a mama's bosom I'm worried about gladus me too, but she's still having me work on her script. Oh What's the script she's writing this comedy movie for about 27 years and Yeah, she wrote me a pardon as my career has been growing the parts been getting bigger So now I'm somehow rewriting lines for the part, you know my charity work. It just doesn't end I'm like the March of Dimes. You're so giving what you want only fans No, they paid me like a little chunk of money to do a comedy special. It was not and in fact I they gave me I think I don't know like 10 grams or something like that to do like a 10-minute set That's nice. It was a nice little grand minute. Yeah, exactly I wasn't thrilled to be on it and then I said, you know what? Maybe I will get a little sexual You know, maybe I'll do a little bit of a top. James in your face. He literally was just like this So I said let me post maybe a little Topless selfie after the gym with a little areola. I lost followers And I was so I thought maybe I'm a sleeping sexual icon, I didn't know I wonder if maybe there's a market for people that want to see like the uncertain stripper Unconfident, yeah, that's right. I'm sexy, but I'm a little autistic You're not you're not so sure, you know, you're like everything But I have to disinfect it first you could do only fans Becky and show what Everything my pecs or my I Different Taco Bell items. Well now that you fixed your teeth and got electrolysis you look good The both of you look like you just got off a boat I know we're way you do you look like you just nibble down a lobster roll and No, you finished your electrolysis, right? It's never done It's truly never it's what I was yours back. It's a scheme. Yeah. Oh, well looks good today It's a going yesterday and her machine was out so I was gonna roll up again today with heavy turtleneck. You overheated it last time Blue a fuse on the old happy trail she went I'll be back in there next Monday get weed whacked your holiday bush Can't get my new year post cut correct. I Mean I am yeah, we style it on the road Is anybody from Tressa may listen do you guys make shapes? What Of your no no please yourself. Yeah, no like like a you get waxed. Yeah, I guess I could tell my girl to make a shape What would you get Annie do a little star you're single now true Yeah, I'll get creative. Have you ever heard of a Vajazzle where you but I'll leave a vagina you should do that. Does that work? Is that a piercing? No sounds itchy Is it glue? I don't know. We should go do it. Okay. Let's go to a Michaels We're gonna Vajazzle Becky a good team building out You're not doing a lip flip anymore no, I think I am I'm gonna start with a lip flip see how I like it and then do Feller maybe going to fill it. What hold on? Disagree, I told me to okay. She told you to get a little filler a little bit a little bit Fillers scary. Yeah, but you have a top lip not my nice mile. No, she doesn't No, she doesn't have any lips So then the lip flip would help it because you have the lip and then I'll just stay out So we're gonna see do you use a lip liner? I do but not today. I'm exactly you can just draw one in Yeah Oh Sounds like a trip to Michaels It's like a series of stones in a shape and they stick it on your pubic area You don't sweat it off Eventually Out underneath your skirt we can stream you getting it on your only fans You'd leave a trail of glitter and bedazzles I think Yeah, leaving a little bit for the next generation will always know where you went Now I heard that you went on a date. I did. Yes. I did. I've been out. I'm glad that you branched out Yes Yeah, is that because your therapist told you to stop going out with the married man I don't know that I'm dating a married man and we haven't crossed that bridge What did your therapist say when you said I suspect? Tell the truth tell the truth No, you know, she just wants me to be happy and she could see you know, you know We had someone else's expense. We don't know that it's at somebody else. We do know. Did you tell your therapist? Were you? Oh, so you lie to your therapist For everybody just calm down for 10 seconds, all right, we're kicking up the heat and I don't think we need to know she She's aware You know and I think we're ready to we're gonna we're gonna cross that bridge with the right knowledge when we get there I would love to do a little undercover That'd be a great idea throw on a wig and we'll get to the bottom of this We'll get your for jazz. Just wear that cape. That's inconspicuous. No, it really is she could be in the shadows any boy You want to follow him home? Yeah, I would like to see because That wouldn't that be fun. It's not a bad idea. I've always wanted