Coming up in this incredible part three conversation with Monica Lewinsky. Self-forgiveness and self-acceptance are the two greatest gifts you can give yourself. She said, I'm just not giving up. The woman I'll be a few years from now is counting on me and the world shifted. I'm a woman stepping into my own finally. Being able to contribute meaningfully to the world and be expressive creatively in different ways and really using more of my voice. The things we've taken on our own shame for most of us privately, you've lived out publicly. Do you believe every person listening right now they have the ability to reclaim their own narrative? What does dating look like now in your life? Would you ever run for office? Monica Lewinsky is the host of the wildly successful podcast called Reclaiming. So make sure you check that out right away. It's so good. She's also a producer, social and anti-bullying activist, global public speaker, and a contributing editor to Vanity Fair. Her focus is on storytelling that moves the conversation forward around shame, reclaiming identities, and justice for women. She's also the executive producer of the twisted tale of Amanda Knox out now on Hulu. Monica's TED Talk on the price of shame has been viewed by over 22 million people. Monica holds a master's degree from the London School of Economics. She's also smart, incredibly witty, maybe the best curator of Instagram content that will make you literally laugh out loud daily. And whether today you're listening for yourself or because someone that you love shared this episode with you, I want to welcome you to the Jamie Kern-Lima show, podcast family. And if you're here right now, can you do me a favor? If you like the show and you love the guests that I bring you, can you please hit the subscribe or follow button on the app that you're listening or watching on? It truly means the world to me. Thank you. And also, I want to remind you, this episode is not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person that you know, because what you're about to hear will change your life and theirs. Welcome to the Jamie Kern-Lima show. Oprah, how have you defied the odds? Her show is unlike any I've ever done. A revelation. When you listen, it feels like a hug, but your brain and your spirit and your heart is like, wow. Melinda French Gates. When I look into Jamie's eyes, I feel like I am on some other cosmic level with her. I could see the light around her. She's infused with light. Imagine overcoming self-doubt, learning to believe in yourself and trust yourself and know you are enough. Welcome to the Jamie Kern-Lima show. Jamie Kern-Lima is her name. Everybody needs Jamie Kern-Lima in their life. Jamie Kern-Lima. Jamie, you're so inspiring. Jamie Kern-Lima. When I opened my book Worthy, I opened it with this quote that I want to read to you, because it reminds me of you. It's by Nakeah Homer, and it says this. This is the quote. She said, I'm just not giving up. The woman I'll be a few years from now is counting on me, and the world shifted. Who's the woman you are now, and also who are you becoming? Oh my gosh. I think I feel like I'm a woman stepping into my own, finally, in a way, of being able to contribute meaningfully to the world and be expressive creatively in different ways and really using more of my voice. I mean, that's so much of having a podcast is literally having my voice. I mean, we joke on the team where it's like, okay, well, if it's not the clearest of reclaiming stories to an audience, I'm like, well, we can always fall back on I'm reclaiming. The whole show is me reclaiming. Who I'm becoming, I hope, my turning 50, going from 49 to 50, I was so worried going into that year because of 39, going into 40. I was like, oh, it's going to be awful. What haven't I done yet again? Instead, it was this amazing year of acceptance. I just feel acceptance and self forgiveness and self acceptance are the two greatest gifts you can give yourself. They are the most valuable resources that we have. I just, I hope I'm just continue to move into ways that I am useful to the world and and that I get to just enjoy more and more. So you mentioned Amy Griffin and I think of Amy, I think of Victoria Jack. Oh, Victoria, I mean, Victoria. I think of Gloria Steinem. I think of so many incredible iconic women who all love you dearly. And I think about as another woman watching you launch your show, reading your essays, reading the things you're putting out in the world, watching you share your story. I feel in so many ways excited for the collective consciousness to shift with what's happening to catch up and also just the power that's in you from all of the resilience built and all of the things that you've gone through have made it through. And that belief you're going to instill and do already into other people what's possible for them, even if they've gone through something hard or have dealt with shame or have dealt with all the different things. And so I feel very much, even though this has been a multi decade journey for you already, I feel it's like still in this weird way in its infancy where the seeds are all there and they're sprouting now and like I see the forest. You know what I'm saying? And that's what I get. Oh, I'm right. I know that I am. And I'm like, that's what I get so excited about because all of that, um, that's to come. And so, and so when