Come join the Patreon! It's a huge community now with loads of extra cool stuff. Patreon.com forward slash show look and go. Oh hi, didn't see you guys there. Come on in, help yourself to a nice cool glass of podcast juice. This is the adventure of the Mazarin Stone. 100% juice with no bits. Slurp that down. I've got so lost in this metaphor I've actually forgotten what happens in this adventure. So all your warnings and stuff will be in the episode description. Bottoms up. Oh my god. Oh that tea is hot. Oh tea is really hot. Prime loaders for approach. Get me comms with the Hydraxis Perimeter Guard. Priming loaders and initiating comms commander. The Starship Darmantius will be cleared for entry in no time. Thank you, Lieutenant. It's time to exit deep space, old friend. Few could have seen us through it, Commander. You're going home, Lieutenant. What on meta 2 does that mean? My people say it only when they feel profound gratefulness, Commander. It means kill me, cook me, and eat my soul for it is ripened. Okay, yeah that's kind of... Warning impact. God damn it. Warning impact. Shield damage at 80%. Our shields hold yet, Commander. Shield damage at 80% does that mean 80% damage or 20% damage with 80% remaining? Shield damage at 50%. Never mind. Commander, where are you going? We've got precious cargo aboard this Starship, Lieutenant. Commander! Where's my son? Have you seen my son? What is happening, Commander? They're here. They're here! Who? Who are you? Please, sir. Derek! Derek, where are you, my boy? Oh, Porter! Lord Commander, the ship has sustained attacks. My analysis of the laser sound wave and impact would suggest it is a drogy and flea. I know, Porter. I know, God damn it. Reprogram yourself to warden mode. I only have a protector mode, Captain. Protector mode, then. Reprogramming commenced. Oh, there you are. Father, what's going on? You're coming with me. In fact, both of you are coming with me. This has got to dark down here. We're in the undership, Derek. But we have to go. The ship is under attack. No, Derek, you have to go. Porter, open Starvessel Cabin 78. Opening Starvessel Cabin 78. Wait, what are you talking about? In there. Oh, Father, no! No! Get off me, Porter! Sorry, buddy. Get off me! What do I always say? I want to stand and fight! Please, Father, no! This ship carries precious cargo. I'm not precious cargo! Stop saying that! I'm a fighter! I'm a man! I wasn't talking about you. Goodbye, you son of a... No! Father! Father! What were you talking about? What were you talking about, Dad? The Maserin. Starvessel Cabin 78. My name is Dr John Watson. Once of the British Army Northumberland Fusillier Regiment. Now, a true crime podcast that based in central London. I don't have much experience in criminology, so this is mostly a record of how I met possibly the most brilliant and bizarre person I have ever and will ever know. Join me as I document the adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock and Co. John speaking. Okay, cool. And you've sent an email? You won't believe this. Oh, she's just come in. No, no, no, no. I'm busy. No, she hasn't just come in, actually. She's still not here. I must have just seen someone that... Yeah, her doppelganger. Yeah. Okay, well, I'll go over the email and let you know. Yeah, alright, cheers. Bye, bye, bye. You will not believe this. Welcome to 221A, our office that opens at 9.30am and that you pride yourself on being the face of. Yeah, I had to go out. To where? I've been answering phones here. I've been replying to emails. I've been doodling. Look at that. Me as a cowboy. Me as a transformer. That's Sherlock on a bike. That's my ideal all-time England team. Guess what? I'm not going to be a cop. I'm not going to be a cop. I'm not going to be a cop. I'm not going to be a cop. I'm not going to be a cop. I'm not going to be a cop. That's my ideal all-time England team. Guess where I was? Tesco. Nope. Madame Tussauds. Oh, you had to go to Madame Tussauds. You just had to go and hang out in a waxwork museum, did you? Well, in that case, I have to go to the pub. Firstly, you're going away this weekend, Tosh. Secondly, I went there because a friend of mine said you're there. Sorry, what? You are there. So is Sherlock. Sherlock and I are there. Yep. At Madame Tussauds. Yes. What? Welcome to Madame Tussauds London, where fame comes to life. Good God. Told you. Am I finished? Is that... That's the finished waxwork of me, right? That's what we're saying. That's not a work in progress. Of course. This is the exhibition. The Siege of Madame Tussauds. That's you, that's Sherlock, and that's Hector Mark Farland with the gun. See? They commemorated it. So, there's no way that is meant to be me. Why