to spend more time with you guys This whole thing when you can hang out with someone again and again and again and not really know anything about him No, I'm like, you know, I bet he's a serial killer Hot like that. What was you talking about yesterday? Oh my god, David Carpenter Maybe we need to look and we're are you asking him questions about him? Well, you know, I want to go to take my breath away and maybe it's just he needs to have his hand around my windpipe Maybe that is you know, but I did go on a date and then I heard there was a little bit of a mishap Well, you know, I'm rushing, you know I'm only home for three days and I asked him to meet me at to Koya and I asked where is that? Let's not say what there's exactly that's okay. Why are you going right now? No, you already left Which to Koya is it and where is it? It's on it's by mouse, right on sunset. Yeah, if I'm in there No, north or south side of the Sunset Hollywood, I mean, Holloway. There's a few locations Oh that chain restaurant, yeah No mom and pop but they got to okay. There's like many There's like at least 10 in the area. It's mom and pop there. They're there. Do we order takeout from them? We have a family owned it's like it's like pomegranates in their guac So it's fast food. No fast cash. It's organic Leisure They make a pretty good margarita. Yes. Is it a good date restaurant? No. No That's what I thought well We didn't exactly jail like we were just talking about I did open that I was you know an artist and you know We're talking about is that what you're calling yourself now? Vincent van Ho but I um no I was telling him, you know If we were talking about if you and we talked about this lot if we weren't doing what we were doing What would we be doing and I said Tim? I think I'd want to be a judge and he goes on drag race I said no in court. So we didn't exactly see eye to eye on but didn't you have trouble connecting? Well, okay, here's the deal. So I was in a rush and I said into my phone to Coya But my phone picked it up as Toyota. So I accidentally sent him to the Toyota dealership and Really I was really embarrassed and then I was like, let me just pay for everything I was really you know, I just have a lot going wait wait wait You didn't read back a text that you text to speak to text I sent it from the shower So I reached my arm out and scope into the phone and said to get sent him the address for to Coya And he's going there and you know what's across of that Toyota and I hop The Toyota dealership it's on it's across from in and out on orange and sunset Jason are you a Camry? Oh, I know exactly where that is. Okay, the Toyota. That's kind of Yeah, yes, okay, so you sent him to the Toyota dealership not yeah, why don't he go? That's weird that he's not asked By me and Camry, okay, hold on everybody hold up I go for a Land Cruiser Those cars Have a wrap for Okay, let's just get the hold on one thing some for runners are nice, too For others same cars now sexy Did you buy my car to apologize? No, but I paid for the meal, you know I'll go to school. We should have paid for the anyway you invited. We're not planning on paying for the meal Well, he actually asked me out, but um, yeah, no, I paid for the meal was the classy thing to do Where did you eat to Coya? So you came all the way to you after all this? I'm the talent Yeah, absolutely. So what happens when he's like I'm here. I said, oh my god. I'm so sorry. I must have been rushing like here's the new location and luckily It's just 11 minutes away Hmm hello So do you like you think you'll see him again? No And I want my $50 back Why why didn't you click do you think do you have something to say can can why didn't you know? I'm just looking up the menu for to Koya. Why didn't I mean it's a barito bowl bowl Why don't you take him to Chipotle Yeah, what were you thinking There's a reason I you know, that's my convenience spot for reason, you know, it's a fun like yeah casual you can sit outside Oh I see which one We live so close to each other I know I you know you want to go to to Koya. I would love that meet him at the Toyota dealership Look at different cameras together So you said let's go to to Koya and I would say I heard So you walked there from your house Yeah, for sure, but you paid for his but you paid for his Uber. No, he drove from Oh my god Really that's never gonna work out. You know, I don't see I don't see financial class would be nice for airport jobs though Shacking up over there. You're right a park there. I mean he likes you if you drove that far What time of day? Well, we were originally supposed to do seven but I ordered a new coffee table Which was supposed to come on February 5th, and then