you think about the future, I've got it, I've got to ask this. Okay. Would you ever run for office? No, never. No, why? I just, I think I can be more effective. You probably know too much about politics to like be like, oh, I could be more effective outside of it. Right. I mean, it's not a playground. I am interested playing in. Yeah. What is dating look like now in your life? I, you know, it's, I'm not on the apps. So, uh, I haven't been brave enough to do that. Um, but I like, I date, I go on dates. I'm, I dated some incredible men. I've, um, you know, it's, I'm very open to, um, you know, to what the universe has in store. I don't know. And we'll see what happens. Yeah. And that's, do you want, you, you mentioned some of the things that you wanted in that year that was so difficult. I guess it was a decade, but, um, at 39 right now at 51 years young, 51, you know, it's wild. I was reading, um, there's so many medical advancements and they are saying if we right now, if we live another 10 years that we'll live well past 100, right? I don't want to be here past. You don't. Oh, I do. I do. I'm for it. I'm not interested in that. I mean, I, I just, I think I'm very afraid of the vulnerability of old age. Very, very afraid of it. I, I get anxious when I see, you know, little old people with their grocery bags and I get so anxious because I'm like, you're so vulnerable. You know, what do you do when you have to have a stranger come in the house and the electrician or the plumber, you're so vulnerable. You know, maybe because I don't have kids, you know, I'm very involved auntie, but I just, I'm like, I don't want to, I don't want to be around for that if you're vulnerable, like at a certain age. Yeah. I don't, and maybe you won't be alone with that in terms of in your house. Right. But it just, yeah. So I was 51 is a baby in so many ways. You know, look, there, there are another, you know, as we're saying about stories, what's so great about people sharing their stories as you do, you get to see the possibility that you didn't think was there. And so I see a lot of stories of women for whom, you know, they're, they're perfect partner for them in that time frame, didn't shop until later. So like, if that happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I'm still going to be okay. Like, you know, I just had such a great conversation where Hoda came, Hoda copy came on my show and we were talking about her having her two girls in her fifties, how she's 60 now, how she is more fired up about love than ever and wants more kids, all of that. And so when I think about some of the things that you mentioned at 39 wanting, so at 51 right now, do you want a serious relationship? I, I'm not sure. Yeah. I'm really, I'm really open to, I, I just, I think there are a lot of personal things that I have, you know, worked on for a long time and, and the shifts there feel, you know, like millimeters at a time. And I just, I don't know, you know, and I feel, I think I feel really grateful that I'm okay with that. Sometimes I feel, I want that more than others, other times, you know, but I, I've just sort of, I think moving past having kids, the idea of having kids, at least naturally, that really changed what I was looking for, you know, it changed what I felt was, I really needed in my life. And so, yeah. You mentioned that you froze your eggs and have embryos and that opens up everything for you. Our ovaries age, but our uterus doesn't the same way. Do you think you will have kids? Probably not. Probably not. Do you want them? Um, I don't, some days, yeah, some days I do and some days I don't. I don't know. I have no idea how women like you and some of our other friends, you know, the Victorian Amy, I, I don't know how you all do what you do, everything you do. And you're also mothers and your spouses. I, I have no clue. It takes all of my energy to just show up and be me, just me looking after myself. So I, I don't know how, how you all do it. And I just, you know, I have had, I've had some extraordinary, unbelievable miracles in my life. And I am very grateful for them. And if I don't get any more, I'm good. If I get more amazing. Um, and that's really sort of where I feel, where I'm at. Here's what did it for me. Monica, I remember when I was like, Oh, I'm so focused on my career, all the things. And in my journey we'd had, Paula and I had so many miscarriages and I always, Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. And I was kind of, you know, and I was still working a million hours a week at it and kind of going on this journey. And I'll never forget this moment. I had, uh, lunch with a friend who I didn't know that well in New York City. She was a editor for magazine. And we were meeting, I thought we were there to talk about it cosmetics and somehow it was like, this other tangent. And she's like, you do know when you have a, your kid, you're going to have, and I think I just had another miscarriage. And she said, um, you'll meet your favorite person in the entire world. She's like, that's your favorite person. She goes, you understand the longer you wait, you're just waiting to meet your favorite person you'll ever meet in your entire life. And I remember the way she said it. I was like, huh. And she goes, you think you love your partner? That's nothing. You think you love your dog? That's nothing. Like you think, you know, she's