not? John, don't touch it. Watson, you're breaking the rules of the establishment. Just looking at this tag on it. What? What is it? On this clothing tag, it has J. Corden crossed out and then it just says J. Watson. Okay, so... Sherlock, I've been repurposed from James Corden. Is that a problem? Yes, look at yours. It's perfect. It's a little shoddy in places. Where? Exactly. Fingernails. Yeah. Oh, for God's sake. I'm a recycled Corden and you're over here complaining that your fingernails are shoddy. For God's sake. I'm not quite sure they're allowed to do this without my permission. Wait, what? Of course they are. How so? Because it... I mean, this is what they do. I have image rights, do I not? Yes, but do you not want the exposure? I don't. Yes, you do. No, I don't. You do. Yes, because it would help the company. It would hinder the company. What are you doing? Just checking something. John, are you pulling his pants down? No, I'm looking up his shirt. John, can you please get off the ground? Oh, very intimate. Everything all right? Yes, he's a big fan. Looks like it. I feel we should photograph this precious moment of John molesting a waxwork of himself. Right, okay, this is an improvement. I think they've shaved the layer or two of weight off the Corden one, so okay. It's a little more flattering, the waxwork's trousers have fallen down. This is such... I mean, they've just... they've done the switcheroo. The what? The switcheroo. Oldest trick in the book, from Corden to me. It's just... it's insulting. Not because, you know, our body types are different, but we're two people, individuals with dignity. Excuse me, sir. What are you doing? Yeah, no, I'm not... I wasn't like, looking for genitals. Good, because no other figurines have them. Can I see your tickets, please? No, sorry, I'm not a weirdo. This is actually me. I'm interfering with a waxwork of myself, so, you know, waxwork Watson. Could we maybe just get a little bit more wax for the arms and shoulders? Just bulk them out a little? Maybe, what happened to the stomach bits you had from the Corden one? We could repurpose those. Oh, God. I regret telling you. I don't need to hear your thoughts on the matter. I just need your assistance. You stole your own waxwork. Watson, she's gaslighting me again. I am not gaslighting you. Marianne, and he is asserting his image rights and reclaiming the waxwork. They agreed with us. Come on in here. Don't worry, Arch. Just a statue of him. He's not frozen in... What's that stuff that Han Solo's frozen in? The aluminium stuff? What the hell are you talking about? It's carbonite. Yeah, that's the one. Right, where do you want yourself? By the window. If we get another heat wave, we'll move me to the kitchen. Can we move you to the sink and see if this one can wash the dishes? Put me down right here. Ah, man, you're heavy. Wow. It's the coat, I'd say. Also, a weighted plinth, I could dispose of that. He looks right at home. Oh, it's okay, Archie. Oh, you know it's a good waxwork when even Archie is confused. Yeah, well, Archie is confused by his own face in his water bowl. No, he's not. He's just being reflective. It's his age. He's having deep thoughts about life. What is he doing? Trying to eat that fly. It's all right, Arch. You're not gonna get it. Okay, great. You got it. Good job, Archie. Oh, man, it's one o'clock. Oh, you better go. Too bloody right. Okay, Archie, boy, see you soon. Charles, let's do this. Do what? Sorry? What are we doing? Are you serious? Very much so. Right, that's it. I'm going with him. I'm going with waxwork, Sherlock. Watson. This guy is now my favorite detective. Put me down. No, come on, mate. At least this one looks way more interested in what I'm saying. My god, he's heavy. No, no, no, no, no, no. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Please. Where are you? Where are you? Don't do this. Shit. Hey, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's me. It's me. Jeez, man. What is it? Fucking everywhere. We're surrounded. I'm so sorry, Billy. I've messed this up. I've messed this up bad. I don't have the ammo for this. Hey, you haven't messed this up. I have, mate. I have. Hey, hey, look at me. However this ends, we're heroes, right? Down to the last. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Reload. Full round. Gonna need it. We'll make a breakout from here. Under cover of smoke. We head for the perimeter we saw from before. Close off the flanks. Exactly. Fight them on one single front. Okay. Let's do this. Go. Smoke, smoke, smoke. Move, move. Don't look back, Billy. I'm taking fire. Stay focused. Covering fire. Everywhere. Billy, just stay with me. I don't think we can. No, Billy, Billy. Oh, my God. No. It's just, it's just you now. No, no, no. We can clean this up. Come on. Come on. It's. Oh, god. It's everywhere. It's just. It's red everywhere. It's now. Plus Watson. Go. Please. Reach the perimeter. Give them hell. Take my gun. Use both of them. Okay. Okay. I can hear them. They're coming. It's time. It's time. They're here. Lock and load. Ow, shit, Stammo. Oh, well, you're cheating, mate. What are you on about? I'm outnumbered. Five to one. Six. Ow, Sherlock. The game is finished. Yeah, it's only finished because you cheated. How did I cheat? Because you're using two guns, dickhead. So, because you shot Billy in the neck. No, I didn't. I did. Yeah, I see. I'm going to tell the paintball rest. Stammo, honestly, mate. No, I'm serious, John. You're cheating. You are cheating. Oh, don't you stop. Ow, Watson. John. Ow. Jesus. Someone hit me again. Yeah, it was me. Stop. Everyone just. That's enough. Cheers. Yeah, I'm saying this. Stammo, what is the difference? For God's sake, John. The difference is you had two guns, didn't you? Yeah, and? You dove through the air firing two guns at the same time. That's cheating. How? Sam. Yeah? How many guns did you have? One. Lucas? One. Sherlock? One. Right, okay, enough. Right, okay, look. I momentarily had two guns. Okay, momentarily because Billy got shot, didn't you, Billy? In the neck. Yeah. Look. Bruce. Yeah, we've seen it four times now, mate. And I was outnumbered. I needed to avenge him. Perhaps you could cover Billy's admission fee for the paintball, thus entitling you to his gun, and this problem will be swiftly annulled. Do you know what, Sherlock? That is a good point. That'll be 55 quid, please, John. I think Billy bought the Big Ammo Pack too, as well, so let's call it 70 quid. Shall we? Hey. No, you're all right. It's really deep, mate. It's broken. That was the real battle right there, wasn't it? Well, right. Now who's cheating? Boys, lads, gents, all of the above. On behalf of the best man, where are you, Canty-Cants? There he is. It's time to toast our stag. He ducked out with the paintball punishment. Ducked out? Come on. But he can't duck out of this. I know he's an old stag, a geriatric stag, but he can still down a pint. Let's have you, Stammo. To Stammo! To Stammo! Come on, boys. Down it. Down it. Don't ask me, mate. I haven't been to a club since my 20s. I don't think... I don't know. I don't remember, ironically. That's the three students, maybe, but then that was just me deluding myself that I was in my 20s. Should I buy him a shot of something? Of course, yeah. But what does a stag expect to have as a shot in terms of palette? Would he prefer the vodka's and gin's, or would it be more whiskey? Sherlock, it's not about what the stag wants. It's a stag, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the idea is we're showing him such a bad time, it turns into a good time. Sorry, what? Don't get him something he'd expect. You know, this is about his friends having the freedom to wind him up for a day. So, you know, if you wanted to wind him up... Oh, I absolutely do. Exactly. So what would you want to get him? I will ask the bar staff for a concoction. That's the spirit. Spirit being the key word there. Cheers. Cheers, Shels! Hi, John. Hey, Kanz, how you doing, mate? Yeah, good. Yeah, just looking after this one. Oh, hello. Oh, shut up. Shut up. Feeling rough? Need a fresh air, I think. No, you can blame us, but... No, no, no. I'm not falling in. I'm just over excited. Of course. I thought I'd check him in that here as well. Oh, yeah. How's she? She's not hammered in some grotty club, too, is she? No, no, no. She's a... a spar retreat, me and John. Right, sounds boring. It's a bit more relaxing, doesn't it? Come on, mate. I know you. Kanz knows you. We know where you'd rather be. Well, I did suggest camping, didn't I? Or glamping, technically, I suppose. See, proper pulp is our cunt's... Oh, you make... Yeah, but he's your future brother-in-law. He's got to be nice to you, haven't you, Kanz? Yeah. Yeah, I suppose I do. I mean, I'm not even in medicine anymore, unlike Lucas and Sam, so I don't even have to suck up to you like they do. Yeah, but you wouldn't have your business if it wasn't for me, would you? I'll work, because you introduced us. I'll not dismiss it. True. I did Mark introduce you to Sherlock, did he? He did. Yeah, yeah. And he's informed me of that every day since. Oh, speak of the well-dressed, paintball-playing devil. Good evening. I have a drink for the stag. Lovely, he is, right here. Fucking hell, what have you got here? The barstarth, referred to it as a tapeworm. Oh, for God's sake. It's vodka. Oh, okay. Mayonnaise and hot sauce. Ah, all right. Enjoy. I have one, too. I feel these things