I got a knock at the door and it was there So I had to get a test grab it her in No, it's hard being so you're late owner So you were late. I had to push it back to 830, but yes, I got there so didn't do didn't in yes Yes at 830 at it. How much notice did you give him? Well? I hit him around 530 and I said, how do we feel about like? Are there any other options because tonight's a little tight. I just had a coffee table and I had a Also had a dryer rack that I got for Christmas and I mean people can't expect me to build out myself So he had a few things to build for me. So you postponed the day That's a little self-involved literally Just have that delivered bring the task guy the next day Thank you all so much for being here at our wedding I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with the woman of my dreams Speaking of dreams Have you ever dreamed of tasting all the colors of the rainbow because that is exactly what you get with skittles Five bold fruit flavors in every pack lemon orange lime Strawberry and blackcurrant they're chewy their colorful. They're perfect just like my wife So thank you for coming and remember to buy skittles Shamelessly promote the rainbow taste the rainbow at two we give you more More outfit choices with 20 kilograms of luggage allowance as standard More hotels built around what you love like that swim up sweet More race you to the bottom water parks on site More that looks good food options from poolside snacks to ala cart dining Book on app in store or online you book it to resort it at all and after protected keys and C's apply selected hotels Only see website for details. How does it feel to? Face the storm head on Go beyond the map Drive into the extreme Or win a Ford Explorer Test drive one before the end of May and you could win one now how would that feel? Search win a Ford Explorer ready set Ford season C's apply 25 plus only see Ford code UK for details What you didn't know you could get club card prices on Tesco travel insurance get away Save 15% on your travel insurance in our summer sale and join over one million customers who've already trusted us with their cover By direct using your club card to get 15% off But only until the 8th of July don't miss our summer sale search Tesco travel insurance and get a quote direct today Underwritten by AWP PNC SA offer excludes add-ons season C's apply Also want to promote the Beasts in Me tour Becky Robinson's tour and you open for her Nikki, right? I do do you want to go over some of the dates back K? Yeah This weekend we're gonna be in Phoenix Scottsdale Area for waste management if you're out there for the golf tournament will be at Wicapok casino Friday and Saturday The following weekend Valentine's weekend Plano, Texas Thursday Friday San Antonio Saturday and Austin on Sunday and then we're in Hawaii March 13th and 14th. So come to those are you serious? Yeah, we do it obliques which Island Honolulu they're gonna pop over to Maui for a little vacation. We were nice. We're staying Okay, you don't know the Somewhere right right the look they buy the water By the sea today. I have a to Koya there by the toucan Also, I want to promote we're doing a live event It's Jeff Lewis and the chumps hot to go in Phoenix on March 26th. It's a Thursday evening For tickets you can go to Phoenix dot standup live calm I don't know if there's any VVIP's left, but we do have VIP We have plenty of VIP's and plenty of general admission and then we're still working on the lineup But right now it is Doug Jameson Shane myself Patrik pole. I think Keen and Annie are going and then we're also I think Todd Lewis might be doing the opening show And then we also have two other celebrity guests that we're waiting to confirm and the link We'll get back to you. The link is on my Instagram. Thank you and a Appreciate it. Did you get food poisoning from Chili's? No Well, I ordered 17 entrees, but yes something something happened at Chili's. Yeah, we got it I'm not honey cheeky tendies. I got a couple kids meals Yeah, I got some sort of a salad and I think I don't know something about the tender My stomach was cramping could have been a thousand other things though. I don't know I wouldn't door-dash it up like that's something you need to eat like fresh in-house if that's it's on the ground Chili's Yeah, yeah, I gotta have the boots in the house. I love Orlando outskirts of Orlando Was it just coming grumbles or was it coming out? It was like extreme extreme cramps that I like I was pacing around the bathroom I was jumping. I was like just something some movement come and then I put in a nicotine pouch and was strapped to the toilet for several hours Oh Can I tell you the most