like, even said, you think you might love your mom? She's like, it's not, it's your favorite person. And I remember that was kind of this moment that stuck with me. And, uh, it's really wild, but you know, cause you know, I'm 47 right now and I want more. I want more when you shared, um, at 39 that you just wanted that so badly. And, and now I think about how much you've shared about the work and the healing and all the stuff and the reclaiming of everything of you in the world. Has that want lessened? Or what would be the reason now for you wouldn't want that as badly? I think because, you know, I think I'm more tired. Are you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's, um, I think there's, it's, it has been, I've worked, not that other people haven't. Yeah. I've worked really hard this last decade and it's been, I mean, I've worked hard this lifetime. Yes. But I've, I've worked hard, um, and I continue to work hard and still, I'm still trying to find my place. You know, even, even with the podcast, it's sort of like, okay, is this, is this going to work? Yeah. You know, and so there's, I think in that way of, um, I have not had a normal life. Yes. And so it's, um, there, there are days that I still wanted and days where I just think I could not, I, like, I can't even talk to anybody else. You know, let alone be giving to someone else. So I just, uh, like, I'm, I'm too, and maybe some, maybe I don't, maybe I need to do more work on boundaries, you know, maybe it's around figuring out, um, where, where you're making sure you're not giving too much, you know, to other things and other people and that there's a balance there so that you don't end up at the end of the day feeling like, I don't want to talk to a soul. Yeah. So if you feel that way, it's like, that's okay too, you know? Yeah. And that's, even feeling that energy and feeling like, oh, that's how I feel. There's so many people that aren't even there yet to be able to acknowledge, even feel how they, how they feel and then respect it, you know, with everything you're doing now with your show. Um, again, everyone needs, we're going to link reclaiming, we're linking reclaiming in the show notes. Everyone needs to go. Follow, subscribe, listen, it's so good. Um, it's so good, which I knew, I knew it would be before it came out and it's so good. While it's exploded, and I know I was, I was telling Monica, I don't think I've ever seen a show launch and have so many reviews so fast. And that's always an indicator of how many people are listening. And so just congratulations on that. Thank you. And clearly people love you. And also every, I feel like we're all on this journey of reclaiming. I hope selfishly as your friend that you also write a book called reclaiming, I hope all the things. Well, that's how the idea started. Really? Yeah. I had thought of, I mean, it was, you know, inspired when Michelle Obama, you know, with her becoming book and then it was like everybody, right? It was sort of a one word title with the ING. And, and so I, I kind of thought about reclaiming and I have a note in my, my notes app on my phone that it was around that of, okay, well, I could have a chapter on this and then something would come to me of a chapter on that. And, but it actually felt when it came time to kind of look at some other things. It felt more exciting to do something that was looking at more stories than just myself. And so, you know, who knows, who knows, there's a lot of, I've had a lot of, lot of experience gained a lot of wisdom from that experience. And I hope to share it in many different ways. I'm seeing a reclaiming tour. No, no, seriously reclaiming weekends. You know, how many women, I mean men too, but like how many people would show up to a reclaiming weekend? And just like, you never know. You never know. When you do write your next book, there's so much on you as the author. I know, I, here's, here's my, my dream way of doing it would be writing something, self publishing, being able to afford whatever advertising and marketing I want. And I do no interviews. Right, right. Because that's, because that's the part, that's the part that is, you know, you want to sort of put it all on the page. You want to give it all to this thing of like, I'm birthing this thing. And then you have to go and give more and more and more and more and more and it can, that's the part that doesn't appeal to me. So you say that. So my husband, Paolo, right? Our story, you know, he started it, Cosmetics with me. Like we both were in our living room, so poor for so many years, like teetering on bankruptcy, everyone telling us, no, his journey, he would write the most incredible book, but he, exactly what you just said, he's like, I don't want to do a single press interview. I don't want to do any, and a lot of people don't know that. It's like, okay, it's one thing to have a really great book, but then also it's kind of all on the author to go out, do all the interviews, promote it, do all the things. All of a sudden, there's so many just brilliant stories in books that no one's ever heard of because the author's like, no, no, I'm not a marketer. I'm not a salesperson. And there's so much pressure on that. There are over 5 million podcasts out there for your show to come out of the gate and do what it's doing. Holy moly, that is proof to me. You don't need to go out there and do a