are best done in solidarity. Always the honourable man. Cheers, Sherlock. Cheers. Actually, they're all an interesting mix. What do you think, Stamford? Stammo? Want me to hold your hair back? No. What's left of it, anyway? Shut up. I can rub your back. No, no. God. There you are. How many times have we done this? Yeah. Since when? When do we start? It was, what? 2008? Something like that? God, yeah. But he's getting old, though, now, isn't it? Probably can't be chucking tapeworms down it. Well, you do make people younger for a living. Well, so do you think. Pleased for you, mate. Thanks, pal. Thanks again for coming. I know crying doesn't take a day off. Well, yeah, we asked nicely, and it did, sir. Marriage, eh? Marriage. What a guy should be doing in his 30s. I suppose not running around after murderers and burglars. No, no, no. I'm not having that. I'm not having that from the guy who has the coolest job in the world. Hey. You all right? Yeah, just... You know how you get them? Mary blues a bit, wouldn't you? I know. I know. I can tell. Thanks for... For this year, you know. I know it can't be easy. Yeah, nothing's easy with you. Take! Eh, look, I'll talk to the... I'll talk to the... On the subject of thanking you. And thanks for, you know, filling in the gap where... Where Greg can't, you know. Who can't? He's great. Yeah, no, no, no. Greg cancel me, yeah. Is a really, really nice guy, yeah? And I'm lucky to have him as my brother-in-law. But it seemed to be. Yeah, don't get too excited. Nadia might get enlightened at that spa, and ditch you. But he... He's straight. He struggles in settings like this, you know? Yeah, no, hey, hey, hey. Everyone's different, mate. Makes the world go round. Exactly, exactly. Has he, uh... Geeked out in front of you yet? No, actually. He briefly made quite a niche Iron Man reference before paintball that he had to then explain. But otherwise, no, haven't had the pleasure. What? What was it? You okay? Is she... Is she actually dumped you? No, no, no. Then what is it? It's back. What's back? Tapewamp. 221A, this is the Sherlock of Office & Co. Welcome to the Sherlock. Yeah, it's nice. Very office. Mm, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna sleep on. Mr. Couch, this is Mr. Couch. Mr. Couch is... Couch is vegan... Vegan Protestant couch. He's couch. He's 100% couch. Do you want me to couch? No, no, no, no, no. Mariana, um... I'm a... I'm a dillo. Sleeps in there. That room over there is her accommodating. So um, she... I should... Maybe you take my bed upstairs. Yeah. Right. Uh, we'll do. I'll see you in the... Oh! In the morning we can go out for another pub crawl. Yes! Yeah! Oh, great, shall I? We'll have a boozy brunch. Go hang out in the park, meet up with Stambo again. This is a truly excellent idea. Oh, yeah, love it. I'll set my alarm for eight. Eight, eight, eight, eight o'clock. And we'll keep the party going. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Hey! Hey! John? Uh, uh, hello, recovering fire. Get up. No, no, no, alarm, not waiting for alarm. Your alarm went off five hours ago. It's the afternoon. Yeah, really funny, Mariana. Can you refill my water, please? Archie, lick his face. No, wait, please, no, no, no, Archie, you are such a traitor. I'm your own, Mr. Mothaf... Yeah, thanks, mate. Thank you, lovely. Please, please, can you go upstairs now? You smell like Vagaviga Factoria. Sorry, what? Vagaviga. Why do I feel like I'm either still drunk or dreaming? Vagaviga, it's a brewery. On Ramon Maria Lily Pasealecua, Indonesia. Giputqua. I do not have the brain power for this. Afternoon. Good Lord. The smell? Like some sort of chemical spill. Hey, you are just as guilty as I am. How was it? Uh, really good. Actually, really good. Yeah, we bonded. We were merry. We, you know, it's amazing to see a friend starting a new chapter of his life, and how excited he is for him and Nadia to grow together. First, he grew with his friends. You don't remember a thing, do you? Not a thing. God, the wedding is in two days. I need every second of those to recover from this. I cannot eat or drink another thing ever, alcohol or otherwise. I'm just, I feel, I've over consumed. I'm making a tea. Oh, yes, please. Sherlock, get the custard creams. You get them. I'm ill. I'm basically dying. Oh, his best man is nice. Oh, yeah, Greg Cantalme. How'd you meet him? We had coffee this morning. Oh, where'd you go? To the cafe across the road? No, we were sat right there, dude. You slept through the whole thing. Oh. Well, I really was out of it. What is this? A note. I, oh, I don't know. What does it say? The Maserind Stone. To binge this adventure in full and without ads, go to patreon.com forward slash Sherlock and Co.