humiliating thing happened Jeff? Aside from that Aside from that it gets worse. Yes That's what I'm saying I think it's so good that you guys are going on dates and you're meeting nice people out and about Because I'm doing something wrong and I really need to fix it. Well, tell us the embarrassing thing Well, I had this guy over okay named Mike and I'm just curious if this is a thing that men do because this this is something I have never experienced Well, first off we were hooking up It was like you're so sweaty and I'd been tanning a lot and putting on a lot of lotion I was like it might be you too asshole So he's first off calling me sweaty, you know large and then we're like laying there and he He goes have you ever seen a Rolex? And I go what? Takes his penis wraps it around my wrist like a bangle That's never happened to me he goes look a Rolex I took a picture I go don't move and then I was like get out And that's luxury I will never see this person again It was I've seen the picture it literally looked like something from a street market like like some type of Moroccan street fair Can we see the picture? Thanks So you didn't have sex with him? No, I did What time did he did that after which is so he did the Rolex after that cruel I thought it was kind of hot. I did. Yeah, you would think that That was absolutely foul. You really want me to hold this up? Yeah. I want to see it. So you were were you sweaty? Come on, this could be the new jewelry Can we put that on the Jeff Lewis I Was like a roll out you guys Costume jewelry. Yes, I was sweaty because I was I went to the tanning bed a few times because they're calling it red light therapy now So I assume it's healthy and I was all lathering up with a lot of lotion Did you have the air conditioning on? Yeah, I did it's like 67. Oh, wow Chris. I like it that time too. Yeah Okay, so you had sex with him, but obviously it wasn't that great. No because you're done with him after the If he had not wrapped his penis around your wrist, would you have gone out with him again? You know what was weird too is like he kept saying that I was Being like reserved. He was like you're not being fun You're not being fun and then this guy like middle like we started hooking up wouldn't take off his glasses or his hat I was like are you gonna take your hat off? Because he's like balding a little bit. Do you think you like when they leave it? And then I was like, can you take your glass off and he's like I can't see without him. I was like, all right Where are you beating these people? I Was on the phone with Well when you he came over for the first time I was on the phone with you Yeah, and you know we made sure that he wasn't a killer. Was he good-looking? Yeah with this hat on oh Did you see him without the hat? Yeah, I don't think it's that bad But I just let the fact that he like wouldn't take it off was just like alright You're you're like upper 30s and we can't you're insecure. Yeah I've been with guys that I'm like you have to keep the hat on and some of them are okay with it Yeah, I should say your way keeping their clothes on so you were in Paris and some guy asked to paint you without your shirt Okay Titanic Yeah, and you I was I was well I was going through a phase about two years ago where I was really intrigued by Mediterranean European art so I was at a bar and some guy was like you are so Gorgeous would you mind if I painted you and I said what a story to tell my grandchildren that I was just walking down the streets of Paris And somebody said you are so stunning that I'd love to put it on canvas. Yeah, so I did it Do you have it? Yeah? Home it's in a frame shows the Wow I mean I'd have I don't you have to sit there without a shirt for me to paint you like 35 minutes I don't know anybody that would do that pants on well You know good. Yeah, but um, yes, what you don't know anybody that would do that Well, you know, it was an interesting thing to do, but I said how many people could say they went to Paris and somebody you know Just one second you clout Don't you I think that's kind of a flex and that's honestly one of my biggest accomplishments I went to a foreign country. You know some more accomplishments What That's your biggest accomplishment. We got a problem. It's up there It's up there and maybe my top 30, but I'm quite proud of that because I felt I inspired art Did he do your face? Yeah, of course. Yeah, I did We were in New Orleans and we got our caricatures you remember how that turned out that was no that was mean that was bullying via a Pain brush what we got a I think we got a character's drawing. I'm sure I some reason Nicky came out looking like a hedgehog He looked at it and was