bunch of interviews. You don't need to go, you know, for your book. Is it, you really have had this and I, I, I can't begin to understand or imagine. I can only in my small way and my small experiences connect, but I can't begin to imagine the enormity of everything that you've sold it. But what I'm so grateful for about your essay and vanity fair, your, the contributions you make there about your TED talk, about your Forbes 30 into 30, about everything with reclaiming, about the very few interviews that you've chosen to do, which I'm so blessed and grateful for that. And I think people are just connecting with you on such a profound level because we need to pause for a super brief break. And while we do, take a moment to share this episode with every single person that you know, who this could inspire, because this conversation can truly be the words and inspiration they need to hear today to keep going, to remember that they matter and to feel less alone and more enough, more connected and more worthy. In life, you don't sort the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self worth. When you build your self worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill worthy is for you. In worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self love, unlearn the lies that lead to self doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self doubt and unshakable self worth. Get your copy of worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with worthy. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self belief. And I love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter. That's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to JamieKernleama.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one on one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at JamieKernleama.com or in the link in the show notes. Do you struggle with negative self talk? Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit. The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful. And when you learn to take control over your self talk, it's life changing. And I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you. If this is something that could benefit your life, it's called five ways to overcome negative self talk and build self love. And it's a free how to guide to overcome that negative self talk to build confidence and develop unshakable self love so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals. Don't let self sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer. It's time to rewrite the script of your life when filled with self love, resilience and unwavering belief. If you're ready to take charge of your narrative, build unwavering confidence and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams. You can grab your free guide to stop overthinking and learn to trust yourself at jameykernleema.com slash resources or click the link in the show notes below. And now more of this incredible conversation together. I think people are just connecting with you on such a profound level because every one of us, every every person listening right now and I love how you opened your TED talk asking the audience you said raise your hand if there was you know nothing that you've done at 22 that you're embarrassed about or ashamed of and literally nobody raised their hand. Yeah, nobody raised their hand and the experiences we've all had in different ways, the decisions we've all made for better or worse, the the things we've taken on our own shame for most of us privately, you've lived out publicly in your journey to reclaiming your own narrative and your journey and all the shifts in your belief about your own identity and how that impacts everyone else. But also by you sharing all this, I think even in conversations like this and all the conversations on your show, I think it's it's it's giving people the courage to also consider their own shifts about their own identity and about reclaiming their own story because you can. I mean, do you believe every person listening right now can, whether it's through a healing journey, whether it's through listening to your show, listen to conversations like this, they can start to make shifts and that they have the ability to reclaim their own narrative. I believe everybody already is. I think we are already all in the process at all times of myriad reclaiming. And so I that's part of why I want the definition for the show to be so elastic of reclaiming because the more we recognize how we've done it, yeah, the easier it is to continue to do it and the easier it is to kind of climb the hill of the really big r reclaiming. Yeah, you know, so it's, do you feel like forgiveness is important in the claiming journey? Part of what really interested me and excited me about the concept was that it's it encompasses all of these other things that we focus on of value and loss and grief and healing and forgiveness and resilience and creativity. I often talk about Taylor Swift being like someone, I mean, who doesn't want Taylor Swift on their podcast, but I mean, it's her Taylor's versions is a reclaiming. Yes, you know, and so and there's and so I think that when we when we recognize all the pieces that go into it, and we see that we have all those abilities, you know, it just is it's empowering. And we can I love that you've been using so many different examples of