like no Literally like yelled at the artist. I said that is so disrespectful We could see what I actually look like Jameson and Frank just got one at the baby shower and the artist put a penis on Jameson's nose No, it's the weirdest It is the weirdest thing you've ever seen Becky hold on look at the picture Stop his nose looks like a penis Jesus the guy did not look like a Rolex Yeah, you wanted you ever seen a Rolex No, that's hardy quickly take Lisa in Oklahoma line to hi Lisa Hey Jeff, how are you right? What's your comment? You guys you guys have been cracking me up today But I had to tell you about I don't know if you have seen the new story about Bella Hadid and her she broke up with her rodeo handsome cowboy boyfriend and Your story about the guy showing up and he won't take his hat off so She posted there somebody posted a picture of Bella Hadid's hot cowboy without his cowboy hat off and the comments were all we've all been Hats fished and I'd never heard that before But when you think about it those people that will never take their hat off and there's a lot of them Yeah, that is like a cat fishing that's hot fishing. Yeah, that's what it is. Thank you Lisa Yeah, you got you were getting hat fished me and Bella in the same echelon Yeah, yeah, I get you guys confused. All right. We're playing a new game today called Holiday in or Holiday out Becky Nikki you're always in hotels around the world, but your standards are questionable I'm gonna give you a hotel scenario You're gonna tell us if you tough it out Holiday in or do you check out immediately holiday out? There's no hairdryer. I Bring my own So holiday in yeah Holiday out. I need a dryer. Okay, so tragic There is a pool, but it's indoors and only three feet deep Holiday out, but we won't be jumping in the pool. Yeah holiday out. So Tragic there's one bar of soap that states it's for hair hands and body I'm gonna say out because we just had a little bit of an issue Okay, hi Tragic there's a sign outside that flashes always vacancy. No, no So she got had jake The man checking you in has no teeth We love giving back the rooms only have twin beds. Oh, we'd love that One to eat on one to sleep you have to pay for Wi-Fi Well, we're we have status. We've got status. It just wouldn't happen. Yeah But for a common person The hotel is directly off the freeway And close to McDonald's as well then yeah good for The curtains don't fully close Out need our sleep So tragic there are bars on the windows We tried to open the balcony this weekend and we couldn't get it open in Miami. Yeah, I tried to jump Holiday out out So tragic the shower has a shower curtain instead of shower glass Sounds like every night of my life. Yeah So tragic okay, there are dead bugs in the light fixture out immediately Oh The bed is on wheels and rolls when you lean on it The carpets are visibly stained Out and the last one the mini fridge has the previous guests leftovers. Oh hell no What is it still good thank you for playing holiday in or holiday out All right, so when you how did you meet the hat-fished guy on a dating app, but a long time ago I say are you still on dating apps? Yeah, I would imagine someone of your fame gets DM'd a lot Yeah, yeah, did you ever follow through with that? No Hmm. No one's interesting. I don't know. No. I mean no not really chuckle fuckers, right? I'm always kind of weirded out by that like how could you listen to this and be interested? You know about my show The men lover especially the older men I see there's there's stents they go crazy We were at a golf event the older guys get very excited. Would you do older? Yeah? Okay, I should be dating maybe it's you. I think it is me. Yeah, I think it is me and the Nikki. Maybe it's you What I Don't think it's either of us. I think I couldn't think of two sweeter people Okay, great. I just like when I'm delusion to I think I don't like to leave my house So I'm like I don't want to meet anyone out. I'm just like come here to the lair. Congrats on the new G wagon. Thanks Thanks for listening if you want more of this listen to Jeff Lewis live every weekday on Sirius XM as well as the Jeff Lewis channel exclusively on the Sirius XM app Crisp vibrant and bursting with citrus Villamarie's New Zealand Sylvignon Blanc is the perfect wine made to be enjoyed on every occasion Whether you're soaking up the Sun in your garden hosting a Backyard barbecue or unwinding after a long day the zesty lime and lush tropical fruits are always delicious Trivillamarie a Sylvignon Blanc a vibrant New Zealand wine. That's perfect for every occasion available at all good wine retailers Breakups that is a tricky one. 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