reclaiming like we can reclaim how we show up for other women, we can reclaim how we champion other women, which women inspire you most in your life? I get inspiration from people and women in so many different ways, like public people or people who I'll just meet someone and hear a little story and I think God, that's inspiring. Yeah, you know, and I take all those things with me in different ways. And so I don't you know, it's like, I find something inspiring and probably the everybody who's in my world, you know, you're inspiring to me Victoria Jackson, unbelievably inspiring, I mean, Griffin, you know, I mean, they're just there's so many women, Maria Shriver that, you know, sort of, I think it's I try to see it everywhere. Yeah, yeah. You know, so it's I try to see aspects of people that I think, okay, that's different than I do something I can learn from that. And that is meaningful to me. What inspires you most right now in terms of your hopes for the future? The answer that comes up is laughter. Yeah, no idea why. But I'm just gonna just go with it. Yeah, I know. I think that there's there is a power in laughter that it's connecting. It's a high vibration. Yes, maybe not as high as gratitude, but it shifts your I've had my same friend who said that thing, meditating on the pyramid. She in my dark decade, she would often send me these blooper videos. Yeah. And, you know, and I would get so annoyed because I was just in this heavy dark place of like, I don't fucking want to laugh. Yes, you know, I'm not in the mood to laugh. I don't, you know, like, oh, this is annoying. And she'd push me and push me. And then I, you know, I would watch just to, to, you know, get her to stop asking me if I watched it. And I would laugh and it would change the moment, you know. And so that's where, um, yeah, that's kind of, I feel like as adults, like so many of us have forgotten to have fun. Yeah. And I feel like that's so funny that you say that because it's literally one of my prayers. And one of my goals is to have more fun and to laugh. Yeah, me too. You too. More joy. More joy. Yeah. And we're laughter. We'll do it together. Yeah. Well, I'm telling you right now, I know I keep saying this over and over. If you need to laugh more, you need to be on Monica's Instagram. And it is so good. But I love that you said that. That's one of my goals. It's why I've been saying no to almost everything. Like I've said no to almost every single podcast interview, not cause I don't want to do it, but I'm like, I need to just create space in my life for things that I don't have right now, which is like really just time with friends, like laughter, like connection. I feel like I don't have enough fun. And you know, I feel like for a decade, all I did was work maybe longer. And I was so focused and so stressed out and so like unsure of, are we going to make it? And then when we got bigger and bigger, I was like, Oh, I got to strike while the iron's hot. And all I did was just work. And I remember coming out of it being like, I don't even know how to have fun. I don't know how to have fun. And so that, so you saying that that is one of the things that inspires you about the future that you're most looking forward to is so powerful. I'm honored that you're here. I'm honored that you're sharing parts of your story, your new show, everything about your new show, about the things that you're, yeah, I'm honored that you're my friend. And I'm grateful. Great chat. Thank you for being here. Thank you. Remember this episode's not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person that you know, because it can change their life too. And if you love today's episode, please click the follow or subscribe button for the show on the app that you're listening or watching it on, give it a five star rating or review. And again, please share it with everyone that you believe in. Share it with another person in your life who could benefit from it. Post it and share it with others online or in your community who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today. You never know whose life you're meant to change today by sharing this episode. And thank you so much for joining me today. And before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true. You right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams, and all the unconditional love in the world. And it's an honor to welcome you to each and every episode of the Jamie Kernley Michelle. Here, I hope you'll come as you are. Heal where you need, blossom what you choose, journey toward your calling, and stay as long as you like because you belong here. You are worthy, you are loved, you are love, and I love you. And I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kernley Michelle. In life, you don't sort the level of your hopes and dreams, you stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love, unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at WorthyBook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief and I'd love to hang out with you even more especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week just go to JamieKernleama.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy and love hitting your inbox I'm your girl. Subscribe at JamieKernleama.com or in the link in the show notes. And please note I'm not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional.
